Search Party (2016–…): Season 5, Episode 1 - Episode #5.1 - full transcript
[AMBIENT MUSIC]
[WATER RUSHING]
[SIRENS WAILING]
Blood pressure's dropping.
We're gonna lose her.
[SIRENS WAILING]
♪ ♪
Damn it, she's flatlining.
Come on, breathe.
Come on, breathe!
Nothing?
♪ ♪
Time of death, 2:37 a.m.
Christmas Day.
[MACHINERY BEEPING]
[SOFT MUSIC]
[LAUGHS]
[COUGHING]
I died!
I was dead!
[COUGHING]
I saw everything!
I saw everything!
♪ ♪
How you feeling?
You were dead for 37 seconds,
you know.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
I've never felt better.
[AMBIENT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
♪ Over till the sky
is lowered ♪
She's just walking...
Dory!
Dory!
Where is room 221?
We don't have time
to look ourselves.
Excuse me, you all need
to take it down a notch.
It's the holidays.
People are trying to die.
Oh, my God, there she is.
Oh, my God.
She looks awful.
Are you her family?
Yeah, we're
all married to her.
Excuse me.
Excuse us.
Sorry, we're...
Hi, Dory.
Hi.
Hi...
Hi, guys.
Honey, hi!
Oh, sweetie, we came
as almost as soon as we heard.
How are you doing?
Are you okay?
[MACHINERY BEEPING]
I died.
[LAUGHS]
No.
I died.
It sounds so funny.
I mean,
I just can't believe it.
Do you mean dead
like when people say.
"Okay, I'm literally dead"
or dead like
you're literally dead?
No, Elliott, I was dead.
37 seconds!
It's on my chart.
But I'm so happy.
I mean I'm just so hopeful,
you know.
It's like a huge well of joy
just... just bubbling up
from within me, you know.
It's love.
It's love.
Oh, and...
[CHUCKLES]
It is infinite,
but at the same time,
there is no time.
You know, I can see
the way you guys see me.
And it's so... it's so funny,
but it's all so true.
Wow.
Hmm.
Cool.
What did you see?
I saw you.
Like, all of you.
And you were there,
and you were there,
and you were there!
[LAUGHS]
You were at my funeral.
And I was watching you.
You were all there for me.
Oh, it was so intense.
Well, that sounds like
a really cool dream, Dory.
It really wasn't
a dream, Drew.
It was real.
All right.
You were really there.
I mean, it was like
an alternate universe
where I... I... like,
I stayed dead, you know.
And I almost stayed there.
But then I got a message,
but it wasn't in words.
It was beyond that.
I was being combined, you know.
It was like all of my sides,
like the different mes.
Just...
[IMITATING ZAPPING]
Like, I was just connecting
things, you know.
Just, like, at, like, a million
miles per hour, you know.
It was like past, present,
future, love, love, love, time,
time, time, love, feature,
time flying, fine,
fine, time, time.
Love, love,
everyone, everyone, everyone,
love, time, time.
[BABBLING FRANTICALLY]
And then,
all of a sudden
I was told to go back,
because I had more work
to do here.
Wow, yeah.
Mm.
And work is amazing.
Do you think you'll apply
for jobs or?
No, I need you all...
Come here.
[SNIFFLES]
Come here.
Okay, honey.
I need y'all
to really hear me.
Life...
is so beautiful.
I mean, oh, my God.
You know,
just like what a gift.
I'm just so grateful.
We're alive.
We are all alive.
Mm...
Yeah.
That's... I never thought
of it that way.
That's insane.
Yeah.
Well, we should probably go
talk to the doctor
and just check in and see
when we can get you
out of here.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm gonna see also
if we can get you
a little water for
your dry little face.
[GIGGLES]
All right, girly girl.
Mwah.
Bye.
Bye.
[SQUEAKS AND SIGHS]
I do not wanna
go back in there.
Life is beautiful?
Like, no, it's not.
Look at how ugly
everyone here is.
She died
and imagined her own funeral.
It's like a level of narcissism
that none of us can relate to.
But I don't think
that's just narcissism.
I can be friends
with a dead narcissist.
I cannot be friends with that.
100%.
You guys,
I think that we have
to think about
this responsibly, all right?
I don't know if we can give her
the type of help she needs.
Maybe we should actually
commit her.
What?
Commit her to,
like, a loony bin?
If that's not
what crazy looks like,
I don't know what is.
Maybe she just finally snapped.
You know, I hate agreeing
with you, Drew,
but I think honestly,
you might be right.
I don't know
if you guys remember,
but I was committed once
and you just
check yourself out.
It's basically a hotel.
I think she needs,
like, real help.
You know, like eyes
on her at all times,
you know, like full blown.
Yes.
Can you imagine that person
just out in a restaurant
or a state fair?
[WHINES]
Guys,
what if she, like,
hates us forever?
It doesn't matter.
All right,
we have to do what's right.
And also finally get her
out of our lives
once and for all.
Nursey, hi.
Can we forcibly commit someone
to a mental institution?
Yeah, you absolutely can.
It's called a 5150.
Is that something
you'd be interested in today?
["WE WISH YOU A MERRY
CHRISTMAS" PLAYING ON SPEAKER]
Yeah.
Whee!
Bye, bye.
Bye, bye.
I'd wave if I could.
Oh, bye.
Oh, wow, you're so beautiful.
Aw, I love you.
Thank you so much for pushing
me with such good care.
♪ ♪
Did we have
a car in Babyfoot?
How did we get there?
Didn't we have a... like,
we rented a car?
No, it doesn't matter.
Insurance covers everything.
Guys, we did the right thing,
right?
Yeah, absolutely.
She ruined our lives,
like, ten times over.
Now we're never ever going
to get real good normal jobs
ever again.
So true.
I wouldn't be some news clown
if it weren't for Dory.
You know what? I don't want
that
hanging over my head anymore.
I'm quitting.
I'm gonna retire too.
It's the last time
I'm ever gonna play Dory.
You know what, guys?
Sorry, actually,
I'm gonna head that way.
I have something
that I need to take care of
that's actually pretty huge.
What... El, what do you
have to go take care of now?
Portia, will you just mind
your own goddamn business
for once?
[INDIGNANT GASP]
I'm sorry.
I'm so tired.
I love you.
[GROANS]
Babes, El.
[WHINING]
Well, I don't have a place
to stay tonight.
If... if I could crash?
Yeah, you can come over,
Drewbie, keep me company.
Oh, my God, what?
Hi.
I've been thinking and I think
we can make it work.
No!
Don't get me wrong.
Like, I wanna move on
and I wanna love somebody else.
But if I cut ties with Dory,
like, I don't wanna feel like
no one's ever gonna love
or know the real me, you know.
Especially not anybody normal.
I gotta really be honest with
myself about what I've done.
Yeah, we're disgusting,
and we're cursed.
Yeah.
Just feel like...
[SIGHS]
I don't know, nobody new
is ever gonna love us.
So true.
No one is ever
gonna understand this.
And it's like, "What?"
[GROANS]
What are we supposed to do?
Fuck each other?
[LAUGHS]
Yeah.
That's the thing, that's
what wasn't working between us.
We were toxic,
but we weren't honoring that.
Right, and that's what makes
us soulmates in the shadows.
Exactly, Mark, exactly.
Yeah, we just need to be better
at communicating
our own toxic needs.
Like, personally,
there are moments when I need
to not think about you
for huge chunks of time.
You know, that's my own time
for me
to cut my heart off to you.
I hear that.
Mm-hmm.
And, for me,
there are instances
when I need you to hurt me.
Great.
Yeah.
But not in a way
that feels planned, you know.
Yeah.
I-I want it to feel organic,
you know?
Like, I will resent it
if I feel that you feel
obligated to hurting me.
Aww.
Feels so good
talking like this.
[LAUGHS]
It really does.
So what do you say?
Should we go for it?
Yeah, let's do it.
Mm...
I want you to give me a baby.
That's what I want.
Yeah?
That's just crazy 'cause I
was just thinking that too, so.
Yeah?
Do you think that
we should have sex?
I mean, I guess
it's kinda like...
we don't have a choice.
So let the sex begin.
Right.
[BUTTONS SNAPPING]
[UNZIPPING JACKET LOUDLY]
[SIRENS WAILING DISTANTLY]
[BELT BUCKLE CLANKING]
[ZIPPER DRAGGING]
How's the temperature in here?
It's awesome,
the temperature.
I'm gonna kiss you.
Okay.
Okay.
Mm...
Feels nice.
[C DUNCAN'S "SAY"]
[DREAMY POP MUSIC]
♪ ♪
♪ Say something to stop ♪
♪ The sound
of the siren calls ♪
♪ Say something to silence ♪
♪ All of the sounding
stalls away ♪
♪ So bye ♪
♪ So bowing on again ♪
♪ To go where the April Isle
I know ♪
♪ Bowing on again and so ♪
And to see this grass
or my elbow or the wind is...
it's to experience it
all for the first time.
Would you say it's God?
Well, Dr. Lombardo,
if I had to give it a name...
it's love.
And I-I just want to convey
that to... to everyone, you know.
I want them to feel
what I feel.
Yes, yes.
I put my soul through so much
over the years,
but none of that evolution
could ever hold a candle
to the all-encompassing,
total eclipse of death.
I am new.
I am changed.
And yet...
I have been here, always.
This is probably
unprofessional of me to say,
but I wish I were you.
You're the real deal.
You're...
enlightened.
You deserve
to be let out of here.
Well, Dr. Lombardo, tell it
to the board.
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I like it here,
but I finally have a purpose.
I really believe
I can help people.
You've helped me.
What if I told you, you could
grow your own business
on your own terms,
free of messy negotiations,
free of bad press,
free of shame.
What if I told you
with one download of an app
you could set up shop anywhere,
wherever, whenever
without anybody stopping you.
SEIZE.
With SEIZE, the law is finally,
totally on your side.
This proximity-based grid
interface displays individuals
who have no current
legal representation
and no means of acquiring one
in the hottest up
and coming areas.
You wanna open an organic
vegan alcoholic Popsicle shop?
Well, let's go ahead
and click on granny here
and see if her home would make
an excellent storefront.
I mean, pretty great
intersection, right?
Lots of foot traffic.
I mean, you gotta think
she's tired of the commotion.
You would be doing her
such a favor.
And with a database
of legal templates,
you will be able
to exercise eminent domain
within 48 hours.
Wait, is that me up there?
Guilty.
Oh, this is a hoot.
Oh, that's great.
Where do we sign?
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't do what, Bob?
Don't you abandon me,
just because
I gave up everything for you.
You abandoned me in 1988.
Oh!
You know what
I'm talking about.
I had to take the job
to support
our marijuana habit.
Stop!
My darling, darling, darling,
stop, stop, stop.
I'm gonna have to intervene.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Excuse me, she's coming in.
She's coming in.
Let it go, let it go.
Let it go, let it go.
Deep breaths.
Let it go, let it go,
let it go, let it go.
I know I'm retired.
I am retired, but I've had
a very full career.
I have a lot of credits.
A lot of credits.
Ricky, you stopped yourself.
Why?
Oh, I did?
Mm-hmm.
Why?
Um...
Because of fear.
We all do it.
I'm gonna highlight
a little something.
You go sit down.
You... go, go.
Let's take it back
a few lines.
Don't breathe.
Don't blink and go.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't do what, Bob?
Don't you...
You dirty prick.
[CRYING]
You dirty fucking prick!
You dirty fucking prick!
[MOANING]
Do you see that?
Hey!
Did you guys take note of that?
Because that's called
being in the moment.
We can't plan life.
When we surrender,
we're the most alive.
Beautiful work.
Oh, Ricky, beautiful work.
Oh, so that's it.
I think this is our last class.
So I'm gonna leave you guys
with a little bit of wisdom.
It doesn't work out.
There are no good roles.
You're only gonna be torn down.
If you can find anything else
to channel your passion into,
do that.
And if it's at all possible,
just die.
Is that a martini?
[MOCKINGLY]
Is that a martini?
Fuck off.
Mm!
[LAUGHS]
I am nervous.
You're sure this is safe,
right?
Mark,
every wealthy gay person
has gone with Kiddos.
It's aspirational.
The babies here are
real conversation starters.
Good.
[DOOR SLIDING OPEN]
Goss-Doober?
It's us.
It's us, yeah.
So, what did
you have in mind?
Well, I think
it's safe to say
we would prefer a boy,
a gay baby boy.
Or even queer.
A queer baby.
And of course
we are very open
to all ethnicities, of course.
And religions.
But it would be ideal if they
were 5'11 at the shortest
so that they could carry us up
the stairs to bed
when we're very elderly.
And one blue eye
and one brown eye,
maybe, like hostile.
But it would also be good
if he can make us
feel protected like a dad.
Like a son
that feels like a dad.
If that's anywhere
in your checklist.
The gene selection techniques
that SinGen employees
are certainly capable
of being that specific.
However, for the package
that you are describing,
we'd have to go all the way
back to scratch
and I'd have to put you
on a waitlist
for five years, at least.
[GROANS]
To be frank, without a child,
we might not be together
in five years.
Well, there is something
I could offer
that might be of interest.
It's a project called Aspen.
A nine-year-old, Aspen
was our first bio breed,
and he's still in the facility,
but something tells me
you're gonna love him.
[GASPS]
Baby, look, he's perfect.
That's him.
And this way we could skip
all the poop years.
Mm!
$400,000.
We have that money.
Wonderful.
Well, then, dads,
you wanna do the honors?
Okay, okay.
Ready?
Yeah.
Oh, my God, it's happening.
[SQUEALING]
[LAUGHTER]
Oh!
Oh, my God.
We did it.
Congratulations, Dad.
Aw.
I love you, Dad.
[EERIE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Mm.
Mm...
Mm!
Oh...
It's so good.
I love kissing you.
Yeah.
How about you go,
and then I'll hang back for,
like, ten minutes or so,
and then, you know, I'll go in
and I'll act totally normal.
So no one will like think
we're together or anything.
I mean, I think it's fun if
we show up
at the same time, right?
No.
No, yeah.
Okay.
No, no.
'Cause I don't want Elliot
to, like, suspect anything.
Not that there's anything
to suspect, but you know.
No, yeah.
I mean, it's... it's not like
we're doing anything
that we have to be ashamed of.
Yeah, I'm not ashamed that
it's, like, come to this.
Yeah, I think
it's hot as hell.
Mm-hmm.
So happy.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Hello.
Hi.
Welcome to my new home.
Oh, wow.
You guys arrived
at the same time.
No, no.
Just ran into each other
at Le Cordon Bleu coming in.
I told Portia, I was like,
get the hell away from me,
you weirdo.
[LAUGHS]
This place is amazing.
Thank you.
Oh, my God, I love it,
'cause it really
has the same character
that our place had.
You know, you gotta see how
I dressed it up without you.
And you, hi.
Hey, where's the kiddo?
I'd love to meet
the little guy.
Hello.
Hi there.
Hi, I'm Portia.
Hello, Ms. Davenport,
Mr. Gardner.
Ooh.
Fathers.
Oh, my gosh.
That's so cute.
Did you guys tell him
to call us that?
I can call you
whatever you want.
I want you to be comfortable
in our home.
[LAUGHTER]
Aww!
That's very sweet of you.
Thank you.
Why do you two smell
like each other?
What?
You smell like her
and she smells like you.
No, come on.
You're crazy, little man.
That crazy little guy got...
This is wine from, uh...
it wasn't very expensive.
Ooh, mmm.
Yeah.
Mark, this is so elaborate.
Is there a recipe
or is it just sort of
like a bunch of ingredients
that you mushed into one?
Ooh, no, it's easy.
You just put potatoes,
bouillon, and a bunch
of water in a crepe pan.
And then you just keep layering
on butter and vinegar
and keep it wet,
wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet.
And then you plate it and then
you put it in a blender
and then you re-plate it.
I found it on this account
I follow
called BigTimeFoodHacks.
This is incredible.
And it's so pretty.
Yeah, it's... and you can
really taste the food hacks.
Mm.
So, Portia, any fun
new roles coming out.
Well, I'm... I'm kind of
at an age now
when an actress must
become a teacher,
sort of pass the baton
to the younger generation.
So no more acting for me.
Really?
Well, you didn't
tell me you were teaching.
Yes, I did.
I did tell you that over
the one lunch we had this year.
I did tell you
that I'm a teacher.
I love to teach.
I love it.
Good.
Drew, what
are you doing work-wise?
Oh, yeah, well, I'm helping
launch this company
that could be
a huge game changer.
Wow, fabulous.
What is it?
Oh, it's just this elite
service that we need,
and it's about high time
that somebody did it, so.
Cool.
But what... what is it?
Well, it can make
a huge impact.
Right, but what is it?
It's good.
Yeah.
Good, good.
So what is it?
Fill the blank.
It's good, good, good.
It is?
Well, it is good
for the world and it's not bad.
It's not bad.
It's not a bad thing, Elliot.
Oh, okay.
[MUFFLED POP MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS]
♪ ♪
Is there onion in this?
You made it, babe.
Right.
Sorry.
[LAUGHS]
Why does it taste so oniony?
I wouldn't even know
where to get an onion.
Probably a grocery store.
[LIQUID PATTERING]
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Ew.
Oh, Aspen, honey, honey.
He's doing it again.
He's doing it again.
Are you urinating?
Aw, buddy.
Fathers, may Drew
go clean me up?
[SIGHS]
Drew, would you mind?
Yes.
I would mind.
I'm only on this earth once,
and I've been sent to...
To spread love.
Please, you have to let me out.
Are you still contending
with strong feelings
that the world may soon end?
[SIGHS]
I believe that, if people
don't awaken soon,
that something very bad
will happen to us, yes.
Apocalyptic paranoia,
feelings of doom,
these dispositions have been
around for a very long time.
And we're still here.
You don't see what I see.
I can see the world
so clearly now.
I see through the lies
and the illusions.
I have to save everyone
from their pain.
Dory, I-I just wanna
reflect back to you
what you just said.
You said you believe that
you alone can save the world.
And if we don't let you out,
the apocalypse is approaching.
[SIGHS]
Where's Dr. Lombardo?
I'm sorry, Dory,
but based on this evaluation
and your history,
we believe that it's best
for us to keep you
under our care
and hold another evaluation
in 18 months.
Quickly, quickly,
before Mark comes back,
put your food in the vase.
I-I do this every night.
Thank God.
Thank you.
I wasn't gonna say anything,
but Jesus Christ.
I know, I think his meals are
some kind of eating disorder.
Oh, my God,
I'm gonna throw up.
[GROANS]
That's good.
[DOOR SHUTTING]
Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah.
He did not want to go
to sleep, but he did.
You guys, you finished eating
while I was out of the room.
Yeah.
You are just like Elliot.
You guys, thank you
so much for having us,
because it was
just such a great night.
Love your family.
Aspen is just
the sweetest little baby boy.
He's fantastic.
Isn't he so proper?
Yeah.
We're all such adults now.
I mean, it seems like
just yesterday we were kids,
you know, young
and making mistakes.
Speaking of mistakes,
has anyone visited Dory?
I have...
not because
it's just... it's far.
And I'm actually actively
trying not to think about her.
Well, I will say
that you all seem much calmer.
You know, everything isn't
so life or death.
Mark, you're right.
I think we've all finally
turned a new leaf,
and now we can just focus
on what we actually want,
to wall off in comfort.
You know, I'm a wealthy
stay-at-home dad,
and I'm sorry, but there is
nothing wrong with that.
We're adults and adults don't
care about making a difference.
Amen, you guys,
here's to not feeling
like we have to change
the damn world.
Yes!
All: To not changing
the damn world.
[GLASSES CLINKING]
[CLOCK TICKING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[METALLIC ROARING]
♪ ♪
They're dead!
They're all dead!
Oh, my God.
Run!
Oh, my God!
♪ ♪
[SHRIEKING]
[DARK DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[WATER RUSHING]
[SIRENS WAILING]
Blood pressure's dropping.
We're gonna lose her.
[SIRENS WAILING]
♪ ♪
Damn it, she's flatlining.
Come on, breathe.
Come on, breathe!
Nothing?
♪ ♪
Time of death, 2:37 a.m.
Christmas Day.
[MACHINERY BEEPING]
[SOFT MUSIC]
[LAUGHS]
[COUGHING]
I died!
I was dead!
[COUGHING]
I saw everything!
I saw everything!
♪ ♪
How you feeling?
You were dead for 37 seconds,
you know.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
I've never felt better.
[AMBIENT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
♪ Over till the sky
is lowered ♪
She's just walking...
Dory!
Dory!
Where is room 221?
We don't have time
to look ourselves.
Excuse me, you all need
to take it down a notch.
It's the holidays.
People are trying to die.
Oh, my God, there she is.
Oh, my God.
She looks awful.
Are you her family?
Yeah, we're
all married to her.
Excuse me.
Excuse us.
Sorry, we're...
Hi, Dory.
Hi.
Hi...
Hi, guys.
Honey, hi!
Oh, sweetie, we came
as almost as soon as we heard.
How are you doing?
Are you okay?
[MACHINERY BEEPING]
I died.
[LAUGHS]
No.
I died.
It sounds so funny.
I mean,
I just can't believe it.
Do you mean dead
like when people say.
"Okay, I'm literally dead"
or dead like
you're literally dead?
No, Elliott, I was dead.
37 seconds!
It's on my chart.
But I'm so happy.
I mean I'm just so hopeful,
you know.
It's like a huge well of joy
just... just bubbling up
from within me, you know.
It's love.
It's love.
Oh, and...
[CHUCKLES]
It is infinite,
but at the same time,
there is no time.
You know, I can see
the way you guys see me.
And it's so... it's so funny,
but it's all so true.
Wow.
Hmm.
Cool.
What did you see?
I saw you.
Like, all of you.
And you were there,
and you were there,
and you were there!
[LAUGHS]
You were at my funeral.
And I was watching you.
You were all there for me.
Oh, it was so intense.
Well, that sounds like
a really cool dream, Dory.
It really wasn't
a dream, Drew.
It was real.
All right.
You were really there.
I mean, it was like
an alternate universe
where I... I... like,
I stayed dead, you know.
And I almost stayed there.
But then I got a message,
but it wasn't in words.
It was beyond that.
I was being combined, you know.
It was like all of my sides,
like the different mes.
Just...
[IMITATING ZAPPING]
Like, I was just connecting
things, you know.
Just, like, at, like, a million
miles per hour, you know.
It was like past, present,
future, love, love, love, time,
time, time, love, feature,
time flying, fine,
fine, time, time.
Love, love,
everyone, everyone, everyone,
love, time, time.
[BABBLING FRANTICALLY]
And then,
all of a sudden
I was told to go back,
because I had more work
to do here.
Wow, yeah.
Mm.
And work is amazing.
Do you think you'll apply
for jobs or?
No, I need you all...
Come here.
[SNIFFLES]
Come here.
Okay, honey.
I need y'all
to really hear me.
Life...
is so beautiful.
I mean, oh, my God.
You know,
just like what a gift.
I'm just so grateful.
We're alive.
We are all alive.
Mm...
Yeah.
That's... I never thought
of it that way.
That's insane.
Yeah.
Well, we should probably go
talk to the doctor
and just check in and see
when we can get you
out of here.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm gonna see also
if we can get you
a little water for
your dry little face.
[GIGGLES]
All right, girly girl.
Mwah.
Bye.
Bye.
[SQUEAKS AND SIGHS]
I do not wanna
go back in there.
Life is beautiful?
Like, no, it's not.
Look at how ugly
everyone here is.
She died
and imagined her own funeral.
It's like a level of narcissism
that none of us can relate to.
But I don't think
that's just narcissism.
I can be friends
with a dead narcissist.
I cannot be friends with that.
100%.
You guys,
I think that we have
to think about
this responsibly, all right?
I don't know if we can give her
the type of help she needs.
Maybe we should actually
commit her.
What?
Commit her to,
like, a loony bin?
If that's not
what crazy looks like,
I don't know what is.
Maybe she just finally snapped.
You know, I hate agreeing
with you, Drew,
but I think honestly,
you might be right.
I don't know
if you guys remember,
but I was committed once
and you just
check yourself out.
It's basically a hotel.
I think she needs,
like, real help.
You know, like eyes
on her at all times,
you know, like full blown.
Yes.
Can you imagine that person
just out in a restaurant
or a state fair?
[WHINES]
Guys,
what if she, like,
hates us forever?
It doesn't matter.
All right,
we have to do what's right.
And also finally get her
out of our lives
once and for all.
Nursey, hi.
Can we forcibly commit someone
to a mental institution?
Yeah, you absolutely can.
It's called a 5150.
Is that something
you'd be interested in today?
["WE WISH YOU A MERRY
CHRISTMAS" PLAYING ON SPEAKER]
Yeah.
Whee!
Bye, bye.
Bye, bye.
I'd wave if I could.
Oh, bye.
Oh, wow, you're so beautiful.
Aw, I love you.
Thank you so much for pushing
me with such good care.
♪ ♪
Did we have
a car in Babyfoot?
How did we get there?
Didn't we have a... like,
we rented a car?
No, it doesn't matter.
Insurance covers everything.
Guys, we did the right thing,
right?
Yeah, absolutely.
She ruined our lives,
like, ten times over.
Now we're never ever going
to get real good normal jobs
ever again.
So true.
I wouldn't be some news clown
if it weren't for Dory.
You know what? I don't want
that
hanging over my head anymore.
I'm quitting.
I'm gonna retire too.
It's the last time
I'm ever gonna play Dory.
You know what, guys?
Sorry, actually,
I'm gonna head that way.
I have something
that I need to take care of
that's actually pretty huge.
What... El, what do you
have to go take care of now?
Portia, will you just mind
your own goddamn business
for once?
[INDIGNANT GASP]
I'm sorry.
I'm so tired.
I love you.
[GROANS]
Babes, El.
[WHINING]
Well, I don't have a place
to stay tonight.
If... if I could crash?
Yeah, you can come over,
Drewbie, keep me company.
Oh, my God, what?
Hi.
I've been thinking and I think
we can make it work.
No!
Don't get me wrong.
Like, I wanna move on
and I wanna love somebody else.
But if I cut ties with Dory,
like, I don't wanna feel like
no one's ever gonna love
or know the real me, you know.
Especially not anybody normal.
I gotta really be honest with
myself about what I've done.
Yeah, we're disgusting,
and we're cursed.
Yeah.
Just feel like...
[SIGHS]
I don't know, nobody new
is ever gonna love us.
So true.
No one is ever
gonna understand this.
And it's like, "What?"
[GROANS]
What are we supposed to do?
Fuck each other?
[LAUGHS]
Yeah.
That's the thing, that's
what wasn't working between us.
We were toxic,
but we weren't honoring that.
Right, and that's what makes
us soulmates in the shadows.
Exactly, Mark, exactly.
Yeah, we just need to be better
at communicating
our own toxic needs.
Like, personally,
there are moments when I need
to not think about you
for huge chunks of time.
You know, that's my own time
for me
to cut my heart off to you.
I hear that.
Mm-hmm.
And, for me,
there are instances
when I need you to hurt me.
Great.
Yeah.
But not in a way
that feels planned, you know.
Yeah.
I-I want it to feel organic,
you know?
Like, I will resent it
if I feel that you feel
obligated to hurting me.
Aww.
Feels so good
talking like this.
[LAUGHS]
It really does.
So what do you say?
Should we go for it?
Yeah, let's do it.
Mm...
I want you to give me a baby.
That's what I want.
Yeah?
That's just crazy 'cause I
was just thinking that too, so.
Yeah?
Do you think that
we should have sex?
I mean, I guess
it's kinda like...
we don't have a choice.
So let the sex begin.
Right.
[BUTTONS SNAPPING]
[UNZIPPING JACKET LOUDLY]
[SIRENS WAILING DISTANTLY]
[BELT BUCKLE CLANKING]
[ZIPPER DRAGGING]
How's the temperature in here?
It's awesome,
the temperature.
I'm gonna kiss you.
Okay.
Okay.
Mm...
Feels nice.
[C DUNCAN'S "SAY"]
[DREAMY POP MUSIC]
♪ ♪
♪ Say something to stop ♪
♪ The sound
of the siren calls ♪
♪ Say something to silence ♪
♪ All of the sounding
stalls away ♪
♪ So bye ♪
♪ So bowing on again ♪
♪ To go where the April Isle
I know ♪
♪ Bowing on again and so ♪
And to see this grass
or my elbow or the wind is...
it's to experience it
all for the first time.
Would you say it's God?
Well, Dr. Lombardo,
if I had to give it a name...
it's love.
And I-I just want to convey
that to... to everyone, you know.
I want them to feel
what I feel.
Yes, yes.
I put my soul through so much
over the years,
but none of that evolution
could ever hold a candle
to the all-encompassing,
total eclipse of death.
I am new.
I am changed.
And yet...
I have been here, always.
This is probably
unprofessional of me to say,
but I wish I were you.
You're the real deal.
You're...
enlightened.
You deserve
to be let out of here.
Well, Dr. Lombardo, tell it
to the board.
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I like it here,
but I finally have a purpose.
I really believe
I can help people.
You've helped me.
What if I told you, you could
grow your own business
on your own terms,
free of messy negotiations,
free of bad press,
free of shame.
What if I told you
with one download of an app
you could set up shop anywhere,
wherever, whenever
without anybody stopping you.
SEIZE.
With SEIZE, the law is finally,
totally on your side.
This proximity-based grid
interface displays individuals
who have no current
legal representation
and no means of acquiring one
in the hottest up
and coming areas.
You wanna open an organic
vegan alcoholic Popsicle shop?
Well, let's go ahead
and click on granny here
and see if her home would make
an excellent storefront.
I mean, pretty great
intersection, right?
Lots of foot traffic.
I mean, you gotta think
she's tired of the commotion.
You would be doing her
such a favor.
And with a database
of legal templates,
you will be able
to exercise eminent domain
within 48 hours.
Wait, is that me up there?
Guilty.
Oh, this is a hoot.
Oh, that's great.
Where do we sign?
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't do what, Bob?
Don't you abandon me,
just because
I gave up everything for you.
You abandoned me in 1988.
Oh!
You know what
I'm talking about.
I had to take the job
to support
our marijuana habit.
Stop!
My darling, darling, darling,
stop, stop, stop.
I'm gonna have to intervene.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Excuse me, she's coming in.
She's coming in.
Let it go, let it go.
Let it go, let it go.
Deep breaths.
Let it go, let it go,
let it go, let it go.
I know I'm retired.
I am retired, but I've had
a very full career.
I have a lot of credits.
A lot of credits.
Ricky, you stopped yourself.
Why?
Oh, I did?
Mm-hmm.
Why?
Um...
Because of fear.
We all do it.
I'm gonna highlight
a little something.
You go sit down.
You... go, go.
Let's take it back
a few lines.
Don't breathe.
Don't blink and go.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't do what, Bob?
Don't you...
You dirty prick.
[CRYING]
You dirty fucking prick!
You dirty fucking prick!
[MOANING]
Do you see that?
Hey!
Did you guys take note of that?
Because that's called
being in the moment.
We can't plan life.
When we surrender,
we're the most alive.
Beautiful work.
Oh, Ricky, beautiful work.
Oh, so that's it.
I think this is our last class.
So I'm gonna leave you guys
with a little bit of wisdom.
It doesn't work out.
There are no good roles.
You're only gonna be torn down.
If you can find anything else
to channel your passion into,
do that.
And if it's at all possible,
just die.
Is that a martini?
[MOCKINGLY]
Is that a martini?
Fuck off.
Mm!
[LAUGHS]
I am nervous.
You're sure this is safe,
right?
Mark,
every wealthy gay person
has gone with Kiddos.
It's aspirational.
The babies here are
real conversation starters.
Good.
[DOOR SLIDING OPEN]
Goss-Doober?
It's us.
It's us, yeah.
So, what did
you have in mind?
Well, I think
it's safe to say
we would prefer a boy,
a gay baby boy.
Or even queer.
A queer baby.
And of course
we are very open
to all ethnicities, of course.
And religions.
But it would be ideal if they
were 5'11 at the shortest
so that they could carry us up
the stairs to bed
when we're very elderly.
And one blue eye
and one brown eye,
maybe, like hostile.
But it would also be good
if he can make us
feel protected like a dad.
Like a son
that feels like a dad.
If that's anywhere
in your checklist.
The gene selection techniques
that SinGen employees
are certainly capable
of being that specific.
However, for the package
that you are describing,
we'd have to go all the way
back to scratch
and I'd have to put you
on a waitlist
for five years, at least.
[GROANS]
To be frank, without a child,
we might not be together
in five years.
Well, there is something
I could offer
that might be of interest.
It's a project called Aspen.
A nine-year-old, Aspen
was our first bio breed,
and he's still in the facility,
but something tells me
you're gonna love him.
[GASPS]
Baby, look, he's perfect.
That's him.
And this way we could skip
all the poop years.
Mm!
$400,000.
We have that money.
Wonderful.
Well, then, dads,
you wanna do the honors?
Okay, okay.
Ready?
Yeah.
Oh, my God, it's happening.
[SQUEALING]
[LAUGHTER]
Oh!
Oh, my God.
We did it.
Congratulations, Dad.
Aw.
I love you, Dad.
[EERIE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Mm.
Mm...
Mm!
Oh...
It's so good.
I love kissing you.
Yeah.
How about you go,
and then I'll hang back for,
like, ten minutes or so,
and then, you know, I'll go in
and I'll act totally normal.
So no one will like think
we're together or anything.
I mean, I think it's fun if
we show up
at the same time, right?
No.
No, yeah.
Okay.
No, no.
'Cause I don't want Elliot
to, like, suspect anything.
Not that there's anything
to suspect, but you know.
No, yeah.
I mean, it's... it's not like
we're doing anything
that we have to be ashamed of.
Yeah, I'm not ashamed that
it's, like, come to this.
Yeah, I think
it's hot as hell.
Mm-hmm.
So happy.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Hello.
Hi.
Welcome to my new home.
Oh, wow.
You guys arrived
at the same time.
No, no.
Just ran into each other
at Le Cordon Bleu coming in.
I told Portia, I was like,
get the hell away from me,
you weirdo.
[LAUGHS]
This place is amazing.
Thank you.
Oh, my God, I love it,
'cause it really
has the same character
that our place had.
You know, you gotta see how
I dressed it up without you.
And you, hi.
Hey, where's the kiddo?
I'd love to meet
the little guy.
Hello.
Hi there.
Hi, I'm Portia.
Hello, Ms. Davenport,
Mr. Gardner.
Ooh.
Fathers.
Oh, my gosh.
That's so cute.
Did you guys tell him
to call us that?
I can call you
whatever you want.
I want you to be comfortable
in our home.
[LAUGHTER]
Aww!
That's very sweet of you.
Thank you.
Why do you two smell
like each other?
What?
You smell like her
and she smells like you.
No, come on.
You're crazy, little man.
That crazy little guy got...
This is wine from, uh...
it wasn't very expensive.
Ooh, mmm.
Yeah.
Mark, this is so elaborate.
Is there a recipe
or is it just sort of
like a bunch of ingredients
that you mushed into one?
Ooh, no, it's easy.
You just put potatoes,
bouillon, and a bunch
of water in a crepe pan.
And then you just keep layering
on butter and vinegar
and keep it wet,
wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet.
And then you plate it and then
you put it in a blender
and then you re-plate it.
I found it on this account
I follow
called BigTimeFoodHacks.
This is incredible.
And it's so pretty.
Yeah, it's... and you can
really taste the food hacks.
Mm.
So, Portia, any fun
new roles coming out.
Well, I'm... I'm kind of
at an age now
when an actress must
become a teacher,
sort of pass the baton
to the younger generation.
So no more acting for me.
Really?
Well, you didn't
tell me you were teaching.
Yes, I did.
I did tell you that over
the one lunch we had this year.
I did tell you
that I'm a teacher.
I love to teach.
I love it.
Good.
Drew, what
are you doing work-wise?
Oh, yeah, well, I'm helping
launch this company
that could be
a huge game changer.
Wow, fabulous.
What is it?
Oh, it's just this elite
service that we need,
and it's about high time
that somebody did it, so.
Cool.
But what... what is it?
Well, it can make
a huge impact.
Right, but what is it?
It's good.
Yeah.
Good, good.
So what is it?
Fill the blank.
It's good, good, good.
It is?
Well, it is good
for the world and it's not bad.
It's not bad.
It's not a bad thing, Elliot.
Oh, okay.
[MUFFLED POP MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS]
♪ ♪
Is there onion in this?
You made it, babe.
Right.
Sorry.
[LAUGHS]
Why does it taste so oniony?
I wouldn't even know
where to get an onion.
Probably a grocery store.
[LIQUID PATTERING]
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Ew.
Oh, Aspen, honey, honey.
He's doing it again.
He's doing it again.
Are you urinating?
Aw, buddy.
Fathers, may Drew
go clean me up?
[SIGHS]
Drew, would you mind?
Yes.
I would mind.
I'm only on this earth once,
and I've been sent to...
To spread love.
Please, you have to let me out.
Are you still contending
with strong feelings
that the world may soon end?
[SIGHS]
I believe that, if people
don't awaken soon,
that something very bad
will happen to us, yes.
Apocalyptic paranoia,
feelings of doom,
these dispositions have been
around for a very long time.
And we're still here.
You don't see what I see.
I can see the world
so clearly now.
I see through the lies
and the illusions.
I have to save everyone
from their pain.
Dory, I-I just wanna
reflect back to you
what you just said.
You said you believe that
you alone can save the world.
And if we don't let you out,
the apocalypse is approaching.
[SIGHS]
Where's Dr. Lombardo?
I'm sorry, Dory,
but based on this evaluation
and your history,
we believe that it's best
for us to keep you
under our care
and hold another evaluation
in 18 months.
Quickly, quickly,
before Mark comes back,
put your food in the vase.
I-I do this every night.
Thank God.
Thank you.
I wasn't gonna say anything,
but Jesus Christ.
I know, I think his meals are
some kind of eating disorder.
Oh, my God,
I'm gonna throw up.
[GROANS]
That's good.
[DOOR SHUTTING]
Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah.
He did not want to go
to sleep, but he did.
You guys, you finished eating
while I was out of the room.
Yeah.
You are just like Elliot.
You guys, thank you
so much for having us,
because it was
just such a great night.
Love your family.
Aspen is just
the sweetest little baby boy.
He's fantastic.
Isn't he so proper?
Yeah.
We're all such adults now.
I mean, it seems like
just yesterday we were kids,
you know, young
and making mistakes.
Speaking of mistakes,
has anyone visited Dory?
I have...
not because
it's just... it's far.
And I'm actually actively
trying not to think about her.
Well, I will say
that you all seem much calmer.
You know, everything isn't
so life or death.
Mark, you're right.
I think we've all finally
turned a new leaf,
and now we can just focus
on what we actually want,
to wall off in comfort.
You know, I'm a wealthy
stay-at-home dad,
and I'm sorry, but there is
nothing wrong with that.
We're adults and adults don't
care about making a difference.
Amen, you guys,
here's to not feeling
like we have to change
the damn world.
Yes!
All: To not changing
the damn world.
[GLASSES CLINKING]
[CLOCK TICKING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[METALLIC ROARING]
♪ ♪
They're dead!
They're all dead!
Oh, my God.
Run!
Oh, my God!
♪ ♪
[SHRIEKING]
[DARK DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪