Scrubs (2001–2010): Season 4, Episode 1 - My Old Friend's New Friend - full transcript
As Turk and Carla return from their honeymoon, J.D. prepares for his first day as a qualified doctor. Elliot is still infuriated with him over their break-up. The hospital has a new psychiatrist, the somewhat dippy Dr Molly Clock....
My shift hasn't started.
Try that guy.
That guy right there?
All right. Thank you.
A lot's been going on
the last two weeks.
Turk and Carla got married,
that short guy hurt his hand,
and since I broke Elliot's heart,
I was trying to smooth things over.
Hey, buddy.
What's with the giant needle?
We still had some work to do.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. The hospital
also had a new attending psychiatrist...
... Dr Molly Clock.
This is a really windy hospital.
I'm sorry.
I was drying up a patient's urine.
I'm kind of a favourite
around here.
Not only was Dr Clock easy on the eyes,
but she was an excellent shrink.
Mr Whitcomb is in a psychotic break
from self-discontinuation of his meds.
Get him on a haloperidol IV stat.
I also heard
she was a little spacey.
So where were we?
We weren't talking.
Was it cos of something you did?
I'm over it. I don't remember it.
No, I mean, like,
we've never talked. Ever.
- How do I know your name?
- You don't.
- You're freakin' me out, Jimmy.
- Johnny.
Why say Johnny?
You hate Johnny!
I'm gonna commit it to my memory
forever. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
- OK, Johnny.
- Damn it!
I'm meeting so many people, and I
haven't really gotten to know anybody.
Let's talk.
I'm not going anywhere.
Great! Oh, thanks. OK...
Excuse me.
Turk's back from his honeymoon!
Nice to meet you.
Turk! Hi!
- Go ahead.
- JD!
Maybe someday
he'll love me like that.
He's here! Turk!
JD!
Turk!
Dude!
Stay right there! I'm so excited!
- How'd this happen? Holler!
- The roof!
All right, look, from now on,
we're calling this roof A.
Got it!
Turk!
The eagle! So, how are you, man?
Well, well, well,
what do we have here?
The newlyweds. And hey, Carla.
Mark my words, the first year
of marriage is a real treat.
Do you remember ours?
The silly fighting for control.
- You broke my jaw!
- You gotta stop that back talk early.
- Come on, glass jaw.
- Duck and move, Gandhi.
Here it is. Watch it.
Oh! Duck and move.
Ignore him, baby.
We have a great relationship.
Nothing's gonna change.
Over the next few days,
Carla started to change everything.
Hey, dude, get us
some more ice cream.
First of all, this is a Rice Dream.
Ricey.
Secondly, I can't get out of these
chairs she got. Am I using it right?
These bowls Carla bought don't hold
a lot. I can barely get my spoon in it.
Hey, JD, although we do
appreciate the wedding gift,
Turk and I decided we don't want
this Sugar Hill Gang alarm clock.
We don't?
I got it.
I got it. I'm OK.
Don't... Here goes...
I'm still in the chair!
It's like a bear trap!
As I fondled Katya,
my pillow girlfriend,
I thought about how things
had changed for us.
I had almost forgotten
that when I wake up,
it'll be the start
of my last week as a resident.
Now what you hear is not a dream
So listen up
You nappy head
Yo, hear my rhyme
It's wake-up time
So get your white ass out of bed
Snooze.
Don't look at me. It just fell.
Please, please, please, please?
Proceed unmolested.
I knew he'd buy it, cos today
feels like one of those great days.
People were getting to know each other.
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.
Fantastic. Get off my face.
My last week
of residency had begun.
In seven days,
I'd be a full-fledged doctor.
It felt special to me, and I had a hunch
it meant a lot to one other person.
Yes, milady?
So? You feelin' all like bleaaah?
That depends. Does "bleaaah"
mean confused and incredibly annoyed?
It's our last week together. The JD and
Cox train is pulling into the station.
You must have a metaphor
you want to use. Hit me with it.
I suppose I could riff a list of things
that I care as little about
as our last week together.
Let me see...
Low-carb diets, Michael Moore,
the Republican National Convention,
Kabbalah and all
Kabbalah-related products,
Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters,
wireless hot spots,
The OC, UN, recycling, Danny Gans,
Latin Grammys, the real Grammys,
Jeff, that Wiggle
who sleeps too darn much,
the Yankees payroll,
the red states, the blue states,
every hybrid car, every talk show host,
everything on the planet,
everything, everything,
everything that exists,
past, present and future,
in all discovered and
undiscovered dimensions.
And Hugh Jackman.
Hugh Jackman's Wolverine.
How dare he?
I missed you guys so much.
Come over tonight,
we're looking at wedding pictures.
There's this picture of me after I got
sick off my third champagne and Red Bull
and my hair's sexy messy.
The photographer said he could
airbrush the puke off my dress.
- Already made doubles.
- You rock!
So is JD going
to be there tonight?
Can't you come over anyway?
Mind if I eat with you?
I don't wanna sit alone and
sing to my food like a crazy person.
- Oh, my gosh. I do that.
- No way!
Mostly pop songs, you know,
unless I'm eating soul food.
- Where's your food?
- Oh, shoot.
Elliot, we'll do something
later this week, the two of us.
OK.
That is not my food.
But I'm not getting up again.
- I wouldn't.
- Chicken salad, oh, yeah
Looks good.
I gotta go. See you.
It's strange feeling alone when a month
ago, I was part of this tight group.
Yeah. I had tons of friends
at my old hospital.
I've got to meet some new people.
Do you want to
get a cup of coffee tonight?
Can't. I'm hitting the Internet hard
and going on a friend hunt.
Oh, chicken salad
You're tasty
You're food to be eaten that's good
When you get back from surgery,
Mrs Grodberg,
we'll play Scrabble,
and this time I'll beat you.
Of course you'll beat her.
She's having half her brain removed.
JD? A little problem
this morning with Malik.
Our car? Is it bad?
Hey, AAA? I need a pickup
on the corner of 4th and...
You know what? You'll see it.
Ah, Malik. Lots of memories
in that old car.
- Of what?
- Driving, mostly.
Beep beep.
Why don't we pool our money together and
buy a nice, cute, little Mini Cooper?
Baby, a Mini Cooper?
The most amazing thing happened.
I'll tell you what, Turk.
Why don't you go pick out our car?
Carla let Turk make a decision.
OK. But baby, you should know
that it's not gonna be a Mini.
There ain't nothin' mini about me.
- There isn't.
- There isn't!
Mr Radford, if you keep turning down
therapy, you'll never get out of bed.
I'm tired.
I know, but I would love it
if you'd at least try.
Haunting.
Drink your juice, Mr Blass.
Mr Blass has Pick's disease, similar in
presentation to multi-infarct dementia.
He likes to sing when he gets up,
and the weird thing is, Johnny,
he captures the mood of the room.
Take a stand on this Johnny thing
before it becomes permanent.
It's JD for John Dorian.
So John. But Johnny's fine. It's cool.
What's wrong with you?
You were having some trouble
motivating your patient.
I published a paper on motivation
methodology in post-operative seniors.
- So if you want, I could help.
- What floor?
Oh, my God, we're on an elevator.
I appreciate the offer, but there's a
special doctor I use when I need help,
and he'd be pretty pissed
if I didn't come to him first.
Why, Marishka? Why insist
on bothering me with these things?
You love it.
One more time, for nostalgia's sake.
You see my patient,
teach me a lesson
and then the music plays.
In my head, it sounds like this:
Dr Cox, can I borrow you for a minute?
Borrow me? Dear heart,
you'd be rescuing me.
Newbie, you're on your own.
Get used to it.
I'll prove why my first year of marriage
isn't gonna be as hard as yours was.
You're setting the bar low
on that one there.
- I'm smarter than you.
- In relationships?
- In everything.
- Right.
Though I make the decisions,
when I sense Turk is upset,
I throw him a decision that means
nothing to me. Like buying a new car.
As long as it's got four wheels
and air conditioning, I'm happy.
Check it, baby! Scooters.
Fantastic. It's too good.
He's a drinker.
Clever. JD, this is so unfair. I never
get to see Turk and Carla anymore.
It's like we got divorced and you keep
the friends because you live with them.
It just feels like you guys
are part of some gang.
Elliot, you're overreacting.
We're not some kind of gang, OK?
OK.
Wolverines...
...let's roll!
That joyride around the hospital
made me realise two things.
First, it's a bad idea to take
a full bladder out on your hog.
Also, I had to draw upon my medical
experience to get Mr Radford out of bed.
They're showing
Cocoon in the chapel!
I'm not a big Guttenberg fan.
You're the only one,
cos people are going crazy.
Akbar, Akbar, Akbar.
Oh, Johnny!
Run away with me?
I was looking
at Mr Radford's chart.
I know you're new, but that's my
patient's chart, and no one touches it.
Except for him.
Yes! I knew he couldn't stay away!
I'm Molly, and I tagged in
with the Mr Radford thing...
Molly, Molly.
You lost me at hello.
Wow. No touchie.
Fair enough. Mr Radford, do I understand
that you have pain issues,
- but you don't want physical therapy?
- I just don't have it in me.
Here comes the magic.
He always gives me goose bumps.
OK, then. I sure hope
you're comfortable in that bed,
cos you're gonna be in one just like it
for the rest of your natural-born life.
What the hell was that?
That was me talking to a patient
who has thrown in the towel.
You can't save everyone. Start working
with people who want your help.
That's what I will be doing.
Goose bumps?
They're small. You can't see them.
Oh, Mrs Grodberg,
"jzilbek" is not a word.
I'm still beating you.
I'm glad your surgery went OK and you
have your A game. I don't care who wins.
Half a brain, damn it!
Good night, Giselle.
Dr Cox?
I'm not ready to give up on Mr Radford.
You want me to give my "things
I don't care about speech" again?
I've updated it to include all white
guys who add "izzle" to anything.
I agrizzle, my nizzle.
Go home and get in bed. I'm betting
your friend Mr Radford's already in his.
I'll see you.
Well, sweetheart, you're here early.
I didn't have plans last night, so I
went to bed at 8.00 and woke up at 4.00,
realised the sunrise
looks beautiful through the trees,
and my neighbour
gets his paper in the nude.
And that he needs to lose,
like, 900 pounds.
The appropriate response is,
"Yes, I am here early."
It's called "small talk."
Not "my depressing life in 30 seconds."
I am not depressed, sir! In fact,
nothing is gonna get me down today!
Oh, shut up!
Did you tell my patient to shut up?
Cos that seems not very doctor-y.
No. I mean, I said it like those
high school girls do in the mall.
"Oh, shut up!"
I should go.
Kick it, Mr Blass.
Ring around the janitor
Pocket full of...
- Funny. Pocket full of what?
- Zanitors.
Not a word.
- Why the giant X?
- Why the stupid face?
Touch?.
You knocked that exit sign down.
I'm sure I can expect an appropriate
response. Shoot me in the neck.
Sounds like fun, but no.
Our game is over, buddy.
Your residency is coming to a close and
that's it. Nothing left to do, but...
What can I say? It's been...
...horrifying.
- Thank you.
This is kind of cool.
Maybe we can be friends.
- Like hunting squirrels?
- I've never tried it.
Easiest thing in the world. All you
need is walnuts and a boxing glove.
And the day
just got better from there.
Mostly because Mr Radford had the same
"screw you, Dr Cox" attitude I had.
Good stuff, Mr Radford.
I'm proud of you.
I hate you.
Excuse me, doctor. I dropped a nickel
in that therapy whirlpool.
Could you get it for me?
OK, but stand back.
These things can be pretty dangerous.
Oh, boy...
Turn it off! Turn it off!
Are they shooting a "geeks of
Sacred Heart" calendar out here?
Actually, no. I almost drowned
diving for a nickel,
but I'm sure you're more interested
in conspiracy theories
about gangs and friend-stealing.
Peace out.
Why did you kick my scooter?
Why? All you Americans are bullies.
That is why the whole world hates you.
Easy, Massimo. She's gonna fix it.
Go inside, I'll meet you in my office.
He's not even Italian.
I'm sorry.
Look, you wouldn't understand.
No, I get it. You're feeling lonely.
You're feeling rejected.
Most people around here won't talk to
me, and even Johnny won't take my help.
Who's Johnny?
He's a resident, has gelled-up hair,
and he's in a motorcycle gang.
I knew it!
You act like
everyone's boxing you out,
but you wouldn't even
get a cup of coffee with me.
Peace out, baby.
Why is everybody saying that?
Great news, baby! I just picked
your grandparents up from the airport!
Hang on, Nana! Hang on, Grandpa!
Not only did I get them home,
I lost six pounds!
Give me those stupid keys!
That's what I think of your scooters.
No more bugs in my teeth,
no more helmet head,
no more making deals with God
every time a truck passes me.
It's over! That's it!
- What the hell just happened?
- You got married, Turkelton.
That, my friends, is Mr Radford
getting out of bed.
And that's Mr Radford
falling back into bed,
but still enough to rub it
in Dr Cox's face.
I wouldn't do that unless
you want him to rub your face in it.
Did you not see what happened?
Or do you not get face-rubbing?
It's more than a way
to memorise names.
Johnny, what Dr Cox did was classic
reverse psychology. And so's this.
Behavioural modification can be brought
about through classic conditioning.
Reverse psychology? Nothing?
- That kills at psychiatric conferences.
- I must go to one of those.
Look, isn't it possible that Dr Cox
tricked you as a motivational ploy?
Hmm... no.
After he said there was no hope,
didn't you both work harder?
No. You're like a crazy person.
I'll tell you something else. Dr Cox
is a textbook, closed-off alpha male.
You can try forever, but you're never
gonna get that hug you want.
Excuse me, I'm not a child.
I'm a doctor.
And I'll get that hug.
Hey! Watch it!
Hot!
- I...
- Hot! Hot!
...brought you coffee.
It's burning. It's like fire.
Baby, I know you don't want
to return the scooters.
Can't this wait till after my scooter
club's fall trip through Maine?
- No, Turk!
- Man!
Look, you're a husband now.
When you make decisions
you're supposed to think about
what we need, not what you want.
It doesn't seem like you're doing that.
You gave away my clock, sold my chairs,
and what is up with
these ridiculously tiny bowls?
They're sake cups, Jethro!
I knew that.
Everything I do, Turk, I do it for us.
Oh, yeah? Then why does
Rowdy smell like daisies?
Cos I had him filled with potpourri.
- You can keep the scooters.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- Marriage is gonna be tricky.
- Yeah.
Thanks.
- How are your thighs?
- They're very hot and pink.
Do you want me to rub ointment on them?
It's OK.
Weird.
Look at that. I knew I smelled that odd
combination of fear and baby powder.
How does he know
about my belly rash?
Look, Dr Cox, I know you were using
reverse psychology with Mr Radford.
- You do, do you?
- Yes!
I figured it out without anyone
helping me or explaining it to my face.
Well, nubile one, your last lesson
and you didn't even need it.
Three years and it's finally over.
I know what you want. I do.
Come here.
Oh, my God, it's finally happening.
Don't miss a moment. Take it all in.
Good God, Fantasia. You don't actually
think I'm done teaching you, do you?
The only difference
between today and tomorrow
is that when you wake up
and start killing people
no one can say,
"He's just a resident."
What they're gonna be wondering
is who tried to educate your sorry ass,
and when that finger of blame
points in my direction,
I had damn sure better be in a coma
from the anger stroke I suffered
after you last tried to hug me.
Oh, and...
Don't be late tomorrow...
...Doctor.
Whether or not
you survive in a hospital
is all about how you
handle your relationships.
Whether it's a brand-new one...
... or an old one you need
to figure out all over again.
Oh, my God!
- I can't believe you did this!
- Yeah.
It's even mini-er than I imagined.
But what about you?
Don't worry.
I got it covered. Check it out.
As for me, it was my relationships
that got me through my residency.
Bull's-eye!
We're not done
with our thing yet, are we?
Nope. For you, it's all just beginning.
The weird thing is, he was right.
Try that guy.
That guy right there?
All right. Thank you.
A lot's been going on
the last two weeks.
Turk and Carla got married,
that short guy hurt his hand,
and since I broke Elliot's heart,
I was trying to smooth things over.
Hey, buddy.
What's with the giant needle?
We still had some work to do.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. The hospital
also had a new attending psychiatrist...
... Dr Molly Clock.
This is a really windy hospital.
I'm sorry.
I was drying up a patient's urine.
I'm kind of a favourite
around here.
Not only was Dr Clock easy on the eyes,
but she was an excellent shrink.
Mr Whitcomb is in a psychotic break
from self-discontinuation of his meds.
Get him on a haloperidol IV stat.
I also heard
she was a little spacey.
So where were we?
We weren't talking.
Was it cos of something you did?
I'm over it. I don't remember it.
No, I mean, like,
we've never talked. Ever.
- How do I know your name?
- You don't.
- You're freakin' me out, Jimmy.
- Johnny.
Why say Johnny?
You hate Johnny!
I'm gonna commit it to my memory
forever. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
- OK, Johnny.
- Damn it!
I'm meeting so many people, and I
haven't really gotten to know anybody.
Let's talk.
I'm not going anywhere.
Great! Oh, thanks. OK...
Excuse me.
Turk's back from his honeymoon!
Nice to meet you.
Turk! Hi!
- Go ahead.
- JD!
Maybe someday
he'll love me like that.
He's here! Turk!
JD!
Turk!
Dude!
Stay right there! I'm so excited!
- How'd this happen? Holler!
- The roof!
All right, look, from now on,
we're calling this roof A.
Got it!
Turk!
The eagle! So, how are you, man?
Well, well, well,
what do we have here?
The newlyweds. And hey, Carla.
Mark my words, the first year
of marriage is a real treat.
Do you remember ours?
The silly fighting for control.
- You broke my jaw!
- You gotta stop that back talk early.
- Come on, glass jaw.
- Duck and move, Gandhi.
Here it is. Watch it.
Oh! Duck and move.
Ignore him, baby.
We have a great relationship.
Nothing's gonna change.
Over the next few days,
Carla started to change everything.
Hey, dude, get us
some more ice cream.
First of all, this is a Rice Dream.
Ricey.
Secondly, I can't get out of these
chairs she got. Am I using it right?
These bowls Carla bought don't hold
a lot. I can barely get my spoon in it.
Hey, JD, although we do
appreciate the wedding gift,
Turk and I decided we don't want
this Sugar Hill Gang alarm clock.
We don't?
I got it.
I got it. I'm OK.
Don't... Here goes...
I'm still in the chair!
It's like a bear trap!
As I fondled Katya,
my pillow girlfriend,
I thought about how things
had changed for us.
I had almost forgotten
that when I wake up,
it'll be the start
of my last week as a resident.
Now what you hear is not a dream
So listen up
You nappy head
Yo, hear my rhyme
It's wake-up time
So get your white ass out of bed
Snooze.
Don't look at me. It just fell.
Please, please, please, please?
Proceed unmolested.
I knew he'd buy it, cos today
feels like one of those great days.
People were getting to know each other.
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.
Fantastic. Get off my face.
My last week
of residency had begun.
In seven days,
I'd be a full-fledged doctor.
It felt special to me, and I had a hunch
it meant a lot to one other person.
Yes, milady?
So? You feelin' all like bleaaah?
That depends. Does "bleaaah"
mean confused and incredibly annoyed?
It's our last week together. The JD and
Cox train is pulling into the station.
You must have a metaphor
you want to use. Hit me with it.
I suppose I could riff a list of things
that I care as little about
as our last week together.
Let me see...
Low-carb diets, Michael Moore,
the Republican National Convention,
Kabbalah and all
Kabbalah-related products,
Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters,
wireless hot spots,
The OC, UN, recycling, Danny Gans,
Latin Grammys, the real Grammys,
Jeff, that Wiggle
who sleeps too darn much,
the Yankees payroll,
the red states, the blue states,
every hybrid car, every talk show host,
everything on the planet,
everything, everything,
everything that exists,
past, present and future,
in all discovered and
undiscovered dimensions.
And Hugh Jackman.
Hugh Jackman's Wolverine.
How dare he?
I missed you guys so much.
Come over tonight,
we're looking at wedding pictures.
There's this picture of me after I got
sick off my third champagne and Red Bull
and my hair's sexy messy.
The photographer said he could
airbrush the puke off my dress.
- Already made doubles.
- You rock!
So is JD going
to be there tonight?
Can't you come over anyway?
Mind if I eat with you?
I don't wanna sit alone and
sing to my food like a crazy person.
- Oh, my gosh. I do that.
- No way!
Mostly pop songs, you know,
unless I'm eating soul food.
- Where's your food?
- Oh, shoot.
Elliot, we'll do something
later this week, the two of us.
OK.
That is not my food.
But I'm not getting up again.
- I wouldn't.
- Chicken salad, oh, yeah
Looks good.
I gotta go. See you.
It's strange feeling alone when a month
ago, I was part of this tight group.
Yeah. I had tons of friends
at my old hospital.
I've got to meet some new people.
Do you want to
get a cup of coffee tonight?
Can't. I'm hitting the Internet hard
and going on a friend hunt.
Oh, chicken salad
You're tasty
You're food to be eaten that's good
When you get back from surgery,
Mrs Grodberg,
we'll play Scrabble,
and this time I'll beat you.
Of course you'll beat her.
She's having half her brain removed.
JD? A little problem
this morning with Malik.
Our car? Is it bad?
Hey, AAA? I need a pickup
on the corner of 4th and...
You know what? You'll see it.
Ah, Malik. Lots of memories
in that old car.
- Of what?
- Driving, mostly.
Beep beep.
Why don't we pool our money together and
buy a nice, cute, little Mini Cooper?
Baby, a Mini Cooper?
The most amazing thing happened.
I'll tell you what, Turk.
Why don't you go pick out our car?
Carla let Turk make a decision.
OK. But baby, you should know
that it's not gonna be a Mini.
There ain't nothin' mini about me.
- There isn't.
- There isn't!
Mr Radford, if you keep turning down
therapy, you'll never get out of bed.
I'm tired.
I know, but I would love it
if you'd at least try.
Haunting.
Drink your juice, Mr Blass.
Mr Blass has Pick's disease, similar in
presentation to multi-infarct dementia.
He likes to sing when he gets up,
and the weird thing is, Johnny,
he captures the mood of the room.
Take a stand on this Johnny thing
before it becomes permanent.
It's JD for John Dorian.
So John. But Johnny's fine. It's cool.
What's wrong with you?
You were having some trouble
motivating your patient.
I published a paper on motivation
methodology in post-operative seniors.
- So if you want, I could help.
- What floor?
Oh, my God, we're on an elevator.
I appreciate the offer, but there's a
special doctor I use when I need help,
and he'd be pretty pissed
if I didn't come to him first.
Why, Marishka? Why insist
on bothering me with these things?
You love it.
One more time, for nostalgia's sake.
You see my patient,
teach me a lesson
and then the music plays.
In my head, it sounds like this:
Dr Cox, can I borrow you for a minute?
Borrow me? Dear heart,
you'd be rescuing me.
Newbie, you're on your own.
Get used to it.
I'll prove why my first year of marriage
isn't gonna be as hard as yours was.
You're setting the bar low
on that one there.
- I'm smarter than you.
- In relationships?
- In everything.
- Right.
Though I make the decisions,
when I sense Turk is upset,
I throw him a decision that means
nothing to me. Like buying a new car.
As long as it's got four wheels
and air conditioning, I'm happy.
Check it, baby! Scooters.
Fantastic. It's too good.
He's a drinker.
Clever. JD, this is so unfair. I never
get to see Turk and Carla anymore.
It's like we got divorced and you keep
the friends because you live with them.
It just feels like you guys
are part of some gang.
Elliot, you're overreacting.
We're not some kind of gang, OK?
OK.
Wolverines...
...let's roll!
That joyride around the hospital
made me realise two things.
First, it's a bad idea to take
a full bladder out on your hog.
Also, I had to draw upon my medical
experience to get Mr Radford out of bed.
They're showing
Cocoon in the chapel!
I'm not a big Guttenberg fan.
You're the only one,
cos people are going crazy.
Akbar, Akbar, Akbar.
Oh, Johnny!
Run away with me?
I was looking
at Mr Radford's chart.
I know you're new, but that's my
patient's chart, and no one touches it.
Except for him.
Yes! I knew he couldn't stay away!
I'm Molly, and I tagged in
with the Mr Radford thing...
Molly, Molly.
You lost me at hello.
Wow. No touchie.
Fair enough. Mr Radford, do I understand
that you have pain issues,
- but you don't want physical therapy?
- I just don't have it in me.
Here comes the magic.
He always gives me goose bumps.
OK, then. I sure hope
you're comfortable in that bed,
cos you're gonna be in one just like it
for the rest of your natural-born life.
What the hell was that?
That was me talking to a patient
who has thrown in the towel.
You can't save everyone. Start working
with people who want your help.
That's what I will be doing.
Goose bumps?
They're small. You can't see them.
Oh, Mrs Grodberg,
"jzilbek" is not a word.
I'm still beating you.
I'm glad your surgery went OK and you
have your A game. I don't care who wins.
Half a brain, damn it!
Good night, Giselle.
Dr Cox?
I'm not ready to give up on Mr Radford.
You want me to give my "things
I don't care about speech" again?
I've updated it to include all white
guys who add "izzle" to anything.
I agrizzle, my nizzle.
Go home and get in bed. I'm betting
your friend Mr Radford's already in his.
I'll see you.
Well, sweetheart, you're here early.
I didn't have plans last night, so I
went to bed at 8.00 and woke up at 4.00,
realised the sunrise
looks beautiful through the trees,
and my neighbour
gets his paper in the nude.
And that he needs to lose,
like, 900 pounds.
The appropriate response is,
"Yes, I am here early."
It's called "small talk."
Not "my depressing life in 30 seconds."
I am not depressed, sir! In fact,
nothing is gonna get me down today!
Oh, shut up!
Did you tell my patient to shut up?
Cos that seems not very doctor-y.
No. I mean, I said it like those
high school girls do in the mall.
"Oh, shut up!"
I should go.
Kick it, Mr Blass.
Ring around the janitor
Pocket full of...
- Funny. Pocket full of what?
- Zanitors.
Not a word.
- Why the giant X?
- Why the stupid face?
Touch?.
You knocked that exit sign down.
I'm sure I can expect an appropriate
response. Shoot me in the neck.
Sounds like fun, but no.
Our game is over, buddy.
Your residency is coming to a close and
that's it. Nothing left to do, but...
What can I say? It's been...
...horrifying.
- Thank you.
This is kind of cool.
Maybe we can be friends.
- Like hunting squirrels?
- I've never tried it.
Easiest thing in the world. All you
need is walnuts and a boxing glove.
And the day
just got better from there.
Mostly because Mr Radford had the same
"screw you, Dr Cox" attitude I had.
Good stuff, Mr Radford.
I'm proud of you.
I hate you.
Excuse me, doctor. I dropped a nickel
in that therapy whirlpool.
Could you get it for me?
OK, but stand back.
These things can be pretty dangerous.
Oh, boy...
Turn it off! Turn it off!
Are they shooting a "geeks of
Sacred Heart" calendar out here?
Actually, no. I almost drowned
diving for a nickel,
but I'm sure you're more interested
in conspiracy theories
about gangs and friend-stealing.
Peace out.
Why did you kick my scooter?
Why? All you Americans are bullies.
That is why the whole world hates you.
Easy, Massimo. She's gonna fix it.
Go inside, I'll meet you in my office.
He's not even Italian.
I'm sorry.
Look, you wouldn't understand.
No, I get it. You're feeling lonely.
You're feeling rejected.
Most people around here won't talk to
me, and even Johnny won't take my help.
Who's Johnny?
He's a resident, has gelled-up hair,
and he's in a motorcycle gang.
I knew it!
You act like
everyone's boxing you out,
but you wouldn't even
get a cup of coffee with me.
Peace out, baby.
Why is everybody saying that?
Great news, baby! I just picked
your grandparents up from the airport!
Hang on, Nana! Hang on, Grandpa!
Not only did I get them home,
I lost six pounds!
Give me those stupid keys!
That's what I think of your scooters.
No more bugs in my teeth,
no more helmet head,
no more making deals with God
every time a truck passes me.
It's over! That's it!
- What the hell just happened?
- You got married, Turkelton.
That, my friends, is Mr Radford
getting out of bed.
And that's Mr Radford
falling back into bed,
but still enough to rub it
in Dr Cox's face.
I wouldn't do that unless
you want him to rub your face in it.
Did you not see what happened?
Or do you not get face-rubbing?
It's more than a way
to memorise names.
Johnny, what Dr Cox did was classic
reverse psychology. And so's this.
Behavioural modification can be brought
about through classic conditioning.
Reverse psychology? Nothing?
- That kills at psychiatric conferences.
- I must go to one of those.
Look, isn't it possible that Dr Cox
tricked you as a motivational ploy?
Hmm... no.
After he said there was no hope,
didn't you both work harder?
No. You're like a crazy person.
I'll tell you something else. Dr Cox
is a textbook, closed-off alpha male.
You can try forever, but you're never
gonna get that hug you want.
Excuse me, I'm not a child.
I'm a doctor.
And I'll get that hug.
Hey! Watch it!
Hot!
- I...
- Hot! Hot!
...brought you coffee.
It's burning. It's like fire.
Baby, I know you don't want
to return the scooters.
Can't this wait till after my scooter
club's fall trip through Maine?
- No, Turk!
- Man!
Look, you're a husband now.
When you make decisions
you're supposed to think about
what we need, not what you want.
It doesn't seem like you're doing that.
You gave away my clock, sold my chairs,
and what is up with
these ridiculously tiny bowls?
They're sake cups, Jethro!
I knew that.
Everything I do, Turk, I do it for us.
Oh, yeah? Then why does
Rowdy smell like daisies?
Cos I had him filled with potpourri.
- You can keep the scooters.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- Marriage is gonna be tricky.
- Yeah.
Thanks.
- How are your thighs?
- They're very hot and pink.
Do you want me to rub ointment on them?
It's OK.
Weird.
Look at that. I knew I smelled that odd
combination of fear and baby powder.
How does he know
about my belly rash?
Look, Dr Cox, I know you were using
reverse psychology with Mr Radford.
- You do, do you?
- Yes!
I figured it out without anyone
helping me or explaining it to my face.
Well, nubile one, your last lesson
and you didn't even need it.
Three years and it's finally over.
I know what you want. I do.
Come here.
Oh, my God, it's finally happening.
Don't miss a moment. Take it all in.
Good God, Fantasia. You don't actually
think I'm done teaching you, do you?
The only difference
between today and tomorrow
is that when you wake up
and start killing people
no one can say,
"He's just a resident."
What they're gonna be wondering
is who tried to educate your sorry ass,
and when that finger of blame
points in my direction,
I had damn sure better be in a coma
from the anger stroke I suffered
after you last tried to hug me.
Oh, and...
Don't be late tomorrow...
...Doctor.
Whether or not
you survive in a hospital
is all about how you
handle your relationships.
Whether it's a brand-new one...
... or an old one you need
to figure out all over again.
Oh, my God!
- I can't believe you did this!
- Yeah.
It's even mini-er than I imagined.
But what about you?
Don't worry.
I got it covered. Check it out.
As for me, it was my relationships
that got me through my residency.
Bull's-eye!
We're not done
with our thing yet, are we?
Nope. For you, it's all just beginning.
The weird thing is, he was right.