Shameless (2011–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Father's Day - full transcript

Hey, for those of you
that missed last week's episode,

I got really drunk, and I don't

really remember
what happened after that.

Nobody's heard from Eddie?

Not a word.

Eddie goes down to the corner

for a pack of Lucky's,

never heard from again.

What you looking at?

Malik?

Are you looking at Malik?

Hoping you can tell me
a little bit about West Point.

- What's a kid got to do to get in?
- Suck my dick.

- I'm Little Hank.
- I'm Debbie.

- Tell me about Hank.
- He's cute, isn't he?

You're drinking my booze!

I thought you were kidding.

Hey, guys.

Maybe I could hook you two up.

- This is Richard, who you wanted to meet.
- Hi, Richard.

And when Richard does call,
just say yes. He's a good one.

What are you doing this weekend?

Something deplorable, I'm sure.

Do you want to come
with me to a wedding?

I'd love to show you off.

Thank you.

- Is that a yes?
- Yes.

- Hey, you okay?
- Stay the fuck away from Jody.

And stay the fuck away
from this baby!

Thank you.

♪ think of all the luck
you got ♪

♪ know that it's not
for naught ♪

♪ you were beaming once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ what is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so sure of? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ round up the friends you got ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ what is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so... ♪

♪ sure of? ♪

Still in there?

You told Carl to bring in money
for the winter squirrel fund.

I didn't tell him
to rent out Frank's room.

Dad rented it first
to that Chinese lady.

The minute you kids start
following Frank's example

is the minute I put a gun
in my mouth.

How did you expect Carl
to get cash?

All you got to do
is swallow this.

She moved her stuff in
after you left for work.

You know what time Lip
got home last night?

You need a new razor.

Ew!

He rented the room to a hooker?

Carl said she works checkout
at the Jewel-Osco.

That's why they call her
Double Bag Bev.

She doesn't work there,

and that's not why
they call her that.

Carl!

Hi, Little Hank.

Hey, I want her out
of the house now.

$75 a week.

We'll charge a buck a peek.

Ten if she's working.

Carl!

No peepholes.

Hi. Kind of in the middle
of something.

Ahh!

Okay.

I wanted to make sure

that we were still on
before I got my nails done.

Still on.

Your boss at the club

give you a hard time

for taking the night off?

What's he gonna do, fire me?

I'm probably out of a job

in two weeks when they close
the outdoor deck.

Well, I want you to know
that, um,

even though a wedding date
is customarily guaranteed sex,

you're under no obligation.

Good to know.

Just because society
expects us to.

All of society, huh?

I can pick you up.

Where do you live?

Got any Vagisil?

I've been scratching
under the hood all night.

My address is
11509 Lake Shore Drive.

See you at 2:30.

Right.

Lake Shore Drive?

What's for breakfast?

Cleaned the puke off the porch.

- That you?
- Better outside than in.

You're welcome.

What the hell is that?

Bacon bits.

Rad, huh?

They're for mom.

Think she'll come out today?

Not likely.

Airplane wheel missed
her by an inch.

Friendly skies, indeed.

Mrs. Jackson home?

Sheils?

Who is it?

Me. Frank.

The bedpan is full.

Cops are downstairs.

They found Eddie.

Oh. Where was he,
at his brother's in Bridgeport?

Michiana?

Bottom of Lake Michigan.

Mm... perfect timing.

Mm.

Hey, babe.

Where's that morning wood?

Your dad's dead.

Nice try,

but that doesn't
turn me on anymore.

Really. Your-your dad.

I'm not gonna stay
down here forever,

so stop talking
about my fucking dad

and get your dick hard.

Out of milk;
Bev wants breakfast.

Oh, come on. What about
all those house-sitting jobs?

We got any Virginia Slims?

Let's try the neighbors.

If we get bloody-mary mix,

Bev promised she'd
show us a tit.

Little Hank--
what does he like?

- What's he into?
- I don't know. Stuff.

- Why?
- What stuff?

Knives, blunts, commandos,
switchblades, butterflies.

Where can I get knives
and blunts?

Alley behind the OTB. Ask
for Raoul, but bring a rag.

Sometimes he doesn't bother to
wipe the blood off the blades.

Carl's boarder. Put in a
load a couple minutes ago.

Lip up?

Everyone's wondering
if you've got PTSD.

Late night working in
the ice cream truck.

So Karen knocked up's
got nothing

to do with the hermit thing?

Pass me my shirt?

What was it about her
that first caught your eye?

Um....

Easy, convenient
and low-maintenance.

Why?

Think I could be easy,
convenient and low-maintenance?

This about Little Hank?

Look, I caught him trying to
steal our toaster the other day.

Pint-sized klepto
will be in juvie

before you get your first kiss.

The heart wants
what the heart wants.

Do I have to explain that
to you of all people?

Afraid it's not just about
being easy and convenient, Debs.

It's, uh, chemical.

Pheromones, a person's scent.

You know? You can't fake it.

Hey. Finally up.

Smoke?

Yup.

You know there's a
prostitute in Frank's room?

Double bag Bev. Needed
a place to stay. Win-win.

Yeah, as long as you can't catch
AIDS from a washing machine.

Mm. They got drugs
for that now.

It's like a cold.

She's single-handedly
catapulting Carl into puberty.

Yeah, well, at least she's not
bringing her work home, right?

She better not.

And no more
washing machine freebies.

If she charges
by the load, so can we.

Talk to Karen?

Why would I?

Look, it could be anyone's kid.

Uh, Owen Lindquist,

the guy on Wolcott with the
lazy eye and the Mustang.

- Frank.
- You use protection?

She's on the pill.

Yeah, so she said.

How many times
you sleep with her?

What, you keep count?

Ballpark. How many times a week?

Six, seven.

Yeah, for what,
like, eight months?

That's...

- Round 224.
- And what about other guys?

Ten sound about right?

That's 20 to one odds.

You're the one who takes book.
You like those odds?

If you're gonna yell
at me, go ahead.

I'm not your mother.

So what are you gonna do?

I'm not taking care
of another kid.

Sheils?

Even Osama had to come out of
his cave every once in a while.

And look what happened to him.

I get it.

So many emotions

to process.

I... am...

Here... 100%.

Whatever you need.

He was the father

- of my baby.
- I...

You grieve, and leave
mundane matters to me.

Eddie's affairs-- pension,
insurance, things like that.

Just tell me where the
paperwork is, and I will...

Oh, Frank, why would something
like this happen?

Nothing could make his
eternal slumber more peaceful

than knowing that you

And Karen

were properly taken care of.

The papers aren't
in the file cabinet.

I checked.

Do you think he felt any pain?

Oh.

The important thing is,

I'm sure he was
the kind of father

who provided for his family.

I just need his social
security number.

Poor Eddie.

Jonah and I are off
to the playground.

Anybody offers you candy,

that's code for crack.

Apple jacks, crunch 'n munch,

hotcakes, jellybeans, fries,
caviar, crackers, dip--

all crack.

Say, "no, thank you." Got it.
I'll go tell Malik.

- Malik?
- We're having a play date.

Sounds more like a date date.

I know what goes on in the
playground besides hopscotch

and middle-aged
men jacking off.

- That kid's a player.
- He's the best player!

He showed me an old basketball
game on TV last night,

and I learned so much.

Did you know that Chinese people

can grow to be seven feet tall?

Last night? He
skipped the game?

Hey, ready to bounce, E?

Hey, Ms. V.

You don't skip out on your team
unless you're lying

in a hospital bed with an iv
drip and a bullet in your spine.

The game last night?

We didn't have no game.

Kev said there was a game.

Nah, you got it twisted.

Next game's tomorrow.

Hey, let's get ghost.

- Okay.
- Later, miss V.

On the house?

I'm in mourning.

Freebies for family
only, Frank.

Then start the mother
of all tabs.

Once Eddie's life insurance
money kicks in,

moderation's gonna be a thing
of the past.

- Moderation?
- How much you talking about?

City life.
Got to be 50k at least.

A toast-- to Eddie Jackson.

Who had
the foresight to take care

of those he loved.

I wouldn't celebrate
just yet, Frank.

You're not the only
one interested

in Eddie's life insurance.

Police are asking
a lot of questions.

So?

Eddie was weighed down
with a cement block.

So?

So, everyone here

heard Eddie threaten
to kill you.

Threaten me, not the
other way around.

Murder's not my bag.

I don't have the constitution.
Blood makes me queasy.

And I didn't plant that
pipe bomb down at the mosque,

but it was on my route,
so the pigs got a warrant.

Never would have found
the videos otherwise.

I served 18 goddamn months.

If Curtis didn't want his wife

filmed naked, he shouldn't

have left the blinds open when

he took her
out of her wheelchair

to change her diaper.

You got any skeletons, Frank?

- None that come to mind.
- Identity theft.

- Simple misunderstanding.
- Endangering

the welfare of a child,

human trafficking,

drug running, medicaid fraud,

disability fraud, mail fraud...

The longer they look,
the more they'll find.

♪ ♪

What are you doing
wearing my top?

Pheromones.
I'm borrowing them.

Pheromones?

It's the thing
boys like about you.

You mean tits?

Think you might be
a year or two off.

What does Holly Herkimer
have that I don't?

Besides HPV?

- You get to dress up.
- It's going back,

tomorrow.

Put the top back.
No more playing dress-up, okay?

Hymen stays intact.

♪ ♪

Ian.

Come here, son.

Daddy needs an alibi
for a few months ago.

Carl. And I can't.

Bev said her
moneymaker's on fire.

Bev?

Son, I need your help.

Not really in the mood to bail

your ass out right now.

I got a problem.

Karen's pregnant.

What's Lip gonna do?
He's the last person

I thought would be that stupid.

You really think the
carpet bombing's necessary?

Kev lied to me.
I checked

the team schedule-- there
was no game last night.

And then this.

"Warts to like..."

Something...

"I want to lick every
inch of your body."

That E's backwards.
I found that in Kev's pocket.

The anniversary of our
first date is next week,

and this is how he celebrates--
fucking an illiterate.

Cheating?

Probably that Michelle Maloney.

Tits like Katy Perry,
and her head hasn't been right

since she started
huffing butane.

Don't jump to conclusions.

He makes most of his tips
with flirts at the bar.

Or Val Krinsky.
Bitch spelled "Chicago"

with an "S" on her
McDonald's application.

New dress?

For the night.

Oh. Tag gun?

Broke. Carl used it
on a possum.

Just... tuck it.
Old school.

- Need heels.
- How high?

Something that can pass
for wedding formal.

And get me to the el
without breaking an ankle.

- Prick's not coming to pick you up?
- Meeting him

- on the North Side.
- North Side?

He's under the impression
I live on Lake Shore Drive.

Mm, how'd he get
that impression?

I might have given him
Adam's address.

It sounded a lot better

than the alternative.

As long as you
don't run into Adam.

He's out of the country,

raping some emerging market.

Any chance moneybags
airlifts you out of the ghetto?

More likely he's got
a girl in every port.

Piece of work.

Kev'd never cheat on you.

Go talk to him.
Clear it up.

That's the Gallagher sperm.

Ambitious, relentless--

everything we're not
once we're born.

Like heat-seeking,

baby-making guided missiles.

Won't be long before
the whole country's

nothing but Mexicans
and Gallaghers.

Son... it's time

we had the talk.

Little late for that, huh?

Different talk.
She gonna keep it?

Looks like it.

Big responsibility,

being a parent.

Is that right?

That's what I'm
trying to tell you.

My philosophy.
You got to let kids

learn for themselves.

You mean, fend for themselves?

You give a man a fish,
you've fed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish,
you've fed him for a lifetime.

I raise fishermen.

The best gift you can give,

neglect.

Neglect fosters
self-reliance.

Now, do the right thing.

Split.

Not our fault

she was careless.

Now, I need an alibi
for Eddie Jackson's murder.

- Why, did you kill him?
- No.

- Eddie's dead?
- Yep.

- Hey, does Karen know?
- You got to swear

we were on a camping trip,
a long weekend

- in Wisconsin.
- Hey, well, Ian, watch Liam.

We were on a camping trip...

Perjure myself?
Yeah, that'll look great

on my West Point application.

Try Mandy's dad.
I hear lying to cops is his specialty.

Hiya, Phil.

♪ ♪

And one day the entire family will
be reunited in the Garden Of Eden.

Oh, like heaven?

- No, it's in Missouri.
- Oh.

Eden's got a lot of meth-heads.

So, um, they trip
when you got pregnant?

Oh, no, we've been
trying for months.

Really? My great-grandpas
beat me with a dustbuster.

Why would God make us
physically ready

if he didn't want us
to have children?

True that.

That's what my sister-wives
told me while they held me down.

For Clyde, my husband.

They were right.

I-it stopped hurting after
the first couple dozen times.

And once you get past that

razor-blade-slicing-you
from-the-inside sensation,

you feel much closer to God.

Wait,

they held you down?

Clyde wanted to do it himself,

but he was much too weak.

Rheumatoid arthritis.

I hope someone
takes care of him.

Don't you think
Clyde deserves that?

- Uh, for sure.
- I would

do it myself,
but he's in prison.

Oh, my pop's in prison.

Two aunts, six or seven uncles.

Jonah baby, what's the matter?

Hey, Jonah baby,

what's the matter?

Hey, baby.

- Hey, babe. Nice surprise.
- Had an idea.

Since you've been
so busy lately,

- date night.
- I love it.

I'll cook.

Tomorrow?

Can't tomorrow.
Got a game.

Two games in three nights?
Didn't you

just have one last
night? Or did I

- get that mixed up?
- No, I had a game last night.

I didn't tell you?

Oh, V, you should've been there.

Down two, three seconds left.

See, most coaches
play for overtime.

I coach from my sack.

I had the fat Nicaraguan kid

set a pick for Malik.

What? Swish.

Three-pointer. Mm!

- Unbelievable.
- I know.

It was a hell of a game.

Lip.

Yeah. Karen home?

- What do you want?
- Need an alibi for your dad?

I didn't kill the shithead.

Really?
Maybe it was Frank.

- Where you headed?
- None of your fucking business.

Cemetery.
Picking out a plot.

Wow. Can't wait to get the
asshole in the ground, huh?

- Doing it for mom.
- Mm.

Well, hey, you really
want to get back at him?

Go at it on his
grave, you know?

It's a great way
to send him off.

Bad enough
he'll be spending eternity

downwind from
the slaughterhouse.

That's a good point.
Cosmic payback.

Hey, hey, hey.

Um...

So, boy or a girl?

He's either got a tiny
penis or a huge clit.

Well, hey, no more
drinking, all right?

Remember Connie Lumbard?

She spent her pregnancy
on a stool at the Alibi.

Four years later, her boy's
stabbing other kids with a fork.

Didn't help her husband
was in Iraq, but...

Kids need a father.

Jody and I got hitched.

What?

Married.

We couldn't wait.

Congratulations.

Ah, he loves kids.

We're gonna turn the basement
into a nursery.

All set, then.

All set.

♪ ♪

Hey. Sorry.

I was waiting outside.
I didn't see you.

Yeah, I couldn't
find your name.

I'm subletting.

Wow. Is that banal?
To say "wow"?

Works for me.

I love the dress, but...

It's missing something.

I thought you might
want to borrow this

for the afternoon.

There you go.

- Still, wow.
- Okay.

Private jet was in the shop?

No, I didn't want to overdo it.

Thank you.

Two of my famous
grilled cheesies.

Hey, how about
I watch Jonah later?

I feel like we need
a dudes' night in.

How about that?
Me and you-- pizza,

beer, Barney?

You can go to the
Independence Day barbecue.

Isn't that in July?

End of every August,

celebrate the day
Dawn Saakashvili

nail-gunned her husband
to death in his sleep.

She went to prison
for 20 to life,

but her kids didn't go to
school with welts anymore.

You and Malik have a good time.

- I'm spoken for.
- Oh.

That's too bad.
He's totally into you.

Oh. He say something?

Doesn't have to.

- It's obvious.
- It's a shame

I didn't meet him when I was 11.

Uh, Kevin?

You know, it's great you and
Ethel hanging out together.

What's wrong with me?

What?

Ethel's got a boy into her,

and she already has a husband.

You're a guy.
Don't spare my feelings.

You got a crush, too?

He doesn't even notice me.

Well, that may be your problem.

You sure you're sending
strong enough signals?

I-I've tried.

Guys are pretty dumb.

Sometimes you have to put
something shiny in the window

to get them in the store.

You're not gonna
slap me, are you?

- No.
- Usually, after Veronica

asks me to level with her,
she slaps me.

Uh, stronger signals.
Thanks, Kevin.

Mom?

Hi!

How was the cemetery?

Here.

Oh!

"Eternal Serenity."

Oh, that's a lovely casket.

Star of David's detachable.

So that's nice.

What is it?

They... started
digging the hole.

Yeah.

Sweetheart,
are you sad he's gone?

No, I hate him.

Oh, it's okay.

Maybe just a little bit.

Why? It's not like...

If he were here, he'd apologize.

Fix it, make it
like it used to be.

It's better this way.

You know, he's gonna miss out.

In what?

The best grandkid ever.

And you know what the
best grandkid ever needs?

The coolest nursery ever.

Starting with the crib.

Look, sweetie.

How adorable is that?

Crib done!

Look at this.

See? It's a little
moses basket.

We have to get that!

And I saved the best
for last. Look it.

Baby lojack.

So no one can take him
in the middle of the night.

♪ ♪

Heard you could help me.

Just disfigurement, or you
want the whole nine yards?

- Need an alibi.
- Mm.

Figure we say we were camping.

- You a retard?
- What?

- No.
- Retards say they went camping.

Know where they
go next? Prison.

Where they get ass-slammed
by other retards.

How you gonna document
a camping trip?

Fucking call a raccoon
as your witness?

We were at Fort Wayne.
Gun show.

You bought a crossbow.
Seller remembers you.

Got the receipt,
date, time stamped.

You can get doctored
security footage, too.

You're good.
How much?

Fifteen hundred.

- Eighty?
- This ain't

a negotiation, shithead.

Family discount.

You ain't fuckin' family.

Our kids are
practically hitched.

Money up front, all of it.

Or fuck off.

I can get it.

Then you'll be off the hook.

Your scratch.

♪ ♪

Wow.

Yeah, and this is
the weekend place.

Feel bad for the bride.

- Why?
- She's not going to be

the prettiest girl
at her own wedding.

Whose wedding is this?

- It's my college roommate.
- What's he do?

Make rich people richer.

Parks!

Oh, Jesus,

Garvin, what, did
Geithner let you escape

the fed for a day
in the middle of this mess?

Ah, had to see
Aaron take the plunge

for the second time
with your own eyes?

Yeah, well, one more and
he's caught up with Gingrich.

Yeah.

Who's this?

Uh, Fiona, Greg.

Fellow Princeton tiger.

Only you would show up
with a girl like this

while the rest of us have
to go home to our kids.

So when did you graduate?

Actually, I'm,

- I'm going to be a senior.
- Oh.

I hate you.

I lived in
Rockefeller. You?

Off campus.

What about freshman
and sophomore year?

Rented a house
with some friends.

Hey, we'll catch up
at cocktail hour.

- Yeah.
- Huh?

Uh, are we early?

No. Why?

There's not many people.

Second wedding for both--
keeping it small, which means

we should, uh, mingle.

I'll need this first.

After you.

I got an alibi.

I got an alibi.

Hey, hey!

Hey, I do have--
I have an alibi.

This is the way you treat
hardworking Americans?

If I were brown
and hated this country,

the goddamn ACLU would be
all over this place.

I didn't kill Eddie.

I was in Ohio.

You see that detective?

- The bull dyke?
- She's the investigating officer.

She's put 11 men

on death row.

Detective,

I'm innocent; I can prove it.

I didn't do anything, I swear.

Predatory criminal sexual
assault of a child.

30 years.

I'm gonna go talk to
the victim's mother.

Let's see if she agrees
you didn't do anything.

♪ ♪

♪ shoop... shoop ♪

♪ when you told me ♪

♪ I had the only key ♪

♪ that opened the door
to your heart ♪

♪ oh, yeah,
when you promised me ♪

♪ no one else you'd see ♪

♪ your love was for me
and me alone ♪

♪ oh, Eddie, I'm gonna make you
a one-woman's man ♪

♪ and I know that I can be

♪ a mother, a lover,
and a friend. ♪

Fuck.

Thank you.

Okay, bye-bye.

Crying jag is finally over.

Ugh, our poor sitter.

Emma gets hysterical

any time we leave her.

Consider yourself lucky.

I took my oldest
back-to-school shopping.

She insisted I drop her off.

Wouldn't be seen with me.

- How old?
- Nine.

Just wait-- couple years, she'll
be borrowing your clothes

and willing her breasts to grow.

Oh, fuck me.

My little sister's 11.

Tampons and birth control

just around the corner.

Oh, God help us.

Uh, I need you
just for a second.

Excuse us, ladies.

That's for you.

I saw you drowning in there.

Thanks, but your radar's off.

Oh, really?

Well, I'm sorry, I didn't mean

to whisk you away
from all the fun.

Where are you taking me?

I want to offer you a tour of
the house before the nuptials.

I want to show you
something cool.

Are we allowed up here?

Well, hey, I know Aaron's dad.

He's the white guy.

- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.

Foremost urologist
in the country.

He's seen every president's
dick since Eisenhower, mm-hmm.

Who takes a picture
with their urologist?

Listen, if a man has
your testicles in his grip,

you'll do whatever he asks.

Little known fact--

Gerald Ford was hung
like a bear.

You're really bad
at flirting, you know that?

What makes you think
I'm trying to flirt?

Huh, getting me
liquored up and alone?

Oh, yeah,
nothing closes the deal

like deceased heads of state.

Thought I was under no
obligation to sleep with you.

Oh, well, I was kind of hoping
that you'd just want to.

Who says I don't?

Wedding's starting.

Hi, Holly.

What's with the makeup?

I'm sending stronger signals.

Did I leave my underwear
in your brother's room?

It was my lucky pair.

Didn't see it.

You want to hang out
later at the barbecue?

I'm busy.

Lip'll be there.

He wants to double.

He said that?

Yeah.

You, Lip, me, Little Hank.

Great, well, you can keep that
Little Hank perv off my back.

- Meet up with you there?
- Yeah.

Holly.

Uh, how do I look?

Like you're going to be a virgin
for the rest of your life.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Did you talk to Sheila?

Wait, where are you taking me?

Cook County?

I won't, I won't last a week.

Get the hell out.

You're letting me go?

For now.

Don't leave the city.

Oh.

Well, hello.

Get naked now.

Yes, sir.

Sent Ethel to the store.

Get your ass on that bench.

Oh, I love mistress Veronica.

Yes.

Oh, here it comes.

Got the handcuffs.

An oldie but a goodie.

Hey, just remember, if you're
going to sit on my face,

I have that sinus thing, okay?

Mmm...

Ah, what is this,
what's this for?

The blood.

The blood?

Garden shears?

Whoa, that's not funny.

What's the bitch's name?

Who-- what are
you talking about?

The bitch's name!

- Who, who?!
- West 47th.

How you know about that?

Aah, miss Grodanz, all right?

Please don't cut my dick.

You're screwing some slut,
and you don't

even know her first name?

No... sh-sh-she's my tutor.

What, teaching you how
to fuck behind my back?

Read.

That's the best you can do?

I swear to God it's true.

She's teaching me how to read.

Yo, where are the keys?

In my p-u-r-s-e.

V, V!

Detective happen to drop by?

I can explain.

Don't tell me,

tell mom.

Sheils,

it's Frank.

I'm sorry.

Why didn't you tell me?

Didn't want you to
think less of me.

Taking advantage
of somebody so vulnerable?

You poor thing.

Karen told
the authorities everything.

D-define everything.

You came home

from a work-related injury,

barely conscious
from the pain pills

the doctor prescribed,

in need of kindness and care,

and instead Karen lured you
into the basement

and...

Just did what she did to you.

Just wanted

to get back at her father.

You weren't even aroused.

She told the police,
the size of a baby carrot.

I am so sorry
that my daughter raped you.

Miss Grodanz?

Hi. Who are you?

I'm the woman whose
man you're fucking.

I'm done with spelling.

I'll start

my reading.

Thank you.

Thanks for taking out my dad.

Lovely dress.

Those vows.

Why do people insist
on writing them themselves?

Hmm, I'm gonna run
to the bathroom.

- Okay.
- I'll see you at the table.

Okay.

So, off campus, huh?

What?

- You said you lived off campus.
- Yeah.

Yeah, Princeton doesn't let
students live off campus

until junior year.

- New rules.
- Oh, come on.

Which agency you with?
You can tell me.

Hell, I might need to
schedule a night myself.

Excuse me?

God, only Richard'd have
the stones to bring a pro

to a wedding.

You think I'm a hooker?

No, n-no, no.

Hookers get paid
in small bills,

not American Express Platinum.

- You got to be, what, two grand, three?
- I'm not a fucking escort.

So, Richard doesn't know you've
been lying about Princeton?

You're just a gold digger

after his money?

I haven't taken
a goddamn thing from him.

Right. I have
an idea--

how about you give me a taste
or I tell him the truth?

Hey, hey.

T-- uh, table six
right over there.

Great, me, too.

I don't go to Princeton.

Never went to college,
and if assholes like this did,

I'm glad I didn't.

Don't worry, I'll get a cab.

What the fuck, Garvin?

Hey, Fiona, I'll take you.

No, thanks.

You know where I can get
the El around here?

Come on, hey,
Greg is an asshole.

He always has been.

He got expelled twice.

They only let him graduate

after his dad built
the school a library.

Come on, I-I'm sorry.

Let me take you, please.

Hey, bring the,
bring the car around.

I want to know
whose it is-- the kid.

Simple test.

Jody is the father.

What, you take math lessons
from a creationist?

You met him a month ago.

We're married now--
it makes him the dad.

- Jody!
- Makes him the stepdad.

Real dads are overrated.

Better this way.

Oh, with the village idiot?

Quiet and nice doesn't
make him an idiot.

At least I know he'll be here.

I'm not going anywhere.

South Side forever?

I wouldn't bail.

I'm not my dad.

- Get out.
- You hear me?

I'm not my fucking dad!

Everything cool?

Fine.

Enjoy your life
of monosyllables

and knock-knock jokes.

At least I know his
dad won't fuck me.

Don't underestimate yourself.

I'm sure it'll be
his turn at some point.

Money up front, no rough stuff.

You here for Bev?

Your brother.

Some army dude's here for you.

Exemplary salute.

Cadet Colonel Gallagher,
Junior ROTC.

Colonel McNally,
Department Of Defense.

- You Lip's brother?
- Ian.

He mentioned
you were taking an interest,

but didn't say
you were stopping by.

- Oh, I hope that's okay.
- Yes, sir.

Silver Star. Iraq?

- Afghanistan.
- Ah.

I got sand in parts of my
body I still can't get out.

Listen, this is a
West Point application.

I wanted to deliver
it personally.

It's been a goal
for a long time.

Well, if I have anything to
say about it, he'll reach it.

Big future, your brother.

The nature of
combat's changing.

We need all the creative
thinkers we can get.

Is Lip home?

You'll make sure he gets that?

Yes, sir.

Thanks.

I knew you
didn't go to Princeton.

You don't $500 million worth of
business a year

without being able
to read people.

I must admit, though,
I was curious to see

how long you'd be able to
keep the whole thing going.

Where should I tell
the driver you live?

South Side.

Help me look like you?

Two things Fiona says are a
waste of money, makeup and bras.

Yeah, well,
if I believed everything

my older siblings told me,

I'd still think
I was a botched abortion.

You have great eyes.

Thanks, but eyes don't
stop a teenage boy.

I need boobs or some junk
in the trunk, you know?

- How old are you?
- 11.

If I were Jewish, I'd
be a woman next year.

- Why the rush?
- You sound just like my sister.

Yeah, well, there's plenty of
time to be disappointed by men.

Why does everyone else
get to grow up but me?

One day you'll look back and
wish it didn't happen so fast.

Trust me.

There.

This'll get his attention?

If it doesn't,
he's not worth it.

Who's your friend?

65, 66,

67, 68...

Went to Karen's.

Tried to step up.

- She told me to fuck off.
- 73,

- you believe that?
- 74,

75, 76,

- 77, 78...
- Rather play house with Keanu.

81, 82...

You hear what I said?

How many push-ups can you do?

What, right now, stoned?

Your best day.

I don't know. Uh, five, six.

How many miles?

- Depends. Who's chasing me?
- I can do

100 push-ups at a time,
run a six-minute mile

and hit a freckle from
200 yards with an M-16.

Dude, you need this
more than I do.

Know what it means
to have a war hero

recommend you for West Point?

I told you,
I'm working that angle.

- It takes time.
- No need.

It worked.

What, McNally
brought this for you?

Not me.

Congratulations.

Look, I didn't have a chance
to mention you yet, all right?

It's a misunderstanding.

I'll find him tomorrow.

Don't worry about it.

What, you're really gonna
be a baby about this?

You're the only reason
I was even hanging out

with that
water boarder McNally.

I don't need your help.

Oh, well, you should have
told me that

before I spent my summer trying
to explain fucking trigonometry.

All right, I didn't even
want you to do this!

I'll do it on my own now, okay?

You can't do shit on your own.

Fuck you, Lip.

You can get back to your
whore who can't be sure

if her kid is your
son or your brother.

I'll make West Point on my own.

I don't need you.

Shh!

Just got the babies to sleep.

I shouted for 20 minutes
before Malik heard me.

You let that girl go out
on a date with a boy

who knows how
to pick handcuffs?

Your mom let you
go out with me.

We turned out okay.

- I think.
- If you didn't know how to read,

how did you get
your driver's license?

- They give those to anybody.
- Our taxes?

- Lip.
- Cards on my birthday?

- Debbie.
- Explains why

the "I"s were
dotted with hearts.

Look, I can read, all right?

It's just I had trouble
with it my entire life.

It gets messed up. I...

It takes a long time.

From one school to the next,

from one foster care
to the next,

it never got fixed.

It's not like I'm unliterate.

- Why didn't you tell me?
- 'Cause I was ashamed, V.

I wanted to do something
nice for our anniversary.

A card I wrote myself.

Ah, so...

"I want to lick every inch

of your body."
You wrote this?

I wanted to be romantic.

We turned out more than okay.

♪ one, two, three... ♪

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go.

Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go...

Ah.

Detective, I smell bacon.

What do you want, Gallagher?

No hard feelings. Whoa.

Except for the one I have
for your better half here.

Lesson learned-- it's gonna take
a lot more than that

to bring down Frank Gallagher.

I know you're responsible
for Eddie Jackson's death.

Ah. Try proving it.

I intend to.

My dad killed a guy.

What's wrong?

Holly blew off the flowers
I stole for her.

You want to go see Raoul
in the alley behind the OTB?

Just got a new switchblade in,

swears it has
nothing at all to do

with that cop
stabbing in Pullman.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Don't lay on your back.

You could choke
on your own vomit.

You need water and bread
to soak up the alcohol.

I'll get hamburger buns.

Stay here. I'll be right back.

Hey! Hey!

Want these?

Won't start.

Cops released the report.

Cause of death-- inconclusive.

You okay?

Yeah.

Hey, what took you so long?

Jesus. What do you want?

I got a morning after pill

from my sister.

Watch it, asshole.

- How about some fucking respect?
- What, for you?

Your mom's on a steady diet
of prison guard dick

because you didn't have
the balls

to stand up
to your dad yourself.

What, you never learned how
to throw a fucking punch?

Oh, that's it?

Now wonder your dad
beat the shit out of you.

Sheils, it's me.

I got a surprise for you.

Frank, you're back
from the barbeque!

I brought the barbecue to you,

- my one and only girl.
- Aw, Frank.

Come downstairs;
Let me serve for once.

It looks delicious.

Table's all set.

Oh. What a lovely

way to end a hard day.

That's all behind us now.

Come downstairs,
have a nice dinner,

and we'll wrap up
Eddie's affairs.

Where's his life insurance
policy again?

One good thing
that came out of this.

I'm free to marry.

Ma... marry?

I...

Whoa!

That's in there for
a strike and the count's now...

Naav... el.

Naav... el.

Naavel. Navel!

Yes.

Mmm. Only three more
till I get to your hoo-ha.

Hey, talked to my pops.

He's gonna take care
of your Clyde.

Really? Thank you!

Oh.

You Clyde?

Ethel said hi.

♪ On the greyhound
to the town where you grew up ♪

♪ you were holding hands
with Marianne ♪

♪ you didn't know
her eyes were shut ♪

♪ on the highway
where the cities disappear ♪

♪ oh, my gosh,
you look so beautiful ♪

♪ a pencil tucked
behind your ear ♪

♪ oh! ♪

♪ oh! ♪

♪ Oh! ♪

How many?

Six of us.

It looks a lot like where
I grew up in New Haven.

Hey, I'm here next
week for a meeting.

Want to go to dinner?

I promise, just us this time.

Okay.

I want you to have this.

I'd just end up selling it
for food and toilet paper.

Hey.

Hey.

Looks like I missed the party.

Tony around?

Tell him I came by.

You look great by the way.

Great.