Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Suitcase Case - full transcript
On his daily rounds, Lamont picks up a leather satchel in an alley and doesn't realize until he gets it home that it contains $50,000. He and Fred first dream about what to do with the money then begin to panic when they fear that someone might come looking for it. To keep it secure, Fred hides the satchel in the house safe and accidentally locks the combination inside, which proves to be a problem when the man who stole the money comes looking for it and holds Fred and Lamont at gunpoint demanding it back.
[ Horn Honks ]
POP, I'M HOME!
HEY, POP! HEY, POP.
HELLO, SON. YOU WANNA
HELP ME UNLOAD THIS TRUCK?
I WAS READING THE PAPER. THAT
"DEAR ABBY." YOU EVER READ THAT?
- NO. HELP ME UNLOAD THIS.
- WAIT. LET ME READ YOU
ONE OF 'EM.
"DEAR ABBY, MY HUSBAND
REFUSES TO BATHE.
"I HAVE USED ALL KINDS OF
HINTS, BUT NOTHING HELPS.
"I LEAVE SOAP LYING AROUND.
"AND ONCE I EVEN FILLED THE TUB
AND TRIED TO PUSH HIM IN ACCIDENTALLY.
"BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK.
HE STILL WON'T TAKE A BATH.
WHAT DO YOU ADVISE?
SIGNED, GAS MASK."
- HELP ME UNLOAD THIS TRUCK.
- WAIT A MINUTE. LET ME READ YOU ONE MORE.
LISTEN TO THIS.
"DEAR ABBY, MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE NOT
SPOKEN TO EACH OTHER FOR FIVE YEARS.
"I HATE TO BE THE
FIRST ONE TO TALK,
"BUT IT LOOKS LIKE I MIGHT HAVE TO
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY.
"SHOULD I TELL HIM OR SHOULD I
WAIT TILL HE NOTICES SOMETHING?
SIGNED, STUBBORN."
PUT THAT PAPER DOWN AND
HELP ME UNLOAD THIS TRUCK.
PROBLEMS. PEOPLE GOT PROBLEMS.
AND I SEE I GOT ME ONE. WHAT?
LOOK. JUNK, JUNK, JUNK.
THAT'S OUR BUSINESS, ISN'T IT?
BUT THIS KIND OF JUNK
MAKE REAL JUNK LOOK BAD.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
LOOK AT THEM OLD BIG
TIRES. THESE ARE SNOW TIRES.
SNOW TIRES? IN
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA?
THAT JUST SHOWS
YOU WHAT YOU KNOW.
PEOPLE USE THESE ALL THE TIME TO GET
UP THE MOUNTAINS TO THOSE SKI RESORTS.
OH, YES. OUR NEIGHBORS
ARE THERE ALL THE TIME,
SKIING AND YODELING.
LOOK AT THIS TRASH. TRASH?
THIS IS GOOD. THIS IS ALUMINUM.
"ALULIMUM"? THAT'S
NOTHIN' BUT OLD POT METAL.
AIN'T WORTH NOTHIN'. HOW LONG
YOU BEEN WITH ME NOW, LAMONT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HOW
LONG HAVE I BEEN WITH YOU?
SINCE I WAS BORN.
HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG?
COME ON, POP.
ALL THIS TIME IN
THE JUNK BUSINESS...
AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T
DEVELOPED AN EYE FOR JUNK.
I PICK UP WHAT I CAN.
LOOK AT THIS. WHAT IS
THIS? WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE?
YOU MUST HAVE
FOUND IT IN AN ALLEY.
NO, I BOUGHT IT AT
SAKS FIFTH AVENUE.
DON'T YOU KNOW, LAMONT, PEOPLE
PUT GARBAGE IN STUFF LIKE THIS?
FILL IT UP WITH GARBAGE AND
THEN THROW IT OUT IN THE ALLEY.
THAT'S ANOTHER THING YOU HAVEN'T
DEVELOPED IS A NOSE FOR JUNK.
I'M NOT GONNA GO AROUND
SMELLING THE STUFF.
WHEN YOU FIND SOMETHING LIKE THIS,
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS STEP ON IT.
AND IF IT SQUISHES,
THEN YOU DON'T WANT IT.
I'LL JUST THROW IT AWAY. WAIT
A MINUTE. DON'T THROW IT AWAY.
I JUST WANNA GIVE YOU A
LESSON IN THIS BUSINESS.
A LESSON IN THIS BUSINESS.
YEAH. LOOK AT THIS HERE.
GARBAGE.
IT'S MONEY, POP. IT'S
FILLED WITH MONEY.
MY HEART.
OH! MY HEART. I AIN'T NEVER
SEEN THAT MUCH MONEY IN MY LIFE.
HEY, LAMONT, COME HERE.
COME HERE AND OPEN IT UP AND
SEE IF THE MONEY'S STILL IN THERE.
LOOK AT THAT, POP. STACKS OF
TWENTIES, FIFTIES, HUNDREDS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT. I CAN'T STAND IT.
I AIN'T GONNA MAKE IT.
YOU HEAR THAT, ELIZABETH?
I'M COMING TO JOIN
YOU, HONEY, RICH.
WOULD YOU...
WOULD YOU STOP THAT, POP. THIS
IS NO TIME TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK.
WE'RE RICH. WE CAN RETIRE.
YEAH. NO MORE GETTING UP AT 6:00 TO
GET THAT OLD STUPID TRUCK STARTED BY 8:00.
FORTY-FIVE YEARS OF HARD WORK,
KEEPING MY NOSE
TO THE GRINDSTONE,
WHEELIN' AND DEALIN'
AND COORDINATIN'.
AND FINALLY IT ALL PAID OFF. YOU
FOUND A SATCHEL FULL OF MONEY.
HEY, POP, LET'S MOVE.
AND GET A NEW HOME? WHY
NOT? WE CAN AFFORD IT NOW.
WHERE WOULD WE MOVE TO?
WE COULD MOVE TO BEVERLY HILLS.
BEVERLY HILLS.
YOU THINK THE NEIGHBORS
WILL LET US LIVE THERE?
WELL, WILT CHAMBERLAIN
LIVES IN BEVERLY HILLS.
WE BETTER GET A HOUSE NEXT
TO WILT 'CAUSE HE'LL LET US. YEAH.
AND WE COULD TRAVEL,
POP. ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
- ANYPLACE WE WANNA GO NOW.
- YEAH, I COULD GO TO ST. LOUIS.
I MEAN WE COULD TAKE A CRUISE.
WE COULD TAKE A CRUISE TO
ONE OF THOSE TROPICAL ISLANDS.
THAT'D BE GOOD FOR
MY ARTHRITIS. YEAH.
[ Siren Wailing ]
IT'S THE POLICE, POP.
THEY FOLLOWED ME HERE.
THEY'RE GONNA THINK
WE STOLE THIS MONEY.
DON'T PUT IT THERE. THAT'S
TOO CLOSE TO THE DOOR.
[ Shouting, Indistinct ]
OH, NO, SON.
WAIT A MINUTE. LAMONT,
WAIT A MINUTE. SETTLE DOWN.
THAT'S NOT THE POLICE. THEY'RE
NOT COMING. THAT'S A FIRE TRUCK.
WHAT ARE WE DOING, POP?
THIS ISN'T EVEN OUR MONEY.
WE GOT TO TURN
THIS IN. TURN IT IN?
LISTEN. YOU FOUND IT.
IN THE BIBLE IT SAYS, "FINDERS
KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS."
WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT?
RIGHT NEXT TO THAT PART WHERE
IT SAYS, "SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND."
THIS IS WHAT I FIGURED
HAPPENED, POP.
NOW, SEE, THIS MONEY
CAME FROM A BANK ROBBERY...
'CAUSE THERE'S TOO MUCH OF IT
TO COME FROM ANYPLACE ELSE.
NOW, I FIGURE CROOK "A" ROBBED
THIS MONEY FROM THE BANK...
AND HE LEFT IT IN THE
ALLEY FOR CROOK "B."
BUT I GOT THERE
BEFORE CROOK "B."
AND NOW "A" AND "B"
ARE LOOKING FOR ME.
I DON'T CARE IF "C," "D" AND
"E" ARE LOOKIN' FOR Y-O-U.
I'M NOT GONNA GIVE
UP THIS M-O-N-E-Y.
LISTEN, POP. LET'S TURN THE
MONEY IN. WE'LL GET A REWARD.
TURN IT IN? ARE YOU CRAZY? I
READ IT IN THE PAPERS 100 TIMES.
"HONEST CITIZEN
RETURNS MONEY TO BANK."
THEN IT ALWAYS GOES ON TO SAY HOW THEY
GAVE HIM A REWARD AND A NICE STEADY JOB.
YEAH. TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS,
A WHITE UNIFORM AND A BROOM.
POP, WE GOTTA TURN IT IN.
IF THE BANK DOESN'T TRACK THIS
MONEY DOWN, THOSE CROOKS WILL.
THAT'S JUST YOU
IMAGINING SOMETHING.
WHY YOU ALWAYS
IMAGINE ALL THAT STUFF?
POP, I BET YOU THOSE
CROOKS FOLLOWED ME HOME.
WHO? THEY DIDN'T FOLLOW YOU HOME
WHEN YOU CAME IN. I DIDN'T SEE NOBODY.
UH-HUH. THERE'S A STRANGE CAR
PARKED ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET.
AND IT WASN'T THERE WHEN I
CAME IN. COME OVER HERE, POP.
COME ON. IT'S RIGHT
OVER HERE. WHERE?
YOU SEE ON THE OTHER SIDE?
WHAT'S STRANGE ABOUT IT?
IT'S BEEN PARKED IN THIS
NEIGHBORHOOD FOR OVER FIVE MINUTES,
AND IT'S STILL GOT TIRES.
LISTEN.
WHY YOU KEEP GOING AROUND
IMAGINING A BUNCH OF STUFF?
YOU FOUND A SATCHEL FULL OF
MONEY. GO ENJOY IT AND SPEND IT.
NO, POP, IT MAKES
ME TOO NERVOUS.
GIVE IT TO ME. I AIN'T NERVOUS.
I'M NERVOUS WHEN I AIN'T GOT IT.
AND WHEN I GOT IT,
IT CALMS ME DOWN.
BUT, POP, THEN
YOU'LL BE IN TROUBLE.
IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE... [ Knocking At Door ]
UH-HUH. YOU SEE THAT?
NOW, THOSE ARE THE CROOKS.
THEY CAME TO GET THE
MONEY. WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE. SETTLE DOWN,
WILL YA? CALM YOURSELF.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO? I'M GIVING IT TO 'EM.
I DON'T WANT NO TROUBLE.
WAIT A MINUTE, SON.
WE DON'T WANT IT. TAKE IT. I...
EXCUSE ME, LADY. I THOUGHT YOU
WAS SOMEBODY ELSE. I'M SORRY.
JUST A MINUTE. COULD YOU SHOW
ME SOME FIREPLACE EQUIPMENT?
I'M AWFULLY SORRY.
WE'RE CLOSED TODAY.
BUT I SAW SOMETHING VERY NICE IN
YOUR YARD. COULDN'T YOU SHOW IT TO ME?
- WE'RE CLOSED, LADY.
- WE'RE CLOSED
BECAUSE IT'S A HOLIDAY.
IT'S A HOLIDAY.
WHAT HOLIDAY? I DON'T
KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW
NOTHIN' ABOUT THIS HOLIDAY.
IT'S BOOKER T. WASHINGTON'S.
GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER'S.
IT'S GEORGE WASHINGTON
CARVER'S. BOOKER T. WASHINGTON.
[ Lamont ] IT'S A HOLIDAY.
SHE'S GOING AWAY. THAT'S GOOD.
SAY, POP.
LISTEN. WE GOT TO GIVE
THIS MONEY TO THE POLICE...
'CAUSE IT'S JUST TOO NERVE-RACKING
HAVING IT AROUND HERE.
LISTEN, SON. YOU GOT TO THINK.
AIN'T NO LAW THAT SAYS
WHEN YOU FOUND SOMETHING...
THAT YOU GOT TO
RETURN IT OR GIVE IT BACK.
I BET YOU THERE
IS. BET. THAT'S A BET.
I BET YOU $5.00. BET.
HOW WE GONNA FIND
OUT? I'LL CALL THE POLICE.
I SHOULD'VE DONE
THIS FROM THE START.
HELLO. OPERATOR? LET ME HAVE
THE POLICE. THEY'LL SETTLE THIS THING.
[ Deep Voice ] HELLO, POLICE.
MY NAME IS JAY RUPPEROW.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU
COULD SETTLE A LITTLE ARGUMENT.
ANOTHER GENTLEMAN AND MYSELF WERE
SITTING AROUND THE STEAM ROOM IN OUR CLUB,
AND THE SUBJECT OF
FINDING MONEY CAME UP.
IF SOMEONE WAS TO
FIND MONEY IN THE STREET,
WOULD HE BE ABLE TO KEEP IT
OR WOULD HE HAVE TO TURN IT IN?
I SEE. UH-HUH.
WOULD YOU MIND REPEATING
THAT FOR THE OTHER GENTLEMAN?
HERE HE IS NOW.
HELLO. THIS IS THE OTHER GENTLEMAN
IN THE STEAM ROOM AT THE CLUB.
WHAT WERE YOU TELLING HIM
ABOUT FINDING MONEY IN THE STREET?
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
WELL, LISTEN. WHAT IF
THEY FOUND IT IN A ALLEY?
UH-HUH.
THANK YOU VER...
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU HEARD HIM.
GIVE ME $5.00. WHAT?
YOU HEARD HIM. IF YOU FIND SOME MONEY
IN THE STREET, YOU HAVE TO TURN IT IN.
IF NOBODY CLAIMS IT AFTER
SIX MONTHS, YOU GET TO KEEP IT.
YOU LOST THE BET,
SO GIVE ME FIVE BUCKS.
YOU GOT ANY CHANGE?
PUT THAT BACK IN.
I'M GONNA TAKE THIS
MONEY DOWN TO THE POLICE.
WAIT A MINUTE, LAMONT. AIN'T YOU AFRAID
TO GO OUT THERE WITH ALL THAT MONEY?
WHAT IF THEM CROOKS ARE
OUT THERE LIKE YOU SAID?
YEAH. THAT'S THE ONLY THING.
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS CALL THE
POLICE AND HAVE THEM COME AND PICK IT UP.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA. IN THE
MEANTIME, WE GOT TO KEEP THIS SAFE.
WE'LL PUT IT IN THE SAFE.
SEE?
I'LL JUST PUT THIS IN HERE. WAIT
A MINUTE. WHAT'S THAT IN THERE?
THERE'S NOTHIN' IN THERE. JUST
SOME OLD INSURANCE POLICIES...
AND SOME STUFF LIKE
THAT AND YOUR BABY SHOES.
SO THAT'S WHERE THE
PEANUT BRITTLE WENT.
I DID IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. I
DIDN'T WANT YOUR FACE TO BREAK OUT.
- THANKS A LOT.
- DON'T BLAME ME...
'CAUSE YOU GOT YOUR
MOTHER'S SENSITIVE SKIN.
I JUST SHUT THIS UP
IN HERE. THEN IT'S SAFE.
GOOD. YOU GOT THE
COMBINATION? UH-HUH.
WHERE IS IT? IN THE SAFE.
WHAT? OH, POP.
WELL, I GUESS THE MONEY'S GONNA
HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR A WHILE.
THAT WAS SMART. YOU LOCKED THE MONEY IN THE
SAFE AND YOU DON'T KNOW THE COMBINATION.
I KNOW IT. IT'S LOCKED IN THERE
ON A PIECE OF PAPER, BUT I KNOW IT.
WHAT IS IT?
THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT
I'M NOT TOO SURE ABOUT. WHAT?
IT'S SOMETHING TO THE LEFT
AND SOMETHING TO THE RIGHT.
THEN SOMETHING
TO THE LEFT AGAIN.
WHAT ARE THE NUMBERS, POP?
THAT'S THE PART I'M
NOT TOO SURE ABOUT.
THEN YOU DON'T KNOW IT.
I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE.
IF YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT THE COMBINATION
TO THAT SAFE, THEY GOT WAYS OF GETTING IN.
HELLO. OPERATOR? LET ME
HAVE THE POLICE, PLEASE?
LISTEN. JUST DON'T
CALL THE POLICE.
CALL OUR FRIENDS,
SWANEE AND SMITTY.
POLICE ARE POLICE. WHAT
DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
YOU BRING A STRANGE WHITE
POLICEMAN IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD...
AND SHOW HIM A
SATCHEL WITH $50,000 IN IT,
HE'LL SHOW YOU THE DIFFERENCE.
YOU'RE JUST TRY... HELLO.
POLICE? ASK FOR SMITTY.
I WONDER IF I CAN SPEAK TO
OFFICER SMITH OR SWANHAUSER.
OH. WELL, WHEN THEY DO, WOULD YOU
ASK THEM TO CALL SANFORD AND SON?
YEAH, THEY KNOW US. AND TELL
'EM IT'S IMPORTANT. THANK YOU.
THEY'RE NOT ON DUTY YET.
IN THE MEANTIME, WOULD YOU PLEASE
TRY AND COME UP WITH THAT COMBINATION?
I'LL GET MY GLASSES SO I CAN
SEE THE NUMBERS ON THE DIAL.
JUST SETTLE ON ONE PAIR OF
GLASSES AND BE DONE WITH IT.
YOU ALWAYS GO THROUGH
THIS. I NEED ALL THESE GLASSES.
SOME OF 'EM ARE FOR TV.
SOME OF 'EM FOR READING.
AND SOME OF 'EM FOR SEWING.
THESE ARE THEM.
WHAT ARE THOSE FOR?
THESE ARE THE GLASSES TO HELP ME
FIND THE GLASSES THAT I NEED TO FIND.
HERE THEY ARE.
COME ON OVER HERE.
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT.
SEE, I HAD A WAY OF REMEMBERING.
A SYSTEM, LIKE. UM...
- WHEN WAS THE STOCK
MARKET CRASH? '29, RIGHT?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- AND WORLD WAR II
ENDED IN '45, RIGHT?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
AND WHAT YEAR WAS THE
RIOTS IN WATTS? '65. CORRECT?
CORRECT.
THAT AIN'T IT.
YOU DON'T KNOW IT. YOU
DON'T KNOW NOTHING.
WELL, I KNOW HISTORY.
WOULD YOU PLEASE TRY AND
COME UP WITH THE COMBINATION?
WAIT. I REMEMBER. I SAW GEORGE
RAFT DO THIS IN A MOVIE ONCE.
HE HAD BEEN SHOT,
AND HE WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT
KNEW THE COMBINATION TO A SAFE...
WHERE SOME VERY IMPORTANT
GOVERNMENT PAPERS WERE.
SO HE LEANED OVER BY THE
SAFE AND PUT HIS EAR NEAR IT...
SO HE COULD HEAR THE
TUMBLERS. [ Knocking At Door ]
THERE'S THE POLICE NOW, AND
YOU STILL DON'T KNOW THE NUMBER.
I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET YOU LOCK
THAT MONEY IN THERE IN THE FIRST...
WHO IS IT, LAMONT? IS
IT SMITTY OR SWANEE?
LAMONT, WHO IS IT? IS IT...
GREAT DAY IN THE MORNIN'!
SHUT UP. GET YOUR
HANDS IN THE AIR.
THE OTHER ONE.
BOTH OF THEM! [ Phone Ringing ]
IT'S THE PHONE.
WERE YOU EXPECTING A CALL?
I WASN'T EXPECTING A CALL.
WERE YOU EXPECTING A CALL?
I WASN'T EXPECTING A CALL.
WERE YOU EXPECTING A CALL?
- [ Both ] WE WEREN'T
EXPECTING NO CALL.
- SHUT UP!
JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH
CLOSED AND ANSWER THAT PHONE.
ME? NO, THE OLD BUZZARD.
COME ON. AND MAKE IT FAST.
HELLO. SANFORD
AND SON. OH, SWANEE.
WHO'S SWANEE? HE'S
A FRIEND OF OURS.
HE WAS NAMED AFTER THE RIVER.
HELLO. WHAT? I SOUND
LIKE I'M OUT OF BREATH?
NO, WE'RE JUST DOING INVENTORY.
AND I'M COORDINATIN'.
AND WHEN I COORDINATE,
I GET BREATHLESS.
I KNOW I CALLED YOU. AND
WHEN I CALLED YOU, I NEEDED YOU.
BUT I DON'T NEED YOU NO MORE.
IF I NEED YOU, I'LL CALL YOU.
YEAH, I GOTTA GO
NOW. I GOTTA GO NOW.
I HAVE A CUSTOMER HERE
AND I'M LOOKING AT SOME IRON.
BYE.
YOU PICKED UP A SUITCASE
IN AN ALLEY, RIGHT?
DID YOU SEE ME AND
DID YOU FOLLOW ME?
- WHY? DID YOU
SEE ME FOLLOW YOU?
- I DIDN'T SEE YOU FOLLOW ME.
DID YOU SEE HIM FOLLOW ME?
I DIDN'T SEE HIM FOLLOW YOU.
DID YOU SEE HIM SEE
YOU FOLLOWIN' HIM?
- WE DIDN'T SEE ANYBODY
FOLLOW ANYBODY.
- JUST SHUT UP. BOTH OF YOU.
NOW, I KNOW THIS
SUITCASE IS IN THIS HOUSE.
LET ME HAVE IT.
IT'S HERE, BUT MY FATHER
LOCKED IT IN THE SAFE,
AND HE FORGOT THE
COMBINATION. OH, HE DID, HUH?
IT'S FUNNY HOW YOU CAN KNOW SOMETHING
ALL YOUR LIFE AND THEN FORGET IT.
IT'S JUST POP RIGHT OUT OF
YOUR MIND. BOOM. YOU KNOW?
ISN'T THAT TRUE, SON? YOU JUST
FORGET IT. AND YOU KNOW YOU KNOW IT.
18 RIGHT, 32 LEFT, 18 RIGHT.
YOU HEARD HIM. OPEN IT.
AND GET IT OUT FAST. COME ON.
LET ME HAVE IT.
ALL RIGHT, COME
ON. GET DOWN HERE.
NOW, I HOPE YOU GUYS
DIDN'T TAKE ANY OF THIS.
JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,
HOW MUCH MONEY'S IN THERE?
SHUT UP.
- GIVE ME SOME ROPE.
- ROPE?
ROPE. FOR TYING PEOPLE
UP. WE DON'T HAVE NO ROPE.
YOU THINKING OF JUNK...
OVER IN THE BUREAU...
IN THE RIGHT-HAND
SIDE OF THE DRAWER.
GET IT. YOU, SIT DOWN.
YOU TIE HIM UP. TIE HIM UP!
HERE.
COME ON. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TIE?
YEAH, I KNOW HOW
TO TIE. WELL, TIE.
I'M TYIN'. NOW, HERE.
HERE. TIE IT AROUND HIS MOUTH.
OKAY.
YOU NOT GONNA SHOOT ME? YOU
WOULDN'T SHOOT AN OLD MAN WITH ARTHRITIS.
SIT DOWN HERE.
[ Knocking At Door ]
SHH.
GET BACK. GET BACK
OUT OF SIGHT. COME ON!
COME HERE. YOU ANSWER
IT. GET RID OF 'EM FAST.
TELL 'EM YOU'RE
CLOSED. YOU GOT THAT?
OKAY.
WELL, SWANEE, SMITTY.
WE'RE FOLLOWING THROUGH ON YOUR
REQUEST FOR POSSIBLE ASSISTANCE.
HOW CAN WE BE OF SERVICE?
YEAH, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, FRED?
YOU GOT SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE?
YEAH, IT'S THE SMOG. THE
SMOG IS REAL BAD TODAY.
INDEED IT IS.
IF ALL CITIZENS WOULD ONLY PULL
TOGETHER IN THE FIGHT AGAINST POLLUTION,
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO SUFFER, AND
WE'D HAVE CLEAN AIR FOR OUR CHILDREN.
WELL, IF EVERYTHING'S OKAY,
WE'RE GONNA SPLIT, FRED.
YES, THAT'S PROGRESS FOR YOU.
THEY CAN SEND A MAN TO THE MOON,
BUT THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING
ABOUT YOUR BURNING EYES.
SWANEE, LET'S GO. THIS IS
A SERIOUS HUMAN PROBLEM.
WE'RE AN ENDANGERED
SPECIES. WE'LL SEE YOU, FRED.
COME ON. GET OVER HERE. GET OVER
HERE, YOU! GET OVER TO THE TABLE.
ALL RIGHT, SIT DOWN.
DON'T GO NEAR THE DOOR.
STAY AWAY FROM THE PHONE.
DON'T LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.
AND NO YELLING. YOU GOT THAT?
I DIDN'T HEAR WHAT YOU SAID
AFTER YOU SAID "SIT DOWN."
BUT DON'T GO NEAR THE DOOR.
DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE.
DON'T LOOK OUT THE
WINDOW. AND NO YELLING.
RIGHT ON. HEY, THAT'S OURS.
SHUT UP!
I TRIED. I TRIED, LAMONT.
I TRIED TO SIGNAL
SMITTY AND SWANEE.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HE HAD A GUN
IN MY BACK. WHAT COULD I DO?
[ Muffled Talking ]
THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.
SMITTY, SWANEE, YOU CAUGHT HIM.
YOUR ERRATIC BEHAVIOR AT THE
DOOR AROUSED OUR SUSPICION,
SO WE STAKED OUT FOR
FURTHER SURVEILLANCE.
YOU WERE ACTING KIND OF
WEIRD, SO WE HUNG AROUND.
YOU ROTTEN OLD FINK.
YOU COST ME 70 THOU.
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
ONE ACROSS YOUR LIP?
HOLD ME, BROTHER SMITH.
I'M SURE GLAD THEY HELD ON TO
HIM 'CAUSE I'D HAVE HAD TO HURT HIM.
SEE THAT, SON?
SWANEE AND SMITTY GOT
MY MESSAGE AFTER ALL.
YOU SEE, PEOPLE CAN
TALK WITH THEIR EYES.
DID YOU KNOW THAT?
SEEM LIKE...
SEEM LIKE YOU TRYING TO
SAY SOMETHING TO ME NOW.
WOULD YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?
CAN YOU FURNISH THE PRECISE TIME THE
SUSPECT EXECUTED HIS FORCED ENTRY...
INTO THE ABOVE-DESCRIBED
PREMISES?
WHAT TIME DID THE CAT
BUST INTO YOUR PAD?
IT WAS ABOUT 3:30.
YEAH. THAT'S
RIGHT. IT WAS 3:30...
'CAUSE THE OLD
CLOCK THERE SAID 3:30.
IT SAYS 3:30 NOW.
IT ALWAYS SAYS 3:30.
BUT IT STILL AIN'T A BAD
BUY FOR NINE DOLLARS.
EIGHT DOLLARS?
- WHAT WAS THE TIME?
- IT WAS 3:30. I CHECKED MY WATCH.
WHERE WAS THE
MONEY AT THAT TIME?
MONEY WAS IN THE
SAFE. RIGHT OVER THERE.
I TOLD HIM PUT IT IN THE SAFE. IT'LL
BE SAFE UNTIL Y'ALL CAME TO PICK IT UP.
THAT SAFE OVER THERE?
YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE.
I HAD THE SATCHEL. COME OVER
HERE. I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I DID.
SEE? I PUT THE SATCHEL RIGHT
HERE IN THE WELLS FARGO...
AND THEN SHUT
THE DOOR LIKE THIS.
AND THEN IT WAS SAFE.
THE SAFEST SAFE IN TOWN.
OKAY, YOU CAN TAKE
IT OUT NOW. HUH?
OPEN THE SAFE.
THE COMBINATION IS
INSIDE THE SAFE. WHAT?
BUT DON'T GET
EXCITED. I CAN OPEN IT.
SEE, I SAW GEORGE
RAFT IN A PICTURE ONCE.
AND HE PUT HIS EAR
TO THE SAFE LIKE THIS...
SO HE COULD HEAR THE
SOUND OF THE TUMBLERS.
I JUST REMEMBERED.
HE DIED BEFORE HE
COULD GET IT OPEN.
SO I GUESS THE MONEY'S GONNA
HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
[ Lamont ] SANFORD AND SON IS RECORDED
ON TAPE BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
POP, I'M HOME!
HEY, POP! HEY, POP.
HELLO, SON. YOU WANNA
HELP ME UNLOAD THIS TRUCK?
I WAS READING THE PAPER. THAT
"DEAR ABBY." YOU EVER READ THAT?
- NO. HELP ME UNLOAD THIS.
- WAIT. LET ME READ YOU
ONE OF 'EM.
"DEAR ABBY, MY HUSBAND
REFUSES TO BATHE.
"I HAVE USED ALL KINDS OF
HINTS, BUT NOTHING HELPS.
"I LEAVE SOAP LYING AROUND.
"AND ONCE I EVEN FILLED THE TUB
AND TRIED TO PUSH HIM IN ACCIDENTALLY.
"BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK.
HE STILL WON'T TAKE A BATH.
WHAT DO YOU ADVISE?
SIGNED, GAS MASK."
- HELP ME UNLOAD THIS TRUCK.
- WAIT A MINUTE. LET ME READ YOU ONE MORE.
LISTEN TO THIS.
"DEAR ABBY, MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE NOT
SPOKEN TO EACH OTHER FOR FIVE YEARS.
"I HATE TO BE THE
FIRST ONE TO TALK,
"BUT IT LOOKS LIKE I MIGHT HAVE TO
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY.
"SHOULD I TELL HIM OR SHOULD I
WAIT TILL HE NOTICES SOMETHING?
SIGNED, STUBBORN."
PUT THAT PAPER DOWN AND
HELP ME UNLOAD THIS TRUCK.
PROBLEMS. PEOPLE GOT PROBLEMS.
AND I SEE I GOT ME ONE. WHAT?
LOOK. JUNK, JUNK, JUNK.
THAT'S OUR BUSINESS, ISN'T IT?
BUT THIS KIND OF JUNK
MAKE REAL JUNK LOOK BAD.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
LOOK AT THEM OLD BIG
TIRES. THESE ARE SNOW TIRES.
SNOW TIRES? IN
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA?
THAT JUST SHOWS
YOU WHAT YOU KNOW.
PEOPLE USE THESE ALL THE TIME TO GET
UP THE MOUNTAINS TO THOSE SKI RESORTS.
OH, YES. OUR NEIGHBORS
ARE THERE ALL THE TIME,
SKIING AND YODELING.
LOOK AT THIS TRASH. TRASH?
THIS IS GOOD. THIS IS ALUMINUM.
"ALULIMUM"? THAT'S
NOTHIN' BUT OLD POT METAL.
AIN'T WORTH NOTHIN'. HOW LONG
YOU BEEN WITH ME NOW, LAMONT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HOW
LONG HAVE I BEEN WITH YOU?
SINCE I WAS BORN.
HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG?
COME ON, POP.
ALL THIS TIME IN
THE JUNK BUSINESS...
AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T
DEVELOPED AN EYE FOR JUNK.
I PICK UP WHAT I CAN.
LOOK AT THIS. WHAT IS
THIS? WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE?
YOU MUST HAVE
FOUND IT IN AN ALLEY.
NO, I BOUGHT IT AT
SAKS FIFTH AVENUE.
DON'T YOU KNOW, LAMONT, PEOPLE
PUT GARBAGE IN STUFF LIKE THIS?
FILL IT UP WITH GARBAGE AND
THEN THROW IT OUT IN THE ALLEY.
THAT'S ANOTHER THING YOU HAVEN'T
DEVELOPED IS A NOSE FOR JUNK.
I'M NOT GONNA GO AROUND
SMELLING THE STUFF.
WHEN YOU FIND SOMETHING LIKE THIS,
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS STEP ON IT.
AND IF IT SQUISHES,
THEN YOU DON'T WANT IT.
I'LL JUST THROW IT AWAY. WAIT
A MINUTE. DON'T THROW IT AWAY.
I JUST WANNA GIVE YOU A
LESSON IN THIS BUSINESS.
A LESSON IN THIS BUSINESS.
YEAH. LOOK AT THIS HERE.
GARBAGE.
IT'S MONEY, POP. IT'S
FILLED WITH MONEY.
MY HEART.
OH! MY HEART. I AIN'T NEVER
SEEN THAT MUCH MONEY IN MY LIFE.
HEY, LAMONT, COME HERE.
COME HERE AND OPEN IT UP AND
SEE IF THE MONEY'S STILL IN THERE.
LOOK AT THAT, POP. STACKS OF
TWENTIES, FIFTIES, HUNDREDS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT. I CAN'T STAND IT.
I AIN'T GONNA MAKE IT.
YOU HEAR THAT, ELIZABETH?
I'M COMING TO JOIN
YOU, HONEY, RICH.
WOULD YOU...
WOULD YOU STOP THAT, POP. THIS
IS NO TIME TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK.
WE'RE RICH. WE CAN RETIRE.
YEAH. NO MORE GETTING UP AT 6:00 TO
GET THAT OLD STUPID TRUCK STARTED BY 8:00.
FORTY-FIVE YEARS OF HARD WORK,
KEEPING MY NOSE
TO THE GRINDSTONE,
WHEELIN' AND DEALIN'
AND COORDINATIN'.
AND FINALLY IT ALL PAID OFF. YOU
FOUND A SATCHEL FULL OF MONEY.
HEY, POP, LET'S MOVE.
AND GET A NEW HOME? WHY
NOT? WE CAN AFFORD IT NOW.
WHERE WOULD WE MOVE TO?
WE COULD MOVE TO BEVERLY HILLS.
BEVERLY HILLS.
YOU THINK THE NEIGHBORS
WILL LET US LIVE THERE?
WELL, WILT CHAMBERLAIN
LIVES IN BEVERLY HILLS.
WE BETTER GET A HOUSE NEXT
TO WILT 'CAUSE HE'LL LET US. YEAH.
AND WE COULD TRAVEL,
POP. ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
- ANYPLACE WE WANNA GO NOW.
- YEAH, I COULD GO TO ST. LOUIS.
I MEAN WE COULD TAKE A CRUISE.
WE COULD TAKE A CRUISE TO
ONE OF THOSE TROPICAL ISLANDS.
THAT'D BE GOOD FOR
MY ARTHRITIS. YEAH.
[ Siren Wailing ]
IT'S THE POLICE, POP.
THEY FOLLOWED ME HERE.
THEY'RE GONNA THINK
WE STOLE THIS MONEY.
DON'T PUT IT THERE. THAT'S
TOO CLOSE TO THE DOOR.
[ Shouting, Indistinct ]
OH, NO, SON.
WAIT A MINUTE. LAMONT,
WAIT A MINUTE. SETTLE DOWN.
THAT'S NOT THE POLICE. THEY'RE
NOT COMING. THAT'S A FIRE TRUCK.
WHAT ARE WE DOING, POP?
THIS ISN'T EVEN OUR MONEY.
WE GOT TO TURN
THIS IN. TURN IT IN?
LISTEN. YOU FOUND IT.
IN THE BIBLE IT SAYS, "FINDERS
KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS."
WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT?
RIGHT NEXT TO THAT PART WHERE
IT SAYS, "SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND."
THIS IS WHAT I FIGURED
HAPPENED, POP.
NOW, SEE, THIS MONEY
CAME FROM A BANK ROBBERY...
'CAUSE THERE'S TOO MUCH OF IT
TO COME FROM ANYPLACE ELSE.
NOW, I FIGURE CROOK "A" ROBBED
THIS MONEY FROM THE BANK...
AND HE LEFT IT IN THE
ALLEY FOR CROOK "B."
BUT I GOT THERE
BEFORE CROOK "B."
AND NOW "A" AND "B"
ARE LOOKING FOR ME.
I DON'T CARE IF "C," "D" AND
"E" ARE LOOKIN' FOR Y-O-U.
I'M NOT GONNA GIVE
UP THIS M-O-N-E-Y.
LISTEN, POP. LET'S TURN THE
MONEY IN. WE'LL GET A REWARD.
TURN IT IN? ARE YOU CRAZY? I
READ IT IN THE PAPERS 100 TIMES.
"HONEST CITIZEN
RETURNS MONEY TO BANK."
THEN IT ALWAYS GOES ON TO SAY HOW THEY
GAVE HIM A REWARD AND A NICE STEADY JOB.
YEAH. TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS,
A WHITE UNIFORM AND A BROOM.
POP, WE GOTTA TURN IT IN.
IF THE BANK DOESN'T TRACK THIS
MONEY DOWN, THOSE CROOKS WILL.
THAT'S JUST YOU
IMAGINING SOMETHING.
WHY YOU ALWAYS
IMAGINE ALL THAT STUFF?
POP, I BET YOU THOSE
CROOKS FOLLOWED ME HOME.
WHO? THEY DIDN'T FOLLOW YOU HOME
WHEN YOU CAME IN. I DIDN'T SEE NOBODY.
UH-HUH. THERE'S A STRANGE CAR
PARKED ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET.
AND IT WASN'T THERE WHEN I
CAME IN. COME OVER HERE, POP.
COME ON. IT'S RIGHT
OVER HERE. WHERE?
YOU SEE ON THE OTHER SIDE?
WHAT'S STRANGE ABOUT IT?
IT'S BEEN PARKED IN THIS
NEIGHBORHOOD FOR OVER FIVE MINUTES,
AND IT'S STILL GOT TIRES.
LISTEN.
WHY YOU KEEP GOING AROUND
IMAGINING A BUNCH OF STUFF?
YOU FOUND A SATCHEL FULL OF
MONEY. GO ENJOY IT AND SPEND IT.
NO, POP, IT MAKES
ME TOO NERVOUS.
GIVE IT TO ME. I AIN'T NERVOUS.
I'M NERVOUS WHEN I AIN'T GOT IT.
AND WHEN I GOT IT,
IT CALMS ME DOWN.
BUT, POP, THEN
YOU'LL BE IN TROUBLE.
IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE... [ Knocking At Door ]
UH-HUH. YOU SEE THAT?
NOW, THOSE ARE THE CROOKS.
THEY CAME TO GET THE
MONEY. WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE. SETTLE DOWN,
WILL YA? CALM YOURSELF.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO? I'M GIVING IT TO 'EM.
I DON'T WANT NO TROUBLE.
WAIT A MINUTE, SON.
WE DON'T WANT IT. TAKE IT. I...
EXCUSE ME, LADY. I THOUGHT YOU
WAS SOMEBODY ELSE. I'M SORRY.
JUST A MINUTE. COULD YOU SHOW
ME SOME FIREPLACE EQUIPMENT?
I'M AWFULLY SORRY.
WE'RE CLOSED TODAY.
BUT I SAW SOMETHING VERY NICE IN
YOUR YARD. COULDN'T YOU SHOW IT TO ME?
- WE'RE CLOSED, LADY.
- WE'RE CLOSED
BECAUSE IT'S A HOLIDAY.
IT'S A HOLIDAY.
WHAT HOLIDAY? I DON'T
KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW
NOTHIN' ABOUT THIS HOLIDAY.
IT'S BOOKER T. WASHINGTON'S.
GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER'S.
IT'S GEORGE WASHINGTON
CARVER'S. BOOKER T. WASHINGTON.
[ Lamont ] IT'S A HOLIDAY.
SHE'S GOING AWAY. THAT'S GOOD.
SAY, POP.
LISTEN. WE GOT TO GIVE
THIS MONEY TO THE POLICE...
'CAUSE IT'S JUST TOO NERVE-RACKING
HAVING IT AROUND HERE.
LISTEN, SON. YOU GOT TO THINK.
AIN'T NO LAW THAT SAYS
WHEN YOU FOUND SOMETHING...
THAT YOU GOT TO
RETURN IT OR GIVE IT BACK.
I BET YOU THERE
IS. BET. THAT'S A BET.
I BET YOU $5.00. BET.
HOW WE GONNA FIND
OUT? I'LL CALL THE POLICE.
I SHOULD'VE DONE
THIS FROM THE START.
HELLO. OPERATOR? LET ME HAVE
THE POLICE. THEY'LL SETTLE THIS THING.
[ Deep Voice ] HELLO, POLICE.
MY NAME IS JAY RUPPEROW.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU
COULD SETTLE A LITTLE ARGUMENT.
ANOTHER GENTLEMAN AND MYSELF WERE
SITTING AROUND THE STEAM ROOM IN OUR CLUB,
AND THE SUBJECT OF
FINDING MONEY CAME UP.
IF SOMEONE WAS TO
FIND MONEY IN THE STREET,
WOULD HE BE ABLE TO KEEP IT
OR WOULD HE HAVE TO TURN IT IN?
I SEE. UH-HUH.
WOULD YOU MIND REPEATING
THAT FOR THE OTHER GENTLEMAN?
HERE HE IS NOW.
HELLO. THIS IS THE OTHER GENTLEMAN
IN THE STEAM ROOM AT THE CLUB.
WHAT WERE YOU TELLING HIM
ABOUT FINDING MONEY IN THE STREET?
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
WELL, LISTEN. WHAT IF
THEY FOUND IT IN A ALLEY?
UH-HUH.
THANK YOU VER...
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU HEARD HIM.
GIVE ME $5.00. WHAT?
YOU HEARD HIM. IF YOU FIND SOME MONEY
IN THE STREET, YOU HAVE TO TURN IT IN.
IF NOBODY CLAIMS IT AFTER
SIX MONTHS, YOU GET TO KEEP IT.
YOU LOST THE BET,
SO GIVE ME FIVE BUCKS.
YOU GOT ANY CHANGE?
PUT THAT BACK IN.
I'M GONNA TAKE THIS
MONEY DOWN TO THE POLICE.
WAIT A MINUTE, LAMONT. AIN'T YOU AFRAID
TO GO OUT THERE WITH ALL THAT MONEY?
WHAT IF THEM CROOKS ARE
OUT THERE LIKE YOU SAID?
YEAH. THAT'S THE ONLY THING.
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS CALL THE
POLICE AND HAVE THEM COME AND PICK IT UP.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA. IN THE
MEANTIME, WE GOT TO KEEP THIS SAFE.
WE'LL PUT IT IN THE SAFE.
SEE?
I'LL JUST PUT THIS IN HERE. WAIT
A MINUTE. WHAT'S THAT IN THERE?
THERE'S NOTHIN' IN THERE. JUST
SOME OLD INSURANCE POLICIES...
AND SOME STUFF LIKE
THAT AND YOUR BABY SHOES.
SO THAT'S WHERE THE
PEANUT BRITTLE WENT.
I DID IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. I
DIDN'T WANT YOUR FACE TO BREAK OUT.
- THANKS A LOT.
- DON'T BLAME ME...
'CAUSE YOU GOT YOUR
MOTHER'S SENSITIVE SKIN.
I JUST SHUT THIS UP
IN HERE. THEN IT'S SAFE.
GOOD. YOU GOT THE
COMBINATION? UH-HUH.
WHERE IS IT? IN THE SAFE.
WHAT? OH, POP.
WELL, I GUESS THE MONEY'S GONNA
HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR A WHILE.
THAT WAS SMART. YOU LOCKED THE MONEY IN THE
SAFE AND YOU DON'T KNOW THE COMBINATION.
I KNOW IT. IT'S LOCKED IN THERE
ON A PIECE OF PAPER, BUT I KNOW IT.
WHAT IS IT?
THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT
I'M NOT TOO SURE ABOUT. WHAT?
IT'S SOMETHING TO THE LEFT
AND SOMETHING TO THE RIGHT.
THEN SOMETHING
TO THE LEFT AGAIN.
WHAT ARE THE NUMBERS, POP?
THAT'S THE PART I'M
NOT TOO SURE ABOUT.
THEN YOU DON'T KNOW IT.
I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE.
IF YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT THE COMBINATION
TO THAT SAFE, THEY GOT WAYS OF GETTING IN.
HELLO. OPERATOR? LET ME
HAVE THE POLICE, PLEASE?
LISTEN. JUST DON'T
CALL THE POLICE.
CALL OUR FRIENDS,
SWANEE AND SMITTY.
POLICE ARE POLICE. WHAT
DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
YOU BRING A STRANGE WHITE
POLICEMAN IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD...
AND SHOW HIM A
SATCHEL WITH $50,000 IN IT,
HE'LL SHOW YOU THE DIFFERENCE.
YOU'RE JUST TRY... HELLO.
POLICE? ASK FOR SMITTY.
I WONDER IF I CAN SPEAK TO
OFFICER SMITH OR SWANHAUSER.
OH. WELL, WHEN THEY DO, WOULD YOU
ASK THEM TO CALL SANFORD AND SON?
YEAH, THEY KNOW US. AND TELL
'EM IT'S IMPORTANT. THANK YOU.
THEY'RE NOT ON DUTY YET.
IN THE MEANTIME, WOULD YOU PLEASE
TRY AND COME UP WITH THAT COMBINATION?
I'LL GET MY GLASSES SO I CAN
SEE THE NUMBERS ON THE DIAL.
JUST SETTLE ON ONE PAIR OF
GLASSES AND BE DONE WITH IT.
YOU ALWAYS GO THROUGH
THIS. I NEED ALL THESE GLASSES.
SOME OF 'EM ARE FOR TV.
SOME OF 'EM FOR READING.
AND SOME OF 'EM FOR SEWING.
THESE ARE THEM.
WHAT ARE THOSE FOR?
THESE ARE THE GLASSES TO HELP ME
FIND THE GLASSES THAT I NEED TO FIND.
HERE THEY ARE.
COME ON OVER HERE.
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT.
SEE, I HAD A WAY OF REMEMBERING.
A SYSTEM, LIKE. UM...
- WHEN WAS THE STOCK
MARKET CRASH? '29, RIGHT?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- AND WORLD WAR II
ENDED IN '45, RIGHT?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
AND WHAT YEAR WAS THE
RIOTS IN WATTS? '65. CORRECT?
CORRECT.
THAT AIN'T IT.
YOU DON'T KNOW IT. YOU
DON'T KNOW NOTHING.
WELL, I KNOW HISTORY.
WOULD YOU PLEASE TRY AND
COME UP WITH THE COMBINATION?
WAIT. I REMEMBER. I SAW GEORGE
RAFT DO THIS IN A MOVIE ONCE.
HE HAD BEEN SHOT,
AND HE WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT
KNEW THE COMBINATION TO A SAFE...
WHERE SOME VERY IMPORTANT
GOVERNMENT PAPERS WERE.
SO HE LEANED OVER BY THE
SAFE AND PUT HIS EAR NEAR IT...
SO HE COULD HEAR THE
TUMBLERS. [ Knocking At Door ]
THERE'S THE POLICE NOW, AND
YOU STILL DON'T KNOW THE NUMBER.
I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET YOU LOCK
THAT MONEY IN THERE IN THE FIRST...
WHO IS IT, LAMONT? IS
IT SMITTY OR SWANEE?
LAMONT, WHO IS IT? IS IT...
GREAT DAY IN THE MORNIN'!
SHUT UP. GET YOUR
HANDS IN THE AIR.
THE OTHER ONE.
BOTH OF THEM! [ Phone Ringing ]
IT'S THE PHONE.
WERE YOU EXPECTING A CALL?
I WASN'T EXPECTING A CALL.
WERE YOU EXPECTING A CALL?
I WASN'T EXPECTING A CALL.
WERE YOU EXPECTING A CALL?
- [ Both ] WE WEREN'T
EXPECTING NO CALL.
- SHUT UP!
JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH
CLOSED AND ANSWER THAT PHONE.
ME? NO, THE OLD BUZZARD.
COME ON. AND MAKE IT FAST.
HELLO. SANFORD
AND SON. OH, SWANEE.
WHO'S SWANEE? HE'S
A FRIEND OF OURS.
HE WAS NAMED AFTER THE RIVER.
HELLO. WHAT? I SOUND
LIKE I'M OUT OF BREATH?
NO, WE'RE JUST DOING INVENTORY.
AND I'M COORDINATIN'.
AND WHEN I COORDINATE,
I GET BREATHLESS.
I KNOW I CALLED YOU. AND
WHEN I CALLED YOU, I NEEDED YOU.
BUT I DON'T NEED YOU NO MORE.
IF I NEED YOU, I'LL CALL YOU.
YEAH, I GOTTA GO
NOW. I GOTTA GO NOW.
I HAVE A CUSTOMER HERE
AND I'M LOOKING AT SOME IRON.
BYE.
YOU PICKED UP A SUITCASE
IN AN ALLEY, RIGHT?
DID YOU SEE ME AND
DID YOU FOLLOW ME?
- WHY? DID YOU
SEE ME FOLLOW YOU?
- I DIDN'T SEE YOU FOLLOW ME.
DID YOU SEE HIM FOLLOW ME?
I DIDN'T SEE HIM FOLLOW YOU.
DID YOU SEE HIM SEE
YOU FOLLOWIN' HIM?
- WE DIDN'T SEE ANYBODY
FOLLOW ANYBODY.
- JUST SHUT UP. BOTH OF YOU.
NOW, I KNOW THIS
SUITCASE IS IN THIS HOUSE.
LET ME HAVE IT.
IT'S HERE, BUT MY FATHER
LOCKED IT IN THE SAFE,
AND HE FORGOT THE
COMBINATION. OH, HE DID, HUH?
IT'S FUNNY HOW YOU CAN KNOW SOMETHING
ALL YOUR LIFE AND THEN FORGET IT.
IT'S JUST POP RIGHT OUT OF
YOUR MIND. BOOM. YOU KNOW?
ISN'T THAT TRUE, SON? YOU JUST
FORGET IT. AND YOU KNOW YOU KNOW IT.
18 RIGHT, 32 LEFT, 18 RIGHT.
YOU HEARD HIM. OPEN IT.
AND GET IT OUT FAST. COME ON.
LET ME HAVE IT.
ALL RIGHT, COME
ON. GET DOWN HERE.
NOW, I HOPE YOU GUYS
DIDN'T TAKE ANY OF THIS.
JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,
HOW MUCH MONEY'S IN THERE?
SHUT UP.
- GIVE ME SOME ROPE.
- ROPE?
ROPE. FOR TYING PEOPLE
UP. WE DON'T HAVE NO ROPE.
YOU THINKING OF JUNK...
OVER IN THE BUREAU...
IN THE RIGHT-HAND
SIDE OF THE DRAWER.
GET IT. YOU, SIT DOWN.
YOU TIE HIM UP. TIE HIM UP!
HERE.
COME ON. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TIE?
YEAH, I KNOW HOW
TO TIE. WELL, TIE.
I'M TYIN'. NOW, HERE.
HERE. TIE IT AROUND HIS MOUTH.
OKAY.
YOU NOT GONNA SHOOT ME? YOU
WOULDN'T SHOOT AN OLD MAN WITH ARTHRITIS.
SIT DOWN HERE.
[ Knocking At Door ]
SHH.
GET BACK. GET BACK
OUT OF SIGHT. COME ON!
COME HERE. YOU ANSWER
IT. GET RID OF 'EM FAST.
TELL 'EM YOU'RE
CLOSED. YOU GOT THAT?
OKAY.
WELL, SWANEE, SMITTY.
WE'RE FOLLOWING THROUGH ON YOUR
REQUEST FOR POSSIBLE ASSISTANCE.
HOW CAN WE BE OF SERVICE?
YEAH, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, FRED?
YOU GOT SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE?
YEAH, IT'S THE SMOG. THE
SMOG IS REAL BAD TODAY.
INDEED IT IS.
IF ALL CITIZENS WOULD ONLY PULL
TOGETHER IN THE FIGHT AGAINST POLLUTION,
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO SUFFER, AND
WE'D HAVE CLEAN AIR FOR OUR CHILDREN.
WELL, IF EVERYTHING'S OKAY,
WE'RE GONNA SPLIT, FRED.
YES, THAT'S PROGRESS FOR YOU.
THEY CAN SEND A MAN TO THE MOON,
BUT THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING
ABOUT YOUR BURNING EYES.
SWANEE, LET'S GO. THIS IS
A SERIOUS HUMAN PROBLEM.
WE'RE AN ENDANGERED
SPECIES. WE'LL SEE YOU, FRED.
COME ON. GET OVER HERE. GET OVER
HERE, YOU! GET OVER TO THE TABLE.
ALL RIGHT, SIT DOWN.
DON'T GO NEAR THE DOOR.
STAY AWAY FROM THE PHONE.
DON'T LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.
AND NO YELLING. YOU GOT THAT?
I DIDN'T HEAR WHAT YOU SAID
AFTER YOU SAID "SIT DOWN."
BUT DON'T GO NEAR THE DOOR.
DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE.
DON'T LOOK OUT THE
WINDOW. AND NO YELLING.
RIGHT ON. HEY, THAT'S OURS.
SHUT UP!
I TRIED. I TRIED, LAMONT.
I TRIED TO SIGNAL
SMITTY AND SWANEE.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HE HAD A GUN
IN MY BACK. WHAT COULD I DO?
[ Muffled Talking ]
THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.
SMITTY, SWANEE, YOU CAUGHT HIM.
YOUR ERRATIC BEHAVIOR AT THE
DOOR AROUSED OUR SUSPICION,
SO WE STAKED OUT FOR
FURTHER SURVEILLANCE.
YOU WERE ACTING KIND OF
WEIRD, SO WE HUNG AROUND.
YOU ROTTEN OLD FINK.
YOU COST ME 70 THOU.
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
ONE ACROSS YOUR LIP?
HOLD ME, BROTHER SMITH.
I'M SURE GLAD THEY HELD ON TO
HIM 'CAUSE I'D HAVE HAD TO HURT HIM.
SEE THAT, SON?
SWANEE AND SMITTY GOT
MY MESSAGE AFTER ALL.
YOU SEE, PEOPLE CAN
TALK WITH THEIR EYES.
DID YOU KNOW THAT?
SEEM LIKE...
SEEM LIKE YOU TRYING TO
SAY SOMETHING TO ME NOW.
WOULD YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?
CAN YOU FURNISH THE PRECISE TIME THE
SUSPECT EXECUTED HIS FORCED ENTRY...
INTO THE ABOVE-DESCRIBED
PREMISES?
WHAT TIME DID THE CAT
BUST INTO YOUR PAD?
IT WAS ABOUT 3:30.
YEAH. THAT'S
RIGHT. IT WAS 3:30...
'CAUSE THE OLD
CLOCK THERE SAID 3:30.
IT SAYS 3:30 NOW.
IT ALWAYS SAYS 3:30.
BUT IT STILL AIN'T A BAD
BUY FOR NINE DOLLARS.
EIGHT DOLLARS?
- WHAT WAS THE TIME?
- IT WAS 3:30. I CHECKED MY WATCH.
WHERE WAS THE
MONEY AT THAT TIME?
MONEY WAS IN THE
SAFE. RIGHT OVER THERE.
I TOLD HIM PUT IT IN THE SAFE. IT'LL
BE SAFE UNTIL Y'ALL CAME TO PICK IT UP.
THAT SAFE OVER THERE?
YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE.
I HAD THE SATCHEL. COME OVER
HERE. I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I DID.
SEE? I PUT THE SATCHEL RIGHT
HERE IN THE WELLS FARGO...
AND THEN SHUT
THE DOOR LIKE THIS.
AND THEN IT WAS SAFE.
THE SAFEST SAFE IN TOWN.
OKAY, YOU CAN TAKE
IT OUT NOW. HUH?
OPEN THE SAFE.
THE COMBINATION IS
INSIDE THE SAFE. WHAT?
BUT DON'T GET
EXCITED. I CAN OPEN IT.
SEE, I SAW GEORGE
RAFT IN A PICTURE ONCE.
AND HE PUT HIS EAR
TO THE SAFE LIKE THIS...
SO HE COULD HEAR THE
SOUND OF THE TUMBLERS.
I JUST REMEMBERED.
HE DIED BEFORE HE
COULD GET IT OPEN.
SO I GUESS THE MONEY'S GONNA
HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
[ Lamont ] SANFORD AND SON IS RECORDED
ON TAPE BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.