Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 2, Episode 22 - Shelley Duvall/Joan Armatrading - full transcript
The host for the episode is Shelley Duvall, and the musical guest is Joan Armatrading. The skits for this episode are as follows: The opening act is interrupted by an announcement that NBC wants to get their money's worth out of t...
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO
ABOUT IT.
I MEAN, I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT
ABOUT IT.
I MEAN, I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT
IT.
I MEAN, I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT
IT.
I'M SORRY.
IT.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S TYPICAL!
I'M SORRY.
IT'S TYPICAL!
IT'S JUST TYPICAL.
IT'S TYPICAL!
IT'S JUST TYPICAL.
LISTEN.
IT'S JUST TYPICAL.
LISTEN.
WE'RE ALL REHEARSED.
LISTEN.
WE'RE ALL REHEARSED.
LOOK.
WE'RE ALL REHEARSED.
LOOK.
I'M IN THE COSTUME.
LOOK.
I'M IN THE COSTUME.
I'M ALL READY.
I'M IN THE COSTUME.
I'M ALL READY.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO?
I'M ALL READY.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO?
I JUST GOT THE WORD MYSELF.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO?
I JUST GOT THE WORD MYSELF.
HI.
I JUST GOT THE WORD MYSELF.
HI.
I'M NOT MISS USA.
HI.
I'M NOT MISS USA.
I'M SHELLEY DUVALL.
I'M NOT MISS USA.
I'M SHELLEY DUVALL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M SHELLEY DUVALL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OH!
ORIGINALLY, WE WERE GONNA START
OH!
ORIGINALLY, WE WERE GONNA START
THE SHOW TONIGHT WITH ME AND
ORIGINALLY, WE WERE GONNA START
THE SHOW TONIGHT WITH ME AND
JOHN BELUSHI DOING THE LOVE
THE SHOW TONIGHT WITH ME AND
JOHN BELUSHI DOING THE LOVE
SCENE FROM THE "FLIGHT OF THE
JOHN BELUSHI DOING THE LOVE
SCENE FROM THE "FLIGHT OF THE
BUMBLEBEE."
SCENE FROM THE "FLIGHT OF THE
BUMBLEBEE."
THAT'S HOW COME I'M DRESSED LIKE
BUMBLEBEE."
THAT'S HOW COME I'M DRESSED LIKE
THIS.
THAT'S HOW COME I'M DRESSED LIKE
THIS.
BUT JUST NOW A NETWORK EXECUTIVE
THIS.
BUT JUST NOW A NETWORK EXECUTIVE
CONTACTED OUR PRODUCER,
BUT JUST NOW A NETWORK EXECUTIVE
CONTACTED OUR PRODUCER,
LORNE MICHAELS, AND WE HAD TO
CONTACTED OUR PRODUCER,
LORNE MICHAELS, AND WE HAD TO
CHANGE OUR PLANS.
LORNE MICHAELS, AND WE HAD TO
CHANGE OUR PLANS.
YOU SEE, THERE'S THIS MEMO HERE.
CHANGE OUR PLANS.
YOU SEE, THERE'S THIS MEMO HERE.
[CHUCKLES]
YOU SEE, THERE'S THIS MEMO HERE.
[CHUCKLES]
"TO ALL NBC PRODUCERS... BECAUSE
[CHUCKLES]
"TO ALL NBC PRODUCERS... BECAUSE
OF THE HIGH COST-PER-MINUTE
"TO ALL NBC PRODUCERS... BECAUSE
OF THE HIGH COST-PER-MINUTE
RATIO OF THE RECENT
OF THE HIGH COST-PER-MINUTE
RATIO OF THE RECENT
DUANE BOBICK-KEN NORTON FIGHT,
RATIO OF THE RECENT
DUANE BOBICK-KEN NORTON FIGHT,
TELECAST ORIGINALLY ON MAY 11th,
DUANE BOBICK-KEN NORTON FIGHT,
TELECAST ORIGINALLY ON MAY 11th,
WHICH UNFORTUNATELY LASTED ONLY
TELECAST ORIGINALLY ON MAY 11th,
WHICH UNFORTUNATELY LASTED ONLY
58 SECONDS, ALL NBC PROGRAMS
WHICH UNFORTUNATELY LASTED ONLY
58 SECONDS, ALL NBC PROGRAMS
BROADCAST BETWEEN NOW AND
58 SECONDS, ALL NBC PROGRAMS
BROADCAST BETWEEN NOW AND
JUNE 15th WILL BEGIN WITH THE
BROADCAST BETWEEN NOW AND
JUNE 15th WILL BEGIN WITH THE
AFOREMENTIONED BOBICK-NORTON
JUNE 15th WILL BEGIN WITH THE
AFOREMENTIONED BOBICK-NORTON
FIGHT.
AFOREMENTIONED BOBICK-NORTON
FIGHT.
KINDEST REGARDS, PROGRAMMING
FIGHT.
KINDEST REGARDS, PROGRAMMING
UNIT AC-917."
KINDEST REGARDS, PROGRAMMING
UNIT AC-917."
WELL, THAT'S BIG BUSINESS.
UNIT AC-917."
WELL, THAT'S BIG BUSINESS.
SO HERE WE GO.
WELL, THAT'S BIG BUSINESS.
SO HERE WE GO.
I THINK.
SO HERE WE GO.
I THINK.
[BELL DINGS]
I THINK.
[BELL DINGS]
[LAUGHTER]
THEY CUT THE LOVE SCENE FROM
THE "FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE"
FOR THIS?
THE "FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE"
FOR THIS?
HEY, I WAS WATCHING THAT.
FOR THIS?
HEY, I WAS WATCHING THAT.
YEAH, WELL, CATCH IT IN
HEY, I WAS WATCHING THAT.
YEAH, WELL, CATCH IT IN
RERUNS.
YEAH, WELL, CATCH IT IN
RERUNS.
IT'S DRIVING ME UP THE WALL.
RERUNS.
IT'S DRIVING ME UP THE WALL.
BACK OFF, MISS LINT HAIR.
IT'S DRIVING ME UP THE WALL.
BACK OFF, MISS LINT HAIR.
MISS LOOKS LIKE SHE SLEPT IN A
BACK OFF, MISS LINT HAIR.
MISS LOOKS LIKE SHE SLEPT IN A
DOGGIE BAG.
MISS LOOKS LIKE SHE SLEPT IN A
DOGGIE BAG.
WHY, YOU...
DOGGIE BAG.
WHY, YOU...
NO! STOP IT!
WHY, YOU...
NO! STOP IT!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU
NO! STOP IT!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU
TWO!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU
TWO!
KNOCK IT OFF! KNOCK IT OFF!
TWO!
KNOCK IT OFF! KNOCK IT OFF!
OR I'LL PUT YOUR DENTIST IN A
KNOCK IT OFF! KNOCK IT OFF!
OR I'LL PUT YOUR DENTIST IN A
NEW TAX BRACKET.
OR I'LL PUT YOUR DENTIST IN A
NEW TAX BRACKET.
AW, SHUT UP, OR I'LL LET THE
NEW TAX BRACKET.
AW, SHUT UP, OR I'LL LET THE
AIR OUT OF YOUR LEGS.
AW, SHUT UP, OR I'LL LET THE
AIR OUT OF YOUR LEGS.
GIVE ME THAT!
AIR OUT OF YOUR LEGS.
GIVE ME THAT!
THANK GOD YOU MAKE MOVIES
GIVE ME THAT!
THANK GOD YOU MAKE MOVIES
WITH A BETTER CLASS OF PEOPLE.
THANK GOD YOU MAKE MOVIES
WITH A BETTER CLASS OF PEOPLE.
HEY, HEY!
WITH A BETTER CLASS OF PEOPLE.
HEY, HEY!
NICE TEETH.
HEY, HEY!
NICE TEETH.
WHY DON'T YOU TATTOO "STEINWAY"
NICE TEETH.
WHY DON'T YOU TATTOO "STEINWAY"
ON YOUR UPPER LIP?
WHY DON'T YOU TATTOO "STEINWAY"
ON YOUR UPPER LIP?
YEAH, SHELLEY, WHAT DID YOU
ON YOUR UPPER LIP?
YEAH, SHELLEY, WHAT DID YOU
DO, BRUSH YOUR WAY TO THE TOP?
YEAH, SHELLEY, WHAT DID YOU
DO, BRUSH YOUR WAY TO THE TOP?
YEAH.
DO, BRUSH YOUR WAY TO THE TOP?
YEAH.
YOU SELDOM FIND EYES LIKE THAT
YEAH.
YOU SELDOM FIND EYES LIKE THAT
OUTSIDE OF A MOUSE CARTOON.
YOU SELDOM FIND EYES LIKE THAT
OUTSIDE OF A MOUSE CARTOON.
HEH!
OUTSIDE OF A MOUSE CARTOON.
HEH!
I'VE NEVER DONE LIVE
HEH!
I'VE NEVER DONE LIVE
TELEVISION.
I'VE NEVER DONE LIVE
TELEVISION.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, YOU
TELEVISION.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, YOU
KNOW?
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, YOU
KNOW?
IT'S JUST TOO MUCH.
KNOW?
IT'S JUST TOO MUCH.
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT TO DO
IT'S JUST TOO MUCH.
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT TO DO
TELEVISION, YOU BETTER LEARN TO
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT TO DO
TELEVISION, YOU BETTER LEARN TO
TAKE IT, CUPCAKE.
TELEVISION, YOU BETTER LEARN TO
TAKE IT, CUPCAKE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
TAKE IT, CUPCAKE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT,
THAT'S RIGHT.
IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT,
STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN, OKAY?
IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT,
STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN, OKAY?
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN, OKAY?
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WE ALL KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WE ALL KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WE WERE ONCE SERIOUS ACTRESSES.
WE ALL KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WE WERE ONCE SERIOUS ACTRESSES.
REALLY?
WE WERE ONCE SERIOUS ACTRESSES.
REALLY?
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.
REALLY?
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.
BUT WEEKLY TV MADE US TOUGH.
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.
BUT WEEKLY TV MADE US TOUGH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, HONEY?
BUT WEEKLY TV MADE US TOUGH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, HONEY?
WISE UP, SWEETHEART.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, HONEY?
WISE UP, SWEETHEART.
YOU GOT A WHOLE SHOW TO HOST OUT
WISE UP, SWEETHEART.
YOU GOT A WHOLE SHOW TO HOST OUT
THERE.
YOU GOT A WHOLE SHOW TO HOST OUT
THERE.
GET WITH IT OR GET OUT!
THERE.
GET WITH IT OR GET OUT!
ALL RIGHT.
GET WITH IT OR GET OUT!
ALL RIGHT.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, KID.
ALL RIGHT.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, KID.
WITH PORES THAT SIZE, YOU COULD
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, KID.
WITH PORES THAT SIZE, YOU COULD
DRILL FOR OIL.
WITH PORES THAT SIZE, YOU COULD
DRILL FOR OIL.
OKAY, SHELLEY!
DRILL FOR OIL.
OKAY, SHELLEY!
OH, WHICH ONE OF YOU LOWLIFES
OKAY, SHELLEY!
OH, WHICH ONE OF YOU LOWLIFES
PUT A CIGARETTE OUT IN MY TAB?
OH, WHICH ONE OF YOU LOWLIFES
PUT A CIGARETTE OUT IN MY TAB?
NOT ME!
PUT A CIGARETTE OUT IN MY TAB?
NOT ME!
OKAY, GALS, LET'S GO.
NOT ME!
OKAY, GALS, LET'S GO.
YOU GOT 30 SECONDS.
OKAY, GALS, LET'S GO.
YOU GOT 30 SECONDS.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN
YOU GOT 30 SECONDS.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN
HERE.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN
HERE.
OOH, 30 SECONDS! OKAY!
Announcer: GARRETT MORRIS,
BILL MURRAY, LARAINE NEWMAN,
AND GILDA RADNER.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE VIDEO
VIXENS.
[UP-TEMPO INTRODUCTION PLAYS]
WHOO!
♪ THEY CALL US JOKE JUNKIES
AND PUNCH-LINE PUNKS ♪
♪ THEY CALL US JOKE JUNKIES
AND PUNCH-LINE PUNKS ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE HEAR THEM TALKIN'
AND PUNCH-LINE PUNKS ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE HEAR THEM TALKIN'
WE GET IN COAST-TO-COAST FUNKS ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE HEAR THEM TALKIN'
WE GET IN COAST-TO-COAST FUNKS ♪
♪ BUT THEY CAN JUST SAY
WE GET IN COAST-TO-COAST FUNKS ♪
♪ BUT THEY CAN JUST SAY
WHAT THEY WANT ♪
♪ BUT THEY CAN JUST SAY
WHAT THEY WANT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE REMEMBER STICKS AND
WHAT THEY WANT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE REMEMBER STICKS AND
STONES CAN'T BREAK THE BONES
♪ 'CAUSE WE REMEMBER STICKS AND
STONES CAN'T BREAK THE BONES
OF A VIDEO VIXEN ♪
STONES CAN'T BREAK THE BONES
OF A VIDEO VIXEN ♪
HEY!
OF A VIDEO VIXEN ♪
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
HEY!
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
♪ AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
♪ AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
OUR LICKS IN ♪
♪ AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
OUR LICKS IN ♪
♪ EVERY WEEK
OUR LICKS IN ♪
♪ EVERY WEEK
FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF ♪
♪ EVERY WEEK
FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF ♪
♪ ALL WE WANT TO DO
FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF ♪
♪ ALL WE WANT TO DO
IS MAKE YOU...
♪ ALL WE WANT TO DO
IS MAKE YOU...
♪ LAUGH HARD ♪
IS MAKE YOU...
♪ LAUGH HARD ♪
♪ UHH UHH ♪
♪ LAUGH HARD ♪
♪ UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ WHEN WE COME ON
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ WHEN WE COME ON
TO YOUR SCREEN,
♪ WHEN WE COME ON
TO YOUR SCREEN,
IT MAKES US FEEL
TO YOUR SCREEN,
IT MAKES US FEEL
JUST LIKE A QUEEN ♪
IT MAKES US FEEL
JUST LIKE A QUEEN ♪
♪ ALL WE WANNA DO ONCE A WEEK
JUST LIKE A QUEEN ♪
♪ ALL WE WANNA DO ONCE A WEEK
IS TO PUT OUR TONGUE
♪ ALL WE WANNA DO ONCE A WEEK
IS TO PUT OUR TONGUE
IN YOUR CHEEK ♪
IS TO PUT OUR TONGUE
IN YOUR CHEEK ♪
♪ BABA WAWA MAKES YOU
IN YOUR CHEEK ♪
♪ BABA WAWA MAKES YOU
FEEL SO GOOD ♪
♪ BABA WAWA MAKES YOU
FEEL SO GOOD ♪
♪ "UPDATE" MAKES YOU HAPPY
FEEL SO GOOD ♪
♪ "UPDATE" MAKES YOU HAPPY
LIKE I KNEW IT WOULD ♪
♪ "UPDATE" MAKES YOU HAPPY
LIKE I KNEW IT WOULD ♪
♪ AND AS YOUR HOST
LIKE I KNEW IT WOULD ♪
♪ AND AS YOUR HOST
YOU'LL FIND ME OH, SO NICE ♪
♪ AND AS YOUR HOST
YOU'LL FIND ME OH, SO NICE ♪
♪ WHEN I'M SHERRY, YOU JUST
YOU'LL FIND ME OH, SO NICE ♪
♪ WHEN I'M SHERRY, YOU JUST
WANT ME TO DO IT TWICE ♪
♪ WHEN I'M SHERRY, YOU JUST
WANT ME TO DO IT TWICE ♪
AND THE ONLY WAY WE REALLY LIKE
WANT ME TO DO IT TWICE ♪
AND THE ONLY WAY WE REALLY LIKE
IT IS WITH 40 MILLION PEOPLE
AND THE ONLY WAY WE REALLY LIKE
IT IS WITH 40 MILLION PEOPLE
WATCHING.
IT IS WITH 40 MILLION PEOPLE
WATCHING.
♪ AHH ♪
WATCHING.
♪ AHH ♪
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS,
♪ AHH ♪
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS,
AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS,
AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
OUR LICKS IN ♪
AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
OUR LICKS IN ♪
♪ YOU TURN US ON EVERY WEEK ♪
OUR LICKS IN ♪
♪ YOU TURN US ON EVERY WEEK ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE ♪
♪ YOU TURN US ON EVERY WEEK ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY OUR RATINGS
♪ IT'S TRUE ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY OUR RATINGS
DON'T GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY OUR RATINGS
DON'T GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
DON'T GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
WELL, EXCU-U-U-SE ME!
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
WELL, EXCU-U-U-SE ME!
WE AIN'T AFRAID OF NO ONE IN
WELL, EXCU-U-U-SE ME!
WE AIN'T AFRAID OF NO ONE IN
PRIME TIME, AND THEY BETTER
WE AIN'T AFRAID OF NO ONE IN
PRIME TIME, AND THEY BETTER
BEWARE!
PRIME TIME, AND THEY BETTER
BEWARE!
WE'D TAKE ON RHODA, PHYLLIS, OR
BEWARE!
WE'D TAKE ON RHODA, PHYLLIS, OR
LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY, WE SWEAR!
WE'D TAKE ON RHODA, PHYLLIS, OR
LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY, WE SWEAR!
WHY, IF THEY'D EVER TREAD ON
LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY, WE SWEAR!
WHY, IF THEY'D EVER TREAD ON
OUR TURF, WE'D TEAR OUT THEIR
WHY, IF THEY'D EVER TREAD ON
OUR TURF, WE'D TEAR OUT THEIR
HAIR!
OUR TURF, WE'D TEAR OUT THEIR
HAIR!
AND THAT GOES TWICE FOR CHER!
HAIR!
AND THAT GOES TWICE FOR CHER!
AND AFTER "VICTORY AT ENTEBBE"
AND THAT GOES TWICE FOR CHER!
AND AFTER "VICTORY AT ENTEBBE"
WE WERE WAITING FOR DAYS TO BEAT
AND AFTER "VICTORY AT ENTEBBE"
WE WERE WAITING FOR DAYS TO BEAT
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF
WE WERE WAITING FOR DAYS TO BEAT
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF
HELEN HAYES!
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
AHH!
HELEN HAYES!
AHH!
♪ WE'RE MEDIA MINXES ♪
AHH!
♪ WE'RE MEDIA MINXES ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WE'RE
♪ WE'RE MEDIA MINXES ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WE'RE
SHOWBIZ SPHINXES ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WE'RE
SHOWBIZ SPHINXES ♪
♪ WE'RE LATE-NIGHT LYNXES ♪
SHOWBIZ SPHINXES ♪
♪ WE'RE LATE-NIGHT LYNXES ♪
♪ OUR FAVORITE TRUCKS
♪ WE'RE LATE-NIGHT LYNXES ♪
♪ OUR FAVORITE TRUCKS
ARE BRINKSES ♪
♪ OUR FAVORITE TRUCKS
ARE BRINKSES ♪
♪ WE'RE TRANSFIXIN' HICKS
ARE BRINKSES ♪
♪ WE'RE TRANSFIXIN' HICKS
IN THE STICKS,
♪ WE'RE TRANSFIXIN' HICKS
IN THE STICKS,
NOT TO MENTION HARRYS, TOMS,
IN THE STICKS,
NOT TO MENTION HARRYS, TOMS,
AND DICKS ♪
NOT TO MENTION HARRYS, TOMS,
AND DICKS ♪
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
AND DICKS ♪
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
♪ WE'RE NOT JEANE DIXON ♪
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
♪ WE'RE NOT JEANE DIXON ♪
♪ NO DIRTY TRICKS
♪ WE'RE NOT JEANE DIXON ♪
♪ NO DIRTY TRICKS
AND RICHARD NIXON ♪
♪ NO DIRTY TRICKS
AND RICHARD NIXON ♪
♪ WE'RE JEWISH GIRLS ♪
AND RICHARD NIXON ♪
♪ WE'RE JEWISH GIRLS ♪
♪ AND WE'RE SHIKSENS ♪
♪ WE'RE JEWISH GIRLS ♪
♪ AND WE'RE SHIKSENS ♪
♪ BUT MOSTLY
♪ AND WE'RE SHIKSENS ♪
♪ BUT MOSTLY
WE'RE JUST VIDEO VIXENS ♪
♪ BUT MOSTLY
WE'RE JUST VIDEO VIXENS ♪
GET IT! UHH!
WE'RE JUST VIDEO VIXENS ♪
GET IT! UHH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
YEAH!
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
WHOO!
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
WHOO!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WHOO!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
MESSAGE, HONEY.
FREEZE! EVERYBODY, FREEZE!
THIS IS A BANK ROBBERY!
YOU DROP YOUR GUN BELT AND KICK
THIS IS A BANK ROBBERY!
YOU DROP YOUR GUN BELT AND KICK
IT OVER HERE.
YOU DROP YOUR GUN BELT AND KICK
IT OVER HERE.
OKAY, LISTEN TO ME CLEARLY.
IT OVER HERE.
OKAY, LISTEN TO ME CLEARLY.
ALL RIGHT, TELLERS, OPEN YOUR
OKAY, LISTEN TO ME CLEARLY.
ALL RIGHT, TELLERS, OPEN YOUR
CASH DRAWERS HALFWAY.
ALL RIGHT, TELLERS, OPEN YOUR
CASH DRAWERS HALFWAY.
EVERYBODY ELSE, LIE DOWN ON THE
CASH DRAWERS HALFWAY.
EVERYBODY ELSE, LIE DOWN ON THE
FLOOR AND KEEP YOUR HANDS ABOVE
EVERYBODY ELSE, LIE DOWN ON THE
FLOOR AND KEEP YOUR HANDS ABOVE
YOUR HEADS.
FLOOR AND KEEP YOUR HANDS ABOVE
YOUR HEADS.
NO MOVEMENT, NO NOISE, OR I
YOUR HEADS.
NO MOVEMENT, NO NOISE, OR I
START SHOOTING.
NO MOVEMENT, NO NOISE, OR I
START SHOOTING.
IS THAT CLEAR? IS THAT CLEAR?
START SHOOTING.
IS THAT CLEAR? IS THAT CLEAR?
JUST LISTEN TO ME, AND
IS THAT CLEAR? IS THAT CLEAR?
JUST LISTEN TO ME, AND
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
JUST LISTEN TO ME, AND
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
YOU DROP THAT, YOU SUCKER, OR
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
YOU DROP THAT, YOU SUCKER, OR
I'LL TAKE HER HEAD RIGHT OFF!
YOU DROP THAT, YOU SUCKER, OR
I'LL TAKE HER HEAD RIGHT OFF!
DROP IT.
I'LL TAKE HER HEAD RIGHT OFF!
DROP IT.
OKAY, I GOT MY PEOPLE WITH
DROP IT.
OKAY, I GOT MY PEOPLE WITH
ME.
OKAY, I GOT MY PEOPLE WITH
ME.
WE DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYBODY.
ME.
WE DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYBODY.
WE JUST WANT TO PULL THIS OFF
WE DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYBODY.
WE JUST WANT TO PULL THIS OFF
CLEAN AND NICE, ALL RIGHT?
WE JUST WANT TO PULL THIS OFF
CLEAN AND NICE, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, CLEAN UP THOSE CASH
CLEAN AND NICE, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, CLEAN UP THOSE CASH
DRAWERS.
OKAY, CLEAN UP THOSE CASH
DRAWERS.
MAKE SURE NO METAL TOUCHES ANY
DRAWERS.
MAKE SURE NO METAL TOUCHES ANY
OTHER METAL.
MAKE SURE NO METAL TOUCHES ANY
OTHER METAL.
ALL RIGHT, HERBIE, PICK UP HIS
OTHER METAL.
ALL RIGHT, HERBIE, PICK UP HIS
GUN AND HIS GUN AND MAKE HIM
ALL RIGHT, HERBIE, PICK UP HIS
GUN AND HIS GUN AND MAKE HIM
OPEN THE VAULT.
GUN AND HIS GUN AND MAKE HIM
OPEN THE VAULT.
I'M COUNTING NOW.
OPEN THE VAULT.
I'M COUNTING NOW.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,
I'M COUNTING NOW.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,
SIX...
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,
SIX...
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
SIX...
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
WHAT?
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
WHAT?
I HAVE A QUESTION.
WHAT?
I HAVE A QUESTION.
WHAT IS IT?
I HAVE A QUESTION.
WHAT IS IT?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
WHAT IS IT?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
DISGUISED, RIGHT?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
DISGUISED, RIGHT?
YEAH.
DISGUISED, RIGHT?
YEAH.
OKAY, SO SHE'S A WITCH.
YEAH.
OKAY, SO SHE'S A WITCH.
AND HE'S A CLOWN.
OKAY, SO SHE'S A WITCH.
AND HE'S A CLOWN.
AND HE'S A COWBOY.
AND HE'S A CLOWN.
AND HE'S A COWBOY.
SO WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
AND HE'S A COWBOY.
SO WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
UH, WHAT?
SO WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
UH, WHAT?
YOUR DISGUISE.
UH, WHAT?
YOUR DISGUISE.
WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
YOUR DISGUISE.
WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
I'M AN INSECT.
WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
I'M AN INSECT.
A BUG, YOU KNOW.
I'M AN INSECT.
A BUG, YOU KNOW.
I'M SORRY, BUT HOW DO YOU
A BUG, YOU KNOW.
I'M SORRY, BUT HOW DO YOU
FIGURE AN INSECT?
I'M SORRY, BUT HOW DO YOU
FIGURE AN INSECT?
IT'S JUST A NYLON STOCKING WITH
FIGURE AN INSECT?
IT'S JUST A NYLON STOCKING WITH
TWO ORANGES STUCK ON YOUR EYES.
IT'S JUST A NYLON STOCKING WITH
TWO ORANGES STUCK ON YOUR EYES.
I DON'T SEE AN INSECT THERE.
TWO ORANGES STUCK ON YOUR EYES.
I DON'T SEE AN INSECT THERE.
YOU DON'T?
I DON'T SEE AN INSECT THERE.
YOU DON'T?
NO.
YOU DON'T?
NO.
OH, WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE,
NO.
OH, WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE,
LIKE, A GRASSHOPPER.
OH, WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE,
LIKE, A GRASSHOPPER.
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS!
LIKE, A GRASSHOPPER.
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS!
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS!
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS.
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS.
WELL, UH, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS.
WELL, UH, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE
ONE.
WELL, UH, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE
ONE.
WELL, FORGET IT!
ONE.
WELL, FORGET IT!
SHUT UP AND LET US WORK.
WELL, FORGET IT!
SHUT UP AND LET US WORK.
21, 22, 23...
SHUT UP AND LET US WORK.
21, 22, 23...
HEY, RON? RON?
21, 22, 23...
HEY, RON? RON?
YOU KNOW, SHE'S RIGHT.
HEY, RON? RON?
YOU KNOW, SHE'S RIGHT.
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S RIGHT.
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT.
WHAT?
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT.
WHAT?
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT
WHAT?
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT
AT ALL.
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT
AT ALL.
I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME, BECAUSE
AT ALL.
I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME, BECAUSE
I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED.
I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME, BECAUSE
I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED.
YOU, YOU!
I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED.
YOU, YOU!
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
YOU, YOU!
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
[CHIRPING]
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
[CHIRPING]
NO, NO, THAT JUST LOOKS LIKE
[CHIRPING]
NO, NO, THAT JUST LOOKS LIKE
TWO PENCILS.
NO, NO, THAT JUST LOOKS LIKE
TWO PENCILS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
TWO PENCILS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I SEE AN INSECT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I SEE AN INSECT.
YEAH!
I SEE AN INSECT.
YEAH!
YOU JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION,
YEAH!
YOU JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION,
THE INSECT WILL COME TO YOU.
YOU JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION,
THE INSECT WILL COME TO YOU.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
THE INSECT WILL COME TO YOU.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
YEAH!
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
YEAH!
NO, MAN, I'M NOT GOING FOR
YEAH!
NO, MAN, I'M NOT GOING FOR
IT.
NO, MAN, I'M NOT GOING FOR
IT.
THAT'S THE WORST DISGUISE I'VE
IT.
THAT'S THE WORST DISGUISE I'VE
EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
THAT'S THE WORST DISGUISE I'VE
EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
YEAH, I-I AGREE.
EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
YEAH, I-I AGREE.
YOU CAN SEE THAT EVERYBODY ELSE
YEAH, I-I AGREE.
YOU CAN SEE THAT EVERYBODY ELSE
REALLY WORKED ON THEIR COSTUMES.
YOU CAN SEE THAT EVERYBODY ELSE
REALLY WORKED ON THEIR COSTUMES.
YEAH.
REALLY WORKED ON THEIR COSTUMES.
YEAH.
IT'S TRUE.
YEAH.
IT'S TRUE.
I PUT A LOT OF TIME AND MONEY
IT'S TRUE.
I PUT A LOT OF TIME AND MONEY
INTO THIS COSTUME.
I PUT A LOT OF TIME AND MONEY
INTO THIS COSTUME.
HOW DO YOU GET OFF SHOWING UP
INTO THIS COSTUME.
HOW DO YOU GET OFF SHOWING UP
LIKE THAT?
HOW DO YOU GET OFF SHOWING UP
LIKE THAT?
YEAH.
LIKE THAT?
YEAH.
REALLY, MAN, THIS WAS THE COWBOY
YEAH.
REALLY, MAN, THIS WAS THE COWBOY
SUIT IN TOWN.
REALLY, MAN, THIS WAS THE COWBOY
SUIT IN TOWN.
I HAD TO GO TO THREE FITTINGS.
SUIT IN TOWN.
I HAD TO GO TO THREE FITTINGS.
COME ON!
I HAD TO GO TO THREE FITTINGS.
COME ON!
I'VE WORKED ALL MONTH PLANNING
COME ON!
I'VE WORKED ALL MONTH PLANNING
THIS JOB!
I'VE WORKED ALL MONTH PLANNING
THIS JOB!
REMEMBER?
THIS JOB!
REMEMBER?
WHEN WE STARTED OUT, I WAS GONNA
REMEMBER?
WHEN WE STARTED OUT, I WAS GONNA
PICK THREE MATCHING HARLEQUIN
WHEN WE STARTED OUT, I WAS GONNA
PICK THREE MATCHING HARLEQUIN
COSTUMES SO WE'D LOOK NICE.
PICK THREE MATCHING HARLEQUIN
COSTUMES SO WE'D LOOK NICE.
BUT SOMEBODY ELSE TOOK THEM.
COSTUMES SO WE'D LOOK NICE.
BUT SOMEBODY ELSE TOOK THEM.
THERE'S NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT
BUT SOMEBODY ELSE TOOK THEM.
THERE'S NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT
IT.
THERE'S NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT
IT.
PLUS, I HAD TO PLAN THE ESCAPE
IT.
PLUS, I HAD TO PLAN THE ESCAPE
ROUTES.
PLUS, I HAD TO PLAN THE ESCAPE
ROUTES.
I PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING.
ROUTES.
I PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING.
I HAD TO LOOK AT TRAFFIC
I PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING.
I HAD TO LOOK AT TRAFFIC
PATTERNS, ONE-WAY STREETS,
I HAD TO LOOK AT TRAFFIC
PATTERNS, ONE-WAY STREETS,
SERVICE ALLEYS.
PATTERNS, ONE-WAY STREETS,
SERVICE ALLEYS.
I JUST DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PICK
SERVICE ALLEYS.
I JUST DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PICK
UP A COSTUME.
I JUST DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PICK
UP A COSTUME.
WELL, MAN, THAT'S NO EXCUSE
UP A COSTUME.
WELL, MAN, THAT'S NO EXCUSE
BECAUSE I CAME IN ON THIS THING
WELL, MAN, THAT'S NO EXCUSE
BECAUSE I CAME IN ON THIS THING
YESTERDAY, AND I HAD TIME TO GET
BECAUSE I CAME IN ON THIS THING
YESTERDAY, AND I HAD TIME TO GET
ME A HALFWAY DECENT COSTUME
YESTERDAY, AND I HAD TIME TO GET
ME A HALFWAY DECENT COSTUME
TOGETHER.
ME A HALFWAY DECENT COSTUME
TOGETHER.
IT'S TRUE.
TOGETHER.
IT'S TRUE.
AT LEAST YOU KNOW HE'S SUPPOSED
IT'S TRUE.
AT LEAST YOU KNOW HE'S SUPPOSED
TO BE A GHOST.
AT LEAST YOU KNOW HE'S SUPPOSED
TO BE A GHOST.
HE'S A GHOST, RIGHT?
TO BE A GHOST.
HE'S A GHOST, RIGHT?
HE LOOKS LIKE A GHOST.
HE'S A GHOST, RIGHT?
HE LOOKS LIKE A GHOST.
BUT THERE'S NO WAY THAT
HE LOOKS LIKE A GHOST.
BUT THERE'S NO WAY THAT
YOU'RE AN INSECT.
BUT THERE'S NO WAY THAT
YOU'RE AN INSECT.
WELL, I SEE IT.
YOU'RE AN INSECT.
WELL, I SEE IT.
I THINK IT'S A GREAT COSTUME.
WELL, I SEE IT.
I THINK IT'S A GREAT COSTUME.
IT'S SO SIMPLE.
I THINK IT'S A GREAT COSTUME.
IT'S SO SIMPLE.
THANKS.
IT'S SO SIMPLE.
THANKS.
I LIKE THE COWBOY.
THANKS.
I LIKE THE COWBOY.
HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A COWBOY.
I LIKE THE COWBOY.
HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A COWBOY.
THE GHOST IS MY FAVORITE.
HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A COWBOY.
THE GHOST IS MY FAVORITE.
ALL RIGHT, EXCUSE ME.
THE GHOST IS MY FAVORITE.
ALL RIGHT, EXCUSE ME.
I THINK WE BETTER SETTLE THIS
ALL RIGHT, EXCUSE ME.
I THINK WE BETTER SETTLE THIS
MATTER BEFORE SOMEBODY GETS
I THINK WE BETTER SETTLE THIS
MATTER BEFORE SOMEBODY GETS
HURT.
MATTER BEFORE SOMEBODY GETS
HURT.
EVERYBODY STAND UP.
HURT.
EVERYBODY STAND UP.
BANK-ROBBERY PEOPLE, GET OVER
EVERYBODY STAND UP.
BANK-ROBBERY PEOPLE, GET OVER
HERE IN A LINE.
BANK-ROBBERY PEOPLE, GET OVER
HERE IN A LINE.
WE'RE GONNA VOTE ON THIS.
HERE IN A LINE.
WE'RE GONNA VOTE ON THIS.
JUST APPLAUSE, NO CHEERS.
WE'RE GONNA VOTE ON THIS.
JUST APPLAUSE, NO CHEERS.
OKAY, NOW, HOW ABOUT THE COWBOY?
JUST APPLAUSE, NO CHEERS.
OKAY, NOW, HOW ABOUT THE COWBOY?
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
OKAY, NOW, HOW ABOUT THE COWBOY?
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
OKAY!
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
OKAY!
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY!
ALL RIGHT.
SOMEBODY CAME AS A WITCH.
ALL RIGHT.
SOMEBODY CAME AS A WITCH.
HOW ABOUT HER?
SOMEBODY CAME AS A WITCH.
HOW ABOUT HER?
LET'S HEAR IT.
HOW ABOUT HER?
LET'S HEAR IT.
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
LET'S HEAR IT.
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
WHO'S THIS FELLOW, DRESSED UP AS
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
WHO'S THIS FELLOW, DRESSED UP AS
A GHOST?
WHO'S THIS FELLOW, DRESSED UP AS
A GHOST?
[APPLAUSE]
A GHOST?
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
AND HOW ABOUT THIS GUY OVER HERE
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
AND HOW ABOUT THIS GUY OVER HERE
DRESSED AS AN INSECT?
AND HOW ABOUT THIS GUY OVER HERE
DRESSED AS AN INSECT?
YAY!
DRESSED AS AN INSECT?
YAY!
GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?
YAY!
GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?
WELL, I THINK THE VOTING SPEAKS
GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?
WELL, I THINK THE VOTING SPEAKS
FOR ITSELF, MR. INSECT.
WELL, I THINK THE VOTING SPEAKS
FOR ITSELF, MR. INSECT.
WAIT!
FOR ITSELF, MR. INSECT.
WAIT!
YOU!
WAIT!
YOU!
I DO A GREAT FROG.
YOU!
I DO A GREAT FROG.
GIVE ME THAT GREEN-FELT DESK
I DO A GREAT FROG.
GIVE ME THAT GREEN-FELT DESK
BLOTTER OVER THERE.
GIVE ME THAT GREEN-FELT DESK
BLOTTER OVER THERE.
I PICKED THIS UP IN WOMAN'S DAY
BLOTTER OVER THERE.
I PICKED THIS UP IN WOMAN'S DAY
MAGAZINE.
I PICKED THIS UP IN WOMAN'S DAY
MAGAZINE.
ANYBODY CAN DO IT.
MAGAZINE.
ANYBODY CAN DO IT.
YOU CAN DO IT AT HOME.
ANYBODY CAN DO IT.
YOU CAN DO IT AT HOME.
YOU JUST GET THE BLOTTER, AND
YOU CAN DO IT AT HOME.
YOU JUST GET THE BLOTTER, AND
YOU JUST FOLD IT.
YOU JUST GET THE BLOTTER, AND
YOU JUST FOLD IT.
SEE? IT'S A FROG.
YOU JUST FOLD IT.
SEE? IT'S A FROG.
LIKE THIS.
SEE? IT'S A FROG.
LIKE THIS.
[ALL GROAN]
LIKE THIS.
[ALL GROAN]
IT'S AS GOOD AS YOUR INSECT,
[ALL GROAN]
IT'S AS GOOD AS YOUR INSECT,
ALL RIGHT?
IT'S AS GOOD AS YOUR INSECT,
ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
YOU PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO HELP
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
YOU PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO HELP
ME.
YOU PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO HELP
ME.
HERE.
ME.
HERE.
FILL THIS BAG UP.
HERE.
FILL THIS BAG UP.
BACK ON THE FLOOR!
FILL THIS BAG UP.
BACK ON THE FLOOR!
GET BACK!
BACK ON THE FLOOR!
GET BACK!
COME ON. KEEP MOVING!
GET BACK!
COME ON. KEEP MOVING!
I REALLY THOUGHT YOUR INSECT
COME ON. KEEP MOVING!
I REALLY THOUGHT YOUR INSECT
WAS THE BEST.
I REALLY THOUGHT YOUR INSECT
WAS THE BEST.
OH, THANKS.
WAS THE BEST.
OH, THANKS.
THAT'S REAL NICE.
OH, THANKS.
THAT'S REAL NICE.
WOULD YOU MIND COUNTING THOSE
THAT'S REAL NICE.
WOULD YOU MIND COUNTING THOSE
BILLS OUT FOR ME?
WOULD YOU MIND COUNTING THOSE
BILLS OUT FOR ME?
I CAN'T SEE WITH THESE ORANGES
BILLS OUT FOR ME?
I CAN'T SEE WITH THESE ORANGES
STUCK TO MY EYES?
I CAN'T SEE WITH THESE ORANGES
STUCK TO MY EYES?
40, 60...
STUCK TO MY EYES?
40, 60...
SEE, ORIGINALLY, I GOT THIS
40, 60...
SEE, ORIGINALLY, I GOT THIS
GANG TOGETHER.
SEE, ORIGINALLY, I GOT THIS
GANG TOGETHER.
WE WERE GONNA ROB BANKS UPSTATE,
GANG TOGETHER.
WE WERE GONNA ROB BANKS UPSTATE,
AND WE HAD THIS IDEA.
WE WERE GONNA ROB BANKS UPSTATE,
AND WE HAD THIS IDEA.
I WAS GONNA GET THESE THREE
AND WE HAD THIS IDEA.
I WAS GONNA GET THESE THREE
MATCHING HARLEQUIN COSTUMES,
I WAS GONNA GET THESE THREE
MATCHING HARLEQUIN COSTUMES,
LIKE YOU SEE A JOKER IN A DECK
MATCHING HARLEQUIN COSTUMES,
LIKE YOU SEE A JOKER IN A DECK
OF CARDS?
LIKE YOU SEE A JOKER IN A DECK
OF CARDS?
THEY WERE REAL COLORFUL, BUT WE
OF CARDS?
THEY WERE REAL COLORFUL, BUT WE
DIDN'T HAVE MONEY FOR A DEPOSIT.
THEY WERE REAL COLORFUL, BUT WE
DIDN'T HAVE MONEY FOR A DEPOSIT.
SO SOMEBODY ELSE SCOOPED THEM ON
DIDN'T HAVE MONEY FOR A DEPOSIT.
SO SOMEBODY ELSE SCOOPED THEM ON
US.
SO SOMEBODY ELSE SCOOPED THEM ON
US.
[ALARM BLARES]
US.
[ALARM BLARES]
OKAY, EVERYBODY, FREEZE!
[ALARM BLARES]
OKAY, EVERYBODY, FREEZE!
FBI BANK SQUAD!
OKAY, EVERYBODY, FREEZE!
FBI BANK SQUAD!
YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST.
FBI BANK SQUAD!
YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST.
WAIT!
YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST.
WAIT!
I DO A GREAT PORCUPINE!
WAIT!
I DO A GREAT PORCUPINE!
YOU, GIVE ME 25 LETTER OPENERS
I DO A GREAT PORCUPINE!
YOU, GIVE ME 25 LETTER OPENERS
AND 50 SHARP PENCILS, LIKE THIS.
I FIRST HEARD
JOAN ARMATRADING WHEN A FRIEND
OF MINE PLAYED HER ALBUM FOR ME
JOAN ARMATRADING WHEN A FRIEND
OF MINE PLAYED HER ALBUM FOR ME
ON A VISIT TO ENGLAND.
OF MINE PLAYED HER ALBUM FOR ME
ON A VISIT TO ENGLAND.
I WAS VERY MUCH MOVED BY HER
ON A VISIT TO ENGLAND.
I WAS VERY MUCH MOVED BY HER
VOICE AND HER LYRICS.
I WAS VERY MUCH MOVED BY HER
VOICE AND HER LYRICS.
I KNOW MANY OF YOU HADN'T HEARD
VOICE AND HER LYRICS.
I KNOW MANY OF YOU HADN'T HEARD
OF JOAN, AND THAT'S WHY I'M
I KNOW MANY OF YOU HADN'T HEARD
OF JOAN, AND THAT'S WHY I'M
PLEASED TO HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY
OF JOAN, AND THAT'S WHY I'M
PLEASED TO HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY
TO PRESENT JOAN ARMATRADING.
PLEASED TO HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY
TO PRESENT JOAN ARMATRADING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TO PRESENT JOAN ARMATRADING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ I'M NOT IN LOVE ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ I'M NOT IN LOVE ♪
♪ BUT I'M OPEN TO PERSUASION ♪
♪ I'M NOT IN LOVE ♪
♪ BUT I'M OPEN TO PERSUASION ♪
♪ EAST OR WEST ♪
♪ BUT I'M OPEN TO PERSUASION ♪
♪ EAST OR WEST ♪
♪ WHERE'S THE BEST
♪ EAST OR WEST ♪
♪ WHERE'S THE BEST
FOR ROMANCING
♪ WHERE'S THE BEST
FOR ROMANCING
WITH A FRIEND? ♪
FOR ROMANCING
WITH A FRIEND? ♪
♪ I CAN SMILE ♪
WITH A FRIEND? ♪
♪ I CAN SMILE ♪
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
♪ I CAN SMILE ♪
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
I COULD ROLL MY HEAD BACK ♪
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
I COULD ROLL MY HEAD BACK ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY LAUGH,
I COULD ROLL MY HEAD BACK ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY LAUGH,
REALLY LAUGH ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY LAUGH,
REALLY LAUGH ♪
♪ THANK YOU ♪
REALLY LAUGH ♪
♪ THANK YOU ♪
♪ YOU TOOK ME DANCING
♪ THANK YOU ♪
♪ YOU TOOK ME DANCING
'CROSS THE FLOOR ♪
♪ YOU TOOK ME DANCING
'CROSS THE FLOOR ♪
♪ CHEEK TO CHEEK ♪
'CROSS THE FLOOR ♪
♪ CHEEK TO CHEEK ♪
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
♪ CHEEK TO CHEEK ♪
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
I COULD REALLY MOVE,
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
I COULD REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE ♪
I COULD REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY DANCE,
REALLY MOVE ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE,
♪ I COULD REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE ♪
REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY MOVE,
REALLY DANCE ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE,
♪ I COULD REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE ♪
REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE ♪
♪ NOW IF I CAN FEEL THE SUN
REALLY MOVE ♪
♪ NOW IF I CAN FEEL THE SUN
IN MY EYES
♪ NOW IF I CAN FEEL THE SUN
IN MY EYES
AND THE RAIN ON MY FACE ♪
IN MY EYES
AND THE RAIN ON MY FACE ♪
♪ WHY CAN'T I
AND THE RAIN ON MY FACE ♪
♪ WHY CAN'T I
FE-E-E-EL LOVE? ♪
♪ WHY CAN'T I
FE-E-E-EL LOVE? ♪
♪ I CAN REALLY LOVE,
FE-E-E-EL LOVE? ♪
♪ I CAN REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
♪ I CAN REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE ♪
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE ♪
♪ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
REALLY LOVE ♪
♪ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ♪
♪ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ♪
♪ NOW I GOT ALL THE FRIENDS
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ♪
♪ NOW I GOT ALL THE FRIENDS
THAT I WANT ♪
♪ NOW I GOT ALL THE FRIENDS
THAT I WANT ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
THAT I WANT ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ I MAY NEED MORE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ I MAY NEED MORE ♪
♪ BUT I SHOULD JUST STICK
♪ I MAY NEED MORE ♪
♪ BUT I SHOULD JUST STICK
TO THOSE THAT I HAVE GOT ♪
♪ BUT I SHOULD JUST STICK
TO THOSE THAT I HAVE GOT ♪
♪ WITH FRIENDS I STILL FEEL
TO THOSE THAT I HAVE GOT ♪
♪ WITH FRIENDS I STILL FEEL
SO INSECURE ♪
♪ WITH FRIENDS I STILL FEEL
SO INSECURE ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING, I BELIEVE
SO INSECURE ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING, I BELIEVE
IT WOULD HELP ME A LOT ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING, I BELIEVE
IT WOULD HELP ME A LOT ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY HAND
IT WOULD HELP ME A LOT ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY HAND
AND LEAD ME WHERE YOU WILL ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY HAND
AND LEAD ME WHERE YOU WILL ♪
♪ NO CONVERSATION,
AND LEAD ME WHERE YOU WILL ♪
♪ NO CONVERSATION,
NO WAVE GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ NO CONVERSATION,
NO WAVE GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ JUST GIVE ME LOVE ♪
NO WAVE GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ JUST GIVE ME LOVE ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ JUST GIVE ME LOVE ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ GIVE ME LOVE,
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ GIVE ME LOVE,
GIVE ME LOVE,
♪ GIVE ME LOVE,
GIVE ME LOVE,
GIVE ME LOVE,
GIVE ME LOVE,
GIVE ME LOVE,
LO-O-O-VE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ ONCE MORE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ LOVER ♪
♪ YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ LOVER ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ LOVER ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[PIANO PLAYS LOU RAWLS' "YOU'LL
NEVER FIND ANOTHER LOVE LIKE
MINE"]
JEAN, THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN
HERE BY NOW.
I JUST KNOW THEY'RE NOT GONNA
HERE BY NOW.
I JUST KNOW THEY'RE NOT GONNA
SHOW.
I JUST KNOW THEY'RE NOT GONNA
SHOW.
WELL, JOAN WENT TO CALL.
SHOW.
WELL, JOAN WENT TO CALL.
I WISH WE COULD MEET SOME
WELL, JOAN WENT TO CALL.
I WISH WE COULD MEET SOME
DIFFERENT KIND OF GUYS FOR A
I WISH WE COULD MEET SOME
DIFFERENT KIND OF GUYS FOR A
CHANGE.
DIFFERENT KIND OF GUYS FOR A
CHANGE.
I MEAN, SOMETHING LIKE THOSE
CHANGE.
I MEAN, SOMETHING LIKE THOSE
CONTINENTAL TYPE OVER THERE.
I MEAN, SOMETHING LIKE THOSE
CONTINENTAL TYPE OVER THERE.
OH, I KNOW.
CONTINENTAL TYPE OVER THERE.
OH, I KNOW.
ALL WE EVER DATE ARE THE SAME
OH, I KNOW.
ALL WE EVER DATE ARE THE SAME
ALL-AMERICAN HAMBURGERS.
ALL WE EVER DATE ARE THE SAME
ALL-AMERICAN HAMBURGERS.
RIGHT.
ALL-AMERICAN HAMBURGERS.
RIGHT.
WHY DON'T WE EVER MEET ANY
RIGHT.
WHY DON'T WE EVER MEET ANY
UNCIRCUMCISED GUYS?
WHY DON'T WE EVER MEET ANY
UNCIRCUMCISED GUYS?
[Hispanic accent] GOOD
UNCIRCUMCISED GUYS?
[Hispanic accent] GOOD
EVENING, LOVELY, LOVELY, LOVELY
[Hispanic accent] GOOD
EVENING, LOVELY, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES.
EVENING, LOVELY, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES.
ME AND MY COMPANIONS HERE AT THE
LADIES.
ME AND MY COMPANIONS HERE AT THE
NEXT TABLE WERE HAVING A LITTLE
ME AND MY COMPANIONS HERE AT THE
NEXT TABLE WERE HAVING A LITTLE
ARGUMENT, AND WE WERE WONDERING
NEXT TABLE WERE HAVING A LITTLE
ARGUMENT, AND WE WERE WONDERING
IF PERHAPS YOU COULDN'T HELP
ARGUMENT, AND WE WERE WONDERING
IF PERHAPS YOU COULDN'T HELP
SETTLE IT FOR US.
IF PERHAPS YOU COULDN'T HELP
SETTLE IT FOR US.
WELL, SURE, IF WE CAN.
SETTLE IT FOR US.
WELL, SURE, IF WE CAN.
SHOOT.
WELL, SURE, IF WE CAN.
SHOOT.
YOU SEE, I AM
SHOOT.
YOU SEE, I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
YOU SEE, I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
[Hispanic accent] NO, NO,
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
[Hispanic accent] NO, NO,
NO.
[Hispanic accent] NO, NO,
NO.
YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG.
NO.
YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG.
[Hispanic accent] I AM
YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG.
[Hispanic accent] I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
[Hispanic accent] I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
OR AT LEAST I THINK I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
OR AT LEAST I THINK I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
OR AT LEAST I THINK I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
AND THESE TWO GENTLEMAN ARE
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
AND THESE TWO GENTLEMAN ARE
FERNANDO LAMAS AND
AND THESE TWO GENTLEMAN ARE
FERNANDO LAMAS AND
CESAR ROMERO.
FERNANDO LAMAS AND
CESAR ROMERO.
ALTHOUGH WE ARE A LITTLE
CESAR ROMERO.
ALTHOUGH WE ARE A LITTLE
CONFUSED ABOUT WHO IS WHO.
ALTHOUGH WE ARE A LITTLE
CONFUSED ABOUT WHO IS WHO.
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
CONFUSED ABOUT WHO IS WHO.
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES, BUT THIS IS VERY
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES, BUT THIS IS VERY
EMBARRASSING.
LADIES, BUT THIS IS VERY
EMBARRASSING.
WE DON'T KNOW WHO IS WHO.
EMBARRASSING.
WE DON'T KNOW WHO IS WHO.
YOU SEE, WE HAVE BEEN
WE DON'T KNOW WHO IS WHO.
YOU SEE, WE HAVE BEEN
CHUMMING AROUND HOLLYWOOD FOR SO
YOU SEE, WE HAVE BEEN
CHUMMING AROUND HOLLYWOOD FOR SO
LONG TOGETHER... RICARDO,
CHUMMING AROUND HOLLYWOOD FOR SO
LONG TOGETHER... RICARDO,
FERNANDO, AND CESAR, THE BEST OF
LONG TOGETHER... RICARDO,
FERNANDO, AND CESAR, THE BEST OF
FRIENDS.
FERNANDO, AND CESAR, THE BEST OF
FRIENDS.
WE DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
FRIENDS.
WE DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
WE EAT TOGETHER, DRINK TOGETHER,
WE DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
WE EAT TOGETHER, DRINK TOGETHER,
SLEEP OVER AT EACH OTHER'S
WE EAT TOGETHER, DRINK TOGETHER,
SLEEP OVER AT EACH OTHER'S
HOLLYWOOD HOMES.
SLEEP OVER AT EACH OTHER'S
HOLLYWOOD HOMES.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND I SLEEP AT
HOLLYWOOD HOMES.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND I SLEEP AT
FERNANDO'S.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND I SLEEP AT
FERNANDO'S.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND FERNANDO
FERNANDO'S.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND FERNANDO
SLEEP AT RICARDO'S HOUSE.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND FERNANDO
SLEEP AT RICARDO'S HOUSE.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
SLEEP AT RICARDO'S HOUSE.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU SAID YOU WERE RICARDO.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU SAID YOU WERE RICARDO.
[LAUGHS]
YOU SAID YOU WERE RICARDO.
[LAUGHS]
I THOUGHT I WAS RICARDO.
[LAUGHS]
I THOUGHT I WAS RICARDO.
YOU SEE, WE ARE ALL SWARTHY,
I THOUGHT I WAS RICARDO.
YOU SEE, WE ARE ALL SWARTHY,
ROMANTIC HISPANIC HAS-BEENS.
YOU SEE, WE ARE ALL SWARTHY,
ROMANTIC HISPANIC HAS-BEENS.
IT'S ALL VERY TERRIBLY
ROMANTIC HISPANIC HAS-BEENS.
IT'S ALL VERY TERRIBLY
CONFUSING.
IT'S ALL VERY TERRIBLY
CONFUSING.
WE DON'T KNOW WHO WE ARE.
CONFUSING.
WE DON'T KNOW WHO WE ARE.
PERHAPS WE COULD JOIN YOU AT
WE DON'T KNOW WHO WE ARE.
PERHAPS WE COULD JOIN YOU AT
YOUR TABLE?
PERHAPS WE COULD JOIN YOU AT
YOUR TABLE?
WELL, WE ARE WAITING FOR OUR
YOUR TABLE?
WELL, WE ARE WAITING FOR OUR
DATES.
WELL, WE ARE WAITING FOR OUR
DATES.
YEAH, GEORGE HAMILTON,
DATES.
YEAH, GEORGE HAMILTON,
GEORGE MAHARIS, AND
YEAH, GEORGE HAMILTON,
GEORGE MAHARIS, AND
GEORGE CHAKIRIS.
GEORGE MAHARIS, AND
GEORGE CHAKIRIS.
WELL, ACTUALLY, WE, TOO, WERE
GEORGE CHAKIRIS.
WELL, ACTUALLY, WE, TOO, WERE
SUPPOSED TO MEET SOME VERY
WELL, ACTUALLY, WE, TOO, WERE
SUPPOSED TO MEET SOME VERY
LOVELY LADIES HERE THIS
SUPPOSED TO MEET SOME VERY
LOVELY LADIES HERE THIS
EVENING... JILL ST. JOHN,
LOVELY LADIES HERE THIS
EVENING... JILL ST. JOHN,
SUSAN ST. JAMES, AND
EVENING... JILL ST. JOHN,
SUSAN ST. JAMES, AND
EVA MARIE SAINT.
SUSAN ST. JAMES, AND
EVA MARIE SAINT.
BUT LUCKILY THEY CANCELED OUT,
EVA MARIE SAINT.
BUT LUCKILY THEY CANCELED OUT,
AND OUR EVENING IS FREE.
BUT LUCKILY THEY CANCELED OUT,
AND OUR EVENING IS FREE.
SO WE'D LOVE TO JOIN YOU UNTIL
AND OUR EVENING IS FREE.
SO WE'D LOVE TO JOIN YOU UNTIL
THOSE INSIPID, PRETTY-BOY
SO WE'D LOVE TO JOIN YOU UNTIL
THOSE INSIPID, PRETTY-BOY
FLASHES IN THE PAN NAMED GEORGE
THOSE INSIPID, PRETTY-BOY
FLASHES IN THE PAN NAMED GEORGE
SHOW UP.
FLASHES IN THE PAN NAMED GEORGE
SHOW UP.
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
SHOW UP.
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
OH!
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
OH!
PLEASE.
OH!
PLEASE.
OH, HI.
PLEASE.
OH, HI.
BAD NEWS, GIRLS.
OH, HI.
BAD NEWS, GIRLS.
GEORGE HAMILTON, GEORGE MAHARIS,
BAD NEWS, GIRLS.
GEORGE HAMILTON, GEORGE MAHARIS,
AND GEORGE CHAKIRIS STOOD US UP
GEORGE HAMILTON, GEORGE MAHARIS,
AND GEORGE CHAKIRIS STOOD US UP
FOR OTHER DATES.
AND GEORGE CHAKIRIS STOOD US UP
FOR OTHER DATES.
WHO?
FOR OTHER DATES.
WHO?
ELKE SOMMER, BRITT EKLAND,
WHO?
ELKE SOMMER, BRITT EKLAND,
AND MAY BRITT.
ELKE SOMMER, BRITT EKLAND,
AND MAY BRITT.
OH!
AND MAY BRITT.
OH!
OH, HI!
OH!
OH, HI!
I DON'T THINK WE'VE BEEN
OH, HI!
I DON'T THINK WE'VE BEEN
INTRODUCED.
I DON'T THINK WE'VE BEEN
INTRODUCED.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
INTRODUCED.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
TWO OF THESE THREE GENTLEMEN
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
TWO OF THESE THREE GENTLEMEN
ARE LYING.
TWO OF THESE THREE GENTLEMEN
ARE LYING.
WELL, WILL THE REAL
ARE LYING.
WELL, WILL THE REAL
RICARDO MONTALBAN PLEASE STAND
WELL, WILL THE REAL
RICARDO MONTALBAN PLEASE STAND
UP?
RICARDO MONTALBAN PLEASE STAND
UP?
[LAUGHS]
UP?
[LAUGHS]
WE DO THIS EVERY NIGHT.
[LAUGHS]
WE DO THIS EVERY NIGHT.
JOAN, MEET FERNANDO LAMAS,
WE DO THIS EVERY NIGHT.
JOAN, MEET FERNANDO LAMAS,
CESAR ROMERO, AND
JOAN, MEET FERNANDO LAMAS,
CESAR ROMERO, AND
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
CESAR ROMERO, AND
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
WELL, WHO'S WHO?
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
WELL, WHO'S WHO?
EVEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO'S WHO!
WELL, WHO'S WHO?
EVEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO'S WHO!
THE ONLY WAY TO TELL IS TO RUN
EVEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO'S WHO!
THE ONLY WAY TO TELL IS TO RUN
OUT TO THE PARKING LOT AND SEE
THE ONLY WAY TO TELL IS TO RUN
OUT TO THE PARKING LOT AND SEE
WHOSE CAR KEYS FIT THE CORDOBA.
OUT TO THE PARKING LOT AND SEE
WHOSE CAR KEYS FIT THE CORDOBA.
BUT MAY I ASSURE YOU THAT OUR
WHOSE CAR KEYS FIT THE CORDOBA.
BUT MAY I ASSURE YOU THAT OUR
CONFUSION IS AS SINCERE AS IT IS
BUT MAY I ASSURE YOU THAT OUR
CONFUSION IS AS SINCERE AS IT IS
CHARMING?
CONFUSION IS AS SINCERE AS IT IS
CHARMING?
YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH ME?
CHARMING?
YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH ME?
NO.
YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH ME?
NO.
OKAY.
NO.
OKAY.
HOW ABOUT YOU, OVER THERE?
OKAY.
HOW ABOUT YOU, OVER THERE?
LITTLE BIT OF MIX MASTER, HUH?
HOW ABOUT YOU, OVER THERE?
LITTLE BIT OF MIX MASTER, HUH?
COME ON.
LITTLE BIT OF MIX MASTER, HUH?
COME ON.
NO.
COME ON.
NO.
BOY, WHAT ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
NO.
BOY, WHAT ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
HERE?
BOY, WHAT ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
HERE?
NOT RIGHT NOW.
HERE?
NOT RIGHT NOW.
OKAY, JUST CHECKING.
NOT RIGHT NOW.
OKAY, JUST CHECKING.
I GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
OKAY, JUST CHECKING.
I GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
ZERO ON STYLE, YOU KNOW?
I GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
ZERO ON STYLE, YOU KNOW?
HEY, WATCH THIS, GUYS.
ZERO ON STYLE, YOU KNOW?
HEY, WATCH THIS, GUYS.
WATCH THIS.
HEY, WATCH THIS, GUYS.
WATCH THIS.
YOUR EYES ARE LIKE TINTED OPERA
WATCH THIS.
YOUR EYES ARE LIKE TINTED OPERA
WINDOWS.
YOUR EYES ARE LIKE TINTED OPERA
WINDOWS.
YOUR HAIR AND SKIN IS LIKE THE
WINDOWS.
YOUR HAIR AND SKIN IS LIKE THE
FINEST CORINTHIAN LEATHER.
YOUR HAIR AND SKIN IS LIKE THE
FINEST CORINTHIAN LEATHER.
HEY, HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR
FINEST CORINTHIAN LEATHER.
HEY, HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR
MIND YET?
HEY, HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR
MIND YET?
NO.
MIND YET?
NO.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
NO.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
OVER HERE?
OKAY, HOW ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
OVER HERE?
YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?
OVER HERE?
YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?
NO.
YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?
NO.
WHAT ABOUT THIS GIRL, RIGHT
NO.
WHAT ABOUT THIS GIRL, RIGHT
HERE?
WHAT ABOUT THIS GIRL, RIGHT
HERE?
NO.
HERE?
NO.
OKAY, JUST LET ME KNOW.
NO.
OKAY, JUST LET ME KNOW.
I'M IN NO HURRY.
OKAY, JUST LET ME KNOW.
I'M IN NO HURRY.
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.
I'M IN NO HURRY.
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THINK I CAN FIGURE OUT WHO YOU
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THINK I CAN FIGURE OUT WHO YOU
ARE.
I THINK I CAN FIGURE OUT WHO YOU
ARE.
LET ME SEE YOUR CAR KEYS.
ARE.
LET ME SEE YOUR CAR KEYS.
CERTAINLY.
LET ME SEE YOUR CAR KEYS.
CERTAINLY.
GLAD TO COMPLY, LOVELY LADY.
CERTAINLY.
GLAD TO COMPLY, LOVELY LADY.
AND TO MY HEART, AS WELL.
GLAD TO COMPLY, LOVELY LADY.
AND TO MY HEART, AS WELL.
OKAY, MATADOR, GRANADA, AND
AND TO MY HEART, AS WELL.
OKAY, MATADOR, GRANADA, AND
CORDOBA.
OKAY, MATADOR, GRANADA, AND
CORDOBA.
YOU ARE RICARDO.
CORDOBA.
YOU ARE RICARDO.
RICKY RICARDO?
YOU ARE RICARDO.
RICKY RICARDO?
STUPID FOOL!
RICKY RICARDO?
STUPID FOOL!
AT LEAST WE KNOW THAT.
STUPID FOOL!
AT LEAST WE KNOW THAT.
NONE OF US HERE IS
AT LEAST WE KNOW THAT.
NONE OF US HERE IS
RICKY RICARDO!
NONE OF US HERE IS
RICKY RICARDO!
OF COURSE!
RICKY RICARDO!
OF COURSE!
I AM RICARDO MONTALBAN!
OF COURSE!
I AM RICARDO MONTALBAN!
RIGHT!
I AM RICARDO MONTALBAN!
RIGHT!
MY COMMERCIAL ENDORSEMENTS...
RIGHT!
MY COMMERCIAL ENDORSEMENTS...
IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME.
MY COMMERCIAL ENDORSEMENTS...
IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME.
AS A SPANIARD, I LOVE TO FEEL
IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME.
AS A SPANIARD, I LOVE TO FEEL
THE WIND AND FIRE IN MY FACE.
AS A SPANIARD, I LOVE TO FEEL
THE WIND AND FIRE IN MY FACE.
WHEN I CHOOSE A CAR, I CHOOSE A
THE WIND AND FIRE IN MY FACE.
WHEN I CHOOSE A CAR, I CHOOSE A
CAR WITH A CERTAIN SPIRIT, A CAR
WHEN I CHOOSE A CAR, I CHOOSE A
CAR WITH A CERTAIN SPIRIT, A CAR
THAT WILL... YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
CAR WITH A CERTAIN SPIRIT, A CAR
THAT WILL... YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
THE COMMERCIALS.
THAT WILL... YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
THE COMMERCIALS.
THEY'RE RUNNING ALL OVER THE
THE COMMERCIALS.
THEY'RE RUNNING ALL OVER THE
PLACE.
THEY'RE RUNNING ALL OVER THE
PLACE.
OKAY, OKAY, NOW IT'S BETWEEN
PLACE.
OKAY, OKAY, NOW IT'S BETWEEN
FERNANDO AND CESAR.
OKAY, OKAY, NOW IT'S BETWEEN
FERNANDO AND CESAR.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE!
FERNANDO AND CESAR.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE!
I HAVE A PICTURE OF
OH, WAIT A MINUTE!
I HAVE A PICTURE OF
FERNANDO LAMAS.
I HAVE A PICTURE OF
FERNANDO LAMAS.
IT CAME WITH MY WALLET.
FERNANDO LAMAS.
IT CAME WITH MY WALLET.
THERE.
IT CAME WITH MY WALLET.
THERE.
THAT'S ME!
THERE.
THAT'S ME!
SO I'M FERNANDO LAMAS.
THAT'S ME!
SO I'M FERNANDO LAMAS.
I AM RICARDO.
SO I'M FERNANDO LAMAS.
I AM RICARDO.
THEN THAT MEANS I AM
I AM RICARDO.
THEN THAT MEANS I AM
CESAR ROMERO.
THEN THAT MEANS I AM
CESAR ROMERO.
EXCELLENT!
CESAR ROMERO.
EXCELLENT!
I LOVED MYSELF IN "WEEKEND IN
EXCELLENT!
I LOVED MYSELF IN "WEEKEND IN
HAVANA."
I LOVED MYSELF IN "WEEKEND IN
HAVANA."
WAITER, CAN WE HAVE SOME
HAVANA."
WAITER, CAN WE HAVE SOME
WINE, PLEASE?
WAITER, CAN WE HAVE SOME
WINE, PLEASE?
WINE FOR THE LADIES.
WINE, PLEASE?
WINE FOR THE LADIES.
WE ARE CELEBRATING OURSELVES.
WINE FOR THE LADIES.
WE ARE CELEBRATING OURSELVES.
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
WE ARE CELEBRATING OURSELVES.
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES.
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES.
BUT PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP US.
LADIES.
BUT PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP US.
I AM EITHER SERGIO FRANCHI,
BUT PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP US.
I AM EITHER SERGIO FRANCHI,
ROSSANO BRAZZI, OR
I AM EITHER SERGIO FRANCHI,
ROSSANO BRAZZI, OR
ENZO STUARTI.
ROSSANO BRAZZI, OR
ENZO STUARTI.
All: YOU SEE, WE ARE A BIT
ENZO STUARTI.
All: YOU SEE, WE ARE A BIT
CONFUSED.
All: YOU SEE, WE ARE A BIT
CONFUSED.
LET'S SEE YOUR KEYS, BOYS.
CONFUSED.
LET'S SEE YOUR KEYS, BOYS.
WHOEVER'S DRIVING THE VOLARE
LET'S SEE YOUR KEYS, BOYS.
WHOEVER'S DRIVING THE VOLARE
MUST BE SERGIO FRANCHI.
Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND
UPDATE," WITH JANE CURTIN.
OH, COME ON.
UPDATE," WITH JANE CURTIN.
OH, COME ON.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
OH, COME ON.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
I MEAN, SO THE GUY HAS HIS
GIVE ME A BREAK.
I MEAN, SO THE GUY HAS HIS
SPECIAL.
I MEAN, SO THE GUY HAS HIS
SPECIAL.
DOES THAT MAKE HIM A STAR?
SPECIAL.
DOES THAT MAKE HIM A STAR?
OKAY, YEAH, GRANTED, THE RATINGS
DOES THAT MAKE HIM A STAR?
OKAY, YEAH, GRANTED, THE RATINGS
WERE GOOD, BUT HE FOLLOWED
OKAY, YEAH, GRANTED, THE RATINGS
WERE GOOD, BUT HE FOLLOWED
RICHARD PRYOR!
WERE GOOD, BUT HE FOLLOWED
RICHARD PRYOR!
RICHARD PRYOR'S WONDERFUL!
RICHARD PRYOR!
RICHARD PRYOR'S WONDERFUL!
WHO'S GONNA GET UP AND TURN THE
RICHARD PRYOR'S WONDERFUL!
WHO'S GONNA GET UP AND TURN THE
TV OFF WHEN THEY'RE LAUGHING?
WHO'S GONNA GET UP AND TURN THE
TV OFF WHEN THEY'RE LAUGHING?
OH, DID YOU SEE HIM ON THE
TV OFF WHEN THEY'RE LAUGHING?
OH, DID YOU SEE HIM ON THE
CARSON SHOW?
OH, DID YOU SEE HIM ON THE
CARSON SHOW?
I HAVE TO ADMIT, I LOVED HIM ON
CARSON SHOW?
I HAVE TO ADMIT, I LOVED HIM ON
THAT.
I HAVE TO ADMIT, I LOVED HIM ON
THAT.
MY FAVORITE PART WAS WHEN HE
THAT.
MY FAVORITE PART WAS WHEN HE
ASKED HIS WIFE TO STAND UP IN
MY FAVORITE PART WAS WHEN HE
ASKED HIS WIFE TO STAND UP IN
THE AUDIENCE.
ASKED HIS WIFE TO STAND UP IN
THE AUDIENCE.
IT WAS JUST LIKE STEVE ALLEN AND
THE AUDIENCE.
IT WAS JUST LIKE STEVE ALLEN AND
JAYNE MEADOWS.
IT WAS JUST LIKE STEVE ALLEN AND
JAYNE MEADOWS.
OH, I-I GOT TO GO.
JAYNE MEADOWS.
OH, I-I GOT TO GO.
BYE.
OH, I-I GOT TO GO.
BYE.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
BYE.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
IN A SPECTACULAR COUP, THE
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
IN A SPECTACULAR COUP, THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
IN A SPECTACULAR COUP, THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
HAS SIGNED HEAVYWEIGHT BOXER
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
HAS SIGNED HEAVYWEIGHT BOXER
DUANE BOBICK TO AN EXCLUSIVE
HAS SIGNED HEAVYWEIGHT BOXER
DUANE BOBICK TO AN EXCLUSIVE
5-YEAR CONTRACT AS A NETWORK
DUANE BOBICK TO AN EXCLUSIVE
5-YEAR CONTRACT AS A NETWORK
PERSONALITY.
5-YEAR CONTRACT AS A NETWORK
PERSONALITY.
BEATING OUT THE OTHER NETWORKS,
PERSONALITY.
BEATING OUT THE OTHER NETWORKS,
THE CONTRACT WAS SIGNED JUST
BEATING OUT THE OTHER NETWORKS,
THE CONTRACT WAS SIGNED JUST
SECONDS BEFORE BOBICK STEPPED
THE CONTRACT WAS SIGNED JUST
SECONDS BEFORE BOBICK STEPPED
INTO THE RING WITH KEN NORTON.
SECONDS BEFORE BOBICK STEPPED
INTO THE RING WITH KEN NORTON.
ASKED TO COMMENT, BOBICK SAID...
INTO THE RING WITH KEN NORTON.
ASKED TO COMMENT, BOBICK SAID...
[IMITATING DONALD DUCK]
ASKED TO COMMENT, BOBICK SAID...
[IMITATING DONALD DUCK]
TV PERSONALITY DAVID FROST,
[IMITATING DONALD DUCK]
TV PERSONALITY DAVID FROST,
INSPIRED BY THE SUCCESS OF HIS
TV PERSONALITY DAVID FROST,
INSPIRED BY THE SUCCESS OF HIS
NIXON INTERVIEWS, HAS ANNOUNCED
INSPIRED BY THE SUCCESS OF HIS
NIXON INTERVIEWS, HAS ANNOUNCED
PLANS TO INTERVIEW FORMER
NIXON INTERVIEWS, HAS ANNOUNCED
PLANS TO INTERVIEW FORMER
PRESIDENTS JOHNSON, KENNEDY,
PLANS TO INTERVIEW FORMER
PRESIDENTS JOHNSON, KENNEDY,
EISENHOWER, TRUMAN, AND
PRESIDENTS JOHNSON, KENNEDY,
EISENHOWER, TRUMAN, AND
ROOSEVELT.
EISENHOWER, TRUMAN, AND
ROOSEVELT.
ANSWERING COMMENTS THAT THE PLAN
ROOSEVELT.
ANSWERING COMMENTS THAT THE PLAN
SEEMED PREPOSTEROUS, FROST SAID,
ANSWERING COMMENTS THAT THE PLAN
SEEMED PREPOSTEROUS, FROST SAID,
"IF PEOPLE BELIEVE NIXON,
SEEMED PREPOSTEROUS, FROST SAID,
"IF PEOPLE BELIEVE NIXON,
THEY'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING."
"IF PEOPLE BELIEVE NIXON,
THEY'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING."
WHILE IN LONDON FOR LAST WEEK'S
THEY'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING."
WHILE IN LONDON FOR LAST WEEK'S
SUMMIT MEETING, PRESIDENT CARTER
WHILE IN LONDON FOR LAST WEEK'S
SUMMIT MEETING, PRESIDENT CARTER
RECOMMENDED THAT ONE OF HIS
SUMMIT MEETING, PRESIDENT CARTER
RECOMMENDED THAT ONE OF HIS
FAVORITE POETS, DYLAN THOMAS, BE
RECOMMENDED THAT ONE OF HIS
FAVORITE POETS, DYLAN THOMAS, BE
REMOVED FROM HIS GRAVE IN WALES
FAVORITE POETS, DYLAN THOMAS, BE
REMOVED FROM HIS GRAVE IN WALES
AND ENSHRINED IN HISTORIC
REMOVED FROM HIS GRAVE IN WALES
AND ENSHRINED IN HISTORIC
WESTMINSTER ABBEY.
AND ENSHRINED IN HISTORIC
WESTMINSTER ABBEY.
CARTER ALSO REQUESTED THAT
WESTMINSTER ABBEY.
CARTER ALSO REQUESTED THAT
ANOTHER OF HIS FAVORITE POETS,
CARTER ALSO REQUESTED THAT
ANOTHER OF HIS FAVORITE POETS,
ROD McKUEN, BE BURIED IN THE
ANOTHER OF HIS FAVORITE POETS,
ROD McKUEN, BE BURIED IN THE
ABBEY IMMEDIATELY.
ROD McKUEN, BE BURIED IN THE
ABBEY IMMEDIATELY.
PATTY HEARST, SHOWN HERE
ABBEY IMMEDIATELY.
PATTY HEARST, SHOWN HERE
RELAXING ON THE LAWN AT
PATTY HEARST, SHOWN HERE
RELAXING ON THE LAWN AT
SAN SIMEON, WAS PLACED ON FIVE
RELAXING ON THE LAWN AT
SAN SIMEON, WAS PLACED ON FIVE
YEARS' PROBATION FOR HER
SAN SIMEON, WAS PLACED ON FIVE
YEARS' PROBATION FOR HER
ARMED-ROBBERY AND ASSAULT CHARGE
YEARS' PROBATION FOR HER
ARMED-ROBBERY AND ASSAULT CHARGE
AND ORDERED TO PAY $6,000 IN
ARMED-ROBBERY AND ASSAULT CHARGE
AND ORDERED TO PAY $6,000 IN
PROPERTY DAMAGE.
AND ORDERED TO PAY $6,000 IN
PROPERTY DAMAGE.
DESPITE RUMORS OF ROMANCE,
PROPERTY DAMAGE.
DESPITE RUMORS OF ROMANCE,
MISS HEARST SAYS SHE HAS NO
DESPITE RUMORS OF ROMANCE,
MISS HEARST SAYS SHE HAS NO
PLANS, COMMENTING, "I DON'T WANT
MISS HEARST SAYS SHE HAS NO
PLANS, COMMENTING, "I DON'T WANT
TO MARRY AND SETTLE DOWN BEFORE
PLANS, COMMENTING, "I DON'T WANT
TO MARRY AND SETTLE DOWN BEFORE
I'VE HAD A LITTLE EXCITEMENT IN
TO MARRY AND SETTLE DOWN BEFORE
I'VE HAD A LITTLE EXCITEMENT IN
MY LIFE."
I'VE HAD A LITTLE EXCITEMENT IN
MY LIFE."
64-YEAR-OLD COWBOY ROY ROGERS
MY LIFE."
64-YEAR-OLD COWBOY ROY ROGERS
STATED THIS WEEK THAT WHEN HE
64-YEAR-OLD COWBOY ROY ROGERS
STATED THIS WEEK THAT WHEN HE
DIES, HE WOULD LIKE TO BE
STATED THIS WEEK THAT WHEN HE
DIES, HE WOULD LIKE TO BE
STUFFED AND MOUNTED ON TOP OF
DIES, HE WOULD LIKE TO BE
STUFFED AND MOUNTED ON TOP OF
TRIGGER, HIS DEAD HORSE, WHO IS
STUFFED AND MOUNTED ON TOP OF
TRIGGER, HIS DEAD HORSE, WHO IS
ALSO STUFFED AND MOUNTED.
TRIGGER, HIS DEAD HORSE, WHO IS
ALSO STUFFED AND MOUNTED.
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS,
ALSO STUFFED AND MOUNTED.
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS,
DALE EVANS, ROY'S AFFECTIONATE
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS,
DALE EVANS, ROY'S AFFECTIONATE
WIFE, SAID THAT SHE, TOO, WOULD
DALE EVANS, ROY'S AFFECTIONATE
WIFE, SAID THAT SHE, TOO, WOULD
LIKE TO BE STUFFED AND MOUNTED
WIFE, SAID THAT SHE, TOO, WOULD
LIKE TO BE STUFFED AND MOUNTED
BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT
LIKE TO BE STUFFED AND MOUNTED
BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT
ORDER.
BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT
ORDER.
A FILM EXPERT CLAIMED THIS WEEK
ORDER.
A FILM EXPERT CLAIMED THIS WEEK
THAT THERE IS A FIFTH FACE ON
A FILM EXPERT CLAIMED THIS WEEK
THAT THERE IS A FIFTH FACE ON
THE NATIONAL MONUMENT
THAT THERE IS A FIFTH FACE ON
THE NATIONAL MONUMENT
MOUNT RUSHMORE.
THE NATIONAL MONUMENT
MOUNT RUSHMORE.
LARGER AND MORE SUBTLY DEFINED
MOUNT RUSHMORE.
LARGER AND MORE SUBTLY DEFINED
THAN THE FOUR PRESIDENTS' FACES,
LARGER AND MORE SUBTLY DEFINED
THAN THE FOUR PRESIDENTS' FACES,
IT IS BELIEVED TO BE THE PROFILE
THAN THE FOUR PRESIDENTS' FACES,
IT IS BELIEVED TO BE THE PROFILE
OF COMEDIAN DAVID BRENNER.
IT IS BELIEVED TO BE THE PROFILE
OF COMEDIAN DAVID BRENNER.
IN SPORTS, JACK NICKLAUS WON THE
OF COMEDIAN DAVID BRENNER.
IN SPORTS, JACK NICKLAUS WON THE
THIRD ANNUAL QUAKER OATS
IN SPORTS, JACK NICKLAUS WON THE
THIRD ANNUAL QUAKER OATS
INVITATIONAL.
THIRD ANNUAL QUAKER OATS
INVITATIONAL.
HE IS SHOWN HERE CLINCHING
INVITATIONAL.
HE IS SHOWN HERE CLINCHING
VICTORY BY BLASTING OUT OF AN
HE IS SHOWN HERE CLINCHING
VICTORY BY BLASTING OUT OF AN
OATMEAL TRAP DIRECTLY INTO AN
VICTORY BY BLASTING OUT OF AN
OATMEAL TRAP DIRECTLY INTO AN
EGG CUP.
OATMEAL TRAP DIRECTLY INTO AN
EGG CUP.
WELL, WATERGATE COVER-UP
EGG CUP.
WELL, WATERGATE COVER-UP
CO-CONSPIRATORS JOHN MITCHELL,
WELL, WATERGATE COVER-UP
CO-CONSPIRATORS JOHN MITCHELL,
JOHN E. EHRLICHMAN, AND
CO-CONSPIRATORS JOHN MITCHELL,
JOHN E. EHRLICHMAN, AND
"CUBBY" HALDEMAN HAVE BEEN
JOHN E. EHRLICHMAN, AND
"CUBBY" HALDEMAN HAVE BEEN
SIGNED AS MOUSEKETEERS ON THE
"CUBBY" HALDEMAN HAVE BEEN
SIGNED AS MOUSEKETEERS ON THE
MICKEY MOUSE CLUB TV SERIES.
SIGNED AS MOUSEKETEERS ON THE
MICKEY MOUSE CLUB TV SERIES.
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS
MICKEY MOUSE CLUB TV SERIES.
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS
UNUSUAL MOVE, THE THREE
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS
UNUSUAL MOVE, THE THREE
DEFENDANTS SAID IN UNISON, "WHY?
UNUSUAL MOVE, THE THREE
DEFENDANTS SAID IN UNISON, "WHY?
BECAUSE WE LIKE YOU!"
DEFENDANTS SAID IN UNISON, "WHY?
BECAUSE WE LIKE YOU!"
STILL TO COME... JAPANESE
BECAUSE WE LIKE YOU!"
STILL TO COME... JAPANESE
CEREMONIAL WIFE-DROWNING AFTER
STILL TO COME... JAPANESE
CEREMONIAL WIFE-DROWNING AFTER
THIS MESSAGE.
[BELL DINGS]
YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS A
CRIME.
HELLO, THIS IS DUANE BOBICK.
ACCORDING TO STATISTICS, EVERY
58 SECONDS A WHITE MAN IS
BRUTALLY BEATEN BY A BLACK MAN.
THIS IS NOT NECESSARILY THE
FAULT OF THE BLACK MAN, BECAUSE
ENVIRONMENTAL AND SOCIETAL
CONDITIONS SOMETIMES LEAVE HIM
NO CHOICE.
THAT'S WHERE THE BLACK
EDUCATIONAL CONFERENCE COMES IN.
THEY HAVE SHOWN THOUSANDS OF
EDUCATIONAL CONFERENCE COMES IN.
THEY HAVE SHOWN THOUSANDS OF
BLACK MEN THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE
THEY HAVE SHOWN THOUSANDS OF
BLACK MEN THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE
TO RESORT TO VIOLENCE TO PROVE
BLACK MEN THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE
TO RESORT TO VIOLENCE TO PROVE
THEIR MASCULINITY.
TO RESORT TO VIOLENCE TO PROVE
THEIR MASCULINITY.
THEY'VE SHOWN BLACKS HOW TO FIND
THEIR MASCULINITY.
THEY'VE SHOWN BLACKS HOW TO FIND
RICH, FULFILLING, AND
THEY'VE SHOWN BLACKS HOW TO FIND
RICH, FULFILLING, AND
NONAGGRESSIVE CAREERS IN THE
RICH, FULFILLING, AND
NONAGGRESSIVE CAREERS IN THE
FIELDS OF COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY,
NONAGGRESSIVE CAREERS IN THE
FIELDS OF COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY,
BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION, AND
FIELDS OF COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY,
BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION, AND
DENTISTRY, THAT THERE ARE
BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION, AND
DENTISTRY, THAT THERE ARE
SATISFACTIONS IN LIFE OTHER THAN
DENTISTRY, THAT THERE ARE
SATISFACTIONS IN LIFE OTHER THAN
BEATING UP ON WHITEY.
SATISFACTIONS IN LIFE OTHER THAN
BEATING UP ON WHITEY.
THEY SUFFERED FOR 400 YEARS,
BEATING UP ON WHITEY.
THEY SUFFERED FOR 400 YEARS,
AND WE'RE SORRY ABOUT IT.
THEY SUFFERED FOR 400 YEARS,
AND WE'RE SORRY ABOUT IT.
I'VE SEEN "ROOTS" AND SO HAVE
AND WE'RE SORRY ABOUT IT.
I'VE SEEN "ROOTS" AND SO HAVE
YOU.
I'VE SEEN "ROOTS" AND SO HAVE
YOU.
LET'S GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO USE
YOU.
LET'S GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO USE
THEIR MINDS.
LET'S GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO USE
THEIR MINDS.
REMEMBER, A BETTER-EDUCATED
THEIR MINDS.
REMEMBER, A BETTER-EDUCATED
BLACK MAN IS A WEAKER OPPONENT.
REMEMBER, A BETTER-EDUCATED
BLACK MAN IS A WEAKER OPPONENT.
SHOW THEM HOW SORRY WE ARE.
BLACK MAN IS A WEAKER OPPONENT.
SHOW THEM HOW SORRY WE ARE.
HELP THE BLACK MAN GAIN RESPECT
SHOW THEM HOW SORRY WE ARE.
HELP THE BLACK MAN GAIN RESPECT
FOR THEMSELVES.
HELP THE BLACK MAN GAIN RESPECT
FOR THEMSELVES.
I KNOW I HAVE.
FOR THEMSELVES.
I KNOW I HAVE.
Announcer: SEND MONEY TO
I KNOW I HAVE.
Announcer: SEND MONEY TO
BLACK EDUCATIONAL CONFERENCE,
Announcer: SEND MONEY TO
BLACK EDUCATIONAL CONFERENCE,
BOX 58, NEW YORK.
BLACK EDUCATIONAL CONFERENCE,
BOX 58, NEW YORK.
AND REMEMBER...
THE MAKERS OF THE MR. COFFEE
APPLIANCE REVEALED THIS WEEK
THAT OVER A HALF MILLION OF THE
APPLIANCE REVEALED THIS WEEK
THAT OVER A HALF MILLION OF THE
MACHINES HAVE A DEFECT WHICH MAY
THAT OVER A HALF MILLION OF THE
MACHINES HAVE A DEFECT WHICH MAY
CAUSE A SHORT CIRCUIT, RESULTING
MACHINES HAVE A DEFECT WHICH MAY
CAUSE A SHORT CIRCUIT, RESULTING
IN FIRE.
CAUSE A SHORT CIRCUIT, RESULTING
IN FIRE.
OUR UPDATE CONSUMER DEPARTMENT
IN FIRE.
OUR UPDATE CONSUMER DEPARTMENT
REPORTS THAT THE MR. COFFEE
OUR UPDATE CONSUMER DEPARTMENT
REPORTS THAT THE MR. COFFEE
MANUFACTURER DOES NOT PLAN TO
REPORTS THAT THE MR. COFFEE
MANUFACTURER DOES NOT PLAN TO
RECALL THE DANGEROUS UNITS BUT
MANUFACTURER DOES NOT PLAN TO
RECALL THE DANGEROUS UNITS BUT
WILL INTRODUCE A NEW PRODUCT,
RECALL THE DANGEROUS UNITS BUT
WILL INTRODUCE A NEW PRODUCT,
MR. FIRE EXTINGUISHER.
WILL INTRODUCE A NEW PRODUCT,
MR. FIRE EXTINGUISHER.
IN A SURPRISE MOVE THIS WEEK,
MR. FIRE EXTINGUISHER.
IN A SURPRISE MOVE THIS WEEK,
PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER STRAPPED
IN A SURPRISE MOVE THIS WEEK,
PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER STRAPPED
THREE STICKS OF DYNAMITE TO HIS
PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER STRAPPED
THREE STICKS OF DYNAMITE TO HIS
BODY AND MADE HIMSELF INTO A
THREE STICKS OF DYNAMITE TO HIS
BODY AND MADE HIMSELF INTO A
HUMAN BOMB.
BODY AND MADE HIMSELF INTO A
HUMAN BOMB.
ADDRESSING CONGRESS, CARTER
HUMAN BOMB.
ADDRESSING CONGRESS, CARTER
THREATENED TO EXPLODE HIMSELF
ADDRESSING CONGRESS, CARTER
THREATENED TO EXPLODE HIMSELF
UNLESS ONE OF THE SENIOR MEMBERS
THREATENED TO EXPLODE HIMSELF
UNLESS ONE OF THE SENIOR MEMBERS
OF THE HOUSE OFFERED TO DATE HIS
UNLESS ONE OF THE SENIOR MEMBERS
OF THE HOUSE OFFERED TO DATE HIS
AGING MOTHER, LILLIAN.
OF THE HOUSE OFFERED TO DATE HIS
AGING MOTHER, LILLIAN.
AND NOW WITH TONIGHT'S
AGING MOTHER, LILLIAN.
AND NOW WITH TONIGHT'S
COMMENTARY IS EMILY LITELLA.
AND NOW WITH TONIGHT'S
COMMENTARY IS EMILY LITELLA.
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.
COMMENTARY IS EMILY LITELLA.
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.
WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.
WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?
FOR GOD'S SAKES.
WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?
FOR GOD'S SAKES.
IRRESPONSIBLE, ANNOYING WOMAN.
FOR GOD'S SAKES.
IRRESPONSIBLE, ANNOYING WOMAN.
GOD KNOWS SHE'S NO LONGER FUNNY.
IRRESPONSIBLE, ANNOYING WOMAN.
GOD KNOWS SHE'S NO LONGER FUNNY.
Hello.
GOD KNOWS SHE'S NO LONGER FUNNY.
Hello.
This is Emily Litella.
Hello.
This is Emily Litella.
I'm not home right now, but i
This is Emily Litella.
I'm not home right now, but i
will call you back as soon as
I'm not home right now, but i
will call you back as soon as
possible.
Will call you back as soon as
possible.
Just leave your name, number,
possible.
Just leave your name, number,
and what time you called after
Just leave your name, number,
and what time you called after
you hear the sound of the jeep.
And what time you called after
you hear the sound of the jeep.
[BEEPS]
you hear the sound of the jeep.
[BEEPS]
EMILY, THAT'S BEEP, NOT JEEP.
[BEEPS]
EMILY, THAT'S BEEP, NOT JEEP.
A JEEP IS AN ARMY VEHICLE.
EMILY, THAT'S BEEP, NOT JEEP.
A JEEP IS AN ARMY VEHICLE.
A BEEP IS A TONE.
A JEEP IS AN ARMY VEHICLE.
A BEEP IS A TONE.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU WERE
A BEEP IS A TONE.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU WERE
IN TELEVISION.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU WERE
IN TELEVISION.
BEEP, NOT JEEP!
IN TELEVISION.
BEEP, NOT JEEP!
Oh, never mind.
BEEP, NOT JEEP!
Oh, never mind.
STUPID WOMAN.
Oh, never mind.
STUPID WOMAN.
Bitch.
STUPID WOMAN.
Bitch.
THAT'S OUR NEWS FOR TONIGHT.
Bitch.
THAT'S OUR NEWS FOR TONIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
THAT'S OUR NEWS FOR TONIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
OKAY!
OKAY, COLONEL, WE'RE JUST ABOUT
READY TO START.
OKAY, COLONEL, WE'RE JUST ABOUT
READY TO START.
CAN WE HAVE ELVIS IN ONE MINUTE?
READY TO START.
CAN WE HAVE ELVIS IN ONE MINUTE?
FINE, HONEY. NO PROBLEM.
CAN WE HAVE ELVIS IN ONE MINUTE?
FINE, HONEY. NO PROBLEM.
SWEET POTATO.
FINE, HONEY. NO PROBLEM.
SWEET POTATO.
YOU KNOW, COLONEL, THIS SCENE,
SWEET POTATO.
YOU KNOW, COLONEL, THIS SCENE,
UH, THIS SCENE JUST DOESN'T SEEM
YOU KNOW, COLONEL, THIS SCENE,
UH, THIS SCENE JUST DOESN'T SEEM
RIGHT.
UH, THIS SCENE JUST DOESN'T SEEM
RIGHT.
COULD HAVE BEEN FROM ANY MOVIE I
RIGHT.
COULD HAVE BEEN FROM ANY MOVIE I
EVER DID.
COULD HAVE BEEN FROM ANY MOVIE I
EVER DID.
UNDERSTAND?
EVER DID.
UNDERSTAND?
IT'S 1977, MAN.
UNDERSTAND?
IT'S 1977, MAN.
I'M TELLING YOU, ELVIS, THIS
IT'S 1977, MAN.
I'M TELLING YOU, ELVIS, THIS
FILM IS GONNA BE DIFFERENT.
I'M TELLING YOU, ELVIS, THIS
FILM IS GONNA BE DIFFERENT.
IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU AN
FILM IS GONNA BE DIFFERENT.
IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU AN
OPPORTUNITY TO STRETCH AS AN
IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU AN
OPPORTUNITY TO STRETCH AS AN
ARTIST.
OPPORTUNITY TO STRETCH AS AN
ARTIST.
NOW FACE IT, ELVIS.
ARTIST.
NOW FACE IT, ELVIS.
WITH ALL THE WEIGHT THAT YOU'VE
NOW FACE IT, ELVIS.
WITH ALL THE WEIGHT THAT YOU'VE
PUT ON, YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO
WITH ALL THE WEIGHT THAT YOU'VE
PUT ON, YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO
PLAY OTHER THINGS.
PUT ON, YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO
PLAY OTHER THINGS.
I'M SORRY.
PLAY OTHER THINGS.
I'M SORRY.
WE NEED ELVIS IN JUST A MINUTE,
I'M SORRY.
WE NEED ELVIS IN JUST A MINUTE,
ALL RIGHT?
WE NEED ELVIS IN JUST A MINUTE,
ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, THANKS.
ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, THANKS.
ALL RIGHT, JUST ONE MINUTE.
OKAY, THANKS.
ALL RIGHT, JUST ONE MINUTE.
I'M SCARED.
ALL RIGHT, JUST ONE MINUTE.
I'M SCARED.
I'M SCARED.
I'M SCARED.
I'M SCARED.
ELVIS, IF YOU DO THIS SCENE
I'M SCARED.
ELVIS, IF YOU DO THIS SCENE
RIGHT, I'M TELLING YOU, ON THE
ELVIS, IF YOU DO THIS SCENE
RIGHT, I'M TELLING YOU, ON THE
WAY HOME, WE'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO
RIGHT, I'M TELLING YOU, ON THE
WAY HOME, WE'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO
STOP AT MR. DONUT, AND THAT'S A
WAY HOME, WE'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO
STOP AT MR. DONUT, AND THAT'S A
PROMISE.
STOP AT MR. DONUT, AND THAT'S A
PROMISE.
ALL RIGHT, MR. DONUT.
PROMISE.
ALL RIGHT, MR. DONUT.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, MR. DONUT.
ALL RIGHT.
EVERYBODY?
ALL RIGHT.
EVERYBODY?
EVERYBODY TAKE YOUR PLACES,
EVERYBODY?
EVERYBODY TAKE YOUR PLACES,
PLEASE.
EVERYBODY TAKE YOUR PLACES,
PLEASE.
JUST TAKE YOUR PLACES.
PLEASE.
JUST TAKE YOUR PLACES.
OKAY?
JUST TAKE YOUR PLACES.
OKAY?
SETTLE DOWN.
OKAY?
SETTLE DOWN.
LET'S KEEP THE NOISE DOWN.
SETTLE DOWN.
LET'S KEEP THE NOISE DOWN.
BOBBY?
LET'S KEEP THE NOISE DOWN.
BOBBY?
BOBBY? ALL RIGHT.
BOBBY?
BOBBY? ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET STARTED.
BOBBY? ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET STARTED.
"VIVA LAS VEGAS II,"
LET'S GET STARTED.
"VIVA LAS VEGAS II,"
NIGHTCLUB SCENE.
"VIVA LAS VEGAS II,"
NIGHTCLUB SCENE.
TAKE ONE.
NIGHTCLUB SCENE.
TAKE ONE.
READY? ACTION!
READY? ACTION!
["CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE"
["CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE"
PLAYS]
I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING,
BABY.
THESE ARE THE BEST SEATS IN THE
BABY.
THESE ARE THE BEST SEATS IN THE
HOUSE.
THESE ARE THE BEST SEATS IN THE
HOUSE.
I HAD TO SLIP THE MAITRE D' A
HOUSE.
I HAD TO SLIP THE MAITRE D' A
GRAND, BUT I THINK IT'S WORTH
I HAD TO SLIP THE MAITRE D' A
GRAND, BUT I THINK IT'S WORTH
IT.
GRAND, BUT I THINK IT'S WORTH
IT.
THIS IS THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
IT.
THIS IS THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
STRIP.
THIS IS THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
STRIP.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT, BABY.
STRIP.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT, BABY.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT, BABY.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
WE COULD HAVE SAT IN THE BACK.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
WE COULD HAVE SAT IN THE BACK.
[SCOFFS]
WE COULD HAVE SAT IN THE BACK.
[SCOFFS]
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
[SCOFFS]
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
WHEN A GIRL GOES OUT WITH
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
WHEN A GIRL GOES OUT WITH
FRANKIE NOLAN, SHE'S GOES IN
WHEN A GIRL GOES OUT WITH
FRANKIE NOLAN, SHE'S GOES IN
STYLE!
FRANKIE NOLAN, SHE'S GOES IN
STYLE!
FIRST-CLASS ALL THE WAY.
STYLE!
FIRST-CLASS ALL THE WAY.
A THOUSAND BUCKS FOR THESE
FIRST-CLASS ALL THE WAY.
A THOUSAND BUCKS FOR THESE
SEATS, BUT IT'S WORTH EVERY
A THOUSAND BUCKS FOR THESE
SEATS, BUT IT'S WORTH EVERY
PENNY.
SEATS, BUT IT'S WORTH EVERY
PENNY.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
PENNY.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
STRIP, BABY.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
STRIP, BABY.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
STRIP, BABY.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.
I'D LIKE SOME COFFEE, PLEASE.
IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.
I'D LIKE SOME COFFEE, PLEASE.
HEY, BUSBOY, TWO COFFEES!
I'D LIKE SOME COFFEE, PLEASE.
HEY, BUSBOY, TWO COFFEES!
SAY, WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU COME
HEY, BUSBOY, TWO COFFEES!
SAY, WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU COME
BACK TO MY PLACE AFTER THE SHOW,
SAY, WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU COME
BACK TO MY PLACE AFTER THE SHOW,
HUH?
BACK TO MY PLACE AFTER THE SHOW,
HUH?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
HUH?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
COME ON!
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
COME ON!
I GOT A POOL.
COME ON!
I GOT A POOL.
WE COULD GO FOR A LITTLE
I GOT A POOL.
WE COULD GO FOR A LITTLE
MIDNIGHT SWIM.
WE COULD GO FOR A LITTLE
MIDNIGHT SWIM.
AND AFTERWARDS WE COULD TRY OUT
MIDNIGHT SWIM.
AND AFTERWARDS WE COULD TRY OUT
MY SAUNA.
AND AFTERWARDS WE COULD TRY OUT
MY SAUNA.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SAUNA ON THE
MY SAUNA.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SAUNA ON THE
STRIP.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SAUNA ON THE
STRIP.
BABY, YOU'D LOVE IT.
STRIP.
BABY, YOU'D LOVE IT.
I DON'T KNOW.
BABY, YOU'D LOVE IT.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
AW, COME ON, BABY.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
AW, COME ON, BABY.
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU.
AW, COME ON, BABY.
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EXCUSE ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EXCUSE ME.
PARDON ME.
EXCUSE ME.
PARDON ME.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, MISTER,
PARDON ME.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, MISTER,
RIGHT HERE.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, MISTER,
RIGHT HERE.
I'M TELLING YOU, BABY.
RIGHT HERE.
I'M TELLING YOU, BABY.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE.
I'M TELLING YOU, BABY.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE.
LOOK.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE.
LOOK.
THIS IS OUR SECOND DATE.
LOOK.
THIS IS OUR SECOND DATE.
I'VE SPENT CLOSE TO $3 MILLION
THIS IS OUR SECOND DATE.
I'VE SPENT CLOSE TO $3 MILLION
ON YOU.
I'VE SPENT CLOSE TO $3 MILLION
ON YOU.
DON'T YOU THINK YOU OWE ME
ON YOU.
DON'T YOU THINK YOU OWE ME
SOMETHING, BABY?
DON'T YOU THINK YOU OWE ME
SOMETHING, BABY?
COME ON.
SOMETHING, BABY?
COME ON.
I DON'T KNOW.
COME ON.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
NO GIRL TURNS DOWN AN OFFER
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
NO GIRL TURNS DOWN AN OFFER
LIKE THAT FROM FRANKIE NOLAN.
NO GIRL TURNS DOWN AN OFFER
LIKE THAT FROM FRANKIE NOLAN.
COME ON, BABY!
LIKE THAT FROM FRANKIE NOLAN.
COME ON, BABY!
COME ON!
COME ON, BABY!
COME ON!
COME ON TO MY PLACE.
COME ON!
COME ON TO MY PLACE.
NO?
COME ON TO MY PLACE.
NO?
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU, YOU
NO?
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU, YOU
KNOW?
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU, YOU
KNOW?
HEY!
KNOW?
HEY!
EXCUSE ME, MISTER, BUT WHY DON'T
HEY!
EXCUSE ME, MISTER, BUT WHY DON'T
YOU LEAVE THE LITTLE LADY ALONE?
EXCUSE ME, MISTER, BUT WHY DON'T
YOU LEAVE THE LITTLE LADY ALONE?
YOU CAN'T SEE SHE DOESN'T WANT
YOU LEAVE THE LITTLE LADY ALONE?
YOU CAN'T SEE SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO GO HOME WITH YOU?
YOU CAN'T SEE SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO GO HOME WITH YOU?
WELL, YOU LITTLE PUNK!
TO GO HOME WITH YOU?
WELL, YOU LITTLE PUNK!
HEY!
WELL, YOU LITTLE PUNK!
HEY!
LEAVE HIM ALONE, FRANKIE!
HEY!
LEAVE HIM ALONE, FRANKIE!
GOD, HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
LEAVE HIM ALONE, FRANKIE!
GOD, HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
WRONG.
GOD, HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
WRONG.
BESIDES, HE'S CUTE.
WRONG.
BESIDES, HE'S CUTE.
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY.
BESIDES, HE'S CUTE.
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY.
YEAH, I MIGHT BE A BUSBOY
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY.
YEAH, I MIGHT BE A BUSBOY
NOW, BUT I WON'T BE A BUSBOY ALL
YEAH, I MIGHT BE A BUSBOY
NOW, BUT I WON'T BE A BUSBOY ALL
MY LIFE.
NOW, BUT I WON'T BE A BUSBOY ALL
MY LIFE.
SOMEDAY, I'M GONNA BE UP ON THAT
MY LIFE.
SOMEDAY, I'M GONNA BE UP ON THAT
STAGE.
SOMEDAY, I'M GONNA BE UP ON THAT
STAGE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
STAGE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
CAN YOU SING?
THAT'S RIGHT.
CAN YOU SING?
SING?
CAN YOU SING?
SING?
LADY, I'M A SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR.
SING?
LADY, I'M A SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR.
OH.
LADY, I'M A SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR.
OH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
OH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I CAN SEE IT NOW... MY NAME UP
THAT'S RIGHT.
I CAN SEE IT NOW... MY NAME UP
IN LIGHTS.
I CAN SEE IT NOW... MY NAME UP
IN LIGHTS.
"NOW APPEARING... LUCKY JACKSON
IN LIGHTS.
"NOW APPEARING... LUCKY JACKSON
AS HAMLET."
"NOW APPEARING... LUCKY JACKSON
AS HAMLET."
BUT YOU'RE JUST A BUSBOY.
AS HAMLET."
BUT YOU'RE JUST A BUSBOY.
AH, GIVE THE KID A CHANCE.
BUT YOU'RE JUST A BUSBOY.
AH, GIVE THE KID A CHANCE.
YEAH, HE'S REAL GOOD.
AH, GIVE THE KID A CHANCE.
YEAH, HE'S REAL GOOD.
YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM IN THE
YEAH, HE'S REAL GOOD.
YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM IN THE
KITCHEN.
YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM IN THE
KITCHEN.
THAT'S RIGHT.
KITCHEN.
THAT'S RIGHT.
HEY, ANY OF YOU PEOPLE WANT TO
THAT'S RIGHT.
HEY, ANY OF YOU PEOPLE WANT TO
HEAR ME DO HAMLET?
HEY, ANY OF YOU PEOPLE WANT TO
HEAR ME DO HAMLET?
All: YEAH!
HEAR ME DO HAMLET?
All: YEAH!
ALL RIGHT! COME ON!
All: YEAH!
ALL RIGHT! COME ON!
AND I COULD PLAY GERTRUDE,
ALL RIGHT! COME ON!
AND I COULD PLAY GERTRUDE,
THE QUEEN, HIS MOTHER.
AND I COULD PLAY GERTRUDE,
THE QUEEN, HIS MOTHER.
AND I COULD PLAY CLAUDIUS,
THE QUEEN, HIS MOTHER.
AND I COULD PLAY CLAUDIUS,
THE KING.
AND I COULD PLAY CLAUDIUS,
THE KING.
I KNOW THE LINES BY HEART.
THE KING.
I KNOW THE LINES BY HEART.
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY!
I KNOW THE LINES BY HEART.
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WE'RE GONNA DO IT.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WE'RE GONNA DO IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
WE'RE GONNA DO IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
[TRUMPET PLAYS FANFARE]
ALL RIGHT.
"HAMLET" BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.
BUT NOW, MY COUSIN HAMLET,
"HAMLET" BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.
BUT NOW, MY COUSIN HAMLET,
AND MY SON.
BUT NOW, MY COUSIN HAMLET,
AND MY SON.
A LITTLE MORE THAN KIN, A
AND MY SON.
A LITTLE MORE THAN KIN, A
LITTLE LESS THAN KIND.
A LITTLE MORE THAN KIN, A
LITTLE LESS THAN KIND.
GOOD HAMLET, CAST THY
LITTLE LESS THAN KIND.
GOOD HAMLET, CAST THY
NIGHTED COLOR OFF AND LET THINE
GOOD HAMLET, CAST THY
NIGHTED COLOR OFF AND LET THINE
EYE LOOK LIKE A FRIEND ON
NIGHTED COLOR OFF AND LET THINE
EYE LOOK LIKE A FRIEND ON
DENMARK.
EYE LOOK LIKE A FRIEND ON
DENMARK.
HUH!
DENMARK.
HUH!
'TIS NOT ALONE MY INKY CLOAK,
HUH!
'TIS NOT ALONE MY INKY CLOAK,
GOOD MOTHER.
'TIS NOT ALONE MY INKY CLOAK,
GOOD MOTHER.
NOR CUSTOMARY SUITS OF SOLEMN
GOOD MOTHER.
NOR CUSTOMARY SUITS OF SOLEMN
BLACK...
NOR CUSTOMARY SUITS OF SOLEMN
BLACK...
AND NO DEJECTED BEHAVIOR OF
BLACK...
AND NO DEJECTED BEHAVIOR OF
[CHUCKLES] VISAGE, BUT I HAVE
AND NO DEJECTED BEHAVIOR OF
[CHUCKLES] VISAGE, BUT I HAVE
THAT WITHIN WHICH PASSETH SHOW.
[CHUCKLES] VISAGE, BUT I HAVE
THAT WITHIN WHICH PASSETH SHOW.
BUT TRAPPINGS AND THE SUITS, OH!
THAT WITHIN WHICH PASSETH SHOW.
BUT TRAPPINGS AND THE SUITS, OH!
WOE!
BUT TRAPPINGS AND THE SUITS, OH!
WOE!
HOO!
WOE!
HOO!
WOE!
HOO!
WOE!
'TIS SWEET AND COMMENDABLE IN
WOE!
'TIS SWEET AND COMMENDABLE IN
YOUR NATURE, DEAR HAMLET.
'TIS SWEET AND COMMENDABLE IN
YOUR NATURE, DEAR HAMLET.
HOW ABOUT A SONG?
YOUR NATURE, DEAR HAMLET.
HOW ABOUT A SONG?
A SONG?
HOW ABOUT A SONG?
A SONG?
ANYBODY WANT TO HEAR A SONG?
A SONG?
ANYBODY WANT TO HEAR A SONG?
All: YEAH!
ANYBODY WANT TO HEAR A SONG?
All: YEAH!
HEY HOW ABOUT A SONG,
All: YEAH!
HEY HOW ABOUT A SONG,
EVERYBODY?
HEY HOW ABOUT A SONG,
EVERYBODY?
ALL RIGHT.
EVERYBODY?
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE GONNA DO A LITTLE SONG FOR
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE GONNA DO A LITTLE SONG FOR
YOU.
WE'RE GONNA DO A LITTLE SONG FOR
YOU.
♪ WARDEN THREW A PARTY
YOU.
♪ WARDEN THREW A PARTY
IN THE COUNTY JAIL ♪
♪ WARDEN THREW A PARTY
IN THE COUNTY JAIL ♪
♪ THE PRISON BAND WAS PLAYING ♪
IN THE COUNTY JAIL ♪
♪ THE PRISON BAND WAS PLAYING ♪
♪ THEY BEGAN TO WAIL ♪
♪ THE PRISON BAND WAS PLAYING ♪
♪ THEY BEGAN TO WAIL ♪
♪ THEY BEGAN TO SWING ♪
♪ THEY BEGAN TO WAIL ♪
♪ THEY BEGAN TO SWING ♪
♪ YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD THOSE
♪ THEY BEGAN TO SWING ♪
♪ YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD THOSE
KNOCKED-OUT JAILBIRDS RING ♪
♪ YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD THOSE
KNOCKED-OUT JAILBIRDS RING ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
KNOCKED-OUT JAILBIRDS RING ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, LET'S ROCK ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, LET'S ROCK ♪
COME ON!
♪ EVERYBODY, LET'S ROCK ♪
COME ON!
♪ EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE
COME ON!
♪ EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE
CELLBLOCK
♪ EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE
CELLBLOCK
WAS DANCIN'
CELLBLOCK
WAS DANCIN'
TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK ♪
WAS DANCIN'
TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK ♪
♪ WELL, NUMBER 47
TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK ♪
♪ WELL, NUMBER 47
SAID TO NUMBER 3 ♪
♪ WELL, NUMBER 47
SAID TO NUMBER 3 ♪
JUST A BUSBOY!
SAID TO NUMBER 3 ♪
JUST A BUSBOY!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
JUST A BUSBOY!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
♪ COME ON ♪
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ DO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ DO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK
WITH ME ♪
♪ DO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK
WITH ME ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, LET'S ROCK ♪
[As Barbara Walters] HEWWO.
I'M BABA WAWA, AND WELCOME TO
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
I'M BABA WAWA, AND WELCOME TO
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
CONTINUING WITH MY VERY PERSONAL
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
CONTINUING WITH MY VERY PERSONAL
AND REVEAWING IN-DEPTH
CONTINUING WITH MY VERY PERSONAL
AND REVEAWING IN-DEPTH
INTERVIEWS WITH THE WENOWNED.
AND REVEAWING IN-DEPTH
INTERVIEWS WITH THE WENOWNED.
IT'S MY PWEASURE TO GIVE A
INTERVIEWS WITH THE WENOWNED.
IT'S MY PWEASURE TO GIVE A
BABA WAWA HEWWO TO THE MAN WHO
IT'S MY PWEASURE TO GIVE A
BABA WAWA HEWWO TO THE MAN WHO
WAS MARRIED WONGEST TO
BABA WAWA HEWWO TO THE MAN WHO
WAS MARRIED WONGEST TO
WIZ TAYLOR, MR. WICHARD BURTON.
WAS MARRIED WONGEST TO
WIZ TAYLOR, MR. WICHARD BURTON.
[As Richard Burton] THANK
WIZ TAYLOR, MR. WICHARD BURTON.
[As Richard Burton] THANK
YOU, BABA.
[As Richard Burton] THANK
YOU, BABA.
I TRULY, TRULY MEAN THIS, FROM
YOU, BABA.
I TRULY, TRULY MEAN THIS, FROM
THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART, WHEN I
I TRULY, TRULY MEAN THIS, FROM
THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART, WHEN I
TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOUR SHOW,
THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART, WHEN I
TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOUR SHOW,
AND I WATCH IT ALL THE TIME.
TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOUR SHOW,
AND I WATCH IT ALL THE TIME.
WELL, THANK YOU, WICHARD.
AND I WATCH IT ALL THE TIME.
WELL, THANK YOU, WICHARD.
IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO HEAR THE
WELL, THANK YOU, WICHARD.
IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO HEAR THE
SOUNDS THAT WOLL OVER YOUR
IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO HEAR THE
SOUNDS THAT WOLL OVER YOUR
WARYNX, TO HEAR THEM WEVERBERATE
SOUNDS THAT WOLL OVER YOUR
WARYNX, TO HEAR THEM WEVERBERATE
THROUGH A CWOWDED THEATER OR
WARYNX, TO HEAR THEM WEVERBERATE
THROUGH A CWOWDED THEATER OR
BWEAK WIGHT BULBS WITH THAT
THROUGH A CWOWDED THEATER OR
BWEAK WIGHT BULBS WITH THAT
WICH, WICH TWEAT.
BWEAK WIGHT BULBS WITH THAT
WICH, WICH TWEAT.
BABA, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET
WICH, WICH TWEAT.
BABA, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET
OUT OF MY WRETCHED LIFE?
BABA, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET
OUT OF MY WRETCHED LIFE?
YOU'RE MUCH TOO KIND.
OUT OF MY WRETCHED LIFE?
YOU'RE MUCH TOO KIND.
BUT, YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST MY
YOU'RE MUCH TOO KIND.
BUT, YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST MY
STAGE VOICE, WHICH I USE FOR
BUT, YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST MY
STAGE VOICE, WHICH I USE FOR
PROJECTION PURPOSES.
STAGE VOICE, WHICH I USE FOR
PROJECTION PURPOSES.
BUT MY REAL VOICE IS SORT OF A
PROJECTION PURPOSES.
BUT MY REAL VOICE IS SORT OF A
SOUTHERN GREAT LAKES, MIDWESTERN
BUT MY REAL VOICE IS SORT OF A
SOUTHERN GREAT LAKES, MIDWESTERN
SORT OF VOICE.
SOUTHERN GREAT LAKES, MIDWESTERN
SORT OF VOICE.
SORT OF LIKE THIS...
SORT OF VOICE.
SORT OF LIKE THIS...
[Normal voice] HEY, GIRLS,
SORT OF LIKE THIS...
[Normal voice] HEY, GIRLS,
WHERE'S THE CAST PARTY?
[Normal voice] HEY, GIRLS,
WHERE'S THE CAST PARTY?
OH, WICHARD.
WHERE'S THE CAST PARTY?
OH, WICHARD.
LET'S GET DOWN TO BWASS TACKS.
OH, WICHARD.
LET'S GET DOWN TO BWASS TACKS.
A WOT OF PEOPLE ARE CURIOUS TO
LET'S GET DOWN TO BWASS TACKS.
A WOT OF PEOPLE ARE CURIOUS TO
KNOW, ARE YOU STILL A WUSH WHO
A WOT OF PEOPLE ARE CURIOUS TO
KNOW, ARE YOU STILL A WUSH WHO
DWINKS LIKE A JELLYFISH?
KNOW, ARE YOU STILL A WUSH WHO
DWINKS LIKE A JELLYFISH?
[As Richard Burton] NO, I
DWINKS LIKE A JELLYFISH?
[As Richard Burton] NO, I
HAVEN'T TOUCHED A DROP OF
[As Richard Burton] NO, I
HAVEN'T TOUCHED A DROP OF
JOHN BARLEYCORN FOR FIVE WEEKS.
HAVEN'T TOUCHED A DROP OF
JOHN BARLEYCORN FOR FIVE WEEKS.
OH-HO!
JOHN BARLEYCORN FOR FIVE WEEKS.
OH-HO!
WELL, THAT'S A WEMARKABLE
OH-HO!
WELL, THAT'S A WEMARKABLE
ACHIEVEMENT FOR A WITERALLY
WELL, THAT'S A WEMARKABLE
ACHIEVEMENT FOR A WITERALLY
WEFORMED ALCOHOWIC.
ACHIEVEMENT FOR A WITERALLY
WEFORMED ALCOHOWIC.
WELL, I WAS IN A COMA FOR THE
WEFORMED ALCOHOWIC.
WELL, I WAS IN A COMA FOR THE
FIRST FOUR WEEKS.
WELL, I WAS IN A COMA FOR THE
FIRST FOUR WEEKS.
NO, I WAS JUST KIDDING ABOUT
FIRST FOUR WEEKS.
NO, I WAS JUST KIDDING ABOUT
THAT.
NO, I WAS JUST KIDDING ABOUT
THAT.
MAKE THAT PERFECTLY CLEAR.
THAT.
MAKE THAT PERFECTLY CLEAR.
I'M KIDDING ABOUT THAT COMA.
MAKE THAT PERFECTLY CLEAR.
I'M KIDDING ABOUT THAT COMA.
A LOT OF VICIOUS STORIES GET
I'M KIDDING ABOUT THAT COMA.
A LOT OF VICIOUS STORIES GET
STARTED THAT WAY.
A LOT OF VICIOUS STORIES GET
STARTED THAT WAY.
WELL, WICHARD, WHAT DO YOU
STARTED THAT WAY.
WELL, WICHARD, WHAT DO YOU
THINK ABOUT THE WIDICULOUS
WELL, WICHARD, WHAT DO YOU
THINK ABOUT THE WIDICULOUS
STORIES THAT ARE WITTEN ABOUT
THINK ABOUT THE WIDICULOUS
STORIES THAT ARE WITTEN ABOUT
YOU?
STORIES THAT ARE WITTEN ABOUT
YOU?
I THINK THAT THE PEOPLE WHO
YOU?
I THINK THAT THE PEOPLE WHO
WRITE THEM ARE SPINELESS
I THINK THAT THE PEOPLE WHO
WRITE THEM ARE SPINELESS
PARASITES.
WRITE THEM ARE SPINELESS
PARASITES.
THEY'RE CREATURES WHO JUST MAKE
PARASITES.
THEY'RE CREATURES WHO JUST MAKE
THEIR LIVING SUCKING OFF OF
THEY'RE CREATURES WHO JUST MAKE
THEIR LIVING SUCKING OFF OF
OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES.
THEIR LIVING SUCKING OFF OF
OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES.
THIS MONTH, FOR EXAMPLE, A STORY
OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES.
THIS MONTH, FOR EXAMPLE, A STORY
DEFAMED ME IN THE PAGES OF
THIS MONTH, FOR EXAMPLE, A STORY
DEFAMED ME IN THE PAGES OF
TEEN TIME MAGAZINE.
DEFAMED ME IN THE PAGES OF
TEEN TIME MAGAZINE.
THEY HAD NOTHING GOOD TO SAY.
TEEN TIME MAGAZINE.
THEY HAD NOTHING GOOD TO SAY.
TIGER BEAT MAGAZINE TRASHED ME.
THEY HAD NOTHING GOOD TO SAY.
TIGER BEAT MAGAZINE TRASHED ME.
SIXTEEN MAGAZINE CLAIMED I LIKE
TIGER BEAT MAGAZINE TRASHED ME.
SIXTEEN MAGAZINE CLAIMED I LIKE
TO GET DRUNK AND FLY UPSIDE DOWN
SIXTEEN MAGAZINE CLAIMED I LIKE
TO GET DRUNK AND FLY UPSIDE DOWN
IN MY PRIVATE PLANE.
TO GET DRUNK AND FLY UPSIDE DOWN
IN MY PRIVATE PLANE.
THEY HATE ME.
IN MY PRIVATE PLANE.
THEY HATE ME.
THEY DESPISE ME.
THEY HATE ME.
THEY DESPISE ME.
AND JUST BECAUSE I'M A PARTY
THEY DESPISE ME.
AND JUST BECAUSE I'M A PARTY
ANIMAL... I LOVE TO PARTY,
AND JUST BECAUSE I'M A PARTY
ANIMAL... I LOVE TO PARTY,
PARTY, PARTY.
ANIMAL... I LOVE TO PARTY,
PARTY, PARTY.
AND THEY DON'T!
PARTY, PARTY.
AND THEY DON'T!
OH-HO!
AND THEY DON'T!
OH-HO!
WELL, WICHARD, YOU WED AND WOVED
OH-HO!
WELL, WICHARD, YOU WED AND WOVED
EWIZABETH TAYLOR.
WELL, WICHARD, YOU WED AND WOVED
EWIZABETH TAYLOR.
YOU SHOWERED HER WITH EMERALDS
EWIZABETH TAYLOR.
YOU SHOWERED HER WITH EMERALDS
AND WUBIES AND GAVE HER THE
YOU SHOWERED HER WITH EMERALDS
AND WUBIES AND GAVE HER THE
WARGEST WOK IN THE WORLD.
AND WUBIES AND GAVE HER THE
WARGEST WOK IN THE WORLD.
WHAT WAS WIZ WEALLY WIKE,
WARGEST WOK IN THE WORLD.
WHAT WAS WIZ WEALLY WIKE,
WICHARD?
WHAT WAS WIZ WEALLY WIKE,
WICHARD?
ELIZABETH TAYLOR WAS NOT ONLY
WICHARD?
ELIZABETH TAYLOR WAS NOT ONLY
A VERY INTELLIGENT WOMAN, IN
ELIZABETH TAYLOR WAS NOT ONLY
A VERY INTELLIGENT WOMAN, IN
ADDITION TO BEING A VERY
A VERY INTELLIGENT WOMAN, IN
ADDITION TO BEING A VERY
TALENTED ACTRESS, BUT SHE'S ALSO
ADDITION TO BEING A VERY
TALENTED ACTRESS, BUT SHE'S ALSO
A VERY HOT TOMATO, IF YOU KNOW
TALENTED ACTRESS, BUT SHE'S ALSO
A VERY HOT TOMATO, IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
A VERY HOT TOMATO, IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
YOU GOT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THESE
WHAT I MEAN.
YOU GOT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THESE
PICTURES I'VE GOT OF HER.
YOU GOT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THESE
PICTURES I'VE GOT OF HER.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
PICTURES I'VE GOT OF HER.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THIS.
BELIEVE THAT?
LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THIS.
BELIEVE THAT?
LOOK AT THIS.
BELIEVE THAT?
LOOK AT THIS.
OH, WIGHT.
LOOK AT THIS.
OH, WIGHT.
THE SWIMSUIT... YOU SEE WHAT
OH, WIGHT.
THE SWIMSUIT... YOU SEE WHAT
I SEE?
THE SWIMSUIT... YOU SEE WHAT
I SEE?
YES.
I SEE?
YES.
I USED TO BE MARRIED TO THAT.
YES.
I USED TO BE MARRIED TO THAT.
YOU BELIEVE THAT?
I USED TO BE MARRIED TO THAT.
YOU BELIEVE THAT?
EVERY NIGHT, WHENEVER I WANTED,
YOU BELIEVE THAT?
EVERY NIGHT, WHENEVER I WANTED,
I WAS MARRIED TO IT.
EVERY NIGHT, WHENEVER I WANTED,
I WAS MARRIED TO IT.
I HAD HER.
I WAS MARRIED TO IT.
I HAD HER.
I THREW IT AWAY.
I HAD HER.
I THREW IT AWAY.
OH, AM I STUPID.
I THREW IT AWAY.
OH, AM I STUPID.
REALLY.
OH, AM I STUPID.
REALLY.
EXCUSE ME FOR LOSING MY ACCENT
REALLY.
EXCUSE ME FOR LOSING MY ACCENT
AGAIN, HONEY, BUT I REALLY BLEW
EXCUSE ME FOR LOSING MY ACCENT
AGAIN, HONEY, BUT I REALLY BLEW
IT THAT TIME.
AGAIN, HONEY, BUT I REALLY BLEW
IT THAT TIME.
WICHARD, WICHARD, CALM DOWN.
IT THAT TIME.
WICHARD, WICHARD, CALM DOWN.
BEFORE YOU GO, WOULD YOU DO US A
WICHARD, WICHARD, CALM DOWN.
BEFORE YOU GO, WOULD YOU DO US A
FAVOR?
BEFORE YOU GO, WOULD YOU DO US A
FAVOR?
WOULD YOU WECITE SOMETHING FOR
FAVOR?
WOULD YOU WECITE SOMETHING FOR
US?
WOULD YOU WECITE SOMETHING FOR
US?
BABA, IT WOULD BE A
US?
BABA, IT WOULD BE A
PRIVILEGE.
BABA, IT WOULD BE A
PRIVILEGE.
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
PRIVILEGE.
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
SLEEP UPON YOUR COT, THINK BACK
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
SLEEP UPON YOUR COT, THINK BACK
UPON ALL THE TALES THAT YOU
SLEEP UPON YOUR COT, THINK BACK
UPON ALL THE TALES THAT YOU
REMEMBER, OF CAMELOT.
UPON ALL THE TALES THAT YOU
REMEMBER, OF CAMELOT.
OH, THAT'S FROM "CAMEWOT"!
REMEMBER, OF CAMELOT.
OH, THAT'S FROM "CAMEWOT"!
NO, THAT'S CAMELOT.
OH, THAT'S FROM "CAMEWOT"!
NO, THAT'S CAMELOT.
OH, I WUV THAT SHOW!
NO, THAT'S CAMELOT.
OH, I WUV THAT SHOW!
I HAVE THE ALBUM.
OH, I WUV THAT SHOW!
I HAVE THE ALBUM.
I KNOW ALL THE SONGS BY HEART.
I HAVE THE ALBUM.
I KNOW ALL THE SONGS BY HEART.
♪ IF EVER I WOULD WEAVE YOU ♪
I KNOW ALL THE SONGS BY HEART.
♪ IF EVER I WOULD WEAVE YOU ♪
BUT, WICHARD, I'VE HEARD
♪ IF EVER I WOULD WEAVE YOU ♪
BUT, WICHARD, I'VE HEARD
"CAMEWOT" A WOT.
BUT, WICHARD, I'VE HEARD
"CAMEWOT" A WOT.
DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ELSE?
"CAMEWOT" A WOT.
DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ELSE?
BY HEART?
DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ELSE?
BY HEART?
YES.
BY HEART?
YES.
NO.
YES.
NO.
JUST THIS.
NO.
JUST THIS.
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
JUST THIS.
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
SLEEP...
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
SLEEP...
WADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I KNOW
SLEEP...
WADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I KNOW
IT SOUNDS A BIT BIZARRE, BUT
WADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I KNOW
IT SOUNDS A BIT BIZARRE, BUT
WE'VE WUN OUT OF TIME.
IT SOUNDS A BIT BIZARRE, BUT
WE'VE WUN OUT OF TIME.
I'D WIKE TO THANK
WE'VE WUN OUT OF TIME.
I'D WIKE TO THANK
WICHARD BURTON.
I'D WIKE TO THANK
WICHARD BURTON.
AND THANK YOU, BAA-BAA.
WICHARD BURTON.
AND THANK YOU, BAA-BAA.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING GOOD
AND THANK YOU, BAA-BAA.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING GOOD
NIGHT.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING GOOD
NIGHT.
BYE-BYE, BABA.
THIS WEEK'S FILM WAS MADE BY
SHARON SACKS, AND THIS BEING
JUNE, THE FILM IS CALLED
SHARON SACKS, AND THIS BEING
JUNE, THE FILM IS CALLED
"BRIDES."
♪ YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU ♪
♪ I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ♪
♪ I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ♪
♪ I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ♪
♪ I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ♪
♪ YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU ♪
♪ I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ♪
♪ YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU ♪
SINCE THE DAWN OF
♪ YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU ♪
SINCE THE DAWN OF
CIVILIZATION, SOCIETY HAS
SINCE THE DAWN OF
CIVILIZATION, SOCIETY HAS
CELEBRATED MARRIAGE WITH
CIVILIZATION, SOCIETY HAS
CELEBRATED MARRIAGE WITH
ELABORATE CEREMONIES AND THE
CELEBRATED MARRIAGE WITH
ELABORATE CEREMONIES AND THE
ORDERING OF NEW FLATWARE.
ELABORATE CEREMONIES AND THE
ORDERING OF NEW FLATWARE.
FROM EUROPE TO THE HEBRIDES,
ORDERING OF NEW FLATWARE.
FROM EUROPE TO THE HEBRIDES,
BRIDES BEDECK THEMSELVES IN
FROM EUROPE TO THE HEBRIDES,
BRIDES BEDECK THEMSELVES IN
SHINING WHITE DRESSES TO
BRIDES BEDECK THEMSELVES IN
SHINING WHITE DRESSES TO
SYMBOLIZE THE TRADITIONAL FRENCH
SHINING WHITE DRESSES TO
SYMBOLIZE THE TRADITIONAL FRENCH
PASTRY.
SYMBOLIZE THE TRADITIONAL FRENCH
PASTRY.
PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE LONG ASKED
PASTRY.
PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE LONG ASKED
THEMSELVES, "WHY DO MEN FEAR
PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE LONG ASKED
THEMSELVES, "WHY DO MEN FEAR
BRIDES?"
THEMSELVES, "WHY DO MEN FEAR
BRIDES?"
THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
BRIDES?"
THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
THE IMPOSING WHITE FIGURE OF A
THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
THE IMPOSING WHITE FIGURE OF A
BRIDE MAY REMIND A YOUNG MALE OF
THE IMPOSING WHITE FIGURE OF A
BRIDE MAY REMIND A YOUNG MALE OF
DINNERWARE.
BRIDE MAY REMIND A YOUNG MALE OF
DINNERWARE.
AND ALL MEN ARE UNNATURALLY
DINNERWARE.
AND ALL MEN ARE UNNATURALLY
AFRAID OF DINNERWARE.
AND ALL MEN ARE UNNATURALLY
AFRAID OF DINNERWARE.
IN FACT, WAVE THIS WEDGWOOD
AFRAID OF DINNERWARE.
IN FACT, WAVE THIS WEDGWOOD
GRAVY BOAT IN THEIR FACE AND MEN
IN FACT, WAVE THIS WEDGWOOD
GRAVY BOAT IN THEIR FACE AND MEN
WILL SCREAM.
GRAVY BOAT IN THEIR FACE AND MEN
WILL SCREAM.
AAHHH!
WILL SCREAM.
AAHHH!
IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT.
AAHHH!
IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT.
HERE WE SEE A REPRESENTATION OF
IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT.
HERE WE SEE A REPRESENTATION OF
THE WORLD FAMOUS "BRUSHING
HERE WE SEE A REPRESENTATION OF
THE WORLD FAMOUS "BRUSHING
BRIDE."
THE WORLD FAMOUS "BRUSHING
BRIDE."
VARIATIONS ON THIS THEME INCLUDE
BRIDE."
VARIATIONS ON THIS THEME INCLUDE
THE "BUZZING BRIDE"...
VARIATIONS ON THIS THEME INCLUDE
THE "BUZZING BRIDE"...
THE "HUMMING BRIDE"...
THE "BUZZING BRIDE"...
THE "HUMMING BRIDE"...
AND THE "FALLING BRIDE."
THE "HUMMING BRIDE"...
AND THE "FALLING BRIDE."
THUS THE PHRASE, "BRIDAL THUD"
AND THE "FALLING BRIDE."
THUS THE PHRASE, "BRIDAL THUD"
OR "CLUNK."
THUS THE PHRASE, "BRIDAL THUD"
OR "CLUNK."
HERE, IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, IN
OR "CLUNK."
HERE, IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, IN
A SPECIAL CEREMONY IN THE
HERE, IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, IN
A SPECIAL CEREMONY IN THE
BRIDE'S HOME, THE MAIDS OF HONOR
A SPECIAL CEREMONY IN THE
BRIDE'S HOME, THE MAIDS OF HONOR
DO A SPECIAL DANCE TO HONOR THE
BRIDE'S HOME, THE MAIDS OF HONOR
DO A SPECIAL DANCE TO HONOR THE
WEDDING OF THIS YOUNG BRIDE TO A
DO A SPECIAL DANCE TO HONOR THE
WEDDING OF THIS YOUNG BRIDE TO A
GIANT CHICKEN.
WEDDING OF THIS YOUNG BRIDE TO A
GIANT CHICKEN.
THE CHICKEN IMPATIENTLY WAITS
GIANT CHICKEN.
THE CHICKEN IMPATIENTLY WAITS
OUTSIDE.
THE CHICKEN IMPATIENTLY WAITS
OUTSIDE.
WHILE INSIDE, THE BRIDE'S
OUTSIDE.
WHILE INSIDE, THE BRIDE'S
PARENTS, ANXIOUS TO APPEAR "WITH
WHILE INSIDE, THE BRIDE'S
PARENTS, ANXIOUS TO APPEAR "WITH
IT," LOOK ON BENEVOLENTLY.
PARENTS, ANXIOUS TO APPEAR "WITH
IT," LOOK ON BENEVOLENTLY.
MEANWHILE, ACROSS TOWN, ANOTHER
IT," LOOK ON BENEVOLENTLY.
MEANWHILE, ACROSS TOWN, ANOTHER
YOUNG BRIDE IS HEARTBROKEN TODAY
MEANWHILE, ACROSS TOWN, ANOTHER
YOUNG BRIDE IS HEARTBROKEN TODAY
BECAUSE THE CHICKEN TO WHOM SHE
YOUNG BRIDE IS HEARTBROKEN TODAY
BECAUSE THE CHICKEN TO WHOM SHE
WAS TO BE MARRIED INEXPLICABLY
BECAUSE THE CHICKEN TO WHOM SHE
WAS TO BE MARRIED INEXPLICABLY
SUCCUMBED TO EXPOSURE PRIOR TO
WAS TO BE MARRIED INEXPLICABLY
SUCCUMBED TO EXPOSURE PRIOR TO
THE CEREMONY.
SUCCUMBED TO EXPOSURE PRIOR TO
THE CEREMONY.
HE SAYS, "WELL, IT'S MY PET
THE CEREMONY.
HE SAYS, "WELL, IT'S MY PET
PENGUIN."
HE SAYS, "WELL, IT'S MY PET
PENGUIN."
HE SAYS, "I DON'T CARE!"
PENGUIN."
HE SAYS, "I DON'T CARE!"
HE SAYS, "YOU TAKE HIM TO THE
HE SAYS, "I DON'T CARE!"
HE SAYS, "YOU TAKE HIM TO THE
ZOO."
HE SAYS, "YOU TAKE HIM TO THE
ZOO."
GUY TAKES OFF.
ZOO."
GUY TAKES OFF.
THE NEXT DAY, SAME TIME...
GUY TAKES OFF.
THE NEXT DAY, SAME TIME...
MANY FAMILIES NOW PREFER TO
THE NEXT DAY, SAME TIME...
MANY FAMILIES NOW PREFER TO
FOREGO THE VOWS THEMSELVES FOR
MANY FAMILIES NOW PREFER TO
FOREGO THE VOWS THEMSELVES FOR
THE TELLING OF THE WEDDING JOKE.
FOREGO THE VOWS THEMSELVES FOR
THE TELLING OF THE WEDDING JOKE.
SO THE COP COMES UP TO HIM
THE TELLING OF THE WEDDING JOKE.
SO THE COP COMES UP TO HIM
AGAIN AND SAYS, "DIDN'T I TELL
SO THE COP COMES UP TO HIM
AGAIN AND SAYS, "DIDN'T I TELL
YOU YESTERDAY TO TAKE THAT
AGAIN AND SAYS, "DIDN'T I TELL
YOU YESTERDAY TO TAKE THAT
PENGUIN TO THE ZOO?"
YOU YESTERDAY TO TAKE THAT
PENGUIN TO THE ZOO?"
HE SAID, "I DID.
PENGUIN TO THE ZOO?"
HE SAID, "I DID.
TODAY I'M TAKING HIM TO THE
HE SAID, "I DID.
TODAY I'M TAKING HIM TO THE
MOVIES."
TODAY I'M TAKING HIM TO THE
MOVIES."
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
MOVIES."
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
IT IS A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
IT IS A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT
THAT UNTIL JUST 20 YEARS AGO
IT IS A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT
THAT UNTIL JUST 20 YEARS AGO
ONLY BLONDES WERE PERMITTED BY
THAT UNTIL JUST 20 YEARS AGO
ONLY BLONDES WERE PERMITTED BY
LAW TO BECOME BRIDES.
ONLY BLONDES WERE PERMITTED BY
LAW TO BECOME BRIDES.
ANONYMOUS WEDDINGS ARE
LAW TO BECOME BRIDES.
ANONYMOUS WEDDINGS ARE
INCREASINGLY POPULAR.
ANONYMOUS WEDDINGS ARE
INCREASINGLY POPULAR.
THIS YOUNG BRIDE, FOR EXAMPLE,
INCREASINGLY POPULAR.
THIS YOUNG BRIDE, FOR EXAMPLE,
OWES MONEY TO A WELL-KNOWN AND
THIS YOUNG BRIDE, FOR EXAMPLE,
OWES MONEY TO A WELL-KNOWN AND
POWERFUL DEPARTMENT STORE.
OWES MONEY TO A WELL-KNOWN AND
POWERFUL DEPARTMENT STORE.
OTHER NOVELTIES ARE FINDING A
POWERFUL DEPARTMENT STORE.
OTHER NOVELTIES ARE FINDING A
PLACE IN THE WEDDING RITUAL.
OTHER NOVELTIES ARE FINDING A
PLACE IN THE WEDDING RITUAL.
A PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
PLACE IN THE WEDDING RITUAL.
A PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
APPEARED AT THE WEDDING OF HIS
A PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
APPEARED AT THE WEDDING OF HIS
DAUGHTER TRICIA SEVERAL YEARS
APPEARED AT THE WEDDING OF HIS
DAUGHTER TRICIA SEVERAL YEARS
AGO SPORTING FANGS, THEREBY
DAUGHTER TRICIA SEVERAL YEARS
AGO SPORTING FANGS, THEREBY
USHERING IN A NEW POPULARITY FOR
AGO SPORTING FANGS, THEREBY
USHERING IN A NEW POPULARITY FOR
VAMPIRE WEDDINGS.
USHERING IN A NEW POPULARITY FOR
VAMPIRE WEDDINGS.
HERE WE ARE AT MARJORIE'S HOME
VAMPIRE WEDDINGS.
HERE WE ARE AT MARJORIE'S HOME
THE MORNING AFTER THE WEDDING,
HERE WE ARE AT MARJORIE'S HOME
THE MORNING AFTER THE WEDDING,
WHERE THE HAPPY PARENTS SURROUND
THE MORNING AFTER THE WEDDING,
WHERE THE HAPPY PARENTS SURROUND
HER DOOR.
WHERE THE HAPPY PARENTS SURROUND
HER DOOR.
WHILE INSIDE THE BEDROOM...
HER DOOR.
WHILE INSIDE THE BEDROOM...
GOODBYE, MOTHER.
WHILE INSIDE THE BEDROOM...
GOODBYE, MOTHER.
YOU FINALLY MADE A LADY OUT OF
GOODBYE, MOTHER.
YOU FINALLY MADE A LADY OUT OF
ME.
YOU FINALLY MADE A LADY OUT OF
ME.
♪ YOU KNOW
ME.
♪ YOU KNOW
YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU... ♪
[PIANO PLAYS INTRODUCTION]
Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR "BAD BALLET," WITH YOUR
Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR "BAD BALLET," WITH YOUR
HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
FOR "BAD BALLET," WITH YOUR
HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
HELLO.
HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
HELLO.
I'M LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL AND
HELLO.
I'M LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL AND
WANT TO WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO
I'M LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL AND
WANT TO WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO
"BAD BALLET."
WANT TO WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO
"BAD BALLET."
TONIGHT WE FEATURE A VERY BAD
"BAD BALLET."
TONIGHT WE FEATURE A VERY BAD
WORK BY IVAN VODBODIMNIKOFF,
TONIGHT WE FEATURE A VERY BAD
WORK BY IVAN VODBODIMNIKOFF,
ONE OF THE WORST FROM THE NEW
WORK BY IVAN VODBODIMNIKOFF,
ONE OF THE WORST FROM THE NEW
EXPERIMENTAL SOVIET SCHOOLS OF
ONE OF THE WORST FROM THE NEW
EXPERIMENTAL SOVIET SCHOOLS OF
METHOD BALLET.
EXPERIMENTAL SOVIET SCHOOLS OF
METHOD BALLET.
THE LIBRETTO WAS WRITTEN BY
METHOD BALLET.
THE LIBRETTO WAS WRITTEN BY
ALEXEI STRACHEN... TERRIBLE
THE LIBRETTO WAS WRITTEN BY
ALEXEI STRACHEN... TERRIBLE
LIBRETTIST.
ALEXEI STRACHEN... TERRIBLE
LIBRETTIST.
ALTHOUGH THEY CREATED THE BALLET
LIBRETTIST.
ALTHOUGH THEY CREATED THE BALLET
TOGETHER, BOTH MEN NEVER
ALTHOUGH THEY CREATED THE BALLET
TOGETHER, BOTH MEN NEVER
ACTUALLY MET.
TOGETHER, BOTH MEN NEVER
ACTUALLY MET.
THEY COLLABORATED BY MAIL AND
ACTUALLY MET.
THEY COLLABORATED BY MAIL AND
THE ODD PHONE CALL.
THEY COLLABORATED BY MAIL AND
THE ODD PHONE CALL.
THE BALLET IS CALLED, APTLY
THE ODD PHONE CALL.
THE BALLET IS CALLED, APTLY
ENOUGH, "SWAN."
THE BALLET IS CALLED, APTLY
ENOUGH, "SWAN."
THAT'S RIGHT... "SWAN."
ENOUGH, "SWAN."
THAT'S RIGHT... "SWAN."
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH "SWAN
THAT'S RIGHT... "SWAN."
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH "SWAN
LAKE," BUT SIMPLY "SWAN."
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH "SWAN
LAKE," BUT SIMPLY "SWAN."
THE ACTION OF THE BALLET
LAKE," BUT SIMPLY "SWAN."
THE ACTION OF THE BALLET
CONCERNS GREGOR, THE EVIL
THE ACTION OF THE BALLET
CONCERNS GREGOR, THE EVIL
SWAN-KEEPER, HIS THREE LOVELY
CONCERNS GREGOR, THE EVIL
SWAN-KEEPER, HIS THREE LOVELY
WHITE SWANS AND AN ERRANT BLACK
SWAN-KEEPER, HIS THREE LOVELY
WHITE SWANS AND AN ERRANT BLACK
SWAN, AND VANYA, THE YOUNG
WHITE SWANS AND AN ERRANT BLACK
SWAN, AND VANYA, THE YOUNG
PURE-HEARTED STATE POULTRY
SWAN, AND VANYA, THE YOUNG
PURE-HEARTED STATE POULTRY
INSPECTOR.
PURE-HEARTED STATE POULTRY
INSPECTOR.
THE MAIN THRUST OF THE BALLET
INSPECTOR.
THE MAIN THRUST OF THE BALLET
CONCERNS GREGOR'S MISTREATMENT
THE MAIN THRUST OF THE BALLET
CONCERNS GREGOR'S MISTREATMENT
OF HIS LOVELY SWANS AND THEIR
CONCERNS GREGOR'S MISTREATMENT
OF HIS LOVELY SWANS AND THEIR
SUBSEQUENT LIBERATION BY VANYA,
OF HIS LOVELY SWANS AND THEIR
SUBSEQUENT LIBERATION BY VANYA,
THE YOUNG STATE POULTRY
SUBSEQUENT LIBERATION BY VANYA,
THE YOUNG STATE POULTRY
INSPECTOR.
THE YOUNG STATE POULTRY
INSPECTOR.
BEFORE WE BEGIN, I MUST MENTION
INSPECTOR.
BEFORE WE BEGIN, I MUST MENTION
THAT I MYSELF,
BEFORE WE BEGIN, I MUST MENTION
THAT I MYSELF,
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, WILL BE
THAT I MYSELF,
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, WILL BE
JOINING OUR BAD BALLET TROUPE
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, WILL BE
JOINING OUR BAD BALLET TROUPE
TONIGHT AS A DANCER BECAUSE I
JOINING OUR BAD BALLET TROUPE
TONIGHT AS A DANCER BECAUSE I
MYSELF AM A VERY BAD DANCER.
TONIGHT AS A DANCER BECAUSE I
MYSELF AM A VERY BAD DANCER.
NOW PLEASE IMAGINE, IF YOU
MYSELF AM A VERY BAD DANCER.
NOW PLEASE IMAGINE, IF YOU
WOULD, A PRIVATE SWAN COMPOUND
NOW PLEASE IMAGINE, IF YOU
WOULD, A PRIVATE SWAN COMPOUND
SOMEWHERE IN THE URAL MOUNTAINS.
WOULD, A PRIVATE SWAN COMPOUND
SOMEWHERE IN THE URAL MOUNTAINS.
IT IS DAYBREAK AS THE BALLET
SOMEWHERE IN THE URAL MOUNTAINS.
IT IS DAYBREAK AS THE BALLET
BEGINS.
IT IS DAYBREAK AS THE BALLET
BEGINS.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
[TEMPO QUICKENS]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
[CRACKLING CONTINUES]
[CRACKLING CONTINUES]
[APPLAUSE]
THERE, NOW.
THAT WASN'T VERY GOOD AT ALL,
WAS IT?
THAT WASN'T VERY GOOD AT ALL,
WAS IT?
I'D NOW LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE
WAS IT?
I'D NOW LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE
MEMBERS OF OUR BAD BALLET
I'D NOW LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE
MEMBERS OF OUR BAD BALLET
TROUPE.
MEMBERS OF OUR BAD BALLET
TROUPE.
THE FOUR SWANS WERE
TROUPE.
THE FOUR SWANS WERE
CLAIRE TRAMMELL, EILEEN PIVNICK,
THE FOUR SWANS WERE
CLAIRE TRAMMELL, EILEEN PIVNICK,
MAVIS SHIRE, AND BUDDY DONGULLY.
CLAIRE TRAMMELL, EILEEN PIVNICK,
MAVIS SHIRE, AND BUDDY DONGULLY.
[APPLAUSE]
MAVIS SHIRE, AND BUDDY DONGULLY.
[APPLAUSE]
THE EVIL SWAN-KEEPER WAS DANCED
[APPLAUSE]
THE EVIL SWAN-KEEPER WAS DANCED
BY SCOTT BERG.
THE EVIL SWAN-KEEPER WAS DANCED
BY SCOTT BERG.
THANK YOU, SCOTT.
BY SCOTT BERG.
THANK YOU, SCOTT.
THE YOUNG SOLDIER, PETE HOVIS.
THANK YOU, SCOTT.
THE YOUNG SOLDIER, PETE HOVIS.
AND THE STATE POULTRY INSPECTOR
THE YOUNG SOLDIER, PETE HOVIS.
AND THE STATE POULTRY INSPECTOR
WAS DANCED BY MYSELF,
AND THE STATE POULTRY INSPECTOR
WAS DANCED BY MYSELF,
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
WAS DANCED BY MYSELF,
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
AND I MIGHT SAY I DANCED VERY
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
AND I MIGHT SAY I DANCED VERY
BADLY.
AND I MIGHT SAY I DANCED VERY
BADLY.
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE.
BADLY.
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU.
YES, I KNOW.
THANK YOU.
YES, I KNOW.
IT REALLY BIT IT.
YES, I KNOW.
IT REALLY BIT IT.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN WE
IT REALLY BIT IT.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN WE
PRESENT THE CLASSICALLY BAD
JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN WE
PRESENT THE CLASSICALLY BAD
HAWAIIAN BALLET ENTITLED "SWAN
PRESENT THE CLASSICALLY BAD
HAWAIIAN BALLET ENTITLED "SWAN
LEI."
HAWAIIAN BALLET ENTITLED "SWAN
LEI."
UNTIL THEN, GOOD NIGHT.
LEI."
UNTIL THEN, GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU.
UNTIL THEN, GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU.
[PIANO THEME PLAYS]
LED ZEPPELIN, LED ZEPPELIN,
LED ZEPPELIN, LED ZEPPELIN!
MAN, I SAY WE GIVE UP ON THIS
LED ZEPPELIN, LED ZEPPELIN!
MAN, I SAY WE GIVE UP ON THIS
MOONIE.
MAN, I SAY WE GIVE UP ON THIS
MOONIE.
SHE'S NOT GONNA CRACK.
MOONIE.
SHE'S NOT GONNA CRACK.
YES, SHE WILL.
SHE'S NOT GONNA CRACK.
YES, SHE WILL.
LOOK.
YES, SHE WILL.
LOOK.
I HAVE DEPROGRAMMED TOUGHER KIDS
LOOK.
I HAVE DEPROGRAMMED TOUGHER KIDS
THAN THIS ONE.
I HAVE DEPROGRAMMED TOUGHER KIDS
THAN THIS ONE.
NOW LOOK.
THAN THIS ONE.
NOW LOOK.
COME ON.
NOW LOOK.
COME ON.
IT'S BEEN FIVE DAYS.
COME ON.
IT'S BEEN FIVE DAYS.
LOOK.
IT'S BEEN FIVE DAYS.
LOOK.
DON'T YOU WANT ALL OF THIS TO
LOOK.
DON'T YOU WANT ALL OF THIS TO
END, HUH?
DON'T YOU WANT ALL OF THIS TO
END, HUH?
JUST RENOUNCE THAT
END, HUH?
JUST RENOUNCE THAT
SUN MYUNG MOON CHARACTER, AND
JUST RENOUNCE THAT
SUN MYUNG MOON CHARACTER, AND
YOU COULD GO BACK HOME TO YOUR
SUN MYUNG MOON CHARACTER, AND
YOU COULD GO BACK HOME TO YOUR
PARENTS.
YOU COULD GO BACK HOME TO YOUR
PARENTS.
THE UNIFICATION CHURCH IS MY
PARENTS.
THE UNIFICATION CHURCH IS MY
FAMILY.
THE UNIFICATION CHURCH IS MY
FAMILY.
I DON'T LIKE MY PARENTS.
FAMILY.
I DON'T LIKE MY PARENTS.
HOW ABOUT YOUR DOG?
I DON'T LIKE MY PARENTS.
HOW ABOUT YOUR DOG?
DON'T YOU WANT TO GO SEE YOUR
HOW ABOUT YOUR DOG?
DON'T YOU WANT TO GO SEE YOUR
DOG?
DON'T YOU WANT TO GO SEE YOUR
DOG?
I DON'T HAVE A DOG.
DOG?
I DON'T HAVE A DOG.
DO YOU HAVE A CAT?
I DON'T HAVE A DOG.
DO YOU HAVE A CAT?
I DON'T HAVE A CAT.
DO YOU HAVE A CAT?
I DON'T HAVE A CAT.
WELL, WE'LL BUY YOU A CAT...
I DON'T HAVE A CAT.
WELL, WE'LL BUY YOU A CAT...
A LITTLE KITTEN.
WELL, WE'LL BUY YOU A CAT...
A LITTLE KITTEN.
YOU CAN CALL IT BOOTS OR
A LITTLE KITTEN.
YOU CAN CALL IT BOOTS OR
WHISKERS OR MUFFIN OR ANYTHING
YOU CAN CALL IT BOOTS OR
WHISKERS OR MUFFIN OR ANYTHING
YOU LIKE!
WHISKERS OR MUFFIN OR ANYTHING
YOU LIKE!
SHH!
YOU LIKE!
SHH!
I DON'T LIKE ANIMALS.
SHH!
I DON'T LIKE ANIMALS.
LOOK.
I DON'T LIKE ANIMALS.
LOOK.
YOU COULD CATCH UP ON TV.
LOOK.
YOU COULD CATCH UP ON TV.
NOW I BET YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE
YOU COULD CATCH UP ON TV.
NOW I BET YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE
NEW FALL SHOWS.
NOW I BET YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE
NEW FALL SHOWS.
RHODA GOT DIVORCED, YOU KNOW?
NEW FALL SHOWS.
RHODA GOT DIVORCED, YOU KNOW?
EVERYTHING'S CHANGED.
RHODA GOT DIVORCED, YOU KNOW?
EVERYTHING'S CHANGED.
OF COURSE, YOU MISSED MARY'S
EVERYTHING'S CHANGED.
OF COURSE, YOU MISSED MARY'S
LAST SHOW, BUT I'M SURE THEY'LL
OF COURSE, YOU MISSED MARY'S
LAST SHOW, BUT I'M SURE THEY'LL
PROBABLY RERUN IT.
LAST SHOW, BUT I'M SURE THEY'LL
PROBABLY RERUN IT.
TELEVISION IS THE DEVIL'S
PROBABLY RERUN IT.
TELEVISION IS THE DEVIL'S
PAINTBRUSH.
TELEVISION IS THE DEVIL'S
PAINTBRUSH.
I DON'T LIKE TELEVISION.
PAINTBRUSH.
I DON'T LIKE TELEVISION.
I'M GONNA PUT ON THAT MAMAS
I DON'T LIKE TELEVISION.
I'M GONNA PUT ON THAT MAMAS
AND PAPAS ALBUM ONE MORE TIME
I'M GONNA PUT ON THAT MAMAS
AND PAPAS ALBUM ONE MORE TIME
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
AND PAPAS ALBUM ONE MORE TIME
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
THERE'S THE KID FROM BURGER
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
THERE'S THE KID FROM BURGER
KING.
THERE'S THE KID FROM BURGER
KING.
I DON'T LIKE BURGERS.
KING.
I DON'T LIKE BURGERS.
BURGERS ARE THE DEVIL'S SCOURING
I DON'T LIKE BURGERS.
BURGERS ARE THE DEVIL'S SCOURING
PADS.
BURGERS ARE THE DEVIL'S SCOURING
PADS.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
PADS.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
WE GOT YOU A WHALER WITH CHEESE.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
WE GOT YOU A WHALER WITH CHEESE.
OH, NO!
GOOD EVENING.
I AM THE REVEREND
SUN MYUNG MOON, LEADER OF THE
I AM THE REVEREND
SUN MYUNG MOON, LEADER OF THE
MOONIES.
SUN MYUNG MOON, LEADER OF THE
MOONIES.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
WE HAVE COME FOR THE GIRL.
THIS KID'S GOING BACK TO HER
FAMILY.
THIS KID'S GOING BACK TO HER
FAMILY.
WHY DO YOU RESIST US?
FAMILY.
WHY DO YOU RESIST US?
IT IS SO MUCH MORE PRESENT TO
WHY DO YOU RESIST US?
IT IS SO MUCH MORE PRESENT TO
SURRENDER AND BECOME ONE OF US.
IT IS SO MUCH MORE PRESENT TO
SURRENDER AND BECOME ONE OF US.
SUBMIT TO THE INEVITABLE.
SURRENDER AND BECOME ONE OF US.
SUBMIT TO THE INEVITABLE.
FREE YOURSELF OF HUMAN EMOTION.
SUBMIT TO THE INEVITABLE.
FREE YOURSELF OF HUMAN EMOTION.
WHY NOT COME TO OUR BICENTENNIAL
FREE YOURSELF OF HUMAN EMOTION.
WHY NOT COME TO OUR BICENTENNIAL
RALLY?
WHY NOT COME TO OUR BICENTENNIAL
RALLY?
YOU'RE CRAZY!
RALLY?
YOU'RE CRAZY!
YOU THINK I'M GONNA JOIN YOUR
YOU'RE CRAZY!
YOU THINK I'M GONNA JOIN YOUR
GANG OF ZOMBIES!
YOU THINK I'M GONNA JOIN YOUR
GANG OF ZOMBIES!
YOU MUST BE NUTS!
GANG OF ZOMBIES!
YOU MUST BE NUTS!
NO?
YOU MUST BE NUTS!
NO?
PERHAPS YOUR WIFE MAY BE ABLE TO
NO?
PERHAPS YOUR WIFE MAY BE ABLE TO
CHANGE YOUR MIND, ROUND EYES.
PERHAPS YOUR WIFE MAY BE ABLE TO
CHANGE YOUR MIND, ROUND EYES.
IT IS MY WIFE!
CHANGE YOUR MIND, ROUND EYES.
IT IS MY WIFE!
HONEY!
IT IS MY WIFE!
HONEY!
SHE'S NOT YOUR WIFE ANYMORE,
HONEY!
SHE'S NOT YOUR WIFE ANYMORE,
MAN.
SHE'S NOT YOUR WIFE ANYMORE,
MAN.
SHE'S A MOONIE.
MAN.
SHE'S A MOONIE.
WHY STRUGGLE, DEAR?
SHE'S A MOONIE.
WHY STRUGGLE, DEAR?
GIVE IN.
WHY STRUGGLE, DEAR?
GIVE IN.
I'VE SOLD THE HOUSE AND CAR AND
GIVE IN.
I'VE SOLD THE HOUSE AND CAR AND
ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS AND GIVEN
I'VE SOLD THE HOUSE AND CAR AND
ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS AND GIVEN
THE MONEY TO REVEREND MOON.
ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS AND GIVEN
THE MONEY TO REVEREND MOON.
NO! NO!
THE MONEY TO REVEREND MOON.
NO! NO!
YOUR SHIRTS, YOUR SLACKS,
NO! NO!
YOUR SHIRTS, YOUR SLACKS,
YOUR TIES, YOUR POWER TOOLS.
YOUR SHIRTS, YOUR SLACKS,
YOUR TIES, YOUR POWER TOOLS.
MY POWER TOOLS!
YOUR TIES, YOUR POWER TOOLS.
MY POWER TOOLS!
YOUR MONOGRAMMED GOLF CLUBS,
MY POWER TOOLS!
YOUR MONOGRAMMED GOLF CLUBS,
YOUR RCA HOME-ENTERTAINMENT
YOUR MONOGRAMMED GOLF CLUBS,
YOUR RCA HOME-ENTERTAINMENT
CENTER, YOUR ELECTRIC WOK.
YOUR RCA HOME-ENTERTAINMENT
CENTER, YOUR ELECTRIC WOK.
HOW COULD YOU DO IT, HONEY?
CENTER, YOUR ELECTRIC WOK.
HOW COULD YOU DO IT, HONEY?
WE WILL KEEP THE ELECTRIC
HOW COULD YOU DO IT, HONEY?
WE WILL KEEP THE ELECTRIC
WOK.
WE WILL KEEP THE ELECTRIC
WOK.
DON'T... DON'T LISTEN TO HER!
WOK.
DON'T... DON'T LISTEN TO HER!
GET OUT OF HERE!
DON'T... DON'T LISTEN TO HER!
GET OUT OF HERE!
GET OUT OF HERE!
GET OUT OF HERE!
GET OUT OF HERE!
WE CAN'T SAVE HER NOW.
GET OUT OF HERE!
WE CAN'T SAVE HER NOW.
SHE'S ONE OF THEM.
WE CAN'T SAVE HER NOW.
SHE'S ONE OF THEM.
GET OUT! GET OUT.
SHE'S ONE OF THEM.
GET OUT! GET OUT.
NOW COME ON.
GET OUT! GET OUT.
NOW COME ON.
YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME.
NOW COME ON.
YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME.
THEY'RE GONNA PROBABLY TRY TO
YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME.
THEY'RE GONNA PROBABLY TRY TO
GET IN NOW.
THEY'RE GONNA PROBABLY TRY TO
GET IN NOW.
YEAH, RIGHT!
GET IN NOW.
YEAH, RIGHT!
HELP ME BLOCK THIS DOOR.
YEAH, RIGHT!
HELP ME BLOCK THIS DOOR.
NOW GET OVER THERE TO THE
HELP ME BLOCK THIS DOOR.
NOW GET OVER THERE TO THE
WINDOW.
NOW GET OVER THERE TO THE
WINDOW.
EXCUSE ME.
WINDOW.
EXCUSE ME.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE
EXCUSE ME.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
GET AWAY!
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
GET AWAY!
GET OUT OF HERE!
GET AWAY!
GET OUT OF HERE!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A
GET OUT OF HERE!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A
FLOWER?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A
FLOWER?
NO!
FLOWER?
NO!
I'M NOT INTERESTED!
NO!
I'M NOT INTERESTED!
OKAY, THANK YOU.
I'M NOT INTERESTED!
OKAY, THANK YOU.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
OKAY, THANK YOU.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HELLO.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HELLO.
THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE.
HELLO.
THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE.
I KNOW, MAN.
THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE.
I KNOW, MAN.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A
I KNOW, MAN.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A
DONATION?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A
DONATION?
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG...
DONATION?
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG...
GO AWAY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG...
GO AWAY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG WE CAN
GO AWAY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG WE CAN
HOLD OUT.
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG WE CAN
HOLD OUT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MANY THERE
HOLD OUT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MANY THERE
ARE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MANY THERE
ARE.
THEY COULD HAVE HUNDREDS OF
ARE.
THEY COULD HAVE HUNDREDS OF
BROCHURES, MAN.
THEY COULD HAVE HUNDREDS OF
BROCHURES, MAN.
THEY MIGHT EVEN HAVE A SOUND
BROCHURES, MAN.
THEY MIGHT EVEN HAVE A SOUND
TRUCK.
THEY MIGHT EVEN HAVE A SOUND
TRUCK.
HEY, WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE LOOKING
TRUCK.
HEY, WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE LOOKING
AT?
HEY, WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE LOOKING
AT?
THIS MOONIE STUFF...
AT?
THIS MOONIE STUFF...
HEY, MAN!
THIS MOONIE STUFF...
HEY, MAN!
LISTEN TO ME, MAN.
HEY, MAN!
LISTEN TO ME, MAN.
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE ONE
LISTEN TO ME, MAN.
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE ONE
OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE ONE
OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
NO, NO!
OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
NO, NO!
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE
NO, NO!
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE
ONE OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE
ONE OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
NO! NO!
ONE OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
NO! NO!
STOP READING THAT STUFF.
NO! NO!
STOP READING THAT STUFF.
YOU UNDERSTAND?!
STOP READING THAT STUFF.
YOU UNDERSTAND?!
NO, NO!
YOU UNDERSTAND?!
NO, NO!
MANY OF OUR CUSTOMS WOULD
NO, NO!
MANY OF OUR CUSTOMS WOULD
SEEM JUST AS STRANGE TO HIM.
MANY OF OUR CUSTOMS WOULD
SEEM JUST AS STRANGE TO HIM.
WAXING PHILOSOPHICAL...
SEEM JUST AS STRANGE TO HIM.
WAXING PHILOSOPHICAL...
I AM ONE OF THEM NOW.
WAXING PHILOSOPHICAL...
I AM ONE OF THEM NOW.
IT IS REALLY VERY PLEASANT.
I AM ONE OF THEM NOW.
IT IS REALLY VERY PLEASANT.
HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
IT IS REALLY VERY PLEASANT.
HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?
HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?
CAN I WALK WITH YOU JUST A
ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?
CAN I WALK WITH YOU JUST A
LITTLE BIT?
CAN I WALK WITH YOU JUST A
LITTLE BIT?
YOU'RE PROBABLY ON YOUR WAY TO
LITTLE BIT?
YOU'RE PROBABLY ON YOUR WAY TO
WORK.
YOU'RE PROBABLY ON YOUR WAY TO
WORK.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
WORK.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T YOU COME
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T YOU COME
WITH ME...
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T YOU COME
WITH ME...
YOU CAN STAY IN HERE, MAN.
WITH ME...
YOU CAN STAY IN HERE, MAN.
I'M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF
YOU CAN STAY IN HERE, MAN.
I'M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF
HERE.
I'M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF
HERE.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
HERE.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO
JOIN US.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO
JOIN US.
AAH!
JOIN US.
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
HI! HOW ARE YOU?
AAH!
HI! HOW ARE YOU?
CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SOME
HI! HOW ARE YOU?
CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SOME
LITERATURE?
CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SOME
LITERATURE?
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
LITERATURE?
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
WOULD YOU CARE TO MAKE A SMALL
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
WOULD YOU CARE TO MAKE A SMALL
DONATION?
WOULD YOU CARE TO MAKE A SMALL
DONATION?
HELL, CHIEF, THERE'S A WHOLE
DONATION?
HELL, CHIEF, THERE'S A WHOLE
LOT OF THOSE MOONIES HERE.
HELL, CHIEF, THERE'S A WHOLE
LOT OF THOSE MOONIES HERE.
YEAH, OKAY.
LOT OF THOSE MOONIES HERE.
YEAH, OKAY.
FREEZE, FELLOW.
YEAH, OKAY.
FREEZE, FELLOW.
STRIKE.
FREEZE, FELLOW.
STRIKE.
STRIKE.
STRIKE.
STRIKE.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
STRIKE.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
AAH!
HAVE A NICE DAY.
AAH!
THANK GOD, MAN!
AAH!
THANK GOD, MAN!
THANK GOD YOU CAME HERE.
THANK GOD, MAN!
THANK GOD YOU CAME HERE.
GOD!
THANK GOD YOU CAME HERE.
GOD!
YEAH, CHIEF.
GOD!
YEAH, CHIEF.
OKAY, I'M GONNA HEAD DOWN.
YEAH, CHIEF.
OKAY, I'M GONNA HEAD DOWN.
I GOT ONE MORE MOONIE TO KILL.
OKAY, I'M GONNA HEAD DOWN.
I GOT ONE MORE MOONIE TO KILL.
OH, NO, MAN.
I GOT ONE MORE MOONIE TO KILL.
OH, NO, MAN.
I'M NOT A MOONIE.
OH, NO, MAN.
I'M NOT A MOONIE.
I-I'M NOT A MOONIE.
I'M NOT A MOONIE.
I-I'M NOT A MOONIE.
AAH! AAH!
I-I'M NOT A MOONIE.
AAH! AAH!
YEAH, THAT REALLY IS A
AAH! AAH!
YEAH, THAT REALLY IS A
TRAGEDY ABOUT SAN DIEGO.
YEAH, THAT REALLY IS A
TRAGEDY ABOUT SAN DIEGO.
THEY NEVER HAD PROPER
TRAGEDY ABOUT SAN DIEGO.
THEY NEVER HAD PROPER
LAW-ENFORCEMENT TECHNIQUES DOWN
THEY NEVER HAD PROPER
LAW-ENFORCEMENT TECHNIQUES DOWN
THERE ANYWAY.
LAW-ENFORCEMENT TECHNIQUES DOWN
THERE ANYWAY.
ALL RIGHT.
HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU?
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE
HOW ARE YOU?
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
DO YOU MIND IF WE JUST TALK FOR
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
DO YOU MIND IF WE JUST TALK FOR
A WHILE?
AND NOW ONCE AGAIN HERE'S
JOAN ARMATRADING.
[APPLAUSE]
♪ OH, THE FEELING
WHEN YOU'RE REELING ♪
♪ YOU STEP LIGHTLY THINKING
WHEN YOU'RE REELING ♪
♪ YOU STEP LIGHTLY THINKING
YOU'RE NUMBER ONE ♪
♪ YOU STEP LIGHTLY THINKING
YOU'RE NUMBER ONE ♪
♪ DOWN TO ZERO WITH A WORD
YOU'RE NUMBER ONE ♪
♪ DOWN TO ZERO WITH A WORD
LEAVING ♪
♪ DOWN TO ZERO WITH A WORD
LEAVING ♪
♪ FOR ANOTHER ONE ♪
LEAVING ♪
♪ FOR ANOTHER ONE ♪
♪ NOW YOU WALK WITH YOUR FEET
♪ FOR ANOTHER ONE ♪
♪ NOW YOU WALK WITH YOUR FEET
BACK ON THE GROUND ♪
♪ NOW YOU WALK WITH YOUR FEET
BACK ON THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
BACK ON THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ BRAND-NEW DANDY,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ BRAND-NEW DANDY,
FIRST-CLASS SCENE STEALER ♪
♪ BRAND-NEW DANDY,
FIRST-CLASS SCENE STEALER ♪
♪ WALKS THROUGH THE CROWD
FIRST-CLASS SCENE STEALER ♪
♪ WALKS THROUGH THE CROWD
AND TAKES YOUR MAN ♪
♪ WALKS THROUGH THE CROWD
AND TAKES YOUR MAN ♪
♪ SENDS YOU RUSHING
AND TAKES YOUR MAN ♪
♪ SENDS YOU RUSHING
TO THE MIRROR ♪
♪ SENDS YOU RUSHING
TO THE MIRROR ♪
♪ BRUSH YOUR EYEBROWS
TO THE MIRROR ♪
♪ BRUSH YOUR EYEBROWS
AND SAY THERE'S MORE BEAUTY
♪ BRUSH YOUR EYEBROWS
AND SAY THERE'S MORE BEAUTY
IN YOU THAN ANYONE ♪
AND SAY THERE'S MORE BEAUTY
IN YOU THAN ANYONE ♪
♪ OH, REMEMBER WHO WALKED
IN YOU THAN ANYONE ♪
♪ OH, REMEMBER WHO WALKED
THE WARM SANDS BESIDE YOU
♪ OH, REMEMBER WHO WALKED
THE WARM SANDS BESIDE YOU
MOORED TO YOUR HEEL ♪
THE WARM SANDS BESIDE YOU
MOORED TO YOUR HEEL ♪
♪ LET THE WAVES COME
MOORED TO YOUR HEEL ♪
♪ LET THE WAVES COME
A-RUSHING IN ♪
♪ LET THE WAVES COME
A-RUSHING IN ♪
♪ SHE'LL TAKE THE WORRY
A-RUSHING IN ♪
♪ SHE'LL TAKE THE WORRY
FROM YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ SHE'LL TAKE THE WORRY
FROM YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ BUT, THEN AGAIN,
FROM YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ BUT, THEN AGAIN,
SHE PUT TROUBLE IN YOUR HEART
♪ BUT, THEN AGAIN,
SHE PUT TROUBLE IN YOUR HEART
INSTEAD ♪
SHE PUT TROUBLE IN YOUR HEART
INSTEAD ♪
♪ THEN YOU'LL FALL
INSTEAD ♪
♪ THEN YOU'LL FALL
DOWN TO THE GROUND,
♪ THEN YOU'LL FALL
DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ YOU'LL KNOW HEARTACHE,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ YOU'LL KNOW HEARTACHE,
STILL MORE CRYING
♪ YOU'LL KNOW HEARTACHE,
STILL MORE CRYING
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
STILL MORE CRYING
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
OF YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
OF YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
OF YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
INSTEAD ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
INSTEAD ♪
♪ OH, THE HEARTACHE YOU'LL FIND
INSTEAD ♪
♪ OH, THE HEARTACHE YOU'LL FIND
CAN BRING MORE PAIN THAN
♪ OH, THE HEARTACHE YOU'LL FIND
CAN BRING MORE PAIN THAN
A BLISTERING SUN ♪
CAN BRING MORE PAIN THAN
A BLISTERING SUN ♪
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL, OH ♪
A BLISTERING SUN ♪
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL, OH ♪
♪ OH, WHEN YOU FALL,
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL, OH ♪
♪ OH, WHEN YOU FALL,
FALL AT MY DOOR ♪
♪ YOU'LL KNOW HEARTACHE,
CRYING,
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
CRYING,
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
INSTEAD ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
INSTEAD ♪
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL ♪
INSTEAD ♪
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL ♪
♪ OH, WHEN YOU FALL,
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL ♪
♪ OH, WHEN YOU FALL,
FALL AT MY DOOR ♪
[APPLAUSE]
OR DOES IT LOOK LIKE AN EYE
IRRITATION?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
IRRITATION?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
I HOPE TO GOD IT LOOKS LIKE
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
I HOPE TO GOD IT LOOKS LIKE
AN EYE IRRITATION.
I HOPE TO GOD IT LOOKS LIKE
AN EYE IRRITATION.
THE WHOLE WORLD DON'T HAVE TO
AN EYE IRRITATION.
THE WHOLE WORLD DON'T HAVE TO
KNOW I'VE JUST BEEN CRYING IN
THE WHOLE WORLD DON'T HAVE TO
KNOW I'VE JUST BEEN CRYING IN
THE KMART.
KNOW I'VE JUST BEEN CRYING IN
THE KMART.
KNOCK IT OFF, MAN.
THE KMART.
KNOCK IT OFF, MAN.
STANDING IN THE CHECKOUT LINE
KNOCK IT OFF, MAN.
STANDING IN THE CHECKOUT LINE
WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY
STANDING IN THE CHECKOUT LINE
WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY
CHEEKS BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WILL
WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY
CHEEKS BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WILL
NOT ALLOW ME TO BUY THE ORIGINAL
CHEEKS BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WILL
NOT ALLOW ME TO BUY THE ORIGINAL
SOUNDTRACK ALBUM OF "A STAR IS
NOT ALLOW ME TO BUY THE ORIGINAL
SOUNDTRACK ALBUM OF "A STAR IS
BORN," WITH BARBRA STREISAND, MY
SOUNDTRACK ALBUM OF "A STAR IS
BORN," WITH BARBRA STREISAND, MY
WORLD'S MOST MEANINGFUL ACTRESS.
BORN," WITH BARBRA STREISAND, MY
WORLD'S MOST MEANINGFUL ACTRESS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WORLD'S MOST MEANINGFUL ACTRESS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HATE BARBRA STREISAND.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HATE BARBRA STREISAND.
SHE'S GOT THE HAIR OF A LUNATIC.
I HATE BARBRA STREISAND.
SHE'S GOT THE HAIR OF A LUNATIC.
I CAN'T BUY THE ALBUM BECAUSE
SHE'S GOT THE HAIR OF A LUNATIC.
I CAN'T BUY THE ALBUM BECAUSE
CERTAIN PEOPLE NEED THE $6.49
I CAN'T BUY THE ALBUM BECAUSE
CERTAIN PEOPLE NEED THE $6.49
PLUS TAX THEY ARE SAVING FOR A
CERTAIN PEOPLE NEED THE $6.49
PLUS TAX THEY ARE SAVING FOR A
BUBBLE WINDOW FOR THEIR VAN,
PLUS TAX THEY ARE SAVING FOR A
BUBBLE WINDOW FOR THEIR VAN,
WHICH THEY MUST HAVE IN TIME FOR
BUBBLE WINDOW FOR THEIR VAN,
WHICH THEY MUST HAVE IN TIME FOR
VAN-O-RAMA.
WHICH THEY MUST HAVE IN TIME FOR
VAN-O-RAMA.
YOU LAY OFF ME, BUT FIRST YOU
VAN-O-RAMA.
YOU LAY OFF ME, BUT FIRST YOU
LAY OFF MY VAN, OKAY?
YOU LAY OFF ME, BUT FIRST YOU
LAY OFF MY VAN, OKAY?
THE VAN, THE VAN.
LAY OFF MY VAN, OKAY?
THE VAN, THE VAN.
HUH!
THE VAN, THE VAN.
HUH!
CUSTOM PAINT JOB, ORANGE NYLON
HUH!
CUSTOM PAINT JOB, ORANGE NYLON
PILE CARPET ON THE FLOOR, THE
CUSTOM PAINT JOB, ORANGE NYLON
PILE CARPET ON THE FLOOR, THE
WALLS, THE CEILING.
PILE CARPET ON THE FLOOR, THE
WALLS, THE CEILING.
HOT-PINK CRUSHED-VELVET CURTAINS
WALLS, THE CEILING.
HOT-PINK CRUSHED-VELVET CURTAINS
AND CB PANEL ALL COVERED IN PINK
HOT-PINK CRUSHED-VELVET CURTAINS
AND CB PANEL ALL COVERED IN PINK
AND ORANGE SHAG CARPET.
AND CB PANEL ALL COVERED IN PINK
AND ORANGE SHAG CARPET.
AND A FAKE-FUR BEDSPREAD.
AND ORANGE SHAG CARPET.
AND A FAKE-FUR BEDSPREAD.
YOU GOT BETTER STUFF IN THAT VAN
AND A FAKE-FUR BEDSPREAD.
YOU GOT BETTER STUFF IN THAT VAN
THAN WE GOT IN OUR HOUSE.
YOU GOT BETTER STUFF IN THAT VAN
THAN WE GOT IN OUR HOUSE.
THAT VAN LOOKS LIKE THE
THAN WE GOT IN OUR HOUSE.
THAT VAN LOOKS LIKE THE
KING-OF-THE-WORLD'S HOME.
THAT VAN LOOKS LIKE THE
KING-OF-THE-WORLD'S HOME.
DON'T GIVE ME NONE OF THAT
KING-OF-THE-WORLD'S HOME.
DON'T GIVE ME NONE OF THAT
"KING OF THE WORLD" STUFF.
DON'T GIVE ME NONE OF THAT
"KING OF THE WORLD" STUFF.
THE KING OF THE WORLD DON'T
"KING OF THE WORLD" STUFF.
THE KING OF THE WORLD DON'T
INSTALL HIS OWN
THE KING OF THE WORLD DON'T
INSTALL HIS OWN
AIR-CONDITIONING.
INSTALL HIS OWN
AIR-CONDITIONING.
NOW THAT VAN WAS A CHEVY, AND IT
AIR-CONDITIONING.
NOW THAT VAN WAS A CHEVY, AND IT
CAME WITHOUT AIR-CONDITIONING,
NOW THAT VAN WAS A CHEVY, AND IT
CAME WITHOUT AIR-CONDITIONING,
FACTORY AIR, SO I INSTALLED IT
CAME WITHOUT AIR-CONDITIONING,
FACTORY AIR, SO I INSTALLED IT
MYSELF, REMEMBER?
FACTORY AIR, SO I INSTALLED IT
MYSELF, REMEMBER?
I INSTALLED IT MYSELF.
MYSELF, REMEMBER?
I INSTALLED IT MYSELF.
I REMEMBER.
I INSTALLED IT MYSELF.
I REMEMBER.
TILL 6:00 IN THE MORNING THE
I REMEMBER.
TILL 6:00 IN THE MORNING THE
NIGHT "EARTHQUAKE PART 1" WAS
TILL 6:00 IN THE MORNING THE
NIGHT "EARTHQUAKE PART 1" WAS
ON TV.
NIGHT "EARTHQUAKE PART 1" WAS
ON TV.
I'M WATCHING THE WORLD SHAKE
ON TV.
I'M WATCHING THE WORLD SHAKE
APART.
I'M WATCHING THE WORLD SHAKE
APART.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
APART.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M ASLEEP.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M ASLEEP.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M ASLEEP.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M FRYING UP BREAKFAST STRIPS.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M FRYING UP BREAKFAST STRIPS.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M FRYING UP BREAKFAST STRIPS.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
WELL, WHO WOULDN'T LIKE TO
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
WELL, WHO WOULDN'T LIKE TO
INSTALL AIR?
WELL, WHO WOULDN'T LIKE TO
INSTALL AIR?
OKAY?
INSTALL AIR?
OKAY?
WHO WOULDN'T LIKE IT?
OKAY?
WHO WOULDN'T LIKE IT?
I LIKED INSTALLING AIR.
WHO WOULDN'T LIKE IT?
I LIKED INSTALLING AIR.
I LOVE IT!
I LIKED INSTALLING AIR.
I LOVE IT!
YOU GET TO USE 12 DIFFERENT
I LOVE IT!
YOU GET TO USE 12 DIFFERENT
WRENCHES.
YOU GET TO USE 12 DIFFERENT
WRENCHES.
TWELVE DIFFERENT WRENCHES.
WRENCHES.
TWELVE DIFFERENT WRENCHES.
ISN'T THAT SOME BIG NEWS?
TWELVE DIFFERENT WRENCHES.
ISN'T THAT SOME BIG NEWS?
LIKE FINDING OUT IN THE ENQUIRER
ISN'T THAT SOME BIG NEWS?
LIKE FINDING OUT IN THE ENQUIRER
HOW DIFFERENT MOVIE STARS LIKE
LIKE FINDING OUT IN THE ENQUIRER
HOW DIFFERENT MOVIE STARS LIKE
THEIR STEAK.
HOW DIFFERENT MOVIE STARS LIKE
THEIR STEAK.
ALL RIGHT, JUST LAY OFF,
THEIR STEAK.
ALL RIGHT, JUST LAY OFF,
OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, JUST LAY OFF,
OKAY?
LET'S JUST EAT HERE.
OKAY?
LET'S JUST EAT HERE.
I GOT TO GO HOME.
LET'S JUST EAT HERE.
I GOT TO GO HOME.
I GOT TO NAIL SOME MORE STUDS
I GOT TO GO HOME.
I GOT TO NAIL SOME MORE STUDS
INTO THE PLUSH CHAMBER.
I GOT TO NAIL SOME MORE STUDS
INTO THE PLUSH CHAMBER.
I HATE THAT NAME.
INTO THE PLUSH CHAMBER.
I HATE THAT NAME.
IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN
I HATE THAT NAME.
IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN
HATE OR LIKE OR AGREE OR
IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN
HATE OR LIKE OR AGREE OR
DISAGREE WITH.
HATE OR LIKE OR AGREE OR
DISAGREE WITH.
IT'S JUST THE NAME OF A CERTAIN
DISAGREE WITH.
IT'S JUST THE NAME OF A CERTAIN
AREA IN THE VAN.
IT'S JUST THE NAME OF A CERTAIN
AREA IN THE VAN.
YOU KNOW?
AREA IN THE VAN.
YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, LIKE, IT'S THE NAME OF
YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, LIKE, IT'S THE NAME OF
THE AREA EXCEPT FOR THE BED
I MEAN, LIKE, IT'S THE NAME OF
THE AREA EXCEPT FOR THE BED
AREA.
THE AREA EXCEPT FOR THE BED
AREA.
THAT'S IT.
AREA.
THAT'S IT.
IT'S THE PLUSH CHAMBER, AND IT'S
THAT'S IT.
IT'S THE PLUSH CHAMBER, AND IT'S
CALLED A PLUSH CHAMBER BECAUSE
IT'S THE PLUSH CHAMBER, AND IT'S
CALLED A PLUSH CHAMBER BECAUSE
IT IS A PLUSH CHAMBER.
CALLED A PLUSH CHAMBER BECAUSE
IT IS A PLUSH CHAMBER.
RARE AND A RARE.
IT IS A PLUSH CHAMBER.
RARE AND A RARE.
YOU KNOW, THAT WAS THE BEST
RARE AND A RARE.
YOU KNOW, THAT WAS THE BEST
MOVIE I SEEN IN SIX MONTHS?
YOU KNOW, THAT WAS THE BEST
MOVIE I SEEN IN SIX MONTHS?
IT WAS VERY TENDER, THE KIND
MOVIE I SEEN IN SIX MONTHS?
IT WAS VERY TENDER, THE KIND
WHERE YOU'RE IN THE AUDIENCE,
IT WAS VERY TENDER, THE KIND
WHERE YOU'RE IN THE AUDIENCE,
BUT YOU KEEP WISHING YOU WERE
WHERE YOU'RE IN THE AUDIENCE,
BUT YOU KEEP WISHING YOU WERE
THE ONE IN LOVE WITH THE MAN ON
BUT YOU KEEP WISHING YOU WERE
THE ONE IN LOVE WITH THE MAN ON
THE SCREEN, YOU KNOW?
THE ONE IN LOVE WITH THE MAN ON
THE SCREEN, YOU KNOW?
I GET OFF ON TENDERNESS.
THE SCREEN, YOU KNOW?
I GET OFF ON TENDERNESS.
IT'S DECIDED.
I GET OFF ON TENDERNESS.
IT'S DECIDED.
I'M GONNA DO THE EXTERIOR,
IT'S DECIDED.
I'M GONNA DO THE EXTERIOR,
CUSTOM PAINTING, IN RED AND
I'M GONNA DO THE EXTERIOR,
CUSTOM PAINTING, IN RED AND
WHITE PEARLIZED AND RED, WHITE,
CUSTOM PAINTING, IN RED AND
WHITE PEARLIZED AND RED, WHITE,
AND BLUE.
WHITE PEARLIZED AND RED, WHITE,
AND BLUE.
I'M GONNA CALL THE WHOLE THING
AND BLUE.
I'M GONNA CALL THE WHOLE THING
"NEW GLORY."
I'M GONNA CALL THE WHOLE THING
"NEW GLORY."
LIKE THE FLAG IS "OLD GLORY."
"NEW GLORY."
LIKE THE FLAG IS "OLD GLORY."
I'M GONNA CALL THIS "NEW GLORY,"
LIKE THE FLAG IS "OLD GLORY."
I'M GONNA CALL THIS "NEW GLORY,"
BECAUSE, LIKE, IT'S A '76
I'M GONNA CALL THIS "NEW GLORY,"
BECAUSE, LIKE, IT'S A '76
CHEVY, AND IT'S NEW.
BECAUSE, LIKE, IT'S A '76
CHEVY, AND IT'S NEW.
IT'S GONNA BE CALLED "NEW
CHEVY, AND IT'S NEW.
IT'S GONNA BE CALLED "NEW
GLORY."
IT'S GONNA BE CALLED "NEW
GLORY."
AND IF I HAVE THE RIGHT PAINT,
GLORY."
AND IF I HAVE THE RIGHT PAINT,
I'M GONNA PUT, LIKE, GRAIN, LIKE
AND IF I HAVE THE RIGHT PAINT,
I'M GONNA PUT, LIKE, GRAIN, LIKE
A WHEAT FIELD WITH PURPLE
I'M GONNA PUT, LIKE, GRAIN, LIKE
A WHEAT FIELD WITH PURPLE
MOUNTAINS IN THE BACKGROUND ON
A WHEAT FIELD WITH PURPLE
MOUNTAINS IN THE BACKGROUND ON
THE SIDE.
MOUNTAINS IN THE BACKGROUND ON
THE SIDE.
IT'LL BE REALLY NICE.
THE SIDE.
IT'LL BE REALLY NICE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IT'LL BE REALLY NICE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I DON'T THINK I'LL BE
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I DON'T THINK I'LL BE
EXPRESSING OPINIONS SO NOBODY
I DON'T THINK I'LL BE
EXPRESSING OPINIONS SO NOBODY
CAN SAY I WAS GETTING ON HIM.
EXPRESSING OPINIONS SO NOBODY
CAN SAY I WAS GETTING ON HIM.
NOBODY'S GONNA SAY ANYTHING.
CAN SAY I WAS GETTING ON HIM.
NOBODY'S GONNA SAY ANYTHING.
I'M JUST ASKING FOR AN OPINION.
NOBODY'S GONNA SAY ANYTHING.
I'M JUST ASKING FOR AN OPINION.
I JUST WANT AN ATTITUDE.
I'M JUST ASKING FOR AN OPINION.
I JUST WANT AN ATTITUDE.
THAT'S ALL.
I JUST WANT AN ATTITUDE.
THAT'S ALL.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S ALL.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I THINK IT STINKS.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I THINK IT STINKS.
GET OFF ME, WILL YOU?
WELL, I THINK IT STINKS.
GET OFF ME, WILL YOU?
AND HERE'S WHAT ELSE STINKS.
GET OFF ME, WILL YOU?
AND HERE'S WHAT ELSE STINKS.
THE SIMULATED WOOD PLAQUE WITH
AND HERE'S WHAT ELSE STINKS.
THE SIMULATED WOOD PLAQUE WITH
THE SIMULATED CARVING OF A NAKED
THE SIMULATED WOOD PLAQUE WITH
THE SIMULATED CARVING OF A NAKED
GIRL WITH YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN
THE SIMULATED CARVING OF A NAKED
GIRL WITH YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN
BRANDED ON HER BELLY THAT YOU
GIRL WITH YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN
BRANDED ON HER BELLY THAT YOU
GOT CLIPPED BEHIND THE SUN VISOR
BRANDED ON HER BELLY THAT YOU
GOT CLIPPED BEHIND THE SUN VISOR
ABOVE THE LEFT WINDSHIELD.
GOT CLIPPED BEHIND THE SUN VISOR
ABOVE THE LEFT WINDSHIELD.
HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
ABOVE THE LEFT WINDSHIELD.
HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
I SEEN IT LAST WEEK WHEN YOU
HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
I SEEN IT LAST WEEK WHEN YOU
WENT TO GET YOUR SUNGLASSES.
I SEEN IT LAST WEEK WHEN YOU
WENT TO GET YOUR SUNGLASSES.
AND I'LL TELL YOU ONE MORE
WENT TO GET YOUR SUNGLASSES.
AND I'LL TELL YOU ONE MORE
THING.
AND I'LL TELL YOU ONE MORE
THING.
I DON'T THINK THE LEOPARD
THING.
I DON'T THINK THE LEOPARD
HEADREST ON THE DRIVER'S SEAT
I DON'T THINK THE LEOPARD
HEADREST ON THE DRIVER'S SEAT
MAKES IT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A
HEADREST ON THE DRIVER'S SEAT
MAKES IT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A
THRONE.
MAKES IT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A
THRONE.
YOU SAID YOU DID.
THRONE.
YOU SAID YOU DID.
WELL, I WAS LYING.
YOU SAID YOU DID.
WELL, I WAS LYING.
OH, AND ONE MORE THING, IN CASE
WELL, I WAS LYING.
OH, AND ONE MORE THING, IN CASE
YOU'RE INTERESTED.
OH, AND ONE MORE THING, IN CASE
YOU'RE INTERESTED.
I'M THE ONE WHO WROTE "WASH ME"
YOU'RE INTERESTED.
I'M THE ONE WHO WROTE "WASH ME"
WITH THEIR FINGER IN THE DUST ON
I'M THE ONE WHO WROTE "WASH ME"
WITH THEIR FINGER IN THE DUST ON
THE BACK DOOR.
WITH THEIR FINGER IN THE DUST ON
THE BACK DOOR.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY?!
THE BACK DOOR.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY?!
YOU'RE TURNING ON ME RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY?!
YOU'RE TURNING ON ME RIGHT NOW.
HERE WE GO OUT TO SEE THE
YOU'RE TURNING ON ME RIGHT NOW.
HERE WE GO OUT TO SEE THE
BARBRA STREISAND MOVIE.
HERE WE GO OUT TO SEE THE
BARBRA STREISAND MOVIE.
WE GO TO KMART TO PICK UP COTTON
BARBRA STREISAND MOVIE.
WE GO TO KMART TO PICK UP COTTON
BALLS IN BETWEEN.
WE GO TO KMART TO PICK UP COTTON
BALLS IN BETWEEN.
WE COME OUT FOR A STEAK DINNER.
BALLS IN BETWEEN.
WE COME OUT FOR A STEAK DINNER.
AND THEN NOW, WHEN IT'S TOO
WE COME OUT FOR A STEAK DINNER.
AND THEN NOW, WHEN IT'S TOO
LATE, WHEN THE MOVIE'S BOUGHT,
AND THEN NOW, WHEN IT'S TOO
LATE, WHEN THE MOVIE'S BOUGHT,
PAID FOR, AND SEEN, YOU TURN ON
LATE, WHEN THE MOVIE'S BOUGHT,
PAID FOR, AND SEEN, YOU TURN ON
ME.
PAID FOR, AND SEEN, YOU TURN ON
ME.
BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF OUR
ME.
BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF OUR
LIFE.
BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF OUR
LIFE.
AND BETWEEN US, BELIEVE ME, WE
LIFE.
AND BETWEEN US, BELIEVE ME, WE
ONLY GOT ONE LIFE LEFT... YOURS!
AND BETWEEN US, BELIEVE ME, WE
ONLY GOT ONE LIFE LEFT... YOURS!
AND I AM TIRED OF WATCHING YOU
ONLY GOT ONE LIFE LEFT... YOURS!
AND I AM TIRED OF WATCHING YOU
BOLT BEVERAGE CADDIES TO THE
AND I AM TIRED OF WATCHING YOU
BOLT BEVERAGE CADDIES TO THE
FRONT CONSOLE.
BOLT BEVERAGE CADDIES TO THE
FRONT CONSOLE.
TIRED OF WAITING UP FOR YOU TILL
FRONT CONSOLE.
TIRED OF WAITING UP FOR YOU TILL
YOU'RE DONE INSTALLING COLOR
TIRED OF WAITING UP FOR YOU TILL
YOU'RE DONE INSTALLING COLOR
BARS THAT PULSATE IN TIME WITH
YOU'RE DONE INSTALLING COLOR
BARS THAT PULSATE IN TIME WITH
THE MUSIC OVER THE BED.
BARS THAT PULSATE IN TIME WITH
THE MUSIC OVER THE BED.
TIRED OF WATCHING YOU JEWEL THE
THE MUSIC OVER THE BED.
TIRED OF WATCHING YOU JEWEL THE
STEERING WHEEL, NOT LEAVING TIME
TIRED OF WATCHING YOU JEWEL THE
STEERING WHEEL, NOT LEAVING TIME
TO SEE ANY BUT ONE MOVIE IN SIX
STEERING WHEEL, NOT LEAVING TIME
TO SEE ANY BUT ONE MOVIE IN SIX
MONTHS OR MONEY TO BUY THE
TO SEE ANY BUT ONE MOVIE IN SIX
MONTHS OR MONEY TO BUY THE
ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK ALBUM.
MONTHS OR MONEY TO BUY THE
ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK ALBUM.
IN THE NAME OF MY LIFE... MOVIES
ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK ALBUM.
IN THE NAME OF MY LIFE... MOVIES
AND ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK
IN THE NAME OF MY LIFE... MOVIES
AND ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK
ALBUMS... I AM FINALLY SPEAKING
AND ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK
ALBUMS... I AM FINALLY SPEAKING
OUT.
ALBUMS... I AM FINALLY SPEAKING
OUT.
WELL, YOU JUST REMEMBER ONE
OUT.
WELL, YOU JUST REMEMBER ONE
THING, OKAY?
WELL, YOU JUST REMEMBER ONE
THING, OKAY?
I GOT YOU THAT WAY IN THE PLUSH
THING, OKAY?
I GOT YOU THAT WAY IN THE PLUSH
CHAMBER.
I GOT YOU THAT WAY IN THE PLUSH
CHAMBER.
I KNOW.
CHAMBER.
I KNOW.
AND TO TELL THE TRUTH, WE
I KNOW.
AND TO TELL THE TRUTH, WE
WERE WATCHING LAWRENCE WELK AND
AND TO TELL THE TRUTH, WE
WERE WATCHING LAWRENCE WELK AND
THE TV PLUGGED INTO THE CARPORT.
WERE WATCHING LAWRENCE WELK AND
THE TV PLUGGED INTO THE CARPORT.
WELL, WHILE I WAS PUTTING IT TO
THE TV PLUGGED INTO THE CARPORT.
WELL, WHILE I WAS PUTTING IT TO
YOU, I IMAGINED I WAS PUTTING IT
WELL, WHILE I WAS PUTTING IT TO
YOU, I IMAGINED I WAS PUTTING IT
TO ALL FOUR OF THE LENNON
YOU, I IMAGINED I WAS PUTTING IT
TO ALL FOUR OF THE LENNON
SISTERS AT ONCE.
TO ALL FOUR OF THE LENNON
SISTERS AT ONCE.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
SISTERS AT ONCE.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU.
IF THIS BABY'S A GIRL, I WOULD
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU.
IF THIS BABY'S A GIRL, I WOULD
LIKE ITS FIRST NAME TO BE
IF THIS BABY'S A GIRL, I WOULD
LIKE ITS FIRST NAME TO BE
BARBRA AND ITS MIDDLE NAME TO BE
LIKE ITS FIRST NAME TO BE
BARBRA AND ITS MIDDLE NAME TO BE
STREISAND.
BARBRA AND ITS MIDDLE NAME TO BE
STREISAND.
AND I'M GONNA SEE THAT IT IS
STREISAND.
AND I'M GONNA SEE THAT IT IS
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL THEM
AND I'M GONNA SEE THAT IT IS
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL THEM
IN THE HOSPITAL, IN THE DELIVERY
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL THEM
IN THE HOSPITAL, IN THE DELIVERY
ROOM BEFORE YOU CAN GET TO THEM
IN THE HOSPITAL, IN THE DELIVERY
ROOM BEFORE YOU CAN GET TO THEM
WHEN THEY ARE WRITING OUT THE
ROOM BEFORE YOU CAN GET TO THEM
WHEN THEY ARE WRITING OUT THE
BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
WHEN THEY ARE WRITING OUT THE
BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
BARBRA STREISAND JOHNSON.
BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
BARBRA STREISAND JOHNSON.
HUH!
BARBRA STREISAND JOHNSON.
HUH!
AND THERE WILL BE NOTHING YOU
HUH!
AND THERE WILL BE NOTHING YOU
CAN DO ABOUT IT BUT LIVE WITH A
AND THERE WILL BE NOTHING YOU
CAN DO ABOUT IT BUT LIVE WITH A
DAUGHTER NAMED FOR A PERSON WITH
CAN DO ABOUT IT BUT LIVE WITH A
DAUGHTER NAMED FOR A PERSON WITH
LUNATIC HAIR.
DAUGHTER NAMED FOR A PERSON WITH
LUNATIC HAIR.
OKAY, LOOK, MAN.
LUNATIC HAIR.
OKAY, LOOK, MAN.
YOU AND BARBRA STREISAND AND ALL
OKAY, LOOK, MAN.
YOU AND BARBRA STREISAND AND ALL
YOUR FRIENDS PUT TOGETHER DON'T
YOU AND BARBRA STREISAND AND ALL
YOUR FRIENDS PUT TOGETHER DON'T
UNDERSTAND ONE THING.
YOUR FRIENDS PUT TOGETHER DON'T
UNDERSTAND ONE THING.
A VAN IS A HOUSE ON WHEELS,
UNDERSTAND ONE THING.
A VAN IS A HOUSE ON WHEELS,
OKAY?
A VAN IS A HOUSE ON WHEELS,
OKAY?
AND IT'S GOT A LOT MORE FUR THAN
OKAY?
AND IT'S GOT A LOT MORE FUR THAN
ANY HOUSE WE'VE EVER HAD, OKAY?
AND IT'S GOT A LOT MORE FUR THAN
ANY HOUSE WE'VE EVER HAD, OKAY?
AND IT GOES WHERE YOU WANT.
ANY HOUSE WE'VE EVER HAD, OKAY?
AND IT GOES WHERE YOU WANT.
YOU GET A FUR-COVERED HOUSE.
AND IT GOES WHERE YOU WANT.
YOU GET A FUR-COVERED HOUSE.
IT MAY NOT BE REAL FUR, BUT
YOU GET A FUR-COVERED HOUSE.
IT MAY NOT BE REAL FUR, BUT
LET'S FACE IT.
IT MAY NOT BE REAL FUR, BUT
LET'S FACE IT.
THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD BUY
LET'S FACE IT.
THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD BUY
REAL FUR IS A MILLIONAIRE, OKAY?
THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD BUY
REAL FUR IS A MILLIONAIRE, OKAY?
IT'S A FUR HOUSE.
REAL FUR IS A MILLIONAIRE, OKAY?
IT'S A FUR HOUSE.
IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING IT'S NOT
IT'S A FUR HOUSE.
IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING IT'S NOT
REAL FUR, BUT THAT PLUSH CHAMBER
IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING IT'S NOT
REAL FUR, BUT THAT PLUSH CHAMBER
IS THE CLOSEST THING THAT I'M
REAL FUR, BUT THAT PLUSH CHAMBER
IS THE CLOSEST THING THAT I'M
GONNA HAVE IN THIS OR ANY OTHER
IS THE CLOSEST THING THAT I'M
GONNA HAVE IN THIS OR ANY OTHER
LIFETIME TO A MOVABLE FUR HOUSE.
GONNA HAVE IN THIS OR ANY OTHER
LIFETIME TO A MOVABLE FUR HOUSE.
DO YOU GET THAT?
LIFETIME TO A MOVABLE FUR HOUSE.
DO YOU GET THAT?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
DO YOU GET THAT?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.
YOU GONNA EAT YOUR SALAD?
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.
YOU GONNA EAT YOUR SALAD?
YEAH, YEAH.
YOU GONNA EAT YOUR SALAD?
YEAH, YEAH.
HERE.
YEAH, YEAH.
HERE.
YOU CAN HAVE IT.
HERE.
YOU CAN HAVE IT.
I DON'T WANT IT.
YOU CAN HAVE IT.
I DON'T WANT IT.
THANKS.
I DON'T WANT IT.
THANKS.
IT'S FROM YOUR FATHER.
THANKS.
IT'S FROM YOUR FATHER.
YOU WON'T ADMIT IT IS, BUT IT
IT'S FROM YOUR FATHER.
YOU WON'T ADMIT IT IS, BUT IT
IS.
YOU WON'T ADMIT IT IS, BUT IT
IS.
THE MAN WHO SAID SALAD WAS
IS.
THE MAN WHO SAID SALAD WAS
INVENTED BY COMMUNISTS.
THE MAN WHO SAID SALAD WAS
INVENTED BY COMMUNISTS.
AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME
INVENTED BY COMMUNISTS.
AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME
HE SAID IT.
AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME
HE SAID IT.
SO DON'T TRY TO GET OUT OF IT
HE SAID IT.
SO DON'T TRY TO GET OUT OF IT
NOW.
SO DON'T TRY TO GET OUT OF IT
NOW.
HE SAID IT IN THE '50s, WHEN
NOW.
HE SAID IT IN THE '50s, WHEN
PEOPLE ONLY ATE SALAD IN THE
HE SAID IT IN THE '50s, WHEN
PEOPLE ONLY ATE SALAD IN THE
SUMMER, AND IT WASN'T A HOT
PEOPLE ONLY ATE SALAD IN THE
SUMMER, AND IT WASN'T A HOT
MEAL, AND YOUR FATHER ALWAYS
SUMMER, AND IT WASN'T A HOT
MEAL, AND YOUR FATHER ALWAYS
WANTED A HOT MEAL.
MEAL, AND YOUR FATHER ALWAYS
WANTED A HOT MEAL.
SO HE TOLD YOUR MOTHER SALAD WAS
WANTED A HOT MEAL.
SO HE TOLD YOUR MOTHER SALAD WAS
INVENTED BY THE COMMUNISTS, AND
SO HE TOLD YOUR MOTHER SALAD WAS
INVENTED BY THE COMMUNISTS, AND
YOU BELIEVED HIM TO THIS VERY
INVENTED BY THE COMMUNISTS, AND
YOU BELIEVED HIM TO THIS VERY
DAY.
YOU BELIEVED HIM TO THIS VERY
DAY.
WRONG!
DAY.
WRONG!
YOU COULD TURN INTO YOUR
WRONG!
YOU COULD TURN INTO YOUR
FATHER ANYTIME NOW IF YOU DON'T
YOU COULD TURN INTO YOUR
FATHER ANYTIME NOW IF YOU DON'T
WATCH OUT.
FATHER ANYTIME NOW IF YOU DON'T
WATCH OUT.
ALREADY EVERY NIGHT YOU SIT IN
WATCH OUT.
ALREADY EVERY NIGHT YOU SIT IN
YOUR CHAIR WITH A JOINT INSTEAD
ALREADY EVERY NIGHT YOU SIT IN
YOUR CHAIR WITH A JOINT INSTEAD
OF A BEER CAN.
YOUR CHAIR WITH A JOINT INSTEAD
OF A BEER CAN.
ALREADY YOU GOT A YELLOW
OF A BEER CAN.
ALREADY YOU GOT A YELLOW
MECHANICAL PENCIL YOU DON'T EVER
ALREADY YOU GOT A YELLOW
MECHANICAL PENCIL YOU DON'T EVER
LOSE.
MECHANICAL PENCIL YOU DON'T EVER
LOSE.
AND ALREADY YOU'RE IGNORING YOUR
LOSE.
AND ALREADY YOU'RE IGNORING YOUR
WIFE.
AND ALREADY YOU'RE IGNORING YOUR
WIFE.
I'LL BUY YOU THAT ALBUM,
WIFE.
I'LL BUY YOU THAT ALBUM,
OKAY?
I'LL BUY YOU THAT ALBUM,
OKAY?
[SIGHS]
OKAY?
[SIGHS]
ALL RIGHT.
[SIGHS]
ALL RIGHT.
AND IF IT'S A GIRL, IT'S TAMMY.
ALL RIGHT.
AND IF IT'S A GIRL, IT'S TAMMY.
AND THAT TIME WITH THE LENNON
AND IF IT'S A GIRL, IT'S TAMMY.
AND THAT TIME WITH THE LENNON
SISTERS?
AND THAT TIME WITH THE LENNON
SISTERS?
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ANOTHER
SISTERS?
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ANOTHER
NIGHT.
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ANOTHER
NIGHT.
RARE AND A RARE, TWO JUICES,
NIGHT.
RARE AND A RARE, TWO JUICES,
SALAD, TWO COFFEES AND A
RARE AND A RARE, TWO JUICES,
SALAD, TWO COFFEES AND A
PUDDING.
BYE.
I REALLY ENJOYED IT.
THANK YOU.
Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE
BUCK HENRY, WITH MUSICAL GUESTS
JENNIFER WARNES AND
KENNY VANCE.
THIS IS DON PARDO, AND NO MATTER
WHAT YOU'VE HEARD, MY VOICE IS
NOT A THREAT TO THE OZONE LAYER,
HONEST.
GOOD NIGHT.
ABOUT IT.
I MEAN, I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT
ABOUT IT.
I MEAN, I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT
IT.
I MEAN, I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT
IT.
I'M SORRY.
IT.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S TYPICAL!
I'M SORRY.
IT'S TYPICAL!
IT'S JUST TYPICAL.
IT'S TYPICAL!
IT'S JUST TYPICAL.
LISTEN.
IT'S JUST TYPICAL.
LISTEN.
WE'RE ALL REHEARSED.
LISTEN.
WE'RE ALL REHEARSED.
LOOK.
WE'RE ALL REHEARSED.
LOOK.
I'M IN THE COSTUME.
LOOK.
I'M IN THE COSTUME.
I'M ALL READY.
I'M IN THE COSTUME.
I'M ALL READY.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO?
I'M ALL READY.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO?
I JUST GOT THE WORD MYSELF.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO?
I JUST GOT THE WORD MYSELF.
HI.
I JUST GOT THE WORD MYSELF.
HI.
I'M NOT MISS USA.
HI.
I'M NOT MISS USA.
I'M SHELLEY DUVALL.
I'M NOT MISS USA.
I'M SHELLEY DUVALL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M SHELLEY DUVALL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OH!
ORIGINALLY, WE WERE GONNA START
OH!
ORIGINALLY, WE WERE GONNA START
THE SHOW TONIGHT WITH ME AND
ORIGINALLY, WE WERE GONNA START
THE SHOW TONIGHT WITH ME AND
JOHN BELUSHI DOING THE LOVE
THE SHOW TONIGHT WITH ME AND
JOHN BELUSHI DOING THE LOVE
SCENE FROM THE "FLIGHT OF THE
JOHN BELUSHI DOING THE LOVE
SCENE FROM THE "FLIGHT OF THE
BUMBLEBEE."
SCENE FROM THE "FLIGHT OF THE
BUMBLEBEE."
THAT'S HOW COME I'M DRESSED LIKE
BUMBLEBEE."
THAT'S HOW COME I'M DRESSED LIKE
THIS.
THAT'S HOW COME I'M DRESSED LIKE
THIS.
BUT JUST NOW A NETWORK EXECUTIVE
THIS.
BUT JUST NOW A NETWORK EXECUTIVE
CONTACTED OUR PRODUCER,
BUT JUST NOW A NETWORK EXECUTIVE
CONTACTED OUR PRODUCER,
LORNE MICHAELS, AND WE HAD TO
CONTACTED OUR PRODUCER,
LORNE MICHAELS, AND WE HAD TO
CHANGE OUR PLANS.
LORNE MICHAELS, AND WE HAD TO
CHANGE OUR PLANS.
YOU SEE, THERE'S THIS MEMO HERE.
CHANGE OUR PLANS.
YOU SEE, THERE'S THIS MEMO HERE.
[CHUCKLES]
YOU SEE, THERE'S THIS MEMO HERE.
[CHUCKLES]
"TO ALL NBC PRODUCERS... BECAUSE
[CHUCKLES]
"TO ALL NBC PRODUCERS... BECAUSE
OF THE HIGH COST-PER-MINUTE
"TO ALL NBC PRODUCERS... BECAUSE
OF THE HIGH COST-PER-MINUTE
RATIO OF THE RECENT
OF THE HIGH COST-PER-MINUTE
RATIO OF THE RECENT
DUANE BOBICK-KEN NORTON FIGHT,
RATIO OF THE RECENT
DUANE BOBICK-KEN NORTON FIGHT,
TELECAST ORIGINALLY ON MAY 11th,
DUANE BOBICK-KEN NORTON FIGHT,
TELECAST ORIGINALLY ON MAY 11th,
WHICH UNFORTUNATELY LASTED ONLY
TELECAST ORIGINALLY ON MAY 11th,
WHICH UNFORTUNATELY LASTED ONLY
58 SECONDS, ALL NBC PROGRAMS
WHICH UNFORTUNATELY LASTED ONLY
58 SECONDS, ALL NBC PROGRAMS
BROADCAST BETWEEN NOW AND
58 SECONDS, ALL NBC PROGRAMS
BROADCAST BETWEEN NOW AND
JUNE 15th WILL BEGIN WITH THE
BROADCAST BETWEEN NOW AND
JUNE 15th WILL BEGIN WITH THE
AFOREMENTIONED BOBICK-NORTON
JUNE 15th WILL BEGIN WITH THE
AFOREMENTIONED BOBICK-NORTON
FIGHT.
AFOREMENTIONED BOBICK-NORTON
FIGHT.
KINDEST REGARDS, PROGRAMMING
FIGHT.
KINDEST REGARDS, PROGRAMMING
UNIT AC-917."
KINDEST REGARDS, PROGRAMMING
UNIT AC-917."
WELL, THAT'S BIG BUSINESS.
UNIT AC-917."
WELL, THAT'S BIG BUSINESS.
SO HERE WE GO.
WELL, THAT'S BIG BUSINESS.
SO HERE WE GO.
I THINK.
SO HERE WE GO.
I THINK.
[BELL DINGS]
I THINK.
[BELL DINGS]
[LAUGHTER]
THEY CUT THE LOVE SCENE FROM
THE "FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE"
FOR THIS?
THE "FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE"
FOR THIS?
HEY, I WAS WATCHING THAT.
FOR THIS?
HEY, I WAS WATCHING THAT.
YEAH, WELL, CATCH IT IN
HEY, I WAS WATCHING THAT.
YEAH, WELL, CATCH IT IN
RERUNS.
YEAH, WELL, CATCH IT IN
RERUNS.
IT'S DRIVING ME UP THE WALL.
RERUNS.
IT'S DRIVING ME UP THE WALL.
BACK OFF, MISS LINT HAIR.
IT'S DRIVING ME UP THE WALL.
BACK OFF, MISS LINT HAIR.
MISS LOOKS LIKE SHE SLEPT IN A
BACK OFF, MISS LINT HAIR.
MISS LOOKS LIKE SHE SLEPT IN A
DOGGIE BAG.
MISS LOOKS LIKE SHE SLEPT IN A
DOGGIE BAG.
WHY, YOU...
DOGGIE BAG.
WHY, YOU...
NO! STOP IT!
WHY, YOU...
NO! STOP IT!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU
NO! STOP IT!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU
TWO!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU
TWO!
KNOCK IT OFF! KNOCK IT OFF!
TWO!
KNOCK IT OFF! KNOCK IT OFF!
OR I'LL PUT YOUR DENTIST IN A
KNOCK IT OFF! KNOCK IT OFF!
OR I'LL PUT YOUR DENTIST IN A
NEW TAX BRACKET.
OR I'LL PUT YOUR DENTIST IN A
NEW TAX BRACKET.
AW, SHUT UP, OR I'LL LET THE
NEW TAX BRACKET.
AW, SHUT UP, OR I'LL LET THE
AIR OUT OF YOUR LEGS.
AW, SHUT UP, OR I'LL LET THE
AIR OUT OF YOUR LEGS.
GIVE ME THAT!
AIR OUT OF YOUR LEGS.
GIVE ME THAT!
THANK GOD YOU MAKE MOVIES
GIVE ME THAT!
THANK GOD YOU MAKE MOVIES
WITH A BETTER CLASS OF PEOPLE.
THANK GOD YOU MAKE MOVIES
WITH A BETTER CLASS OF PEOPLE.
HEY, HEY!
WITH A BETTER CLASS OF PEOPLE.
HEY, HEY!
NICE TEETH.
HEY, HEY!
NICE TEETH.
WHY DON'T YOU TATTOO "STEINWAY"
NICE TEETH.
WHY DON'T YOU TATTOO "STEINWAY"
ON YOUR UPPER LIP?
WHY DON'T YOU TATTOO "STEINWAY"
ON YOUR UPPER LIP?
YEAH, SHELLEY, WHAT DID YOU
ON YOUR UPPER LIP?
YEAH, SHELLEY, WHAT DID YOU
DO, BRUSH YOUR WAY TO THE TOP?
YEAH, SHELLEY, WHAT DID YOU
DO, BRUSH YOUR WAY TO THE TOP?
YEAH.
DO, BRUSH YOUR WAY TO THE TOP?
YEAH.
YOU SELDOM FIND EYES LIKE THAT
YEAH.
YOU SELDOM FIND EYES LIKE THAT
OUTSIDE OF A MOUSE CARTOON.
YOU SELDOM FIND EYES LIKE THAT
OUTSIDE OF A MOUSE CARTOON.
HEH!
OUTSIDE OF A MOUSE CARTOON.
HEH!
I'VE NEVER DONE LIVE
HEH!
I'VE NEVER DONE LIVE
TELEVISION.
I'VE NEVER DONE LIVE
TELEVISION.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, YOU
TELEVISION.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, YOU
KNOW?
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, YOU
KNOW?
IT'S JUST TOO MUCH.
KNOW?
IT'S JUST TOO MUCH.
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT TO DO
IT'S JUST TOO MUCH.
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT TO DO
TELEVISION, YOU BETTER LEARN TO
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT TO DO
TELEVISION, YOU BETTER LEARN TO
TAKE IT, CUPCAKE.
TELEVISION, YOU BETTER LEARN TO
TAKE IT, CUPCAKE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
TAKE IT, CUPCAKE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT,
THAT'S RIGHT.
IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT,
STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN, OKAY?
IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT,
STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN, OKAY?
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN, OKAY?
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WE ALL KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WE ALL KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WE WERE ONCE SERIOUS ACTRESSES.
WE ALL KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WE WERE ONCE SERIOUS ACTRESSES.
REALLY?
WE WERE ONCE SERIOUS ACTRESSES.
REALLY?
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.
REALLY?
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.
BUT WEEKLY TV MADE US TOUGH.
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.
BUT WEEKLY TV MADE US TOUGH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, HONEY?
BUT WEEKLY TV MADE US TOUGH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, HONEY?
WISE UP, SWEETHEART.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, HONEY?
WISE UP, SWEETHEART.
YOU GOT A WHOLE SHOW TO HOST OUT
WISE UP, SWEETHEART.
YOU GOT A WHOLE SHOW TO HOST OUT
THERE.
YOU GOT A WHOLE SHOW TO HOST OUT
THERE.
GET WITH IT OR GET OUT!
THERE.
GET WITH IT OR GET OUT!
ALL RIGHT.
GET WITH IT OR GET OUT!
ALL RIGHT.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, KID.
ALL RIGHT.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, KID.
WITH PORES THAT SIZE, YOU COULD
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, KID.
WITH PORES THAT SIZE, YOU COULD
DRILL FOR OIL.
WITH PORES THAT SIZE, YOU COULD
DRILL FOR OIL.
OKAY, SHELLEY!
DRILL FOR OIL.
OKAY, SHELLEY!
OH, WHICH ONE OF YOU LOWLIFES
OKAY, SHELLEY!
OH, WHICH ONE OF YOU LOWLIFES
PUT A CIGARETTE OUT IN MY TAB?
OH, WHICH ONE OF YOU LOWLIFES
PUT A CIGARETTE OUT IN MY TAB?
NOT ME!
PUT A CIGARETTE OUT IN MY TAB?
NOT ME!
OKAY, GALS, LET'S GO.
NOT ME!
OKAY, GALS, LET'S GO.
YOU GOT 30 SECONDS.
OKAY, GALS, LET'S GO.
YOU GOT 30 SECONDS.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN
YOU GOT 30 SECONDS.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN
HERE.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN
HERE.
OOH, 30 SECONDS! OKAY!
Announcer: GARRETT MORRIS,
BILL MURRAY, LARAINE NEWMAN,
AND GILDA RADNER.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE VIDEO
VIXENS.
[UP-TEMPO INTRODUCTION PLAYS]
WHOO!
♪ THEY CALL US JOKE JUNKIES
AND PUNCH-LINE PUNKS ♪
♪ THEY CALL US JOKE JUNKIES
AND PUNCH-LINE PUNKS ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE HEAR THEM TALKIN'
AND PUNCH-LINE PUNKS ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE HEAR THEM TALKIN'
WE GET IN COAST-TO-COAST FUNKS ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE HEAR THEM TALKIN'
WE GET IN COAST-TO-COAST FUNKS ♪
♪ BUT THEY CAN JUST SAY
WE GET IN COAST-TO-COAST FUNKS ♪
♪ BUT THEY CAN JUST SAY
WHAT THEY WANT ♪
♪ BUT THEY CAN JUST SAY
WHAT THEY WANT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE REMEMBER STICKS AND
WHAT THEY WANT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE REMEMBER STICKS AND
STONES CAN'T BREAK THE BONES
♪ 'CAUSE WE REMEMBER STICKS AND
STONES CAN'T BREAK THE BONES
OF A VIDEO VIXEN ♪
STONES CAN'T BREAK THE BONES
OF A VIDEO VIXEN ♪
HEY!
OF A VIDEO VIXEN ♪
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
HEY!
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
♪ AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
♪ AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
OUR LICKS IN ♪
♪ AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
OUR LICKS IN ♪
♪ EVERY WEEK
OUR LICKS IN ♪
♪ EVERY WEEK
FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF ♪
♪ EVERY WEEK
FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF ♪
♪ ALL WE WANT TO DO
FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF ♪
♪ ALL WE WANT TO DO
IS MAKE YOU...
♪ ALL WE WANT TO DO
IS MAKE YOU...
♪ LAUGH HARD ♪
IS MAKE YOU...
♪ LAUGH HARD ♪
♪ UHH UHH ♪
♪ LAUGH HARD ♪
♪ UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ HARDER ♪
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ WHEN WE COME ON
♪ UHH UHH UHH ♪
♪ WHEN WE COME ON
TO YOUR SCREEN,
♪ WHEN WE COME ON
TO YOUR SCREEN,
IT MAKES US FEEL
TO YOUR SCREEN,
IT MAKES US FEEL
JUST LIKE A QUEEN ♪
IT MAKES US FEEL
JUST LIKE A QUEEN ♪
♪ ALL WE WANNA DO ONCE A WEEK
JUST LIKE A QUEEN ♪
♪ ALL WE WANNA DO ONCE A WEEK
IS TO PUT OUR TONGUE
♪ ALL WE WANNA DO ONCE A WEEK
IS TO PUT OUR TONGUE
IN YOUR CHEEK ♪
IS TO PUT OUR TONGUE
IN YOUR CHEEK ♪
♪ BABA WAWA MAKES YOU
IN YOUR CHEEK ♪
♪ BABA WAWA MAKES YOU
FEEL SO GOOD ♪
♪ BABA WAWA MAKES YOU
FEEL SO GOOD ♪
♪ "UPDATE" MAKES YOU HAPPY
FEEL SO GOOD ♪
♪ "UPDATE" MAKES YOU HAPPY
LIKE I KNEW IT WOULD ♪
♪ "UPDATE" MAKES YOU HAPPY
LIKE I KNEW IT WOULD ♪
♪ AND AS YOUR HOST
LIKE I KNEW IT WOULD ♪
♪ AND AS YOUR HOST
YOU'LL FIND ME OH, SO NICE ♪
♪ AND AS YOUR HOST
YOU'LL FIND ME OH, SO NICE ♪
♪ WHEN I'M SHERRY, YOU JUST
YOU'LL FIND ME OH, SO NICE ♪
♪ WHEN I'M SHERRY, YOU JUST
WANT ME TO DO IT TWICE ♪
♪ WHEN I'M SHERRY, YOU JUST
WANT ME TO DO IT TWICE ♪
AND THE ONLY WAY WE REALLY LIKE
WANT ME TO DO IT TWICE ♪
AND THE ONLY WAY WE REALLY LIKE
IT IS WITH 40 MILLION PEOPLE
AND THE ONLY WAY WE REALLY LIKE
IT IS WITH 40 MILLION PEOPLE
WATCHING.
IT IS WITH 40 MILLION PEOPLE
WATCHING.
♪ AHH ♪
WATCHING.
♪ AHH ♪
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS,
♪ AHH ♪
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS,
AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS,
AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
OUR LICKS IN ♪
AND THIS IS HOW WE GET
OUR LICKS IN ♪
♪ YOU TURN US ON EVERY WEEK ♪
OUR LICKS IN ♪
♪ YOU TURN US ON EVERY WEEK ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE ♪
♪ YOU TURN US ON EVERY WEEK ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY OUR RATINGS
♪ IT'S TRUE ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY OUR RATINGS
DON'T GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY OUR RATINGS
DON'T GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
DON'T GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
WELL, EXCU-U-U-SE ME!
♪ GO DOWN ON YOU ♪
WELL, EXCU-U-U-SE ME!
WE AIN'T AFRAID OF NO ONE IN
WELL, EXCU-U-U-SE ME!
WE AIN'T AFRAID OF NO ONE IN
PRIME TIME, AND THEY BETTER
WE AIN'T AFRAID OF NO ONE IN
PRIME TIME, AND THEY BETTER
BEWARE!
PRIME TIME, AND THEY BETTER
BEWARE!
WE'D TAKE ON RHODA, PHYLLIS, OR
BEWARE!
WE'D TAKE ON RHODA, PHYLLIS, OR
LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY, WE SWEAR!
WE'D TAKE ON RHODA, PHYLLIS, OR
LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY, WE SWEAR!
WHY, IF THEY'D EVER TREAD ON
LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY, WE SWEAR!
WHY, IF THEY'D EVER TREAD ON
OUR TURF, WE'D TEAR OUT THEIR
WHY, IF THEY'D EVER TREAD ON
OUR TURF, WE'D TEAR OUT THEIR
HAIR!
OUR TURF, WE'D TEAR OUT THEIR
HAIR!
AND THAT GOES TWICE FOR CHER!
HAIR!
AND THAT GOES TWICE FOR CHER!
AND AFTER "VICTORY AT ENTEBBE"
AND THAT GOES TWICE FOR CHER!
AND AFTER "VICTORY AT ENTEBBE"
WE WERE WAITING FOR DAYS TO BEAT
AND AFTER "VICTORY AT ENTEBBE"
WE WERE WAITING FOR DAYS TO BEAT
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF
WE WERE WAITING FOR DAYS TO BEAT
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF
HELEN HAYES!
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
HELEN HAYES!
AHH!
HELEN HAYES!
AHH!
♪ WE'RE MEDIA MINXES ♪
AHH!
♪ WE'RE MEDIA MINXES ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WE'RE
♪ WE'RE MEDIA MINXES ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WE'RE
SHOWBIZ SPHINXES ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WE'RE
SHOWBIZ SPHINXES ♪
♪ WE'RE LATE-NIGHT LYNXES ♪
SHOWBIZ SPHINXES ♪
♪ WE'RE LATE-NIGHT LYNXES ♪
♪ OUR FAVORITE TRUCKS
♪ WE'RE LATE-NIGHT LYNXES ♪
♪ OUR FAVORITE TRUCKS
ARE BRINKSES ♪
♪ OUR FAVORITE TRUCKS
ARE BRINKSES ♪
♪ WE'RE TRANSFIXIN' HICKS
ARE BRINKSES ♪
♪ WE'RE TRANSFIXIN' HICKS
IN THE STICKS,
♪ WE'RE TRANSFIXIN' HICKS
IN THE STICKS,
NOT TO MENTION HARRYS, TOMS,
IN THE STICKS,
NOT TO MENTION HARRYS, TOMS,
AND DICKS ♪
NOT TO MENTION HARRYS, TOMS,
AND DICKS ♪
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
AND DICKS ♪
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
♪ WE'RE NOT JEANE DIXON ♪
♪ WE'RE VIDEO VIXENS ♪
♪ WE'RE NOT JEANE DIXON ♪
♪ NO DIRTY TRICKS
♪ WE'RE NOT JEANE DIXON ♪
♪ NO DIRTY TRICKS
AND RICHARD NIXON ♪
♪ NO DIRTY TRICKS
AND RICHARD NIXON ♪
♪ WE'RE JEWISH GIRLS ♪
AND RICHARD NIXON ♪
♪ WE'RE JEWISH GIRLS ♪
♪ AND WE'RE SHIKSENS ♪
♪ WE'RE JEWISH GIRLS ♪
♪ AND WE'RE SHIKSENS ♪
♪ BUT MOSTLY
♪ AND WE'RE SHIKSENS ♪
♪ BUT MOSTLY
WE'RE JUST VIDEO VIXENS ♪
♪ BUT MOSTLY
WE'RE JUST VIDEO VIXENS ♪
GET IT! UHH!
WE'RE JUST VIDEO VIXENS ♪
GET IT! UHH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
YEAH!
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
WHOO!
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
WHOO!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WHOO!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
MESSAGE, HONEY.
FREEZE! EVERYBODY, FREEZE!
THIS IS A BANK ROBBERY!
YOU DROP YOUR GUN BELT AND KICK
THIS IS A BANK ROBBERY!
YOU DROP YOUR GUN BELT AND KICK
IT OVER HERE.
YOU DROP YOUR GUN BELT AND KICK
IT OVER HERE.
OKAY, LISTEN TO ME CLEARLY.
IT OVER HERE.
OKAY, LISTEN TO ME CLEARLY.
ALL RIGHT, TELLERS, OPEN YOUR
OKAY, LISTEN TO ME CLEARLY.
ALL RIGHT, TELLERS, OPEN YOUR
CASH DRAWERS HALFWAY.
ALL RIGHT, TELLERS, OPEN YOUR
CASH DRAWERS HALFWAY.
EVERYBODY ELSE, LIE DOWN ON THE
CASH DRAWERS HALFWAY.
EVERYBODY ELSE, LIE DOWN ON THE
FLOOR AND KEEP YOUR HANDS ABOVE
EVERYBODY ELSE, LIE DOWN ON THE
FLOOR AND KEEP YOUR HANDS ABOVE
YOUR HEADS.
FLOOR AND KEEP YOUR HANDS ABOVE
YOUR HEADS.
NO MOVEMENT, NO NOISE, OR I
YOUR HEADS.
NO MOVEMENT, NO NOISE, OR I
START SHOOTING.
NO MOVEMENT, NO NOISE, OR I
START SHOOTING.
IS THAT CLEAR? IS THAT CLEAR?
START SHOOTING.
IS THAT CLEAR? IS THAT CLEAR?
JUST LISTEN TO ME, AND
IS THAT CLEAR? IS THAT CLEAR?
JUST LISTEN TO ME, AND
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
JUST LISTEN TO ME, AND
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
YOU DROP THAT, YOU SUCKER, OR
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
YOU DROP THAT, YOU SUCKER, OR
I'LL TAKE HER HEAD RIGHT OFF!
YOU DROP THAT, YOU SUCKER, OR
I'LL TAKE HER HEAD RIGHT OFF!
DROP IT.
I'LL TAKE HER HEAD RIGHT OFF!
DROP IT.
OKAY, I GOT MY PEOPLE WITH
DROP IT.
OKAY, I GOT MY PEOPLE WITH
ME.
OKAY, I GOT MY PEOPLE WITH
ME.
WE DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYBODY.
ME.
WE DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYBODY.
WE JUST WANT TO PULL THIS OFF
WE DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYBODY.
WE JUST WANT TO PULL THIS OFF
CLEAN AND NICE, ALL RIGHT?
WE JUST WANT TO PULL THIS OFF
CLEAN AND NICE, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, CLEAN UP THOSE CASH
CLEAN AND NICE, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, CLEAN UP THOSE CASH
DRAWERS.
OKAY, CLEAN UP THOSE CASH
DRAWERS.
MAKE SURE NO METAL TOUCHES ANY
DRAWERS.
MAKE SURE NO METAL TOUCHES ANY
OTHER METAL.
MAKE SURE NO METAL TOUCHES ANY
OTHER METAL.
ALL RIGHT, HERBIE, PICK UP HIS
OTHER METAL.
ALL RIGHT, HERBIE, PICK UP HIS
GUN AND HIS GUN AND MAKE HIM
ALL RIGHT, HERBIE, PICK UP HIS
GUN AND HIS GUN AND MAKE HIM
OPEN THE VAULT.
GUN AND HIS GUN AND MAKE HIM
OPEN THE VAULT.
I'M COUNTING NOW.
OPEN THE VAULT.
I'M COUNTING NOW.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,
I'M COUNTING NOW.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,
SIX...
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,
SIX...
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
SIX...
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
WHAT?
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
WHAT?
I HAVE A QUESTION.
WHAT?
I HAVE A QUESTION.
WHAT IS IT?
I HAVE A QUESTION.
WHAT IS IT?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
WHAT IS IT?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
DISGUISED, RIGHT?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
DISGUISED, RIGHT?
YEAH.
DISGUISED, RIGHT?
YEAH.
OKAY, SO SHE'S A WITCH.
YEAH.
OKAY, SO SHE'S A WITCH.
AND HE'S A CLOWN.
OKAY, SO SHE'S A WITCH.
AND HE'S A CLOWN.
AND HE'S A COWBOY.
AND HE'S A CLOWN.
AND HE'S A COWBOY.
SO WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
AND HE'S A COWBOY.
SO WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
UH, WHAT?
SO WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
UH, WHAT?
YOUR DISGUISE.
UH, WHAT?
YOUR DISGUISE.
WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
YOUR DISGUISE.
WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
I'M AN INSECT.
WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
I'M AN INSECT.
A BUG, YOU KNOW.
I'M AN INSECT.
A BUG, YOU KNOW.
I'M SORRY, BUT HOW DO YOU
A BUG, YOU KNOW.
I'M SORRY, BUT HOW DO YOU
FIGURE AN INSECT?
I'M SORRY, BUT HOW DO YOU
FIGURE AN INSECT?
IT'S JUST A NYLON STOCKING WITH
FIGURE AN INSECT?
IT'S JUST A NYLON STOCKING WITH
TWO ORANGES STUCK ON YOUR EYES.
IT'S JUST A NYLON STOCKING WITH
TWO ORANGES STUCK ON YOUR EYES.
I DON'T SEE AN INSECT THERE.
TWO ORANGES STUCK ON YOUR EYES.
I DON'T SEE AN INSECT THERE.
YOU DON'T?
I DON'T SEE AN INSECT THERE.
YOU DON'T?
NO.
YOU DON'T?
NO.
OH, WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE,
NO.
OH, WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE,
LIKE, A GRASSHOPPER.
OH, WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE,
LIKE, A GRASSHOPPER.
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS!
LIKE, A GRASSHOPPER.
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS!
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS!
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS.
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS.
WELL, UH, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE
I'M A PRAYING MANTIS.
WELL, UH, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE
ONE.
WELL, UH, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE
ONE.
WELL, FORGET IT!
ONE.
WELL, FORGET IT!
SHUT UP AND LET US WORK.
WELL, FORGET IT!
SHUT UP AND LET US WORK.
21, 22, 23...
SHUT UP AND LET US WORK.
21, 22, 23...
HEY, RON? RON?
21, 22, 23...
HEY, RON? RON?
YOU KNOW, SHE'S RIGHT.
HEY, RON? RON?
YOU KNOW, SHE'S RIGHT.
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S RIGHT.
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT.
WHAT?
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT.
WHAT?
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT
WHAT?
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT
AT ALL.
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN INSECT
AT ALL.
I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME, BECAUSE
AT ALL.
I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME, BECAUSE
I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED.
I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME, BECAUSE
I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED.
YOU, YOU!
I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED.
YOU, YOU!
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
YOU, YOU!
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
GIVE ME A PENCIL!
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
[CHIRPING]
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
[CHIRPING]
NO, NO, THAT JUST LOOKS LIKE
[CHIRPING]
NO, NO, THAT JUST LOOKS LIKE
TWO PENCILS.
NO, NO, THAT JUST LOOKS LIKE
TWO PENCILS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
TWO PENCILS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I SEE AN INSECT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I SEE AN INSECT.
YEAH!
I SEE AN INSECT.
YEAH!
YOU JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION,
YEAH!
YOU JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION,
THE INSECT WILL COME TO YOU.
YOU JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION,
THE INSECT WILL COME TO YOU.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
THE INSECT WILL COME TO YOU.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
YEAH!
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
YEAH!
NO, MAN, I'M NOT GOING FOR
YEAH!
NO, MAN, I'M NOT GOING FOR
IT.
NO, MAN, I'M NOT GOING FOR
IT.
THAT'S THE WORST DISGUISE I'VE
IT.
THAT'S THE WORST DISGUISE I'VE
EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
THAT'S THE WORST DISGUISE I'VE
EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
YEAH, I-I AGREE.
EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
YEAH, I-I AGREE.
YOU CAN SEE THAT EVERYBODY ELSE
YEAH, I-I AGREE.
YOU CAN SEE THAT EVERYBODY ELSE
REALLY WORKED ON THEIR COSTUMES.
YOU CAN SEE THAT EVERYBODY ELSE
REALLY WORKED ON THEIR COSTUMES.
YEAH.
REALLY WORKED ON THEIR COSTUMES.
YEAH.
IT'S TRUE.
YEAH.
IT'S TRUE.
I PUT A LOT OF TIME AND MONEY
IT'S TRUE.
I PUT A LOT OF TIME AND MONEY
INTO THIS COSTUME.
I PUT A LOT OF TIME AND MONEY
INTO THIS COSTUME.
HOW DO YOU GET OFF SHOWING UP
INTO THIS COSTUME.
HOW DO YOU GET OFF SHOWING UP
LIKE THAT?
HOW DO YOU GET OFF SHOWING UP
LIKE THAT?
YEAH.
LIKE THAT?
YEAH.
REALLY, MAN, THIS WAS THE COWBOY
YEAH.
REALLY, MAN, THIS WAS THE COWBOY
SUIT IN TOWN.
REALLY, MAN, THIS WAS THE COWBOY
SUIT IN TOWN.
I HAD TO GO TO THREE FITTINGS.
SUIT IN TOWN.
I HAD TO GO TO THREE FITTINGS.
COME ON!
I HAD TO GO TO THREE FITTINGS.
COME ON!
I'VE WORKED ALL MONTH PLANNING
COME ON!
I'VE WORKED ALL MONTH PLANNING
THIS JOB!
I'VE WORKED ALL MONTH PLANNING
THIS JOB!
REMEMBER?
THIS JOB!
REMEMBER?
WHEN WE STARTED OUT, I WAS GONNA
REMEMBER?
WHEN WE STARTED OUT, I WAS GONNA
PICK THREE MATCHING HARLEQUIN
WHEN WE STARTED OUT, I WAS GONNA
PICK THREE MATCHING HARLEQUIN
COSTUMES SO WE'D LOOK NICE.
PICK THREE MATCHING HARLEQUIN
COSTUMES SO WE'D LOOK NICE.
BUT SOMEBODY ELSE TOOK THEM.
COSTUMES SO WE'D LOOK NICE.
BUT SOMEBODY ELSE TOOK THEM.
THERE'S NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT
BUT SOMEBODY ELSE TOOK THEM.
THERE'S NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT
IT.
THERE'S NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT
IT.
PLUS, I HAD TO PLAN THE ESCAPE
IT.
PLUS, I HAD TO PLAN THE ESCAPE
ROUTES.
PLUS, I HAD TO PLAN THE ESCAPE
ROUTES.
I PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING.
ROUTES.
I PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING.
I HAD TO LOOK AT TRAFFIC
I PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING.
I HAD TO LOOK AT TRAFFIC
PATTERNS, ONE-WAY STREETS,
I HAD TO LOOK AT TRAFFIC
PATTERNS, ONE-WAY STREETS,
SERVICE ALLEYS.
PATTERNS, ONE-WAY STREETS,
SERVICE ALLEYS.
I JUST DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PICK
SERVICE ALLEYS.
I JUST DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PICK
UP A COSTUME.
I JUST DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PICK
UP A COSTUME.
WELL, MAN, THAT'S NO EXCUSE
UP A COSTUME.
WELL, MAN, THAT'S NO EXCUSE
BECAUSE I CAME IN ON THIS THING
WELL, MAN, THAT'S NO EXCUSE
BECAUSE I CAME IN ON THIS THING
YESTERDAY, AND I HAD TIME TO GET
BECAUSE I CAME IN ON THIS THING
YESTERDAY, AND I HAD TIME TO GET
ME A HALFWAY DECENT COSTUME
YESTERDAY, AND I HAD TIME TO GET
ME A HALFWAY DECENT COSTUME
TOGETHER.
ME A HALFWAY DECENT COSTUME
TOGETHER.
IT'S TRUE.
TOGETHER.
IT'S TRUE.
AT LEAST YOU KNOW HE'S SUPPOSED
IT'S TRUE.
AT LEAST YOU KNOW HE'S SUPPOSED
TO BE A GHOST.
AT LEAST YOU KNOW HE'S SUPPOSED
TO BE A GHOST.
HE'S A GHOST, RIGHT?
TO BE A GHOST.
HE'S A GHOST, RIGHT?
HE LOOKS LIKE A GHOST.
HE'S A GHOST, RIGHT?
HE LOOKS LIKE A GHOST.
BUT THERE'S NO WAY THAT
HE LOOKS LIKE A GHOST.
BUT THERE'S NO WAY THAT
YOU'RE AN INSECT.
BUT THERE'S NO WAY THAT
YOU'RE AN INSECT.
WELL, I SEE IT.
YOU'RE AN INSECT.
WELL, I SEE IT.
I THINK IT'S A GREAT COSTUME.
WELL, I SEE IT.
I THINK IT'S A GREAT COSTUME.
IT'S SO SIMPLE.
I THINK IT'S A GREAT COSTUME.
IT'S SO SIMPLE.
THANKS.
IT'S SO SIMPLE.
THANKS.
I LIKE THE COWBOY.
THANKS.
I LIKE THE COWBOY.
HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A COWBOY.
I LIKE THE COWBOY.
HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A COWBOY.
THE GHOST IS MY FAVORITE.
HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A COWBOY.
THE GHOST IS MY FAVORITE.
ALL RIGHT, EXCUSE ME.
THE GHOST IS MY FAVORITE.
ALL RIGHT, EXCUSE ME.
I THINK WE BETTER SETTLE THIS
ALL RIGHT, EXCUSE ME.
I THINK WE BETTER SETTLE THIS
MATTER BEFORE SOMEBODY GETS
I THINK WE BETTER SETTLE THIS
MATTER BEFORE SOMEBODY GETS
HURT.
MATTER BEFORE SOMEBODY GETS
HURT.
EVERYBODY STAND UP.
HURT.
EVERYBODY STAND UP.
BANK-ROBBERY PEOPLE, GET OVER
EVERYBODY STAND UP.
BANK-ROBBERY PEOPLE, GET OVER
HERE IN A LINE.
BANK-ROBBERY PEOPLE, GET OVER
HERE IN A LINE.
WE'RE GONNA VOTE ON THIS.
HERE IN A LINE.
WE'RE GONNA VOTE ON THIS.
JUST APPLAUSE, NO CHEERS.
WE'RE GONNA VOTE ON THIS.
JUST APPLAUSE, NO CHEERS.
OKAY, NOW, HOW ABOUT THE COWBOY?
JUST APPLAUSE, NO CHEERS.
OKAY, NOW, HOW ABOUT THE COWBOY?
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
OKAY, NOW, HOW ABOUT THE COWBOY?
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
OKAY!
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
OKAY!
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY!
ALL RIGHT.
SOMEBODY CAME AS A WITCH.
ALL RIGHT.
SOMEBODY CAME AS A WITCH.
HOW ABOUT HER?
SOMEBODY CAME AS A WITCH.
HOW ABOUT HER?
LET'S HEAR IT.
HOW ABOUT HER?
LET'S HEAR IT.
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
LET'S HEAR IT.
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
WHO'S THIS FELLOW, DRESSED UP AS
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
WHO'S THIS FELLOW, DRESSED UP AS
A GHOST?
WHO'S THIS FELLOW, DRESSED UP AS
A GHOST?
[APPLAUSE]
A GHOST?
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
AND HOW ABOUT THIS GUY OVER HERE
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
AND HOW ABOUT THIS GUY OVER HERE
DRESSED AS AN INSECT?
AND HOW ABOUT THIS GUY OVER HERE
DRESSED AS AN INSECT?
YAY!
DRESSED AS AN INSECT?
YAY!
GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?
YAY!
GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?
WELL, I THINK THE VOTING SPEAKS
GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?
WELL, I THINK THE VOTING SPEAKS
FOR ITSELF, MR. INSECT.
WELL, I THINK THE VOTING SPEAKS
FOR ITSELF, MR. INSECT.
WAIT!
FOR ITSELF, MR. INSECT.
WAIT!
YOU!
WAIT!
YOU!
I DO A GREAT FROG.
YOU!
I DO A GREAT FROG.
GIVE ME THAT GREEN-FELT DESK
I DO A GREAT FROG.
GIVE ME THAT GREEN-FELT DESK
BLOTTER OVER THERE.
GIVE ME THAT GREEN-FELT DESK
BLOTTER OVER THERE.
I PICKED THIS UP IN WOMAN'S DAY
BLOTTER OVER THERE.
I PICKED THIS UP IN WOMAN'S DAY
MAGAZINE.
I PICKED THIS UP IN WOMAN'S DAY
MAGAZINE.
ANYBODY CAN DO IT.
MAGAZINE.
ANYBODY CAN DO IT.
YOU CAN DO IT AT HOME.
ANYBODY CAN DO IT.
YOU CAN DO IT AT HOME.
YOU JUST GET THE BLOTTER, AND
YOU CAN DO IT AT HOME.
YOU JUST GET THE BLOTTER, AND
YOU JUST FOLD IT.
YOU JUST GET THE BLOTTER, AND
YOU JUST FOLD IT.
SEE? IT'S A FROG.
YOU JUST FOLD IT.
SEE? IT'S A FROG.
LIKE THIS.
SEE? IT'S A FROG.
LIKE THIS.
[ALL GROAN]
LIKE THIS.
[ALL GROAN]
IT'S AS GOOD AS YOUR INSECT,
[ALL GROAN]
IT'S AS GOOD AS YOUR INSECT,
ALL RIGHT?
IT'S AS GOOD AS YOUR INSECT,
ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
YOU PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO HELP
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
YOU PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO HELP
ME.
YOU PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO HELP
ME.
HERE.
ME.
HERE.
FILL THIS BAG UP.
HERE.
FILL THIS BAG UP.
BACK ON THE FLOOR!
FILL THIS BAG UP.
BACK ON THE FLOOR!
GET BACK!
BACK ON THE FLOOR!
GET BACK!
COME ON. KEEP MOVING!
GET BACK!
COME ON. KEEP MOVING!
I REALLY THOUGHT YOUR INSECT
COME ON. KEEP MOVING!
I REALLY THOUGHT YOUR INSECT
WAS THE BEST.
I REALLY THOUGHT YOUR INSECT
WAS THE BEST.
OH, THANKS.
WAS THE BEST.
OH, THANKS.
THAT'S REAL NICE.
OH, THANKS.
THAT'S REAL NICE.
WOULD YOU MIND COUNTING THOSE
THAT'S REAL NICE.
WOULD YOU MIND COUNTING THOSE
BILLS OUT FOR ME?
WOULD YOU MIND COUNTING THOSE
BILLS OUT FOR ME?
I CAN'T SEE WITH THESE ORANGES
BILLS OUT FOR ME?
I CAN'T SEE WITH THESE ORANGES
STUCK TO MY EYES?
I CAN'T SEE WITH THESE ORANGES
STUCK TO MY EYES?
40, 60...
STUCK TO MY EYES?
40, 60...
SEE, ORIGINALLY, I GOT THIS
40, 60...
SEE, ORIGINALLY, I GOT THIS
GANG TOGETHER.
SEE, ORIGINALLY, I GOT THIS
GANG TOGETHER.
WE WERE GONNA ROB BANKS UPSTATE,
GANG TOGETHER.
WE WERE GONNA ROB BANKS UPSTATE,
AND WE HAD THIS IDEA.
WE WERE GONNA ROB BANKS UPSTATE,
AND WE HAD THIS IDEA.
I WAS GONNA GET THESE THREE
AND WE HAD THIS IDEA.
I WAS GONNA GET THESE THREE
MATCHING HARLEQUIN COSTUMES,
I WAS GONNA GET THESE THREE
MATCHING HARLEQUIN COSTUMES,
LIKE YOU SEE A JOKER IN A DECK
MATCHING HARLEQUIN COSTUMES,
LIKE YOU SEE A JOKER IN A DECK
OF CARDS?
LIKE YOU SEE A JOKER IN A DECK
OF CARDS?
THEY WERE REAL COLORFUL, BUT WE
OF CARDS?
THEY WERE REAL COLORFUL, BUT WE
DIDN'T HAVE MONEY FOR A DEPOSIT.
THEY WERE REAL COLORFUL, BUT WE
DIDN'T HAVE MONEY FOR A DEPOSIT.
SO SOMEBODY ELSE SCOOPED THEM ON
DIDN'T HAVE MONEY FOR A DEPOSIT.
SO SOMEBODY ELSE SCOOPED THEM ON
US.
SO SOMEBODY ELSE SCOOPED THEM ON
US.
[ALARM BLARES]
US.
[ALARM BLARES]
OKAY, EVERYBODY, FREEZE!
[ALARM BLARES]
OKAY, EVERYBODY, FREEZE!
FBI BANK SQUAD!
OKAY, EVERYBODY, FREEZE!
FBI BANK SQUAD!
YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST.
FBI BANK SQUAD!
YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST.
WAIT!
YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST.
WAIT!
I DO A GREAT PORCUPINE!
WAIT!
I DO A GREAT PORCUPINE!
YOU, GIVE ME 25 LETTER OPENERS
I DO A GREAT PORCUPINE!
YOU, GIVE ME 25 LETTER OPENERS
AND 50 SHARP PENCILS, LIKE THIS.
I FIRST HEARD
JOAN ARMATRADING WHEN A FRIEND
OF MINE PLAYED HER ALBUM FOR ME
JOAN ARMATRADING WHEN A FRIEND
OF MINE PLAYED HER ALBUM FOR ME
ON A VISIT TO ENGLAND.
OF MINE PLAYED HER ALBUM FOR ME
ON A VISIT TO ENGLAND.
I WAS VERY MUCH MOVED BY HER
ON A VISIT TO ENGLAND.
I WAS VERY MUCH MOVED BY HER
VOICE AND HER LYRICS.
I WAS VERY MUCH MOVED BY HER
VOICE AND HER LYRICS.
I KNOW MANY OF YOU HADN'T HEARD
VOICE AND HER LYRICS.
I KNOW MANY OF YOU HADN'T HEARD
OF JOAN, AND THAT'S WHY I'M
I KNOW MANY OF YOU HADN'T HEARD
OF JOAN, AND THAT'S WHY I'M
PLEASED TO HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY
OF JOAN, AND THAT'S WHY I'M
PLEASED TO HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY
TO PRESENT JOAN ARMATRADING.
PLEASED TO HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY
TO PRESENT JOAN ARMATRADING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TO PRESENT JOAN ARMATRADING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ I'M NOT IN LOVE ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ I'M NOT IN LOVE ♪
♪ BUT I'M OPEN TO PERSUASION ♪
♪ I'M NOT IN LOVE ♪
♪ BUT I'M OPEN TO PERSUASION ♪
♪ EAST OR WEST ♪
♪ BUT I'M OPEN TO PERSUASION ♪
♪ EAST OR WEST ♪
♪ WHERE'S THE BEST
♪ EAST OR WEST ♪
♪ WHERE'S THE BEST
FOR ROMANCING
♪ WHERE'S THE BEST
FOR ROMANCING
WITH A FRIEND? ♪
FOR ROMANCING
WITH A FRIEND? ♪
♪ I CAN SMILE ♪
WITH A FRIEND? ♪
♪ I CAN SMILE ♪
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
♪ I CAN SMILE ♪
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
I COULD ROLL MY HEAD BACK ♪
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
I COULD ROLL MY HEAD BACK ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY LAUGH,
I COULD ROLL MY HEAD BACK ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY LAUGH,
REALLY LAUGH ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY LAUGH,
REALLY LAUGH ♪
♪ THANK YOU ♪
REALLY LAUGH ♪
♪ THANK YOU ♪
♪ YOU TOOK ME DANCING
♪ THANK YOU ♪
♪ YOU TOOK ME DANCING
'CROSS THE FLOOR ♪
♪ YOU TOOK ME DANCING
'CROSS THE FLOOR ♪
♪ CHEEK TO CHEEK ♪
'CROSS THE FLOOR ♪
♪ CHEEK TO CHEEK ♪
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
♪ CHEEK TO CHEEK ♪
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
I COULD REALLY MOVE,
♪ BUT WITH A LOVER,
I COULD REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE ♪
I COULD REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY DANCE,
REALLY MOVE ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE,
♪ I COULD REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE ♪
REALLY DANCE,
REALLY DANCE ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY MOVE,
REALLY DANCE ♪
♪ I COULD REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE,
♪ I COULD REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE ♪
REALLY MOVE,
REALLY MOVE ♪
♪ NOW IF I CAN FEEL THE SUN
REALLY MOVE ♪
♪ NOW IF I CAN FEEL THE SUN
IN MY EYES
♪ NOW IF I CAN FEEL THE SUN
IN MY EYES
AND THE RAIN ON MY FACE ♪
IN MY EYES
AND THE RAIN ON MY FACE ♪
♪ WHY CAN'T I
AND THE RAIN ON MY FACE ♪
♪ WHY CAN'T I
FE-E-E-EL LOVE? ♪
♪ WHY CAN'T I
FE-E-E-EL LOVE? ♪
♪ I CAN REALLY LOVE,
FE-E-E-EL LOVE? ♪
♪ I CAN REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
♪ I CAN REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE ♪
REALLY LOVE,
REALLY LOVE ♪
♪ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
REALLY LOVE ♪
♪ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ♪
♪ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ♪
♪ NOW I GOT ALL THE FRIENDS
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ♪
♪ NOW I GOT ALL THE FRIENDS
THAT I WANT ♪
♪ NOW I GOT ALL THE FRIENDS
THAT I WANT ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
THAT I WANT ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ I MAY NEED MORE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ I MAY NEED MORE ♪
♪ BUT I SHOULD JUST STICK
♪ I MAY NEED MORE ♪
♪ BUT I SHOULD JUST STICK
TO THOSE THAT I HAVE GOT ♪
♪ BUT I SHOULD JUST STICK
TO THOSE THAT I HAVE GOT ♪
♪ WITH FRIENDS I STILL FEEL
TO THOSE THAT I HAVE GOT ♪
♪ WITH FRIENDS I STILL FEEL
SO INSECURE ♪
♪ WITH FRIENDS I STILL FEEL
SO INSECURE ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING, I BELIEVE
SO INSECURE ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING, I BELIEVE
IT WOULD HELP ME A LOT ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING, I BELIEVE
IT WOULD HELP ME A LOT ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY HAND
IT WOULD HELP ME A LOT ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY HAND
AND LEAD ME WHERE YOU WILL ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY HAND
AND LEAD ME WHERE YOU WILL ♪
♪ NO CONVERSATION,
AND LEAD ME WHERE YOU WILL ♪
♪ NO CONVERSATION,
NO WAVE GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ NO CONVERSATION,
NO WAVE GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ JUST GIVE ME LOVE ♪
NO WAVE GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ JUST GIVE ME LOVE ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ JUST GIVE ME LOVE ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ GIVE ME LOVE,
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ GIVE ME LOVE,
GIVE ME LOVE,
♪ GIVE ME LOVE,
GIVE ME LOVE,
GIVE ME LOVE,
GIVE ME LOVE,
GIVE ME LOVE,
LO-O-O-VE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
♪ SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ BUT THIS TIME
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
WITH A LITTLE DEDICATION ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
♪ SING IT, SING IT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WITH AFFECTION ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ ONCE MORE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ ONCE MORE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ LOVER ♪
♪ YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ LOVER ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ LOVER ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[PIANO PLAYS LOU RAWLS' "YOU'LL
NEVER FIND ANOTHER LOVE LIKE
MINE"]
JEAN, THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN
HERE BY NOW.
I JUST KNOW THEY'RE NOT GONNA
HERE BY NOW.
I JUST KNOW THEY'RE NOT GONNA
SHOW.
I JUST KNOW THEY'RE NOT GONNA
SHOW.
WELL, JOAN WENT TO CALL.
SHOW.
WELL, JOAN WENT TO CALL.
I WISH WE COULD MEET SOME
WELL, JOAN WENT TO CALL.
I WISH WE COULD MEET SOME
DIFFERENT KIND OF GUYS FOR A
I WISH WE COULD MEET SOME
DIFFERENT KIND OF GUYS FOR A
CHANGE.
DIFFERENT KIND OF GUYS FOR A
CHANGE.
I MEAN, SOMETHING LIKE THOSE
CHANGE.
I MEAN, SOMETHING LIKE THOSE
CONTINENTAL TYPE OVER THERE.
I MEAN, SOMETHING LIKE THOSE
CONTINENTAL TYPE OVER THERE.
OH, I KNOW.
CONTINENTAL TYPE OVER THERE.
OH, I KNOW.
ALL WE EVER DATE ARE THE SAME
OH, I KNOW.
ALL WE EVER DATE ARE THE SAME
ALL-AMERICAN HAMBURGERS.
ALL WE EVER DATE ARE THE SAME
ALL-AMERICAN HAMBURGERS.
RIGHT.
ALL-AMERICAN HAMBURGERS.
RIGHT.
WHY DON'T WE EVER MEET ANY
RIGHT.
WHY DON'T WE EVER MEET ANY
UNCIRCUMCISED GUYS?
WHY DON'T WE EVER MEET ANY
UNCIRCUMCISED GUYS?
[Hispanic accent] GOOD
UNCIRCUMCISED GUYS?
[Hispanic accent] GOOD
EVENING, LOVELY, LOVELY, LOVELY
[Hispanic accent] GOOD
EVENING, LOVELY, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES.
EVENING, LOVELY, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES.
ME AND MY COMPANIONS HERE AT THE
LADIES.
ME AND MY COMPANIONS HERE AT THE
NEXT TABLE WERE HAVING A LITTLE
ME AND MY COMPANIONS HERE AT THE
NEXT TABLE WERE HAVING A LITTLE
ARGUMENT, AND WE WERE WONDERING
NEXT TABLE WERE HAVING A LITTLE
ARGUMENT, AND WE WERE WONDERING
IF PERHAPS YOU COULDN'T HELP
ARGUMENT, AND WE WERE WONDERING
IF PERHAPS YOU COULDN'T HELP
SETTLE IT FOR US.
IF PERHAPS YOU COULDN'T HELP
SETTLE IT FOR US.
WELL, SURE, IF WE CAN.
SETTLE IT FOR US.
WELL, SURE, IF WE CAN.
SHOOT.
WELL, SURE, IF WE CAN.
SHOOT.
YOU SEE, I AM
SHOOT.
YOU SEE, I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
YOU SEE, I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
[Hispanic accent] NO, NO,
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
[Hispanic accent] NO, NO,
NO.
[Hispanic accent] NO, NO,
NO.
YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG.
NO.
YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG.
[Hispanic accent] I AM
YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG.
[Hispanic accent] I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
[Hispanic accent] I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
OR AT LEAST I THINK I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
OR AT LEAST I THINK I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
OR AT LEAST I THINK I AM
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
AND THESE TWO GENTLEMAN ARE
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
AND THESE TWO GENTLEMAN ARE
FERNANDO LAMAS AND
AND THESE TWO GENTLEMAN ARE
FERNANDO LAMAS AND
CESAR ROMERO.
FERNANDO LAMAS AND
CESAR ROMERO.
ALTHOUGH WE ARE A LITTLE
CESAR ROMERO.
ALTHOUGH WE ARE A LITTLE
CONFUSED ABOUT WHO IS WHO.
ALTHOUGH WE ARE A LITTLE
CONFUSED ABOUT WHO IS WHO.
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
CONFUSED ABOUT WHO IS WHO.
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES, BUT THIS IS VERY
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES, BUT THIS IS VERY
EMBARRASSING.
LADIES, BUT THIS IS VERY
EMBARRASSING.
WE DON'T KNOW WHO IS WHO.
EMBARRASSING.
WE DON'T KNOW WHO IS WHO.
YOU SEE, WE HAVE BEEN
WE DON'T KNOW WHO IS WHO.
YOU SEE, WE HAVE BEEN
CHUMMING AROUND HOLLYWOOD FOR SO
YOU SEE, WE HAVE BEEN
CHUMMING AROUND HOLLYWOOD FOR SO
LONG TOGETHER... RICARDO,
CHUMMING AROUND HOLLYWOOD FOR SO
LONG TOGETHER... RICARDO,
FERNANDO, AND CESAR, THE BEST OF
LONG TOGETHER... RICARDO,
FERNANDO, AND CESAR, THE BEST OF
FRIENDS.
FERNANDO, AND CESAR, THE BEST OF
FRIENDS.
WE DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
FRIENDS.
WE DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
WE EAT TOGETHER, DRINK TOGETHER,
WE DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
WE EAT TOGETHER, DRINK TOGETHER,
SLEEP OVER AT EACH OTHER'S
WE EAT TOGETHER, DRINK TOGETHER,
SLEEP OVER AT EACH OTHER'S
HOLLYWOOD HOMES.
SLEEP OVER AT EACH OTHER'S
HOLLYWOOD HOMES.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND I SLEEP AT
HOLLYWOOD HOMES.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND I SLEEP AT
FERNANDO'S.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND I SLEEP AT
FERNANDO'S.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND FERNANDO
FERNANDO'S.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND FERNANDO
SLEEP AT RICARDO'S HOUSE.
SOMETIMES, CESAR AND FERNANDO
SLEEP AT RICARDO'S HOUSE.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
SLEEP AT RICARDO'S HOUSE.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU SAID YOU WERE RICARDO.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU SAID YOU WERE RICARDO.
[LAUGHS]
YOU SAID YOU WERE RICARDO.
[LAUGHS]
I THOUGHT I WAS RICARDO.
[LAUGHS]
I THOUGHT I WAS RICARDO.
YOU SEE, WE ARE ALL SWARTHY,
I THOUGHT I WAS RICARDO.
YOU SEE, WE ARE ALL SWARTHY,
ROMANTIC HISPANIC HAS-BEENS.
YOU SEE, WE ARE ALL SWARTHY,
ROMANTIC HISPANIC HAS-BEENS.
IT'S ALL VERY TERRIBLY
ROMANTIC HISPANIC HAS-BEENS.
IT'S ALL VERY TERRIBLY
CONFUSING.
IT'S ALL VERY TERRIBLY
CONFUSING.
WE DON'T KNOW WHO WE ARE.
CONFUSING.
WE DON'T KNOW WHO WE ARE.
PERHAPS WE COULD JOIN YOU AT
WE DON'T KNOW WHO WE ARE.
PERHAPS WE COULD JOIN YOU AT
YOUR TABLE?
PERHAPS WE COULD JOIN YOU AT
YOUR TABLE?
WELL, WE ARE WAITING FOR OUR
YOUR TABLE?
WELL, WE ARE WAITING FOR OUR
DATES.
WELL, WE ARE WAITING FOR OUR
DATES.
YEAH, GEORGE HAMILTON,
DATES.
YEAH, GEORGE HAMILTON,
GEORGE MAHARIS, AND
YEAH, GEORGE HAMILTON,
GEORGE MAHARIS, AND
GEORGE CHAKIRIS.
GEORGE MAHARIS, AND
GEORGE CHAKIRIS.
WELL, ACTUALLY, WE, TOO, WERE
GEORGE CHAKIRIS.
WELL, ACTUALLY, WE, TOO, WERE
SUPPOSED TO MEET SOME VERY
WELL, ACTUALLY, WE, TOO, WERE
SUPPOSED TO MEET SOME VERY
LOVELY LADIES HERE THIS
SUPPOSED TO MEET SOME VERY
LOVELY LADIES HERE THIS
EVENING... JILL ST. JOHN,
LOVELY LADIES HERE THIS
EVENING... JILL ST. JOHN,
SUSAN ST. JAMES, AND
EVENING... JILL ST. JOHN,
SUSAN ST. JAMES, AND
EVA MARIE SAINT.
SUSAN ST. JAMES, AND
EVA MARIE SAINT.
BUT LUCKILY THEY CANCELED OUT,
EVA MARIE SAINT.
BUT LUCKILY THEY CANCELED OUT,
AND OUR EVENING IS FREE.
BUT LUCKILY THEY CANCELED OUT,
AND OUR EVENING IS FREE.
SO WE'D LOVE TO JOIN YOU UNTIL
AND OUR EVENING IS FREE.
SO WE'D LOVE TO JOIN YOU UNTIL
THOSE INSIPID, PRETTY-BOY
SO WE'D LOVE TO JOIN YOU UNTIL
THOSE INSIPID, PRETTY-BOY
FLASHES IN THE PAN NAMED GEORGE
THOSE INSIPID, PRETTY-BOY
FLASHES IN THE PAN NAMED GEORGE
SHOW UP.
FLASHES IN THE PAN NAMED GEORGE
SHOW UP.
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
SHOW UP.
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
OH!
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
OH!
PLEASE.
OH!
PLEASE.
OH, HI.
PLEASE.
OH, HI.
BAD NEWS, GIRLS.
OH, HI.
BAD NEWS, GIRLS.
GEORGE HAMILTON, GEORGE MAHARIS,
BAD NEWS, GIRLS.
GEORGE HAMILTON, GEORGE MAHARIS,
AND GEORGE CHAKIRIS STOOD US UP
GEORGE HAMILTON, GEORGE MAHARIS,
AND GEORGE CHAKIRIS STOOD US UP
FOR OTHER DATES.
AND GEORGE CHAKIRIS STOOD US UP
FOR OTHER DATES.
WHO?
FOR OTHER DATES.
WHO?
ELKE SOMMER, BRITT EKLAND,
WHO?
ELKE SOMMER, BRITT EKLAND,
AND MAY BRITT.
ELKE SOMMER, BRITT EKLAND,
AND MAY BRITT.
OH!
AND MAY BRITT.
OH!
OH, HI!
OH!
OH, HI!
I DON'T THINK WE'VE BEEN
OH, HI!
I DON'T THINK WE'VE BEEN
INTRODUCED.
I DON'T THINK WE'VE BEEN
INTRODUCED.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
INTRODUCED.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
TWO OF THESE THREE GENTLEMEN
MY NAME IS RICARDO MONTALBAN.
TWO OF THESE THREE GENTLEMEN
ARE LYING.
TWO OF THESE THREE GENTLEMEN
ARE LYING.
WELL, WILL THE REAL
ARE LYING.
WELL, WILL THE REAL
RICARDO MONTALBAN PLEASE STAND
WELL, WILL THE REAL
RICARDO MONTALBAN PLEASE STAND
UP?
RICARDO MONTALBAN PLEASE STAND
UP?
[LAUGHS]
UP?
[LAUGHS]
WE DO THIS EVERY NIGHT.
[LAUGHS]
WE DO THIS EVERY NIGHT.
JOAN, MEET FERNANDO LAMAS,
WE DO THIS EVERY NIGHT.
JOAN, MEET FERNANDO LAMAS,
CESAR ROMERO, AND
JOAN, MEET FERNANDO LAMAS,
CESAR ROMERO, AND
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
CESAR ROMERO, AND
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
WELL, WHO'S WHO?
RICARDO MONTALBAN.
WELL, WHO'S WHO?
EVEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO'S WHO!
WELL, WHO'S WHO?
EVEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO'S WHO!
THE ONLY WAY TO TELL IS TO RUN
EVEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO'S WHO!
THE ONLY WAY TO TELL IS TO RUN
OUT TO THE PARKING LOT AND SEE
THE ONLY WAY TO TELL IS TO RUN
OUT TO THE PARKING LOT AND SEE
WHOSE CAR KEYS FIT THE CORDOBA.
OUT TO THE PARKING LOT AND SEE
WHOSE CAR KEYS FIT THE CORDOBA.
BUT MAY I ASSURE YOU THAT OUR
WHOSE CAR KEYS FIT THE CORDOBA.
BUT MAY I ASSURE YOU THAT OUR
CONFUSION IS AS SINCERE AS IT IS
BUT MAY I ASSURE YOU THAT OUR
CONFUSION IS AS SINCERE AS IT IS
CHARMING?
CONFUSION IS AS SINCERE AS IT IS
CHARMING?
YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH ME?
CHARMING?
YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH ME?
NO.
YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH ME?
NO.
OKAY.
NO.
OKAY.
HOW ABOUT YOU, OVER THERE?
OKAY.
HOW ABOUT YOU, OVER THERE?
LITTLE BIT OF MIX MASTER, HUH?
HOW ABOUT YOU, OVER THERE?
LITTLE BIT OF MIX MASTER, HUH?
COME ON.
LITTLE BIT OF MIX MASTER, HUH?
COME ON.
NO.
COME ON.
NO.
BOY, WHAT ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
NO.
BOY, WHAT ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
HERE?
BOY, WHAT ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
HERE?
NOT RIGHT NOW.
HERE?
NOT RIGHT NOW.
OKAY, JUST CHECKING.
NOT RIGHT NOW.
OKAY, JUST CHECKING.
I GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
OKAY, JUST CHECKING.
I GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
ZERO ON STYLE, YOU KNOW?
I GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
ZERO ON STYLE, YOU KNOW?
HEY, WATCH THIS, GUYS.
ZERO ON STYLE, YOU KNOW?
HEY, WATCH THIS, GUYS.
WATCH THIS.
HEY, WATCH THIS, GUYS.
WATCH THIS.
YOUR EYES ARE LIKE TINTED OPERA
WATCH THIS.
YOUR EYES ARE LIKE TINTED OPERA
WINDOWS.
YOUR EYES ARE LIKE TINTED OPERA
WINDOWS.
YOUR HAIR AND SKIN IS LIKE THE
WINDOWS.
YOUR HAIR AND SKIN IS LIKE THE
FINEST CORINTHIAN LEATHER.
YOUR HAIR AND SKIN IS LIKE THE
FINEST CORINTHIAN LEATHER.
HEY, HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR
FINEST CORINTHIAN LEATHER.
HEY, HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR
MIND YET?
HEY, HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR
MIND YET?
NO.
MIND YET?
NO.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
NO.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
OVER HERE?
OKAY, HOW ABOUT YOU, RIGHT
OVER HERE?
YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?
OVER HERE?
YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?
NO.
YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?
NO.
WHAT ABOUT THIS GIRL, RIGHT
NO.
WHAT ABOUT THIS GIRL, RIGHT
HERE?
WHAT ABOUT THIS GIRL, RIGHT
HERE?
NO.
HERE?
NO.
OKAY, JUST LET ME KNOW.
NO.
OKAY, JUST LET ME KNOW.
I'M IN NO HURRY.
OKAY, JUST LET ME KNOW.
I'M IN NO HURRY.
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.
I'M IN NO HURRY.
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THINK I CAN FIGURE OUT WHO YOU
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THINK I CAN FIGURE OUT WHO YOU
ARE.
I THINK I CAN FIGURE OUT WHO YOU
ARE.
LET ME SEE YOUR CAR KEYS.
ARE.
LET ME SEE YOUR CAR KEYS.
CERTAINLY.
LET ME SEE YOUR CAR KEYS.
CERTAINLY.
GLAD TO COMPLY, LOVELY LADY.
CERTAINLY.
GLAD TO COMPLY, LOVELY LADY.
AND TO MY HEART, AS WELL.
GLAD TO COMPLY, LOVELY LADY.
AND TO MY HEART, AS WELL.
OKAY, MATADOR, GRANADA, AND
AND TO MY HEART, AS WELL.
OKAY, MATADOR, GRANADA, AND
CORDOBA.
OKAY, MATADOR, GRANADA, AND
CORDOBA.
YOU ARE RICARDO.
CORDOBA.
YOU ARE RICARDO.
RICKY RICARDO?
YOU ARE RICARDO.
RICKY RICARDO?
STUPID FOOL!
RICKY RICARDO?
STUPID FOOL!
AT LEAST WE KNOW THAT.
STUPID FOOL!
AT LEAST WE KNOW THAT.
NONE OF US HERE IS
AT LEAST WE KNOW THAT.
NONE OF US HERE IS
RICKY RICARDO!
NONE OF US HERE IS
RICKY RICARDO!
OF COURSE!
RICKY RICARDO!
OF COURSE!
I AM RICARDO MONTALBAN!
OF COURSE!
I AM RICARDO MONTALBAN!
RIGHT!
I AM RICARDO MONTALBAN!
RIGHT!
MY COMMERCIAL ENDORSEMENTS...
RIGHT!
MY COMMERCIAL ENDORSEMENTS...
IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME.
MY COMMERCIAL ENDORSEMENTS...
IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME.
AS A SPANIARD, I LOVE TO FEEL
IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME.
AS A SPANIARD, I LOVE TO FEEL
THE WIND AND FIRE IN MY FACE.
AS A SPANIARD, I LOVE TO FEEL
THE WIND AND FIRE IN MY FACE.
WHEN I CHOOSE A CAR, I CHOOSE A
THE WIND AND FIRE IN MY FACE.
WHEN I CHOOSE A CAR, I CHOOSE A
CAR WITH A CERTAIN SPIRIT, A CAR
WHEN I CHOOSE A CAR, I CHOOSE A
CAR WITH A CERTAIN SPIRIT, A CAR
THAT WILL... YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
CAR WITH A CERTAIN SPIRIT, A CAR
THAT WILL... YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
THE COMMERCIALS.
THAT WILL... YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
THE COMMERCIALS.
THEY'RE RUNNING ALL OVER THE
THE COMMERCIALS.
THEY'RE RUNNING ALL OVER THE
PLACE.
THEY'RE RUNNING ALL OVER THE
PLACE.
OKAY, OKAY, NOW IT'S BETWEEN
PLACE.
OKAY, OKAY, NOW IT'S BETWEEN
FERNANDO AND CESAR.
OKAY, OKAY, NOW IT'S BETWEEN
FERNANDO AND CESAR.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE!
FERNANDO AND CESAR.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE!
I HAVE A PICTURE OF
OH, WAIT A MINUTE!
I HAVE A PICTURE OF
FERNANDO LAMAS.
I HAVE A PICTURE OF
FERNANDO LAMAS.
IT CAME WITH MY WALLET.
FERNANDO LAMAS.
IT CAME WITH MY WALLET.
THERE.
IT CAME WITH MY WALLET.
THERE.
THAT'S ME!
THERE.
THAT'S ME!
SO I'M FERNANDO LAMAS.
THAT'S ME!
SO I'M FERNANDO LAMAS.
I AM RICARDO.
SO I'M FERNANDO LAMAS.
I AM RICARDO.
THEN THAT MEANS I AM
I AM RICARDO.
THEN THAT MEANS I AM
CESAR ROMERO.
THEN THAT MEANS I AM
CESAR ROMERO.
EXCELLENT!
CESAR ROMERO.
EXCELLENT!
I LOVED MYSELF IN "WEEKEND IN
EXCELLENT!
I LOVED MYSELF IN "WEEKEND IN
HAVANA."
I LOVED MYSELF IN "WEEKEND IN
HAVANA."
WAITER, CAN WE HAVE SOME
HAVANA."
WAITER, CAN WE HAVE SOME
WINE, PLEASE?
WAITER, CAN WE HAVE SOME
WINE, PLEASE?
WINE FOR THE LADIES.
WINE, PLEASE?
WINE FOR THE LADIES.
WE ARE CELEBRATING OURSELVES.
WINE FOR THE LADIES.
WE ARE CELEBRATING OURSELVES.
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
WE ARE CELEBRATING OURSELVES.
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES.
EXCUSE US, LOVELY, LOVELY
LADIES.
BUT PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP US.
LADIES.
BUT PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP US.
I AM EITHER SERGIO FRANCHI,
BUT PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP US.
I AM EITHER SERGIO FRANCHI,
ROSSANO BRAZZI, OR
I AM EITHER SERGIO FRANCHI,
ROSSANO BRAZZI, OR
ENZO STUARTI.
ROSSANO BRAZZI, OR
ENZO STUARTI.
All: YOU SEE, WE ARE A BIT
ENZO STUARTI.
All: YOU SEE, WE ARE A BIT
CONFUSED.
All: YOU SEE, WE ARE A BIT
CONFUSED.
LET'S SEE YOUR KEYS, BOYS.
CONFUSED.
LET'S SEE YOUR KEYS, BOYS.
WHOEVER'S DRIVING THE VOLARE
LET'S SEE YOUR KEYS, BOYS.
WHOEVER'S DRIVING THE VOLARE
MUST BE SERGIO FRANCHI.
Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND
UPDATE," WITH JANE CURTIN.
OH, COME ON.
UPDATE," WITH JANE CURTIN.
OH, COME ON.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
OH, COME ON.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
I MEAN, SO THE GUY HAS HIS
GIVE ME A BREAK.
I MEAN, SO THE GUY HAS HIS
SPECIAL.
I MEAN, SO THE GUY HAS HIS
SPECIAL.
DOES THAT MAKE HIM A STAR?
SPECIAL.
DOES THAT MAKE HIM A STAR?
OKAY, YEAH, GRANTED, THE RATINGS
DOES THAT MAKE HIM A STAR?
OKAY, YEAH, GRANTED, THE RATINGS
WERE GOOD, BUT HE FOLLOWED
OKAY, YEAH, GRANTED, THE RATINGS
WERE GOOD, BUT HE FOLLOWED
RICHARD PRYOR!
WERE GOOD, BUT HE FOLLOWED
RICHARD PRYOR!
RICHARD PRYOR'S WONDERFUL!
RICHARD PRYOR!
RICHARD PRYOR'S WONDERFUL!
WHO'S GONNA GET UP AND TURN THE
RICHARD PRYOR'S WONDERFUL!
WHO'S GONNA GET UP AND TURN THE
TV OFF WHEN THEY'RE LAUGHING?
WHO'S GONNA GET UP AND TURN THE
TV OFF WHEN THEY'RE LAUGHING?
OH, DID YOU SEE HIM ON THE
TV OFF WHEN THEY'RE LAUGHING?
OH, DID YOU SEE HIM ON THE
CARSON SHOW?
OH, DID YOU SEE HIM ON THE
CARSON SHOW?
I HAVE TO ADMIT, I LOVED HIM ON
CARSON SHOW?
I HAVE TO ADMIT, I LOVED HIM ON
THAT.
I HAVE TO ADMIT, I LOVED HIM ON
THAT.
MY FAVORITE PART WAS WHEN HE
THAT.
MY FAVORITE PART WAS WHEN HE
ASKED HIS WIFE TO STAND UP IN
MY FAVORITE PART WAS WHEN HE
ASKED HIS WIFE TO STAND UP IN
THE AUDIENCE.
ASKED HIS WIFE TO STAND UP IN
THE AUDIENCE.
IT WAS JUST LIKE STEVE ALLEN AND
THE AUDIENCE.
IT WAS JUST LIKE STEVE ALLEN AND
JAYNE MEADOWS.
IT WAS JUST LIKE STEVE ALLEN AND
JAYNE MEADOWS.
OH, I-I GOT TO GO.
JAYNE MEADOWS.
OH, I-I GOT TO GO.
BYE.
OH, I-I GOT TO GO.
BYE.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
BYE.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
IN A SPECTACULAR COUP, THE
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
IN A SPECTACULAR COUP, THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
IN A SPECTACULAR COUP, THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
HAS SIGNED HEAVYWEIGHT BOXER
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
HAS SIGNED HEAVYWEIGHT BOXER
DUANE BOBICK TO AN EXCLUSIVE
HAS SIGNED HEAVYWEIGHT BOXER
DUANE BOBICK TO AN EXCLUSIVE
5-YEAR CONTRACT AS A NETWORK
DUANE BOBICK TO AN EXCLUSIVE
5-YEAR CONTRACT AS A NETWORK
PERSONALITY.
5-YEAR CONTRACT AS A NETWORK
PERSONALITY.
BEATING OUT THE OTHER NETWORKS,
PERSONALITY.
BEATING OUT THE OTHER NETWORKS,
THE CONTRACT WAS SIGNED JUST
BEATING OUT THE OTHER NETWORKS,
THE CONTRACT WAS SIGNED JUST
SECONDS BEFORE BOBICK STEPPED
THE CONTRACT WAS SIGNED JUST
SECONDS BEFORE BOBICK STEPPED
INTO THE RING WITH KEN NORTON.
SECONDS BEFORE BOBICK STEPPED
INTO THE RING WITH KEN NORTON.
ASKED TO COMMENT, BOBICK SAID...
INTO THE RING WITH KEN NORTON.
ASKED TO COMMENT, BOBICK SAID...
[IMITATING DONALD DUCK]
ASKED TO COMMENT, BOBICK SAID...
[IMITATING DONALD DUCK]
TV PERSONALITY DAVID FROST,
[IMITATING DONALD DUCK]
TV PERSONALITY DAVID FROST,
INSPIRED BY THE SUCCESS OF HIS
TV PERSONALITY DAVID FROST,
INSPIRED BY THE SUCCESS OF HIS
NIXON INTERVIEWS, HAS ANNOUNCED
INSPIRED BY THE SUCCESS OF HIS
NIXON INTERVIEWS, HAS ANNOUNCED
PLANS TO INTERVIEW FORMER
NIXON INTERVIEWS, HAS ANNOUNCED
PLANS TO INTERVIEW FORMER
PRESIDENTS JOHNSON, KENNEDY,
PLANS TO INTERVIEW FORMER
PRESIDENTS JOHNSON, KENNEDY,
EISENHOWER, TRUMAN, AND
PRESIDENTS JOHNSON, KENNEDY,
EISENHOWER, TRUMAN, AND
ROOSEVELT.
EISENHOWER, TRUMAN, AND
ROOSEVELT.
ANSWERING COMMENTS THAT THE PLAN
ROOSEVELT.
ANSWERING COMMENTS THAT THE PLAN
SEEMED PREPOSTEROUS, FROST SAID,
ANSWERING COMMENTS THAT THE PLAN
SEEMED PREPOSTEROUS, FROST SAID,
"IF PEOPLE BELIEVE NIXON,
SEEMED PREPOSTEROUS, FROST SAID,
"IF PEOPLE BELIEVE NIXON,
THEY'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING."
"IF PEOPLE BELIEVE NIXON,
THEY'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING."
WHILE IN LONDON FOR LAST WEEK'S
THEY'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING."
WHILE IN LONDON FOR LAST WEEK'S
SUMMIT MEETING, PRESIDENT CARTER
WHILE IN LONDON FOR LAST WEEK'S
SUMMIT MEETING, PRESIDENT CARTER
RECOMMENDED THAT ONE OF HIS
SUMMIT MEETING, PRESIDENT CARTER
RECOMMENDED THAT ONE OF HIS
FAVORITE POETS, DYLAN THOMAS, BE
RECOMMENDED THAT ONE OF HIS
FAVORITE POETS, DYLAN THOMAS, BE
REMOVED FROM HIS GRAVE IN WALES
FAVORITE POETS, DYLAN THOMAS, BE
REMOVED FROM HIS GRAVE IN WALES
AND ENSHRINED IN HISTORIC
REMOVED FROM HIS GRAVE IN WALES
AND ENSHRINED IN HISTORIC
WESTMINSTER ABBEY.
AND ENSHRINED IN HISTORIC
WESTMINSTER ABBEY.
CARTER ALSO REQUESTED THAT
WESTMINSTER ABBEY.
CARTER ALSO REQUESTED THAT
ANOTHER OF HIS FAVORITE POETS,
CARTER ALSO REQUESTED THAT
ANOTHER OF HIS FAVORITE POETS,
ROD McKUEN, BE BURIED IN THE
ANOTHER OF HIS FAVORITE POETS,
ROD McKUEN, BE BURIED IN THE
ABBEY IMMEDIATELY.
ROD McKUEN, BE BURIED IN THE
ABBEY IMMEDIATELY.
PATTY HEARST, SHOWN HERE
ABBEY IMMEDIATELY.
PATTY HEARST, SHOWN HERE
RELAXING ON THE LAWN AT
PATTY HEARST, SHOWN HERE
RELAXING ON THE LAWN AT
SAN SIMEON, WAS PLACED ON FIVE
RELAXING ON THE LAWN AT
SAN SIMEON, WAS PLACED ON FIVE
YEARS' PROBATION FOR HER
SAN SIMEON, WAS PLACED ON FIVE
YEARS' PROBATION FOR HER
ARMED-ROBBERY AND ASSAULT CHARGE
YEARS' PROBATION FOR HER
ARMED-ROBBERY AND ASSAULT CHARGE
AND ORDERED TO PAY $6,000 IN
ARMED-ROBBERY AND ASSAULT CHARGE
AND ORDERED TO PAY $6,000 IN
PROPERTY DAMAGE.
AND ORDERED TO PAY $6,000 IN
PROPERTY DAMAGE.
DESPITE RUMORS OF ROMANCE,
PROPERTY DAMAGE.
DESPITE RUMORS OF ROMANCE,
MISS HEARST SAYS SHE HAS NO
DESPITE RUMORS OF ROMANCE,
MISS HEARST SAYS SHE HAS NO
PLANS, COMMENTING, "I DON'T WANT
MISS HEARST SAYS SHE HAS NO
PLANS, COMMENTING, "I DON'T WANT
TO MARRY AND SETTLE DOWN BEFORE
PLANS, COMMENTING, "I DON'T WANT
TO MARRY AND SETTLE DOWN BEFORE
I'VE HAD A LITTLE EXCITEMENT IN
TO MARRY AND SETTLE DOWN BEFORE
I'VE HAD A LITTLE EXCITEMENT IN
MY LIFE."
I'VE HAD A LITTLE EXCITEMENT IN
MY LIFE."
64-YEAR-OLD COWBOY ROY ROGERS
MY LIFE."
64-YEAR-OLD COWBOY ROY ROGERS
STATED THIS WEEK THAT WHEN HE
64-YEAR-OLD COWBOY ROY ROGERS
STATED THIS WEEK THAT WHEN HE
DIES, HE WOULD LIKE TO BE
STATED THIS WEEK THAT WHEN HE
DIES, HE WOULD LIKE TO BE
STUFFED AND MOUNTED ON TOP OF
DIES, HE WOULD LIKE TO BE
STUFFED AND MOUNTED ON TOP OF
TRIGGER, HIS DEAD HORSE, WHO IS
STUFFED AND MOUNTED ON TOP OF
TRIGGER, HIS DEAD HORSE, WHO IS
ALSO STUFFED AND MOUNTED.
TRIGGER, HIS DEAD HORSE, WHO IS
ALSO STUFFED AND MOUNTED.
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS,
ALSO STUFFED AND MOUNTED.
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS,
DALE EVANS, ROY'S AFFECTIONATE
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS,
DALE EVANS, ROY'S AFFECTIONATE
WIFE, SAID THAT SHE, TOO, WOULD
DALE EVANS, ROY'S AFFECTIONATE
WIFE, SAID THAT SHE, TOO, WOULD
LIKE TO BE STUFFED AND MOUNTED
WIFE, SAID THAT SHE, TOO, WOULD
LIKE TO BE STUFFED AND MOUNTED
BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT
LIKE TO BE STUFFED AND MOUNTED
BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT
ORDER.
BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT
ORDER.
A FILM EXPERT CLAIMED THIS WEEK
ORDER.
A FILM EXPERT CLAIMED THIS WEEK
THAT THERE IS A FIFTH FACE ON
A FILM EXPERT CLAIMED THIS WEEK
THAT THERE IS A FIFTH FACE ON
THE NATIONAL MONUMENT
THAT THERE IS A FIFTH FACE ON
THE NATIONAL MONUMENT
MOUNT RUSHMORE.
THE NATIONAL MONUMENT
MOUNT RUSHMORE.
LARGER AND MORE SUBTLY DEFINED
MOUNT RUSHMORE.
LARGER AND MORE SUBTLY DEFINED
THAN THE FOUR PRESIDENTS' FACES,
LARGER AND MORE SUBTLY DEFINED
THAN THE FOUR PRESIDENTS' FACES,
IT IS BELIEVED TO BE THE PROFILE
THAN THE FOUR PRESIDENTS' FACES,
IT IS BELIEVED TO BE THE PROFILE
OF COMEDIAN DAVID BRENNER.
IT IS BELIEVED TO BE THE PROFILE
OF COMEDIAN DAVID BRENNER.
IN SPORTS, JACK NICKLAUS WON THE
OF COMEDIAN DAVID BRENNER.
IN SPORTS, JACK NICKLAUS WON THE
THIRD ANNUAL QUAKER OATS
IN SPORTS, JACK NICKLAUS WON THE
THIRD ANNUAL QUAKER OATS
INVITATIONAL.
THIRD ANNUAL QUAKER OATS
INVITATIONAL.
HE IS SHOWN HERE CLINCHING
INVITATIONAL.
HE IS SHOWN HERE CLINCHING
VICTORY BY BLASTING OUT OF AN
HE IS SHOWN HERE CLINCHING
VICTORY BY BLASTING OUT OF AN
OATMEAL TRAP DIRECTLY INTO AN
VICTORY BY BLASTING OUT OF AN
OATMEAL TRAP DIRECTLY INTO AN
EGG CUP.
OATMEAL TRAP DIRECTLY INTO AN
EGG CUP.
WELL, WATERGATE COVER-UP
EGG CUP.
WELL, WATERGATE COVER-UP
CO-CONSPIRATORS JOHN MITCHELL,
WELL, WATERGATE COVER-UP
CO-CONSPIRATORS JOHN MITCHELL,
JOHN E. EHRLICHMAN, AND
CO-CONSPIRATORS JOHN MITCHELL,
JOHN E. EHRLICHMAN, AND
"CUBBY" HALDEMAN HAVE BEEN
JOHN E. EHRLICHMAN, AND
"CUBBY" HALDEMAN HAVE BEEN
SIGNED AS MOUSEKETEERS ON THE
"CUBBY" HALDEMAN HAVE BEEN
SIGNED AS MOUSEKETEERS ON THE
MICKEY MOUSE CLUB TV SERIES.
SIGNED AS MOUSEKETEERS ON THE
MICKEY MOUSE CLUB TV SERIES.
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS
MICKEY MOUSE CLUB TV SERIES.
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS
UNUSUAL MOVE, THE THREE
WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT ON THIS
UNUSUAL MOVE, THE THREE
DEFENDANTS SAID IN UNISON, "WHY?
UNUSUAL MOVE, THE THREE
DEFENDANTS SAID IN UNISON, "WHY?
BECAUSE WE LIKE YOU!"
DEFENDANTS SAID IN UNISON, "WHY?
BECAUSE WE LIKE YOU!"
STILL TO COME... JAPANESE
BECAUSE WE LIKE YOU!"
STILL TO COME... JAPANESE
CEREMONIAL WIFE-DROWNING AFTER
STILL TO COME... JAPANESE
CEREMONIAL WIFE-DROWNING AFTER
THIS MESSAGE.
[BELL DINGS]
YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS A
CRIME.
HELLO, THIS IS DUANE BOBICK.
ACCORDING TO STATISTICS, EVERY
58 SECONDS A WHITE MAN IS
BRUTALLY BEATEN BY A BLACK MAN.
THIS IS NOT NECESSARILY THE
FAULT OF THE BLACK MAN, BECAUSE
ENVIRONMENTAL AND SOCIETAL
CONDITIONS SOMETIMES LEAVE HIM
NO CHOICE.
THAT'S WHERE THE BLACK
EDUCATIONAL CONFERENCE COMES IN.
THEY HAVE SHOWN THOUSANDS OF
EDUCATIONAL CONFERENCE COMES IN.
THEY HAVE SHOWN THOUSANDS OF
BLACK MEN THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE
THEY HAVE SHOWN THOUSANDS OF
BLACK MEN THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE
TO RESORT TO VIOLENCE TO PROVE
BLACK MEN THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE
TO RESORT TO VIOLENCE TO PROVE
THEIR MASCULINITY.
TO RESORT TO VIOLENCE TO PROVE
THEIR MASCULINITY.
THEY'VE SHOWN BLACKS HOW TO FIND
THEIR MASCULINITY.
THEY'VE SHOWN BLACKS HOW TO FIND
RICH, FULFILLING, AND
THEY'VE SHOWN BLACKS HOW TO FIND
RICH, FULFILLING, AND
NONAGGRESSIVE CAREERS IN THE
RICH, FULFILLING, AND
NONAGGRESSIVE CAREERS IN THE
FIELDS OF COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY,
NONAGGRESSIVE CAREERS IN THE
FIELDS OF COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY,
BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION, AND
FIELDS OF COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY,
BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION, AND
DENTISTRY, THAT THERE ARE
BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION, AND
DENTISTRY, THAT THERE ARE
SATISFACTIONS IN LIFE OTHER THAN
DENTISTRY, THAT THERE ARE
SATISFACTIONS IN LIFE OTHER THAN
BEATING UP ON WHITEY.
SATISFACTIONS IN LIFE OTHER THAN
BEATING UP ON WHITEY.
THEY SUFFERED FOR 400 YEARS,
BEATING UP ON WHITEY.
THEY SUFFERED FOR 400 YEARS,
AND WE'RE SORRY ABOUT IT.
THEY SUFFERED FOR 400 YEARS,
AND WE'RE SORRY ABOUT IT.
I'VE SEEN "ROOTS" AND SO HAVE
AND WE'RE SORRY ABOUT IT.
I'VE SEEN "ROOTS" AND SO HAVE
YOU.
I'VE SEEN "ROOTS" AND SO HAVE
YOU.
LET'S GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO USE
YOU.
LET'S GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO USE
THEIR MINDS.
LET'S GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO USE
THEIR MINDS.
REMEMBER, A BETTER-EDUCATED
THEIR MINDS.
REMEMBER, A BETTER-EDUCATED
BLACK MAN IS A WEAKER OPPONENT.
REMEMBER, A BETTER-EDUCATED
BLACK MAN IS A WEAKER OPPONENT.
SHOW THEM HOW SORRY WE ARE.
BLACK MAN IS A WEAKER OPPONENT.
SHOW THEM HOW SORRY WE ARE.
HELP THE BLACK MAN GAIN RESPECT
SHOW THEM HOW SORRY WE ARE.
HELP THE BLACK MAN GAIN RESPECT
FOR THEMSELVES.
HELP THE BLACK MAN GAIN RESPECT
FOR THEMSELVES.
I KNOW I HAVE.
FOR THEMSELVES.
I KNOW I HAVE.
Announcer: SEND MONEY TO
I KNOW I HAVE.
Announcer: SEND MONEY TO
BLACK EDUCATIONAL CONFERENCE,
Announcer: SEND MONEY TO
BLACK EDUCATIONAL CONFERENCE,
BOX 58, NEW YORK.
BLACK EDUCATIONAL CONFERENCE,
BOX 58, NEW YORK.
AND REMEMBER...
THE MAKERS OF THE MR. COFFEE
APPLIANCE REVEALED THIS WEEK
THAT OVER A HALF MILLION OF THE
APPLIANCE REVEALED THIS WEEK
THAT OVER A HALF MILLION OF THE
MACHINES HAVE A DEFECT WHICH MAY
THAT OVER A HALF MILLION OF THE
MACHINES HAVE A DEFECT WHICH MAY
CAUSE A SHORT CIRCUIT, RESULTING
MACHINES HAVE A DEFECT WHICH MAY
CAUSE A SHORT CIRCUIT, RESULTING
IN FIRE.
CAUSE A SHORT CIRCUIT, RESULTING
IN FIRE.
OUR UPDATE CONSUMER DEPARTMENT
IN FIRE.
OUR UPDATE CONSUMER DEPARTMENT
REPORTS THAT THE MR. COFFEE
OUR UPDATE CONSUMER DEPARTMENT
REPORTS THAT THE MR. COFFEE
MANUFACTURER DOES NOT PLAN TO
REPORTS THAT THE MR. COFFEE
MANUFACTURER DOES NOT PLAN TO
RECALL THE DANGEROUS UNITS BUT
MANUFACTURER DOES NOT PLAN TO
RECALL THE DANGEROUS UNITS BUT
WILL INTRODUCE A NEW PRODUCT,
RECALL THE DANGEROUS UNITS BUT
WILL INTRODUCE A NEW PRODUCT,
MR. FIRE EXTINGUISHER.
WILL INTRODUCE A NEW PRODUCT,
MR. FIRE EXTINGUISHER.
IN A SURPRISE MOVE THIS WEEK,
MR. FIRE EXTINGUISHER.
IN A SURPRISE MOVE THIS WEEK,
PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER STRAPPED
IN A SURPRISE MOVE THIS WEEK,
PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER STRAPPED
THREE STICKS OF DYNAMITE TO HIS
PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER STRAPPED
THREE STICKS OF DYNAMITE TO HIS
BODY AND MADE HIMSELF INTO A
THREE STICKS OF DYNAMITE TO HIS
BODY AND MADE HIMSELF INTO A
HUMAN BOMB.
BODY AND MADE HIMSELF INTO A
HUMAN BOMB.
ADDRESSING CONGRESS, CARTER
HUMAN BOMB.
ADDRESSING CONGRESS, CARTER
THREATENED TO EXPLODE HIMSELF
ADDRESSING CONGRESS, CARTER
THREATENED TO EXPLODE HIMSELF
UNLESS ONE OF THE SENIOR MEMBERS
THREATENED TO EXPLODE HIMSELF
UNLESS ONE OF THE SENIOR MEMBERS
OF THE HOUSE OFFERED TO DATE HIS
UNLESS ONE OF THE SENIOR MEMBERS
OF THE HOUSE OFFERED TO DATE HIS
AGING MOTHER, LILLIAN.
OF THE HOUSE OFFERED TO DATE HIS
AGING MOTHER, LILLIAN.
AND NOW WITH TONIGHT'S
AGING MOTHER, LILLIAN.
AND NOW WITH TONIGHT'S
COMMENTARY IS EMILY LITELLA.
AND NOW WITH TONIGHT'S
COMMENTARY IS EMILY LITELLA.
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.
COMMENTARY IS EMILY LITELLA.
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.
WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.
WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?
FOR GOD'S SAKES.
WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?
FOR GOD'S SAKES.
IRRESPONSIBLE, ANNOYING WOMAN.
FOR GOD'S SAKES.
IRRESPONSIBLE, ANNOYING WOMAN.
GOD KNOWS SHE'S NO LONGER FUNNY.
IRRESPONSIBLE, ANNOYING WOMAN.
GOD KNOWS SHE'S NO LONGER FUNNY.
Hello.
GOD KNOWS SHE'S NO LONGER FUNNY.
Hello.
This is Emily Litella.
Hello.
This is Emily Litella.
I'm not home right now, but i
This is Emily Litella.
I'm not home right now, but i
will call you back as soon as
I'm not home right now, but i
will call you back as soon as
possible.
Will call you back as soon as
possible.
Just leave your name, number,
possible.
Just leave your name, number,
and what time you called after
Just leave your name, number,
and what time you called after
you hear the sound of the jeep.
And what time you called after
you hear the sound of the jeep.
[BEEPS]
you hear the sound of the jeep.
[BEEPS]
EMILY, THAT'S BEEP, NOT JEEP.
[BEEPS]
EMILY, THAT'S BEEP, NOT JEEP.
A JEEP IS AN ARMY VEHICLE.
EMILY, THAT'S BEEP, NOT JEEP.
A JEEP IS AN ARMY VEHICLE.
A BEEP IS A TONE.
A JEEP IS AN ARMY VEHICLE.
A BEEP IS A TONE.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU WERE
A BEEP IS A TONE.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU WERE
IN TELEVISION.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU WERE
IN TELEVISION.
BEEP, NOT JEEP!
IN TELEVISION.
BEEP, NOT JEEP!
Oh, never mind.
BEEP, NOT JEEP!
Oh, never mind.
STUPID WOMAN.
Oh, never mind.
STUPID WOMAN.
Bitch.
STUPID WOMAN.
Bitch.
THAT'S OUR NEWS FOR TONIGHT.
Bitch.
THAT'S OUR NEWS FOR TONIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
THAT'S OUR NEWS FOR TONIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
OKAY!
OKAY, COLONEL, WE'RE JUST ABOUT
READY TO START.
OKAY, COLONEL, WE'RE JUST ABOUT
READY TO START.
CAN WE HAVE ELVIS IN ONE MINUTE?
READY TO START.
CAN WE HAVE ELVIS IN ONE MINUTE?
FINE, HONEY. NO PROBLEM.
CAN WE HAVE ELVIS IN ONE MINUTE?
FINE, HONEY. NO PROBLEM.
SWEET POTATO.
FINE, HONEY. NO PROBLEM.
SWEET POTATO.
YOU KNOW, COLONEL, THIS SCENE,
SWEET POTATO.
YOU KNOW, COLONEL, THIS SCENE,
UH, THIS SCENE JUST DOESN'T SEEM
YOU KNOW, COLONEL, THIS SCENE,
UH, THIS SCENE JUST DOESN'T SEEM
RIGHT.
UH, THIS SCENE JUST DOESN'T SEEM
RIGHT.
COULD HAVE BEEN FROM ANY MOVIE I
RIGHT.
COULD HAVE BEEN FROM ANY MOVIE I
EVER DID.
COULD HAVE BEEN FROM ANY MOVIE I
EVER DID.
UNDERSTAND?
EVER DID.
UNDERSTAND?
IT'S 1977, MAN.
UNDERSTAND?
IT'S 1977, MAN.
I'M TELLING YOU, ELVIS, THIS
IT'S 1977, MAN.
I'M TELLING YOU, ELVIS, THIS
FILM IS GONNA BE DIFFERENT.
I'M TELLING YOU, ELVIS, THIS
FILM IS GONNA BE DIFFERENT.
IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU AN
FILM IS GONNA BE DIFFERENT.
IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU AN
OPPORTUNITY TO STRETCH AS AN
IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU AN
OPPORTUNITY TO STRETCH AS AN
ARTIST.
OPPORTUNITY TO STRETCH AS AN
ARTIST.
NOW FACE IT, ELVIS.
ARTIST.
NOW FACE IT, ELVIS.
WITH ALL THE WEIGHT THAT YOU'VE
NOW FACE IT, ELVIS.
WITH ALL THE WEIGHT THAT YOU'VE
PUT ON, YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO
WITH ALL THE WEIGHT THAT YOU'VE
PUT ON, YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO
PLAY OTHER THINGS.
PUT ON, YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO
PLAY OTHER THINGS.
I'M SORRY.
PLAY OTHER THINGS.
I'M SORRY.
WE NEED ELVIS IN JUST A MINUTE,
I'M SORRY.
WE NEED ELVIS IN JUST A MINUTE,
ALL RIGHT?
WE NEED ELVIS IN JUST A MINUTE,
ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, THANKS.
ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, THANKS.
ALL RIGHT, JUST ONE MINUTE.
OKAY, THANKS.
ALL RIGHT, JUST ONE MINUTE.
I'M SCARED.
ALL RIGHT, JUST ONE MINUTE.
I'M SCARED.
I'M SCARED.
I'M SCARED.
I'M SCARED.
ELVIS, IF YOU DO THIS SCENE
I'M SCARED.
ELVIS, IF YOU DO THIS SCENE
RIGHT, I'M TELLING YOU, ON THE
ELVIS, IF YOU DO THIS SCENE
RIGHT, I'M TELLING YOU, ON THE
WAY HOME, WE'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO
RIGHT, I'M TELLING YOU, ON THE
WAY HOME, WE'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO
STOP AT MR. DONUT, AND THAT'S A
WAY HOME, WE'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO
STOP AT MR. DONUT, AND THAT'S A
PROMISE.
STOP AT MR. DONUT, AND THAT'S A
PROMISE.
ALL RIGHT, MR. DONUT.
PROMISE.
ALL RIGHT, MR. DONUT.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, MR. DONUT.
ALL RIGHT.
EVERYBODY?
ALL RIGHT.
EVERYBODY?
EVERYBODY TAKE YOUR PLACES,
EVERYBODY?
EVERYBODY TAKE YOUR PLACES,
PLEASE.
EVERYBODY TAKE YOUR PLACES,
PLEASE.
JUST TAKE YOUR PLACES.
PLEASE.
JUST TAKE YOUR PLACES.
OKAY?
JUST TAKE YOUR PLACES.
OKAY?
SETTLE DOWN.
OKAY?
SETTLE DOWN.
LET'S KEEP THE NOISE DOWN.
SETTLE DOWN.
LET'S KEEP THE NOISE DOWN.
BOBBY?
LET'S KEEP THE NOISE DOWN.
BOBBY?
BOBBY? ALL RIGHT.
BOBBY?
BOBBY? ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET STARTED.
BOBBY? ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET STARTED.
"VIVA LAS VEGAS II,"
LET'S GET STARTED.
"VIVA LAS VEGAS II,"
NIGHTCLUB SCENE.
"VIVA LAS VEGAS II,"
NIGHTCLUB SCENE.
TAKE ONE.
NIGHTCLUB SCENE.
TAKE ONE.
READY? ACTION!
READY? ACTION!
["CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE"
["CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE"
PLAYS]
I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING,
BABY.
THESE ARE THE BEST SEATS IN THE
BABY.
THESE ARE THE BEST SEATS IN THE
HOUSE.
THESE ARE THE BEST SEATS IN THE
HOUSE.
I HAD TO SLIP THE MAITRE D' A
HOUSE.
I HAD TO SLIP THE MAITRE D' A
GRAND, BUT I THINK IT'S WORTH
I HAD TO SLIP THE MAITRE D' A
GRAND, BUT I THINK IT'S WORTH
IT.
GRAND, BUT I THINK IT'S WORTH
IT.
THIS IS THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
IT.
THIS IS THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
STRIP.
THIS IS THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
STRIP.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT, BABY.
STRIP.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT, BABY.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT, BABY.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
WE COULD HAVE SAT IN THE BACK.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
WE COULD HAVE SAT IN THE BACK.
[SCOFFS]
WE COULD HAVE SAT IN THE BACK.
[SCOFFS]
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
[SCOFFS]
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
WHEN A GIRL GOES OUT WITH
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
WHEN A GIRL GOES OUT WITH
FRANKIE NOLAN, SHE'S GOES IN
WHEN A GIRL GOES OUT WITH
FRANKIE NOLAN, SHE'S GOES IN
STYLE!
FRANKIE NOLAN, SHE'S GOES IN
STYLE!
FIRST-CLASS ALL THE WAY.
STYLE!
FIRST-CLASS ALL THE WAY.
A THOUSAND BUCKS FOR THESE
FIRST-CLASS ALL THE WAY.
A THOUSAND BUCKS FOR THESE
SEATS, BUT IT'S WORTH EVERY
A THOUSAND BUCKS FOR THESE
SEATS, BUT IT'S WORTH EVERY
PENNY.
SEATS, BUT IT'S WORTH EVERY
PENNY.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
PENNY.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
STRIP, BABY.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SHOW ON THE
STRIP, BABY.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
STRIP, BABY.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.
I'D LIKE SOME COFFEE, PLEASE.
IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.
I'D LIKE SOME COFFEE, PLEASE.
HEY, BUSBOY, TWO COFFEES!
I'D LIKE SOME COFFEE, PLEASE.
HEY, BUSBOY, TWO COFFEES!
SAY, WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU COME
HEY, BUSBOY, TWO COFFEES!
SAY, WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU COME
BACK TO MY PLACE AFTER THE SHOW,
SAY, WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU COME
BACK TO MY PLACE AFTER THE SHOW,
HUH?
BACK TO MY PLACE AFTER THE SHOW,
HUH?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
HUH?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
COME ON!
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
COME ON!
I GOT A POOL.
COME ON!
I GOT A POOL.
WE COULD GO FOR A LITTLE
I GOT A POOL.
WE COULD GO FOR A LITTLE
MIDNIGHT SWIM.
WE COULD GO FOR A LITTLE
MIDNIGHT SWIM.
AND AFTERWARDS WE COULD TRY OUT
MIDNIGHT SWIM.
AND AFTERWARDS WE COULD TRY OUT
MY SAUNA.
AND AFTERWARDS WE COULD TRY OUT
MY SAUNA.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SAUNA ON THE
MY SAUNA.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SAUNA ON THE
STRIP.
IT'S THE HOTTEST SAUNA ON THE
STRIP.
BABY, YOU'D LOVE IT.
STRIP.
BABY, YOU'D LOVE IT.
I DON'T KNOW.
BABY, YOU'D LOVE IT.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
AW, COME ON, BABY.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
AW, COME ON, BABY.
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU.
AW, COME ON, BABY.
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EXCUSE ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EXCUSE ME.
PARDON ME.
EXCUSE ME.
PARDON ME.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, MISTER,
PARDON ME.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, MISTER,
RIGHT HERE.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, MISTER,
RIGHT HERE.
I'M TELLING YOU, BABY.
RIGHT HERE.
I'M TELLING YOU, BABY.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE.
I'M TELLING YOU, BABY.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE.
LOOK.
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE.
LOOK.
THIS IS OUR SECOND DATE.
LOOK.
THIS IS OUR SECOND DATE.
I'VE SPENT CLOSE TO $3 MILLION
THIS IS OUR SECOND DATE.
I'VE SPENT CLOSE TO $3 MILLION
ON YOU.
I'VE SPENT CLOSE TO $3 MILLION
ON YOU.
DON'T YOU THINK YOU OWE ME
ON YOU.
DON'T YOU THINK YOU OWE ME
SOMETHING, BABY?
DON'T YOU THINK YOU OWE ME
SOMETHING, BABY?
COME ON.
SOMETHING, BABY?
COME ON.
I DON'T KNOW.
COME ON.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
NO GIRL TURNS DOWN AN OFFER
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.
NO GIRL TURNS DOWN AN OFFER
LIKE THAT FROM FRANKIE NOLAN.
NO GIRL TURNS DOWN AN OFFER
LIKE THAT FROM FRANKIE NOLAN.
COME ON, BABY!
LIKE THAT FROM FRANKIE NOLAN.
COME ON, BABY!
COME ON!
COME ON, BABY!
COME ON!
COME ON TO MY PLACE.
COME ON!
COME ON TO MY PLACE.
NO?
COME ON TO MY PLACE.
NO?
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU, YOU
NO?
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU, YOU
KNOW?
FRANKIE'S BEING GOOD TO YOU, YOU
KNOW?
HEY!
KNOW?
HEY!
EXCUSE ME, MISTER, BUT WHY DON'T
HEY!
EXCUSE ME, MISTER, BUT WHY DON'T
YOU LEAVE THE LITTLE LADY ALONE?
EXCUSE ME, MISTER, BUT WHY DON'T
YOU LEAVE THE LITTLE LADY ALONE?
YOU CAN'T SEE SHE DOESN'T WANT
YOU LEAVE THE LITTLE LADY ALONE?
YOU CAN'T SEE SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO GO HOME WITH YOU?
YOU CAN'T SEE SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO GO HOME WITH YOU?
WELL, YOU LITTLE PUNK!
TO GO HOME WITH YOU?
WELL, YOU LITTLE PUNK!
HEY!
WELL, YOU LITTLE PUNK!
HEY!
LEAVE HIM ALONE, FRANKIE!
HEY!
LEAVE HIM ALONE, FRANKIE!
GOD, HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
LEAVE HIM ALONE, FRANKIE!
GOD, HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
WRONG.
GOD, HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
WRONG.
BESIDES, HE'S CUTE.
WRONG.
BESIDES, HE'S CUTE.
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY.
BESIDES, HE'S CUTE.
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY.
YEAH, I MIGHT BE A BUSBOY
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY.
YEAH, I MIGHT BE A BUSBOY
NOW, BUT I WON'T BE A BUSBOY ALL
YEAH, I MIGHT BE A BUSBOY
NOW, BUT I WON'T BE A BUSBOY ALL
MY LIFE.
NOW, BUT I WON'T BE A BUSBOY ALL
MY LIFE.
SOMEDAY, I'M GONNA BE UP ON THAT
MY LIFE.
SOMEDAY, I'M GONNA BE UP ON THAT
STAGE.
SOMEDAY, I'M GONNA BE UP ON THAT
STAGE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
STAGE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
CAN YOU SING?
THAT'S RIGHT.
CAN YOU SING?
SING?
CAN YOU SING?
SING?
LADY, I'M A SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR.
SING?
LADY, I'M A SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR.
OH.
LADY, I'M A SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR.
OH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
OH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I CAN SEE IT NOW... MY NAME UP
THAT'S RIGHT.
I CAN SEE IT NOW... MY NAME UP
IN LIGHTS.
I CAN SEE IT NOW... MY NAME UP
IN LIGHTS.
"NOW APPEARING... LUCKY JACKSON
IN LIGHTS.
"NOW APPEARING... LUCKY JACKSON
AS HAMLET."
"NOW APPEARING... LUCKY JACKSON
AS HAMLET."
BUT YOU'RE JUST A BUSBOY.
AS HAMLET."
BUT YOU'RE JUST A BUSBOY.
AH, GIVE THE KID A CHANCE.
BUT YOU'RE JUST A BUSBOY.
AH, GIVE THE KID A CHANCE.
YEAH, HE'S REAL GOOD.
AH, GIVE THE KID A CHANCE.
YEAH, HE'S REAL GOOD.
YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM IN THE
YEAH, HE'S REAL GOOD.
YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM IN THE
KITCHEN.
YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM IN THE
KITCHEN.
THAT'S RIGHT.
KITCHEN.
THAT'S RIGHT.
HEY, ANY OF YOU PEOPLE WANT TO
THAT'S RIGHT.
HEY, ANY OF YOU PEOPLE WANT TO
HEAR ME DO HAMLET?
HEY, ANY OF YOU PEOPLE WANT TO
HEAR ME DO HAMLET?
All: YEAH!
HEAR ME DO HAMLET?
All: YEAH!
ALL RIGHT! COME ON!
All: YEAH!
ALL RIGHT! COME ON!
AND I COULD PLAY GERTRUDE,
ALL RIGHT! COME ON!
AND I COULD PLAY GERTRUDE,
THE QUEEN, HIS MOTHER.
AND I COULD PLAY GERTRUDE,
THE QUEEN, HIS MOTHER.
AND I COULD PLAY CLAUDIUS,
THE QUEEN, HIS MOTHER.
AND I COULD PLAY CLAUDIUS,
THE KING.
AND I COULD PLAY CLAUDIUS,
THE KING.
I KNOW THE LINES BY HEART.
THE KING.
I KNOW THE LINES BY HEART.
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY!
I KNOW THE LINES BY HEART.
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
BUT HE'S JUST A BUSBOY!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WE'RE GONNA DO IT.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WE'RE GONNA DO IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
WE'RE GONNA DO IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
[TRUMPET PLAYS FANFARE]
ALL RIGHT.
"HAMLET" BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.
BUT NOW, MY COUSIN HAMLET,
"HAMLET" BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.
BUT NOW, MY COUSIN HAMLET,
AND MY SON.
BUT NOW, MY COUSIN HAMLET,
AND MY SON.
A LITTLE MORE THAN KIN, A
AND MY SON.
A LITTLE MORE THAN KIN, A
LITTLE LESS THAN KIND.
A LITTLE MORE THAN KIN, A
LITTLE LESS THAN KIND.
GOOD HAMLET, CAST THY
LITTLE LESS THAN KIND.
GOOD HAMLET, CAST THY
NIGHTED COLOR OFF AND LET THINE
GOOD HAMLET, CAST THY
NIGHTED COLOR OFF AND LET THINE
EYE LOOK LIKE A FRIEND ON
NIGHTED COLOR OFF AND LET THINE
EYE LOOK LIKE A FRIEND ON
DENMARK.
EYE LOOK LIKE A FRIEND ON
DENMARK.
HUH!
DENMARK.
HUH!
'TIS NOT ALONE MY INKY CLOAK,
HUH!
'TIS NOT ALONE MY INKY CLOAK,
GOOD MOTHER.
'TIS NOT ALONE MY INKY CLOAK,
GOOD MOTHER.
NOR CUSTOMARY SUITS OF SOLEMN
GOOD MOTHER.
NOR CUSTOMARY SUITS OF SOLEMN
BLACK...
NOR CUSTOMARY SUITS OF SOLEMN
BLACK...
AND NO DEJECTED BEHAVIOR OF
BLACK...
AND NO DEJECTED BEHAVIOR OF
[CHUCKLES] VISAGE, BUT I HAVE
AND NO DEJECTED BEHAVIOR OF
[CHUCKLES] VISAGE, BUT I HAVE
THAT WITHIN WHICH PASSETH SHOW.
[CHUCKLES] VISAGE, BUT I HAVE
THAT WITHIN WHICH PASSETH SHOW.
BUT TRAPPINGS AND THE SUITS, OH!
THAT WITHIN WHICH PASSETH SHOW.
BUT TRAPPINGS AND THE SUITS, OH!
WOE!
BUT TRAPPINGS AND THE SUITS, OH!
WOE!
HOO!
WOE!
HOO!
WOE!
HOO!
WOE!
'TIS SWEET AND COMMENDABLE IN
WOE!
'TIS SWEET AND COMMENDABLE IN
YOUR NATURE, DEAR HAMLET.
'TIS SWEET AND COMMENDABLE IN
YOUR NATURE, DEAR HAMLET.
HOW ABOUT A SONG?
YOUR NATURE, DEAR HAMLET.
HOW ABOUT A SONG?
A SONG?
HOW ABOUT A SONG?
A SONG?
ANYBODY WANT TO HEAR A SONG?
A SONG?
ANYBODY WANT TO HEAR A SONG?
All: YEAH!
ANYBODY WANT TO HEAR A SONG?
All: YEAH!
HEY HOW ABOUT A SONG,
All: YEAH!
HEY HOW ABOUT A SONG,
EVERYBODY?
HEY HOW ABOUT A SONG,
EVERYBODY?
ALL RIGHT.
EVERYBODY?
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE GONNA DO A LITTLE SONG FOR
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE GONNA DO A LITTLE SONG FOR
YOU.
WE'RE GONNA DO A LITTLE SONG FOR
YOU.
♪ WARDEN THREW A PARTY
YOU.
♪ WARDEN THREW A PARTY
IN THE COUNTY JAIL ♪
♪ WARDEN THREW A PARTY
IN THE COUNTY JAIL ♪
♪ THE PRISON BAND WAS PLAYING ♪
IN THE COUNTY JAIL ♪
♪ THE PRISON BAND WAS PLAYING ♪
♪ THEY BEGAN TO WAIL ♪
♪ THE PRISON BAND WAS PLAYING ♪
♪ THEY BEGAN TO WAIL ♪
♪ THEY BEGAN TO SWING ♪
♪ THEY BEGAN TO WAIL ♪
♪ THEY BEGAN TO SWING ♪
♪ YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD THOSE
♪ THEY BEGAN TO SWING ♪
♪ YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD THOSE
KNOCKED-OUT JAILBIRDS RING ♪
♪ YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD THOSE
KNOCKED-OUT JAILBIRDS RING ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
KNOCKED-OUT JAILBIRDS RING ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, LET'S ROCK ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, LET'S ROCK ♪
COME ON!
♪ EVERYBODY, LET'S ROCK ♪
COME ON!
♪ EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE
COME ON!
♪ EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE
CELLBLOCK
♪ EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE
CELLBLOCK
WAS DANCIN'
CELLBLOCK
WAS DANCIN'
TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK ♪
WAS DANCIN'
TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK ♪
♪ WELL, NUMBER 47
TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK ♪
♪ WELL, NUMBER 47
SAID TO NUMBER 3 ♪
♪ WELL, NUMBER 47
SAID TO NUMBER 3 ♪
JUST A BUSBOY!
SAID TO NUMBER 3 ♪
JUST A BUSBOY!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
JUST A BUSBOY!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
♪ COME ON ♪
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ DO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ DO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK
WITH ME ♪
♪ DO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK
WITH ME ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, LET'S ROCK ♪
[As Barbara Walters] HEWWO.
I'M BABA WAWA, AND WELCOME TO
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
I'M BABA WAWA, AND WELCOME TO
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
CONTINUING WITH MY VERY PERSONAL
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
CONTINUING WITH MY VERY PERSONAL
AND REVEAWING IN-DEPTH
CONTINUING WITH MY VERY PERSONAL
AND REVEAWING IN-DEPTH
INTERVIEWS WITH THE WENOWNED.
AND REVEAWING IN-DEPTH
INTERVIEWS WITH THE WENOWNED.
IT'S MY PWEASURE TO GIVE A
INTERVIEWS WITH THE WENOWNED.
IT'S MY PWEASURE TO GIVE A
BABA WAWA HEWWO TO THE MAN WHO
IT'S MY PWEASURE TO GIVE A
BABA WAWA HEWWO TO THE MAN WHO
WAS MARRIED WONGEST TO
BABA WAWA HEWWO TO THE MAN WHO
WAS MARRIED WONGEST TO
WIZ TAYLOR, MR. WICHARD BURTON.
WAS MARRIED WONGEST TO
WIZ TAYLOR, MR. WICHARD BURTON.
[As Richard Burton] THANK
WIZ TAYLOR, MR. WICHARD BURTON.
[As Richard Burton] THANK
YOU, BABA.
[As Richard Burton] THANK
YOU, BABA.
I TRULY, TRULY MEAN THIS, FROM
YOU, BABA.
I TRULY, TRULY MEAN THIS, FROM
THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART, WHEN I
I TRULY, TRULY MEAN THIS, FROM
THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART, WHEN I
TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOUR SHOW,
THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART, WHEN I
TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOUR SHOW,
AND I WATCH IT ALL THE TIME.
TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOUR SHOW,
AND I WATCH IT ALL THE TIME.
WELL, THANK YOU, WICHARD.
AND I WATCH IT ALL THE TIME.
WELL, THANK YOU, WICHARD.
IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO HEAR THE
WELL, THANK YOU, WICHARD.
IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO HEAR THE
SOUNDS THAT WOLL OVER YOUR
IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO HEAR THE
SOUNDS THAT WOLL OVER YOUR
WARYNX, TO HEAR THEM WEVERBERATE
SOUNDS THAT WOLL OVER YOUR
WARYNX, TO HEAR THEM WEVERBERATE
THROUGH A CWOWDED THEATER OR
WARYNX, TO HEAR THEM WEVERBERATE
THROUGH A CWOWDED THEATER OR
BWEAK WIGHT BULBS WITH THAT
THROUGH A CWOWDED THEATER OR
BWEAK WIGHT BULBS WITH THAT
WICH, WICH TWEAT.
BWEAK WIGHT BULBS WITH THAT
WICH, WICH TWEAT.
BABA, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET
WICH, WICH TWEAT.
BABA, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET
OUT OF MY WRETCHED LIFE?
BABA, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET
OUT OF MY WRETCHED LIFE?
YOU'RE MUCH TOO KIND.
OUT OF MY WRETCHED LIFE?
YOU'RE MUCH TOO KIND.
BUT, YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST MY
YOU'RE MUCH TOO KIND.
BUT, YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST MY
STAGE VOICE, WHICH I USE FOR
BUT, YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST MY
STAGE VOICE, WHICH I USE FOR
PROJECTION PURPOSES.
STAGE VOICE, WHICH I USE FOR
PROJECTION PURPOSES.
BUT MY REAL VOICE IS SORT OF A
PROJECTION PURPOSES.
BUT MY REAL VOICE IS SORT OF A
SOUTHERN GREAT LAKES, MIDWESTERN
BUT MY REAL VOICE IS SORT OF A
SOUTHERN GREAT LAKES, MIDWESTERN
SORT OF VOICE.
SOUTHERN GREAT LAKES, MIDWESTERN
SORT OF VOICE.
SORT OF LIKE THIS...
SORT OF VOICE.
SORT OF LIKE THIS...
[Normal voice] HEY, GIRLS,
SORT OF LIKE THIS...
[Normal voice] HEY, GIRLS,
WHERE'S THE CAST PARTY?
[Normal voice] HEY, GIRLS,
WHERE'S THE CAST PARTY?
OH, WICHARD.
WHERE'S THE CAST PARTY?
OH, WICHARD.
LET'S GET DOWN TO BWASS TACKS.
OH, WICHARD.
LET'S GET DOWN TO BWASS TACKS.
A WOT OF PEOPLE ARE CURIOUS TO
LET'S GET DOWN TO BWASS TACKS.
A WOT OF PEOPLE ARE CURIOUS TO
KNOW, ARE YOU STILL A WUSH WHO
A WOT OF PEOPLE ARE CURIOUS TO
KNOW, ARE YOU STILL A WUSH WHO
DWINKS LIKE A JELLYFISH?
KNOW, ARE YOU STILL A WUSH WHO
DWINKS LIKE A JELLYFISH?
[As Richard Burton] NO, I
DWINKS LIKE A JELLYFISH?
[As Richard Burton] NO, I
HAVEN'T TOUCHED A DROP OF
[As Richard Burton] NO, I
HAVEN'T TOUCHED A DROP OF
JOHN BARLEYCORN FOR FIVE WEEKS.
HAVEN'T TOUCHED A DROP OF
JOHN BARLEYCORN FOR FIVE WEEKS.
OH-HO!
JOHN BARLEYCORN FOR FIVE WEEKS.
OH-HO!
WELL, THAT'S A WEMARKABLE
OH-HO!
WELL, THAT'S A WEMARKABLE
ACHIEVEMENT FOR A WITERALLY
WELL, THAT'S A WEMARKABLE
ACHIEVEMENT FOR A WITERALLY
WEFORMED ALCOHOWIC.
ACHIEVEMENT FOR A WITERALLY
WEFORMED ALCOHOWIC.
WELL, I WAS IN A COMA FOR THE
WEFORMED ALCOHOWIC.
WELL, I WAS IN A COMA FOR THE
FIRST FOUR WEEKS.
WELL, I WAS IN A COMA FOR THE
FIRST FOUR WEEKS.
NO, I WAS JUST KIDDING ABOUT
FIRST FOUR WEEKS.
NO, I WAS JUST KIDDING ABOUT
THAT.
NO, I WAS JUST KIDDING ABOUT
THAT.
MAKE THAT PERFECTLY CLEAR.
THAT.
MAKE THAT PERFECTLY CLEAR.
I'M KIDDING ABOUT THAT COMA.
MAKE THAT PERFECTLY CLEAR.
I'M KIDDING ABOUT THAT COMA.
A LOT OF VICIOUS STORIES GET
I'M KIDDING ABOUT THAT COMA.
A LOT OF VICIOUS STORIES GET
STARTED THAT WAY.
A LOT OF VICIOUS STORIES GET
STARTED THAT WAY.
WELL, WICHARD, WHAT DO YOU
STARTED THAT WAY.
WELL, WICHARD, WHAT DO YOU
THINK ABOUT THE WIDICULOUS
WELL, WICHARD, WHAT DO YOU
THINK ABOUT THE WIDICULOUS
STORIES THAT ARE WITTEN ABOUT
THINK ABOUT THE WIDICULOUS
STORIES THAT ARE WITTEN ABOUT
YOU?
STORIES THAT ARE WITTEN ABOUT
YOU?
I THINK THAT THE PEOPLE WHO
YOU?
I THINK THAT THE PEOPLE WHO
WRITE THEM ARE SPINELESS
I THINK THAT THE PEOPLE WHO
WRITE THEM ARE SPINELESS
PARASITES.
WRITE THEM ARE SPINELESS
PARASITES.
THEY'RE CREATURES WHO JUST MAKE
PARASITES.
THEY'RE CREATURES WHO JUST MAKE
THEIR LIVING SUCKING OFF OF
THEY'RE CREATURES WHO JUST MAKE
THEIR LIVING SUCKING OFF OF
OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES.
THEIR LIVING SUCKING OFF OF
OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES.
THIS MONTH, FOR EXAMPLE, A STORY
OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES.
THIS MONTH, FOR EXAMPLE, A STORY
DEFAMED ME IN THE PAGES OF
THIS MONTH, FOR EXAMPLE, A STORY
DEFAMED ME IN THE PAGES OF
TEEN TIME MAGAZINE.
DEFAMED ME IN THE PAGES OF
TEEN TIME MAGAZINE.
THEY HAD NOTHING GOOD TO SAY.
TEEN TIME MAGAZINE.
THEY HAD NOTHING GOOD TO SAY.
TIGER BEAT MAGAZINE TRASHED ME.
THEY HAD NOTHING GOOD TO SAY.
TIGER BEAT MAGAZINE TRASHED ME.
SIXTEEN MAGAZINE CLAIMED I LIKE
TIGER BEAT MAGAZINE TRASHED ME.
SIXTEEN MAGAZINE CLAIMED I LIKE
TO GET DRUNK AND FLY UPSIDE DOWN
SIXTEEN MAGAZINE CLAIMED I LIKE
TO GET DRUNK AND FLY UPSIDE DOWN
IN MY PRIVATE PLANE.
TO GET DRUNK AND FLY UPSIDE DOWN
IN MY PRIVATE PLANE.
THEY HATE ME.
IN MY PRIVATE PLANE.
THEY HATE ME.
THEY DESPISE ME.
THEY HATE ME.
THEY DESPISE ME.
AND JUST BECAUSE I'M A PARTY
THEY DESPISE ME.
AND JUST BECAUSE I'M A PARTY
ANIMAL... I LOVE TO PARTY,
AND JUST BECAUSE I'M A PARTY
ANIMAL... I LOVE TO PARTY,
PARTY, PARTY.
ANIMAL... I LOVE TO PARTY,
PARTY, PARTY.
AND THEY DON'T!
PARTY, PARTY.
AND THEY DON'T!
OH-HO!
AND THEY DON'T!
OH-HO!
WELL, WICHARD, YOU WED AND WOVED
OH-HO!
WELL, WICHARD, YOU WED AND WOVED
EWIZABETH TAYLOR.
WELL, WICHARD, YOU WED AND WOVED
EWIZABETH TAYLOR.
YOU SHOWERED HER WITH EMERALDS
EWIZABETH TAYLOR.
YOU SHOWERED HER WITH EMERALDS
AND WUBIES AND GAVE HER THE
YOU SHOWERED HER WITH EMERALDS
AND WUBIES AND GAVE HER THE
WARGEST WOK IN THE WORLD.
AND WUBIES AND GAVE HER THE
WARGEST WOK IN THE WORLD.
WHAT WAS WIZ WEALLY WIKE,
WARGEST WOK IN THE WORLD.
WHAT WAS WIZ WEALLY WIKE,
WICHARD?
WHAT WAS WIZ WEALLY WIKE,
WICHARD?
ELIZABETH TAYLOR WAS NOT ONLY
WICHARD?
ELIZABETH TAYLOR WAS NOT ONLY
A VERY INTELLIGENT WOMAN, IN
ELIZABETH TAYLOR WAS NOT ONLY
A VERY INTELLIGENT WOMAN, IN
ADDITION TO BEING A VERY
A VERY INTELLIGENT WOMAN, IN
ADDITION TO BEING A VERY
TALENTED ACTRESS, BUT SHE'S ALSO
ADDITION TO BEING A VERY
TALENTED ACTRESS, BUT SHE'S ALSO
A VERY HOT TOMATO, IF YOU KNOW
TALENTED ACTRESS, BUT SHE'S ALSO
A VERY HOT TOMATO, IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
A VERY HOT TOMATO, IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
YOU GOT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THESE
WHAT I MEAN.
YOU GOT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THESE
PICTURES I'VE GOT OF HER.
YOU GOT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THESE
PICTURES I'VE GOT OF HER.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
PICTURES I'VE GOT OF HER.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THIS.
BELIEVE THAT?
LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THIS.
BELIEVE THAT?
LOOK AT THIS.
BELIEVE THAT?
LOOK AT THIS.
OH, WIGHT.
LOOK AT THIS.
OH, WIGHT.
THE SWIMSUIT... YOU SEE WHAT
OH, WIGHT.
THE SWIMSUIT... YOU SEE WHAT
I SEE?
THE SWIMSUIT... YOU SEE WHAT
I SEE?
YES.
I SEE?
YES.
I USED TO BE MARRIED TO THAT.
YES.
I USED TO BE MARRIED TO THAT.
YOU BELIEVE THAT?
I USED TO BE MARRIED TO THAT.
YOU BELIEVE THAT?
EVERY NIGHT, WHENEVER I WANTED,
YOU BELIEVE THAT?
EVERY NIGHT, WHENEVER I WANTED,
I WAS MARRIED TO IT.
EVERY NIGHT, WHENEVER I WANTED,
I WAS MARRIED TO IT.
I HAD HER.
I WAS MARRIED TO IT.
I HAD HER.
I THREW IT AWAY.
I HAD HER.
I THREW IT AWAY.
OH, AM I STUPID.
I THREW IT AWAY.
OH, AM I STUPID.
REALLY.
OH, AM I STUPID.
REALLY.
EXCUSE ME FOR LOSING MY ACCENT
REALLY.
EXCUSE ME FOR LOSING MY ACCENT
AGAIN, HONEY, BUT I REALLY BLEW
EXCUSE ME FOR LOSING MY ACCENT
AGAIN, HONEY, BUT I REALLY BLEW
IT THAT TIME.
AGAIN, HONEY, BUT I REALLY BLEW
IT THAT TIME.
WICHARD, WICHARD, CALM DOWN.
IT THAT TIME.
WICHARD, WICHARD, CALM DOWN.
BEFORE YOU GO, WOULD YOU DO US A
WICHARD, WICHARD, CALM DOWN.
BEFORE YOU GO, WOULD YOU DO US A
FAVOR?
BEFORE YOU GO, WOULD YOU DO US A
FAVOR?
WOULD YOU WECITE SOMETHING FOR
FAVOR?
WOULD YOU WECITE SOMETHING FOR
US?
WOULD YOU WECITE SOMETHING FOR
US?
BABA, IT WOULD BE A
US?
BABA, IT WOULD BE A
PRIVILEGE.
BABA, IT WOULD BE A
PRIVILEGE.
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
PRIVILEGE.
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
SLEEP UPON YOUR COT, THINK BACK
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
SLEEP UPON YOUR COT, THINK BACK
UPON ALL THE TALES THAT YOU
SLEEP UPON YOUR COT, THINK BACK
UPON ALL THE TALES THAT YOU
REMEMBER, OF CAMELOT.
UPON ALL THE TALES THAT YOU
REMEMBER, OF CAMELOT.
OH, THAT'S FROM "CAMEWOT"!
REMEMBER, OF CAMELOT.
OH, THAT'S FROM "CAMEWOT"!
NO, THAT'S CAMELOT.
OH, THAT'S FROM "CAMEWOT"!
NO, THAT'S CAMELOT.
OH, I WUV THAT SHOW!
NO, THAT'S CAMELOT.
OH, I WUV THAT SHOW!
I HAVE THE ALBUM.
OH, I WUV THAT SHOW!
I HAVE THE ALBUM.
I KNOW ALL THE SONGS BY HEART.
I HAVE THE ALBUM.
I KNOW ALL THE SONGS BY HEART.
♪ IF EVER I WOULD WEAVE YOU ♪
I KNOW ALL THE SONGS BY HEART.
♪ IF EVER I WOULD WEAVE YOU ♪
BUT, WICHARD, I'VE HEARD
♪ IF EVER I WOULD WEAVE YOU ♪
BUT, WICHARD, I'VE HEARD
"CAMEWOT" A WOT.
BUT, WICHARD, I'VE HEARD
"CAMEWOT" A WOT.
DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ELSE?
"CAMEWOT" A WOT.
DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ELSE?
BY HEART?
DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ELSE?
BY HEART?
YES.
BY HEART?
YES.
NO.
YES.
NO.
JUST THIS.
NO.
JUST THIS.
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
JUST THIS.
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
EACH EVENING, FROM DECEMBER TO
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
SLEEP...
DECEMBER, BEFORE YOU DRIFT TO
SLEEP...
WADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I KNOW
SLEEP...
WADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I KNOW
IT SOUNDS A BIT BIZARRE, BUT
WADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I KNOW
IT SOUNDS A BIT BIZARRE, BUT
WE'VE WUN OUT OF TIME.
IT SOUNDS A BIT BIZARRE, BUT
WE'VE WUN OUT OF TIME.
I'D WIKE TO THANK
WE'VE WUN OUT OF TIME.
I'D WIKE TO THANK
WICHARD BURTON.
I'D WIKE TO THANK
WICHARD BURTON.
AND THANK YOU, BAA-BAA.
WICHARD BURTON.
AND THANK YOU, BAA-BAA.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING GOOD
AND THANK YOU, BAA-BAA.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING GOOD
NIGHT.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING GOOD
NIGHT.
BYE-BYE, BABA.
THIS WEEK'S FILM WAS MADE BY
SHARON SACKS, AND THIS BEING
JUNE, THE FILM IS CALLED
SHARON SACKS, AND THIS BEING
JUNE, THE FILM IS CALLED
"BRIDES."
♪ YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU ♪
♪ I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ♪
♪ I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ♪
♪ I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ♪
♪ I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ♪
♪ YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU ♪
♪ I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ♪
♪ YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU ♪
SINCE THE DAWN OF
♪ YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU ♪
SINCE THE DAWN OF
CIVILIZATION, SOCIETY HAS
SINCE THE DAWN OF
CIVILIZATION, SOCIETY HAS
CELEBRATED MARRIAGE WITH
CIVILIZATION, SOCIETY HAS
CELEBRATED MARRIAGE WITH
ELABORATE CEREMONIES AND THE
CELEBRATED MARRIAGE WITH
ELABORATE CEREMONIES AND THE
ORDERING OF NEW FLATWARE.
ELABORATE CEREMONIES AND THE
ORDERING OF NEW FLATWARE.
FROM EUROPE TO THE HEBRIDES,
ORDERING OF NEW FLATWARE.
FROM EUROPE TO THE HEBRIDES,
BRIDES BEDECK THEMSELVES IN
FROM EUROPE TO THE HEBRIDES,
BRIDES BEDECK THEMSELVES IN
SHINING WHITE DRESSES TO
BRIDES BEDECK THEMSELVES IN
SHINING WHITE DRESSES TO
SYMBOLIZE THE TRADITIONAL FRENCH
SHINING WHITE DRESSES TO
SYMBOLIZE THE TRADITIONAL FRENCH
PASTRY.
SYMBOLIZE THE TRADITIONAL FRENCH
PASTRY.
PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE LONG ASKED
PASTRY.
PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE LONG ASKED
THEMSELVES, "WHY DO MEN FEAR
PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE LONG ASKED
THEMSELVES, "WHY DO MEN FEAR
BRIDES?"
THEMSELVES, "WHY DO MEN FEAR
BRIDES?"
THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
BRIDES?"
THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
THE IMPOSING WHITE FIGURE OF A
THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
THE IMPOSING WHITE FIGURE OF A
BRIDE MAY REMIND A YOUNG MALE OF
THE IMPOSING WHITE FIGURE OF A
BRIDE MAY REMIND A YOUNG MALE OF
DINNERWARE.
BRIDE MAY REMIND A YOUNG MALE OF
DINNERWARE.
AND ALL MEN ARE UNNATURALLY
DINNERWARE.
AND ALL MEN ARE UNNATURALLY
AFRAID OF DINNERWARE.
AND ALL MEN ARE UNNATURALLY
AFRAID OF DINNERWARE.
IN FACT, WAVE THIS WEDGWOOD
AFRAID OF DINNERWARE.
IN FACT, WAVE THIS WEDGWOOD
GRAVY BOAT IN THEIR FACE AND MEN
IN FACT, WAVE THIS WEDGWOOD
GRAVY BOAT IN THEIR FACE AND MEN
WILL SCREAM.
GRAVY BOAT IN THEIR FACE AND MEN
WILL SCREAM.
AAHHH!
WILL SCREAM.
AAHHH!
IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT.
AAHHH!
IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT.
HERE WE SEE A REPRESENTATION OF
IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT.
HERE WE SEE A REPRESENTATION OF
THE WORLD FAMOUS "BRUSHING
HERE WE SEE A REPRESENTATION OF
THE WORLD FAMOUS "BRUSHING
BRIDE."
THE WORLD FAMOUS "BRUSHING
BRIDE."
VARIATIONS ON THIS THEME INCLUDE
BRIDE."
VARIATIONS ON THIS THEME INCLUDE
THE "BUZZING BRIDE"...
VARIATIONS ON THIS THEME INCLUDE
THE "BUZZING BRIDE"...
THE "HUMMING BRIDE"...
THE "BUZZING BRIDE"...
THE "HUMMING BRIDE"...
AND THE "FALLING BRIDE."
THE "HUMMING BRIDE"...
AND THE "FALLING BRIDE."
THUS THE PHRASE, "BRIDAL THUD"
AND THE "FALLING BRIDE."
THUS THE PHRASE, "BRIDAL THUD"
OR "CLUNK."
THUS THE PHRASE, "BRIDAL THUD"
OR "CLUNK."
HERE, IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, IN
OR "CLUNK."
HERE, IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, IN
A SPECIAL CEREMONY IN THE
HERE, IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, IN
A SPECIAL CEREMONY IN THE
BRIDE'S HOME, THE MAIDS OF HONOR
A SPECIAL CEREMONY IN THE
BRIDE'S HOME, THE MAIDS OF HONOR
DO A SPECIAL DANCE TO HONOR THE
BRIDE'S HOME, THE MAIDS OF HONOR
DO A SPECIAL DANCE TO HONOR THE
WEDDING OF THIS YOUNG BRIDE TO A
DO A SPECIAL DANCE TO HONOR THE
WEDDING OF THIS YOUNG BRIDE TO A
GIANT CHICKEN.
WEDDING OF THIS YOUNG BRIDE TO A
GIANT CHICKEN.
THE CHICKEN IMPATIENTLY WAITS
GIANT CHICKEN.
THE CHICKEN IMPATIENTLY WAITS
OUTSIDE.
THE CHICKEN IMPATIENTLY WAITS
OUTSIDE.
WHILE INSIDE, THE BRIDE'S
OUTSIDE.
WHILE INSIDE, THE BRIDE'S
PARENTS, ANXIOUS TO APPEAR "WITH
WHILE INSIDE, THE BRIDE'S
PARENTS, ANXIOUS TO APPEAR "WITH
IT," LOOK ON BENEVOLENTLY.
PARENTS, ANXIOUS TO APPEAR "WITH
IT," LOOK ON BENEVOLENTLY.
MEANWHILE, ACROSS TOWN, ANOTHER
IT," LOOK ON BENEVOLENTLY.
MEANWHILE, ACROSS TOWN, ANOTHER
YOUNG BRIDE IS HEARTBROKEN TODAY
MEANWHILE, ACROSS TOWN, ANOTHER
YOUNG BRIDE IS HEARTBROKEN TODAY
BECAUSE THE CHICKEN TO WHOM SHE
YOUNG BRIDE IS HEARTBROKEN TODAY
BECAUSE THE CHICKEN TO WHOM SHE
WAS TO BE MARRIED INEXPLICABLY
BECAUSE THE CHICKEN TO WHOM SHE
WAS TO BE MARRIED INEXPLICABLY
SUCCUMBED TO EXPOSURE PRIOR TO
WAS TO BE MARRIED INEXPLICABLY
SUCCUMBED TO EXPOSURE PRIOR TO
THE CEREMONY.
SUCCUMBED TO EXPOSURE PRIOR TO
THE CEREMONY.
HE SAYS, "WELL, IT'S MY PET
THE CEREMONY.
HE SAYS, "WELL, IT'S MY PET
PENGUIN."
HE SAYS, "WELL, IT'S MY PET
PENGUIN."
HE SAYS, "I DON'T CARE!"
PENGUIN."
HE SAYS, "I DON'T CARE!"
HE SAYS, "YOU TAKE HIM TO THE
HE SAYS, "I DON'T CARE!"
HE SAYS, "YOU TAKE HIM TO THE
ZOO."
HE SAYS, "YOU TAKE HIM TO THE
ZOO."
GUY TAKES OFF.
ZOO."
GUY TAKES OFF.
THE NEXT DAY, SAME TIME...
GUY TAKES OFF.
THE NEXT DAY, SAME TIME...
MANY FAMILIES NOW PREFER TO
THE NEXT DAY, SAME TIME...
MANY FAMILIES NOW PREFER TO
FOREGO THE VOWS THEMSELVES FOR
MANY FAMILIES NOW PREFER TO
FOREGO THE VOWS THEMSELVES FOR
THE TELLING OF THE WEDDING JOKE.
FOREGO THE VOWS THEMSELVES FOR
THE TELLING OF THE WEDDING JOKE.
SO THE COP COMES UP TO HIM
THE TELLING OF THE WEDDING JOKE.
SO THE COP COMES UP TO HIM
AGAIN AND SAYS, "DIDN'T I TELL
SO THE COP COMES UP TO HIM
AGAIN AND SAYS, "DIDN'T I TELL
YOU YESTERDAY TO TAKE THAT
AGAIN AND SAYS, "DIDN'T I TELL
YOU YESTERDAY TO TAKE THAT
PENGUIN TO THE ZOO?"
YOU YESTERDAY TO TAKE THAT
PENGUIN TO THE ZOO?"
HE SAID, "I DID.
PENGUIN TO THE ZOO?"
HE SAID, "I DID.
TODAY I'M TAKING HIM TO THE
HE SAID, "I DID.
TODAY I'M TAKING HIM TO THE
MOVIES."
TODAY I'M TAKING HIM TO THE
MOVIES."
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
MOVIES."
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
IT IS A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
IT IS A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT
THAT UNTIL JUST 20 YEARS AGO
IT IS A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT
THAT UNTIL JUST 20 YEARS AGO
ONLY BLONDES WERE PERMITTED BY
THAT UNTIL JUST 20 YEARS AGO
ONLY BLONDES WERE PERMITTED BY
LAW TO BECOME BRIDES.
ONLY BLONDES WERE PERMITTED BY
LAW TO BECOME BRIDES.
ANONYMOUS WEDDINGS ARE
LAW TO BECOME BRIDES.
ANONYMOUS WEDDINGS ARE
INCREASINGLY POPULAR.
ANONYMOUS WEDDINGS ARE
INCREASINGLY POPULAR.
THIS YOUNG BRIDE, FOR EXAMPLE,
INCREASINGLY POPULAR.
THIS YOUNG BRIDE, FOR EXAMPLE,
OWES MONEY TO A WELL-KNOWN AND
THIS YOUNG BRIDE, FOR EXAMPLE,
OWES MONEY TO A WELL-KNOWN AND
POWERFUL DEPARTMENT STORE.
OWES MONEY TO A WELL-KNOWN AND
POWERFUL DEPARTMENT STORE.
OTHER NOVELTIES ARE FINDING A
POWERFUL DEPARTMENT STORE.
OTHER NOVELTIES ARE FINDING A
PLACE IN THE WEDDING RITUAL.
OTHER NOVELTIES ARE FINDING A
PLACE IN THE WEDDING RITUAL.
A PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
PLACE IN THE WEDDING RITUAL.
A PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
APPEARED AT THE WEDDING OF HIS
A PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
APPEARED AT THE WEDDING OF HIS
DAUGHTER TRICIA SEVERAL YEARS
APPEARED AT THE WEDDING OF HIS
DAUGHTER TRICIA SEVERAL YEARS
AGO SPORTING FANGS, THEREBY
DAUGHTER TRICIA SEVERAL YEARS
AGO SPORTING FANGS, THEREBY
USHERING IN A NEW POPULARITY FOR
AGO SPORTING FANGS, THEREBY
USHERING IN A NEW POPULARITY FOR
VAMPIRE WEDDINGS.
USHERING IN A NEW POPULARITY FOR
VAMPIRE WEDDINGS.
HERE WE ARE AT MARJORIE'S HOME
VAMPIRE WEDDINGS.
HERE WE ARE AT MARJORIE'S HOME
THE MORNING AFTER THE WEDDING,
HERE WE ARE AT MARJORIE'S HOME
THE MORNING AFTER THE WEDDING,
WHERE THE HAPPY PARENTS SURROUND
THE MORNING AFTER THE WEDDING,
WHERE THE HAPPY PARENTS SURROUND
HER DOOR.
WHERE THE HAPPY PARENTS SURROUND
HER DOOR.
WHILE INSIDE THE BEDROOM...
HER DOOR.
WHILE INSIDE THE BEDROOM...
GOODBYE, MOTHER.
WHILE INSIDE THE BEDROOM...
GOODBYE, MOTHER.
YOU FINALLY MADE A LADY OUT OF
GOODBYE, MOTHER.
YOU FINALLY MADE A LADY OUT OF
ME.
YOU FINALLY MADE A LADY OUT OF
ME.
♪ YOU KNOW
ME.
♪ YOU KNOW
YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU... ♪
[PIANO PLAYS INTRODUCTION]
Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR "BAD BALLET," WITH YOUR
Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR "BAD BALLET," WITH YOUR
HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
FOR "BAD BALLET," WITH YOUR
HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
HELLO.
HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
HELLO.
I'M LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL AND
HELLO.
I'M LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL AND
WANT TO WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO
I'M LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL AND
WANT TO WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO
"BAD BALLET."
WANT TO WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO
"BAD BALLET."
TONIGHT WE FEATURE A VERY BAD
"BAD BALLET."
TONIGHT WE FEATURE A VERY BAD
WORK BY IVAN VODBODIMNIKOFF,
TONIGHT WE FEATURE A VERY BAD
WORK BY IVAN VODBODIMNIKOFF,
ONE OF THE WORST FROM THE NEW
WORK BY IVAN VODBODIMNIKOFF,
ONE OF THE WORST FROM THE NEW
EXPERIMENTAL SOVIET SCHOOLS OF
ONE OF THE WORST FROM THE NEW
EXPERIMENTAL SOVIET SCHOOLS OF
METHOD BALLET.
EXPERIMENTAL SOVIET SCHOOLS OF
METHOD BALLET.
THE LIBRETTO WAS WRITTEN BY
METHOD BALLET.
THE LIBRETTO WAS WRITTEN BY
ALEXEI STRACHEN... TERRIBLE
THE LIBRETTO WAS WRITTEN BY
ALEXEI STRACHEN... TERRIBLE
LIBRETTIST.
ALEXEI STRACHEN... TERRIBLE
LIBRETTIST.
ALTHOUGH THEY CREATED THE BALLET
LIBRETTIST.
ALTHOUGH THEY CREATED THE BALLET
TOGETHER, BOTH MEN NEVER
ALTHOUGH THEY CREATED THE BALLET
TOGETHER, BOTH MEN NEVER
ACTUALLY MET.
TOGETHER, BOTH MEN NEVER
ACTUALLY MET.
THEY COLLABORATED BY MAIL AND
ACTUALLY MET.
THEY COLLABORATED BY MAIL AND
THE ODD PHONE CALL.
THEY COLLABORATED BY MAIL AND
THE ODD PHONE CALL.
THE BALLET IS CALLED, APTLY
THE ODD PHONE CALL.
THE BALLET IS CALLED, APTLY
ENOUGH, "SWAN."
THE BALLET IS CALLED, APTLY
ENOUGH, "SWAN."
THAT'S RIGHT... "SWAN."
ENOUGH, "SWAN."
THAT'S RIGHT... "SWAN."
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH "SWAN
THAT'S RIGHT... "SWAN."
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH "SWAN
LAKE," BUT SIMPLY "SWAN."
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH "SWAN
LAKE," BUT SIMPLY "SWAN."
THE ACTION OF THE BALLET
LAKE," BUT SIMPLY "SWAN."
THE ACTION OF THE BALLET
CONCERNS GREGOR, THE EVIL
THE ACTION OF THE BALLET
CONCERNS GREGOR, THE EVIL
SWAN-KEEPER, HIS THREE LOVELY
CONCERNS GREGOR, THE EVIL
SWAN-KEEPER, HIS THREE LOVELY
WHITE SWANS AND AN ERRANT BLACK
SWAN-KEEPER, HIS THREE LOVELY
WHITE SWANS AND AN ERRANT BLACK
SWAN, AND VANYA, THE YOUNG
WHITE SWANS AND AN ERRANT BLACK
SWAN, AND VANYA, THE YOUNG
PURE-HEARTED STATE POULTRY
SWAN, AND VANYA, THE YOUNG
PURE-HEARTED STATE POULTRY
INSPECTOR.
PURE-HEARTED STATE POULTRY
INSPECTOR.
THE MAIN THRUST OF THE BALLET
INSPECTOR.
THE MAIN THRUST OF THE BALLET
CONCERNS GREGOR'S MISTREATMENT
THE MAIN THRUST OF THE BALLET
CONCERNS GREGOR'S MISTREATMENT
OF HIS LOVELY SWANS AND THEIR
CONCERNS GREGOR'S MISTREATMENT
OF HIS LOVELY SWANS AND THEIR
SUBSEQUENT LIBERATION BY VANYA,
OF HIS LOVELY SWANS AND THEIR
SUBSEQUENT LIBERATION BY VANYA,
THE YOUNG STATE POULTRY
SUBSEQUENT LIBERATION BY VANYA,
THE YOUNG STATE POULTRY
INSPECTOR.
THE YOUNG STATE POULTRY
INSPECTOR.
BEFORE WE BEGIN, I MUST MENTION
INSPECTOR.
BEFORE WE BEGIN, I MUST MENTION
THAT I MYSELF,
BEFORE WE BEGIN, I MUST MENTION
THAT I MYSELF,
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, WILL BE
THAT I MYSELF,
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, WILL BE
JOINING OUR BAD BALLET TROUPE
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, WILL BE
JOINING OUR BAD BALLET TROUPE
TONIGHT AS A DANCER BECAUSE I
JOINING OUR BAD BALLET TROUPE
TONIGHT AS A DANCER BECAUSE I
MYSELF AM A VERY BAD DANCER.
TONIGHT AS A DANCER BECAUSE I
MYSELF AM A VERY BAD DANCER.
NOW PLEASE IMAGINE, IF YOU
MYSELF AM A VERY BAD DANCER.
NOW PLEASE IMAGINE, IF YOU
WOULD, A PRIVATE SWAN COMPOUND
NOW PLEASE IMAGINE, IF YOU
WOULD, A PRIVATE SWAN COMPOUND
SOMEWHERE IN THE URAL MOUNTAINS.
WOULD, A PRIVATE SWAN COMPOUND
SOMEWHERE IN THE URAL MOUNTAINS.
IT IS DAYBREAK AS THE BALLET
SOMEWHERE IN THE URAL MOUNTAINS.
IT IS DAYBREAK AS THE BALLET
BEGINS.
IT IS DAYBREAK AS THE BALLET
BEGINS.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
[TEMPO QUICKENS]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
[CRACKLING CONTINUES]
[CRACKLING CONTINUES]
[APPLAUSE]
THERE, NOW.
THAT WASN'T VERY GOOD AT ALL,
WAS IT?
THAT WASN'T VERY GOOD AT ALL,
WAS IT?
I'D NOW LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE
WAS IT?
I'D NOW LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE
MEMBERS OF OUR BAD BALLET
I'D NOW LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE
MEMBERS OF OUR BAD BALLET
TROUPE.
MEMBERS OF OUR BAD BALLET
TROUPE.
THE FOUR SWANS WERE
TROUPE.
THE FOUR SWANS WERE
CLAIRE TRAMMELL, EILEEN PIVNICK,
THE FOUR SWANS WERE
CLAIRE TRAMMELL, EILEEN PIVNICK,
MAVIS SHIRE, AND BUDDY DONGULLY.
CLAIRE TRAMMELL, EILEEN PIVNICK,
MAVIS SHIRE, AND BUDDY DONGULLY.
[APPLAUSE]
MAVIS SHIRE, AND BUDDY DONGULLY.
[APPLAUSE]
THE EVIL SWAN-KEEPER WAS DANCED
[APPLAUSE]
THE EVIL SWAN-KEEPER WAS DANCED
BY SCOTT BERG.
THE EVIL SWAN-KEEPER WAS DANCED
BY SCOTT BERG.
THANK YOU, SCOTT.
BY SCOTT BERG.
THANK YOU, SCOTT.
THE YOUNG SOLDIER, PETE HOVIS.
THANK YOU, SCOTT.
THE YOUNG SOLDIER, PETE HOVIS.
AND THE STATE POULTRY INSPECTOR
THE YOUNG SOLDIER, PETE HOVIS.
AND THE STATE POULTRY INSPECTOR
WAS DANCED BY MYSELF,
AND THE STATE POULTRY INSPECTOR
WAS DANCED BY MYSELF,
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
WAS DANCED BY MYSELF,
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
AND I MIGHT SAY I DANCED VERY
LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL.
AND I MIGHT SAY I DANCED VERY
BADLY.
AND I MIGHT SAY I DANCED VERY
BADLY.
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE.
BADLY.
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU.
YES, I KNOW.
THANK YOU.
YES, I KNOW.
IT REALLY BIT IT.
YES, I KNOW.
IT REALLY BIT IT.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN WE
IT REALLY BIT IT.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN WE
PRESENT THE CLASSICALLY BAD
JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN WE
PRESENT THE CLASSICALLY BAD
HAWAIIAN BALLET ENTITLED "SWAN
PRESENT THE CLASSICALLY BAD
HAWAIIAN BALLET ENTITLED "SWAN
LEI."
HAWAIIAN BALLET ENTITLED "SWAN
LEI."
UNTIL THEN, GOOD NIGHT.
LEI."
UNTIL THEN, GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU.
UNTIL THEN, GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU.
[PIANO THEME PLAYS]
LED ZEPPELIN, LED ZEPPELIN,
LED ZEPPELIN, LED ZEPPELIN!
MAN, I SAY WE GIVE UP ON THIS
LED ZEPPELIN, LED ZEPPELIN!
MAN, I SAY WE GIVE UP ON THIS
MOONIE.
MAN, I SAY WE GIVE UP ON THIS
MOONIE.
SHE'S NOT GONNA CRACK.
MOONIE.
SHE'S NOT GONNA CRACK.
YES, SHE WILL.
SHE'S NOT GONNA CRACK.
YES, SHE WILL.
LOOK.
YES, SHE WILL.
LOOK.
I HAVE DEPROGRAMMED TOUGHER KIDS
LOOK.
I HAVE DEPROGRAMMED TOUGHER KIDS
THAN THIS ONE.
I HAVE DEPROGRAMMED TOUGHER KIDS
THAN THIS ONE.
NOW LOOK.
THAN THIS ONE.
NOW LOOK.
COME ON.
NOW LOOK.
COME ON.
IT'S BEEN FIVE DAYS.
COME ON.
IT'S BEEN FIVE DAYS.
LOOK.
IT'S BEEN FIVE DAYS.
LOOK.
DON'T YOU WANT ALL OF THIS TO
LOOK.
DON'T YOU WANT ALL OF THIS TO
END, HUH?
DON'T YOU WANT ALL OF THIS TO
END, HUH?
JUST RENOUNCE THAT
END, HUH?
JUST RENOUNCE THAT
SUN MYUNG MOON CHARACTER, AND
JUST RENOUNCE THAT
SUN MYUNG MOON CHARACTER, AND
YOU COULD GO BACK HOME TO YOUR
SUN MYUNG MOON CHARACTER, AND
YOU COULD GO BACK HOME TO YOUR
PARENTS.
YOU COULD GO BACK HOME TO YOUR
PARENTS.
THE UNIFICATION CHURCH IS MY
PARENTS.
THE UNIFICATION CHURCH IS MY
FAMILY.
THE UNIFICATION CHURCH IS MY
FAMILY.
I DON'T LIKE MY PARENTS.
FAMILY.
I DON'T LIKE MY PARENTS.
HOW ABOUT YOUR DOG?
I DON'T LIKE MY PARENTS.
HOW ABOUT YOUR DOG?
DON'T YOU WANT TO GO SEE YOUR
HOW ABOUT YOUR DOG?
DON'T YOU WANT TO GO SEE YOUR
DOG?
DON'T YOU WANT TO GO SEE YOUR
DOG?
I DON'T HAVE A DOG.
DOG?
I DON'T HAVE A DOG.
DO YOU HAVE A CAT?
I DON'T HAVE A DOG.
DO YOU HAVE A CAT?
I DON'T HAVE A CAT.
DO YOU HAVE A CAT?
I DON'T HAVE A CAT.
WELL, WE'LL BUY YOU A CAT...
I DON'T HAVE A CAT.
WELL, WE'LL BUY YOU A CAT...
A LITTLE KITTEN.
WELL, WE'LL BUY YOU A CAT...
A LITTLE KITTEN.
YOU CAN CALL IT BOOTS OR
A LITTLE KITTEN.
YOU CAN CALL IT BOOTS OR
WHISKERS OR MUFFIN OR ANYTHING
YOU CAN CALL IT BOOTS OR
WHISKERS OR MUFFIN OR ANYTHING
YOU LIKE!
WHISKERS OR MUFFIN OR ANYTHING
YOU LIKE!
SHH!
YOU LIKE!
SHH!
I DON'T LIKE ANIMALS.
SHH!
I DON'T LIKE ANIMALS.
LOOK.
I DON'T LIKE ANIMALS.
LOOK.
YOU COULD CATCH UP ON TV.
LOOK.
YOU COULD CATCH UP ON TV.
NOW I BET YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE
YOU COULD CATCH UP ON TV.
NOW I BET YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE
NEW FALL SHOWS.
NOW I BET YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE
NEW FALL SHOWS.
RHODA GOT DIVORCED, YOU KNOW?
NEW FALL SHOWS.
RHODA GOT DIVORCED, YOU KNOW?
EVERYTHING'S CHANGED.
RHODA GOT DIVORCED, YOU KNOW?
EVERYTHING'S CHANGED.
OF COURSE, YOU MISSED MARY'S
EVERYTHING'S CHANGED.
OF COURSE, YOU MISSED MARY'S
LAST SHOW, BUT I'M SURE THEY'LL
OF COURSE, YOU MISSED MARY'S
LAST SHOW, BUT I'M SURE THEY'LL
PROBABLY RERUN IT.
LAST SHOW, BUT I'M SURE THEY'LL
PROBABLY RERUN IT.
TELEVISION IS THE DEVIL'S
PROBABLY RERUN IT.
TELEVISION IS THE DEVIL'S
PAINTBRUSH.
TELEVISION IS THE DEVIL'S
PAINTBRUSH.
I DON'T LIKE TELEVISION.
PAINTBRUSH.
I DON'T LIKE TELEVISION.
I'M GONNA PUT ON THAT MAMAS
I DON'T LIKE TELEVISION.
I'M GONNA PUT ON THAT MAMAS
AND PAPAS ALBUM ONE MORE TIME
I'M GONNA PUT ON THAT MAMAS
AND PAPAS ALBUM ONE MORE TIME
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
AND PAPAS ALBUM ONE MORE TIME
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
THERE'S THE KID FROM BURGER
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
THERE'S THE KID FROM BURGER
KING.
THERE'S THE KID FROM BURGER
KING.
I DON'T LIKE BURGERS.
KING.
I DON'T LIKE BURGERS.
BURGERS ARE THE DEVIL'S SCOURING
I DON'T LIKE BURGERS.
BURGERS ARE THE DEVIL'S SCOURING
PADS.
BURGERS ARE THE DEVIL'S SCOURING
PADS.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
PADS.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
WE GOT YOU A WHALER WITH CHEESE.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
WE GOT YOU A WHALER WITH CHEESE.
OH, NO!
GOOD EVENING.
I AM THE REVEREND
SUN MYUNG MOON, LEADER OF THE
I AM THE REVEREND
SUN MYUNG MOON, LEADER OF THE
MOONIES.
SUN MYUNG MOON, LEADER OF THE
MOONIES.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
WE HAVE COME FOR THE GIRL.
THIS KID'S GOING BACK TO HER
FAMILY.
THIS KID'S GOING BACK TO HER
FAMILY.
WHY DO YOU RESIST US?
FAMILY.
WHY DO YOU RESIST US?
IT IS SO MUCH MORE PRESENT TO
WHY DO YOU RESIST US?
IT IS SO MUCH MORE PRESENT TO
SURRENDER AND BECOME ONE OF US.
IT IS SO MUCH MORE PRESENT TO
SURRENDER AND BECOME ONE OF US.
SUBMIT TO THE INEVITABLE.
SURRENDER AND BECOME ONE OF US.
SUBMIT TO THE INEVITABLE.
FREE YOURSELF OF HUMAN EMOTION.
SUBMIT TO THE INEVITABLE.
FREE YOURSELF OF HUMAN EMOTION.
WHY NOT COME TO OUR BICENTENNIAL
FREE YOURSELF OF HUMAN EMOTION.
WHY NOT COME TO OUR BICENTENNIAL
RALLY?
WHY NOT COME TO OUR BICENTENNIAL
RALLY?
YOU'RE CRAZY!
RALLY?
YOU'RE CRAZY!
YOU THINK I'M GONNA JOIN YOUR
YOU'RE CRAZY!
YOU THINK I'M GONNA JOIN YOUR
GANG OF ZOMBIES!
YOU THINK I'M GONNA JOIN YOUR
GANG OF ZOMBIES!
YOU MUST BE NUTS!
GANG OF ZOMBIES!
YOU MUST BE NUTS!
NO?
YOU MUST BE NUTS!
NO?
PERHAPS YOUR WIFE MAY BE ABLE TO
NO?
PERHAPS YOUR WIFE MAY BE ABLE TO
CHANGE YOUR MIND, ROUND EYES.
PERHAPS YOUR WIFE MAY BE ABLE TO
CHANGE YOUR MIND, ROUND EYES.
IT IS MY WIFE!
CHANGE YOUR MIND, ROUND EYES.
IT IS MY WIFE!
HONEY!
IT IS MY WIFE!
HONEY!
SHE'S NOT YOUR WIFE ANYMORE,
HONEY!
SHE'S NOT YOUR WIFE ANYMORE,
MAN.
SHE'S NOT YOUR WIFE ANYMORE,
MAN.
SHE'S A MOONIE.
MAN.
SHE'S A MOONIE.
WHY STRUGGLE, DEAR?
SHE'S A MOONIE.
WHY STRUGGLE, DEAR?
GIVE IN.
WHY STRUGGLE, DEAR?
GIVE IN.
I'VE SOLD THE HOUSE AND CAR AND
GIVE IN.
I'VE SOLD THE HOUSE AND CAR AND
ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS AND GIVEN
I'VE SOLD THE HOUSE AND CAR AND
ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS AND GIVEN
THE MONEY TO REVEREND MOON.
ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS AND GIVEN
THE MONEY TO REVEREND MOON.
NO! NO!
THE MONEY TO REVEREND MOON.
NO! NO!
YOUR SHIRTS, YOUR SLACKS,
NO! NO!
YOUR SHIRTS, YOUR SLACKS,
YOUR TIES, YOUR POWER TOOLS.
YOUR SHIRTS, YOUR SLACKS,
YOUR TIES, YOUR POWER TOOLS.
MY POWER TOOLS!
YOUR TIES, YOUR POWER TOOLS.
MY POWER TOOLS!
YOUR MONOGRAMMED GOLF CLUBS,
MY POWER TOOLS!
YOUR MONOGRAMMED GOLF CLUBS,
YOUR RCA HOME-ENTERTAINMENT
YOUR MONOGRAMMED GOLF CLUBS,
YOUR RCA HOME-ENTERTAINMENT
CENTER, YOUR ELECTRIC WOK.
YOUR RCA HOME-ENTERTAINMENT
CENTER, YOUR ELECTRIC WOK.
HOW COULD YOU DO IT, HONEY?
CENTER, YOUR ELECTRIC WOK.
HOW COULD YOU DO IT, HONEY?
WE WILL KEEP THE ELECTRIC
HOW COULD YOU DO IT, HONEY?
WE WILL KEEP THE ELECTRIC
WOK.
WE WILL KEEP THE ELECTRIC
WOK.
DON'T... DON'T LISTEN TO HER!
WOK.
DON'T... DON'T LISTEN TO HER!
GET OUT OF HERE!
DON'T... DON'T LISTEN TO HER!
GET OUT OF HERE!
GET OUT OF HERE!
GET OUT OF HERE!
GET OUT OF HERE!
WE CAN'T SAVE HER NOW.
GET OUT OF HERE!
WE CAN'T SAVE HER NOW.
SHE'S ONE OF THEM.
WE CAN'T SAVE HER NOW.
SHE'S ONE OF THEM.
GET OUT! GET OUT.
SHE'S ONE OF THEM.
GET OUT! GET OUT.
NOW COME ON.
GET OUT! GET OUT.
NOW COME ON.
YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME.
NOW COME ON.
YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME.
THEY'RE GONNA PROBABLY TRY TO
YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME.
THEY'RE GONNA PROBABLY TRY TO
GET IN NOW.
THEY'RE GONNA PROBABLY TRY TO
GET IN NOW.
YEAH, RIGHT!
GET IN NOW.
YEAH, RIGHT!
HELP ME BLOCK THIS DOOR.
YEAH, RIGHT!
HELP ME BLOCK THIS DOOR.
NOW GET OVER THERE TO THE
HELP ME BLOCK THIS DOOR.
NOW GET OVER THERE TO THE
WINDOW.
NOW GET OVER THERE TO THE
WINDOW.
EXCUSE ME.
WINDOW.
EXCUSE ME.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE
EXCUSE ME.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
GET AWAY!
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
GET AWAY!
GET OUT OF HERE!
GET AWAY!
GET OUT OF HERE!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A
GET OUT OF HERE!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A
FLOWER?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A
FLOWER?
NO!
FLOWER?
NO!
I'M NOT INTERESTED!
NO!
I'M NOT INTERESTED!
OKAY, THANK YOU.
I'M NOT INTERESTED!
OKAY, THANK YOU.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
OKAY, THANK YOU.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HELLO.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HELLO.
THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE.
HELLO.
THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE.
I KNOW, MAN.
THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE.
I KNOW, MAN.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A
I KNOW, MAN.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A
DONATION?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A
DONATION?
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG...
DONATION?
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG...
GO AWAY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG...
GO AWAY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG WE CAN
GO AWAY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG WE CAN
HOLD OUT.
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG WE CAN
HOLD OUT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MANY THERE
HOLD OUT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MANY THERE
ARE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MANY THERE
ARE.
THEY COULD HAVE HUNDREDS OF
ARE.
THEY COULD HAVE HUNDREDS OF
BROCHURES, MAN.
THEY COULD HAVE HUNDREDS OF
BROCHURES, MAN.
THEY MIGHT EVEN HAVE A SOUND
BROCHURES, MAN.
THEY MIGHT EVEN HAVE A SOUND
TRUCK.
THEY MIGHT EVEN HAVE A SOUND
TRUCK.
HEY, WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE LOOKING
TRUCK.
HEY, WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE LOOKING
AT?
HEY, WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE LOOKING
AT?
THIS MOONIE STUFF...
AT?
THIS MOONIE STUFF...
HEY, MAN!
THIS MOONIE STUFF...
HEY, MAN!
LISTEN TO ME, MAN.
HEY, MAN!
LISTEN TO ME, MAN.
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE ONE
LISTEN TO ME, MAN.
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE ONE
OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE ONE
OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
NO, NO!
OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
NO, NO!
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE
NO, NO!
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE
ONE OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP LIKE
ONE OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
NO! NO!
ONE OF THOSE GOONS OUT THERE?!
NO! NO!
STOP READING THAT STUFF.
NO! NO!
STOP READING THAT STUFF.
YOU UNDERSTAND?!
STOP READING THAT STUFF.
YOU UNDERSTAND?!
NO, NO!
YOU UNDERSTAND?!
NO, NO!
MANY OF OUR CUSTOMS WOULD
NO, NO!
MANY OF OUR CUSTOMS WOULD
SEEM JUST AS STRANGE TO HIM.
MANY OF OUR CUSTOMS WOULD
SEEM JUST AS STRANGE TO HIM.
WAXING PHILOSOPHICAL...
SEEM JUST AS STRANGE TO HIM.
WAXING PHILOSOPHICAL...
I AM ONE OF THEM NOW.
WAXING PHILOSOPHICAL...
I AM ONE OF THEM NOW.
IT IS REALLY VERY PLEASANT.
I AM ONE OF THEM NOW.
IT IS REALLY VERY PLEASANT.
HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
IT IS REALLY VERY PLEASANT.
HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?
HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?
CAN I WALK WITH YOU JUST A
ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?
CAN I WALK WITH YOU JUST A
LITTLE BIT?
CAN I WALK WITH YOU JUST A
LITTLE BIT?
YOU'RE PROBABLY ON YOUR WAY TO
LITTLE BIT?
YOU'RE PROBABLY ON YOUR WAY TO
WORK.
YOU'RE PROBABLY ON YOUR WAY TO
WORK.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
WORK.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T YOU COME
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T YOU COME
WITH ME...
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T YOU COME
WITH ME...
YOU CAN STAY IN HERE, MAN.
WITH ME...
YOU CAN STAY IN HERE, MAN.
I'M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF
YOU CAN STAY IN HERE, MAN.
I'M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF
HERE.
I'M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF
HERE.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
HERE.
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO
JOIN US.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO
JOIN US.
AAH!
JOIN US.
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
HI! HOW ARE YOU?
AAH!
HI! HOW ARE YOU?
CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SOME
HI! HOW ARE YOU?
CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SOME
LITERATURE?
CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SOME
LITERATURE?
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
LITERATURE?
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
WOULD YOU CARE TO MAKE A SMALL
IT'S GENTLEMEN'S DAY TODAY.
WOULD YOU CARE TO MAKE A SMALL
DONATION?
WOULD YOU CARE TO MAKE A SMALL
DONATION?
HELL, CHIEF, THERE'S A WHOLE
DONATION?
HELL, CHIEF, THERE'S A WHOLE
LOT OF THOSE MOONIES HERE.
HELL, CHIEF, THERE'S A WHOLE
LOT OF THOSE MOONIES HERE.
YEAH, OKAY.
LOT OF THOSE MOONIES HERE.
YEAH, OKAY.
FREEZE, FELLOW.
YEAH, OKAY.
FREEZE, FELLOW.
STRIKE.
FREEZE, FELLOW.
STRIKE.
STRIKE.
STRIKE.
STRIKE.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
STRIKE.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
AAH!
HAVE A NICE DAY.
AAH!
THANK GOD, MAN!
AAH!
THANK GOD, MAN!
THANK GOD YOU CAME HERE.
THANK GOD, MAN!
THANK GOD YOU CAME HERE.
GOD!
THANK GOD YOU CAME HERE.
GOD!
YEAH, CHIEF.
GOD!
YEAH, CHIEF.
OKAY, I'M GONNA HEAD DOWN.
YEAH, CHIEF.
OKAY, I'M GONNA HEAD DOWN.
I GOT ONE MORE MOONIE TO KILL.
OKAY, I'M GONNA HEAD DOWN.
I GOT ONE MORE MOONIE TO KILL.
OH, NO, MAN.
I GOT ONE MORE MOONIE TO KILL.
OH, NO, MAN.
I'M NOT A MOONIE.
OH, NO, MAN.
I'M NOT A MOONIE.
I-I'M NOT A MOONIE.
I'M NOT A MOONIE.
I-I'M NOT A MOONIE.
AAH! AAH!
I-I'M NOT A MOONIE.
AAH! AAH!
YEAH, THAT REALLY IS A
AAH! AAH!
YEAH, THAT REALLY IS A
TRAGEDY ABOUT SAN DIEGO.
YEAH, THAT REALLY IS A
TRAGEDY ABOUT SAN DIEGO.
THEY NEVER HAD PROPER
TRAGEDY ABOUT SAN DIEGO.
THEY NEVER HAD PROPER
LAW-ENFORCEMENT TECHNIQUES DOWN
THEY NEVER HAD PROPER
LAW-ENFORCEMENT TECHNIQUES DOWN
THERE ANYWAY.
LAW-ENFORCEMENT TECHNIQUES DOWN
THERE ANYWAY.
ALL RIGHT.
HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU?
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE
HOW ARE YOU?
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
DO YOU MIND IF WE JUST TALK FOR
UNIFICATION CHURCH?
DO YOU MIND IF WE JUST TALK FOR
A WHILE?
AND NOW ONCE AGAIN HERE'S
JOAN ARMATRADING.
[APPLAUSE]
♪ OH, THE FEELING
WHEN YOU'RE REELING ♪
♪ YOU STEP LIGHTLY THINKING
WHEN YOU'RE REELING ♪
♪ YOU STEP LIGHTLY THINKING
YOU'RE NUMBER ONE ♪
♪ YOU STEP LIGHTLY THINKING
YOU'RE NUMBER ONE ♪
♪ DOWN TO ZERO WITH A WORD
YOU'RE NUMBER ONE ♪
♪ DOWN TO ZERO WITH A WORD
LEAVING ♪
♪ DOWN TO ZERO WITH A WORD
LEAVING ♪
♪ FOR ANOTHER ONE ♪
LEAVING ♪
♪ FOR ANOTHER ONE ♪
♪ NOW YOU WALK WITH YOUR FEET
♪ FOR ANOTHER ONE ♪
♪ NOW YOU WALK WITH YOUR FEET
BACK ON THE GROUND ♪
♪ NOW YOU WALK WITH YOUR FEET
BACK ON THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
BACK ON THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ BRAND-NEW DANDY,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ BRAND-NEW DANDY,
FIRST-CLASS SCENE STEALER ♪
♪ BRAND-NEW DANDY,
FIRST-CLASS SCENE STEALER ♪
♪ WALKS THROUGH THE CROWD
FIRST-CLASS SCENE STEALER ♪
♪ WALKS THROUGH THE CROWD
AND TAKES YOUR MAN ♪
♪ WALKS THROUGH THE CROWD
AND TAKES YOUR MAN ♪
♪ SENDS YOU RUSHING
AND TAKES YOUR MAN ♪
♪ SENDS YOU RUSHING
TO THE MIRROR ♪
♪ SENDS YOU RUSHING
TO THE MIRROR ♪
♪ BRUSH YOUR EYEBROWS
TO THE MIRROR ♪
♪ BRUSH YOUR EYEBROWS
AND SAY THERE'S MORE BEAUTY
♪ BRUSH YOUR EYEBROWS
AND SAY THERE'S MORE BEAUTY
IN YOU THAN ANYONE ♪
AND SAY THERE'S MORE BEAUTY
IN YOU THAN ANYONE ♪
♪ OH, REMEMBER WHO WALKED
IN YOU THAN ANYONE ♪
♪ OH, REMEMBER WHO WALKED
THE WARM SANDS BESIDE YOU
♪ OH, REMEMBER WHO WALKED
THE WARM SANDS BESIDE YOU
MOORED TO YOUR HEEL ♪
THE WARM SANDS BESIDE YOU
MOORED TO YOUR HEEL ♪
♪ LET THE WAVES COME
MOORED TO YOUR HEEL ♪
♪ LET THE WAVES COME
A-RUSHING IN ♪
♪ LET THE WAVES COME
A-RUSHING IN ♪
♪ SHE'LL TAKE THE WORRY
A-RUSHING IN ♪
♪ SHE'LL TAKE THE WORRY
FROM YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ SHE'LL TAKE THE WORRY
FROM YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ BUT, THEN AGAIN,
FROM YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ BUT, THEN AGAIN,
SHE PUT TROUBLE IN YOUR HEART
♪ BUT, THEN AGAIN,
SHE PUT TROUBLE IN YOUR HEART
INSTEAD ♪
SHE PUT TROUBLE IN YOUR HEART
INSTEAD ♪
♪ THEN YOU'LL FALL
INSTEAD ♪
♪ THEN YOU'LL FALL
DOWN TO THE GROUND,
♪ THEN YOU'LL FALL
DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
DOWN TO THE GROUND,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ YOU'LL KNOW HEARTACHE,
DOWN TO THE GROUND ♪
♪ YOU'LL KNOW HEARTACHE,
STILL MORE CRYING
♪ YOU'LL KNOW HEARTACHE,
STILL MORE CRYING
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
STILL MORE CRYING
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
OF YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
OF YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
OF YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
INSTEAD ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
INSTEAD ♪
♪ OH, THE HEARTACHE YOU'LL FIND
INSTEAD ♪
♪ OH, THE HEARTACHE YOU'LL FIND
CAN BRING MORE PAIN THAN
♪ OH, THE HEARTACHE YOU'LL FIND
CAN BRING MORE PAIN THAN
A BLISTERING SUN ♪
CAN BRING MORE PAIN THAN
A BLISTERING SUN ♪
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL, OH ♪
A BLISTERING SUN ♪
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL, OH ♪
♪ OH, WHEN YOU FALL,
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL, OH ♪
♪ OH, WHEN YOU FALL,
FALL AT MY DOOR ♪
♪ YOU'LL KNOW HEARTACHE,
CRYING,
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
CRYING,
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
YOUR MOTHER'S ONLY SON ♪
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
♪ TAKE TO YOUR BED ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ YOU SAY THERE'S PEACE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
IN SLEEP ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
INSTEAD ♪
♪ BUT YOU'LL DREAM OF LOVE
INSTEAD ♪
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL ♪
INSTEAD ♪
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL ♪
♪ OH, WHEN YOU FALL,
♪ BUT OH, WHEN YOU FALL ♪
♪ OH, WHEN YOU FALL,
FALL AT MY DOOR ♪
[APPLAUSE]
OR DOES IT LOOK LIKE AN EYE
IRRITATION?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
IRRITATION?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
I HOPE TO GOD IT LOOKS LIKE
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
I HOPE TO GOD IT LOOKS LIKE
AN EYE IRRITATION.
I HOPE TO GOD IT LOOKS LIKE
AN EYE IRRITATION.
THE WHOLE WORLD DON'T HAVE TO
AN EYE IRRITATION.
THE WHOLE WORLD DON'T HAVE TO
KNOW I'VE JUST BEEN CRYING IN
THE WHOLE WORLD DON'T HAVE TO
KNOW I'VE JUST BEEN CRYING IN
THE KMART.
KNOW I'VE JUST BEEN CRYING IN
THE KMART.
KNOCK IT OFF, MAN.
THE KMART.
KNOCK IT OFF, MAN.
STANDING IN THE CHECKOUT LINE
KNOCK IT OFF, MAN.
STANDING IN THE CHECKOUT LINE
WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY
STANDING IN THE CHECKOUT LINE
WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY
CHEEKS BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WILL
WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY
CHEEKS BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WILL
NOT ALLOW ME TO BUY THE ORIGINAL
CHEEKS BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WILL
NOT ALLOW ME TO BUY THE ORIGINAL
SOUNDTRACK ALBUM OF "A STAR IS
NOT ALLOW ME TO BUY THE ORIGINAL
SOUNDTRACK ALBUM OF "A STAR IS
BORN," WITH BARBRA STREISAND, MY
SOUNDTRACK ALBUM OF "A STAR IS
BORN," WITH BARBRA STREISAND, MY
WORLD'S MOST MEANINGFUL ACTRESS.
BORN," WITH BARBRA STREISAND, MY
WORLD'S MOST MEANINGFUL ACTRESS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WORLD'S MOST MEANINGFUL ACTRESS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HATE BARBRA STREISAND.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HATE BARBRA STREISAND.
SHE'S GOT THE HAIR OF A LUNATIC.
I HATE BARBRA STREISAND.
SHE'S GOT THE HAIR OF A LUNATIC.
I CAN'T BUY THE ALBUM BECAUSE
SHE'S GOT THE HAIR OF A LUNATIC.
I CAN'T BUY THE ALBUM BECAUSE
CERTAIN PEOPLE NEED THE $6.49
I CAN'T BUY THE ALBUM BECAUSE
CERTAIN PEOPLE NEED THE $6.49
PLUS TAX THEY ARE SAVING FOR A
CERTAIN PEOPLE NEED THE $6.49
PLUS TAX THEY ARE SAVING FOR A
BUBBLE WINDOW FOR THEIR VAN,
PLUS TAX THEY ARE SAVING FOR A
BUBBLE WINDOW FOR THEIR VAN,
WHICH THEY MUST HAVE IN TIME FOR
BUBBLE WINDOW FOR THEIR VAN,
WHICH THEY MUST HAVE IN TIME FOR
VAN-O-RAMA.
WHICH THEY MUST HAVE IN TIME FOR
VAN-O-RAMA.
YOU LAY OFF ME, BUT FIRST YOU
VAN-O-RAMA.
YOU LAY OFF ME, BUT FIRST YOU
LAY OFF MY VAN, OKAY?
YOU LAY OFF ME, BUT FIRST YOU
LAY OFF MY VAN, OKAY?
THE VAN, THE VAN.
LAY OFF MY VAN, OKAY?
THE VAN, THE VAN.
HUH!
THE VAN, THE VAN.
HUH!
CUSTOM PAINT JOB, ORANGE NYLON
HUH!
CUSTOM PAINT JOB, ORANGE NYLON
PILE CARPET ON THE FLOOR, THE
CUSTOM PAINT JOB, ORANGE NYLON
PILE CARPET ON THE FLOOR, THE
WALLS, THE CEILING.
PILE CARPET ON THE FLOOR, THE
WALLS, THE CEILING.
HOT-PINK CRUSHED-VELVET CURTAINS
WALLS, THE CEILING.
HOT-PINK CRUSHED-VELVET CURTAINS
AND CB PANEL ALL COVERED IN PINK
HOT-PINK CRUSHED-VELVET CURTAINS
AND CB PANEL ALL COVERED IN PINK
AND ORANGE SHAG CARPET.
AND CB PANEL ALL COVERED IN PINK
AND ORANGE SHAG CARPET.
AND A FAKE-FUR BEDSPREAD.
AND ORANGE SHAG CARPET.
AND A FAKE-FUR BEDSPREAD.
YOU GOT BETTER STUFF IN THAT VAN
AND A FAKE-FUR BEDSPREAD.
YOU GOT BETTER STUFF IN THAT VAN
THAN WE GOT IN OUR HOUSE.
YOU GOT BETTER STUFF IN THAT VAN
THAN WE GOT IN OUR HOUSE.
THAT VAN LOOKS LIKE THE
THAN WE GOT IN OUR HOUSE.
THAT VAN LOOKS LIKE THE
KING-OF-THE-WORLD'S HOME.
THAT VAN LOOKS LIKE THE
KING-OF-THE-WORLD'S HOME.
DON'T GIVE ME NONE OF THAT
KING-OF-THE-WORLD'S HOME.
DON'T GIVE ME NONE OF THAT
"KING OF THE WORLD" STUFF.
DON'T GIVE ME NONE OF THAT
"KING OF THE WORLD" STUFF.
THE KING OF THE WORLD DON'T
"KING OF THE WORLD" STUFF.
THE KING OF THE WORLD DON'T
INSTALL HIS OWN
THE KING OF THE WORLD DON'T
INSTALL HIS OWN
AIR-CONDITIONING.
INSTALL HIS OWN
AIR-CONDITIONING.
NOW THAT VAN WAS A CHEVY, AND IT
AIR-CONDITIONING.
NOW THAT VAN WAS A CHEVY, AND IT
CAME WITHOUT AIR-CONDITIONING,
NOW THAT VAN WAS A CHEVY, AND IT
CAME WITHOUT AIR-CONDITIONING,
FACTORY AIR, SO I INSTALLED IT
CAME WITHOUT AIR-CONDITIONING,
FACTORY AIR, SO I INSTALLED IT
MYSELF, REMEMBER?
FACTORY AIR, SO I INSTALLED IT
MYSELF, REMEMBER?
I INSTALLED IT MYSELF.
MYSELF, REMEMBER?
I INSTALLED IT MYSELF.
I REMEMBER.
I INSTALLED IT MYSELF.
I REMEMBER.
TILL 6:00 IN THE MORNING THE
I REMEMBER.
TILL 6:00 IN THE MORNING THE
NIGHT "EARTHQUAKE PART 1" WAS
TILL 6:00 IN THE MORNING THE
NIGHT "EARTHQUAKE PART 1" WAS
ON TV.
NIGHT "EARTHQUAKE PART 1" WAS
ON TV.
I'M WATCHING THE WORLD SHAKE
ON TV.
I'M WATCHING THE WORLD SHAKE
APART.
I'M WATCHING THE WORLD SHAKE
APART.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
APART.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M ASLEEP.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M ASLEEP.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M ASLEEP.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M FRYING UP BREAKFAST STRIPS.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M FRYING UP BREAKFAST STRIPS.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
I'M FRYING UP BREAKFAST STRIPS.
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
WELL, WHO WOULDN'T LIKE TO
YOU'RE INSTALLING AIR.
WELL, WHO WOULDN'T LIKE TO
INSTALL AIR?
WELL, WHO WOULDN'T LIKE TO
INSTALL AIR?
OKAY?
INSTALL AIR?
OKAY?
WHO WOULDN'T LIKE IT?
OKAY?
WHO WOULDN'T LIKE IT?
I LIKED INSTALLING AIR.
WHO WOULDN'T LIKE IT?
I LIKED INSTALLING AIR.
I LOVE IT!
I LIKED INSTALLING AIR.
I LOVE IT!
YOU GET TO USE 12 DIFFERENT
I LOVE IT!
YOU GET TO USE 12 DIFFERENT
WRENCHES.
YOU GET TO USE 12 DIFFERENT
WRENCHES.
TWELVE DIFFERENT WRENCHES.
WRENCHES.
TWELVE DIFFERENT WRENCHES.
ISN'T THAT SOME BIG NEWS?
TWELVE DIFFERENT WRENCHES.
ISN'T THAT SOME BIG NEWS?
LIKE FINDING OUT IN THE ENQUIRER
ISN'T THAT SOME BIG NEWS?
LIKE FINDING OUT IN THE ENQUIRER
HOW DIFFERENT MOVIE STARS LIKE
LIKE FINDING OUT IN THE ENQUIRER
HOW DIFFERENT MOVIE STARS LIKE
THEIR STEAK.
HOW DIFFERENT MOVIE STARS LIKE
THEIR STEAK.
ALL RIGHT, JUST LAY OFF,
THEIR STEAK.
ALL RIGHT, JUST LAY OFF,
OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, JUST LAY OFF,
OKAY?
LET'S JUST EAT HERE.
OKAY?
LET'S JUST EAT HERE.
I GOT TO GO HOME.
LET'S JUST EAT HERE.
I GOT TO GO HOME.
I GOT TO NAIL SOME MORE STUDS
I GOT TO GO HOME.
I GOT TO NAIL SOME MORE STUDS
INTO THE PLUSH CHAMBER.
I GOT TO NAIL SOME MORE STUDS
INTO THE PLUSH CHAMBER.
I HATE THAT NAME.
INTO THE PLUSH CHAMBER.
I HATE THAT NAME.
IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN
I HATE THAT NAME.
IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN
HATE OR LIKE OR AGREE OR
IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN
HATE OR LIKE OR AGREE OR
DISAGREE WITH.
HATE OR LIKE OR AGREE OR
DISAGREE WITH.
IT'S JUST THE NAME OF A CERTAIN
DISAGREE WITH.
IT'S JUST THE NAME OF A CERTAIN
AREA IN THE VAN.
IT'S JUST THE NAME OF A CERTAIN
AREA IN THE VAN.
YOU KNOW?
AREA IN THE VAN.
YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, LIKE, IT'S THE NAME OF
YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, LIKE, IT'S THE NAME OF
THE AREA EXCEPT FOR THE BED
I MEAN, LIKE, IT'S THE NAME OF
THE AREA EXCEPT FOR THE BED
AREA.
THE AREA EXCEPT FOR THE BED
AREA.
THAT'S IT.
AREA.
THAT'S IT.
IT'S THE PLUSH CHAMBER, AND IT'S
THAT'S IT.
IT'S THE PLUSH CHAMBER, AND IT'S
CALLED A PLUSH CHAMBER BECAUSE
IT'S THE PLUSH CHAMBER, AND IT'S
CALLED A PLUSH CHAMBER BECAUSE
IT IS A PLUSH CHAMBER.
CALLED A PLUSH CHAMBER BECAUSE
IT IS A PLUSH CHAMBER.
RARE AND A RARE.
IT IS A PLUSH CHAMBER.
RARE AND A RARE.
YOU KNOW, THAT WAS THE BEST
RARE AND A RARE.
YOU KNOW, THAT WAS THE BEST
MOVIE I SEEN IN SIX MONTHS?
YOU KNOW, THAT WAS THE BEST
MOVIE I SEEN IN SIX MONTHS?
IT WAS VERY TENDER, THE KIND
MOVIE I SEEN IN SIX MONTHS?
IT WAS VERY TENDER, THE KIND
WHERE YOU'RE IN THE AUDIENCE,
IT WAS VERY TENDER, THE KIND
WHERE YOU'RE IN THE AUDIENCE,
BUT YOU KEEP WISHING YOU WERE
WHERE YOU'RE IN THE AUDIENCE,
BUT YOU KEEP WISHING YOU WERE
THE ONE IN LOVE WITH THE MAN ON
BUT YOU KEEP WISHING YOU WERE
THE ONE IN LOVE WITH THE MAN ON
THE SCREEN, YOU KNOW?
THE ONE IN LOVE WITH THE MAN ON
THE SCREEN, YOU KNOW?
I GET OFF ON TENDERNESS.
THE SCREEN, YOU KNOW?
I GET OFF ON TENDERNESS.
IT'S DECIDED.
I GET OFF ON TENDERNESS.
IT'S DECIDED.
I'M GONNA DO THE EXTERIOR,
IT'S DECIDED.
I'M GONNA DO THE EXTERIOR,
CUSTOM PAINTING, IN RED AND
I'M GONNA DO THE EXTERIOR,
CUSTOM PAINTING, IN RED AND
WHITE PEARLIZED AND RED, WHITE,
CUSTOM PAINTING, IN RED AND
WHITE PEARLIZED AND RED, WHITE,
AND BLUE.
WHITE PEARLIZED AND RED, WHITE,
AND BLUE.
I'M GONNA CALL THE WHOLE THING
AND BLUE.
I'M GONNA CALL THE WHOLE THING
"NEW GLORY."
I'M GONNA CALL THE WHOLE THING
"NEW GLORY."
LIKE THE FLAG IS "OLD GLORY."
"NEW GLORY."
LIKE THE FLAG IS "OLD GLORY."
I'M GONNA CALL THIS "NEW GLORY,"
LIKE THE FLAG IS "OLD GLORY."
I'M GONNA CALL THIS "NEW GLORY,"
BECAUSE, LIKE, IT'S A '76
I'M GONNA CALL THIS "NEW GLORY,"
BECAUSE, LIKE, IT'S A '76
CHEVY, AND IT'S NEW.
BECAUSE, LIKE, IT'S A '76
CHEVY, AND IT'S NEW.
IT'S GONNA BE CALLED "NEW
CHEVY, AND IT'S NEW.
IT'S GONNA BE CALLED "NEW
GLORY."
IT'S GONNA BE CALLED "NEW
GLORY."
AND IF I HAVE THE RIGHT PAINT,
GLORY."
AND IF I HAVE THE RIGHT PAINT,
I'M GONNA PUT, LIKE, GRAIN, LIKE
AND IF I HAVE THE RIGHT PAINT,
I'M GONNA PUT, LIKE, GRAIN, LIKE
A WHEAT FIELD WITH PURPLE
I'M GONNA PUT, LIKE, GRAIN, LIKE
A WHEAT FIELD WITH PURPLE
MOUNTAINS IN THE BACKGROUND ON
A WHEAT FIELD WITH PURPLE
MOUNTAINS IN THE BACKGROUND ON
THE SIDE.
MOUNTAINS IN THE BACKGROUND ON
THE SIDE.
IT'LL BE REALLY NICE.
THE SIDE.
IT'LL BE REALLY NICE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IT'LL BE REALLY NICE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I DON'T THINK I'LL BE
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I DON'T THINK I'LL BE
EXPRESSING OPINIONS SO NOBODY
I DON'T THINK I'LL BE
EXPRESSING OPINIONS SO NOBODY
CAN SAY I WAS GETTING ON HIM.
EXPRESSING OPINIONS SO NOBODY
CAN SAY I WAS GETTING ON HIM.
NOBODY'S GONNA SAY ANYTHING.
CAN SAY I WAS GETTING ON HIM.
NOBODY'S GONNA SAY ANYTHING.
I'M JUST ASKING FOR AN OPINION.
NOBODY'S GONNA SAY ANYTHING.
I'M JUST ASKING FOR AN OPINION.
I JUST WANT AN ATTITUDE.
I'M JUST ASKING FOR AN OPINION.
I JUST WANT AN ATTITUDE.
THAT'S ALL.
I JUST WANT AN ATTITUDE.
THAT'S ALL.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S ALL.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I THINK IT STINKS.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I THINK IT STINKS.
GET OFF ME, WILL YOU?
WELL, I THINK IT STINKS.
GET OFF ME, WILL YOU?
AND HERE'S WHAT ELSE STINKS.
GET OFF ME, WILL YOU?
AND HERE'S WHAT ELSE STINKS.
THE SIMULATED WOOD PLAQUE WITH
AND HERE'S WHAT ELSE STINKS.
THE SIMULATED WOOD PLAQUE WITH
THE SIMULATED CARVING OF A NAKED
THE SIMULATED WOOD PLAQUE WITH
THE SIMULATED CARVING OF A NAKED
GIRL WITH YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN
THE SIMULATED CARVING OF A NAKED
GIRL WITH YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN
BRANDED ON HER BELLY THAT YOU
GIRL WITH YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN
BRANDED ON HER BELLY THAT YOU
GOT CLIPPED BEHIND THE SUN VISOR
BRANDED ON HER BELLY THAT YOU
GOT CLIPPED BEHIND THE SUN VISOR
ABOVE THE LEFT WINDSHIELD.
GOT CLIPPED BEHIND THE SUN VISOR
ABOVE THE LEFT WINDSHIELD.
HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
ABOVE THE LEFT WINDSHIELD.
HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
I SEEN IT LAST WEEK WHEN YOU
HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
I SEEN IT LAST WEEK WHEN YOU
WENT TO GET YOUR SUNGLASSES.
I SEEN IT LAST WEEK WHEN YOU
WENT TO GET YOUR SUNGLASSES.
AND I'LL TELL YOU ONE MORE
WENT TO GET YOUR SUNGLASSES.
AND I'LL TELL YOU ONE MORE
THING.
AND I'LL TELL YOU ONE MORE
THING.
I DON'T THINK THE LEOPARD
THING.
I DON'T THINK THE LEOPARD
HEADREST ON THE DRIVER'S SEAT
I DON'T THINK THE LEOPARD
HEADREST ON THE DRIVER'S SEAT
MAKES IT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A
HEADREST ON THE DRIVER'S SEAT
MAKES IT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A
THRONE.
MAKES IT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A
THRONE.
YOU SAID YOU DID.
THRONE.
YOU SAID YOU DID.
WELL, I WAS LYING.
YOU SAID YOU DID.
WELL, I WAS LYING.
OH, AND ONE MORE THING, IN CASE
WELL, I WAS LYING.
OH, AND ONE MORE THING, IN CASE
YOU'RE INTERESTED.
OH, AND ONE MORE THING, IN CASE
YOU'RE INTERESTED.
I'M THE ONE WHO WROTE "WASH ME"
YOU'RE INTERESTED.
I'M THE ONE WHO WROTE "WASH ME"
WITH THEIR FINGER IN THE DUST ON
I'M THE ONE WHO WROTE "WASH ME"
WITH THEIR FINGER IN THE DUST ON
THE BACK DOOR.
WITH THEIR FINGER IN THE DUST ON
THE BACK DOOR.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY?!
THE BACK DOOR.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY?!
YOU'RE TURNING ON ME RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY?!
YOU'RE TURNING ON ME RIGHT NOW.
HERE WE GO OUT TO SEE THE
YOU'RE TURNING ON ME RIGHT NOW.
HERE WE GO OUT TO SEE THE
BARBRA STREISAND MOVIE.
HERE WE GO OUT TO SEE THE
BARBRA STREISAND MOVIE.
WE GO TO KMART TO PICK UP COTTON
BARBRA STREISAND MOVIE.
WE GO TO KMART TO PICK UP COTTON
BALLS IN BETWEEN.
WE GO TO KMART TO PICK UP COTTON
BALLS IN BETWEEN.
WE COME OUT FOR A STEAK DINNER.
BALLS IN BETWEEN.
WE COME OUT FOR A STEAK DINNER.
AND THEN NOW, WHEN IT'S TOO
WE COME OUT FOR A STEAK DINNER.
AND THEN NOW, WHEN IT'S TOO
LATE, WHEN THE MOVIE'S BOUGHT,
AND THEN NOW, WHEN IT'S TOO
LATE, WHEN THE MOVIE'S BOUGHT,
PAID FOR, AND SEEN, YOU TURN ON
LATE, WHEN THE MOVIE'S BOUGHT,
PAID FOR, AND SEEN, YOU TURN ON
ME.
PAID FOR, AND SEEN, YOU TURN ON
ME.
BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF OUR
ME.
BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF OUR
LIFE.
BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF OUR
LIFE.
AND BETWEEN US, BELIEVE ME, WE
LIFE.
AND BETWEEN US, BELIEVE ME, WE
ONLY GOT ONE LIFE LEFT... YOURS!
AND BETWEEN US, BELIEVE ME, WE
ONLY GOT ONE LIFE LEFT... YOURS!
AND I AM TIRED OF WATCHING YOU
ONLY GOT ONE LIFE LEFT... YOURS!
AND I AM TIRED OF WATCHING YOU
BOLT BEVERAGE CADDIES TO THE
AND I AM TIRED OF WATCHING YOU
BOLT BEVERAGE CADDIES TO THE
FRONT CONSOLE.
BOLT BEVERAGE CADDIES TO THE
FRONT CONSOLE.
TIRED OF WAITING UP FOR YOU TILL
FRONT CONSOLE.
TIRED OF WAITING UP FOR YOU TILL
YOU'RE DONE INSTALLING COLOR
TIRED OF WAITING UP FOR YOU TILL
YOU'RE DONE INSTALLING COLOR
BARS THAT PULSATE IN TIME WITH
YOU'RE DONE INSTALLING COLOR
BARS THAT PULSATE IN TIME WITH
THE MUSIC OVER THE BED.
BARS THAT PULSATE IN TIME WITH
THE MUSIC OVER THE BED.
TIRED OF WATCHING YOU JEWEL THE
THE MUSIC OVER THE BED.
TIRED OF WATCHING YOU JEWEL THE
STEERING WHEEL, NOT LEAVING TIME
TIRED OF WATCHING YOU JEWEL THE
STEERING WHEEL, NOT LEAVING TIME
TO SEE ANY BUT ONE MOVIE IN SIX
STEERING WHEEL, NOT LEAVING TIME
TO SEE ANY BUT ONE MOVIE IN SIX
MONTHS OR MONEY TO BUY THE
TO SEE ANY BUT ONE MOVIE IN SIX
MONTHS OR MONEY TO BUY THE
ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK ALBUM.
MONTHS OR MONEY TO BUY THE
ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK ALBUM.
IN THE NAME OF MY LIFE... MOVIES
ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK ALBUM.
IN THE NAME OF MY LIFE... MOVIES
AND ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK
IN THE NAME OF MY LIFE... MOVIES
AND ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK
ALBUMS... I AM FINALLY SPEAKING
AND ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK
ALBUMS... I AM FINALLY SPEAKING
OUT.
ALBUMS... I AM FINALLY SPEAKING
OUT.
WELL, YOU JUST REMEMBER ONE
OUT.
WELL, YOU JUST REMEMBER ONE
THING, OKAY?
WELL, YOU JUST REMEMBER ONE
THING, OKAY?
I GOT YOU THAT WAY IN THE PLUSH
THING, OKAY?
I GOT YOU THAT WAY IN THE PLUSH
CHAMBER.
I GOT YOU THAT WAY IN THE PLUSH
CHAMBER.
I KNOW.
CHAMBER.
I KNOW.
AND TO TELL THE TRUTH, WE
I KNOW.
AND TO TELL THE TRUTH, WE
WERE WATCHING LAWRENCE WELK AND
AND TO TELL THE TRUTH, WE
WERE WATCHING LAWRENCE WELK AND
THE TV PLUGGED INTO THE CARPORT.
WERE WATCHING LAWRENCE WELK AND
THE TV PLUGGED INTO THE CARPORT.
WELL, WHILE I WAS PUTTING IT TO
THE TV PLUGGED INTO THE CARPORT.
WELL, WHILE I WAS PUTTING IT TO
YOU, I IMAGINED I WAS PUTTING IT
WELL, WHILE I WAS PUTTING IT TO
YOU, I IMAGINED I WAS PUTTING IT
TO ALL FOUR OF THE LENNON
YOU, I IMAGINED I WAS PUTTING IT
TO ALL FOUR OF THE LENNON
SISTERS AT ONCE.
TO ALL FOUR OF THE LENNON
SISTERS AT ONCE.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
SISTERS AT ONCE.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU.
IF THIS BABY'S A GIRL, I WOULD
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU.
IF THIS BABY'S A GIRL, I WOULD
LIKE ITS FIRST NAME TO BE
IF THIS BABY'S A GIRL, I WOULD
LIKE ITS FIRST NAME TO BE
BARBRA AND ITS MIDDLE NAME TO BE
LIKE ITS FIRST NAME TO BE
BARBRA AND ITS MIDDLE NAME TO BE
STREISAND.
BARBRA AND ITS MIDDLE NAME TO BE
STREISAND.
AND I'M GONNA SEE THAT IT IS
STREISAND.
AND I'M GONNA SEE THAT IT IS
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL THEM
AND I'M GONNA SEE THAT IT IS
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL THEM
IN THE HOSPITAL, IN THE DELIVERY
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL THEM
IN THE HOSPITAL, IN THE DELIVERY
ROOM BEFORE YOU CAN GET TO THEM
IN THE HOSPITAL, IN THE DELIVERY
ROOM BEFORE YOU CAN GET TO THEM
WHEN THEY ARE WRITING OUT THE
ROOM BEFORE YOU CAN GET TO THEM
WHEN THEY ARE WRITING OUT THE
BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
WHEN THEY ARE WRITING OUT THE
BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
BARBRA STREISAND JOHNSON.
BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
BARBRA STREISAND JOHNSON.
HUH!
BARBRA STREISAND JOHNSON.
HUH!
AND THERE WILL BE NOTHING YOU
HUH!
AND THERE WILL BE NOTHING YOU
CAN DO ABOUT IT BUT LIVE WITH A
AND THERE WILL BE NOTHING YOU
CAN DO ABOUT IT BUT LIVE WITH A
DAUGHTER NAMED FOR A PERSON WITH
CAN DO ABOUT IT BUT LIVE WITH A
DAUGHTER NAMED FOR A PERSON WITH
LUNATIC HAIR.
DAUGHTER NAMED FOR A PERSON WITH
LUNATIC HAIR.
OKAY, LOOK, MAN.
LUNATIC HAIR.
OKAY, LOOK, MAN.
YOU AND BARBRA STREISAND AND ALL
OKAY, LOOK, MAN.
YOU AND BARBRA STREISAND AND ALL
YOUR FRIENDS PUT TOGETHER DON'T
YOU AND BARBRA STREISAND AND ALL
YOUR FRIENDS PUT TOGETHER DON'T
UNDERSTAND ONE THING.
YOUR FRIENDS PUT TOGETHER DON'T
UNDERSTAND ONE THING.
A VAN IS A HOUSE ON WHEELS,
UNDERSTAND ONE THING.
A VAN IS A HOUSE ON WHEELS,
OKAY?
A VAN IS A HOUSE ON WHEELS,
OKAY?
AND IT'S GOT A LOT MORE FUR THAN
OKAY?
AND IT'S GOT A LOT MORE FUR THAN
ANY HOUSE WE'VE EVER HAD, OKAY?
AND IT'S GOT A LOT MORE FUR THAN
ANY HOUSE WE'VE EVER HAD, OKAY?
AND IT GOES WHERE YOU WANT.
ANY HOUSE WE'VE EVER HAD, OKAY?
AND IT GOES WHERE YOU WANT.
YOU GET A FUR-COVERED HOUSE.
AND IT GOES WHERE YOU WANT.
YOU GET A FUR-COVERED HOUSE.
IT MAY NOT BE REAL FUR, BUT
YOU GET A FUR-COVERED HOUSE.
IT MAY NOT BE REAL FUR, BUT
LET'S FACE IT.
IT MAY NOT BE REAL FUR, BUT
LET'S FACE IT.
THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD BUY
LET'S FACE IT.
THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD BUY
REAL FUR IS A MILLIONAIRE, OKAY?
THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD BUY
REAL FUR IS A MILLIONAIRE, OKAY?
IT'S A FUR HOUSE.
REAL FUR IS A MILLIONAIRE, OKAY?
IT'S A FUR HOUSE.
IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING IT'S NOT
IT'S A FUR HOUSE.
IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING IT'S NOT
REAL FUR, BUT THAT PLUSH CHAMBER
IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING IT'S NOT
REAL FUR, BUT THAT PLUSH CHAMBER
IS THE CLOSEST THING THAT I'M
REAL FUR, BUT THAT PLUSH CHAMBER
IS THE CLOSEST THING THAT I'M
GONNA HAVE IN THIS OR ANY OTHER
IS THE CLOSEST THING THAT I'M
GONNA HAVE IN THIS OR ANY OTHER
LIFETIME TO A MOVABLE FUR HOUSE.
GONNA HAVE IN THIS OR ANY OTHER
LIFETIME TO A MOVABLE FUR HOUSE.
DO YOU GET THAT?
LIFETIME TO A MOVABLE FUR HOUSE.
DO YOU GET THAT?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
DO YOU GET THAT?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.
YOU GONNA EAT YOUR SALAD?
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.
YOU GONNA EAT YOUR SALAD?
YEAH, YEAH.
YOU GONNA EAT YOUR SALAD?
YEAH, YEAH.
HERE.
YEAH, YEAH.
HERE.
YOU CAN HAVE IT.
HERE.
YOU CAN HAVE IT.
I DON'T WANT IT.
YOU CAN HAVE IT.
I DON'T WANT IT.
THANKS.
I DON'T WANT IT.
THANKS.
IT'S FROM YOUR FATHER.
THANKS.
IT'S FROM YOUR FATHER.
YOU WON'T ADMIT IT IS, BUT IT
IT'S FROM YOUR FATHER.
YOU WON'T ADMIT IT IS, BUT IT
IS.
YOU WON'T ADMIT IT IS, BUT IT
IS.
THE MAN WHO SAID SALAD WAS
IS.
THE MAN WHO SAID SALAD WAS
INVENTED BY COMMUNISTS.
THE MAN WHO SAID SALAD WAS
INVENTED BY COMMUNISTS.
AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME
INVENTED BY COMMUNISTS.
AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME
HE SAID IT.
AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME
HE SAID IT.
SO DON'T TRY TO GET OUT OF IT
HE SAID IT.
SO DON'T TRY TO GET OUT OF IT
NOW.
SO DON'T TRY TO GET OUT OF IT
NOW.
HE SAID IT IN THE '50s, WHEN
NOW.
HE SAID IT IN THE '50s, WHEN
PEOPLE ONLY ATE SALAD IN THE
HE SAID IT IN THE '50s, WHEN
PEOPLE ONLY ATE SALAD IN THE
SUMMER, AND IT WASN'T A HOT
PEOPLE ONLY ATE SALAD IN THE
SUMMER, AND IT WASN'T A HOT
MEAL, AND YOUR FATHER ALWAYS
SUMMER, AND IT WASN'T A HOT
MEAL, AND YOUR FATHER ALWAYS
WANTED A HOT MEAL.
MEAL, AND YOUR FATHER ALWAYS
WANTED A HOT MEAL.
SO HE TOLD YOUR MOTHER SALAD WAS
WANTED A HOT MEAL.
SO HE TOLD YOUR MOTHER SALAD WAS
INVENTED BY THE COMMUNISTS, AND
SO HE TOLD YOUR MOTHER SALAD WAS
INVENTED BY THE COMMUNISTS, AND
YOU BELIEVED HIM TO THIS VERY
INVENTED BY THE COMMUNISTS, AND
YOU BELIEVED HIM TO THIS VERY
DAY.
YOU BELIEVED HIM TO THIS VERY
DAY.
WRONG!
DAY.
WRONG!
YOU COULD TURN INTO YOUR
WRONG!
YOU COULD TURN INTO YOUR
FATHER ANYTIME NOW IF YOU DON'T
YOU COULD TURN INTO YOUR
FATHER ANYTIME NOW IF YOU DON'T
WATCH OUT.
FATHER ANYTIME NOW IF YOU DON'T
WATCH OUT.
ALREADY EVERY NIGHT YOU SIT IN
WATCH OUT.
ALREADY EVERY NIGHT YOU SIT IN
YOUR CHAIR WITH A JOINT INSTEAD
ALREADY EVERY NIGHT YOU SIT IN
YOUR CHAIR WITH A JOINT INSTEAD
OF A BEER CAN.
YOUR CHAIR WITH A JOINT INSTEAD
OF A BEER CAN.
ALREADY YOU GOT A YELLOW
OF A BEER CAN.
ALREADY YOU GOT A YELLOW
MECHANICAL PENCIL YOU DON'T EVER
ALREADY YOU GOT A YELLOW
MECHANICAL PENCIL YOU DON'T EVER
LOSE.
MECHANICAL PENCIL YOU DON'T EVER
LOSE.
AND ALREADY YOU'RE IGNORING YOUR
LOSE.
AND ALREADY YOU'RE IGNORING YOUR
WIFE.
AND ALREADY YOU'RE IGNORING YOUR
WIFE.
I'LL BUY YOU THAT ALBUM,
WIFE.
I'LL BUY YOU THAT ALBUM,
OKAY?
I'LL BUY YOU THAT ALBUM,
OKAY?
[SIGHS]
OKAY?
[SIGHS]
ALL RIGHT.
[SIGHS]
ALL RIGHT.
AND IF IT'S A GIRL, IT'S TAMMY.
ALL RIGHT.
AND IF IT'S A GIRL, IT'S TAMMY.
AND THAT TIME WITH THE LENNON
AND IF IT'S A GIRL, IT'S TAMMY.
AND THAT TIME WITH THE LENNON
SISTERS?
AND THAT TIME WITH THE LENNON
SISTERS?
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ANOTHER
SISTERS?
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ANOTHER
NIGHT.
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ANOTHER
NIGHT.
RARE AND A RARE, TWO JUICES,
NIGHT.
RARE AND A RARE, TWO JUICES,
SALAD, TWO COFFEES AND A
RARE AND A RARE, TWO JUICES,
SALAD, TWO COFFEES AND A
PUDDING.
BYE.
I REALLY ENJOYED IT.
THANK YOU.
Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE
BUCK HENRY, WITH MUSICAL GUESTS
JENNIFER WARNES AND
KENNY VANCE.
THIS IS DON PARDO, AND NO MATTER
WHAT YOU'VE HEARD, MY VOICE IS
NOT A THREAT TO THE OZONE LAYER,
HONEST.
GOOD NIGHT.