Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators (2018–…): Season 4, Episode 3 - Too Much of Water - full transcript

[SHE SCREAMS]

So, the other thing she
does is, before a film

she works out for three hours a
day, which I probably won't manage.

But 2.5 litres of water, I 'Il try that.
[FRANK GIRLS GIGGLE ROANS]

It gives her this glow. You've seen the glow.
[PHONE CHIMES]

Her skin just looks...
- Oh, hang on. Oh.

What? What' s wrong?

You are kidding me!
- What? What' s wrong?

[HE SIGHS ]Wrong? It
couldn't be more right.

We've only been nominated " Best
Small Detective Agency of the Year"!

No!
- Yes!



Let me see that!
- Ha-ha!

"The Federation of Private Investigators
(West Midlands and Surrounding Region)

Are delighted to inform
you of your nomination

for Small Detective
Agency of the Year."

[BOTH SHOUT AND LAUGH]

LU: Oh!
[ FRANK CHUCKLES GIRLS GIGGLEI DDI LY]

[LU SIGHS]

Fancy pants ceremony at The Old Avon Hotel!
- Yeah! A big posh do!

Anyone who's anyone. Get your
glad-rags on! We have arrived!

What am I gonna wear?

Never mind what you're gonna
wear. What am I gonna wear?

Well, I tell you
what I am gonna do.

I'm gonna start my two litres
of water a day from now.

What? Two litres?
- Yeah.



You'Il never be off the loo!
- LU: But I'Il look great.

[MAN BANGS ON DOOR ] Oi!

Be careful with that wood. It's
grade-two listed, this building.

Looking for us?
Shakespeare and Hathaway.

[HE SIGHS]

[HIS BREATH TREMBLES:] You've really
got to help me. I'm desperate.

MAN: Thank you.

FRANK: So, let's
get this straight.

Uh, nine months ago, you threw a huge
bash for your wife 's 40th birthday.

She blew out the candles on her
cake, walked off the dance floor

and you never saw her again?

Until they found her the next
morning, about a mile downstream.

That's just awful.

Really sorry for your loss. How
do you think we can help you?

[HE SIGHS]

Coroner's inquest
from yesterday.

Verdict...

inconclusive.

FRANK: Look, I used
to work in CI D.

Water deaths are notoriously
difficult to solve.

There 's no way that Ophelia would go
anywhere near the water. She was terrified.

An absolute phobia.

I own the biggest boat company on the
Avon. She wouldn't go on any of them.

Well, can I ask then how you came to be
having the party at a hotel on the river?

Uh, my business partner

she thought it would be a good chance
to take out the little row boats.

Take the guests
up and downstream.

Show the hotel what we
could do for future events.

OK, so it was a marketing opportunity
as well as your wife 's birthday.

And presumably you could write
it off as a business expense.

Sounds sensible to me.
- Look, trade isn't what it was.

We've had to try out new things,
diversify. Anything wrong with that?

Says here that you and your wife were
separated and awaiting a divorce.

Lies! All lies!

Mr Skylark

if we 're gonna help you, we
are gonna need to know the facts.

I mean, yes, yes...
[HE INHALES DEEPLY]

we 'd been split up for a
few weeks, but... [HE SIGHS]

I thought we 'd work our way back to
each other, just like we always did.

That was why I wanted to have the
party, to show her how much...

how much she meant to me.

[HE SIGHS] Look, someone
must know the truth.

I need closure. I can't
live like this anymore.

You're my only hope.

Well, we could start by retracing
your wife ' s last moments.

You' Il take the case?
[HE BREATHES DEEPLY]

Please! They really
need to know.

Sorry, who ' s "they"?

Uh, I should have mentioned it.

Ophelia was insured for £500,000

but with a suicide clause
and an open verdict

they're refusing to pay out.

And you think she was murdered?

What else could it be?

LU: So, they found one
of these boats, empty

except for one of her shoes

a champagne bottle
and two empty glasses.

FRANK: The marketing
certainly worked.

Ooh!
[WATER SLOSHES]

You're gonna drink
all this in a day?

Yep.

[LU CLICKS TONGUE] Oh...

Frank, it says the state of the body
suggests she had been in the water

for over 15 hours.

Her lungs were full of water, so
she was breathing when she went in.

FRANK: She was alive. But did
she fall or was she pushed?

What else does it
say in the autopsy?

It says... Ooh. I've never
looked at an autopsy before.

Just ignore the pictures,
look at the words.

OK.

It says there ' s " marks
and wounds in keeping with...

' contusions'?
- Yeah.

And lacerations to be expected from
body being swept along the river.

Distinguishing marks: appendix
scar, birthmark, small tattoo."

Doesn't leave us much, does it?
[ HE LAUGHS SILENTLY]

Why are you laughing?

Oh, I was... I
was just thinking.

One of Stratford '
s premier families.

Think of the media focus. Huh? This
is really gonna put us on the map.

Frank!

Well, this is the kind of
high-profile case we should be doing.

Huh. The Federation
won't know what hit ' em.

This year, " Best Small
Detective Agency"!

Next year, " Best...
Small to Mid-sized."

The poor woman is dead!

Yeah, sorry.
- And we should be finding out why and how.

Well, a... tryst
with a secret lover?

Moonlit night, romance...

The Owl and the
Pussycat.[ HE CHUCKLES]

They... they argued. Maybe
it was a crime of passion?

Mm.

The young trophy wife
and the jealous husband.

Happens all the time.

Well, at this point, we
can't rule anything out.

I need a wee.

I'm not surprised. [HE SIGHS]

LU: This is interesting.

It says Ophelia was found
with all her jewellery

except for her gold watch.

Robbery gone wrong?

Find the watch, we may
well find the murderer.

Too much of water hast
thou, poor Ophelia.

Oh, here he goes.
- What' s that from?

Hamlet.
- Hamlet. I was going to say that, yeah.

You were in that weren't you?
Didn't you play Omelette?

Mm-hmm.

Look, this is Ophelia
Skylark, with friend

at the opening of that new vegan
restaurant on Constitution Street

about a month before she died.

Vegan?

And here she is... again.

And here again,
no sign of hubby.

That's her birthday
party, isn't it?

"Tragic finale for popular
socialite Ophelia Skylark.

Guests shocked by
mystery disappearance."

Aw, look. She looks so happy.

And only a few hours to live.

Yeah, was she actually
seeing other men?

Because that's not how
her husband painted it.

Yeah, we could do with
talking to this guy.

How would we find him?

Well, start with
the step and repeat.

The who, what, where now?

The backdrop. Every
high-class event has one.

Oh...

Vanessa-Rose.

Who?

Only the leading society...

Paparazza!
- Paparazza of the entire town!

You must have heard of her. She
does all the red-carpet events.

I'm gonna go and talk to her. Why don't you
see if you can find the CCTV from the hotel?

I 'Il go check
out the boatyard.

Yes, let's find out how Mr
Skylark... keeps his business afloat.

Do you see what I did there?

JONATHAN: There she is.

Absolutely gorgeous.

FRANK: Very... photogenic.

Should hope so, the amount of time and money
she spent getting herself picture perfect.

This is my business
partner, Finty Lees-Jones.

And you are?

Uh, Frank Hathaway.
Nice to meet you.

I've brought in
private investigators

to help find out what happened.

Another outlay we can't afford.

I understand the business has had some
difficulties over the last few years?

Could say so.

Fuel costs, half the
fleet are rotting...

If we don't break even this season,
I can't see there being another one.

That's why he ' s here. Everybody
needs to fully co-operate.

Well, it' Il have to wait.

I'm busy.

JONATHAN: Da Costa...

late again.

I'm not surprised,
going that speed.

Um, can I ask him a few questions?
- Of course. Be my guest.

You may not get very far.

He 's Italian. His English
can be very... selective.

Last warning, Da Costa!

[DA COSTA GIRLS GIGGLE
ROANS:] Oh, God.

Um... Buenos días,
monsieur. [HE CHUCKLES]

Captain Da Costa at your service.
[ FRAK GIRLS GIGGLE RUNTS]

[IN FRENCH ACCENT:]
Major L' Hathaway.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I mean, not really. I'm
just, um... [HE CLEARS THROAT]

I'm Frank Hathaway. I'm
a private investigator.

[HE SIGHS ]No more questions.

I already spoken to the police,
told them everything I know.

You don't even know
what I'm gonna say yet.

Well, the lady
Ophelia... she die.

What else can it be?

[HE SIGHS]

Don't you wanna find out what happened
to her the night of the party?

I was not a guest. I
was working. The...

There ' s nothing more to say.
My boss, he already hates me.

He doesn't believe we were only
friends. Why make things worse?

I'm just trying to understand...
- No, I know what you're thinking.

You're trying to say that we were lovers,
that we had a fight, that I killed her.

That it was a crime of passion!

So, you do think
it was a murder.

Now you're trying to put words in
my mouth, just like the police did.

Tea? Coffee?

Tequila?
- Oh!

Ha! Yes, I 'Il have a
margarita if you're offering.

No, I 'Il just have a
black coffee, thanks.

It's just... so awful.

We used to speak on the
phone about four times a day.

Still can't believe it.

Did you know each
other a long time?

No... not really.

The Skylarks had hired
me about 18 months ago.

They wanted to do a
re-brand on the website.

We just hit it off.

Same sense of humour, we 'd get
the giggles and that would be it.

They'd asked me to provide a
model, but once I saw Ophelia

it was like, "Well, why
bother?" [SHE CHUCKLES]

She became "the face".

Yeah. Is that when they asked you to become
the official birthday party photographer?

[SHE CHUCKLES ]- No, I offered.

It was my gift.

We ' d become so close

especially since she ' d
broken up with Jonathan.

Do you think the
separation was her idea?

Definitely.

She hadn't been
happy in a while.

And then, all the
issues with Callum...

Right. Yeah, Callum's the, uh, stepson?

Yeah.

What issues would they be?

Um, obviously, it goes without
saying, this is all off the record.

It's just... [SHE SIGHS]

Well, he 's so spoilt.

Jonathan could never see it.

It did cause a lot of rows, and, in
the end, she ' d just had enough.

So, the night of
Ophelia' s birthday party

do you remember anything unusual,
anybody being weird or...?

No. It was a great party.

Ophelia had nailed every detail.

She 'd never looked
more beautiful.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes you have a friend,
don't you, a best one

and they're a bit
more like a sister.

I could print off the names of
the party guests I photographed

if it helps?

Yes, that would be brilliant.

I know the police have
already taken statements

but sometimes people remember
something months later.

Really?
- LU: Oh, yeah, happens all the time.

They didn't think it important
enough to mention to the police

but then they remember it and it can just
be that little missing link, you know?

Your work must be fascinating.

Yeah, I suppose it
is. [SHE CHUCKLES]

So, your relationship with
Ophelia, how was that?

Um, well, Dad seemed happy.
He ' d do anything for her.

But you and her?

Yeah, fine.

Your dad said they had quite
a... tempestuous marriage.

Well, yeah, if you mean
fighting, then non-stop

but then Dad would go out
and blow a load of cash

on stuff for her and it
would all be OK again.

Must've loved her very much.

So, the last time you saw her at the
party, what can you tell me about that?

Um, well, I only really
saw her at the beginning.

I just said hello, and she wanted
to do a load of photographs.

How did she seem?

Just the usual, excited,
bossing everyone around.

Oh. Liked to be in
control, did she?

Um, well, I... I suppose she just
wanted everything to be perfect.

And after that, the
rest of the evening?

Um, I... I genuinely don't know.

Oh. [IN SI LLY VOICE: ]Tequila!

[HE CHUCKLES ]Hey?

[HE CHUCKLES BELL CHIMES]

Yeah, actually, there is one
glamourous thing that we ' re doing.

You 'Il probably be covering it, actually.
The West Midlands Detective Awards.

I've not heard of them.

Really?

Oh, well... ha. We
're up for a gong.

It's nothing really. It's
just a... just a little award.

[VANESSA-ROSE:]
That's fantastic!

You should capitalise on the PR.

How do you mean?

Get your faces in the paper.

I could talk to my friend. She 's
the editor of Stratford Life.

She could do a spread on you.
- Really? That would be great, wouldn't it?

You could maybe do some shots

a bit of a re-brand, like
you did for Skylark' s.

Yeah. OK, um...

I think I've got some
studio time this week.

Ooh, have you got any photographs there
of the rowing boats on the party night?

No. I hadn't brought
my outside lights.

Flinty didn't mention it
until it was too late.

Sorry... [SHE CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

did you say " Flinty"?

[SHE SIGHS ]Finty,
Jonathan ' s Rottweiler.

It was Ophelia' s nickname for her
because Finty was so hard on her.

Oh.[ SHE CHUCKLES]

They didn't get on.
- Do you know why?

Ophelia was a force of nature.

Caused a lot of jealousy.

Did you think it was odd that they
had the party so close to the river?

It was all Finty's idea, apparently.

Thought it would be good advertising.
I mean, they do own a boat company.

Yeah, well, it's just that Ophelia was
terrified of the water, wasn't she?

You know, Jonathan
said she couldn't swim

but it was more than that,
it was like a morbid fear.

I... I didn't know. [SHE SIGHS]

That never came up.

That's strange then.

Why would Finty suggest...
being on the water?

She must have been terrified.

So, did you notice any tension or quarrels
with any of the guests? Anything at all?

Nope.

Did you have any reason to
believe that she would...

kill herself?

What? Suicide?

No.

Look, I know it's upsetting. I'm
just trying to get a clearer picture.

I mean, it... it was
a robbery, wasn't it?

Was it?

Yeah, someone stole
her watch, didn't they?

Look, will there be anything
else? I need to go and...

My dad ' s gonna be on my case.
I gotta go and check the boats.

No, you've... You've been
really helpful. Thanks, Callum.

Morning!
- Hello, gorgeous.

Ha ha ha!

Ha!
- Whoa! Ugh! That pongs. Ooph!

Like a wet mop.
- It has been in the cleaner' s cupboard.

[HE SNIFFS] Ugh! Yeah,
I 'Il freshen it up.

No... You are not wearing that. We
' Il have to get you something new.

[FRANK MUTTERS]

So, what's all this?

I went through all the drownings in
the River Avon over the past 30 years.

Three returned open verdicts.

John Simpson, Helen
Ashcroft, Catty Rawland.

Anything useful for us?

Not a sausage.

Right, so, I suppose
the question is

who stood to gain from the death
of Miss Stratford-upon-Avon 2002?

The runner-up?

All beauties are beastly!

Cruise ship pageant
host. Don't ask.

OK... Did you find
anything at the hotel?

I spoke to the head of security. Absolutely
nothing suspicious on their CCTV.

A swanky place,
they would say that.

But I got this from one of the bar
staff who was working that night.

[PARTY GUESTS: ]♪ Happy
birthday, dear Ophelia ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
[ ALL CHEER]

Oh. Not exactly the shy
and retiring type, is she?

[GUESTS CHEER ON PHONE]

So, do you think this is literally
the last time anyone saw her?

SEBASTIAN: Mm-hmm.

Never to be seen again.

[INDISTlNCT CHATTER ON PHONE]

FINTY: You promised you 'd have the steamer
back in the water by the weekend, latest.

We've got 50 guests and a
Michael Bublé tribute act booked.

Let me make myself clear.

Get it done, or
you don't get paid.

[PHONE BEEPS] [SHE SIGHS]

You've got three minutes.

Uh, well, Miss Lees-Jones...
It is " Miss", isn't it?

Well, let's start with the basics.
How long have you been at Skylark's?

[SHE SIGHS]

Since I was two days old.

What?

My dad was the boat
master for old Mr Skylark.

And my grandfather... he was the
same for old, old Mr Skylark.

There we all are.

That's me and Jonathan, still in our nappies.
- FRANK: Ah.

So, you grew up together?

Eventually my dad
became a partner

passed it down to me.

Part of the family, really.
Even... godmother to his Lordship.

What, you mean Callum?

Just a baby when his mother
did her moonlit to Marbella.

I said to Jonathan, " Give me your boy.
I' Il bring him up, no problem. "But then...

He met Ophelia.

Quite a force of
nature, by all accounts.

[SHE SCOFFS ]Nothing
natural about her.

I couldn't be doing with putting
all that poison in my body.

Poison?

Well, Botox, fillers...

She came in here once looking like
she ' d had her whole face burnt off.

Had a laser treatment to
get rid of her wrinkles.

I mean, the lengths some
people will go to... SHE SCOFFS

Yeah, but you... You have to admit,
she looked a million dollars.

[SHE SCOFFS ]Well, she ought
to, cost nearly that.

Jonathan used to do his nut, but
she could run rings round him.

So, you were business partners

and you were in charge of
the money side of things?

And now you're going to ask how Jonathan
got all her reckless spending past me?

Well, it had crossed my mind.

Well, she 'd just hijack
his business credit card.

By the time I found out,
the money was spent.

You ever tried
convincing the taxman

a designer bag is a
legitimate business expense?

[HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

How would you describe Ophelia
and Jonathan ' s relationship

at the time of
her disappearance?

[SHE SIGHS] Same as it ever
was... a battlefield.

Not... that he 'd ever dream
of hurting a hair on her...

[SHE INHALES DEEPLY]

pretty little head. [SHE SIGHS]

Jonathan ' s convinced it
might have been murder.

Do you know of anyone who...
- Uh, sorry, Mr Hathaway.

[PHONE ALARM SOUNDS]

Your time 's up.
[PHONE BEEPS]

Uh, did you pay for all
this through the company?

Uh, oh, stop moaning.

Look, it's just a few things for
you to try on before the awards do

which makes them a
legitimate company expense.

[HE SIGHS] Anyway, I, uh,
spoke to Callum, the stepson.

Oh, yeah, hated Ophelia because
she blocked his spending. Imagine.

That's not the
impression he gave.

Greetings, dear colleagues,
from one weary with toil.

As a dogged and
diligent detective...

Receptionist.

Tea-maker.

I have interviewed all
64 guests at the party.

Yes, I'm amazing.
Yes, you're welcome.

Uh, mmm, there were 65.

[HE WH ISPERS:] May I remind
you that one of them is dead.

Gather round.

OK.

Here we have...
[TABLET TRI LLS]

Linda and Steve Hargreaves.

They mislaid the invitation,
turned up at 7 instead of 7.30

just in time to
witness a huge argument

between Ophelia and Jonathan.

Oh! Do we know what the argument was about?
- SEBASTIAN: Indeed we do.

Our dear friend Jonathan was
incandescent about Ophelia' s spending.

Told her she 'd blown
every penny they had.

He was absolutely off-the-scale.

I quote...

"Ophelia, do you realise
what you've done?

I could kill you. "End quote.

Any other witnesses?
- SEBASTIAN: Tons.

Hotel staff, Callum, the DJ...
and, of course, the photographer.

Yeah, Vanessa-Rose has been really
helpful. Why has she not mentioned this?

Maybe they told her not to. You know
what these posh families are like.

What happens at Chequers
stays at Chequers.

Right, yeah.

I think we should go
and speak to him again.

Good work.

For a secretary.

You've got to understand.

She loved the local press,
basked in the attention, but...

[HE INHALES DEEPLY]

it did bring a lot
of scrutiny. [HE SIGHS]

That's not really what
we asked you, Mr Skylark.

Yes.

We did have an argument.

[DOOR OPENS]

Fints, would you mind giving
us a few minutes, please?

Thanks.

If you knew how bad I feel...

The awful things I said.

We realise this must be difficult
for you, Mr Skylark, but...

you 're gonna have
to be honest with us.

Did you threaten
to kill your wife?

I just...

I just lost it.

[HE SIGHS]

She asked me to
get there early...

to have a glass of champagne
before everyone arrived.

Uh...

Couldn't wait. I thought
we 'd turned a page.

As soon as I saw
it all... [HE SCOFFS]

Ice sculptures...

lobster lollipops.

Can you imagine?

I knew she ' d
annihilated the budget.

Finty was gonna do her nut. I...

I just flipped.

But Finty knew that you were... you were
paying for the party through the business?

Knew? Ye... Yeah, she knew.
I told you, it was her idea.

Make it look like a marketing event,
all kosher and tax deductible.

But this... was a whole
different level of spending.

I'm really sorry. [SHE CHUCKLES]

Could I use your toilet?

[FRANK GIRLS GIGGLE ROANS] Oh...

Uh... Yes, uh, second door down.

So sorry.

So what was your wife ' s reaction when
you confronted her about the budget?

Did she fight back?
- Fight back? Yeah.

Yeah, she destroyed me.

Typical Ophelia.
What was my problem?

She always accused me of having
a secret stash somewhere.

She said that I was
hiding money from her

and that if I didn't use that money
to pay for the rest of the party

she would report me to HM RC.

I saw red.

I said...

[VOICE TREMBLES:] said
that I could kill her.

FRANK: I totally
understand your situation.

Oh! Sorry. [SHE CHUCKLES]

JONATHAN: The insurance needs to
pay out fast or we 're going under.

Still calling the shots,
even though she 's dead.

JONATHAN: imagine if Finty
knew the true cost of it.

It's all my fault.

[SHE SIGHS] Tell me again. Why
is he out of the picture?

[HE SIGHS] The body
wasn't found for months.

According to the widow,
he died of a heart attack

when he won on a scratch card.

Too much excitement.
Just bad timing really.

He fell in the river and there
was no one to rescue him.

You haven't drank all that already, have you?
- Really nearly.

[HE HOLDS NOTE:] ♪ A... ♪

[LUTE STRUMS] - ♪
...las my love ♪

♪ You... do me wrong ♪
[LUTE STRUMS]

♪ To... cast me off ♪
[ LUTE STRUMS]

[IN INCREASlNGLY DEEP
VOICE:]♪ Discourteously ♪

[LU CLAPS]

Aw, that's great. Have you
learnt that Little Mix one yet?

I'm working on it.

No offence, Sebastian, but
you're hardly Brian May.

It just wants tuning. I was
first understudy, Amiens.

As You Like It?

Yes, really tragic.
- Yes, really funny.

And tragic.
- Funny.

Look, if you're
going to Skylark' s

wouldn't it just be easier
to dress as a tourist?

I am hiding in plain sight.

Plus, who could possibly be
intimidated by me like this?

Dressing this way,
barriers come down

people feel safe, and
they share far too much.

Well, that's very clever. Well,
make sure you speak to everyone

because as far as we ' re concerned,
they're all being way too vague

about the night of Ophelia' s
party, so they're all suspects.

[FRANK CLEARS THROAT] Um...

Speaking of costumes

what do you make of
this little number?

SEBASTIAN: Perfect!

For a Matrix- themed
fancy dress party.

Otherwise straight to the
charity shop, do not pass " Go".

FRANK: Hey! Don't say that.

This is for our
portfolio. [HE CHUCKLES]

What?
- SEBASTIAN: What?

What?
- What?

What?

You are having your photographs
done with Vanessa-Rose, aren't you?

It' s... No, it' s... Look...

It's just a few
little snapshots...

Bah, bah.
- For the website. Nothing special.

Just... Yeah.

And am I included?

Well, we didn't think
you 'd wanna be.

No, what with you being...

our number one
undercover associate.

Ah! Yes, you see?

I mean, what good is that, eh? With
your face plastered all over...

All over the place, you won't
be undercover anymore, will you?

So, that would be no good, and so...
- FRANK: No.

[DOOR CLATTERS]

Theatre folk, so touchy.

Yeah, that's it, guys.
That's it. Loads of energy.

Lovely. Hold that.

Woo! Lovely!

Brilliant! That's great, guys.

Give us another one like that.

Woo! No, it's looking
great! Hold that.

[SHE LAUGHS] Yes, Frank!

Let out your inner Beyoncé.

[SHE LAUGHS]You're a natural.

Help yourselves to champagne. It
will help with any inhibitions.

Oh, I, um... I met the
famous " Flinty" at last.

[VANESSA-ROSE CHUCKLES] Oh...

You can see how she wouldn't get on
with a woman like Ophelia, can't you?

FRANK: Talking of
not getting on, uh...

I believe you witnessed Jonathan and Ophelia
having an argument the night of the party.

Uh...

Vanessa?

[VANESSA-ROSE SIGHS] What of it?

Wasn't like it was something
out of the ordinary.

No, I just... We were surprised
you didn't mention it.

You know, under
the circumstances.

There were plenty of other people
there. I assumed you already knew.

I didn't realise it was this
exhausting being a supermodel.

[LU LAUGHS: ]Yeah!
[ HE CHUCKLES]

Cheers.
- Cheers... So, what next?

[LEATHER COAT SQUEAKS]

Frank... [SHE SIGHS]

put on a black polo neck.

Maybe we ' Il do some shots by the
window, looking all intellectual.

Ugh, well, you can try. Ha ha!
[ VANESSA-ROSE CHUCKLES]

Let me just get another lens.

Do you notice anything?

She got spooked by whatever
was in that letter.

Mm. Anything else?

You dyed your hair?
- No!

Borrowed your Nana' s jacket?
- Stop it. That's just rude.

Photographs everywhere

and not one of them of her
" best friend " Ophelia.

♪ And who but my... ♪

[LUTE STRUMS] - ♪ Lady ♪

♪ Greensleeves ♪

Bravo, bravo, bravissimo!
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

Thank you.
- Bellissimo, maestro.

Kind people...

any penny's going spare

to help feed a poor but
uniquely talented minstrel?

Thank you, very kind. Thank you.

There ' s more where that came from if
you can get the punters on the boats.

If you're lucky

maybe you and I will go for
a joyride of our own later.

CALLUM: What are
you talking ...?

No. Hang on. No. I
spoke to you last week.

You gonna make me an offer then?

Mate, it's worth 14 grand.

OK. Yeah. Yeah, cool.

Deal. OK. Alright, um...
Yeah, I 'Il be ten minutes.

[PHONE BEEPS]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[PHONE RlNGS]

Hello.
- An intriguing development.

Remember you said if Ophelia' s watch
turns up, it will lead us to the murderer?

Well...

These pictures were taken by our
assistant, about 12.45pm today.

You better tell me what the
hell is going on, Callum.

What' s happening here?

Dad, it's not what you think.
Finty, will you tell him?

You know I wouldn't do
anything to hurt Ophelia.

He knows something.
He stole her watch.

You're accusing the boy?

Jonathan, wake up. You're still
enthralled to that she-devil.

I know you couldn't stand Ophelia, but if
you did anything to hurt her, I swear...

Dad, I swear to you...
- OK, OK.

I think... let' s all just
take a minute, shall we?

I'm sure everyone here wants to know
what really happened to Ophelia.

Why don't we just start by asking
Callum how he came to have her watch?

[HE SIGHS]

I... I... I found it.

Where?

I dunno, just...

On the grass at the party.

LU: OK, so you
picked up the watch

but Ophelia was
nowhere to be seen?

CALLUM: No.

I looked around. There
was no one about.

I was gonna give it back,
Dad. Honestly, I was.

You didn't get the opportunity.

She 'd done my head in, Dad, after that
row, all that stuff that she said to you.

Then trying to get with Antonio,
right in front of your face.

That's nothing to do with you.

What about when she said
she 'd dob you in to HM RC?

She said what?

You know what she was like, Fints.
It was just a stupid argument.

Look, I didn't even
wanna be there.

And then, when I heard
them singing happy birthday

I knew it must be nearly over, so I should
go and check the boats were tied up.

Did you talk to Antonio?
- CALLUM: Yeah.

Uh, no. He ' d already gone.

What time was this?
- Um, I dunno. About half ten.

He was supposed to
work until midnight.

And were all the boats tied up?

I figured everyone
was done with them

so I ' d stick around, watch
the fireworks, and just go home.

And there it was, just
lying on the ground.

All this time and
you never said.

What kind of monster
have I reared?

Ophelia was right.

I always knew you were spoilt.

Now I'm finding out you
're a liar and a thief.

Dad, I'm sorry.

Me and her, it was
never that good

but...

no way would I ever do
anything to harm her.

He 's telling the truth, Jonny.

You do believe me, don't you?

Dad...

Honestly, this family

we were ticking along nicely
until Ophelia came along.

[FlNTY SIGHS]

[ANTONIO SIGHS DEEPLY]

What now?
[FRAN K SIGHS]

Just wondering why you lied about your
whereabouts on the night of the party.

I did not lie.

Apparently, you left around 10.30. You
were supposed to be off duty at midnight.

You weren't running away
from anything, were you?

OK, I...

had a date.

Who with?

With the chef... Mario.

He finished his shift and
asked me to go party with him.

You can ask Mario.
He will vouch for me.

I was with him all night.

Why didn't you just
tell the police?

My mother...

she 's a wonderful mama

but if she ever find out that
I don't like the femmine...

[HE SIGHS] she ' Il be very upset.

That's why I live
in... [HE SCOFFS]

freezing old England.

I could not stay in my
beautiful Positano no more.

LU: So, how did you get on
with your blasts from the past?

Well, Helen Ashcroft

her husband said she used to
be very prone to black moods

reckons she threw herself in.

Freezing water did the rest.
- What' s Catty Rawland 's story?

Snuck out with a pal
to a Take That concert.

Somehow, Catty manages to fall
in the river on the way home.

It was dark, the friend panics.

She didn't raise the alarm
till the following morning.

She was scared she ' d get into
trouble with her overbearing father.

[SHE SCOFFS] Some mate that is!

She was a suspect for a while.

Mum and dad, long dead, sister went
to live with some elderly relatives.

No trace of her.

What about the friend?

She moved out of the area 20
years ago. No one left to talk to.

Oh well... you tried.

[WATER SLOSHES]

You're not going for
another widdle, are you?

No. [SHE CHUCKLES]

I'm gonna go and
pick up our photos.

Oh, they are...
they are fantastic!

You've done a great job.
You've even got Frank smiling.

VANESSA-ROSE: I think he
actually enjoyed it in the end.

Yeah.

Can you give me a sec?
I've got a yoga class.

Feel free to flick through,
highlight your words.

Oh, OK. [SHE CHUCKLES]

Will do.

That' s, uh...

Oh...[ SHE CHUCKLES]

So, what do you think?

Well, I think you're a miracle
worker is what I think.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh. You've got a tattoo.

I always wanted one when I was
younger but I didn't have the guts.

This thing? Meant to get
it lasered off years ago.

What does it stand for?

"TT" for Take That.

Ah!
[ VANESSA-ROSE CHUCKLES]

My older sister was obsessed.

I pretended I liked Jason Orange,
but... I wasn't even that fussed.

I just wanted to be in the
gang with her and her mates.

They did it in the
kitchen... with a needle.

Ouch. Ha!
- VANESSA-ROSE: Mm.

Bet you still
laugh about it now.

[SHE CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

FRANK: Ha-ha.

Quick, Sebastian, get the
footage of the birthday cake out.

Where 's the, uh,
Catty Rawland file?

What' s this all about?

You said that the past always
informs the present, right?

Yes, and?

Look, Catty Rawland was
14 years old when she died

which means she was born in 1981,
and would have turned 40 this year.

Look. See here?

The strap on her dress breaks so she does
what any woman does in a disco crisis.

She takes her friend, rushes
off to the ladies to fix it.

And if I stop, zoom in...

See that mark there?

It's a tattoo.
"TT" for Take That.

What, you can tell
that from there?

It's in Ophelia's
post-mortem report.

But my bet is that Catty Rawland
has one exactly the same.

[SHE GASPS] Yes, here look.

"Distinguishing marks:
mole on right cheek

homemade tattoo, lower
left shoulder blade

'TT'."

I still don't see the connection.
- Vanessa-Rose has exactly the same tattoo.

Yeah, but like Howard Orange here said,
thousands of people have that tattoo.

You said that Catty Rawland 's best mate,
Leanne, disappeared in her 20s, yeah?

Yeah.

What if she didn't?

What if she didn't disappear?

She reinvented herself as the
vivacious Ophelia Skylark.

The irrational fear of water.

Yeah, which you would have if you
'd watched your best friend drown.

I think Ophelia' s death
was revenge from the grave.

Read this.

"I know what you did to Leanne.
I can make this all go away.

Meet me at Chamberton Bridge.

Friday, 10pm. "That's tonight.

We need to get over there.

Whoever turns up knows what
really happened that night.

Oh. [SHE CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[CHURCH BELL TOLLS]

[CHURCH BELL TOLLS] [ LU SIGHS]

SHE WHISPERS: See, I never
had her down as a murderer.

[CHURCH BELL TOLLS]
[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]

VANESSA-ROSE:
Might have known.

Ophelia always said you
were a nasfy piece of work.

Well, she should know.

You think you can blackmail me?

So, you did kill Ophelia.

No.
- I knew it!

It was an accident.
- Who 's going to believe that?

You lured her to the river

you pushed her in.

It's OK.

Let' s just agree on a
price. I won't say a word.

[SHE MUTTERS] [FINTY YELPS]

FRAN K: Come on!
- LU: No! It's not worth it!

[VANESSA-ROSE GASPS]

[SHE PANTS]

We know you killed Ophelia.

LU: Or should we
say " Leanne"?

We saw a video from the party of you
and Ophelia going towards the loos

to fix a broken strap.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

FRANK: Was that the first
time you 'd seen the tattoo?

The homemade one that you and your
sister had in exactly the same place.

Why don't we go outside?

Leanne.

LU: It just so happened that
Finty was already in the ladies'

when the two of you came in.

You like hiding behind
doors, don't you, Finty?

[VANESSA-ROSE SOBS]

What did happen when
you got outside?

[SHE SOBS]

Wait. I don't understand.

[SHE PANTS]

Who are you?

You don't have to
hide anymore, Leanne.

Rosie.

Little Rosie Rawland.

[BREATH QUIVERS]

You let my sister die.

You could have raised the
alarm, but you ran away.

No... No.

My family... was
destroyed because of you!

[SHE PANTS]

You made Catty sneak
out to that concert!

You knew you 'd
get in to trouble

so you left her to freeze
to death in that water!

It wasn't like that.

[SHE WHIMPERS AND SCREAMS]

[VANESSA-ROSE GASPS]
[ WATER SPLASHES]

[SHE PANTS AND GASPS]

VANESSA-ROSE: And then Callum
appeared to check the boats

so I hid.

He was there for what
seemed like an age.

Then, when I went
back to the river...

[SHE GASPS ]Ophelia!

It was too late.

[SHE GASPS ]Ophelia!

I just panicked.

[SHE SOBS ]Ophelia, please!

[SHE GASPS AND SOBS]

I didn't know what I was doing.

And then... I saw her shoe.

I threw it in a boat

grabbed a bottle and some glasses
that were lying about and...

[SHE PANTS AND
GIRLS GIGGLE RUNTS]

pushed the boat
out onto the river.

[SHE BREATHES HEAVl LY]

FRANK: But someone
had seen everything.

I didn't kill her. SHE SOBS

[SHE BREATHES HEAVl LY] Please,
you have to believe me.

[SHE SOBS ]Oh, God.

It all happened so quickly.

She... tripped.

I tried to look for
her, but she was gone.

[SlREN BLARES IN THE
DISTANCE] [ PANICKED BREATHS]

[SHE WHIMPERS] I
couldn't help it.

Twenty-five years I've
been looking for Leanne!

[SlREN GIRLS GIGGLE
ROWS LOUDER][- SHE SOBS]

All those years of... hate

and I just wanted
an explanation!

And you didn't realise that
plain old Leanne Jacobs

your sister's best friend, was in
fact the fabulous Ophelia Skylark?

I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
[SIREN CONTINUES]

I know.
[VANESSA-ROSE SOBS]

Sl REN CONTI NUES

[FRANK SIGHS]

[INDISTl NCT CHATTER [
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]

[LU GASPS SLOWLY]

[FRANK SIGHS]

This is our night. I can feel it!
- LU CHUCKLES

[HE CHUCKLES]

You ready, kid?

Ready.

I can't believe it.

[HE SIGHS] - Finally,
recognition from our peers.

Well, we deserve it.

Let's savour every
moment.[ HE CHUCKLES]

Hey, I wonder what kind
of can-apes they' Il have.

You what?

Can-apes.
- Oh! Canapés!

No, not pet it pois.
[ SHE LAUGHS]

I mean, the posh food, you know,
like sweet chilli fish cakes.

Ooh, I hope they've got those little spoons
with the king prawns in and the garlic mayo.

Which bull 's pizzle didn't
read the invitation properly?

Not The Old Avon Arms Hotel.

The Old Avon Sports and Social
Club two miles down the road.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES]

[SHE CHUCKLES SHEEPISH LY]

LU: I got the jacket...
- Two hundred quid.

Yeah, and so my hairdo was...
- Eighty quid.

Yeah, and then I had a spray tan.
- Thirty quid.

And my lashes.
- All on the company.

Yeah. [SHE CHUCKLES]

My facialist spent 90 minutes
pummelling my orbicularis oris.

Ooh. Was that on the company?

No.
[ SEBASTIAN MOUTHS]

[HE SIGHS] Well, look,
you both look amazing.

Thank you.
[ HE CHUCKLES]

Oh! Shh, shh, shh! Here she comes.
[GAVEL BANGS]

Ooh!

The winner of this year's
Small Boutique Agency is...

Sharman and Hepplewhite!

[CROWD APPLAUDS]

[HE INHALES DEEPLY]

Shots?

Shots.
- Shots.

Hey, on the company.

[THEY LAUGH]