Sexify (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

[funky beat playing]

[knocking]

[church bell tolling]

Praised be Lord Jesus Christ.

[priest] Now and forever. Amen.

It has been two weeks
since my last confession.

I have done my penance and…

I have offended God
with the following sins:

I have lied to my mom. And dad.

I forgot a few times about...
about my evening prayer and…



I had… sex.

[church bell tolls]

With your boyfriend? Or with yourself?

My boyfriend.

Well, I mean, my fiancé,
but he's like my husband.

I mean, he will be my husband.

Is he your husband or not?

Technically, no.

In theory, though, he is.

What you described is sex before marriage.

Mortal sin.

[bell tolls]

God, the Father, have mercy…

I'm sorry.



[gasps] Don't apologize to me.

Tell it to God.

But isn't God
speaking through you, Father?

In theory, yes. Technically, no.

- You promise to repent?
- Yes.

I regret my sins and promise to do better.

Especially with… [clears throat]

sex, yes?

[funky beat playing]

Yes.

I mean, no, he's my fiancé, so...

There will be no improvement?

There will be.

Will be improvement.

[priest] Okay, repent for your sins.
I will grant you absolution.

Heavenly Father, through the ministry
and church, may God give you pardon.

[funky beat continues]

[knocking]

♪ Copulation Station ♪

♪ If you're going to look at me
While I pleasure myself ♪

♪ I want to look at you ♪

[opening theme music playing]

[sighs softly]

[breathing heavily]

[Monika moaning]

[jazzy Polish music playing]

♪ An orgy of lights
I give you my word ♪

♪ Because we're kissing ♪

♪ Because we're kissing ♪

♪ In the dark ♪

[door opens]

Sorry to bother you.
I'm here about the rent.

The what?

You have to pay for the dorm up front.

All right.

- I'll pay today. How much?
- 600.

And uh, 40 extra for having a friend.

Sleep over.

Okay.

Okay.

[whistle blowing]

[Max Steiner's
"Theme from A Summer Place" playing]

[whistle blows]

It's your turn.

[music soaring]

What's that?

Mm, I was just able to make a reservation.

I'm sorry for not telling you before.

But a date became available.
Someone canceled.

They have a small lake
and it's beautiful.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

I have to go.

Duty is calling.

Bye.

[door closes]

["Tonight Forever"
by Orchestra Heinz Kiessling playing]

[moaning]

[Monika] Oh, thank you.

Afternoon.

And gas from number four.

INSERT CARD

[Monika] Oh!

And these too. The sun's really blinding.

[machine beeping]

CARD DECLINED

It's been declined.

Let's try this one.

[machine beeping]

That's been declined as well.

Mm-hmm. Oh, fuck me.

So…

are you paying or…

should I call the police?

[Monika] Hello?

Can you come to the gas station?

[funky beat playing]

Good morning.

Excuse me.

Uh, yes. Um.

Something wrong?

[Natalia[ Um, well, I…

You found a team?

Something better.

A million bucks for app development?

What? No. I have a brilliant project.

Shoot.

I found what is more sexy than sleep.

What?

[funky beat playing]

Sex.

I did some in-depth research,

and it turns out
that's all everyone is talking about.

And doing.

[clears throat] You know what?
We should leave the classroom.

A professor shouldn't talk with a student
about stuff like this alone.

I didn't mean it like that.
It was in the professional sense.

Even more so.

- So what about this research?
- Well, that's what my app will be about.

- Hm. How so?
- I've told you this.

But what exactly? Sex is a broad topic.

Sure, okay.

It can be a lot of things.

Portal for dating, portal for swingers,
a guide for finding the G-spot.

Or an app that helps teenagers
to discover their sexual orientation.

I don't know.

- Or for optimizing orgasms.
- Yeah.

Yeah what?

Well, um…

for the orgasm thing.

- Hm?
- O-orgasm.

Orgasm.

Hm.

All right.

How would you approach it?

My own way.

Hmm, so with a female perspective then.
That should work.

An application…

optimizing the female orgasm. Hm.

- Can I change my topic then?
- If you can do it in three months.

I'll manage. I'll use the equipment
I have for researching SLEEP.

Sleep and sex don't seem
like they'd be that far apart at all.

I think they're very far apart,
but that's just me.

Promise I won't fail you.

Not me.

If you don't make it, you'll be left
with nothing, and you'll fail the year.

- Don't worry.
- Yeah.

You're not going to regret it.

[gentle music playing]

- Hey.
- [woman] Hey.

Thank you, Mama.

Any opportunity to talk to you
is fine with me.

Fine then. What do you want to talk about?

Your father is furious.
But he'll get over it soon enough.

Maybe I won't get over it.

What would you do?

Don't know.

I'll think of something.

Maybe I'll get a job
and start earning my own money.

With no degree? Where?

I'll leave the city.

Running away isn't the answer.

How come?

Funny coming from you.

I got more wisdom
sucking your baby formula.

Monika.

I'm not running away from you.
You asked me to help you.

I'm here.

Instead, you're running away
from your fabulous marriage

when you should be confronting it.

You don't know what it's like
to be with someone.

You know nothing
about the dynamics of a marriage.

The dynamics of your marriage, Mama,

are being unhappy
with a control freak fucktard.

These are your "dynamics."

To get you through the month.

I don't need it.

That pride.

I guess I passed something along
with that formula after all.

[sighs]

[funky beat playing]

[machines beeping]

Experiment code name:

"SEX."

Day:

One.

Time: 12:04 p.m.

Temperature: 22 degrees Celsius.

Pressure: 1008 hectopascal.

Heart rate and pulse: Stable.

Humidity…

moderate.

♪ Sometimes I wonder as well ♪

♪ Sometimes I wonder as well ♪

Hey.

What kind of mixture
would boost performance?

For what?

- In bed.
- An erection?

No. That's working fine.

I want things to be more…

spiced up.

C2H5OH usually does the trick.

It's foolproof. Try it.

Alcohol? I'm being serious.

Me too.

Chemistry won't help
if there's none there.

♪ Sometimes I wonder as well ♪

♪ Sometimes I wonder as well ♪

And…

start.

[beeping]

[sighs]

[romantic music playing]

[drilling]

[man] The usual?

No. That's not why I'm here right now.

Mm, I knew this day would finally come.

And you would see I'm a man
who can give you happiness.

Przemuś.

You know I've always seen you as a man
who can give me happiness

- That's why nothing can happen between us.
- Doesn't makes sense, though.

- Everyone wants to be happy.
- People want different things.

I, for instance, want to earn money.

Since I'm here all the time, might as well
work here and help the both of us..

- You would work here?
- Yeah. Why not?

- What would you be doing?
- Drinks.

Drinks.

For drinks, you need experience.

Start with serving tables.

Which one?

Hey!

Hey.

Let me remind you how this works.

I wouldn't have hired you, if I didn't
need an employee to help me out.

I need a t-shirt with "I'm sorry" on it,
so I don't have to repeat myself.

It's enough if you show up on time.

I think I'm on to something.

This app thing.

That makes it okay to be late?

You were the one who cheered me on.

Oh, well then.

I guess it's my fault.

It seems I need to take a course
in how to be an HR manager.

- You are a great manager.
- [door opens]

Get to work.

[Natalia] How may I help you?

[man] Good morning.

It's got a virus, I think.

I've downloaded something,
watched something…

Well, you know.

No, I don't know.

Well, I downloaded a program
off the Internet.

I bet my son went on some
messed-up sites as well.

And now, I've locked the computer.

What kind of sites?

Well, they were for adults.

I understand. Your son is a programmer?

What? No, he's four years old.

Porno?

[grunts]

Pick it up tomorrow at three.

[door opens]

[door closes]

Get to work.

[Paulina] Mama, Mariusz proposed to me!

I know. Mariusz called
and told me everything.

- Mariusz what?
- He called yesterday.

He couldn't wait to share the news,
unlike someone else I know.

It's an important decision,
it's not crazy I needed time to tell you.

Who's getting married anyway, me or you?

I already have a wonderful husband.
The husband that you still lack, honey.

[sighs]

Mama.

Is being with daddy enough still?

- Enough for what?
- In general.

I'm a wife and a mother, so it's enough.

In all the…

aspects of your life?

We've loved each other for years.

[romantic music playing]

How is it possible that there's still the…

you know…

chemistry?

Chemistry?

Paulina, we're married. We have kids.

It's no joke. It's like a company,
but sanctified by God, okay?

Oh, you're right. Good-bye.

Mm…

I wanted to play some music.

Music?

You know. To set the mood.

I've known you seven minutes.

You brought me here after I asked you
if I should swipe my card or put it in.

And now you need to set the mood?

You're not helping, Konrad. Keep going.

[moaning]

Um, but my name isn't Konrad.

Leave now.

Mind if I call you later?

Yeah, I'll call you.

Go, go.

[funky beat playing]

[neighing] Ride me! Fuck yeah!

Oh, yeah. Fuck. [neighing]

Now I understand
why that guy was so embarrassed by it.

Why would anybody wanna see that?

There are more things in porn
than you could ever dream of.

Life must be hard for the guy if that's
the only thing that turns him on.

Jabba, you know a lot more
about people than I do.

Your knowledge is vast.

[quick beat playing]

In these areas. Sex stuff.

Me?

[sighs] I'm only floating on the surface
of this deep subject.

Jabba, you know more than I do,
and I need help in this regard.

I like you, but…

[compressed air can sprays]

…but I play for the other team.

You're gay.

It's obvious.

Nothing about you is obvious.

Because I'm very fragile on the inside.

It's dangerous being as fragile
as I am.

That's why I developed a layer of fat
to protect my feelings from getting hurt.

Mh-hm.

I'm being serious.

I'm working on an app, but…

I'm not that knowledgeable
in this subject.

I don't know anything.

- And you wanna make it an app?
- Yeah.

Orgasms.

I must come up with an algorithm
of the female orgasm

and create an app
that helps to achieve it.

But why must you?

Because it's how I'll achieve success.

- It's a pickle.
- Yeah, and I can't deal with it alone.

So help me out. Please.

So find somebody else to help you out.

[triumphant music playing]

[echoing] You must gather your party…

before venturing forth.

[music swells dramatically]

♪ Oh fuck! ♪

Good morning.

[romantic music playing]

[giggling] I see your blood is pumping.

And it's not going to your heart.

- [man] Do you have a cure for me?
- [woman] We'll see about that.

[man inhales sharply]

[moaning from video]

Hey.

- They don't know where to start.
- Did something happen?

I have a an idea and it's brilliant.

- Idea for what?
- Idea for my project.

I know how to win this thing.

How?

I make an app for orgasms.

[electronic beat playing]

Orgasms.

- Jesus, why do that?
- Because everybody thinks about them.

[whimsical music playing]

Why would you want to?
I don't get it if you're a… a virgin.

Yeah, I carry this burden with pride.
But that's said you, you have had…

sex. Successfully. For years.

Yeah, I do. But only illegally.

Illegally?

I'm Catholic, you know.

Yeah, well it's with your fiancé,
so it's almost legal.

And for the sake of science,
you can share your experiences, okay?

- What?
- You'll tell me…

what turns you on.

What things work for you, what don't.
What you like.

And I'll create an app
that will optimize your orgasms.

Optimize mine?

Yeah, I'll make it better for you.

Sex is about love, not physical prowess.

People do it with their genitals,
you know?

You do it differently?

I don't want to share the private details
of my love life with you.

I can't do it without you.

Do something
you're actually familiar with.

So you really don't want to learn more
about the topic?

Me?

I know everything.

Find yourself another guinea pig
to do your tests..

Thank you.

IS THAT YOU?

[cheering, shouting from video]

YOU'RE POPULAR.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
SAVE ME!

THERE'S QUITE A LOT OF THAT.

[car approaching]

I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

[siren whooping]

Why are you poking your wand like that?

Using your wand is okay,
telephone not so much.

Turn off your engine, please.

[Rafał] Do you know what day it is?

- [Natalia] Friday.
- No.

It's the day for a second chance.

Hm, I didn't know that's a thing.

Listen. We got off on the wrong foot
I barely remember what...

Rafał, you're not my type.

I was talking professionally.
I want you to work on my app with me.

- Serious?
- Mm-hmm.

No.

Why not?

Yesterday you said
that you and I equaled success.

A professional one, but still success.

I want to have my own success.

I don't want to do something
I'll be ashamed of.

I thought you were smarter than that.

Excuse me?

It's unwise to reject a proposition
to be a part of something great.

I am so much greater than Nanogel.

It's not enough to be convinced
of your greatness.

I have a project that will blow yours away
in a spectacular way.

You brag, but you won't win.

We'll see about that.

That means war then.

War then.

Oh my God, what happened in here?

Is the man of the house… exhausted?

Not really.

Is the man of the house wanting something…

a little different?

[romantic music playing]

[inhales sharply]

I might be.

[Mariusz breathing heavily]

[Mariusz groans, sighs]

You're so wild, know that?

Yeah.

I'll make stew. Want some?

I'll take some.

[sighs]

We said to wait in the car.

I was bored in there.

I have really bad news for you.
Your car insurance has expired.

Unfortunately, we're required
to keep your proof of registration.

That one's my dad's car.
He always pays for stuff like that.

Your dad either forgot to do it,

or you made him really angry
about something.

- What happens next?
- We have to tow the car now.

Where to?

The nearest parking lot.

[romantic music playing]

You can turn right there.

Show some respect for the car now.

I'm only borrowing it.

IRYS STUDENT HOUSE

But…

[officer] Don't drive
without valid insurance now, miss.

I learned my lesson.

Thank you, officers. You can stand down.

ORGASM

WHAT IS ORGASM?

MASTURBATION, PETTING, PENETRATION,
ORAL SEX, ANAL SEX, G-SPOT

ATTACHMENT 2. A WOMAN EXPERIENCING
AN ORGASM. MASTURBATION.

[woman moaning]

[moaning continues]

[ringtone playing]

CALLING:
MOM (VIDEO)

Fuck!

- Good morning, honey.
- Good morning.

School all right?

Yeah.

How'd the final project go?

All right.

You got it?

Mom, it doesn't work that way.
I have to win at the university first,

and then at the competition
at the ministry.

Okay, but I thought you'd already won
the one at school by now.

Yeah. Almost.

I have to work on it more,
even harder than before.

Good. Better to work
than to run around looking for boyfriends.

Slow down, Mom. I'm not [freezing]

- like you.
- What? You're breaking up. Nati!

- Natalia! Nati is the name of a dog.
- Baby, Fido was the name of a dog.

Mother.

I need help.

Hm?

I really have to focus on the project now.

Especially since I basically have…

have won now.

I don't have the time to do extra hours,
so could you send me money for rent?

Natalia, we had a deal.
You make half the money yourself.

I bought equipment.
You think I don't have rent, too?

There you go.

There's a vacancy for an IT teacher
at your high school here in Łomża.

You know everybody.
If you had a steady job,

you could get a bank loan.,
buy a small, cheap apartment.

- Is anything better than home?
- No, Mama.

[scoffs] Graduate and come back home.

- Mom, I've got plans.
- Like what?

Achieve success.

I believe in you, sweetheart!

I know you'll do great!

- Thank you, grandma.
- Okay.

We love you lots. Bye. [blows kiss]

- Bye.
- [video call clicks off]

[sighs deeply]

[bittersweet music playing]

- [man] How long do I have to wait?
- Give me a second.

- Come on. You've had enough seconds.
- Yeah?

Well, well. I've never seen you
in a situation like this.

Take a picture to cherish the moment.

- So you're working?
- And you?

[laughter]

- I'm gonna die of hunger!
- Tough luck.

[man] Fuck!

- Working is terrible business.
- I can do it by myself.

Okay.

Leave it! Leave it.

I'll take that.

[Konrad] Do you have a med kit here
or band-aids?

Don't know.

You know, you don't have to work here.

I have to for now.

I need money to pay for the dorm,
as Marek is no help.

- [sucking]
- What are you doing?

Jesus!

You can stay at my house.

I told you already.
You and I are finished.

I know. Just because we're not together
doesn't mean we can't be friends, right?

Can we please not act like children?

I have a big apartment.
You'll always have a room there.

You know this won't end well.

[sighs] You're going through a rough time.

Move in with me.

I'm visiting the US,
so you won't have to look at me.

Think on it, Monika.

I'm not pushing.

I wanna help.

[melancholy music playing]

[door opens, slams]

[door opens, closes]

[Natalia] Monika!

You are having sex!

Is that a question or proposition?

What? Neither.

What do you want?

I wanna help you study.

I don't remember
ever asking for your help.

I've checked you out.

You retook the year,
have problems with attendance,

As far as exams go,
you failed all of them.

- Stalking me?
- No.

Kinda.

Leave or I'll call the police.

But I need your help, though.

You have a problem with graduating,
and it's a problem I can fix.

How?

You help me with my project,
and we'll both benefit.

You wanna be partners?

No. I have no other choice, though.

I'll do the theory stuff,
you can do the fieldwork.

Doing what?

- Just what you do all the time.
- Meaning?

Having sex.

With men or women, doesn't matter.

- And provide me with data.
- Leave.

Or I'll call the police now. Seriously.

- I want to do an app to optimize orgasms.
- Base it on your own.

Call me a slut again,
and you'll wish you were dead.

I know where you live.

- I never called you a slut or anything.
- Leave.

Or stay right there. This is bullshit.

I'm done.

[gentle music playing]

Okay, I'm sorry.

[Monika] Whatever.

Farewell.

[chuckles]

[laughter]

It's a party.

- You coming?
- I don't party.

It's a pity.

It is.

We have sex, drugs,

and Erasmus.

[uptempo dance music playing]

♪ We ain't come to this party
They don't stand in our way ♪

♪ We ain't come to this party
They don't stand in our way ♪

Natalia! Want, want one?

- I don't like jelly-worms.
- These aren't normal jelly-worms.

- What's in them then?
- Love.

♪ Every step that I did devour ♪

♪ Power
Every step that I take ♪

I'm Erasmus.

- [Natalia] Yes?
- Yes.

♪ We ain't come to this play
They don't stand in our way, way ♪

♪ We ain't come to this play
They don't stand in our way, way ♪

[music muffled, in slow motion]

♪ Told ya
I warned ya ♪

♪ Told ya
I warned ya ♪

♪ Told ya
Told ya ♪

♪ And it's right here
Power ♪

♪ And it's right here
Power, every step that I take devour ♪

♪ We ain't come to this play
They don't stand in our way ♪

[melancholy music playing]

TO A GOOD START.

I CAN'T LET MY GIRLFRIEND
SERVE THESE MORONS.

THE GREAT ENGLISH-POLISH DICTIONARY

- [door opens]
- [wheels rolling]

Welcome.

And the rent?

You'll get it.

- Deadline is the tenth of the month.
- Okay, tenth it is.

- [sighs]
- [keys clatter]

I don't know if she's a genius,
or if she's lost her mind.

[funky beat playing]

[Paulina] Sometimes I wonder the same.

Nothing to celebrate.

Look where your place is in that maze
of insanely genius brain of hers.

Suppose I deserve that.

And you?

Natalia perfectly described my love life
and current situation.

[Paulina] Hm.

[Monika] Does she really want
to make an app for the female orgasm?

That's what it looks like.

Scares me a little.

What?

- The orgasm?
- No.

[inhales]
It's that I have to help with this.

Well, I don't think we've ever
properly introduced ourselves.

No.

- Monika.
- Paulina.

[Monika] You know, it might be
interesting to enlighten her.

"What is sex, really?"

[man] Hey! You know where the party's at?
You're allowed to go up there?

That's why there's a party there!

Wait a sec, we need four.

[crowd chanting] Spider-Woman!

- This party's secret!
- All right!

Come.

♪ Party people
Party people ♪

♪ Party people
Party people ♪

♪ Party people make some noise
Let me see your hands up ♪

Hey, my girlfriends!

Come on, my darlings!

- You've been drinking?
- Plenty. And I ate some drugs as well.

I've got really great news for you.

There will be barbecued sausages?

No. I've decided to help you.

I need that degree someway,

and if we're successful,
we might even earn some cash.

And you?

I've decided to um…

help myself out.

Fabulous!

[sentimental music playing]

I know this project will work.

- I have a bad feeling about this.
- I don't feel a thing.

You girls. It's only sex.

It can't really be all that difficult.

[closing theme music playing]