Sexify (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

Hello there. Uh, have pepper spray?

For people or animals?

In this country,
people are animals.

This one releases a cloud.

This one produces foam.

And this one has a really good range.

This forms a gel.

It does its job in any weather conditions.

Sounds fine. That's the one.

All in all, I'm confident in the gel.



37.50 zloty.

- Would you like a bag too?
- No, that's all right.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

HAND-HELD ENDOSCOPE

♪ It's Copulation Station ♪

♪ It's Copulation Station ♪

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

DO YOU HAVE SEX OFTEN?

DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE AN ORGASM?

NOT ENOUGH VARIABLES

- We're treading water.
- What's that?

Your questionnaire
has 20 questions.

You meant my kick-ass questionnaire?



Your kick-ass questionnaire
is only 20 questions long.

So that's only 20 variables for the app.
We're going in circles.

Are we going in circles
or treading water?

We know that a girl
who has experienced an orgasm before

has a higher chance of coming.

We also know that stress for girls
makes them less likely to come.

On the other hand, there are girls
that need sex before an exam

because it releases tension.

Aren't we really clever?

We have 20 variables in total,

which means that women who use the app
are 20 steps closer to reaching orgasm.

It's a good app.

Just good isn't enough. I want the best.

- Sex has no guarantees.
- Why not?

'Cause it's more
than physiology and feelings.

What else is it?

Spiritual experience.

Got any plans at three?

- We're on the Copulation Station.
- Now you're not.

- So, I'm doing what?
- We're going to see my mother.

What for?

You'll see.

I think the year was 1960.

Or close.

We were having a…

conference in Zakopane.

Uh, I don't remember the exact date. It's…

Uh… mm…

We were wondering what to…

to call the thing that we were doing.

Uh, up until then, we used to call it

the electronic computing technique.

- Psst. Hey.
- We had a choice of names…

But a friend said
that the French called it informatique.

Poor girl had to pay
for a sexpo to get it.

Watch.

What a surprise.

…we decided that in Polish we would
call it something similar: Informatyka.

CLOSED

- What do you mean "out of order"?
- We're going on a trip today.

I won't have it.

My boyfriend is on a train from Sieradz,
just to see me.

- I only have today for sex.
- What can I get for you?

- I'll have a sandwich with sex.
- Oh!

- Cheese!
- Oh! You're that famous girl.

Look at that.

Sorry, I can't help you today.

All because of that dumb GIF?

Ignore that.

In this country,

if a woman is interested in sex,
she's considered a whore.

If she doesn't have sex,
they say she's a prude.

Either way, you're screwed.
Want my advice?

Do what you want. Screw them!

Exactly.

Okay.

I'll figure something out
with the Copulation Station.

Hey. No!

That right there…

And then…

That one right there.

Let's see what you can do.

All clear!

What are these lovely drawings?

They're nothing.

Filthy!

I'm finished.

Ladies and gentlemen.

It's thirty minutes before time.

Are these tests too difficult for you?

Or are you just too stupid to do them?

- The test was truly pretty difficult.
- Stop defending them.

All they ever want to do is party,

drink,

and take narcotics.

Follow Paulina
and the example she's setting.

Someone who appreciates her education.

What a buzzkill.

WATCH COPULATION STATION.

OFF WITH MONIKA, SOMETHING SPIRITUAL
AT 3:00 PM. AT HER MOM'S.

GOING WITH YOU. I WANT
TO EXPERIENCE SOMETHING AT 3:00 TOO.

FIND SOMEONE ELSE!

Dirty underwear vending machines
are in Japan.

In this country, if you want used clothes,
go to a thrift shop.

We don't and will never sell that.
Thank you.

- Hey!
- Oh, hey there!

Will you help me?

Thank you.

Let's go somewhere.

We have an apple,
but we'll save that.

Chocolate bar, another bar, and…

one more chocolate bar.

I see you're keeping a balanced diet.

Recently, I quit smoking, so now I eat.

All the time.

Everything.

It's cool you came.

I was wondering, are you free?

I am.

And you?

Not today. That's the problem.
That's why I'm here.

Your job is simple.

The schedule with the pairs
is the most important thing.

You can't let anyone not on the list in
or there'll be hell.

And after every rendez-vous you have to…

make sure that each and every girl
fills in the questionnaire.

Okay.

If you need snacks or get hungry or…
I got you this.

Thank you.

Thanks for helping.

That's no problem.
Promise the pleasure's mine.

♪ An orgy of lights, I give you my word ♪

♪ Because we're kissing ♪

- There was no flirting.
- There was flirting.

And it was so cute, pure, and innocent.

Sorry I'm so late.

You both use a seat belt.
I don't have car insurance.

Maybe buy it?

How would I?
I'm a poor little student now.

Fuck! Gotta be kidding me!

This is bullshit.

The hell?

Unbelievable.
What the fuck is that?

A whorehouse! Whorehouses everywhere!

Violet. You go!

There were…

so many fancy volts down there.

It's a funny thing.

I didn't know it had so many
overlapping planes there.

If I had known it was so beautiful,

I'd have let myself be touched down there.
A lot wanted to.

I never allowed them.

I always thought it was ugly.

Mm, I don't know how to find the words
to describe it exactly.

Every one of you sees it differently.

Intriguing.

Like, my face.

I've seen it in a mirror a million times,
but my pussy…

Hi.

Hi.

- Hello.
- Good day.

If you could make some room, please.

I'll scoot over.
You can squeeze right in.

Hey!

You three came at the ideal moment.

We're experiencing…

the miracle…

of the vagina.

I want you to imagine
that your breathing…

relaxes your body.

Breathe in…

and breathe out.

The exhale awakens inner strength.

Breathe in…

Your pelvis. Good. Really good.
Relax your neck.

And breathe out.

Ah.

Sway your arms. Relax.

Yeah, like a pendulum. Go.

Sway. Sway. Sway. Sway.

Breathe in.

Would you like to breathe
with us today, huh?

Know what? Think I'm good.

And breathe out.

I'm so sorry, but I think I peed a bit.

- That's good. dear. Fantastic.
- Yeah?

Yes!
That means it's working.

Listen, if any of your are feeling
problems from urinary incontinence,

just relax.

Urine is a woman's strength,
woman's power!

It's your most precious bodily fluid!

And now it's time to breathe in
with our vaginas.

Amen.

We should not mind our sins, but look
instead at the faith of your Church.

Let the Lord's peace always be with you.

And with you as well.

Let us offer the sign of peace.

Peace be with you.

- Yo, peace, my man.
- Peace, my man.

- Forest, maybe?
- No.

- At the beach.
- No.

- In the middle of bungee jumping?
- Bungeeing, no.

I want a normal wedding in church.

But it's boring.

- Classic, though.
- One more round.

- Hey, man.
- Hey, man.

Uh, the family already arrived.

- You playing without me again?
- Okay.

Only one more round. I'll be down.

Let's finish this one later.
You should go. I have a funeral.

Wait a minute.

What's going on?

- I have…
- Thank you.

…problems with Paulina.

Or she's got them. I don't know.

You should find out then.

From her.

How?

You want me to tell you
how to talk to your fiancée?

Yeah.

No way.

You know her the best.

The thing is, I don't really think
that I do anymore.

If she's really changing,
get to know her once again.

Later.

I see someone is cheating.

What do you mean?

Give me that, please.

Now, let's breathe in.

- Vagina?
- No, let's do a normal one. Your lungs.

Better?

No.

And why not?

I'm not sure if I've been sinning.

Sinning?

Well, being here today.

And do you feel bad here?

No, I feel really good here.

Are you hurting someone by being here?

No.

Okay, here's the deal. For today,

you will be absolved.

I'll have a chat with the goddesses
on my end and sort something out.

Okay.

Break is over. Come on.

Ladies, we're resuming the class now.

From the labia, breathe deeply.

Now deeper and deeper and deeper.
To the bottom of the pelvis.

Very good. Good. We hold it.
And we exhale loudly, all as one.

And again. Breathe in.

Long and deep.
Keep pulling that breath in.

And breathe out.

Very good, one more time.

From the bottom up. Oh, pull your labia,
hold it and exhale like a waterfall.

Give yourself a smile. One more time.

Fuck everything!

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
Don't let it out!

And breathe out.

It's stupid.

Shameful.

We get inside our heads.

In the meantime,
our bodies cry out for pleasure!

Begging for it!

We're waiting for somebody
to finally touch our body,

sometimes for months or years.

Sometimes even a lifetime.

Why do we not caress ourselves,
not cradle ourselves?

Why don't we enjoy feeling
the warmth of our skin?

Each of our hairs, 100,000 of them,
yearning to be touched.

What part of the body
do you choose?

Right here.

- Here what?
- On your palm. We always forget about it.

No, I'm not going
to stroke my own hand.

And why not?

- I came here for another reason.
- What's that?

I want to learn how to make a woman
reach an orgasm.

That's great.

So, how then?

Well then, first off, every woman
must start with stroking her own hand.

So as to give it
the most pleasure she can.

I don't get it.

No.

Every woman should know exactly
what brings her pleasure.

Only then, can she pursue it.

Hmm.

That's good. That's good.

Don't forget to breathe in and out.

And to wrap up, please repeat after me.

- I here promise…
- I here promise…

…that I'll take care of myself.

…that I'll take care of myself.

And that I will nurture…

the garden of my passion.

And that I will nurture
the garden of my passion.

And next week,

I'm going to transfer money to the account
of the Academy of Mindfulness.

Namaste.

Thank you very much.

Oh. Oh!

- I'll miss you.
- I'll miss you.

Super work, bravo. Bravo!

Ah. Ah!

That's enough.
Shoo. Shoo. Shoo, shoo.

Monika.

What's up?

You're not saying thank you?

No.

You're so great, wise and perfect
that I can't stand it anymore.

What would you have me be?

Normal.

It's bad that I see more and I feel more?

Just be normal.

You are not a child anymore.

But I am still a child.

Yours.

I know.

And I love you more than anything.

You judge me more than anything.

Not right now, please. Just a sec.

No, I'm done.

Come on.

I ATE ALL THE CANDY.
I AM A WEAK MAN WITH NO AMBITION.

I've had enough for one day.

But you'll give us a lift downtown?

Yeah but on the condition
that you promise not to talk.

I'm going back to the dorm.

- I'm going home.
- And I need to eat.

Bye.

- You can't stay here.
- Hmm?

- You cannot stay here.
- Why?

I have to change it.

- No.
- Yes, you have to go.

- But where?
- I don't know, man.

- You go.
- Look.

Hey there.

Oh, okay.

Uh, but still, it's unhygienic.

Calm down, Grześ.

Jelly worm.

- Here you go.
- Oh, yeah. That's right.

No, no, no, no!

Son of a bitch!

Fuck this!

Hey.

Sorry, it's not ready yet. Gimme a minute?

Yeah, sure. May I wait here?

Yeah, I don't mind.

Natalia hired you, right?

I'm helping her as a friend.

Word of warning:
I know she's not all that friendly.

That's not what I've seen.

Just saying.

What's your detergent?

- What?
- Oh, your detergent.

Not sure.

- Um, because I may be allergic.
- Oh.

I can tell if I'm allergic to this
by smelling it.

Seriously?

I'm allergic to this detergent.

Damn it, um, so maybe bring
your own sheets the next time?

- Well, I'll leave you two alone then.
- Why? What for?

- Well, for the science.
- No. I was registered with Teddy.

Ah. I got my time slot confused, so…

Bye.

Natalia.

Uh-oh, uh. What are you doing here?

We need to talk, please.

- About?
- Paulinka.

Paulinka? Nobody calls her that.

What should I call her then,
use her full name?

What's going on, Mariusz?

Let's go inside, okay?

Oh, Natalia! Hi!

- Hey.
- Hi. Super! It was super.

We would really like to thank you...

If you want a neutral conversation,
we need a neutral place.

Oh, okay.

Tying to bribe me with sugar?

I don't know what I'm doing.

In the face of,
in the face of everything going on.

What's going on?

This is.

That's a high number of selfies, Mariusz.

Paulin…

Paulina, she's been changing
and it's hard for me to understand why.

Trying porn now?

Vibrators?

She's hardly ever even home now and…

it's becoming a bit too much
and I'm worried.

What's too much is that you're spying.

Is Paulina, is she... she all right?

She has a life of her own.

Okay, but we're getting married soon and…

we'll get even closer married.

I'm scared.

Well, you're not the only one.

Paulina is just 23
and she's getting married.

It's a huge decision.

She has the right
to feel confused about it.

Stop following her.

Unless you finally decide to talk to her
like a normal person.

Let's keep this between the two of us.

I won't tell her about your selfies.

Thank you.

I expected you to show
a little bit more enthusiasm.

About what exactly? The burrata?

And that.

I meant for the position I offered you.

Marek, it's a really big challenge.
Of course I'm happy.

What's wrong then?

It's a job for Monika. It's not mine.

Monika doesn't want it.

Are you sure?

I am.

Monika doesn't want what's good for her.

She has to finally grow up.

Maybe you're right there.

Eat.

Not "maybe." I know I'm right, as always.
Unfortunately, I'm right.

This one, please.

This? Would you like it wrapped?

- Yes, it's a present.
- Yes. For whom?

My mother.

Your mother. Yes, of course.

We even have ready-made inscriptions.

Here you are, ma'am.

"For the best mother."

"To my dear mother."

Or…

"Thank you, Mother."

Can I have a pen, please?

Yes, of course.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

I THOUGHT IT THROUGH, BE UNIQUE

That'll be 399 zlotys. By card?

Keep the change.

Thanks for the help.

You can count on me.

All right.

I mean, for science.

I knew that.

And other things.

Well…

goodbye.

Bye.

- Later then.
- Goodbye.

- What did you do today?
- Um…

You first.

Yeah?

Um…

I had field exercises today.

Then we had classes, training, and…

Paulina? Is everything okay between u...

Fuck.

Just eat mine.

I'll…

pick up a shish kebab
on my way to the gym.

CLASSES
WILD INTIMACY

SIGN UP

SIGNED UP

DO YOU KNOW WHAT…

GIVES YOU PLEASURE?

It's self-service today.

CAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF AN ORGASM?

INTUITIVE BREATHING

AWAKEN YOUR INNER SHE-WOLF

I'll see you soon too.

UPLOADING FILES

- Are you okay, man?
- Yes!

- Are you sure?
- Fuck off!

Okay.

WIENER

Careful…

you might produce some other kind of gel.

DO YOU LIKE

YOUR BODY?

IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU TODAY.