Shameless (2011–…): Season 2, Episode 9 - Hurricane Monica - full transcript
Fiona reconsiders her decision about Lip, Frank is determined to gain his inheritance.
For those of you who
were too busy...
...here's what happened last week on Shameless.
When do you want me to come back in?
-Never! -That girl you're with...
...you'|| knock her up. You'll get a job at Best Buy, from that point on...
...you won't be able to hold a job because you'll know the truth.
You never lived up to your potential.
I'm gonna give the baby up for adoption.
How much can we get for the baby?
I introduce you to a pool of parents that want to adopt.
-So you're a broker? -I'm gay!
You're pretending to date Mandy so you can fuck her brother.
-I'm not doing this. -Doing what?
Figure out that chick on my sofa wearing your wedding ring and then we'll talk.
-Don't give up on me. CARL: Doing anything this afternoon?
-We need a coach. -Fiona go to the games?
-Never misses one. -Call me "Coach."
Who's your friend?
Heard you could help me, need an alibi.
-How much? -Fifteen hundred.
-What are you doing? -Sending cash to my sons.
That will make Frank very happy.
-Frank gets none. -You and Monica are over, Frank.
-Me and Monica are getting married. -She's still married to me!
I have never, ever had any intention of getting back together with you, Frank!
-Expelled? -You win.
I'm not going back to school, so that means I'm leaving.
-Goodbye, Sheila. -Goodbye, Peg.
[PEGGY GRUNTING]
Frank, your mother's passed.
Mom died.
[SOBBING]
Lip, come back!
[CREAKING]
[DISHES RATTLING]
[SNIFFS]
Lip?
Debbie?
[RATTLING CONTINUES]
Lip?
Good morning, sweetheart.
Mom.
-We don't have any money. -Mimosa?
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello.
What?
When?
Okay, well, how much is that going to cost?
I have to call you back with an answer.
Thank you.
-Grammy died? -Honey, I am so sorry.
She was my mother. I'm the one who's hurting here.
Yeah, well, that was the Cook County Hospital Morgue.
Claim her body or they're gonna cremate her.
I am done running around trying to please that woman.
-Grammy died? -Debbie! Oh, Liam!
Look at you, my little brown bear.
Oh, look how big you are!
-How long is she staying? -Only forever and a day!
-Are my camo pants still in the dryer? -Ian!
[MONICA AND LIAM BABBLE]
-What is she doing here? -I asked your mother to come home.
You live here now too?
—I made breakfast. -No, thanks.
Your mom spent a lot of time making that breakfast. Sit down and eat it.
-This is bullshit. -Ian.
-Wait. FRANK: Gonna wash his mouth out with soap.
You can wash mine out. I wanna fart bubbles.
-Oh, Carlie! -Mom?
MONICA: You're so big!
Come on, I made you breakfast. Sit down and eat.
Where's Lip?
IAN: My mom showed up today. She just came out of nowhere.
-She staying? -Never does.
UP playing hockey today?
He dropped out of school, so Fiona gave him the boot.
I think he's staying with Karen.
See, Karen's like cancer. You kill it in one spot, it pops up in another.
-You okay? -Yeah.
How's Mickey holding up in juvie?
He called me a fuck-twat, so he seems okay. You should visit him.
He's a little pissed at me for something. He thinks I pussied out.
-Did you? -Kind of.
-You're lucky your mom's dead. -Yeah.
So weird how someone's here and then they're just gone.
I know. What happens to their soul?
Maybe it's like what happened to Karen in utero.
She was a twin, and then she just absorbed the other one.
Whoa. So you mean, like, maybe Peggy's soul got absorbed by us?
Maybe.
Rats! It says in order to have a hospice license...
-...l have to get a nursing degree. -University of River Phoenix.
-It's all online. Seen the ads on TV. -Huh.
[DOOR OPENS]
SHEILA: Hey, hey!
Karen, I know it's your choice...
...but I just want to go on record as saying...
...I think you should consider keeping the baby.
And Jody. No offense, Lip.
-None taken. KAREN: Since Frank bailed...
...can I dump his Speed Stick and English Leather...
...and put my stuff back in the medicine cabinet?
Sweetheart, both of you, come, sit down.
Sweetie...
...your grandmother's passing has taken quite a toll on Frank.
He just needs some time alone.
He packed a duffle bag and left.
Sometimes when people love each other very much...
...they need time apart so when they come back together...
...their love is even stronger.
KAREN: Okay. -Thanks for the talk, Mrs. Jackson.
SHEILA: Sure.
[WHISPERING] Karen, is Lip going to stay overnight again tonight?
He's just a friend, needs a place to stay.
Lip is very nice, but I hope you see what a catch Jody is.
-Jody's an idiot. -Give it time.
"Then the window draws full upon your mind.
There, beyond the sway of curtains, men walk."
Maya Angelou said that.
I'm pretty sure she wasn't talking about Jody, but thanks, Mom.
Okay-
Are you really gonna do this every morning?
-Do what? -Show up, try to woo me?
STEVE: I'm looking for Lip. -Uh-huh.
-I can't be friends with your brother? -No, you can't.
We gonna have a funeral?
-No. -Who died?
Grammy.
Wow. I'm sorry, guys.
A funeral requires a body and your father hasn't picked her up yet.
So she's laying somewhere all alone?
We can have a memorial. Don't need a body for that.
I spy doughnuts.
Hey. Hey, check it out, Steve. It's a bloody butthole.
STEVE: Heh, heh, heh. Awesome, dude! -School. Let's go.
DEBBIE: Lunch? -Shit.
We already had that for breakfast.
Sometimes astronauts have breakfast three times a day.
Lip never came back after he blew out of here. Check Karen's.
STEVE: Karen's? Isn't she married? -Aren't you?
—Technica|ity. -Goodbye.
-Oh, such sweet sorrow. CARL: You gonna drive us?
STEVE: Absolutely. -No, he's not. I mean it.
Stop coming around.
Who was that?
Are you gonna be here when we get home?
-Absolutely. CARL: I told you so.
Shut up, you didn't believe her either.
Know what I think? I think we should paint your room a new color today.
Here, go. Now.
MONICA: Have fun at school. —Car|, here.
I got this.
So where is Lip?
Really? That's what you want to ask me?
He's always been your favorite.
-That's not true, Fiona. -That's right, you're your favorite.
So, uh, Bob throw you out or you walk out on her too?
Your father came to me. He needed me. Told me you needed me too.
He lied. We don't.
I'm sorry. I'm here now. I want to try and start over.
Will you let me?
Lip dropped out of school.
I told him, back in school or he couldn't live here.
-You threw him out? -He left.
He's family, Fiona.
Lip chose to leave this family. That sound familiar?
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Look at my two girls together in the kitchen.
I don't know which is prettier.
I don't have time. I gotta get Liam dressed.
MONICA: Where are you taking him? -He comes to work.
That's silly. Leave him home.
-With who? FRANK: His mother.
Come on, let me prove to you I can take care of him. Please?
[LIAM BABBLES]
-You're gonna be home all day? -Absolutely.
You're not gonna leave with him? Run off, join the circus?
I just want to take care of my baby, Fiona.
Thank you.
We're gonna have so much fun, my little brown bear.
Milk and water from the sippy cup, juice he can only have watered down.
-Got it. -He's gotta drink it from a big boy cup.
I'm gonna drink a beer from a big boy cup. Want to watch?
[MONICA GIGGLES]
[FRANK coos]
You know, I saw Choady sneaking out when we came in.
My mom lets him in when I'm not home.
It's like having a wet Labrador.
Fucking clueless.
So how long are you planning on staying?
-What do you mean, here? -Mom wants to know.
Says I have to charge you rent.
Your mom wants me to pay rent?
-Well, how much? -A hundred a week.
What about dead Daddy's insurance money?
My check's tied up at the claims department.
I could stay in the basement.
Could knock $20 off, but still gonna have to charge you.
-Fuck you, Karen. -Isn't that how we got into this mess?
You know what? Fuck me going on any more adoption interviews.
Good luck signing off on an adoption without the biological father's signature.
I'll get Frank to go with me. Might not even have to cut him in.
Hm.
Always pleasantly surprised we don't find dead hookers...
-...cut up in the toilets. -There's still time.
-Where's Liam? -Monica dumped Bob...
...and showed up on our doorstep to play house.
She insisted on watching Liam, probably got his tongue in an outlet.
Shit, I'm sorry.
First thing she did was bust my balls for kicking Lip out.
-You didn't kick him out. -Feel like I have, giving an ultimatum.
I miss him. Especially with Monica home. Lip has my back in that fight.
This is the kind of shit I'm afraid of happening if Kev and I have a kid.
-The little fuckers gang up on you. -I've seen this movie before.
Monica comes home long enough to reunite with Frank...
...gets knocked up with another kid, then splits.
Not this time. Not gonna let her ruin Debbie and Carl's lives too.
Trash can is a foot away, people! Why you gotta be such nasty pigsl?
Human nature. Given the choice, people usually do the wrong thing.
I can't take it anymore. I'm gonna run home...
...check on Liam before the ground floor. Not a lot of trust in Monica.
Might be nice to have time for an actual life while she's around.
Ain't you just the queen of silver linings?
-Live a little while you can. -Ugh.
[VERONICA LAUGHS]
[PHONE RINGING]
KAREN: What? -Where'd you disappear to?
Didn't know I had to report, but if you must know, school.
Right. Look, I'm sorry about that shit that happened earlier.
Give me the rest of the day to find a new place?
-Fine. -And, um....
I wanna go on the rest of the adoption meetings with you.
I'd kind of like to have a say in where this kid might end up.
Go if you fucking want to go. I don't need help or handouts from anyone.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hey, Ron. I need to talk to you.
What the hell are you doing here? My wife's inside.
Thing is, I'm kind of pregnant and it's yours.
—[WHlSPERlNG] What!? -I want an abortion, I can't afford it.
I can't apply for a credit card, because I'm not 18.
Hang on.
We had fun though, didn't we?
Sometimes when I see the word "hospice" on the screen...
...| pronounce it "ho spice" in my head. Isn't that silly?
Sometimes I do that with "butt ermi|k."
But "ermi|k" is not really a word.
Did you hear what you just said?
You said, "Buttermi|k's not really a word."
Oh. I did, didn't I?
[THUD]
[SHEILA GASPS]
Did you hear that?
Hearing a lot of weird noises the last few days.
So have I. Don't think I'm crazy...
...but sometimes I think Eddie's spirit is still in this house.
[RUSTLI NG AND THUDS]
Eddie?
Eddie?
[MOANING]
Mom had a huge chunk of cash lying around before she kicked it. Ah!
-How much? -Seventy-five large. Oh!
-I think it's at Sheila's. -Get it!
Get it and give it to me.
-Yeah? Okay. -Yes.
[SCREAMS]
Jesus Christ! Really? In the kitchen?
I thought you were working, honey.
FIONA: Where's Liam? BOTH: He's sleeping.
I'll remind you this is our house and we can make love in any room we want to.
FIONA: Your kids eat off that table! -Let's fuck in her room next.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[FRANK AND MONICA CONTINUE MOANING]
[DISHES CRASHING]
[ON TV] C sounds like "sss"
When it begins words like "circle"
Circle doesn't start with an S? What the fuck?
Like "cat"
Cat! I know that shit! That's a cat!
-You ordering shit off the TV again? -Just a little bit of this.
Just a little bit of this.
-I'll see you after work. -All right.
[DOOR SLAMS]
Bitch Karen's trying to make me pay rent. Can you believe that?
Wanna play "Saints Row: The Third" before my shift?
LIP: You got it? -Hell, yeah, I got it. Waited in line.
Hey, cool if! stay at your place a couple of days?
Shit, yeah!
Kevin. Kitchen.
Lip isn't staying with us. We're not getting in the middle...
...of this Gallagher shitstorm.
-You guys are taking Fiona's side? -Fiona would have our asses.
What if we adopt Lip as our own?
Wouldn't that change everything?
-Shit, V, I'm kidding! Damn, calm down. -Go home, Lip.
I'm sorry, dude, you can't stay here.
What the fuck, man?
Thanks for all your help, Kev.
Don't come running next time you want your taxes done...
...or your liquor commission test taken...
...or get your tongue stuck to a frozen pole.
[DOOR SLAMS]
I like to wash her late in the day.
In the sun, the water can dry too fast and leave spots.
Good to know.
-She send you? -No, she doesn't know I'm here.
She needs you, Bob.
You're the best thing that ever happened to her.
I don't want shit to do with that bitch anymore.
Especially now that her snatch is on that nasty old Irish cock of Frank's.
-Pass. -You don't love her?
Love ain't got nothing to do with it.
Living with Monica was like living with a black hole.
It drained my spirit and my bank account.
Bitch spent all my money on meditation retreats...
...and unfinished, half-assed home renovations.
Thank the good Lord Frank showed up when he did.
Frank came looking for her?
Crying like a little bitch about his dead mama.
Shit, they're pathetic. Both of them.
Monica's your problem now.
Presenting his and her lordship, Frank and Monica Gallagher.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Holy shit.
About time. You still got an open tab running, bitch.
-How are you, baby? -Better without your bad influence.
Oh, please, give me a break.
GUS: Hey, Monica. -Aw, Gus!
-Wow. New tattoo? -Yeah, a good one!
-Kev, you remembered. -Irish Car Bomb, how could I forget?
-I'll have one of those too. -You can't handle an Irish Car Bomb.
You look good, Moni. Back on your meds?
Hell, no. That crap makes me all foggy and gets me fat.
Besides, I am not bipolar.
Give me a dollar.
KEVIN: Here you go, Frank.
[PATSY CL|NE'S "WALK|N' AFTER MIDNIGHT" PLAYING ON JUKEBOX]
Dance with me.
I go out walkin' after midnight
Out in the moonlight
Just like we used to do
When they're good, they're good.
I'm betting two weeks. Three, tops.
For you
I walk for miles
MONICA: Oh, I love you, baby.
Oh.
She's in a better place, Frankie.
[FRANK SOBBING]
Searching for you
I stop to see a weeping willow
[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY AND LAUGHING]
You are going in tonight.
Come in! Take your coat off!
-Take all your clothes off! MONICA: Stay a while. Ha, ha, ha.
FIONA: Are you kidding me? MONICA: Oh, my baby!
Like a library in here!
[EARTH, WIND & F|RE'S "SEPTEMBER" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
How the stars stole the night
I lost my virginity to this song at a concert in an Andy Gump.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Take this somewhere else! It's a school night, kids are asleep.
Oh, come on, you know Carl can sleep through anything.
Hey, everybody, found some chips and semi-hard doughnuts.
STELLA: Semi-hard can still knock you up!
[OVER SPEAKERS] Ba de ya
ALL [SINGING]: Say, do you remember
Ba de ya Dancing in September
I want to do something with my life. So shut the fuck up and let me sleep.
Do not talk to your mother like that, you little fucker.
-Unh! Jesus! -Apologize to him.
-What? -Apologize.
-Uh, sorry. -What is going on?
Grab your earplugs, go back to bed.
[GASPS]
—Debbie! Hi, honey! -Debs, now.
-Deb, you wanna come play? -Yeah.
-No. Monica's gotta go. -Bug off, Beezus.
She's your mother, Fi. You only get one.
It's like I'm watching a hurricane head for shore.
You had Monica for years before she took her little "sabbatical."
-Give Debbie some Mommy time. -Why am I always compromising?
Nights like tonight are legend.
A memory Debs can carry with her always. Don't screw her out of that.
Might be the only one she gets.
Only blue talk and love Remember
MONICA: Great! Come on, everybody!
DEBBIE: Me? -Yeah, you.
[FRANK GROWLS AND DEBBIE LAUGHS]
[MONICA & DEBBIE HUMMING]
Say, do you remember
FRANK: Look out. Don't fall! STELLA: Oh, my God!
[MONICA LAUGHING]
Twenty minutes, Deb, then back in bed.
FRANK: All right, back down we go!
[FRANK YELLS AND DEBBIE LAUGHS]
Ba de ya Say, do you remember
FRANK: You wouldn't be screaming like that. What about your knee--?
Out of my seat.
What? This seat? You gotta have this seat?
All right, I'll take....
It's all yours, pal.
[MONICA LAUGHING]
FRANK: Shh.
FRANK [VVHISPERING]: Mom hid the money in here somewhere.
-Be "vewy" quiet. MONICA [WHISPERING]: What?
I'm hunting "wabbits"!
[MONICA LAUGHS]
[CLATTERING]
SHEILA: Just the house...
...sett|ing.
The wind. It's just...
...the wind settling the house.
[CLANGING]
[SCREAMS]
Karen?
Ooh. Smells like Bengay in here.
Karen?
Look inside the cushions. Mom was always a big cushion hider.
Okay-
[CLATTERING]
[CLATTERING AND FRANK GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
No.
[WHIRRING]
Go, go, 90, 9°-
What?
FRANK: No! No! No, no! Wait! Wait, wait, wait!
SHEILA: Eddie?
Is that you?
I don't know exactly what it is...
...that you want...
...but I'm.... I'm here...
...to talk.
Can you talk, Eddie?
That's a silly question, isn't it?
Because if you couldn't, you wouldn't be able to tell me.
[SHEILA SCREAMING]
[MONICA SCREAMING AND VACUUM WHIRRING]
[GASPS]
LIP: Hey, professor. Got a minute?
I got a classroom full of freshmen staring at a smartboard.
I was just wondering if you had any work for me.
Work, after school?
Oh, no. I, uh.... I dropped out. I got a baby on the way.
I was wondering if you'd hook me up as a TA or something.
Can't do shit without a diploma.
Well, tell them I'm an idiot savant or something.
I'll tell them you're an idiot. Call me when you graduate with a 4.5 GPA.
Wow, so under the liberal beard lives an uptight bourgeois prick.
You think I like being a soothsayer and watching your Jerry Springer fate?
Congratulations, you're a high school dropout with a pregnant girlfriend.
The thing that's missing for you is a job at Mickey D's.
If you work hard, you may get your picture...
...with the dead eyes in the employee of the month frame over the register.
Huh? That'd be fun, wouldn't it?
Go back to school!
[COOINGI
Good boy. Yum.
MONICA: What's this? -No more room for another Gallagher.
Birth control. You either hop on the ortho bandwagon or leave.
It's okay to take it with your shrink meds. I Checked.
That the same speech you gave Lip?
Same speech, different outcome.
-Thanks. FIONA: No biggie.
If they haven't shut down our Planned Parenthood...
...they'll make you an appointment to get your RX.
No.
Thanks for everything, for taking care of my kids, my house, my husband.
We all did it.
No, you did it, Fi.
And I know what a huge sacrifice it must have been.
And I can probably never make it up to you, but I want to try.
Thanks.
So the whole Bob thing was just a phase or what?
Are you sure you're not going to need these?
Not lately, but who knows?
What about the guy who came by yesterday?
Steve.
I remember him. He's cute.
I would totally hit that.
Ew. Morn.
No, I'm not going to.
You better not. I'm already up against a hot Brazilian.
He's got a girlfriend?
-Wife. -Fiona!
-Oh, you're going to judge me? -Heh, heh.
So...
...how are we going to get rid of her?
[LIAM BABBLES]
Yeah.
[LAUGHING]
She's gone. She's gone!
Wow, this is nice.
STEVE: Estefania's dad. -Huh.
Hey, you realize you guys basically have the same name, right?
I can get you back into my sister's lap if you let me stay here.
How long you need to stay?
Just until I'm back on my feet.
Well, I always saw myself living with a Gallagher.
I just always thought it'd be Fiona.
You put me up for a bit, it'll piss her off so much...
...she'll be at your doorstep in a heartbeat.
Listen...
...maybe in exchange for staying here you can help?
I'm putting together a pretty big deal.
Yeah, I.... I don't know.
...I ended up handcuffed to a bench.
You know how to hack a voicemail?
Probably. For the right price.
[ESTEFANIA SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]
Hi. Oh, right.
Remember me? Lip.
Oh. That's....
STEVE: There's a robe in the bathroom. You can use the robe.
Jesus!
_oh_ Bye-bye- -Okay.
Shit, man. I gotta be somewhere. You got a key?
I'll leave one for you at the front desk. Here.
I'll do my best, Mr. Murdoch.
PETE: Hearing from you was a wonderful surprise.
-Oh. -I thought we'd lost you for good.
Well, my recently deceased husband was born-again...
...so we went to that church with all the guitars and the minister with...
...the Hawaiian shirt. We clapped a lot.
Well, I'm just so glad that you accepted my invitation.
Actually, there was a favor I wanted to ask.
[THUMPI
Someone else home?
No.
Do you believe in evil spirits, Father?
I believe people can become harassed by evil spirits as a result of evil actions.
Until they repent, those spirits linger.
Well, any idea how one might cast them out of one's house...
...before one opens a hospice business?
Well, in Matthew 5222...
...Jesus says that we need to repent...
...forgive and love.
Is there someone you need to forgive?
Anything you need to repent?
FRANK: Unh. SHEILA: Relax.
Come on, my man.
-Go to the light! PEGGY: Unh!
Nothing comes to mind.
But I'll pray on it.
Jody! My man!
Hey, Frank.
Just missed lunch. Just getting something from the Kash And Grab.
Headed there myself.
Really sorry about your mom, man. Must be tough.
It is. There's so much I still want to say to her. So many questions.
She loved you, Frank. Just didn't know how to say it.
Yes, I know that now.
Also know she was sitting on a big pile of money.
Wanted me to act as an executor of her will.
Any idea where she kept the cash?
-In the cushions. -Heh, heh, heh. Yeah! I knew it!
But then she divided it up.
Gave Sheila a grand to say thanks and had me mail the rest.
What? Mail it?
Where? To who?
-"Whom." -What?
-"To whom." -"To whom" the fuck...
...did she mail the fucking money?
They were all Gallagher names.
-Wyatt, Clayton, I think. -My fucking brothers?
Where were they at the bitter end?
No, that was--! That bitch!
Shit!
Talk to you later.
Fuck!
Goddamn it!
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
Oh, shit, Carl! I might have shrunk your jersey.
Oh, hi. I thought you were Carl.
Mom, this is Little Hank.
That's your mom?
Hey, handsome.
I made some cookies. They're on the table.
DEBBIE: Did you pick up Grammy's body yet?
No, not yet, honey. It's expensive.
I have some money.
No.
Look at you.
Like living with a slutty Doris Day.
FRANK: Oh. -Did you have any luck finding it?
Nope. Not even in her box of horrors. Mom sent it to my brothers.
Deb, I made you a matching Cheer outfit. It's up on your bed.
Grammy's body?
Not too cute in a cheer outfit.
-Where is she? -They've got her on ice, honey.
There's no rush.
Heard a girl's mom's the best way to tell how a girl's gonna look.
You're going to be a fucking fox, man.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, sweetie.
I made some cookies.
Oh, so now we're square for you abandoning us and everything.
FRANK: Hey!
Are you coming with us to Carl's game?
I'm going to Carl's game.
I always go to Carl's games because I actually give a shit.
Ian Clayton Gallagher, I told you, do not talk to your mother like that.
You haven't claimed your mom's body...
...and you tell me how to treat mine?
MONICA: He's got a point.
Your dad told me about the kid in the store.
It must be sad having someone you care about in jail.
But you should never feel ashamed about what or who you are.
-I'm not. -When I was with Roberta, I was proud.
It wasn't a perfect relationship, but we were never ashamed.
Maybe you should have been.
So how about after Carl's game, I take you out?
Cheer you up.
Maybe.
Less ogling, more hacking.
I'm in the voice mailbox, Need to figure out...
...how to copy the messages without people being able to tell...
...they were listened to. Wanna tell me what this is about?
Less you know, the better.
Now I'm off to lead a pack of tiny testosteroned animals to victory.
Got to warm them up and give them my best speech...
...about hearts and eyes, or some shit.
ESTEFANIA: Where go? -The game.
-Football. -| go.
Uh, Lip, you mind bringing Este later?
What do you think?
Lip will bring you later. You go con Lip.
Ah, yes. I come on Lip.
STEVE: With! You come "with" Lip.
Okay?
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
[ESTEFANIA SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]
ISIGHs[
[ESTEFANIA CONTINUES SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]
[MOANING]
[GRUNTING]
Come on, Carl! Ready!
-Yeah! MAN: I'll take two.
Your family's pretty cool, Red.
Carl! All right, let's go! Come on, boys! Yes!
[CHEERING]
Whoo!
Lip! Come on and sit down!
Come on, sit with us!
I'm off the boat for one minute and there's a mutiny?
No one told you to get out.
-Actually, you did. -Don't be mad at Fiona.
-Come on. -Hey, Monica, shut up.
Like most of my life, this has nothing to do with you.
-I sit? -What?
-Yes, sit. Wherever's fine. FIONA: You babysitting now?
Roommate.
You're living at Steve's?
Yeah, no curfews, no ultimatums.
No befriending the enemy behind my back.
She just showed up. What was I supposed to do?
Oh, really?
Oh, you're just going to storm off like a baby?
Too bad there's no door you can slam!
Your son's a real prick.
BOY: Hut!
That's what I'm talking about!
Yes! All right, nice effort out there, D'Shawn!
Try throwing the ball to someone on your team next time!
Lip's living with you?
He was sleeping on the El. Kid had nowhere else to go.
They're ten. Have them run the ball, for chrissake.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[CROWD CHEERING]
You're going out, you're going out! Go, go!
Come on! The kid rocks!
JODY: My friend, Flying Crow... -Yeah?
...says smudging is a surefire way to get rid of evil spirits in a house.
Begone, spirits.
In the name...
...of our Savior, Jesus Christ...
...we ask that you leave.
And you don't want to piss him off, so just go, okay?
I really am...
...so sorry about all of this with Karen.
And her throwing you out.
I feel so responsible for her behavior.
Don't.
It's not your fault. She's going through a hard time.
Yes, but even so...
...you deserve better.
You're a good man, Jody.
We should pray on it.
Yeah.
Why didn't you get your own fries?
Well, because I want to eat yours.
So...
...l was minding my own business, listening in on Estefania's phone call.
Turns out she's totally in love with some other guy.
You know, she's playing Steve.
-So? -You think I should tell him about it?
What's in it for you if you do?
Well, it's not about me.
If there's no money involved...
...don't get other people's shit on your shoes.
So you're saying if I was rich, then you'd consider keeping the kid with me?
How rich? Because if you were that rich...
...there's no way you'd still want this kid.
You may think you do now, but in the long run?
ALANA: Hi. JEFF: Hi.
I'm Alana. This is Jeff.
So you're 17?
Oh, yeah, we both are.
So what do you drive?
-Your cars. JEFF: Um....
I drive a Lexus...
...and A|ana's got a Volvo.
Two cars. You guys are flush.
Uh, is Lip here?
No, Lip no home.
STEVE: Nice surprise.
-Throw him out. STEVE: What?
He needs to be in school.
I'm not his father. More importantly, you're not his mother.
If I was, I would've beaten him black and blue.
You don't always have to be responsible for everyone, Fiona.
-Excuse me? -Monica's back.
Enjoy it.
Take the GED.
-Read a book. -Fuck you.
Truth?
I took in the bear cub looking to rile the adult female.
Hoping she'd charge over here.
Dangerous. She might rip your head off.
Hasn't yet.
Truth? I'm here to see Estefania.
Really?
Hey, Este!
Fiona wants to take you out tonight.
-Drinking. Dancing. Con Fiona. -Ah!
[ESTEFANIA SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]
You are such an asshole.
Enemies closer, right?
He can't stay here.
Promise me you'll kick him out.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
[ESTEFANIA SPEAKS IN PORTUGUESE]
LIP: What the hell was that about?
You.
[COBRA STARSH|P'S "#1 N|TE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
MONICA: Me and Bob used to come here.
It's a great mix of gay, lesbian, bi and cool breeders.
It's, uh.... It's a little weird being outwith you.
No shame, baby.
See? But don't even think about coming out at school.
Someone in that neighborhood will knife you.
-Think I'll get carded? -No, you're the bread and butter here.
They need fresh meat to keep the old guys coming in.
Ooh. Three o'clock, that guy is totally checking you out.
You're kidding, right?
Oh, shit! Nine o'clock!
'Ca use tomorrow morning
That kind of takes your mind off the kid in juvie, right?
You better jump right in
Tomorrow morning
He's in there because of me.
So let's keep it rocking till daylight
Gotta live like we got one night
One night, one night
I'm sorry you're hurting, baby.
'Cause you know we just got one life
One life, one life
Gotta live like we got one night
Wanna dance?
We're falling in love on the dance floor
Okay, 0k3Y-
We will make this last forever
Oh, whoa The future is so bright
Here's to shirking responsibilities...
...not working for the man and the women we love.
All right.
ISIGHs[
[CHATTERING]
Does Fiona talk about me?
Are you going to break your happy home with Estefania?
I'm not in love with her...
...but I shit myself every time I think about...
...what her dad would do if! dumped her.
She doesn't love you either.
She's got this other guy, a fucking...
...Marco somebody.
Are you fucking kidding me?
No, I heard them on the phone.
It was pretty hot and heavy.
Sneaky bitch.
She's such a fucking bitch. How do you put up with her?
-Estefania? -No, fucking Fiona.
Yeah, you know what?
She was right to kick you out of the house. You should be in school.
Well, maybe I'll enroll again in May...
...just in time to take your wife to prom.
Okay-
I'm gonna change.
-My clothes. -Okay.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
Okay-
FRANK: Why don't you just donate her to science?
I don't want her.
Listen. Please don't throw her away.
I.... How much would it cost to bury her?
That much?
I'm just so wasted right now. Can we talk about this tomorrow?
Please.
Thank you.
My mother. Even dead, she's a pain in the ass.
Hey, you QUYSI
Wow.
-Hey! IAN: Hey!
Who is this?
IAN: That is Steve's wife.
MONICA: Oh, the Brazilian!
We brought doughnuts and a bucket of chicken.
[THE K|NKS' "YOU REALLY GOT ME" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
-Look what the cat drug in. -Hey, what are you doing?
DEBBIE: Hi! ESTEFANIA: Hey!
Girl, you really got me goin'
This is not okay.
-Aw, come on! -Oh, Fi!
Fi, would you just...?
[LUPE F|ASCO'S "THE SHOW GOES ON" PLAYING]
-Now it is! -Ah!
Till the morning We dream so long
Dance with your mama!
Anybody ever wonder
Hey!
-Why the hell weren't we invited? FRANK: Oh, ho!
Vodka, lemonade, blender.
VERONICA: Hello! -Everybody shut up!
Hey!
Debbie would like to take this opportunity...
...to say a few words about Grammy Gallagher.
I guess what I'm going to say is that Grammy will be missed.
And if she's watching right now...
...I want her to know that we love her.
IAN: To Grammy! VERONICA: Grammy!
KEVIN: Hey! -Grammy!
The show goes on all night
[ALL CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]
Till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder When they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up The show goes on
All right, already The show goes on all night
MONICA: I love this.
Being back with you guys. It's like the best rush in the world.
Just remember when you come up The show goes on
Yeah, so no matter what you been through No matter what you into
No matter what you see When you look outside your window
Never ever put them down You just lift your arms higher
Raise 'em till your arms tired Let 'em know you're there
That you struggling and survivin' That you gonna persevere
Yeah, ain't nobody leavin
[SEAL'S "KISS FROM A ROSE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
But did you know That when it snows
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can be seen
Mom!
[JODY GRUNTING]
Mom? Can I come in?
SHEILA: No, honey! Not right now! I have to....
I'm busy with something!
And now that your rose is in bloom
[JODY CONTINUES GRUNTING]
[SNORTS THEN GRUNTS]
Where the hell did you go?
Don't be mad.
I went ahead and paid for your mom's ashes.
You need the closure, baby.
I can't believe she's really gone.
Your mother...
...was a real cunt.
Amen.
Breakfast of champions, I see.
lYELLING[
I paid you! I paid you, Terry!
Shit!
MONICA: What the fuck, Milkovichl
Get the fuck off me, you crazy bitch. This ain't about you.
Frank! What did you do?
Why is it always my fault?
TERRY: My little princess. MONICA: Leave him alone!
My Mandy's pregnant! And this little shit is going to pay!
Attaboy.
[English - US - SDH]
...here's what happened last week on Shameless.
When do you want me to come back in?
-Never! -That girl you're with...
...you'|| knock her up. You'll get a job at Best Buy, from that point on...
...you won't be able to hold a job because you'll know the truth.
You never lived up to your potential.
I'm gonna give the baby up for adoption.
How much can we get for the baby?
I introduce you to a pool of parents that want to adopt.
-So you're a broker? -I'm gay!
You're pretending to date Mandy so you can fuck her brother.
-I'm not doing this. -Doing what?
Figure out that chick on my sofa wearing your wedding ring and then we'll talk.
-Don't give up on me. CARL: Doing anything this afternoon?
-We need a coach. -Fiona go to the games?
-Never misses one. -Call me "Coach."
Who's your friend?
Heard you could help me, need an alibi.
-How much? -Fifteen hundred.
-What are you doing? -Sending cash to my sons.
That will make Frank very happy.
-Frank gets none. -You and Monica are over, Frank.
-Me and Monica are getting married. -She's still married to me!
I have never, ever had any intention of getting back together with you, Frank!
-Expelled? -You win.
I'm not going back to school, so that means I'm leaving.
-Goodbye, Sheila. -Goodbye, Peg.
[PEGGY GRUNTING]
Frank, your mother's passed.
Mom died.
[SOBBING]
Lip, come back!
[CREAKING]
[DISHES RATTLING]
[SNIFFS]
Lip?
Debbie?
[RATTLING CONTINUES]
Lip?
Good morning, sweetheart.
Mom.
-We don't have any money. -Mimosa?
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello.
What?
When?
Okay, well, how much is that going to cost?
I have to call you back with an answer.
Thank you.
-Grammy died? -Honey, I am so sorry.
She was my mother. I'm the one who's hurting here.
Yeah, well, that was the Cook County Hospital Morgue.
Claim her body or they're gonna cremate her.
I am done running around trying to please that woman.
-Grammy died? -Debbie! Oh, Liam!
Look at you, my little brown bear.
Oh, look how big you are!
-How long is she staying? -Only forever and a day!
-Are my camo pants still in the dryer? -Ian!
[MONICA AND LIAM BABBLE]
-What is she doing here? -I asked your mother to come home.
You live here now too?
—I made breakfast. -No, thanks.
Your mom spent a lot of time making that breakfast. Sit down and eat it.
-This is bullshit. -Ian.
-Wait. FRANK: Gonna wash his mouth out with soap.
You can wash mine out. I wanna fart bubbles.
-Oh, Carlie! -Mom?
MONICA: You're so big!
Come on, I made you breakfast. Sit down and eat.
Where's Lip?
IAN: My mom showed up today. She just came out of nowhere.
-She staying? -Never does.
UP playing hockey today?
He dropped out of school, so Fiona gave him the boot.
I think he's staying with Karen.
See, Karen's like cancer. You kill it in one spot, it pops up in another.
-You okay? -Yeah.
How's Mickey holding up in juvie?
He called me a fuck-twat, so he seems okay. You should visit him.
He's a little pissed at me for something. He thinks I pussied out.
-Did you? -Kind of.
-You're lucky your mom's dead. -Yeah.
So weird how someone's here and then they're just gone.
I know. What happens to their soul?
Maybe it's like what happened to Karen in utero.
She was a twin, and then she just absorbed the other one.
Whoa. So you mean, like, maybe Peggy's soul got absorbed by us?
Maybe.
Rats! It says in order to have a hospice license...
-...l have to get a nursing degree. -University of River Phoenix.
-It's all online. Seen the ads on TV. -Huh.
[DOOR OPENS]
SHEILA: Hey, hey!
Karen, I know it's your choice...
...but I just want to go on record as saying...
...I think you should consider keeping the baby.
And Jody. No offense, Lip.
-None taken. KAREN: Since Frank bailed...
...can I dump his Speed Stick and English Leather...
...and put my stuff back in the medicine cabinet?
Sweetheart, both of you, come, sit down.
Sweetie...
...your grandmother's passing has taken quite a toll on Frank.
He just needs some time alone.
He packed a duffle bag and left.
Sometimes when people love each other very much...
...they need time apart so when they come back together...
...their love is even stronger.
KAREN: Okay. -Thanks for the talk, Mrs. Jackson.
SHEILA: Sure.
[WHISPERING] Karen, is Lip going to stay overnight again tonight?
He's just a friend, needs a place to stay.
Lip is very nice, but I hope you see what a catch Jody is.
-Jody's an idiot. -Give it time.
"Then the window draws full upon your mind.
There, beyond the sway of curtains, men walk."
Maya Angelou said that.
I'm pretty sure she wasn't talking about Jody, but thanks, Mom.
Okay-
Are you really gonna do this every morning?
-Do what? -Show up, try to woo me?
STEVE: I'm looking for Lip. -Uh-huh.
-I can't be friends with your brother? -No, you can't.
We gonna have a funeral?
-No. -Who died?
Grammy.
Wow. I'm sorry, guys.
A funeral requires a body and your father hasn't picked her up yet.
So she's laying somewhere all alone?
We can have a memorial. Don't need a body for that.
I spy doughnuts.
Hey. Hey, check it out, Steve. It's a bloody butthole.
STEVE: Heh, heh, heh. Awesome, dude! -School. Let's go.
DEBBIE: Lunch? -Shit.
We already had that for breakfast.
Sometimes astronauts have breakfast three times a day.
Lip never came back after he blew out of here. Check Karen's.
STEVE: Karen's? Isn't she married? -Aren't you?
—Technica|ity. -Goodbye.
-Oh, such sweet sorrow. CARL: You gonna drive us?
STEVE: Absolutely. -No, he's not. I mean it.
Stop coming around.
Who was that?
Are you gonna be here when we get home?
-Absolutely. CARL: I told you so.
Shut up, you didn't believe her either.
Know what I think? I think we should paint your room a new color today.
Here, go. Now.
MONICA: Have fun at school. —Car|, here.
I got this.
So where is Lip?
Really? That's what you want to ask me?
He's always been your favorite.
-That's not true, Fiona. -That's right, you're your favorite.
So, uh, Bob throw you out or you walk out on her too?
Your father came to me. He needed me. Told me you needed me too.
He lied. We don't.
I'm sorry. I'm here now. I want to try and start over.
Will you let me?
Lip dropped out of school.
I told him, back in school or he couldn't live here.
-You threw him out? -He left.
He's family, Fiona.
Lip chose to leave this family. That sound familiar?
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Look at my two girls together in the kitchen.
I don't know which is prettier.
I don't have time. I gotta get Liam dressed.
MONICA: Where are you taking him? -He comes to work.
That's silly. Leave him home.
-With who? FRANK: His mother.
Come on, let me prove to you I can take care of him. Please?
[LIAM BABBLES]
-You're gonna be home all day? -Absolutely.
You're not gonna leave with him? Run off, join the circus?
I just want to take care of my baby, Fiona.
Thank you.
We're gonna have so much fun, my little brown bear.
Milk and water from the sippy cup, juice he can only have watered down.
-Got it. -He's gotta drink it from a big boy cup.
I'm gonna drink a beer from a big boy cup. Want to watch?
[MONICA GIGGLES]
[FRANK coos]
You know, I saw Choady sneaking out when we came in.
My mom lets him in when I'm not home.
It's like having a wet Labrador.
Fucking clueless.
So how long are you planning on staying?
-What do you mean, here? -Mom wants to know.
Says I have to charge you rent.
Your mom wants me to pay rent?
-Well, how much? -A hundred a week.
What about dead Daddy's insurance money?
My check's tied up at the claims department.
I could stay in the basement.
Could knock $20 off, but still gonna have to charge you.
-Fuck you, Karen. -Isn't that how we got into this mess?
You know what? Fuck me going on any more adoption interviews.
Good luck signing off on an adoption without the biological father's signature.
I'll get Frank to go with me. Might not even have to cut him in.
Hm.
Always pleasantly surprised we don't find dead hookers...
-...cut up in the toilets. -There's still time.
-Where's Liam? -Monica dumped Bob...
...and showed up on our doorstep to play house.
She insisted on watching Liam, probably got his tongue in an outlet.
Shit, I'm sorry.
First thing she did was bust my balls for kicking Lip out.
-You didn't kick him out. -Feel like I have, giving an ultimatum.
I miss him. Especially with Monica home. Lip has my back in that fight.
This is the kind of shit I'm afraid of happening if Kev and I have a kid.
-The little fuckers gang up on you. -I've seen this movie before.
Monica comes home long enough to reunite with Frank...
...gets knocked up with another kid, then splits.
Not this time. Not gonna let her ruin Debbie and Carl's lives too.
Trash can is a foot away, people! Why you gotta be such nasty pigsl?
Human nature. Given the choice, people usually do the wrong thing.
I can't take it anymore. I'm gonna run home...
...check on Liam before the ground floor. Not a lot of trust in Monica.
Might be nice to have time for an actual life while she's around.
Ain't you just the queen of silver linings?
-Live a little while you can. -Ugh.
[VERONICA LAUGHS]
[PHONE RINGING]
KAREN: What? -Where'd you disappear to?
Didn't know I had to report, but if you must know, school.
Right. Look, I'm sorry about that shit that happened earlier.
Give me the rest of the day to find a new place?
-Fine. -And, um....
I wanna go on the rest of the adoption meetings with you.
I'd kind of like to have a say in where this kid might end up.
Go if you fucking want to go. I don't need help or handouts from anyone.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hey, Ron. I need to talk to you.
What the hell are you doing here? My wife's inside.
Thing is, I'm kind of pregnant and it's yours.
—[WHlSPERlNG] What!? -I want an abortion, I can't afford it.
I can't apply for a credit card, because I'm not 18.
Hang on.
We had fun though, didn't we?
Sometimes when I see the word "hospice" on the screen...
...| pronounce it "ho spice" in my head. Isn't that silly?
Sometimes I do that with "butt ermi|k."
But "ermi|k" is not really a word.
Did you hear what you just said?
You said, "Buttermi|k's not really a word."
Oh. I did, didn't I?
[THUD]
[SHEILA GASPS]
Did you hear that?
Hearing a lot of weird noises the last few days.
So have I. Don't think I'm crazy...
...but sometimes I think Eddie's spirit is still in this house.
[RUSTLI NG AND THUDS]
Eddie?
Eddie?
[MOANING]
Mom had a huge chunk of cash lying around before she kicked it. Ah!
-How much? -Seventy-five large. Oh!
-I think it's at Sheila's. -Get it!
Get it and give it to me.
-Yeah? Okay. -Yes.
[SCREAMS]
Jesus Christ! Really? In the kitchen?
I thought you were working, honey.
FIONA: Where's Liam? BOTH: He's sleeping.
I'll remind you this is our house and we can make love in any room we want to.
FIONA: Your kids eat off that table! -Let's fuck in her room next.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[FRANK AND MONICA CONTINUE MOANING]
[DISHES CRASHING]
[ON TV] C sounds like "sss"
When it begins words like "circle"
Circle doesn't start with an S? What the fuck?
Like "cat"
Cat! I know that shit! That's a cat!
-You ordering shit off the TV again? -Just a little bit of this.
Just a little bit of this.
-I'll see you after work. -All right.
[DOOR SLAMS]
Bitch Karen's trying to make me pay rent. Can you believe that?
Wanna play "Saints Row: The Third" before my shift?
LIP: You got it? -Hell, yeah, I got it. Waited in line.
Hey, cool if! stay at your place a couple of days?
Shit, yeah!
Kevin. Kitchen.
Lip isn't staying with us. We're not getting in the middle...
...of this Gallagher shitstorm.
-You guys are taking Fiona's side? -Fiona would have our asses.
What if we adopt Lip as our own?
Wouldn't that change everything?
-Shit, V, I'm kidding! Damn, calm down. -Go home, Lip.
I'm sorry, dude, you can't stay here.
What the fuck, man?
Thanks for all your help, Kev.
Don't come running next time you want your taxes done...
...or your liquor commission test taken...
...or get your tongue stuck to a frozen pole.
[DOOR SLAMS]
I like to wash her late in the day.
In the sun, the water can dry too fast and leave spots.
Good to know.
-She send you? -No, she doesn't know I'm here.
She needs you, Bob.
You're the best thing that ever happened to her.
I don't want shit to do with that bitch anymore.
Especially now that her snatch is on that nasty old Irish cock of Frank's.
-Pass. -You don't love her?
Love ain't got nothing to do with it.
Living with Monica was like living with a black hole.
It drained my spirit and my bank account.
Bitch spent all my money on meditation retreats...
...and unfinished, half-assed home renovations.
Thank the good Lord Frank showed up when he did.
Frank came looking for her?
Crying like a little bitch about his dead mama.
Shit, they're pathetic. Both of them.
Monica's your problem now.
Presenting his and her lordship, Frank and Monica Gallagher.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Holy shit.
About time. You still got an open tab running, bitch.
-How are you, baby? -Better without your bad influence.
Oh, please, give me a break.
GUS: Hey, Monica. -Aw, Gus!
-Wow. New tattoo? -Yeah, a good one!
-Kev, you remembered. -Irish Car Bomb, how could I forget?
-I'll have one of those too. -You can't handle an Irish Car Bomb.
You look good, Moni. Back on your meds?
Hell, no. That crap makes me all foggy and gets me fat.
Besides, I am not bipolar.
Give me a dollar.
KEVIN: Here you go, Frank.
[PATSY CL|NE'S "WALK|N' AFTER MIDNIGHT" PLAYING ON JUKEBOX]
Dance with me.
I go out walkin' after midnight
Out in the moonlight
Just like we used to do
When they're good, they're good.
I'm betting two weeks. Three, tops.
For you
I walk for miles
MONICA: Oh, I love you, baby.
Oh.
She's in a better place, Frankie.
[FRANK SOBBING]
Searching for you
I stop to see a weeping willow
[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY AND LAUGHING]
You are going in tonight.
Come in! Take your coat off!
-Take all your clothes off! MONICA: Stay a while. Ha, ha, ha.
FIONA: Are you kidding me? MONICA: Oh, my baby!
Like a library in here!
[EARTH, WIND & F|RE'S "SEPTEMBER" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
How the stars stole the night
I lost my virginity to this song at a concert in an Andy Gump.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Take this somewhere else! It's a school night, kids are asleep.
Oh, come on, you know Carl can sleep through anything.
Hey, everybody, found some chips and semi-hard doughnuts.
STELLA: Semi-hard can still knock you up!
[OVER SPEAKERS] Ba de ya
ALL [SINGING]: Say, do you remember
Ba de ya Dancing in September
I want to do something with my life. So shut the fuck up and let me sleep.
Do not talk to your mother like that, you little fucker.
-Unh! Jesus! -Apologize to him.
-What? -Apologize.
-Uh, sorry. -What is going on?
Grab your earplugs, go back to bed.
[GASPS]
—Debbie! Hi, honey! -Debs, now.
-Deb, you wanna come play? -Yeah.
-No. Monica's gotta go. -Bug off, Beezus.
She's your mother, Fi. You only get one.
It's like I'm watching a hurricane head for shore.
You had Monica for years before she took her little "sabbatical."
-Give Debbie some Mommy time. -Why am I always compromising?
Nights like tonight are legend.
A memory Debs can carry with her always. Don't screw her out of that.
Might be the only one she gets.
Only blue talk and love Remember
MONICA: Great! Come on, everybody!
DEBBIE: Me? -Yeah, you.
[FRANK GROWLS AND DEBBIE LAUGHS]
[MONICA & DEBBIE HUMMING]
Say, do you remember
FRANK: Look out. Don't fall! STELLA: Oh, my God!
[MONICA LAUGHING]
Twenty minutes, Deb, then back in bed.
FRANK: All right, back down we go!
[FRANK YELLS AND DEBBIE LAUGHS]
Ba de ya Say, do you remember
FRANK: You wouldn't be screaming like that. What about your knee--?
Out of my seat.
What? This seat? You gotta have this seat?
All right, I'll take....
It's all yours, pal.
[MONICA LAUGHING]
FRANK: Shh.
FRANK [VVHISPERING]: Mom hid the money in here somewhere.
-Be "vewy" quiet. MONICA [WHISPERING]: What?
I'm hunting "wabbits"!
[MONICA LAUGHS]
[CLATTERING]
SHEILA: Just the house...
...sett|ing.
The wind. It's just...
...the wind settling the house.
[CLANGING]
[SCREAMS]
Karen?
Ooh. Smells like Bengay in here.
Karen?
Look inside the cushions. Mom was always a big cushion hider.
Okay-
[CLATTERING]
[CLATTERING AND FRANK GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
No.
[WHIRRING]
Go, go, 90, 9°-
What?
FRANK: No! No! No, no! Wait! Wait, wait, wait!
SHEILA: Eddie?
Is that you?
I don't know exactly what it is...
...that you want...
...but I'm.... I'm here...
...to talk.
Can you talk, Eddie?
That's a silly question, isn't it?
Because if you couldn't, you wouldn't be able to tell me.
[SHEILA SCREAMING]
[MONICA SCREAMING AND VACUUM WHIRRING]
[GASPS]
LIP: Hey, professor. Got a minute?
I got a classroom full of freshmen staring at a smartboard.
I was just wondering if you had any work for me.
Work, after school?
Oh, no. I, uh.... I dropped out. I got a baby on the way.
I was wondering if you'd hook me up as a TA or something.
Can't do shit without a diploma.
Well, tell them I'm an idiot savant or something.
I'll tell them you're an idiot. Call me when you graduate with a 4.5 GPA.
Wow, so under the liberal beard lives an uptight bourgeois prick.
You think I like being a soothsayer and watching your Jerry Springer fate?
Congratulations, you're a high school dropout with a pregnant girlfriend.
The thing that's missing for you is a job at Mickey D's.
If you work hard, you may get your picture...
...with the dead eyes in the employee of the month frame over the register.
Huh? That'd be fun, wouldn't it?
Go back to school!
[COOINGI
Good boy. Yum.
MONICA: What's this? -No more room for another Gallagher.
Birth control. You either hop on the ortho bandwagon or leave.
It's okay to take it with your shrink meds. I Checked.
That the same speech you gave Lip?
Same speech, different outcome.
-Thanks. FIONA: No biggie.
If they haven't shut down our Planned Parenthood...
...they'll make you an appointment to get your RX.
No.
Thanks for everything, for taking care of my kids, my house, my husband.
We all did it.
No, you did it, Fi.
And I know what a huge sacrifice it must have been.
And I can probably never make it up to you, but I want to try.
Thanks.
So the whole Bob thing was just a phase or what?
Are you sure you're not going to need these?
Not lately, but who knows?
What about the guy who came by yesterday?
Steve.
I remember him. He's cute.
I would totally hit that.
Ew. Morn.
No, I'm not going to.
You better not. I'm already up against a hot Brazilian.
He's got a girlfriend?
-Wife. -Fiona!
-Oh, you're going to judge me? -Heh, heh.
So...
...how are we going to get rid of her?
[LIAM BABBLES]
Yeah.
[LAUGHING]
She's gone. She's gone!
Wow, this is nice.
STEVE: Estefania's dad. -Huh.
Hey, you realize you guys basically have the same name, right?
I can get you back into my sister's lap if you let me stay here.
How long you need to stay?
Just until I'm back on my feet.
Well, I always saw myself living with a Gallagher.
I just always thought it'd be Fiona.
You put me up for a bit, it'll piss her off so much...
...she'll be at your doorstep in a heartbeat.
Listen...
...maybe in exchange for staying here you can help?
I'm putting together a pretty big deal.
Yeah, I.... I don't know.
...I ended up handcuffed to a bench.
You know how to hack a voicemail?
Probably. For the right price.
[ESTEFANIA SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]
Hi. Oh, right.
Remember me? Lip.
Oh. That's....
STEVE: There's a robe in the bathroom. You can use the robe.
Jesus!
_oh_ Bye-bye- -Okay.
Shit, man. I gotta be somewhere. You got a key?
I'll leave one for you at the front desk. Here.
I'll do my best, Mr. Murdoch.
PETE: Hearing from you was a wonderful surprise.
-Oh. -I thought we'd lost you for good.
Well, my recently deceased husband was born-again...
...so we went to that church with all the guitars and the minister with...
...the Hawaiian shirt. We clapped a lot.
Well, I'm just so glad that you accepted my invitation.
Actually, there was a favor I wanted to ask.
[THUMPI
Someone else home?
No.
Do you believe in evil spirits, Father?
I believe people can become harassed by evil spirits as a result of evil actions.
Until they repent, those spirits linger.
Well, any idea how one might cast them out of one's house...
...before one opens a hospice business?
Well, in Matthew 5222...
...Jesus says that we need to repent...
...forgive and love.
Is there someone you need to forgive?
Anything you need to repent?
FRANK: Unh. SHEILA: Relax.
Come on, my man.
-Go to the light! PEGGY: Unh!
Nothing comes to mind.
But I'll pray on it.
Jody! My man!
Hey, Frank.
Just missed lunch. Just getting something from the Kash And Grab.
Headed there myself.
Really sorry about your mom, man. Must be tough.
It is. There's so much I still want to say to her. So many questions.
She loved you, Frank. Just didn't know how to say it.
Yes, I know that now.
Also know she was sitting on a big pile of money.
Wanted me to act as an executor of her will.
Any idea where she kept the cash?
-In the cushions. -Heh, heh, heh. Yeah! I knew it!
But then she divided it up.
Gave Sheila a grand to say thanks and had me mail the rest.
What? Mail it?
Where? To who?
-"Whom." -What?
-"To whom." -"To whom" the fuck...
...did she mail the fucking money?
They were all Gallagher names.
-Wyatt, Clayton, I think. -My fucking brothers?
Where were they at the bitter end?
No, that was--! That bitch!
Shit!
Talk to you later.
Fuck!
Goddamn it!
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
Oh, shit, Carl! I might have shrunk your jersey.
Oh, hi. I thought you were Carl.
Mom, this is Little Hank.
That's your mom?
Hey, handsome.
I made some cookies. They're on the table.
DEBBIE: Did you pick up Grammy's body yet?
No, not yet, honey. It's expensive.
I have some money.
No.
Look at you.
Like living with a slutty Doris Day.
FRANK: Oh. -Did you have any luck finding it?
Nope. Not even in her box of horrors. Mom sent it to my brothers.
Deb, I made you a matching Cheer outfit. It's up on your bed.
Grammy's body?
Not too cute in a cheer outfit.
-Where is she? -They've got her on ice, honey.
There's no rush.
Heard a girl's mom's the best way to tell how a girl's gonna look.
You're going to be a fucking fox, man.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, sweetie.
I made some cookies.
Oh, so now we're square for you abandoning us and everything.
FRANK: Hey!
Are you coming with us to Carl's game?
I'm going to Carl's game.
I always go to Carl's games because I actually give a shit.
Ian Clayton Gallagher, I told you, do not talk to your mother like that.
You haven't claimed your mom's body...
...and you tell me how to treat mine?
MONICA: He's got a point.
Your dad told me about the kid in the store.
It must be sad having someone you care about in jail.
But you should never feel ashamed about what or who you are.
-I'm not. -When I was with Roberta, I was proud.
It wasn't a perfect relationship, but we were never ashamed.
Maybe you should have been.
So how about after Carl's game, I take you out?
Cheer you up.
Maybe.
Less ogling, more hacking.
I'm in the voice mailbox, Need to figure out...
...how to copy the messages without people being able to tell...
...they were listened to. Wanna tell me what this is about?
Less you know, the better.
Now I'm off to lead a pack of tiny testosteroned animals to victory.
Got to warm them up and give them my best speech...
...about hearts and eyes, or some shit.
ESTEFANIA: Where go? -The game.
-Football. -| go.
Uh, Lip, you mind bringing Este later?
What do you think?
Lip will bring you later. You go con Lip.
Ah, yes. I come on Lip.
STEVE: With! You come "with" Lip.
Okay?
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
[ESTEFANIA SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]
ISIGHs[
[ESTEFANIA CONTINUES SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]
[MOANING]
[GRUNTING]
Come on, Carl! Ready!
-Yeah! MAN: I'll take two.
Your family's pretty cool, Red.
Carl! All right, let's go! Come on, boys! Yes!
[CHEERING]
Whoo!
Lip! Come on and sit down!
Come on, sit with us!
I'm off the boat for one minute and there's a mutiny?
No one told you to get out.
-Actually, you did. -Don't be mad at Fiona.
-Come on. -Hey, Monica, shut up.
Like most of my life, this has nothing to do with you.
-I sit? -What?
-Yes, sit. Wherever's fine. FIONA: You babysitting now?
Roommate.
You're living at Steve's?
Yeah, no curfews, no ultimatums.
No befriending the enemy behind my back.
She just showed up. What was I supposed to do?
Oh, really?
Oh, you're just going to storm off like a baby?
Too bad there's no door you can slam!
Your son's a real prick.
BOY: Hut!
That's what I'm talking about!
Yes! All right, nice effort out there, D'Shawn!
Try throwing the ball to someone on your team next time!
Lip's living with you?
He was sleeping on the El. Kid had nowhere else to go.
They're ten. Have them run the ball, for chrissake.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[CROWD CHEERING]
You're going out, you're going out! Go, go!
Come on! The kid rocks!
JODY: My friend, Flying Crow... -Yeah?
...says smudging is a surefire way to get rid of evil spirits in a house.
Begone, spirits.
In the name...
...of our Savior, Jesus Christ...
...we ask that you leave.
And you don't want to piss him off, so just go, okay?
I really am...
...so sorry about all of this with Karen.
And her throwing you out.
I feel so responsible for her behavior.
Don't.
It's not your fault. She's going through a hard time.
Yes, but even so...
...you deserve better.
You're a good man, Jody.
We should pray on it.
Yeah.
Why didn't you get your own fries?
Well, because I want to eat yours.
So...
...l was minding my own business, listening in on Estefania's phone call.
Turns out she's totally in love with some other guy.
You know, she's playing Steve.
-So? -You think I should tell him about it?
What's in it for you if you do?
Well, it's not about me.
If there's no money involved...
...don't get other people's shit on your shoes.
So you're saying if I was rich, then you'd consider keeping the kid with me?
How rich? Because if you were that rich...
...there's no way you'd still want this kid.
You may think you do now, but in the long run?
ALANA: Hi. JEFF: Hi.
I'm Alana. This is Jeff.
So you're 17?
Oh, yeah, we both are.
So what do you drive?
-Your cars. JEFF: Um....
I drive a Lexus...
...and A|ana's got a Volvo.
Two cars. You guys are flush.
Uh, is Lip here?
No, Lip no home.
STEVE: Nice surprise.
-Throw him out. STEVE: What?
He needs to be in school.
I'm not his father. More importantly, you're not his mother.
If I was, I would've beaten him black and blue.
You don't always have to be responsible for everyone, Fiona.
-Excuse me? -Monica's back.
Enjoy it.
Take the GED.
-Read a book. -Fuck you.
Truth?
I took in the bear cub looking to rile the adult female.
Hoping she'd charge over here.
Dangerous. She might rip your head off.
Hasn't yet.
Truth? I'm here to see Estefania.
Really?
Hey, Este!
Fiona wants to take you out tonight.
-Drinking. Dancing. Con Fiona. -Ah!
[ESTEFANIA SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]
You are such an asshole.
Enemies closer, right?
He can't stay here.
Promise me you'll kick him out.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
[ESTEFANIA SPEAKS IN PORTUGUESE]
LIP: What the hell was that about?
You.
[COBRA STARSH|P'S "#1 N|TE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
MONICA: Me and Bob used to come here.
It's a great mix of gay, lesbian, bi and cool breeders.
It's, uh.... It's a little weird being outwith you.
No shame, baby.
See? But don't even think about coming out at school.
Someone in that neighborhood will knife you.
-Think I'll get carded? -No, you're the bread and butter here.
They need fresh meat to keep the old guys coming in.
Ooh. Three o'clock, that guy is totally checking you out.
You're kidding, right?
Oh, shit! Nine o'clock!
'Ca use tomorrow morning
That kind of takes your mind off the kid in juvie, right?
You better jump right in
Tomorrow morning
He's in there because of me.
So let's keep it rocking till daylight
Gotta live like we got one night
One night, one night
I'm sorry you're hurting, baby.
'Cause you know we just got one life
One life, one life
Gotta live like we got one night
Wanna dance?
We're falling in love on the dance floor
Okay, 0k3Y-
We will make this last forever
Oh, whoa The future is so bright
Here's to shirking responsibilities...
...not working for the man and the women we love.
All right.
ISIGHs[
[CHATTERING]
Does Fiona talk about me?
Are you going to break your happy home with Estefania?
I'm not in love with her...
...but I shit myself every time I think about...
...what her dad would do if! dumped her.
She doesn't love you either.
She's got this other guy, a fucking...
...Marco somebody.
Are you fucking kidding me?
No, I heard them on the phone.
It was pretty hot and heavy.
Sneaky bitch.
She's such a fucking bitch. How do you put up with her?
-Estefania? -No, fucking Fiona.
Yeah, you know what?
She was right to kick you out of the house. You should be in school.
Well, maybe I'll enroll again in May...
...just in time to take your wife to prom.
Okay-
I'm gonna change.
-My clothes. -Okay.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
Okay-
FRANK: Why don't you just donate her to science?
I don't want her.
Listen. Please don't throw her away.
I.... How much would it cost to bury her?
That much?
I'm just so wasted right now. Can we talk about this tomorrow?
Please.
Thank you.
My mother. Even dead, she's a pain in the ass.
Hey, you QUYSI
Wow.
-Hey! IAN: Hey!
Who is this?
IAN: That is Steve's wife.
MONICA: Oh, the Brazilian!
We brought doughnuts and a bucket of chicken.
[THE K|NKS' "YOU REALLY GOT ME" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
-Look what the cat drug in. -Hey, what are you doing?
DEBBIE: Hi! ESTEFANIA: Hey!
Girl, you really got me goin'
This is not okay.
-Aw, come on! -Oh, Fi!
Fi, would you just...?
[LUPE F|ASCO'S "THE SHOW GOES ON" PLAYING]
-Now it is! -Ah!
Till the morning We dream so long
Dance with your mama!
Anybody ever wonder
Hey!
-Why the hell weren't we invited? FRANK: Oh, ho!
Vodka, lemonade, blender.
VERONICA: Hello! -Everybody shut up!
Hey!
Debbie would like to take this opportunity...
...to say a few words about Grammy Gallagher.
I guess what I'm going to say is that Grammy will be missed.
And if she's watching right now...
...I want her to know that we love her.
IAN: To Grammy! VERONICA: Grammy!
KEVIN: Hey! -Grammy!
The show goes on all night
[ALL CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]
Till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder When they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up The show goes on
All right, already The show goes on all night
MONICA: I love this.
Being back with you guys. It's like the best rush in the world.
Just remember when you come up The show goes on
Yeah, so no matter what you been through No matter what you into
No matter what you see When you look outside your window
Never ever put them down You just lift your arms higher
Raise 'em till your arms tired Let 'em know you're there
That you struggling and survivin' That you gonna persevere
Yeah, ain't nobody leavin
[SEAL'S "KISS FROM A ROSE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
But did you know That when it snows
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can be seen
Mom!
[JODY GRUNTING]
Mom? Can I come in?
SHEILA: No, honey! Not right now! I have to....
I'm busy with something!
And now that your rose is in bloom
[JODY CONTINUES GRUNTING]
[SNORTS THEN GRUNTS]
Where the hell did you go?
Don't be mad.
I went ahead and paid for your mom's ashes.
You need the closure, baby.
I can't believe she's really gone.
Your mother...
...was a real cunt.
Amen.
Breakfast of champions, I see.
lYELLING[
I paid you! I paid you, Terry!
Shit!
MONICA: What the fuck, Milkovichl
Get the fuck off me, you crazy bitch. This ain't about you.
Frank! What did you do?
Why is it always my fault?
TERRY: My little princess. MONICA: Leave him alone!
My Mandy's pregnant! And this little shit is going to pay!
Attaboy.
[English - US - SDH]