Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 1, Episode 11 - TV or Not TV - full transcript

[ TV Playing ]

HEY, FRED. IS THAT AS LOUD AS
THAT TV'LL GO? I CAN'T HEAR NOTHIN'.

YOU WANNA MAKE IT
LOUDER? DO LIKE THIS.

CAN'T YOU TURN THE SOUND UP?
IT'S UP AS HIGH AS IT'LL GO NOW.

AND LOOK AT THAT PICTURE.
THERE'S TWO HUMPHREY BOGARTS.

CAN'T YOU FIX IT?

THERE'S SOME KNOBS ON HERE WHERE
YOU CAN FIX THE PICTURE AND THE SOUND.

TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I'LL FIX IT.

SEE THEM KNOBS BACK THERE AND
ONE OF 'EM SAY “VOLUME CONTROL”?

- YEAH.
- AND THERE'S TWO MORE...

“HORIZONTAL HOLD”
AND “VERTICAL HOLD.”



AND DOWN BELOW, TWO KNOBS SAY
“BRIGHTNESS” AND ONE SAYS “FINE TUNING.”

YEAH. FORGET
ABOUT ALL OF THEM...

AND JUST HIT IT ON THE
SIDE WITH YOUR FIST.

GO AHEAD AND HIT IT ONCE.

ONCE, MELVIN. YOU
CAN'T FIX NOTHIN'.

NOW LOOK AT IT.

THERE'S FOUR HUMPHREY
BOGARTS AND SIX LAUREN BACALLS.

THIS IS SUPPOSED
TO BE A LOVE SCENE.

LOOK LIKE THEY
PLAYING BASKETBALL.

SEE, NOW, WATCH ME. ALL
YOU GOT TO DO IS JUST TAP IT.

[ Whirring, Shuts Off ]

WELL, I GUESS THIS SET'S HAD IT.

HEY, LISTEN, FRED. WHY DON'T YOU
ASK YOUR SON TO BUY YOU A NEW TV?

HE SAID WE COULDN'T AFFORD IT. SAID
OTHER THINGS CAME FIRST. LIKE WHAT?



LIKE IF HE WAS IN AN ACCIDENT WITH THE
TRUCK, HE WOULD NEED ALL THE MONEY...

WHILE HE SPENT THAT
TIME IN THE HOSPITAL.

YEAH, WHILE HE'S IN THE HOSPITAL,
YOU HERE ALL ALONE WITHOUT A TV.

YEAH. WHY DON'T YOU
ASK HIM TO BUY YOU A SET?

YEAH. IN COLOR,
WITH A BIG SCREEN.

AND THAT REMOTE CONTROL. ALL
YOU GOT TO DO IS MOVE YOUR THUMB.

NEVER GET UP OUT YOUR
CHAIR. JUST USE YOUR THUMB.

YEAH. AND AFTER SITTING AROUND
ALL EVENING DRINKING BEER,

THAT'LL BE ABOUT ALL YOU
CAN LIFT IS YOUR THUMB.

I BETTER CLEAN UP THIS PLACE
NOW BEFORE LAMONT GETS HOME.

HE'LL NEVER FIND 'EM.

HEY, FRED, YOU REMEMBER
ARTHUR MATTHEWS?

THE FELLA WITH THE UGLY WIFE.
RIGHT. SHE PUT THE “U” IN “UGLY.”

I DON'T LIKE TO
TALK ABOUT NOBODY,

BUT SHE LOOKED LIKE THE PART OF
THE POLAROID THAT YOU TEAR OFF.

BUT HERE'S THE THING.
ARTHUR'S UGLY TOO.

THAT'S TRUE. BUT HIS SON
GAVE THEM A BIG COLOR TV.

NOW THEY DON'T HAVE TO
LOOK AT EACH OTHER ANYMORE.

I'M GONNA DO THAT. I'M GONNA
TELL LAMONT I WANT ME A NEW TV.

RIGHT. ENJOY LIFE. AFTER ALL,
HOW LONG YOU GONNA BE HERE?

WELL, MY LEASE
AIN'T UP TILL AUGUST.

NO, NO.

I MEAN, ENJOY LIFE. ENJOY SOME OF
THE THINGS THAT'S GONNA BE AROUND.

YOU'RE RIGHT, MELVIN. I'M GONNA COME
RIGHT ON OUT AND SAY, “I WANT A NEW TV.”

HEY, MELVIN. HEY, POP. I
GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

I WANT A NEW TV. WHAT?

I WANT A NEW TV, AND I'M NOT
TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I'M TALKING ABOUT A NEW TV.

WITH THE BIG SCREEN.

AND REMOTE CONTROL.

AND COLOR.

I ALREADY TOLD YOU, WE
CAN'T AFFORD A NEW TELEVISION.

AND I'M NOT SPENDING MY HARD-EARNED
MONEY SO YOU CAN SIT AROUND ALL DAY...

WITH YOUR BUDDY, WATCHING
TV AND DRINKING BEER.

WELL, I GUESS I BETTER
BE GOING. STAY, MELVIN.

YOU CAN'T BE THROWIN'
MY FRIENDS OUT THE HOUSE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THROWING
HIM OUT. MELVIN WAS LEAVING. LET HIM LEAVE.

GOOD-BYE, MELVIN. STAY,
MELVIN. THIS IS MY HOUSE.

I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TOO. SAY
GOOD-BYE. YOUR FRIEND IS LEAVING.

DON'T MOVE, MELVIN.
COME ON BACK IN HERE.

MELVIN, IF YOU WANNA
GO, GO. STAY, MELVIN.

GO, MELVIN. NO, MELVIN.

YOU GUYS FIGURE IT OUT,
AND I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

THAT'S A TERRIBLE WAY
TO TREAT SOMEBODY...

WHO COME OVER TO SPEND
THE EVENING WITH YOU.

YEAH, AND KEEP YOU AWAY
FROM DOING YOUR WORK.

I DID MY WORK. WHAT
DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

WHAT DO I WANT YOU TO DO?

WHY DON'T YOU CLEAN UP OUTSIDE? YOU
KNOW WHAT THAT JUNKYARD LOOKS LIKE?

A JUNKYARD.

JUST LOOK AT THIS HOUSE. IT'S A GOOD
THING THERE'S A WALL OVER THERE...

OR I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE THE
YARD ENDS AND THE HOUSE BEGINS.

THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES
TO MAKE A HOME.

YOU EVER HEAR THAT SAYING? “IT
TAKES A HEAP OF LIVING TO MAKE A HOME.”

WELL, YOU LOOK IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS
HEAP, THERE'S NOT ONE DECENT TELEVISION.

I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I AM
NOT BUYING NO NEW TELEVISION.

WHY NOT? WE CAN AFFORD
IT. WE GOT MONEY SAVED.

BECAUSE I'M GONNA BUY
SOMETHING THAT'S MORE IMPORTANT.

LIKE WHAT? STICK AROUND
AND YOU'LL FIND OUT.

HELLO. GAIL? HOW YOU
DOING? THIS IS LAMONT.

HEY, GUESS WHAT. I BOUGHT A CAR.

A WHAT? A CAR. A
LITTLE CONVERTIBLE.

OH!

I KNEW YOU'D BE SURPRISED.
OH, THIS IS A BAD ONE.

THIS IS THE WORST
ONE I EVER HAD.

WOULD YOU MIND WAITING UNTIL I GET OFF
THE PHONE BEFORE YOU HAVE A HEART ATTACK?

HE BOUGHT A CAR.
HE BOUGHT A NEW CAR.

LISTEN. IT'S NOT NEW. IT'S USED.
BUT IT'S JUST AS GOOD AS NEW.

A CAR. WHAT DO WE
NEED WITH A CAR?

SO ME AND YOU CAN
GET AROUND, SUGAR.

LISTEN. YOU KNOW, I
WAS JUST THINKING.

SATURDAY MORNING, MAYBE
WE COULD GET TOGETHER...

AND PACK A LITTLE
PICNIC BASKET...

AND RIDE UP THE COASTLINE A
WAYS, WITH THE WIND IN OUR HAIR.

YOU WOULD? TERRIFIC.

I'LL PICK YOU UP SATURDAY
MORNING. CIAO, BABY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D BUY A
NEW CAR AND I NEED A NEW TV.

- YOU ALWAYS THINK
ABOUT YOURSELF.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- YOU'LL BE ABLE TO RIDE IN IT.
- AND LET THE WIND BLOW
THROUGH MY SCALP.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU
'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY PAID FOR IT.

AND NOT ONLY THAT, I'M
PICKING IT UP TOMORROW.

YOU SELFISH. THAT'S WHAT
YOU ARE. WHAT ABOUT ME?

POP, LET'S FACE IT. I'M GETTING
A CAR BECAUSE I NEED A CAR.

I CAN'T CONTINUE TO TAKE OUT GIRLS
IN THAT OLD BROKEN-DOWN TRUCK.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE TRUCK?

IF SHE WANTS HER HAIR
TO BLOW IN THE WIND,

LET HER TAKE HER WIG OFF
AND HOLD IT OUT THE WINDOW.

THERE'S NO USE. YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND NOTHING.

DO YOU REALIZE THAT
EVERYBODY HAS A CAR TODAY?

AND EVERYBODY HAS A COLOR TV.

ARTHUR MATTHEWS'S SON
BOUGHT HIM A COLOR TV.

THAT'S A GOOD SON. GOOD
AND KIND AND THOUGHTFUL.

POP, ARTHUR MATTHEWS'S SON IS A
CROOK. YOU TOLD ME THAT YOURSELF.

HE'S A GAMBLER AND
A HUSTLER AND A THIEF.

IF A BUM LIKE THAT CAN
BUY HIS UGLY FATHER A TV,

WHY CAN'T YOU GET
YOUR HANDSOME DAD ONE?

SO NOW I'M NOT EVEN AS GOOD
AS ARTHUR MATTHEWS'S SON, HUH?

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU COULD GO
ON LIVING WITH SOMEBODY LIKE ME.

WELL, I AIN'T, I CAN'T,
I'M NOT, AND I'M LEAVING.

WHY DON'T YOU GO OVER TO
ARTHUR MATTHEWS'S HOUSE?

YOU CAN WATCH TELEVISION
WITH HIM AND HIS UGLY WIFE.

BE LIKE A ROSE
BETWEEN TWO THORNS.

I'D RATHER BE OVER THERE
SITTING BETWEEN TWO

UGLY PEOPLE WATCHING TV
THAN TO BE HERE WITH YOU.

- I'M LEAVING.
- WELL, GO ON, ROSIE.

I'M LEAVING.

AND YOU KNOW THAT TRIP YOU
MENTIONED ABOUT GOING UP THE COASTLINE?

WHEN YOU START OUT THERE,
I HOPE YOU RUN OUT OF GAS...

ON A MOUNTAIN.

AND THE FILLING STATION
IS TEN MILES AWAY...

UPHILL.

AND WHEN YOU GET
THERE, I HOPE IT'S CLOSED.

THANKS A LOT.

THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH THIS TV.

I USED TO WATCH A WHOLE LOT
OF GOOD SHOWS ON THIS SET.

JUST TURN IT ON.

[ Honking ]

HEY, POP, I GOT IT!

WHOO!

HEY, POP! HEY, POP, I
WANT YOU TO SEE THE CAR.

IT'S A BLUE CONVERTIBLE.
IT'S A STICK. IT'S GOT...

POP, COME OUT HERE
AND SEE THE CAR.

HEY, POP.

HEY, SMITTY, OFFICER
SWANHAUSER. WHAT'S UP?

WE HAVE SOME UNPLEASANT
NEWS FOR YOU. WHAT?

THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO REMAIN CALM
AND NOT GET TOO ALARMED AND PANICKED.

THAT WON'T HELP ANYTHING.

IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS, YOU
HAVE TO MAINTAIN CONTROL.

SO TAKE IT EASY. WHAT
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

JUST TAKE IT EASY!

OKAY, WHAT HAPPENED?
YOUR DAD IS IN THE HOSPITAL.

- WHAT?
- I'LL HANDLE THIS.

YOUR DAD IS IN THE HOSPITAL.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? WHAT HAPPENED?

YOUR OLD MAN GOT PICKED
UP WANDERING AROUND ZONKED.

- ZONKED?
- IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'LL
READ FROM THE OFFICIAL REPORT.

“UNIDENTIFIED MALE, BLACK,
APPROXIMATELY 60 TO 65,

“LATER IDENTIFIED
AS FRED SANFORD.

“PRELIMINARY MEDICAL REPORTS
INDICATING EXHAUSTION AND OVEREXPOSURE...

“AFTER SUBJECT WAS DISCOVERED
WANDERING AIMLESSLY IN DOWNTOWN AREA.

- WHERE'S HE AT NOW?
- HE'S IN THE COUNTY
GENERAL HOSP...

“THE SUBJECT, FRED SANFORD, WAS
ADMITTED TO COUNTY GENERAL HOSPITAL,

WHERE HIS CONDITION
WAS TERMED SATISFACTORY.”

- THEN HE'S ALL RIGHT.
- YEAH. HE'S COOL.

THE REPORT MAKES NO
REFERENCE TO BODY TEMPERATURE.

I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO SPEND
THE NIGHT AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE.

I NEVER REALIZED HE'D END UP
IN A HOSPITAL. I GOTTA GET TO HIM.

HEY, SMITTY, WHAT'S THE FASTEST
WAY TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL?

GET RIGHT ON THE HARBOR FREEWAY TO
THE SAN BERNARDINO AND GET OFF AT MISSION.

- HARBOR, SAN BERNARDINO,
GET OFF AT MISSION.
- [ Swanhauser ] HOLD IT.

YOU'RE GOING TO COUNTY
GENERAL HOSPITAL.

FASTEST WAY IS TO GET RIGHT ON THE
HARBOR FREEWAY TO THE SAN BERNARDINO,

OFF AT MISSION.

AND REMEMBER, EASY NOW!

STAY COLD!

COOL. COOL!

IN HERE, PLEASE.

- DOCTOR? - [ Man ] YES?

MR. SANFORD'S SON IS HERE. OH.

THANK YOU, NURSE.
HOW'S HE DOING, DOCTOR?

WELL, HE'S COMING ALONG.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM?

YOUR FATHER IS SUFFERING
FROM LOSS OF MEMORY. AMNESIA.

AMNESIA? HE'S NEVER HAD ANYTHING
LIKE THAT BEFORE. HOW DID HE GET IT?

WE REALLY DON'T KNOW.

AMNESIA'S ONE OF THOSE MYSTERIOUS
THINGS THAT CAN DEVELOP VERY QUICKLY.

HMM.

DOCTOR, I DON'T
KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS,

BUT MY FATHER'S BEEN KNOWN TO PLAY
SOME PRETTY STRANGE TRICKS ON ME.

IS IT POSSIBLE THAT HE COULD BE FAKING
THIS WHOLE THING? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

HOW WOULD YOU EXPLAIN A MAN
WALKING THE STREETS LIKE THAT ALL NIGHT?

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
THIS IS YOUR CLASSIC AMNESIA.

[ Fred ] THAT YOU, ARTHUR?

TURN ON YOUR SET AND
LET'S WATCH SOME COLOR TV.

THAT'S WHAT HE DOES
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

CALLS OUT FOR SOMEONE NAMED
ARTHUR. THAT MEAN ANYTHING?

I'M AFRAID IT DOES.

IS THAT YOU, MELVIN? COME ON
IN. LET'S WATCH SOME COLOR TV.

ARE... ARE YOU HIS
SOLE SUPPORT? YES.

I WISH I HAD A COLOR TV.

MAYBE I'LL GET ONE
WHERE I'M GOING.

YOU HEAR THAT, ELIZABETH?

DO THEY HAVE COLOR TV
UP THERE? WHO'S ELIZABETH?

MY MOTHER. SHE'S DEAD. HE TALKS
TO HER WHENEVER HE GETS UPSET.

UH-HUH. WELL, THERE'S YOUR
STORY. AN OLD MAN ALONE AT HOME.

THE SON HAS TAKEN OVER AS
HEAD OF THE FAMILY, REPLACED HIM.

HE FEELS UNLOVED, UNWANTED.

HIS LIFE AT HOME HAS
BECOME INTOLERABLE.

SO HIS UNCONSCIOUS MIND FINDS
RELEASE BY BLOCKING OUT ALL MEMORY OF IT.

YOU'LL FIND THAT A
CORRECT ANALYSIS.

ARE YOU THE PSYCHIATRIST? NO.
I'M THE EAR, NOSE AND THROAT MAN.

BUT I KNOW AS MUCH AS THEY DO.

HE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT,
ISN'T HE? THAT'S UP TO YOU.

HIS RECOVERY AND WELL-BEING IS
ENTIRELY UP TO YOU. YOU'RE ALL HE'S GOT.

YEAH. CAN I SEE HIM NOW, DOCTOR?

SURE. THAT'LL BE FINE. BUT
TRY NOT TO UPSET HIM. OKAY.

MR. SANFORD, WE HAVE A
VISITOR OUT HERE FOR YOU.

JUST A MINUTE.

[ Belches ]

OKAY, I'M READY
NOW. SEND HIM IN.

REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. I
KNOW. TRY NOT TO UPSET HIM.

RIGHT. OKAY.

HEY, POP. POP.

HI. WHO ARE YOU?

IT'S ME, POP. LAMONT.

LAMONT WHO? LAMONT SANFORD.

NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

LISTEN, POP. NOW,
YOU'RE FRED SANFORD.

WHO'S HE?

THAT'S YOU, POP.

NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

LISTEN. NOW, YOU'RE FRED
SANFORD, AND I'M LAMONT SANFORD.

AND WE LIVE TOGETHER AT
9114 SOUTH CENTRAL AVENUE.

WHERE'S THAT? THAT'S
IN LOS ANGELES, POP.

LOS ANGELES. WHERE'S THAT?

THAT'S IN CALIFORNIA, POP.

NEVER HEARD OF IT.

WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE
ME ALONE ANYWAY.

YOU BEGINNING TO BOTHER ME.

HEY, NURSE!

NURSE, COME AND
GET HIM OUT OF HERE!

WAIT A MINUTE, POP.
LISTEN TO ME NOW.

TRY AND REMEMBER. YOU SEE, ME AND
YOU, WE HAVE A BUSINESS TOGETHER.

WE GOT A JUNKYARD AND WE
GOT A HOUSE NEXT TO THAT.

AND WE GOT A RED
PICKUP TRUCK. YEAH?

AND OUTSIDE
THERE'S THIS BIG SIGN.

- WHAT DOES THE SIGN SAY?
- THE SIGN SAYS,
“SANFORD AND SON.”

NEVER HEARD OF 'EM. GET ON OUT
OF HERE AND STOP BOTHERING ME.

HEY, NURSE! NURSE! NURSE!

POP, DON'T YOU
REMEMBER ANYTHING?

DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE LITTLE
ROOM WHERE WE HAVE OUR BREAKFAST...

AND OUR SUPPER
AND WHERE WE TALK?

OUR LITTLE ROOM. YOU REMEMBER?

A ROOM. YEAH?

WITH A TABLE. THAT'S
RIGHT. A TABLE. WHAT ELSE?

AND TWO CHAIRS. TWO
CHAIRS. GO ON, POP.

- AND OVER IN THE CORNER...
- YEAH? WHAT'S IN THE CORNER, POP?

A NEW COLOR TV.

NO?

NO COLOR TV? NO COLOR TV.

LISTEN TO ME, POP. AS SOON AS YOU'RE WELL
ENOUGH, I'M GONNA TAKE YOU OUT OF HERE.

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU HOME.

I DON'T WANNA LEAVE
THIS PLACE. I LIKE IT HERE.

I'M GONNA TAKE REAL GOOD CARE OF YOU
AT HOME. I'M GONNA TAKE YOU OUT OF HERE.

THAT'S NICE, SON. SON. YOU CALLED
ME SON. THEN YOU REMEMBER WHO I AM.

YOU'RE FROM THE RED CROSS.

YOU'RE THE ONE
WITH THE CANDY BARS.

YOU GOT A BABY RUTH ON YOU?

YOU AIN'T GOT NO
BABY RUTH ON YOU?

LISTEN, POP.

TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP, AND I'LL COME
BACK IN HERE AND I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

BUT BEFORE I GO, I WANT YOU
TO TAKE ONE MORE LOOK AT ME.

NOW DO YOU KNOW
WHO I AM? I THINK SO.

THAT'S GREAT. I'M NOT
GONNA SAY NO MORE.

YOU JUST GET SOME REST AND I'LL COME
BACK AND SEE YOU SOME OTHER TIME.

BYE, POP. BYE, MELVIN.

WELL, DID HE REMEMBER YOU? NO.

DOCTOR, HOW LONG IS
HE GONNA BE LIKE THAT?

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY.

WE HAD AN AMNESIA PATIENT
HERE ONCE. WAS HERE FOR WEEKS.

COULDN'T REMEMBER HIS
NAME, HIS ADDRESS, NOTHING.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,
ONE DAY... HE REMEMBERED?

NO, HE DIED.

BUT MY POP'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT?
YES. HE'S A VERY HEALTHY MAN.

HE SLEEPS WELL, EATS WELL.

LAST NIGHT HE CHASED A NURSE
OUT ONTO THE FIRE ESCAPE.

WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR
DID YOU SAY YOU WERE?

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT.

HOW DO YOU TREAT A
PATIENT THAT HAS AMNESIA?

WELL, THERE'S NO SPECIFIC CURE.

BEST THING YOU CAN
DO IS TAKE HIM HOME.

TAKE HIM HOME? AND YOU THINK
THAT'S THE BEST PLACE FOR HIM?

ABSOLUTELY. HE SHOULD
HAVE FAMILIAR SURROUNDINGS.

HE SHOULD HAVE LOVING
CARE AND ATTENTION.

HE NEEDS A FEELING THAT
LIFE ISN'T OVER FOR HIM,

THAT THIS OLD WORLD IS STILL A
PRETTY WONDERFUL PLACE TO LIVE IN.

BESIDES, WE NEED THAT BED.

OKAY.

I'LL COME AND GET HIM IN THE
MORNING. THAT'S THE BEST THING.

HE NEEDS THE SOUND OF
FRIENDLY VOICES AROUND HIM.

I'LL BET YOU HE'S
LISTENING TO US OUT HERE.

IT'S PUT HIM IN A NICE, RELAXED
MOOD. DO YOU THINK SO?

ABSOLUTELY. YOU TWO GUYS HOLD
IT DOWN SO I CAN GET SOME SLEEP.

YOU GO BACK TO BED. YOU
COME TOMORROW MORNING.

I'M SURE THAT ONCE HE GETS
HOME, HE'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER.

THANKS.

MR. SANFORD, YOU'RE NOT
GOING HOME UNTIL TOMORROW.

I DON'T WANNA GO HOME. I WANNA
GET OUT TO THE FIRE ESCAPE.

OH!

WELL, HERE WE ARE,
POP. HOME AT LAST.

I DON'T LIVE HERE.
THIS IS A DUMP.

LISTEN. JUST WAIT
TILL YOU GET INSIDE.

YOU'LL REMEMBER
ONCE YOU GET INSIDE.

I DON'T LIKE THIS PLACE. I
WANNA GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL.

AT LEAST THEY HAD SOME PRETTY NURSES
COME AROUND AT NIGHT AND SPONGE YOU OFF.

I KNOW, POP. BUT
JUST COME INSIDE.

YOU GOT A NURSE IN
THERE WITH A SPONGE?

THEN I'M GOING BACK
TO THE HOSPITAL.

JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE, POP. JUST
COME INSIDE, OKAY? ALL RIGHT?

I DON'T LIKE THIS PLACE. COME
OVER HERE AND SIT IN YOUR CHAIR.

THIS IS YOUR CHAIR, POP.

I DON'T LIKE THIS PLACE.
AND I DON'T LIKE YOU EITHER.

OKAY, NOW, YOU
JUST SIT HERE, POP.

NOW, I GOT A SURPRISE
FOR YOU. ALL RIGHT?

YOU READY? SURPRISE!

IT'S A TELEVISION.
NOT ONLY THAT.

IT'S A COLOR TELEVISION.

WITH REMOTE CONTROL.
AND IT'S ALL YOURS.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.
THAT'S REALLY WONDERFUL.

- THAT'S A 21-INCH SCREEN,
ISN'T IT?
- THAT'S RIGHT.

THEY GOT 24-INCH SCREENS NOW.

WHY DIDN'T YOU GET
A 24-INCH SCREEN?

YOU SEE, POP, A 24-INCH SCREEN
COSTS MORE, AND WE COULDN'T AFFORD IT.

WE COULD AFFORD IT IF YOU
HADN'T BOUGHT THAT CAR.

I GUESS YOU RIGHT. I TOOK
A BEATING WHEN I SOLD...

WHAT A MINUTE. HOW DID YOU...

IF YOU LOST YOUR MEMORY, HOW DID
YOU REMEMBER THAT I BOUGHT A CAR?

YOU DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW WHO I WAS. THE

TELEVISION IS BRINGING
IT ALL BACK TO ME NOW.

LAMONT. MY SON.

YOU DID IT TO ME AGAIN, DIDN'T YOU?
WHAT A DIRTY UNDERHANDED TRICK.

YOU NEVER LOST YOUR MEMORY AT
ALL, DID YOU? YEAH, I'M LOSING IT NOW.

WHERE-WHERE AM I?

WHO ARE YOU?

COME OFF OF THAT, YOU OLD FAKER. YOU KNOW
WHO YOU ARE AND YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE I
AM, BUT I KNOW WHO I AM.

I'M ARTHUR MATTHEWS,
AND I GOT A COLOR TV.

SIT DOWN, MELVIN,
AND WATCH IT WITH ME.

LOOK AT THAT, MELVIN.
IS THAT A GREAT SET?

THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL, FRED.

NEVER THOUGHT I'D
LIVE TO SEE THE DAY...

WHEN I'D BE WATCHING
SESAME STREET IN LIVING COLOR.

THAT'S GREAT. YOU
GOT A GOOD SON.

LAMONT? YEAH.

HE'S THE BEST. AIN'T NOTHIN'
I WOULDN'T DO FOR MY SON.

HEY, POP, I'M GOING TO WORK NOW.

I DON'T WANT YOU SITTING UP HERE
ALL DAY LOOKING AT THAT TELEVISION.

THAT'S THE WAY WE WORK. HE DOES
SOMETHING FOR ME. I DO SOMETHING FOR HIM.

I WANT YOU TO TRY TO GET THAT
YARD CLEANED UP OUT THERE TODAY.

HE GAVE ME THIS COLOR
TV. I'LL DO ANYTHING HE SAYS.

- HE'S A GOOD SON ALL RIGHT.
- POP, THE YARD.

ALL HE GOTTA DO IS
SAY IT, AND I'LL DO IT.

POP, I WANT... NEVER
MIND. I'LL DO IT MYSELF.

GOOD MORNING, SON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MELVIN?
I'M GONNA TURN THE SOUND UP.

SIT DOWN. HERE.

WELL, I'LL BE DOGGONE.
YOU GOT A REMOTE CONTROL.

YEAH. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE
TO GET UP OUT YOUR CHAIR.

ALL YOU DO IS USE YOUR
THUMB. NOW, WATCH MY THUMB.

WHAT'S WRONG?

MUST BE THIS VOLUME CONTROL.

WAIT A MINUTE, FRED.
CAN'T YOU MAKE IT LOUDER?

YEAH. HOLD THIS.

[ Lamont ] SANFORD AND SON IS RECORDED
ON TAPE BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.