Secret Diary of a Call Girl (2007–2011): Season 4, Episode 1 - Episode #4.1 - full transcript
Now a house owner Belle entertains young barrister Liam,whose downstairs problems she alleviates with a little wig-and-gown role play. Through him she learns that Stephanie is remanded in custody for money laundering. Whilst reluctant to take over the business she agrees to host Stephanie's daughter Poppy,who is innocent of her mother's work. Then Ben proposes to her.
There's so much to tell you.
Three weeks of sun and sex
on a private island
with a millionaire client.
It looked good in the brochure.
Not all it's cracked up to be.
Still...
it's good to be home.
Every London girl's dream...
my own front door.
And this is all for me.
My sanctuary.
My haven!
My boudoir.
The height of luxury.
I'll call him. I will.
It's just, you know, it's him...
and it's me.
The decision!
(Sighs)
I've got to get to work.
New client - Liam, the QC.
When you've been in the business
as long as I have,
you...you know what to expect.
He'll be all port and jowls...
And gout?
Sorry. I didn't mean to...
No, you're right.
Tell people you're a silk,
it's what they expect.
But you are everything I'd hoped for.
Thank you.
Let's get cracking.
Yes.
Wow, that's, erm...
that's a lot of stuff there.
- For you.
- Thanks.
Shower time.
(Moaning)
You can do it.
You can do it. Go on!
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Go on! Yeah!
- You can do it!
- Ahh!
- Ahh! Ahh!
- Yes!
No!
- No?!
- Cramp!
- Ohh!
- Oh, Jesus!
(Panting)
(Grunting)
Do you... Do you want to take a break?
- No.
- All right.
Well, let's...let's try another position.
- Against the wall.
- Yeah.
(Moaning)
- OK.
- Oh, yeah!
Bring it home!
- Bring it! Bring it!
- Ahh!
- I'm bringing!
- Bring it!
- Shit!
- Bring it!
- I just...
- It's fine.
It happens.
Oh!
- Is this it?
- Yeah.
This is the one!
Ohh!
Sorry. Can we just...
Belle, can we stop?
(Sighs)
(Panting)
Ohh.
Are you OK?
I mean, this is very strange.
- There must be a reason why.
- I took a few little helpers.
A few? I knew it.
Liam, I am very good at my job,
but even I can't get past that.
- Why do you take them?
- No offence. It's not you. You're beautiful.
I've seen loads of beautiful girls,
and still the sex is...
There's no mystique any more,
no mystery.
Well, you know, everyone gets...jaded.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
You know how many months
since I last came?
- The real thing, the big finish?
- Mm-mm.
Nothing gets me excited any more.
What?
You're a challenge.
And I like a challenge.
- I'm sure I...
- Oh, if only.
I've got to go.
I'm due in court.
What the hell am I gonna do about this?
Erm, well...
they...they do say
a change in temperature can help.
You think I should stick
my cock in an ice bucket?
It might work.
No, or you... No.
- It's probably just an old wives tale.
- What?
Tap it. Yes.
Just tap it with a teaspoon.
- Any other suggestions?
- Erm...slam it in the door!
What?!
I suppose I could just wave it
at the judge.
(Sighs)
Wow.
- Ooh! (Chuckles)
- Thanks.
Oh, I nearly forgot.
I've got something foryou.
An invitation - from Stephanie.
- You know Stephanie?
- I'm her lawyer.
Oh, right.
So, erm...what is it?
Croquet on the lawn?
Difficult. She's not at home
at the moment.
Apparently, Stephanie
was caught speeding.
They pulled her over.
They opened the boot.
?40,000 of used cash,
three fake passports,
and a 12-inch black dildo,
explain that one away.
What did you expect -
stripy pyjamas? Porridge?
My weeping face pressed against the bars?
So, what's it actually like in here?
It's just like school.
Bitches, bullies, everything in-between.
All you really have to do is
keep the prefects sweet.
Thanks, love.
So, I'm sure Liam explained
what happened.
Well, sort of, yeah.
- I'm not guilty, of course.
- Of course.
We all have a little...
unexplained washing.
Hmm?
Money laundering.
Jumped-up charge.
Liam said he'd sort it out.
(Chuckles)
Listen, Belle...
I need you to take care of the business
for a few days.
It's getting tricky to run things
from in here.
There are only so many places
you can hide your phone.
Yeah, I...
I'm not doing that, OK?
- Absolutely not. Sorry.
- Why not?
Well, be...because...
you know, I've just got back from my trip,
and I'm moving house,
the whole thing's a bloody nightmare.
It's hardly an arduous task.
Caretaker-manager.
Keep the bookings rolling in.
Banking.
I'm not a madam, Stephanie, OK?
And I've no intention of becoming one.
Well, the thing is...
not everyone's as sorted as you and me.
Don't do that, Stephanie.
It's not fair.
You know, I'm sorry. Look...
I'd love to help you,
Stephanie, but...
I don't know. I'm more of a...
a front-line worker.
You know, like,
management is...is not my thing.
All right.
Well, if you can't help me with that,
there is one other tiny little favour
I'd like you to do for me.
What?
A lucky escape.
Still, better to pick up her post
than manage her business.
Hi! You must be Belle.
God, you look exactly like
my mum described.
Sorry. You...
Oh. I'm Poppy, Stephanie's daughter.
Thank you so, so much
for agreeing to let me stay.
(Chuckles)
Oh!
I'm so sorry.
Sorry about that.
Don't worry about it.
God, it's lovely!
I would so love to have
somewhere like this.
So, where have you been living
up till now?
Oh, well, that's the problem.
When I dropped out of uni,
I had to let my room go in halls,
which was a nightmare.
That's why I'm so grateful
for you putting me up.
I mean, just until my mum gets back.
Actually, can I just use your bathroom?
It's just I haven't been in hours,
and that's' like, really bad for your kidneys.
Yeah, yeah, sure.
It's just round there.
OK, cool. Thanks.
Typical bloody Stephanie.
Even behind bars,
she's calling the shots.
Still, Poppy seems...sweet,
you know, she's hardly the devil's spawn.
(Chuckles)
So, are you a corporate head-hunter, too?
Yes.
Do you work for the same company as Mum?
Er, no. Well, I...I used to.
But, erm...now I'm more on the...
the operations front.
Oh, it's lucky you weren't
stuck out in Saudi as well.
Mum reckons she might be out there
for weeks working on this job.
- Saudi.
- Mm.
She must hate it out there -
the way they treat women.
- Awful, huh?
- Hmm.
Do you know, I'm just gonna go
and find you some bedding. Excuse me.
- (Telephone rings)
- Oh.
Erm, Belle, your phone's ringing.
Someone called Ben.
Shall I pick up?
No, just leave that! Yes.
That's that. There.
That's good.
- Pillowcase!
- (Chuckles)
Thanks.
- Hi.
- Oh! Fuck!
Good to see you, too.
Sorry, I wasn't expecting you.
Yeah, I just thought I'd come
and say hi, say thanks -
all the postcards, emails.
Overwhelming.
- It was a tropical island, Ben.
- What about since you've been back?
Or have you been too busy with the whole
head-in-the-sand hiding thing?
Are you just gonna stand on my doorstep
and insult me?
- I could come in and do it.
- (Chuckles) Thought you'd never ask.
Wow.
Moving up in the world, Han?
Did I, erm...
Did I tell you I went snorkelling?
It's amazing.
I actually got to swim with turtles.
- Turtles?
- Yeah.
- Turtles are good.
- Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.
- And the rays, they were mental.
- You can actually...
- Han, as much as I'm fascinated
by the marine life of the Maldives...
- Mauritius.
- Whatever.
It's not really why I came.
- Well, do you want... Do you want a drink?
- No.
- But I've got beer.
- Hannah.
Stop.
I know you regret ever admitting
to the possibility that we might be together.
I know that.
I even know that right now you're
probably planning to turn me down.
You're just wondering how to say it.
And that's the point, Han.
I know you better than you know yourself.
Ben, what are you doing?!
Well, you can't even talk about it, about us.
So, I'm gonna do a simple graphic.
- Reasons for and against.
- No.
- Stop doing that!
- Why?
Upset you, does it?
Yeah, might have to face up to something
for once in your life, make a decision?
- You know what, you should go. Yeah.
- Really? Why?
Because I don't want you here,
fucking up my house!
Oh, that's right.
We mustn't make a mess, must we?
Mustn't feel anything.
You know what? You're right.
I don't want to rush you.
I'll wait.
Three weeks?
A few more years?
Thanks for coming in.
Appreciate it.
Look, something's happened.
Stephanie's cell
was searched last night.
- Phone was found, confiscated.
- Sorry, what?
Self-explanatory.
On the left, regulars.
- Who, what, where, when. Last column...
- Er...
- ...commission.
- No, no, no,
I told Stephanie
I wasn't interested in taking over...
(Door opens)
Excuse me, Liam.
Would you or your guest
like a cup of tea?
No, no, I'm fine, thank you.
No, thanks. All... All good here.
(Clears throat)
Liam, you know your...
your little...little problem?
Hmm?
Well, I think
I may have stumbled across a solution.
Really?
The thing is,
I'm not on duty at the moment, so...
But, erm... But I might be able to find
some space in my schedule
for this very...important...case.
Stay here.
I won't be long.
- (Knock on door)
- (High voice) Come! (Clears throat)
Come in.
(Door opens)
- Is this OK?
- Yes.
What if we get caught?
Someone might see us.
This could be very... very risky.
For you.
And this, Liam...
is for you.
Ohh.
(Moaning)
Paper-thin walls.
Doors unlocked.
Colleagues could walk in at any moment.
- Oh, God.
- The shame.
The thrill.
You tell me - tell the truth.
Explain to the Court.
I saw escorts. At first, it was...
- Different? Exciting?
- Mm.
But then you got bored, all too predictable.
That's when you started taking the pills.
- Raise the stakes.
- Mm-hm.
Increase stimulation.
And now you have me.
The whore...
and the man of law, in the office.
Oh, my.
I put it to you...that you cannot enjoy sex
unless there's a risk.
Objection!
Conjecture and innuendo!
Over...ruled.
- Ahh!
- Ohh!
- Guilty!
- Ohh!
Take him down.
Belle, that was...
You were incredible.
Well, that...
that was a one-off.
You know,
this is a long-term problem.
You know, if...
if the sex isn't enough,
you just...
you need to find something...
something real.
None of these pills and thrills. Just...
I don't know. Someone who does it for you.
It's a connection.
(Sighs)
That, milord...
is your challenge.
- Talking of challenges...
- Hmm?
Oh.
Belle, I can't make guarantees,
but I'm sure she'll be out
in a matter of weeks.
- That's all we're talking.
- All right, I'll do it.
Mustn't let the boss down.
Bye.
Life is messy, Han.
What's the alternative?
You hide away
in your perfect house, all alone?
I'm just scared.
I know, Hannah.
You don't.
You know, you have...
you have other people,
you have friends and family who know you.
They know everything about you.
And I just have you.
And you'll still have me.
Not if I fuck it up, I won't.
And I always do. You know, my job...
Your job is just your job, Hannah.
It's not you.
I can handle it.
If I lose you, Ben, I'll have nobody.
- You will not lose me.
- But I might.
Hannah, there are thousands of reasons
why we shouldn't try.
There are thousands more why we should.
Yeah, it's 250 an hour.
I'm not a madam.
Just helping out an old friend.
You're not suited to the job.
Why not hand it over to
someone who'd do it better?
Every virgin I've ever had has been great.
You like touching them, don't you?
No virgins - they're too needy.
- What?!
- Hi. Me again.
Did you just follow me home?
Did you just follow me home?
Three weeks of sun and sex
on a private island
with a millionaire client.
It looked good in the brochure.
Not all it's cracked up to be.
Still...
it's good to be home.
Every London girl's dream...
my own front door.
And this is all for me.
My sanctuary.
My haven!
My boudoir.
The height of luxury.
I'll call him. I will.
It's just, you know, it's him...
and it's me.
The decision!
(Sighs)
I've got to get to work.
New client - Liam, the QC.
When you've been in the business
as long as I have,
you...you know what to expect.
He'll be all port and jowls...
And gout?
Sorry. I didn't mean to...
No, you're right.
Tell people you're a silk,
it's what they expect.
But you are everything I'd hoped for.
Thank you.
Let's get cracking.
Yes.
Wow, that's, erm...
that's a lot of stuff there.
- For you.
- Thanks.
Shower time.
(Moaning)
You can do it.
You can do it. Go on!
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Go on! Yeah!
- You can do it!
- Ahh!
- Ahh! Ahh!
- Yes!
No!
- No?!
- Cramp!
- Ohh!
- Oh, Jesus!
(Panting)
(Grunting)
Do you... Do you want to take a break?
- No.
- All right.
Well, let's...let's try another position.
- Against the wall.
- Yeah.
(Moaning)
- OK.
- Oh, yeah!
Bring it home!
- Bring it! Bring it!
- Ahh!
- I'm bringing!
- Bring it!
- Shit!
- Bring it!
- I just...
- It's fine.
It happens.
Oh!
- Is this it?
- Yeah.
This is the one!
Ohh!
Sorry. Can we just...
Belle, can we stop?
(Sighs)
(Panting)
Ohh.
Are you OK?
I mean, this is very strange.
- There must be a reason why.
- I took a few little helpers.
A few? I knew it.
Liam, I am very good at my job,
but even I can't get past that.
- Why do you take them?
- No offence. It's not you. You're beautiful.
I've seen loads of beautiful girls,
and still the sex is...
There's no mystique any more,
no mystery.
Well, you know, everyone gets...jaded.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
You know how many months
since I last came?
- The real thing, the big finish?
- Mm-mm.
Nothing gets me excited any more.
What?
You're a challenge.
And I like a challenge.
- I'm sure I...
- Oh, if only.
I've got to go.
I'm due in court.
What the hell am I gonna do about this?
Erm, well...
they...they do say
a change in temperature can help.
You think I should stick
my cock in an ice bucket?
It might work.
No, or you... No.
- It's probably just an old wives tale.
- What?
Tap it. Yes.
Just tap it with a teaspoon.
- Any other suggestions?
- Erm...slam it in the door!
What?!
I suppose I could just wave it
at the judge.
(Sighs)
Wow.
- Ooh! (Chuckles)
- Thanks.
Oh, I nearly forgot.
I've got something foryou.
An invitation - from Stephanie.
- You know Stephanie?
- I'm her lawyer.
Oh, right.
So, erm...what is it?
Croquet on the lawn?
Difficult. She's not at home
at the moment.
Apparently, Stephanie
was caught speeding.
They pulled her over.
They opened the boot.
?40,000 of used cash,
three fake passports,
and a 12-inch black dildo,
explain that one away.
What did you expect -
stripy pyjamas? Porridge?
My weeping face pressed against the bars?
So, what's it actually like in here?
It's just like school.
Bitches, bullies, everything in-between.
All you really have to do is
keep the prefects sweet.
Thanks, love.
So, I'm sure Liam explained
what happened.
Well, sort of, yeah.
- I'm not guilty, of course.
- Of course.
We all have a little...
unexplained washing.
Hmm?
Money laundering.
Jumped-up charge.
Liam said he'd sort it out.
(Chuckles)
Listen, Belle...
I need you to take care of the business
for a few days.
It's getting tricky to run things
from in here.
There are only so many places
you can hide your phone.
Yeah, I...
I'm not doing that, OK?
- Absolutely not. Sorry.
- Why not?
Well, be...because...
you know, I've just got back from my trip,
and I'm moving house,
the whole thing's a bloody nightmare.
It's hardly an arduous task.
Caretaker-manager.
Keep the bookings rolling in.
Banking.
I'm not a madam, Stephanie, OK?
And I've no intention of becoming one.
Well, the thing is...
not everyone's as sorted as you and me.
Don't do that, Stephanie.
It's not fair.
You know, I'm sorry. Look...
I'd love to help you,
Stephanie, but...
I don't know. I'm more of a...
a front-line worker.
You know, like,
management is...is not my thing.
All right.
Well, if you can't help me with that,
there is one other tiny little favour
I'd like you to do for me.
What?
A lucky escape.
Still, better to pick up her post
than manage her business.
Hi! You must be Belle.
God, you look exactly like
my mum described.
Sorry. You...
Oh. I'm Poppy, Stephanie's daughter.
Thank you so, so much
for agreeing to let me stay.
(Chuckles)
Oh!
I'm so sorry.
Sorry about that.
Don't worry about it.
God, it's lovely!
I would so love to have
somewhere like this.
So, where have you been living
up till now?
Oh, well, that's the problem.
When I dropped out of uni,
I had to let my room go in halls,
which was a nightmare.
That's why I'm so grateful
for you putting me up.
I mean, just until my mum gets back.
Actually, can I just use your bathroom?
It's just I haven't been in hours,
and that's' like, really bad for your kidneys.
Yeah, yeah, sure.
It's just round there.
OK, cool. Thanks.
Typical bloody Stephanie.
Even behind bars,
she's calling the shots.
Still, Poppy seems...sweet,
you know, she's hardly the devil's spawn.
(Chuckles)
So, are you a corporate head-hunter, too?
Yes.
Do you work for the same company as Mum?
Er, no. Well, I...I used to.
But, erm...now I'm more on the...
the operations front.
Oh, it's lucky you weren't
stuck out in Saudi as well.
Mum reckons she might be out there
for weeks working on this job.
- Saudi.
- Mm.
She must hate it out there -
the way they treat women.
- Awful, huh?
- Hmm.
Do you know, I'm just gonna go
and find you some bedding. Excuse me.
- (Telephone rings)
- Oh.
Erm, Belle, your phone's ringing.
Someone called Ben.
Shall I pick up?
No, just leave that! Yes.
That's that. There.
That's good.
- Pillowcase!
- (Chuckles)
Thanks.
- Hi.
- Oh! Fuck!
Good to see you, too.
Sorry, I wasn't expecting you.
Yeah, I just thought I'd come
and say hi, say thanks -
all the postcards, emails.
Overwhelming.
- It was a tropical island, Ben.
- What about since you've been back?
Or have you been too busy with the whole
head-in-the-sand hiding thing?
Are you just gonna stand on my doorstep
and insult me?
- I could come in and do it.
- (Chuckles) Thought you'd never ask.
Wow.
Moving up in the world, Han?
Did I, erm...
Did I tell you I went snorkelling?
It's amazing.
I actually got to swim with turtles.
- Turtles?
- Yeah.
- Turtles are good.
- Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.
- And the rays, they were mental.
- You can actually...
- Han, as much as I'm fascinated
by the marine life of the Maldives...
- Mauritius.
- Whatever.
It's not really why I came.
- Well, do you want... Do you want a drink?
- No.
- But I've got beer.
- Hannah.
Stop.
I know you regret ever admitting
to the possibility that we might be together.
I know that.
I even know that right now you're
probably planning to turn me down.
You're just wondering how to say it.
And that's the point, Han.
I know you better than you know yourself.
Ben, what are you doing?!
Well, you can't even talk about it, about us.
So, I'm gonna do a simple graphic.
- Reasons for and against.
- No.
- Stop doing that!
- Why?
Upset you, does it?
Yeah, might have to face up to something
for once in your life, make a decision?
- You know what, you should go. Yeah.
- Really? Why?
Because I don't want you here,
fucking up my house!
Oh, that's right.
We mustn't make a mess, must we?
Mustn't feel anything.
You know what? You're right.
I don't want to rush you.
I'll wait.
Three weeks?
A few more years?
Thanks for coming in.
Appreciate it.
Look, something's happened.
Stephanie's cell
was searched last night.
- Phone was found, confiscated.
- Sorry, what?
Self-explanatory.
On the left, regulars.
- Who, what, where, when. Last column...
- Er...
- ...commission.
- No, no, no,
I told Stephanie
I wasn't interested in taking over...
(Door opens)
Excuse me, Liam.
Would you or your guest
like a cup of tea?
No, no, I'm fine, thank you.
No, thanks. All... All good here.
(Clears throat)
Liam, you know your...
your little...little problem?
Hmm?
Well, I think
I may have stumbled across a solution.
Really?
The thing is,
I'm not on duty at the moment, so...
But, erm... But I might be able to find
some space in my schedule
for this very...important...case.
Stay here.
I won't be long.
- (Knock on door)
- (High voice) Come! (Clears throat)
Come in.
(Door opens)
- Is this OK?
- Yes.
What if we get caught?
Someone might see us.
This could be very... very risky.
For you.
And this, Liam...
is for you.
Ohh.
(Moaning)
Paper-thin walls.
Doors unlocked.
Colleagues could walk in at any moment.
- Oh, God.
- The shame.
The thrill.
You tell me - tell the truth.
Explain to the Court.
I saw escorts. At first, it was...
- Different? Exciting?
- Mm.
But then you got bored, all too predictable.
That's when you started taking the pills.
- Raise the stakes.
- Mm-hm.
Increase stimulation.
And now you have me.
The whore...
and the man of law, in the office.
Oh, my.
I put it to you...that you cannot enjoy sex
unless there's a risk.
Objection!
Conjecture and innuendo!
Over...ruled.
- Ahh!
- Ohh!
- Guilty!
- Ohh!
Take him down.
Belle, that was...
You were incredible.
Well, that...
that was a one-off.
You know,
this is a long-term problem.
You know, if...
if the sex isn't enough,
you just...
you need to find something...
something real.
None of these pills and thrills. Just...
I don't know. Someone who does it for you.
It's a connection.
(Sighs)
That, milord...
is your challenge.
- Talking of challenges...
- Hmm?
Oh.
Belle, I can't make guarantees,
but I'm sure she'll be out
in a matter of weeks.
- That's all we're talking.
- All right, I'll do it.
Mustn't let the boss down.
Bye.
Life is messy, Han.
What's the alternative?
You hide away
in your perfect house, all alone?
I'm just scared.
I know, Hannah.
You don't.
You know, you have...
you have other people,
you have friends and family who know you.
They know everything about you.
And I just have you.
And you'll still have me.
Not if I fuck it up, I won't.
And I always do. You know, my job...
Your job is just your job, Hannah.
It's not you.
I can handle it.
If I lose you, Ben, I'll have nobody.
- You will not lose me.
- But I might.
Hannah, there are thousands of reasons
why we shouldn't try.
There are thousands more why we should.
Yeah, it's 250 an hour.
I'm not a madam.
Just helping out an old friend.
You're not suited to the job.
Why not hand it over to
someone who'd do it better?
Every virgin I've ever had has been great.
You like touching them, don't you?
No virgins - they're too needy.
- What?!
- Hi. Me again.
Did you just follow me home?
Did you just follow me home?