Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 6, Episode 7 - Committee Man - full transcript
Soon after Fred is appointed to serve on a mayor's committee he is sought out by a slumlord offering a bribe for political favors.
[♪♪♪]
What's happening, Pop?
Hey, son. Listen to these ads.
"Visit exciting Rome."
"Gamble at Monte Carlo."
Can't you see me
now in Monte Carlo
drinking with Princess
Grace and Prince Rudolph?
That's Rainier.
Yeah. Rudolph the
Red-Nosed "Rainier."
Don't these ads give
you the urge to travel?
Yeah, those ads sound nice, Pop,
but with all these bills,
we can forget about going
to any of those places.
Oh, here's one we can afford.
"Three magnificent
places in an hour.
Anaheim, Compton
and El Segundo."
Hey, Pop, here's a letter
from the mayor's office.
Oh, it's probably about
that committee
position I applied for.
Give me that.
Here.
"Dear Mr. Sanford.
"You have been
selected to fill the vacancy
"on the mayor's community
relations committee.
"We will be contacting you
"as to the time and
date of the meeting.
"Looking forward to meeting you.
Sincerely, Tom Bradley, mayor."
Hey, let me take
a look at that, Pop.
Hey, man, they
actually picked you
to represent the
businessmen of Watts.
Pop, I'm proud of you.
I'm real proud of you.
Thanks, son.
Just think. Today,
Committeeman Sanford.
Then Senator Sanford.
Then President Sanford.
And then an early
retirement at San Clemente.
Hi, Lamont.
Hi, Fred.
That's, uh, Committeeman Fred.
BUBBA: What did you commit?
I'm committing you, Bubba,
to the home where
the senile roam.
Hey, Bubba, Pop's been picked
to represent the
businessmen of Watts
in the mayor's community
relations committee.
How about that? Yeah?
Hey, congratulations, Fred!
But why did they pick you?
Because they needed
someone from a minority.
Someone with strong
roots in the community.
Someone who's a success
in his own chosen field.
Besides, Charo was busy.
Hey, that's great, Fred.
Yeah, I'm a big man in
government now, Bubba.
Uh-huh.
And I don't want you
treating me any different.
Don't do me any special favors.
Don't try to help me. Uh-huh.
[PHONE RINGING]
Would you get that for me?
Hello?
Oh, hi.
How are you?
Who is it? Fine, thanks.
I don't know. It's for you.
It's for me? Give it here!
Give me the phone.
Hello? Oh, Mr. Wilkens.
It's Mr. Wilkens, one
of the mayor's aides.
Yes, uh, that was one
of my aides, Mr. Wilkens.
Yeah, you were talking
to Bubba Rebeezo.
Uh-huh.
Nine o'clock?
Nine o'clock tomorrow
morning's fine.
That's swell.
Well, I'll see you then. Bye.
Hope that wasn't taped.
What are you doing
calling me your aide?
Bubba, do you want
to be my press aide?
You really mean that, Fred?
Course I mean it.
Go press this.
No, you don't
understand, Mr. Rodriguez.
If the library is
kept open later,
there will be an increase...
Jeez!
I don't believe it.
A white Esther.
Excuse me, sir. Perhaps
I can be of help to you.
The doormen's
convention is downstairs.
Uh, perhaps I can
be of help to you.
The dogcatcher's on his way up.
Well, I never.
Well, maybe if you
tried wearing a mask.
Who are you?
I happen to be Committeeman
Fred G. Sanford.
The "G" is for "Government."
You're on the mayor's committee?
[LAUGHS]
What area are you representing?
Beverly Hills.
You see these shoes?
Gucci.
See these pants? Pucci.
See this shirt? Itchy.
Excuse me. Now, you see...
Pardon me. Sir, please!
Sir! Thank you.
[SPANISH ACCENT] Excuse me.
Are you Mr. Sanford?
Yes.
My name is Señor Rodriguez.
Well, I'm Fred G. Sanford,
and the "G" stands
for "Guacamole..."
dip.
Mr. Sanford, uh,
I believe that's
your chair at the end.
I'm not sitting over
there. I'm sitting here.
You cannot sit there.
We have a seating plan.
Well, plan on me sitting here.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Ladies and gentlemen, the
chairman of the committee,
Mr. Morris Wilkens.
Fellow committeemen.
Hello, Mrs. Barnes.
Oh!
I'm sorry I'm late.
I was at an air
pollution meeting.
The smog around here is
getting to be something fierce.
I... Oh.
Mr. Wilkens, this is the new
member of the committee,
Mr. Fred Sanford.
How do you do, Mr. Sanford?
I'm Morris Wilkens.
How do you do, Mo?
I'm here to save Los Angeles.
You see, saving
junk is my specialty.
Yes, I can tell by your outfit.
Well, I think the first problem
we're going to tackle today
is the one you're sitting in.
Uh, that happens to be my chair.
See, you dummies, I told you
this was the chairman's chair.
I told them, but they
insisted that I sit there.
Yes, I think the chair
down at the other end
of the table is yours.
Oh, rude, rude, rude!
Prude, prude, prude!
All right, let's get
the meeting going.
We have a lot to cover today.
Why don't you begin
by covering her face?
Uh, the vote today is
whether or not to keep
the public libraries
open an extra hour.
Now, I... Mr. Sanford.
I'm in favor of that.
Oh, do you frequent libraries?
No, but I once had a freaky time
in the back of a bookmobile.
[LAUGHS]
I didn't know that!
Well, now that we've
heard from everyone else,
let me express my
opinion on the library issue.
First of all, let me say
that I've always believed that
a book is a man's best friend.
Hold it, hold it.
I beg to differ.
It's a dog.
It's a dog that's a
man's best friend.
You don't believe me, ask one.
Mr. Sanford, you
are out of order.
And so is the
toilet down the hall.
I didn't know that.
Well, I did.
Well, why don't we vote on it?
I shall begin by voting yes.
Mrs. Barnes?
No.
No.
Señor Rodriguez?
Jes. Jes.
Er, yes.
Mrs. Channing?
Nay.
Uh, say that again?
Nay, nay, nay.
And you better
vote the same way.
Nay!
Don't count on it, Trigger.
Well, we seem to have a tie.
How do you vote, Mr. Sanford?
You mean that I have
the deciding vote?
That's right, Mr. Sanford.
Well, Fred Sanford,
representing the proud
community of Watts
and the home of the
Sanford and Son empire,
votes... Votes... yea!
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
Hey, Pop. How did it go?
Well, son, you're
looking at the man
who broke the tie vote
to keep the libraries
open an hour longer.
Hey, that's great, Pop.
Yeah. You know what they say.
If you can't stand the heat,
stay out of the sauna.
You know, in honor
of your new position,
I got you a little present.
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
What is it?
Well, it's something
that every man in
government can use.
You got me Elizabeth Ray?
No, but...
would a briefcase do?
Oh, son.
Hey, what's the committee
voting on next week?
Oh, we're voting on whether
or not to let Sam Jordon
build some housing projects
out there on 54th Street.
Oh, yeah? Well, that
should be an easy vote.
That guy's the shadiest
builder in the state.
Yeah, you said it.
Friend of mine lives
in one of his buildings,
and his apartment was so flooded
he had to hire Jacques
Cousteau to fix it.
That's what I heard, man.
All of his buildings
have rotten plumbing.
Why haven't they arrested him?
Well, every time they
try to nab the guy, Pop,
he finds some kind of loophole.
Oh, well, don't worry, son.
After everybody votes no,
he'll be out of business.
Well, I certainly hope
so, because he's a crook.
Then we have another
ugly issue to deal with.
What's that, Pop?
Mrs. Channing.
Yeah, Mrs.
Channing, that bulldog
that sits next to me at
the committee meeting.
Ugly woman.
Ugly woman!
Ugly woman!
How ugly is she?
She's so ugly, son,
if Moses had have seen her,
he would have
parted her face too.
And so, ladies and
gentlemen of the committee,
as the representative of
the good people of Watts,
let me say
that the problem of living
in Sam Jordon's buildings
is not the rent going up,
but the tide coming in.
Here... [KNOCKING AT DOOR]
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I was looking for a junk
dealer named Fred Sanford.
That's me.
You are a junk dealer?
But you are so well dressed.
And just look at this showroom
just filled with
wonderful items.
Do you have some
more curios in the back?
No, I'm all out of curios.
How about a bowl of Special K?
That is very amusing.
By the way, my
name is Sam Jordon.
I've heard a lot about you.
Oh, yeah? What, for instance?
Well, I have a friend
living in your building
over on 19th Street.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
We call that one
the Michelangelo.
Is that why it took you 8
years to paint his ceiling?
Now, uh, Mr. Sanford.
Mr. Sanford, I am going
to get right to the point.
Now, I stand to make
a great deal of money
if I can just get that
building contract.
It's going to be luxury
apartments, Mr. Sanford.
You mean you're
gonna have lifeboats?
I am prepared to pay you $500
just to vote yes.
I sell antiques, not votes.
Very well.
Very well, Mr. Sanford.
I will pay you $700
for this antique ashtray.
Seven hundred dollars for that?
You must be kidding.
I'll make it a even thousand.
You sure know
quality when you see it.
And I know a smart businessman
when I meet one, yes, sir.
Now, here's my
card, Mr. Sanford.
My personal IOU for $1000.
Thank you, but do you
give blue chip stamps?
[LAUGHS]
With me, a handshake
is good enough.
Oh, I will be, um, back
to pick up the ashtray
after the vote.
Check?
Cash.
You have got it!
[LAUGHS]
And remember, Sam
Jordon will never hurt you.
No, but his plumbing
might drown you!
Ah, I tell you,
that's a good deal.
A $1000 bribe.
A $1000 bribe.
There's only one thing to do.
Joe?
Joe's Travel Agency?
Let me speak to Joe.
Hey, Joe. This is
Fred G. Sanford.
The "G" is for "Going Goodbye."
Yeah. Send me a
brochure on Paris.
And hold two plane tickets.
Yeah. Thanks.
Thanks. And a
fairy jockey to you.
♪ Fairy jockey ♪
♪ Fairy jockey ♪
♪ Dormez-vous? ♪♪
[MELANCHOLY ORGAN MUSIC
PLAYING OVER TELEVISION]
MAN [OVER TV]: Tune in tomorrow
for another episode
of The Edge of Despair.
[TELEVISION CLICKS OFF]
What's the matter with you, Pop?
You got a cold?
No, son.
I was just watching
my favorite soap opera,
The Edge of Despair.
See, see, today,
Paul and Harriet
had to tell Erica and David
that Louise was going
out with another guy
behind Paul's back.
And Paul, he's only
got six months to live.
But he don't care,
because his company's
transferring him
to Philadelphia.
Pop, I'm really not interested
in that soap opera business.
Aren't you preparing yourself
for tomorrow's vote
on Sam Jordon?
Yes, son, I've been thinking
that maybe he should be
allowed to build those projects.
Pop, I thought your
mind was made up
that you were gonna vote no.
I think you should give
it some more thought.
I thought of it a
thousand times.
Pop, how can you go into that
committee meeting tomorrow
and say yes in
favor of that fraud?
Well, it's a little trick
I do with my mouth.
Yes.
I don't know about you, man.
I just closed that
kitchen supply deal
and I came over here
to get some money
out of the secret drawer.
I'll get it for you.
Would you move out
of the way, please?
I don't have time to
fool around with you.
Hey, Pop, what's Sam Jordon's
card doing in the drawer?
Well, I was thinking
about building
some, uh... Some projects
out here in the backyard
and I wanted to get an estimate.
And I suppose this
$1000 written on the back
is an estimate?
That's right. That's wrong!
Jordon was over
here today, wasn't he,
and he offered you
$1000 bribe, didn't he?
Well, not exactly.
He wants to buy
some merchandise.
Come on, Pop, what do we have
in this junk shop
that's worth $1000?
That ashtray.
I don't believe it,
man. My own father.
You sold your honesty and
your integrity and your dignity
for $1000, man.
You think I could have got more?
I'm so ashamed
of you I feel sick.
Well, then, take five of these
and call me in the morning.
That's it. I can't talk to you.
You do what you want to do,
but just remember one thing.
Let your conscience
be your guide.
Well, my conscience has got
a very bad sense of direction.
But I'll think about it.
Yeah, you do that.
"Yeah, you do that."
Well, it's been a long meeting.
If there are no further
points to be brought up
or no further questions,
I suggest we vote
and, uh, get on out of here.
Now, I feel it's not my place
to try to influence your
decision in any way,
so I shall remain
completely unbiased
and let you determine
for yourselves.
So do you or do you not
favor granting a building permit
to that slimy scum Sam Jordon?
I shall begin by voting
an unequivocal no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Sweetheart? Uh, Mrs. Barnes?
No.
No.
Señor Rodriguez?
Señor Rodriguez!
No, no!
Good.
Mrs. Channing.
Nay.
Mr. Sanford.
Uh, listen, wait a second.
Everybody's voted no,
so that means that the vote
has already been decided.
Sam Jordon can't build.
That's right, Mr. Sanford.
Well, then, it doesn't
matter what my vote is.
Well, we need your
vote for the record.
Well... I vote... I vote... yes.
May I say you have
the morals of a jackal.
Certainly.
And may I say you have
the face of a jackass.
Hey, Pop. I've
been waiting for you.
How did you vote?
It doesn't matter.
What do you mean
it doesn't matter?
Well, by the time it
came my turn to vote,
the vote had been decided.
Everybody had voted
against Sam Jordon.
And so you made it unanimous.
Close.
Close?
Yeah. I made it
practically unanimous.
And exactly what does that mean?
A clear-cut majority.
You voted yes.
I knew you were
gonna do that, Pop.
You let everybody in
the community down!
Wait a minute, son.
My vote didn't
make no difference
because everyone else voted no.
So he still can't build.
But you voted yes just so
you could get that $1000.
I don't believe that, man.
Yes, I do. I believe it.
Let me explain, son. See...
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
Let me just...
Oh, Mr. Sanford.
It is very urgent that
we... If we can just have...
Is there anywhere that
we can go to be alone?
Oh, you might as
well stay here and talk.
I know who you are and I
know what you're doing here.
Mr. Sanford, Sam Jordon
never breaks a promise.
Things didn't work out,
but here's the $1000.
You were the only
member of the committee
to take the bribe.
Don't say bribe.
Don't say bribe.
Count it over here in the light.
Three, four, five.
And that's one.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Arrest that man,
officer! Arrest him!
Sam Jordon, you're
under arrest for bribery.
Bribery! You're under
arrest for bribery!
All right, you have proven
it again, Mr. Sanford.
Never trust a politician.
Uh, you better
read him his rights.
Come on, Jordon, let's go.
Read him his rights now.
You got the right
to remain silent.
Good work, Mr. Sanford.
You have the gratitude
of the committee.
I don't know how we
can ever repay you.
Well, I'll accept
the key to the city
and a lock on Mrs.
Channing's mouth.
Hey, Pop, you're
unbelievable, man.
Yeah.
You said they've
spent a long time
trying to get him behind bars,
so we finally got him.
And you helped to put him there.
He sure did. It was his idea.
Well, I was only trying
to do my civic duty.
You know, Pop, I owe
you an apology, man.
But why didn't you let
me in on your little plan?
Well, I thought you
might leak the facts.
I really thought you were
gonna take that bribe.
Well, that bribe
was a lot of money,
but it wasn't important enough
to come between me and you.
You see, it was a choice
between right or wrong.
Money isn't everything.
Did I say that?
Yes, you did, and I'm
really proud of you, Pop.
And you proved something.
You proved that there's still
some honest politicians left.
I second that.
Well, I must be
going, Mr. Sanford.
Could I have the bribe money?
We need the $500 for evidence.
Yeah.
There you are. Thank you.
Wait a minute.
The bribe was $1000.
Who am I to call my son a liar?
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[♪♪♪]
What's happening, Pop?
Hey, son. Listen to these ads.
"Visit exciting Rome."
"Gamble at Monte Carlo."
Can't you see me
now in Monte Carlo
drinking with Princess
Grace and Prince Rudolph?
That's Rainier.
Yeah. Rudolph the
Red-Nosed "Rainier."
Don't these ads give
you the urge to travel?
Yeah, those ads sound nice, Pop,
but with all these bills,
we can forget about going
to any of those places.
Oh, here's one we can afford.
"Three magnificent
places in an hour.
Anaheim, Compton
and El Segundo."
Hey, Pop, here's a letter
from the mayor's office.
Oh, it's probably about
that committee
position I applied for.
Give me that.
Here.
"Dear Mr. Sanford.
"You have been
selected to fill the vacancy
"on the mayor's community
relations committee.
"We will be contacting you
"as to the time and
date of the meeting.
"Looking forward to meeting you.
Sincerely, Tom Bradley, mayor."
Hey, let me take
a look at that, Pop.
Hey, man, they
actually picked you
to represent the
businessmen of Watts.
Pop, I'm proud of you.
I'm real proud of you.
Thanks, son.
Just think. Today,
Committeeman Sanford.
Then Senator Sanford.
Then President Sanford.
And then an early
retirement at San Clemente.
Hi, Lamont.
Hi, Fred.
That's, uh, Committeeman Fred.
BUBBA: What did you commit?
I'm committing you, Bubba,
to the home where
the senile roam.
Hey, Bubba, Pop's been picked
to represent the
businessmen of Watts
in the mayor's community
relations committee.
How about that? Yeah?
Hey, congratulations, Fred!
But why did they pick you?
Because they needed
someone from a minority.
Someone with strong
roots in the community.
Someone who's a success
in his own chosen field.
Besides, Charo was busy.
Hey, that's great, Fred.
Yeah, I'm a big man in
government now, Bubba.
Uh-huh.
And I don't want you
treating me any different.
Don't do me any special favors.
Don't try to help me. Uh-huh.
[PHONE RINGING]
Would you get that for me?
Hello?
Oh, hi.
How are you?
Who is it? Fine, thanks.
I don't know. It's for you.
It's for me? Give it here!
Give me the phone.
Hello? Oh, Mr. Wilkens.
It's Mr. Wilkens, one
of the mayor's aides.
Yes, uh, that was one
of my aides, Mr. Wilkens.
Yeah, you were talking
to Bubba Rebeezo.
Uh-huh.
Nine o'clock?
Nine o'clock tomorrow
morning's fine.
That's swell.
Well, I'll see you then. Bye.
Hope that wasn't taped.
What are you doing
calling me your aide?
Bubba, do you want
to be my press aide?
You really mean that, Fred?
Course I mean it.
Go press this.
No, you don't
understand, Mr. Rodriguez.
If the library is
kept open later,
there will be an increase...
Jeez!
I don't believe it.
A white Esther.
Excuse me, sir. Perhaps
I can be of help to you.
The doormen's
convention is downstairs.
Uh, perhaps I can
be of help to you.
The dogcatcher's on his way up.
Well, I never.
Well, maybe if you
tried wearing a mask.
Who are you?
I happen to be Committeeman
Fred G. Sanford.
The "G" is for "Government."
You're on the mayor's committee?
[LAUGHS]
What area are you representing?
Beverly Hills.
You see these shoes?
Gucci.
See these pants? Pucci.
See this shirt? Itchy.
Excuse me. Now, you see...
Pardon me. Sir, please!
Sir! Thank you.
[SPANISH ACCENT] Excuse me.
Are you Mr. Sanford?
Yes.
My name is Señor Rodriguez.
Well, I'm Fred G. Sanford,
and the "G" stands
for "Guacamole..."
dip.
Mr. Sanford, uh,
I believe that's
your chair at the end.
I'm not sitting over
there. I'm sitting here.
You cannot sit there.
We have a seating plan.
Well, plan on me sitting here.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Ladies and gentlemen, the
chairman of the committee,
Mr. Morris Wilkens.
Fellow committeemen.
Hello, Mrs. Barnes.
Oh!
I'm sorry I'm late.
I was at an air
pollution meeting.
The smog around here is
getting to be something fierce.
I... Oh.
Mr. Wilkens, this is the new
member of the committee,
Mr. Fred Sanford.
How do you do, Mr. Sanford?
I'm Morris Wilkens.
How do you do, Mo?
I'm here to save Los Angeles.
You see, saving
junk is my specialty.
Yes, I can tell by your outfit.
Well, I think the first problem
we're going to tackle today
is the one you're sitting in.
Uh, that happens to be my chair.
See, you dummies, I told you
this was the chairman's chair.
I told them, but they
insisted that I sit there.
Yes, I think the chair
down at the other end
of the table is yours.
Oh, rude, rude, rude!
Prude, prude, prude!
All right, let's get
the meeting going.
We have a lot to cover today.
Why don't you begin
by covering her face?
Uh, the vote today is
whether or not to keep
the public libraries
open an extra hour.
Now, I... Mr. Sanford.
I'm in favor of that.
Oh, do you frequent libraries?
No, but I once had a freaky time
in the back of a bookmobile.
[LAUGHS]
I didn't know that!
Well, now that we've
heard from everyone else,
let me express my
opinion on the library issue.
First of all, let me say
that I've always believed that
a book is a man's best friend.
Hold it, hold it.
I beg to differ.
It's a dog.
It's a dog that's a
man's best friend.
You don't believe me, ask one.
Mr. Sanford, you
are out of order.
And so is the
toilet down the hall.
I didn't know that.
Well, I did.
Well, why don't we vote on it?
I shall begin by voting yes.
Mrs. Barnes?
No.
No.
Señor Rodriguez?
Jes. Jes.
Er, yes.
Mrs. Channing?
Nay.
Uh, say that again?
Nay, nay, nay.
And you better
vote the same way.
Nay!
Don't count on it, Trigger.
Well, we seem to have a tie.
How do you vote, Mr. Sanford?
You mean that I have
the deciding vote?
That's right, Mr. Sanford.
Well, Fred Sanford,
representing the proud
community of Watts
and the home of the
Sanford and Son empire,
votes... Votes... yea!
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
Hey, Pop. How did it go?
Well, son, you're
looking at the man
who broke the tie vote
to keep the libraries
open an hour longer.
Hey, that's great, Pop.
Yeah. You know what they say.
If you can't stand the heat,
stay out of the sauna.
You know, in honor
of your new position,
I got you a little present.
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
What is it?
Well, it's something
that every man in
government can use.
You got me Elizabeth Ray?
No, but...
would a briefcase do?
Oh, son.
Hey, what's the committee
voting on next week?
Oh, we're voting on whether
or not to let Sam Jordon
build some housing projects
out there on 54th Street.
Oh, yeah? Well, that
should be an easy vote.
That guy's the shadiest
builder in the state.
Yeah, you said it.
Friend of mine lives
in one of his buildings,
and his apartment was so flooded
he had to hire Jacques
Cousteau to fix it.
That's what I heard, man.
All of his buildings
have rotten plumbing.
Why haven't they arrested him?
Well, every time they
try to nab the guy, Pop,
he finds some kind of loophole.
Oh, well, don't worry, son.
After everybody votes no,
he'll be out of business.
Well, I certainly hope
so, because he's a crook.
Then we have another
ugly issue to deal with.
What's that, Pop?
Mrs. Channing.
Yeah, Mrs.
Channing, that bulldog
that sits next to me at
the committee meeting.
Ugly woman.
Ugly woman!
Ugly woman!
How ugly is she?
She's so ugly, son,
if Moses had have seen her,
he would have
parted her face too.
And so, ladies and
gentlemen of the committee,
as the representative of
the good people of Watts,
let me say
that the problem of living
in Sam Jordon's buildings
is not the rent going up,
but the tide coming in.
Here... [KNOCKING AT DOOR]
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I was looking for a junk
dealer named Fred Sanford.
That's me.
You are a junk dealer?
But you are so well dressed.
And just look at this showroom
just filled with
wonderful items.
Do you have some
more curios in the back?
No, I'm all out of curios.
How about a bowl of Special K?
That is very amusing.
By the way, my
name is Sam Jordon.
I've heard a lot about you.
Oh, yeah? What, for instance?
Well, I have a friend
living in your building
over on 19th Street.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
We call that one
the Michelangelo.
Is that why it took you 8
years to paint his ceiling?
Now, uh, Mr. Sanford.
Mr. Sanford, I am going
to get right to the point.
Now, I stand to make
a great deal of money
if I can just get that
building contract.
It's going to be luxury
apartments, Mr. Sanford.
You mean you're
gonna have lifeboats?
I am prepared to pay you $500
just to vote yes.
I sell antiques, not votes.
Very well.
Very well, Mr. Sanford.
I will pay you $700
for this antique ashtray.
Seven hundred dollars for that?
You must be kidding.
I'll make it a even thousand.
You sure know
quality when you see it.
And I know a smart businessman
when I meet one, yes, sir.
Now, here's my
card, Mr. Sanford.
My personal IOU for $1000.
Thank you, but do you
give blue chip stamps?
[LAUGHS]
With me, a handshake
is good enough.
Oh, I will be, um, back
to pick up the ashtray
after the vote.
Check?
Cash.
You have got it!
[LAUGHS]
And remember, Sam
Jordon will never hurt you.
No, but his plumbing
might drown you!
Ah, I tell you,
that's a good deal.
A $1000 bribe.
A $1000 bribe.
There's only one thing to do.
Joe?
Joe's Travel Agency?
Let me speak to Joe.
Hey, Joe. This is
Fred G. Sanford.
The "G" is for "Going Goodbye."
Yeah. Send me a
brochure on Paris.
And hold two plane tickets.
Yeah. Thanks.
Thanks. And a
fairy jockey to you.
♪ Fairy jockey ♪
♪ Fairy jockey ♪
♪ Dormez-vous? ♪♪
[MELANCHOLY ORGAN MUSIC
PLAYING OVER TELEVISION]
MAN [OVER TV]: Tune in tomorrow
for another episode
of The Edge of Despair.
[TELEVISION CLICKS OFF]
What's the matter with you, Pop?
You got a cold?
No, son.
I was just watching
my favorite soap opera,
The Edge of Despair.
See, see, today,
Paul and Harriet
had to tell Erica and David
that Louise was going
out with another guy
behind Paul's back.
And Paul, he's only
got six months to live.
But he don't care,
because his company's
transferring him
to Philadelphia.
Pop, I'm really not interested
in that soap opera business.
Aren't you preparing yourself
for tomorrow's vote
on Sam Jordon?
Yes, son, I've been thinking
that maybe he should be
allowed to build those projects.
Pop, I thought your
mind was made up
that you were gonna vote no.
I think you should give
it some more thought.
I thought of it a
thousand times.
Pop, how can you go into that
committee meeting tomorrow
and say yes in
favor of that fraud?
Well, it's a little trick
I do with my mouth.
Yes.
I don't know about you, man.
I just closed that
kitchen supply deal
and I came over here
to get some money
out of the secret drawer.
I'll get it for you.
Would you move out
of the way, please?
I don't have time to
fool around with you.
Hey, Pop, what's Sam Jordon's
card doing in the drawer?
Well, I was thinking
about building
some, uh... Some projects
out here in the backyard
and I wanted to get an estimate.
And I suppose this
$1000 written on the back
is an estimate?
That's right. That's wrong!
Jordon was over
here today, wasn't he,
and he offered you
$1000 bribe, didn't he?
Well, not exactly.
He wants to buy
some merchandise.
Come on, Pop, what do we have
in this junk shop
that's worth $1000?
That ashtray.
I don't believe it,
man. My own father.
You sold your honesty and
your integrity and your dignity
for $1000, man.
You think I could have got more?
I'm so ashamed
of you I feel sick.
Well, then, take five of these
and call me in the morning.
That's it. I can't talk to you.
You do what you want to do,
but just remember one thing.
Let your conscience
be your guide.
Well, my conscience has got
a very bad sense of direction.
But I'll think about it.
Yeah, you do that.
"Yeah, you do that."
Well, it's been a long meeting.
If there are no further
points to be brought up
or no further questions,
I suggest we vote
and, uh, get on out of here.
Now, I feel it's not my place
to try to influence your
decision in any way,
so I shall remain
completely unbiased
and let you determine
for yourselves.
So do you or do you not
favor granting a building permit
to that slimy scum Sam Jordon?
I shall begin by voting
an unequivocal no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Sweetheart? Uh, Mrs. Barnes?
No.
No.
Señor Rodriguez?
Señor Rodriguez!
No, no!
Good.
Mrs. Channing.
Nay.
Mr. Sanford.
Uh, listen, wait a second.
Everybody's voted no,
so that means that the vote
has already been decided.
Sam Jordon can't build.
That's right, Mr. Sanford.
Well, then, it doesn't
matter what my vote is.
Well, we need your
vote for the record.
Well... I vote... I vote... yes.
May I say you have
the morals of a jackal.
Certainly.
And may I say you have
the face of a jackass.
Hey, Pop. I've
been waiting for you.
How did you vote?
It doesn't matter.
What do you mean
it doesn't matter?
Well, by the time it
came my turn to vote,
the vote had been decided.
Everybody had voted
against Sam Jordon.
And so you made it unanimous.
Close.
Close?
Yeah. I made it
practically unanimous.
And exactly what does that mean?
A clear-cut majority.
You voted yes.
I knew you were
gonna do that, Pop.
You let everybody in
the community down!
Wait a minute, son.
My vote didn't
make no difference
because everyone else voted no.
So he still can't build.
But you voted yes just so
you could get that $1000.
I don't believe that, man.
Yes, I do. I believe it.
Let me explain, son. See...
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
Let me just...
Oh, Mr. Sanford.
It is very urgent that
we... If we can just have...
Is there anywhere that
we can go to be alone?
Oh, you might as
well stay here and talk.
I know who you are and I
know what you're doing here.
Mr. Sanford, Sam Jordon
never breaks a promise.
Things didn't work out,
but here's the $1000.
You were the only
member of the committee
to take the bribe.
Don't say bribe.
Don't say bribe.
Count it over here in the light.
Three, four, five.
And that's one.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Arrest that man,
officer! Arrest him!
Sam Jordon, you're
under arrest for bribery.
Bribery! You're under
arrest for bribery!
All right, you have proven
it again, Mr. Sanford.
Never trust a politician.
Uh, you better
read him his rights.
Come on, Jordon, let's go.
Read him his rights now.
You got the right
to remain silent.
Good work, Mr. Sanford.
You have the gratitude
of the committee.
I don't know how we
can ever repay you.
Well, I'll accept
the key to the city
and a lock on Mrs.
Channing's mouth.
Hey, Pop, you're
unbelievable, man.
Yeah.
You said they've
spent a long time
trying to get him behind bars,
so we finally got him.
And you helped to put him there.
He sure did. It was his idea.
Well, I was only trying
to do my civic duty.
You know, Pop, I owe
you an apology, man.
But why didn't you let
me in on your little plan?
Well, I thought you
might leak the facts.
I really thought you were
gonna take that bribe.
Well, that bribe
was a lot of money,
but it wasn't important enough
to come between me and you.
You see, it was a choice
between right or wrong.
Money isn't everything.
Did I say that?
Yes, you did, and I'm
really proud of you, Pop.
And you proved something.
You proved that there's still
some honest politicians left.
I second that.
Well, I must be
going, Mr. Sanford.
Could I have the bribe money?
We need the $500 for evidence.
Yeah.
There you are. Thank you.
Wait a minute.
The bribe was $1000.
Who am I to call my son a liar?
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[♪♪♪]