Robin Hood (2006–2009): Season 3, Episode 3 - Lost in Translation - full transcript

Attention!

Abbot! Where in hell
have you been?! Rome!

How dare you summon me to your
quarters like a common serf?

My Lord, I need you.

But it couldn't
wait until tomorrow?

No.

It's too late for absolution.

You're the only one who can...

who can help me now. If you are truly willing
to repent for all your sins... I am.

Then you must make your peace with God,
my son, and pray for His forgiveness.

Ah, well, you see, it's not God I'm
worried about... it's Prince John.

Then you really are in trouble.

He already has Gisborne.

And it's anyone's guess
what he's doing with him.

Well, knowing the Prince as I
do, my advice is this. Please him.

Please him?

What do you think I've
been doing all this time?!

Weaving tapestries?!

Look.

I have to execute Hood within one
month, otherwise I'm horse-meat.

Well, I really don't see what you
expect me to do about Robin Hood.

Now, I've had a very long journey,
I need to return to my Abbey, so

You will assist me.

Why on earth would I do that?

Because... I know
your little secrets!

Where did you get it?

When I was looking for you at the Abbey
I decided to do some nosing around.

So you think you can blackmail me?

Mmm... amazing how great
men, no matter how revered,

always have some explosive little nugget hidden
away ready for someone like me to find, hmm?

And as little nuggets go this
is as explosive as it gets.

Abbot, even I was shocked.
Now you listen to me!

No! You listen to me!

You will use all your power and
your influence, you will use the full

might of the Church to help me finish
off Robin Hood once and for all,

or it'll be your head on the
chopping block with mine. Got it?!

You know this is
my favourite thing.

The handing out of parcels.

Being welcomed into the village
like sons returning from battle.

It's better to give
than to receive.

You're an educated man, who said "It
is better to give than to receive"?

Oh, it's nobody important, just
some carpenter from Nazareth.

Oh. Him!

Get down! Get down!

It's the Sheriff.

Last night, the Abbot of Kirklees
came to me and asked for my assistance.

It has come to pass

that Robin Hood and his gang of feral unwashed
pustules have stolen from the Church.

Eh?

What's he talking about?

I know

that you know Robin Hood.

I know that some of you

have come to look upon him
as a friend. Don't be fooled.

Since his return from his travels,

Hood has become a Satanic killer.

And anybody harbouring him should
be damned to a heretic's death.

At the stake...

where their flesh should
be charred from their bones.

Now, the Abbey is
under my protection.

I've thrown a cordon around it
and tripled security just in case.

Hood tries to steal again.

If this village does not assist
me in capturing Robin Hood,

then it shall be deemed
infected with evil

and it shall be wiped clean
of every living creature.

By the power vested in me by
His Holiness Pope Celestine III,

I issue this holy edict.

It's every man, woman and child's sacred duty
to help bring the demon Robin Hood to justice!

This is bad.

This is very bad.

This is not good!

It wasn't me. I wasn't anywhere
near the Abbey last night.

Don't you understand?

The Abbot has damned
our souls forever!

All right, all right,
less of the forever.

Why would the Abbot do this?

Only one way to find out.

No, no no...

Come on, Robin, we have to
confront the Abbot, right now!

Challenge him. We need to understand why he did this.
What hold the Sheriff has over him.

If we attack the Abbey now it'll
just confirm the Sheriff's lies.

Well, then, what do you
suggest we do about it?

We go to the people. Ah...

We go to the people and show
them we're still on their side.

We trust the people to
make up their own minds.

Robin, the people fear and love
the Church in equal measure.

Tuck's right. They'll never believe
us over the Abbot! Well, we'll see.

I can't understand this. This is one of
the finest scholars of his generation.

He's spent his entire life crusading
for justice, searching for truth...

Obviously there's something more
precious to him than the truth.

Yes, and I need to
find out what that is.

We leave the Abbey alone.

We need to find out...
Tuck, that's my final word!

HE FARTS

PLOP

I'm busy.

Laborare est orare, my son.

Always remember.

Work is prayer.

Bene orasse est bene studuisse.

I see. You are an assassin.

No.

Merely an inquisitor.

You presume I fear your blade.

I think you fear the Sheriff.

What hold does he have over you that
you would damn a man like Robin Hood?

A man of honour and justice.

My son,

there are things going on here of such magnitude, of
such complexity as to be beyond your understanding.

Try me.

Once you see what is hidden here, you
will understand why I had to do this.

You know me, my son.

Have faith in me again.

Guards! Seize him!

I came here to help you.

No-one can help me.

Take him.

Shouldn't we be looking for Tuck?

I don't trust that monk.

He can look after himself.

We've important work here.

What are you doing here?

We just wanted to make
sure you were provided for.

I can't accept it.

And nor will anyone else.

After all we've
done for you people?

All we've sacrificed? And this
is how you treat us, is it?

And what about what
I've sacrificed?

What we're all sacrificing every day while you
and the Sheriff play out your little war games.

We can't take the risk, Robin.

Not now the church has
branded you a heretic.

Oh, come on!

You don't buy all that mumbo jumbo.

The Abbot of Kirklees is a
great man. He wouldn't lie.

Rebecca, the Sheriff is using
the Abbot to frighten you.

Well, it worked. Well,
let us protect you!

Protect us?

Where was your protection
when my boy needed it?

Your boy died for
justice and truth.

Don't let that all go for nothing.

Robin, even you can't
take on the Church and win.

Robin, the Sheriff's men!

You can't be seen here.
Quick! Come on, get inside!

Robin.

This is one of
Hood's men! It's Tuck.

Last night he broke into the Abbey.

What are you thinking? We
can't just hand them over.

They're heretics now.
You'll get us all killed.

They've been good to us. I can't
just see them hanged. Or worse.

Kate, don't be a fool.

Don't be like your brother.

Ten.

We can take them. We
can't save Tuck now.

If we go out there, the Sheriff will
know the people are sheltering us.

He's still one of us. We
are not going out there.

He's baiting us. We are not
playing the Sheriff's game.

We stay put.Look at him! Hmmm?

Trapped like a wild
animal caught in the snare.

Is this how you want to end up?

I'm your friend.

Yes, I know we've
had our hard times

but we will come through.

Now, who

will help me capture Robin Hood?

Are you so blind
that you cannot see?

I am not your enemy, Hood is.

I have not forsaken you,
forsaken God, Hood has!

If you do not assist me in the capture of
Robin Hood, then things will only get worse.

Beginning with our friend here.

Who will be torn apart
on the rack tomorrow.

And unless you want the same for yourselves and your
loved ones, then you better come to your senses.

You're no longer welcome here. And if any of you
come again, we'll have no choice but to turn you in.

We have to protect ourselves now.

Go and stay gone.

Forever.

Let's go.

Leave us.

He sent you, hasn't he?

Why is a man of learning prepared to
sacrifice himself for a common thief?

Robin Hood is the last hope for
this country.An outlaw? I doubt that.

You've seen the people.

They're crying out for
inspiration. For guidance.

The Church can offer
the people guidance.

The Church is lying to them. Unless you
give up Hood, Locksley is damned to death.

Women, children, the
Sheriff will stop at nothing.

There was a time when you would
never let yourself be so intimidated.

When you would defend a
pauper against a Cardinal.

You may have no care for your
own life my son, but surely...

surely you don't
want innocents to die?

Why have you lost your
stomach for the fight?!

Not so, my son,

not so.

I have simply chosen a
different battleground.

And what battleground is that?

I know you, Abbot.

I studied your writings
when I was a boy.

Your translations of
Aristotle, of Plato.

I followed your
teachings like an apostle.

Unless you give up Hood, there's
nothing more I can do for you.

Your battleground has always
been the words of great men.

Your mission was always to bring
enlightenment to ordinary people.

How has that changed?! Tuck...

Tuck...

some words are more
dangerous than others!

Some words are deemed
too holy to be translated.

Oh, sweet heavens, no.

No, it can't be.

The Holy Bible?

In English?

But the Pope has decreed
it remain in Latin.

Now you see why I have
to tread carefully.

Look.

Look, my son.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender
my body to the flames, but have not love,

I gain nothing.

"St Paul's letter
to the Corinthians."

Ten years hard toil.

This could change everything.

Give the people the power
to interpret the will of God.

It would be a revolution.

I have to stop the
Sheriff burning my book.

So this is why you are
the Sheriff's slave.

He will destroy it unless
I make you betray Hood.

Join with me.

I will never betray him.

Then I fear for your life, my son.

How much for two barrels of tar?

You got to have a signed warrant
from the Sheriff to purchase tar.

How much to make sure you and
your family are provided for?

How about that? Will
you cover for me?

Where are you going? All right.

Be careful though, yeah? Thanks.

How much? Don't just stand
there gawping this time, eh?

Say erm... Tell her she's perfect.

Women love to hear
that sort of thing.

Kate? I have to talk to you.

The Sheriff's guards slaughtered all our
animals. Because we didn't give up Robin.

I want to help you.

I care about you, Kate.

Why are you doing this? Because...

I think you're perfect.

Perfect?

Is that a joke?

I look at you

and I want to...

Maybe.

Well, I'm sorry. I can't help it... I've never...
Look, nothing could ever happen between us. Ever.

Do you understand?

You're dirty, you smell
and you're trouble.

The best thing you
could do is just vanish.

Brother Tuck.

For crimes against God, the Church
and the faithful of Nottingham,

you are to be racked,
drawn and quartered.

Beautiful day.

Almost makes you want
to burst into song.

You start off, I'll harmonize.

Oh. Humour.

Well, perhaps you need to know that my favourite
moment of this delightful little procedure

is when you hear that
great big pop pop pop pop!

This isn't over, Sheriff!

Oh, really? What, you think
Hood's going to rescue you, do you?

Well, I don't see him.

Hood! Hood?

Hoody Hoody...

Come out wherever you are.

Come back! Cowards! Back!

You took your time! We were
a bit stretched.Watch out!

Where is the second relief?!

A cloth!

I just thought I'd put the spark
back into our relationship, Sheriff!

I thought I doubled the guard!

Or did I just double
the incompetence?

You've allowed Hood
to escape again!

You're more useless than Gisborne!

Tomorrow it's St Barnabus's day.

All the people will
be in the Abbey.

Yes. We must give them
something concrete.

Something they can
touch, feel and smell.

They don't need to touch
or feel God to believe.

Idiot. These people need to be
frightened out of their wits.

What on earth would
you have me tell them?

That the hand of God will strike them
down if they don't help you capture Hood?

What did you just say?

The hand of... Oh.

Oh, this is good.

This is tremendous.

Divine inspiration? I don't give
Him the credit, no, this was all me.

I want every wretched villager
from Locksley in the Abbey tomorrow.

I'll give them a St Barnabus's
day they'll never forget!

You disobeyed me.

I had no choice. Tuck, we never act alone! I had to
find out what hold the Sheriff had over the Abbot.

And did you? Oh, yes.

Yes, I did.Well?

The Abbot has translated
the Bible into English.

The Bible?

In English? Yeah.

Oh, hang on, hang
on. The Holy Bible

in English? That's right, yes.

Adam and Eve,

the flood, Moses.

In English? You catch
on fast, don't you?

Loaves and fishes, crucifixion, resurrection,
the Final Judgement, all in English? Much!

Is that even allowed? No!

It's blasphemy!

No, John, no!

It's progress.

It's taken ten years

and it'll enlighten a nation. Tuck.

Thank you, thank you.

We have to get the Abbot to
reverse his edict against us.

There's a special
service tomorrow morning.

St Barnabus's day. Everyone will be
there. Including the Sheriff and his men.

So we have to find
that Bible, right?

Allan, you go with Tuck.

All right.He's the only man who knows what to look for.
You know the castle better than anyone.

When you find the Bible,
you bring it to us.

Where? The Abbey, Allan.

If the Sheriff is using the
Bible to make the Abbot lie,

it's what we'll use to
make him tell the truth.

HE PRAYS IN LATIN

Keep digging!

SCRAPING

Keep digging! Faster!

Oh, God.

Dear Lord, no.

Stop this horror at once!

They're digging up graves now!

Told you it was tremendous.

Holy Relics.

Something that they can
touch and feel and smell.

Holy Relics? Ah.

The bones of Saint Luke.

Or more specifically the hand
of the great healer Saint Luke.

Kept for safety at Kirklees Abbey.

The precious treasure
Hood was after.

The first body we
exhumed was no good.

Funny, really.
You'll like this.

In life he was a thief. Had both his hands
chopped off, at my orders. This is heinous.

I know.

But there is a kind of
poetic irony to it, I think?

No more. I will no longer
be your whipping boy.

Abbot!

Please! Tomorrow morning,
you will preside...

No!..over the ceremony.

HE PRAYS IN LATIN

You will stand alone,

nodding happily, with
your mouth tightly shut,

agreeing with
everything that I say,

otherwise the rest of
your Bible becomes toast!

CHURCH BELLS PEAL

It'll be big.

Right.

Look.

CLATTER

Allan.

This is it.

It's the Bible.

We need to get a move on, Tuck.

Yeah.

A HYMN IS SUNG IN LATIN

HE PRAYS IN LATIN

Tedii, Tedium, Tedius! That's
quite enough of that rubbish.

My children.

I was once lost, like you.

Wretched like you.
Wandering in the wilderness.

But it was there, in the desert
crawling on my hands and knees

like a dried crab...

...that I was guided... to a cave.

And it was in that cave...

...that I found this...

the hand of the divine
physician Saint Luke!

CONGREGATION GASPS

It was this hand... that healed me.

Healed me of my pain,

guided me on the path to salvation
and cleansed me of all my sins!

And it was this holy artefact
that Robin Hood and his gang of men

tried so flagrantly to
steal, not once, but twice!

That is why Robin Hood and his gang
attacked the brothers of Kirklees.

That is why Hood sent in his
thug Tuck to break into the Abbey.

And that is why Hood
must burn at the stake!

Wrong way.

Get the Bible to Robin!

Lock down the Castle!
Search every room!

No sign of them.

There's no more time.
I have to go in now.

This is suicide, Robin.
There's no other way.

We have to go in there
and show we're not afraid.

If we blink now, the people
will never believe in us again.

I did give you an
ultimatum, remember?

So... where is he, eh?

Hmm?

Where's Robin Hood?

I don't see him.

Then open your eyes!

CONGREGATION GASPS

Oh, look.

He's come to save the village.

How noble.

What are you going
to do, Hood? Hmm?

Are you going to kill
me? Going to shoot me?

And risk bringing down the wrath of Prince John on Nottingham?
Well, I don't think you want that, do you?

No.

No, I wouldn't.

Because I love Nottingham.

I love its people.

And I want to see them freed from
your greed and your corruption.

What about your greed?
And your corruption?

You attacked the Abbey to try
and steal the holy artefacts.

I didn't.

Nor did I tax these people till they bled and
brutalised them when they had nothing more to give.

Yes, but you did break into the Abbey with the
intention of stealing the Hand of Saint Luke.

That is not the Hand of Saint Luke!

Really?

What? Pray tell. Whose hand is it?

Ask the Abbot.

Well, come on, Abbot.

Tell them.

Yes, come on, Abbot.

Tell them.

The truth is always the truth.

You can't change
that with an edict.

Yes, and they deserve
to be told the truth.

You tell them now
and this is all over.

It certainly will be.

If you say that relic is real

then three innocent men will die.

But if you deny it,

those people must be
released from your edict.

And your reputation will
be ground into the dust.

And nothing you ever say or do will
ever have any authority ever again.

You will be finished.

Your choice.

And the choices we make at these
moments define us for eternity.

I decree, by the holy
power of the Church,

that this is the hand of the
Holy Evangelist Saint Luke.

CONGREGATION GASPS

Tuck was wrong about you.

Arrest those heretics!

Argh! John! Enough! Enough!

It's over, John. What? No!

It's over.

Your book is magnificent.

I just wonder if the world
is quite ready for it.

Tuck, this is no place for decent,
educated men. Give me my book.

"If I give all I possess to the poor
and surrender my body to the flames,

but have not love, I gain nothing".

What are you going to do? Me?
I'm going to burn this book. No!

Unless you save Robin
Hood! Tuck, don't be a fool!

Yes, Tuck.

Book burning is my job.

Book, please.

I shall be holding onto that until Robin Hood
and his gang of maggots are reduced to ashes.

Stick him on the fire
with the rest of them.

I win.

CROWD: Burn them! Burn them!

CROWD: Burn them! Burn them!

HE PRAYS IN LATIN

Heretics!

Devils! I trusted you!

Kate, please!

It isn't true!

Heretics! Devils! I trusted you!

For crimes against the Church,

heretical and
blasphemous obscenity...

Come on, Robin.

...Robin Hood... The
rope's too thick.

I can't get through it.
We're toast. I knew it.

Light the fire!

Argh!

Wait! One moment.

Yes.

He has offended the
faithful therefore

the faithful must condemn him.

The Abbot's right.

It's the duty of every
man, woman and child

to destroy the heretic Robin Hood.

Now, are you ready
to condemn the heretic

or be damned yourself? Eh?

Burn them!

Maggie, Maggie, it's all right.

Just do it.

Very touching. Very sweet.

HE LAUGHS

Look, I'm burning them.

Burn them! Burn them!
CROWD: Burn them! Burn them!

Enough! People of Nottingham!

You have been betrayed!

Stop him! Stay where you are or
your souls will be damned forever!

You have been deceived!

That was not the
hand of Saint Luke.

It was a bone, sacrilegiously
disinterred from a peasant's grave.

It was meant to deceive you.

It was meant to control you,

but I stand before
you full of shame!

Hurry up, Much. This
man is the true devil!

He steals your hopes,
he steals your souls.

He is the spawn of Satan!

I warned you!

I warned you!

Is everyone ready?

I warned you!

Now! Now!

No!

I will never look at a pig on a
spit in the same way ever again.

To the Abbot.

ALL: To the Abbot.

"In the beginning God created
the heaven and the earth..."

The new tax collector comes
today. They say he is very good.

I've come to make Nottingham pay.

Thank you, Katie.

You've just made it onto
Nottingham's Most Wanted list.

Some knights in shining armour you lot are.
Now I have to leave home.

Do you ever get used to being
apart from your family? No.

You don't get used to that.
Robin is not here to save you now.

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