Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators (2018–…): Season 4, Episode 1 - If It Be Man's Work - full transcript

KEYBOARD CLACKING

PC ALERT BEEPS

No, no, no, no...!

What's up? Malware.

Use the scrubber.

No, it's frozen...!

It's into your directory.

Try rebalancing the server load.
I'm trying.

Dean's going to kill me
if we lose this work...!

What's happening?
Someone's hacking us.

ALERTS BEEP



Do something!

RAPID BEEPING

We're under attack.

Ah...

DOOR THUDS

Frank. It's push to open.

Yes, I know that, but you said
that you were going to fix it.

Good morning to you, too.

It's like a sauna in here.

The heating's
officially gone bananas.

Yeah, well, it's hot
enough to grow them.

Many people would be happy
to have such robust heating.

You've got to admit it, Frank, this
office is starting to show its age.

Nonsense.



It's got personality. Ha!

Just think of the proud
history in every brick and beam.

So much proud history, it's
crumbling under the weight of it.

ALERT PINGS

My laptop's gone mad.

Control, alt, delete.

LAPTOP: All right, guys,
how's it going?

Spider?

What are you doing in my laptop?

I thought I'd pop by
and have a word.

Well, couldn't you
do it like a human?

Well, he probably tried,
couldn't get in the door.

Don't worry, Frank,
it's not a social call.

I'm in need of your unique skills.

Oh, yes, Frank, look at this.

Nice, modern office building,
where the walls don't look like

they're about to fall in on you.

Uh, you'd be up and down
these stairs all day.

Hey! Hey!

Bore da!
That's Welsh.

Look at us, the old clan
back together again.

Tell you what, Spider, I don't think
I've ever seen you this dressed up.

I appreciate the interest,
Luella, but I'll have to pass.

There's another fly I'd
like snared in this web.

So, what's the job?
Oh. it's a sweet gig.

I'm running cybersecurity here at
Forosa. They're a tech start-up.

I thought you had to go to Silicon
Valley for that sort of thing?

Oh, no, we've got a tech corridor
right here on the Avon.

Oh, here comes the big boss.

Don't embarrass me now.

Welcome to Forosa.

I'm the CEO, Bertram Tark.

Friends call me Bertie.
Is that us?

Let's find out.

Oh. Oh!

Please. Thank you.

I welcome you to my personal space.

Please, take a pew.

Uh, where are the actual seats?

Well, we feel that old ways of
sitting mean old ways of thinking.

And these are great
for your posture.

Oh, right.

Well, I love new ways of thinking.

Ooh!

Are you all right?

Sorry, I just, erm...

I just...dropped my car keys.

Ooh...!

So, how much has Spider mentioned?

Nothing. Just to...just for
us to bring our bug sweeper.

He means an electronic
counter-measuring sweeping device.

Spider... That's not necessary.

Forosa's got an app coming
out that's going to blow up.

We're talking nine figures big.

Nine! And we are going
to launch in four days.

Oh. Why the rush?

It's an arms race.

The US competition are
pulling out all the big guns

to try and stop our app.

I don't see how we can help.

Well, no, especially not Frank.

He's only just learnt
how to open an email.

THEY ALL LAUGH

Just...keys again.

Anyways, I think there's a mole.

Which I can't buy into.

We're a family here. Yes.

However, we have seen many a
family become their own worst enemy.

See? They have that
intuition about people.

Well, I guess it couldn't hurt.

Remember, there's a potential
billion dollars at stake here.

Who gets it depends
on that app launch.

Don't you worry, Mr Tark.

For a billion dollars,
we'll do our best.

Helena?

Clearly contemplating our countdown
to our future success there.

This is Frank and Lu.

They'll be helping Spider today.

Nice to meet you.

Though, not sure Spider needs any
help keeping a close eye on us.

SPIDER LAUGHS FORCEDLY

Yeah...

Just your...your regular
appropriate eye distance. Ha...

SPIDER LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

OK.

So, we're going to want to scan
the place, and then ask everyone

a few questions,
if that's all right?

Everyone? Yeah.

I'd better go prepare Dean.

Who's Dean?

He's the programmer.

The app's his baby.

So, what is this
fancy new app about?

It's called FindFitFab.

The biggest question of shopping
online is, "Will it suit me?"

We generate an augmented reality
picture of you

in whatever item
of clothing you choose.

Find, fit, fabulous.

Isn't she marvellous?

Uh, the app, I mean. Ha...

Let me show you.

Can I take a picture of your shirt?
Ooh! Yes.

It's loaded on our test phones.

Frank, look at that! That's amazing!

How many times do I say to you,
"She looks great in that shirt,"

and what I really mean is
I would look great in that shirt?

So, this app will mean I don't have
to get involved in this stuff?

Uh, yeah. I'm in.

Right, shall we move on?

Yeah!

SENSOR BEEPS

This is the server room.

Usually, the data's
saved to the cloud,

but I've taken Forosa offline.

Right, so no-one can use
the internet? That's right.

I've air-gapped the entire office.

No access, no hacks.

So, this is the only copy?

Yep, that's right, Frank.

Doesn't that make it vulnerable?

Oh, it's Fort Knox, this.

I've installed a
motion sensor alarm. Oh.

Ooh...!

It's off while we're in here.

Oh.

THEY LAUGH

And no-one can get in
because the door only opens

with voice recognition, keyed
to either me, Dean or Bertie.

Right.

So, not that girl that you were
making moon eyes at earlier? Oh!

I don't know what you mean.

I'm just a hired gun,
a wandering ronin.

Who's clearly in love with Helena.

OK, well, I may have
a teeny tiny crush.

We met gaming online years back.

She was the hottest
ogre mage I ever saw.

Takes all types.

When H recommended me
for this job, I thought,

"Here's the opportunity to take
things to the next level -

"by saving the company."

Oh, wow.

I'm not sure that's how
romance works, but its lovely.

This way, please. Oh.

He's ready for you.

See you, server room.

SENSOR BEEPS

Dean, this is Ms Shakespeare and...
Uh, can you just...?

Ooh, sorry!

No wonder the place is so clean,
with this thing going around.

12 seconds, and these luddites
are already breaking the machines?

Sorry. Uh.

Yeah, this works.

Thank you, Dean.

Meet Dean, the man who
made the app possible.

Right, hi. Hello, Dean.

Can you remember that your
work here is secondary to mine?

So, do not interfere with my work,
or approach me without permission.

Right, OK.

Sorry, if we...

How do we get your permission if
we're not allowed to come near you?

EXASPERATED: Email.

Well, we'll just...

We'll just crack on with the
scanning, shall we? Yes, OK.

Yeah, see if anyone's listening in.

Uh...

Look, I don't have time for paranoid
amateurs playing with toys.

Ba-ba-ba. No... No...!

SCANNER SQUEALS

Ooh!

Ah! Ee-e-e-e-e...!

Oo-o-o-ooh...

SCANNER INTENSIFIES

You see, it's not paranoia
if someone's actually

out to get you, is it?

You've been bugged.

Someone planted this.

Which means...? You've got a mole.

Who lives in a hole.

Morning, Sandeep. Morning.

Loving those upgrades. Thank you.

Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much.

BERTIE SHOUTS FROM WITHIN

Idiot! Idiot!

Agh...!

No, no, no!

Four, four, four days till this app!

No! Come on! Come on!

BERTIE SHOUTS

HE EXHALES SHARPLY

If we want to find the spy in your
midst, we need to talk to everyone.

Fine. But how long is
this going to take?

Because we do have a deadline.

Not long.

So, what's your role here?

I'm the senior coding
synthesis architect.

Come again?

UI/UX optimisation originator.

Sorry, is that a real title?

Management guru
and product evangelist.

I'm a digital protector.

A cyber-knight.

"Giant geek."

So, how do you feel
about working here?

I love it. The team's like a family.

I'm so lucky to be here.

It's the most vital
work I've ever done.

I think that speaks to the
team's level of engagement.

Is that another way of saying you
pull some serious overtime?

No, it's amazing.

The office is better than home.

Best company I've ever worked for.
It's brilliant.

It's a great place to work.

So, what do you think of Dean?

He's a genius.

Oh, Dean's a perfectionist.
He's a genius.

He's a genius.

Genius.

He's an auteur.

He's Da Vinci. He's a...a...

Genius? Yes!

Any more questions?

Erm...

Yeah, I do have one, actually.
What?

Do you mind if I just
photograph your top?

Cos I just love the colours.

PHONE CAMERA CLICKS

Oh, thank...

I mean, how good is that?

Thank you.

It's like interviewing
the Stepford Wives.

At least we know
one of them's lying.

They're all lying!

No-one can like work that much.

Give me a bunch of employees around
the water cooler moaning, any day.

Maybe they're just happy here?
I mean, it does happen.

SCANNER SQUEALS

Oh, well...

That is a lovely handbag.

Ooh!

Do you mind if I FindFitFab?

Hm?

PHONE CAMERA CLICKS

SCANNER SQUEALS

Thank you.

SCANNER SQUEALS

Stop staring.

Just go and chat to her.
I'm wasn't staring.

And, anyway, we are chatting. Look.

No, I mean in person.

This is how the world
communicates now, Frank.

But she's literally sitting there.

There's no point
hiding behind a screen.

Like you're some big Romeo.

Hey, I've had my moments.

At least I know when
I was kissing a girl,

I wasn't just typing "X"
on a keyboard.

Oh, let me help you.

Right, what were you talking about?

Differential data
acquisition systems.

Oh, dear.

Try making her laugh.

Ready? Oh, no, no, no.

Ready? No, Frank, you can't
send that, honestly.

Honestly, no...!
Shall we? Whoops. Frank!

HELENA LAUGHS

Ooh! A real life LOL! Eh?

I think you were right.

Oh. Words to live by.

About the staff round here not
being as happy as they make out.

MACHINERY CLATTERS

Oh...!

See?

Oh, come on...!

Oh, I just want a brew!

I think, then, what you want
is a short cafe Americano.

I'm not sure why they don't
just call it coffee, actually.

What's it got to do with you?

Well, she's our
resident coffee expert.

Do you want his beans
burnt or roasted, Luella?

Uh, Dad.

Maybe we should let
Ms Shakespeare get on?

Oh, right.

Sorry, love.

Worked a machine shop for 30 years,
but can't use the coffee maker.

Or much else.

Forosa wouldn't exist
without him, though.

Or my mum.

She passed three years ago.

Named the company after her.

"For Rosa."

Right...

Clever that, isn't, it eh?

"For Rosa." His mam.

Good job she wasn't called Janet.

Forjanet.

Forjanet, you know?

No recent hirings or firings.

We've got nothing to go on.

We need to think as the mole would.

I'm in deep, too deep.
I'm scared.

Any second, my mask
could be torn away.

All right, easy on the improv.

Next thing, you'll be
tunnelling under the office.

He is right, though.

Now, what would YOU do
if you were the mole?

Spider? I'm asking you.

Sorry, I thought you
were being rhetorical.

I'd hit the server.

But the server room's a fortress.

I mean, no-one can get in.

Well, where there's a will,
there's a way.

We need someone on the inside.

ALL: The big black bug
hits the big black bear.

And, finally, the six slick sharks
seek sister's simple salmon.

The six slick sharks seek
sister's simple salmon.

Excellent! Your audience
doesn't stand a chance.

Wow...! Thanks there to the
newest member of our team...

Goliath Epsom,
performance consultant.

And he's here to help me
prepare for the global launch.

Confidence begins in the diaphragm.

If you say so...

Good news. Infinite Gold Studios
are confirmed for the launch.

Ana, how's the fix progressing?

We still have an interface
issue on Android phones.

That should've been finished by now.

I'm close.

I told you to prioritise it.

I've been working for the
past three weeks on it.

So, plenty of time
to be incompetent.

Oi, ease off.

This is a safe space.

We offer opinions here, not abuse.

She should be upset, she failed
a set task with a clear deadline.

Actual humans need sleep.

What part of my analysis
was incorrect, Helena?

Sorry...!

ANA SOBS

BERTIE SIGHS

Give the UI payment to Sandeep,
and I will go clear up Ana's mess.

Excuse me. I'm leaving.

Before I offer up MY opinion.

Let's move on.

Do we all know the one
about the pheasant pluckers?

Frank? Huh?

I've got it.

What, the mole?
No, better than that!

New office space.

Hey? It's in the Forosa building,
and its got a little kitchenette.

Fit for royalty. Yeah, that's
cos only royals can afford it.

Have you noticed anything?

Damp? Ha-ha.

As per madam's instructions,
the door is fixed,

and the heating is next.
We don't have to leave.

Please, Frank. It says here it
has a world-beating coffee machine.

Oh. I'll live.

Anyway, listen, Ana DuPont
was fired from her last job.

HR mentioned substance issues.

Right, issues. Drugs?

No, they wouldn't tell me.

But maybe someone's
trying to take Ana down.

You know, threaten to expose
her druggie past

unless she helps them
take down Forosa?

Bit thin?

Well, it's the only lead we've got.

No! Yes...!

Good game.

Thank you, sir.

Mwah, mwah. Congratulations.

Now, where do you
think she's off to?

That's the third time today.

Judas!

Pardon me?

FIRE ALARM RINGS

OK, everyone, this isn't a drill.

Outside, please.

Should we go?

I'd rather my last role wasn't

Man Burning To Death
While Watching Server.

RECORDED: Bertie Tark.

How could you flirt with the
love of my life, Sebastian?

It wasn't flirting!

Oh, yeah, it was banter!

Yeah, Frank filled me in on
the ways of wooing women.

I see you, Jezebel.

It is the green-ey'd monster that
doth mock the meat it feeds on.

Ooh.

What's this?

They're going for the server!

Agh!

ALERTS BEEPING

What an absolute failure.

We'll be set back weeks.

Don't worry, We figured this
might happen. Let's show him.

All your data was backed-up
on my own server.

I've already got
Dean up and running.

Well, that won't matter
if you can't stop the mole

from wreaking more chaos.

Time for an instant replay.

Now, your average PI
would be out of luck.

But, wait, what's this?

A hidden camera, you cry?

Bertie, meet contestant number one.

And were you somehow claiming
to be an above average PI?

There must be something here.
There'd better be.

There is, those shoes.

I've seen those shoes before.

That... That's our...

You are not supposed to
take that out the office.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Oh.

Who is it?

Sorry, Spidey.

BERTIE: I want to know why!

You've screwed everyone here!

HELENA: If you have to ask, you're
blind to what's been going on!

Don't blame anyone else!

How about we get it all out
in the open, eh, boss?!

Have you fired her yet?

You know what, Dean?

How about I stick my
dismissal up your... Helena!

If you have any respect
left for this family,

please, don't make it any harder.

I'll clear out my desk.

Don't let him drag you down.

You only ever had one idea.

Shame.

DISTANT SCREAM

Nefi blw...

You know what, Frank? You should
have a disclaimer on your website

saying, "Cases may
include dead bodies."

You're just jealous
cos I got here first.

Yeah, well, it's mine now.

Yeah, all yours.
I just came to pick up a cheque.

Oh, and to tell you he died from
a blow to the back of the head.

Any other remarkable
insights for me?

Like where the murder weapon is?

Ask Helena.
We don't know it was her!

You caught her red-handed
smashing up my work!

Now the one person
I needed most is gone.

Who's Helena?
One of the employees.

Caught sabotaging my company.

Our company.

Worth a visit.

All you'll find is an innocent
woman with perfect, glossy hair.

Tell him, Frank.

Come back. Honestly, she's innocent!

ELECTRICITY ZAPS

Frank! The plug
socket just zapped me.

Right, that is it. We are
not staying in this deathtrap.

It's not that bad.

The office just tried
to electrocute me.

We'll lose our footfall.

Frank, I don't understand this.

You are usually the first
person to jump at a good deal.

This office has been good
to us for three years.

Why change it?

Because there's something better.

What could be better than this?
This.

SEBASTIAN: We have a visitor!

Helena isn't the murderer.

You see? Footfall.

Spider, what the
police do isn't up to us.

Oh, don't give me that.

You're always sticking your nose in.

Spider, she used you.

Why'd you want to help her?

I don't know.

My stomach is short-circuiting
and my CPU's in overdrive.

I don't care that she used me.

I'm begging you.

Help her.

We just have a few questions.

I've spent the morning doing that
with the police, thanks to you.

Now I can't leave town.

Keeler's trying to prove you did it,

and we just want to
prove that you didn't.

Look, I hated Dean,
but I'd never kill him.

But why disrupt the app launch?

Because that app is mine.

I pitched it to Bertie
and Dean years ago.

What, they stole it? Yeah.

Well, no, not exactly. I...

I was young, all right?

And Dean was this
super-smart coding savant.

So, you were star-struck.

Before I know it,
Bertie's got me signing contracts.

I didn't realise I'd
end up as Dean's skivvy.

So, you switched sides?

I'm on my side.

I made a deal with a rival,
gave them everything I could.

But it wasn't enough.

Forosa was launching too soon.

So, you bashed up the server,
but you stopped short

of doing the same to Dean?
It's not just me, you know.

Anyone at Forosa could have snapped.

Ana! Bertie's dad!

It's the crunch.
The crunch?

Unpaid overtime, working
all hours, no social life.

We give everything and
we accept it because, hey,

look at the pay, the perks.

No-one wants to admit Bertie
and Dean are running

a high-end sweat shop.

And when the slaves have had
enough of their masters...

Exactly.

The streets run red.

But, you know, not because of me.

That'll set us back two hours.
I'm sorry, Bertie.

No, I don't need sorry!

I need you to prove
to Dean, may he rest,

that you have what it takes.

Oh, hi.

Oh, Ana?

Forgot something?

Hi.

No, just wanted a quick chat
with Ana and your dad.

Why? You've already found the mole.

Nothing for you to worry about.

Just tying up a few
loose ends, you know.

We know you're busy.

We're all busy, I'm afraid.

Yeah, where is your dad?

I didn't think he'd want
to miss your big moment.

Oh, uh... We went out
for a meal last night.

Glass of red too many, perhaps.

I'm sure he'll be here later.

Well, thanks again.

Oh, OK, yes. Yes, sorry...

Bye.

Listen, I've got a
satellite navigation!

I don't need you, as well.
So, just one thing at a time, Frank.

Look, it says it's down here.

Go back. Right.

Nobody lives in a field!

Are you sure this is
the right address?

Yeah.

Yeah, this is what it says.

Your sat nav's rubbish. I know,
it often leads me to a field.

I mean, it doesn't exactly
look like the home

of a company vice president,
does it?

Get out of it, you hooligans!

Nice to see you too, Mr Tark.

What do you two want?

You could start by
putting the bat down.

Depends what you're doing here.

We want to talk to you about Dean.

Helena said you were one of
the last people to see him alive

on the night of he was murdered.
I already told that copper.

I was out having
dinner with my son.

Why are you snooping round here?

Do you make a habit of
solving problems with a...bat?

I've had these kids
coming round, mucking about.

Chucking eggs at the van.

You could always move.

You know, exec position like
yours must be worth a bob or two.

Or not.

Yeah. Maybe Bertie's not looking
after his dad as much as we think.

Coffee? Yes.

I'll drive, you pay. What?

Who needs a coffee machine, anyway?

Me, cos you'd get one of
these every day for free.

There you are.

I've got news on
Tark Senior's finances.

Uh, who got the news?
Who dug into those sealed records?

I was instrumental.

Yeah, well, does make a nice
cup of tea, your lothario.

It was one game of ping-pong.

Any time today?

Jacob and Rosa gave all
their money to their son.

They sold their house,
emptied their savings

and cashed in their pensions.

What, so, that whole office was
funded by Jacob and his wife?

Do you think Jacob murdered
Dean to get at his own son?

You know, tear him down?

PHONE PINGS

Why would he do that after a
lifetime of looking after him?

We need to talk to Bertie's dad.

Helena's under siege.

Ana's there trying to
kick down the door.

Spider.

It's that way.

I'll make sure Romeo
doesn't make things..

...worse! I'm coming, H!

I suppose that leaves
me to go and see Jacob.

Arrest her! She killed Dean!

She's high!
She's not thinking straight.

Put the weapon...

..down? I'm coming, H!
I'm here! I'm here!

Do not cross the police cordon!

Eh? What cordon?

The tape hasn't arrived yet.

But it's still an
anticipatory police line.

AMPLIFIED: Put the weapon down.

What?

He said put the scissors down.

I'll handle this, Frank! Oh!

Hey, take me.
I'd be a much better hostage.

I don't eat much.

The anticipatory line!

Yeah, let us know when it arrives.

Look, she's your friend.

Do you really think
she could kill someone?

But she...she turned on the company.

She had to.
Dean left her no choice.

Does that sound familiar?

But...

No, she took him out.

I didn't!

But I should have.
Oh, don't make it worse.

I should have.

He was toxic.

Had you chasing after his whims and
thanking him for the privilege.

He did the same to me...!

No, it...it's not true.

I'd tell myself he's a genius...!

But he was just a sad little man
getting rich off OUR talent.

What I regret most was
letting it happen to you.

I'm so sorry!

Let's move in. Go, go!

Move in. Come on! Go.

Move!

Uh, hello.

Haven't you have
anything better to do?

Look, we know.

We know about the house
and...the savings.

We know that you and your wife
sacrificed everything for Bertie.

You wouldn't understand.
No, I don't.

I don't understand how he could

leave you here with nothing.

He said we'd get it all back.

And a lot more, too.

How many times did you
hear him say that?

I'm late for the launch.

Bertie's using you.

That company might be called
"For Rosa," but it's not, is it?

It's all for him.

When we lost his mum...

..I asked Bertie if I could
have...some time to mourn.

He gave me three days off.

After everything
she done for him, hm?

My sweet girl.

I'm so sorry.

Do you know what really happened
the night that Dean was killed?

Yes.

I wasn't with Bertie. I was...

..here on my own.

And did he make you
lie to the police?

I should have said no.

But I could never
refuse him anything.

If Bertie wasn't with you,
who was he with?

Sorry, you can find
Bertie's movements on

the night Dean died just from here?

I'm already into Bertram's mobile.

Accessing location history now.

Scary.

Why? What, you got
something to hide?

I am not the problem with Helena.

You are.

Have you actually
told her how you feel?

It's kind of hard to
do without your face.

Or a way with words.
Do you know what I mean?

SEBASTIAN SNORTS

I...

Yeah...

Ah, here we go.

All of Bertie's movements,
recorded by his phone.

Check the night of the murder.

Righty-oh.

He went out to
Falstaff Woods, and then home.

Evening jog?

What's his route on other nights?

Hm, right, he took a different
way home the day before.

Much more direct.

As far as I can see, his usual route
home goes nowhere near the woods.

And why choose that night
to go for a stroll?

Oh.

While you're here, there's
one or two RSC producers

I'd love to bump into
on their way home.

Frank, are you familiar
with Falstaff Woods?

What was he doing out here?
I don't know.

I used to ride here with my
friends when I was younger.

Oh, yeah? I arrested a few
indecent teens around here for...

..scaring away the squirrels.
LUELLA LAUGHS

Please. I've got more
class, thank you.

Yeah, what were you doing,
then, eh? Scrumping for apples?

Well, according to
Sebastian, this is it.

Hm...

See anything?

Pile of leaves.

Ooh, pile of leaves in a forest!

I trained you well!

Oh.

Pile of leaves in a forest.

I trained you well. Mm.

Well, go and get the spade.
You've got a lot of digging to do.

So, what am I looking at?

A vacuum cleaner.

You know, fly-tipping
is way below my pay grade.

That thing killed Dean Parolles.

You bought me out here for
a homicidal home appliance?

You got a gang of washing
machines round the corner

waiting to jump us, have you?

Oh, give me a spoon
to feed him, will you?

That is Dean's vacuum cleaner.

It's dented and covered in blood.

And Bertie Tark drove here
the night of his murder.

I mean, we can wait while you...

Ah! Ah! Ah!

All right, let's go
and arrest Tark, then.

Well, actually,
we have a better idea.

Great job, gang.
Right go get some rest.

You deserve it.

Well done, well done. Sandeep.

Yes...Yes. Woo!

Come on, Dad. We did it.

We won.
You could try being more chipper.

I just wish your mother
was here, that's all.

Well, she's looking down on us,
proud. Now how's my tie? Perfect.

Mr Tark? Yeah?

Junior, I mean. Can I have a word,
please? Bit busy right now.

I'm here to help you
hoover up your loose ends.

Just give us a few minutes.

In fact, everyone, could you all
just clear out for me, please.

Just want a moment with the app.

Dad, I'll have a chai latte,
triple shot.

Start talking.

Everything that happened
with Dean, I know it was you.

You've got five seconds to tell me
how you've come by that lie,

before I get my dad to start
pulling legs off a spider.

I erm... Erm...

Look he's testing you.

Tell him there's a secret camera.

I installed a secret camera.

I've got it all on tape.

Got what?

You really think you
can shake me down?

Don't take the bait.

Oh, I've got evidence.

Prove it. Show me.

There's no evidence.

It's what's called a ruse.

Show me the footage. Hang on.

Elaborate. Hang on, please?

Where do you find these idiots?
Shhh.

SHHHHH. What?

Oh, for the love of god.

Spider, just act tough.

I said shhhh...ut up
or your whole family are dead.

Too tough.

Tell him you want 20% of
the company to keep quiet.

I want 20% of Forosa
to keep my mouth shut.

What's to stop you giving a
copy to those PIs of yours?

Oh, I'm no PI.

I'm a hacker. A loner.

I'm no PI. I'm a hacker. A loner.

Selfish, unloved.

I'm selfish, unloved.

Sad, pathetic.

All right, steady on.

I mean, so what's it to be?

20's too high. I can do ten.

Take your phone out of your pocket

and tell him 20, it's 20.

No, no, no. 20. I want 20.

One for every minute it takes

for the police to arrive.

One for every minute it takes
the police to arrive, boyo.

OK.

OK. OK. I didn't mean
to do it, Spider.

You know how he was, right?

Never giving an inch,
never caring about anyone.

I can't do this without Helena.

Are you serious?

The launch is in two days.

Well, push it.

We can't. We're running on empty.

We have put everything
in to get us this far.

You do realise that?

Managing HR and finances
is your problem, not mine.

My problem is you.

I gave you all this
and you promised you'd deliver.

But then you fired Helena.
And whose fault was that?

I can't talk to you
when you're like this.

HE CHUCKLES

20%. Battery 20%.

Battery 20%.

Battery 20%...

Battery...battery. Battery.

Why'd you ditch the vacuum?

That's what they do in the movies.

Get rid of the murder weapon.

Not as easy as it looks.

You've got serious anger issues.

Just show me the footage!

I think your
confession's all we need.

Thank you, Mr Tark.

What about my launch?

I'm afraid you'll be missing that,
on account of all that murdering.

Nicely done. You're a natural.

I prefer being the man in the van.

Can I have a moment
with my son, please?

You've got to help me, Dad. Please.

No, son, I'm sorry.

What you've become, if your mother
were alive now, she'd...

She'd be ashamed of both of us.

Hello, boss. I've finished
updating the firewalls.

They're as tight as
a dwarven king's purse-strings.

Too nerdy. What I meant to say was,

"Not even a firewall could keep me
from seeing

"how great your hair looks today."

Thanks?

Listen, can I just say sorry again
for abusing our friendship.

I feel bad about it.

Don't worry,
I know you were desperate.

Not that you needed saving.

You're a strong, confident woman.

OK.

I spoke to Bertie's lawyers.

He's going to take a
cut of the profits

but the app's all mine again.

Amazing.

You're strong and crafty.

"Crafty"?

You make it sound like Blue Peter.

Do you know what,
this isn't working?

Hey, that was really good stuff.

What I meant to say was,

you know when you've played
Battle Royale online,

and you can fight
a dozen rounds without a win.

And then one day you
line-up your sights

and everything goes right.

You can't explain it,
it just, there it is.

Well, that's how I
feel about you, H.

You're my perfect killstreak.

You're very sweet.

And that's been kind of
obvious since we met, but...

Honestly, say no more.

I wasn't expecting anything.

I just had to tell you.

I've got one shot at running
this company, right?

I can't date an employee.

Fair enough.

So, you're fired.

Drinks at eight?

Say again?

I'm asking you out, Cariad.

Well, I'd better go
and clear my desk, then.

Thanks, guys.

That was beautiful.

Our work here is done.

Come on, let's get back
to the office and start packing.

We've worked out why
you don't want to move.

I've told you why.

Yeah, we see through your
excuses. We know deep down,

it's because the
office is our place.

It's called emotional attachment.

Don't be daft.
Look, he's practically welling up.

Ah, you big softie.

I am not emotionally
attached to our office.

Ahhh. "Ours," see?

There you go because it's where
the magic happens. Hanky?

Look, I wouldn't be your
co-detective, and your best friend,

if I ignored your feelings
and therefore we are happy to stay.

But with conditions.

Such as?

It's double-sided.

And meet the newest
addition to the office.

Well, listen, I can see how much
it means to you two to stay put,

so I am prepared to do that for you.

Thanks for the coffee maker.

Now we've got a new team barista,
do we still need him?

We will see how long
the new boy lasts.