Shameless (2011–…): Season 2, Episode 12 - Fiona Interrupted - full transcript

This is what you missed last week
on Shameless.

My baby! Aah!

- True love.
- Hey, hot stuff.

- What do you do?
- Real Estate. I live in Miami.

- I kicked Lip out.
- Where'd he go?

All right if I stay over?

Was it weird seeing Jimmy?

- Who's Jimmy?
- Jimmy is Steve.

Holy shit.
I'm gonna see the little guy on Friday?

Yeah, for like a second.

Christ almighty,
this cocksucker's killing me.

- When they're good, they're good.
- You're the only one...

...who truly understands me.

Is something wrong?
She hasn't gotten out of bed in days.

- Mom's bipolar, Debs.
- Time for you to go back on your meds?

- Holy fuck.
- What happened?

- Mommy.
- There's been an accident.

- She's bleeding badly.
- You with me?

We're good, stay with me.

- How is she?
- Stable. You should go home.

- Lip just called.
- He's coming?

- Karen's having a baby.
- Holy fuck.

It's coming. It's coming!

- What's wrong with him?
- He has Down syndrome, Debs.

- What the fuck, Karen?
- I never said it was your baby.

- I got the baby. I got the baby.
- Come on, come on.

Okay, baby!

Monica!

Monica?

Monica!

Monica Jean Gallagher!

Monica!

Oh, God. Oh, shit.

Hey!
- Oh, God.

Jesus, the Schutzstaffel.

Hey! What the hell you doing?

You stole my wife.

What?

You stole my wife and I want her back.

Visiting hours are 9 to 4.
Wanna see her, come back then.

- Come out, Monica!
- Hey! Get out of here.

Monica, come home! I love you!

I'll never leave you!

Never.

You're an angel.

A blessing.
My little kung pao blessing.

Hmm. Gotta figure out
how to get this security thing off.

What a big, beautiful,
panda-pooh-bear boy you are.

Oh, look.
He's still got his little dingy-ding skin.

- Should we get him circumcised?
- Hell, no, let that extra derma ride.

Oh. He needs a name.
What about Hiram, for my father?

Are you a Hymie?

Hmm. Think they can track this,
like a baby LoJack?

Are you a little Hymie?
A Hymie-wymie?

Name should be something Chinese.

- Keep him connected to his people.
- Hmm.

Chinese. Chen? Chan? Chang?
Wing? Wang? Woo?

Huh. It's tight.
I don't wanna slip and cut his leg off.

Well, you could clip his ankle bracelet
and his foreskin at the same time.

Hey, my friend Cindy went back to work,
has to pump.

For a 5, I bet she'd hook us up
with some breast milk.

Oh.

They're gonna be looking.
We need to hide him.

The attic? Like that movie
about the Hebrew girl?

It gets cold in the winter.

- What about the basement?
- No, first place they'll look, sweetie.

Dryer?

- Just can't forget he's in there.
- Right.

I'll clear the table.

Debs, bedtime.

Fuck.

Jesus, these poor kids.

Don't worry,
they were already pretty fucked up.

I mean...

- Breathe.
- You're doing great.

You gonna be all right?

Fiona-

Fiona?

- Yeah, come on in.
- You awake?

Yeah.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay.

It's gonna be okay. Shh.

Hey-

Hi.

Somebody stole the baby.

They think it was my mom.

Jesus.

- They call the police?
- She probably freaked out like always.

I'm gonna get it back.

Maybe you should let your mom
keep him for a while.

At least till you're sure
you're not gonna change your mind.

- I'm not gonna change my mind.
- You don't know that. You could really-

I don't want that fucking thing
anywhere near me, okay?

Go ask somebody
when I can get the hell out of here.

I wanna hit Wendy's
before they stop serving breakfast.

Morning.

- Kids still sleeping?
- Uh, yeah.

- Hmm. Turkey and eggs?
- With mashed potato pancakes...

- ... and cranberry jelly.
- Hmm.

You back to being a legal resident
around here, Steve?

Jimmy. His name's Jimmy now.

Steve was an alias he used to lie to me
about who he really was.

- Ooh, not cool, Jimmy-Steve.
- Eggs?

To go.

I changed my name.
I was stealing cars.

I didn't want anyone
to be able to track me down.

- It didn't have anything to do with you.
- Yeah.

I wanna meet your family.

- Oh, no, you don't.
- Heh.

- Yes, I do.
- They're miserable people.

- Nasty, egomaniacal shitheads.
- All of them?

My mom's okay when she's
knocked back enough Chardonnay.

- How many of you are there?
- Uh, Mom, Dad...

...shithead superstar, older brother Chip,
shithead superstar-in-training.

- Can't wait to meet them.
- You're gonna be disappointed.

Wouldn't be the first time
someones disappointed me.

Okay.

You look beautiful. Ha, ha.

Liar.

Mm.

So you in okay care here?

Good drugs?

You need anything?
Cigarettes, shampoo, hacksaw?

Clothes. Mine are a mess.

I'll bring by some stuff.

I really screwed up Thanksgiving.

No, it was no big deal.

The kids?

I must have scared the shit
out of them.

They're good.
We, uh, talked it out last night...

...and I tucked them in,
they're fine today.

You didn't tuck them in.

I read books to them,
the little ones anyway.

You'll be out soon,
you'll see for yourself.

- Not soon.
- Seventy-two hours.

You already got 15 under your belt.

I signed myself in for 60 more days.

- Voluntary commitment.
- Well, tell them you changed your mind.

I can't. That's part of the deal.

Frank, I gotta get myself normal.

I can't keep doing this to them.

You're just a little blue. It happens to
everyone every now and again.

I can take care of you at home.

- No, you can't-
- I love you.

You belong with us.

Frank.

I'm where I need to be, okay?

I gotta go.

I got group. Um...

Can I borrow a cup of cocaine?

- All out.
- Coffee?

How are the little ones this morning?

After seeing their mother
slit her wrists? Traumatized.

Has to be support groups for kids
who've seen shit like that.

Yeah,
in maximum-security prisons...

...after they've mowed down
half their classmates.

You let Steve spend the night?

- You mean Jimmy?
- Fuck that. I'm calling him Steve.

- Hmm. I sent him out on a quest.
- Mm.

Making him re-win the heart
of the virgin?

Christ, V, I can't let him back
into this madness.

Isn't that his choice?

He thinks he wants it now,
but just wait a year, two...

...when I have one in the oven
and Frank throws up in our bed.

Or Monica tries to hang herself
in a closet with an old shoelace.

He's a big boy,
he can make his own decisions.

Hey, Carl.

- You sleep okay?
- What do you think?

You hungry?

- Let me make you a sandwich.
- Okay.

Disability check doesn't come
for another week.

Went to visit your mother
in the hospital.

- We have to get her out of there.
- Best place for her.

- She's fragile.
- She's broken.

- They wanna make her normal.
- They wanna help her.

By which they mean average,
boring, medicated.

- A Stepford Monica.
- She tried to kill herself.

Boring would be a blessing.

- They perform lobotomies now.
- No, they don't.

- Shock treatment.
- No.

I think they do. Princess Leia did it.

One hundred thousand volts
of electricity zapped into her skull.

Draws so much power,
it takes out entire city blocks.

When our lights dim, some poor
fucker's getting his brains fried.

- Don't listen to him. Eat your breakfast.
- What's a lobotomy?

They jam a screwdriver into your head,
scramble your brains.

- No, they don't. Jesus, Frank.
- Yeah, they do.

They're gonna put Mom on her meds,
make her better.

She's not better on her meds.

She's a zombie. She gives up
everything she loves in life.

Yeah, like what?
Drugs, alcohol, you?

Us.

I'm gonna bust her out before
they steal what makes Monica Monica.

- You with me?
- Leave her alone.

She needs a chance to get well.

Somebody can steal
what makes you you?

- No.
- Carl?

- He's not helping you either.
- Can I bring my pistol?

Leave him out of this.
Pistol's going to the cops.

- Where's your sister?
- Shower.

- Leave Debbie alone, Frank.
- No.

Monica will be better
when she comes out of the hospital.

- I passed.
- What?

The GED, I passed.

Daddy.
Daddy, you're supposed to knock.

Do you love your mother?

Cindy says they make this thing
for women who can't produce milk.

You hang this doohickey
around your neck...

...and then tape these...

...right over your nipples.

And the baby can still breast-feed.

It's okay, honey, I can do it.

No, it's important for both of us
to bond with him.

Okay.

Okay.

There, sweet boy.

Whoa. Oh. Ha, ha.

Whoa. Ha, ha. Whoa.

Ha-ha-ha.
Now I know what all the fuss is about.

Someone's here.

Mom?

Mom?

Sweetie!

My goodness, home already?

Did the hospital let you leave?

Where is it?

They usually like to keep you
for at least a day.

- Where is it, Mom?
- Where's what, honey?

It. The baby that shoved
its ginormous head out of my cooter...

...for six endless hours last night.

Oh, my, did they lose it?

They showed me the video footage
of you taking it.

- Oh. That baby.
- They were gonna call the police...

...but I said no.

Where is it?

- Now, Mom.
- In the dryer.

- Take it out.
- I think he's napping.

Take it out. I don't wanna touch it.

You're leaking.

- Isn't he beautiful?
- Take it back to the hospital.

- Somebody will want it.
- I want it.

Well, you can't have it.

He's such a sweet boy.

He never cries.

He's so handsome.

We want to name him Hiram,
after your grandfather.

Or maybe Ming, to keep him
wired into his Chinese-ness.

Shut up, Jody.

It's going back.

Karen, please don't do this.

They'll give it to the retarded-freaks
home or whatever.

He's my grandson.

I won't let you throw him away
like used Kleenex.

You know, Karen,
your mom might be right.

Maybe she should keep him
for a while.

Who knows what Social Services
is gonna do with him?

Butt out, Lip.
What are you even doing here?

He's not even yours.
This is none of your goddamn business.

At least call Tim Wong
or whoever the father is and tell him-

Get out!

You dodged a fucking RPG
getting tossed over by this one.

Don't I know it, man.

Take it back to the hospital.

What if they won't take it?

Drop it in a basket, leave it
at the fire station. I don't give a shit.

No.

- No.
- Yes!

He is staying with me.

Fine.

Then I'm calling the police.

- Lip here?
- Lip!

It's your sister.

So...

How'd you find me?

Jimmy.

- How's Karen?
- Girl's a fucking bitch.

My cousin was born with a foot
coming out of his knee.

Now he's a blacksmith.

Only one who can pump the bellows
without using his hands.

I passed my GED.

- Don't look so surprised.
- Hey, I'm not. That's, um-

That's great.

So a deal's a deal.

Uh-uh, too late. Spilt milk.

I passed, you go back to school.

- All water under the bridge.
- Knock off the cliches.

Road not taken.

I want you home, Lip.

We all do.

All right.

It's cold water and sleep deprivation.

Make you stand all day
with electrodes tied to your genitals.

Think you're mistaking Cook County
for Abi Grabie.

- Abu Gradie.
- Abu Ghraib.

Did a tour with the Guard. Basra.

They don't do any of that, Frank.

I was in there last year
after my accidental overdose.

Accidental?
You set yourself on fire freebasing.

It was mostly us sitting in a circle
in a group...

...talking about how your family
screwed you up.

Monica talking about Frank?
That ought to take a while.

Frank, you got any cash?
Moola? Green?

I gotta spring her out of there.

She's the yin to my yang.

She's the Scotch in my soda.

We are Fred and Ginger,
John and Yoko, Mickey and Minnie.

- More like Siegfried and Roy.
- Adolf and Eva.

- Yeah.
- Ha-ha-ha.

Your boy still working nights
at the hospital, Tommy?

Support services technician, yeah.

Support services?
I thought he was a janitor.

A job's a job. At least Pat's got one.

What time does Patty go to work?

- We're on for tonight.
- What's tonight?

Dinner with my family.
You asked, you got it.

Are they coming here?

Uh, no, Dad hasn't been south
of the Art Institute Gala...

...since Billy Joel
played Comiskey Park in '84.

- Going to their house for dinner?
- Nope. Mom would have to...

...have you deloused first.
She's a germaphobe.

Want an almond out of a dish,
you wear surgical gloves and use tongs.

I met your mom. She's cool.

- You met his mom?
- Candace.

A little heavy on the Botox
and Chanel No. 5, but nice.

- So where are we meeting?
- Morton's, downtown.

Dad has a wine locker there.
Little brass plaque with his name on it.

- Everybody invited?
- Yep.

Dad's buying,
so order the most expensive thing.

- Prime rib?
- Sure.

- Bone-in porterhouse steak?
- Anything you want.

- What do you say, Debs, free meal?
- No can do, Jim. Busy.

- Doing what?
- Sleeping over at Holly Herkimier's.

Don't do anything she does.

Big-ass lobster?

Oh. You bet.

Jesus Christ.

Don't you ever
hose these things out?

- Smells worse than a dead hooker's ass.
- Keep your voice down.

Easy, cowboy.
That orange one's for experts only.

Hey. You do get caught,
you never heard of me, all right?

- You doing good in there, pumpkin?
- Mm-hm. A-okay, Daddy.

- Cops.
- Aah!

- Come on, Mom, hurry up.
- I'm hurrying. Okay.

Police are here, Mom.

- Hello, Mrs. Jackson.
- Hey.

Tony, how's your mom?

The diabetes still giving her fits?

Yes, ma'am. Lost two toes over
the summer, but she's hanging tough.

Well, she'd have to be, all those years
skating with the Ice Capades.

Um...

We got a call about a kidnapping.

Huh.

Mom and Jody stole my baby
from the hospital.

You had your baby?
Ha, ha. Congratulations.

Thanks. It was a fucking horror show,
but I finally had the damn thing.

They stole it,
and I want you to take it back.

You don't wanna keep the baby?

It's retarded.

I want it to go back
so they can give it away...

...to the Down syndrome-baby
do-gooders or the county or whatever.

Correct term for Dawn's kids
is "developmentally delayed. "

Well, my baby was stolen
by my mom...

...and her developmentally delayed
boyfriend.

- He's not my boyfriend.
- I'm not?

Uh, Mrs. Jackson,
did you take your daughter's baby?

Heh. Baby? What baby?

Ma'am, is the baby
in the laundry basket?

Yes.

Give it to the cop, Mom.

- Karen, please don't do this.
- Oh, man.

Look how handsome you are.
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

Give it to the damn cop, Mom.

So this is your mother,
and she wants to take care of the baby?

- Yes, but I don't want it here.
- Oh.

And you want a total stranger
to take him...

...or the State of Illinois to be
responsible for him...

...on the taxpayers' dime?

You hungry? I'm thinking Thai.

- Yeah.
- That's it? You're just gonna leave?

Nice seeing you, Mrs. Jackson.
I'll tell Morn you asked after her.

It's either me or that baby, Mom.

Your choice.

- This must be the place.
- Can I get out? It's hot in here.

- No.
- Ow.

Monica? Monica?

I can be if you want me to be.

Uh...

Jesus.

Monica? Monica?

Monica?

- Kermit?
- Frank?

- What did you do to your head?
- Oh, um, my therapy.

It calms my nerves.

You let them zap your head?

- Helps with my seizures.
- Jesus.

Try it before you knock it, Frank.
Very restful.

Have you seen Monica around?

Yeah, um,
across the hall on your left.

Monica?

Monica.

Hey, Monica.

- Frank.
- I came to get you out.

I told you, I don't want out.

Why'd you stop?

Did you come?

Um...

Frank, this is Jill.

Jill, this is my husband, Frank.

Oops.

Mom?

Fiona, Fiona, look. Hey. Rawr.

- Boys.
- Ha, ha.

Sorry, we don't let him
out of his cage very often. Carl.

Get over here.

So, Jim, what have you been up to?

Finding new and creative ways
to underachieve?

Traveling around South America.

Are you still handling all
the hemorrhoidectomies for Dad?

Chip joined Dad's practice
after his surgical residency.

- Following in the great man's footsteps.
- You get to cut into people?

Awesome.

- He take you skiing yet?
- Uh, no.

My only talent involving snow
is knowing how to shovel the walk...

...without disturbing my father
sleeping on it.

And Carl's pretty good at peeing
in it as well.

What was the name of that girl
that he took to St. Moritz on New Year's?

Chrissie? Lizzie?
Something with an I-E.

- I was 17.
- Took a girl to Europe in high school?

Dad offered a ticket.

He drags her all the way
to the Alps...

...then leaves her in the hotel room,
sitting there...

...for some French girl
he met on the gondola.

- Chip, leave your brother alone.
- Two things you can count on:

- Mom's favoritism for her youngest-
- Not true.

My brother thinks of me as the runt
that didn't punch back.

And her youngest's
quick and stealthy exit...

...after he weasels her
out of another 10 grand.

I was hoping to milk her
for another 20 this time.

With a name like Chip, you'd think
you'd wanna defy the stereotype.

- Fiona, don't. It's fine.
- No, it's not.

Well, sorry to be late.

Whipple on a stage-four patient.

So you are the mysterious Fiona.

And these are Fiona's brothers,
Carl and Ian.

Well, nice to meet you, Ian.

- Have we ordered?
- Excuse me. Bathroom.

- And your drink, sir.
- Thank you.

Ah, you know,
I gotta wash my hands.

I'll have the iceberg-lettuce salad
and the sea bass, okay?

Double-cut 48-ounce prime rib,
medium rare...

...and the 2-pound Maine lobster,
please.

Hey.

Do they know you're gay?

Heh. I'm not gay.

Really?

What's this, then?

Honestly?

Anything that walks. That's me.

Jesus, Moni, another lady?

You know. I get lonely.

- Do you love her?
- I just met her.

- What are you doing here?
- We came to break you out.

I told you, I don't want out.

- Oh, hell, I do.
- No one's offering, Jill.

Why did you have to drag Debbie
into this?

I didn't think you'd come
if it was just me.

What is she in for?

Psych evaluation to see
if I'm competent to stand trial.

What'd you do?

Shot my husband, 26 times.

Jesus. What'd you use, an AK?

Pistol.

I reloaded, twice.

Moni, we want you with us.
The kids need you. I need you.

- Does it hurt?
- No.

I'm okay.

I'm sorry you had to see that, honey.

I was just so low, you know?

- Mm-hm. Yeah.
- But I'm okay now.

Mm-hm.

So...

...what's this grand plan you had
for busting us out?

Go.

Whoa.

- That's short.
- Hmm.

That's a long way down.

- Could tie sheets to the end.
- What?

Hey, it's only two stories down
to the roof outside the ladies' john.

Want me to go pick up Liam?

V will be okay keeping him overnight.

Great restaurant, Jimmy.
Check out this cool knife I stole.

- That's going back.
- Eh, they won't miss it.

They got tons of them.

Give me that. Bed. Now.

Hey, nobody touch my leftover lobster.

I wanna put it in my cinnamon toaster
waffle in the morning.

- Hey, Fiona.
- Hmm?

Jimmy's dad, Lloyd, he, uh-

Good night.

Night.

What?

I love you.

Are you gonna leave?

No.

Everybody always leaves.

I won't.

- Stevie!
- What the fuck is that?

Steve. Steve.

Estefania. Hey.

Hey, hey, hey, Estefania.

Estefania. Calm down.

- Calm down.
- What the hell happened?

Marco. Marco.

Wait, Marco did this to you?

- He hit you?
- Did Marco hit you?

He my husband. Help me, please?

Please, help me.

Please.

What are you doing?

I couldn't sleep, needed a smoke.

You don't have to do it out here.

With Dad home,
the whole house is an ashtray.

Christ, it's freezing.

Karen?

Yeah.

Maybe. I don't know.

I don't get how you have a kid
and not give a shit what happens to it.

Retarded, two heads, no face,
whatever, it's still you.

No face?

Yeah, well, maybe it would
have to have a face.

You should go home.

What, are you kicking me out?

Get your ass back in the house
and stop thinking so much.

You wanna fuck again?

I'm only gonna be up
a couple more minutes.

Easy.

Hey, pal. Hey, buddy.

- Pal. Got a light?
- When you gonna give those up?

- They're gonna kill you.
- I know. I'm gonna try hypnosis next.

Uh, no, I don't. No. Sorry.

Where's your ID badge?

Oh. Left it in my locker.

- Shift's not over.
- Left my inhaler...

...in the car.
Tuberculosis and asthma. Horrible.

Chuck,
we got trouble on 7, psych unit.

Hey, roger that.

Gotta keep your ID badge visible
at all times on hospital grounds.

Debbie, get in the car.

Debbie, get in the car. Get in the car.

Debs, get in the car. Get in the car.

Bye, Debbie.

I love you, Debbie!

Debbie, I love you!

She said we're better off without her.

You will have two hours for this exam.

This is multiple choice.

If you change an answer,
be sure to fully erase your first answer...

...and clearly circle your second.

I am not-

I am not a mind reader.

If you do not know an answer,
move on and come back to-

Where you going?

Anywhere far the fuck away from here.

Hey, I went back to school today.
Took the AP Physics final.

You haven't even been going
to class.

Yeah, I read the book
a couple of years ago.

This is it, Mom.

Last chance.

I'm not kidding, I'm gone.

It's me or the baby. Decide.

Please don't do this.

Me or the baby?

The baby, sweetheart.

Karen.

Karen!

You know, you're gonna regret this.

- Better run. I'm gonna get you.
- Oh. Wait.

Hey. You can't do that.

Hey-

Ow, ow, ow.

- You said these didn't hurt.
- I lied.

Ow. Dude, knock it off.

Carl's having an airsoft war
with Jimmy.

They're gonna put a dent
in the TV. Again.

Outside. I told you both twice already.

- Turkey?
- Get used to it.

That and Carl's Morton leftovers are
gonna tide us over the next two weeks.

Listen, I kind of need to talk to you
about something.

Don't worry about her,
doesn't speak English.

- She's living here now?
- Good Lord, I hope not.

You know Jimmy's dad, Lloyd?
I, uh, think we kind of-

Oh, Jesus. We're broke, Frank.

I haven't hidden money in there
since you cleaned us out last May.

Where is it?

There is no money.

Whoa, no. Those are mine.

- Come on, let him go, Ian.
- No, put it back.

- Why, you fucking-
- Hey, no.

- No. You can't make me-
- Hey. Watch it. Hey.

- That's it. Fucking stop it. Knock it off.
- You bitch!

Get away from him.

- Lip.
- Hey.

What the hell is this?

Whoop! Whee!

I can't again.

- I gotta sleep.
- Mm-hm.

Kids have school in the morning.

I wanna find a shoebox
for Debbie's art project...

...and Carl hasn't done his spelling.

Uh-huh.

Carl's class is having a bake sale.
I gotta make cookies.

Cookies, right.

Mm.

And Liam has to go to the clinic...

...for his next set of...

Oh, screw it, get up here.

Lip.

I so cold.

You hot?

Okay.

Sure.

Oh.

What-?