Riverdale (2016–…): Season 7, Episode 7 - Chapter One Hundred Twenty-Four: Dirty Dancing - full transcript

[Jughead] After Mr. Cooper
told Mrs. Cooper that Betty

had been dancing
in her window,
in her skivvies,

for Archie's...
uh, benefit,

Mrs. Cooper phoned
Hollywood, California

to give Hermione Lodge
a little good old fashioned
East Coast what-for,

since Veronica had supplied
the skivvies in question.

Then, Alice rang
her good friend
Penelope Blossom

for advice about what to do,

mother-to-mother.

Well, I can't say
I'm surprised.

By what, Mother?



Operator, can you put me
through to Stratford-747?

Alice Cooper needs help
saving her little hussy
of a daughter.

Agnes, [chuckles]
you won't believe...

[Jughead] So by morning,
everyone knew some version
of what had happened,

most of it untrue,
and repercussions
were being felt far and near.

She's never gonna talk
to me again, is she?

Your mother just
needs to understand

that you're a red-blooded,
American young man

and that Betty, well,
she's a voluptuous,
ripe peach of a girl.

[sighs]

I just...
I'm so embarrassed,
Uncle Frank.

Well...

Were you caught
with your pants down?

-Yes.
-[sighs]



Was what you were doing
a little raunchy?

Well, maybe.

But I'd be more worried
about you

if you weren't
showing an interest
in that kitten.

But for now,
just keep up
with your schoolwork,

focus on the basketball team,

stay away from Betty,

-take plenty of cold showers.
-[chuckles]

We'll get you
through this,
Archie. All right?

Yeah.

Good, good.

Good.

[Alice] You cannot
parade around naked
in front of boys.

Okay, again,

Archie and I were not naked.
We were just...

Having fun.
We were in
separate houses, Mom.

What did you think
was going to happen?

With you,
anything's possible.

Which is why, starting today,
you will be cutting a rug
on Riverdale Grandstand.

Mom, no.

Mom, I don't wanna be
part of Dad's dance show.

Only nerds and squares
are on Dad's dance show.

All right, enough of the sass,
young lady!

You will be dancing
from 3:00 to 6:00
every afternoon after school.

We will make sure that
you're nice and tuckered out

so there's no more
late-night shows with
your pinkie out of jail

for over-sexed young men
like Archie.

And if I catch wind of you
even saying "hello" to that
red-headed pervert,

well...

[scoffs]

You don't wanna see me
frosted, young lady.

["Tweedlee Dee" playing]

♪ Tweedlee tweedlee
Tweedlee dee ♪

♪ I'm as happy as can be ♪

Miss Veronica,
pardon the interruption,

but a telegram arrived

from your parents, miss.

Ugh...

They must still be peeved
about Mrs. Cooper
snitching on me.

"Mija, you have been
a bad girl. Stop.

Time to teach
you a lesson. Stop.

No more allowance. Stop.

Report for work at
the Babylonium Theater
today at 3:30 sharp.

Stop."

They're suspending
my allowance?

And making me get
an after-school job?

Smithers, this is child abuse!

Well, if they think
they can break my spirit

as if I were a filly,
they're in for
a rude awakening.

Hey, Dad.

Kevin, what are you
doing with this?

Uh, it's... It's a...
That's a bodybuilding magazine.

Where'd you get that from?

New pal of yours?
That Clay character?

His name's Clay Walker.
No. Uh, no, Dad.

What... What's going on?

I don't know.

I don't know, Kevin.

I mean, you cut
your girlfriend loose, you...

You started hanging around
with strange boys

and you're... reading
magazines like this?

I don't like much of any of it.

[Jughead] Meanwhile,
I was wracked by guilt

over the fact that
I betrayed my idol,

the science-fiction writer
Brad Rayberry, when...

Mr. Jones.

...Featherhead called me
on the carpet.

[sighs]

[Dr. Werthers]
Care to explain this?

I have a part-time gig
writing comic books
after school.

The content, Mr. Jones,
is what we're concerned about.

The violent, gruesome,
highly sexualized content,

all happening to students
clearly inspired by your peers
here at Riverdale.

Aren't you ashamed

to be associated with such
reprehensible dreck?

No. Actually, I'm quite proud
to have my name on that cover.

And whose beeswax
is it anyway

what I do with my time
after school?

If we were to learn that one
of our students was involved
in the creation

and distribution
of pornography,

we would absolutely expel them.

This is a comic book, sir.

This isn't a porno mag.

Well, we don't see them
so very different, Mr. Jones.

Both are inappropriate
for children,

both twist their minds
and souls--

Cut the gas.

It's the biggest load of hooey
that's ever been laid on me
in my life!

[Featherhead] It's very simple,
Mr. Jones.

Sign this agreement,
stating that you'll
no longer write

horror and crime comic books,

and you remain a student here.

Refuse to sign it,
and we will take steps
to have you expelled.

[students murmuring
indistinctly]

[wolf whistles]

[all chuckling]

Andrews!

[Bulldog players grunting]

[Veronica] Can I ask,
how far did you get?

Because I'm hearing
conflicting reports.

All we did was
look at each other.

My favorite words
in the English language,

"You can look,
but you can't touch."

Well, Archie and I
won't be touching
any time soon,

or looking, for that matter.

Especially not now that
I'm on my dad's grody
dance show every day.

-Riverdale Grandstand?
-Mmm-hmm.

I haven't seen it myself,

you know television
makes my skin crawl,

but it seems like
it could be a kick.

It's a bash.

More than that,

it's an honor.

One, as dance captain,
I take very seriously.

Cheryl, how and why
are you a dance captain
on Riverdale Grandstand?

Her parents are RIVW's
biggest sponsors.

I do my part
as dance captain
and spokeswoman.

Say, Vee, why don't you
join the dance show?

Absolutely not.

I would love to,

but I'm starting my new job
at the movie theater
this afternoon.

Part of my punishment
for encouraging
the corruption of minors.

Speaking of that,
here's a list of rules
for participants, Betty,

in case you get
any more pervy ideas.

"No chewing gum,
dress code strictly enforced,

no kissing,
no groin-on-groin contact."

See you at 3:30 on the dot.

[sighs]

[rhythmic music playing]

[imperceptible]

[whistle blows]

[Frank] All right,
everybody! Bring it in!

I'm sure most of you know
your classmate Kevin Keller,

but as of today,
he's the newest
member of our team.

So let's give him
a big Bulldog welcome.

[scattered applauding]

Swell. Just what we need,
a cream puff Bulldog.

[enthralling cinema
score playing]

[music continues playing
softly in the background]

[Lemly] She's a knockout,

isn't she?

Yes, she is.

Fat City.

And you must be
my new boss, Mr. Lemly.

Veronica Lodge.

And please, whatever
arrangement my parents
made with you,

let me assure you,
movie theaters are
my happy place.

They have been ever since
I attended my first picture
show, Babes in Arms.

So what's my job?

Ticket-taker?

Popcorn girl? Usherette?

All of the above.

These days I can only
afford a skeleton crew.

That's pretty much you, me--

And me.

I run the projector
and try to keep on top
of repairs

so that this place
doesn't collapse on itself.

[chuckles]
Enchantee, Clay.

-Enchante.
-I look forward to getting
to know you better

and being part of the team.

-["Mambo Boogie" playing]
-[Hal] All right, kids.

It's time for the Bop!

[music continues playing]

Betty! Why aren't you dancing?

'Cause I don't wanna be here

and I don't wanna dance.

You have to dance!

It's bad for ratings
if the camera pans this a-way

and catches the daughter
of our beloved
host-with-the-most

acting like a canceled stamp.

What do you want
me to do, Cheryl?

Everyone's already paired up.

That's not true.

What about Dilton?

He hasn't had
a steady partner

since Ethel went
to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy.
Just don't...

maul him, for Pete's sake!

Fine.

[chain rattles]

[knocking on door]

Just checking in.

Don't stay up too late now.

Hey, Uncle Frank, um...

What were you
and Sheriff Keller
talking about

at practice today?

Only that he wants Kevin
to get more into sports.

Thinks he could use
some better male role models.

Regular Joes like me and you.

Is something wrong with Kevin?

[sighs]

Well...

Sometimes boys get confused

about how they're
supposed to act.

Don't worry, Archie.
I promised Tom, you and me,

we'll straighten Kevin out.

[bell rings]

Hey, Kev.

Hey, what're you doing
during lunch?

I thought maybe we could
hang out, shoot some baskets.

Yeah, sure.

Gee, that's swell!

I'll see you in the gym.

Catch you later, Clay.

[typewriter clacking]

Mr. Rayberry!

I was wondering
if I could trade
this check in for cash.

I don't trust banks.

[Bernie] Sure, Mr. Rayberry.

Let me talk to payroll.

Thank you.

-Again, I'm so sorry--
-It's 12:30.

Shouldn't you be in school?

I might have dropped out.

Why?

Well...

The finks at the top
said that if I don't stop
writing comic books

and corrupting America's youth,

that I'll be expelled
for some cooked-up malarkey.

So... I beat feet.

Huh.

Hope it's worth it.

What time is your
lunch break, anyway?

Any time, I guess.

Hey, Kev.

You know, you and I
have been in the same
grade since kindergarten.

Why basketball? Why now?

Uh, it was my dad's idea.

I just think he wants me
to be a regular guy.

Less of an off-horse.

What does that even mean?

You know, a guy
who likes sports,

who, um...

does, like, what
you did with Betty.

Who isn't interested
in things like poetry

and drama and music
and movie stars and--

I like those things.

Well, yeah, but you're...

[chuckles]

What?

What am I?

You're normal, Archie.
You're normal.

Kevin, so are you.

Yeah, I...
I wanna be,

more than anything.

I just want to be
like everybody else.

[door opens]

[grunts]

[players chattering
indistinctly in distance]

[people chattering
indistinctly]

Again and...
and for the rest
of my life,

I would like
to apologize...

For stealing and
reading my novel.

-For that. Yeah.
-[Brad] Mmm-hmm.

It was a chump move

and you had every right
to bite my head off.

I did.

That said, I, um...

I may have, uh,
overreacted.

[Jughead] No, I... I...

I totally understand

why you were
being protective over

The Jupiter Journals.
Mr. Rayberry, I...

I think it's
a masterpiece.

-Huh.
-[chuckles]

If I wrote that
manuscript,

I... I think I could
die a happy man.

Wow.

Before we start

planning your funeral,
let's talk about

you dropping
out of school.

You should go back.

Education's important.

I... I just
don't really

see why I have
to choose between
writing comic books

and getting an education.

You shouldn't.

And this,

young sir, is what is
known as a [sniffs]

Gordian knot.

So, tell me everything
you know

about this
Werthers clown,

who he is,

where he comes from,
what he's about,

what he believes.

[players whistling
and cheering]

-[Julian] Fellas,
an announcement.
-[clapping and whooping]

Let's give a proud woof
for Rodgers here

who finally did

the dirty deed with
Jenny Stevens last night.

In the back of his dad's
Thunderbird, no less.

-[clapping and whistling]
-[player 1] Whoo!

-[player 2] Whoo! Whoo!
-Between Rodgers
and Andrews'

X-rated peep show
with Betty Cooper,

we might want
to rename our team

[inhales] the Horndogs.

[players grunting]

The question is,

which one of you
fruitcakes is next?

Can't be a real man

unless you've gone
all the way with a woman.

We all know
Fogarty's solid.

You and Midge, right?

That's none of your
beeswax there, Blossom.

Man of mystery, okay.

What about you, Keller?

What about you?

Julian?

Pretty sure
you're still a virgin?

Uh, keep dreaming.

Crossed into
the promised land

on my 16th birthday,

when my dad took me
to see Twyla Twyst.

Who's Twyla Twyst?

A floozy who works

out of the Cozy Time Motel
behind the school.

-[player whoops]
-Spend one night with her.

[exhales] Heck, even one hour

and you'll never
be the same.

What do you say, Keller?

You up for it?

Put a lid on it. Julian.

-Kevin--
-Yeah, I'll do it.

I'll go see her.

Attaboy, Keller.

That's the spirit.

Let me know
when and where.

So, Clay,
bring me up to speed.

Am I sensing you're
a fellow cinephile?

It's actually what
I wannna study in college.

Filmmaking.

I know, it sounds nutty
as a can of peanuts,

but I dream
of one day

inspiring people like
my hero inspired me.

Oscar Micheaux.

-Who's he?
-[Clay] A Black director.

He started at
the same time as

D.W. Griffith
and Mary Pickford.

Well, if we're,

indulging in pipe dreams today.

I've never been crazy
about being in front

of the cameras
but I do love

being near them.

Well, maybe

your destiny is to run
a studio one day and then,

-you can hire me
to direct my first movie.
-[laughs]

Deal.

[door opens]

Oh, Mr. Lemly.

When does our rush begin?

You're looking at it.

Seems like it's gonna be
another slow night.

Uh, slow is one thing

but graveyard-like
is another.

What gives?

TV's taken
a Dracula-sized bite

out of our business.

Also, that new [sighs]

drive-in that's just
opened up, The Starlight,

doesn't help either.

Excuse me.

Living rooms
and drive-ins

cannot compete with
the experience

of seeing a movie

in a palace like
the Babylonium.

People need to be
reminded of that.

How about an ad
in the Riverdale Register?

Or what about a commercial?

On television

aired during
Riverdale Grandstand.

All the kids will
see it that way.

Dancing up a storm
sure is hard work.

That's why
I like to fortify myself

throughout the day
with hearty helpings

of Blossom Maple Syrup.

Try it on your pancakes.

-[Julian] Waffles.
-[Penelope] Biscuits.

[Cheryl] And even your
favorite ice cream.

Nine out of 10 Americans agree

there is nothing quite like

the extra sweet flavor
of Blossom maple syrup.

And remember, kids,

it's not just for
breakfast anymore.

Now in economy-sized tins.

[director] And cut!

["Listen To Me Baby" playing]

All right, kids,
let's swing again
to, "Listen To Me Baby."

Hey, there.

It's Betty, right?

I'm Troy. My, uh,
usual partner, Judy,
has the mumps.

You wanna let me
take you out for a spin?

Sure, you might as well.

Well, that's swell.

[slow music playing]

So, is it true?

That you, uh,

like it when guys watch you?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

[chuckles]
Come on, fess up.

I mean, we've all
heard the story.

After we wrap here,

how about you and I
go down to the river

and you can
put on a little

private show for me?

Will ya?

Get your paws
off me, creep!

[gasps]

[Alice] Betty! Betty!

[gasps] You cannot do that
on live television.

[chuckles softly]
Atta girl.

For the 100th time,

it wasn't my fault.

Troy got fresh with me.

-He grabbed my--
-If he did,

it's because you have
created a fast reputation.

I barely touched him.

What is the matter with you?

You know what would
solve this problem?

If you let me off
Riverdale Grandstand.

You know what?
I'm gonna have a little chat

with all of
the young men
on our show.

And no one is going
to dance with you.

Wait, so what am I
going to be doing then?

You can sit in the corner

and stew like a sourpuss
for all I care.

[knocking on door]

Hey, Mr. Rayberry.

Uh, sorry, can...
Can I come in?

Sure.

As long you don't
swipe anything.

I've... I've...
I've been thinking about it.

I don't wanna
give up writing.

My high school diploma
be damned.

[Brad] I agree.

And you're right.
You shouldn't stop writing,

but you do need a front.

-A cover.
-A front?

I have friends in
Hollywood who, uh,

were blacklisted

when McCarthy was, um,

ringing the alarm
on the so-called

"Communist threat."

And, uh,

they kept writing
but under pseudonyms.

You should do that.

Hmm?

Publish what you want
under a different name

and Werthers will be
none the wiser.

Yeah, but do you
really think that

Werthers is gonna buy

that I just quit writing
comic books altogether?

It's so simplistic, no?

Well, not if you muddy
the waters.

I mean, like, if, uh,

you tell Werthers
you're, uh...

You're shifting your focus
off horror comic books

to, I don't know,

happy animal
comic books.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, Super Duck.

Yeah, exactly.

Tell Werthers
you're writing Super Duck,

uh, keep churning out
the horror stories

under an alias
and problem solved. Right?

[exhaling]

God, Archie,

what am I gonna do?

What am I gonna do?

What am I gonna do? I...

[Kevin pants]

Listen,

just put yourself
in her hands, Kevin.

Let nature
take its course.

Is that how
your first time went?

[chuckles]

Kevin...

I'm still a virgin, too.

You are?

Yeah.

Well, doesn't
that beat all?

If I'm a virgin
and you're a virgin,

why do I have to go
to Twyla and you don't?

Why do I have
to prove something
and you don't?

It's funny how
the world works, isn't it?

We're so pleased

that you've come
to your senses, Mr. Jones.

Just hold your horses.

We have some stipulations.

And what exactly

is your interest
in this, Mr. Rayberry?

How do you even
know Mr. Jones?

Well, we are colleagues,

at Pep Comics.

And I just most
recently started

to mentor, Jughead.

How, uh,

magnanimous of you.

Jughead agrees to stop
writing horror comics

per this agreement.

But I will continue
to write comics

for Pep, specifically,
Super Duck.

It's wholesome,
family friendly fare.

Unobjectionable,
you might say.

Well, although we appreciate
Jughead's curbing

the violent content
of his previous work--

Okay, let's cut
the bull, Doc.

Okay?

What you are doing
to my mentee

is unconstitutional.

And if you continue
to harass him,

I am prepared
to escalate this

as far as we need to go.

Are you talking about
the PTA, Mr. Rayberry?

No, I'm not talking
about the PTA.

I'm talking about
a little organization

called the US
Supreme Court.

So how does
Jones v. Board of Education
sound to you?

I'm curious
if the justices

would take the same stance

regarding comic books
as you do, Mr. Werthers.

Namely that they are
as problematic as
hardcore pornography?

Gentlemen, let's not
lose our heads.

Uh, I'm sure none of us,
uh, wanna blow this thing
out of proportion.

And I'm...
I'm not an expert.

but it seems
to me that this

Super Duck character
is, uh... [chuckles]

quite harmless.

Wouldn't you agree,
Dr. Werthers?

Yes, for the moment.

-Great.
-Well, this was just tops.

So glad to be back.

[music playing on speaker]

♪ I've been waiting
A long time ♪

♪ 'Cause waiting... ♪

So, baby, Julian
tells me

you're cruising
for a good time.

Come, dance with me.

You can follow my lead.

Let Twyla
take care of you.

Hello. Cooper.

[cash register dings]

Here you go.
Thank you.

Betty.

Archie.

Thank you.

Uh, what are you...
What are you up to?

Well, you know, just

picking up dinner
on my way home

from the studio.

Say, uh, Betty,

can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Um...

When you and, uh...

When you and Kevin
were dating...

what... How was he?

-What do you mean?
-I don't know.

Uh, well...

His dad's
got it into his head
that Kevin's

funny, you know,

an off horse,
little girly, I guess.

[scoffs] Archie,
you don't expect me
to kiss and tell, do you?

No, no, of course not.

Anyway, hopefully
after tonight,

Kevin will
straighten out.

-Fly right.
-What do you mean? Why?

What's happening tonight?

Nothing.

-God, I shouldn't
have said anything.
-Archie.

What do you mean?
Tell me what's
happening tonight?

[sighs]

Kevin, don't do it.

[Kevin pants]

Oh, God.

Am I too late?
Did something bad happen?

The only thing that
happened in here

was a whole lot of nothing.

We were having
a little dance party.

I let down
my hair a little

then he started
bawling like a baby,

saying, "I can't do it."

[Twyla laughs]

But tonight might not be
a total bust.

Come here, sugar.

You're a hunk
and a half.

Come to Twyla.

I'm just here
for my friend.

Oh, he's your friend, is he?

That makes sense.

Twyla knows the score,
she's been around the block
more than once.

Take him.

He's all yours.

Come on, Kev.
Let's split.

[Kevin] Why did you come
and get me, Archie?

I ran into Betty at Pop's,

told her what was going on
and she blew a gasket.

She said I had to...

come and save you from
doing something that might
scar you for life.

Boy, was she frosted.

What am I gonna say
to the guys, Archie?

When they find out
what happened

or what didn't happened,

it will be the end of me.

I'm never gonna be
a normal fella.

Hey, what about this?

We're gonna tell them

that you made it with Twyla,
that you went all the way.

I'll back you up.

And I'll give you
some things to say.

Things that I've...

read in magazines
or heard my Uncle Frank say.

Look, don't worry, Kevin.

We're gonna get you
on the stick and sell it.

No matter who you are,

hot rodder or cheerleader,

book worm or jock,

square or beatnik,

deep down we all yearn
for the same things.

Adventure, romance, excitement.

Well, what if I told you
that just for 49 cents

you could have
all that and more.

Movies have the power
to transport us
all over the world.

But only if you see them
in a theater like
the Babylonium.

They're magical,
special places,

where it even
feels good to cry.

It's a scientific fact.

Movies are better
in movie theaters.

Come to the Babylonium

to laugh,

to cry,

to sit in the dark
and experience something
powerful together.

And fall in love
with the movies again
for the first time.

[bell dings]

[projector halts]

[Veronica sighs]

Well, Mr. Lemly,

what did you think
of the commercial?

Perfection.

So why don't you buy
a few choice spots

and see if it gets
word of mouth going?

Veronica, I've been negotiating
the sale of the Babylonium

to an interested party
for the last few months.

The official offer
finally came through.

Who's buying it?

Well... It's your parents.

That's how I know them.

My parents?

[Veronica chuckles]

They're not even in
the movie theater business.

They don't even
appreciate movies.

Oh, I assumed you knew.

It's my understanding they're
gonna turn the Babylonium
into a parking lot.

Mr. Rayberry,
that Supreme Court bit
was inspired.

You had Dr. Werthers
quaking in his boots.

And Principal Featherhead's
face was priceless.

Straw men fall easily.

But I'm glad though that you're
going back to school.

And that you get to keep
writing comic books.

Mmm, I wanted
to talk to you about that.

What if you were to really be
my mentor?

I'm open.

Let me finish this milkshake
before we sign any
adoption papers, huh.

Right on, yeah.

Yeah, of course.

Look, I did wanna tell you
though that

I've decided
to re-read my novel.

I think it's time.

An Edward Hopper original.

[chuckles]

Bet you're worth
a pretty penny.

Dad?

You had quite
an eventful evening.

I know that you went
and saw Twyla.

How?

Did Julian tell you?

Only because I asked
for him to suggest it to you
in the first place.

[Kevin chuckles]

I thought maybe
if the idea came from

one of your classmates
you might be more inclined
to do it.

-Well--
-I spoke to Twyla,

right after Archie came
and rescued you.

She told me what happened.

That you couldn't or wouldn't.

That you started to cry.

I don't know exactly
what happened last night,

but Tom just called.

He told me that Kevin
will no longer be on
the basketball team.

Poor Tom.

I feel for him,

having a son who's bent.

Such a shame.

Well, what about
your breakfast?

Uh, lost my appetite.

Hmm.

I've been mulling over

our conversation
from yesterday,
Mr. Lemly.

And I'd like to buy
the Babylonium.

More specifically,

I'd like to trade this painting
from my personal collection
for your theater.

I've spoken to Crestby's

and I think you'll find
that on the open market,

an original Hopper
is worth much more

than what my parents
are offering you.

I'm deep in negotiations
with your folks.

I know.

But...

our commercial
wasn't false advertising.

Going to the movies
is special.

Working here at the Babylonium,
even briefly, has rekindled

something in me.

[Clay] Plus,

wouldn't you feel better
knowing that someone's

keeping the lights on
and the projector running?

Showing the Babylonium
the same love and respect
you have all these years?

[sighs softly]

I don't know,
I think I messed up
with Kevin, Betty.

I think I made things worse.

No, Arch.

You were just trying
to include him, make him
feel like a part of things.

You protected him
as best as you could.

Well, isn't this
a sight to behold?

My mother and father
wanted to invite
any and all students

to this afternoon's taping
of Riverdale Grandstand.

Why today's?

Because it's our 50th episode,
and my parents wanna see
some fresh faces on screen.

Toodle-oo.

I can't believe
how screwed up
the world is.

I know, the hypocrisy.

No matter what
we're going through,

what our parents
are putting us through,

as long as we show up
on Grandstand

smiling and dancing
like trained seals,
everything's peachy keen.

And all the grownups do
is to tell us how to think,
how we're supposed to act.

How to dress, who to date.

They're trying to control
every second of our lives,

and there's not a thing
we can do about it.

[Betty] Maybe...

But maybe not...

[music playing]

♪ Kokomo, Kokomo
Kokomo ♪

♪ Kokomo, Kokomo
Kokomo ♪

♪ Kokomo, Kokomo
Kokomo ♪

♪ Kokomo, Kokomo, Kokomo ♪

♪ Well, talk to me, baby
Whisper in my ear♪

♪ Talk to me baby
Whisper in my ear♪

♪ Come a little closer
Don't have no fear ♪

♪ Don't you know... ♪

Okay, boys and girls.

Now it's time for America's
latest dance craze.

The twirl.

[crowd applauding]

♪ My gal is red hot ♪

♪ Your gal ain't
Doodley squat! ♪

♪ My gal is red hot ♪

♪ Your gal ain't
Doodley squat! ♪

♪ She ain't got a lot of money
But lovin' she's really
Got a lot ♪

♪ My gal is red hot ♪

[Betty] Hey.

You cool cats wanna see what
a real twirl looks like?

♪ She ain't got a lot of money
But lovin' she's really
Got a lot ♪

♪ My gal can do the shimmy
She can do the boogie, too ♪

♪ If she ain't a Jim Dandy
She's a snapperoo ♪

♪ My gal is red hot ♪

♪ Your gal ain't
Doodley squat! ♪

-♪ She ain't got
A lot of money ♪
-[gasps]

♪ But lovin'
She's really got a lot ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ My gal, man ♪

Alice, Alice!

-[screams]
No, no, no, no, no!
-[record scratches]

Stop filming.

Cut to commercial.

[tone blaring]

You have any idea

how much trouble
you could get
the station in?

You're out of control.

No, Mom.

I am in complete control.

I knew exactly
what I was doing and why.

Wha...

Now, Mother, may I please
be excused from future episodes
of Riverdale Grandstand?

You are off the show!

But you broke my heart, Betty.

[Smithers] You rang,
Ms. Veronica?

Yes, Smithers.

I'd like you to send a telegram
to my parents.

"Dear Mom and Dad."

Stop.

"I am now the new owner
of the Babylonium."

Stop.

"Which will never turn into
a parking lot."

Stop.

"My best to Uncle Orson, stop."

Hey, Kev.

Clay.

What are you guys
doing for lunch?

Um...

Sorry, Archie,
my basketball days are over.

Yeah, I heard.

I was actually
hoping to break bread
with you guys.

Talk about things like music,
plays, movie stars.

Why not?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, that's boss.

Save me a spot in the lounge.

[rock and roll music playing]

♪ I'm a hot mama ♪

♪ I'm known by that name ♪

♪ I'm just a hot mama ♪

♪ I'm known by that name ♪

♪ Hands up, daddy ♪

♪ If you can't
Cool the brain ♪

♪ I'm warning all you chicks ♪

♪ Telling you what's right ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm warning
All you chicks ♪

-♪ Telling you what's... ♪
-[record scratches
and music stops]

Ms. Cooper,

might I have a word with you
in my office?

Your mother
called me last night.

She's very concerned

about you
and your erratic behavior.

Yes, well, a teenage girl
with a mind and desires
of her own,

it's all very concerning,
isn't it?

[scribbling on paper]

You're so...

tortured, Betty.

What are we
going to do with you?

[Jughead] With Dr. Werthers
shifting his glowering
attention from me to Betty,

I was now able to continue
my budding comic career
on twin tracks,

with the prospect of
Mr. Rayberry as my mentor
keeping me up and typing

late into the night.

[jazzy music
playing on speaker]

[knocking on door]

Evening, sir.

Apologies for the
late delivery.

[bell dings]