Samantha Who? (2007–2009): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Butterflies - full transcript

I was reading an article the other
day-- by which I mean I was watching tv--

and it said happiness comes from realizing
which things in life you just can't control,

and then controlling
them, even if it kills you.

That might not have been the
lesson. I was flipping around.

So how did you and todd leave it?

- Uh, we didn't, because he did all the leaving.
- I know.

He storms in the house, he kisses me,
yells at me... and then he just left.

Yep. I got yelled at once by
a guy right after he kissed me,

and my braces got
stuck in his ghewingum.

He was a bad therapist.

What do you think it means?
And why would he do that?



You know, I couldn't sleep at
all last night because of it.

I'm sure he couldn't either.

He probably had sex with
chloe to calm himself down.

Great. Glad I could really
help their relationship.

- Newly.
- Mr. Chapman.

Oh, god. My heart
can't take this anymore.

That's it. You know what? That's it.

I am not gonna care
about anybody ever again.

- Sam, it's a dog.
- What?

You can't control love.

I mean, when I got my first
newfie--newf gingrich--

you know, I never
took him out on a walk.

I was afraid he'd get off
the leash and run away.

And he was miserable.



I mean, dogs are meant to get
out, romp around, get messy,

you know, eat their
neighbor's tulips sometimes.

It's part of their nature.

So let nature take its course.

Let your heart be a dog.

My dad's really mad about those tulips.

call me when you talk to todd.

your friend... I want
her. Make it happen.

What?

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Samantha
Who? Season01 Episode12

Um, you want to ask dena out?

Uh, problem?

Oh, god. So many.

- You know what I did this morning?
- No.

I wrote the final alimony
check to my ex-wife.

Should be a celebration, right?

Like the day my dad and
i settled out of court.

But you see, then I realized
the second the ink dried that

that was the last human
connection I had in the world.

Now I heard what your
friend said about love,

and that is the type of
attitude that I need in my life.

My heart's not a dog.

I mean, I-I-I
wish it were a dog.

You know what, though?
Dogs are--dogs are hard.

You know, they're always dragging
their butts across the floor or--

so what are you trying to say,
that your bottom line is "no"?

That everyone else gets to be
happy except me? Is that it?

Well, I'm no philosopher.

Okay, you know what? Go to the mall.

Don't be mean!

- I mean, just because I'm a
woman, doesn't- - your mall project.

The little $200 million development?

Groundbreaking today?

My mall project. Right.

No, I-I thought you
said "small project,"

and, um, I don't do those.

Chapman actually started to
ta to me about his feelings.

It was like if the toaster
started talking about the weather.

I mean, he actually expected
me to set him up with dena.

- Oh, do it!
- What?

- Yes!
- No way!

- Do it!
- No!

Our best friend dates our
boss. She becomes our pipeline.

We start to mention things
that we want, and bam!

We got those leather desk chairs
that mold to the shape of your butt.

No, no. I am not gonna
pimp dena out, all right?

I would never use somebody
for something like that.

And since when is she your best friend who got
up in the middle of the night to pick her up

when her stupid car ran
out of gas last month?

Uh, me?

Oh, so now all of a
sudden you have a memory?

- That's very convenient.
- Yeah.

Uh, morning, miss newly.

Here's your hard hat
and your golden shovel.

I get a hard hat?

Oh, can you believe that this
is all mine? That I did this?

it's her! She did this!

- Who are they?
- Protesters.

Well, what-- what
are they protesting?

Butterfly killer!

Oh, right.

I'm just saying as legal counsel, you are
going to have problems if you build here.

The environmental
impact report says that

this is the habitat for some
endangered blue butterfly.

Parenting books, golf, ohio...

what are you doing?

Oh, just listing other things
that I couldn't give a crap about.

I am a killer.

I have butterfly blood ha my nds.

Oh, I don't think they have blood.

They're like birds.

I mean, this is my legacy?

No, no, no. That is
not who I am anymore.

I have to get to chapman and tell
him to call this whole thing off.

Sure. You just need a way
to pay back the $200 million.

maybe a bake sale.

No, there's a way to get
to him. There has to be.

You know who needs to date more? You.

What?

Yeah. You need a man.

Oh, I don't know. Dating
is dangerous for me.

I get too close too
fast, and then I get hurt,

like a little sparrow that keeps flying into the same
windowpane over and over and over and over and over--

lookho's here! mr. Chapman!
What a surprise! 'Sup?

Uh, dena, you remember
mr. Chapman? Chase.

- Hello.
- Hello yourself.

- Eyes up.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Taking control

So... how was, uh, how
was chapman after I left?

Really nice.

You always said what a creep he was.

Me? No.

Yeah, remember? You said, "he's so
creepy. He's always so, so super creepy."

No. No. I-- he
is... oh, great.

I know. I think so, too.

I think I'm seeing him again.

- Seeing who?
- Who?

"Who, who, who, who?"
Who let that owl in here?

Hey, I think I might see
you guys at work today.

Chase asked me to stop by for lunch.

ohyou know...

okay, it is not the same.

I thought you said we
don't use our friends.

Not for chairs. All right?

If you want a butt chair, you
can buy yourself a butt chair.

This is the only way
that I can save a species.

I am doing this because
I care about the world.

oh, sam, look. Todd.

oh, god. Here we go.

This is the first talk since
the kiss. It's kind of weird.

What if we kiss again? Hey,
do I have coffee breath?

Yes.

I do? I need a mint.

- So you and chapman, huh?
- Yeah.

It's kind of
exciting. I think--

What--what
is it?

It's just my back.

Oh, they have me sitting on
these stupid chairs at work.

How are you?

I'm good. I'm real good.

Oh, you got a newspaper there, huh?

any, uh, big news in
your life there lately?

Yeah. Yeah, pretty big.

Oh, really? How big?

I got a job as a
freelancer at the paper.

Look. That's my first photo.

I'm gonna go call my mom.

tell her you're a robot?

Hello. Where you off to?

Out with dena. We are
going to make topiaries.

That's all I know.

You're going to clip, clip, hooray?

You refused to go with me.

Guess it's cooler to go with dena.

Trust me, it is not.

No, it's a long story.

It's just--I'm--I'm trying
to suck up to de--to, um,

just do things with dena
that she likes to do.

And she wants to give chapman
a-a topiary of his head.

Actually, it's--it's-- it's not a long
story 'cause that's-- that's the story.

Funk, now chapman.

That is two bosses you've let get away.

Wh--just how poor does a man
have to be before you'll date him?

- Not really a good subject right now.
- Why?

Oh, sweetheart,
what--what's wrong?

I kissed todd the other night.

Of course you did.

He makes what, $800 a year?

No, it just--it's--- I saw him today,
and he acted like nothing ever happened.

Well, maybe it didn'T.

It did happen.

Well, maybe you imagined it.

I did not imagine being kissed.

You suffered a very serious head injury.

I can't believe you guys wanted
to come here. You never want to.

What? Yeah-huh. I
al--I always did.

I just, uh, I never
thought we could get in.

So... Look what I made.

A... moose head!

No, it's a butterfly. Yeah.

Speaking of which, have I talked
to you about my mall project?

Hey, deens, did you know that an ergonomic
chair could add ten years to your life?

Did you know that the
karner blue butterfly--

it only breeds twice a year.

Did you know you get scoliosis
from bad office chairs?

Also these butterflies--th can
only survive on wild lupines.

- That's crazy, huh?
- My grandma has a hump.

Save the butterflies!

Sam, what is going on?

I'm upset.

This mall project is gonna wipe out an
entire species of life from this planet.

But, no, please, let's hear
more about your nana's hump.

Oh, my. That's awful!

It is a big hump.

Yeah, I know. I know, but I just-- I don't have
any idea how to talk to mr. Chapman about it.

well, uh, I don't know. Maybe...
maybe I could talk to him about it.

Well, there's an idea.

Yeah, I mean, if you, uh, if you don't--if
you don't mind. You know, whatever.

I'm not here with you. I'm
just here. It's a free country.

Nice moose.

well, hello. Good morning.

Good morng.

And how are you?

Yes, you got a new chair.
I see that. How is it?

It hurts. Do you want it?

I'm going for the cappuccino maker.

Nope, but thank you, dena.
Let's go see what I've won.

- I just, uh, I stopped
by to- - thank you.

Ah, you have, um... you have a little...

just... never mind.

Um, did you-- did you talk
to him about the mall project?

- I sure did.
- You bet.

Thank you. Thank you.

Uh, you know, he had
some really good points.

Did you know the project is gonna
inject cash into an impoverished area

and create jobs and
retail opportunities?

You know, he really won me over.

But wait. You--wait. It's--it's
still--it's still happening?

Yeah.

So bottom line it for me.
Does she like me or what?

Look what I found.

These are some of the
old plans for the mall.

And in some of them,
in the early ones...

they don't have to kill the butterflies,
so if I can just stall chap--

could you just stop that?

Sorry. Just making a cappuccino.

Yeah, I see you got
your cappuccino machine.

I'm just so glad that this
is all working out for you.

But in my world, on monday, a bunch of
bulldozers are gonna be killing butterflies.

So what I need to do is...I
need to find a way that I can--

that I can make chapman halt
the project so I can review.

Okay, now you're just,
you know, playing with it.

Hey there.

Mr. Chapman, you are just
the man that I wanted to see.

- I just found...
- so come on.

- What does dena say about me?
- Alternate plans.

- I, uh, I don't know, because
we don't discuss- - sure you do.

'Cause here's the thing.

I like her. I wrote a poem about her.

You want to hear it? Check it out.

"Here I go down the slippery slope,
downward tumbling, softly mumbling."

I am just so uncomfortable.

What can I buy her? Women
like stockings, right?

I saw that in a play. You
see, sam, here's the thing.

I feel like I might be comingn a
little too strong, because last night,

we were sitting on her couch, and
my hand might have gone somewhere.

But it was completely accidental.

- I was only trying to retrieve a quarter.
- Stop!

Because... maybe you are.

Maybe what?

Coming on a little bit too strong, man.

See, dena, um, she has
this pattern where, uh,

if--if she starts to feel
crowded, she just runs.

Am I crowding her?

well, I mean, how will
I know? Can you find out?

Well, maybe.

But then you're gonna owe me, mister.

Crowding him? That's what he said?

Because I was supposed to go see his band
play tonight, and you're invited, too.

Oh, darn. That would've been fun.

Look, just back off a
little bit, you know?

Just show a-- show a
little indifference.

Yeah, I told you, I do this.

You know, I-I get too
close too fastand oh, god!

I never should have given him
the mug with my face on it.

You were right. Never care. Never care.

It's like the windowpane.

Just listen to me. I can help you.

You just need to do exactly what I say.

Okay, now she won't even
return my phone calls,

and she didn't even come to see my band,
and I played cowbell on "sister christian."

Hard song.

Look, it's, um, it's a little
bit worse than I thought.

Her old boyfriend came into town.

What? No. No.

Sam, I blew it. I can't lose her.

I miss her fingers. I miss
the way her skin tastes.

Anyway...

sam, you have to help me get her back.

You know, I really just
don't want to get involved.

You must. I will do anything.

Postpone the mall project.

I knew you were gonna say that. Done.

Hey, dena. Um, it worked.
Yeah. Uh, oh, god. Yeah.

He, um, he misses you terribly.

So you may answer his call. Okay. Bye.

Yes, you are very pretty, but
if I lose a friend over this,

I am going to make a wind chime
out of you and your entire family.

where we first met.

I love that you brought
me here. Like it.

I like it. I like it. it's okay.

Yep, scene of the crime.
See anything you like?

Oh, you know, whatever.
Pretty indifferent.

Really? 'Cause I'm thinking
maybe I'll have a salad.

- Okay, who is he?
- What?

You know, I know sam told
me not to say anything,

and I'm so sorry that I'm not
really cool about everything.

But I'm a human being.
If you cut me, I bleed.

And it doesn't even have
to be the biggest cut

because my body produces fewer
clotting factors than average,

so even the smallest
bleeding takes forever--

chase, what the hell
are you talking about?

coming. Coming. Coming. Gosh.

Shame on you!

Oh, how so many of my
conversations start out like that.

You sold my heart for your job?

I'm supposed to be your friend,
and you took advantage of me.

I'm beginning to wonder if
you even wanted to do topiary.

Dena, we could just spend all night trying to
figure out who did what to who and--and why--

no, you don't have to
say why you did it, sam.

You did it because you could.

I'm just glad that I still have
one friend that I can count on.

Come on, andrea. Chase
is taking us to karaoke.

Karaoke! Yay!

and, sam, chase says the
bulldozers roll in the morning.

Yeah.

Karaoke with the boss?

could have been you.

{\a6}Taking BACK control

Who started this, so, um, I'm here
to give these butterflies a voice.

Or maybe they--they have
voices. I-I really don't know.

But if they do, they're
probably pretty small, like...

help us! we are here!

I don't know.

But now we are here, and no
one is going to leave this spot

until these butteries are safe!Yes!

Except for you. And you, too.

hey, wait. Wait a minute.
Where are you going?

- see that the color scheme of the hallway...
- yeah.

And into the bedroom here...

I put it on the walls and
on the wainscoting there.

- Oh, really?
- You like that?

Did you--wait. I thought it was--
wasn't it pronounced "wain-scotting"?

I don't know what it was called.

Because I-I actually
thought the terminology...

what? What?

Um, them.

oh, no. Just ignore them.

- Al rely?
- Yeah.

'Cause th--they're--
they're staring at me.

- They can't really see-- you know what? - Yeah,
it's just--it's really, it's un-unsexy, kind of.

I can do this. Okay. Okay.

If I turn on the tv,
they'll go right to sleep.

chapman & funk say nature is junk.
Chapman & funk say nature is junk.

Yeah, I know I'm probably
gonna lose my job over this,

- but I don't care.
- Oh, my god. It's sam.

Because you know what? You can't do
a corrupting job and stay uncorrupted.

And--and now I have let
it corrupt my friendships.

You know, I wrote
you an erotic poem--

See, when you-- when you find something that
is--that is beautiful and delicate in this world,

you--you--you have to protect it, not--not
just use it up and--and shove it aside...

just 'cause you can.

I forgive you, sam.

I think the dogs are
sleeping now, so maybe--

I said shh!

is that w we take care of our wings?

I know it's just
bulldozer scoop, but, uh,

it does say a little something
about how you were raised.

why are you here?

Well, you're all over the local news.

I tuned in to see what dangers were lurking
on my kitchen counters, and there you were.

But how did I look?

You looked... natural.

Like, um, like it suited you better.

Better than what?

Better than that job of yours.

you know, when I first
saw you on tv doing this,

I-I felt a real swell of pride.

I didn't know what it was at
first. It had been so long.

I thought maybe I'd gotten some
bad sour cream or something.

But, um...

I'm very proud of you.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I mean, for the scarf, 'cause I was
actually starting to get a little cold.

Oh, it's not for the cold.

On tv, your neck looked kinda crepe-Y.

oh, my god. Oh, my god.
This is it. This is it.

Mom. Mom. Mom.

mom! Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!

- I'm doing it. I'm doing it.
- What?

This is the new me, the
new me. I'm tang a stand.

I am making a difference right
here in front of this bulldozer.

What? Dude, dude, dude. What?

Oh, for pete's sake!

Sweetheart, put the scarf on.

so, yeah, the toughest part about being
new and trying to change is figuring out

which things are even in your power
to control and which things are not.

Just tell me, frank. I need to see todd.

So is chloe up there or not?

Because you know, uh, I
just quit my job, so, uh...

I can wait here all day.

That's not very impressive.

I wait here all day every day.

My feet hurt.

You, stop!

Oh, you can see me. I'm not invisible.

Look, um...

I'm sorry I blew you off when I
saw you the other day. I panicked.

I mean, that wasn't even my photo in
the paper. I don't even have a job there.

Look, the truth is, I-I shouldn't
have kissed you because I'm with chloe,

and I-I need to give
that a chance, so...

lose some sleep over that.

It really is the hardest part--
that despite our very best efforts,

some things just aren't meant to be,
while things that ar meant to be--

ey seem to find a way.

hey there, cute little guy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, better from far.

Oh, yeah. Way better.

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