Shameless (2011–…): Season 11, Episode 4 - NIMBY - full transcript

[Freddie crying]

Jesus Christ!
What do you want?

Man, I've had, like,
two hours of sleep

in the last six months.

You want me to tell you
what happened last week

on Shameless?

I don't even remember
my own name, for Christ's sake.

Get out of here.

[Carl] Hey, was waffling
an admission of guilt

out of that guy
without a lawyer present

ethical or whatever?

Our job isn't law or ethics.
It's justice.

That guy was running away
from the cops,

and he admitted guilt--
end of story.

So I was thinking I'm gonna
change out the windows,

and, uh, I was actually
gonna replace 'em

with double glaze, anyway.

Ugh, we gotta stop
hemorrhaging money.

I gotta get a picture
for Little Miss South Side.

Oh, look how beautiful you are.

My girls
have Little Miss South Side

written all over their faces.

[robber]
You got a boner?

No, that's my money roll.

-Can we have it?
-Hmm?

[gun cocking]

-Uh...
-[Mickey] You two need

to pay someone security
for your daily cash run.

So pay me 25 percent
of your gross profits,

I'll do it for you.

Security and armed transport
from the bar to the bank.

I think we should do it.

[Wyatt] How about
don't be a little bitch,

and you get to keep your job?

I'm not anybody's bitch.

[cheers and applause]

rock music

Think of all
the luck you got

Know that
it's not for naught

You were beaming
once before

But it's not like that
anymore

What is this downside

That you speak of?

What is this feeling

You're so sure of?

Round up
the friends you got

Know that
they're not for naught

You were willing
once before

But it's not like that
anymore

What is this downside

That you speak of?

What is this feeling

You're so sure of?

[birds chirping]

[engine rumbling]

[person] Hey, come on!

[dogs barking]

[gunshots]

[laughter]

[dogs barking]

[death metal music blaring
on stereo]

[Terry groans]

Hey, look.

Our new neighbors
came to welcome us,

even my pansy former son
and his stink-dick boyfriend.

I guess the city must've
made good on their threat

to condemn our old house.

That or the meth lab
caught fire again.

Well, what are they
doing here, though?

Terry's been banging the lady
who owns this place

for a couple of years.

Calls it his plan B.

Mrs. McCurdy?
She's, like, 90.

Gotta do
what you gotta do, man.

-Ugh.
-What's that smell?

[Frank] That's the stench
of abject poverty, son.

Sickening, isn't it?

Actually, I think it might
be those chickens.

[Mickey] Oh, no,
those ain't chickens.

Those are cocks.
Like, for cockfighting?

-Fighting chickens?
-They like it.

If they don't die.

It's natural for 'em.
You know, it's fun.

We have to move.

I don't wanna be the reason

for the next
Black Lives Matter march.

I'll get Trayvon Martin-ed
for sure if we stay here.

-[gunshots]
-[Debbie] Jesus!

[laughing]

-[person] Ow!
-[Ian] Why's he shooting

-random shit?
-[laughs] Aw...

He's playing
"I Spy, You Shoot."

"I Spy, You Shoot"?

It's a kids' game.

Yeah, kid says,
"I spy with my little eye

that red stop sign,"
or whatever,

and then the adult...

shoots the stop sign.

Get off your fucking
high horses.

Anybody here feel like
they're the product

of good parenting,
raise your hand.

Okay, I don't have time
for this shit.

I gotta get Franny ready.

Where is Franny?

[Terry] Fuck it, just dump
the used motor oil in the yard.

[Carl] So I was thinking
we could go check out

that street racing club

at the abandoned
over on Fulton.

Maybe get into
a high-speed car chase.

Ooh, maybe we could
stake out the First Federal,

stop a bank robbery
in progress.

Or we can infiltrate
the Mafia,

take down the Bajio Family
from the inside.

Or we down a couple
of these bad boys,

do all of the above.

Hey.

You know, I'm starting
to like you, Gallagher.

Most rooks can't hang,

but it's like
police work is sex

and you've been poppin' Viagra
all day.

You hard right now,
aren't you?

I'm very hard right now,
ma'am.

-Fully erect for police work.
-[chuckles]

[dispatch]
Got a 28-05 on Benson

in front of the La Chiquita.

Twenty-eight-oh-five?
What's that?

Assault? Human trafficking?

Shots fired.

It's loitering.

Hit it, Billie.

[siren wailing]

Franny.

rock music

[knocks]

I did my hair.

[footsteps]

Oh, my God!

Again with the back splatter?

Backsplash.

[scoffs]

So, um...

any interest in brunch?

[sighs]

Are we brunch people now?

An old teacher of mine
invited us.

[grunts]

You're friends
with an old teacher?

Uh, Mr. Hanisian.

He just moved back
from St. Louis.

I don't know.

Wasting the rest of the morning

eating pastries
with some old dude

who taught you, what,
pre-algebra?

-History? Creative writing?
-Music.

Oh.

Great, maybe he can teach us

how to play "Hot Cross Buns"
on the recorder.

So is that a no?

Brunch is a scam.
You know that, right?

Marketers literally
just made up a fourth meal,

and we're all supposed
to go along with it?

Okay.

Well, he really wanted
to meet you,

but I'll just tell him

that you're
too big of an asshole to come.

Everything you wanted

I gave you it...

Well, that must be our perp.

-[Carl] The loosie lady?
-[Leesie] Know her?

Yeah, she been selling squares
out here forever.

-Is that illegal?
-Gotta have a license.

Look like she has
a license to you?

Hey there, Officer.
Something I can get you?

I got menthol and regular.

Oh, we're not buying.
Uh, we just--

Gallagher.

Any relation to Lip?

-Yeah, he's my brother.
-[laughs]

He used to be my best customer.

I haven't seen that handsome
face in a month of Sundays.

-Did he get busted again?
-No, he actually had a baby.

Ugh! Them newborn babies
is bad for business.

-Hey.
-So look, unfortunately--

Y'all still live over there
by the Washingtons?

You know the Washingtons?

Ooh, yeah, we used to--

[over loudspeaker]
Fucking move your ass!

I catch you selling
out here again,

I'm busting your ass,
and I'm taking you in.

Okay!
Miss June respects the police.

Yes, she does.

All lives matter.

Blue lives.
Them blue lives matter.

Especially them blue lives.

I was doing it.

Could've fooled me.

[Harley Quinn on TV]
It's me, dickhead.

Uh, by the way...

Hey, what you doin' today?

[Joker on TV]
"It's me, dickhead,"

or just "me, dickhead"?

Yo...

Ian.

I'm just trying
to find the strength

to get off the couch
and search for another

minimum-wage,
dead-end, soul-crushing job

to appease my parole officer.

Yeah, well...
what if I offer you a job?

As what, getaway car driver?

Come on, weed money security
for the Alibi.

It's your lucky day, bitch.

-Come on.
-Yeah, thanks but no, thanks.

Fuck you.
Why not?

I'm not doing anything
illegal.

Weed's legal now.

Look, stop eating your weight
in Froot Loops.

Go get dressed.

Go on.

I don't think it's a good idea
for us to work together.

Oh. Oh, oh.

Well, let's get this shit
straight, then,

'cause it's not
"workin' together."

You're workin' for me,
all right?

I'm the boss.

rock music

No, thanks.

[Frank]
First comes crime,

then drugs.

Then they impregnate our women,

take over our schools,

drain and defraud
our public safety nets,

and finally,

the introduction of some
rare, communicable diseases

which they brought from

whatever exotic or savage place
they originally came from.

Weren't they living,
like, five minutes from here?

That's beside the point.

Our pure immune systems

can't handle
a Milkovich virus this close.

It's like living
right next door

to a nuclear waste dump.

Sooner or later,
the radiation's gonna get ya.

This only ends with death.

We're gonna die?
For real?

Odds just shot up considerably.

-[dog barking]
-So we should move.

That's still my vote: move.

We don't cut and run.

That's not the Gallagher way.

We have a history
to defend here.

A culture.

A community.

No, we gotta figure out
how to stop them

before their slimy
poverty tentacles unfurl

and devour everything
on this block.

[Terry] What are you
starin' at, Gallagher?

Uh, just watching
the neighborhood go to shit

in real time.

We're the reason

the neighborhood's
goin' to shit?

You were here first.

What makes the Gallaghers

so much better
than the Milkoviches?

You mean other than, uh,
daily showers

and the lack of swastikas?

It's a long list, Terry.
We'll be here all day.

You think
you're better'n me?

Yes, as a matter of fact,
I do.

I am.
We're all better than you.

The only thing
you're better than

is the blacks and the Mexicans

and the Jews.

Otherwise, you're a grade-F
lowlife like the rest of us.

Take that back.

Fuck no.

I said take that back.

Why don't you come over here
and make me?

You're lucky
my son's here, Terry.

'Cause if I wasn't trying

to set a positive example
for him...

[Terry] Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.

Baaaawk, bawk, bawk.
[chuckles]

Drumming Bird's
"Second Best" playing

Don't harass me
if I'm here on time

Another day
on the assembly line...

-Fuck you do to that kid?
-She did it herself.

Thought superglue was hair gel.

[laughs]
Kids are idiots.

-No offense, Franny.
-[Debbie] Her head size?

Uh, small?
Extra-small.

She just turned five,
so whatever your smallest--

Okay. No problem.

-[phone clatters]
-Literally nobody

carries wigs for kids.

How 'bout you just let her
compete with her new do?

This stuff ain't comin' out,

and she actually
looks kind of punk rock.

[Mickey] No way.
That shit looks terrible.

Yeah, that's exactly
what I'm talking about.

I mean, how am I gonna
stand a chance with the judges

if even Mickey can see
that my kid looks like a...

walking, talking
dumpster fire?

No offense, Franny.

You're both
conditioned to think

girls have to look,
like, one way.

Why does Franny
have to conform?

You're just piling
your princess complex on her

'cause of your own childhood.

Break the cycle.

I am totally committed

to tearing down false ideals
of feminine beauty...

after Franny wins
Little Miss South Side.

[Mickey] You guys should
check out the, uh,

children's hospital.

They got all the cancer kids
with the bald heads.

I mean, they gotta have
wigs over there

so they don't scare the other
kids when they go home.

-If they go home.
-That's a great idea, Mickey.

I'm declaring
a Gallagher war.

-Debbie, can I count on you?
-Shh. On the phone.

[Sandy] A war on what?

A war to rid this community
of the Milkovich scourge.

Uh, you realize
I'm a Milkovich, right?

Yeah, me too.

Oh.

Well, some Southerners
fought with the North

against slavery.

You can join our cause
if your heart is true.

Yeah, you're not gonna win.

Milkoviches
are an invasive species.

We don't die.
We multiply.

Come on, you're making
our family sound

way worse
than they actually are.

Didn't your dad
try to kill you?

Whatever.

Look, the point is,
I'm not just gonna

sit here and let you shit-talk
my family.

If you're content to fall
on the wrong side of history,

suit yourself.

Just know that you will
be judged harshly

for years to come.

Debbie!
War?

Saint Brigid's gift shop

carries a whole line
of kids' wigs.

If we leave right now,
we can make it

in time
for Little Miss South Side.

Eee!

[Lip] Mm, you see this?

Two eggs and toast
for 14 bucks?

-Uh-huh.
-It's a total scam.

-Oh, there he is!
-It's crazy.

-Ah! There she is.
-Hi!

-Oh!
-[Tami] Oh!

[Marcos] Oh, my gosh.

[Tami sighs]

Wow.

And this must be
the lucky fella.

Hey, yeah, the famous
Mr., uh, Hanisian, right?

I'm, uh, Lip.

Jesus! "Mr. Hanisian"?
Please.

It's Marcos.

I haven't been Tam-Tam's
teacher for a very long time.

-"Tam-Tam."
-Yes.

It's a long story,
but it has something to do

-with the tragic fate of a--
-The drum!

Oh, my God.

[laughing] The drum!

I totally forgot about that,
but...

My gosh.

Oh, my fiancée
sends her regards.

She was gonna join us,
but she got this call

for a last-second interview.

-Fiancée?
-Yes.

[laughs]

-Congrats!
-Thank you.

Oh, I made the reservation.

Let me just go tell 'em
we're only three.

[Tami sighs, giggles]

[laughs]
Yeah!

upbeat music

Oh, what are you doin'?

-Cleaning my gun.
-Yeah. Why?

Gotta transport cash
for the Alibi.

I thought you said
this job was legal.

-It is.
-Is the gun even registered?

[laughing] Of course not.

You're a convicted felon.

Are you allowed
to have a gun at all?

That's why it's not
registered, dumbass.

Yeah, so weed might be legal,
but carrying a gun

as a convicted felon
is about as illegal as it gets.

What happens
if you get arrested,

get sent back to prison?

Look, I'm doin' security.
Need a gun.

Do you have anything
resembling an imagination

in that fucking skull of yours?

No. I like facts.

Things that are real.
Shit I can hold.

[cartridge clicks, gun cocking]

-Like a gun.
-[gun clicks]

Kev, where's Amy?
Can't be late!

[footsteps]

-She doesn't wanna go.
-What? She's goin'!

I'm sorry you didn't
make the cut for the contest

and Gemma did.

I know how bad you wanna
be standing beside her,

competing for the title,

but it's a cold world,
baby girl,

and it ain't gettin'
much warmer,

so fix your face,
put your mask up,

and get ready to cheer
for your sister.

-[Frank] We got a problem!
-[Kev] Jesus, Frank!

[Veronica]
Where's your mask?

You can't just walk
into our house.

-It's an emergency!
-What happened?

Our community has been
infiltrated by undesirables.

-The Milkoviches.
-[Frank] We gotta ban together

and figure out a way
to drive them back

to the vermin-infested
hellhole they crawled out of.

[Veronica]
I will make them a pie.

It's the best way to win over
problem neighbors,

the good, old-fashioned way.

-Kev, I gotta go.
-[Kev] You know, Frank,

the Milkoviches
might be awful,

but living next to them

can't be much worse
than living next to you.

soft rock music

Uh-huh.

Oh, hell no.

Handle this.

I'm on it.

Take it easy, Paul Bunyan.

Chop you down to size
real quick.

How do we get rid
of these fuckers?

I-I don't know.

Still poutin'
over that loosie lady stop?

No. I'm good.

Could've just shot her.
You know that, right?

-Would've been way quicker.
-Or you could've just

-gave the woman a break.
-That ain't no woman.

Don't you recognize big-dick
energy when you see it?

Look, we are cops.

We stop crime, period.

Fuck all this
community policing shit.

We bust heads.
We arrest people.

That is our job.

Plus, all that jaw-jackin'
you were doin' with that lady,

you let your guard down.

That's exactly what
some of these mopes want.

Get you comfortable,
get familiar,

get close,

then they take out a blade
and they slice you.

Seen it a thousand times.

I don't think the loosie lady

-would try to cut me.
-[laughs] Oh!

You think that she's made it
out here on these streets

for this long
without cuttin' somebody?

Shi-i-it.

I got a bridge to sell you.

You'll see.

[Debbie] Eventually, we're
gonna have to do something

about your relatives
living next door.

I can't even park my truck
outside anymore.

Oh, yeah,
that's a smart move.

My cousins will break into it
for sure.

I mean, there is one
silver lining, though.

[Sandy chuckles]
What's that?

[Debbie]
Well, you know, now you and I

live right next to each other.

-Hmm?
-Um...

I mean, I don't
live with them anymore.

You don't?

-Then where do you live?
-[Veronica] Debbie?

Hey!

[gasps]
Oh, my gosh.

Look at you, Gemma.

Don't you look pretty?
Where you guys headed?

Little Miss South Side.

Oh!

Franny's a finalist
in Little Miss South Side.

[laughs]
You're kidding.

No.

I-I didn't know you entered.

I didn't know
you entered either.

It's getting hot
in here...

The more, the merrier, right?

Mm-hmm.

A little friendly competition
never hurt anyone.

Exactly.
This'll be fun.

So much fun.

This'll be so much fun.

rock music

Welcome to the lion's den

You want me to replace my gun
with this shit?

No, look.

All you need is your reputation
as a Milkovich

and a little help
looking the part,

and no one will fuck with you.

Uh-huh.

Job's gonna be fuckin' sweet,
man.

I get to transport
drugs and money legally.

-Sky's the limit, bitch.
-Right.

Hey, thought you'd
be happy, man.

I can get us a new place.

Gotta move out of your house

now that my fuckin' dad
moved next door.

Oh, so you admit having
the Milkoviches next door

-is a problem.
-Fuck yeah.

We're loud, violent,
racist homophobes

with serious hygiene issues.

My dad tried
to fuckin' kill us.

I just didn't wanna say that
in front of your family

'cause...fuck 'em.

Gallaghers are only, like, one
small step above Milkoviches

on, like,
the shitty family ladder.

Jesus.

You want me to play fuckin'
dress-up G.I. Joe?

Look the part.

Everyone will think
you're some sort

of special forces
military badass or somethin'.

Yeah, I'm not wearin' that shit

unless you're wearin' it
with me.

No way.

Okay, good.

Take my chances
with my regular clothes

and my real fuckin' gun.

Easier like that anyway.

Mick.

[sighs]
Wait.

[[indistinct chatter]

[Leesie] See? What'd I say?

No dead cop.

Freeze! Police!

Wait. Solo?

White Boy Carl?

[laughs]
That's when all the altos

became the "alt-nos"!

[both laughing]

-[Tami snorts]
-Ooh! [laughs]

[Tami] Oh, my God!

-You're still funny.
-[Marcos] Aw.

And you still do that thing
where you crinkle your nose

-and snort.
-[Tami giggles]

Nature calls.
I'll be right back.

[slaps shoulder]

So...what do you think?

What do I think?
I think, um...

I think he definitely has a...

has a thing for you, right?

mellow music

What?

I mean, yeah, I'm-I'm gettin'
this vibe that...

I don't know, it's weird,
but he's...

he's crushin' on you.

You-you don't see it?

Nope. I mean...

not really.

Don't mean
I'm not worth the heat

You're passing
into section

[Lip] Huh.

Cost collection
of regression...

[Leesie] Okay, some for you

and some more for you

and just enough
to count as a felony for you.

Come on, man.
This some bullshit.

Damn.

-[Carl] Hey, Leesie.
-Hmm?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah.

Down low, baby

What are you doing?

Planting evidence.

Not all of them
were sorting pills.

Some of them
were just sitting there.

-So what are you suggesting?
-Let a few of 'em walk.

Like Solo.
He's actually a good dude.

He's a drug dealer.

There's always gonna be
a drug dealer on this block.

Solo's our best option.

Come on.

He sponsors
a kids' basketball team,

gives out turkeys
on Thanksgiving.

You know who's gonna replace
his spot if he gets locked up?

The cartel.
They cut heads off.

You wanna be back here
in two weeks

matching heads with bodies?

Okay, we need at least two.

You pick.
I'ma take these pills

back to the car,
log 'em in as evidence.

Wait, which two?

I don't give a shit.

[sighs]

Let's spitball.
Rapid fire.

What do you got?
No wrong answers.

How 'bout we all just move?

Wrong answer.
Not an option.

Oh!

How 'bout we just pay someone
to burn down their house?

You know how close
our houses are to theirs?

Might as well just
set ourselves on fire

and cut out the middleman.

Is there any value
in letting loose a bedbug

and-and lice infestation?

Bedbugs and lice
will just spend a week

training at the Milkoviches',

Learning, evolving,

getting strong and shit.

Then they'll attack our houses
with maxed-out abilities.

-We won't stand a chance.
-[Liam] Here's an idea.

We find a new house,

pack up all our stuff,

and take that stuff
to the new house

and live there forever,
away from the racists.

Maybe we're going about this
all wrong.

This is exactly the-the
low-rent line of thinking

we're trying to protect
this neighborhood from.

We need classy solutions.

What would a well-established,
civilized homeowner do?

How should I know?

Start a neighborhood watch.

-A homeowner's association.
-[Kev] Oh, Frank,

that'll take weeks to set up.

We need them out ASAP,

preferably by the time
V gets back.

We need to go right at 'em.

Match their aggression,
their crazy.

Scare the shit out of 'em
the same way they scare us.

Right.

Fear and intimidation's
probably the only way.

Fear?
Intimidation?

Who's gonna scare
the Milkoviches--us?

Not us, son.

But I know who will.

rock music

What's goin' on here?

[Debbie] Oh, this?

Just wanted to freshen up
Franny's look.

And this is the look

you think screams
Little Miss South Side?

Yeah, sure is.

upbeat music

I never thought I'd live
in the fancy part of town,

but the older I get,
the more I appreciate space,

quiet.

So when we decided
to move back,

Near North just made sense.

-Uh, do you rent or own?
-[Marcos] Own.

It's-it's the only way
to go.

So I hear.

[Lip] Mm.

[Marcos] I'm actually
somewhat of a...

real estate enthusiast,
you know?

Buy, sell,
fix 'em, flip 'em.

Nothing huge,
but if I see the potential,

I'm willing to make
that investment, you know?

Rolling up my sleeves and...

getting to work.

Oh, Lip's been doing all
the renovations at our place.

It was basically a tear-down,
but now...looks pretty great.

-Thank you.
-[Marcos] Good for you, Lip.

Love to check it out
sometime.

Yeah, sure, yeah,
come by anytime.

Oh, uh, I bet Tam-Tam remembers
that first house I owned,

that two-bedroom fixer-upper?

Yes.
Yeah, it was cute.

Sorry, wait,
so you went to his house

when you were a student
and he was a teacher?

[Marcos] Mm-hmm.
She was over all the time.

It was a different era, okay?

People weren't so uptight
back then.

It was 2010.

How 'bout that, uh, little
studio I built in the basement?

Oh, yes!

What was that song
we recorded?

My heart can be

[both]
Such a stranger to me

We come and we go

The only way
we know how

If love's a fortune-teller

We belong together

'Cause I can't

Lose you now

No, I can't

Lose you

You can't help
the one you love

The one you love
is the one you love, so...

bluesy music

So you not gonna arrest me?

No, but for this to work,
you gotta tell me

which two of your boys go
in your place.

[Solo] Uh, word.

[exhales]
A'ight, let me think, uh...

...you can take Cam.
He owe me money.

How's he gonna pay you back
if he's in prison, though?

Good point.
Leave him.

You can take him.

Yeah, he was supposed
to borrow his mom's AC unit,

but he forgot;
that's part of the reason

why we outside and not in
the house in the first place.

All right, who else?

[Solo sucks teeth, sighs]

Mm...
[clicking tongue]

...Twist.

Yeah, you can take Twist.

He talk too much.

Well, think he's a snitch?

Nah, not like that.
No, he just talk a lot.

Mainly about, you know,
the TV and shit he watches.

He really into
all of that British shit.

You know, like Downton Abbey,
The Crown.

[Carl sighs]

I don't know, man.

You want the Milkoviches
gone fast,

these are the guys to do it.

[Kev] I don't think
these guys are gonna help us,

-considering how white we are.
-[Liam] I'm right here.

Frank, if you were
any more white, you'd be clear.

I shared a cell
with the head guy

back in the '90s.

I speak the lingo.

I understand their ideology.

I'm practically
an honorary member.

Come on.

As-salaam alaikum.

How are y'all?

No need for pleasantries.

We've got sort of a...
neighborhood situation

which might be of interest
to you gents.

[Malik]
Why would this interest us,

the Lost Tribe of Shabazz,

poor righteous teachers,
the fruit of Islam?

Because they're racist.

I'm sure you don't want
racists here.

So you want us to, what,

go over there, strike the fear
of Allah into 'em,

drive 'em out,
use force if we have to?

Yeah, that.
Exactly that.

Go jihad if you have to.

I'm glad
we're on the same page.

You know what this
sounds like to me?

A perfect opportunity
for us all to work together

against a common enemy.

Sounds like a Yacubian devil
problem,

and we got no business
joinin' one devil

in his fight against the other.

I'm sorry, um...
I missed that first part.

-Yacubi what?
-It means white people.

Oh, we're the devil.

Right, got it.
Carry on.

If not for us...

...do it for him.

Little brother, is it true
what this devil is saying

about the more devilish devils
next door?

-You scared?
-Terrified.

We'll do it
but only to demonstrate

the awesome power
the Asiatic Black man possesses

when we stand fearlessly
against the wicked ways

of those who would oppress us.

Now, who are these devils
we evictin'?

What are their names?

Well, these particular devils

go by the name of Milkovich.

[person clears throat]

You know, I forgot.
[chuckles]

I forgot we got a pray thing
that we gotta do.

We-we pray, like,
five times a day.

So we gon-we gonna do that.

Good luck to you fellas.

Peace and blessings.

[door slams]

[Ilene sighs]

Come on, Franny, the judges
asked you what you like to do.

What'd you tell me last week?

You like to, uh, dress up
like a princess.

You--your doll house
collection.

Tell 'em about that.

Why don't we just skip on
to the talent portion?

Right, uh...come on, baby.
Sing your song.

-Mm-mm.
-Sing your song, Franny.

Mm-mm.

[whispering]
Don't do this to me.

-[door clicks open]
-[Veronica] Scuse me.

I just wanna remind
the panel of esteemed judges

about the strict time limit.

Unfortunately, this
contestant's time has elapsed

98 seconds ago.

Oh, thank God.
She's right.

-That is all!
-But she--

[Ilene] Miss Gallagher,
your time's up.

upbeat music

[dogs barking]

Look, it's SEAL Team Dicks.

Oh, no, they're trying
to infiltrate our breach

from the rear.

[laughter]

[door slams]

[Kev] Jesus.

A little overdressed,
don't you think?

[Frank laughs]

Look, you want your money
to be safe or not?

Let's get to it.
What's the job?

[Kev] Pretty straightforward.

Just take the money
to the grow house

so we can get on
the regular delivery list.

Grow house?
I thought I was your supplier.

Supply and demand leveled out.

Everyone's got legal product
again.

Well, for fuck's sake, Kev.

[Mickey] All right.

Chop-chop.
Collect the money.

You collect the money.

I'm the boss, 'member?

[laughs] I just supervise
and shit; you do all the work.

Uh, fuck you.
I don't work for you.

[Mickey] You're making me
look bad, asshole.

All right,
I got two of these

in case you got
too much cash to move.

All right.
Turn around.

Where I keep my money's
for my eyes only.

[scoffs]

I'm serious!
Turn around.

[whispering]
Put your head down.

funky music

Okay.

There ya go.

-[music stops]
-What's this?

Yesterday's profits.

This is only, like,
1,500 bucks.

$1,653.

Take that money, minus
your cut, to the grow house.

They're waiting.

This is--

What are we gonna do
about the Milkoviches?

We could go to
the Nation of Islam for help.

-Those guys are--
-We just did that, Frank,

literally less
than an hour ago.

I know that.

Th-th-that's-that's not
what I meant!

I meant we could go back

or we could get
to Mrs. McCurdy,

talk to her,

try to convince her
to evict them.

Record her living conditions.

It's gotta be horrific
in there

now that the Milkoviches
have moved in.

There's no way
they'd let 'em stay there

if there was proof
of elder abuse.

There's no way they're gonna
let you get near her.

They got that place
surrounded.

If we created a distraction,

draw them to the front
of the house,

I could sneak in the back.

What gets white trash's
attention?

A Trans Am that needs fixin'?

A Black athlete
disrespecting our flag.

-A gun rally.
-A Klan rally.

A monster truck rally.

Well, any rally, really.

I think I know
what might do the trick.

Let me get my running shoes.

I am just a fan
of all your power and might

I know you can,
you're the man...

[Lip sighs]

Well, let's get goin'

Let's get goin'

You got it

Let's get goin'

You got it

All right, you haven't
said a word since brunch.

Well, that is because
I'm pretty much speechless.

Okay.

Why?

Oh, maybe 'cause you fucked
your teacher in high school?

What? No.

No, so-so you didn't
fuck your teacher.

-We dated.
-Oh.

It was a serious relationship.

Okay, yeah,
we slept together.

-But it was beautiful.
-God, I knew it.

You couldn't have given me
a heads-up before brunch?

No, because I figured
you wouldn't get it.

Nobody gets it.

Look, you're already
judging me.

You were a kid.
That's some pedophile shit!

I was mature for my age,
and I went after him, so...

You don't know
how it was between us.

Okay, I wasn't a child.

He saw me for me.

I saw him for him.

That's what made it beautiful.

I gotta go work on my bike.

What the hell was that
in there?

Oh, just making sure the judges
are abidin' by their own rules.

-Nothing personal.
-It sure feels personal.

It feels like you're trying
to sabotage Franny.

When you're used to privilege,
equality feels like oppression.

Privilege? Me?

I grew up worse off than you--
with Frank!

Yeah, who ever heard
of a little blonde girl

getting special treatment?

Scuse me.
Amy has to go to the bathroom.

That bitch.

Maybe you should just drop it.

Fuck that.

Hey, Franny,
I have a great idea.

Do you wanna help Gemma
with her makeup?

I think that you could
make her look really pretty.

-Wanna do it?
-Debbie, don't.

V started it.

Oh, this lady sure does have
a massive set of balls.

dramatic music

Well, hey there, Officer.
Something I can get you?

What--ow! Are you--
What is wrong with you?

Get off of me!
Hell is wrong with you?

Oh, you crazy!
Aah!

Fucking get off of me!

-What are you do--
-Hey!

[Miss June] No!
[grunts]

Last...warning.

Well, fuck you, then,
you raggedy old,

dusty old, musty old,
oink-oink,

Porky Pig, Oscar Mayer bacon
bitch!

Fuck the police!

What did you just say to me?

You really expect me
to repeat all that?

-Strip.
-[gun cocking]

Bitch, I said strip!

Lose the dress now.

Wig too.

-Leesie.
-No, she gonna learn.

Wig!

Come on, now!

Let's go to the car
and get a Red Bull.

I'm having a 2:30
in the afternoon sorta feeling,

know what I'm saying?

[Miss June sobs]

death metal music

[Kev] Enough is enough!

We won't tolerate hate
in this neighborhood.

[music blaring on stereo]

Mm-hmm.

-This is stupid.
-You say stupid.

I say necessary.

[dog barking]

Hey, buddy.

How ya doing?

It's Frank.
Remember me? I'm--

I mean, yeah,
I live in the hood.

You remember?
Yeah, you know me!

-[dog whimpers]
-Yeah!

Hmm?

Oh, yeah.

[inhales]
That one's gotta hurt, huh?

I got a whole stack of these.

I'm thinkin' about
burning all of 'em.

I think we just spooked him.
Come on.

-[dog barking]
-Jesus! Okay! Okay!

Ooh, ooh,
easy, easy, easy, easy.

Holy shit!
Even their dog is racist.

[laughing]
How 'bout that?

I think you gotta go in.

The Milkoviches
have probably fantasized

about finding some Black kid
breaking into their house.

Every cause needs a martyr.

No, Frank.

I-I'm the only one
who can keep the dog quiet.

If he keeps barking,
we're gonna get caught.

I'm counting on you, son.

We all are.

[sighs]

[Frank whispering]
Easy.

[Kev] What are you gonna do?

You gonna chase me, huh?

Gonna try to stop me,
beat me up?

Why would we do that?

I'm literally torching
your entire belief system.

It's incredibly disrespectful.

I don't know.
It's just paper, man.

[Joey] Yeah,
symbols are just symbols.

I mean, even that
big old flag back there--

it's meaningless, really.

What are you talking about?

Real racism--
it's in our hearts,

in our minds, in our souls.

Can't burn that, dude.

[muffled death metal music
playing]

[floorboards creaking]

[sighs]

[cell phone dings]

Are you okay?

Are you being held here
against your will?

[sighs]

Have all these people
moved into your house

without your permission?

Mrs. McCurdy,

is there anything you can
tell me about Terry Milkovich?

Terry Milkovich?

I'll tell you about Terry.

He's a beast.

death metal music

[Mikey]
How was I supposed to know

they didn't have any money?

[Ian] Well, you should have
checked how much

we'd actually be transporting.

Well, it wouldn't matter
if you hadn't made us buy

this stupid-ass
SWAT team shit.

Which wouldn't fucking matter

if you made half as much
as you promised.

"Oh, could be thousands,
maybe millions.

Be fucking billionaires
by Tuesday."

You know what?
You're fuckin' fired.

You can't fire somebody
you never employed.

I was trying to help you out.

angelic music

[Mickey] Holy shit!

Uh, hey, Tam,
where's my soap?

You know,
the grease pumice stuff.

-Oh, I put it under the sink.
-Why?

I want the nice shit out.
We're having company.

-We are?
-Yeah.

Marcos and his fiancée.

Twice in one day?

I mean, brunch
was more than enough,

don't you think?

Well, you're the one
who invited him.

The fuck I did.

You said,
"Come by anytime."

Well, he's taking you up
on your offer.

[Lip] Mm.

[doorbell rings]

-Hi.
-Hi!

This is Kelly...

...my fiancée.

Hi.
[giggles]

You okay, Eilish?

Mm-hmm.

All right, well,
good shift today, man.

You're really taking
to this police shit.

You gonna be a decent cop.

Just clean out the car,
go on home,

get some rest...

back at it again tomorrow.

More heads to bust.

funky music

Before we make
our final decision,

we'd like to ask
each of the mothers

to explain
what excites them most

about the Little Miss
South Side title.

We can start with you,
Miss Gallagher.

Well...[exhales]

...I think that Franny is

most excited about
becoming an ambassador

for our community,

showing the rest of the city

what the South Side's
all about.

Whether it's, uh, going
to a little league game

or a parade or the grand
opening of a new Arby's,

there's no place
that we won't go.

[Veronica, muffled]
Do you even go to those places?

Excuse me?

I'm just saying,
given your status,

are you allowed to go
to those events?

Are you allowed to be here?

Uh...[chuckles nervously]

...I got special permission.

I'm sorry, what status?

She's a registered
sex offender.

Hot lesbian convict?
That's her.

You bitch!

Who you callin' a bitch, bitch?

You, you drug-dealing bitch!

She's a drug dealer.
She deals drugs.

[Veronica] I am a legal
cannabis entrepreneur!

[overlapping shouting]

What, a Black woman can't be...

Technically, I am a registered
sex offender...

And look what she did
to my daughter's face.

[Debbie]
I would never touch a child!

[Veronica] A broke-down little
1980s pageant little girl!

rock music

[Trisha]
Okay, I guess this is enough

to keep them back
on our delivery schedule.

-Barely.
-All right, thanks.

I'll let 'em know.

[Trisha] You guys new?

Haven't seen you around
before.

What are you guys...

ex-military, Rangers,

SEALs, Delta Force?

Uh, y-yeah, yeah.
All that shit.

I, uh...I-I just got back
from, uh,

mowin' down terrorists
overseas, you know?

Took out a whole...

village.

Fuck those guys.

-[Trisha laughs] Right on.
-Yeah.

I could need another pro
security firm on our roster.

Business...is booming.

We can't keep up with all
the pickups and deliveries.

Oh, I am your man, you know?
Very professional.

Extra professional.

Uh, how much are we
gonna get paid?

It's gotta be worth our time.

Going rate is a grand a day.

That's a little lower
than what I'm used to,

but, uh...

we'll make it work, ya know?

Uh, so, yeah, we still got
a lot of work

we wanna do in here.

Um...maybe some
under-cabinet LEDs.

Uh, exhaust hood here,
obviously.

Yeah, yeah, no, I like
how you smoothed the grout...

where you really should have
used some quarter round.

They didn't have any
quarter round available?

-Well, shit's expensive, so...
-[Marcos] Yeah.

But it's worth it.

When I was young like you,

-I went for efficiency.
-[Lip] Uh-huh.

But eventually, I learned
the value of quality.

No rush.

That's the advantage
of experience.

You just take it nice and slow

and get it all the way right.

[Kelly giggles]

Uh, Kelly, we weren't sure

we'd get the chance
to meet you.

Um, how did
that job interview go?

Job interview?

Yeah, that's where Marcos said
you were today, right?

Admissions interview
for school.

Oh! Uh, what-what schools
you lookin' at,

Northwestern, Columbia,
Loyola?

[giggles] Uh, Greenfield Prep.
High school.

I'm one semester short
of graduating.

Uh, wait.
So you were his student?

Uh...technically, I guess.

But...he saw me for me.

And I saw him for him, and...

[sighs]

...that's what makes us
so special.

Right.

[Ilene] Okay.

After careful deliberation,

we'd like to announce
the winner.

[Veronica] Wait.

Before you announce the winner,

I never got a chance to say

why my family is excited
about this title.

I grew up on the South Side.

And I know what it would mean

to the little Black girls
who live here

to see someone
who looks like them

wearing that tiara and sash.

I know what it will mean
to them to have someone

who looks like my Gemma.

The South Side
doesn't really feel like

the South Side anymore,

at least not in the way
that I remember it.

But that doesn't mean
we should stop trying

to preserve what makes
our community special.

And it's not just about race.

It's about pride.
It's about perseverance.

It's about working together

to strive
for the American dream,

even though it feels
a million miles away.

I guess all I'm sayin' is,

Little Miss South Side

should represent
the South Side,

not just in the way she looks

but also in the way
she can inspire.

She should show little girls

that you can still aim
to be something

and maybe those dreams...

are just a little closer
than you think they are.

stirring music

[applause]

If there are no more speeches.

...your new
Little Miss South Side...

from Aleppo, Syria,

visiting Chicago
for her spina bifida treatment,

Amena Farah Uri Abbasi.

[applause]

Terry Milkovich?

I'll tell you about Terry.

He's a beast.

A beast in the sack.

And I thank God every day

that he came into my life.

And then I ask God
to avert his eyes,

because what we do...

it's a sin.

Have you ever heard
of something called

fisting, young man?

That's where Terry
makes a fist

and shoves it up my--

All right, all right, enough.

We pissed off the Milkoviches,

and we managed
to make things worse.

Well, chin up, lad.
We'll be at it again tomorrow.

What time should I come by
so we can get started, 11?

[engine revving,
rock music blaring over stereo]

[people shouting and cheering]

[scoffs]
And they're still comin'.

How many more of these fuckers
can they cram into that dump?

[engine revs]

[people shouting and cheering]

[Frank groans]

Hey, neighbors! Ah.

I hope you don't mind

our takin' over the empty lot
next door to ya.

House was gettin' crowded.

But this works, right?

[Frank] Jesus, now we're
surrounded by Milkoviches.

Can you believe that little
Syrian heifer stole our crown?

Ugh. I know.

I mean,
we're from the South Side.

What the hell
has she been through?

I'm sorry, Debs.

Me too.

-We cool?
-Yeah.

Well, if you two are done
kissing and making up,

-I sort of wanna...
-Yeah, let's get out of here.

...get the fuck out.

-See ya, V.
-[Veronica] Bye, girl.

Oh, I almost forgot.

[Jenkins] Miss Fisher.

Alderman Jenkins.

I really enjoyed your speech.

Not enough to vote
for my Gemma.

Look, between you, me,
and the lamppost,

this event is put on
by the Chamber of Commerce.

Their goal
is to generate commerce.

They see all these gentrifiers
as a way of making more money.

And that Syrian girl's
sob story

appeals to millennials
and bleeding hearts.

The Chamber
is a major contributor

to my reelection campaign.

Can't bite the hand
that feeds me, but...

I could use you.

Democratic Party of Chicago
could use you.

Someone with your passion,

with your gift
for persuasive speech...

you've got talent.

-Thank you.
-[laughs lightly]

I'd love to pick your brain
sometime,

get your opinion
on local issues,

see where there might be
an opportunity

to get you involved.

Okay, drive safe.
Thanks again.

Yeah, appreciate you guys
coming by.

Again soon, okay?

Maybe we can get together--

[door slams]

What...the...fuck?

I-I mean,
what's the matter with him?

-She's, like, ten!
-Seventeen, she said.

Eighteen soon.

Age ain't nothin'
but a number, right?

It's gotta be, what--
it's, what...

daddy issues?
[scoffs]

I mean, I didn't have
daddy issues.

I don't have daddy issues.

[scoffs]
I mean, I love my dad, yeah,

but in a completely normal,
healthy way.

Right.

[scoffs]

You think I have daddy issues.

-Uh...
-You know what?

Fuck off! I do not!

Come on, you've been
around my family.

Yeah, we have our quirks,
but we're pretty normal.

And sure,

I guess, you know,
when my mom died,

we all got thrown for a loop.

But that's normal.

And Cami, she took the reins

and she went from being
my big sister

to de facto mom,
and my dad, he stepped up

and he put all of his attention
on Cory

'cause she was the baby
and she needed her dad.

And that--you know,
that left me...

[sigh exasperatedly]

[huffs]

...in the middle...

...alone...

...desperate for attention.

And that's...

right when I started
dating Marcos.

Oh, my God.

I have daddy issues.

[groans]

I thought I was...
so smart

and mature.

But really, I was needy
and daddy-starved

and dumb.

I mean, I got played
by a pedophile.

God, I am a fucking cliché.

Ah.

[sighs]

soft music

[Lip] Hmm.

-You're not dumb.
-Mm.

All right?

You were immature
and vulnerable,

and he took advantage of you.

Now you're smarter.

You make great decisions,

like choosing
an age-appropriate,

handsome stud like me.

[laughs breathily]

[dog barking distantly]

[person shouts, glass shatters
distantly]

I don't want no smoke.

Po-po, go away.

Go away!

Look, you can just leave me
the hell alone,

because I ain't sellin' shit.

Somme's "Goin' On" playing

A little older,
I don't mind it

'Cause she's got
her shit together

Like nobody else I know

She's pretty much a batter

But she'll never
let you call her that

She's humble
so I run from her, uh-huh

Steady on the daily, no,
she's never acting shady...

You wanna keep selling,

gotta move east
a little bit,

over by the Five-Star
Check Cashing.

We don't roll through there
much.

All that I need

Thank you...

Officer Gallagher.

And everyone agrees

She's got it goin' on

She's got it goin' o-on

She can do no wrong

'Cause she's got it
goin' on

[dish clattering]

[REO Speedwagon's
"Can't Fight This Feeling"

playing over stereo]

[grunts]

[Terry] How you like it, huh?
Come on! Come on!

Come on! Take your teeth out!

[Mrs. McCurdy
shouting and moaning]

[Terry] Yeah!

[Mrs. McCurdy moaning wildly]

[Terry] Come on!

Come on! Come on!
You like that?

[Mrs. McCurdy]
Terry, Terry, you're a beast!

Come crashing
through your door

Oh, God!

Baby, I can't fight
this feeling

Anymore

Hoo-ooh

Ooh-ooh-hoo,
ooh-hoo-hoo