Shameless (2011–…): Season 10, Episode 11 - Location, Location, Location - full transcript

Ah, you wanna see
what happened last week?

No, no, you know what?
Fuck--Get outta here.

We're not tellin' you shit.
Go--go, go, go.

Jesus, Mick.

Shoulda watched
the last time.

How'd you get this job?

- Someone recommended me.
- Ah...

Friends in high places,
huh?

[Vin] We're the top
garbage crew in the city, Carl.

Strikes me
as a little suspicious.

Or I could stay here
with you,

have fun like we did
when we were kids.

Jeez--We are totally relat--
We're fuckin' cousins!

There's literally no way

I'm going to
the homecoming dance with you.

[Julia] You don't have to go,
but if you don't,

I'm definitely gonna tell my
mom that you went down on me

three--no, four times?

Shouldn't you be
in school?

Got more important stuff
to do--gotta find Frank.

He's like a cat.
He'll be back.

If I don't find him soon,

they're gonna kick me
outta school.

It's haunted, Frank.

How big is this house?

[Faye] Nine bedrooms,
including the master.

But that's mostly
just storage

for my father's
single-malt scotch collection.

This one...

looks really old.

Mr. Gallagher,
welcome to Placid Journeys.

I gotta say,
this is nothing like

the rehab facility
I was sent to back in the day.

Me, Tami, and Fred
are movin' to Milwaukee.

[Lip] The family gave us
an old house up there,

and I'll still be around,
you know,

on weekends and, uh, holidays,
stuff like that.

I love you,
Mickey Milkovich.

A-and if you let me,
I-I'd like to

- spend the rest of my life--
- Jesus Christ.

Save the fuckin' speech,
you pussy.

I'll marry you.

♪ rock music ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪

♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪

♪ You were beaming
once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪

♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪

♪ You were willing
once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

Mickey!

Mickey!
I know you're in there,

you fuckin' homo!
Hey, Mick,

You faggy faggot!

[Terry] You're never gonna
marry that Gallagher queer,

you hear me?

Mickey!

Hey, your dad's here.

[Terry] Hey, you want
a Pride parade?

- Yeah.
- How 'bout I slice off

your pansy dicks and stick
'em on a fuckin' float?

I got a little
conversion therapy for you.

You suck a dick, you die.

Would you shut
the fuck up?

You're annoying the shit
outta everybody.

Well, if it isn't
the little shirt lifter.

Just want you to know--
you marry a man,

I'ma put a fuckin'
bullet in your head.

- Simple as that.
- Why wait, bitch?

I'm standin' right here,
Charlottesville.

Oh, look at that--we must shop
at the same gun show.

The fuck happened
to you?

You know what they say--

the apple doesn't fall
far from the tree.

It does if it lands
on a dick!

Aw, please, stop.
I get it, all right?

You're proud a me.

You must really love cock.

[trigger clicks]
I definitely love one.

♪ rock music ♪

Don't say I didn't warn ya,
cocksmoker.

Good talk, Pops.

♪♪♪

So when you movin'
to Milwaukee?

I don't know.

You don't sound
very excited about it.

Yeah, well...
it is Milwaukee.

Free house,
though, right?

Yeah, I mean,
it's a nice house.

Nice neighborhood.

Yard.

Well, damn.
Jackpot.

Saw an actual birdhouse
with birds in it.

Uh, not drugs.

- Birds.
- [door opens, closes]

[Mickey]
Morning.

[Ian]
So, how's your dad?

You know, don't think
he's gonna be my best man.

Hey, what's up, punk?
Ready for school?

Can't go to school
until Frank signs a form.

- What form?
- That says I live here.

Just drop out.

I can't drop out.
I'm ten.

[Lip] Give it to me.
I'll sign it.

[Liam]
Gotta be a parent.

- I can fake Frank's signature.
- So can I.

- [Mickey] Same here.
- [Liam] School says

that he has to sign it
in person.

[Ian] Well, you know
where Frank is?

[Liam] Livin' with some lady
up in Glencoe.

- He drives a Rolls Royce.
- [Lip] Unbelievable!

- [Ian] Oh, good for him.
- Anyone want to go with me?

[all] No.

Hey, hey, you got
money for the El?

- Yeah.
- All right, drop us a pin

when you get there
so we know you're safe.

- Got it.
- [Lip] Thanks.

So you gonna talk to Tami
about Milwaukee, or...

I dunno.

[Mickey] Milwaukee sucks ass.

I mean, you should
probably tell her

how you feel about it,
right?

- [click, thud]
- [Ian] Lip?

Yeah.
Yeah, no, I got it.

Thanks.

[Lip sighs]

You ever try to get me
to move to Milwaukee,

I'll fuckin' murder you.

- [applause]
- Thanks, thank you.

Thank you.
I just wanna say,

before I go,
this last month

has been a great journey

and one I couldn't have
survived without all of you.

Thank you.
Thank you.

[indistinct murmuring]

Um...

I found myself
alone in the woods

on a snowy night,

and there came
a fork in the road...

one, a path that led
to addiction.

The other...path
also led to addiction,

but I turned the sleigh around,

and it has made
all the difference.

Wha-W-Walt Whitman
has always been

a personal favorite of mine.

Anyway, I'm outta the woods,

and I hope you all
will join me there.

I love you guys.
Good-bye.

[laughing] Gimme five!
Thank you, thank you!

I love you, I love you,
I love you.

I'll see you all again!

♪ Na na na na ♪

♪ Na, na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na-na ♪

♪ Na na na na ♪

What are you doin'?

This place is for rent.

We should call the number,
check it out.

- Why would we do that?
- Because I need a thing.

You have a thing.
I need a thing.

- And it's right next door.
- [Veronica] Why?

[Kev sighs] Oh, I'm finally
comin' to terms with the fact

that I'm never gonna play
in the NBA.

You were never
gonna play in the NBA.

Well, not now, V, because
I'm retiring from basketball.

I would think you'd be
a little more compassionate.

We have so many other things
to be thankful for.

Oh, like what?

You own a bar,
you have a hot wife

and two beautiful girls.

Okay, that is good.

But where do I go from here, V?

What is the next chapter
of my life?

Is there even a next chapter?

Or is this just...

it?
Dry cleaner.

- What?
- We could open up

- a dry cleaner.
- No.

- Mattress store.
- Uh-uh.

- Think tank.
- What the hell

- is a think tank?
- It's where people sit around

- and think.
- That's the Alibi.

[car horn honks]

Frank!

Frank.

[engine hums]

I went to confession.

Father reminded me

that an eye for an eye only
makes the whole world blind.

And Kyle told me
I need to let it go.

He was not happy.

He wants to kill you himself
when he gets out.

Oh, well, I'll tell his parole
board to keep me posted.

Are you okay?

Reasonable.

Good chow.
Lotta sleep.

Too much talking, but...

Maybe when I get back
from Puerto Rico,

we can grab a coffee?

What's in Puerto Rico?

My family's estate.

I spend the winters
down there.

Huh.
When you going?

This afternoon.

I'll come find you
when I get back, okay?

Okay.

- [car door opens, closes]
- Safe travels.

♪ funky music ♪

♪♪♪

Ha ha ha.

- [distant chatter]
- [man] Hold on a sec.

Okay.

[chatter continues]

Hey, Milton.

Oh, what's up, Lip?

What up, man?

I thought you were, uh,
in the Persian Gulf

- or some shit.
- On leave.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what's goin' on?
Y-your dad's movin' out?

Moved on--funeral
was a few days ago.

Oh, shit, I'm sorry, man.

That's fine.
He was sick for a while.

Now I gotta try
to get rid of all this stuff,

try to sell this dump.

Are you still livin'
that same house with Frank?

Yeah, unfortunately,
he's still alive, so...

Damn.

That's a surprise.

Hey, man,
how much you askin'?

No idea.

We got mold behind the walls,

roof leaks.

Rat shit everywhere.

Got a ton of stuff I gotta fix
before my leave's up.

Yeah, I wouldn't
put too much into it.

Some yuppie's just gonna
buy it and gut it anyway.

Mm. I don't have time
for this shit.

- Gotta get back to base.
- San Diego?

- Norfolk.
- Right, yeah, no, that's--

that's right.

All right, well,
hey, I'm sorry again.

- Be good, yeah?
- Thanks, man.

[Milton] Hey, asshole,
just kick it

onto the truck next time--
you'll do less damage.

♪ rock music ♪

You were pretty hard
on those real estate people.

What's up with
the open house thing?

You ask a lotta questions,
Gallagher.

You know who asks questions?

Cops.

[Vin] Look at this asshole
parked in the alley.

[bangs on truck]
Yo, hold up!

You a cop, Carl?

Hell, no.

Come on, man.

♪ rock music ♪

[taps truck twice]

♪♪♪

[knock on door]

[TV playing softly]

[Debbie]
Ugh, what do you want?

Sorry to interrupt
crack baby time.

Hey, Franny, this is
this is what happens

when you hook up
with a conniving bitch.

She blackmails you.

And when you're a ghetto
whore teen mom,

you become a prostitute
so you can pay your bills.

[Debbie]
What are you doing here?

- I bought you a gift.
- How sweet of you.

Now, I figured you
probably wouldn't have

anything nice
to wear to the dance,

since they don't sell
formal wear at Costco.

A tuxedo?

You want me to wear
this to the dance?

Yeah.
I'm wearin' the dress.

- [scoffs]
- [laughs] My mom text you?

She wants me to meet her
at some boutique.

Yeah, don't do it.

She wants to buy me
a birthday gift

to give to her even though
I already got her one.

What'd you get her?

A T-shirt
I was gonna give to Goodwill.

- Thoughtful.
- She doesn't care.

She'll buy herself something,
wrap it,

hand it to me, and then
I'll hand it back to her

and say, "Happy birthday."

It's such bullshit.

[Debbie] Should I get her
something too?

No. No, she'll pick
something out for you

then pay for it
just so she can say,

"Look what Debbie
got me for my birthday."

Okay.

See you
at the Chastain Hotel.

Seven p. m.
Don't be late.

♪ light music ♪

♪♪♪

What do ya think?

♪♪♪

I'm sending a letter
to the "Player Gazette"

about my pending retirement
from the game I love.

- [laughs] What?
- Can we hear it?

[clears throat]

"Dear basketball..."

That's all I have
so far.

- [Tommy] Good start, though.
- [Kermit] Promising.

It's not even mine.
I stole it from Kobe.

Plus, apparently,
I need reading glasses now?

God, gettin' old sucks.

The other day, I found hair
in my ear--lots a hair.

- Oh, it gets worse.
- Half my life is over.

More than half.

- What? I'm only 38.
- The life expectancy

for an average white man
is 76.

- Exactly.
- The life expectancy

for a poor white man
from the South Side is 70

- if you're lucky.
- [Kermit] Shit, am I dead?

[Veronica] I'm just saying
you're definitely

coming down the mountain.

[Kev],
V, that's why we gotta expand,

increase our revenue
so we can retire by 60.

Live a little before we die.

Retirement
is for rich people.

Poor people drop dead
on the job.

- What is happening?
- Just a little bit a research.

How's the guest list
coming?

- What?
- For the wedding.

Who you inviting?

- Uh, I don't have a list.
- Well, you need a list.

I mean, if I don't know
how many people

are comin' to the wedding,
how do I know

what size venue we need
for the reception?

We're having a reception?
At a venue?

We're having a wedding
wedding?

Jesus Christ, do you think this
stuff just magically happens?

- You gotta plan shit.
- A month ago, you were ready

to get hitched at City Hall and
now you want a real wedding?

A lot can happen in a month.
For example,

your fuckhead dad threatenin'
to murder you again

'cause you're gay.

That's what this
is about--Terry?

Yup. Anything to make that
miserable fuck more miserable.

So gimme your guest list,
I'll work on your vows,

and I will follow up
with the soloist.

- W-A fucking soloist?
- Yeah, not just any soloist.

Motherfucker needs to be able
to rock Livin' on a Prayer,

acoustic, hard.
Also, I'm gonna want

a shit-ton a candles,
so get those, uh...

[snaps] church boys ready.

- Acolytes?
- I don't care

what they're called--the little
shits that light the candles.

You know?

[paper tears]
Here ya go.

Wrote it down for ya.

Oh, well, this is cute.

Hey, why do you buy
Julia's gifts for her?

Because, if I leave it
up to her,

she'll just give me
some unthoughtful

piece of junk--if she
gives me anything at all.

Oh.

Do you have plans
tonight?

Tonight?
Why?

Well, I'm having dinner
with my friends

to celebrate my birthday--
nothing fancy--

but it'd be so much
more fun if you were there.

[small laugh] I thought
we were celebrating

- your birthday tomorrow.
- Yeah, Tasha has to

go outta town for work,
so we moved it to tonight.

Uh...just tonight
I-I have family stuff.

You know, Franny.

I would pay for a sitter.

And everyone
is dying to meet you.

Plus, Julia can't come.

She's going
to some dance thing.

Yeah, I'm-I'm sorry,
I-I really wish I could.

You know what?
It's no big deal.

We'll just celebrate it
without you.

Well, you and I can still
celebrate tomorrow night,

- right?
- Ugh, no, thanks.

At my age, one birthday party
is painful enough.

It's fine.

I don't need my girlfriend
at my birthday party.

Uh...

how 'bout I see
what I can do?

Really?
Are you sure?

Yeah, no, it's your friends
and your birthday dinner.

I can't miss that, right?

Oh, my God, that would be
the best gift ever.

[laughs] I mean,
besides this bag

I'm going to buy you
to give me.

[small laugh]
Since it's your birthday,

there's one condition.

I get to pick
the restaurant.

Of course.

[exhales]

♪ funky rock music ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ percussive rhythm ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Hey, yeah-ea-ah ♪

♪ Hey,
yeah-ea-ah ♪

♪♪♪

[doorbell tune ringing]

Hello!

- [continues knocking]
- Anybody home?

[glass clattering under feet]

Hello!

Anybody home?

Ha ha ha!

Hoo, yeah!

Yeah!

♪ light music ♪

♪♪♪

[eerie cry]

Whoa!

Easy, ladies.

What's up, boss?

[Carl]
What's up?

Otis wants you
to bust into that house

and take a shit
in the living room.

Why do I need to take
a shit in their living room?

Because Otis told you to.

What if I don't need
to take a shit?

When Otis says take a shit,

your only question
should be, "How big?"

You wanna prove
you're not a cop,

shit in the living room.

I don't need it.

♪ edgy pop music ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪♪♪

♪ I'm a boss, baby
baby, I'm a boss ♪

♪ I'm a boss, baby baby,
I'm a boss ♪

♪ I'm a
oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

[hoarsely] Ahh.
[clears throat]

♪♪♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪♪♪

[music stops]

[doorbell rings]

[pounding on door]

- [ringing]
- [pounding]

[pounding continues]

[Frank] Oh, damn!

I been to every home
in Glencoe

looking for you--finally found
the one with the Rolls Royce.

Were you followed--Does
anyone else know I'm here?

- Nobody.
- Whaddaya want?

I need you to sign a form
at my school

or else I can't go anymore.

Well, why would I do that?

I wanna go to school,
Frank.

Well, people in Hell
want cold beer.

What's in it for me?

I'll call Child Services.

You're my father.
You've abandoned me.

Well played, son.

But I'm re-abandoning you
right after this is done.

Wait outside.
I used a different entrance.

♪♪♪

Hey, so there's this house
over on Kingscross.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

You know, it's a total dump,
but, uh,

you know, it's probably
gonna go for nothin',

and, uh, with a little
bit a work,

could be nice.

You thinking about buyin'
a house in the South Side

even though you're
movin' to Milwaukee?

No. No, no, no.

I was just thinkin',
you know,

could be a good investment
for somebody, though.

[sniffs]
You know, fix it up,

flip it.

Did you ever do
anything like that?

[laughs]

I never have to worry about
what I would or wouldn't do.

Mr. Tamietti paid
the down payment on my house,

loaned me the money
to start Born Free.

He decides what I do.

I'm the definition
of limited options.

- Hi.
- [Brad] Hi, Tam.

Hey.

I gave notice
at the salon today.

Which means I told Liza
to eat shit and die.

- [Tami laughs]
- Oh, wow.

Really?
Yeah?

Burned that bridge!

Ah...ha.

Nice one.
Congrats.

And I found a salon
near Nana's place

where I can
rent out a chair.

Wow, already?
Really--wow--Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's sweet.

[gasps]
Oh, also,

my Uncle Will works at
Briggs & Stratton in Milwaukee.

Says they're always
looking for new mechanics.

I mean, I could have my dad
give him a call.

Uh...what's going on?

What's goin' on?
Nothin'.

Yeah, I'm workin'.
Why?

You're being weird.

Yeah, no, sorry, I just--
I just remembered

I gotta close the loop
on a couple things,

so...

What loops?

Look, I just quit
my job.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Uh, it's all good,
all right?

Everything's...
everything's fine.

What?

Uh...ooh, nothin', uh...

nothin'.

Nothin'.

It's got, uh, two beds,
one bath,

and, you know, I mean, I--
i-it needs some work, but...

well, it's a good house.

Now, what do you
think?

This place
is a shithole.

Well, I-I'm just lookin'
at options, all right?

I mean, did you know
that Milwaukee

gets even colder than
Chicago in the wintertime?

And-and you know that
we're gonna be the ones

that have to check in
on your nana every week

at the old folks' home
and anytime she needs anything.

Uh-huh.

Look, I don't know--
honestly, I feel kinda guilty,

you know, takin' charity
from your family.

[huffs]
You gotta be kidding me.

It's what--100 feet
from your family's house?

What about a tire store?

- [Veronica] No!
- [Tommy] Ah, wow...

[Kev] Barber shop?

Nail salon.

[TV plays in background]

Dreams are stupid.

Dreams aren't stupid.

- Stupid ideas are stupid.
- [loud sigh]

Nail salon...but for men.

[Tommy] We could definitely
use another Subway.

Or a check-cashing place.

[Veronica] We don't need
another check-cashing place.

Plus, all those things require
big start-up costs.

V, we should contact
that realtor.

That place is gonna
rent out soon.

You don't even have
a business plan.

The business plan
is to rent out the place.

[Veronica] Not until you know
what kinda business

you wanna start
and how much it's gonna cost

to get it up and running--
inventory, labor--

a business plan.

- Keg's kicked.
- Oh--I have an idea.

How 'bout a business
where you sell beer,

and when the keg is empty,
you replace it.

- I got it.
- [clang]

I think that fulfills
my fatherly obligation.

Congratulations, son.

You get to keep goin'
to school.

See ya.

Frank, wait.

That new house that you're
living in is pretty sweet.

Bet they have good schools.
I wanna live with you.

Oh...I bet ya do.

Unfortunately, pal,
we just don't have the space.

I need you
on the South Side

lookin' after the-
the business.

What business?

Finding easy,
innovative ways

to make money
without working.

That's the Gallagher
family business.

I built it from scratch.
I put in the hours.

Turned it into the thriving
racket you see today.

And now,
as Chairman Emeritus,

I'm naming you
my successor.

But I miss you.

[laughing]

Nice try, son.

[laughing]
"I miss you."

Yeah...
[laughing]

[continues laughing]

[engine turns, revs]

[muttering]
[laughing] "Miss you."

[man] A true gentleman
should be able

to tie a proper bow tie,
full stop.

Only a schoolboy
should ever

- ever be allowed to wear...
- [knock on door]

It's open!

- Hey.
- Hey.

- [door closes]
- [video continues]

- That's a lotta
wedding rings.

It's for Mickey.

He said he wanted
to see some options.

Something borrowed,
right?

Or stolen from Zales.

I'm gonna return them.

[man] ...your tie
around your neck.

What the hell
are you watching?

Trying to figure out
how to tie a bow tie.

I know how to tie
a bow tie.

- Really?
- Yeah.

[video continues]

[man] Adjust the tie
so the right side

is an inch to an inch
and a half longer.

There you go.

Beautiful.

What's this for?

- Homecoming dance.
- Why in the hell

are you going
to a homecoming dance?

It's not my choice.

This girl I know, Julia,
is wearing the dress.

Why does she
get to wear the dress?

Is this some kind of
power move?

I don't know, but if
her wearing a dress

makes her feel powerful,
then good for her.

Maybe that's
the final wave.

I don't know
what that means.

The problem is,
I also have a dinner tonight

with Julia's mom.

And neither one knows
about the other?

[laughs]

[tch]
You little slut.

[both chuckle]

I try.

- We really need flowers?
- Hell, yeah.

Stargazer lilies,
motherfucker.

How can I help you?

Hey, so, uh,
I'm gettin' married,

and we'd love to see
what you have

in the way of
Stargazer lilies.

[clerk] Let me show you
some photos.

This is the Sierra Sunset...

- Mm-hmm.
- And this is what we call

- Beyond Blue.
- That's gorgeous.

Especially because we get them
at the perfect time--

right before they open,

so they're spectacular
on your blessed day.

Yeah, I bet.

Hey, I like the...
blue ones.

- Yeah?
- Sure.

- Are you the best man?
- Uh, no, I'm the...

the groom?
The official partner.

I don't know--we haven't
really talked about it yet.

So you're...

h-homosexuals?

No, well, he is--I just like
having another man's dick

- in my ass.
- I'm s-sorry.

I'm afraid we don't
do business with your...

With your what?

- Uh, w-we don't believe...
- Finishing sentences,

- Grandma?
- [Ian] Mickey.

That what you don't
believe in?

- Sodomy is a sin.

You know what else
is a sin?

Stabbing a fucking bitch
in the heart--

- [Ian] Okay--yeah.
- That's a sin!

Gonna sodomize you,
you wrinkly fucking Q-tip.

- [Ian] No.
- I'm gonna come back

and carve my initials
in your fuckin' gums!

[TV drones in background]

Kevin.
My man.

Oh, God.

Dude, I've been
texting you.

Did you get my texts?

No. I blocked
your phone number.

W--Okay, look...
[light laugh]

I'm sorry about
the other night.

I know things got
a little, uh...

Racist?

Yeah, we thought
when a poor couple

- agrees to be auctioned off--
- No.

Again, sorry.

I'm only here to claim
the other thing

that we won
at the auction.

What?

My personal training
session.

- Huh?
- Yeah, you said at the auction

the winner gets
a personal training session.

Right now?

I'm bored with my trainer
at Equinox.

He's always late because
he's training some guys

from the Bulls before me.

Look, I can always
come back if you're busy,

but I--
[sighs] I--

No. No, no, no.

You know what?

Right now
is a perfect time.

We just got a delivery.
Follow me.

♪♪♪

I start every workout
with what I like to call

keg lifts--simple.
All you gotta do

is take these kegs
into the bar.

It's great for your core.

- Does that really work
- [Kev] Look at me, Lorne.

Never step foot
in a gym.

Wow.

Okay.

♪ upbeat music ♪

Yeah, use your legs,
not your back.

There ya go.

All right.

Flex your base.

[strained groan]

♪♪♪

[door hinges creak]

♪ classical music ♪

♪♪♪

[music continues]

Hello?

Anybody home?

♪ operatic singing ♪

♪♪♪

Hello?

♪♪♪

[murmurs]

[operatic singing
continues]

♪♪♪

[huffs]

♪♪♪

[music stops]

[clock ticking]

There ya go.

Only eight more kegs.
All right.

Good.

All right,
all right, all right.

- Bro, do you even lift?
- [panting]

[murmurs, panting]
Uh, Pilates...

and I play squash.

What the fuck is squash?
All right, man, here we go.

We're gonna burn
some muscles.

[exhales through teeth]

Like that.
Keep your back straight.

Use your legs.
Don't forget to breathe.

All right, all right,
okay.

- Uhhh...
- [Kev] Wow!

- All right, good.
- [Lorne groans]

- Uh...oh...uh...
- [Kev] See?

Now you know it's workin'

How can you be a florist

and not do business
with the gays?

Doesn't matter, all right?
She'll be dead soon anyway.

Whatever--you lined up
a caterer, right?

- Yes.
- You got the Chiavari chairs?

- Yes!
- Gold ones with the white

- cushions?
- Yes!

It's about time.

Kay, I took a shit
in somebody's living room.

What the fuck's going on?

[Vin] Let's just say
the Department of Sanitation

runs this town.

[door bell jingles]

[background chatter]

[TV in background]

V, Lorne went on social media

and said it was the best
workout he's ever had.

Now all his yuppie friends
wanna train with me.

I just got two texts.
This could be huge.

- Wow, two texts.
- This is it, V.

I found my calling.
This is my next chapter.

Like when Ditka
retired from coaching,

opened a steakhouse.

Yeah, what's the name
a that place?

Ditka's.

So a full keg
is about 160 pounds.

- This is about a 50?
- [Veronica] That is not a 50.

That is $200 worth of beer.
Put that back.

V, I can't use empty kegs.

- They're like 30 pounds.
- Too bad.

V...the longest part
of a journey

is always the first step.

- Says who?
- Fortune cookie.

This is it, V--some people
wait their entire lives

for a moment like this,
a moment of clarity.

[TV announcer
continues in background]

[announcer] Sanders
doesn't like what he sees.

- [commotion]
- [overlapping yelling]

That's a lotta people
to hunt one fox.

Not a fair fight.

[Mame]... in front
of all these people.

Fix the animal in the eye
with a masterful gaze.

The boots don't fit.

[laughs]

[piano playing classical music]

♪♪♪

[click]

♪♪♪

[music stops]

♪ suspenseful music ♪

♪♪♪

[plays notes]
♪♪♪

♪ tense, suspenseful music ♪

♪♪♪

Shit.

[rap music ring tone]

- Hello?
- [Frank] Hey, buddy.

It's your dear old dad.
How you doin'?

What do you want, Frank?

Um...boy, it was great
seeing ya today.

You're drunk, right?

Ha ha ha ha.
You, growin' up so fast.

Uh...it got me to thinkin'.

I-I'd love to spend
more time together.

- When?
- How 'bout right now?

It took me hours
to get there this morning.

So, uh, so I'll see ya
in a few hours?

No way.
Maybe tomorrow after school.

Uh, I was...I was hopin'
you'd get here before dark.

- That's all.
- Sorry.

Hey, Liam.

What?

Uh...I miss you.

Right.

Bye, Frank.

♪ tense music ♪

♪♪♪

So, what do you
think?

What are these?

They're the chairs
you wanted.

Was I not clear?

Where the fuck...

are the Chiavari chairs?

- These are the Chiavaris.
- You shut the fuck up.

You...I could not
have been more specific.

I asked you to find me
a caterer

who had the gold Chiavaris

with the white cushions.

You had one job.

Uh, that was my fault, I...
thought we had those,

but I was mistaken.

[Ian] But I-I think that
any of these could work--

God damn it, why does
everything always have to suck?

This is my fucking
wedding day!

For one day.
For one day

can I have the gold...
Chiavaris

with the white cushions?!

[chair pieces clattering]

- I mean, I-I can call around--
- I thought I told you

to shut the fuck up!
Are you retarded?

- Uh...
- Huh, Brooks?

- Answer me!
- Uh, yes.

- Yes, you're retarded!
- I'm retarded.

Which is why we had
the fucking mix-up!

- I'm sorry.
- [chair piece clatters]

This is my fault.

I put too much on your plate.

Hey.

- Did you find Frank?
- Yeah.

Where is everybody?

[sighs]

Debbie went to a dance,
Carl's at work,

Ian's with Mickey,
Fiona moved,

and now you're moving
to Milwaukee.

You gonna be
all right, buddy?

Yeah.

I'm just gonna miss
everyone being around.

Cheers.

- [women chuckling]
- Oh, look at this bag

that Debbie got me
for my birthday.

- [Madison] That is so cute!
- [Tasha] Oh, my God!

I know, I love it.

[Madison]
You have good taste.

- [Claudia] Yes, she does.
- [Tasha] And good skin.

God, look at your skin!

I used to have skin
like that.

- Bullshit.
- [Debbie laughs]

And your hair--
I love the color.

- Who does it?
- I do it.

I'm so jealous.

Mm, I bet you are.
[chuckles]

So what do 19-year-olds
like to do these days?

Watch TV shows
about suicide, do drugs.

Protest shit
we don't know much about.

- [scattered laughs]
- I'm just kidding.

I don't really know.
I work a lot.

I'm a welder.

You're a welder?

Not as of lately, but...yeah.

[Madison] Oh, my God,
that's incredible.

- Like Jennifer Beals.
- [gasps]

[both] In Flashdance.

- [Debbie laughs]
- [Tasha] Oh...

I'm gonna need
another drink.

Uh, hey, I'm gonna run
to the ladies' room real quick.

- Okay.
- I'll be right back.

Do you need me
to go with you?

Uh, no.

[Tasha]
You're an asshole.

You're both
assholes.

Stop it.

[women giggling]

♪ pop/rock music ♪

Whoa--

♪ Creepy little sneaky
little foreign places ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Terrifying territories ♪

♪ I can't take it ♪

♪ It's a great big atlas ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪
- [phone rings]

♪ I'm feelin' dumb ♪

Calm down.
I'll be there in a second.

♪ When you've gotten
what you want ♪

♪ Maybe I should start over ♪

♪ There's nothing left
to want ♪

♪ Up and at 'em again ♪

♪ You don't know
what you want ♪

- [song continues on speakers]
- [Julia] Hey.

There she is.

- Seriously?
- ♪ When you've gotten ♪

- ♪ What you want ♪
- Come on.

♪ Maybe I should start over ♪

Remember, you're desperately
in love with me.

[Mickey]
Thank God you're here.

I'm bringing Sandy in to deal
with the invitations

and a few other details
moving forward.

- Wait--what? Why?
- 'Cause too many things

are slippin' through
the cracks, Gallagher.

The chairs were
a fuckin' shit-show.

Also, Sandy's
getting me my best man.

You line up
your best man yet?

Not yet, no.

That's what
I'm talkin' about.

You sure you still wanna
go through with this?

Yes. Why?

Terry's back at the house
making hollow-tip bullets.

- Calls 'em Pansy Poppers.
- [Mickey] Fuck him.

You ask Debbie if Franny
can be the flower girl?

[Sandy]
Yeah, I sent her a text.

Thank you.

This is still about Terry,
right?

You don't give a shit
about weddings.

Where the fuck's your ring?

I...must have...

left it next to the sink.

I can't even.

- I can see why you called.
- [exhales]

[loud thud]

[thud]

♪ uneasy music ♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[uneasy music continues]

♪♪♪

[thudding, clattering]

[teapot whistling]

- [man] Hey!
- Ah--shit!

Who the hell are you?

I'm...house sitting.
Who the hell are you?

I'm Jean-Luc,
the gardener.

Miss Faye asked me
to look after the place

- while she's in Puerto Rico.
- That's funny,

'cause she never mentioned
anything about it to me.

Well, she never mentioned
you either.

Why's all the furniture
covered, hmm?

I'm...just using
the second floor.

You know what?

I'm gonna call her.

- We will straighten this out.
- Go ahead.

Um...I don't have
her number.

I do.
I'll call her.

Fine.
Call her.

I'm not goin' anywhere.

Oh, I'm calling.

Tell her Frank says hello.

Oh, and tell her the yard guy

is gonna stay in her house
while she's gone.

I'm not the yard guy,
asshole.

- Who the hell are you again?
- I'm her boyfriend.

[laughs] Funny, she never
mentioned anything

about having
any boyfriend.

Oh, you mean she didn't
share her romantic status

with the yard guy?

Stop callin' me the yard guy.

- I'm callin' the cops.
- Oh, go ahead, ha ha.

And tell them
there's been a break-in,

'cause I have house keys.
How did you get in?

I thought you were
gonna call Miss Faye.

- I am.
- Well, then do it.

I'm calling her
right now.

- I'm not supposed to be here.
- Well, no shit.

- Me neither.
- I didn't know anyone

was upstairs--I thought
I was hearin' things.

Where were you--I thought
the place was haunted!

I stay in the basement.

- Do you play a piano?
- Yes.

Thank God.

Hey, maybe, uh...

we can both live here,
huh?

Come on,
it's a big house.

There's plenty of room
for the both of us.

Fine.
I'll take the second floor.

You can keep the basement.

- First floor neutral.
- Sure, first floor's neutral.

What do you got,
Gallagher?

So, sanitation department's

in bed with
the real estate developers.

Bribe them to either
pick up the trash,

make the neighborhood
look like shit.

That way, they can influence
the rent,

property value,
all of it.

Son of a bitch.

And it's all overseen
by this cat named Otis.

Get in.

Nice work, Gallagher.

Seriously,
this is good stuff.

So...I'm undercover.

No.

Y-you're an informant.

Call it what you want,
but I'm undercover.

You're not undercover.

I took a shit
in somebody's house, sir.

So they trust me.

Pretty sure that makes me
undercover.

You're not...undercover.

Oh.
I gotcha.

No, I don't think you do.

So what now?

Bring in the FBI?

FBI?
Hell, no!

I want a slice.

Oh.

Of what?

The money.

Course.

So we're not
the good cops?

Not at all.

But seriously, hey.

Nice work.

Keep it up.

See if we can't get ya
a good fake I. D.,

maybe waive that
minimum age restriction,

get you in the Academy.

You'll make one hell
of a cop some day, Gallagher.

Thank you, sir.

Proud to be of service.

[pop/rock playing]

Hey,
where are you going?

Throwing my crack baby
in the dumpster.

I'm goin' to the bathroom.

♪♪♪

[background chatter]

- [women chuckling]
- Sorry.

- Hey, are you okay?
- UTI.

- [Madison] So adorable.
- [Tanya] So 19.

To...crow's feet?

[giggling]

[dinner music playing]

♪♪♪

- Kev Ball's Keg Zone.
- [Tommy] Cool.

I'm gonna train people
using kegs.

Observe.

Keg curls.

- [Veronica] Wow.
- [Tommy] Whistles.

Keg-cline push-ups.

- [Kermit] Sweet.
- [Veronica] Okay.

Keg plank.
You wanna try it, V?

[Kev] Keg squats.

Uh, Kermit, you might wanna
start off with a empty one.

I don't wanna do this,
but I think other people will.

All right, Kermit,
stay positive.

V, keep your back straight.

- [groans]
- [Kev] Good.

How do we decide who gets
to walk down the aisle?

Depends on who's the bride
and who's the groom.

Either way,
we need a videographer,

'cause I need to tape Terry
to a chair

and make him watch the shit
over and over again.

Why can't we both
be grooms?

- I don't know.
- Can't we just be

- Ian and Mickey?
- Look, I don't--God damn it,

you and Sandy.
I don't know.

[mellow rock playing]

[Mickey]
Can I help you?

♪ She said we gotta
hold on ♪

♪ To what we got ♪

♪ It doesn't make
a difference ♪

- ♪ If we make it or not ♪
- How the fuck did you

- know that?
- Little bird told me.

♪ We got each other ♪

♪ And that's a lot for love ♪

You're a sneaky bastard.

♪ We'll give it a shot ♪

♪ Whoa, we're halfway there ♪

- [off-key]
- ♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Livin' on a prayer now ♪

♪ upbeat music ♪

♪♪♪

- Right. Proof.
- What?

Nothing.
Thank you.

I wanna dance.

Seriously?

Would you like
more scotch?

Oh, you know it.

- Ahh. Thank you.
- Mm.

- Mm-hmm.
- Ahh.

- Mind if I smoke?
- Not at all.

Is that crack?

I don't smoke crack.

It's crystal meth.
Would you like some?

Oh, it's gonna be a good
winter, yard guy.

♪ slow rock ♪

♪♪♪

[dance music continues
in background]

[Claudia]
Nice boutonniere.

I bought it.

For Julia
to give to her date.

Her date ditched her,
so I agreed to go with her.

She didn't wanna
go alone.

[laughing]
Shit.

You know,
I really liked you.

I really like you too.

It was stupid for me
to think

a young, beautiful girl
like you would fall for me.

[Julia]
Hi.

So Debbie and I
are fucking.

You're gay?

Hell, no.
I hate vaginas.

I just wanted
to piss you off.

- My God.
- [Claudia] Why?

I mean, what have
I ever done to you

besides give you
everything?

Oh, the carb counting?
The body shaming?

- I did that to protect you.
- From what?

- Being bullied.
- So you bullied me.

- I weigh 119 pounds.
- Says who?

- Not the scale.
- [Julia] You're a monster.

Well, and you're an entitled
little shit.

- Fuck off!
- [laughs] Excuse me?

No screens for a week.

Fine.
Then I'm quitting the cello.

- Mm, no you're not.
- Watch me.

I'm sending you back
to Montana.

Back to the troubled
teen learning institute.

- [Julia] Can't wait.
- [Claudia] But this time...

I'm flying you coach.

No more special
services for you.

Hey.

Hey.

I rented that house.

That one I showed you.

- [door opens]
- Tami.

- Hey.
- [door slams]

Hey, can you wait?
Wait, please.

Hey.

Look, it would be good

for Fred to be around
his cousins, right?

You know, his aunts,
his uncles.

His family and your family.

You know, in Milwaukee,
you'll have no one.

Right?
I mean, we will have no one.

♪ somber music ♪

♪♪♪

My family...

this neighborhood
is my support system.

This is my home.

All right?
I thought I could do it.

I really did,
but I had some time with it,

and...I don't know.

[sighs]

You know, I-I'm worried
about my sobriety.

I've got a community here,
my meetings.

Brad, the people in our group,
my job--

I mean, this place, it's...

It's important to me.

Milwaukee's baseball team
is called The Brewers.

There's no way
I could stay sober up there.

♪♪♪

Tami.

Rich people are crazy.

Fuckin' nuts.

They create drama
because they're bored.

When you're poor, you don't
need to create drama.

I know, every day's
a goddamn drama.

What are--
You're a garbage man now?

It's more complicated
than that, Milk.

I'm basically
an undercover cop.

- [Debbie] Ha.
- Ha ha ha.

Not a very good one.

Undercover cops
don't go around

telling people
they're undercover cops.

Laugh all you want,
Sandy.

It's a lot harder
than you think

never knowing
who you can trust,

whether or not they're gonna
figure out you're a rat.

It's stressful.
Can I hit that?

Don't you get
drug tested?

I'm undercover--
I have to do drugs

so they know I'm one of 'em.

Who, the garbage men?

Forget it.

I'm goin' to bed.

Weird shit
rich people do--go.

They go camping.

They vote.

They volunteer to work
in soup kitchens.

[inhales]
They kiss their dogs.

Wash their cars,
even in the winter.

You wanna fuck?

Fuck, yeah.

[both giggling]

♪ Well, tell me,
do you hate me ♪

♪ Or do you wanna date me ♪

♪ It's kinda hard to tell ♪

♪ 'Cause your eyes
are lookin' crazy ♪

♪ So why you comin' over ♪

[agent] Lots of light.

Original molding.
All the light fixtures are new.

Oh, oh, and there's a nice
little patio in the back.

Oh.
Oh, God.

[woman] Did they have a dog?

[agent]
Yeah, I don't think so.

♪ Well, tell me
do you hate me ♪

♪ Or do you wanna date me ♪

♪ It's kinda hard to tell ♪

♪ 'Cause your eyes
are lookin' crazy ♪

♪ So why you comin' over ♪