Secret Diary of a Call Girl (2007–2011): Season 3, Episode 6 - Episode #3.6 - full transcript

If you're gonna do role play,
you have to do it completely.

You have to get every detail right.

Oh, hello.

But it's not just about the clothes.

Or the props. You have to
work out how he wants to feel,

get inside his head. Find the
spark of the fantasy. Fan it.

Till it's on fire.

I have been expecting you.

- Hello, you don't have to start yet.
- Oh.

Right, ok. Sorry.

Come up. It's Flat 23.



I'm actually quite nervous.

He spent as much time thinking
about the detail of this

as the average girl spends
thinking about her wedding.

So... No pressure.

- Hello. I'm Stuart.
- Hi. Come in.

I'm Belle.

- You, erm... you got everything ok?
- I did.

- You look incredible.
- Thank you.

Let me give you this.

Thank you.

So, shall I have a shower and get changed?

- That'd be great.
- I think it's gonna be really good.

Erm, it's just through there.

Shall I use this as the front door? I'll
knock to come in and then we'll start.



Yeah.

- You know the script?
- I hope so.

Don't worry, you'll be
fine. See you in a minute.

Olga.

What's a nice girl like you

doing in a place like this?

I could ask the same of you, Mr. Bond.

Please, call me James.

Mr. Preznakov would like like
to welcome you with a drink.

Are you sure he... he wouldn't
like you to frisk me first?

- Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.
- It's all right, don't worry.

I would like to make sure

you come to us

with the best intentions.

You certainly seem to come to me with...

the best intentions.

Dry martini.

Shaken, not stirred.

The secret ingredient.

- Vodka?
- Da.

How do you take it?

Stiff and ice-cold.

Unconventional.

Why don't we enjoy these
drinks somewhere more...

comfortable?

Mm.

Now, Mr. Bond.

Let me show you

some Russian hospitality.

Perhaps your hospitality could
extend to a discussion about

Mr. Preznakov's plans for his
mining interests in Siberia.

I thought something was
sp-spoiling the line of the dress.

Oh, the drink...

I... I feel woozy.

Sorry.

Make it stop. Fetch my
adrenaline shot from my jacket.

I won't have you taking advantage of me.

I'm being tracked from London.

They know just where I am.

I have you at my mercy, Mr. Bond.

- In Russia...
- The drink...

we say it is the men
who are the weaker sex.

Now we shall be... unstoppable.

Olga?

Olga!

Why have you returned?

Oh, it's ok. We've stopped, Belle.

What? Oh, sorry!

No, don't be. That was incredible.

You, you were magic.

I was worried I would get something wrong.

Not at all. I mean, you gave it 500%.

Oh, thanks.

No, thank you for all the hard
work. I really appreciate it.

Think nothing of it. I
really enjoyed myself.

Great. Yeah, thought you did. Great.

I was wondering, could I
book another appointment?

Sure.

Have you seen The Prisoner?

- I'll get the box set.
- Brilliant.

Duncan's taking me to the opera.

I know. But I'm gonna be really into it.

For all four hours.

500%.

- Hey.
- Hello.

This is Duncan.

Right. Hello.

You guys didn't need to
dress up for little old me.

I'm taking her to the opera.

- Lovely.
- It's great to meet you finally.

I've heard a lot about you.

As have I about you.

Great.

So what can I get you?

- Erm... red?
- Do you have a wine list?

We do.

- May I recommend you one?
- Ok.

- The Malbec's really good.
- Hmm.

No, I think two glasses of
the Blaufrankisch, please.

- Actually, that's only by the bottle.
- That's ok. Bottle's fine.

So how's work?

Work's work. Would you like to try this?

No, I'm sure it'll be great.

Thanks.

Mm.

So, Hannah tells me that
the book was your idea?

Not really.

- No, it was.
- She should give you a finder's fee.

Really, I'm fine. Excuse me.

- He seems nice.
- Yeah.

Is he all right?

Yeah, I think he's just got a bit of PMT.

Well. Cheers.

- Here's to a great night.
- Cheers.

Oh, great.

- Byron, hello.
- Hi. Duncan.

Byron's, erm...

- Byron's going out...
- Engaged to.

- Engaged to a friend of mine.
- Yeah.

She's got an appointment.

She said she'd be there for
ages so I thought I'd come here.

It's a bit confusing sometimes,
going out with a prositute.

Do you find it confusing?

- Well...
- What a question.

- I actually don't.
- We're going to Harbay's tonight.

So, everything all right
with your wine, Duncan?

Yes, thank you. It's delicious.

I'm really glad to hear that.

Actually, we should probably leave.

Yeah, you wouldn't wanna miss the opera.

No.

- Well, hope you enjoy it.
- We will.

- Thanks for the drink.
- Oh, thanks for the tip.

Thanks for the support.

Thanks for bringing me.

- Enjoying it?
- Very much.

- You?
- Yeah, the music's... great.

So you, er, you like Gunag...?

Honestly, I don't really
know that much about him.

I thought you were really into it.

I thought you were.

- Not really, no.
- Huh.

In your book you say it's frustrating

you only get to see the
first half of an opera.

Cos the client always wants
to go back to the hotel.

So I thought I'd bring you along
and you could see the whole thing.

Baby, you did it for me!

You hate it, don't you?

But...

I'm staying for the second half.

I'm going to stand in
solidarity with all the escorts

who never get to find out
what happens in the end.

- I hate it too.
- Great. He dies in the end.

Let's finish these, get out of here,

- then you can tell me all about 007.
- Ok, deal.

So how many operas have
you seen the first half of?

Pretty much all of them. We
get brought here all the time.

So this bar is full of escorts.

Well, I don't know about full, but yeah.

Go on, then. Where?

- Oh, you wanna play Guess The Escort?
- Yeah, ok.

- Ok. Fiver?
- Done. Great.

Ok, you first. Quick.

Ok...

- Her.
- That's his daughter, you pervert.

Oh, yeah.

Her. Definitely.

- No, I'd pick her over there.
- Really? Yeah.

How do we know who's right?

We'll just see who doesn't go back in.

No, that's good. Look,
they're going back in.

Definitely.

Oh.

Oh.

Cough up.

Thank you.

Shall we?

You know that now we just
look like punter and escort?

- Well, we'll go back in.
- No, no.

Desperate!

Should work somewhere like this.

Really nice.

- Cheerio.
- Cheers.

So.

Did you and Belle used to be kind of...

Yeah, we might've, er...

That must make it a bit... weird.

Not really.

She's my best mate.

That's good. That's... good.

Why? Do you think we should...?

No.

I don't know.

Just let it go, you think.

Let's finish these up and get out of here.

Yeah.

After we do shots.

Yeah. After we do shots.

- I'll get a table.
- Ok.

Hi. Erm, can I have a bottle of
Burgundy and two glasses, please?

Sure.

Thank you.

- Excuse me.
- Sorry.

Ah. Burgundy. Lovely.

What was that?

It doesn't matter.

Who was it?

Did you enjoy the opera?

He's a client.

Yeah, I did. Particularly
enjoyed its brevity.

Me too.

Not... not the Bond guy?

What did you think of the singer?

Er... I thought the tenor

was quite interesting.

But he didn't really look the way

I expected an opera singer to look.

Stop it. Please.

- Do you wanna go and sit over there?
- That'd be great.

- You ok?
- That was quite weird.

I'm fine. Let's just move on.
I'm sorry you had to see him.

You're not gonna be weird, are you?

- No, I'm not gonna be anything.
- Ok.

Do you run into clients often?

I actually don't. I think
that was the first time.

- Don't look.
- Sorry, sorry.

It's just, erm...

- he's hardly Daniel Craig.
- Can you just leave it?

- Not even Timothy Dalton.
- Right, I'm gonna get a glass of water.

Can I see the wine list, please?

- This is awkward.
- I'm really sorry.

I don't want my wife to notice anything.

Can I get a glass of still
mineral water, please?

We could leave, if it's easier.

No, it's just you keep looking at me.

God, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to.

Of course you didn't. I must admit,
I can't stop thinking about...

Erm, a glass of Sancerre and a
glass of Sierra, please. Thank you.

stop thinking about our next...

- ... next appointment.
- I'm really looking forward to it too.

- I can send you that box set.
- I've already ordered it.

- You must let me reimburse you.
- Don't worry, it's fine.

- Everything all right?
- Yeah, everything's fine.

I'm just getting a drink.

It's just, I'm her boyfriend.
She's not at work now.

Duncan!

I don't want to interfere. But it would
be really good if you could respect that.

He does respect it.
Why don't you sit down?

No, I don't want any... sorry.

Well done. You just lost me a client.

- I was trying to help.
- I don't need rescuing.

- I thought the guy was hassling you.
- You never bust a client. Ever.

- Evening.
- Evening.

Everyone having a good time?

- How's your evening panning out?
- Ben.

Ours is panning out really well.

Some of the best panning I've ever seen.

Please, not now.

Look, mate, why don't you
go and sit somewhere else?

Listen, mate.

Mate. We wanna talk to you.

- Yeah, we did. We did.
- Yeah.

Ben.

- We wanted to talk to you.
- We did.

- What are you doing here?
- We wanted to talk to you, actually.

We've written a book too.

Erm... it's called...

- Duncan is a prick.
- Oh, you wanker.

- And inside we did...
- A picture of a prick.

I'd never do this to you.

Never intrude on a relationship of yours.

- What about when I fucked your sister?
- Is your sister a prostitute too?

Ben.

Hey, I'm just trying
to have a quiet drink?

All right? Don't manhandle him.

He's my best man.

- He's my best man.
- Really?

- Is that ok?
- Yeah!

- Please, would you just leave?
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.

We're just gonna have a quiet drink.

Look, Ben, I don't know
what I've done to you, but

why don't we sit down when you're
a bit more sober and have a coffee?

I'm...

You're sober. I might be...

but in the morning...

I'll be sober.

Yeah.

- Right. We're leaving now?
- Yeah.

This isn't over.

You're probably right.

Why don't you stay and have a
drink? Get your sister along?

Ooh! Another round?

Yeah.

Have you got anything to say?

- I'm sorry if your night was spoilt.
- It was spoilt, yeah. It was.

I don't remember what happened.

You're gonna apologise.

- I have apologised.
- No, you haven't.

Since this book came out, you're
pretending to be this other person.

Going to the Opera, hanging
out with people like him.

You should remember who
your real friends are.

I can't believe you're trying
to making this about me.

Yeah, that's usually your job, isn't it?

- That's nice, Ben. I'll see you later.
- Fine, go. I give up on you, Hannah.

- Completely.
- You know what? I give up on you.

I've had enough! I just give up.

I've spent all this time
writing about clients,

but I wonder what it's
like to BE a client.

I wish I could be reckless and act
like a prick every now and again.

But running a company, I can't.

Just research.

Duncan'll be fine about it. Won't he?

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corrected by chamallow35 [addic7ed]