Secret Diary of a Call Girl (2007–2011): Season 3, Episode 8 - Episode #3.8 - full transcript
Belle and Duncan attend Bambi's wedding to Byron where Belle is hesitant about accepting Stephanie's offer of work in the Maldives because of her commitment to Duncan. However her attitude changes when Bambi tells her Duncan is one of her regular punters and she is unconvinced when he explains that, though he loves her, he sees theirs as an open relationship. She turns to Ben for consolation and they send an email to Duncan's firm exposing him as a prostitute's client. She then flies off to the Maldives, with a note from Ben which says that he loves her.
Hi, Richard.
Bambi.
- Yes?
- Would you like to see me again?
I'd love to.
This is Dunkie... Duncan.
This is Duncan. He's my boyfriend.
♪ Good morning! Good morning!
♪ We've talked the
whole night through... ♪
'Clients, like most people,
can get stuck in a routine.
David, old favourite
and plastic surgeon... '
Good with his hands.
♪ Good morning, good morning, to you. '
Ahhhh...
Don't you ever fancy
something different?
- Why don't you like this?
- No, no, no, it's fine.
It's just... You look a bit bored.
- What?
- It's the same thing every booking.
- Well, I like it.
- Yeah, but...
- Why do you always settle for erm...
- A hand shandy?
Exactly.
When you can try some champagne?
Come on, there must be
something else you'd like.
Some secret desire, some
itch you'd like me to scratch.
What is it? Come on. Tell me.
I don't judge, I'm
impossible to embarrass
and this is the one place you
can be completely honest. Come on.
- Oh!
- Is that OK?
Yeah.
You know me, anything goes.
♪ It's not the way you smile that... ♪
Have you ever done it before?
Medical school. Christmas Review.
- I sang South Pacific in suspenders.
- Nice!
Not for the audience.
I still remember the feel of them.
It was tight, smooth...
Have you ever worn
women's underwear since?
I did ask a girlfriend once.
- Well, I didn't exactly ask.
- It didn't go down well?
She jumped to certain assumptions.
She made out I was some kind of-
At least not on a week day.
- Don't laugh.
- I won't.
Oh! Wow. How does it feel?
- Unbelievable.
- It should do.
- Pure silk.
- Oh, God...
- Sheer tulle.
- Christ...
- Chantilly lace.
- Oh.
- Satin bows.
- Mmmmm...
♪ ELTON JOHN: Dirty Little Girl
♪... Like you've been
run down by a truck
♪ That ain't nice to say
♪ Sometimes, I guess I'm really hard
♪ I'm gonna put buckshot
in your pants... ♪
Everyone's got something. It's just
a case of finding out what it is.
Eventually, the truth will out.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Now, I didn't tell you because
I didn't want you to panic,
but this is actually our wedding day.
- Hannah...
- No, no. Don't worry, it's all sorted.
The vicar's a sweetie,
your mum's hat is a triumph and
I've written your vows, top pocket.
'Weddings bring out
the best in people...
...even if you don't
follow all the traditions.
Who said you had to be a
be a virgin to wear white?
You don't have to be a
prince to marry a princess.
And not all fairy
godmothers carry a wand. '
Hello.
Bambi!
You OK?
Yeah, I'm just not sure
where I'm supposed to be.
- Do you want me to find out?
- Yes.
OK.
What the hell are you doing
here? I can't believe you came!
- I didn't have much choice.
- Couldn't you have made up some excuse?
I did try. Believe me.
- Hannah.
- Oh, hi.
Did you get my missed
calls? Or is your phone...?
No, no, I got them.
All 27 of them.
I was just checking to
see which room we're in.
It's the Westminster
Room. Just up there.
- Nice list!
- It's just in case I forget anything.
- Mm. Best man. It's an important job.
- Yep.
Well, I best get back to Byron.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
Bambi's nervous as a kitten.
- Are kittens nervous?
- Maybe.
You know... if there's a dog around.
Good afternoon.
Duncan, this is Stephanie.
Stephanie, this is Duncan.
Stephanie is... erm...
Mother of the bride.
Pleased to meet you.
Belle, a word?
How does two weeks in the Maldives
sound? The most fascinating client.
Jesus, Stephanie. This is a wedding
and in case you haven't noticed
I have a boyfriend. I
can't just disappear off.
Oh, what a shame.
- Did I mention he has his own island?
- I'm really sorry, I can't.
But thanks for thinking of
me. It's very kind of you.
Well, you know me: 60%
heart. 40% commission.
- Rings?
- In here.
You all right?
Who needs family when
you've got friends, right?
Oh, actually I wanted
to erm... give you this.
Gear! Byron, really not the time.
No, I want you to look
after it, until after.
Right. Of course.
I don't want it to be blurred, you know?
I wanna remember everything today.
Sharp around the edges.
Listen, I know you haven't
always been 100% about Byron...
but I want us all to be friends...
You, me, Byron... Ben.
All that matters is you and Byron.
And that you're sure about this.
I am.
Good.
I'm not even gonna try and explain
why, cos I'll just talk too much
- and annoy you like I usually do.
- Oh, Bambi...
I know I try too hard. I'm
always saying the wrong thing
and then I see that
look in people's eyes
- like I'm some kind of annoying fly.
- Oh, don't...
But with Byron, I never
have to stop myself,
or try and be something
I'm not. I'm just me.
And that's why I'm sure.
Do you know what?
- You're an inspiration.
- What?
You just do it, you make the leap.
Maybe that's what I
should do with Duncan.
- Belle...
- Why not?
I can't keep doing this.
I can't keep running
away from how I feel.
I love him.
Oh... fuck.
What?
I know him.
He is a punter. Duncan is a client.
What?
I had him the other day.
He called himself Richard. He booked
me. He said he would book me again.
I am so sorry.
But you should know, shouldn't you?
You should know the truth about him
before you go falling in love with him.
Oh, Belle.
Registrar's ready. We're on.
The wedding ring is an unbroken circle.
It has no beginning and no end.
It symbolises your un-ending...
We have now come to
the exchange of rings,
which is the traditional way
of sealing the contract...
I, Byron Seebohm, give you this
ring, as a symbol of my love.
I, Gloria White, give you this
ring, as a symbol of my love...
'You are everything.
My best friend. My Bam-Bam. Forever. '
'The day we met was the
first time I felt... '
I don't need this.
You know how I feel. And you know why?
Cos you are the only one who ever asks.
I love you.
Come on. Delightful shot.
Get right in there.
One, two, three...
♪ She delivers right on time!
♪ I can't resist a corny line
♪ But take the shine
right off your shoes... ♪
All good? I have to
get back to the office.
- Hannah?
- No!
If you want me, you can pay for
me, like you paid for the others.
Is it true? Just tell me.
- Is what true?
- Have you slept with Bambi?
- Hannah, please-
- So you did? You slept with her?
You paid for Bambi!
- How many times?
- Hannah...
Was it just a one off?
Or have you seen her before?
I have never been with her before.
But you've been with other escorts?
Yep.
Was it because of me? The
book? Did I push you towards it?
It wasn't the book. Look, we never
said what we had was exclusive.
You sleep with other men,
I sleep with other women...
It's my job! It's what I do!
- It's different.
- Is it?
How many times? How many times
have you been unfaithful
since we've been together?
- Ten? More than ten?
- Hannah...
More than 20? Who with?
Just escorts or other girls?
Other writers? Do you
fuck all your authors?
We all know how you
like it over the desk.
Right, downstairs.
Hannah, this doesn't
have to get unpleasant.
So, why didn't you tell me if
you thought it was all so fine?
Cos I knew it would hurt you.
You knew it would hurt
me. You must have known
you were doing something wrong?
You don't even make sense!
If you look back over our
relationship, I never lied to you...
How can you say that?
OK, well you tell me. When
did I ever misrepresent myself?
I told you I was a fuck up. I
told you I was no good at this...
That's your answer, your
'Get Out Of Jail Free' card?
'I told you I was a fuck up,
therefore I can behave how I want?
Fuck who I want? Lie when I want?'
- Hannah-
- No, don't touch me!
What did you want, Hannah? What
did you want me to give you?
I wanted honesty! I wanted
a man who didn't lie.
- I didn't. I never lied to you.
- Yes, you did.
And y'know the biggest lie?
You told me you loved me.
I did. I do. I do love you.
When I said it, I meant it.
And when you were fucking
Bambi, did you mean it then?
Wh... What was I to you?
A story? A cash cow?
Look into my eyes, tell me you love me,
- squeeze me till the words come out!
- No, Hannah...
I'm a whore...
who has sex for money, who
gets judged and looked down on.
But you know what? When I look at
you, I can hold my head up high.
I wanted to punch him. You
know like a proper punch.
On the nose. Crunch. Blood everywhere.
You'd have probably missed.
Or swung like a girl, arms flailing.
My job is to read men...
...know what they want... what they are.
I missed it.
I really didn't see that coming.
I should've listened to you.
Hannah.
Yeah, but you knew.
Not that. I didn't know that.
I didn't know anything, except I
hated his stupid fucking llama face
and the way he spoke to me.
I'm sorry.
You know what I hated the most?
The way I felt when I saw you together.
Congratulations.
Gloria's husband. Started
his honeymoon a bit early.
Ben, would you stop calling
me that. I'm sorry, Gloria.
- He did really well today.
- Really well.
You all right, Han?
You know what I think
would make you feel better?
We should break into his
office, steal back your book.
It's not written on some giant
scroll, Bambi. I email it.
- Well, then we'll take his computer.
- That's a good idea.
Is it?
- She's got a point.
- About what?
You still want to do this book?
It wasn't ever really
about the writing, was it?
Not this time. I just did it
cos he wanted me to,
and then I got involved.
So write about him.
Your last chapter.
Duncan and his little habit.
Do you want Duncan to be the man
who profits from your life story?
♪ FLORENCE AND THE
MACHINE: Dog Days Are Over
♪ Happiness hit her
like a train on a track
Right.
♪ She hid around corners
and she hid under beds
♪ She killed it with
kisses and from it she fled
♪ With every bubble she sank with drink
♪ And washed it away
down the kitchen sink
♪ The dog days are over
♪ The dog days are done
♪ Can you hear the horses?
♪ Because here they come ♪
- You all done?
- Yeah.
Feel better?
Maybe. A bit.
So now...
We send all.
He's never gonna publish it now.
You sure?
Sure.
'What do men want from escorts?
Let's start with one man.
Duncan Atwood, my editor,
a serial user of prostitutes.
A man who tells stories for a
living but doesn't know when to stop.
Some men use escorts because they
don't have time for a relationship,
or they want something special,
something their wives or
girlfriends can't offer them.
And some men, like Duncan, use
prostitutes because they can.
Because it's easier, a simple exchange,
without truth or consequence.
And for Duncan, a man so
fundamentally dishonest,
he doesn't even know when he is lying,
it's the closest to a real
relationship he will ever get. '
Come on, Gloria and her husband
are taking us out for breakfast.
Belle, make him stop calling me that!
I have no control over
Ben, never have, never will.
In my job, secrets are unavoidable.
It's who you tell them to that
really counts and from now on...
...I keep my secrets
with those I love best.
Hello?
Belle? It's Stephanie.
Listen, the offer still
stands. The plane leaves at four.
This time tomorrow
you could be waking up
with the sand beneath your toes
and a man between
your legs. Your choice?
- OK, bye.
- Come on, then.
I'm starving.
♪ DEAN MARTIN: You're Nobody
Till Somebody Loves You
♪ You're nobody till somebody loves you
♪ You're nobody till somebody cares
♪ You may be king you may possess
the world, and its gold... ♪
I love my job.
Hey.
♪.. Happiness when you're growing old
♪ The world is still the
same, you'll never change... ♪
Ben? What is it? I'm
about to get on the plane.
Look in your bag.
What? Just look in your bag.
- What's going on?
- Read it.
'Duncan was a prick. '
'All your other boyfriends were pricks. '
'I'm not a prick. '
Ben, what is this?
Turn it over.
YOU + ME?
Oh.
Ben, I- I can't talk, I
forget I got to work.
I know, go, have
adventures, see the world...
Just come back to me.
Wow!
Really?
Ben?
Maybe...
Uploaded by Lauta
Bambi.
- Yes?
- Would you like to see me again?
I'd love to.
This is Dunkie... Duncan.
This is Duncan. He's my boyfriend.
♪ Good morning! Good morning!
♪ We've talked the
whole night through... ♪
'Clients, like most people,
can get stuck in a routine.
David, old favourite
and plastic surgeon... '
Good with his hands.
♪ Good morning, good morning, to you. '
Ahhhh...
Don't you ever fancy
something different?
- Why don't you like this?
- No, no, no, it's fine.
It's just... You look a bit bored.
- What?
- It's the same thing every booking.
- Well, I like it.
- Yeah, but...
- Why do you always settle for erm...
- A hand shandy?
Exactly.
When you can try some champagne?
Come on, there must be
something else you'd like.
Some secret desire, some
itch you'd like me to scratch.
What is it? Come on. Tell me.
I don't judge, I'm
impossible to embarrass
and this is the one place you
can be completely honest. Come on.
- Oh!
- Is that OK?
Yeah.
You know me, anything goes.
♪ It's not the way you smile that... ♪
Have you ever done it before?
Medical school. Christmas Review.
- I sang South Pacific in suspenders.
- Nice!
Not for the audience.
I still remember the feel of them.
It was tight, smooth...
Have you ever worn
women's underwear since?
I did ask a girlfriend once.
- Well, I didn't exactly ask.
- It didn't go down well?
She jumped to certain assumptions.
She made out I was some kind of-
At least not on a week day.
- Don't laugh.
- I won't.
Oh! Wow. How does it feel?
- Unbelievable.
- It should do.
- Pure silk.
- Oh, God...
- Sheer tulle.
- Christ...
- Chantilly lace.
- Oh.
- Satin bows.
- Mmmmm...
♪ ELTON JOHN: Dirty Little Girl
♪... Like you've been
run down by a truck
♪ That ain't nice to say
♪ Sometimes, I guess I'm really hard
♪ I'm gonna put buckshot
in your pants... ♪
Everyone's got something. It's just
a case of finding out what it is.
Eventually, the truth will out.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Now, I didn't tell you because
I didn't want you to panic,
but this is actually our wedding day.
- Hannah...
- No, no. Don't worry, it's all sorted.
The vicar's a sweetie,
your mum's hat is a triumph and
I've written your vows, top pocket.
'Weddings bring out
the best in people...
...even if you don't
follow all the traditions.
Who said you had to be a
be a virgin to wear white?
You don't have to be a
prince to marry a princess.
And not all fairy
godmothers carry a wand. '
Hello.
Bambi!
You OK?
Yeah, I'm just not sure
where I'm supposed to be.
- Do you want me to find out?
- Yes.
OK.
What the hell are you doing
here? I can't believe you came!
- I didn't have much choice.
- Couldn't you have made up some excuse?
I did try. Believe me.
- Hannah.
- Oh, hi.
Did you get my missed
calls? Or is your phone...?
No, no, I got them.
All 27 of them.
I was just checking to
see which room we're in.
It's the Westminster
Room. Just up there.
- Nice list!
- It's just in case I forget anything.
- Mm. Best man. It's an important job.
- Yep.
Well, I best get back to Byron.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
Bambi's nervous as a kitten.
- Are kittens nervous?
- Maybe.
You know... if there's a dog around.
Good afternoon.
Duncan, this is Stephanie.
Stephanie, this is Duncan.
Stephanie is... erm...
Mother of the bride.
Pleased to meet you.
Belle, a word?
How does two weeks in the Maldives
sound? The most fascinating client.
Jesus, Stephanie. This is a wedding
and in case you haven't noticed
I have a boyfriend. I
can't just disappear off.
Oh, what a shame.
- Did I mention he has his own island?
- I'm really sorry, I can't.
But thanks for thinking of
me. It's very kind of you.
Well, you know me: 60%
heart. 40% commission.
- Rings?
- In here.
You all right?
Who needs family when
you've got friends, right?
Oh, actually I wanted
to erm... give you this.
Gear! Byron, really not the time.
No, I want you to look
after it, until after.
Right. Of course.
I don't want it to be blurred, you know?
I wanna remember everything today.
Sharp around the edges.
Listen, I know you haven't
always been 100% about Byron...
but I want us all to be friends...
You, me, Byron... Ben.
All that matters is you and Byron.
And that you're sure about this.
I am.
Good.
I'm not even gonna try and explain
why, cos I'll just talk too much
- and annoy you like I usually do.
- Oh, Bambi...
I know I try too hard. I'm
always saying the wrong thing
and then I see that
look in people's eyes
- like I'm some kind of annoying fly.
- Oh, don't...
But with Byron, I never
have to stop myself,
or try and be something
I'm not. I'm just me.
And that's why I'm sure.
Do you know what?
- You're an inspiration.
- What?
You just do it, you make the leap.
Maybe that's what I
should do with Duncan.
- Belle...
- Why not?
I can't keep doing this.
I can't keep running
away from how I feel.
I love him.
Oh... fuck.
What?
I know him.
He is a punter. Duncan is a client.
What?
I had him the other day.
He called himself Richard. He booked
me. He said he would book me again.
I am so sorry.
But you should know, shouldn't you?
You should know the truth about him
before you go falling in love with him.
Oh, Belle.
Registrar's ready. We're on.
The wedding ring is an unbroken circle.
It has no beginning and no end.
It symbolises your un-ending...
We have now come to
the exchange of rings,
which is the traditional way
of sealing the contract...
I, Byron Seebohm, give you this
ring, as a symbol of my love.
I, Gloria White, give you this
ring, as a symbol of my love...
'You are everything.
My best friend. My Bam-Bam. Forever. '
'The day we met was the
first time I felt... '
I don't need this.
You know how I feel. And you know why?
Cos you are the only one who ever asks.
I love you.
Come on. Delightful shot.
Get right in there.
One, two, three...
♪ She delivers right on time!
♪ I can't resist a corny line
♪ But take the shine
right off your shoes... ♪
All good? I have to
get back to the office.
- Hannah?
- No!
If you want me, you can pay for
me, like you paid for the others.
Is it true? Just tell me.
- Is what true?
- Have you slept with Bambi?
- Hannah, please-
- So you did? You slept with her?
You paid for Bambi!
- How many times?
- Hannah...
Was it just a one off?
Or have you seen her before?
I have never been with her before.
But you've been with other escorts?
Yep.
Was it because of me? The
book? Did I push you towards it?
It wasn't the book. Look, we never
said what we had was exclusive.
You sleep with other men,
I sleep with other women...
It's my job! It's what I do!
- It's different.
- Is it?
How many times? How many times
have you been unfaithful
since we've been together?
- Ten? More than ten?
- Hannah...
More than 20? Who with?
Just escorts or other girls?
Other writers? Do you
fuck all your authors?
We all know how you
like it over the desk.
Right, downstairs.
Hannah, this doesn't
have to get unpleasant.
So, why didn't you tell me if
you thought it was all so fine?
Cos I knew it would hurt you.
You knew it would hurt
me. You must have known
you were doing something wrong?
You don't even make sense!
If you look back over our
relationship, I never lied to you...
How can you say that?
OK, well you tell me. When
did I ever misrepresent myself?
I told you I was a fuck up. I
told you I was no good at this...
That's your answer, your
'Get Out Of Jail Free' card?
'I told you I was a fuck up,
therefore I can behave how I want?
Fuck who I want? Lie when I want?'
- Hannah-
- No, don't touch me!
What did you want, Hannah? What
did you want me to give you?
I wanted honesty! I wanted
a man who didn't lie.
- I didn't. I never lied to you.
- Yes, you did.
And y'know the biggest lie?
You told me you loved me.
I did. I do. I do love you.
When I said it, I meant it.
And when you were fucking
Bambi, did you mean it then?
Wh... What was I to you?
A story? A cash cow?
Look into my eyes, tell me you love me,
- squeeze me till the words come out!
- No, Hannah...
I'm a whore...
who has sex for money, who
gets judged and looked down on.
But you know what? When I look at
you, I can hold my head up high.
I wanted to punch him. You
know like a proper punch.
On the nose. Crunch. Blood everywhere.
You'd have probably missed.
Or swung like a girl, arms flailing.
My job is to read men...
...know what they want... what they are.
I missed it.
I really didn't see that coming.
I should've listened to you.
Hannah.
Yeah, but you knew.
Not that. I didn't know that.
I didn't know anything, except I
hated his stupid fucking llama face
and the way he spoke to me.
I'm sorry.
You know what I hated the most?
The way I felt when I saw you together.
Congratulations.
Gloria's husband. Started
his honeymoon a bit early.
Ben, would you stop calling
me that. I'm sorry, Gloria.
- He did really well today.
- Really well.
You all right, Han?
You know what I think
would make you feel better?
We should break into his
office, steal back your book.
It's not written on some giant
scroll, Bambi. I email it.
- Well, then we'll take his computer.
- That's a good idea.
Is it?
- She's got a point.
- About what?
You still want to do this book?
It wasn't ever really
about the writing, was it?
Not this time. I just did it
cos he wanted me to,
and then I got involved.
So write about him.
Your last chapter.
Duncan and his little habit.
Do you want Duncan to be the man
who profits from your life story?
♪ FLORENCE AND THE
MACHINE: Dog Days Are Over
♪ Happiness hit her
like a train on a track
Right.
♪ She hid around corners
and she hid under beds
♪ She killed it with
kisses and from it she fled
♪ With every bubble she sank with drink
♪ And washed it away
down the kitchen sink
♪ The dog days are over
♪ The dog days are done
♪ Can you hear the horses?
♪ Because here they come ♪
- You all done?
- Yeah.
Feel better?
Maybe. A bit.
So now...
We send all.
He's never gonna publish it now.
You sure?
Sure.
'What do men want from escorts?
Let's start with one man.
Duncan Atwood, my editor,
a serial user of prostitutes.
A man who tells stories for a
living but doesn't know when to stop.
Some men use escorts because they
don't have time for a relationship,
or they want something special,
something their wives or
girlfriends can't offer them.
And some men, like Duncan, use
prostitutes because they can.
Because it's easier, a simple exchange,
without truth or consequence.
And for Duncan, a man so
fundamentally dishonest,
he doesn't even know when he is lying,
it's the closest to a real
relationship he will ever get. '
Come on, Gloria and her husband
are taking us out for breakfast.
Belle, make him stop calling me that!
I have no control over
Ben, never have, never will.
In my job, secrets are unavoidable.
It's who you tell them to that
really counts and from now on...
...I keep my secrets
with those I love best.
Hello?
Belle? It's Stephanie.
Listen, the offer still
stands. The plane leaves at four.
This time tomorrow
you could be waking up
with the sand beneath your toes
and a man between
your legs. Your choice?
- OK, bye.
- Come on, then.
I'm starving.
♪ DEAN MARTIN: You're Nobody
Till Somebody Loves You
♪ You're nobody till somebody loves you
♪ You're nobody till somebody cares
♪ You may be king you may possess
the world, and its gold... ♪
I love my job.
Hey.
♪.. Happiness when you're growing old
♪ The world is still the
same, you'll never change... ♪
Ben? What is it? I'm
about to get on the plane.
Look in your bag.
What? Just look in your bag.
- What's going on?
- Read it.
'Duncan was a prick. '
'All your other boyfriends were pricks. '
'I'm not a prick. '
Ben, what is this?
Turn it over.
YOU + ME?
Oh.
Ben, I- I can't talk, I
forget I got to work.
I know, go, have
adventures, see the world...
Just come back to me.
Wow!
Really?
Ben?
Maybe...
Uploaded by Lauta