Sabri Maranan (2011–…): Season 4, Episode 4 - Life or death - full transcript

Mom, you had a ding.

Yes.

What's the ding?

Don't ask.

What is it?
-Nehama.

Nehama?

Nehama the louse is back for a visit.

Doesn't she have a home?

No, she has to rent

so she moves from one head to another.

It's not the end of the world,



we have to buy that stuff that kills them.

What?

What are you doing?

She has a problem with death.

I don't want them to die.

But sweetheart,
it's you or them.

Or a bald head. -Shai,

you know she has a problem.

What? She's a big girl.

She should know there's no choice.

No, we were told in school

that there's a green solution
that keeps them away and doesn't kill.

Okay, sweetheart,
we'll look for that green solution

and they won't die,



don't worry.

I think she has a fear of death.

And you have a fear of fear.

No, I have a fear
of your insensitivity.

Sometimes I wish
I had a green solution

that wouldn't kill you,
just keep you away.

And she knows English.
-Very well.

Well done.

Yes, Mali, I'm listening.

Yes, I'm listening.

Ah...

I'm listening.

Alright, whatever.

See you tomorrow at the country club.

Bye, Mali.
-What?

What don't you get?

I was trying to explain slowly.

You could have gotten off the phone
and given it to me in one go.

What's wrong with Mrs. Tenenblatt now?

She had a bad feeling in her gut.

Then why do I have to know?

That's between her and the toilet.

Pinhas, have I told you

that lately you're going too far?

Too far where?
-Too far in general.

Okay, what's the bottom line?

She says there's a problem
with the construction of the burial towers

"Final Rest".
-I knew it.

As soon as you brought
the brochure home

I said "no."

When you wanted to meet the agent

I objected.

My friends,

this project is to die for, literally.

What's it about?
-Let him talk.

Fine, I just asked.

It's the most talked about project
among the upper echelon.

Literally.

More than Akirov Towers,
more than Yoo Towers,

it's the next best thing.
-It's heaven,

literally.

Go ahead.

"Final Rest" burial towers.

It's the latest word in burials.

The final stop, literally.

What does that mean?

You know there are no more plots
in the ground,

right? -Yes.

So it's not complicated,

this is a luxury project
of all the who's who,

a burial tower.

I think we can afford
to die in style

if we didn't live in style.

"Die in style,"
something doesn't feel right...

Pinhas, they're going like hotcakes.

I only have a few tickets left.

Hurry up.
-I don't get it.

What didn't you get?

The "literally,"
smells fishy to me.

You won't hear this from me often,

but in this case,
your sense of smell was right,

there's a problem with the project.

You won't hear this from me often either,

but I told you so.

Pinhas, watch out.
-Sorry.

So what's the problem?

We took the top floor, right?
The penthouse?

You insisted.

The view to the west is gorgeous.
-And?

Seems they're building
a fifth floor above us.

How can that be?

We bought the top floor,

what about the view he promised us?

The view is still there,

but there will be another deceased above us.

Riki, what did we do this for?

I want to die like you,
alone in the dark.

What are you talking about?

You'll bury us all.

God willing.

Good...
-Good Sabbath.

Hello.

Anyone?

Silence, death reigns.

Yeah, huh?

Since Itamar moved out,
it's pretty desolate.

Like when he was here

he didn't just veg out
in front of the TV

on the couch.

That was something at least.

Mom, Dad.

Hi, good Sabbath.

Where were you?

The place is so empty.

Is it daylight saving time again
and we're early?

Looks like a graveyard in here.

You could say that.
-What happened?

Where's Mom?
-In the kitchen,

we just found out
we were scammed.

What? -We joined the purchasing group
of a luxury project.

You're investing in real estate?

No, it's a burial tower
called "Final Rest"

and it seems the contractor scammed us.

How?

He sold you a grave in the air?

Sapir.

No, it's okay, Adam,

let her get all her black humor out

before Riki gets here.

So how did he scam you?

He sold you a grave in the air?

No, he sold us a penthouse with a view
that wouldn't be obstructed

and they must have bribed someone
at city hall

and got a permit for more stories
and they want to bury above us.

Why should she care?

She'll only live there
when she dies,

God willing. -What?

God forbid.

Yeah, no promises.

Riki doesn't want neighbors above her.

Kill me, I don't understand

how you were so gullible
to go for a shady project.

You're one thing, Pinhas, but Riki?

What do we need a tower for, Riki?

Being buried in the ground
like our ancestors is best.

Why in the ground?

Why not have a respectable place
in the afterlife?

Because I don't care what happens
to this body when I go to my resting place.

Our resting place.
-What, we'll be in the same place?

I think so.

I thought I'd be in heaven

because I was married to you.

You don't get two hells in a row.

Comedian.

Anyways, I want you to know

that Vera and Marcel bought plots
in "Final Rest".

306 and 307.

Who cares about Vera and Marcel?

It's comforting to know
that our neighbors will be classy,

it's a high society project.

But Riki, we don't need...

I want this project, Pinhas.

If you don't join me,
I'm going alone.

Riki, wouldn't we be
wasting our money?

It's not exactly ours,
it's our kids' inheritance.

So what if our kids get a bit less?

While we enjoy the mountain air
in the burial tower.

At least we'll have a view
every which way.

Every which way.

Pinhas, you caved too fast.

No, you're wrong,

you don't know my mom.

Good Sabbath.
-Good Sabbath.

What happened to the girls?
-Who hit them?

Shai and the lice.
-Me?

I hate lice,

stay away from me.

You hate lice?

Pinhas, you think the lice want that desert

on you and Shai's head?

I'm going to the kitchen,
to be on the safe side.

Leave us something.

It's so awful.
-What, lice?

No, kids.

Just wait till you have them.

You know I was never sick
until I had kids?

Really?
-Yes.

Then the kids came
and imported diseases from kindergarten.

Kindergartens are fertile ground for diseases,

they're petri dishes with germs,

the kids are lab rats.

I want kids from wall to wall.

Sure, the walls will be thick
and close to one another.

How are you, Pinhas?

Mom and Dad have decided
to spend our inheritance

on a burial plot
in the "Final Rest" penthouse.

God forbid,
may they live an eternity.

No, it's not me.

Mom wants to live
with Vera and Marcel in the afterlife.

Besides, we didn't want to burden you
with the expenses.

Then you should have bought the whole building

and we could sublet or lease.

Great passive income.

And the tenants are quiet.
-Very.

Vera and Marcel
aren't exactly quiet tenants.

Yes, but they got style.

I didn't have a choice.

Hey, Mom, what's up?

Mali Tenenblatt called
ten minutes ago

and said...

Are you listening?
-Yes,

are the schnitzels fried?
-Yes.

I know you're not allowed

so I toiled just for you.

What's that?

Beilik,

it's blanched chicken breast
and it's very healthy.

Yeah? It looks very disgusting.

I work so hard for your health
and you belittle me.

I'm not, but Mom,
it has no color,

it's probably bland

so why don't we toss a seasoning in

because they look like socks.

Then don't eat it.

Mom, if I offended you, I apologize.

Okay, let me taste it.

No, it's not that.

Then what is it?

If you really want to know,

it's the corruption
in the construction industry,

that's what.

And what's that got to do with you?

Dad and I invested
in a burial project, "Final Rest".

What final rest?
What burial project?

What's burial got to do with you?

It's a luxury tower,

even Vera and Marcel purchased there,

plots 306 and 307.

But why, Mom?
Isn't it a waste of money?

You mean,
isn't it a waste of your inheritance?

Absolutely not,
who cares about the inheritance?

How much did it cost?
-Never mind, a lot.

Shit.

So, the burial project is dead?

God forbid, no,

but we were sold the penthouse
and they're building a floor above us.

So we'll have dead neighbors above us.

Didn't the contract state
that you bought plots in the penthouse?

No, plots 403 and 404,
fourth floor.

No way.

Forget about it,

do you want to taste the socks?

Yes, it looks special...

Where do I hold it from?

Babe, can you join me on the balcony?

I have to tell you something.

Good Sabbath.
-Hey, good Sabbath.

Welcome.

Why are you always last?

It takes Liri hours to get ready.

Itamar, shall I tell them
why we were late? -Yes.

There was a spider in the bathroom.

He's afraid of them.

I was in the shower
and it was this big.

No, you're kidding me.

Once Shai and I bought a plastic spider
and put it on Itamar when he was sleeping.

When he woke up,
he pissed himself.

I was 10. -15.

Adam, I'll kill you.

I killed it with boiling water.

I got burned,
imagine what it did to the spider.

Stop!

Please don't talk about death today.

Who died?

Babe, thank you

for saving me
from Mom's blanched schnitzel.

I mean it.
-Sure thing.

You're welcome.

Listen, on the way home
we have to go by the pharmacy,

don't forget.

I know, for the green solution against lice.

And the pill too,
I forgot to take it.

Now that's important,
we don't want more lice.

I mean, more kids.
-Yes.

Tell me, babe, why not...

have your thingies tied?

Yeah?

Why not have your...
thingies snipped?

Because...

I can't think of a logical answer,

I'm tired and...
there's the blanched chicken.

Did you hear what my folks did?

What now?

Are you nuts?

You're like those old people
you hear about on the news that were duped.

How could you sign without a lawyer?

The pressure.

Pressure is their sales method.

The agent pressured me,
Riki pressured me,

I couldn't handle it.

Look, I have two plots left,

403 and 404.

If you don't take them,
I have a meeting in 90 minutes

with a Fanny Levine.

Fanny from "Fanny and the bag?"

Her husband's name is Bag?
-Shmil.

Fanny's my next appointment.

I bet she and the bag will snatch it up

so you have to decide.

Wait, what's the location of the plots?
-An excellent spot,

the view is to die for.

Literally.

But what's across from our plot?

Pinhas, I guarantee
there will be no construction.

Listen, it's a dream burial,

three-way cross ventilation.

There's a young couple here,
I know them,

they won't make noise,
no karaoke or the like.

Hold on, the view,

is it east or west?

Both, it's both.

On a clear day the grandkids can come
and light candles, put flowers

and even see Mount Hermon.

Okay, Pinhas,
we'll take it, right?

How 'bout we sleep on it?

You sleep, the bag will take it,

it's a one time opportunity, right?

Literally.
-You see?

"Final Rest" you say.

Do you know it?

Not that one,

but I know all these projects,

I have two.

One up north called "Heaven's Door."

Good one!
-Good one!

Down south I have "Very Few."

Good one too.

Yes, it's a hit,

but you have to be cautious,
there are many scammers in this business.

If you ask me,
it won't end with five stories.

How do you know, babe?

It all depends on the bribe
they pay the city engineer.

I even have a chart in my bag.

So they paid for another floor,
but that will change,

people die every day
and the dead multiply.

How about "In a Jiffy?"

Good one!

There's a hospice by that name.

Where's the contract?

Did you read it well?
-Yes. Here.

I have a photocopy of it.

Look, Adam.

Listen, I have a lawyer, Zigdon,

he's a certified Rottweiler,

he gets anything he wants,

so if you want the penthouse,
you'll get it.

Hello.

Zigdon.

Look at me, babe,

I'm the sum
of all the side effects of the pill.

Wait, isn't there a third option?

Excuse me,
your daughter's looking for you.

You talked about death
in front of her?

Death, big deal.

You coddle her.

I can talk about anything
in front of my kids.

Remind me what your little one
set on fire?

That was an accident,

who leaves a bag of pesticide in a storeroom?

A gardener.

Do me a favor,
take care of your kid.

Do me a favor, good day.

You're nuts.

What is it, you look like
the Twin Towers came down on you.

Instead of birth control,
Shani wants me to get snipped.

Then do it, what's the problem?

I did.

You did what?
-The snip.

I shut down the production line.

The chimney's still smokin',
but the production line is closed.

When? -A long time ago,
when I was with Michali.

She asked you to?
-She wanted another kid

so I got snipped on the down low.

And how is it?

You mean not having more kids?

For instance.

Pure joy.

Sweetie.
-I don't want the lice to die.

The lice won't die,
we'll keep them away from your head.

No death will occur there,

the lice will never die.

Mom. -What?

Will Grandma and Grandpa die too?

Yes, some day,
but not for a very long time,

not now.

And you and Dad?

Yes, everyone dies in the end.

The lice too?
-No, the lice won't die.

We'll all die and the lice won't,
they'll keep jumping from head to head

with joy and glee.

I promise, the lice won't die.

Go wash your face and we'll eat.

Don't worry.

May I?

Yes, you may.

Why are you so upset?

I have all kinds of things on my mind.

On your mind or your head?

I thought only your daughter has lice.

Stop it already.

She doesn't want the lice to die

and Shai...

Have you ever heard of a snip,

what the man does
not to impregnate his wife?

Sure, my dad did it
after I was born.

No. -Yes.

But they don't have to do it these days.

I show a science show
on the Kid's Channel,

there's a pill for the man.
-Really? -Yes.

It was on the Kid's Channel?
-Yes.

That's odd.

Coming to eat schnitzel before they're gone?

No, I can't,

Mom made me blanched chicken.

Wait, don't go.
-What?

The blanched chicken...
-Wait,

I may have a new solution.

For the blanched chicken or the snip?

The thingies.

And it keeps me connected
to my travel buddies? -Yes.

What is it?

A pill for men.
-Really?

Yes, it exists.

It was on TV.

Where?

What's the difference,
it was on, okay?

Sapir told me.

You told Sapir
about our private conversation?

Seriously, you think?

We talked about side effects

and she told me about it.

Does this pill have side effects?
-Obviously.

Really? -No, I'm kidding.

Are you kidding or are you serious?
-Of course there are, Shai,

all pills do.

You know what side effects
the pills I take have?

Like what?
-I'll show you on Google,

you won't believe it.

Dizziness, headaches,
stomach aches, bloating,

weight gain, vomiting,
mood swings,

hypertension,
heart and brain clots,

risk of uterine cancer, gallstones,

excess fatigue, excess hair
and all that.

Oh man.

What's "all that?"

Multi-drug interactions,
seizures, kidney failure,

liver failure, jaundice,

triglycerides, diabetes, depression,

loss of appetite, migraines,
low sex drive.

God.

It's almost worse than kids.

Fanny,
Pinhas and I have decided

not to join the project.

We're leaving it to the kids instead.

And I remembered you wanted it very much.

I'm so glad you bought 403 and 404 from us.

It's yours.

I'll email you the contract.

Sign it and send it to the agent
with your credit card number.

Just make it quick.
-What's going on, Riki?

You're welcome. Enjoy. Bye.

What?

What "what?"

I sold our plots to Fanny.

Hi, Riki.

Say thank you.
-What for?

For taking our son?

That's enough, Riki.

Thank you for what?

I talked to Zigdon, my lawyer,

he talked to the head contractor
of "Final Rest,"

he talked to whoever,
threatened who he had to

and got plots 403 and 404
moved to the fifth floor penthouse

and now your plots are 503 and 504,
just like you wanted.

Oh, that's wonderful.

What's wonderful about it?

I just sold our plots to Fanny.
-Oh no.

Shit.
-I don't believe it.

Where will we be buried now?

I'll look for something else.

Hello, Zigdon.

Okay, I'll take the pill.
-Really? -Yes. -Awesome.

But you remember
to take one pill every day,

not one day yes, one day no.

You take a pill every day

or as they say in your family,

farshteist? -Yo, yo.

Okay, family, the blessing and food.

Make it short today,
I'm not in the mood for trills.

Let's eat, I'm starving.

No, there's only those...

chicken socks
that my mom made for me

and I don't feel like it.

Look at that, not on the pill yet
and already you have side effects,

loss of appetite and depression.

What about the excess hair?

Anything grow yet?

Where are Shai/Shani?
-Shai/Shani. -Shani.

Well, did he agree?
-And how.

I agreed too.

What about the side effects?

I looked online,
the pill's still being tried on monkeys.

It's not available
to the public yet.

Ah, so they're not for sale.

What a bummer.
-Bummer.

So the side effects go back to me?

I guess so.

I read that the scientist
that's working on this pill

is a man.

So he'll probably take his time.

Okay, I spoke to Zigdon,
the lawyer,

he talked to whoever,
threatened who he had to

and it all worked out,
I found you a place.

Itamar, you found a treasure.

She found me.

Which project?

There's one nearby,
"Stairway to Heaven".

No, no, you can't be picky,

you don't have many options.

It's the same project, "Final Rest",

plots 403 and 404.

But those are the ones we had.

Fanny bought them from us.

Those were the only available ones.

So Fanny and the bag will live above us?

I'm sorry,
that's all that's left.

Okay, let's get this over with.

On the sixth day...
-That's all I needed,

Fanny and her leaking bag above me.

What's the difference, Mom?

At least you'll be
next to Vera and Marcel.

Kill me now.
-Stop!

Death again?
I asked you not to.

All say... -Lechaim.

Are they asleep in back.
-Yes, so cute.

Except the lice.

I hope they die.

Shai, stop it.

But she's sleeping.

Stop at the pharmacy, I have to...

buy the side effects.

Right.

You forgot already?

I can't tell you have side effects.
-Right...

A mood swing from time to time,

some weight gain,

excess hair. -What?

Nausea, vomiting,

in a good way.
-Oh yeah?

So now I have a headache
and a low sex drive.

That one of all things?
-Side effect or not?