Screen Two (1985–2002): Season 10, Episode 8 - Henri - full transcript

[gentle music]

[Henri] Public Records
Office, Belfast.

Dear sir, you may not know I
was 10 years old last Thursday.

My father gave me a framed copy

of my birth certificate
for a present.

It is wrong, and we're
both very unhappy.

Under the section that says
rank or profession of father,

you have put bus driver.

My father is a bus driver,

but he has also been a
master in the Orange Order

for the last 12 years.



Please correct this
in your records

at your earliest
possible convenience.

Yours faithfully,
Henrietta Begley.

Henri.

Let's hear it, then.

["The Lily O"]

[brakes squealing]

[birds chirping]

Just do it like we practised,
and you'll be fine.

You have a brave talent.

Don't go wasting it.

Now, go and show
them what you can do.

[squeaky violin music]

I'm doing Haydn's
Trumpet Concerto.



What are you doing?

"The Lily O."

[Boy] Never heard of it.

Mr. Harrison said no one famous

ever wrote for the accordion.

That's why I can't play
in the school orchestra.

It's shite, anyway.

[squeaky violin music]

Why do you want to
go to the festival?

Because.

If you're selected,

you get to stay a whole
weekend in Belfast.

Shh!

I've been twice, it's brill.

My dad used to go all the time,

and he said it's not
that great, and he knows.

The poof with the spiky
hair is from Belfast.

It's him select
you, not Harrison .

He's tone deaf.

That's why he teaches
school orchestra.

Thank you, Colin.

I'll let you know in the post.

Now, Henrietta Begley?

Good luck.

It's them what's gives
us Prods a bad name.

You never said anything
about an accordion.

I'm sorry about this, Mr. Brady,

but I couldn't really refuse.

Right, Henrietta.

"The Lily O."

In your own time.

["The Lily O"]

You wouldn't.

She's very gifted.

The best so far.

It's an Orange song,
for heaven's sake.

She plays that at your
festival, you'll have a riot.

[Brady] Well, can she
play anything else?

[Harrison] Yeah,
"God Save the Queen."

[Brady] Do you think
the queen would mind

if I taught her
something else instead?

[people murmuring]

Pass them along to the second.

Pass them along.

Pass them along.

That everyone now, Jack?

Ah, some will have to share.

It's all right, I know it.

Right.

Let's hear it, in your own time.

[lively music]

[Henri] Dear The
O'Malley Ray Chronicle.

Dear sir, during the recent
spell of warm weather,

I bought a Funny Fran ice lolly.

The joke on the stick said,

"Where does a general
keep his armies?

"Answer, up his sleevies."

I think this is a very old
joke, and not very funny.

Yours faithfully,
Henrietta Begley.

[engine rumbling]

[brakes squeal]

[boy whistling]

You're late.

[boy whistling]

And flat.

Is this it, do you think?

[dog barking]

"Dear Henrietta Begley,

"following your recent audition

"for the Belfast
Youth Music Festival,

"I am writing to inform you that

"you have been selected to take
part in this year's event."

You see?

"You're required
to attend two days

"of rehearsals and workshops

"before the final
public concert,

"for which I
enclose two tickets.

"Please bring a piece
of music to play

"as a solo at the concert."

"The Lily O."

"Accommodation has
been arranged for you.

"Your hosts will be
Mr. and Mrs. Logan.

"The questionnaire should be
completed for their benefit.

"Please write to
confirm your acceptance.

"Yours sincerely, P.
Brady, music adviser."

That's your job.

-[crow cawing]
-[birds chirping]

[engine rumbling]

Hello.

Henrietta Begley.

Hello, Henrietta.

I'm Catherine.

You're allowed to call me Henri.

Right.

Will you be coming down to
the concert, Mr. Begley?

It's a great occasion.

Everyone gets the
chance to shine.

I'm sure.

I want you to hear me, Daddy.

Just you be sure to ask Mr.
Logan to let you phone home,

let us know you're in safely.

Ah, the Logans are
awfully nice people.

They host for us every year.

Good.

Go on, now.

Behave yourself.

Don't let the side down.

[engine rumbling]

Cheerio, Mr. Begley.

See you Sunday.

[crow cawing]

[engine rumbling]

[Henri] Dear Mr. P. Brady,

I am pleased to inform you
that I accept your offer

of a place at the Belfast
Youth Music Festival.

I enclose the consent form,
which is signed by my father,

who is my parent.

Please make sure my
completed questionnaire

is sent to my hosts, the Logans,

as soon as possible, because I
don't like liver or marzipan,

so it would be a waste
if they buy it for me.

Yours sincerely,
Henrietta Begley.

[clock chiming]

[brakes squealing]

Well, I'll give
you your timetables

tomorrow at the college, okay?

Now, do remember 10 a.m. sharp.

Now, Joanna.

It's you with Mrs.
Patterson, okay?

-Hello, Joanna.
-Hi, take your bags?

Now remember, 10 a.m. sharp.

And now Henrietta.

It's you with the Logans.

Oh my god, it's an accordion.

We ordered a violinist, not
some idiot with a squeezebox.

Sorry, Mr. Logan.

My mistake.

-What's your name?
-Peter.

That's right, Peter.

It's you with the Logans.

Go on, Peter.

Remember, 10 a.m.
sharp, at the college.

Now, Henrietta.

Richard and Philippa
are with the Petersons,

Simon's with the Carrs, and
Dermot's with the Fitzsimmons.

Looks like you're with me.

And you're?

Finn, Finula Dougan.

We'll bed ya.

[brakes squealing]

Dougan, Dougan.

Not Dougan.

That's a funny-lookin' fiddle.

This is my brother, Tom.

He's a real wag.

It's an accordion, ya idiot.

Someone else got the fiddler.

Sure it'll do just as good?

Suppose.

Are you really called Henrietta?

You can call me Henri.

That's a boy's name!

Don't you show your ignorance.

Do to ya, Henri.

Gotta pick up Ma on our way.

I sing, mostly.

That's what I'm doing
at the festival.

I do dance a nick, too.

[Tom] All sing and
dancing, my sister.

He knows nothin'.

[Ella] Thank you!

[Announcer] Ella Fitzgerald
and "Summertime."

You're welcome back.

So there's a theme running
through today's programme.

Some people have
noticed what it is.

It appears to be bad weather.

Now, what I'm gonna do now
on the subject of rain,

you remember towards
the end of the '50s

there was a hit by Johnny Rain,
the man used to cry a lot.

* One, two, three, jump *

* One, two, three, jump *

* One, two, three, four *

* Four, and five, and six *

* Seven and eight *

* One, two, three four *

* Five, six, seven, eight *

* One, two, three, four *

* Five, six, seven, eight *

* One *

Mum, this here's
Henrietta, or Henri.

Hi, Henri.

We got her instead
of the fiddler.

Nice to meet ya.

* One, two, three *

* Four, five, six, *

* Seven, eight *

* Living in the sky *

* We're gonna touch the sky *

* Living in the sky *

* We're gonna touch the sky *

* Living in the sky *

* We're gonna touch the sky *

* Living in the sky *

* We're gonna touch the sky *

Okay everybody, take a breather!

* We're gonna touch the sky *

Mum, can we have chips
tonight, since she's here?

Depends on our guest.

What's this you've got, love?

Look, isn't that lovely?

Come here everybody,
and take a look at this.

Oh, that's beautiful, isn't it?

You're Tom, aren't you?

I'm Sandra.

Someone told me you're
good at fixing things.

Could you have a
look at this for me?

Listen, thanks.

Okay, everyone, last one.

What do you fancy?

[Woman] Diana Ross!

Ask your wee girl
to play something.

Aye, do you know anything
with a good beat, love?

Okay, everyone.

Jogging on the spot.

["Derry's Walls"]

Isn't that "Derry's Walls?"

The Orange song.

There's another verse yet.

["Derry's Walls"]

[Finn whistles]

[tinkly music]

This is my Uncle Jerry.

All right, love?

Thought you didn't need
that until tomorrow.

I'm trying it down
the club first.

What are you two up to?

I made him a karaoke machine.

He can't sing.

[Jerry] Thought we
were getting a fiddler.

[Angela] We've already
got one of them.

It's a piano keyed accordion.

Ooh, I hope you know some
good tunes on it, then.

* Oh come back home to Erin *

* Come home to Erin's shores *

* You know you're
always welcome *

This is where we sleep.

Both of us?

You, me, and Saint Robbie.

You can see most of
Belfast from up here.

Wanna see?

[tinkly music]

I've never been up
this high before.

See way down there?

That there is the shipyard.

Them big things are cranes.

Biggest in the world, they are.

One's called Samson

and the other's Goliath,
like in the Bible.

Don't know which is which, but.

Goliath was a giant, and
he was slain by David.

I know that.

Where's the city hospital?

It's the tower over there
with the pukey yellow colour.

I was in there once,
when my mommy was sick.

It's not as high as us.

It's nice, Belfast, isn't it?

It doesn't look half
so bad from up here.

[George] Anyway, you better
give me that address again.

[Henri] 11D, Rathmore Heights.

Yes, Daddy.

[George] And it's Mr. and
Mrs. Logan you're with, then?

[Henri] No, Mrs. Dougan.

[George] Oh, Mrs. Dougan?

Well, I hope you're
off to bed soon.

It's getting late.

Yes, Daddy.

I'm in my pyjamas now.

[George] Good,
big show tomorrow.

Make sure you get proper rest.

-Yes, I will.
-Good girl.

You're still coming
to the concert?

[George] I'll do my
best to be there.

Okay.

-Night-night.
-Goodnight.

Daddy says he's
coming to the concert.

Do you know anything
about shampoos?

Everyone seems to be
getting to you recently

for no good reason.

Now it's time for you
to say enough is enough.

Enough is enough.

Start with your mum.

Next time she tells you to
tidy up, do it extra well.

She will be so surprised,
the nagging will stop.

Mommy's in heaven.

She died in the city hospital.

She'll probably still
be in purgatory.

Where's that?

Purgatory's the hotel on
the highway to heaven.

All the souls stay there

'til we pray enough
to pay the bill,

so they can check
out and go to heaven.

But we got saints that
can get 'em out early.

Like Robbie.

Not exactly.

You pray to them
for intercession

and they put in a
word for the souls.

You can ask them for anything,
and they'll help you.

Anything?

Yeah, like we use Francis
of Assisi for constipation.

Wanna do your prayers now?

Okay, then.

Ready, go.

[door creaks]

Done.

Come on, you two,
get some sleep.

Big day tomorrow.

Night, love.

Night-night, Henri.

-Night.
-Night-night.

You're a Prod, aren't ya?

Yeah, the old Taigs.

Yeah?

Don't tell Mummy I asked ya.

Told me not to say nothin'.

Okay.

I never shared a bed
with a Prod before.

Do you mind?

Nah, as long as you don't fart.

[clock ticking]

[Henri] Director,
Belfast Music Festival.

Dear sir, there has
been a big mistake.

I was supposed to be
with a local family,

but instead I am
with the Dougans.

It was Catherine
McGuire's fault.

I am Presbyterian, but
they are Catholics.

It's okay, but because
they are quite nice,

and I like being high
up near the clouds.

Also, my father does not
mind Catholics too much,

as long as they are not
Jesuits who are the Vatican SS,

so we will leave
things as they are.

Please make sure this
does not happen again.

Yours faithfully,
Henrietta Begley.

Morning.

About time, sleepyhead.

Your tea's poured.

Thanks.

[Finn] My mum made
us a pack lunch.

Was she here this morning?

Why?

Nothin'.

She's away out already.

[Tom] Stop, children.

He's weird.

I've only done it a week.

What ya think?

It's way too long.

They only come in two sizes.

You look like a
half-melted snowman.

You reckon?

First day, eh?

You're gonna love it.

I'd love to be able
to play something,

maybe like a guitar, you know?

What's wrong with singing?

Sure I could do both.

Then I could like, serenade
Sandra under her window.

You'd have to sing bloody loud.

She lives on the ninth floor.

[horns honking]

Come on girls, move it, move it!

[engine rumbling]

Finula and Henrietta.

There.

Time to move on.

That's me, junior
choir, room 105.

What are you in?

Intermediate band.

You're central hall,
second floor, okay?

See you at dinnertime, gotta go.

[gentle flute music]

[people laughing]

[dramatic instrumental music]

[upbeat band music]

Ready?

Let's take that from bar 50.

Three, four.

[upbeat band music]

Havin' fun?

Should've heard the stuff
I was singin' this morning.

I was magic.

Giuseppe Verdi.

That's Italian for Joey Green.

What'd you do on the accordion?

We did lots of music
I'd never heard of.

So what?

As long as you hit the right
notes, it doesn't matter.

[sombre band music]

[Henri] Dear Mr. Handel,

I've been playing the
accordion for many years now,

but I have never before
played any of your music.

Recently, however,
I had occasion

to play your "Sonata
Number Three."

You may not have realised,

but you forgot to include
a part for the accordion.

As a result, Mr. Brady had
to write it out for me.

I would be grateful if
you would correct this

at your earliest
possible convenience.

Yours sincerely,
Henrietta Begley.

PS, you wrote two parts
for the saxophone,

but it's obvious
you only need one.

You been playing that long?

I got my first one
when I was six.

How's it work?

That there's the lungs,
and that's the heart.

You need big lungs
to sing proper.

That's why opera
singers are so fat.

Why do mushrooms like discos?

Because they're fungis.

What's yours?

What's green and hairy and...

I can't see it all yet.

Green and hairy and
goes up and down?

Gooseberry in a lift, heard it.

Talking of gooseberries.

Great, youse are back.

I need your help.

* Dah dah dah dah
dah dah dah dah *

* Dee dee dee dee
dee dee dee dee *

[Henri plays along]

That's it, that's it, magic!

[Tom humming]

[microphone squealing]

She'll love this.

Ready, Henri?

* Set me free, why
don't you babe *

* Get out my life,
why don't you babe *

[blow dryer whirring]

* 'Cause you don't
really love me *

* You just keep me hanging on *

[blow dryer whirring]

* Set me free, why
don't you babe *

I can't hold this!

-* Get out my life *
-Tom!

* Why don't you babe *

-[blow dryer whirring]
-[karaoke machine crashing]

[horn blares]

[gulls cawing]

[water splashing]

Come on, sink the Proddy pizza.

No surrender!

Ulster is finished,
no surrender!

Ulster is finished!

[water splashing]

No surrender,
Ulster is finished!

No surrender,
Ulster is finished!

[water splashing]

You cold?

Can you keep a secret?

You swear?

Finn?

[Angela] Boys, meet Henri.

Welcome to Little
England, Henri.

[radio crackling]

You a singer, too?

Henri here's an accordionist,
isn't that right, love?

[Finn] Are you going to come
and hear me sing tomorrow?

Not allowed.

Anyway, we're
moving out tomorrow.

Thanks.

[Man] Sorry, mate.

You never said anything.

We've only just heard ourselves.

Bang, bang, bang, you're dead.

There's no need for manned
posts in this area now.

We've been replaced with
cameras, it's cheaper.

[radio crackles]

Your go.

Why don't you show
the girls round?

I've seen it, come on!

Move it, Private Dougan.

[radio crackling]

There are a few posts
like this across the city.

Only on Republican flats.

They have to bring us in
and out by helicopter.

See anything suspicious?

It's all green.

Finn?

She's seen it all before.

[dog barking]

I like the clouds.

I've never been so close
to them in all my life,

except whenever it's foggy.

When there's no clouds,
you can see loads of stars.

They're the eyes of
the angels in heaven.

When they twinkle, that's
an angel winkin' at ya.

I could easily be an angel.

Does anyone else know
you come up here?

Only Tom.

Marie-Therese doesn't even
know, and she's my best friend.

I can tell you, 'cause
you're going tomorrow,

but don't ever tell
anyone, you swear?

Not even your daddy?

If you squeal, you'll
get knee-capped

or tar and feathered,
do ya hear?

Can you play buzz?

Okay then, every three.

One.

Two.

Buzz.

-Four.
-Five.

Buzz.

Belfast City
Transport Department.

Dear sir, it has recently
come to my attention

that your lollipop men
have to wear a uniform

that does not fit right.

This could cause an accident

when they are
standing in the road.

I think that you
should arrange fittings

for all lollipop men
to avoid this problem.

Yours faithfully,
Henrietta Begley.

[Henri knocks]

[lively orchestral music]

Yes, say two o'clock?

Two o'clock's fine.

Very well.

[Girl] See you later.

There you are, Henri.

I've been lookin'
all over for you.

["The Lily O"]

Good, well done.

Have you enjoyed
being in the festival?

Catherine tells me you're
staying with the Dougans.

Finula's in the junior
choir, isn't she?

And how have you two got on?

Okay.

Has she heard you
play the Lily O?

You know, some people were quite
surprised when I chose you.

We've never had an
accordion player before.

Is that 'cause no one
famous ever wrote for it?

I think it's more
to do with the fact

that this is not
considered by many people

to be a proper instrument.

But they're wrong, Henri.

The problem's not
the instrument,

it's the music that
usually gets played on it.

That's the problem.

You see, with talent like yours,

you could play much
more interesting music.

Do you like the music
you've been playing here?

Why?

Well, what sort of music
were you expecting to play?

Dunno, just music.

You're a very good sight
reader, aren't you, Henri?

Play that for me.

Take it to the first time bar.

[classical accordion music]

You see, Henri?

You could change our whole
attitude to the accordion.

Work on that for your solo,
you'll bring the house down.

But Daddy's comin' down special

to hear me do "The Lily O."

Well, you can surprise
him then, with this.

He'll love it!

He loves "The Lily
O," and so do I.

Henri, that's not the point.

What I mean is-

What's wrong with it?

Well, it's just...

Take the music with you, anyway.

[Finn humming]

Sounds okay to me.

Do you like it?

Really, I don't know what
you're moanin' about.

Least you get to play a solo.

But Daddy'll be upset if
I don't play "The Lily O."

It's bad enough, him
coming to Belfast.

He hasn't been since Mummy died.

Well, it's up to you.

God, you've written loads.

They're private!

What are they, love letters?

Give them back!

"Dear sir or madam,
with reference to-"

Give it back!

Get off, would you?

Gonna hurt me, girl?

I'll bite your feckin' fingers,

then we'll see how good
you are on that thing.

Come on ahead!

You think you're
clever, but you're not.

-Angela.
-Go away!

I've gotta go now.

Come on, love, please.

Ah, Finn, will ya?

Finn?

Piss off, and leave us alone.

[TV blaring]

Finn, look, just tell your
mom we'll be back later

for some of the gear.

Maybe I'll see you then.

Right, love?

[engines roaring]

[accordion squeaks]

[classical accordion music]

[helicopter whirring]

[engine rumbling]

[brakes hiss]

Finn, wait a minute.

We'll late already.

[doors slamming]

[gentle flute music]

Will you wait?

I'm sorry we're late,

but there were bomb
scares all over the town.

At least you made it.

I've had to completely
change the running order.

Am I on yet?

Let's see.

Henrietta, would you
mind going on next?

That'll give more time for
the others to get here.

That's not fair.

When do I get to sing?

When there's enough
present to make up a choir.

Now please, Finula, sit down!

Would you behave yourself?

Let's see, Henrietta.

It's "The Lily O," isn't it?

Or is it this?

Mr. Brady wasn't sure.

I wonder where he is.

Mrs. Dougan, if
you come with me,

I'll show you where
the auditorium is.

Thanks very much.

You really gonna play an
Orange march out there?

Do you hate my music?

I don't really know it.

Suppose it's a bit like
loads of Republican songs.

The tune's usually
better than the words.

Trouble is, when they
see you out there,

they'll see the Glorious Twelfth

with the banging drums and
all, and get a wee bit scared.

Better if you
played "The Lily O"

on the piano, they'd love it.

But the accordion's
all I ever learned.

Oh, but you know a few
other tunes on it now.

[gentle flute music]

[engine rumbling]

[brakes hiss]

[gentle flute music]

[audience applauds]

Henri?

Your father just phoned.

He's not coming?

No, I'm afraid not.

He asked me to make sure you
got home on the school bus.

I'm sure you must be
very disappointed.

Don't worry, we'll cheer her on.

[audience applauds]

[people coughing]

[people whispering]

Henri?

Catherine?

I think you should
leave them alone.

Let's go.

[Catherine sighs]

When are we goin' on?

You may not be on
for ages, if at all!

[Catherine sighs]

Come on now, love.

You'll be all right.

There'll be other times.

Seems a pity you
comin' all this way

and not even
playing, doesn't it?

Leave it to your manager.

What are you two scheming?

Shut up and drive.

["The Lily O"]

Forget it, she's leaving.

Come on, let's head.

Come on, catch a grip.

I don't know.

You're dead boring,
Finula Dougan.

[pleasant clarinet music]

[audience applauds]

[pleasant accordion music]

[Dougans applaud]

[classical accordion music]

[helicopter whirring]

Stay there, stay there!

[classical accordion music]

Henri?

[classical accordion music]

[engine rumbling]

[pleasant accordion music]

[Henri] Marshall's
Ice Cream Limited.

Dear sir, during a
recent visit to Belfast,

I had quite a few
Funny Fran ice lollies,

and not one of them
has been funny.

Therefore, I think you should
either find another person

to write your jokes, or
call them something else.

Yours faithfully,
Henrietta Begley.