Schooled (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 17 - Garden Party - full transcript

Back in the '90s, there
was nothing we all dreaded more

than parent-teacher conferences.

My classroom was filled
with distractions,

so I always kept my expectations low.

So, Tom's been doing really well,

and I have seen so much growth
from him this past year.

As far as a plan moving forward...

Mr. Scott, you really want
to play the drums, don't you?

Go ahead.

Each teacher had their own way
to deal with parents.

Coach Mellor took a hard line.



Now I know why Eric
has no core strength.

It's not him, it's weak genes.

Hopefully, you guys will be
a little better at running laps.

Whereas Wilma took the path
of least resistance.

Karen is a joy to have in class
and making steady progress.

Jessica is a joy to have in class

and making steady progress.

Logan is a joy to have in class

and making steady progress.

But it did come at a cost...

But no one took more pride

in his parent-teacher
conferences than CB.

He really went all out.

Hey, CB. Or should I say, "Aloha."



You got the theme.

Does anyone not?

Oui, oui! Bonjour!

Ah, John, please feel free

to help yourself to some coconut shrimp.

Mmm!

It's like a regular shrimp
went on a tropical vacation

in my mouth.

Plus this ukulele music.

You're really capturing the spirit

of the islands there, Johnny.

Mahalo.

Oh, and last but not least...

the "surf's up" backdrop
with fun props for pictures.

Photo backdrop? That's a little lame.

Are adults really gonna go for that?

Whoa! Hang 10, dudes!

♪ One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here ♪

♪ Live your life and finally be free ♪

♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do ♪

♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪

It was March 25th, 1990-something

and Glascott had just returned

from the state's annual
principals' conference.

- Good morning.
- Oh, hey, John.

How was the Pennsylvania State Education

Leadership Conference weekend?

Ah, the P-SELC.

It was two wild nights, a wild day,
and one calm morning

at the beautiful Holiday
Inn Express in Harrisburg.

Well, I should go prepare
for my first class.

You're right, it does get crazy.

- Yeah, I didn't say anything about...
- After checking in,

we all met at the hotel bar
for Chardonnay,

made dinner
out of the free hors d'oeuvres,

and then took a dive
into the indoor swimming pool.

If you know what I mean.

Usually, "if you know what I mean"

is preceded by innuendo

that could possibly
be taken as interesting.

I know what you mean.

- Any school-related stuff come up?
- Absolutely.

There were several presentations

on innovative educational techniques...

self grading, circular classrooms,

Microsoft Encarta.

Oh, my favorite... edible gardens.

- Somebody say "edible gardens"?
- Yes, a school garden

where the kids can grow
their own healthy foods.

- I've been waiting for this day.
- Mm-hmm.

I shall set an example
by growing my own food.

I'll be the hero
we've all been waiting for.

And the kids can study
the chemicals in the soil

and photosynthesis.

Oh, and I have a great idea
for a scarecrow.

He's a veteran big city cop

who's grown "too old for this [bleep]"

so he moves to the country
for a quieter life.

All right, so, we all want the
garden for different reasons.

Hey, Mr. Brown.

Hey, Weasel.

I was wondering, um,
when my dad comes in tonight,

can you maybe skip the whole
"really bad grades" part

and focus on the "gets to class
on time" part?

- But you're always late.
- Yeah, could you skip that part, too?

Weasel, telling your dad
about your progress

is kind of the whole point of
the parent-teacher conference.

But he's so psyched
about me going to college,

and, let's be real,
he's gonna be super bummed

when he realizes I'm not smart enough.

Don't say that. You're smart.

You really think so?

College is in the cards
for you. All right?

And I'm gonna help you through
the application process.

I got your back, buddy.

- Thanks, Mr. Brown.
- Happy to help.

All right.

I'm gonna peel off here

because these pineapples
are poking me in the nips.

That's cool.

Later that night,
parent-teacher conferences

were in full swing,

which meant CB was in his element.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, aloha!

Mr. Brown.

We haven't met before.
I'm Weasel's dad, Greg.

Nice to meet you. You can call me CB.

Come on in, take a seat.

So, I saw he got
that 68 on the last midterm.

Yeah, he normally does better than that.

Well, that could be on me.

The night before the test,
I surprised him

with two tickets to Penn & Teller,

and, uh, we were out pretty late.

Wait, Penn & Teller?
The masters of sarcastic magic?

Oh, man, the Ticketmaster guy

told me that those shows were sold out

and no amount of my tears
would change it.

Well, I'm the event coordinator
at the Spectrum,

so I wind up getting all sorts
of tickets... Ice Capades,

monster truck rallies, X Games...

- The X Games happening right now?
- Yeah.

Have you seen
BMX Street god Garrett Reynolds?

If you've seen BMX Street god
Garrett Reynolds,

I will literally kill you.

Whoa. Beep, beep!
Super fan coming through.

- Honk!
- Would you like me to get you some tickets?

Kssh! "Uh, Earth to Greg.

Uh, CB would love to get those tickets.

It's his dream." Kssh!

Kssh! "Greg here.

Tickets are locked
and ready for takeoff."

Kssh!

We play so well together.

Listen... about that 68.

Gosh, I wish there was a way

we could move him out of "D"

into... into C-ville, you know?

Weasel's a good kid,
and I suppose I can give him

a little extra credit work,

hopefully get him
on that train to C-ville.

I knew you were a cool guy.

I am. I'm a cool guy.

As CB met the friend of his dreams,

Mellor and Wilma were on cloud
nine in their new garden.

What in the H-E-double canoe
paddles is going on here?!

I think you mean what's
growing on here, Mr. Ball,

because this is our new
edible, raised garden!

It's an amazing, hands-on

educational experience for the students.

It's also smack dab in
the middle of my parking spot!

You see that sign?
It's perfectly clear...

"reserved for board members."

Come on, Earl. Nobody parks
in these spots anymore.

I know that 'cause a squirrel
died here three years ago

and the skeleton
just blew away last week.

Couldn't you just maybe park
in the visitor's lot?

Visitor's lot?!

Are you really suggesting

that the former principal
of this school for two decades

is a visitor?

Oh, hi, Earl. Are you here to
get the "411" on the convention?

Because things got crazy.

They had a sign that said "No Diving."

This guy dove.

How could you let them put
a garden in my parking spot?

Now, these two suggest
I just take a visitor's spot.

Visitor's spot!

Homie don't play that.

Well, a garden is a wonderful
learning tool, Earl.

That type of radical decision
requires authorization.

Well, I thought it was such
a slam dunk, I just moved ahead.

And Wilma and I agreed.

Oh, you and Wilma agreed?

Gosh, why didn't you
tell me that to begin with?

Well, that changes nothing!

Now, as your superior...

and the reason why
you have this job at all...

I expect you to take care
of this tout de suite.

Of course. I'll, uh...
I'll have the garden removed.

- Oh, hell no.
- Come on, John.

He's right. I should've
followed the proper channels.

I'll go move my car,
and you can take my space today.

What the hell just happened?

John's always like that
when it comes to Ball.

He never pushes back.

Well, you know who pushes back?

- I'm guessing you?
- Me.

I guessed right.

Go left, Johnny. Go left.

Yo, yo, yo!

Guess who went
to the X Games last night?

I hope it was you, otherwise your
outfit's ridiculous for no reason.

It was me.

Oh, and also, look at my swag bag.

Cool. What'd we get?

I got these gnarly shades.

Pretty rad, I think, huh?

Both gnarly and rad?

Oh, man. I gotta process this.

Oh, also, check out this extreme...
mouse pad. Huh?

It's an extreme koozie. Yeah?

Can I get a what-what?

Sure, what-what makes
these things extreme?

'Cause I got them at the X Games
and they were extremely free.

How are you getting free stuff
at the X Games?

Weasel's dad Greg took me.
He's got connections.

Ohh, Weasel's dad.

- I think the guy's a little shady.
- What? Why?

First of all, my friend Carla said so.

Greg's her step-dad.

Duh. That's why she doesn't like him.

Nobody likes step-dads.

They've got secrets and mysterious pasts

and second families.

You watch a lot of
Lifetime movies, don't you?

I do, yeah.

But I've met Greg,

and he's the slick,
connected, player type,

so I'm just not really sure why...

Why he'd wanna hang around with me?

Is that what you're...
Is that what you're saying?

No, it is not. I... Um...

You know, you guys
are always trying to push me

to do things outside of school,

and then when I finally do it,
you want to stop me?

I'm just trying to help you out
because I'm your friend.

I don't need to be looked out for, okay?

Because the only vibe
that I get from Greg

is that he's gnarly and rad.

Kind of like my extreme shades.

But that's okay because I got

this extreme eyeglass repair kit.

I-I-I can fix the lid with one of these.

It had been a day since Glascott
had given in to Ball's demands.

And it was really taking a toll on him.

- You okay?
- Visitor parking is full.

I had to park over at Willow Grove Mall.

That's like two miles away.

Yeah, no Tae Bo for me tonight.

You should've stood up to Ball, John.

He was right. I need to follow
proper protocol.

Protocol shmotocol!

By taking the first word

and rhyming it
with a nonsensical second word,

I have conveyed
my dismissive opinion of it.

We had to get rid of the garden
for right now,

but maybe after we go through
the proper channels,

we can get it back again.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I need to go pre-arrange
transportation back to my car

for after work.

Nice try, but Ball has got
a strange hold on him.

Well, then we'll have to do something.

- Kill Ball?
- No!

Look, if we go get all the other members

to agree to the garden,

Ball's outvoted.

Right. We should do that first.

- John will love that we did that.
- Mm-hmm.

You went to the Board?!
Why would you do that?!

- That's an odd way to display love.
- But it worked!

The Board gave up their
parking spaces for the garden.

And Ball can't fight the rest
of the board, so problem solved.

- Yay.
- "Problem solved"?

Why is this happening?

Okay, long story short,
this is now my office.

Well, actually, that's the entire story.

It's neither long
nor has it been shortened.

Why are you doing this, Earl?

'Cause I directed you
to remove the garden,

and then Mork and Mindy here,

they went around behind
your back and over my head.

You lost control of the faculty, John.

So I'm stepping in,
I'm taking hold of the rudder

until the ship is righted.

This is not the outcome we foresaw.

Shazbot.

Mellor and Wilma's plan had backfired,

but CB was moving forward with
his agreement to help Weasel.

All right, Weasel, let's take
this college essay

by the horns, all right?

We just got to find something
that you can write five pages on.

Five pages?

Dude, that's, like, a gazillion words.

- Actually, it's about 1,200.
- That's still a lot.

It's okay. We're gonna take it
one step at a time here.

So, we just got to find
a topic that you connect with.

All right? So, let's see. Um...

How about "Biggest Obstacle
You've Ever Encountered?"

That's easy. This essay.

We're not gonna do that.

How about "Most Exciting Place
You've Ever Visited"?

Geno's Cheesesteaks. No, wait.

Pat's Cheesesteaks. No, wait.

Geno's has the cheesesteaks,
but Pat's has the fries.

- Gah!
- Moving on.

How about "Who Do You
Admire Most And Why?"

I feel like you could
connect to this one really well.

'Cause if I'm writing it,
it's about your dad.

- Yeah, maybe.
- Maybe?

I mean, he is smart, he's funny,
he's got a great job,

he knows famous people,
he's got great hair.

He's pretty awesome.

If we're talking awesome dudes
with great hair,

that's my best bud Ronnie all the way.

Uh, CB?

It seems Weasel's father

is calling my phone for you.

Oh, yeah, I gave him your number

so he could reach me at any time.

Greg-ster, what's up, man?

Hey, is it okay
if I give Ronnie your number?

- No.
- That's okay.

He's usually right next to me.

You will not believe this.

Greg just invited me

to go see David Copperfield
with him tonight.

Hey, my dad took me to that show
a couple nights ago.

He cuts a woman in half and then...

Well, I don't want to spoil it.

He puts her back together?

Oh, cool. You've seen it, too.

Not only am I going to
go see David Copperfield,

but I am meeting him before the show.

And the Shiffmeister's gonna be there.

"The West Wing's" Richard Schiff?

- No, Claudia Schiffer.
- That makes more sense.

Anyway, I got to skate on
out of here, so...

So, we're done working
on my college essay?

Weasel, one second on that.

Um, CB, can we have a quick chat
in the hallway?

- Yes.
- Mm-hmm.

What are you doing?

You're just gonna
leave Weasel high and dry?

Shoot.

Could you step in for me and
help him with his college essay?

You teach reading and writing.
I am the music teacher.

Well, the key word here
is "teacher," so...

- You got this.
- No.

I can't believe you're ditching
Weasel for Greg.

Or are you just upset
because he actually

- likes hanging out with me?
- No.

I'm upset because
you're acting more like Greg

- than you are yourself.
- How do you figure?

Well, Greg took Weasel out when
he should have been studying,

and now you're going out with Greg

when you should be helping Weasel study.

No, see, I'm still helping.

Weasel's writing about the person

that he admires most, which is Greg.

So by hanging out with him,
I'll then gain information

about how admirable he is,

which I can then go and tell Weasel.

Whatever you wanna tell yourself.

Thank you!

CB wasn't changing his outlook.

But as for the principal's office,

it had undergone some minor
changes of its own.

Can I help you, young man?

I need to see the principal.

And you've come to the right place.

How come you're out here
and not in your office?

I felt I was too removed from
the students and the faculty,

so I decided to climb down
from my ivory tower

and, uh, become
a man of the people again.

Also, Ball kicked him out of his office.

- He's in there now.
- Yes.

That and a little bit
of the ivory tower thing, too.

But I'm still your principal.

Is Martha the principal, too?

- Yes!
- No, you're not.

Oh, I was unsure.

There's been a lot of changes recently.

Martha, I need to dictate a memo.

Go nuts.

Yes, I authorize that, Martha.

The following policy changes
go into effect immediately.

First, this school will no longer have

a student suggestion box.

But that was my suggestion.

And that box is a great way
for the students to feel

as though they have a say
in their own education.

Yeah, it's a gone-zo.

Next, we will no longer be holding

ice cream social Fridays.

- Which day will it be on?
- Never day.

That's not a real day, and you know it.

And also that's my idea.

Next, I was thinking of doing away

with Glascott's "Good Guys
and Great Gals" picture wall.

All right, I'm beginning to think
that this is personal, Earl.

You're clearly trying to undo
everything that I've done

since I've become principal,

starting with the garden.

Yes. That reminds me.

Martha, did you get the forklift
to remove the garden

and put it in John's driveway?

Okay, Earl,
I understand that you're upset

about your parking spaces,

but this is too much.

John, what's going on?

Ball finally pushed me too far.

And now you're pushing back.

Yes, I am.

- Ooh, I love it when this happens.
- Me too.

As Glascott was more
fired up than ever before,

CB was pumped to hang out
with his cool new friend.

This is the best.

I can't believe I'm meeting
David Copperfield tonight

and David Copperfield's
supermodel girlfriend.

What should I say, by the way?

CB, relax. David and Claudia
are normal people.

They put on
their skin-tight leather pants

one leg at a time, just like you and me.

- Phew! That's good to hear.
- You'll be fine.

I mean, it's not like
you're some nerdy fanboy

who's gonna do some lame
magic trick in front of him.

Of course not!

That would be so ridiculous,
wouldn't it?

Greg, G, I just wanted to say
thank you for all this.

Between tonight and the X Games,
I just... I really owe you one.

That's what friends are for, right?

- Absolutely.
- I mean, it's a two-way street.

- You'll find a way to pay me back.
- Yeah, of course.

I mean, I don't know
what I could possibly offer you

that's gonna compete
with all this, but...

Actually, I just thought of something.

Maybe you could do me
another solid with Weasel.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. You name it.

I appreciate you helping him

with his college essay and everything.

It's just that he might need
more than a little nudge.

So, you're asking me to... what?

I mean, maybe you could...
write it for him.

No, that... that's plagiarism.

That's the biggest crime
an English teacher

could possibly commit.

Full disclosure, I took that sentence

from my college English professor.

Those are not my words.

Okay, how about this?

What if he held the pencil and wrote

while you dictated the words?

That way, he'd be writing it himself.

Then we'd be square for everything.

Greg, have you been
inviting me to hang out with you

because you want me
to cheat for your son?

Cheating, helping...
it's the way of the world.

Well, I thought it was a different deal,

where we were friends,
but I-I guess not.

All right. I feel really stupid.

Say hi to David for me, okay?

Glascott had finally taken
a stand against Ball,

and he was going to do
the same for the garden.

I'm proud of you, John.

It's good to see
the big dog still has bite.

And I'm proud of you
for fighting for our garden.

Although you could have chained yourself

to something more sturdy.

You think I shoulda went
with the bean trellis?

Seems like a lateral move.

What the hell?

Hey, I got orders to forklift
that garden out of here.

I've been good to you
all these years, Johnny.

How can you take Earl Ball's side?

I'm just a workin' man trying
to stay employed to pay my rent.

If I'm a day late, my mom will
put my ass out on the streets.

She's tough, but fair.

Uh-oh. Ball's coming in hot.

John! What's going on here?

- Please stop this.
- I can't.

I dropped the key in the dirt,

and then I was trying to find the key,

and I kicked more dirt around,

so I can't find the key.

This is insane.

Now, get out of here

so Johnny can haul this out of here.

I'm principal here, Earl, not you.

And who got you that job, John?

- You did.
- That's right.

But that was years ago,

and you won't let me forget it.

And all this time, I felt like
I owed you for this job.

But you know what, Earl?

I earned this job.

- Bring it, John.
- Tell him, John!

And the only people a principal
owes anything to

are my staff and my students.

They tell you that at the conference?

No, Earl.

You told me that
when you gave me this job.

Johnny, we're done here.

You did it, John.

That's great. Thank you, everyone.

Now, everyone grab a hoe
and help me find the key.

So, how was the night with Greg?

Hope it was worth it.

Um... it wasn't, because you were right.

Uh, Greg was using me.

He asked me to write
Weasel's college essay for him.

- I'm sorry.
- Eh, I guess I'm just a gullible idiot

for thinking a guy like him
would wanna hang around with me.

You are a way better guy than Greg.

It's his loss he doesn't
get to hang around with you.

Then how come last night, he partied

with David Copperfield
and Claudia Schiffer

and I just went straight home
and watched

a "Boy Meets World" marathon on cable?

Because he's a user and a d-bag

and you're a sweet, trusting guy

who always sees the best in people.

Honestly, it's, like,
my favorite thing about you.

Thank you. That's very sweet.

I just can't believe I let Weasel down

just to hang with a guy
I thought was cool

at a cool event.

First... not that cool
of an event. At all.

Yeah, but I heard he made the crack

in the Liberty Bell disappear.

Yeah, when it's under the blanket,

he spins it around to the other side.

- Big whoop.
- No.

N...

Oh. Yeah.

But the showmanship, though.

And second,
you still have plenty of time

to make things right with Weasel.

Thanks, Lain.

Now go work your magic.

Okay.

John, you were right.

I was trying to undo
all of your hard work.

Why would you do that, Earl?

I think lately, I've been feeling

more and more like
a ceremonial figurehead.

Regal in stature,
but still ultimately symbolic.

Not unlike the Queen of England.

But people love the Queen.
And her namesake band.

Well, it's just I miss
being a principal so much

and... and making a difference
in the way you do every day

since you've been principal.

And... I guess that parking spot?

Parking spot was my last real
connection to this school.

And when you guys
put a garden on it, it just...

Hey, Earl, without you,

the school wouldn't be what it is today.

You planted the seeds.

I'm just here tending the garden.

Thank you very much, John.

Yeah.

So, will you name the garden after me?

Sure.

And if you're not too busy,

you wanna stick around
and get some coffee?

I'd love to give you the 4-1-1

on what went down
at the principals' conference.

I would love that. Thank you.

Well, first off, they still give you

the extra mint under your pillow,

but you got to call ahead
and ask for it,

if you know what I mean.

Oh, my.

Sometimes in life,

you have to take a stand
for what you believe in,

even if it means standing up
to one of your closest friends.

'Cause even though
it can be intimidating,

when you persevere, there's no
greater feeling in the world.

Because you know in your heart
it's the right thing to do.

So don't be scared.

Because the truth is,

new and exciting things
will grow out of the situation

or maybe even blossom bigger than ever.

Weasel.

How'd the essay go about your dad?

I think you should just read it.

Oh, my gosh.

You wrote this about me?

What can I say?
You're a huge inspiration to me.

In the end, you'll realize
that it was all worth it.

Okay, so we all agree
that Greg turned out to be...

- A huge douche, yeah.
- Yes, el douche grande.

That aside, he did have
some very cool accoutrement

that I feel like I can pull off.

Oh, like the bitchin' outfit
you're wearing right now?

- Like this hat.
- Does that come with a paper route?

- Gold hoop earring.
- He only gave you one?

Bam. Fanny pack.

German virgin who's on a trip
with his family.

- What about this pager?
- Cool!

Five years ago.

Also, super-stylin' Mandarin collar.

- I hate that on you.
- All right.

Attention, all!

The harvest from my section
of the garden has arrived.

I give you nature's bounty!

Oh, my gosh. I didn't know
we planted baby corn.

No, that's just corn.

I don't get it. I thought
I saw some great vegetables.

Unfortunately,
the bus parks next to my box,

blocking any direct sunlight.

Oh! Cute little blueberries?

I didn't know you were planting these.

That's hard gum.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com