Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll (2015–2016): Season 2, Episode 10 - Bang Bang - full transcript

♪ It don't always come naturally ♪

♪ Sometimes you got to dig in the dirt ♪

♪ To get what you need ♪

♪ What I need, I need is you ♪

♪ I'm going all out to be with you ♪

♪ Bang, bang, I want it ♪

♪ Shoot me down and I want it ♪

♪ When I tell him that I want it ♪

♪ He says "louder" ♪

♪ Now tell me baby do you
love as hard as I do? ♪

♪ Is there a lightning... ♪



Wow.

- Kickass, right?
- It's killer.

You were right about the song.

It's really good!

Well, I only got you into the kitchen,

and you made it cook.

Well, yeah, I made it cook,

but also the band made it cook.

I don't see a single frame of
them in this entire thing.

Yeah. What happened to all that

performance footage we shot?

I axed it.

Every time I cut to them,

they just sucked all the
energy off the screen.



The band's gonna freak
when they find this out.

Yep.

Well, they probably already know

because I leaked the
video online last night.

- What?
- Jesus Christ.

Why? Why did you do that?

Because you don't sit
on something this good.

I mean, the goal is to
get you a deal, right?

Be fielding offers?

Well, I already got an email

from Lana Del Rey's management team.

- Really?
- And two texts

from Jay Z's company,

and you can bet your sweet little ass

he doesn't want you to babysit Blue Ivy.

- God damn.
- Holy shit.

Babe, you are gonna be

the next giant one-name-only
female music star,

just like Beyoncé and Adele...

and Beck.

So, basically, you're telling
me I need to fire the band.

Ugh.

But we are selling you, not the band.

And besides, they've already
got another gig lined up.

They can focus all
their attentions on Ava X.

I don't want to fire
the band right now, okay?

They sound tighter than they ever have,

and half the reason that
video was as good as it was

is because the band
kicked ass on the track.

But imagine working with
a younger kickass band

that doesn't have any of
that emotional baggage.

I saw this ballsy band in Cleveland

called The Red Wedding.

I'm bringing them in

to work on your father's solo project.

They are such good players.

They are way tighter than The Assassins,

but they're in their 20s,

so their asses are tight too,

and they happen to be gorgeous.

So when I'm up on stage with them,

everybody's gonna be
watching them, right?

I mean, that's gonna make...

We play our cards right, everyone's
gonna be watching her

sing on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"

while we're kicking it in the green room

listening to Jay Z's
shit all over Spotify.

Sweetheart, don't stress.

Why don't you just
come to your dad's gig,

you listen to Red Wedding,
and you judge for yourself.

You don't have to fire anybody yet.

- Who's that?
- It's Flash.

What's he say?

"you." Meaning me.

I'm gonna delete him from my phone.

- See you later.
- Yep.

Bye, sweetie!

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

Oh, Bam is so pissed we got cut.

Yeah, so is Rehab. And Noah.

I don't blame Gigi.

This is Johnny. I bet my left nut on it.

He might be that resentful,
but he ain't that smart.

No. It's Cat. You were right.

She's out for blood. Mine and yours.

Oh, an old Heathens tune as a ringtone.

Who's that?

Just my ex.

- Jojo?
- Yeah.

Oh, she saw the video.

"Where in the hell are The Assassins?"

She sends me little dumb hellos

and, you know, whenever she
sees something that pisses her off...

Just a couple of old friends, you know?

No. I don't know. Is she still married?

She just split from her third husband.

You know, she's one of
the biggest hedge fund chicks

in the last 20 years.

Apparently some of these
guys, they get a little threatened

when the wife's the actual bread winner.

She just texted you all that?

Sometimes we talk on the phone.

Mm-hm.

When's the last time you saw her?

Two years?

When's the last time you her?

Two years.

I remember how insane
you were for her, Flash.

It was the whole
reason you left The Heathens

when she slept with
Johnny, and I always thought

that you slept with
me to get back at him,

but really, you slept with me
to get back at her, didn't you?

- Oh, come on.
- Does she know we're together?

- Yes.
- And she's still texting you?

Well, I didn't tell
her that you moved in.

- Why not?
- I'm gonna do it right now.

Well, don't do it now.

You should've done
it on your own, Flash.

I turned my whole world upside
down to be with you.

I turned the band upside down.

- I did too.
- So why wouldn't you

tell me about her?

Ugh.

You want me to tell you

every time I text one of my ex-flames?

Oh, I don't know. How many ex-flames

- are you still in contact with?
- Only her.

- Oh. Ha-ho.
- It's no big deal.

Yeah. Oh, no, that's no big deal.

Jesus Christ. You got
one of those ringtones

in that phone for me?

I'm gonna put one in right now.

Where does she live?

What do you want? Her? Chrissie Hynde?

Where does she live?

Everywhere.

She's retired. She's loaded.

She flies around the world in her plane

doing this charity thing she started

for kids in war-torn countries,

African places like Chab.

You mean Chad.

A country called Chad?
No. It's Chab. All right?

Cat Stevens had a peace
train. She's got a peace jet.

And let me guess.

She's in New York right now, huh?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, and when were you gonna see her?

- Well, I'm not now.
- No, not now. No.

We were gonna have coffee.

Yeah, you were gonna do coffee. Right.

She doesn't even know where I live.

No, doesn't know where you live.

She doesn't know where we live.

Why don't you go ahead
and text her your address,

'cause you have her number, don't you?

Maybe she has a special ring for you.

♪ I don't want to talk anymore ♪

♪ I don't want to
listen to your stories ♪

♪ If I can't have you ♪

♪ Everything about you is over ♪

♪ It's over ♪

♪ I don't want to dance anymore ♪

♪ I don't want to hold you any closer ♪

♪ If I can't have you ♪

♪ Everything about you is over ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ It's over ♪

♪ Like a dagger ♪

♪ This has me staggering around ♪

♪ Cut up in pieces on the ground ♪

♪ When I just want to walk away ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Like a bullet in my brain ♪

♪ Like a channel I can't change ♪

♪ Yeah, if I can't have you ♪

♪ Everything about you is over ♪

♪ Yeah, it's over ♪

♪ Yeah, it's over ♪

♪ Yeah, it's over ♪

Dude, this band is smokin'.

Yeah, in more ways than one.

♪ In the future ♪

♪ There is a diamond in the night ♪

♪ Yeah, replacing you and I ♪

♪ And she falls into my arms ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ And she falls into my arms ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ And she falls into my arms ♪

Two whiskeys, straight up.

- Great show.
- Oh, Jesus Christ,

you scared the shit out of me.

How you doing? Flash here?

Uh... no. I'm solo. Yeah.

Oh. Cool.

I like the jacket.

Thanks.

I did
some research today,

and I want you to take
a look at something.

This is Cat's farmhouse and land.

Turns out she ain't loaded anymore.

And I'm pretty sure she's running

from a couple of Ohio banks.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Hmm. Interesting.

That doesn't bother you?

Doesn't change how I feel about Cat.

Well, that's not why
I'm showing it to you.

So you what... You
came down to warn Gigi?

Yeah, that's exactly why.

And that's why you
showed it to me first?

Johnny, listen.

I don't want things to get out of hand,

so I just thought that you and
I could have a conversation.

Ava, Ava, Ava. Ava.

Things are already way
out of hand, okay?

And I'm not blaming
anybody. I'm just saying

you made your choices... I made mine.

All right? I'm not breaking up with Cat.

Because you're in love with her now?

I don't know.

I actually don't
know what's gonna happen.

But I do know one thing.

Between you and me, just
like the song says,

it's over.

I guess those god damn Micki maracas

weren't so lucky after all.

So what did you guys
think? They're hot, right?

Yeah, they are! Especially
the lead guitarist.

He is absurdly handsome.

- I wasn't asking you, Noah.
- Oh.

Yeah, they're cute and they're cool,

- but they're young.
- Yeah.

And they're new, like me.

I think there's something to be said

for a group of experienced musicians

playing behind a singer
that's just starting out.

- Right.
- Yeah,

but there is something magical

about three talented, virile
young men on a stage.

- Marketing-wise.
- Right.

So what did you think, Johnny?

I think we should probably sleep on it.

- Yeah.
- You do?

Yep.

We should sleep on it?

What kind of pussy move is that?

She was impressed by those
guys tonight, you idiot.

You should've pushed
her in the right direction,

but... I don't know... is
that not what you want anymore?

Oh, it's clearly what you want.

I'm just wondering exactly why.

Oh.

Let me guess. Ava.

That's right.

I ran out of song ideas.

It's like I hit this huge dry spell,

and I thought it was because I
was so focused on raising Gigi,

but then she left, and my
writer's block got worse,

and the phone stopped ringing,
and the cash stopped flowing.

And what? You just
decided to come to the big city

and use Gigi to get
some more cash to flow?

I came here to use you

to, you know, recharge my...

creative impulses.

And... I don't know.

I think that we are coming up aces.

I mean, we've written
what? Like three songs already?

Four.

I rest my case.

I took all the cash I had left

and I rolled the dice

on my talented daughter.

Mm.

And her gifted, up, sexy dad.

Yeah?

I'm all in, Johnny.

- Financially...
- Mm-hm.

And emotionally. So...

are you in?

Or are you out?

No, no. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

I'm sorry...

Are you turning
down one of my blow jobs?

I know.

I barely believe it myself.

I'm turning into,
like, a responsible dad.

Let me... let me explain, okay?

Emotionally, I'm
totally invested in this kid,

and financially, I was screwed.

So that's why I brought you in.

So I'm a god damn dollar
sign? That is why you called me?

That was a part of it, but I wanted

to give the relationship a real shot

because I thought it
was the best thing for Gigi

to have both her
parents together under one roof.

Well, that is one very
expensive god damn roof,

which I paid for.

Okay, listen. You're
taking it the wrong way.

Shut it!

You need to quit your solo career.

I'm not quitting my solo career.

- Mm-mm.
- I'm never quitting

my solo career.

We are past our fame due date.

We need to be behind the scenes

figuring out ways to generate cash

to tide the three of us
over until Gigi gets a deal.

But first, we need to convince
her to fire The Assassins.

And I tried.

I laid out my best guilt trip on her.

- And?
- And nothing.

She laughed at me.

She had no shame in
shooting me down, which...

I don't know. I wonder
who she gets that from.

- Doesn't get it from me.
- Pfft.

I could literally never
shame or guilt you into anything.

You were a brick house when
it came to that shit.

Okay, so she got my voice, my body,

and my steely Armenian resolve.

- Mm-hm.
- What did she get from you?

I don't know. That is a good question.

I don't think she got anything from me,

which is probably a
blessing in disguise, you know?

I'll tell you what she got from me.

Irish Alzheimer's.

I forget everything except
the grudges, right?

You know what I'm saying?
She's got my black Irish rage.

The night that Flash broke up with her,

she went back to his apartment

and destroyed 15 of his favorite guitars

with a god damn chainsaw.

And then she came back
here with ice cream.

We had an ice cream
party watching TV together.

It was, like, the
happiest she's been all year.

I'm telling you, that
look she had in her eyes

when she said she was gonna
delete Flash from her phone...

That's the side we need to nurture.

Just work on the revenge gene.

This is a good approach.

Oh, my God. I love this approach.

- Right?
- Yes.

Mm-hm.

Look at you.

You're a proud papa.

Yes, I am.

And you're the concerned and caring mom.

Okay.

Oh, what are you doing?

I'm ready for the blow job.

No, no, nope.

I'm not in the mood anymore.

But you got me all revved up here.

I'm ready to go.

I don't do guilt.

And neither does my
entertainment system.

But revenge... That there gets me hot.

So you know what?

You go get your daughter's Irish up,

and then, you know, we'll
see what happens.

If she fires the old band,

then your cock is gonna
get all the credit.

I'm gonna go talk to her.

Hey, guys.

This is my new band,

Red Wedding.

They're from Ohio.

Who the hell are these dudes?

We're what you dudes are gonna
look like in 25 years.

Guys, this is my old
band, The Assassins.

Yeah, old is right.

Hey, which one of you
guys shot President Reagan?

Mommy and Daddy put you up to this?

No. Actually, this was all me.

I figured inviting them here today was

cheaper than hiring a shrink.

And am I supposed to believe

you had nothing to do with this, Cat?

Gigi and I discussed the idea.

Yes. But I pulled the trigger.

This is not about you
guys. This is about me.

I need to have a band that
is not carrying around

ancient history like
a god damn chain gang.

Look. It's not a total loss.

You guys can keep "So Many Miles,"

and you have Ava X.

That's right. We still got Ava X.

Yeah, and one good song.

This is on you two.

If you hadn't started sleeping together,

none of this shit would
be happening to this band.

Mind your own business, bird face.

- No, he's right.
- Why is this...

- Why's he right?
- Because if you guys

just kept your shit together...

Jesus Christ. Enough!

We have to rehearse.

Thank you.

Okay.

Thank you, guys.

Get off me.

Well...

how did that feel?

Fan--tastic.

Ohh, high five!

Hey, can we jam now, or what?

Absolutely.

These maracas are not cursed.

They're cursed, Flash.

Okay? This is how a curse works.

You think everything's
great and lucky and amazing,

and then the next thing you know,

you're sucked into Satan's vortex.

Well, we haven't turned to shit.

Still have your solo career.
Still have each other.

Ha! Yeah. Oh, yeah. Me,
you, and Jojo. Whoo!

I told you Jojo is out of my phone

and out of my life forever.

What did I do to my life?

What does that mean?

It means I don't know
how I feel, Flash, okay?

I don't know how I feel. Damn it.

Okay, I think that
these maracas are cursed,

so I'm gonna break the curse.

- Oh, shit.
- Oh, God.

Are you okay?

I got something in my eye. Ugh.

Oh, let me see.

I think it's a piece of maraca.

Oh, God.

Hold still. Hold still.

Hold... okay.

Ow. What is it?

Why are you gagging?

What is it?

I think it's a little piece of bone.

Bone?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Oh, shit.

Oh! Ugh!

I'm blind. Help me.

- Stay down, girl.
- It's not a tooth, right?

It's not a tooth in my eye?

Come on. Help me up.

I see that.

I thought you said you were blind.

In one eye, asshole.

- Hey, Johnny. What's up?
- Hey.

Remember those jingle offers you
ran by me a few weeks back?

Yeah. Right after the lupus song hit.

Yeah. They still standing?

Yeah. I never even
told them you said no.

I said you were busy
writing a theme song

for carpal tunnel syndrome.

Good man, Noah. So, listen.
I've been talking to Cat,

and I think I'm in on the jingles, man.

That's great. What changed your mind?

Let's just say I am prioritizing.

Good. Not a moment too soon.

I actually have one agency
that I know wants somebody

to write a jingle for
Grey Poupon mustard.

Dude. You want me to write
music about god damn mustard?

You got to start somewhere, right?

I'm not writing music
about condiments, pal.

I'm too talented for
that. You've got to find

something classier... like Cadillac.

I saw a great ad they did. It
had great music behind it.

So call the Cadillac people.

Okay. Well, Grey Poupon
is the Cadillac of mustards.

Are you in or out?

Great.

So about your solo thing.

I have been keeping my eye
out for a new band for you.

You know what? I
think we're just gonna

forget about the solo career

and just focus on the
jingles and Gigi for a while.

Oh, okay. Those sound like
really smart moves, man.

I'll call you back when
I have some news.

- Okay.
- All right. Bye.

Mm.

Priorities, baby.

That's the key.

You guys sounded really great today.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.