Riverdale (2016–…): Season 7, Episode 6 - Chapter One Hundred Twenty-Three: Peep Show - full transcript

After Dr. Werthers' editorial,

comic books
were periodicals
non grata in Riverdale,

just as I'd become one
of Pep Comics' go to writers.

And speaking of Pep Comics,

I noticed some
of their recent output

bore an uncanny
resemblance to stories

written by
my favorite pulp writer
of all time, Brad Rayberry.

But where was
Rayberry's credit?

Mr. Fieldstone,

the comic book that you
just published

is beat for beat,
exactly like a story



-that Brad Rayberry
published ten years ago.
-Hold on.

The Rayberry story
is called November County.

Ours is called
November Country.

Is Pep Comics
in the business
of plagiarizing?

That is an ugly word
we never use around here,
all right?

But it's all coming
back to me now.

I dimly remember
trying to reach out
to this Rayberry guy

about a rights inquiry.

But he never returned my calls,
so I just assumed
he was probably dead.

You know, I've been here
a couple of days now,

and I've observed a few things.

Take a break, Archie.

Your mom's concerned about you,
and so am I.

The lying, the sneaking around,
that business
with the Blossom girl.



Your grades are mediocre
and you're not pulling
your weight around the house.

How do you think
your dad would feel?

You think he'd
be proud of you?

What did he say to you
before he went off to war?

Remind me.

He said that I should
take care of mom.

And be the man of the house.

That's right.

Now, do you think
you've lived up to that?

No, but you're going to start.

Right now.

Come with me.

Mom, I'm sorry if I've been
disrespecting you lately.

I promise I'll be
a better son to you.

Thank you, Archie.

I know you will, honey.

Good man.

Tomorrow we'll talk
to your principal
about getting your grades up.

Veronica, can I bend your ear?

Sure, Betty.

What's on your mind?

I was just wondering...

what's sex like?

My goodness. And I've barely
just had my morning java.

All I'm doing
is reading about it.

And I just wanted to talk
to someone with, you know,
firsthand experience.

Okay, truth time.

Now, you can't tell anyone,
because I have
a reputation to uphold.

But, entre nous,

I haven't actually
gone all the way with a boy.

Not yet.

I just assumed
because you're so... sexy.

Thanks for noticing.

But Betty, you don't have
to have sex to be sexy.

But how do you...

How do I...

carry myself more like you?

Well, there are all sorts
of tricks a woman can use

to revel in her body
and feel more sensual.

Perfume is one.

Or a heel that puts
a sway in your step.

But my favorite
little trade secret...

is wearing sexy lingerie.

Lingerie?

I like the way
it makes me feel.

The soft fabric
against my skin,

knowing that it makes
my body look fantastic.

Say, why don't you
give lingerie a whirl?

Come over to the Pembrooke
after school and try some on.

Okay, sure.

Good morning,
Antoinette.

Here's your novel back.

What did you think of it?

Um...

I like the cover.

There's something
aesthetically pleasing

about two voluptuous,
feminine forms in close
proximity to each other.

Voluptuous, huh?

Well, how about you and I
go to the Dark Room

and grab a cappuccino
and privacy,

where we can feed
each other apple butter
about the cover art?

Oh, no, I couldn't possibly.

I'm far too busy getting ready
to relaunch my precious Vixens.

Ah, yes. Your paper-shakers.

I would ask you
to join, but I'm sure
being a cheerleader

is far too square
an activity for
a girl-greaser like you.

Sir, I swear on a stack
of Bibles that I'm
going to double down

on my schoolwork
and get my grades up.

I want to be at least
a B student.

I'm happy to hear that, Archie.

I feel as if there's much...

untapped potential within you.

And Frank, your timing
couldn't be better.
I wonder...

might I have a word
with you, in private?

Of course.

Archie, will you excuse us?

Um, sure.

Okay, girls, let's fire it up
and see what
we're working with.

Hope I'm not too late.

I'm sorry, you're not
on our list.

-Better luck next year--
-Evelyn, are you the captain?

Oh, no, that's right.
That would be me.

So quit biting at my ankles
and shut your trap.

You're not too late, Toni.

In fact, you're first up.

I assume you
prepared a routine.

I did.

We got the pep.

We got this...
We got...

Riverdale High School,
that's our team.

Well, razz my berries
and put them in a jelly jar.

I haven't seen that kind of
pom-pom technique in years.

Since I alone speak
for the Vixens,

I would like to officially
offer you a spot on the squad.

-Shouldn't we wait
till we've seen everyone--
-Evelyn!

Until you've proven you can do
more than regurgitate
a Doris Day shuffle,

I suggest you zip it.

So, it looks like I'll be
sticking around a while.

Principal Featherhead
asked me to be the basketball
team's head coach.

Oh, that's great news, Frank.

Well,
now that the war's over,

Featherhead wants to bring
the Bulldogs back.

Tryouts are tomorrow
after school.

I expect to see you there.

Well, if it's all the same
to you, Uncle Frank, I think
I might sit this season out.

But you love basketball.

I've been told to focus
on my studies, Mom.

Archie, you're young.
You can study
and play basketball.

You don't want me on the team.

I'm no good.
I'm out of practice.

Archie.

That's okay, Mary.

If Archie doesn't
feel like he's fit to play,
he can contribute another way.

As water-boy.

What's the tale, nightingale?

Come out and let me see.

I'm...
I am not sure.

Don't be modest, Betty.
It's just us girls.

I knew it.

I knew it would look
perfect on you.

Well, how do you feel?

Sexy as sin?

Hardly. I feel... embarrassed.

Why?

Bettie Page herself
would go ape for you.

This was a silly idea.

-I'm gonna change.
-Betty, wait.

Come here.

Give yourself a minute
to get used to the lace.

Deep breaths.

Now look at yourself.

Look at your beautiful body
and repeat after me.

"I am a gorgeous,
powerful, sexy siren,

at the height
of my womanly powers."

And may God have mercy
on the boys of Riverdale High.

Oh, wow. Mr. Rayberry, uh...

I'm Jughead Jones.

I'm a writer over at
Pep Comics in Riverdale,

and I know for a fact
that they are plagiarizing

and publishing your stories
for monetary gain.

Huh?

They're ripping you off.

I think you should send them
a cease and desist letter

-or sue them or something.
-Yeah, hold on, hold on.

You're employed by Pep Comics,

and you want me
to sue Pep Comics?

Why?

Well, that might be
a bit extreme.

But, uh...

I think you're the tops.

And I... You... You shouldn't
be treated this way.

I, um... I'm sure it's just
some kind of misunderstanding.

Uh, it's... It's...

It's not.

It's theft.
I went through
all of Pep Comics' back issues.

They've poached
like eight of your stories.

Um, this is just
the latest one.

Spit it out, Evelyn.

I have some concerns,

about our new Vixen,
Toni Topaz.

Feeling threatened should only
make you work harder.

I just don't think that
we should have girls
like Toni on our squad.

You best choose your next words
very carefully, Evelyn.

Riverdale High
is fully integrated,
as are the Vixens.

If you have
a problem with that--

No, my problem isn't with
Toni being Black. It's...

Well, it's with the fact
that everyone knows
that she's a lezzie.

And I wouldn't be comfortable
being naked in
the locker room with her.

I don't know where
you heard such
a disgusting rumor, Evelyn,

but let me clue you in.
Toni Topaz is not a...

Whatever that word is.

I wouldn't tolerate such
behavior on my squad,

so shut your damn
mouth about it!

Now, kindly put an egg
in your shoe and beat it.

A new episode of Oh, Mija
is about to begin and you're
not invited to stay and watch.

Topaz.

The scuttlebutt is you're
a paper-shaker now.

What happened?

Let me guess.

Still bird-dogging
that redheaded closet-case?

Well, not that I have
to justify my actions
to you, Lizzo,

you're currently looking
at Riverdale High's first
Black cheerleader ever.

Now, that may not mean
a lot to you,
but it does to me.

So it's political for you.

Yeah. Got it. That makes sense.

Damn, Topaz.
You must really be on the hook.

Not that I blame you.

That's one cherry lollipop
I'd happily lick.

What the heck did you
do with my car?

Well, that hot rod
was an unnecessary
distraction, Archie.

Don't worry,
it's safe and sound,

and you'll get it back
once your grades
are where they should be.

How do you expect me
to get to school?

You can walk, take the bus,
ride your bike.

Or you can hitch
a ride with me,
but you better hustle.

You don't want to be late
for your first day
as water-boy.

Well, are you wearing them?

Don't flip out,
but I am not.

Betty, how will you ever
get used to lace panties

if you don't wear
them every day?

You know, I know,
but there's gym class
later today,

and I didn't want people
to see me wearing them

and think that I was
some kind of nymphomaniac.

Yet another word
invented by men
who want to gaslight women.

Anyway, now that I'm
your new wing woman,
I've been thinking.

It's time we found you a man,

who can appreciate
what an incredible,

powerful, beautiful
knockout you are.

So, now that you and Kevin
are no more, who do you
have your eye on?

There is someone, actually.

Don't be coy.

Who's the lucky duck?

It's Archie.

Yes, Archie is a teen
dream boat, isn't he?

Well, you're in luck.

I spied him in the lounge
mere seconds ago.

So why don't you march on
in there and ask him out?

Let's do it now, before you can
talk yourself out of it.

Hi, Archie.

Betty, hey.
What's the scoop?

The scoop is...

Do you maybe want to go
to the movies with me?

The movies?

Well, heck yeah, Betty.
I would love to take you
to the movies.

Really?

But I can't.

I can't right now.

It's my Uncle Frank.
He's being a real
pain in the ass.

He's got me on a trip
for biscuits making me
the team water-boy.

Maybe he'll ease up
in the next couple of weeks
and we can go then?

Of course.
Yeah, another time.
It's fine.

At least he was nice enough
to come up with an excuse.

Or it's the truth.

And you just need
to let Archie work out
his family strife for a bit.

Say, why don't we nab ourselves
a couple of good time boys

and go on a double date?

With... With who?

Isn't there an all-boys
private school down the lane?

-You mean Stonewall Prep?
-Mmm.

J'adore private school boys.

So sexually frustrated.

So easy to torment
and manipulate.

Hmm.

Let's see what we have here.

"A story of forbidden
feminine love."

I knew it.

Excuse me.

Can I help you
with something, Evelyn?

You know, it's strange, Toni.

When I asked her,
Cheryl insisted that you
weren't gaga for girls.

This book, however,
tells a different story.

As a matter of fact,
I read all kinds of books.

So how about you quit
sticking your nose
in my business

before I serve you up
a knuckle sandwich?

Can you dig it?

Now, why don't you tell me

exactly what Cheryl said.

So,
what do you think?

First issue,
hot off the presses.

This is so boss, boss.

I mean, to see it in full color
and in print with my name.

And that's just
the final proof.

Which one of you
shucksters is Al Fieldstone?

I am. Who are you?

Brad Rayberry.

You've been plagiarizing
my short stories
for your comic books.

Hey, now. What's to say
that two different writers

couldn't have had
similar ideas concurrently?

Once maybe, but eight times?

Do you think
that's going to pass
muster in the courts?

The courts?

You listen to me, pal.

I have got the top lawyers
in New York on retainer.

Uh, fellas,
acknowledging that...

someone at some time
might have read a book
and been inspired by it,

what if we put
Mr. Rayberry's name

on all future
reprints of stories
that are similar to his,

and pay him a modest
but appropriate fee

for the rights
to adapt his work?

How much dough
are we talking about?

-How about--
-How about a $2
adaptation fee per story?

Deal.

But I want to be compensated
for the eight stories
you've already adapted.

Comprende?

Deal.

Well, all's well that ends
well, eh, Mr. Rayberry?

We shall see.

So how's this gonna
work, anyway?

It's up to you.
You, um, could adapt
your own stories

or you could get a a different
Pep Comics writer to do it.

Writers like you, maybe?

It would be an honor, sir.

I love all your stories
in all the different
pulp magazines.

Weird Tales, Startling Stories,
Fantastic Adventures.

Does, uh...

Does your old man approve
of your literary aspirations?

'Cause mine sure
as hell didn't.

Couldn't tell you.

Did he leave
the mortal coil? I'm sorry.

Oh, no, uh...

He lives in Toledo.

I think. He, uh...

There was this big,
messy robbery

in town a few years back,
and he was the prime suspect.

So he hopped on his bike
and split from Riverdale.

Have you written about that?

-No.
-You should.

You write anything
other than funny books?

Yeah, no, I...
I write short stories,
but it's been a while.

If I wrote a short story,
would you read it?

Crud.
We were having
such a swell time.

I'm yanking your chain.

Sure I would.

Pass me the ketchup,
will you?

Good morning.
I have good news
for you, Archie.

What's that?

I got you a job.

Pumping gas at Pop's.

That's what being man
of the house means, Archie.

Taking on multiple
responsibilities.

Jughead.

This is fat city.

We have to celebrate.

Wanna go to Pop's
and treat us to burgers?

Aw, man, I wish I could.

But after school,
I'm actually going over
to Mr. Rayberry's house.

I want to him to read
this new story I wrote.

Cheryl Blossom,
we got a big problem.

I concur.

-It's Midge, right?
-No.

It's you telling
Evelyn Evernever

that I don't like girls.

She put down
that you were a lezzie.

I defended
your honor and reputation.

That's the problem.

You don't get to speak for me.

You don't get to define me.

You don't get
to put me in a box.

I was just trying
to protect you.

I don't need a savior.

I'm not ashamed
of who I am or who I like.

I never have been
and I never will be.

I don't know what
you want me to say.

I... I'm sorry.

I'm done wasting
my time on you, Cheryl.

And I'm done
with all this pussy footing.

So...

I hope that you get
to wherever you're going,
but I'm getting off this train.

Life's too damn short.

Wait, Toni.

You're right.

I...

am attracted to girls.

Well, that's a start.

And I think maybe, um...

I'm attracted to you.

You think or you know?

I... I know.

Finally.

We're getting somewhere.

Hey, Mr. Rayberry.

I brought a short story.

Some prose I wrote last night.

Would you look at?

Just give me your two cents?

Sure, but I'm not gonna
pull any punches.

Of course. Thank you.

You want some tea?

-Heck, yes.
-Mmm-hmm. I'll be right back.

Make yourself comfortable.

Wait. So, Kevin
and Clay are also?

Yeah. But not many people
know about them.

So, don't go around quoting it.

No, no, of course not.

When I was ten,
my mother and her sister

had an awful falling out.

My Aunt Carol ended up
moving to Greenwich Village
to be a writer.

My mother called her
awful things, Toni.

Like...

Sapphic,
sexual deviant.

Wow.

That was around the time
that I started realizing

maybe I was like Aunt Carol.

Even though I'd never get
to live like her, loving women.

I knew I liked girls
as much as I liked boys

for as long as
I could remember.

My parents caught me necking

with my neighbor, Glenda,
when I was 13 years old.

And then they kicked me
out of the house.

Oh, no, Toni.

And then I moved in
with my grandma.

And I can be exactly
who I wanna be.

Your grandmother approves?

More or less.

I always believed if I didn't
want my family to disown me,

I would have to spend
my life playing a part.

That's what that whole
thing with Archie was. A...

-A role.
-And now?

Now...

I am ready
for something else.

I can dig that.

Archie Andrews.
Riverdale's resident
grease monkey.

You need a fill-up, Julian?

Sure do.

And some air in the tires.

So, Betty,
is it true your parents
run the television station?

Yeah, they do. RIVW.

How come you're not
on their dance show,
Riverdale Grandstand?

Oh, I don't know, uh...

It's a pretty big
time commitment.

Three hours every day
after school.

Gee, don't you like to dance?

Of course she does.

Anyway. What do you two
cool cats like to do

when you're not out on the town
with Riverdale High's
ginchiest gals?

We're on
the debate team
and the basketball team.

And the Honor Society.

And...

Hey there, Archie.

Thought my newest gas attendant
might need a little pick me up?

Yeah, you don't know
the half of it, Pop.

Heard they're getting the
basketball team going again,
now that the war is over.

Yeah. Yeah,
my uncle's the coach.

You know, I used to watch
your dad play
when he was in school.

Best rebounder
Riverdale High had ever seen.

Well, he and I, we used
to play a lot, growing up.
Right up until...

he went off to the war.

Proud of him for serving
our country the way he did.

He was a true hero.

Yeah, he was, Pop.

He honest-to-gosh was.

I read until
the sun came up.

Mr. Rayberry's novel,

The Jupiter Journals
was like Flash Gordon,

as if Fitzgerald
had written it.

And I couldn't believe
that Mr. Rayberry
was just letting it sit,

unpublished in a cardboard box.

So, Betty,

what happened when Willie
walked you home last night?

Nothing. No butterflies.

Oh, dear.

Is it that your
heart's still set on Archie,
do you think?

Yes, which means I'm doomed.

Betty, we talked about this.

Romeo and Juliet
had logistical problems,
but they figured it out.

Veronica, they both died.

Not until act five.

And only after they lost

their cherries, I might add.

Anyways, I have an idea.

One way to get close to someone

is by having long, meaningful

late night conversations
with them.

So, why don't you and Archie
wait for your respective

gatekeeping adults
to go to sleep?

Then, call each other up
on the telephone.

Start having intimate
heart to hearts

and get to know
each other that way.

Well, I wish, but Archie
doesn't have a telephone
in his bedroom.

Shoot.

Are you sure?

I am. I can look
into Archie's room from mine.

Sorry.

You can look into Archie's
bedroom window from yours?

Does this mean
you've glimpsed him--

Yes, many, many times.

Betty, I think I have to see
this floor show for myself.

What time does
the curtain usually go up?

Hey, grease monkey.

When I got home last night,
I noticed a smudge
on my windshield.

Why don't you bring it
back to the station?

I'll take another crack at it.

I'll do that.

In the meantime,
how about you get me
a soda from the cafeteria...

water-boy?

Why don't you get it
yourself, Julian?

I would, but I'm saving
my energy,

so I can obliterate
your dad's record

against Centerville
this weekend.

I mean, somebody's
got to do it.

And it's clearly
not going to be--

Hey, whoa.

Mary, I just got here
and I heard what happened.

I'll talk to Featherhead
and we'll straighten
out this mess.

Back off, Frank.

I'm his mother.

I'll take this round.

Gather up, girls.

I've decided on assignments
for the season.

For starters,
Toni Topaz will perch

at the top of our
Vixens pyramid.

But I'm always the flyer.

-Not this year.
-This is outrageous.

No, this is cheerleading.

Of course,
if you're feeling frosted

by my leadership choices,
you're welcome to quit,
Evelyn. Immediately.

-I'll stay.
-Sorry. What was that?

-I'll stay.
-Ah, fab.

Now, on to other business.

Archie, tell me
what's going on.

I saw you and your father
play basketball
practically every day.

You love it.

So why don't you want
to play on the team?

Is it because of Uncle Frank?

No.

No, it's not, Frank.

It's... Well, you said it, Mom.

Basketball was something
Dad and I did together.

Whenever I walk into a gym
or pick up a ball...

I think about Dad.

And suddenly it's like
there's an anvil on my heart.

And if I played, I just know

all I'd be thinking is
"I wish Dad were here
watching me from the stands."

I understand.

I wish that too.

And then there's
the other thing.

If I played...

What if I wasn't good enough?

What if I tarnished
Dad's memory?

Oh, Archie.

I know Frank suggested
that your father

wouldn't be proud of you,
but that is simply not true.

Your father would be so proud.

Listen, you don't have
to play basketball
if you don't want to.

But nothing would make
your father happier than to see
you play on his team.

Maybe even wearing his number.

Nothing would make
me happier, too.

And one way or the other,

I'm going to ask
Frank to ease up on you.

Mr. Rayberry, I...

really hope you don't get
upset, but I read your novel.

Golly, I... I loved it.

-You have got
to get this published.
-Eh.

Just a minute. You...
You stole my manuscript?

Only for a night.

You are as much
of a thief as Fieldstone.

Oh, Mr. Rayberry, please, I--

No, get out of here.

Give me my manuscript.

Yeah, no, I'll go.

But you have got
to get this published.

-I can help you--
-Get out of my house.

Pretty swinging how you gave
that Evernever chick what for.

I always strive for the best
cheer team possible.

Well...

I'd like to show you
my appreciation.

Would that be okay?

Mo... More than okay.

This isn't exactly
what I imagined our
stakeout would be like.

What exactly did you imagine?

Truthfully? Jimmy Stewart
and Grace Kelly in Rear Window.

Hmm.

Hello.

We interrupt your regularly
scheduled programming

with an emergency
flutter bum alert.

God bless America.

Stand back, Ringling Brothers,
because this is the greatest
show on Earth.

Ooh, do you have binoculars?

Never mind.

We don't even need them
with the size of Archie's
bulging... muscles.

Mayday. Duck and cover.

Oh, my God,
I should have known.

The same thing happened
to Jimmy Stewart.

Yeah, but at least he was
trying to catch a murderer.

We're just peeping Patties.

Ugh!

Did you get any sleep?

- Not a wink. You?
- The same.

But it gave me time to think.
And if he did see us,

then he's probably just
as embarrassed as we are,
and won't say a word about it.

I mean,
it's positively shameless.

The way he struts around
like a... like a peacock,

flashing those absurd
abdominal muscles over there--

Howdy, ladies.

How's it going?

Archie, good morning.

Veronica, would you mind
giving Betty and I a minute?

In... In private?

-Of course. Betty,
we'll catch up anon.
-Mmm.

Archie... keep up
the good work.

So, I...

saw you
and Veronica last night.

Looking at me.

Oh, sorry, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Betty, it's okay.

I liked it.

You know, my uncle's
got me real busy
during the day, but...

every night I end up
in my room.

Every night I end up
in my bedroom, too.

What if we ended up
in our bedrooms,

you know, at the same time?

And...

looked at each other?

How about tonight?
Say midnight?

Yeah, I'll be there.

Same.

And I'll be wearing
something special.

Okay.

All right. Well, I gotta...
I gotta run to the gym, Betty,

but, yeah, I sure am excited.

Betty, I'm really excited.

Me too. I'm like,
beyond excited.

Hey, water-boy,
stay on the sidelines.

Court's for players only.

Good.

'Cause I'm here to play.

You can't just let him
on the team, Coach.

How do we even know
if he's any good?

Any other questions?

All right then,
let's keep warming up.

I'm not doing this for you,
Uncle Frank.

I'm doing this for myself.

And for my mom, and my dad.

I respect that, Archie.

Dr. Werthers,

I confiscated this from
Dilton Doiley today.

It is like fighting a hydra,
Mrs. Thornton.

Cut off one head,
another grows in its place.

Yes, except this particular
head was written
by one of our students,

Jughead Jones.

Betty.

What in the actual hell
is going on here?

What in God's name
are you doing?