Shameless (2011–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Frank the Plank - full transcript

What are you looking at?

This is what you missed
last week on Shameless.

I'm here to help Karen
study for her midterm.

You have to take your shoes off.

She's got this thing
about people bringing dirt

in the house. Molysmophobia.

Science just turns me on.

I'm not looking.

All right if leave my number
for when you might be?

I mean, I thought we
tell each other everything.

You're fucking him?

What are you hiding?

Sweet Jesus.

You're your own worst enemy,
you two!

Insane.

And you prefer a guy who's been around
the block a few times. What if I do?

You want to wait outside
while I pay the bill?

The cars I sell are
mainly, uh, not mine.

Still looking for fun, Fiona?

Kev and Veronica,

fantastic neighbors.

How's a guy supposed to work,
hurt, with kids this age?

Hello! Thank you!

I like him.

♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪

♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪

♪ You were beaming once before ♪

♪ But it's not
like that anymore ♪

♪ What is this down side ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Round up the friends you got ♪

♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪

♪ You were willing once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that ♪

♪ Anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so... ♪

♪ Sure of? ♪

Fuckin'... fuck!

That's good.

Yeah, I got it.
Here you go.

All right, all right,
listen up, everybody.

Tommy from upstairs shelled out
for the pay-per-view here.

Hey, $149.50 on my goddamn Visa,

so pay up, you cheap bastards.

Right in here, guys,
right in here.

♪ ♪

Billy!

Drink?

Have one.

Come on!
Mm-hmm.

Burgers comin' through!

Uh, Lip, napkins.

I can get it.
Oh, no, no, no, you sit.

Only ketchup?
Me!

Thank you.

Extra onions, jalapenos.

Me!

Make room.

Ah-ah-ah!

After you finish
your shake and fries.

Who's this?

It's Karen.
Hey, Karen, Nice top.

What size are you?
Shh! Shut up!

...on a spot called Mr. Magoo,

the sacred
family fishing grounds

that paid off last season.

But now...

...it's a bust.

We have no crab onboard.

I heard, "Don't go to Magoo,
'cause there's hundreds..."

Come on!

What is this?

Hey, bub?

Hey.

Yo.

Better door than window.

Gallagher.

Tell your boy Ian to keep
his dirty adolescent prick

out of my Karen!

Finish him!

...been fishing for 36 hours
and haven't made

a frickin' dime yet.

We're getting, like, 150 crab...

Whoa!

You okay, Frank?

Hey.

Is that my shirt?

Yeah.

I-I'm just asking.

Whoa!

Guy in the bar
said to pass it on.

- What the fuck is wrong with you, Frank!
- Jesus Christ, Dad!

You're drunk, Frank, you're drunk!
This-this is drunk?

- Stop it, okay, Steve?
- You want to see drunk?

Don't do this
to your kids, Frank.

Aw, what are you,
a tough guy, Steve?

You think you're
a fuckin' tough guy?

Because you look like

a premenstrual Filipino!

Steve, go! Get out!

Hey, just go.

He's shitting his pants.

Pussy.
You're pathetic, Frank.

Get out now! I mean it!
Come on.

Don't go. Come on.

Puss, puss, puss, puss.

What? You want to say
something, pussy?

Mr. Joe fucking...
Ah, get the... Pussy.

Ice.

It's a bloody nose.

He's not dying.
Really, Frank?

Anybody notice
that I'm bleeding?

...over the Bering Sea,

a 200-square-mile arctic squall
collides with the grounds,

and fishing...

It got it.

Okay.

Okay, okay, okay.

You should have hit him back.

If I ever do,
I'll fuckin' kill him.

So? Eight to ten
for manslaughter.

Get laid as often as you want.

Tattoos and everything.

It's gay heaven, man.

Thanks.

♪ ♪

Good night, Billy.

♪ I might be wrong,
but I might be right ♪

♪ Anyhow I know I tried ♪

♪ I better leave, I better
leave, I better stop... ♪

Morning, Billy.

♪ I like her taste
when it fills my soul ♪

♪ I'll tell you something
I've never told anyone ♪

♪ Not anyone, not anyone ♪

♪ I might be wrong
but I might be right ♪

♪ Anyhow I know I tried ♪

♪ I better leave,
I better leave, I better stop ♪

♪ I like her taste
when it fills my soul ♪

♪ I'll tell you something
I've never told anyone ♪

♪ Not anyone, not anyone... ♪
Hey, Conrad, how's it going?

Not so bad, you know.

Shirley any better?
Still pissed off about me calling the cops,

but what could I do?
They got her over at County?

♪ I better leave,
I better leave... ♪

Once we got my mom in
there, she came around quick.

- What ward's she on?
- Six.

Oh, yeah,
they're good people.

They'll get her meds straight,

a couple shots of Thorazine,
Librium, a fist-full of Prozac,

and she'll be right as rain.

Oh, looks sore.

How many stitches?

Uh, seven.

Cheese knife.

Oh, poor Conrad.

I'll live.

Not if they let Shirley out.

♪ Silly boys you run away
too far ♪

♪ Remember this,
remember where you are ♪

Hey, special delivery.

Thank you.

Don't forget Veronica's coupons.
Yeah, got it.

♪ Life is good,
it's what I see ♪

♪ That makes me want
to disagree ♪

♪ I better leave,
I better leave, I better not ♪

Thanks, handsome.

♪ You might be wrong
'cause you know I'm right ♪

♪ If you lose your way
you just follow mine ♪

♪ I better leave, I better
leave, I better stop ♪

♪ Waste away. ♪

Hey, buddy.

Come here.

Hey, Liam.

Any pizza left from last night?

No pizza. Fruit or juice.

And we've got eggs.

OJ's in the top,
grapes in bottom drawer.

Pop-Tarts, Frosted Flakes,
Bisquick,

Heinz Ketchup, and ooh, ooh...

even got a couple
two-for-ones for Tide.

Any coupons for meat?

Yeah, they've got a special
on ground chuck at Costco,

and Hot Pockets.

That's great.
We'll go tomorrow.

Lip, you seen Frank?

Uh, no.

What day is it?
Friday.

Why?

Really.

Hey.
Morning, campers.

Oh, what you got?
Jelly, plain and glazed.

Save me an apple fritter.
All right.

Yum.

Bet you hate it
when that happens?

They're his tits.

It's the only reason
he eats eggs.

And he just licked that one.

Oh, great.

I'm trying to get them to
eat a healthy breakfast.

I brought all the

caffeine, sugar, lard.

I'm sorry about last night.

Never apologize
for your parents.

Believe me, I don't.

So you can let go of that.

Has anybody seen Dad?

He was asleep
behind the armchair.

Bye.

It's a tent.

Why is there a tent
in the living room?

Oh, uh, drying it out.

ROTC training
in Wisconsin next week.

I thought it was Dad.

I left him a cup
of coffee this morning.

I thought I heard
him say "Thanks."

Yes!
Yes! Oh, sorry.

I came in the back way.

Oh, you're not the only one!

Uh, Kev, was Dad
at the Alibi last night?

Uh, yeah.

But he was hammered.

I'm talking
hold-on-to-the-grass...

so-you-don't-fall-off-the-Earth
hammered.

You see him at last call?

No.

Which is pretty weird,
'cause he usually hangs out

to sink the other
drinkers' dregs.

Thanks.

Ready?

You okay?

I think Dad's missing.

Hey, Ted. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Jonna.
It's Debbie.

Have you seen Frank
since last night?

No? Since Michael Jackson died?

I was wondering if you had
seen him since... All right.

...since last night
at the Alibi.

Sorry about the door,
and the window.

Yeah, yeah, anyways, I was
wondering, have you seen Frank...

Hey, did you get an admission into the E.
R. last night or this morning?

Last night? No?
Keep and eye out...

Hey, can you just...?
I will look it up.

Shit!

What the fuck?!

Motherfucker.

Stop... Wendy-Wendy!

Hello?
Hello? Wendy.

Stop! Stop!

Hey. Are you still there?

Wendy, Wendy.

Oh, you didn't?

Okay, thanks anyway.

No. Know if it's
a boy or girl yet?

What is your problem?

I'm supposed to call Ahmed
before work

and I can't find my cell.
My cell's gone.

Help me look for my cell.
It's gone. I lent Lip your cell

so he could call around,

see anybody knew
where Frank went.

Great. So now both my bills
are being run up over there.

Your bills? Hello?

I work my ass off around here,
not just you.

Oh, there's the computer.
Don't let me stop you.

It's after 10:00,
get to work.

Frank is missing,
you cheap prick.

And you need to see somebody.

Normal guys fall asleep
after sex. Not Kev, oh, no.

Why can't they get their own fucking phone?
No fucking money!

Yeah, well, me neither
at this rate.

I love you.

Fucking freak.

Anything?

Nobody's seen him
since last night.

Hey, hey, don't worry, Debs.

We're gonna find him, okay?

We split up.
All the regular spots, okay?

Let's go.

♪ Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba, ba, ba, ba ♪
Frank?

♪ Ba-ba-ba ♪
Frank?

♪ Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪

Frank?

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪

Frank, you here?

♪ Ba-ba ♪

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
Sorry.

♪ We're going down
to the job center and soon ♪

♪ We'll come out with a job ♪

♪ We got ourselves
nice and clean ♪

♪ We feel so peaceful
and serene ♪

Dad?

Dad?

♪ And we ♪
Dad?

♪ Are the men
you'll grow to love soon ♪

♪ Yes, we are the men
you'll grow to love soon ♪

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba. ♪

You can't file a missing persons
report on Frank. Why not?

Frank's always missing.
That's what I said.

I mean, he's probably just sleeping
it off at a friend's place.

He hasn't got any friends.
Who'd give him a bed?

Come on, we've found
him in Dumpsters,

garbage trucks,
Mrs. Lutski's bathtub.

Never on the last Friday
of the month.

What's Friday have
to do with anything?

It's the last Friday?

I'll call my watch commander.

You can shove your
phone up your ass, Kev.

No more freebies from me, like
doing your taxes every April

'cause you can't understand
the instructions.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, take it easy.

Take it easy, all right?

Look, Frank isn't far, okay?

He never goes far.

I know, but it's
the last Friday.

Last Friday? So what?

Disability check day.

Oh, Jesus.

Fuck me.

Hey, Jess.

Uh, Frank Gallagher...
did he leave with anybody

when we kicked him
out last night?

Name me one person

who would be caught dead
with him in that condition.

And Steve was definitely gone
by then,

so Frank wasn't with him.

Anybody seen Frank the Plank?

Which Steve?

You know, Steve-Steve.
Fiona's new Steve.

In here?

Yeah, talking to your dad.
Friendly enough.

It was hours before closing.

Right.

Thanks, Kev.

Yeah.

Breaking news now
about a body that was found

on the Southside of the city.

Is that over
by Halsted station?

I broke my collarbone falling
down those station steps.

After my very first taste
of another woman's tongue.

Tony said he'd put
out a bulletin.

He never misses that check.

We waits on the corner.
Practically tackles the mailman

before he can get out
of his little jeep.

We've all known for years
it could end this way.

We don't know
anything's happened.

All the O.D.'s
and pumped stomachs.

The time he passed out
on the tracks.

The El tracks?
Almost lost a hand.

Hey, V.

Hey, Ian.

Um, sorry, Fiona.

Debbie needs you.

It's bad.

No... No! No!

Again, Debbie.

Ash...

lizmum...

saw sumdybeen...

Uh, Holly thought she saw
a body under the tracks

on Halsted.
What?

It's not him, Debs,
or the police

would have contacted us by now.

It's Holly, sweetheart, okay?

She's been in third grade
for four years.

I'm gonna deck
that little bitch.

Listen, does that even
make sense, Debbie?

Why would your dad be over on Halsted
when he lives in the opposite direction?

Depends. How was he looking

when you left him at the
Alibi Room last night, Steve?

When?

Uh, 10:00, 10:30.

I went to apologize, bought him
a drink, then I went home.

Why didn't you say?

Hey, can I talk
to you for a sec?

They found a body under the El.

Do you know who that is?!

Stay back, okay?
Stay back.

See, I told you.

Where the hell is he?

♪ ♪

You got the time?

Time? Watch...

Do you have the...?

Fuck you!

♪ ♪

How the hell did I end up
in Canada?!

Hey!
I hate fucking Canada.

Keep it down in there.
I'm an American.

Apple pie,

lower 48, Air Supply.

If you're an American,
where's your passport?

I don't have one!

I told you,
I never had a passport.

I don't want a passport.

Shut up and sleep it off, okay?

Why would I want
to come to Canada?

So your national health care

can make me wait 60 years
for a new kidney?

The whole country's
a bunch of parka-wearing,

draft-dodging,
chickenshit cowards

who didn't have the balls
to stay home

and fight the Vietcong

to preserve
our American way of life.

No snow at the Winter Olympics?

What the hell was that?!
♪ O Canada ♪

It's the Winter Olympics!

♪ Our home and native land ♪
What are you doing?

Holding your cocks, handing out
maple leaf sugarloafs?

♪ True patriot love... ♪

You couldn't even get the
Olympic torch to fucking light!

♪ In all thy
sons command. ♪

That a Chicago accent?

Who said that?

PhD...

University of Chicago,
school of economics.

Oh, man, thank you.

Tell him, will ya...?

Just tell him I'm an American.

Hey, there's a guy back here
knows I'm an American.

I can help.
Got any money?

What?
Cigarettes?

No. I don't have anything.

Think you can get close
enough to those bars

for a reach around hand job?

♪ By the dawn's early light ♪

♪ Was so gallantly... ♪

In Canada?

Wait, how?

E-mail from the embassy says
he admitted to drug charges,

but that's before
they accused him,

so they're thinking
he's a juicer head case...

They charge him?

They just want him off
Canadian soil,

as soon as possible,

but the U.S. won't let him
back in without his passport.

Frank doesn't have a passport.

Then he'll have
to apply for one.

Well, how long does that take?

A couple months, I think.

Months?
He can apply for an emergency one

at the embassy in Toronto.

How long does
the emergency one take?

I don't know.
A week maybe?

Kev has a passport.

What good does that do?

You could drive up there,

help him with the paperwork
at the embassy.

Pick up a pile
of cheap pharmaceuticals,

sell 'em to the local geezers

and the old folks
at my nursing home.

Could I...?

Fuck, V...

No offense, Tony.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The car's not insured.

Border patrol asks for proof
of insurance to get back in.

I wind up in the loony bin
next to Frank.

Yeah.

You're good.

You okay?

How'd you get my dad
to Toronto?

Me? Are you kidding?

Canadian health warnings.

I, uh, smuggled him
over the border

in the trunk of my car.

Uh, they didn't check going in.

How'd you get him in the trunk?

He was so plastered, he would
have jumped into a coffin.

And why Canada?

Uh, I had to run a car
to Detroit.

Plan was dump him someplace
weird in Michigan,

Flint maybe.

When I saw the signs
for Toronto,

the idea kind of just...

snowballed.

And you think it-it's funny?

No. Funny would have
been Newfoundland.

Because he took a swing at you?

No, because he's got a family

that he doesn't
give a shit about.

Smashing Ian in the face.

Uh...

What my dad is,
what my family is,

has fuck all to do with you!

You left him there...
you get him back.

What the hell is that?

Our ride.

There's no fucking way
I'm driving all the way

to Toronto
in this piece of shit.

We'll take turns driving,

watch some movies
on the flat screen,

make some mojitos, sleep.

We'll have Frank
back by morning.

Yeah, and how are we supposed
to get him across the border

without a passport?
Kyle.

You get through
customs in this before?

A couple hundred times.
Oh, yeah, with what?

Grass mostly.

Sometimes OxyContin,
sometimes illegal aliens.

♪ ♪

Illegal aliens as in plural?

♪ ♪

Hey.

Hey, Fiona.

Hey, Tony.

Lip.

Hmm?

Yeah, um, I think I'm going
to finish my calculus

homework upstairs.

Thanks for all your help
with Frank.

Sure. Happy to.

Family, you know.

There's coffee in the pot.

Probably a couple
decades old, but...

Thanks.

So is this Steve guy
a fixture now?

Just somebody I met.

CYO Basketball League
Awards Banquet is next week

at St. Stephens.

There's a chance I might
get Coach of the Year.

That's terrific, Tony.

I bet you're a great coach.

Well, they're eight, so mostly
it's just helping them

get the ball anywhere
near the basket.

No, they're lucky to have you.

One of the kids
always licks the ball

before he takes a shot.
I have no idea why.

I was hoping you'd come.

To the banquet?

Mrs. Rudolian
and Mrs. Ignacio

are doing the food,
so there'll be all the kielbasa

and Bolognese ragu you can eat.

I know...

hard to turn down
an invitation like that, right?

Catholic League ladies
might talk.

Screw the Catholic ladies.

I haven't set foot in there

since they tossed me out
of the choir.

Tony, we have a call.
Work.

So Thursday?

Can I think about it?

Sure.

7:00.

♪ Turn the wrong way,
our socks don't change ♪

♪ Your shirt could, too,
but the shoes are strange ♪

♪ Eyes are facing
the other way ♪

♪ In backward talk
you try to say ♪

♪ You're so ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Out, inside out ♪

♪ Living out instead of in ♪

♪ Drinking tea and paraffin ♪

♪ Thinks aloud
but don't say a word ♪

♪ It's just
my vision's blurred ♪

♪ You're so ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Inside out ♪

♪ Out, inside out ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Holding head
with foot in door ♪

♪ Camouflage or something more ♪

♪ Goes to sleep on waking up ♪

♪ Coffee without a cup. ♪

Aw, fuck off!

Fuck off!

Welcome home, Daddy.

You decent?

Thought you might be thirsty.

It's Canadian.

There's more in fridge.

I asked Veronica to get it.

I don't want anything
Canadian in this house,

from this point on.

There's no hot water.

For fuck's sake!

Disability.

It's Saturday.
Bank's close at 12:00.

Clean clothes,
top of the dryer.

Don't ever hit
one of my kids again.

Your kids? They're my...

Never again.

Is he still here?

Who, Steve?

He's probably still outside.

Well, tell him he's not welcome
in my house.

He's the one who got you back.

Why would he do that? Hmm?

When I woke up, in Toronto,

in a park, looking like
a fucking homeless tweaker,

all I could smell
was Drakkar Noir.

Middle of a park...
Drakkar Noir.

I just spent five hours with him
in that camper.

Same fucking smell!

Wish you'd taken a camera.

Total shithole.

Hey, what's urine and
Canadian beer have in common?

They both come from pussies.

Bet you're the only
one who missed me.

No, 'cause Carl said,

"The cable's off.
Where's the ladder?"

And Lip said,
"Dad's the only one

who knows what to do
on the pole."

Did you see Toronto?

Yeah.

CN Tower?

Christ, yeah!

You can see right across all
of Canada from the top.

I didn't stay up
there long, though.

Don't know what
Canadian women are into,

but they couldn't take
their eyes off me,

like, "Hey, I'm
having that guy."

Got a bit unnerving, so
I headed on back down.

Bits of Canada are beautiful.

You just have to know
your way around.

Do you now?

Oh, ho-ho-ho.

Every inch.

Hey, I gotta go cash a check.

Make me a sandwich
for when I get back, okay?

Okay.

Ow!

Davey, it's me, Frank!
Come on, man!

Open up! Let me in!

Just until I find
another place to stay.

No way, Frank.

I promised Mary, never again!

We had to burn that mattress.

Come on, Davey!
I'll sleep on the floor.

Definitely not!
We got carpet now.

Moving out again?

Fuck off!

I don't like the way

I'm being talked to
around my own house.

Like what?

"You never got me this, Dad.

When can I have
that, Dad?"

Yak, yak, fucking yak.

All six of you.

Never mind I'm a single parent!

Never mind you wouldn't be alive
if it wasn't for me!

Surround sound bitching is
the only thanks I get.

Life is hard, we all know that.

Money is harder.

I can only stretch it so far.

Do you even know how much
we spend a week on groceries?

Too much.
That's how much.

120 bucks.

Fiona pays $70.

Me and Ian go in $25 each.

Plus gas, electric, taxes.

We pay that.

About time you contribute.

Do you know how much you spend
a month at the Alibi?

None of your damn business!

Over $700.

That's Kevin, right?

My friend Kevin telling
you that behind my back?

Well, he's screwed
the golden goose now.

Watch what happens to his tips
when I boycott the Alibi.

And go where?

The Lamplight.

You're barred.

The Fountain.
Barred.

Elmo's Head.

Burned to the ground
two weeks ago. Arson.

I don't need Kev to tell me.

I check your pockets
every night.

See...

You better run!

Take it easy!

Forget you owe him money?

Everybody thinks
I owe 'em money!

You pawned his flat screen.

I've been nothing but a friend
to that fat jigga prick.

And his microwave.

I won't say it twice...
go home.

What?

I won't say it twice...

Okay...

people are laughing.

But they only thought
Toronto was funny

once they knew you were okay.

I didn't split
like your mom did.

I could of.

Let the state figure out what
to do with all six of you.

But I didn't.

And bars weren't...

You ask anybody.
A beer...

once in a while, and that's it.

Three, I'd be on the floor.

And they all thought
it was funny then

that I couldn't knock 'em back.

You can't win, you know?

Your mom just takes off,
you're all looking at me.

Six kids to keep track of
when you've never had

to do that stuff.

Food on the table.

Clothes for school.

Bills to pay. Diapers.

Dentists. Oh. Oh.

And you're all looking at me
like I'm fucking up.

Which I am!

Then what's the point?

So you knock back a few?

Then you have a few more.

And while
you're knocking 'em back,

you know everybody's laughing,

but that's okay
'cause that's what you need.

Hold on! That's what you need.

You need people laughing.

You need people drinking
anything

so long as it's not six kids

that you didn't want
in the first place!

So screw 'em all
and just get used to it!

♪ O Canada ♪

♪ Our home and native land ♪

♪ True patriots love ♪

♪ In all thy sons... ♪

How you doing, Frank?

Can I pour you a nice
tall, frosty Molson?

Old Style, JB back.

Oh, how about a Labatt
and a Canadian Club.

Jesus!

Ah, fine! Just kill me!

I don't know you, Frank,

but it occurred to me,

you and I are the victims here.

Two hardworking,
God-fearing men.

We raised our kids
in a straight line

with discipline
and with God's good guidance.

My Karen was 12 when I heard her
use the C-word.

And on a Sunday.

Fuck.

And her mother?

A woman who's only pleasures
in life come from sex,

TV cooking shows,

and drawing maximum benefits
from the welfare state.

Hundreds a week.

And for what?

Agoraphobia.

A made-up disease
for people who want

to sit on their ass
at home and watch TV.

I don't know where Sheila's
dignity's gone,

or whether she ever had any
in the first place.

Her whole world is
about this big,

and the less she does,
the more they pay her.

I've done it now.

I left them.

I'm not proud.

Far from proud.

But I just refuse to
be sorry because...

because...

I refuse to be sorry...

Um...

Oh, if you're looking
for the brothel,

it's just two doors down.

It doesn't have a mailbox.

Right-right there.
No, no, Sheila, for you.

An apology.

Apology?

Not apology, just...

I'm Frank. Ian's dad?

Lip's dad?

Oh! Oh, the twins?

Oh.
No.

I... I heard about
what happened.

Eddie leaving?

Oh.
Uh, my boys, your daughter?

I just wanted to say

I'm sorry.

Oh, that's-that's-that's
very thoughtful of you.

Come in, Frank.

I, uh... You'll have to
take your shoes off.

This is a beautiful house,
Sheila.

Oh. Thank you.

It feels, uh...

feels big without him.

You should come over to ours.

You can't move
without stepping on a kid.

Six of 'em.

That must be nice.

It's great when they're little,

but they're growing up now.
Mm-hmm.

You miss them, don't you...

Mm-hmm.

...when they're gone
all the time?

And the house all to yourself.

Don't get me wrong, I...

I love time to myself, but...

it's tough.

Oh.

Hey...

Frank.

Come on, Frank.

You're preaching
to the choir here.

I have not been out of the house
in five years.

Five years?

I can't.
I have this overwhelming fear.

I've got agoraphob...

I'm sorry, Frank.

I know I'm a little nutty
about shoes, but feet!

Oh, God! They have to be...!

Oh, sorry, Sheila, sorry.

I'll-I'll get out
of your hair. Sorry.

See? This is what
I'm talking about.

By the time I get a turn
in our one bathroom,

there's never any hot water!

I tried to run a bath
when I got back from Canada,

but no hot water!

Six kids, six showers,

me always at the back
of the line!

We've got hot water.

Hey, congratu-fuckin-lations!

No, I-I meant if...

if you wanted a bath.

Oh.

Fiona?

No.

No, she's not here, or no,
she doesn't want to see me?

Both.

Ah. She coming back?

Nah, work. Won't be
home for hours.

Looks good.

Is.

Did she say anything?

About you?

No. No, not a word.

So you're saying...

You fucked up
beyond the capacity

of the modern human mind
to process?

Yeah.

Yeah,
it's a distinct possibility.

Hopeless?
Hard to say.

Even odds?

No, less.

60-40?
Much less.

80-20?

Maybe one in ten.

Pretty colossal fuck-up.
Yeah.

You're moderately clever; you'll
figure something out, right?

Yep. Gotta get back.
AP Bio-Chem.

Wow. That's impressive.

Not really,
but if you think so...

Any advice?

What, to help you dive back
into my sister's cooch?

Or good graces, yeah.

That's the same thing, right?

Hopefully.

No. No, not a chance.

Frank?

I-I brought you some clothes.

I stuck yours in the wash,
so I hope these fit.

Oh.

Sorry, Sheila, I nodded off.

Oh, well, you must be exhausted.

Won't Eddie miss them?

Not unless he sheds 30 pounds.

He found Jesus
and just packed it on.

Lean, aren't you?

I can go three days
without food.

Oh, suits you.

Well, anyway, they're...

yours if you...

Oh,

Jesus...
Oh, oh.

I'm sorry, it's just...

something I haven't seen
in a long time, I...

Eddie only just left, didn't he?

I never saw Eddie's.

It always had to be
pitch-black for Eddie.

I saw an outline once
in a thunderstorm, but...

Like a rolled-up pair of socks.

You've got to be over the moon
with a fellow like yours.

Oh, listen to me...
Desperate Daisy.

Hey.

If desperate is a crime,
then I'm a lifer, Sheila.

No.
Yeah.

Single parent?
You get out of the habit.

You can...

touch him, if you're tempted.

No. No, no, I'll just,
I'll just embarrass myself.

Nobody here's complaining.

Oh! Uh...
okay, I can...

Take your time.

Come with me, Frank.

Oh, hold on, Sheila, Sheila...

Come on!
Hang on. Shit! Ow.

Oh, you're all right.
Sheila, I can't see.

Swing around, my man.

If I'm going
to embarrass myself,

I might as well do it right.

Wow, you just have the...

Tight. That's tight.

That is... that's very,
very tight.

I'm surprised...

Tribune said Sagittarius

was in a for a quiet week.

Yeah, but how does this...

Ah!
Too tight, too tight. Listen, um...

I've changed my mind.

Listen, seriously,
I-I-I don't think...

It's just...

That's a... what's in there?
That's a big box.

Oh. That's your...
fun box?

What's in there?

You got...

Oh, those are...
those are pretty sexy.

What else is in there?

Whew. I...

I'm... I'm having a bit
of a panic attack here.

I... I...

No, honest,
I'm struggling to breathe.

Uh...

Frank.

The more you beg,
the more you're in for.

Now relax.

I'm-I'm... I'm relaxed.

I'm enjoying this.

I'm fine.

Let's have a, um,
a safety word.

You always do that.
Shouldn't we have a safety word?

Sure, all right.
Let's have a safety word.

Uh, "stop." When I say stop,
that'll be our...

That'll do.

Okay.

Oh...

Look.

He's smiling for me.

How about that? I... okay.

And when he smiles,
we all smile.

Yeah.

I was panicking,
I'm not going to lie to you.

Just, uh, got a little...

Mm-mm, stop.

Stop...!

And that is some slow-roasted
Bavarian pork chop,

with bacon-braised cabbage,

some warm Bavarian
potato salad,

apple salsa fresca,

and then, um...
just two Tylenol.

...deciphering the human genetic code,

but he's also one of
the most controversial...

iconoclast with a brilliant mind
and an outsized ego

who has flaunted
the conventional wisdom,

and tweaked the staid scientific
establishment at every turn.

It's not me.

I don't have the phone.

Nope.

He's an adrenaline junky
whose willingness

to take big risks has led to
bold scientific breakthroughs.

And he's not exactly shy about
outing those achievements. Hello?

Hey. I'm out back.

Where would you rank yourself

in terms of scientific
accomplishment?

Well, in the field of genomics,

I think the record
is pretty clear-cut:

the first genome in history, uh,

the first draft
of the human genome...

Hi.

Hey.

You stole a floral
delivery van?

A peace offering.

A what?

A gift.

What am I supposed to do
with all those roses?

No, the... the van.

You absolutely need something
to haul the kids around in.

I'm sorry, Fiona.

I shouldn't have
kidnapped your dad.

It was wrong.

Tri-zone air-conditioning.

Power window and door locks.

Alloy wheels...

Here's $80.

What for?
The washer.

I don't have enough to pay you
back for all of it right now.

No, the washer was a gift.
No, I'll get you the rest as soon as I can.

I don't want your money.

We don't need your charity.

It was a mistake.

I thought I was doing you
a favor, with your dad.

Go away, Steve.

I think the teams that
we have, and what we've accomplished

are certainly amongst
the biggest discoveries

in modern science.
What did I miss?

If you have some stereotype
of a scientist in your mind,

Craig Venter probably
doesn't fit it.

He scuba-dived with sharks
to gather microbes...

♪ She's a guillotine ♪

♪ Execution scene now, baby ♪

Whoo, whoo, whoo.
♪ I gave her my head ♪

♪ She wanted my heart ♪

♪ Like it's 1792, whoa-hoa ♪

♪ You may say I like the abuse ♪

♪ And I love this hell
of a mademoiselle ♪

♪ It's true ♪
Morning.

♪ She's a guillotine ♪

But the faulty locking mechanism

was illegally imported
from North Korea,

without this channel's
knowledge or approval.

Right here, boys.

We do apologize
for any inconvenience

this has caused our shoppers.

♪ She's a guillotine ♪

♪ She's a guillotine ♪

♪ She's a guillotine ♪

♪ She's a guillotine ♪