Shameless (2011–…): Season 10, Episode 9 - O Captain, My Captain - full transcript
Frank goes back in time to uncover his connection to Faye, as Debbie's day with Claudia's daughter goes awry. Carl takes extreme measures to toughen up his new group of cadets. Ian struggles to connect with Mickey after their blowup.
Who are you?
Oh.
I'm supposed to do what?
Yeah, w-no,
I got a-I got a baby.
I've had two hours of sleep.
I don't have time for this.
It--
Fine.
Here's what you missed
last week.
[softly] Okay.
♪ rock music ♪
[Faye] Do you wanna join me?
Faye Donahue.
Is that you?
[Faye] At high school
graduation.
Right before everything
changed forever.
Kyle Holmes was my fiancé.
Who is this Kyle guy?
You know what you did!
I don't. I swear.
[Claudia] Claudia Nicolo.
I left you a little something
on the nightstand.
[Debbie] I'm not a prostitute.
[Claudia] Yes, I did think
you were a prostitute
when I picked you up
on Ho Corner,
but I see now
that you are more than that.
Oh, hello.
Aunt Oopie here.
Aunt Oopie's
got everything covered here.
Date?
I'm gonna teach Fred
and that little colored boy
about the Gettysburg Address.
I'm sorry.
Wha-what was that part?
She can't be Fred's guardian,
Tami.
She's racist as fuck.
Miss Brenda, are you
inviting me to the cookout?
I am inviting you
to the cookout.
Look at all these beautiful,
highly educated,
wealthy black people.
- All doctors?
- Mm-hmm.
I love it.
What the shit is this?
[Lieutenant Cody]
Our youth leader program.
[Carl] These are
our future police?
- Doubt it.
- [Carl] Your mission:
police this neighborhood
between point A and B.
Move out!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
I think we should get married.
What?
Then we can't testify
against each other.
Staying out of jail's
a crap reason to get married.
No.
We fucking love each other.
That's why
we're gonna get married.
It's marriage
that I don't know if I love.
I wanna know how you feel,
you know?
[blow lands]
Fuck.
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪
♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪
♪ You were beaming
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪
♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪
♪ You were willing
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
Mm. [exhales happily]
[engine rumbling]
[grunts]
[horn honks]
[rumbling continues]
♪ driving acoustic music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Oh, my baby, I'm alive ♪
♪ So be careful of these
feelings we get high on ♪
♪ Till it's dead and gone... ♪
Who's riding a lawn mower
around the block?
♪ Ooh, ooh... ♪
[Ian]
Gotta be kidding me.
♪ I'm miles and miles away ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Miles and miles ♪
- ♪ Away ♪
- [door slams]
♪♪♪
Oh, hey.
Why don't you get out of here?
I'll call you later.
Who's that?
Byron. Cute, huh?
Super tight asshole.
♪♪♪
You're a top now?
Verse.
Who knew?
♪ Ooh, baby, stay awake... ♪
Hey, you seen this?
Jesus!
It's the hospital bill.
Childbirth, emergency surgery,
ICU...
How much?
Thirty-six hundred.
- Wow.
- That's after insurance.
I mean, how are we
gonna pay this?
- [Lip sighs]
- [Tami] Here.
That's easy.
We're not.
We already brought him home.
What are they gonna do?
Take him back?
Well, they delivered our baby
and saved my life.
Yeah, and that
was their choice.
They didn't give me the option
of leaving Fred in the oven
or letting you die
on the operating table.
So you would've
let me die?
I mean, if I knew it was
gonna cost us four grand...
...yeah, maybe.
[chuckles]
Look, we have to pay this.
Tami, no, we don't.
Isn't not paying your bills
stealing?
No.
Charging us money while
your life is on the line,
that's extortion.
- Right?
- Hmm.
We're, uh, Robin Hooding,
you know?
We're stealing from the rich,
giving to the poor.
You're not Robin Hood.
Yeah, but I'm poor.
So, what,
so you steal stuff?
Sometimes.
Like what?
[chuckling] I don't know.
It's a long list.
Okay, well, like, uh,
food from the grocery store?
Yeah, like food from anywhere.
Money?
[sighs]
That a real question?
What-cars?
No.
But, uh, never say never.
Wow.
"Wow" what?
No, you're just...
exactly the role model
I always wanted for my kid.
[reporter over TV] Next up,
a Florida man
was found dead today,
facedown in the lobster tank
of a Tampa grocery store.
Here you go.
A proper breakfast.
The sugar in this cereal
will kill you.
In your case, however,
I suspect that your lifestyle
will kill you
before your diet does.
Ah.
Was that Mickey this morning?
- [Ian] Yup.
- Where's he been?
With a twink named Byron.
Twink?
You know,
like Ms. Del Rey's kid.
Yoga pants and glitter.
Eh, not always.
But yeah, sure.
So if you tell someone
you're not marrying them,
that means they can sleep
with other people?
No.
But Mickey's emotional IQ
is lower than Carl's actual IQ.
Shit. You're fucked, dude.
Nah, he'll work it
out of his system
and we'll talk it out
like adults.
It'll be fine.
Hang on to your wallets,
everyone.
Lip is here.
[Oopie] Oh,
there's my gorgeous niece.
Prettier--mwah--
than Megyn Kelly
and smarter too.
Oh, objectified by America
and sexually harassed
by your bosses?
It's every girl's dream.
- Megyn Kelly?
- A blonde news host.
She thinks Santa's white.
He's not?
- No.
- Yes, honeybun!
[Lip] Hey, did I hear a girly
bike pull up this morning?
- Mickey.
- He's dating a twink now.
Oh, so you leaving him
at the altar,
that's become a thing, huh?
I-I didn't leave him
at the altar.
- [Liam and Lip] Yes, you did.
- [Tami] I mean...
It was City Hall.
We were only getting married
to outsmart the cops.
You made
the right decision.
Marriage is a sacred union
between a man and a woman.
[Tami] What's that smell?
Self-righteousness.
No. The air smells...clean.
Where is Frank?
Haven't seen him in a while.
[Lip] Enjoy it
while it lasts.
He'll be back to stinking up
the place in no time, right?
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
Oh, there you go.
[judge] Frank Gallagher,
the court reduces your charge
to a misdemeanor
and sentences you
to 30 days in rehab.
The deviant thug
who tried to steal
this bright young man's
future,
Kyle Holmes,
I hereby sentence you
to 45 years in prison.
- [tape rewinds]
- Sentences you
to 30 days in rehab.
Forty-five years
for possession.
Thirty days in rehab.
Forty-five years.
Thirty days in rehab.
- Forty--
- [remote clicks]
Good morning.
Do you need a diaper change?
Please let me go.
As soon as you admit
what you did to my poor Kyle.
I told you,
I don't remember who Kyle is.
Liar.
Maybe if I had a drink.
I'm a lot more lucid
when I'm drunk.
Sounds like a lovely idea.
Is that a Balvenie?
Thirty year?
Don't! Oh, don't!
Don't! Don't!
No, please, don't do that!
Tell me what you did to Kyle.
Do you have any idea
how many millions
of brain cells
I've destroyed
since the '90s?
I'm so sober right now,
I can't even make anything up!
Tell me the truth.
I don't remember!
I don't!
I'm sorry, but I don't.
[breathing heavily]
You really
don't remember?
I swear.
Please.
Then I'm gonna have
to make you remember.
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
Bring your chastity belt,
Jerry,
because I am going
to fuck everybody
who had anything to do
with this shit show of a deal,
starting with you!
[sighs]
Oh, I'm sorry, pussycat.
Did I wake you?
[chuckles]
Mm.
Ugh. My lunch has turned into
a teleconference with Dubai.
Can I impose on you
to do me a favor?
Of course. What?
Great. Um, can you pick
Julia up after school?
- Julia?
- My kid.
Oh.
Did I not tell you about her?
- [laughing] No.
- [chuckles]
But that's cool.
I didn't tell you
about my kid either.
Franny. She's four.
Oh, God.
They are so perfect
at that age, aren't they?
[sighs] Okay,
so St. Judith Prep,
2:30-ish.
She has a class
that she goes to after.
She knows how to get you there.
You don't think
it'll be kind of weird,
some strange woman showing up,
saying, "Get in my car,
little girl"?
Uh, no.
She's used to it by now.
All right, platinum card
is on the dresser for a snack,
but it has to be healthy.
She is going to throw
one of her tantrums
for something fried.
She's a terror.
Stay strong.
Later, girlfriend.
"Girlfriend"?
Oh.
No, I-I just meant, uh,
friend that's a girl.
Right?
I like "girlfriend."
Me too.
Ooh!
Bye.
It's magnificent.
It's just magnificent.
V, do I gotta cover 'em up?
Naked breasts don't exactly say
"quality health care."
They do if we
provide mammograms.
Can we?
No. Basic stuff only.
Superglue for small cuts
and minor gunshot wounds,
needle and thread
for bigger stab wounds,
Popsicle sticks
for sprained fingers,
and Vicks VapoRub
for everything else.
Hey, did you spend
the rest of that cash
from those snail patch
hemorrhoid things?
Got just enough money
for a tank of gas,
so we gotta make money if we
wanna sustain this operation.
Aw, babe,
we're gonna make a killing.
Are you kidding me?
The uninsured South Side
needs medical care.
No more going to urgent care
and spending $150
to pop in a dislocated finger.
Nurse V can do it for 20.
I was never a nurse.
You were a nurse's aide.
Potato, potato.
South Side needs medical care.
We need cash
to raise our girls.
This is your best
side-hustle idea ever.
Well, get this thing painted
while I go set up Hazel
behind the bar.
I'm gonna take a minute
just to say good-bye.
All right?
♪ stomping rock music ♪
Good-bye, Veronica's titties.
♪♪♪
Good-bye, Svetlana's titties.
♪♪♪
[sighs]
♪♪♪
[grunts, groans]
Throw a pussy punch like that,
and you don't deserve balls.
Nobody fights fair
on the streets, people!
[Rucker] Gallagher!
♪♪♪
Am I being too hard
on them, sir?
No, on the contrary, son.
90 percent of 'em
have trust funds.
You have carte blanche
to turn these girls into men.
Carte what, sir?
Ride 'em hard.
Put 'em down wet.
Yes, sir.
I'd like to take them out
in the community,
do a few exercises,
show 'em
what the real world's like.
Good idea.
Bring 'em back
at the end of the day.
- Give me a full report.
- Yes, sir.
Aidan! You're up.
Hey.
Hey.
So, uh...[exhales]
Byron, huh?
Pretty great, right?
Little on the young side,
but, uh,
eager to please,
if you catch what I'm throwin'.
Oh, yeah.
No, I'm catchin'.
Think he's rich too.
Last name's Koch.
Sounds kind of familiar.
Anyway, he's, uh,
getting a PhD thing.
He wants to be
a professor of some language
out of a place
called Britain.
You mean English?
Oh, yeah, probably.
I don't know.
He couldn't really talk
with my cock in his mouth.
Okay.
- About the other day--
- It's cool.
No. It's not that I don't
wanna get married, Mickey.
It's just, I-I wanna take
a little time,
make sure we're both ready,
you know?
You did us both a favor,
all right, 'cause...
I'm in love with Byron.
In love?
Moving in with him.
When?
What do you mean when?
Now.
Thought you only knew
each other a couple days.
Met last night, but...
when you know, you know.
You know?
[Faye] What do you love most
in the entire world, Frank?
My kids?
Fuck am I saying?
Um...
opioids.
Detoxing is tough.
Isn't it?
♪ sinister music ♪
Dangerous too.
Kidney failure,
heart attack,
stroke.
We're gonna play...
[pills clatter]
...the carrot and stick game,
see if we can't jog
your memory.
♪♪♪
Carrot.
Do you have any idea
how you would know Kyle?
♪♪♪
We grew up together.
- Stick.
- Jesus!
Let's try this again.
Carrot.
♪♪♪
How...do you know Kyle?
We robbed
a gas station together.
We exchanged hand jobs.
- I d--
- Stick!
No! Don't do...
We, um...
- we...
- [Faye sighs]
- ...we...
- Stick.
...w-we--
College.
We went to college together.
[chuckles]
See?
Isn't that easy?
- Carrot.
- [chuckles]
Ah, sweet Jesus.
Thank you.
Dig deep.
Who was Kyle?
[clicks tongue]
He was a football player.
More.
♪♪♪
He was, um...
♪♪♪
...a wide receiver.
- Stick!
- No!
[sobs]
[Latin pop music playing]
♪♪♪
[woman] Fuck you.
Fuck you, you shitty shit-fuck.
What the fuck?
- Hey, everything all right?
- No!
No, I put my card in
for a withdrawal,
and this piece of shit
never spit out my cash.
I'm just gonna
go talk to someone inside.
Spare some change?
- I ain't got nothing.
- [ATM beeping]
[grunts]
Okay.
♪ upbeat rock music ♪
♪♪♪
Fuck you, Tami.
♪♪♪
Hey, miss? Miss!
Motherfuck--
Give me that money back!
Come on!
- [truck playing jingle]
- "Nurse V's Jiffy Care.
Sprains, cuts, burns,
minor stab wounds.
Come one, come all.
Twenty bucks.
Mental cases and the"...
"Litigious."
..."litigious need not apply."
♪♪♪
Hi.
[woman] Got anything
for my pink eye?
Sure do, ma'am.
Come on around.
I just turned my ankle.
[Kev] Well,
hobble your ass over.
We'll put it on ice
and wrap it up for you.
I cut my finger!
It's almost to the bone.
Well, bring your cut self
down here, Mrs. Stapleton.
We'll glue you right up.
♪ cheery rock music ♪
What seems to be
the problem?
- Oh, my God.
- Oh!
♪♪♪
Oh, dear.
Lies.
Deep state lies.
Liberal lies.
Do you have
a trigonometry calculator?
[Ian, sarcastically]
Yeah, in the drawer
with the First Folio
of Shakespeare.
Did you know that half of all
marriages end in divorce?
Half. I mean, what the hell's
even the point?
Tax breaks.
Only helps if you pay taxes.
- [door bangs open]
- Law enforcement!
Hands where I can see them!
You two, upstairs.
Check for perps.
You four, kitchen and basement.
Ma'am, I'ma need you
on the floor now!
Not a chance.
I know my rights.
We know our rights,
don't we?
[Scout] We have a white male
and a minority
in the kitchen, sir.
I need you two
on the ground now.
- No.
- Shut the fuck up.
Dude, you're making me look
ad-bay in front
of the cadets-cay.
Oh, fuck.
Basement's clear, sir.
Upstairs is clear too.
[door squeaks open]
Aidan, pat her down.
Look, touch me,
I will fuck you up.
Aidan, step down.
Ma'am, where are you going?
To cut hair, Carl.
Mind if we use the RV
for official police business?
You're not allowed within
20 feet of my underwear drawer.
I just need a place
that's small and depressing,
somewhere that'll break
a man's spirit.
Sounds like your room.
- [snickers]
- Cadets,
upstairs for official
interrogation training.
- [Tami] Nice dress.
- Thanks.
Hey.
Hey.
Did you guys know rich people
count the number of threads
in their sheets?
Fuck that. I can't even count
the number of stains in mine.
You sleep
at that lady's place?
Yup. She's got a Jacuzzi tub
in the master bedroom.
Think I might be in love.
Whatever you do,
don't marry her.
Fifty percent of all marriages
end in divorce.
Straight ones, anyway.
No data on the gay ones,
but gotta be in the ballpark.
How come you're looking up
marriage stats?
'Cause Mickey's a punk
and he's decided he's gonna
fuck other people
if I don't marry him.
A glittery twink named Byron.
[Ian] But I mean,
look at the stats.
What's the point?
Sounds like you're scared.
Of what?
You love him, right?
- Yeah.
- [Debbie] Then marry him.
Make him happy.
If you gotta get a divorce,
do it.
Then you'll move on.
But at least you'll be happy
for a while.
I gotta go get changed,
pick up my stepdaughter-to-be.
Stepdaughter?
I'm not scared.
- [scoffs] Okay.
- I'm not.
Fuck it.
You wanna help me
run an errand?
Can we get a trig calculator?
- Sure, nerd.
- We're gonna need money.
[Fred cooing]
♪ surf rock music ♪
♪♪♪
Let's ride.
♪♪♪
[Frank]
He was a running back.
- [Faye] Stick!
- [hammer bangs]
[Frank] Uh, I mean a lineman.
- [Faye] Stick!
- [hammer bangs]
[Frank] Quarterback.
He was a quarterback.
[Frank chuckles]
Carrot.
[chuckles]
A black quarterback
in the '90s.
- Good for him.
- Continue.
Um...
he was a-um, a sen--
- uh, fresh--
- Fresh...
- Freshman.
- Yeah.
Uh, it was '95.
So I was a senior.
A senior?
I figured
you were a grad student,
an old one.
No, no,
I was a tenth-year senior.
Continue.
- ♪ faint rap music ♪
- Um...
- [music continues over radio]
- Mm-mm!
Stuff's gonna
mess you up, man.
Yeah, that's the point.
We got high together.
[Faye] Stick.
- I--me!
- Kyle never got high.
I meant me.
I got high,
not Kyle.
Drugs...bad.
I was high on pot.
I mean crack.
- [siren whoops]
- Aw, shit.
[Frank] The cops busted us...
[policeman]
Hands where I can see 'em.
...for, um...
possession, and--
- Stick!
- But wait.
The-the-the, um...the...
the crack was mine.
They busted me
for possession,
which means
they must've busted him...
for being black.
[indistinct
police radio chatter]
Dealing.
They thought he was my dealer.
I knew it.
I knew you couldn't have
forgotten him completely.
You were right.
Can I have that Oxy now?
- Please?
- Oh, honey.
You have earned
a lot more than one.
♪ rock music ♪
[music continues over radio]
What happened to you?
Ah, some asshole
stole this chick's cash
from an ATM machine,
and I chased him down.
Look at you, superhero.
How much did he take?
Couple hundred.
You give the money back?
Hell no.
Bought us some Devil Dawgs.
Hey, all right.
The rest of the money's
going towards
Tami's medical bills.
Thirty-six hundred.
3,400 now.
So you only need to steal
$200...
what, 17 more times?
[chuckles]
Hey, you, uh...
think I should've given
the cash back?
You know, to the ATM chick?
What'd she look like?
Uh, she had a yoga mat.
Fuck that.
You should've stolen
her purse too.
Uh, Tami's got me
questioning my morality.
You know, she says
I'm a-I'm a bad role model
for the kid.
[scoffs]
Role models and morals
are for the comfortably
middle-class.
Rich people don't have 'em,
and working guys like us
can't afford 'em.
I got another one for you,
Bradley.
Like this asshole.
Think he has morals?
What have you done to that bike
this time, Tully?
[sighs]
You have to use these
every time, Solomon.
And stick this
snail patch down there.
It burns the warts right off.
Candace Madson,
come on down.
Should we order more
of those snail patch thingies?
Hell no.
We should have
the girls dig around
in the backyard for snails
and make our own.
[Kev] Ms. Madson,
how you doing?
What kind of jiffy care can
Nurse V do for you today?
[Candace] It's actually
not for me.
It's for my daughter Jamie.
We've tried a bunch
of other places in town--
clinics, hospitals, and such--
but they're all out of network,
so insurance won't cover
what she needs,
and we can't afford
to pay out of pocket.
Out of network?
Where are you from?
[Candace] Missouri.
You can't get
what you need in Missouri?
Not anymore.
That's terrible.
What is it, honey?
It's okay.
An abortion.
♪ funky music ♪
♪♪♪
- [knocking]
- Debbie?
I'm Julia.
I dig your car.
[chuckles]
- You're Julia?
- You sound surprised.
I just-I thought
you'd be, uh...
Uh, prettier?
- No.
- [chuckles]
- Uh, younger.
- Oh, yeah.
Well, I thought
you would be older.
Most of my mom's hookers are.
I'm not a hooker.
Your mom and I are dating.
That's cool.
I'm dating your mom too.
My mom's dead.
Wow.
Uh, this is gonna be
a fun afternoon.
I'm sorry.
Does underage underwear
make you uncomfortable?
No.
Good.
Just, Catholic school uniforms.
Am I right?
Okay, so your mom said
I'm supposed to take you
to some class?
She didn't tell you where?
She said you knew where it was.
Awesome.
Uh, just head towards Fulton.
I'll get us there.
Okay.
You know you're supposed
to stop at stop signs, right?
The Prius came
out of nowhere, man.
[cell phone ringing]
Sorry. Gotta take this.
Dr. Peterson.
Talk to me.
He's a chiropractor.
That's, like, a fake doctor.
What do you think?
- The thing's fucked.
- Yeah.
Cost me five grand
just in parts,
then two guys,
two weeks to do it.
We're looking
at more than nine grand.
We could turn over three bikes
at four grand each
in that time.
Gotta quote him at least that.
This bike even worth 12 grand?
- No.
- No.
[Tully] So what do
you think, Bradley?
Start at 11,
settle for ten.
- Huh?
- Well, Tully...
can't do it for less than 12.
Jeez, man.
I can get a new Harley
for a couple grand more.
With parts and labor,
I can't go lower than that.
But I was telling Lip,
he needs practice,
or I may have to can him
for a more experienced guy.
What?
Maybe he could take it on.
You know,
learning project or whatever.
What do you think, Lip?
Oh, yeah. I mean...
I don't know, man.
It's a big job, you know.
Mm. Probably bigger
than you can handle.
- Eh.
- Never mind.
No, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
How much would you need, Lip?
Eleven grand?
Still sounds high, man.
[Brad] Mm. I agree.
If he had said ten...
Would you do it for ten?
Mm...
I don't know.
Why not?
- [Brad] All right.
- [Tully] All right.
[Brad] Great.
Uh, wheel it over
to the corner.
Lip'll take it from there.
Looks like you won't have
to steal anything for a while.
[Carl] Where were you when our
greatest president was shot?
Obama was shot?
No. Reagan.
- [Ravi] I wasn't born yet.
- I don't believe you.
Francesca, hit him.
No, no, no!
Never the face.
Torso only.
[snaps fingers]
And use this.
Won't leave marks.
Standard interrogation
techniques, people.
You'll need them.
So learn them well.
Ready, Ravi?
Hit me.
You heard the man.
[Ravi grunts]
Jesus fuck.
Why is it so clean in here?
The maid comes twice a week.
Wow.
Nice bed.
Where are you gonna sleep?
I...figured we'd share it?
Ah, no,
that ain't gonna work.
You can sleep on the floor.
Look, this is how
this is gonna work.
I like to eat around seven
every night.
Any later than that,
I get the GERD something nasty.
So if you could, uh,
get your maid lady
to cook us up something for
around then, that'd be swell.
We have sex
whenever I feel like it.
Obviously, I'll be the top,
since you're...
pretty much a chick.
But you are gonna have
to stick something up my ass
every once in a while,
or I'm gonna get real bitchy.
This does not fall under the
scope of Nurse V's Jiffy Care.
[Veronica] She's
a 15-year-old Missouri girl
who's ten weeks pregnant,
and some old white assholes
decided she can't terminate
her pregnancy in her state
after eight weeks.
What's she supposed to do,
risk her life in some
back-alley abortion?
We'll take her
to the clinic.
How much are one of those,
Dr. Brenda?
Without insurance,
it'll run at least $400.
That's not that much.
They're on the SNAP program.
They can barely afford to eat.
What about one
of those free clinics?
Clinics won't touch
an out-of-state patient,
free or not.
There's always
a medical abortion.
Mifepristone.
Two pills taken
over a couple of days.
Great, let's point 'em
to Rite Aid
and send them on their way.
Uh, how much does that cost?
About the same.
But I could always write
the prescription
in Veronica's name.
I mean, with insurance,
it's only a $20 copay.
- You have insurance?
- Obamacare.
So great,
on top of all this,
we're running
an insurance scam now?
She's 15.
Having a baby this young
could ruin her life.
We started V's Jiffy Care
to do some good.
At least it's the lesser
of two evils.
We both have to agree
if we're gonna do this.
But remember before you answer,
if you say no,
you're just another man
standing in the way
of a woman's future.
♪ funky music ♪
All right, Jamie,
I think we found a solution.
I hope you don't mind.
We told a few friends.
♪♪♪
- [girl 1] Hi.
- [girl 2] Nice to meet you.
- [girl 3] Hi.
- [girl 4] Hello.
[singsongy] Open up.
[gasps happily]
Mm-hmm!
[slurring] Am I to blame?
Probably not, but for
the purposes of discussion,
we'll say yes.
But I was a dumb kid then.
If we're to be punished
for the things we did as kids,
how is anyone ever gonna
become president
or Supreme Court justice?
- Another one?
- Yes, please.
♪♪♪
And, uh...
Can I...[clears throat]
...really be held responsible
for the racism
inherent in the criminal
justice system?
I mean, I didn't tell them
he was my dealer.
They assumed it.
- Another one?
- Mm!
♪♪♪
And really,
the cops can be forgiven
for their mistake.
It was the '90s.
Black people really were
drug dealers then.
Mm.
One more?
How many is this?
Five.
[chuckles]
There you go.
Why are you suddenly
being nice to me?
Who said anything
about being nice?
Now that you remember exactly
how you destroyed Kyle's life,
I can get on with
making you pay for it.
Filling me full of Oxy?
Mm.
I need you in an opioid coma
but not, you know, dead.
♪♪♪
Want a sip?
It's, uh, root beer.
Out of a straw?
No, thanks.
What's wrong with a straw?
Nothing, if you don't like
the environment,
which clearly you don't,
with your plastic straws
and your pre-emission standards
Subaru.
You said you liked my car.
[laughs] Yeah.
It's called sarcasm.
You know 90 percent of turtles
will be born
with plastic straws in their
bodies in the next ten years
due largely to you and the...
- Me?
- ...billions of straws
Chicagoans discard
carelessly...
- Billions?
- ...into Lake Michigan
which inevitably
churn their way
through the Great Lakes system
and then down
the Saint Lawrence Seaway
- and out...
- Saint Lawrence Seaway?
...into the Atlantic Ocean,
where global water currents
evenly distribute them
throughout the world.
My anti-straw Facebook group
is staging a massive protest
this week.
Your anti-straw Facebook group?
Yuk it up, Big Gulp.
It's my generation that's gonna
have to save the world
that your generation
shit all over.
Okay, I'm, like,
three years older than you.
So my generation
is your generation.
And you don't have a corner
on saving the world.
Up until a week ago,
I was on strike.
So I'm basically the definition
of pro-labor feminism.
[giggling]
Thanks, Norma Rae.
A lot of good pro-labor
feminism is gonna do us
after sea levels rise 40 feet.
Well, you know whose fault
that's gonna be?
Rich people.
Flying all around the world
in your private jets...
Okay, that's not ours.
It's the company's.
...living in your
air-conditioned mansions,
blaming poor people
and our straws
for destroying the planet.
Not everyone can be born
sucking organic kombucha
out of a potato-starch bottle.
- Okay, turn here.
- Huh?
[Julia] We're here.
Just turn here.
Your class is
at Georgee's Pizza?
No. I'm just hungry.
Your mom said
no unhealthy food.
Yeah, and my mom also said
you're not a hooker.
- So...
- Fuck you, Riverdale.
Tell me where your class is.
- No.
- Tell me.
No!
Fine.
- Hey. What are you doing?
- [touch-tones beeping]
- Calling your mom.
- [line trills]
Jesus. Fine.
Okay, I-I'll tell you.
On one condition.
What?
You want me to do
this class so bad,
you have to do it with me.
[sports announcer speaking
indistinctly over TV]
Okay, let me see that one.
Why am I here again?
To try these on.
Mickey has
freakishly small hands.
What do you think?
Slip it on my finger.
I need the full effect.
Here you go.
Brushed white gold,
matte finish, round edges.
Tastefully simple.
I approve.
How much for two of 'em?
- Four hundred each.
- Nope.
Uh, 400 for the pair.
Final offer.
It's on Aunt Oopie.
Do you take cards?
Twenty-first century, kid.
Everybody takes cards.
The hell is a spin class?
It's a sweaty, anorexic Nazi
screaming motivational shit
at you
while you ride a bike
that goes literally nowhere.
Why would anyone
wanna do that?
My mom makes me.
She thinks I'm fat.
You're just a puppet
in her body-shaming shit show.
Hi, I'm Julia.
I'm checking in for class.
And can I buy a class
for my mom's hooker, Debbie?
- Not a hooker.
- [Julia] And we're gonna need
to buy her shorts
and a T-shirt.
But you can just put it
on my mom's account.
Claudia Nicolo.
Uh, no, thank you.
I'm actually all good.
You think my mom does this
because she loves me?
[laughs] Time to see
what being loved by my mom
really feels like.
[trainer] What kind of person
do you wanna be today?
Up, up, up, up, up!
You coming?
[trainer] Let's see
that tattoo. Let's go!
We're gonna need
more prescriptions.
Well, how many more?
[Kev] Seven.
I can't write more
than one prescription
for the abortion pill
in Veronica's name.
We-I'd lose my license.
What if you didn't write it?
What if you were to, say,
misplace your scrip pad
and whoever found it
were to anonymously
write a whole bunch
of prescriptions
before you even realized
it was gone?
Mm.
Well, even if I were
to misplace my scrip pad,
whoever found it would have
to write prescriptions
in other people's names.
They're not gonna give more
than one set of pills
to the same person.
I'm sure whoever found it
would figure something out.
Are we still talking about us?
They're scared
little girls, Bren.
Ten years ago,
that could've been you and me.
I can't, V.
I'm sorry.
[sighs]
Ugh.
See you.
[Veronica] See you.
Don't be a hero!
I swear I'll bury
a bullet in his head.
Can someone be a hero, please?
The Sox game's about to start.
[splatting]
[patrons gasp]
Nine times out of ten,
a guy holding a gun
to another guy's head
does not have the intention
of pulling the trigger.
If you have a clean shot,
take it.
That's terrible advice.
Let's reset.
Ah, the first inning's
started.
- I'm out.
- Ooh. I'll do it.
L-looks fun.
Cool.
Francesca, you're up.
And go.
Don't be a hero.
I swear I'll--
- [pellet splats]
- [shouts]
- [Carl] Oh.
- [groans]
Shoot the hostage.
I like your style.
[Tommy laughs]
I don't think
this is gonna work.
Well, we're giving it a try,
'cause six pregnant teenagers
don't wanna be raising babies
instead of graduating
high school.
Hey, Gracie.
They in there?
They are.
Got 'em all fired up for you.
Ah, thanks, baby.
- [woman 1] Hi, Veronica.
- [woman 2] Hey, girl.
[Veronica] Hi, ladies.
Remember Kevin?
Uh-huh. Sure do.
[laughter]
Gracie explained to y'all
what's going on?
Let's do this.
[Veronica] All right, ladies.
Saddle up.
We're going on a field trip.
♪ peppy music ♪
[pharmacist] Mifepristone.
You need an abortion?
I told Murray
the pullout method
was an ineffective form
of birth control,
but he's a little
hard of hearing nowadays.
Here's my co-pay.
I'm afraid you're gonna have
to pay full price.
Medicare only covers abortion
in cases of rape, incest,
or when the mother's life
is in danger.
I'm 80 years old.
Having a baby'll
probably kill me.
Might as well
grab some for me
while you're back there,
young man.
I was raped.
Incest for me.
Me too!
- [woman 1] Rape again.
- [woman 2] I was raped too.
- [woman 3] Incest.
- [woman 4] #MeToo.
♪♪♪
- [door slams]
- [Lip] Hey.
What are you doing home
so early?
Ugh. Uh, my nana's
gone missing again.
So my dad and Aunt Oopie are
on their way up to Milwaukee
to look for her.
Oh, your grandma, huh?
How long she been gone?
Uh, I'm not sure.
But they'll find her
wandering around in town
looking for her cat,
I'm sure.
- [sweetly] Hi.
- Hi.
- She's got a cat?
- Uh, no.
No cat,
just Alzheimer's.
- So no free childcare.
- [Fred fussing]
I know.
We're almost done.
Well, uh, maybe we can
boot Oopie
and pay for it
and pay off
all your medical bills.
What's this?
That's five grand.
I'm fixing a bike on the side,
and most of that
is gonna go towards parts,
but I get another five
when it's finished.
So ten grand?
Well, we'll clear about four
when it's all said and done.
But yeah.
Four grand
born of monkey grease
and man sweat.
[giggles]
As opposed to what?
As opposed to...
uh...theft.
Oh, come on. Hey.
- No.
- I was joking.
I know.
All right, okay,
but seriously, y-you've
never stolen anything before?
Uh...
...three-dollar earrings
on a dare
when I was ten.
Yeah, you see, that's worse
than anything I've ever stolen.
You've stolen food and money.
How is that worse?
'Cause you stole for fun.
You know, I stole so that Fiona
didn't have to work a third job
so she could cover
our electric bill.
I mean, you want me to be
ashamed of the way I grew up?
No.
I...[sighs]
It would just be nice
if you knew that
that wasn't normal.
Well, it might not
be Tamietti normal,
but it's definitely
Gallagher normal.
Look, I'm fine
living in an RV,
scraping by, doing whatever
we have to to survive.
Yeah.
As long as we're aiming
for something a little higher.
[Fred crying]
Why is he crying?
Hey.
[crying continues]
[Julia] To skipping
spin class.
To skipping spin class.
Fine. Jesus.
Should we pick up burgers
for dinner?
Doesn't a burger require, like,
a thousand gallons
of water to produce?
Six hundred sixty.
But we all have our vices.
What are yours?
Other than, you know,
straws and hooking.
Not a hooker.
Your mom and I like each other.
Okay. Your funeral.
[chuckles]
She loves you, you know.
She calls me fat.
To my face.
Hmm. Mine used to make me
boil her old needles.
My mom made me get a Brazilian
before fifth-grade swim camp.
Mine would use my
Easy-Bake Oven to cook crack.
Mine got me a nose job
when I was 13.
Mine made me test her coke
to make sure there weren't
laxatives in it.
- There were.
- [scoffs]
Moms do shitty stuff
sometimes.
It doesn't mean
they don't love us.
You've really drunk my mom's
Kool-Aid, haven't you?
Is that a sex thing?
'Cause probably.
Huh.
"Huh" what?
Nothing.
I decided you might just
be interesting after all.
Wow.
Really?
Sorry. I...
[exhales]
Tami told me you'd be out here.
She also tell you
I'm a thief and a degenerate?
Didn't need to.
Already knew that.
Where you headed?
To see Mickey.
Gonna propose.
Cool.
Hey, uh, why, again?
Huh?
Why are you gonna propose
to Mickey?
Because I love him.
And Debbie told me to.
[chuckles]
I thought you were all for
us getting married.
Hey, I'm all for anyone getting
married if they want to,
but...
I don't think you want to.
Otherwise, you wouldn't have
backed out the first time.
Aw, fuck, Lip.
You can't just throw this
on me now.
I've already spent all day
convincing myself to do this.
No, no. Nah.
I've decided.
I'm gonna go do it.
Great. Do it.
Great. I'm going.
Great. Go.
You're just gonna let me go?
Okay. I-I don't know
what you want me to do here.
Yeah, I don't fucking know
either, Lip.
I want him back.
So get him back.
But I think I'm gonna have
to marry him to do it.
I think you should marry him.
Someday.
All right?
But first,
just try and figure out
why you don't want to.
[Carl] Good work today,
Francesca.
Glad you finally
stopped crying, Aidan.
[Rucker] Carl.
What happened today, son?
Sir?
You send some
of the Discoverers
to the emergency room?
[chuckling] Well...
Yeah. I got a call
from some of the parents.
Ravi's mother,
State Senator Wilson,
says he got a broken rib.
Something about being beaten
with The Mueller Report.
It was a paperback, sir.
I didn't realize
it would leave marks.
Scout's father
says his daughter's got
a bruised clavicle
from a paintball incident.
Timmy Obama's in the hospital
with a strangulated testicle.
Says you kneed him
in the balls this morning.
Well, I was taking
"cart-ay" blanche, sir.
Taking-I told you to ride 'em
hard and put 'em down wet,
not break his ribs
and put him in the hospital.
I think I've got a place
better suited for your talent.
The academy, sir?
How you feel about trash?
Well, I don't feel great
about it.
Hmm.
Sanitation department.
You know, in your time
with the Discoverers,
you've already proven
that you're tough.
But it takes
the toughest of the tough
to be able
to survive garbage duty.
Get you out on the streets.
Get you to know
the neighborhood,
the people, you know.
Plus, service like that
to the city
looks absolutely fantastic
on a police academy
application.
♪ desolate rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Gods are beaming into me ♪
♪ Drippin' out my energy ♪
♪ This isn't black or white,
getting hard to fight ♪
♪ Hyperactivity ♪
♪♪♪
♪ I'll mix you in honey ♪
♪ Stir till you're dizzy ♪
♪ Blending into one,
wildly undone ♪
♪ A tinct of quality ♪
♪ You used to hype me up,
baby ♪
♪ But I learned your game ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Years of taking you, baby ♪
♪ You just taste the same ♪
♪ Who's addicted now... ♪
- Hey.
- Ian.
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank God.
Please take him back.
Hey, Mickey, honey?
You have a visitor.
Oh!
What's up, bro?
You get upstairs and clean up
down there real good.
I'm comin' for you.
[chuckles]
- Come on.
- [slaps buttocks]
Go on. All right.
It looks like things are
going well between you two.
Uh, yeah.
It's like The Love Boat
up there.
Could not be happier.
Here.
Fuck is that?
This an engagement ring?
No. No.
It's a...it's a promise ring.
You're kidding me.
No.
I have one too.
See?
Sweet.
All right, look.
Gallaghers and marriage,
they don't mix well.
But a Gallagher
keeps his promise.
Look, do we really need
a piece of paper from the state
to say that I'm committed?
I'm committed.
Nah. I'm good.
- Mick. Mickey.
- No.
A fucking promise ring?
What are you, a teenage girl?
You're not even wearing yours.
You got it around your neck.
You can just tuck it in there
and no one even has to see it.
It doesn't matter
where you wear it.
It-it-it symbolizes
commitment.
I'm not saying never.
No, just saying you don't
love me enough now.
And that's fine.
It's cool.
- I got Barry.
- Byron.
He answers to whatever the fuck
I call him, all right?
'Cause that's true love.
How do you know you love me?
Huh?
How do you really know?
I'm bipolar, right?
I don't know who I am
from one day to the next.
I can't guarantee shit.
So why do you wanna spend
the rest of your life with me?
Are you fucking crazy?
And who else have you dated?
- I've dated plenty of people--
- No, no, no, no, no.
Not fucked, dated,
been in love with.
How can you
possibly know that me,
that-that this, all of me,
all the fucking versions I am,
how do you know that
that's what you wanna spend
the rest of your life with?
Jesus Christ, Ian.
I've always known Gallaghers
were fucked up,
but I have never been happier
to be a Milkovich.
When you get over this whole
"I'm not worthy of love"
bullshit,
why don't you give me a call?
Maybe if Barry hasn't made
an honest woman out of me,
I'll still be around.
[door slams]
♪ gloomy music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Follow the light inside ♪
♪ And break the key ♪
♪ Off and hide
till the morning light ♪
♪ This is just a dream ♪
♪ This is just a dream ♪
♪♪♪
- ♪ Follow the light inside ♪
- [urine trickling]
♪ And break the key ♪
♪ Off and hide
till the morning light ♪
♪ This is just a dream ♪
♪ This is just a dream ♪
♪♪♪
[door clicks open and shut]
Thank you.
You okay?
Yeah.
[music playing over car radio]
[Veronica] Who's that?
Are you the folks who run
Nurse V's Jiffy Care?
No.
No, we're not.
♪♪♪
Are you Nurse V's
Jiffy Abortion Van?
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ Bye-bye, baby ♪
♪ Bye-bye, baby ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
Oh.
I'm supposed to do what?
Yeah, w-no,
I got a-I got a baby.
I've had two hours of sleep.
I don't have time for this.
It--
Fine.
Here's what you missed
last week.
[softly] Okay.
♪ rock music ♪
[Faye] Do you wanna join me?
Faye Donahue.
Is that you?
[Faye] At high school
graduation.
Right before everything
changed forever.
Kyle Holmes was my fiancé.
Who is this Kyle guy?
You know what you did!
I don't. I swear.
[Claudia] Claudia Nicolo.
I left you a little something
on the nightstand.
[Debbie] I'm not a prostitute.
[Claudia] Yes, I did think
you were a prostitute
when I picked you up
on Ho Corner,
but I see now
that you are more than that.
Oh, hello.
Aunt Oopie here.
Aunt Oopie's
got everything covered here.
Date?
I'm gonna teach Fred
and that little colored boy
about the Gettysburg Address.
I'm sorry.
Wha-what was that part?
She can't be Fred's guardian,
Tami.
She's racist as fuck.
Miss Brenda, are you
inviting me to the cookout?
I am inviting you
to the cookout.
Look at all these beautiful,
highly educated,
wealthy black people.
- All doctors?
- Mm-hmm.
I love it.
What the shit is this?
[Lieutenant Cody]
Our youth leader program.
[Carl] These are
our future police?
- Doubt it.
- [Carl] Your mission:
police this neighborhood
between point A and B.
Move out!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
I think we should get married.
What?
Then we can't testify
against each other.
Staying out of jail's
a crap reason to get married.
No.
We fucking love each other.
That's why
we're gonna get married.
It's marriage
that I don't know if I love.
I wanna know how you feel,
you know?
[blow lands]
Fuck.
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪
♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪
♪ You were beaming
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪
♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪
♪ You were willing
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
Mm. [exhales happily]
[engine rumbling]
[grunts]
[horn honks]
[rumbling continues]
♪ driving acoustic music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Oh, my baby, I'm alive ♪
♪ So be careful of these
feelings we get high on ♪
♪ Till it's dead and gone... ♪
Who's riding a lawn mower
around the block?
♪ Ooh, ooh... ♪
[Ian]
Gotta be kidding me.
♪ I'm miles and miles away ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Miles and miles ♪
- ♪ Away ♪
- [door slams]
♪♪♪
Oh, hey.
Why don't you get out of here?
I'll call you later.
Who's that?
Byron. Cute, huh?
Super tight asshole.
♪♪♪
You're a top now?
Verse.
Who knew?
♪ Ooh, baby, stay awake... ♪
Hey, you seen this?
Jesus!
It's the hospital bill.
Childbirth, emergency surgery,
ICU...
How much?
Thirty-six hundred.
- Wow.
- That's after insurance.
I mean, how are we
gonna pay this?
- [Lip sighs]
- [Tami] Here.
That's easy.
We're not.
We already brought him home.
What are they gonna do?
Take him back?
Well, they delivered our baby
and saved my life.
Yeah, and that
was their choice.
They didn't give me the option
of leaving Fred in the oven
or letting you die
on the operating table.
So you would've
let me die?
I mean, if I knew it was
gonna cost us four grand...
...yeah, maybe.
[chuckles]
Look, we have to pay this.
Tami, no, we don't.
Isn't not paying your bills
stealing?
No.
Charging us money while
your life is on the line,
that's extortion.
- Right?
- Hmm.
We're, uh, Robin Hooding,
you know?
We're stealing from the rich,
giving to the poor.
You're not Robin Hood.
Yeah, but I'm poor.
So, what,
so you steal stuff?
Sometimes.
Like what?
[chuckling] I don't know.
It's a long list.
Okay, well, like, uh,
food from the grocery store?
Yeah, like food from anywhere.
Money?
[sighs]
That a real question?
What-cars?
No.
But, uh, never say never.
Wow.
"Wow" what?
No, you're just...
exactly the role model
I always wanted for my kid.
[reporter over TV] Next up,
a Florida man
was found dead today,
facedown in the lobster tank
of a Tampa grocery store.
Here you go.
A proper breakfast.
The sugar in this cereal
will kill you.
In your case, however,
I suspect that your lifestyle
will kill you
before your diet does.
Ah.
Was that Mickey this morning?
- [Ian] Yup.
- Where's he been?
With a twink named Byron.
Twink?
You know,
like Ms. Del Rey's kid.
Yoga pants and glitter.
Eh, not always.
But yeah, sure.
So if you tell someone
you're not marrying them,
that means they can sleep
with other people?
No.
But Mickey's emotional IQ
is lower than Carl's actual IQ.
Shit. You're fucked, dude.
Nah, he'll work it
out of his system
and we'll talk it out
like adults.
It'll be fine.
Hang on to your wallets,
everyone.
Lip is here.
[Oopie] Oh,
there's my gorgeous niece.
Prettier--mwah--
than Megyn Kelly
and smarter too.
Oh, objectified by America
and sexually harassed
by your bosses?
It's every girl's dream.
- Megyn Kelly?
- A blonde news host.
She thinks Santa's white.
He's not?
- No.
- Yes, honeybun!
[Lip] Hey, did I hear a girly
bike pull up this morning?
- Mickey.
- He's dating a twink now.
Oh, so you leaving him
at the altar,
that's become a thing, huh?
I-I didn't leave him
at the altar.
- [Liam and Lip] Yes, you did.
- [Tami] I mean...
It was City Hall.
We were only getting married
to outsmart the cops.
You made
the right decision.
Marriage is a sacred union
between a man and a woman.
[Tami] What's that smell?
Self-righteousness.
No. The air smells...clean.
Where is Frank?
Haven't seen him in a while.
[Lip] Enjoy it
while it lasts.
He'll be back to stinking up
the place in no time, right?
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
Oh, there you go.
[judge] Frank Gallagher,
the court reduces your charge
to a misdemeanor
and sentences you
to 30 days in rehab.
The deviant thug
who tried to steal
this bright young man's
future,
Kyle Holmes,
I hereby sentence you
to 45 years in prison.
- [tape rewinds]
- Sentences you
to 30 days in rehab.
Forty-five years
for possession.
Thirty days in rehab.
Forty-five years.
Thirty days in rehab.
- Forty--
- [remote clicks]
Good morning.
Do you need a diaper change?
Please let me go.
As soon as you admit
what you did to my poor Kyle.
I told you,
I don't remember who Kyle is.
Liar.
Maybe if I had a drink.
I'm a lot more lucid
when I'm drunk.
Sounds like a lovely idea.
Is that a Balvenie?
Thirty year?
Don't! Oh, don't!
Don't! Don't!
No, please, don't do that!
Tell me what you did to Kyle.
Do you have any idea
how many millions
of brain cells
I've destroyed
since the '90s?
I'm so sober right now,
I can't even make anything up!
Tell me the truth.
I don't remember!
I don't!
I'm sorry, but I don't.
[breathing heavily]
You really
don't remember?
I swear.
Please.
Then I'm gonna have
to make you remember.
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
Bring your chastity belt,
Jerry,
because I am going
to fuck everybody
who had anything to do
with this shit show of a deal,
starting with you!
[sighs]
Oh, I'm sorry, pussycat.
Did I wake you?
[chuckles]
Mm.
Ugh. My lunch has turned into
a teleconference with Dubai.
Can I impose on you
to do me a favor?
Of course. What?
Great. Um, can you pick
Julia up after school?
- Julia?
- My kid.
Oh.
Did I not tell you about her?
- [laughing] No.
- [chuckles]
But that's cool.
I didn't tell you
about my kid either.
Franny. She's four.
Oh, God.
They are so perfect
at that age, aren't they?
[sighs] Okay,
so St. Judith Prep,
2:30-ish.
She has a class
that she goes to after.
She knows how to get you there.
You don't think
it'll be kind of weird,
some strange woman showing up,
saying, "Get in my car,
little girl"?
Uh, no.
She's used to it by now.
All right, platinum card
is on the dresser for a snack,
but it has to be healthy.
She is going to throw
one of her tantrums
for something fried.
She's a terror.
Stay strong.
Later, girlfriend.
"Girlfriend"?
Oh.
No, I-I just meant, uh,
friend that's a girl.
Right?
I like "girlfriend."
Me too.
Ooh!
Bye.
It's magnificent.
It's just magnificent.
V, do I gotta cover 'em up?
Naked breasts don't exactly say
"quality health care."
They do if we
provide mammograms.
Can we?
No. Basic stuff only.
Superglue for small cuts
and minor gunshot wounds,
needle and thread
for bigger stab wounds,
Popsicle sticks
for sprained fingers,
and Vicks VapoRub
for everything else.
Hey, did you spend
the rest of that cash
from those snail patch
hemorrhoid things?
Got just enough money
for a tank of gas,
so we gotta make money if we
wanna sustain this operation.
Aw, babe,
we're gonna make a killing.
Are you kidding me?
The uninsured South Side
needs medical care.
No more going to urgent care
and spending $150
to pop in a dislocated finger.
Nurse V can do it for 20.
I was never a nurse.
You were a nurse's aide.
Potato, potato.
South Side needs medical care.
We need cash
to raise our girls.
This is your best
side-hustle idea ever.
Well, get this thing painted
while I go set up Hazel
behind the bar.
I'm gonna take a minute
just to say good-bye.
All right?
♪ stomping rock music ♪
Good-bye, Veronica's titties.
♪♪♪
Good-bye, Svetlana's titties.
♪♪♪
[sighs]
♪♪♪
[grunts, groans]
Throw a pussy punch like that,
and you don't deserve balls.
Nobody fights fair
on the streets, people!
[Rucker] Gallagher!
♪♪♪
Am I being too hard
on them, sir?
No, on the contrary, son.
90 percent of 'em
have trust funds.
You have carte blanche
to turn these girls into men.
Carte what, sir?
Ride 'em hard.
Put 'em down wet.
Yes, sir.
I'd like to take them out
in the community,
do a few exercises,
show 'em
what the real world's like.
Good idea.
Bring 'em back
at the end of the day.
- Give me a full report.
- Yes, sir.
Aidan! You're up.
Hey.
Hey.
So, uh...[exhales]
Byron, huh?
Pretty great, right?
Little on the young side,
but, uh,
eager to please,
if you catch what I'm throwin'.
Oh, yeah.
No, I'm catchin'.
Think he's rich too.
Last name's Koch.
Sounds kind of familiar.
Anyway, he's, uh,
getting a PhD thing.
He wants to be
a professor of some language
out of a place
called Britain.
You mean English?
Oh, yeah, probably.
I don't know.
He couldn't really talk
with my cock in his mouth.
Okay.
- About the other day--
- It's cool.
No. It's not that I don't
wanna get married, Mickey.
It's just, I-I wanna take
a little time,
make sure we're both ready,
you know?
You did us both a favor,
all right, 'cause...
I'm in love with Byron.
In love?
Moving in with him.
When?
What do you mean when?
Now.
Thought you only knew
each other a couple days.
Met last night, but...
when you know, you know.
You know?
[Faye] What do you love most
in the entire world, Frank?
My kids?
Fuck am I saying?
Um...
opioids.
Detoxing is tough.
Isn't it?
♪ sinister music ♪
Dangerous too.
Kidney failure,
heart attack,
stroke.
We're gonna play...
[pills clatter]
...the carrot and stick game,
see if we can't jog
your memory.
♪♪♪
Carrot.
Do you have any idea
how you would know Kyle?
♪♪♪
We grew up together.
- Stick.
- Jesus!
Let's try this again.
Carrot.
♪♪♪
How...do you know Kyle?
We robbed
a gas station together.
We exchanged hand jobs.
- I d--
- Stick!
No! Don't do...
We, um...
- we...
- [Faye sighs]
- ...we...
- Stick.
...w-we--
College.
We went to college together.
[chuckles]
See?
Isn't that easy?
- Carrot.
- [chuckles]
Ah, sweet Jesus.
Thank you.
Dig deep.
Who was Kyle?
[clicks tongue]
He was a football player.
More.
♪♪♪
He was, um...
♪♪♪
...a wide receiver.
- Stick!
- No!
[sobs]
[Latin pop music playing]
♪♪♪
[woman] Fuck you.
Fuck you, you shitty shit-fuck.
What the fuck?
- Hey, everything all right?
- No!
No, I put my card in
for a withdrawal,
and this piece of shit
never spit out my cash.
I'm just gonna
go talk to someone inside.
Spare some change?
- I ain't got nothing.
- [ATM beeping]
[grunts]
Okay.
♪ upbeat rock music ♪
♪♪♪
Fuck you, Tami.
♪♪♪
Hey, miss? Miss!
Motherfuck--
Give me that money back!
Come on!
- [truck playing jingle]
- "Nurse V's Jiffy Care.
Sprains, cuts, burns,
minor stab wounds.
Come one, come all.
Twenty bucks.
Mental cases and the"...
"Litigious."
..."litigious need not apply."
♪♪♪
Hi.
[woman] Got anything
for my pink eye?
Sure do, ma'am.
Come on around.
I just turned my ankle.
[Kev] Well,
hobble your ass over.
We'll put it on ice
and wrap it up for you.
I cut my finger!
It's almost to the bone.
Well, bring your cut self
down here, Mrs. Stapleton.
We'll glue you right up.
♪ cheery rock music ♪
What seems to be
the problem?
- Oh, my God.
- Oh!
♪♪♪
Oh, dear.
Lies.
Deep state lies.
Liberal lies.
Do you have
a trigonometry calculator?
[Ian, sarcastically]
Yeah, in the drawer
with the First Folio
of Shakespeare.
Did you know that half of all
marriages end in divorce?
Half. I mean, what the hell's
even the point?
Tax breaks.
Only helps if you pay taxes.
- [door bangs open]
- Law enforcement!
Hands where I can see them!
You two, upstairs.
Check for perps.
You four, kitchen and basement.
Ma'am, I'ma need you
on the floor now!
Not a chance.
I know my rights.
We know our rights,
don't we?
[Scout] We have a white male
and a minority
in the kitchen, sir.
I need you two
on the ground now.
- No.
- Shut the fuck up.
Dude, you're making me look
ad-bay in front
of the cadets-cay.
Oh, fuck.
Basement's clear, sir.
Upstairs is clear too.
[door squeaks open]
Aidan, pat her down.
Look, touch me,
I will fuck you up.
Aidan, step down.
Ma'am, where are you going?
To cut hair, Carl.
Mind if we use the RV
for official police business?
You're not allowed within
20 feet of my underwear drawer.
I just need a place
that's small and depressing,
somewhere that'll break
a man's spirit.
Sounds like your room.
- [snickers]
- Cadets,
upstairs for official
interrogation training.
- [Tami] Nice dress.
- Thanks.
Hey.
Hey.
Did you guys know rich people
count the number of threads
in their sheets?
Fuck that. I can't even count
the number of stains in mine.
You sleep
at that lady's place?
Yup. She's got a Jacuzzi tub
in the master bedroom.
Think I might be in love.
Whatever you do,
don't marry her.
Fifty percent of all marriages
end in divorce.
Straight ones, anyway.
No data on the gay ones,
but gotta be in the ballpark.
How come you're looking up
marriage stats?
'Cause Mickey's a punk
and he's decided he's gonna
fuck other people
if I don't marry him.
A glittery twink named Byron.
[Ian] But I mean,
look at the stats.
What's the point?
Sounds like you're scared.
Of what?
You love him, right?
- Yeah.
- [Debbie] Then marry him.
Make him happy.
If you gotta get a divorce,
do it.
Then you'll move on.
But at least you'll be happy
for a while.
I gotta go get changed,
pick up my stepdaughter-to-be.
Stepdaughter?
I'm not scared.
- [scoffs] Okay.
- I'm not.
Fuck it.
You wanna help me
run an errand?
Can we get a trig calculator?
- Sure, nerd.
- We're gonna need money.
[Fred cooing]
♪ surf rock music ♪
♪♪♪
Let's ride.
♪♪♪
[Frank]
He was a running back.
- [Faye] Stick!
- [hammer bangs]
[Frank] Uh, I mean a lineman.
- [Faye] Stick!
- [hammer bangs]
[Frank] Quarterback.
He was a quarterback.
[Frank chuckles]
Carrot.
[chuckles]
A black quarterback
in the '90s.
- Good for him.
- Continue.
Um...
he was a-um, a sen--
- uh, fresh--
- Fresh...
- Freshman.
- Yeah.
Uh, it was '95.
So I was a senior.
A senior?
I figured
you were a grad student,
an old one.
No, no,
I was a tenth-year senior.
Continue.
- ♪ faint rap music ♪
- Um...
- [music continues over radio]
- Mm-mm!
Stuff's gonna
mess you up, man.
Yeah, that's the point.
We got high together.
[Faye] Stick.
- I--me!
- Kyle never got high.
I meant me.
I got high,
not Kyle.
Drugs...bad.
I was high on pot.
I mean crack.
- [siren whoops]
- Aw, shit.
[Frank] The cops busted us...
[policeman]
Hands where I can see 'em.
...for, um...
possession, and--
- Stick!
- But wait.
The-the-the, um...the...
the crack was mine.
They busted me
for possession,
which means
they must've busted him...
for being black.
[indistinct
police radio chatter]
Dealing.
They thought he was my dealer.
I knew it.
I knew you couldn't have
forgotten him completely.
You were right.
Can I have that Oxy now?
- Please?
- Oh, honey.
You have earned
a lot more than one.
♪ rock music ♪
[music continues over radio]
What happened to you?
Ah, some asshole
stole this chick's cash
from an ATM machine,
and I chased him down.
Look at you, superhero.
How much did he take?
Couple hundred.
You give the money back?
Hell no.
Bought us some Devil Dawgs.
Hey, all right.
The rest of the money's
going towards
Tami's medical bills.
Thirty-six hundred.
3,400 now.
So you only need to steal
$200...
what, 17 more times?
[chuckles]
Hey, you, uh...
think I should've given
the cash back?
You know, to the ATM chick?
What'd she look like?
Uh, she had a yoga mat.
Fuck that.
You should've stolen
her purse too.
Uh, Tami's got me
questioning my morality.
You know, she says
I'm a-I'm a bad role model
for the kid.
[scoffs]
Role models and morals
are for the comfortably
middle-class.
Rich people don't have 'em,
and working guys like us
can't afford 'em.
I got another one for you,
Bradley.
Like this asshole.
Think he has morals?
What have you done to that bike
this time, Tully?
[sighs]
You have to use these
every time, Solomon.
And stick this
snail patch down there.
It burns the warts right off.
Candace Madson,
come on down.
Should we order more
of those snail patch thingies?
Hell no.
We should have
the girls dig around
in the backyard for snails
and make our own.
[Kev] Ms. Madson,
how you doing?
What kind of jiffy care can
Nurse V do for you today?
[Candace] It's actually
not for me.
It's for my daughter Jamie.
We've tried a bunch
of other places in town--
clinics, hospitals, and such--
but they're all out of network,
so insurance won't cover
what she needs,
and we can't afford
to pay out of pocket.
Out of network?
Where are you from?
[Candace] Missouri.
You can't get
what you need in Missouri?
Not anymore.
That's terrible.
What is it, honey?
It's okay.
An abortion.
♪ funky music ♪
♪♪♪
- [knocking]
- Debbie?
I'm Julia.
I dig your car.
[chuckles]
- You're Julia?
- You sound surprised.
I just-I thought
you'd be, uh...
Uh, prettier?
- No.
- [chuckles]
- Uh, younger.
- Oh, yeah.
Well, I thought
you would be older.
Most of my mom's hookers are.
I'm not a hooker.
Your mom and I are dating.
That's cool.
I'm dating your mom too.
My mom's dead.
Wow.
Uh, this is gonna be
a fun afternoon.
I'm sorry.
Does underage underwear
make you uncomfortable?
No.
Good.
Just, Catholic school uniforms.
Am I right?
Okay, so your mom said
I'm supposed to take you
to some class?
She didn't tell you where?
She said you knew where it was.
Awesome.
Uh, just head towards Fulton.
I'll get us there.
Okay.
You know you're supposed
to stop at stop signs, right?
The Prius came
out of nowhere, man.
[cell phone ringing]
Sorry. Gotta take this.
Dr. Peterson.
Talk to me.
He's a chiropractor.
That's, like, a fake doctor.
What do you think?
- The thing's fucked.
- Yeah.
Cost me five grand
just in parts,
then two guys,
two weeks to do it.
We're looking
at more than nine grand.
We could turn over three bikes
at four grand each
in that time.
Gotta quote him at least that.
This bike even worth 12 grand?
- No.
- No.
[Tully] So what do
you think, Bradley?
Start at 11,
settle for ten.
- Huh?
- Well, Tully...
can't do it for less than 12.
Jeez, man.
I can get a new Harley
for a couple grand more.
With parts and labor,
I can't go lower than that.
But I was telling Lip,
he needs practice,
or I may have to can him
for a more experienced guy.
What?
Maybe he could take it on.
You know,
learning project or whatever.
What do you think, Lip?
Oh, yeah. I mean...
I don't know, man.
It's a big job, you know.
Mm. Probably bigger
than you can handle.
- Eh.
- Never mind.
No, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
How much would you need, Lip?
Eleven grand?
Still sounds high, man.
[Brad] Mm. I agree.
If he had said ten...
Would you do it for ten?
Mm...
I don't know.
Why not?
- [Brad] All right.
- [Tully] All right.
[Brad] Great.
Uh, wheel it over
to the corner.
Lip'll take it from there.
Looks like you won't have
to steal anything for a while.
[Carl] Where were you when our
greatest president was shot?
Obama was shot?
No. Reagan.
- [Ravi] I wasn't born yet.
- I don't believe you.
Francesca, hit him.
No, no, no!
Never the face.
Torso only.
[snaps fingers]
And use this.
Won't leave marks.
Standard interrogation
techniques, people.
You'll need them.
So learn them well.
Ready, Ravi?
Hit me.
You heard the man.
[Ravi grunts]
Jesus fuck.
Why is it so clean in here?
The maid comes twice a week.
Wow.
Nice bed.
Where are you gonna sleep?
I...figured we'd share it?
Ah, no,
that ain't gonna work.
You can sleep on the floor.
Look, this is how
this is gonna work.
I like to eat around seven
every night.
Any later than that,
I get the GERD something nasty.
So if you could, uh,
get your maid lady
to cook us up something for
around then, that'd be swell.
We have sex
whenever I feel like it.
Obviously, I'll be the top,
since you're...
pretty much a chick.
But you are gonna have
to stick something up my ass
every once in a while,
or I'm gonna get real bitchy.
This does not fall under the
scope of Nurse V's Jiffy Care.
[Veronica] She's
a 15-year-old Missouri girl
who's ten weeks pregnant,
and some old white assholes
decided she can't terminate
her pregnancy in her state
after eight weeks.
What's she supposed to do,
risk her life in some
back-alley abortion?
We'll take her
to the clinic.
How much are one of those,
Dr. Brenda?
Without insurance,
it'll run at least $400.
That's not that much.
They're on the SNAP program.
They can barely afford to eat.
What about one
of those free clinics?
Clinics won't touch
an out-of-state patient,
free or not.
There's always
a medical abortion.
Mifepristone.
Two pills taken
over a couple of days.
Great, let's point 'em
to Rite Aid
and send them on their way.
Uh, how much does that cost?
About the same.
But I could always write
the prescription
in Veronica's name.
I mean, with insurance,
it's only a $20 copay.
- You have insurance?
- Obamacare.
So great,
on top of all this,
we're running
an insurance scam now?
She's 15.
Having a baby this young
could ruin her life.
We started V's Jiffy Care
to do some good.
At least it's the lesser
of two evils.
We both have to agree
if we're gonna do this.
But remember before you answer,
if you say no,
you're just another man
standing in the way
of a woman's future.
♪ funky music ♪
All right, Jamie,
I think we found a solution.
I hope you don't mind.
We told a few friends.
♪♪♪
- [girl 1] Hi.
- [girl 2] Nice to meet you.
- [girl 3] Hi.
- [girl 4] Hello.
[singsongy] Open up.
[gasps happily]
Mm-hmm!
[slurring] Am I to blame?
Probably not, but for
the purposes of discussion,
we'll say yes.
But I was a dumb kid then.
If we're to be punished
for the things we did as kids,
how is anyone ever gonna
become president
or Supreme Court justice?
- Another one?
- Yes, please.
♪♪♪
And, uh...
Can I...[clears throat]
...really be held responsible
for the racism
inherent in the criminal
justice system?
I mean, I didn't tell them
he was my dealer.
They assumed it.
- Another one?
- Mm!
♪♪♪
And really,
the cops can be forgiven
for their mistake.
It was the '90s.
Black people really were
drug dealers then.
Mm.
One more?
How many is this?
Five.
[chuckles]
There you go.
Why are you suddenly
being nice to me?
Who said anything
about being nice?
Now that you remember exactly
how you destroyed Kyle's life,
I can get on with
making you pay for it.
Filling me full of Oxy?
Mm.
I need you in an opioid coma
but not, you know, dead.
♪♪♪
Want a sip?
It's, uh, root beer.
Out of a straw?
No, thanks.
What's wrong with a straw?
Nothing, if you don't like
the environment,
which clearly you don't,
with your plastic straws
and your pre-emission standards
Subaru.
You said you liked my car.
[laughs] Yeah.
It's called sarcasm.
You know 90 percent of turtles
will be born
with plastic straws in their
bodies in the next ten years
due largely to you and the...
- Me?
- ...billions of straws
Chicagoans discard
carelessly...
- Billions?
- ...into Lake Michigan
which inevitably
churn their way
through the Great Lakes system
and then down
the Saint Lawrence Seaway
- and out...
- Saint Lawrence Seaway?
...into the Atlantic Ocean,
where global water currents
evenly distribute them
throughout the world.
My anti-straw Facebook group
is staging a massive protest
this week.
Your anti-straw Facebook group?
Yuk it up, Big Gulp.
It's my generation that's gonna
have to save the world
that your generation
shit all over.
Okay, I'm, like,
three years older than you.
So my generation
is your generation.
And you don't have a corner
on saving the world.
Up until a week ago,
I was on strike.
So I'm basically the definition
of pro-labor feminism.
[giggling]
Thanks, Norma Rae.
A lot of good pro-labor
feminism is gonna do us
after sea levels rise 40 feet.
Well, you know whose fault
that's gonna be?
Rich people.
Flying all around the world
in your private jets...
Okay, that's not ours.
It's the company's.
...living in your
air-conditioned mansions,
blaming poor people
and our straws
for destroying the planet.
Not everyone can be born
sucking organic kombucha
out of a potato-starch bottle.
- Okay, turn here.
- Huh?
[Julia] We're here.
Just turn here.
Your class is
at Georgee's Pizza?
No. I'm just hungry.
Your mom said
no unhealthy food.
Yeah, and my mom also said
you're not a hooker.
- So...
- Fuck you, Riverdale.
Tell me where your class is.
- No.
- Tell me.
No!
Fine.
- Hey. What are you doing?
- [touch-tones beeping]
- Calling your mom.
- [line trills]
Jesus. Fine.
Okay, I-I'll tell you.
On one condition.
What?
You want me to do
this class so bad,
you have to do it with me.
[sports announcer speaking
indistinctly over TV]
Okay, let me see that one.
Why am I here again?
To try these on.
Mickey has
freakishly small hands.
What do you think?
Slip it on my finger.
I need the full effect.
Here you go.
Brushed white gold,
matte finish, round edges.
Tastefully simple.
I approve.
How much for two of 'em?
- Four hundred each.
- Nope.
Uh, 400 for the pair.
Final offer.
It's on Aunt Oopie.
Do you take cards?
Twenty-first century, kid.
Everybody takes cards.
The hell is a spin class?
It's a sweaty, anorexic Nazi
screaming motivational shit
at you
while you ride a bike
that goes literally nowhere.
Why would anyone
wanna do that?
My mom makes me.
She thinks I'm fat.
You're just a puppet
in her body-shaming shit show.
Hi, I'm Julia.
I'm checking in for class.
And can I buy a class
for my mom's hooker, Debbie?
- Not a hooker.
- [Julia] And we're gonna need
to buy her shorts
and a T-shirt.
But you can just put it
on my mom's account.
Claudia Nicolo.
Uh, no, thank you.
I'm actually all good.
You think my mom does this
because she loves me?
[laughs] Time to see
what being loved by my mom
really feels like.
[trainer] What kind of person
do you wanna be today?
Up, up, up, up, up!
You coming?
[trainer] Let's see
that tattoo. Let's go!
We're gonna need
more prescriptions.
Well, how many more?
[Kev] Seven.
I can't write more
than one prescription
for the abortion pill
in Veronica's name.
We-I'd lose my license.
What if you didn't write it?
What if you were to, say,
misplace your scrip pad
and whoever found it
were to anonymously
write a whole bunch
of prescriptions
before you even realized
it was gone?
Mm.
Well, even if I were
to misplace my scrip pad,
whoever found it would have
to write prescriptions
in other people's names.
They're not gonna give more
than one set of pills
to the same person.
I'm sure whoever found it
would figure something out.
Are we still talking about us?
They're scared
little girls, Bren.
Ten years ago,
that could've been you and me.
I can't, V.
I'm sorry.
[sighs]
Ugh.
See you.
[Veronica] See you.
Don't be a hero!
I swear I'll bury
a bullet in his head.
Can someone be a hero, please?
The Sox game's about to start.
[splatting]
[patrons gasp]
Nine times out of ten,
a guy holding a gun
to another guy's head
does not have the intention
of pulling the trigger.
If you have a clean shot,
take it.
That's terrible advice.
Let's reset.
Ah, the first inning's
started.
- I'm out.
- Ooh. I'll do it.
L-looks fun.
Cool.
Francesca, you're up.
And go.
Don't be a hero.
I swear I'll--
- [pellet splats]
- [shouts]
- [Carl] Oh.
- [groans]
Shoot the hostage.
I like your style.
[Tommy laughs]
I don't think
this is gonna work.
Well, we're giving it a try,
'cause six pregnant teenagers
don't wanna be raising babies
instead of graduating
high school.
Hey, Gracie.
They in there?
They are.
Got 'em all fired up for you.
Ah, thanks, baby.
- [woman 1] Hi, Veronica.
- [woman 2] Hey, girl.
[Veronica] Hi, ladies.
Remember Kevin?
Uh-huh. Sure do.
[laughter]
Gracie explained to y'all
what's going on?
Let's do this.
[Veronica] All right, ladies.
Saddle up.
We're going on a field trip.
♪ peppy music ♪
[pharmacist] Mifepristone.
You need an abortion?
I told Murray
the pullout method
was an ineffective form
of birth control,
but he's a little
hard of hearing nowadays.
Here's my co-pay.
I'm afraid you're gonna have
to pay full price.
Medicare only covers abortion
in cases of rape, incest,
or when the mother's life
is in danger.
I'm 80 years old.
Having a baby'll
probably kill me.
Might as well
grab some for me
while you're back there,
young man.
I was raped.
Incest for me.
Me too!
- [woman 1] Rape again.
- [woman 2] I was raped too.
- [woman 3] Incest.
- [woman 4] #MeToo.
♪♪♪
- [door slams]
- [Lip] Hey.
What are you doing home
so early?
Ugh. Uh, my nana's
gone missing again.
So my dad and Aunt Oopie are
on their way up to Milwaukee
to look for her.
Oh, your grandma, huh?
How long she been gone?
Uh, I'm not sure.
But they'll find her
wandering around in town
looking for her cat,
I'm sure.
- [sweetly] Hi.
- Hi.
- She's got a cat?
- Uh, no.
No cat,
just Alzheimer's.
- So no free childcare.
- [Fred fussing]
I know.
We're almost done.
Well, uh, maybe we can
boot Oopie
and pay for it
and pay off
all your medical bills.
What's this?
That's five grand.
I'm fixing a bike on the side,
and most of that
is gonna go towards parts,
but I get another five
when it's finished.
So ten grand?
Well, we'll clear about four
when it's all said and done.
But yeah.
Four grand
born of monkey grease
and man sweat.
[giggles]
As opposed to what?
As opposed to...
uh...theft.
Oh, come on. Hey.
- No.
- I was joking.
I know.
All right, okay,
but seriously, y-you've
never stolen anything before?
Uh...
...three-dollar earrings
on a dare
when I was ten.
Yeah, you see, that's worse
than anything I've ever stolen.
You've stolen food and money.
How is that worse?
'Cause you stole for fun.
You know, I stole so that Fiona
didn't have to work a third job
so she could cover
our electric bill.
I mean, you want me to be
ashamed of the way I grew up?
No.
I...[sighs]
It would just be nice
if you knew that
that wasn't normal.
Well, it might not
be Tamietti normal,
but it's definitely
Gallagher normal.
Look, I'm fine
living in an RV,
scraping by, doing whatever
we have to to survive.
Yeah.
As long as we're aiming
for something a little higher.
[Fred crying]
Why is he crying?
Hey.
[crying continues]
[Julia] To skipping
spin class.
To skipping spin class.
Fine. Jesus.
Should we pick up burgers
for dinner?
Doesn't a burger require, like,
a thousand gallons
of water to produce?
Six hundred sixty.
But we all have our vices.
What are yours?
Other than, you know,
straws and hooking.
Not a hooker.
Your mom and I like each other.
Okay. Your funeral.
[chuckles]
She loves you, you know.
She calls me fat.
To my face.
Hmm. Mine used to make me
boil her old needles.
My mom made me get a Brazilian
before fifth-grade swim camp.
Mine would use my
Easy-Bake Oven to cook crack.
Mine got me a nose job
when I was 13.
Mine made me test her coke
to make sure there weren't
laxatives in it.
- There were.
- [scoffs]
Moms do shitty stuff
sometimes.
It doesn't mean
they don't love us.
You've really drunk my mom's
Kool-Aid, haven't you?
Is that a sex thing?
'Cause probably.
Huh.
"Huh" what?
Nothing.
I decided you might just
be interesting after all.
Wow.
Really?
Sorry. I...
[exhales]
Tami told me you'd be out here.
She also tell you
I'm a thief and a degenerate?
Didn't need to.
Already knew that.
Where you headed?
To see Mickey.
Gonna propose.
Cool.
Hey, uh, why, again?
Huh?
Why are you gonna propose
to Mickey?
Because I love him.
And Debbie told me to.
[chuckles]
I thought you were all for
us getting married.
Hey, I'm all for anyone getting
married if they want to,
but...
I don't think you want to.
Otherwise, you wouldn't have
backed out the first time.
Aw, fuck, Lip.
You can't just throw this
on me now.
I've already spent all day
convincing myself to do this.
No, no. Nah.
I've decided.
I'm gonna go do it.
Great. Do it.
Great. I'm going.
Great. Go.
You're just gonna let me go?
Okay. I-I don't know
what you want me to do here.
Yeah, I don't fucking know
either, Lip.
I want him back.
So get him back.
But I think I'm gonna have
to marry him to do it.
I think you should marry him.
Someday.
All right?
But first,
just try and figure out
why you don't want to.
[Carl] Good work today,
Francesca.
Glad you finally
stopped crying, Aidan.
[Rucker] Carl.
What happened today, son?
Sir?
You send some
of the Discoverers
to the emergency room?
[chuckling] Well...
Yeah. I got a call
from some of the parents.
Ravi's mother,
State Senator Wilson,
says he got a broken rib.
Something about being beaten
with The Mueller Report.
It was a paperback, sir.
I didn't realize
it would leave marks.
Scout's father
says his daughter's got
a bruised clavicle
from a paintball incident.
Timmy Obama's in the hospital
with a strangulated testicle.
Says you kneed him
in the balls this morning.
Well, I was taking
"cart-ay" blanche, sir.
Taking-I told you to ride 'em
hard and put 'em down wet,
not break his ribs
and put him in the hospital.
I think I've got a place
better suited for your talent.
The academy, sir?
How you feel about trash?
Well, I don't feel great
about it.
Hmm.
Sanitation department.
You know, in your time
with the Discoverers,
you've already proven
that you're tough.
But it takes
the toughest of the tough
to be able
to survive garbage duty.
Get you out on the streets.
Get you to know
the neighborhood,
the people, you know.
Plus, service like that
to the city
looks absolutely fantastic
on a police academy
application.
♪ desolate rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Gods are beaming into me ♪
♪ Drippin' out my energy ♪
♪ This isn't black or white,
getting hard to fight ♪
♪ Hyperactivity ♪
♪♪♪
♪ I'll mix you in honey ♪
♪ Stir till you're dizzy ♪
♪ Blending into one,
wildly undone ♪
♪ A tinct of quality ♪
♪ You used to hype me up,
baby ♪
♪ But I learned your game ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Years of taking you, baby ♪
♪ You just taste the same ♪
♪ Who's addicted now... ♪
- Hey.
- Ian.
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank God.
Please take him back.
Hey, Mickey, honey?
You have a visitor.
Oh!
What's up, bro?
You get upstairs and clean up
down there real good.
I'm comin' for you.
[chuckles]
- Come on.
- [slaps buttocks]
Go on. All right.
It looks like things are
going well between you two.
Uh, yeah.
It's like The Love Boat
up there.
Could not be happier.
Here.
Fuck is that?
This an engagement ring?
No. No.
It's a...it's a promise ring.
You're kidding me.
No.
I have one too.
See?
Sweet.
All right, look.
Gallaghers and marriage,
they don't mix well.
But a Gallagher
keeps his promise.
Look, do we really need
a piece of paper from the state
to say that I'm committed?
I'm committed.
Nah. I'm good.
- Mick. Mickey.
- No.
A fucking promise ring?
What are you, a teenage girl?
You're not even wearing yours.
You got it around your neck.
You can just tuck it in there
and no one even has to see it.
It doesn't matter
where you wear it.
It-it-it symbolizes
commitment.
I'm not saying never.
No, just saying you don't
love me enough now.
And that's fine.
It's cool.
- I got Barry.
- Byron.
He answers to whatever the fuck
I call him, all right?
'Cause that's true love.
How do you know you love me?
Huh?
How do you really know?
I'm bipolar, right?
I don't know who I am
from one day to the next.
I can't guarantee shit.
So why do you wanna spend
the rest of your life with me?
Are you fucking crazy?
And who else have you dated?
- I've dated plenty of people--
- No, no, no, no, no.
Not fucked, dated,
been in love with.
How can you
possibly know that me,
that-that this, all of me,
all the fucking versions I am,
how do you know that
that's what you wanna spend
the rest of your life with?
Jesus Christ, Ian.
I've always known Gallaghers
were fucked up,
but I have never been happier
to be a Milkovich.
When you get over this whole
"I'm not worthy of love"
bullshit,
why don't you give me a call?
Maybe if Barry hasn't made
an honest woman out of me,
I'll still be around.
[door slams]
♪ gloomy music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Follow the light inside ♪
♪ And break the key ♪
♪ Off and hide
till the morning light ♪
♪ This is just a dream ♪
♪ This is just a dream ♪
♪♪♪
- ♪ Follow the light inside ♪
- [urine trickling]
♪ And break the key ♪
♪ Off and hide
till the morning light ♪
♪ This is just a dream ♪
♪ This is just a dream ♪
♪♪♪
[door clicks open and shut]
Thank you.
You okay?
Yeah.
[music playing over car radio]
[Veronica] Who's that?
Are you the folks who run
Nurse V's Jiffy Care?
No.
No, we're not.
♪♪♪
Are you Nurse V's
Jiffy Abortion Van?
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ Bye-bye, baby ♪
♪ Bye-bye, baby ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪