Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - How the Rogue Roar'd - full transcript
When Frank and Lu are hired to help close down an old bingo hall, Frank is surprised to find an old nemesis at work. But what is he really up to?
All firearms teams -
strike, strike, strike!
Armed police! Armed police!
- Get down!
- Henry-Four, perimeter secure, over.
Five people accounted for,
one injured.
I got you this time, Eddie.
Hostages are secure. One victim
unconscious upon entry, over.
Let's see who's behind
door number two, shall we?
It's not him!
Search the bank, every inch of it.
Hathaway to Marlowe,
suspect not arrested.
I repeat - suspect not arrested.
Search and secure
the surrounding area, over.
Wait! Stop!
Keep calm.
Look, take me, I won't fight.
Get in, guv'nor, and sit down!
Close the doors.
It's all right, close 'em.
Give us that.
You lot try anything
and he's a dead man.
I want a clean car and back off.
- You were a stupid idiot getting in here.
- Well...
...it's been a while.
I just wanted a chat.
Yeah, well, I'll let this do
the talking.
What?
- Nothing.
- You laughing at me?!
I'm going to lock you up
and throw away the key!
This ain't funny!
I've got a gun!
And if they don't let us go,
I'm going to kill you!
You won't!
- I've just given us a massive dose of nitrous oxide!
- What?!
Laughing gas!
You know what's funny?
What?!
You're nicked!
Open the doors!
This is exciting.
We've been waiting ages
for a new case.
Looks like we're going to be
waiting a bit longer.
So, how...
Now I'm worried her tea will go
cold, which would give
an unnecessarily negative impression
of my beverage-making capabilities.
Mm. Always a million things to do.
"Let every man be
master of his time."
I was thinking exactly
the same thing.
So, how can we help you,
Mrs Bolingbroke?
I've been developing
a lot of property on Cheapside.
I'm sure you know it.
Time was you couldn't
walk the streets in safety.
But now? It's transformed.
I took my mum to a new cafe
there the other week,
Hamlet and Eggs.
It was very, very now, very me.
It's the embodiment
of the new Stratford -
or would be, if not
for a certain element.
Well, I can always stop Lou
and her mum going there
if they're dragging the place down?
I'm talking about Lucky's Haul,
a seedy gambling den.
What? The bingo place?
It's just some old biddies
- betting a few quid, isn't it?
- I've heard disturbing reports.
Preying on the old and vulnerable.
I need you to go in,
dig deep, and find the problems.
End Lucky's reign of depravity.
Er, with all due respect,
that's not a lot to go on.
I have to take this.
Should my next call be
to another agency?
Chester Patterson, perhaps?
Could you hold, please?
When it comes to maintaining
the moral fibre of the community,
we are the agency for you.
Oh.
Good news, we may have
another development soon.
Well, that was easy.
- What are you doing?!
- Just admiring my handiwork.
- GQ called.
- Yeah?
The cover's available.
I wish I'd never let you do this.
Oh, stop it, you look lovely.
You look very handsome.
The name's Hathaway. Frank Hathaway.
Well,
that would make you Moneypenny.
I dunno. You make it sound like
I was a right ragamuffin
before you cut me hair,
like some big, hairy yeti.
Sebastian?
What are you doing here?!
Viola! What a wonderful surprise!
- I never knew you played.
- I don't - yet.
But I just thought
I should try something new.
And you? Do you, um,
come here often?
Well, if I was here any longer,
I'd have to pay the rent.
- Come on, let me show you the ropes!
- Lead on.
Welcome, welcome one and all
to Lucky's Haul!
I'm Joseph "JJ" Jacques, king of the
bingo lingo, and your caller today.
And when you're with JJ...
It's always payday!
Just two minutes till the numbers
roll, so you've got time
to wet your whistle at the bar
or spend that penny.
I'll see you in a couple of mins,
boys and girls.
Viola! Who's this dapper gent?
This is my friend, Sebastian.
"Friend"? Ooh, I wouldn't mind
a friend who looked like that!
Bo! We're just mates!
Bo Quickly. Any friend of Viola's...
A pleasure.
So, are you a bingo fan, duck?
Go on, show us your dabber.
I beg your pardon?
- Your dabber!
- Be gentle, Bo.
Don't worry, I've got you covered.
I've got spares, snacks,
tissues, toiletries,
and a bit of Dutch courage.
A nip o' whisky makes you frisky!
Good company, good whisky,
good welcome.
Right, we're playing
the Early Bird 90 ball.
Four corners nets you 15,
lines get a Gertie,
or go to town on £100
with a Full House.
If you're having fun,
you've already won.
- So...
- Let's play bing-o-o-o-o!
- Woo!
- So, eyes down for your first number.
Take a look around, see if there's
any cockroaches in the kitchen,
see if there's any kids
betting their pocket money,
- we'll go and collect the cheque.
- Couldn't be easier.
Dirty Gertie, number 30!
It's like Benny Hill running
the church raffle.
This is a classic British pastime,
I'll have you know.
All innuendo and sitting down.
See you later.
Use the purple dabber.
Welcome to Lucky's Haul.
The Early Bird's just started.
Oh, no, thank you.
We are here with
the local newspaper, actually.
- I'm Fran, this is Lou.
- Lou.
And you're Megan? Oh, wow,
you must be popular round here.
Don't. Lucky insists it's displayed.
I'm the assistant manager.
How can I help?
Well, we are doing an article,
aren't we, on bingo halls
and how they cope
in the 21st century.
Great! About time someone did.
We were wondering,
could we could have a look around,
- get a feel for the place.
- Of course. I can show you round now
- if you'd like?
- Oh, yeah. It's so nice to see local news
- taking an interest.
- Say bingo!
Bingo!
Full house on your first go!
Oh, you're one of us now, duck!
And this is Lucky's office.
Of course, he's not here.
Typical. Wait here.
Well, while we're here,
might as well have a gander.
Yeah, it'd be rude not to.
Look for anything incriminating.
You know, unpaid parking tickets,
betting slips, dead bodies.
A book of accounts here, look.
Invoices, expenses.
Shame we can't do him
for his ego, isn't it?
Look at the picture
with his big head.
We should get one of those of you in
our office.
What're you doing?
You can't photograph the whole book!
Oh, shush. Just watch the door.
I don't believe it!
Frank?!
Glad to see they taught you
something useful in prison.
Frank Hathaway.
- I heard they'd thrown you off the force.
- I retired.
Oh, good. Well, I won't get done
for hitting a copper, then!
- All right.
- Is this your idea of...
- Hello. Hi, I'm Fran.
- Hi. Hi.
Oh, boss.
Here you go, boss. Good as new.
You think I've got time to
put away laundry?
You missed a spot.
Hello, hi, excuse me,
we're from the local paper...
Sorry, love, make an appointment.
I've gone straight. Leave us be.
- Oh, yeah?
- Lou?
Frank? We're working!
I've been coming here for donkeys.
Met my Tony here.
But I don't hold that against 'em!
- Lucky must be quite the character.
- Oh, he's lovely.
Him and JJ are the perfect
dream team.
Oh, talk of the devil.
Lucky! All right?
I am now I've seen you, darling!
Oh, he knows his bingo, that man.
Oh - keep an eye on me dabber,
will ya, darling?
I'm just going to spend a penny
while there's time.
I'll make the most.
Are you working?
- Why do you ask?
- Well, I've just seen Frank and Lou.
It's strange you're all
here at the same time.
This place is important to me.
I don't want any trouble here, OK?
You won't get any from me.
Argh.
We missed him.
Maybe we could play
a couple of games,
- just wait for him to come back?
- "Going straight" -
- don't make me laugh!
- Is this the caretaker?
Caretaker? Eddie Monmouth pulled
a string of armed robberies.
He had me chasing my tail for months
before I put him away.
Are we talking about the same guy?
- The one that was just fawning over Lucky?
- Don't be fooled.
He's probably infiltrating the Haul
so he can clean it out.
Yeah, to be fair,
I did see a hoover.
What?
Marlowe's really dropped
the ball on this one.
I'm going to have a word with her.
Frank? What about the case?
Oh, it's fine, yes, I'll sort it
- Ah, Joseph!
- I'm not in the mood, Frank.
You look awful.
- New baby keeping you awake at night, is she?
- Get off my car, please.
Sorry.
Yeah, it seems my little girl has
about as must respect as you do
- for my time.
- Talking about women who like to boss you around,
where's Marlowe?
She's not answering.
You've not heard?
- She's gone.
- Where? On holiday?
- Find a Sergeant with a brain between his ears?
- If that's your attitude...
I'm joking.
Look, I really need to talk to her.
She's been promoted.
Special task-force.
- Top level, very hush-hush.
- When's she coming back?
No time soon.
Well, she wouldn't just leave
without saying.
This is awkward.
Maybe you weren't that
close after all.
All right, look.
An ex-con's got out early,
Eddie Monmouth.
I'm not Marlowe. So, you've got
a phone, call the switchboard.
There's a dangerous man
loose on the streets.
I'm not your lackey!
You're a lazy bottom-feeder, Frank,
getting paid off our hard work.
You're not one of us any more.
No more easy rides.
Got baby-sick on your tie.
Wey!
- You're so childish.
- No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
- Not!
- Yes, you are. I'm not.
33, cup of tea.
Ah...
22, thanking you.
Where has Frank got to?
65, he's on the skive.
79 is...
There is... Oh, forget it. You win.
- Jammy one, you are mine.
- He's supposed to be helping me
make sense of these accounts
we found at the Haul.
- Anything useful so far?
- Just boring numbers.
If he's having another lie-in,
I will kill him.
- Viola.
- Frank.
- Caught a bad one?
- Yeah, it's pretty gruesome.
Murder?
There will be if Keeler catches me
talking to you.
Go on, throw us a bone.
I'd do the same for you.
I wouldn't usually,
but this one's personal.
They found a body this morning.
Blunt force trauma to the head.
Frank! What did I say?
No more freebies.
PC Deacon was just saying
exactly the same thing.
So, who's the vic?
Unless you're a cop, a coroner or a
priest, it's none of your business.
There's no shame in asking. I mean,
if you don't know who he is...
- I know who he is.
- Oh, so it's a "he" then?
Interesting.
Look, whoever the victim is,
I know the suspect - Eddie Monmouth.
The man I came to talk to you about.
Any proof he's done anything
other than annoy you?
- The proof's in that tent!
- Stop sniffing around.
It's embarrassing.
Bye, Frank!
Lucky's been murdered.
What?! Oh...
Oh, Viola and Bo will be so upset.
I hate to say I told you so!
- Where's Lou?
- Looking for you.
So, do you think Eddie did it?
Lucky probably found him casing
the joint and he got killed for it.
I tell ya, he's not going to get
away with it, cos I'm onto him.
- Just write my condolences and send it, OK?
- Here we go.
When I hired you
to end Lucky's reign,
did you go too far?
Are you asking me if I killed him?!
Cos that's not what I meant,
and I won't be billed for it.
Hang on! You had more motive to
kill him than I did.
Our associate said you were looking
very cosy together yesterday.
- Did you see us?
- Our associate did.
Well, exactly.
Why would I want him dead
when he finally agreed to sell?
Er, "sell"?
You said he's been fending
you off for years.
Well, I was as shocked as you are,
but he asked to see me,
wanting a quick sale.
He was supposed to bring
the contract last night,
but never showed up.
That's Lucky.
Infuriating me to the end.
I'd work on the eulogy.
I'm sorry he's dead,
but there's nothing
I can do about it now
except mourn...
...and ensure his final wish
is carried out.
Find that contract!
Then he should've made you
assistant manager.
Just you wait till Lucky's widow
comes back from Benidorm,
- she'll get things sorted.
- You haven't asked the staff
what they want, and we want Megan.
You have been here for five minutes!
Not a lot of mourning going on.
Look, the press are back.
- Let's not give them tomorrow's headline.
- Don't mind us.
They're not press, they're PIs.
If you're looking for a real
snake-in-the-grass, look no further.
- Thanks, Eddie.
- Give me one good reason
- why I shouldn't throw you both out.
- Oh, I don't know, how about
because you're not in charge?
Don't you think
we should focus on this first?
We were only
lying in a professional capacity.
Yeah, we're actually quite nice
when you get to know us.
How can we trust you two?
Yeah, for all we know,
you might've offed Lucky!
Why does everyone keep
thinking that?
Because you come round here,
skulking around,
scoping the place out.
And the very next day...
Yeah, when you put it like that...
So, Lucky may have signed
a contract selling the Haul
to Henrietta Bolingbroke
before he died.
- We're trying to find it.
- What, sell the Haul? To her?!
- Over Lucky's dead body!
- Exactly.
Look, he was my best friend
for over 30 years,
there's no way he'd sell
The Haul to that hooty-toot.
Well, she said he did.
And she's not going to stop
until she gets what she wants.
Why don't you let us a have a little
look round, and if we don't
find anything, Henrietta won't
have a leg to stand on, will she?
We've got nothing to hide. If you
want to poke around, that's fine.
- You can't do that!
- Can't I?
Seeing as you like Lucky's office
so much, go help them search it.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
Sorry about Lucky,
it's really... unlucky.
Thanks.
- How much longer?
- We'd go quicker if you helped.
- Or told us where else we could look.
- Have you tried the toilet?
He did all his best
thinking in there.
Still haven't checked in here.
I told ya,
I haven't got the combination.
- Well, who has?
- Lucky!
Are we done? I want to go to
the airport, pick up his missus,
get things sorted out.
One last thing.
Who hired the caretaker?
Some businesses don't like parolees.
Maybe we believe in second chances.
So you knew he was an ex-con?
You two? I might've known.
Mr Jacques, I've come
to take your statement.
- Can I have you outside, please?
- But it's my office!
- Ridiculous...
- Thank you.
Will you STOP interfering
with my witnesses?!
We're here on official
business, actually.
Our client has asked us to find
a missing contract.
- And that trumps murder, does it?
- Why isn't Eddie in handcuffs yet?
Because I'm not just picking out
people I don't like and saying
- "He done it".
- You got anything back from forensics yet?
None of your business.
You haven't got no clue,
have you?
I bet he hasn't even
checked the CCTV.
What're you talking about?
Yes, we have, there's nothing there.
Oh! Who said we wouldn't have that
same close relationship that me
- and Marlowe had, eh?
- You just stay out of my way!
I said search the kitchens,
not investigate the cake.
I'm just being thorough.
Frank.
Eddie.
Lou.
- I want a word.
- Yeah, a few spring to mind.
Oh, it's a long way down, isn't it?
I can see the crime scene from here.
Will you stop chasing us?
I'm out of the life.
Unlucky that, then, eh?
First job you get, there's a murder.
- I wouldn't put that on your CV.
- Ooh, there's Keeler.
Hello! Bye!
- Not very nice!
- You won't find anything here,
- and I've done me time.
- What, eight out of 20 years?!
What about all those people
you terrorised?
That family that got caught up
in the Gad's Hill raid?
- I'd take it back if I could.
- I sat in that hospital with those kids
all night, waiting for their dad
to pull through
- and it's all because of you.
- I paid for it!
I lost me family. When I was inside,
me missus went off
with another fella,
moved away. Now my daughter calls
another bloke "Dad".
20 years? I'd have done 100 years
- just for five minutes with me little girl.
- You chose the life.
- You've got no-one else to blame.
- Yeah, you're right. I've got no-one.
It's time we stopped
looking for bits of paper
and started searching for a killer.
Look, I hate to sound like you here,
- but that's not what we're being paid for.
- Like you say,
- sometimes you have to do the right thing.
- All right, fine.
You do what you want. But when you
need me, I'll be doing our job.
Listen, hot goss... Ooh!
- What is that?
- Yeah, don't ask.
I have searched that Haul from top
to bottom, every filthy nook
and cranny. Nothing.
- I even had to go in the men's.
- Urgh, even I don't go in there!
Listen, this'll cheer you up.
- I've been digging up dirt on Eddie.
- Hang on.
I hope you mean the contract.
Because I have nearly ruined
- my second-best jacket trying to find that thing.
- Frank said that Eddie
was the priority now.
Can you make your minds up, please?!
Well, I thought we had. Fine, go on.
Bo said JJ is a big gambler.
Racked up huge debts, even served
a year in prison for assaulting
- some bailiffs who were repossessing his house.
- Oh!
We should check if Eddie
and JJ's stint in prison overlapped.
And you've ruined the surprise.
Unbelievable.
- What, they did? They were in the same place?
- At the same time.
With 2,000 other inmates, but still.
- Shakespeare and Hathaway...
- Is Lou there?
Put her on the phone.
Mr Rude on line 1.
It's on.
Eddie's going for the safe tonight.
He went to a hardware store.
My money's on safecracking tools.
But he could've been buying
anything.
What, like "fork handles"?!
The only way he'd spend that much
money on gear is for a job.
Have you got anything more concrete?
He bought a pizza?
Hm. Going hungry on a heist,
big no-no.
Don't you have work to do?
Look, Lou, I know it's thin,
but I'm telling ya,
he's going to crack that safe
tonight.
If you get here now
we can catch him in the act!
I hope they kept your cell tidy,
you are in so much trouble.
- Frank...
- I can't wait to see the look on Keeler's face.
- No need.
- All right, Frank?
What're you doing here?!
I'm preventing a robbery.
Lucky died without leaving
the combination.
I told the boys they can access it,
as long as I'm supervising,
in case there's evidence inside.
Do you know how much the
manufacturer charges for a call-out?
You do know these two
shared prison time?
- Yeah. I'm a step ahead of you, mate.
- All right, he looked after me
when I was inside. Fair enough.
- Now I'm finding him a job.
- Does Megan know all this?
I'm in charge now.
The widow has complete trust in me.
And because I care about the staff,
I'm letting Megan stay on.
- For now.
- Let's get on with it, yeah?
Have a look, Frank.
You might learn something.
Ah. Looks like I was wrong.
There's nothing left to steal.
What?! Are you kidding me, Lucky?!
Not even a penny?!
You mad, purple-hued maltworm!
And you. You're cursed!
Nothing but bad luck
since you arrived!
Get out! Go on, get out!
Better luck next time, eh, kids?
Well, that's great, isn't it?
It's going to be hard to find
- this contract when we've been chucked out!
- Yeah.
At least we know why Lucky sold -
the safe was empty.
- Must've been money troubles.
- We lost, Frank!
No Eddie, no contract.
Even Keeler thinks we're idiots.
Keeler!
Yeah, it was a bit of a dead end,
wasn't it?
I'm sorry,
I won't let it happen again.
- Right, well, good.
- Next time he's going down!
You're not listening to me,
are you?!
This ego-trip down memory lane
is costing us work.
You're supposed to be the pragmatic
one here, so just get a grip!
Oh, Lou? Come back!
You're me lift.
"And as the morning steals upon
the night, melting the darkness..."
Stop moaning.
Urgh.
Hello.
Hi.
- Still angry with me, then?
- A bit.
I mean, Henrietta is.
She was practically
- frothing at the mouth this morning.
- Sorry I missed that.
Look, you know I think you're
the best female PI in our office,
don't ya? Eh?
Shut up.
Right, I had an idea last night.
Do you remember how the Haul's
accounts were a big mess?
- I think I've worked out why. He was being ripped off.
- How do you mean?
There are invoices charging
for things the Haul doesn't have,
- from companies that just don't exist.
- Someone's been embezzling.
Was there a signature
on the payments?
- Megan Poins.
- We need to find her.
Yeah, don't worry. I'm on it.
Hello.
I know how you paid
for that breakfast.
Sorry?
What's this?
That is all the fake invoices you
made out to pocket the profits.
You see, I've searched that Haul
from top to bottom,
and I'm pretty sure I didn't see
the dozen nymph statues
you forked out for.
And that staffroom refurbishment -
that's just a deck-chair
on the roof, really, isn't it?
- I can explain this.
- Yeah, good. You can do that to the police.
- They're going to think I did it.
- Well, you did, didn't you?
They can be here in ten minutes
and I'm pretty sure
they're going to want to connect
this stolen money to Lucky's death.
Hang on! I didn't kill him!
Yes, I stole the money,
but I didn't want to. What, somebody
forced you to? Yeah.
Well, sort of.
- I'm ringing.
- He tricked me, OK?
When Lucky put me on the accounts,
JJ got me to pay some invoices.
I didn't realise they were dodgy.
You must've realised.
By then, it was too late.
He said it was my signature and
I'd be the one arrested.
I'm a fool.
I worked every hour God sent
to get where I am,
trying to be this kick-ass
professional woman,
and in the end I'm just
a pawn in a man's game.
Here come the waterworks.
What you must think of me...
Let me see if I can work out a way
to prove that JJ coerced you
before I report it. It won't get you
off the hook, but...
...we might be able to hang him
on a bigger one, eh?
Eddie Monmouth,
stay where you are!
- We're arresting you for Lucky's murder.
- What?!
- What're you talking about?
- We've found traces of his DNA
- all over Lucky's clothing.
- Shouldn't you be arresting me
- for doing his dry-cleaning, then?
- What about the CCTV camera
covering the back? The one showing
you threatening the shopkeeper, eh?
To make him wipe the footage?
- It was part of his MO, back in the day.
- No! It can't be...
It's all right. Yeah, I did it.
- You're confessing?
- You saw the way he was with me.
Treated me like dirt,
like I wasn't a man.
Something just happened that night.
I just snapped.
I followed him outside, and...
I didn't mean to kill him,
it just kind of got out of hand.
- What did you kill him with?
- What?
Frank, I'll ask the questions here.
What did you kill him with?
It was a... Like a trophy
that Lucky was carrying.
I threw it in the river just outside
town. Can't remember where.
That tallies with the flecks
of gold paint we found
on the back of his head.
Cheer up, Frank, you've won!
Right, then, Eddie Monmouth,
I'm arresting you for the murder
of "Lucky" Gareth Green.
You do not have to say anything,
but it may harm your defence
if you do not mention,
when questioned, something you may
later rely on in court.
Anything you do say may be
given in evidence.
Oh.
- I thought you'd be celebrating.
- Nah, I don't need any fuss.
I'll cancel that Mariachi band
I booked, then.
I've never seen Eddie give up
without a fight.
Got you your own.
Thank you.
So that, um, CCTV clue yesterday,
that was, yeah, that was good.
Yeah, working on those fraudulent
invoices wasn't bad either.
Ah.
Thanks.
We've got new problems today.
Megan says that JJ made her
embezzle the cash -
and I believe her.
Just be ready to start
the renovations tomorrow.
- You must really burn through your minutes on that thing.
- Good news.
Someone found the contract
and they're willing to hand it over
for 100,000.
If that's the going rate for a piece
of paper, we need to up our prices.
Considering you haven't found it
and poor old Lucky's met his maker,
I'd say you're being paid
handsomely.
How do you know it's real?
They sent me photos of
Lucky's signature.
Deliver the money to the address
I'm pinging you now.
Where you will find instructions
to collect my contract.
Simple - even for you.
Aren't you forgetting something?
That's an awful lot of cash
to get together.
Chop, chop. I'm a busy woman.
"Chop, chop!"
"Chip, chip!"
- What?
- What? I can see the gears turning.
Let's just take a minute,
shall we, to explore
why you're so obsessed with Eddie.
You see, the problem is,
your work is your life.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is. You dedicate all your time to it.
I don't. I've got loads of hobbies!
Name one.
- Just one?!
- Yeah.
- Reading.
- Reading PI Monthly doesn't count.
- Going to the pub.
- No, that's not a hobby. It's a cliche!
I'll have you know real ale
tasting is practically a sport.
Look, don't get me wrong,
I'm not saying your one-track mind
- hasn't helped loads of people.
- Some people would even call me
- a "hobbyist".
- Who?
See the thing is, the thing is
that you have said
Eddie was one of the biggest
criminals you ever caught.
So maybe, deep down,
you feel like...
Bear with me. That you think that...
...him being released early signifies
that all of your sacrifice
has been for nothing.
- Just drive.
- It's just something to think about.
Thanks for that, Babs.
My corns are killing me.
Just when I thought you'd revealed
all your mysteries.
- I'll put the kettle on.
- Lovely.
I was just admiring your collection.
My trophies?
We took the Haul's
team championships
for the last 12 years.
All except in 2013
when my Tony passed, God rest him.
- Oh, that must've been hard.
- Oh, it was.
We were a team-mate short,
but we still took second place,
though.
Oh, milk and sugar?
Why not?
All this for a piece of paper. Eww...
Paid for in Lucky's blood.
Yeah. Must've been carrying it
when he died.
You see, if the killer's
selling the contract,
then it can't be Eddie, can it?
Cos he's in custody.
Maybe he's got an accomplice.
Who else would want Henrietta
to have the Haul?
Not JJ, that's for sure.
Call Henrietta.
At least it'll get her off
our backs.
Oh, I've got a text.
A picture from Sebastian.
So, you were undercover
all the time?
I'm sorry, it's part of the job.
But don't you even care about bingo?
I am a recent convert,
thanks to you.
We, er...
...need to talk to you
about this, Mrs Quickly.
She never deserved it.
If anyone's the heart of the Haul,
it's me!
We're a bit more concerned with
why you've got a murder weapon
- on your shelf.
- What...
That... That thing killed Lucky?
Oh...
Well, I suppose it explains
the stain. But...
...but I'd never hurt him!
How did you come by it?
It's all changing out there.
My local's closed,
the chippy, the corner shop...
...all gone.
Even my Tony.
The Haul is the only thing
I've got left.
And even that's changing,
because of Megan.
Did you steal the trophy
to get back at Megan?
I've never stolen
a thing in my life!
I was walking home.
I saw her dumping it in a skip.
So I took it.
This wouldn't happen to be the night
that Lucky was murdered, was it?
Yes.
- I thought you said lie low until the cops were gone!
- Things change.
What?! Who's coming for us?
Who do you think?
That PI and her grumpy sidekick!
- The invoices were your idea.
- I don't have time for your whining!
You take off now, they'll pin it
on me. What do I do?
Not so keen on firing me,
now you need me again.
Useless!
You needed money, I made it happen.
When Lucky found out about
our little scheme,
I took care of it.
You - you what?!
You'd be back in prison if I hadn't
shut your mate up for good.
How about a "thank you"?
I didn't ask for that!
- Thank you.
- Was that so hard?!
And we should be thanking you guys,
too, for helping us crack the case.
I do hope I'm not
the grumpy sidekick!
You see, we've got the trophy,
and we've got an eye-witness
who saw you dumping it,
but let's hear it from
the horse's mouth, shall we?
When Lucky found out
about our little scheme, I took care of it.
How?
This little fella.
A sound-activated audio bug.
We knew something was going on,
we just didn't know what.
Ooh...
Why do they always run?
Stop her!
- Let go of me!
- Do you mind telling me what's going on?
- She killed Lucky.
- I knew it! I never liked you.
Oh, please! You hypocrites!
This place would've been dead
years ago without me,
and all I get is grief.
Aww, poor Saint Lucky!
As long as the customers were
enjoying themselves,
it didn't matter he kept his staff
at the begging bowl.
- He gave you a trophy.
- I can't get a mortgage with a trophy!
Oi, where do you think you're going
with my trophy?
- Did you know about the sale?
- He shoved it my face.
Told me my betrayal
just made him richer.
All that lovely money.
Thank you so much.
Why don't you go away,
you stupid little girl?
Eddie saw it all,
maybe from the roof.
Then for some reason,
he tidied up after ya.
- Why would Eddie help ya?
- Ask him.
So you didn't kill Lucky over
the contract?
I didn't give it any thought
till you showed up searching.
Then I thought I might finally get
something out of Lucky after all.
I hope they burn the place down.
Number 11...
Megan Poins, I'm arresting you for
the murder of "Lucky" Gareth Green.
Bingo!
I knew you'd deliver.
- Eventually.
- It's just... It's just a copy,
the police kept the original
for the murder investigation.
But the good news is,
no pesky bloodstains.
You've done your town
a great service.
- There's just, just one more thing.
- Hm? - You can't sell the Haul yet.
- Or change it in any way.
- Sure.
You might want to look up
"Assets of Community Value",
because the Haul's just become one.
- What?!
- The building's protected from any development.
Reflecting its vital social
contribution to the community.
- It's bingo!
- Don't worry - you can sell it in six months,
which gives the community time
to raise the money to buy it.
- At fair market value.
- This is outrageous!
I've just pinged you our invoice.
If you think that a ragbag
bunch of bingo wings
are going to be able to raise
that much cash?
I don't know. The leader of
the fundraiser is pretty fierce.
Would you like to meet her?
Sebastian?
Right, me duck.
Shall we talk numbers?
Come on.
You can do it.
All right?
Could be worse.
I miss the old days.
Black and white then, wasn't it?
You were a crook, I caught ya.
Eventually.
But then you go and take the fall
for Megan.
You two weren't...
Howay, man!
She's the same age as me daughter.
Right.
You know, when I was in the joint,
I used to think about me girl
and what she was doing
and how I'd be proud of her.
And then I see Megan, and...
Dunno, it just felt like
I'd found her.
"Were it not for laughing,
I should pity him."
It's like when you're hungry,
isn't it?
You know you need a decent meal,
but all you can find
is a dodgy kebab.
So you fill the hole, even though
you know it's not good for you.
I just felt like I should
protect her.
- What an idiot.
- The CPS agree with you.
They're dropping the charges.
- Well, I don't deserve that.
- That's what I said.
Here, prove us both wrong.
- What's this, like?
- It's your daughter's e-mail.
We found her.
What, I can talk to her?
Well, she's given you permission
to write at first. You know,
keep it slow.
Try and get back
the things you lost.
Come on, guys.
You can do better than that!
Shall we have a little group hug?
strike, strike, strike!
Armed police! Armed police!
- Get down!
- Henry-Four, perimeter secure, over.
Five people accounted for,
one injured.
I got you this time, Eddie.
Hostages are secure. One victim
unconscious upon entry, over.
Let's see who's behind
door number two, shall we?
It's not him!
Search the bank, every inch of it.
Hathaway to Marlowe,
suspect not arrested.
I repeat - suspect not arrested.
Search and secure
the surrounding area, over.
Wait! Stop!
Keep calm.
Look, take me, I won't fight.
Get in, guv'nor, and sit down!
Close the doors.
It's all right, close 'em.
Give us that.
You lot try anything
and he's a dead man.
I want a clean car and back off.
- You were a stupid idiot getting in here.
- Well...
...it's been a while.
I just wanted a chat.
Yeah, well, I'll let this do
the talking.
What?
- Nothing.
- You laughing at me?!
I'm going to lock you up
and throw away the key!
This ain't funny!
I've got a gun!
And if they don't let us go,
I'm going to kill you!
You won't!
- I've just given us a massive dose of nitrous oxide!
- What?!
Laughing gas!
You know what's funny?
What?!
You're nicked!
Open the doors!
This is exciting.
We've been waiting ages
for a new case.
Looks like we're going to be
waiting a bit longer.
So, how...
Now I'm worried her tea will go
cold, which would give
an unnecessarily negative impression
of my beverage-making capabilities.
Mm. Always a million things to do.
"Let every man be
master of his time."
I was thinking exactly
the same thing.
So, how can we help you,
Mrs Bolingbroke?
I've been developing
a lot of property on Cheapside.
I'm sure you know it.
Time was you couldn't
walk the streets in safety.
But now? It's transformed.
I took my mum to a new cafe
there the other week,
Hamlet and Eggs.
It was very, very now, very me.
It's the embodiment
of the new Stratford -
or would be, if not
for a certain element.
Well, I can always stop Lou
and her mum going there
if they're dragging the place down?
I'm talking about Lucky's Haul,
a seedy gambling den.
What? The bingo place?
It's just some old biddies
- betting a few quid, isn't it?
- I've heard disturbing reports.
Preying on the old and vulnerable.
I need you to go in,
dig deep, and find the problems.
End Lucky's reign of depravity.
Er, with all due respect,
that's not a lot to go on.
I have to take this.
Should my next call be
to another agency?
Chester Patterson, perhaps?
Could you hold, please?
When it comes to maintaining
the moral fibre of the community,
we are the agency for you.
Oh.
Good news, we may have
another development soon.
Well, that was easy.
- What are you doing?!
- Just admiring my handiwork.
- GQ called.
- Yeah?
The cover's available.
I wish I'd never let you do this.
Oh, stop it, you look lovely.
You look very handsome.
The name's Hathaway. Frank Hathaway.
Well,
that would make you Moneypenny.
I dunno. You make it sound like
I was a right ragamuffin
before you cut me hair,
like some big, hairy yeti.
Sebastian?
What are you doing here?!
Viola! What a wonderful surprise!
- I never knew you played.
- I don't - yet.
But I just thought
I should try something new.
And you? Do you, um,
come here often?
Well, if I was here any longer,
I'd have to pay the rent.
- Come on, let me show you the ropes!
- Lead on.
Welcome, welcome one and all
to Lucky's Haul!
I'm Joseph "JJ" Jacques, king of the
bingo lingo, and your caller today.
And when you're with JJ...
It's always payday!
Just two minutes till the numbers
roll, so you've got time
to wet your whistle at the bar
or spend that penny.
I'll see you in a couple of mins,
boys and girls.
Viola! Who's this dapper gent?
This is my friend, Sebastian.
"Friend"? Ooh, I wouldn't mind
a friend who looked like that!
Bo! We're just mates!
Bo Quickly. Any friend of Viola's...
A pleasure.
So, are you a bingo fan, duck?
Go on, show us your dabber.
I beg your pardon?
- Your dabber!
- Be gentle, Bo.
Don't worry, I've got you covered.
I've got spares, snacks,
tissues, toiletries,
and a bit of Dutch courage.
A nip o' whisky makes you frisky!
Good company, good whisky,
good welcome.
Right, we're playing
the Early Bird 90 ball.
Four corners nets you 15,
lines get a Gertie,
or go to town on £100
with a Full House.
If you're having fun,
you've already won.
- So...
- Let's play bing-o-o-o-o!
- Woo!
- So, eyes down for your first number.
Take a look around, see if there's
any cockroaches in the kitchen,
see if there's any kids
betting their pocket money,
- we'll go and collect the cheque.
- Couldn't be easier.
Dirty Gertie, number 30!
It's like Benny Hill running
the church raffle.
This is a classic British pastime,
I'll have you know.
All innuendo and sitting down.
See you later.
Use the purple dabber.
Welcome to Lucky's Haul.
The Early Bird's just started.
Oh, no, thank you.
We are here with
the local newspaper, actually.
- I'm Fran, this is Lou.
- Lou.
And you're Megan? Oh, wow,
you must be popular round here.
Don't. Lucky insists it's displayed.
I'm the assistant manager.
How can I help?
Well, we are doing an article,
aren't we, on bingo halls
and how they cope
in the 21st century.
Great! About time someone did.
We were wondering,
could we could have a look around,
- get a feel for the place.
- Of course. I can show you round now
- if you'd like?
- Oh, yeah. It's so nice to see local news
- taking an interest.
- Say bingo!
Bingo!
Full house on your first go!
Oh, you're one of us now, duck!
And this is Lucky's office.
Of course, he's not here.
Typical. Wait here.
Well, while we're here,
might as well have a gander.
Yeah, it'd be rude not to.
Look for anything incriminating.
You know, unpaid parking tickets,
betting slips, dead bodies.
A book of accounts here, look.
Invoices, expenses.
Shame we can't do him
for his ego, isn't it?
Look at the picture
with his big head.
We should get one of those of you in
our office.
What're you doing?
You can't photograph the whole book!
Oh, shush. Just watch the door.
I don't believe it!
Frank?!
Glad to see they taught you
something useful in prison.
Frank Hathaway.
- I heard they'd thrown you off the force.
- I retired.
Oh, good. Well, I won't get done
for hitting a copper, then!
- All right.
- Is this your idea of...
- Hello. Hi, I'm Fran.
- Hi. Hi.
Oh, boss.
Here you go, boss. Good as new.
You think I've got time to
put away laundry?
You missed a spot.
Hello, hi, excuse me,
we're from the local paper...
Sorry, love, make an appointment.
I've gone straight. Leave us be.
- Oh, yeah?
- Lou?
Frank? We're working!
I've been coming here for donkeys.
Met my Tony here.
But I don't hold that against 'em!
- Lucky must be quite the character.
- Oh, he's lovely.
Him and JJ are the perfect
dream team.
Oh, talk of the devil.
Lucky! All right?
I am now I've seen you, darling!
Oh, he knows his bingo, that man.
Oh - keep an eye on me dabber,
will ya, darling?
I'm just going to spend a penny
while there's time.
I'll make the most.
Are you working?
- Why do you ask?
- Well, I've just seen Frank and Lou.
It's strange you're all
here at the same time.
This place is important to me.
I don't want any trouble here, OK?
You won't get any from me.
Argh.
We missed him.
Maybe we could play
a couple of games,
- just wait for him to come back?
- "Going straight" -
- don't make me laugh!
- Is this the caretaker?
Caretaker? Eddie Monmouth pulled
a string of armed robberies.
He had me chasing my tail for months
before I put him away.
Are we talking about the same guy?
- The one that was just fawning over Lucky?
- Don't be fooled.
He's probably infiltrating the Haul
so he can clean it out.
Yeah, to be fair,
I did see a hoover.
What?
Marlowe's really dropped
the ball on this one.
I'm going to have a word with her.
Frank? What about the case?
Oh, it's fine, yes, I'll sort it
- Ah, Joseph!
- I'm not in the mood, Frank.
You look awful.
- New baby keeping you awake at night, is she?
- Get off my car, please.
Sorry.
Yeah, it seems my little girl has
about as must respect as you do
- for my time.
- Talking about women who like to boss you around,
where's Marlowe?
She's not answering.
You've not heard?
- She's gone.
- Where? On holiday?
- Find a Sergeant with a brain between his ears?
- If that's your attitude...
I'm joking.
Look, I really need to talk to her.
She's been promoted.
Special task-force.
- Top level, very hush-hush.
- When's she coming back?
No time soon.
Well, she wouldn't just leave
without saying.
This is awkward.
Maybe you weren't that
close after all.
All right, look.
An ex-con's got out early,
Eddie Monmouth.
I'm not Marlowe. So, you've got
a phone, call the switchboard.
There's a dangerous man
loose on the streets.
I'm not your lackey!
You're a lazy bottom-feeder, Frank,
getting paid off our hard work.
You're not one of us any more.
No more easy rides.
Got baby-sick on your tie.
Wey!
- You're so childish.
- No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
- Not!
- Yes, you are. I'm not.
33, cup of tea.
Ah...
22, thanking you.
Where has Frank got to?
65, he's on the skive.
79 is...
There is... Oh, forget it. You win.
- Jammy one, you are mine.
- He's supposed to be helping me
make sense of these accounts
we found at the Haul.
- Anything useful so far?
- Just boring numbers.
If he's having another lie-in,
I will kill him.
- Viola.
- Frank.
- Caught a bad one?
- Yeah, it's pretty gruesome.
Murder?
There will be if Keeler catches me
talking to you.
Go on, throw us a bone.
I'd do the same for you.
I wouldn't usually,
but this one's personal.
They found a body this morning.
Blunt force trauma to the head.
Frank! What did I say?
No more freebies.
PC Deacon was just saying
exactly the same thing.
So, who's the vic?
Unless you're a cop, a coroner or a
priest, it's none of your business.
There's no shame in asking. I mean,
if you don't know who he is...
- I know who he is.
- Oh, so it's a "he" then?
Interesting.
Look, whoever the victim is,
I know the suspect - Eddie Monmouth.
The man I came to talk to you about.
Any proof he's done anything
other than annoy you?
- The proof's in that tent!
- Stop sniffing around.
It's embarrassing.
Bye, Frank!
Lucky's been murdered.
What?! Oh...
Oh, Viola and Bo will be so upset.
I hate to say I told you so!
- Where's Lou?
- Looking for you.
So, do you think Eddie did it?
Lucky probably found him casing
the joint and he got killed for it.
I tell ya, he's not going to get
away with it, cos I'm onto him.
- Just write my condolences and send it, OK?
- Here we go.
When I hired you
to end Lucky's reign,
did you go too far?
Are you asking me if I killed him?!
Cos that's not what I meant,
and I won't be billed for it.
Hang on! You had more motive to
kill him than I did.
Our associate said you were looking
very cosy together yesterday.
- Did you see us?
- Our associate did.
Well, exactly.
Why would I want him dead
when he finally agreed to sell?
Er, "sell"?
You said he's been fending
you off for years.
Well, I was as shocked as you are,
but he asked to see me,
wanting a quick sale.
He was supposed to bring
the contract last night,
but never showed up.
That's Lucky.
Infuriating me to the end.
I'd work on the eulogy.
I'm sorry he's dead,
but there's nothing
I can do about it now
except mourn...
...and ensure his final wish
is carried out.
Find that contract!
Then he should've made you
assistant manager.
Just you wait till Lucky's widow
comes back from Benidorm,
- she'll get things sorted.
- You haven't asked the staff
what they want, and we want Megan.
You have been here for five minutes!
Not a lot of mourning going on.
Look, the press are back.
- Let's not give them tomorrow's headline.
- Don't mind us.
They're not press, they're PIs.
If you're looking for a real
snake-in-the-grass, look no further.
- Thanks, Eddie.
- Give me one good reason
- why I shouldn't throw you both out.
- Oh, I don't know, how about
because you're not in charge?
Don't you think
we should focus on this first?
We were only
lying in a professional capacity.
Yeah, we're actually quite nice
when you get to know us.
How can we trust you two?
Yeah, for all we know,
you might've offed Lucky!
Why does everyone keep
thinking that?
Because you come round here,
skulking around,
scoping the place out.
And the very next day...
Yeah, when you put it like that...
So, Lucky may have signed
a contract selling the Haul
to Henrietta Bolingbroke
before he died.
- We're trying to find it.
- What, sell the Haul? To her?!
- Over Lucky's dead body!
- Exactly.
Look, he was my best friend
for over 30 years,
there's no way he'd sell
The Haul to that hooty-toot.
Well, she said he did.
And she's not going to stop
until she gets what she wants.
Why don't you let us a have a little
look round, and if we don't
find anything, Henrietta won't
have a leg to stand on, will she?
We've got nothing to hide. If you
want to poke around, that's fine.
- You can't do that!
- Can't I?
Seeing as you like Lucky's office
so much, go help them search it.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
Sorry about Lucky,
it's really... unlucky.
Thanks.
- How much longer?
- We'd go quicker if you helped.
- Or told us where else we could look.
- Have you tried the toilet?
He did all his best
thinking in there.
Still haven't checked in here.
I told ya,
I haven't got the combination.
- Well, who has?
- Lucky!
Are we done? I want to go to
the airport, pick up his missus,
get things sorted out.
One last thing.
Who hired the caretaker?
Some businesses don't like parolees.
Maybe we believe in second chances.
So you knew he was an ex-con?
You two? I might've known.
Mr Jacques, I've come
to take your statement.
- Can I have you outside, please?
- But it's my office!
- Ridiculous...
- Thank you.
Will you STOP interfering
with my witnesses?!
We're here on official
business, actually.
Our client has asked us to find
a missing contract.
- And that trumps murder, does it?
- Why isn't Eddie in handcuffs yet?
Because I'm not just picking out
people I don't like and saying
- "He done it".
- You got anything back from forensics yet?
None of your business.
You haven't got no clue,
have you?
I bet he hasn't even
checked the CCTV.
What're you talking about?
Yes, we have, there's nothing there.
Oh! Who said we wouldn't have that
same close relationship that me
- and Marlowe had, eh?
- You just stay out of my way!
I said search the kitchens,
not investigate the cake.
I'm just being thorough.
Frank.
Eddie.
Lou.
- I want a word.
- Yeah, a few spring to mind.
Oh, it's a long way down, isn't it?
I can see the crime scene from here.
Will you stop chasing us?
I'm out of the life.
Unlucky that, then, eh?
First job you get, there's a murder.
- I wouldn't put that on your CV.
- Ooh, there's Keeler.
Hello! Bye!
- Not very nice!
- You won't find anything here,
- and I've done me time.
- What, eight out of 20 years?!
What about all those people
you terrorised?
That family that got caught up
in the Gad's Hill raid?
- I'd take it back if I could.
- I sat in that hospital with those kids
all night, waiting for their dad
to pull through
- and it's all because of you.
- I paid for it!
I lost me family. When I was inside,
me missus went off
with another fella,
moved away. Now my daughter calls
another bloke "Dad".
20 years? I'd have done 100 years
- just for five minutes with me little girl.
- You chose the life.
- You've got no-one else to blame.
- Yeah, you're right. I've got no-one.
It's time we stopped
looking for bits of paper
and started searching for a killer.
Look, I hate to sound like you here,
- but that's not what we're being paid for.
- Like you say,
- sometimes you have to do the right thing.
- All right, fine.
You do what you want. But when you
need me, I'll be doing our job.
Listen, hot goss... Ooh!
- What is that?
- Yeah, don't ask.
I have searched that Haul from top
to bottom, every filthy nook
and cranny. Nothing.
- I even had to go in the men's.
- Urgh, even I don't go in there!
Listen, this'll cheer you up.
- I've been digging up dirt on Eddie.
- Hang on.
I hope you mean the contract.
Because I have nearly ruined
- my second-best jacket trying to find that thing.
- Frank said that Eddie
was the priority now.
Can you make your minds up, please?!
Well, I thought we had. Fine, go on.
Bo said JJ is a big gambler.
Racked up huge debts, even served
a year in prison for assaulting
- some bailiffs who were repossessing his house.
- Oh!
We should check if Eddie
and JJ's stint in prison overlapped.
And you've ruined the surprise.
Unbelievable.
- What, they did? They were in the same place?
- At the same time.
With 2,000 other inmates, but still.
- Shakespeare and Hathaway...
- Is Lou there?
Put her on the phone.
Mr Rude on line 1.
It's on.
Eddie's going for the safe tonight.
He went to a hardware store.
My money's on safecracking tools.
But he could've been buying
anything.
What, like "fork handles"?!
The only way he'd spend that much
money on gear is for a job.
Have you got anything more concrete?
He bought a pizza?
Hm. Going hungry on a heist,
big no-no.
Don't you have work to do?
Look, Lou, I know it's thin,
but I'm telling ya,
he's going to crack that safe
tonight.
If you get here now
we can catch him in the act!
I hope they kept your cell tidy,
you are in so much trouble.
- Frank...
- I can't wait to see the look on Keeler's face.
- No need.
- All right, Frank?
What're you doing here?!
I'm preventing a robbery.
Lucky died without leaving
the combination.
I told the boys they can access it,
as long as I'm supervising,
in case there's evidence inside.
Do you know how much the
manufacturer charges for a call-out?
You do know these two
shared prison time?
- Yeah. I'm a step ahead of you, mate.
- All right, he looked after me
when I was inside. Fair enough.
- Now I'm finding him a job.
- Does Megan know all this?
I'm in charge now.
The widow has complete trust in me.
And because I care about the staff,
I'm letting Megan stay on.
- For now.
- Let's get on with it, yeah?
Have a look, Frank.
You might learn something.
Ah. Looks like I was wrong.
There's nothing left to steal.
What?! Are you kidding me, Lucky?!
Not even a penny?!
You mad, purple-hued maltworm!
And you. You're cursed!
Nothing but bad luck
since you arrived!
Get out! Go on, get out!
Better luck next time, eh, kids?
Well, that's great, isn't it?
It's going to be hard to find
- this contract when we've been chucked out!
- Yeah.
At least we know why Lucky sold -
the safe was empty.
- Must've been money troubles.
- We lost, Frank!
No Eddie, no contract.
Even Keeler thinks we're idiots.
Keeler!
Yeah, it was a bit of a dead end,
wasn't it?
I'm sorry,
I won't let it happen again.
- Right, well, good.
- Next time he's going down!
You're not listening to me,
are you?!
This ego-trip down memory lane
is costing us work.
You're supposed to be the pragmatic
one here, so just get a grip!
Oh, Lou? Come back!
You're me lift.
"And as the morning steals upon
the night, melting the darkness..."
Stop moaning.
Urgh.
Hello.
Hi.
- Still angry with me, then?
- A bit.
I mean, Henrietta is.
She was practically
- frothing at the mouth this morning.
- Sorry I missed that.
Look, you know I think you're
the best female PI in our office,
don't ya? Eh?
Shut up.
Right, I had an idea last night.
Do you remember how the Haul's
accounts were a big mess?
- I think I've worked out why. He was being ripped off.
- How do you mean?
There are invoices charging
for things the Haul doesn't have,
- from companies that just don't exist.
- Someone's been embezzling.
Was there a signature
on the payments?
- Megan Poins.
- We need to find her.
Yeah, don't worry. I'm on it.
Hello.
I know how you paid
for that breakfast.
Sorry?
What's this?
That is all the fake invoices you
made out to pocket the profits.
You see, I've searched that Haul
from top to bottom,
and I'm pretty sure I didn't see
the dozen nymph statues
you forked out for.
And that staffroom refurbishment -
that's just a deck-chair
on the roof, really, isn't it?
- I can explain this.
- Yeah, good. You can do that to the police.
- They're going to think I did it.
- Well, you did, didn't you?
They can be here in ten minutes
and I'm pretty sure
they're going to want to connect
this stolen money to Lucky's death.
Hang on! I didn't kill him!
Yes, I stole the money,
but I didn't want to. What, somebody
forced you to? Yeah.
Well, sort of.
- I'm ringing.
- He tricked me, OK?
When Lucky put me on the accounts,
JJ got me to pay some invoices.
I didn't realise they were dodgy.
You must've realised.
By then, it was too late.
He said it was my signature and
I'd be the one arrested.
I'm a fool.
I worked every hour God sent
to get where I am,
trying to be this kick-ass
professional woman,
and in the end I'm just
a pawn in a man's game.
Here come the waterworks.
What you must think of me...
Let me see if I can work out a way
to prove that JJ coerced you
before I report it. It won't get you
off the hook, but...
...we might be able to hang him
on a bigger one, eh?
Eddie Monmouth,
stay where you are!
- We're arresting you for Lucky's murder.
- What?!
- What're you talking about?
- We've found traces of his DNA
- all over Lucky's clothing.
- Shouldn't you be arresting me
- for doing his dry-cleaning, then?
- What about the CCTV camera
covering the back? The one showing
you threatening the shopkeeper, eh?
To make him wipe the footage?
- It was part of his MO, back in the day.
- No! It can't be...
It's all right. Yeah, I did it.
- You're confessing?
- You saw the way he was with me.
Treated me like dirt,
like I wasn't a man.
Something just happened that night.
I just snapped.
I followed him outside, and...
I didn't mean to kill him,
it just kind of got out of hand.
- What did you kill him with?
- What?
Frank, I'll ask the questions here.
What did you kill him with?
It was a... Like a trophy
that Lucky was carrying.
I threw it in the river just outside
town. Can't remember where.
That tallies with the flecks
of gold paint we found
on the back of his head.
Cheer up, Frank, you've won!
Right, then, Eddie Monmouth,
I'm arresting you for the murder
of "Lucky" Gareth Green.
You do not have to say anything,
but it may harm your defence
if you do not mention,
when questioned, something you may
later rely on in court.
Anything you do say may be
given in evidence.
Oh.
- I thought you'd be celebrating.
- Nah, I don't need any fuss.
I'll cancel that Mariachi band
I booked, then.
I've never seen Eddie give up
without a fight.
Got you your own.
Thank you.
So that, um, CCTV clue yesterday,
that was, yeah, that was good.
Yeah, working on those fraudulent
invoices wasn't bad either.
Ah.
Thanks.
We've got new problems today.
Megan says that JJ made her
embezzle the cash -
and I believe her.
Just be ready to start
the renovations tomorrow.
- You must really burn through your minutes on that thing.
- Good news.
Someone found the contract
and they're willing to hand it over
for 100,000.
If that's the going rate for a piece
of paper, we need to up our prices.
Considering you haven't found it
and poor old Lucky's met his maker,
I'd say you're being paid
handsomely.
How do you know it's real?
They sent me photos of
Lucky's signature.
Deliver the money to the address
I'm pinging you now.
Where you will find instructions
to collect my contract.
Simple - even for you.
Aren't you forgetting something?
That's an awful lot of cash
to get together.
Chop, chop. I'm a busy woman.
"Chop, chop!"
"Chip, chip!"
- What?
- What? I can see the gears turning.
Let's just take a minute,
shall we, to explore
why you're so obsessed with Eddie.
You see, the problem is,
your work is your life.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is. You dedicate all your time to it.
I don't. I've got loads of hobbies!
Name one.
- Just one?!
- Yeah.
- Reading.
- Reading PI Monthly doesn't count.
- Going to the pub.
- No, that's not a hobby. It's a cliche!
I'll have you know real ale
tasting is practically a sport.
Look, don't get me wrong,
I'm not saying your one-track mind
- hasn't helped loads of people.
- Some people would even call me
- a "hobbyist".
- Who?
See the thing is, the thing is
that you have said
Eddie was one of the biggest
criminals you ever caught.
So maybe, deep down,
you feel like...
Bear with me. That you think that...
...him being released early signifies
that all of your sacrifice
has been for nothing.
- Just drive.
- It's just something to think about.
Thanks for that, Babs.
My corns are killing me.
Just when I thought you'd revealed
all your mysteries.
- I'll put the kettle on.
- Lovely.
I was just admiring your collection.
My trophies?
We took the Haul's
team championships
for the last 12 years.
All except in 2013
when my Tony passed, God rest him.
- Oh, that must've been hard.
- Oh, it was.
We were a team-mate short,
but we still took second place,
though.
Oh, milk and sugar?
Why not?
All this for a piece of paper. Eww...
Paid for in Lucky's blood.
Yeah. Must've been carrying it
when he died.
You see, if the killer's
selling the contract,
then it can't be Eddie, can it?
Cos he's in custody.
Maybe he's got an accomplice.
Who else would want Henrietta
to have the Haul?
Not JJ, that's for sure.
Call Henrietta.
At least it'll get her off
our backs.
Oh, I've got a text.
A picture from Sebastian.
So, you were undercover
all the time?
I'm sorry, it's part of the job.
But don't you even care about bingo?
I am a recent convert,
thanks to you.
We, er...
...need to talk to you
about this, Mrs Quickly.
She never deserved it.
If anyone's the heart of the Haul,
it's me!
We're a bit more concerned with
why you've got a murder weapon
- on your shelf.
- What...
That... That thing killed Lucky?
Oh...
Well, I suppose it explains
the stain. But...
...but I'd never hurt him!
How did you come by it?
It's all changing out there.
My local's closed,
the chippy, the corner shop...
...all gone.
Even my Tony.
The Haul is the only thing
I've got left.
And even that's changing,
because of Megan.
Did you steal the trophy
to get back at Megan?
I've never stolen
a thing in my life!
I was walking home.
I saw her dumping it in a skip.
So I took it.
This wouldn't happen to be the night
that Lucky was murdered, was it?
Yes.
- I thought you said lie low until the cops were gone!
- Things change.
What?! Who's coming for us?
Who do you think?
That PI and her grumpy sidekick!
- The invoices were your idea.
- I don't have time for your whining!
You take off now, they'll pin it
on me. What do I do?
Not so keen on firing me,
now you need me again.
Useless!
You needed money, I made it happen.
When Lucky found out about
our little scheme,
I took care of it.
You - you what?!
You'd be back in prison if I hadn't
shut your mate up for good.
How about a "thank you"?
I didn't ask for that!
- Thank you.
- Was that so hard?!
And we should be thanking you guys,
too, for helping us crack the case.
I do hope I'm not
the grumpy sidekick!
You see, we've got the trophy,
and we've got an eye-witness
who saw you dumping it,
but let's hear it from
the horse's mouth, shall we?
When Lucky found out
about our little scheme, I took care of it.
How?
This little fella.
A sound-activated audio bug.
We knew something was going on,
we just didn't know what.
Ooh...
Why do they always run?
Stop her!
- Let go of me!
- Do you mind telling me what's going on?
- She killed Lucky.
- I knew it! I never liked you.
Oh, please! You hypocrites!
This place would've been dead
years ago without me,
and all I get is grief.
Aww, poor Saint Lucky!
As long as the customers were
enjoying themselves,
it didn't matter he kept his staff
at the begging bowl.
- He gave you a trophy.
- I can't get a mortgage with a trophy!
Oi, where do you think you're going
with my trophy?
- Did you know about the sale?
- He shoved it my face.
Told me my betrayal
just made him richer.
All that lovely money.
Thank you so much.
Why don't you go away,
you stupid little girl?
Eddie saw it all,
maybe from the roof.
Then for some reason,
he tidied up after ya.
- Why would Eddie help ya?
- Ask him.
So you didn't kill Lucky over
the contract?
I didn't give it any thought
till you showed up searching.
Then I thought I might finally get
something out of Lucky after all.
I hope they burn the place down.
Number 11...
Megan Poins, I'm arresting you for
the murder of "Lucky" Gareth Green.
Bingo!
I knew you'd deliver.
- Eventually.
- It's just... It's just a copy,
the police kept the original
for the murder investigation.
But the good news is,
no pesky bloodstains.
You've done your town
a great service.
- There's just, just one more thing.
- Hm? - You can't sell the Haul yet.
- Or change it in any way.
- Sure.
You might want to look up
"Assets of Community Value",
because the Haul's just become one.
- What?!
- The building's protected from any development.
Reflecting its vital social
contribution to the community.
- It's bingo!
- Don't worry - you can sell it in six months,
which gives the community time
to raise the money to buy it.
- At fair market value.
- This is outrageous!
I've just pinged you our invoice.
If you think that a ragbag
bunch of bingo wings
are going to be able to raise
that much cash?
I don't know. The leader of
the fundraiser is pretty fierce.
Would you like to meet her?
Sebastian?
Right, me duck.
Shall we talk numbers?
Come on.
You can do it.
All right?
Could be worse.
I miss the old days.
Black and white then, wasn't it?
You were a crook, I caught ya.
Eventually.
But then you go and take the fall
for Megan.
You two weren't...
Howay, man!
She's the same age as me daughter.
Right.
You know, when I was in the joint,
I used to think about me girl
and what she was doing
and how I'd be proud of her.
And then I see Megan, and...
Dunno, it just felt like
I'd found her.
"Were it not for laughing,
I should pity him."
It's like when you're hungry,
isn't it?
You know you need a decent meal,
but all you can find
is a dodgy kebab.
So you fill the hole, even though
you know it's not good for you.
I just felt like I should
protect her.
- What an idiot.
- The CPS agree with you.
They're dropping the charges.
- Well, I don't deserve that.
- That's what I said.
Here, prove us both wrong.
- What's this, like?
- It's your daughter's e-mail.
We found her.
What, I can talk to her?
Well, she's given you permission
to write at first. You know,
keep it slow.
Try and get back
the things you lost.
Come on, guys.
You can do better than that!
Shall we have a little group hug?