Screenplay (1986–1993): Season 2, Episode 10 - Road - full transcript

Your tour guide for the night is one drunken man called Scullery. Prepare yourself for the experience of your lifetime as he shows you an average night along a derelict Lancashire road in the 1980s.

Can I get to t'mirror?

Why do you never go out, you?

Can't afford it.
Why don't you ever stay in?

I can't stand it.


Let's dance.

You can't dance with your brother.

I know.

Everything's not allowed in life.


I'm gonna be really late now.

I'm gonna have to go up and wash it off!

I'm gonna be late!

I'm late now, you piggin' bastard!

Where're we going?


Where we going?


Come on, then!


I can't get over it.

I can't get over the past.

How it was.

I just can't.

I get these strong feelings inside and
they're so sad, I can hardly stand it.

I can feel one now.

It's breaking me heart with its strength
and tears are coming in me eyes.

And that's just because

I thought of something from ago.

They were lovely, lovely times though.

And such a lilt to them.

I go down it when I think.

I hate to mention it,

but that big silver ball turning there,

and all the lights coming off it
onto us lot dancing below,

and the big band there.

And all the lads and girls I knew,

all with their own special character.

And the way you stood, you know?

And you had a cigarette.
You even lit a cigarette different then.

There was... There was some way,

no, I can't do it now,

a good thing, too, if I could
I'd cry my flippin' heart out.

That's why I never wear
Brylcreem these days.

I can't.

National Service, too, you did.

Everybody did it.

You never complained much then.

Well, you never felt like complaining,
I don't know why.

National Service, though.

You'd all be there.

I was RAF,

in that soft blue uniform,


And when you had a break,
you'd lie on your bunk,

and your mate might say,
"Give us a tab".

And when you went on leave,
home to your hometown,

the weather always seemed
to be a bit misty.

And you'd be walking around
familiar streets in your uniform.

And everyone would have
a little something to say to you.

And you go to your girlfriend's factory.

And they'd send up for her.

"There's a man in uniform to see you."

And you'd wait outside.

Take your cigs out of your top pocket,

light up, stand there
in the misty weather.

In your uniform.

Full up with...


So, you're going down
the boozer, are you?

- Yeah. You?
- I might do, if somebody coughs up.

Come in, Louise.

- Hello.
- Hiya.

- What's up with you?
- My shoulder pads slipped.

Pissing hell, Louise.
There's always summat with you.

Nice knickers, them.

Ignore her at all times.

Where are we going tonight?

Everywhere, Louise, everywhere.
Up and away, higher and higher.

You always say that.

Shut it!

Shut it!

Have you had owt to eat?
Have you had owt to eat, Louise?

Owt to eat? There's rock all in
but shrunk carrots,

Sugar Puffs and some spit
or summat in a saucer.

Don't she exaggerate?

You wanna get summat
down you before you go out.

- You get summat down ya.
- You get summat down ya!

- You get summat down ya!
- You!

I wish she'd stink away.

You still seeing that rag man, Mummy?

- No.
- Why not?

He snotted off, didn't he?
He owes me an' all.


Yeah, like you all do,
every one of you.

I suppose you're skint an' all.

Well, I got some,
but I need it for tonight.

- Well, give it me.
- No!


- Yes!
- No, you mouldy old slag!

Yes, you young Pig!

- Cow!
- Sick!

Oh, God, you're crude.

How could I let you bring me up?

Fling me up, more like,
I was flung through the years.

Listen to her, romanticising.

You've done all right
out of my bones, you lot.

You're no more than bones, anyway.
Why don't you eat?

Because I don't. Because I don't.

I do anyway, I get enough.

You'd rather swill ale,
wouldn't ya? Look at ya.

You never wash,
you never change, you never...

I'm like I am because of you.

And you're like you are
because of who knows what rot.

Is it short enough for you?

Ask men.

- Come on, Louise.
- Are you giving me some?

I can give you a pound.

Ooh, generous. Generous.
Generosity. Generosity. Generous!

Long life, in't it?

"'Ave you had owt to eat, Louise?"

"Oh, generous. Generosity!

"Generous. Generosity! Generosity!"

- Arkies.
- Swan.

- Ancient Shepherd.
- New Zealand Chief.

- Smokey's.
- Wheatsheaf.

- Blue Boar.
- White Horse.



-- Oh, come out, for fuck's sake!

- Get stuffed!
- I wanna come in!

Joey, please!


Joey, this isn't right.

Why are you starving yourself?

What's it for, eh?

Everyone's worried
sick for you, you know.

You can't just do this.

Why not?

Oh, come on.

We all feel like this sometime.

But life must go on.



Oh, don't be so stupid.

What about me?

I haven't got a job now, neither.

But I'm not behaving
like a bloody big kid.

Anyone can do that, you know.


if I'd wanted Marje Proops
I would have writ' to the bitch!

Go home!


Can't you see this is
somethin' else, eh?

Go on, get out.

I said "Go on."

I'm stopping with you.

'Cause anything you can do,
I can do better.


everyone was an apprentice something.

Serving your time.

Oh, you could work
for more money in the beginning

in a warehouse or the railway

but it didn't pay off eventually.

Or be a fly-boy and sell toys
and annuals in the pubs.

There were so many jobs then.

You know, a lot of people would start,
one in the morning, finish it,

start another in the afternoon,
finish it,

and go somewhere else the next day.

And you had the hit parade.

Holidays in Blackpool
or the Isle of Man.


We all felt special,

but safe at the same time.

You know, I'm not saying this is right,

but girls didn't even go in pubs.
They didn't.

At the dance, in the interval,
the lads all went in the pub next door.

The girls stayed in the dance hall.

And afterwards, we all came back.

And the girls, so pretty.

Oh, when I think of them...

And you went courting in them days.
You courted. You walked with them,

and they had their cardigan
over their arm.

And the pictures,
you went two, three times a week.

The stars, the music, black and white.

The kissing.


When I say the word now,
and when I said it then,

it feels different in me.

Now, I know it sounds, you know...

But it does.

I can't get away from the past.

I just can't.

But no matter what they say,

I can't see how that time
could turn into this time.

So horrible for me
and so complicated for me.

And being poor

and no good,


I can see them now,

me old friends,

their young faces turning round

and smiling.

Who's spoiling life?




Oh, God.

Joe, I want to understand.
Are we protesting?

- No, we're just...
- What?

Seeing what will take
place in us heads.

We might die.

We might not.

We might have
some secret revealed to us.


What are you going to say
to your mam then?

- Clare?
- Oh, I'll...

I'll tell her I'm on an adventure
and not to worry, eh?

Joe, I'm getting hungry.



- No, Joe, no.
- Get out.

- No!
- Well, don't start then.

Why are we doing this, Joe?

- I'm after something.
- What?

How should I know? if I knew
I wouldn't be piggin' after it, would I?

I don't understand you.

Look, there's something missing.
Life can't just be this, can it?

What everybody's doing.

That way madness lies.


That's what my mam says,
any time there's any of that.

Any clever talk on the telly,
she says it to us.

She says, "Just get on wi' it.

"Live your life
and that's all there is to it."


Oh, and what does that mean?

You're not serious.

You're not even a joke.

You're just like the rest of them,
frightened to sniff the wind

for fear it'll blow
your brains upside down,

then you'll have to do
something different.

Wasting your whole lives.

Work, work, work, work, work.

Small wages, small wages.

Gettin' by with a smile
Gettin' by without a smile.

Work, work, work, work.
Small wages.

Then death, with a big 'D'.

Not even a smell left over from it all.

If you're lucky, a see-through memory,
slowly dissolving like Steradent.

Don't insult my mum, you.

Oh, for Christ's sake!
Is that all you can say?

All right, Joe, come on.
Bloody hell, I didn't mean nowt.

- Hey!
- I'm sorry. OK?

Bloody hell.

I mean, bloody hell!

I didn't mean nowt when I said it.

- I mean, this isn't like you, Joe.
- Eh?

Oh, come on, Joe, don't start.

What I mean is...

You've got to admit,
you've not shown me this face before.

I had no idea.

Come on.

When did you start
thinking like this, Joe?

When did I start?

When did I stop's more like it.

What's it all about, Clare?

That's the one. That's the boy
who's puttin' the head butt on me heart.

You don't get the chance to find out.

They rush you from
the cradle to the grave.

But now we've come to standstill,

no job, no hope,
you've got to ask the question.

You've got to ask.
And it does you good, too.

Doesn't look like it's doing you
a lot of good, standing there half-dead.

Come on, love. What else is worth doing?


I'm fed up of waiting for him.

He'll be another hundred years,
at his rate.

What a life. Get up,
feed every baby in the house,

do whatever else I can without cash

while he drinks, drinks it, drinks it.

And shoves nothing my way except
his fat, hard hands in bed at night.

Rough dog he is. Big, rough, heavy dog.

Dog with sick in its fur.

He has me pulling my hair out.
Look at my hair!

It's so dry, so sadly dry.

I'd cry, but I don't think
tears would come.

And there's nothing worse
than an empty cry. It's like choking.

Why do we do it?

Why do I stay? Why, the why, why, oh.

You can cover yourself in questions
but you're none the wiser

cos you're too tired to answer.

Always scrimping and scraping.

He just takes the jar down
and does what he wants with it.

Oh, leaves a couple of pound
on the table corner, sometimes.

Sometimes, but you never know when,
and if you ask him, he chucks you one.

That's why I have to borrow.

Borrow off everyone.

I'm like a bony rat,
going here, going there,

trying to sniffle something out.

They help me, though I bet you they
hate me, really. Despise me, really.

Because I'm always there
and I keep asking, asking.

And they can't say no,
they just open their purses.

And I says, "Thank you. Thank you,"
about a thousand times,

till we all feel sick.

God, I can't wait till the kids
are older, then I can send them.

He'll come in soon.

Pissed drunk through.

Telling me I should do
more about the place.

Eating whatever's in the house.

Pissing and missing the bog.

Squeezing the kids too hard.

Shouting, then sulking, then sleeping.

All deep and smelly, wrapped over
and over in the blankets.

Drink's a bastard.

Brink's a swilly brown


A smelling stench sea.

And he's the captain
with his bristles wet through.

Swallowing and throwing
swallowing and throwing

white brown water all over me.

Oh, what am I sayin'?

It's a nightmare, all this. I blame him.

Then I don't blame him.
It's not his fault there's no work.

He's such a big man.
He has nowhere to put himself.

He looks so awkward and sad at the sink.

The vacuum's a toy in his hand.

When he's in all day, he fills the room
like a wounded animal.

Moving about,
trying to find his slippers.

Clumsy with the small things
of the house, bewildered.

I see this. I see the poor beast
in the wrong world.

I see his eyes, sad and low.

I see him as the days go on.
Old, damp sacks, one on top of another.

I see him, the waste,
the human waste of the land.

But I can't forgive him.
I can't forgive the cruel of the big...

...heap. The big...

...clumsy heap. He's so big,

and hunched and ugly.

Oh, my, man. I hate him now.

And I didn't used to.
I hate him now and I don't want to.

Can we not have before again?
Can we not?

Can we not have before again?
Can we not?

They make a nice chip
at the chinky, don't they?

Ugh, a bit greasy.

Ey, I bet you miss this in the mess.

Oh, where's your camp, any road?
You never said.

Don't say much, do ya?

Oh, you're the real quiet type,
aren't ya?

Still waters run deep, or what?

The Clint Eastwood type.

Little mini Clint.

Ee, I like him, though.

Do you?

I like loners.

That's why I sent Maureen
to fetch you over, tonight.

That uniform, dead romantic.

Ooh, it's ages since I seen a soldier,
you just sorta stood out in the crowd.

Right. Would you kill
someone if you had to?

I mean, say they provoked ya.

Well, I mean, that's your duty, in't it?

That's what you get paid for.
Licence to kill.

Yeah, bet you have a laugh though.

All that one-armed combat and whatnot.

What the bloody hell's that?

It's either mine or that bloody dog's.

Look at that.

Oh, bloody hell.

Ooh, 'eck..

Oh, dear.


Er, not to worry,
I got a hanky here, cock.

Let's just wipe your chops off.

Oh, look.

It's all over your shirt
and down your nice, smart jacket.

We can't have that, can we now, eh?

No, we cannot.


# Strangers in the night

# Exchanging glances

# Wondering in the night

# What were the chances
we'd be sharing love

# Before the night was through?

# Something in your eyes

# Was so exciting

# Something in your smile

# Was so inviting

# Something in my heart

# Told me I must have you #

You're naughty!

And so young.

So young and full of it!

Oh, I bet you've had loads
of girls already,'aven't ya, eh?

And why should you
choose me, eh?

Why? What have I got?

Oh, you sexy bugger.
Watch it.

You really know what to do, don't ya?

Not like most blokes.

I bet you're the type that knows
how to cherish a girl.

So firm!

I imagine you have girls
runnin' round you like flies on muck.

Why me?

You could have your pick anytime.

You could have your pick,
even of the famous stars.

Oh, God! Hey, I'm stood in your chips!

Come on.


You do play it cool, don't ya?

You know how to hold back
and get a woman sexed.

In here. Come on!

Oh, it's just the job, this.

Just the blinking job.

Oh, What?

Are you gonna take me now?

Just like that, out the blue?

Bloody soldiers!

Oh, lover boy!

Soldier of love!


You've been overseas, 'aven't ya?


What a touch, boy!

Ey, come on...


Oh! Are you all right?

You're like a little boy.

Oh, dear, I'm sorry.

I don't know what they think you are.

They treat you like last week's muck!

Oh, God, I feel right ashamed now!

And so sad.

So sad!

So sad.

Take a seat, girls.

Come on, have a seat.

- Just looking for a corkscrew.
- That's nice.

- Lovely place you've got here.
- You think so?

Oh, definitely.
I thought I was int' Ritz for a minute.

Here we are.

- Is he the waiter, then?
- No, he's just better at it than me.

- What a confession.
- What? Oh, yeah.

- Here you go.
- Oh, hang on, is that white?

- Yeah.
- I wanted red.

- Oh.
- Oh, no, go on I'll have white.

Oh, I don't know though,
red's good, in't it?

Pour it over your head, in a minute.

Oh, God, Louise, in't he masterful?

Go on, then, pour.

Hey, waiter, what's your name again?


Hey, Eddie,
y'know what they say, don't ya?

No what?

White and they're up all night.

Red and they're straight to bed.

Oh, aye. And who told you that?

- She did.
- I never.

Did you not? I thought you did.
Never mind. Carry on, carry on.

- So, what do you do?
- What do you fancy?

- What do you mean?
- Oh, nice wine, in't it?


- So, what do you do?
- To live?

Well, I breathe.
I can't speak for her, like.

I dunno. You're quick,
you two, aren't you?

No, you two are slow.

- Here, you can have mine.
- No, it's all right.

No, you're all right. Here y'are.

I can't have your glass.
What'll you have?

Ah, take it, sap.
And top it up as well!


Hey, what's this? Manoeuvres?

We're being surrounded, Louise, cock.

Is she always like this?

- Yeah.
- Hang on a minute, like what?

- Like...
- What?

- Aggressive.
- In what way?

- What's that supposed to mean?
- I don't know.

- He's sorry he spoke.
- "Sorry he spoke"?' I should think so.

I'm not aggressive.
Am I not, Louise, love.

I'm saying nowt.

Anyway, what does he mean "aggressive"?
I'm just having a bit of fun.

If you can't take that
then there's summat wrong with you.

We can take it.

Oh, I suppose you're not used to this.

You're used to women just falling
all over you, aren't ya?

Not really, no.

Oh, just falling all under you, then.


- She's mad.
- She's not.

- I am.
- She is.

- Anybody want some more.
- Not yet.

So, how long have you lived here?

Oh, well, it's certainly, er...
What's the word I'm looking for?

- Tip?
- No, 'slag heap', that's it.

Well, feel free, girls,
to put it in order.

You must be a joke.

You must be joking! You wanna see
the state of her room at home.

Louise, shut up giving away me
personals, you'll be telling him next

what colour knickers I've got on.
Go on, say it.

'If you had any on' or 'See-through'.

- I'm saying nothing.
- Oh, what gentlemen.

Or are you just poofs?

Carol, you're terrible.

Eh up, Louise.
Don't desert the ranks now,

especially when they're coming
on so strong, eh, lads?

So, now we're round to it.

When are you gonna move in, then, lads?

When should we expect the first move?

Get off! Get off!

- I'm off.
- Oh, I thought I could smell summat.

It could be nice, this place, really.

- Really?
- I mean, underneath it all.

- If it were tidied up.
- I suppose it's not bad.

Are you not speaking now?

Is he sulking now?

No, not at all.
Nothing like that.

I don't know where I am with you two.

- What do you mean?
- You're right different.

- Than what?
- Eh up, Louise,

they'll be getting all big-headed.

Well, bigger-headed.

What is it with you two?

- What is it?
- Carol.

She's got a monk on
because she likes you, really.

What about you, who do you like?

You like Eddie,
really, don't ya?

It's all right.


No! What do you think we are?

What do you think we are, slags?

- No!
- Why'd you come back?

Just for something to do!

What about all the lead-ons, lead-ins?

Doesn't he talk funny?

He were like that in t'pub.
"Lead-on, lead-ins."

- Anyway...
- "Anyway" what?

Hey, hey.
Don't get bad tempered.

Anyway, more drinks?

You can't get us drunk
then start again, you know.

- Forget it!
- Oh, typical, listen to him!

Can't get your end away
you don't want to know.

Do get your end away
you don't want to know.

- Ah, come on!
- No!

I want something else
to happen for a change.

It's the same every time.
Every time some smart arse

spends time and money on you,
with only one thing in mind.

Then upsets you.

It's boring and upsetting
and I'm sick of it!

You think you're just wanted for use.

You two seemed a bit interesting,
a bit unusual, like.

I thought I might find
something else here, but not so.

You're always wrong, aren't you?

Newt's never the way you wanted.

You always have to make do.

Every single thing's a disappointment!

- Carol!
- Oh, come on, Louise!

Come on, have another!

Stay and I promise you
something different!

Let's see how much
difference you can take.

You want something different?
Stay, I mean it.

You know what we do for it,
to really get a change?

We have a something that we do
when the outside gets to you.

Shall we show 'em, Eddie?

Come on, let's show 'em.

Let's have it out of 'em.

Do you like good music?

- Yeah, like what?
- Like soul.

Real, down there soul.

- I don't know what you mean.
- What about you, Louise?

Well, I like Hot Chocolate.

- Drink.
- Drink, don't worry. Go on.

Go. Fast, though. Fast!


Hey, hang on.




- Another.
- Another.

- What are you doing?
- It's all part of it. You'll see after.

- Brink or drink.
- Come on, Eddie, steady.

Well, come on in, join us.

- All right.
- Carol, Carol!

Oh, what the hell!


What about some music, then?

Some'll be coming soon, love.
And then...

- And what?
- Wait for it, love.

Come on, put summat on now.
Let's see what you got.

Eh, just that one?

Aye, that's it.

One more drink, then it's on.

- This is mad.
- It is, in't it?

- Music!
- Put it on.

Put it on.

Bloody hell, I hope I like it.

Blast off!

Wyatt Earp, "Wild Bill" Hickock,
Jesse James,

Buffalo Bill, Billy the Kid,
"Doc" Holliday,

Eddie, Eddie!

Eddie, the hero-o-o!

This is it!

You let owt out.

Show what's below.

Let go. Throw! Glow!

Burn your giro!

I got me suit. I got me image.

Suit, image.
Who could ask for anything mo-o-o-re!


England's in pieces.

England's an old twat in the sea!

England's cruel.

My town's scuffed out!

My people's pale. Pale face.

It's a shoot-out with the sheriff.

Eddie. Eddie.

Eddie the hero-o-o!

Don't weaken

or you're dole and done,
dole and done.

Never weaken.

Show yourself sharp!

So sharp you cut!

Head up, eyes hard!

Walk like Robert Mitchum!


I'm gonna stop now,
and I'm gonna burn for all I'm worth!

That's what you do.

You drink, you listen to Otis, you get
to the bottom of things and let rip!

What for?

To stop going mad!


I'm full of something nasty, tonight.

A smelly memory I can't wipe off.

I'm supposed to be the strong,
silent type, but I'm not.

It's just a casing,
in casing I get it again.

Once, I fucked an older woman.

Hated and fucked her hard
on the kitchen floor.

Knees hitting the fridge.
Dog bowl in her hair.

Handfuls of old white skin in me mitts.

And after she'd gone

I sat on the lino and cried.

Me first skrike since 'No mummy left'.

Well, I keep tight
in front of people, me.

I don't want them in. They stink.

Hands off forever!

I wanna be free.

I wanna be a cowboy.

One of them dream fellas
who died for us.

Guns and smoke, one more dead,
a mouthful of saloon dust.

I want cowboy.

But I'm just cattle.

Herded, helpless,


aching to be killed.

At the mercy of my sun-KM!

Oh, God. On I crow. Down I go.

I lie to myself.

I lie to the Pope.

I lie on the rug.

I lie with me bedtime cheese.

I must stop now

'cause I'm crying real tears,

but inside!

A man cry!

I cry through the dole,
hole, times in which we live.

Them slag's hands, I still feel 'em.

And I don't know why.

Can I say anything?

Can I?

Well, I'll say this, then.

Big bust.

Big bust on me body.

Big, bra-bursting bust.

Men look.

How's that?

Crack, crack!

Crack the whip to them.
Crack, oh crack!

Cut men for their sins.


Poverty wants me.

He's in my hair and clothes.
He comes dust in me knickers,

I can't scrape him off.

Everything's soiled, you know.

Our house,

me mum,

the bath.

I'm sick!

Newt's nice around me.

Newt's nice! Newt's nice!

Where's finery? Fucked off.

Where's soft? Gone hard.

I want to walk on the mild side.

I want to be clean.


Spray me with something sweet!

Spray me away!

Carol has nowt.

It's all gambling, innit, this?

Gambling with gabble,

to see what comes out.

That record,

it's so about pure things.

It makes you wanna cry.

Why's the world so tough?

It's like walking through
meat in high heels.

Nothin's shared out right.


or love.

I'm a quiet person, me.

People think I'm deaf and dumb.

I wanna say things

but it hard.

I have big wishes, you know.

I want my life to be all shinied up.

It's so dull.

Everything's so dulled.

When that man sings on that record,
there, you put the flags up.

'Cause he reminds you of them
feelings you keep forgetting.

The important ones.

Once you wrap 'em up and put 'em away

there's nothing left but profit
and loss and who shot who.

But it's so hard, life. So hard.

Nothing's interesting.

Everything's been made
ordinary in our eyes.

I want magic and miracles.

I want a Jesus to come
and change things again

and show the invisible.

And not let us keep forgettin',

Forge-nettin' everything.

Kicking everyone.

I want the surface up and off

and all the gold and jewels
and light out on the pavements.

Anyway... I never spoke
such a speech in me life.

And I'm glad I have.

If I keep shouting, somehow a somehow

I might escape.

Somehow a somehow

might escape.

Somehow a somehow

might escape.

Somehow a somehow might escape.

Somehow a somehow might escape.

Somehow a somehow might escape.


Somehow a somehow a somehow,

might escape.

Somehow a somehow a somehow,

might escape.

Somehow a somehow, might escape.

Somehow a somehow a somehow,

might escape.

Somehow a somehow a somehow,

- might escape.
- might escape.

Somehow a somehow a somehow,

might escape.

Somehow a somehow a somehow,
might escape.

Somehow a somehow a somehow,
might escape.

Somehow a somehow a somehow,
might escape.

Somehow a somehow
a somehow, might escape.

Somehow a somehow
a somehow, might escape.

Somehow a somehow a somehow,
might escape.

Somehow a somehow a somehow,
might escape!

Somehow a somehow a somehow,
might escape!

Somehow a somehow a somehow,
might escape!