Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 0, Episode 0 - The Robot Chicken Walking Dead Special: Look Who's Walking - full transcript
The zombie plague is over, so a museum has been built to keep the memory of it alive, and most of the relics it holds incorrectly relate to Rick Grimes' group. Elderly Carl tries to set things straight, no matter the cost.
[Up-tempo music plays]
Grr!
Everybody say "Grr!"
ALL:
Grr!
[Laughter,
up-tempo music plays]
Welcome to "The Walking Dead"
museum.
Once our entire species
faced extinction
in an event known
as the Walkpocalypse.
Ooh!
[Hisses]
[Music continues]
After the disease was cured --
and it was cured completely --
both the walker saliva version
and that thing where
everyone's infected anyway --
We built this museum to remember
the heroes who saved humanity
from walkers, like me.
[Growls, chuckles]
And we're walkers.
And we're walkers.
This is so cool!
This room is dedicated to the
members of Rick and the Gang,
as they were known
Records are spotty,
but we believe the leader,
Rick Gremlin,
was either in law enforcement
or a member of a Village People
tribute band.
Rick had one child:
a beautiful girl named Carla.
Together, they battled
the undead and the living,
including this monster, whom
the scriptures call Neegnon.
He was the leader of a rival
softball team, the Lucilles.
They finally brokered a truce
when the lovely Carla
agreed to marry Neegnon.
This exquisite barbed-wire bat
was likely a wedding gift.
Neegnon and Carla were
happily married for many years
and had at least six children.
And we're walkers.
And we're walkers.
Oh, boy. I never knew
all these amazing facts.
That's because
they're a load of crap
Oh, my gosh.
Are you... the lovely Carla?
- It's Carl!
- I'm so sorry, my lady.
This whole museum is wrong!
You want to know
the whole story?
Do ya?
Uh. will we still have time
to hit the gift shop after?
I'm giving you the gift,
of truth.
Yeah, but...
The gift shop closes at 5:00
Let me tell you
how it really happened.
[Shutter clicks]
[Dramatic music plays]
[Chickens clucking
“The Waking Dead" theme song]
CHICKEN:
♪ B aw-w-w-w-k ♪
It began, as all good stories
do, with a monkey.
Any idea what caused
the outbreak, Dr. Jenner?
I bet it's monkeys.
It's always monkeys.
Actually, no.
It's a common misconception
that some lonely wanderer
in an African jungle
gets his rocks off
in a hapless primate,
doesn't bother to wipe,
comes home, and bangs his wife,
and then, boom,
you've got the AIDS.
But that's not
how science works.
So... it's cool
to fuck monkeys?
Whoo-hoo!
Going to the Congo!
[Down-tempo music plays]
Yes, Marlee, they bought it.
Now shut up and kiss me.
[Monkey screeching]
It's just us now.
Rick said I should
look after you, and I will.
[Gasps]
Shane. what are you doing?
Rick said I should treat you
like you were my wife.
He what?
Rick also said I should touch
your chest muffins.
Shane!
Get out!
Now, listen, Lori.
I don't want to do this.
But Rick said I should shower
with you.
Rick also said
I should wash your butt,
and Rick was very clear
about that.
Lori! Carl!
I'm back!
Rick said
that you should not tell Rick
anything that I said Rick said
we should do at Rick's behest.
Rick said "behest"?
Rick said you'd say that.
[Walkers moaning]
I think deep inside,
they hang on to the memories
of what they used to be.
Then this one must remember
crouching on her roof
to scare away evil spirits
She's one gargoyle-looking,
fuggo three-bagger.
That's my wife
Whoo-ee!
Gorgeous woman
Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.
[Snarling]
Morgan:
She remembers this is her home.
Rick: I wonder what else
they remember.
[Up-tempo music plays]
[Off-key march playing]
[Growls]
Some things never change,
huh?
I wonder what this one
remembers.
[Walkers moaning]
Morgan:
Oh, shit!
He's a goddamn master locksmith!
Bastards left me up here to die!
Alone!
Am I so damn horrible?
Don't Merle get to fall
in love?!
♪ Someplace
in this nightmare world ♪
♪ Is someone
who thinks the same way ♪
♪ That chicks are dumb
and racism's fun ♪
♪ And saying the N-word
is okay ♪
♪ And loves getting high
on PCP ♪
♪ Is there anyone out there with
the same kind of brain as me? ♪
[Meaning off-key]
♪ Somewhere there's a match
for me ♪
- [Meaning]
- ♪ A stupid, brainless girl ♪
♪ Who also doesn't care
for Jews ♪
♪ And shares
all my small-minded views ♪
♪ I'll find you someplace
in this nightmare world ♪
For you, my sugar tits.
[Insects chirping]
Looking for something, friend?
[Neighs]
Yeah. Gas.
Oh. I know
where there's plenty of gas
Hop on and I'll show you.
Okay.
Let's find you a saddle.
I prefer if you ride me raw dog.
What?
How bad do you want that gas?
[Gasoline sloshes]
Rick, I hope you know
I appreciated your enthusiasm,
and I still respect you.
Also, sorry about your shirt.
I was aiming for your hair.
[Suspenseful music plays]
Aah!
Uh-oh.
Oh, this doesn't look good.
- [Gunshots]
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Now I'll never see my wife
and son!
Wait. You've got a son?
How old?
- What difference --
- No time! How old?!
Twelve.
Now we've both got something
to live for!
[Dramatic music plays]
[Neighs]
Grr!
We've got them on the run now.
Rick!
[Wind whistling]
- Uh. Rick?
- [Walkers snarling]
Aah! Ow!
It hurts -- so good!
Bite me harder -- there.
Aw. shit.
That unicorn was right
This is never coming out.
These walker-gut ponchos
are the perfect disguise
so we blend in.
[Disco music plays]
God damn it, Carl!
Sophia!
I'm pretty sure I left her
right here
CAROL:
Rick! Sophia!
Uh-oh.
Where's Sophia?
What do you mean?
She's right here.
[High-pitched]
Hi, Mama. It's me -- Sophia
Rick, what the fuck
are you doing?
Nothing.
Some walkers came.
I drove them off,
and Sophia hid here,
right, Sophia?
[High-pitched]
Yeah, Mama, Mr. Rick saved me.
I like him.
He's nice.
Rick, you're holding a log.
Carol, if you're gonna fat-shame
this little girl of yours,
I'm not gonna stand for it.
- Stop it!
- Look over there!
There's some walkers!
Sorry, Sophia!
You're on your own!
[Tires squealing]
[Walkers moaning]
Dale. turn back.
We're not gonna make it.
- We'll make it! [Laughs]
- [Up-tempo music plays]
♪ Dale, Dale, the RV King ♪
♪ Jumps the shit
out of everything ♪
[Engine revs]
Yeah!
♪ Dale, Dale the RV king ♪
♪ All the fine dames get
a prime porking ♪
Yee-ha!
[Laughs]
[Down-tempo music plays]
Oh, yeah.
That's what I was trying to
take my mind off of.
[Screams]
Get ready
Walkers!
Hey, that's our word!
You don't have the right!
Hershel, you need to
come back home.
Beth needs you.
I had a drinking problem, Rick.
It nearly tore my family apart.
I was a different man
when I was on the sauce.
What do you mean?
- [Up-tempo music plays]
- Come on!
Boom!
They're mine!
Let's get it on!
- I got your pouch, joey!
- [Bell rings]
[Laughs]
I'm off to the moon!
Holy shit.
Who won, you or the kangaroo?
Like I said. I was
a different man back then.
[Gunshots]
I'm out!
Thanks.
I'm out again.
[Down-tempo music plays]
I'm so sorry about your mama,
Carl.
You go on now.
I'll take care of her
before she turns.
No, Maggie.
I should be the one to do it.
All right, Carl.
Can I do it anyway I want to?
Uh, I... guess
[Moaning]
I love you. Mom.
[Whistling, explosions]
Hey, Rick?
Somethings wrong with that boy.
- [Mid-tempo music playing]
- [Hissing softly]
Aah!
- [Grunts]
- [Stapler clicks]
One more
Hold on.
Ah.
There we go
That ain't going anywhere,
sugar pie.
Look at the flowers, Lizzie.
[Gun cocks, fires]
Look at the bunny, Lenny.
The bunny -- [Grunts]
- [Muffled shouting]
- Look at the Indian, McMurphy
[Gunshot]
[Barking]
- Eat shit, Old Yeller.
- [Gunshot, dog whimpers]
- Look at the flowers --
- No!
Wow, lady.
You are cold.
- Look at the flowers, fellas.
- Oh, no!
- You, look at the flowers
- [Gun cocks, fires]
NERD: Man, this story's
pretty dark so far.
It's like they say, it's always
darkest before the dawn.
Unless your friend
shoots you in the eye
while you're covered
in walker guts.
But I behest.
- Wait. Am I using that right?
- No.
What was Terminus like?
Like if evil and hatred met
on Tinder
and didn't really hit it off
but hatred had money,
so at some point,
evil was curious
and the cocaine fell like snow.
[Laughs]
What are you talking about?
The food was made of people!
Even the chocolate butt pudding?
Especially the chocolate butt
pudding.
"Terminus -- sanctuary for all"?
"Community for all"?
"Those who arrive survive"?
Watt
What's that say at the bottom?
Free musical theater?
I love musical theater.
I don't know.
It sounds suspicious.
[Suspenseful music plays]
Welcome to Terminus!
Now sit back and enjoy the show!
[Up-tempo introduction plays]
♪ Oh, welcome to Terminus ♪
♪ Where you'll be safe
and sound ♪
♪ Cause we would never
eat you ♪
♪ So please don't turn around ♪
♪ Oh, yes, it's Terminus ♪
♪ And it's a pleasure
to meet you ♪
♪ And we're definitely
100% not going to eat you ♪
- This is pretty great.
- What a troupe.
I feel like they're
overemphasizing
that they're not gonna eat us.
No. I just think
they're being funny.
♪ This is the safest place ♪
♪ We really hope you'll stay ♪
♪ We'll only eat your ass
in a sexual way ♪
♪ Oh. yes, it's Terminus ♪
♪ And we're not cannibals ♪
♪ We promise
not to slaughter you ♪
♪ And eat you
like you're animals ♪
♪ Terminus ♪
Yeah!
Jazz hands!
Yep, they're definitely
gonna eat us.
I wonder if they sell merch
[Walker moaning]
Hello!
I am hungry!
Are you hungry?
I would like to eat!
Human!
That human smells good!
I will eat him!
Do not run!
Come back so I can eat you!
Oh!
Whoops!
I am on the ground'
Why am I on the ground?
I am hungry!
I want to eat the human!
[Grunts]
Where did the human go?
I want to eat him!
I am hungry!
- [Gunfire]
- Human!
Hello!
Ooh!
Hello!
Uh-oh!
Oh, hello, little girl.
[Gunshot]
I want to eat your hair.
[Grunts]
Trip!
Hello!
Why is your foot in my face?
I do not want to eat your shoe.
I do not like shoes.
- Come on, Carl!
Wait!
I have not eaten you yet!
I am hungry!
Trip!
Goodbye, human!
I am walking very fast now.
Is this flying?
I did not know I could fly.
Oh, hello, ground.
Hello. Hello.
Hello.
Hello, body.
I am hungry.
We're not gonna be using
the front gate anymore.
It's too much
of a security risk.
Rick, how will we get in?
Well, the signal
will be the same,
but we'll have a new method
of answering.
[Whistles]
[Chimes play]
Hairway to heaven.
[Grunts]
- [Walkers moaning]
Nicholas!
Stop pushing on the door!
Screw you, Glenn!
I'm getting out of here!
[Grunts]
- NOAH: Nicholas, you'll kill us!
- Better you than me!
[Grunts]
No! No!
Oh! No, Glenn!
Oh, Glenn!
Oh, Glenn, you could've saved
me, but you didn't. Glenn!
Oh!
GLENN:
No! Noah!
Oh' m? God!
No!
You sold out your friends
in a hurry, Eugene.
Actually, Dwight, it was just
a distraction to do this.
- [Growls]
- [Screams] My penis!
MALE VOICE
Hi! I'm Dwight's penis!
You ever think to yourself.
"How did I get here?"
It all started not too long ago.
NEGAN:
Did you hear that?
He said, "Suck my nuts!"
[Laughs]
- Hot diggity dog!
- [Up-tempo music plays]
♪ Hey, Negan ♪
♪ Show us how you do
that thing ♪
Mm, what thing?
♪ That dip ♪
♪ The one you do
right after you swing ♪
Oh.
You mean this?
♪ When you're bashin' in brains
or deliverin' quips ♪
♪ Just lean way back
and do the Negan Dip, yeah ♪
Ooh!
Like this?
Yeah!
You got it!
[Music stops]
I do not appreciate
you killing my dance!
- [Screams]
- [Grunting]
[Laughs]
Look at that.
He's still got the beat.
- One, two, three, dip!
- [Music continues]
[British accent] The truth is,
I'm not even a real tiger.
I did some community theater
back m the day.
Cowardly Lion, Grizabella,
Cat From Outer Space,
blah. blah blah
But when everything went
to hell,
people needed something.
So here's Shiva.
We got your guns, fools
You know why?
Cause we are the Saviors!
Ho!
Piece of shit!
Aah!
- You know what we need?
- Guns.
- A spine.
- Maybe Ding Dongs?
We need a name that tells people
we mean business.
Megan's got the Saviors,
and that just sounds cool
Then there's the Wolves --
also awesome.
The Terminus cannibals'
the Kingdom Comers;
the Baseball Furies,
- What is he...
- Just let him run.
So I've been kicking around some
ideas, and I think I've got it.
Rick and the Gang
- Um...
- Um...
Maybe we throw out
some other ideas.
The Wham Bam Clan!
The Stabby Crew!
No!
No, no!
We're Rick and the Gang.
I already made T-shirts.
Oh, fuck no.
Ahh.
I got the jacket.
But I'm missing that one thing
that really says
"stylish, yet dangerous."
Well. looky what we have here.
[“Linus and Lucy" playing]
- [Music stops]
- Perfecto.
Waaah!
Now, show me
that badass eyehole, kid.
[Suspenseful music plays]
Now, that is --
[Wind whistling]
My god;
Aah!
I've made a terrible mista--
ANNOUNCER: From the creators
of "The Waking Dead"
comes a show which reunites
its most beloved characters.
Glenn!
Dinnertime!
Huh?
Yeah.
ANNOUNCER:
It's "Happy Glenndings “
Sure, it's taken
some getting used to, but...
I got my Glenn.
I'll find you!
I'll find you.
We play a lot of hide-and-seek.
Glenn, I love you.
I'll find you!
[Insects chirping]
Go on. Daryl.
Lucille wants to hear you sing.
[Low-pitched]
♪ Uhhhh ♪
No!
What does it say?!
It's an "A".
Now: give me a sweet "A",
Daryl!
[Pitch rising]
♪ Aaaaah ♪
That is a...
♪ G! ♪
I want an.'
♪ A! ♪
So meet me up...
♪ here ♪
Well, well.
I can tell you little piggies
have been bad little piggies.
- [Engine revs]
- [Gagging]
[Laughs]
Fuck you, Negan!
[Snoopy laughing]
[Lid pops]
[Gulping]
- Come on, Maggie. One more push.
- [Screaming]
One more big push.
Come on.
[Screams]
[Gasping]
It's -- It's -- It's --
It's... It's a... b-boy?
It's -- It's a boy.
Does it look like Glenn?
- Um...
- Um -- Uh. I mean...
Yep
I found you!
[Laughs]
Oh, wow.
Is that how babies work?
Now... don't move, kid.
Tweet, tweet, tweet,
motherfucker!
That's a birdie!
[Dramatic music plays]
[Engines whirring]
My goodness.
What could it be?
Some kind of rocket.
[Air hisses]
- WOMAN: It's a baby!
- MAN: It's a bat.
It's a baby!
I'm gonna name you Lucille.
[Grunting]
[Birds chirping]
[Rapid hammering, saw buzzing]
That's my bat.
Lucille,
what are you doing here?
Get lost.
[Down-tempo music plays]
I know it's hard.
You can do
all these amazing things,
and you can't tell anybody.
But if there's one thing
I do know, Lucille,
it's that you are here
for a reason.
Die, Negan!
[Gunshot]
[Dramatic music plays]
Wow.
She saved us all!
That bat murdered my friends!
I don't know.
The video is pretty compelling.
This way, people.
We saved the best for last.
Feast your eyes upon...
The last surviving walker
on earth.
[Hissing]
Oh, my gosh.
That is so awesome!
Are you crazy?!
The nightmare will never be over
until that thing is destroyed.
[Crowd screaming.
Walker moaning]
[Gun cocks]
Smile, you son of a biscuit.
Just got to get a quick selfie
first.
[Gunshot]
The legend is true!
[Gun clicks]
[Dramatic music plays]
[Grunting]
I've received
the proper compensation
to initiate the munitions
process.
Just hang on to your britches
a tick
while I gather
the necessary tools
to engage in the delicate means
to deliver this bullet souvenir.
Hurry the fudge up!
The interesting thing
about the history
of the pin-firing
.38 caliber projectile --
It was actually not .38 caliber,
but in fact .375 caliber
due to the fact --
Yeah! Got it!
Shut up! Bullet!
[Gags, bullet clatters]
CARL:
[Grunts]
[Gunshot]
Keep the change,
you filthy animal.
[Gun clatters]
It's over.
It's finally over.
Yep, it sure is!
Ooh. I should really put
some Neosporin on this bite
Wait.
What did you say?
[Distorted laughter]
[Up-tempo music plays]
I'm Chris Hardwick.
Wow.
What a 100th episode
of "The Waking Dead.“
Lori's fate revealed,
the virus unleashed once more,
and how will Snoopy factor into
Megan's future plans?
Joining us tonight. "Walking
Dead" Sasquatch Robert Kirkman,
showrunner Scott M. Gimple,
and Shiva the Tiger,
Sir Fred Livingston III.
- Hello!
- Thanks, Seacrest.
This was probably my favorite
episode of all time.
Took 100 tries
to get a unicorn on the show,
but damn,
you pulled it off, Gumby.
Um, it's, uh. Gimple.
And just to clarify, this wasn't
officially the 100th episode.
Well. the Season 7 finale
was episode 99;
which makes this episode 100
because math.
No. This was a "Robot Chicken"
special on Adult Swim.
You drag me
onto the Dead Actor Couch,
and this episode
doesn't even fucking count?
- [Snarling]
- Holy Lord almighty!
No! Stop it!
Oh, my head!
No! My dick!
Yeah!
Bite that dick!
- [Screaming]
- That is how you bite a dick.
No!
I have 75 shows to produce!
Grr!
Everybody say "Grr!"
ALL:
Grr!
[Laughter,
up-tempo music plays]
Welcome to "The Walking Dead"
museum.
Once our entire species
faced extinction
in an event known
as the Walkpocalypse.
Ooh!
[Hisses]
[Music continues]
After the disease was cured --
and it was cured completely --
both the walker saliva version
and that thing where
everyone's infected anyway --
We built this museum to remember
the heroes who saved humanity
from walkers, like me.
[Growls, chuckles]
And we're walkers.
And we're walkers.
This is so cool!
This room is dedicated to the
members of Rick and the Gang,
as they were known
Records are spotty,
but we believe the leader,
Rick Gremlin,
was either in law enforcement
or a member of a Village People
tribute band.
Rick had one child:
a beautiful girl named Carla.
Together, they battled
the undead and the living,
including this monster, whom
the scriptures call Neegnon.
He was the leader of a rival
softball team, the Lucilles.
They finally brokered a truce
when the lovely Carla
agreed to marry Neegnon.
This exquisite barbed-wire bat
was likely a wedding gift.
Neegnon and Carla were
happily married for many years
and had at least six children.
And we're walkers.
And we're walkers.
Oh, boy. I never knew
all these amazing facts.
That's because
they're a load of crap
Oh, my gosh.
Are you... the lovely Carla?
- It's Carl!
- I'm so sorry, my lady.
This whole museum is wrong!
You want to know
the whole story?
Do ya?
Uh. will we still have time
to hit the gift shop after?
I'm giving you the gift,
of truth.
Yeah, but...
The gift shop closes at 5:00
Let me tell you
how it really happened.
[Shutter clicks]
[Dramatic music plays]
[Chickens clucking
“The Waking Dead" theme song]
CHICKEN:
♪ B aw-w-w-w-k ♪
It began, as all good stories
do, with a monkey.
Any idea what caused
the outbreak, Dr. Jenner?
I bet it's monkeys.
It's always monkeys.
Actually, no.
It's a common misconception
that some lonely wanderer
in an African jungle
gets his rocks off
in a hapless primate,
doesn't bother to wipe,
comes home, and bangs his wife,
and then, boom,
you've got the AIDS.
But that's not
how science works.
So... it's cool
to fuck monkeys?
Whoo-hoo!
Going to the Congo!
[Down-tempo music plays]
Yes, Marlee, they bought it.
Now shut up and kiss me.
[Monkey screeching]
It's just us now.
Rick said I should
look after you, and I will.
[Gasps]
Shane. what are you doing?
Rick said I should treat you
like you were my wife.
He what?
Rick also said I should touch
your chest muffins.
Shane!
Get out!
Now, listen, Lori.
I don't want to do this.
But Rick said I should shower
with you.
Rick also said
I should wash your butt,
and Rick was very clear
about that.
Lori! Carl!
I'm back!
Rick said
that you should not tell Rick
anything that I said Rick said
we should do at Rick's behest.
Rick said "behest"?
Rick said you'd say that.
[Walkers moaning]
I think deep inside,
they hang on to the memories
of what they used to be.
Then this one must remember
crouching on her roof
to scare away evil spirits
She's one gargoyle-looking,
fuggo three-bagger.
That's my wife
Whoo-ee!
Gorgeous woman
Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.
[Snarling]
Morgan:
She remembers this is her home.
Rick: I wonder what else
they remember.
[Up-tempo music plays]
[Off-key march playing]
[Growls]
Some things never change,
huh?
I wonder what this one
remembers.
[Walkers moaning]
Morgan:
Oh, shit!
He's a goddamn master locksmith!
Bastards left me up here to die!
Alone!
Am I so damn horrible?
Don't Merle get to fall
in love?!
♪ Someplace
in this nightmare world ♪
♪ Is someone
who thinks the same way ♪
♪ That chicks are dumb
and racism's fun ♪
♪ And saying the N-word
is okay ♪
♪ And loves getting high
on PCP ♪
♪ Is there anyone out there with
the same kind of brain as me? ♪
[Meaning off-key]
♪ Somewhere there's a match
for me ♪
- [Meaning]
- ♪ A stupid, brainless girl ♪
♪ Who also doesn't care
for Jews ♪
♪ And shares
all my small-minded views ♪
♪ I'll find you someplace
in this nightmare world ♪
For you, my sugar tits.
[Insects chirping]
Looking for something, friend?
[Neighs]
Yeah. Gas.
Oh. I know
where there's plenty of gas
Hop on and I'll show you.
Okay.
Let's find you a saddle.
I prefer if you ride me raw dog.
What?
How bad do you want that gas?
[Gasoline sloshes]
Rick, I hope you know
I appreciated your enthusiasm,
and I still respect you.
Also, sorry about your shirt.
I was aiming for your hair.
[Suspenseful music plays]
Aah!
Uh-oh.
Oh, this doesn't look good.
- [Gunshots]
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Now I'll never see my wife
and son!
Wait. You've got a son?
How old?
- What difference --
- No time! How old?!
Twelve.
Now we've both got something
to live for!
[Dramatic music plays]
[Neighs]
Grr!
We've got them on the run now.
Rick!
[Wind whistling]
- Uh. Rick?
- [Walkers snarling]
Aah! Ow!
It hurts -- so good!
Bite me harder -- there.
Aw. shit.
That unicorn was right
This is never coming out.
These walker-gut ponchos
are the perfect disguise
so we blend in.
[Disco music plays]
God damn it, Carl!
Sophia!
I'm pretty sure I left her
right here
CAROL:
Rick! Sophia!
Uh-oh.
Where's Sophia?
What do you mean?
She's right here.
[High-pitched]
Hi, Mama. It's me -- Sophia
Rick, what the fuck
are you doing?
Nothing.
Some walkers came.
I drove them off,
and Sophia hid here,
right, Sophia?
[High-pitched]
Yeah, Mama, Mr. Rick saved me.
I like him.
He's nice.
Rick, you're holding a log.
Carol, if you're gonna fat-shame
this little girl of yours,
I'm not gonna stand for it.
- Stop it!
- Look over there!
There's some walkers!
Sorry, Sophia!
You're on your own!
[Tires squealing]
[Walkers moaning]
Dale. turn back.
We're not gonna make it.
- We'll make it! [Laughs]
- [Up-tempo music plays]
♪ Dale, Dale, the RV King ♪
♪ Jumps the shit
out of everything ♪
[Engine revs]
Yeah!
♪ Dale, Dale the RV king ♪
♪ All the fine dames get
a prime porking ♪
Yee-ha!
[Laughs]
[Down-tempo music plays]
Oh, yeah.
That's what I was trying to
take my mind off of.
[Screams]
Get ready
Walkers!
Hey, that's our word!
You don't have the right!
Hershel, you need to
come back home.
Beth needs you.
I had a drinking problem, Rick.
It nearly tore my family apart.
I was a different man
when I was on the sauce.
What do you mean?
- [Up-tempo music plays]
- Come on!
Boom!
They're mine!
Let's get it on!
- I got your pouch, joey!
- [Bell rings]
[Laughs]
I'm off to the moon!
Holy shit.
Who won, you or the kangaroo?
Like I said. I was
a different man back then.
[Gunshots]
I'm out!
Thanks.
I'm out again.
[Down-tempo music plays]
I'm so sorry about your mama,
Carl.
You go on now.
I'll take care of her
before she turns.
No, Maggie.
I should be the one to do it.
All right, Carl.
Can I do it anyway I want to?
Uh, I... guess
[Moaning]
I love you. Mom.
[Whistling, explosions]
Hey, Rick?
Somethings wrong with that boy.
- [Mid-tempo music playing]
- [Hissing softly]
Aah!
- [Grunts]
- [Stapler clicks]
One more
Hold on.
Ah.
There we go
That ain't going anywhere,
sugar pie.
Look at the flowers, Lizzie.
[Gun cocks, fires]
Look at the bunny, Lenny.
The bunny -- [Grunts]
- [Muffled shouting]
- Look at the Indian, McMurphy
[Gunshot]
[Barking]
- Eat shit, Old Yeller.
- [Gunshot, dog whimpers]
- Look at the flowers --
- No!
Wow, lady.
You are cold.
- Look at the flowers, fellas.
- Oh, no!
- You, look at the flowers
- [Gun cocks, fires]
NERD: Man, this story's
pretty dark so far.
It's like they say, it's always
darkest before the dawn.
Unless your friend
shoots you in the eye
while you're covered
in walker guts.
But I behest.
- Wait. Am I using that right?
- No.
What was Terminus like?
Like if evil and hatred met
on Tinder
and didn't really hit it off
but hatred had money,
so at some point,
evil was curious
and the cocaine fell like snow.
[Laughs]
What are you talking about?
The food was made of people!
Even the chocolate butt pudding?
Especially the chocolate butt
pudding.
"Terminus -- sanctuary for all"?
"Community for all"?
"Those who arrive survive"?
Watt
What's that say at the bottom?
Free musical theater?
I love musical theater.
I don't know.
It sounds suspicious.
[Suspenseful music plays]
Welcome to Terminus!
Now sit back and enjoy the show!
[Up-tempo introduction plays]
♪ Oh, welcome to Terminus ♪
♪ Where you'll be safe
and sound ♪
♪ Cause we would never
eat you ♪
♪ So please don't turn around ♪
♪ Oh, yes, it's Terminus ♪
♪ And it's a pleasure
to meet you ♪
♪ And we're definitely
100% not going to eat you ♪
- This is pretty great.
- What a troupe.
I feel like they're
overemphasizing
that they're not gonna eat us.
No. I just think
they're being funny.
♪ This is the safest place ♪
♪ We really hope you'll stay ♪
♪ We'll only eat your ass
in a sexual way ♪
♪ Oh. yes, it's Terminus ♪
♪ And we're not cannibals ♪
♪ We promise
not to slaughter you ♪
♪ And eat you
like you're animals ♪
♪ Terminus ♪
Yeah!
Jazz hands!
Yep, they're definitely
gonna eat us.
I wonder if they sell merch
[Walker moaning]
Hello!
I am hungry!
Are you hungry?
I would like to eat!
Human!
That human smells good!
I will eat him!
Do not run!
Come back so I can eat you!
Oh!
Whoops!
I am on the ground'
Why am I on the ground?
I am hungry!
I want to eat the human!
[Grunts]
Where did the human go?
I want to eat him!
I am hungry!
- [Gunfire]
- Human!
Hello!
Ooh!
Hello!
Uh-oh!
Oh, hello, little girl.
[Gunshot]
I want to eat your hair.
[Grunts]
Trip!
Hello!
Why is your foot in my face?
I do not want to eat your shoe.
I do not like shoes.
- Come on, Carl!
Wait!
I have not eaten you yet!
I am hungry!
Trip!
Goodbye, human!
I am walking very fast now.
Is this flying?
I did not know I could fly.
Oh, hello, ground.
Hello. Hello.
Hello.
Hello, body.
I am hungry.
We're not gonna be using
the front gate anymore.
It's too much
of a security risk.
Rick, how will we get in?
Well, the signal
will be the same,
but we'll have a new method
of answering.
[Whistles]
[Chimes play]
Hairway to heaven.
[Grunts]
- [Walkers moaning]
Nicholas!
Stop pushing on the door!
Screw you, Glenn!
I'm getting out of here!
[Grunts]
- NOAH: Nicholas, you'll kill us!
- Better you than me!
[Grunts]
No! No!
Oh! No, Glenn!
Oh, Glenn!
Oh, Glenn, you could've saved
me, but you didn't. Glenn!
Oh!
GLENN:
No! Noah!
Oh' m? God!
No!
You sold out your friends
in a hurry, Eugene.
Actually, Dwight, it was just
a distraction to do this.
- [Growls]
- [Screams] My penis!
MALE VOICE
Hi! I'm Dwight's penis!
You ever think to yourself.
"How did I get here?"
It all started not too long ago.
NEGAN:
Did you hear that?
He said, "Suck my nuts!"
[Laughs]
- Hot diggity dog!
- [Up-tempo music plays]
♪ Hey, Negan ♪
♪ Show us how you do
that thing ♪
Mm, what thing?
♪ That dip ♪
♪ The one you do
right after you swing ♪
Oh.
You mean this?
♪ When you're bashin' in brains
or deliverin' quips ♪
♪ Just lean way back
and do the Negan Dip, yeah ♪
Ooh!
Like this?
Yeah!
You got it!
[Music stops]
I do not appreciate
you killing my dance!
- [Screams]
- [Grunting]
[Laughs]
Look at that.
He's still got the beat.
- One, two, three, dip!
- [Music continues]
[British accent] The truth is,
I'm not even a real tiger.
I did some community theater
back m the day.
Cowardly Lion, Grizabella,
Cat From Outer Space,
blah. blah blah
But when everything went
to hell,
people needed something.
So here's Shiva.
We got your guns, fools
You know why?
Cause we are the Saviors!
Ho!
Piece of shit!
Aah!
- You know what we need?
- Guns.
- A spine.
- Maybe Ding Dongs?
We need a name that tells people
we mean business.
Megan's got the Saviors,
and that just sounds cool
Then there's the Wolves --
also awesome.
The Terminus cannibals'
the Kingdom Comers;
the Baseball Furies,
- What is he...
- Just let him run.
So I've been kicking around some
ideas, and I think I've got it.
Rick and the Gang
- Um...
- Um...
Maybe we throw out
some other ideas.
The Wham Bam Clan!
The Stabby Crew!
No!
No, no!
We're Rick and the Gang.
I already made T-shirts.
Oh, fuck no.
Ahh.
I got the jacket.
But I'm missing that one thing
that really says
"stylish, yet dangerous."
Well. looky what we have here.
[“Linus and Lucy" playing]
- [Music stops]
- Perfecto.
Waaah!
Now, show me
that badass eyehole, kid.
[Suspenseful music plays]
Now, that is --
[Wind whistling]
My god;
Aah!
I've made a terrible mista--
ANNOUNCER: From the creators
of "The Waking Dead"
comes a show which reunites
its most beloved characters.
Glenn!
Dinnertime!
Huh?
Yeah.
ANNOUNCER:
It's "Happy Glenndings “
Sure, it's taken
some getting used to, but...
I got my Glenn.
I'll find you!
I'll find you.
We play a lot of hide-and-seek.
Glenn, I love you.
I'll find you!
[Insects chirping]
Go on. Daryl.
Lucille wants to hear you sing.
[Low-pitched]
♪ Uhhhh ♪
No!
What does it say?!
It's an "A".
Now: give me a sweet "A",
Daryl!
[Pitch rising]
♪ Aaaaah ♪
That is a...
♪ G! ♪
I want an.'
♪ A! ♪
So meet me up...
♪ here ♪
Well, well.
I can tell you little piggies
have been bad little piggies.
- [Engine revs]
- [Gagging]
[Laughs]
Fuck you, Negan!
[Snoopy laughing]
[Lid pops]
[Gulping]
- Come on, Maggie. One more push.
- [Screaming]
One more big push.
Come on.
[Screams]
[Gasping]
It's -- It's -- It's --
It's... It's a... b-boy?
It's -- It's a boy.
Does it look like Glenn?
- Um...
- Um -- Uh. I mean...
Yep
I found you!
[Laughs]
Oh, wow.
Is that how babies work?
Now... don't move, kid.
Tweet, tweet, tweet,
motherfucker!
That's a birdie!
[Dramatic music plays]
[Engines whirring]
My goodness.
What could it be?
Some kind of rocket.
[Air hisses]
- WOMAN: It's a baby!
- MAN: It's a bat.
It's a baby!
I'm gonna name you Lucille.
[Grunting]
[Birds chirping]
[Rapid hammering, saw buzzing]
That's my bat.
Lucille,
what are you doing here?
Get lost.
[Down-tempo music plays]
I know it's hard.
You can do
all these amazing things,
and you can't tell anybody.
But if there's one thing
I do know, Lucille,
it's that you are here
for a reason.
Die, Negan!
[Gunshot]
[Dramatic music plays]
Wow.
She saved us all!
That bat murdered my friends!
I don't know.
The video is pretty compelling.
This way, people.
We saved the best for last.
Feast your eyes upon...
The last surviving walker
on earth.
[Hissing]
Oh, my gosh.
That is so awesome!
Are you crazy?!
The nightmare will never be over
until that thing is destroyed.
[Crowd screaming.
Walker moaning]
[Gun cocks]
Smile, you son of a biscuit.
Just got to get a quick selfie
first.
[Gunshot]
The legend is true!
[Gun clicks]
[Dramatic music plays]
[Grunting]
I've received
the proper compensation
to initiate the munitions
process.
Just hang on to your britches
a tick
while I gather
the necessary tools
to engage in the delicate means
to deliver this bullet souvenir.
Hurry the fudge up!
The interesting thing
about the history
of the pin-firing
.38 caliber projectile --
It was actually not .38 caliber,
but in fact .375 caliber
due to the fact --
Yeah! Got it!
Shut up! Bullet!
[Gags, bullet clatters]
CARL:
[Grunts]
[Gunshot]
Keep the change,
you filthy animal.
[Gun clatters]
It's over.
It's finally over.
Yep, it sure is!
Ooh. I should really put
some Neosporin on this bite
Wait.
What did you say?
[Distorted laughter]
[Up-tempo music plays]
I'm Chris Hardwick.
Wow.
What a 100th episode
of "The Waking Dead.“
Lori's fate revealed,
the virus unleashed once more,
and how will Snoopy factor into
Megan's future plans?
Joining us tonight. "Walking
Dead" Sasquatch Robert Kirkman,
showrunner Scott M. Gimple,
and Shiva the Tiger,
Sir Fred Livingston III.
- Hello!
- Thanks, Seacrest.
This was probably my favorite
episode of all time.
Took 100 tries
to get a unicorn on the show,
but damn,
you pulled it off, Gumby.
Um, it's, uh. Gimple.
And just to clarify, this wasn't
officially the 100th episode.
Well. the Season 7 finale
was episode 99;
which makes this episode 100
because math.
No. This was a "Robot Chicken"
special on Adult Swim.
You drag me
onto the Dead Actor Couch,
and this episode
doesn't even fucking count?
- [Snarling]
- Holy Lord almighty!
No! Stop it!
Oh, my head!
No! My dick!
Yeah!
Bite that dick!
- [Screaming]
- That is how you bite a dick.
No!
I have 75 shows to produce!