Rick and Morty (2013–…): Season 4, Episode 8 - The Vat of Acid Episode - full transcript
Summer takes up knitting, and when her scarf gets caught in the garage door, it triggers a series of events leading up to the total destruction of the multiverse.
Oh, shit, I almost parked.
Hey, Morty, hold on,
wat-watch this.
Uh-huh.
Well, I thought it was cool.
So.
We should be in and out.
Simple exchange,
not even really an adventure.
And if anything goes wrong...
Which it won't...
Jump into the same vat of acid
I jump into.
Okay.
Wait... Wait, what?
Wha-What vat of acid?
What, Morty!
Close the door.
I pre-scouted this location
and placed a vat of fake acid
amongst the real ones.
It's got air hoses
and a compartment of bones
at the bottom.
If things go wrong,
which they won't,
we jump into the vat of acid,
and I'll release the bones,
they'll float up...
What is this face you're making?
Aren't you an inventor?
Yeah, what part of a fake acid
vat with built-in air supply
and quick-release bones
isn't inventive enough for you,
and when did my job become
pitching you ideas?
Alright!
Let's just do this.
I have English homework.
You're still learning English?
That's the language you speak.
How dumb are you?
Interesting choice
of meeting place, Rick.
You like it?
My grandson had notes.
Come on. Show him
the crystals, Morty.
I'll make lots of money
with these.
I'll make lots of those with
these. - Well. Those are fake.
Oh, Jesus [bleep] Christ. Come on.
You gotta be kidding me. Seriously?
You brought fake crystals
and a gun?
Beats real crystals and no gun.
Okay, but does anything beat
fake crystals and a fake arm?
Whoa, do you know who I am?!
Even if you kill me,
you're a dead man.
Are you serious?
Morty, he's right.
We're screwed.
Let's just end it.
Quick death, come on.
Aw, man. Oh!
Eh!
Holy [bleep] what the [bleep]?
Holy [bleep]
What kind of psycho...?
His own grandson?
Guess he took
your threat pretty serious.
Yeah, but it just...
doesn't make any sense.
Well, he was a scientist.
Maybe he knew more about acid,
maybe it's like
the most painless way to go.
How could that
have been painless?
You saw that pause
before the bones floated up,
that had to be five seconds
of unparalleled torture.
I...
I can't get my head around it.
I-I thought I'd seen
this galaxy at its darkest.
This is... This is gonna take
a while to feel normal.
We're pretty good listeners,
boss.
Drinks are on us
if you want to talk it out.
Thanks, but...
what happened, it happened here.
I don't want to lose the moment.
Take your time, boss.
We'll stay here
as long as you want.
Absolutely.
I got nowhere to be.
And then little Tommy FlimFlam's
running down the Hyperloop.
His ass is on fire
from Xenon fluid,
but his AI hologram
is [bleep] his own pee [bleep]
Great story, boss.
Really detailed.
Yeah, well,
I got a million of 'em.
Alright.
I think I'm ready
to deal with the world now.
Let's get out of here.
Should we drop our buddy
in here before we go?
Yeah, probably a good idea.
Should we use a different vat?
Does acid lose its acid power
the more it dissolves?
What am I, an acidologist?
Here, grab that
ratlike creature,
we'll do a little test.
Look, if you're going to test
the damn acid, don't use a rat,
take that ladle,
grab a spoonful,
and put it in the analyzer.
Oh! Hey! Oh!
Okay, I'd say that's
pretty acidy. Drop him in.
What are you doing?
You said... Not the rat!
The guy!
Ooh! Marone!
Look at the size
of the bones on that rat!
Oh!
How many sets of bones
this rat got?
And look how
the smaller ones are shaped!
They're like little
cartoon bones,
like if you drew a bone
in art class!
Alright, that tears it.
I'm canceling
the rest of my night
and calling a bone scientist.
We're getting to the bottom
of this...
Jesus [bleep] Christ,
enough already!
Oh! Hey! Whoa!
Can we go?
The [bleep] is wrong with you?
Just admit it was a shitty idea!
Having a grandson?
A vat of fake acid!
Are you dying of dementia?
How are you talking to me
like this?
Wh-When did you get so cocky?
Tonight!
Tonight, Rick!
The night I saw you fail!
Because you ruined it!
It was pre-ruined!
Oh, was it worse than
when I was a pickle?
Oh-oh-oh that's right,
you weren't there for that.
Turned out kind of cool.
Maybe there's a connection
there. - Excuse me?
What's that cool thing
you did without me again?
The awesome thing?
I-I-I guess you wanted a dragon?
Mwah. Unforgettable.
God [bleep] you.
Timely, too,
you really got in on that
"Game of Thrones" fever
right at the peak.
You trying as hard
as you can to hurt me right now
proves my point.
I'll let you know
when you have a point
and the world will know
when I try to hurt you.
Big man, big genius.
Big lonely drunk.
Hey, save some of these
atomic-age beatnik zingers
for your
English homework, Bukowski.
There's no such thing
as a bad idea, Morty.
It's about execution.
No such thing as a bad idea?
Except all of mine, right?
Morty, wanting a dragon
isn't an idea.
I'm not talking about that!
I'm constantly pitching you
ideas, Rick,
and you act like they're
not even worth thinking about!
What, the helicopter lawn chair?
That's just something
you saw on TV.
What about my video-game-style
place-saving device?
Oh, my God, here we go.
It's a good idea, Rick!
A device that lets you...
Save your place
like in a video game
but in real life
so that you can try stuff
and then go back
to your save point,
yes, Morty,
I saw it on "Futurama."
Oh, so you don't do anything
unless it's original?
I don't do time travel.
It's not time travel,
it's saving a place in time...
Oh, my God,
is this what you think I do?
This is where the heavy lifting
happens in your mind?
Do you have any idea
how much [bleep] work
would have to go into
a machine that...
Ah-ha!
You can't do it!
I can do anything, Morty.
Your idea is not worth doing.
You can't do it.
Before what you're trying to do
was called "negging,"
it was called
"reverse psychology,"
and incels didn't invent it,
Bugs Bunny did.
You can't do it. There
is nothing I cannot do.
A place-saving video-game
thing! You're a piece of [bleep]
Just say you
can't do it! I won't!
You won't say you can't?
[Bleep] you, Morty!
[Bleep] you!
[Bleep] you!
[ Grunts ]
Son of a bitch.
So are you gonna... Yes,
I'm gonna [bleep] do it!
Rick, it's 3:00 a.m.
Wh-Wh-What's going on?
W-Why'd you call me?
You were right, Morty.
I failed.
I can't make it.
And honestly,
I'm pretty ashamed.
That might be why I've been
so aggressive and unfair
about rejecting your ideas.
- Rick...
- A fake acid vat, Morty?
Maybe I've lost it.
Maybe I never had it.
Hey. C'mon. Y-You know
I didn't mean it that way.
I just think we need to find
better ways to communicate.
I'm sorry. I just...
I lash out sometimes.
I-I-I don't know why I do that!
I'm so ashamed of myself.
Hearing you talk about
the vat...
it really opened my eyes.
Like what the [bleep] am
I even doing? - Hey. Hey.
I don't like hearing this talk.
You're a great inventor.
We just got a couple things
to work on.
Let's start with inventing
a little honesty.
Sound good? Thank
you, Morty. Sounds good.
Or maybe I'll just
kill you. What?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Rick...
Because I [bleep] did it!
Oh-ho-ho!
Booya!
Holy [bleep]
You did it!
You did it!
I did it,
you little son of a bitch!
How did you... Morty,
do you want me to explain,
or you wanna go have some
fun? I wanna have some fun!
Oh, my God.
Rick, this is...
This is... thank you!
You can thank me later.
Go nuts.
Best grandpa ever!
That's all I ever wanted
to hear.
Alright, class,
I know I've been absent
for most of this school year.
I'll be honest with you...
During spring break,
I attended a renaissance faire
and fell in love with a buxom
hand-axe juggler half my age.
I overplayed my interest
in her lifestyle
just to get closer to her,
traveling the country
with her troupe,
and I am embarrassed to say
I am now an expert blacksmith
with several STDs
and a broken heart.
I beseech your nasty
little asses
to speak on the matter
no further.
Now that that's out of the way,
who wants to do some math?
I'll do it. A bold
move, Morty Smith.
But can you deliver?
Oh, I've got something
to deliver.
Ahh!
Oh, God.
What the hell!
Aw, goddamnit,
this is traumatizing.
Oh, my God, what's wrong
with your dick?
Not cool.
I'm allergic to sheepskin!
Bold move, Morty Smith.
But can you deliver?
Holy [bleep] I can do anything.
Yes, with math,
anything is possible.
Except a long-term relationship
with a woman
that calls you a warlock
for using a phone.
Hi, uh, hey, Jessica.
Oh.
Hey, Morty.
Hey...
Jessica, right?
Um. Yeah.
Hi. Sorry.
I thought you knew my name
because we've interacted
so many times,
but maybe I was
just being stupid.
Sorry. Hi.
I-I'm Jessica. That's me.
Cool.
See you around.
Jessica. Yeah.
I hope I see you.
Around.
Guess we'll see.
I think I'm gonna
like this thing.
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ It comes and it goes ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ Boy, don't you know ♪
♪ And if you lie,
you will lose it ♪
♪ Feelings will show ♪
♪ So don't you ever abuse it ♪
♪ Don't let it go ♪
Oh shit, suicide by cop!
I love these!
♪ Nobody's weak
until somebody's strong ♪
You're living too fast, Morty.
I don't pay for your friendship,
Heroin Keith.
Damn.
♪ Nobody's lonely
until somebody's gone ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ It comes and it goes ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ Boy, don't you know ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ It comes and it goes ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ It comes and it goes ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ Boy, don't you know ♪
♪ And if you lie,
you will lose it ♪
♪ Feelings will show ♪
♪ So don't you ever abuse it ♪
♪ Don't let it go ♪
♪ Nobody's right ♪
Oh, hi, Jessica.
Hey, I'm sorry I brushed you off
the other day.
I was just trying to be cool...
Oh, I don't even know
what you're talking about.
But...
you seem different.
Like you finally found yourself.
Yeah.
I... I guess I have.
That's good to hear.
I like who you found.
Yeah.
Yeah, I do, too.
Looking forward to seeing more.
I'll see you tomorrow, Morty.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.
How's it going?
Y'know, it was fun, Rick.
Real fun.
Y'know I-I-I definitely
sowed those oats.
But I think you invented
a little lesson for me
along the way.
Living without
consequences is great,
but then I started wondering...
what am I living for?
What am I building?
If I'm always looking back,
I'm never looking ahead.
And then it hit me.
We are who we are
because of consequences.
You can't live
without consequences, y'know?
You feel me?
Wow.
That's a beautiful thought,
Morty, but, uh, no.
There were definitely
consequences.
What're-What-What are you
talking about?
I mean.
You did everything you did.
It all happened.
No.
But the... the respawn button.
The... The do-over.
- It's not a do-over.
You just did it.
Over and over.
What are you saying?
W-What did you do?
I think it's more appropriate
to ask what did you do?
You see, Morty, you weren't
saving your place
and going back.
I don't respect time travel.
If "Ant Man and the Wasp"
can do it, I'm not interested.
It wasn't so much a do-over
as it was isolating
a moment in time,
splitting your probable selves,
and shunting you into
to into a near-duplicate,
equally probable reality,
transporting you into it
at the moment
of parallel determination.
Pretty nifty. Time crystals
are a bitch and a half,
but the only real hitch is that
there was already a you
in each probable dimension.
So we had to solve for that.
That's right, you little bitch!
It's "The Prestige"!
You "Prestige'd" yourself!
Rick, how many did I
kill? - You tell me, Morty.
Every time you reset
to smell Jessica's hair,
every time you relived
a satisfying fart,
that's how many Mortys
you've incinerated,
you greedy little junkie.
Oh, God...
Even those times when I...
Especially those times.
It's over, Morty.
Feel this.
Take this in.
This is God.
Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh...
Why would you do this?
My hands are clean, Morty.
I gave you a choice.
You could listen to me explain,
in great scientific detail,
how it all works...
or you could have fun.
Did you have fun, Morty?
Is this because of the vat?
No.
I'm sorry.
I'm afraid it's too late
for that, Morty.
What's done is done,
but it can end.
The original split
is still timestamped.
I can make it so those Mortys
never existed at all,
make them purely theoretical.
Oh, God.
What do I do?
I think it's clear
you've done enough.
Tell me how, Rick!
Tell me how I save those Mortys!
You live with the consequences.
Those things happened somewhere,
but you can merge
the probable realities
so that only one Morty did them.
Just do it.
Alright, lemme just
sync these up
and get you back
to your dimension.
Wait, so... so you're not even
my Rick?
Then... Then why do you know
about the vat?
Every Rick has a vat!
Well, Morty, I'd say
we've invented
a little honesty today.
How about you?
I don't deserve this.
I was just having fun.
So was Jeffrey Dahmer.
Speaking of,
time to pay the piper.
Morty Smith.
Come out with your hands up,
you sick [bleep]
We're also fine
with just shooting you
if you wanna suicide by cop.
What?
What is this?
Wow.
Looks like a SWAT Team,
some drug dealers,
some grassroots MeToo activists,
the ACLU...
Jesus, Morty, the AARP?
I don't wanna talk about it!
- The NAACP, GamerGate...
Morty, is that Supreme Court
Justice Sonia Sotomayor?
I'm sorry!
I... I'm sorry!
I-Is that
what you want me to say?
What... What do I do?
Oof, well, I'm stumped.
Seems like there's no way
out of this one.
Unless...
God damn it.
Yeah, I guess it is, uh...
What did you call it?
Uh, uh, "A shitty idea"?
God damn it.
Say the vat is good.
The vat is good.
Kiss the vat.
Do not go into that vat.
It appears to be full of acid.
It is!
Please, he's just a little boy!
Let me talk to him. Tell
him we're very upset!
Morty, please.
Step back.
That vat is full of acid.
It'll melt you completely,
leaving only your bones.
Goddamn it! - I'm sorry,
what did you say?
I'm going in the vat!
Oh! God!
Aw, I blame myself!
Oh, what a tragedy.
This...
Oh, well, he's bones now.
I guess all debts are paid.
Agreed.
He's definitely dead.
Why else
would the bones come up?
While his actions
were horrifying
and we are well within
our rights to be outraged,
I do wonder if we bear
some responsibility
for this young man
melting himself in acid.
Are we here for justice...
or something else?
"Though justice be thy plea,
consider this,"
that in the course of justice...
none of us should see salvation.
"We do pray for mercy."
"Merchant of Venice," nice.
Very cool.
Lots to think about.
Vengeance is a tomb,
all-encompassing...
Alright, okay, this isn't a
poetry reading, a kid just died.
Every... Everybody go home and
hug your loved one or something.
Wait.
How do we know
that's really acid
and you didn't just have
someone's bones in there?
I mean, if you're doubting
if that's really acid
and not just jacuzzi-heated
Mountain Dew,
you're welcome
to use this ladle.
You think I'm a goddamn idiot?
Brought my own.
Aah!
Oh, God!
Oh, God no!
Oh, God, no!
Oh, no... Huh?
I'm acid-proof!
[Bleep] all of you
[bleep] all of you,
I'm gonna be rich!
Here's my ass.
Take a good look, spank it!
Acid proof!
Feels like that guy
had other stuff going on.
Don't ever make fun of me again.
Ever!
Alright, c'mon Morty,
let's go home.
Wait, what?
This... This isn't our reality?
What, you think
I'd waste our home
teaching you a [bleep] lesson?
I am gonna miss
this place, though...
Johnny Carson's still alive
and on the air,
9/11 never happened,
and Rocky Road ice cream
has peanut butter
instead of marshmallows.
- The fu... What?
The marshmallows
are the best part!
Morty...
Our next guest, ah, gave us,
well, actually,
very little information,
ah, besides the fact that he is,
uh, impervious to acid.
So here he is,
he's here to prove it.
Let's welcome this guy.
Let's do this shit!
Now, you're, uh...
You're sure about this?
Eat my [bleep] Hoist me!
I did not know that ass
was on the menu.
Don't steal my moment!
Do it!
Ah, okay, then without
further ado... drop him.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah!
Looks like I'll be
eating [bleep] flambé.
Please kill me.
Hey, Morty, hold on,
wat-watch this.
Uh-huh.
Well, I thought it was cool.
So.
We should be in and out.
Simple exchange,
not even really an adventure.
And if anything goes wrong...
Which it won't...
Jump into the same vat of acid
I jump into.
Okay.
Wait... Wait, what?
Wha-What vat of acid?
What, Morty!
Close the door.
I pre-scouted this location
and placed a vat of fake acid
amongst the real ones.
It's got air hoses
and a compartment of bones
at the bottom.
If things go wrong,
which they won't,
we jump into the vat of acid,
and I'll release the bones,
they'll float up...
What is this face you're making?
Aren't you an inventor?
Yeah, what part of a fake acid
vat with built-in air supply
and quick-release bones
isn't inventive enough for you,
and when did my job become
pitching you ideas?
Alright!
Let's just do this.
I have English homework.
You're still learning English?
That's the language you speak.
How dumb are you?
Interesting choice
of meeting place, Rick.
You like it?
My grandson had notes.
Come on. Show him
the crystals, Morty.
I'll make lots of money
with these.
I'll make lots of those with
these. - Well. Those are fake.
Oh, Jesus [bleep] Christ. Come on.
You gotta be kidding me. Seriously?
You brought fake crystals
and a gun?
Beats real crystals and no gun.
Okay, but does anything beat
fake crystals and a fake arm?
Whoa, do you know who I am?!
Even if you kill me,
you're a dead man.
Are you serious?
Morty, he's right.
We're screwed.
Let's just end it.
Quick death, come on.
Aw, man. Oh!
Eh!
Holy [bleep] what the [bleep]?
Holy [bleep]
What kind of psycho...?
His own grandson?
Guess he took
your threat pretty serious.
Yeah, but it just...
doesn't make any sense.
Well, he was a scientist.
Maybe he knew more about acid,
maybe it's like
the most painless way to go.
How could that
have been painless?
You saw that pause
before the bones floated up,
that had to be five seconds
of unparalleled torture.
I...
I can't get my head around it.
I-I thought I'd seen
this galaxy at its darkest.
This is... This is gonna take
a while to feel normal.
We're pretty good listeners,
boss.
Drinks are on us
if you want to talk it out.
Thanks, but...
what happened, it happened here.
I don't want to lose the moment.
Take your time, boss.
We'll stay here
as long as you want.
Absolutely.
I got nowhere to be.
And then little Tommy FlimFlam's
running down the Hyperloop.
His ass is on fire
from Xenon fluid,
but his AI hologram
is [bleep] his own pee [bleep]
Great story, boss.
Really detailed.
Yeah, well,
I got a million of 'em.
Alright.
I think I'm ready
to deal with the world now.
Let's get out of here.
Should we drop our buddy
in here before we go?
Yeah, probably a good idea.
Should we use a different vat?
Does acid lose its acid power
the more it dissolves?
What am I, an acidologist?
Here, grab that
ratlike creature,
we'll do a little test.
Look, if you're going to test
the damn acid, don't use a rat,
take that ladle,
grab a spoonful,
and put it in the analyzer.
Oh! Hey! Oh!
Okay, I'd say that's
pretty acidy. Drop him in.
What are you doing?
You said... Not the rat!
The guy!
Ooh! Marone!
Look at the size
of the bones on that rat!
Oh!
How many sets of bones
this rat got?
And look how
the smaller ones are shaped!
They're like little
cartoon bones,
like if you drew a bone
in art class!
Alright, that tears it.
I'm canceling
the rest of my night
and calling a bone scientist.
We're getting to the bottom
of this...
Jesus [bleep] Christ,
enough already!
Oh! Hey! Whoa!
Can we go?
The [bleep] is wrong with you?
Just admit it was a shitty idea!
Having a grandson?
A vat of fake acid!
Are you dying of dementia?
How are you talking to me
like this?
Wh-When did you get so cocky?
Tonight!
Tonight, Rick!
The night I saw you fail!
Because you ruined it!
It was pre-ruined!
Oh, was it worse than
when I was a pickle?
Oh-oh-oh that's right,
you weren't there for that.
Turned out kind of cool.
Maybe there's a connection
there. - Excuse me?
What's that cool thing
you did without me again?
The awesome thing?
I-I-I guess you wanted a dragon?
Mwah. Unforgettable.
God [bleep] you.
Timely, too,
you really got in on that
"Game of Thrones" fever
right at the peak.
You trying as hard
as you can to hurt me right now
proves my point.
I'll let you know
when you have a point
and the world will know
when I try to hurt you.
Big man, big genius.
Big lonely drunk.
Hey, save some of these
atomic-age beatnik zingers
for your
English homework, Bukowski.
There's no such thing
as a bad idea, Morty.
It's about execution.
No such thing as a bad idea?
Except all of mine, right?
Morty, wanting a dragon
isn't an idea.
I'm not talking about that!
I'm constantly pitching you
ideas, Rick,
and you act like they're
not even worth thinking about!
What, the helicopter lawn chair?
That's just something
you saw on TV.
What about my video-game-style
place-saving device?
Oh, my God, here we go.
It's a good idea, Rick!
A device that lets you...
Save your place
like in a video game
but in real life
so that you can try stuff
and then go back
to your save point,
yes, Morty,
I saw it on "Futurama."
Oh, so you don't do anything
unless it's original?
I don't do time travel.
It's not time travel,
it's saving a place in time...
Oh, my God,
is this what you think I do?
This is where the heavy lifting
happens in your mind?
Do you have any idea
how much [bleep] work
would have to go into
a machine that...
Ah-ha!
You can't do it!
I can do anything, Morty.
Your idea is not worth doing.
You can't do it.
Before what you're trying to do
was called "negging,"
it was called
"reverse psychology,"
and incels didn't invent it,
Bugs Bunny did.
You can't do it. There
is nothing I cannot do.
A place-saving video-game
thing! You're a piece of [bleep]
Just say you
can't do it! I won't!
You won't say you can't?
[Bleep] you, Morty!
[Bleep] you!
[Bleep] you!
[ Grunts ]
Son of a bitch.
So are you gonna... Yes,
I'm gonna [bleep] do it!
Rick, it's 3:00 a.m.
Wh-Wh-What's going on?
W-Why'd you call me?
You were right, Morty.
I failed.
I can't make it.
And honestly,
I'm pretty ashamed.
That might be why I've been
so aggressive and unfair
about rejecting your ideas.
- Rick...
- A fake acid vat, Morty?
Maybe I've lost it.
Maybe I never had it.
Hey. C'mon. Y-You know
I didn't mean it that way.
I just think we need to find
better ways to communicate.
I'm sorry. I just...
I lash out sometimes.
I-I-I don't know why I do that!
I'm so ashamed of myself.
Hearing you talk about
the vat...
it really opened my eyes.
Like what the [bleep] am
I even doing? - Hey. Hey.
I don't like hearing this talk.
You're a great inventor.
We just got a couple things
to work on.
Let's start with inventing
a little honesty.
Sound good? Thank
you, Morty. Sounds good.
Or maybe I'll just
kill you. What?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Rick...
Because I [bleep] did it!
Oh-ho-ho!
Booya!
Holy [bleep]
You did it!
You did it!
I did it,
you little son of a bitch!
How did you... Morty,
do you want me to explain,
or you wanna go have some
fun? I wanna have some fun!
Oh, my God.
Rick, this is...
This is... thank you!
You can thank me later.
Go nuts.
Best grandpa ever!
That's all I ever wanted
to hear.
Alright, class,
I know I've been absent
for most of this school year.
I'll be honest with you...
During spring break,
I attended a renaissance faire
and fell in love with a buxom
hand-axe juggler half my age.
I overplayed my interest
in her lifestyle
just to get closer to her,
traveling the country
with her troupe,
and I am embarrassed to say
I am now an expert blacksmith
with several STDs
and a broken heart.
I beseech your nasty
little asses
to speak on the matter
no further.
Now that that's out of the way,
who wants to do some math?
I'll do it. A bold
move, Morty Smith.
But can you deliver?
Oh, I've got something
to deliver.
Ahh!
Oh, God.
What the hell!
Aw, goddamnit,
this is traumatizing.
Oh, my God, what's wrong
with your dick?
Not cool.
I'm allergic to sheepskin!
Bold move, Morty Smith.
But can you deliver?
Holy [bleep] I can do anything.
Yes, with math,
anything is possible.
Except a long-term relationship
with a woman
that calls you a warlock
for using a phone.
Hi, uh, hey, Jessica.
Oh.
Hey, Morty.
Hey...
Jessica, right?
Um. Yeah.
Hi. Sorry.
I thought you knew my name
because we've interacted
so many times,
but maybe I was
just being stupid.
Sorry. Hi.
I-I'm Jessica. That's me.
Cool.
See you around.
Jessica. Yeah.
I hope I see you.
Around.
Guess we'll see.
I think I'm gonna
like this thing.
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ It comes and it goes ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ Boy, don't you know ♪
♪ And if you lie,
you will lose it ♪
♪ Feelings will show ♪
♪ So don't you ever abuse it ♪
♪ Don't let it go ♪
Oh shit, suicide by cop!
I love these!
♪ Nobody's weak
until somebody's strong ♪
You're living too fast, Morty.
I don't pay for your friendship,
Heroin Keith.
Damn.
♪ Nobody's lonely
until somebody's gone ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ It comes and it goes ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ Boy, don't you know ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ It comes and it goes ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ It comes and it goes ♪
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪
♪ Boy, don't you know ♪
♪ And if you lie,
you will lose it ♪
♪ Feelings will show ♪
♪ So don't you ever abuse it ♪
♪ Don't let it go ♪
♪ Nobody's right ♪
Oh, hi, Jessica.
Hey, I'm sorry I brushed you off
the other day.
I was just trying to be cool...
Oh, I don't even know
what you're talking about.
But...
you seem different.
Like you finally found yourself.
Yeah.
I... I guess I have.
That's good to hear.
I like who you found.
Yeah.
Yeah, I do, too.
Looking forward to seeing more.
I'll see you tomorrow, Morty.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.
How's it going?
Y'know, it was fun, Rick.
Real fun.
Y'know I-I-I definitely
sowed those oats.
But I think you invented
a little lesson for me
along the way.
Living without
consequences is great,
but then I started wondering...
what am I living for?
What am I building?
If I'm always looking back,
I'm never looking ahead.
And then it hit me.
We are who we are
because of consequences.
You can't live
without consequences, y'know?
You feel me?
Wow.
That's a beautiful thought,
Morty, but, uh, no.
There were definitely
consequences.
What're-What-What are you
talking about?
I mean.
You did everything you did.
It all happened.
No.
But the... the respawn button.
The... The do-over.
- It's not a do-over.
You just did it.
Over and over.
What are you saying?
W-What did you do?
I think it's more appropriate
to ask what did you do?
You see, Morty, you weren't
saving your place
and going back.
I don't respect time travel.
If "Ant Man and the Wasp"
can do it, I'm not interested.
It wasn't so much a do-over
as it was isolating
a moment in time,
splitting your probable selves,
and shunting you into
to into a near-duplicate,
equally probable reality,
transporting you into it
at the moment
of parallel determination.
Pretty nifty. Time crystals
are a bitch and a half,
but the only real hitch is that
there was already a you
in each probable dimension.
So we had to solve for that.
That's right, you little bitch!
It's "The Prestige"!
You "Prestige'd" yourself!
Rick, how many did I
kill? - You tell me, Morty.
Every time you reset
to smell Jessica's hair,
every time you relived
a satisfying fart,
that's how many Mortys
you've incinerated,
you greedy little junkie.
Oh, God...
Even those times when I...
Especially those times.
It's over, Morty.
Feel this.
Take this in.
This is God.
Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh...
Why would you do this?
My hands are clean, Morty.
I gave you a choice.
You could listen to me explain,
in great scientific detail,
how it all works...
or you could have fun.
Did you have fun, Morty?
Is this because of the vat?
No.
I'm sorry.
I'm afraid it's too late
for that, Morty.
What's done is done,
but it can end.
The original split
is still timestamped.
I can make it so those Mortys
never existed at all,
make them purely theoretical.
Oh, God.
What do I do?
I think it's clear
you've done enough.
Tell me how, Rick!
Tell me how I save those Mortys!
You live with the consequences.
Those things happened somewhere,
but you can merge
the probable realities
so that only one Morty did them.
Just do it.
Alright, lemme just
sync these up
and get you back
to your dimension.
Wait, so... so you're not even
my Rick?
Then... Then why do you know
about the vat?
Every Rick has a vat!
Well, Morty, I'd say
we've invented
a little honesty today.
How about you?
I don't deserve this.
I was just having fun.
So was Jeffrey Dahmer.
Speaking of,
time to pay the piper.
Morty Smith.
Come out with your hands up,
you sick [bleep]
We're also fine
with just shooting you
if you wanna suicide by cop.
What?
What is this?
Wow.
Looks like a SWAT Team,
some drug dealers,
some grassroots MeToo activists,
the ACLU...
Jesus, Morty, the AARP?
I don't wanna talk about it!
- The NAACP, GamerGate...
Morty, is that Supreme Court
Justice Sonia Sotomayor?
I'm sorry!
I... I'm sorry!
I-Is that
what you want me to say?
What... What do I do?
Oof, well, I'm stumped.
Seems like there's no way
out of this one.
Unless...
God damn it.
Yeah, I guess it is, uh...
What did you call it?
Uh, uh, "A shitty idea"?
God damn it.
Say the vat is good.
The vat is good.
Kiss the vat.
Do not go into that vat.
It appears to be full of acid.
It is!
Please, he's just a little boy!
Let me talk to him. Tell
him we're very upset!
Morty, please.
Step back.
That vat is full of acid.
It'll melt you completely,
leaving only your bones.
Goddamn it! - I'm sorry,
what did you say?
I'm going in the vat!
Oh! God!
Aw, I blame myself!
Oh, what a tragedy.
This...
Oh, well, he's bones now.
I guess all debts are paid.
Agreed.
He's definitely dead.
Why else
would the bones come up?
While his actions
were horrifying
and we are well within
our rights to be outraged,
I do wonder if we bear
some responsibility
for this young man
melting himself in acid.
Are we here for justice...
or something else?
"Though justice be thy plea,
consider this,"
that in the course of justice...
none of us should see salvation.
"We do pray for mercy."
"Merchant of Venice," nice.
Very cool.
Lots to think about.
Vengeance is a tomb,
all-encompassing...
Alright, okay, this isn't a
poetry reading, a kid just died.
Every... Everybody go home and
hug your loved one or something.
Wait.
How do we know
that's really acid
and you didn't just have
someone's bones in there?
I mean, if you're doubting
if that's really acid
and not just jacuzzi-heated
Mountain Dew,
you're welcome
to use this ladle.
You think I'm a goddamn idiot?
Brought my own.
Aah!
Oh, God!
Oh, God no!
Oh, God, no!
Oh, no... Huh?
I'm acid-proof!
[Bleep] all of you
[bleep] all of you,
I'm gonna be rich!
Here's my ass.
Take a good look, spank it!
Acid proof!
Feels like that guy
had other stuff going on.
Don't ever make fun of me again.
Ever!
Alright, c'mon Morty,
let's go home.
Wait, what?
This... This isn't our reality?
What, you think
I'd waste our home
teaching you a [bleep] lesson?
I am gonna miss
this place, though...
Johnny Carson's still alive
and on the air,
9/11 never happened,
and Rocky Road ice cream
has peanut butter
instead of marshmallows.
- The fu... What?
The marshmallows
are the best part!
Morty...
Our next guest, ah, gave us,
well, actually,
very little information,
ah, besides the fact that he is,
uh, impervious to acid.
So here he is,
he's here to prove it.
Let's welcome this guy.
Let's do this shit!
Now, you're, uh...
You're sure about this?
Eat my [bleep] Hoist me!
I did not know that ass
was on the menu.
Don't steal my moment!
Do it!
Ah, okay, then without
further ado... drop him.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah!
Looks like I'll be
eating [bleep] flambé.
Please kill me.