Shameless (2011–…): Season 10, Episode 4 - A Little Gallagher Goes a Long Way - full transcript

[grunts]

Oh.
What the hell do you want?

No!
No, no, no.

I'm not gonna tell you
what happened last week.

No.
I'm not gonna do it.

It's fucking stupid.

Just watch the show right now,

and you'll figure it out,
all right?

I'm gonna get hit on the head.
Would you back up, please?

We're playing a game here.
Thank you.

[man grunts]

[laughs]

- This all belongs to Debbie?
- [Mikey] Yeah.

You get the fragrances.

I'll get the shoes
and the dresses.

♪ upbeat rock music ♪

[phone clatters]

Mikey, we did it.

Port money.
We got money.

We can go to the ER
for your disgusting

and infected port thing.

How's it going?

Oh, you know, I'm crushing it.

I lied before.

I don't really know
how to make tamales.

I just wanted to spend time
with you

in a place
that smells like corn.

'Cause you like me.

No, this is not the place
that sells stolen goods

as a side hustle.

Unless you got
the secret password.

- I'm Mimi.
- V.

[Mimi] Do you wanna get
a nightcap, V?

Maybe somewhere
that people aren't staring.

Bye, best friends.
Have fun.

Brings you to church?

AA.
You?

NMAA, new mom AA.

I'm Sarah.

[Farhad] Debbie!
O, captain, our captain!

We're sticking it to the man.
We're on strike.

You're Frank Gallagher's boy.

Listen,
you're not welcome here, Liam.

You gotta understand
that Frank and Monica

wronged this family 20 ways
since Tuesday.

But I'm just
the only black person

in a house full of crackers.

♪ rock music ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪

♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪

♪ You were beaming
once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪

♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪

♪ You were willing
once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

♪ soft acoustic music ♪

♪♪♪

[traffic rumbles]

[coughs]

[grunts]

My pinto, Papa.

[coughs]

[moaning]

That's our money, Debbie.

[Debbie]
It was your money

until you and La Cucaracha
over here stole all my shit.

Now it belongs to me,
along with anything else

you receive for the rest
of your silly, little life.

That's bullshit.

[Debbie] And I'm taking
the rest of the cash Fiona left

into buying a car,

something tangible
you guys can't squander.

I can see you're emotional.
Let's just--

I am as cool
as a motherfucking cucumber.

Thank you
for your contribution.

[coughing]

What the hell?

You--you got dialysis.

I'm not 100 percent, Frank.

I dreamed about my death
last night.

How'd you die?

Infected port.

My father was there.
He was shaking his head.

He was disappointed.
I let him down.

How?

What more could he
possibly want from a son?

So many things.

He worked like a dog, my dad.

He had
a little shoe repair shop.

He'd make keys.

His dying wish was that
I'd become...

a real businessman.

[guttural noise]

You wan--you wanna be
a businessman?

Let's make you a businessman.

Rise and shine, my pal.

- I--I can't.
- You can't?

You think Lee Iacocca ever said
"I can't"?

Yeah.

Didn't he die?

[laughs]

I rest my case.

Come on.

- [Frank] Okay, good.
- Oh, shit.

- [Frank] One more.
- [Mikey] Oh!

- [Frank grunts]
- [Mikey] Fuck 'em.

- Hey!
- [Mikey] I'm dizzy.

I am too.

- I'm dizzy, Frank.
- Here's your shirt.

- [Mikey] Get my back.
- [Frank] I got it.

I thought you already had
a job.

I do.

Well, I did,
but we're on strike.

And when you're on strike,
you don't get paid.

So now,
I'm looking for another job.

[Liam]
What's a strike?

[Debbie] An excuse not to work
until management agrees

to pay you more
and work you less.

[Lip] Fucking Frank.

[Debbie] But the Union
still wants us to walk around

for four hours a day
with a sign, chanting shit.

[Liam]
Is that what those are for?

Yeah.

- Hi.
- Hi.

There we go.

[Liam]
Hey, no more fake boob?

What?
No, no, no.

That thing really made
an impression on people, huh?

Boobs will do that.

[water running]

- [Freddie coos]
- [Lip] I gotcha.

[Debbie] You should put him
in the Pack 'n Play

while you heat the milk up,
then make your coffee.

Pro tip.

[Lip]
All right.

[Freddie coos]

- Hey, you ready?
- [Liam] I thought being

in a union meant
you made more money.

Here we go.
Here we go.

[Debbie] Not any more
in Trump's America.

All right, I'm just gonna
put you here, okay?

Daddy's gonna go
make some coffee.

He's gonna be right back, okay?

You're doing great, buddy.

- You're doing so good.
- [Freddie cries]

[Lip] I hear you, huh.
I hear you, I hear you.

Pro tip: don't give out

people's social security
numbers

and tell Uncle Sam
where they were.

How do you expect to get
an ATM card?

Nobody wanted an ATM card.
All we wanted was cash.

Sorry.

[Freddie cries]

How's Tami?

She's better.
Out of ICU.

Hopefully, she's out
of the hospital soon.

[Freddie cries]

Better be out of the hospital
soon.

[rock music plays
over speakers]

[Kev]
That's a relic.

♪♪♪

- I'll give you five for it.
- Mm.

Pleasure doing business
with you.

Tell your friends about us.
We buy and sell.

[man]
Gonna love this.

- Hey, V.
- Hey.

[Mimi]
Can I get a bloody Mary?

- I thought you had to work.
- That's why I need a bloody.

These fucking black doctors...
no offense.

None taken.
I'm not a doctor.

[Mimi] I'm trying to get them
to prescribe this new drug

for hypertension and diabetes,
but none of them gives a shit.

[Veronica]
Too expensive?

[Mimi] Mm,
no drug is too expensive

if you have Medicare.

It's these
damn marketing restrictions.

See, back in the day,
I used to be able

to just take 'em to dinner

or some bullshit offsite
in Hawaii.

They would write
all the scripts you wanted,

but now it's all illegal.

Mm, that's a bad thing?

It is if you gotta eat.

Look at you two.

Like two friends
from that old show...

Friends.

Only there were
no black friends.

Or Asian friends.

Can I get you guys anything?

Bag of SmartPop!, chardonnay?

We're good, thanks.

All right, just let me know.

[Veronica] I don't know
what he's talking about.

We don't even have chardonnay.

♪♪♪

Yo.

How much you'd give me
for this?

[dog whining]

Nothing.

Give me 20, and I'll throw in
the gay little vest for free.

[Kev] That's Mrs. Zeigler's
emotional support animal.

Take him back right now, man.

The poor woman's
probably losing her shit.

[dog whining]

Unbelievable.

At least you didn't become
an artist.

Those guys died poor.

Monet, Van Gogh, all of 'em,

except for the guy
that--that drew Snoopy.

Well, he was funnier
than all of 'em.

Snoopy cracked me up.

- Yeah.
- Ha.

Well, here we are.

What does this have to do
with being a businessman?

If you're gonna go
into business,

the first thing you're gonna
need is capital.

Wait.

Today is your lucky day.

Me and my friend here,
we're the wish granters.

So, if you really want
your wish to come true,

you're gonna wanna give
that coin to me.

But only if you want
the wish to come true.

Really?

Absolutely.
That's why we're here.

Scrape up all the coins
in the fountain

so we can make all the wishes
come true.

What do you wish for?

My dog Steve ran away.

I wish he'd come home.

Well, put food in his bowl,

'cause Steve will be home
before you know it.

Thank you!

Make a wish.

Nah, I don't believe in stuff
like that.

Make a wish.
What can it hurt?

Plus, we're just gonna
wade in and get it.

[coin plops]

You wish you were
a businessman?

- Yeah.
- Too bad.

You should have wished
for a new port.

Oh, well.

See those guys over there?

These squares.
Expense account, healthcare.

Look at that breakfast burrito,
size of a baby.

[chuckles]

Those guys are suckers.

I wanted to be like them.

I went to college
and everything, job...

No, shit?
You went to college?

Me too.
Northwestern.

Malcolm X.

Good school.
Community college, but...

What happened?

I told you what happened.

I bought a Blockbuster
video store with my pop,

lost everything,
the muffler shop,

the car, the house.

My father committed suicide.

Shit.
That sounds...depressing.

But today's a new day.

You wanna be a businessman?

You gotta think like
a businessman.

I have no idea what that means.

It means we're gonna need
some new threads.

Ooh.

- [Lip] Hey.
- Hey, Lip.

[woman speaking indistinctly]

Hi.

[woman] I actually started
boiling some cabbage.

You're new.
What's your name?

Uh, me--Lip.

I got a baby, uh, boy.

Welcome.
This is a safe space.

Thank you.

Totally.
Does your wife work or...

Oh, no, we're--we're
not married, actually.

[Paige]
Good.

Um.

Yeah, she's still
in the hospital, um...

Oh, I'm so sorry.
What happened?

A C-section.

Uh, there were
some complications.

Hope she makes it.

Yeah, she's, uh--she's out
of ICU.

She's getting better.

Poor thing.
Can I bring you dinner?

No.
Thank you, though.

- That's very nice.
- [Paige] You sure?

- Yeah, yeah. No.
- I'd be happy to.

[Gina] You don't want
that dinner.

Woman can't warm up
a Hot Pocket.

Let me give you my number
in case you need anything.

Anything.

- [Gina] What's your number?
- My number is: I like anal.

Hey, whoa.

Thank you, Paige.
Okay, why don't we get started?

We're here because being
a new parent is hard.

Being a new parent
while trying to stay sober--

Harder than my dick
at a Bublé concert.

[Sarah] Point is,
as a sober mother myself,

I know
what you're going through.

All you wanna do is drink
a fifth,

house a lasagna,
and hide in a dumpster

until that baby stops crying.

[sniffles]

[Sarah]
And that's why we're here,

to learn how to raise strong,
independent children,

and to take care of ourselves.

I have three
beautiful children,

and last week, I read a book.

- Wow.
- You fucking kidding me?

How do you have the time?

You know, Paige,
I put myself first.

That's how.

In the words of Gandhi,
"Fuck everybody."

Self-sufficient children
are happy children.

[train roars]

[tires screech]

[engine rumbles]

speaking Spanish

[upbeat music plays
on the stereo]

[vocalist singing in Spanish]

♪♪♪

♪ dramatic Latin music ♪

[clicking]

♪♪♪

[clickers clacking]

speaking Spanish

What's going on?

♪ No imitation ♪

♪ The one, I am original ♪

♪♪♪

speaking Spanish

♪ My reputation ♪

♪ I'm that bitch ♪

♪ Yeah, you already know ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I'm a confident woman ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

[pounding on door]

♪ I know what I'm doing ♪

Buenos días.

speaking Spanish

I don't have a green card.
I'm a U. S. citizen.

I'm sure you have an ID.

[dog barking]

You got a search warrant?

I do not, don't need one.

I'm not searching for anything.

We received information
that there are

undocumented immigrants
living here.

- You know anything about that?
- Nope.

[officer]
Sir, I wasn't asking you.

No, sir.

Congratulations.
You can drive.

I need to see additional proof
of citizenship,

passport,
social security card...

This is racial profiling.

You wouldn't be asking that
if she wasn't a woman of color.

I'm an immigration agent, sir.

I'm simply here
to keep you safe.

Come on, Anne, you don't gotta
show this guy shit.

Here you go, Adolf.

How'd you know my name's Adolf?

It smells good in here.
What you cookin', good lookin'?

Tamales, for breakfast.

Damn.

If only we would have gotten
here a little bit earlier.

Yeah, maybe next time,
'cause we will be back.

Don't you worry.

I'm not worried.

You remind me of a little dog,
always barking.

Ruff, ruff.

[both scoff]

What a gorgeous display
of Goodwill sartorial splendor.

You ever read that book
Dress for Success ?

No.

Me neither, but the title's
self-explanatory.

You wanna be a businessman,
you gotta look the part.

Oh, gorgeous.

Here.

Can we try something
a little more conservative?

You gotta trust me here, Mikey.

I'm good with color.

Just so you know,
I'm not a red man.

I like a nice velar.

Okay, I don't know
what that means,

but we'll make sure
you look damn dapper.

Uh, oh, yeah.

Yeah.

A pocket square to tie it
all together.

Just damn.

One man's trash is
another man's treasure.

You are ready to go, good sir.

But first, let's get ourselves
a hot, nutritious breakfast.

Where you wanna go?

The Residence Inn has
a waffle maker.

Just staying.

I do like waffles.

But the Double Tree has
fresh fruit.

Anybody got sausage?

- Links or patties?
- Patties.

Boom.
Hope you're hungry.

Always.

Put your pants on.
I gotta find something.

Morning.

Hey, Mavar, what's up?

Afraid I'm the bearer
of some sad news.

Great-Aunt Addie is dead.

Oh, wow.

And I know you two didn't
spend much time together,

but you were family
and she loved you.

Okay.

How'd she die?

Homicide?
Stray bullet?

Racist cop
with an itchy trigger finger?

What?
No, the woman was 82.

She died in her sleep.

So a heroin overdose?

No, look, I know everyone
processes grief differently,

but this is
your great-great-aunt,

twice removed on your
third cousin's s--well...

look, I'm not exactly sure
what the genealogy is,

but it'd be great
if you could attend

the homecoming tonight
with the rest of the family

at the funeral home.

A homecoming?

Yeah, in our family,

when we lose someone we love,
we get together

and celebrate
that person's life.

There gonna be booze?

Man, those Gallaghers
really did a number on you.

Look, it's gonna be okay.

Wait, hold on.

Is there something in your ear?

That's not mine.

Well, it was in your ear.

Have a great day, Liam.
I'll see you tonight.

[engine turns over]

What the hell?

[sighs]

♪ upbeat soulful music ♪

♪♪♪

♪ We could greet the sun
in the morning ♪

♪ Walk among the stars
at night ♪

♪ They say every sign's
a warning ♪

♪ And I guess they... ♪

You're gonna wanna put
the mini bagel

on the little conveyor belt
so that it's toasted

by the time you wanna sit down.

♪♪♪

♪ Come here to sleep ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Not there,
but I'm on my way ♪

How'd you sleep last night?

Like a baby.

I always sleep better
when I'm on the road.

- Ditto that.
- [Mikey] Yeah.

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ Let me take you to the sun ♪

♪ Hey, come along...♪

- [Frank] Your bagel.
- Oh, my bagel, my bagel.

♪ Let me take you to the sun ♪

Oh, shit.
Oh.

Ow.

Five bucks?

[Megan]
Debbie?

It's Megan.

Oh, shit.
Hey.

Last time I saw you,

you were getting
dragged out of D-Hall.

[scoffs]
Assholes.

What's that green thing?

[Megan]
That's a mango.

[Debbie]
That's what a mango looks like?

Yeah.

Hmm.
Who are all these kids?

They're mine.

All of 'em?

Yeah, you know,
it's different baby daddies.

Oh, my gosh, damn.

How do you afford
to feed 'em all?

- You marry rich?
- [Megan] I got a good lawyer.

It's child support,
and all the fathers contribute.

Really?

Some more than others,
obviously.

So, like, the more they give me
in child support,

the better clothes I get
for the kid.

Huh.
No shit?

Yeah, that's why Moesha is
wearing Ralph Lauren,

and is Chip is wearing shit
from Goodwill.

Huh.

Chip, you get
what Daddy pays for.

Is this Franny?

Yeah.

Hey.

What's going on here

with these clothes?

Is Derek, like,
a deadbeat dad?

No.

I mean, he offered to pay
child support,

but he wanted partial custody.

So I said "No."

Shared custody is a godsend.
It's a free babysitter.

Let him have the kid
one night a week.

That's when you go out.
You bust out your humps.

You go to a bar,
and you get that pie cream.

Yeah, I think I know
what you mean.

You gotta earn that sperm.

A sperm deposit is
a bank deposit.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe.

Either way,

I would definitely
revisit the Derek situation.

Milk him for everything
you can get.

Thanks.

Oh, my God.

Look at that fine-looking Jew.

You know that man has
a good job.

I gotta go.

Okay, good seeing you, Megan.

[Megan] Come on.
Come on.

- Okay, okay.
- [child babbles]

Hmm?
Shalom.

That woman that was crying
that one time, is she okay?

Oh, Minal, suffering from
postpartum depression.

Sucks.

Also known as "Weeps McGee",
"Tears for Fears",

"Emily Post-Partum,"
and "The Crying Game."

God bless her.

Okay.

The one who never stops
giving you medical updates

on her vagina.

Yes, deep, deep details.
Yeah.

[Sarah]
That's Sharon.

Needless to say

we call her "Over-Sharon",

but not to her face.

What's your nickname?

I don't have a nickname.

At least that I know of.
I'm too normal.

- [Lip] Uh-oh.
- [Sarah] What?

Only crazy people say that.

[Sarah laughs]

Oh, that, uh--that lady
with the fake baby,

what's--what's going on there?

Oh, Gina.

She lost her baby
during childbirth.

Supposedly, her therapist said
the doll would

help her overcome the loss.

Wow, that'd suck.

That's terrible.

What's her nickname?

Batshit Gina.

You guys are
a sympathetic group, huh?

Again, we only call her that
behind her back.

Sorry about your baby mama.

I had complications
with my first C-section too.

She's gonna be fine.

Yeah, I hope so.

So, what do you do
when you're not

in AA or...whatever?

I teach babies how to swim.

What?
Bullshit.

I do!
I'm an infant swim instructor.

That's a thing?

Yeah, it's good for them.

Builds muscle,

improves coordination
and balance, sleep...

Right before they drown.

They've been swimming
for nine months

in amniotic fluid.

A swimming pool's no different.

Yeah, but it is.

I can get Fred in the water
when he's six months.

No.
No, no, no thank you.

No.

Trust me,
if you ever want a life,

the sooner he learns
the better.

Come by the Y today,

and I'll show you
how it's done.

[Frank]
How you feeling, buddy?

Much better.

I just think
I needed to eat something.

[dishes clang]

- [Frank] Work charts.
- Last quarter.

- [Frank] Flowcharts.
- Trending.

- [Frank] Yeah.
- Dividends.

- Absolutely.
- [Mikey] Reinvest.

- Well, you got to.
- [Mikey] Points.

Offshore.

I think it's probably time
for us to make our move.

What move?

See the two guys
sitting behind ya?

When they go back
to the buffet, do what I do.

Okay, okay.

We should probably keep going.

- Show time.
- [Mikey] Show time.

- Go.
- [Mikey] Yeah.

♪ upbeat rock music ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Hey ♪

What's my name?

Uh, Bethany.

That's us.

♪♪♪

[tires squeal]

♪♪♪

The dude is suspect.

What dude, Mavar?

Yeah.

I really think you're gonna
enjoy these, Mrs. Ranson.

Please,
tell all your friends about us.

Yeah.

Hey.
Yo!

Yo, crackhead!

What are you gonna do,

steal it and try
to sell it back to me?

I am not a crackhead.

Oh, but you are a thief,
though?

Hey. Yeah.

Man, get out of here.

[indistinct chatter]

Seriously,
something's not right.

Agreed, you don't play
basketball at Georgetown

and then become
a used car salesman.

- Unless...
- What?

I don't have an unless.

I'm just saying
you don't see that a lot.

What do you think, V?

What does this guy want
from me?

Nothing, he's just
a conscious brother.

That's all.

[Liam] Maybe, but he's also
a boring brother.

Can't argue with you there.

Man kept score
at the baseball game,

brought a little pencil
and everything.

How do you not trust
the jumbotron?

Trust the jumbotron.

[Kev]
He kept score?

Then put the scoresheets
in a little memory box.

- No, he didn't.
- He showed it to us.

Dead butterflies in there too.
I think I even saw a stamp.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, he told me
an African folktale

the other day.

- It lasted two hours.
- [Kev] That's too long.

And I think that was
just part one.

And then there's this.

[TV announcer]
...Comes back.

A little high
on the check swing.

A quarter?

Dude pulled that shit
out of my ear.

He did what?

It's a magic trick.

He pulled that out of your ear?

It's the dark arts, V.

The man is obviously
trying to lure Liam

into some kind of cult.

[soft piano music plays]

[woman weeping]

- Yes?
- Hi, Pepa.

Is Derek here?

Debbie, what do you want?

That is between Derek and me.

My husband's gone.

Gone where?

Is he stateside or overseas?

'Cause I really need
to speak with him.

Derek is dead.

Yeah, yeah.
Knock that shit off.

Seriously, where is he?

♪♪♪

[woman sobbing]

Oh, shit.
You're serious.

Wait, is he dead or a hostage?

'Cause that yellow ribbon
and the flag at half-mast

are kind of confusing.

I'm sorry, Debbie,

but you're not welcome here,
all right?

♪♪♪

[piano music muffled]

Huh.

Pens, business magazine,
paper clips...

what a loser.

Take the magazine.

Well, if this isn't a sign,
I don't know what is.

What is it?

"The Art of Self-Promotion"
at the convention center.

Maybe we could sell 'em.

Sell 'em?
We're going.

Wait, I thought you were
going to SoulCycle.

Change of plans.

[man]
Yeah, with bacon, medium rare.

[door opens]

[indistinct chatter]

Well,
the fucking caravan is back.

Oh, relax.
They're good people.

Not for business.

Every day,
they come in and take over

like it's their own personal
business center.

They buy, like,
one Mountain Dew

and sit around for hours,
sucking down my Wi-Fi.

How the hell do they even know
the password?

Uh, probably 'cause I gave it
to them.

Jesus.

I have one password
in my life, Carl,

use it for everything.

Oh, sorry.

You should probably use
more than one, you know.

Throw in a capital
or a dollar sign or something.

No shit.

What's her problem?

[Carl]
I don't know.

Hey, but we can watch Netflix
on our phones now.

Que pasa?

Bad news.
ICE got the Mendozas.

Shit.
Which ones?

The fat ones.
The skinny ones got away.

I think we need to move
somewhere else

until things cool down.

Where?

- Under the bridge.
- Too crowded.

What about that place
with a house?

Do you mind the driving?

[Anne]
That wasn't bad.

And this time of year,
the rail yard's nice.

Wait, hold up.

If you need a place
to lay low for a while,

you can stay at my house.

- Really?
- Yeah, of course.

I'm not gonna let you sleep
in a rail yard.

Thank you, Carl.

♪ rock music ♪

♪♪♪

speaking Spanish

♪♪♪

[man] You're the best, Mavar.
Thanks, brother.

[Mavar] I know.
I apologize.

I should have told you
it didn't take diesel fuel

when I sold you the car.

I'll let you know
when it's fixed.

- Meanwhile, enjoy the Ford.
- Thanks again.

Hey, my pleasure.
Appreciate your business.

Yeah.

[Mavar] All right,
have a good one, man.

[man]
Yeah.

[door opens]

What's your deal, Mavar?

- Liam?
- Are you in a cult?

What?

I just watched that dude
play you.

He put the wrong kind of gas
in his car

and you give him a loaner.

That's right out of the Bible.

R.J. needs a car for work,
so I loaned him one.

That's what we do.

We help each other out,
lift each other up.

"We" as in the cult?

"We" as in responsible
black men.

Well, what you should have done
is charged dumbass 1,000 bucks

for violating a warranty.

There is no warranty.

He doesn't know that.

Look, I sell used cars, Liam.

But if I can make
just one person's day

a little better,
a little brighter,

then that's a very good day.

Is it?

[chuckles]
You're hilarious, man.

Look, I'll see you later on
at the homecoming, okay?

Lots of people excited
to meet you.

[buttons clacking]

Oh, you crushed it,
and you're here to celebrate

I suck and I'm here
for a Bad Dog rocks.

What happened?

These doctors, man,
they hate me.

Half of them
won't even meet with me.

How you know they hate you,
then?

Because I'm Asian
and they're black.

Why do black people hate
Asians?

'Cause in a crowd,
you push and shove,

and your tiny, little noses.

Do those things even work?

Okay, why do black people think
they're so much cooler

than everybody else?

'Cause we are,
and don't you dare bring up

Carlton or that brother
from Star Trek.

They aren't real.

What the hell is Freaknik?

You won't have to
worry about it,

'cause you not invited.

Why are black people so loud
in movies?

Why y'all take
so many selfies?

- Why are we friends again?
- 'Cause I'm adorable.

[upbeat music plays
over speakers]

♪♪♪

Stupid doctors.
You know what?

You should just come with me.

Maybe they'll listen
to a black woman.

I read the material.
What's the problem?

Me, I'm the problem.
I'm Asian.

[sighs]
Mimi, doctors are smart people.

You just need to bring them
a jar of pickles.

Pickles?

Doctors like pickles?

Who cares
what the doctors love?

They're not for the doctors.
They're for the office manager.

She's your gatekeeper.

What does this have to do
with pickles?

Pickles provide essential
vitamins, minerals,

and antioxidants;
improve digestion

and liver protection.

Basically, the same benefits
as your drug.

Oh, shit.

How do you know so much
about pickles?

Tell the office manager
that your drug is like

a jar of pickles but better.

I promise she'll call you back.

Damn.

♪ upbeat music ♪

[driver]
Oh, shit, cabbies.

♪♪♪

Easy, townspeople.
I'm just doing my job.

[man]
Piece of shit!

What's their problem?

They don't believe
in rideshare.

[indistinct shouting]

[man] Get out ass out of here!
Get the fuck out of here.

No way I'm getting out.

How you like me now,
you cabbie fucks?

Uh, what--what was
your name again?

I'm Dave.

[man]
Stick it up your ass.

Is that a...AK-47, Frank?

A Kalashnikov AK-47?

I don't give a shit
what model it is.

It's a fucking machine gun.

Is that even legal?

- Um, good luck, Dave.
- Good luck, Dave.

[Frank]
Oh, shit.

[Dave] Make--make sure
you give me five stars.

speaking Spanish

You know when I said
you could stay here?

I didn't mean
your entire family.

Oh, we thought you meant
the plural "you", tu .

Did you mean the singular
"you", usted ?

Yeah.

Sorry.
That's why Spanish is better.

It's more specific.

♪ upbeat Latin music ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪♪♪

What's going on?

It's Anne's family.

[Debbie]
Who's Anne?

- I work with her.
- I don't care.

Derek died.

Shit.
Really?

You know how?

I don't know.
I didn't ask.

I'm sorry.

I mean, at least you and Franny
are gonna be rich now.

- How are we gonna be rich?
- [Carl] 'Cause of the DB.

- A what?
- [Carl] The death benefit.

When someone dies
in the military,

the family gets, like,
100,000 bucks.

It's the only reason
most of these women

stay married to these jarheads,

just waiting till they end
tits up

so they can get paid too.

Huh.
Is that so?

♪♪♪

[vocalist sings
upbeat Latin song]

♪♪♪

Yeah, that--that--that baby's
too young to swim.

You gotta trust me.
This is how they learn.

I don't know.

I think just being near
the water,

that's--that's a great
first step.

So we're just gonna...

[Sarah] I know it's scary,

but babies never learn
how to swim

if you don't empower them.

[Sarah breathes in]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Hey, is he okay?

Look at him.
He's fine.

How are you?

Fucking terrified.

Do you not know how to swim?

In case my yacht capsizes?
No.

Why would I know how to swim?

[Sarah] Kids only learn
through trial and error.

It's amazing what
they're capable of

if you just give 'em the space.

So you throw babies
in a river?

[Sarah]
It's a swimming pool,

and I barely dipped him
underwater.

I--I--I don't want Fred
in the water, like, ever.

[Sarah]
That's ridiculous.

That's why most children are
terrified,

don't know how to self-soothe.

When they can't solve problems
on their own,

they throw tantrums,
are allergic to everything.

Next thing you know,
they're 28-years-old,

living in
their parents' basement,

blaming the world
and, ironically, their parents

for their shortcomings,
wanting to kill themselves

because the wireless is
too slow.

Oh, your examples are intense.

What about your wife, Tami?
What does she think?

Uh, we are not married.

Um...and I don't know.

You know, we--we--we didn't
really have a chance

to discuss parenting styles
in the ICU, so...

These cab drivers are no joke.

Uber's taking food
out of the baby's mouth.

- Gotta say, I sympathize.
- We could have died.

- Dave probably did die.
- [Frank laughs]

Sorry.

All part
of life's rich tapestry.

Welcome to
The Art of Self-Promotion.

[Frank]
Thanks.

- Andrew Felderman.
- Andrew, Donna Marcus.

Wow, that's a firm handshake.

Thank you.

- Tyler Mamaliger.
- Oh.

[indistinct chatter]

[keyboard clacking,
phone ringing]

Delgado...Derek.

There you are.

Great.

Death benefit's been paid
in full.

Francis Gallagher's not listed

as one of
the designated beneficiaries.

That fucker.

If you feel there's been
an injustice,

you need to contact the widow.

[stamping]

How'd he die?

[keyboard clacks]

Got sideways drunk,
stole the tank,

drove it into the Suez Canal.

Sank like a rock,
didn't even try to escape.

Apparently thought it was
also a submarine.

Jesus.

Where is he buried?

Private Delgado is still

at the bottom of the Suez,
ma'am.

Buried inside an M1A2 Abrams
main battle tank

worth about $9 million.

There's highly-motivated
jihadists

who have done less damage
to the U. S. Military.

- Shit.
- Sorry for your loss.

Your nation is grateful.
Next in line!

[phone rings]

[exhales deeply]

♪ upbeat hip-hop music ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Look, I'm a breath
of fresh air ♪

♪ Yes, I am the best...♪

Yeah!
He got it.

He got three.
He got all three.

Yeah.

[both]
Yeah!

♪ Just look around
when I'm 'round ♪

♪ Let me see your smile ♪

♪ When I go and look at you,
I see your file ♪

♪ So you should wave
the white flag ♪

♪ I don't need y'all time... ♪

Eh.

♪ The minute
that I'll be by witnesses ♪

♪ I wanna finish it, yeah ♪

♪ I can't be contained
to think I was at the box ♪

♪ When feed my brain ♪

♪ And if I seem the same ♪

♪ It's 'cause
I'm on a whole nother level ♪

♪ I don't need the lane ♪

♪ All I need is the wind,
it's in my path ♪

♪ I'll remember this ♪

- [woman, indistinct]
- Make a splash.

Impress them.

Be consistent and steady.

So let me ask a question.

Are you ready?

♪ I'm in high demand,
not anyone can advance ♪

♪ Just like I can, you don't
even stand a chance ♪

♪ While I do my dance,
and I hate to lose ♪

- [Frank] Hi.
- [man groans] Ah--

♪ When I'm in control,
I go straight to the hole ♪

♪ Like a give and go, if
you're bored with the norm ♪

♪ I'ma break the mold
and break the rules...♪

[Frank] T-shirt,
come on, T-shirt,

come on...

♪ ♪

No, no--ah!

♪ 'Cause I'm makin' moves ♪

♪ I'm in high demand,
not anyone can advance ♪

♪ Just like I can, you don't
even stand a chance ♪

♪ Tryin' to do my dance.
and I hate to lose...♪

One more?

Good.

♪ ♪

♪ I'ma break the mold
and break the rules ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm,
'cause I'm makin' ♪

- ♪ Moves ♪
- [Mikey] Frank, Frank!

Where the hell
did you get that?

Booth 279!

- Hurry!
- ♪ When I'm in control ♪

♪ I go straight to the hole
like a give and go ♪

♪ If you're bored with the
norm, I'ma break the mold ♪

♪ And break the rules
'cause I'm makin' ♪

♪ Moves ♪

Hi, Pepa.
I'm sorry.

I just realized I didn't
offer my condolences.

I was just so stunned.

Don't act like you care.

You're the town pump

who tricked him into
getting you pregnant.

Okay, this isn't
about me.

This is about Franny,
Derek's daughter.

She deserves
his death benefit.

Derek's death benefit went
to his legitimate children.

- Which Franny is.
- Is she?

What the fuck is that
supposed to mean?

Derek told me about
you Gallaghers.

You dick!

I want Franny's money.

Oh, my God...
my husband is dead,

and you show up
demanding money?

Derek was right.

You are a terrible person.

- [pounds door]
- Derek didn't say that

about me, you bitch!

- [thud]
- Fuck you, Pepa!

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

- Free?
- Free.

Ah! Ha ha.

I love this place!

Mmm.

What do you wanna do
next?

The Wine and Winners mixer
is at 4:00

in the Chesapeake Room.

I think we definitely
want to hit that.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't mind
going back to booth 28 again.

I can't believe
they rated my handshake a six.

I think I need to squeeze
harder.

Also, I wouldn't mind going
back to booth 8 one last time

and win one of those stainless
steel water bottles.

The hydration vessel.
I got one.

You could cheer me on.

I been cheering for you
all day.

It's not my fault
you can't spin a wheel.

Okay. You go to
the mixer, then.

I'm going to booth 8.

No, come on!

The whole point of this
was to do it together.

No, the point of this was to
let me be a businessman,

but fine, as long as
baby Frank

gets to do what he wants
to do--

You can have the hydration
vessel--there, take it.

I don't want
your hydration vessel.

- Take it.
- No!

Take the goddamn
water bottle!

No!

[lowers voice]
Take the goddamn water bottle.

No!

- [quietly] Pick it up.
- [snickers]

No.

Pick up the goddamn bottle.

- No--Ow!
- Pick it up!

[coughing]

[continues coughing]

[upbeat band music
over speakers]

- [patting back]
- [grunts, groans]

Mmm.
[exhales]

Okay?

[small laugh]
Never better.

[softly]
Never better.

Sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

This has been the best
day of my life.

[chuckles]

I don't want us
fighting anymore.

A-B-C--
always be celebrating.

[laughs] Whatever you
wanna do next is fine with me.

I was being childish.
You pick.

- Mikey--
- You pick.

[cheerful band music
continues]

♪♪♪

I got a great idea.

[door opens]

[background chatter]

How'd it go?

You are a genius.
That's how I go.

Went great--all the office
managers love their pickles.

I have five doctor's
visits set up already.

That's awesome.

Can I get
a Bad Dog, rocks, please.

Course!

V, you're so good
at this shit.

Of course, office managers.
Those are the key.

Just happy I can help.

- Come work for me.
- What?

It can just be your
side hustle; you're a natural,

and you have a background
in healthcare, right?

I was a nurse's aide.

I will pay you 20 bucks for
every script that they write.

You want me to talk
to doctors?

I want you to take over all my
African-American accounts,

and then I can be free to
expand my Asian clientele.

Let me think about it, okay?

We make such a good team.

V, you'd make really
great money.

I mean,
I make a lotta money,

and I'm just average at best,
especially for an Asian.

Man, get your leg
off my bar.

That's not my leg.

You stole somebody's
prosthetic leg?

- No, found it.
- Oh, really--where?

On a person.

Out!
Get the fuck out!

[soft music plays]

What the hell
is this place?

This, my friend, is
the Michigan Avenue Club--

otherwise known as
The American Dream.

We don't belong here,
Frank.

I probably don't even know
the guys in the kitchen.

Relax--the host is
an old friend of mine.

Owes me a favor.

[Owen] Gentlemen.

- Frank Gallagher!
- [laughing]

Holy shit, I haven't
seen you in ages.

- You're doin' okay?
- Yeah, pretty good.

Ha ha.
You look like shit.

Thank you!

Mikey, meet the great
Owen O'Connell.

Owen, my best friend Mikey.

[Owen] Pleasure
to meet you, Mikey.

Same to you.

[Owen] You're welcome to grab
a seat at the bar.

Good to see you.

[Patty]
So Megan filled me in.

Told me how you got
fucked out of

your baby daddy's
death benefit.

Derek's widow
seems to have forgotten

that Franny's one of
his children too.

Yeah, well, my job is to
make sure she remembers.

Patty's the best
at this shit.

[Patty]
You ready to get paid?

Yeah.
Hell, yeah.

Let's do it.

[soft ambient music plays]

Smells like money.

Ha ha.
That's the food--

money sandwiches
with money gravy on top.

Richard Sears
and Alvah Roebuck

used to sit at a table
right over there

where they decided
to build the Sears Tower.

No shit.

And Mayor Daley
talked Ford into building

the Lawndale assembly plant
over ice-cold martinis

right there at that table
right there.

Rumor has it a couple
of Polish hookers

were thrown in
to seal the deal.

Amazing.

And right back there
in that corner,

eight Chicago White Sox

decided to stick it
to old man Comiskey

by throwing the 1919
World Series

'cause they were
all underpaid.

Good for them.

[bartender] How can I help you
gentlemen?

- Two Jack Daniel's, please.
- Yes, sir.

Ah, wait.

Make that...
Gentleman Jack.

[bartender]
Very well, sir.

Uh...I don't have
quite enough change

to pay for that.

It's on me.

Why, thank you, Mikey.

- [bartender] Here you are.
- Thank you.

[Frank] Ooh, yeah.

Cashews?

The fillet of the nut family.
Yes, please.

You know, I saw someone
with a T-shirt the other day

that said, "Life is good."

And I thought...

"Is it?"

Not if you live in Syria
or Venezuela.

Well, after today I saw
how good it can be.

I wanna keep living.

[chuckling]
Glad to hear it.

That's good.

Toast.

To friendship.

[glasses clink]

Hmm.

I'm gonna miss you,
my friend.

Miss me?
Where you goin'?

I need a new port.
This one's really infected.

How bad is it?

I can't feel the right
side of my torso.

Let's just go back
to the vet.

Let him pour some more
alcohol on it.

It won't last.

You know, I can't keep
doing this

emergency backstreet
healthcare no more.

I can't...I can't
live life

worrying about my kidney
every single day,

wondering when I'm gonna
need dialysis again...

or a new port.

It's too stressful for me.

♪♪♪

What are you saying?

[exhales]

I'm going back to prison.

I can get free healthcare
from real people doctors.

Prison?

With the best healthcare
this country provides

for poor people.

Fancy whisky.

Yeah.

It'll be my last drink
for a while

not made from cleaning fluid
and raisins.

Sorry, Mikey.

[quietly]
Yeah.

It's good.
Good.

Hi. I'm taking up
a collection

to place fresh flowers
on great Aunt Addie's grave.

Would you like to make
a contribution?

[blues music plays
over stereo]

♪♪♪

[door slams]

[Mavar] Hey, wait up.

Hey, man, I saw
what you did back there.

Collecting money
for fresh flowers?

I want you to know
I respect that a lot.

You know, I know
a good florist

who can get us a bunch
of flowers for a good price.

I'm keeping this money.

What?

- Why would you do that?
- I need it.

So do the people
who gave it to you.

You lied to them.

Look, I-I been nothing
but nice to you.

Welcomed you
with open arms.

Don't you get it?
We're family.

But it's like the nicer
I am to you,

the nastier you get--
why?

I don't know.

You don't know.

What, you gonna tell me
you can't help it?

It's in your nature
or some bullshit like that?

No.

I can't believe I wasted
a single second on you.

I believed in you.

You're part of our family,
and because of that,

we would do anything
for you--anything.

And you just spit
in our faces.

Don't you get it?
Family is everything!

And you finally get
the chance to have one,

and you just throw it
all away.

Well, you know what, Liam?
Fuck you!

There it is.

I knew it.
You are from the South Side.

[soft laugh]

You think I like
saying stuff like that?

I don't curse.

I hate saying things
like that.

Oh, well.

I hate Gallaghers, man.

You motherfuckers bring out
the worst in everybody.

What, you proud of that?

Hey, man,
I know who I am.

[train tracks clacking]

[thumping dance music plays
over speakers]

♪♪♪

[woman rapping in Spanish]

[background chatter]

Hi.

Holy shit, hey!

What are you--what are you--
what are you doing?

Why didn't you call me?

I would have come
to pick you up.

Hey.

- [both laughing]
- Hey.

Hey. It's all right.

It's all right.
You're home now.

Hi, Fred.

It's me, it's Mommy.

Actually,
this one's mine.

Fred is over there.

[Spanish rapping continues]

♪♪♪

Hi.

You okay?
You all right?

Yeah?

Oh, my God, hey!

What the fuck--why are there
so many Mexicans here?

- Hey!
- Hi!

♪♪♪

Thanks, Frank.

I mean it.

Mikey, wait.

We can figure this out.

- Frank.
- We'll get jobs.

Nobody's gonna hire us.

Well, then we'll save up
so that you can get dialysis

every week.

Ha. That's not gonna
happen!

We're gonna spend
all the money on booze.

I'll stop drinking.

Don't be ridiculous.

If it'll keep you
outta jail--

Frank,

I appreciate it,
but I'm sick.

I can't do the hustle
no more.

Do you think it's coincidence

that we found each other twice?

I can take care of you.

When we find half a slice
of pizza in the dumpster

or some uneaten fries
on a table at McDonald's,

I think to myself,
"Hope Mikey's hungry."

When you were getting dialysis,
I prayed.

[voice breaks]
I actually prayed.

I really hope
that my last day on Earth

is with you, my friend.

♪ peppy music ♪

♪♪♪

Don't never stop
drinking, Frank.

[chuckles]

Don't ever stop drinkin'.

Can I at least
call ya a cab?

No, thanks.

I got a ride.

♪♪♪

- Officer?
- Hmm?

[both grunt]

Ha!

- [handcuffs jangling]
- [officer groans]

[handcuffs clicking]

[officer] Watch your head.

[door closes]

[siren whooping]

♪♪♪

[clattering]

♪ rock pop ♪

♪♪♪

Hey, asshole,
get the fuck outta my house!

- S-sorry!
- Wait a minute, wait a minute,

wait a minute, you again,
the crackhead from the Alibi?

Man, I told you,
I'm not a crackhead.

I'm just poor, man.

Look, my girl left me;
I don't have a job.

I'm starving, man.
I haven't eaten in days.

Look, man, I'm sorry
about that,

but you can't take
my microwave.

Okay, I get it.
Classic one percenters, huh?

Don't wanna pay
your fair share.

What?

[sighs]

All right, look, man,
I hear you, all right?

You want a sandwich?
I got turkey, I got bread.

Swiss cheese.

Let me fix you a sandwich.

Well, I appreciate that,
but no thank you.

I just really want money
for crack.

I thought you said
you were starvin'.

I am.
For crack.

Get the fuck outta my house.

♪ upbeat pop music ♪