Sam & Cat (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 11 - #RevengeOfTheBritBrats - full transcript

British con artists Gwen and Ruby return and, while pretending to be friendly, drive a wedge between Sam and Cat. When Sam and Cat catch on to this, they turn the tables on Gwen and Ruby.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Subs created by: David Coleman.

Say it.

Previously, on "Sam and Cat".


Previously, on "Sam and Cat".

These are my nieces, Gwen and Ruby.

Is that a Pear Phone six?!

Yes. Do you like it?

Will you please sell me five phones.

- Five hundred bucks.
- Don't text and drive!


I was sure there were
Pear Phones in that box.

See, I knew it was
just a misunderstanding.

- Did you get my money back?!
- At first.

You gave those little
Brit-brats all Dice's money?

And my bike! Everybody clear?

Because I'm going to eat me some Bibble!


You wanna beat a con-artist,
there's only one way.

You gotta out-con the con.

It's all about the bingo
game at Elderly Acres?


- Bingo!
- This is a raid!

Come on, this way.

But our five hundred
dollars is back in there!

Do you wanna end up in jail?

- No!
- Not again!

Dice, here's your five hundred dollars.

Woo! Yeah!

And now...

New stuff.

All right, all right,
hold your biscuits...


I'm Mrs. Jeffers. You're
babysitting my sons.


The Mom's here!

- Hey Mom.
- Hi Mrs. Jeffers.

Uh, what are they dressed in?

They wanted make-overs.

So we made that one into a zombie.


- And he's uh...
- I'm a box!

I did the zombie costume!

I did the box.

Oh how cute.

Ya know, I remember when I was little...

Okay, see ya.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

- Bye, guys.
- Bye, box.

- Bye guys.
- Bye.

Yeah, woo, we just got paid sixty bucks.

Woo, that means I get thirty!

Right, right... okay.
So here's ten for you...

- Ten for me...
- And five and five makes another ten...

Five and five plus the first ten...

And wait, uh, here, you
just take a twenty...

- 'Kay, a twenty...
- Then gimme back the ten and one five...

Okay. Ten and one five...

And uh, sorry, gimme me back the twenty.

- Okay.
- Which leaves you with...

- Five.
- Right, so I take the five...

- Yup.
- And you pay me the rest when you can.

- I'll get it to you next week.
- Great.

Ding dong.


I thought you two went back to England.

- We did.
- But our school gave us another holiday.

Because our classmates got head lice.

- So we've returned to America.
- To visit.

May we please come in and speak
with you and your friend Cat?

May we?

No. You may-unt.

But we brought you treats!


Don't let 'em in!

I'll take a look at your treats.

I'm waiting.

Can you please fetch Cat?

We brought her Bibble!


And we also brought you a gift.


What'd ya think of to
bring for old Sam...

So, you brought me...?


A motorcycle helmet?


And it vibrates!


Push the little nubbin on the side.


Oh, Oh, Oh...

Cat, Cat, come here!

Feel my head!


Ooh, vibrate-y.

And we also got you this...

A toilet plunger?

A special British toilet plunger.

We call them "shove-muckers".

We need a shove-mucker.

Wait, why are you guys
bringing us presents?

Because we feel awful about
how we behaved last time.

We were naughty.

And we hope we can be friends now.

- Can we?
- Please?

- All right.
- We can be friends. Thanks for the helmet.

Lovely. Come along Ruby.

Coming along.

- All right.
- Well, see ya.


- All right.
- Thanks for the presents.


A whole can of Bibble, a vibrating
helmet, and a brand new shove-mucker.

It's gonna be a good weekend.

Ah yeah.

♪ I'm never that far.

♪ No matter where you are.

♪ Believe it, we
can make it come true.

♪ And I, I, I, I...

♪ I'll never say, never.

♪ As long as we keep it together.

♪ Oh!

♪ It's the life that we choose,
and we still break the rules.

♪ But it's all gonna be just fine.

♪ Just fine.

♪ You and me we're gonna be just fine.

♪ Oh.

Okay, she's still in the
pool, but they're pulling...

They're pulling...

- Come on, Kristie!
- You can do it!

- You got it, Kristie!
- Get outta the pool!

She's almost out...


- Oh!
- Oh! She's back in the pool!

- Boo.
- Boo.

Okay, don't go anywhere, we'll be back in
a splash with more "Get Outta The Pool!"

Fast forward.

I don't understand this show.

What's not to understand?

They put a chubby
celebrity in the water...

And then they try to get out of
the pool as fast as they can...

With the help of other
chubby celebrities.

Ha, ha! That's silly.

We now return to...

Sponsored by Fat Pockets.

Now we've got to find
the Bibble we gave Cat.

Let's look about!

Here it is!


What are you going to do?

I'm going to sprinkle
Bibble crumbs on Sam's bed.

Is this the leg of a chicken?

We don't have time for that!

And now that he's in his harness, the
machine will lower Michael into the pool.

- Oh no!
- Whoa! The harness broke!

- He's sinking!
- Oh. Now I get it.

It's funny because he's drowning.

You know it's funny
because he's drowning.

Come on, let's go.

Wait. Why are we taking the Bibble?

I explained it!

Cat will think Sam ate it, and then,

they'll get into a huge argument,
which will destroy their friendship!

You're a blooming genius!

Oh, I've been telling you that!

Now come on, let's get out of here!

- All right, bye guys.
- Later.

Thank you for the lovely evening.

- Sure.
- Thanks for leaving.

- All right. See you later.
- Bye guys. See you later.

Don't fall in a big hole!

- Hey, you ready for bed?
- Almost.

But before we go to sleep, how
about a little late night snack?

- What is that?
- A canned ham.

I found it outside.

What do you say we grab a couple of
forks and teach this chunk a ham a lesson.


Why don't you eat your dirty street
ham and I'll go have some Bibble!


Okay, but don't eat that whole
can of Bibble all at once!

You gotta make it last,
you never know when you're

gonna be able to get
another can of that...

Is there a murderer in there?

Or can I keep eating this ham?


Stay pretty.

What's your deal?

Call nine nine one!


Somebody snatched my Bibble!

This is not a joke!

My Bibble is gone!

Well, where is it?!


Dude, you need to chill down if we're
gonna find out who took your Bibble.

- Shh!
- All right.

I smell Bibble... I think it's...

I think it's...


You stole my Bibble!

No, I didn't.


Then why are all these little
Bibble bits all around your pillow?!

Oh God, that was a toenail.

Dude, I never touched your Bibble.

Yeah, you did, because
I'm chewing the evidence!

Why would I even eat that junk?

Oh, excuse me, girl who eats
dirty ham from the streets!

What are you talking...
that ham is perfectly fine!

You ate my Bibble. You
disregarded my sign!

- So it was maybe on the side...
- You opened up my can.

You stuck your dirty street
hammy hand in my Bibble can.

- Shh.
- I didn't say anything.


We're in!


Now you go in there, and
put some paint on Cat's hand.

Yes, Sir.

Don't call me Sir!

Will you come with me?

No, I've got business with
Sam's motorcycle. Now run on.

A... I don't care.

B... I didn't steal your Bibble.

Yes, you did!

I thought you weren't speaking to me.



Did you find my Bibble?!?!


Get out here!

Ooh. Your motorcycle's pink.

I see that!

- Why'd you paint it pink?!
- I didn't!

Well, somebody did,
because now it's pink.

Oh! You did this!


Oh yeah?!

Then how'd you get pink
paint all over your hand?!?!

Huh? Pink?! Huh?

Whoa, that's so weird.
How'd that happen?

Oh, stop acting, I
caught you pink-handed!

You did this for revenge because
you think I stole your stupid Bibble!

Bibble is not stupid!

Your stupid pink motorcycle is stupid!

Oh you better not scurry off.

You are gonna pay to have
my motorcycle re-painted.

- I am not!
- You am too!

No, I amen't!

All right!

All right! When I get
this violently angry...

I should just do what my
parole officer told me.

I'm gonna go outside...

I'm gonna find a parking meter, and
I'm gonna yank it outta the ground.

Oh, yeah.

You're not the only one
who can exit angrily!

But I better get a sweater first
because it's pretty chilly out here.

See, Ruby?

Now Sam and Cat hate each other!

We've done it!

- Indeed.
- Shall we high five?

No. In America, the cool kids
now celebrate with a fist bump!

Can we try it?

Now we share a jelly doughnut!


Wow. You just... yanked it
right outta the sidewalk?

She painted my motorcycle pink!

Well, maybe you shouldn't
have stole her Bibble.

You can accuse me of a lot of things,
but I have never touched Cat's Bibble.

We're good for an hour.

And then when I went to my
room, all of my Bibble was gone.

The whole can!

I thought you had a Bibble problem, and
you weren't supposed to eat it anymore.

Well, I wouldn't say I had a problem.

Don't you remember about a year ago, you
bought so much Bibble you ran out of money,

and then you pawned
my jewelry to buy more.

Don't you remember our therapy session
we went to when you forgave me for that?

- Yes.
- Then let it go, would ya?!

I'm gonna eat you!

I'm gonna eat you!

I mean... how can I go home?!

Oh, I'm so mad I could just...

My lunch.


Whenever Goomer gets really mad or upset,
he feels better after he spars a little.

Uh-huh. Fighting always calms me down.

Yeah yeah, I need to fight.

Who wants to fight? Anyone wanna fight?

I'll fight ya.

Good, let's go.

- No no no no no...
- Uh, yeah, Sam...

Yeah, you don't wanna fight that one.

That's Sheila Balding.

She's ranked number seven in the world.

Yeah yeah.

- You ready?
- Let's run it.

Sheila, you go easy on her.

Yeah, Sam's not a professional
fighter so don't...


I feel a little bit better.

And then Sam accused me of painting
her motorcycle pink, which I did not do!


You pressed your call button many times.

How can I help you?

Yes, my coffee seems
to be a little cold.

Oh no!

Could I have another cup...

How are your bowls of soup?

- Fine!
- Perfect!

You're gonna be okay little burger.

Uncle Goomer's gonna
make you all better.

I mean, Cat knows how much I love that
motorcycle, why would she do this?!

- Uh...
- And who took Cat's Bibble?

- Mice?
- It was in a can this big.

Giant mice?

Maybe it was those two British girls.

Nah. They're the ones
who gave Cat the Bibble.

Yeah, why would they give her a
can of Bibble and then steal it?

To make Cat get mad at Sam.

And then, maybe they painted your
motorbike pink so you'd get mad at Cat.


That way, they wreck your whole friendship
as revenge for what you did to them,

when you got your five hundred
dollars back at the bingo game.


You just said something smart.

Really smart.


Can I play with the giant mice?

And he's back.

- Hey, ya know what?
- What?

Maybe it was those two
little British girls.

- Gwen and Ruby?
- Mmm hmm.

Maybe they're tricking you
and Sam into hating each other.

For revenge.

Oh my gosh.

- That makes sense. Even to me!
- Oh!

These pork fingers are so spicy!


My mouth is on fire!


Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!

Oh no! No, stop it!

I didn't mean that!

- Sam!
- Cat! I think I know what's going on!

- Me, too!
- It was Gwen and Ruby!

It was the little British girls!

I'm sorry I got mad at you.

Oh my God, we said that simultaneously.

You can do this for two more seconds.


So now what?

Now, we get 'em back.

Ooh, yay, how?

Well, let's see, they wanted
to make us hate each other...

So let's make 'em think...

We really hate each other.

- Uh huh...
- Uh huh... yeah...


- You don't get it do ya?
- Nope, just laughing along.

That was so much fun.

I told you you'd love bowling.

- My Bibble!
- Shut up!

Wait, listen!

Shut up!

You should never have
painted my motorcycle!

Shut up!

- Sam and Cat are fighting!
- I love it!

I did not, I swear! No!

- Sam, don't!
- You deserve it!


- What happened in there?!
- I don't know!

Holy schnikey!

What have you done?!

She accused me of stealing her Bibble
and... and she pinked my motorcycle!

But that's no reason to thrust
a shove-mucker through her head!

You've over reacted!

Hey, hey hey, help me get her out
of here before the cops get here!


We don't want to be involved!

This is your fault, Gwen!

No, it isn't!

You promised that no
one would die this time!

Well, who knew?!

I'm telling Uncle Hubbins!

No! Don't implicate us!


Quit it, Ruby!

- We did it!
- Come on!


- You better not tell anyone about this!
- What, are you crazy?!

- This was not my fault!
- You're dangerous!

Ow! Quit it, Ruby!

Hey, what if they hurt each other?

Maybe we should call their Uncle.

Yeah, we should probably rush to
our phones and call their Uncle,

so they don't hurt each other.