Shameless (2011–…): Season 3, Episode 12 - Survival of the Fittest - full transcript

This is what you missed last week on Shameless:
- Is your mom not pregnant? - Every time she pees...
...it's bad news, I get depressed thinking about my husband...
...banging my mom because we selfishly wanna have a baby with some of our DNA.
Attention, people! Kevin is gonna be a daddy.
What, is Mandy going a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?
I think she ran over Karen.
- I can't feel. - Mandy did this?
Because of me, you ruined Karen's life!
When I was your age, my pop took me on my first heist.
My foster gays got a lot of stuff.
- Can I help you? - We believe...
- ...this child robbed his foster parents. - He didn't do the heist. I did. Cuff me.
That whore Mickey's marrying is an actual whore that works at Garden Springs Spa.
You're not going through with this?
Because I'm hitched doesn't mean we can't bang.
- I need a change. - I hear reports about medical school.
I may have to spend some more time in, uh, Michigan.
- Heh, what? Have you signed up for classes? - I'm enrolled.
And when was the last time you see my daughter?
- Uh, two days ago. - I saw her three hours ago.
In INS holding. It will be dealt with.
You've known what you were getting into with me.
I got sucked in. I bent to your rules.
- You made me feel I could depend on you. - Be a man. Get onto the boat.
Hey. It's me. I love you.
Turn around.
Oh, Jesus. You hitting the crapper again?
Sorry, Frank. Tuna casserole does it to me every time.
The bowels want what the bowels want.
I got a meeting with my free lawyer. What did you told me to tell him again?
- Frank? Ugh. - What?
Public defender. Need a defense, ugh.
God gave you the race card for a reason, Julius. Play it.
You okay? Because you didn't eat your breakfast.
Not hungry.
- Thirsty. - You don't look good.
Haven't had a drop of booze since I got to this place.
Can't even put my hands on a goddamn, heh, Oxy.
This place used to be better stocked than Walgreens, what the hell happened?
- Guards cracked down. - It's inhumane.
Like keeping insulin from a diabetic.
And for what? A petty robbery.
And you, what did they get you for again?
Beat my ex-wife to death with a telephone.
- Cordless or landline? - Sidekick.
Look, looks like you need to see a doctor, man.
Would be good as new if these storm troopers would slip me a malt beverage.
This is how riots start.
Frank.
Hey! Carl, stop it.
- What are you doing? - Trying to push my teeth together.
It's not fair that you have braces and I don't. I'm older than you.
Ew, there's food in your braces. You're supposed to floss.
Flossing's for fags.
Quit it out.
What are you doing with a water gun in the house?
- Because I don't have a paintball gun. - Actually, that, uh, kind of makes sense.
Need a paintball gun...
- ...when we move to Michigan. - Uh, no.
Hell Survivors Paintball Field is five miles outside Ann Arbor.
- We're not going to Michigan. - We're not?
- Fiona said we were. - Yeah, ah, that's when Jimmy was here.
You seen him around lately?
Exactly.
- Did Fiona and Jimmy break up? - I don't know, ugh.
Fiona barks at me every time I bring it up.
But I picked a fight with Becky because I thought I was never gonna see her again.
- See who again? - That a new look for work?
If I was working the corner, yeah, but since I'm doing data entry, I better put this on.
- Big day today, Lip. - Yeah, whatever.
No, it's not a whatever. The first Gallagher kid getting his diploma?
- It's a big deal. - Who'd you buy it from?
He's getting it fair and square, setting a good example. Pay attention.
- You have to go to some ceremony? - No, picking up my diploma at Guidance...
...and getting out.
No ceremony in the fall. He'll walk with everyone in the spring.
- No, he won't. - Yes, he will...
...and we'll all be there to yell "Lip" and embarrass him.
- Morning. - Wow, Ian, looking sharp.
Thanks.
What, you got ROTC on the last day before Christmas break?
Yeah, they're having some sort of winter ceremony.
Later.
Finish your breakfast, you guys. No more talk of Michigan.
Yo, G.I. Jane.
- Slow down. - I don't wanna be late.
Hey. Glad to see you out of bed.
Thought we were gonna put you on, uh, suicide watch.
- Take away your shoelaces and bed sheets. - No need.
Moved on. How many times you gotta hear no?
Well, uh, I guess the good thing about falling for Mickey Milkovich...
...is you know you can always find someone better.
- Ah, catch up with you after school. - Right.
- Hey, Fiona. - Why aren't you getting ready for school?
I am ready. We only have a half day anyway.
Gonna stop by Sheila's after. Karen and Jody are moving today.
Oh.
So you think Jimmy's still gonna buy me braces when he's done with med school?
Jimmy can't always be the answer to our problems, Debbie.
Everything okay with you guys?
- What? - Lip said we're not moving to Michigan.
- Lip should mind his own business. - It is his business.
- What? - If we move to Michigan or not.
It is his business. It's all of our business.
School. Now.
But you didn't answer me. Are we moving to Michigan?
I don't know. Okay? I don't know.
And I promise that you're gonna be the first person that I tell when I do know. Okay?
Leave the adult problems to the adults.
It's fine for me to be an adult when it comes to saving this family from losing this house...
...by falsely accusing a relative of molesting me...
...but when I wanna know where we're gonna be living...
...then I'm supposed to keep my mouth shut.
- Yeah. - Yeah, okay. Great. Thanks.
It's Steve, leave some words.
Seriously? I leave you a message...
...saying I wanna work it out and you don't call?
Fine. I get it. You obviously don't feel the same way.
Fine. But at least have the decency to tell me.
Two years? I think I deserve that.
Have a good life. Fucking asshole.
You're not Morgan Fairchild.
- Excuse me? - Heaven. I always imagined absinthe...
- ...and Morgan Fairchild. - I'm Dr. Markman. And you're not dead.
But you will be soon if you don't stop drinking.
Got anything for the pain? Vicodin, Percocet, whatever's handy.
You have liver damage, esophageal varices, immune system dysfunction...
...likely renal failure. Frankly, it would be faster to tell you what you don't have.
Maybe the online medical school you graduated from...
...didn't cover this before they e-mailed your diploma.
Let me try to make this simple: the technical term is withdrawal.
I like the word "parched." So if there's not a keg handy...
...a bottle of pharmaceutical should have me shipshape in no time.
- You need to stop drinking. - Spare me the sermon.
- Juan will take you to processing. - Processing.
You're being released.
What?
If we keep you here, we'd have to treat you.
Stop drinking before it kills you.
- Hit me, Kate. - Thought I was the only one here into that.
No time for flirting, got some catching up to do. Line them up.
- Morning. - I want to enlist.
Glad to hear it. You interested in active duty or Army reserve?
Active duty. Full-time.
I'd be happy to help you find a specialty, let you know when they class up.
I don't wanna wait, I'm ready to leave now.
Any reason you're seeking out the Army? Trouble at home?
- Running from jail or a pregnant girlfriend? - Here's my transcript.
I already passed the Vocational Aptitude Battery and physical exams.
- When's the next bus to basic training? - Tomorrow morning.
- What else do I need? - Photo ID.
I'll be here.
- Hey, take some time to think on it. - I'm ready now.
Does he know we're having a party for him?
- Nope. It's a surprise. - Men don't give a shit about this stuff.
Well, it's a big deal. He's the first Gallagher getting a diploma.
Hey, what about you?
- GED doesn't really count. - Diplomas are overrated.
I didn't get a diploma and look at me.
Hey, don't be giving me no shit, Kev.
I do not sound like that.
- Oh. Give me those. You better watch yourself. - Heh.
How would you like it if I did that to you?
Aah! Don't bite my nipple, heh.
So still haven't heard from what's-his-name?
Do you wanna give me a hand with the banner?
Oh, I guess that's my cue to get more coffee.
Didn't have the balls to dump me in person.
Told you who he was from the beginning. Car thief. Lied about his name for months.
- Your point? - Sorry.
No, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a bitch about it.
- He's a wuss. Forget about him. - He's forgotten.
I'm just pissed I wasted two years of my life.
- You guys aren't being fair. - What?
Did you or did you not tell Jimmy the last time you saw him not to come home?
So?
- You're mad at him for doing what you said? - She didn't mean it.
- I did. - Duh.
Just for that night. Not forever. I didn't think he'd take it for real.
Why not?
That's what women do in the moment. We say shit we don't mean.
- How the fuck is he supposed to know that? - Just go get the car, Kev.
We're gonna be late for the baby doctor.
How do I know? You could be just saying "go get the car" in the heat of the moment.
Busy time of year, end of semester.
I have to let a litany of underachievers know they'd best be advised to cut their losses...
...and learn a trade. Something that utilizes their backs instead of their brains.
It's moments like this that...
...make the job worth it.
Crap pay, miserable working conditions, but the chance to change...
...one special kid's life.
Congratulations.
Uh....
Guess this is where I'm supposed to, uh, thank you for never giving up on me, heh.
See you, Dick.
Teachers are taking bets what's next for you.
10-to-1. Prison: 4-to-1.
- Hey, Kate, can I get a shot? - And enable your truancy?
- This place is pathetic enough. - Not skipping school.
Surprisingly, they let me graduate.
- Good for you. This one's on the house. - Thanks.
I know what you're thinking. You can tap that.
And you'd be right. But chew on this:
Sure, she's got some tricks up her sleeve...
...but there's more tread on those tires than it's worth. Trust me, been there.
Planted my flag and I got the piss pins-and-needles to prove it.
- Thought you were in jail, Frank. - Got out on a technicality.
Yeah, why did you take the rap for Carl?
Because that's what family does. Have I taught you nothing?
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
Congra-- What for?
Your kid got his diploma.
My boy. Why didn't you, heh, say something? We need to celebrate.
Attention, denizens of this dump.
- Frank, you okay? - Better than ever.
Because my progeny has joined the ranks of the graduated.
Which makes official something that we've long known.
That the Gallaghers are head and shoulders above all of you shitbirds, heh.
Seriously, Frank. You look like crap. Even for you.
You're one to talk, Tommy.
You're one bucket of KFC Extra Crispy away from giving Precious a run for her money, heh.
You know I got a fucking thyroid condition.
- Oh, heh. - And I could still kick your ass.
Why don't you put your money where your halitosis-ridden mouth is.
I'm not mopping up the blood and teeth again. Figure out a way...
- ...to settle your pissing contest. - Fine. Pissing contest.
- Fine. - Let's go.
Hey, I didn't mean it literally.
- Push-ups. - Pfft, you won't make double digits.
What does it matter? You can't count that high anyway.
- Aw, I want in on this. - Me too.
- Let's do it. Push these tables aside. - Hold on, no girlie on-your-knees push-ups.
Only one of us spends time on their knees.
Okay, 10 bucks in. My kid'll hold.
- Twenty. - Thank you.
All right, place your bets. Thank you. Thank you, thank you.
All right, no food stamps, but lottery scratchers are accepted.
Okay. All right, we're ready.
Get set. And go!
One, two, three...
...four, five...
...six, seven, eight...
...nine-- Tommy's out.
Eleven, 12.
Know what kind of upper body strength it takes to handle a rig?
I could do this all day.
Not just a test of strength, but stamina.
The kind one gets from years of running from people...
...not sitting on your ass in a truck for 18 hours a day.
- Unh! - Twenty-seven, 28...
- ...29, 30, 31, 32. - Whoa, uh-oh. Uh-oh.
We have a winner!
Shit.
All right, there you go, drink responsibly, heh.
- Hey, Kate, can I get another shot? - Hey.
- Wanna go celebrate? A steak. - Ugh.
Aw, come on. You got something better to do, heh?
Make it Scotch and a lobster, you got yourself a deal.
Alrighty.
It's Steve, leave some words.
So you just never pick up anymore, huh?
Hi. It's Fiona.
Fiona Gallagher. Remember me? We used to date.
Maybe we still do.
I left you a message this morning. You should probably just delete that.
Know that thing I said about not coming home?
Heh, I didn't mean it.
I mean, I did mean it. Just for that night, though. Not forever, silly.
Sorry if I wasn't clear about that.
Give me a call.
I'll talk to you later. Bye.
So I've got little baggies of dried nuts and blueberries, which are good brain food.
Mom, I'm pretty sure they have that stuff in Sedona.
Yes, but it's 1642 miles if you take scenic I-40.
Bye, Hymie. It's been nice knowing you.
Oh, and you have to look up Shiva Ray.
Remember? I told you about him. He's the medicine man that lives in Sedona.
I read about him online. He cured this woman's ovarian cancer...
...by giving her wheat grass douches.
- Great. I'll look her up. - Him.
He's a him.
- Shiva Ray. Him. - I'll look him up.
Okay.
- All right, this is it. - Oh, my goodness, heh.
I know I agreed to this, but it doesn't mean it's not hard to say goodbye.
My baby.
Both my babies.
All three of my babies.
Bye, baby.
- Aah. - Shh.
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Karen. My sweet Karen.
I knew this day would come.
When I'd be saying a proper goodbye to you, heh.
It didn't really look like this, though. You didn't--
You didn't have a wheelchair and...
...a big...
...scar on your head.
I know I have to let you go.
Goodbye.
Just stop it. No more goodbyes just...
...see you soon, heh.
- See you soon. - See you soon.
- See you soon. - See you soon, baby.
- We'll call you when we get settled in. - Okay. Go heal my baby.
I will.
Bye, honey.
Bye.
Bye.
Love you.
You want me to make you some macaroni and cheese?
Ah, I have to finish getting the house ready for Lip's party.
Let me grab my coat. I can come help.
Sure.
Don't worry, I'll make sure you have everything you need.
Dr. Lishman?
Fiona. Hi. Uh, I'll catch up with you guys later.
Surprised to see you.
Are you feeling okay?
- Yeah, I wanted to talk to you. - Oh.
How's Ian?
Fine.
I was wondering if you'd seen Jimmy lately?
How long?
Almost a week.
So you two are having problems?
Things have been a little rough lately, yeah.
Any sign of conflict or things not going his way...
...and he just disappears.
Gone.
- Chipotle? - What?
I always have my hot dog with chipotle sauce. You want some?
- Yeah, sure, thanks. - Rosa, uh, two specials. Chipotle.
Okay.
It's what he does.
I've gotten used to it. At least as used to it as a father can...
...when his son doesn't call or e-mail for months at a time.
- Here you go. - Thank you.
Maybe this time's different?
Absolutely. Yeah, you never know, right?
I should get back to work.
You'll be fine.
Thanks for the hot dog.
All right, there we go. There's the little peach pit.
Holy crap, there he is.
- He looks just like you, baby, heh. - Kind of does, doesn't he?
Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?
Twelve weeks is too early to tell. Give it another month.
That's impossible. We only started trying 12 weeks ago.
Then it must've happened on the first go around. Let me print this up...
- ...and I'll let you get dressed. - Oh, yeah.
That's weird, heh.
My body usually tells me when I'm pregnant.
Yeah, it's never been wrong before.
Wonder what happened this time.
- What are you doing? - ROTC retreat.
- Since when? - Last-minute.
Hey, where's my knife?
- I don't know. - Carl, my SOG SEAL Team.
It's the best fixed blade I got.
My samurai sword broke.
Need a backup till it's fixed.
Yeah.
What if the zombie apocalypse goes down? Who's gonna protect Debbie and Liam?
- Fine, keep it. - Really?
Promise you're not gonna use it on anything human.
- Cats aren't human. - Anything living.
Promise.
Promise. Can you teach me the different handgrips?
- Sure. - Thanks.
- Hold on, now. - Twelve weeks pregnant?
- Veronica, I promise, I swear I had no idea. - Ladies, please.
V, that's not right. Although I should probably record this...
...in case we wanna upload it to our site. Make money.
- Just watch her belly. - Twelve weeks, Kev?
- Just trying to keep the peace. - I didn't know.
You know. You're a walking pee stick.
- In the past. This time-- - There's no this time.
You kept quiet because you wanted to keep fucking my husband.
What the fuck are you looking at, huh?
My husband fucked my mother to get pregnant. Can't all have our baby normal.
Hey, what can I say, once you go white, you always stay tight.
Hey, I think I just insulted myself.
Mom, admit it.
Okay. Okay, I thought I might be pregnant.
- Oh, my God. - But, honey, look, I didn't know.
I didn't take a test. I didn't wanna know.
- What? Why? - Because I liked what we had.
- Thank you. - Excuse me?
Not what we, me and Kev had. What we all had.
- What are you talking about? - I was so lonely.
When you called me to help out, it made me feel wanted.
Wanted in a loving way. In a family way.
Needed. Important.
Hey, I'm the baby fetus.
Please don't fight anymore.
I know Kev is a big hot stud and you couldn't resist his giant cock penis...
...but I'm all that matters now, right?
What does it take to get a refill around here?
- Jacket and tie would probably help. - Ugh.
This is nice. We don't spend enough time together.
- No, we don't spend any time together. - Exactly my point.
You know, son, you can always come to me.
- Thanks, Dad. - I worry about you.
- That right? - Parent's plight. Never goes away.
No matter how old your kid gets.
Look at you.
Eighteen now.
A high school graduate, heh.
- Where the fuck is that waiter? - Don't go getting misty-eyed on me now.
Need any words of fatherly advice?
- I think I got it covered. - Come on, come on. What's on your mind?
Okay, why not? Day couldn't get any weirder. Um....
I'm done with school.
I have no idea what I'm gonna do today...
...or tomorrow...
...or for the rest of my life, heh.
So no plans?
No.
Good for you.
You're just like me, we march to the beat of a different drummer.
Everyone will try to cage you in.
Tell you to worry about your future. Know what your future should be?
This. Living life to the fullest.
Every day, like it's your last.
This place is single-handedly lowering my tolerance.
Let's hit the liquor store.
Hey, whoa, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?
- Dine and dash? - Bite and bolt.
- Eat it and beat it? - I'll take the front door.
Excuse me, amigo, baño?
Excuse me, I gotta take this call. Can we see a dessert menu, please?
- Fiona. Missed you at lunch. - What are these people doing?
Job applicants.
Thanks so much. Uh, we'll talk to you later this week.
- Hi. Sorry. Can I talk to you a second? - Yeah. Sure, ahem.
There's a job opening up?
Yeah, Rick from Sales is moving to our Columbus office.
- I want it. - Heh, no, I need somebody with experience.
- This is about our night in the tent. - I can assure you it is not.
But I've been here for months. My temp position's ending. And I'm ready.
Uncle Matt's not gonna let me hire someone who doesn't have a proven track record.
Which all those people out there do. Okay?
Listen, if you had one sale on the books, this would be a different conversation.
I've pushed cocktails. That's sales.
Weren't you moving to Michigan to work in Ann Arbor?
I convinced all those customers you lost to re-up.
You got them on the hook but the sales department closed the deals.
Hey. You've been a great asset to this company. I'm really sorry.
I remember the first time I brought you here.
Fuck you, you never took me skating.
I always took you skating, to the park, to the zoo.
You tried to make off with a tortoise.
Heh, that was you.
- Huh? Good market in endangered species. - That's because it's illegal, Frank.
Bleeding-heart eco-fascists.
It's called survival of the fittest for a reason.
You don't wanna be endangered? Speed the fuck up.
- Heh. - Grow some opposable thumbs.
Otherwise you end up on eBay for 10 grand, as Darwin intended.
Oh.
- Unh. - There you go. More for rhino.
- What? - Horn.
Pay a king's ransom in Asia.
Grind it into powder. Morons say it cures cancer.
Also, tiger dick. They take a couple of bites, they think it turns them into fuck machines.
I'm not making this shit up. Oh, shit. This is slippery. Whoo.
Shit.
There we go. There we go.
- We should do this more often. - Afternoon drinking buddies?
We could hit the zoo tomorrow, steal it.
- What? - The rhino horn.
Do it together.
You're fucking wasted, heh.
- Alcohol provides clarity. - Uh-huh
We hide in the bird sanctuary till closing, we drug the rhino.
Once it's down, quick back and forth with a saw...
...and we're a few clicks away from a bidding war.
- What do you say? - Argh.
No, no, no, you're not some coed on spring break.
Gallaghers do not puke.
- Oh, stop. - Fuck.
- Oh, God. - Ugh.
Domino effect.
Hey!
You two are out of here right now.
- He okay? - Frank?
- Frank? - Barry, I need an ambulance.
Can I help you?
Dude, don't you know it's not cool to rush a woman alone on the street?
He wanted you to have this.
- Who? What the hell is that? - The man who lived here with you.
Jimmy?
Wait. Hey, wait! Was he here?
Where is he? Hey, did he say anything else?
Yes, he said you were too good for him.
He has moved on.
And now so must you.
Hey.
Come on! Hey!
Lip, what's going on?
Hi, I'm Fiona Gallagher. My father, Frank Gallagher, was admitted.
- Let me check. - What's wrong with him?
- Ah, this time? I wouldn't worry, it's Frank. - I bet he has cancer.
- Only if there's money in it. - First left, fourth door on the right.
Thanks.
- Stay here, okay? - What? No.
Yes. I'll tell you as soon as I know anything.
- I'm sick of you treating me like a little baby. - Yeah, me too.
Okay, go wait in the lobby. Now.
Hey, uh, were you just in there with my father, Francis Gallagher?
- I was. - Uh, can you tell me what's going on?
Just broke the news to him. Took it in stride. I don't think he's truly accepting it yet.
What? What news?
Took what in stride?
- Hey there. - Hey, I'm glad you're here.
Try to get me some more of these pudding cups.
Don't mention food.
Oh, Jesus, Lip, really? It smells like a distillery in there.
Celebrating my graduation.
Getting drunk in the middle of the day with him? Are you an idiot?
Can we save the mommy lecture for tomorrow please...
...when my head isn't pounding so much?
Get up, get home, get sober. We're planning a surprise party for you.
- I already knew. - Debbie and Carl are waiting in the lobby.
Take them with you.
- This isn't gonna be fun. - Grab your surprise cake...
- ...out of the freezer. Start defrosting it. - Oh, ugh, okay.
Heh, three raw eggs, Worcestershire and sliver of ginger.
Works every time.
Jesus, no HBO. No Showtime. Just basic cable.
And what the hell is a Tosh 2.0?
- The doctor talk to you, Frank? - Yeah.
Blah, blah, blah, stop drinking, blah, blah, blah.
He told me you were really sick.
Do I look really sick to you?
Said you were throwing up blood.
I've got too much of it in me. It's a filtration process.
- My body knows how to flush itself out. - Stop joking. This is serious.
It's doctor mumbo jumbo to scare you into taking more tests. Fucking parasites.
- What are you doing? - I gotta use the can.
Let's get the nurse.
I don't like the one that's on duty. She's fat. Roll that thing behind me, will you?
Oh, God.
He said if you don't stop drinking, you're gonna die.
As in dead. You know, like, no longer living. And soon.
When did you start to care?
Not sure that I do.
I've dreamt about your death.
Put money in a collection box and prayed for it.
Blew out my birthday candles, wished for it.
If it actually ever happened...
...I don't know if I'd feel relief or guilt.
Your birthday candles?
I wrote a letter to Santa once.
So I'm supposed to stop drinking so you don't feel guilty?
No, you're supposed to stop drinking...
...because you have children at home who love you. And I don't know why.
Who would be destroyed if anything happened to you.
Tragedy makes kids tough, Fiona.
Then be the fabulous narcissist that you are and do it for yourself.
What if I don't wanna change?
Then I would know what I've always feared is true.
And what is that?
That you don't give a shit about any of us.
So do it for you.
Do it for your kids.
It doesn't matter.
Do it.
Hey. Where were you today? I didn't see you at school.
Something came up.
They gave us homework over the Christmas break.
I told Mrs. Stoltz Jesus didn't want us celebrating his birthday by fucking reading.
You want the assignments?
- Nah, I just came by to see you. - Who's at the goddamn door?
It's for me, shithead.
Got some nitrous. I'll go get it.
Hey.
Up to four sets of 20.
Get in here, I wanna show you something.
Come on, check it out.
Wife made me take all my Nazi shit down. She hates Nazis.
Apparently, the Russians kicked some serious Kraut ass in WWII, so....
She can drink me under the fucking table, man. It's weird.
Anyways, she's working tomorrow night.
Why don't we pick up where we left off?
Figure she's gonna be out fucking dudes, why can't I?
No, thanks.
Hmm.
- Hard to get's getting me hard, Gallagher. - Well, I'm leaving town.
- There a queer rights rally somewhere? - Army.
Aah, right.
You gotta be 18.
Yeah, I figured a way around that.
You serious? You're signing up?
Tomorrow morning.
- That's a dumbass fucking move. How long? - Four years, minimum.
What are you hoping, I tell you not to go?
I'm gonna chase after you like some bitch?
I didn't come here for you.
Don't.
Don't what?
Just....
Okay, I got the nitrous. Meet you outside?
Yeah.
- The fuck do you want? - Really?
That's all you're gonna say to him?
You're a fucking pussy.
Fuck.
- What's going on? - Oh, hey.
I fed Liam and put him down a half an hour ago.
- Thanks. - How's Daddy?
- Is he okay? - Ah, that's up to him.
- What does that mean? - We should be helping him.
- He's needs to help himself. - What?
What's up with taking down the decorations?
- Lip told us to. - No one feels much like a party.
Hey. Sometimes life throws a couple swings at you.
But we're Gallaghers, okay, and there's two things we're really good at:
Knowing how to get back up and knowing how to party.
So you get the tape, start hanging up that banner...
...and you go get Kev and V.
Sheila, start taking the food back out. I'll get Lip.
Whoo.
Hungry?
Don't.
- Chicken pot pie? - Ah, serious.
- Sloppy joes? - Fuck, Fiona.
Serves you right. Hell of a way to start life after graduation.
- Where is it? - What?
The piece of paper.
Hmm, unh.
I wasn't actually sure you'd ever get this.
That makes two of us.
I'm proud of you.
Came into some money.
Well, bury the lead why don't you.
I put a bunch away for rent and gas, but there's something I wanna do with the rest.
Don't tell me you want to promote another club night, I'm nauseous enough.
Something else, could get a full-time job out of it.
If I say okay will you close the fucking door?
- You're wanted downstairs. - I got the spins, Fi.
Get it together and put a smile on your face.
Debbie and Carl need motivation. Come on, everyone's waiting.
Fuck. Okay.
- Walk forward. - Shh.
Okay.
And?
Surprise!
What's Sheila doing here?
You can educate our baby.
Did not go over that well.
I'm gonna go with the ambrosia.
- The shrimp crab cakes are delicious, Sheila. - Oh.
I was thinking about some fun things we could do tomorrow together.
Oh, uh, actually, Veronica was gonna take me to the skating rink.
Oh.
I enjoy hanging out with you, Sheila...
...but now that there's an empty nest...
...maybe it's a good time to start making new friends.
Closer to your own age who share your interests.
Maybe.
Okay.
- Debs, put on some music. - Hey.
- Congratulations. - Get it going.
Hey, Fi, good news.
V and I came up with a compromise on a name. Amy if it's a girl...
...DeShawndre if it's a boy.
Please tell me this is an early baby shower gift.
I need you to order a couple thousand cups for the Alibi in the morning.
Cups? It's a bar, not a frat party. We drink out of glasses and mugs.
- Where'd you get this from? - Tell them I convinced you to do it.
Okay.
Oh. What's going on?
- Heh, nice. Sweet. - Best cure for a hangover.
Hmm.
Thanks.
Where the fuck's he going?
- Worried? - What's gonna happen to Daddy?
He always finds a way.
We're not moving to Michigan.
I wanted you to be the first to know.
Jimmy's gone for good?
Mm-hm.
But there's a chance I might get a new job.
- At the cup company? - Maybe.
That's great.
Don't tell anybody about it unless it happens, okay?
Comes with benefits.
Dental?
For me too?
- Well, don't blow it. Get the job. - Heh, I'll try.
What's going on?
- I'm shaving your head. - What?
To let the sunrays in. So they can heal you.
Like they did with my cancer.
Sunrays. Right.
Won't take long.
Carry on.
Hey, little man.
I'll send postcards, all right?
Coming.
- Hello. - Hi.
- Hi. - Debbie, Sonya, Terri. Come in. Come in.
- Gallagher? - Yeah.
Ah, thanks.
And this little gem, or should I say, giant gem, is the black bullet stimulator.
And its cousin, the silver bullet stimulator.
Now, I recommend getting several of these for your home, car and travel needs.
I have one last item to show you.
This is the vanilla-scented Snug Shrink cream.
Now, who needs help filling out the order forms? Let's just see....
Aah. Oh, heh.
Um, here you go. Great. Um, feel free to change the name and, heh....
Um, here you go. And pen.
This is the one I was telling you about. This is Fiona. Made the Alibi sale.
- Good one. A sale on the books. - Yeah.
Overnight, no less.
Let's give her a two-week trial, Mike. See if it works out.
- Heh, thank you, sir. - Okay, heh.
- Aah. - Yay.
Here we go. Pens, paper, all the office supplies you need are in the top drawer.
Your direct phone number is listed on the sheet.
- You should record an outgoing message. - Let's go. Let's go.
- Phillip? - It's Lip.
It's just Gallagher now. Get on. Next.
- So we can order your business cards. - Woo-hoo.
- Heh, thank you. - Heh.
Mike wants to have a meeting with you and the other sales reps.
Okay. Cool. Thanks, Connie, heh.
Congratulations, Fiona. You remind me of me.
Twenty-two years ago, I started here. At that very desk, heh.
Hi there, this is Brian with Worldwide Cup.
Hi there.
Hi there, this is Fiona with Worldwide Cup. How are you?
I'm well. We've noticed that you haven't renewed your order in a while.
Still awaiting the final vote.
Fifteen of these nominees have been pending since last year.
Eighteen of them have received strong bi-partisan support...
...from the Senate Judiciary Committee.
These are non-controversial nominees that are due the up-or-down vote....
Oh, fuck, ugh.
Fuck.
Hey.
Hi, um....
I got into MIT.
It's a full ride.
Anyway, uh, it wouldn't have happened without you.
So...
...thank you.
Are you gonna go?
It's Steve, leave some words.
Last message, I promise.
Wherever you are...
...bye.