Richard Hammond's Workshop (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Episode #2.4 - full transcript
Richard takes the Cogs go-karting to find a driver for the classic car racing team. Then, The Smallest Cog MBG GT race car makes its debut at the Prescott Hill Climb.
And they are off!
RICHARD: This time...
Blimey, this could be serious.
..my team hit the track.
Try not to kill each other. Oh-hoo!
Massive slide.
You have no idea
what's happening down there.
Kamla makes me brush up
on my management skills...
"Starting a business."
(SIGHS)
..and there are tense times...
Have I got time for a nervous poo?
(HORN HONKS)
..as Anthony debuts our race car.
Oh!
Did you call him "Tiger Tim?"
Is it Tiger...?
It's "Tony the Tiger." Tony.
Oh, silly sod!
(LAUGHING)
You got his nickname wrong.
Fire them up, let's go!
I've fulfilled a lifelong dream.
This all yours? It's all ours.
I've set up
a classic car restoration business
with automotive wonder family, Neil,
Anthony, and Andrew Greenhouse...
ANTHONY: Dad!
..but it's become a money pit.
Bad, bad, bad.
And if we don't break even soon...
Ten. But the budget's ten.
..there's a chance we may go bust.
Not going well at all to be fair.
So, I've come up
with ambitious new plans.
Welcome to your club.
Gotta push forward
into the big league.
(HORN HONKS)
We're even going racing to find cars
that need our help.
Now wouldn't be the time
to give him a business card.
I'm determined to turn
my lifelong obsession...
Come on, little car.
..into a thriving business.
Will it turn over? No.
(LAUGHING)
Isn't this a good idea?
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
Ah!
Binoculars.
Oh, I'm using these today
professionally in my capacity
as team boss
of The Smallest Cog race team,
because, well, we've now had
our first experience
of classic car racing
at Goodwood last week
and learnt a lot.
From the number of
just crashes, scrapes, little dings,
we could have fixed them all.
And once the people there know
and trust us,
they can use us to fix them.
It will drum up business
and to make that happen,
we need to work well as a team.
We need a good car
with a good engine.
But we also need a good driver.
That's where these'll come in.
Thing is, race drivers cost money
which we don't have,
and I'm not gonna do it because
I really wanna try being a Team Boss.
I wanna find out
if there's anyone else in our midst
who might be a bit handy
behind the wheel.
And that's why I've organised
a Cog day out,
but it's a day out with a purpose.
This is grassroots racing.
This is where the great star,
Lewis Hamilton began in one of these.
So, this will give us an opportunity
to see what we've got.
Is there a star racer amongst us?
NEIL: Fat and Furious have arrived.
ANTHONY: This is gonna be awesome.
NEIL: Ready for this?
ANDREW: Not really.
It'll be like mowing the grass,
won't it, but not quite.
ANDREW: I'm buzzing for a go.
You'll notice there's four karts
because the fourth contender,
my eldest daughter, Izzy,
she's quite a neat driver
and has expressed an interest.
So, she's agreed to come along
and give it a shot.
Never raced before at all.
Also, I shall be joined
by my old mate, Zog as my director,
PR global,
somewhat self-appointed
to that higher level.
Between us, if there's talent out
there, we will see.
ZOG: Two engines.
Blimey, this could be serious.
That is what we've got to work with.
ZOG: Oh, my word!
What a heroic bunch
of throttle jockeys...
(BOTH LAUGHING)
..we've got ourselves here.
Right. I need to explain to you
the shape of today
and how it's gonna work.
At stake, obviously,
is the potential for a seat in our
race car. This is important.
You're gonna have five practice laps
all on the track at the same time,
and your fastest lap
counts as your qualifying lap
that will establish
your grid position
for the actual race.
Got it? Got it.
Try not to kill each other.
That's quite important.
Can't promise, but, yeah.
Gentlemen, ladies, it's almost time
to start your engines.
Oh-ho-ho-ho! Yeah, you said it.
(ALL LAUGHING)
ANTHONY: Haven't done this
since me last bank robbery.
The chaps from the Smallest Cog,
I mean, they're talented lads
and they're fine chaps indeed,
but they're not
exactly lightweights.
And we've also, of course,
got Richard's daughter, Izzy.
So, it'd be very, very interesting
to see whether little Izzy can beat
the horny handed
sons of the hammer and spanner.
First one's out on track.
ZOG: This is gonna make me dizzy.
Yeah, it will do that.
Izzy's holding up the pack somewhat.
ZOG: Good girl.
IZZY: Oh!
I heard her shout then.
I think Andrew is trying to get past
Neil and yeah, he's just rammed him.
They are racing already.
I think we need to give Izzy
some advice.
Oh!
That was a hell of an overtake then.
ZOG:
Izzy's going, giving it a bit more.
Oh, the barrier. Oh, she spun.
Woo-hoo! It does require some
commitment there, doesn't it?
ZOG: Yeah.
Anthony's quick.
ANDREW:
There's gotta be points for style.
NEIL: I only had one engine running!
Any feedback from anybody?
Could do with a few more horsepower.
That's all you're getting.
Or you could go to the gym.
Don't wanna do that.
(LAUGHING)
OK.
Neil, your fastest lap was 36.9.
Andrew, your fastest was 36.3.
Anthony, 34.8. Perfect.
The biggest improvement
was actually Izzy,
who we should stress
has never been on a racetrack before.
You did a not entirely brisk 49.
That's under a minute.
I'm taking that. But you took that
down to 43. That's a huge difference.
So, you knocked off
a full six seconds.
ANTHONY: Well done!
If you improved by that much again...
Yeah ..you'd be in with these.
OK. I feel like
I'm driving a lawn mower.
First time you've ever been
on the track.
Yeah, it's quite difficult. Yeah.
The whole left/right braking thing
is very strange.
That takes some getting used to
because you're balancing
throttle and brake.
Also, my mascara's running
and that's...
(LAUGHING)
..distracting me. Right.
Yeah, that's not helping
the cause of women in racing.
No. Sorry. OK.
Forget that. Forget that.
That concludes practice.
I think you can have a break.
Stretch your legs.
Focus your mind.
Hydrate.
Have a pee.
Have a number two
and you might go even quicker.
(LAUGHING)
I think Anthony is turning out
to be pretty good at this
and chatting to the guys
at the track, respectable times.
He's good at this.
Could be a secret weapon.
So, now we will have an actual race.
It'll be ten laps.
Anthony you start up front,
then Andrew, then Neil, then Izzy.
Have fun. Enjoy it. For God's sake,
nobody injure themselves
because you won't get
any paid time off work.
I'm just saying cos we need stuff
doing. Good luck.
(ENGINES REVVING)
ZOG: Oh!
It's not a contact sport, lads!
Anthony has past Izzy.
This is where she can learn.
Yeah. If she follows his lines,
even only briefly, she'll improve.
ZOG: Ah, that's it.
So, that's a finish for Anthony.
Well, we have found a star.
I'm really impressed.
We have obviously,
a clear winner of the race.
Well done, that was really
well deserved. Good job.
I think what that does mean is,
Anthony, you should have
some testing in the car
that's the next thing
to have a go at.
Let's get your backside in the MGB,
see what you can do.
ANTHONY: To a gym.
Yeah, I wasn't going
to say anything, but-
He won't need a gym after
driving the MGB. Maybe.
But there's something
to go for there.
Get you in the big car
and give it a shot. Let's do it.
I'm so glad nobody's hurt!
I have a feeling my relief
might be short-lived.
This afternoon accountant,
Kamla's coming in
and she's going to be on my case
about the Alvis,
a rare British classic belonging
to one of Neil's oldest customers,
I'd originally hoped
it would be done in six weeks...
Look at the (INDISTINCT) on it.
..but it's now been three months.
ANDREW: Oh, I can see
what the problem is now.
This bit of metal here,
it's a bit too curved,
I need to just flatten it out a bit.
Chaps.
Hello. Alvis is still
very much in the building.
He's in the building all right.
We've managed to get
our A-post done.
We're disassembling this door,
try and get this door to fit
back in the hole cos it doesn't fit.
Problem is, if it was a normal
everyday car that was steel,
you could jack it, move it back.
But it's wood.
So, realistically, how long
before Alvis leaves the building?
If we don't get any more delays
or hold ups
and we could get on with it,
I would say four to six weeks.
Oh, God!
I think it could be eight weeks.
Yeah. It's a lotta work mind.
Yeah, hello, Kamla.
Hi, Richard. Hi, how are you?
Hello. Are you OK? Very well indeed.
Jolly good. Have a seat.
Thank you, sir.
Now we can catch up. Oh!
Liking your sign. Yeah, I know.
Is it new?
It's pretty grown up, isn't it?
I know what it says.
But is that to remind you
you're at Hammond HQ?
Give it here.
That's my important thing.
It's very nice. So, yes, yeah.
Right. OK. Would you mind give me
an update on the Alvis?
Where are we now?
Are we a point where
we can start invoicing for that?
Is that ready to collected?
Can I invoice?
Neil reckons six,
and Andrew reckons eight weeks.
In reality, we're talking,
it's another two months
before you're planning on invoicing,
and maybe another two weeks
before it's paid.
Are we in a position
we can invoice to date,
hours and materials to date?
Not at the moment.
But why is that then?
Cos I told him
he could pay at the end.
Pardon? I told him he could pay
at the end.
But Richard, no, we can't,
these are all long-term jobs.
So, how many months
have we had the Alvis?
Many.
We can't bill at the end. No.
Which actually brings me
on to logging the hours.
How are we logging the hours,
the lads are working on the vehicles
to ensure that we're invoicing
for everything.
You don't know? You have no idea.
You have no idea
what's happening down there.
So, how can you run
a business like this?
I need to take control
of certainly that issue more.
You do. You need to rein it all in
and have some ground rules.
I need to just...
..be a boss.
Without fail,
one thing that needs to happen,
invoicing on a monthly basis.
But to do that,
we need the lads to log their hours.
So, invoice monthly...
Get the hours logged,
get to break-even.
Yeah. Plan.
I have to learn how to be a boss.
Never really been a boss.
I hate desks,
I hate offices, I hate files.
I'm going to go home this evening
and I'm going to a big think.
(SIGHS)
Right.
What I am is off to the workshop.
You know,
how you tend to ask me about...
"How's it going?
How are you making it work?"
Right.
Truth is, it's not working.
So, hang on.
So, how far is work booked in?
Literally, it's one job at a time.
There's not a booking system?
Not really.
In fact not.
No. I've got a solution to this.
I'm gonna do it. Yeah,
but with the best will in the world,
but you're not able to keep on top.
I'm going to have to. But, you won't.
You have absolutely no faith
in my ability to do that.
None. I mean not even...
How many times has your post gone
for weeks of driving experiences
in your cars
before it's got into a post box?
And that stuff that you
actually have done something with
ready to put in the post box.
I'm more of a doer than a filer.
You're not a doer or a filer
when it comes to paperwork.
I turned over a new leaf with this?
What if?
What if doing this...
No, bear with me.
What if doing this meant that,
I became an ordered, organised,
methodical-
How old are you now, Richard?
52.
Time to change.
Right. OK. I'm gonna go
and do all of that.
OK. All right. Thank you.
Bye! Bye!
(DOOR CLOSES)
What I hold in my hands is
a brand new, organised, sleek,
streamlined future.
This is a day
I never saw coming in my life...
..books on business,
"Bluffers Guide to Management,
Starting a Business,
Starting a Successful Business."
I'd rather start a successful one.
So, let's have a look.
Oh, God!
Right.
"People use the words,
"First mover advantage"
like a mantra to justify a headlong
rush into starting a business
without doing enough basic research."
I have never
and shall never use the words,
"First mover advantage."
If I do...
please, with my blessing,
stab me in the throat with a spoon.
Oh!
No disrespect to the business tomes
I've been reading,
but I don't think I'm gonna find
the answer to my problems
there in those books.
I need to talk to somebody who works
in something like a similar business
who's got real hands on, basically,
I'm talking about Hadrian,
so I'm going to his place.
Right, where is he?
Hello? HADRIAN: Ha, ha!
All right, mate? Yeah, not bad.
Do you feel cooler in here?
Yes. Yeah, I've had AC put in.
Is that where my rent money goes?
That was last month's.
(LAUGHS)
HADRIAN: What's up?
The problem I've got, I'd like
to know how you resolve this.
Cos you've got how many
people working here?
There's 11 over here. Right.
And their hours have
to be charged for.
Yeah.
How the hell do you keep track
of the hours?
With this.
Every day, every person
has to fill in a job sheet.
Do they do it? Yeah.
Mate, how do you make them do it?
How? I install fear.
Those guys are my mates. I mean,
I knew them before the business.
You'll have heard it before.
There's no friends in business.
How do I say to Neil, who I respect,
"Neil, fill in these timesheets
or something bad is gonna happen?"
Well, sow the seed
that he comes up with it.
Pull him into the office and see
if he comes up with the idea.
OK.
You sound better
than one of those business books.
Cogs assemble!
ANTHONY: I hate it when he does that.
I think they hate it when I do that.
Chaps would you mind coming up
and we can have a bit of a convo?
Bring your dog.
ANDREW: Stairs could do
with an hoover, couldn't they?
ANDREW:
It's like being back at school.
Oh, come on. ANDREW: Headmaster's
office and all that.
No, it's not that.
we need to have a convo.
So...
Jobs seem to fall
into two categories.
As you all know, we've got
the longer term restoration jobs,
Alvis,
and the shorter turnaround jobs
that come in and go out.
So, let's take them one by one.
In terms of the Alvis,
where are we with hours in it so far?
I don't know, I would say
we're probably into it,
me and you, we're into it
for at least 100 hours I would say.
But have we got those noted?
Have you got it noted in that book?
Have I got it noted in that book?
It's going to be a no, isn't it?
So, truth of the matter is,
on the Alvis,
we really don't know how many hours
have been spent on it so far.
We're a bit in the dark.
ANDREW: We used to do
daily worksheets, so...
You all have a daily worksheet,
put your hours in
that you do on that day,
a rough thing, you've done.
So, on a daily worksheet,
it's literally, name, job, hours
and tasks and we don't do that,
so, let's do it. OK.
I'll print up some of those
new job sheets that are for you
if you're all happy with it
and there's going to be no moaning.
How's Ellie gonna fill hers in?
Take your dog and off, yes.
Right.
Next on the management agenda
is to get us some more work
and I've had a call
about a possible job.
I've gotta go and do these trips
because I've been an hour driving
here,
maybe an hour, it'll be three hours,
it's half a day.
I can't send the guys out to do this.
That's half a day
they could be working on a car
that we can charge for.
The fact I'm gonna be looking
at a Porsche 911
which happens to be
one of my favourite cars,
well, that's just a welcome bonus.
ANDREW: Hello. Hello.Richard.
Nice to see you, how are you?
All right.
Very well. Can I come in? Oh!
Please. There it is.
That clearly is it. Be kind.
It's in bits, mate.
Quick polish, be all right.
How did you come to have it? eBay.
Say no more. Yeah.
I thought, "Yeah, you know,
interior looks a bit shabby,
tears on the seats and, yeah,
I'll get my spanner out and..."
Right. You did this. Yes.
Right. So, what do you want doing?
Complete bare metal
as how you would prep the exterior.
That's how I'd expect
the interior to be.
So, every little nook
and cranny filled, body filled,
sprayed, smoothed,
making it look like,
sort of like a retro Le Mans
sort of race car-inspired.
So, a bit like a race car
for the road. Exactly.
I love it. And I couldn't agree more
if it were mine,
that's what I'd do with this car.
I need to take some photographs
of this to take back to the chaps.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
That would be a cracking job, don't
know how the lads are gonna feel
cos they're not
the easiest cars to work on.
I like Andrew's vision for it.
I totally share it.
The stripped out interior. I get it.
I hope he realises that,
that's gonna cost.
If you're gonna see
all that interior metal,
you've gotta finish it
as well as the exterior
you've doubled the cost.
As far as he wants to get
it without the engine done,
15 to 20, I think
is what I would expect it to cost.
(HORN HONKS)
I've got the Porsche in.
I've quoted him 20.
He knows it could rise
a little over that
and I have decided
we're gonna use it as a benchmark.
Let's log the hours properly,
add them up and make sure
we make a profit on the job.
Do some managerial mathematics.
Now, I've said about 20 grand...
..three and a half grand
of which could be stripping the paint
off at the paint strippers,
having it dipped. Let's allow
five grand in parts and stuff.
So, that gives me 15,000
divided by £65 an hour equals,
they've got a maximum of 230 hours.
Beyond that, it starts costing us
money or the quote goes up.
Do I write 230 down?
I think I should be honest with them.
So, I'm gonna lie and say 210.
Right.
(CELLPHONE RINGS)
Oh, God, Ziegler!
(SIGHS)
Hello, Richard. Hello.
What can I do for you?
Well, sorry to be a nuisance
and not making an appointment
before I ring you.
(LAUGHS)
These dear old chaps have asked me
to host a classic car event
for Prescott.
I suggested, without consulting you,
I said possibly we could get,
you know,
the Smallest Cog guys along,
including Richard Hammond,
to show off their new race car.
I thought it would be a good place
for you to be seen.
It's quite smart actually.
they get to see the car in action,
have a look at the car
and we get to hand some business
cards out. I like it. When is it?
A bit of short notice, I'm afraid.
This weekend.
(STUTTERS)
Yes. Listen,
you like living
on a giant razor blade
using your balls as brakes.
(LAUGHING)
Right. Thank you.
That's a good opportunity.
That's great.
Oh, God!
What that is, is not long enough.
Oh!
The troops must know.
Right.
It's a brilliant idea.
They're gonna love it.
They're gonna be all... Oh!
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
Bugger.
Oh!
Right.
Cogs assemble!
ANDREW: Oh. Two things.
Look, it's our illustrious leader.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Two things.
One...
I've got something,
need to talk to you about.
Can we do it up here?
We're getting the sack.
No. You've ironed your shirt.
No. Can we talk about it up here?
Because, I'll be honest,
the handle's come off my door,
I can't get out. Hooray!
(LAUGHING)
You're all really funny,
but I can't get out.
Is that anger that done that?
No! That's rather undermined
my gravitas and dignity
at an important moment.
Oh, bloody hell.
Come on. There you go, son.
I didn't do it. It happened.
It wasn't something I did, came off.
Have a seat. Thank you.
Some of those hours
we've been talking about.
No. You can't log this one.
Right, you know Zog. Yeah.
He has rather smartly got us
an opportunity
to run our car up the hill
at Prescott Hill Climb. Oh.
It's a sort of display event.
There'll be lots of classic cars
there, a good one to be at.
Good one to launch the race car at.
That's what he's told me.
He does the commentary.
Does he? Yeah.
He's the man for that job, isn't he?
That is a launch,
it gets the car seen. Good idea.
And what if you were to drive it
as a first experience
in front of a load of people?
There'll be a crowd there...
I would love the opportunity.
An advert. By the time they do that
the weather should be quite
warm, be mid-summer.
It's an interesting point, timing
I think you can probably see
where this is going.
Yeah, I'm a bit scared. Yeah.
What have you promised this time,
Rich?
It's on Sunday. It's Thursday now.
The car's racing on the Sunday?
Not racing. Driving up the hill
in a spirited fashion.
Like a demonstration.
That's exactly what it is,
it's a demonstration run.
(LAUGHING)
Right. OK, team.
That's good isn't it? It's a plan.
All right. Lunchtime now.
Whoa, wait a minute. See ya, Rich.
Don't close the door.
There is one other minor obstacle
standing between us and Prescott.
I haven't got the engine.
The engine is off
at Ric Woods being rebuilt.
So, I'm gonna call Ric
just to find out...
..well, I don't know,
probably to make him quite cross.
RIC: Hello?
Ric. It's Richard Hammond.
Richard, how are you?
Mate, well, I don't know
where to start on this conversation.
What's happened is, oh, God.
My oldest friend, a guy called
Zog Ziegler, a motoring journalist
of some repute has taken it
upon himself to confirm for us a slot
to drive up the hill at Prescott.
But it hasn't got an engine
on account of you've got it.
RIC: Yes.
Where are we with it?
Let's talk about that first.
The engine's sort of
coming together now.
The head's coming together,
all the bits are coming in.
We can get it back to you,
but your lads have got a tall order
getting in and running
in that short timeframe.
You're just lining yourself up
for a load of hassle.
But, you know. I'm up for it.
You're a stalwart hero.
You're welcome. Thank you, mate.
Talk to you in a bit.
All right? Cheers, mate. Bye.
Thing is, until the engine's back,
there's only so much the lads can do.
ANTHONY:
The biggest factor in this is time
and we're running
out of time massively.
Why is it always,
like the last minute?
and this morning we have a delivery.
Hello. Hello.
You have our engine?
I have an engine.
There is the engine.
Shiny.
Oh, I can't wait.
I'm well excited for this.
It's like Christmas isn't it,
and I get to use it.
So, plan now.
Simply whip it around there.
Lower it down there
and zip it back in.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ooh! Like that?
ANDREW:
Have you got all your fingers still?
I dare not count!
You survived, didn't you?
Shut up!
A reminder to all,
we have a day before this goes
up the hill on a demonstration run
in front of eager spectators.
Million people. Not a million,
but it will feel like it.
(HAMMERING)
I've seen more use of a lump hammer
than I've seen in an F1 garage.
Pass me that screwdriver there.
If you're gonna stick it in my neck.
No. He wouldn't use a stumpy one.
(CHUCKLES)
A bit worrying if it was a race day,
had to do a quick engine change.
A quick engine change?
Are we having a spare engine?
All right, we clear?
Clear.
Obviously then, what we're hoping
is this engine does work,
cos this hasn't been a cheap
exercise thus far.
No.
No, this is a significant moment.
This is our biggest ever piece
of advertising if it works.
(ENGINE STARTING)
It lives!
Lumpy idle.
That's the first evidence
that this car has been changed
from a pottering about car.
This is now more single-minded.
It doesn't wanna sit at idle.
It's not happy. She wants to go.
She looks the business,
sounds the business.
ANTHONY: It's an animal.
Oh, it does sound angry.
Oh-ho!
Yeah, it's a beast.
That's exactly
what you want it to sound like.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's genius. Well done.
You've gotta be a bit proud.
It sounds nice, sounds lovely.
I mean, now we've built a race car.
Yeah.
Prescott, here we come.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
It's race day.
This is exciting.
They're driving here in the truck
with the car, which is finished.
Everything's great
apart from one detail.
I've lost the keys to the van.
Oh, God!
Right. I came home.
I was carrying all my stuff.
Willow was there.
I said, "Hi!
Oh, it's still quite a nice evening."
(BOTTLES CLINKING)
There are some beer bottles there,
that is part,
I suspect of the problem.
I'm gonna have to go and search...
I was wearing shorts. Yes. Shorts.
They're in the house.
Ah!
Oh!
I put my other jeans in the wash.
I didn't wash them, I...
Oh!
Scratched a little bit
of dignity back.
ZOG: Hello. Good morning, everybody.
Welcome to the Emerald Hill.
I'm Zog Ziegler.
I have been doing the commentary
for this event for a few years now
and today's going
to be slightly different
because my little friend,
Richard Hammond is coming up shortly
with his new racing car, an MG.
I just thought,
what an idea it would be
if we could get Richard up here
to introduce his new racing car?
It'll be the car's debut.
It's really rather exciting.
Probably a bit of the commentary
that I will enjoy doing,
especially,
if he makes a Horlicks of it.
(ENGINE REVVING)
ANDREW: Don't she look grand?
There's my mum and dad. Hello.
Did you drive it down?
I drove it down here,
but I'm not driving.
No, yeah.
Is this this first time
you've seen the car? It is.
It is. It looks brilliant.
I've got a race team.
You know, what it reminds me of?
The very first car you had.
Shortly before I crashed it.
That's right. Yeah, exactly.
ANTHONY: Oh, here's the man. ALL: Ah!
ZOG: Ah! There he is.
Hello. We're here. With car. I know.
Meet, "Tony the Tiger."
NEIL: "Big Tony."
He races under the name,
"Tony the Tiger."
"Tony the Tiger." Rawr!
You have to do that
after you've said it.
Oh. "Tony the Tiger." Rawr! Yeah.
Have you ever driven this hill?
No, sir.
Are you nervous? Slightly.
This is not against the clock.
If it was,
everyone would have to wear a helmet
and we'd need extra marshals,
extra ambulances and all that.
Why did you look at me
when you say ambulances?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Well, cos every time I see
an ambulance, I think of you.
Right. Let's do this!
All right. Tiger.
Zog! Rawr!
(LAUGHING)
Keep the car the right way up here.
That's good. Don't clip this stuff.
You look at all the marks
on the Armco,
you'll see where not to go.
ANTHONY: I'm not gonna lie.
This is starting to feel real.
Look at the skid marks.
Going straight on there, look.
Yeah. Somebody got that wrong.
So, somebody's gone too quick...
and gone straight
into the gravel trap.
ANTHONY: To be honest,
it's a build-up.
I've been busy thinking about
the car,
But now, I stood here
on the tarmac of Prescott...
You'll be coming here again
only in the car.
Yeah, next time I come up here
will be in the MG.
Hey, look, it's not timed.
Don't bin it.
But don't make us look wet either.
They wanna see the car,
but they wanna see it looking heroic.
Yep. Enjoy yourself.
Feeling good?
I'm rather scared right now.
I'm not gonna lie.
Do it for the Cog.
Have I got time for a nervous poo?
There's a portaloo over there.
Oh, I wish I'd seen that before.
Come on, Anthony. Go steady boy.
He's nervous.
NEIL: Anthony used to go karting
a couple of times when he was a kid
It was a big special treat,
but he couldn't afford to do it.
When he did go,
he was really good at driving
and he never had
the opportunity to go any further.
But now, hopefully, he's got
an opportunity to shine a bit.
I'm really happy for him.
Right decision to let him go,
show what he can do.
Oh, there he is,
look, look at his little face.
NEIL: Come on! Bless him!
ANDREW: Ah! Oh, they got the lights.
ZOG: And the Cog. This is the debut
of The Smallest Cog's racing car.
I can hear Zog going on.
ZOG: Tiger Tim at the wheel,
Anthony Greenhouse.
I think he just called him,
"Tiger Tim."
"Tiger Tim?"
ZOG: Here we are.
The moment of truth,
the white MG is almost go.
I'm nervous. No pressure.
NEIL: Oh! Oh!
ZOG: Everybody go, "Rawr!"
(ENGINE REVVING)
That was more
than five and a half thousand RPM.
Oh, he went too wide there.
That was a weird line,
went out too far.
He should've been this side.
Did you call him "Tiger Tim?"
Is it Tiger...
It's "Tony the Tiger." Silly sod!
I thought you did.
(LAUGHING)
You got his nickname wrong.
It's "Tony the Tiger."
I'll correct it on the next run.
Tony the...
"Tony the Tiger." Rawr!
Rawr! Yeah.
He did all right. He made it.
He hasn't binned it. Yes.
Good thing is,
I haven't brought you here
to see my race car fall apart.
Right, let's welcome him back in.
(APPLAUSE)
Oh, smells a bit clutch-y.
That is a bit of clutch, isn't it?
ANDREW: Yeah.
You been riding the clutch there,
boy?
How was that? Better.
What can you tell us about the car?
ANTHONY: Understeer is unbelievable.
Understeer?
It's very slippy.
I'm not sure if it's the road tyres.
If had proper tyres on it,
she'd be a lot better.
Are you going again then?
I'm going again now.
Oh, no stopping you now, is there.
Rawr! See you later!
Where are you most likely to nearly,
but not quite, crash?
The first hairpin's
probably the worst.
Right. We'll go there.
He's gone from, "Uh! Mr. Nervous"
to "King of the Hill," hasn't he,
in about 30 seconds.
Yeah, it does do that to you.
Remember, it's other people's cars
we wanna repair, not our own.
You bend it, you mend it.
Deal. Now send it.
Oh.
Still works.
(LAUGHING)
ZOG:
I did Richard's driver a disservice
by calling him "Tiger Tim."
It's actually "Tony the Tiger."
And he's in the line again.
And after you say, "Tony the Tiger",
I am obliged to go, "Rawr!"
(ALL LAUGHING)
I have to do that.
It's part of my contract.
It's really rather demeaning, but...
Rawr!
Rawr! Brilliant.
He is brilliant, isn't he?
NEIL: Here he comes. Come on
Tony the Tiger! He's wriggling on.
He's having a go.
He's giving it some.
Oh, he's a bit on off the foreleg.
Steady, steady.
Yeah.
He's being very sensible. Oh!
Bless him. Steady, son.
Crackle and bang on the overrun.
And only one brake light working.
ANDREW: Look, he got
round there real sweet.
ALL: Oh!
Don't she look nice going
through the wood there?
NEIL: He's living the dream there.
ANDREW: And he's done it.
He's across the line
without crashing.
I think Anthony's done well.
He's not driven, with a load
of people watching him before.
that in itself is enough of a...
I think it's done
his confidence a world of good.
Really brought him out of his shell.
That's good.
We can put him back in it next week.
Quite easily.
I was proud of him
the way he chucked the car,
he got the lines right
and I'm so proud.
I'm just really happy for him.
I'm really happy for him
cos he deserves to do it.
So, what have we learned?
Do that, do that.
I've learnt I like hill climbing.
ANDREW: Do you like it? Yeah!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Feeling the pressure. The shakes.
So? I noticed one thing.
Going up to the left-hand hairpin,
the second one,
there was a loud bang
on the driver's side.
You're worried about down here?
Can you turn the wheel?
I'll jump under the front.
What could that be?
ANTHONY: I wonder if I bottomed out?
ANDREW: Give it a bit of a rock.
NEIL: I think it might be
the rack end. Yeah.
It sounds there.
We changed the angle.
NEIL:
Because we lowered the suspension,
that end of the arm
has gone like that.
So, the next purchase
will be steering rack, a gear box.
And a differential.
Yeah, and...
What did she sound like
coming off the line? Lovely.
Yeah. cos it's loud in there.
Only thing she does is,
when you come to the start line, sat
for a bit, takes a bit to build up.
If you think about it, comes into
it's peak rev range about 3,000,
anything below that
she's real lumpy.
So, she's sucking loads of fuel
in not burning it.
So, we could take home, one,
you didn't go, "Ah!" Fall apart...
Yep. ..you stood the pressure.
Two, address the steering
rack issues.
Let's look at tyres
and look at the gearbox.
ANTHONY:
Today's been a very successful day.
I'm well chuffed with that.
Well done all. Thank you.
That was a genuinely a useful day.
It was a shakedown not with the car,
it was a shakedown for Anthony,
he's driven in front of a crowd for
the first time.
we did learn genuine stuff that we've
gotta sort out on the car,
which wouldn't have known
if we hadn't done today,
so that was worthwhile and fun.
So, today, actually has been
one of the scariest days of my life.
But to be honest,
it's been, I'd say,
the best thing I've ever done.
And like, not being funny like,
that experience at Prescott,
I can't thank Richard enough
for giving me that chance
to show that I can do it.
I am absolutely buzzing for this.
So, bring on 2022 Cog Race Team,
I say.
This is really bad.
Bad, bad, bad.
He's definitely got a gun.
NEIL: It looks like a gun.
It is a gun. The winner takes all.
House, grounds... Workshop.
Wait a minute!
This is high end,
you don't get much better than this.
Sky's the limit, isn't it?
RICHARD: This time...
Blimey, this could be serious.
..my team hit the track.
Try not to kill each other. Oh-hoo!
Massive slide.
You have no idea
what's happening down there.
Kamla makes me brush up
on my management skills...
"Starting a business."
(SIGHS)
..and there are tense times...
Have I got time for a nervous poo?
(HORN HONKS)
..as Anthony debuts our race car.
Oh!
Did you call him "Tiger Tim?"
Is it Tiger...?
It's "Tony the Tiger." Tony.
Oh, silly sod!
(LAUGHING)
You got his nickname wrong.
Fire them up, let's go!
I've fulfilled a lifelong dream.
This all yours? It's all ours.
I've set up
a classic car restoration business
with automotive wonder family, Neil,
Anthony, and Andrew Greenhouse...
ANTHONY: Dad!
..but it's become a money pit.
Bad, bad, bad.
And if we don't break even soon...
Ten. But the budget's ten.
..there's a chance we may go bust.
Not going well at all to be fair.
So, I've come up
with ambitious new plans.
Welcome to your club.
Gotta push forward
into the big league.
(HORN HONKS)
We're even going racing to find cars
that need our help.
Now wouldn't be the time
to give him a business card.
I'm determined to turn
my lifelong obsession...
Come on, little car.
..into a thriving business.
Will it turn over? No.
(LAUGHING)
Isn't this a good idea?
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
Ah!
Binoculars.
Oh, I'm using these today
professionally in my capacity
as team boss
of The Smallest Cog race team,
because, well, we've now had
our first experience
of classic car racing
at Goodwood last week
and learnt a lot.
From the number of
just crashes, scrapes, little dings,
we could have fixed them all.
And once the people there know
and trust us,
they can use us to fix them.
It will drum up business
and to make that happen,
we need to work well as a team.
We need a good car
with a good engine.
But we also need a good driver.
That's where these'll come in.
Thing is, race drivers cost money
which we don't have,
and I'm not gonna do it because
I really wanna try being a Team Boss.
I wanna find out
if there's anyone else in our midst
who might be a bit handy
behind the wheel.
And that's why I've organised
a Cog day out,
but it's a day out with a purpose.
This is grassroots racing.
This is where the great star,
Lewis Hamilton began in one of these.
So, this will give us an opportunity
to see what we've got.
Is there a star racer amongst us?
NEIL: Fat and Furious have arrived.
ANTHONY: This is gonna be awesome.
NEIL: Ready for this?
ANDREW: Not really.
It'll be like mowing the grass,
won't it, but not quite.
ANDREW: I'm buzzing for a go.
You'll notice there's four karts
because the fourth contender,
my eldest daughter, Izzy,
she's quite a neat driver
and has expressed an interest.
So, she's agreed to come along
and give it a shot.
Never raced before at all.
Also, I shall be joined
by my old mate, Zog as my director,
PR global,
somewhat self-appointed
to that higher level.
Between us, if there's talent out
there, we will see.
ZOG: Two engines.
Blimey, this could be serious.
That is what we've got to work with.
ZOG: Oh, my word!
What a heroic bunch
of throttle jockeys...
(BOTH LAUGHING)
..we've got ourselves here.
Right. I need to explain to you
the shape of today
and how it's gonna work.
At stake, obviously,
is the potential for a seat in our
race car. This is important.
You're gonna have five practice laps
all on the track at the same time,
and your fastest lap
counts as your qualifying lap
that will establish
your grid position
for the actual race.
Got it? Got it.
Try not to kill each other.
That's quite important.
Can't promise, but, yeah.
Gentlemen, ladies, it's almost time
to start your engines.
Oh-ho-ho-ho! Yeah, you said it.
(ALL LAUGHING)
ANTHONY: Haven't done this
since me last bank robbery.
The chaps from the Smallest Cog,
I mean, they're talented lads
and they're fine chaps indeed,
but they're not
exactly lightweights.
And we've also, of course,
got Richard's daughter, Izzy.
So, it'd be very, very interesting
to see whether little Izzy can beat
the horny handed
sons of the hammer and spanner.
First one's out on track.
ZOG: This is gonna make me dizzy.
Yeah, it will do that.
Izzy's holding up the pack somewhat.
ZOG: Good girl.
IZZY: Oh!
I heard her shout then.
I think Andrew is trying to get past
Neil and yeah, he's just rammed him.
They are racing already.
I think we need to give Izzy
some advice.
Oh!
That was a hell of an overtake then.
ZOG:
Izzy's going, giving it a bit more.
Oh, the barrier. Oh, she spun.
Woo-hoo! It does require some
commitment there, doesn't it?
ZOG: Yeah.
Anthony's quick.
ANDREW:
There's gotta be points for style.
NEIL: I only had one engine running!
Any feedback from anybody?
Could do with a few more horsepower.
That's all you're getting.
Or you could go to the gym.
Don't wanna do that.
(LAUGHING)
OK.
Neil, your fastest lap was 36.9.
Andrew, your fastest was 36.3.
Anthony, 34.8. Perfect.
The biggest improvement
was actually Izzy,
who we should stress
has never been on a racetrack before.
You did a not entirely brisk 49.
That's under a minute.
I'm taking that. But you took that
down to 43. That's a huge difference.
So, you knocked off
a full six seconds.
ANTHONY: Well done!
If you improved by that much again...
Yeah ..you'd be in with these.
OK. I feel like
I'm driving a lawn mower.
First time you've ever been
on the track.
Yeah, it's quite difficult. Yeah.
The whole left/right braking thing
is very strange.
That takes some getting used to
because you're balancing
throttle and brake.
Also, my mascara's running
and that's...
(LAUGHING)
..distracting me. Right.
Yeah, that's not helping
the cause of women in racing.
No. Sorry. OK.
Forget that. Forget that.
That concludes practice.
I think you can have a break.
Stretch your legs.
Focus your mind.
Hydrate.
Have a pee.
Have a number two
and you might go even quicker.
(LAUGHING)
I think Anthony is turning out
to be pretty good at this
and chatting to the guys
at the track, respectable times.
He's good at this.
Could be a secret weapon.
So, now we will have an actual race.
It'll be ten laps.
Anthony you start up front,
then Andrew, then Neil, then Izzy.
Have fun. Enjoy it. For God's sake,
nobody injure themselves
because you won't get
any paid time off work.
I'm just saying cos we need stuff
doing. Good luck.
(ENGINES REVVING)
ZOG: Oh!
It's not a contact sport, lads!
Anthony has past Izzy.
This is where she can learn.
Yeah. If she follows his lines,
even only briefly, she'll improve.
ZOG: Ah, that's it.
So, that's a finish for Anthony.
Well, we have found a star.
I'm really impressed.
We have obviously,
a clear winner of the race.
Well done, that was really
well deserved. Good job.
I think what that does mean is,
Anthony, you should have
some testing in the car
that's the next thing
to have a go at.
Let's get your backside in the MGB,
see what you can do.
ANTHONY: To a gym.
Yeah, I wasn't going
to say anything, but-
He won't need a gym after
driving the MGB. Maybe.
But there's something
to go for there.
Get you in the big car
and give it a shot. Let's do it.
I'm so glad nobody's hurt!
I have a feeling my relief
might be short-lived.
This afternoon accountant,
Kamla's coming in
and she's going to be on my case
about the Alvis,
a rare British classic belonging
to one of Neil's oldest customers,
I'd originally hoped
it would be done in six weeks...
Look at the (INDISTINCT) on it.
..but it's now been three months.
ANDREW: Oh, I can see
what the problem is now.
This bit of metal here,
it's a bit too curved,
I need to just flatten it out a bit.
Chaps.
Hello. Alvis is still
very much in the building.
He's in the building all right.
We've managed to get
our A-post done.
We're disassembling this door,
try and get this door to fit
back in the hole cos it doesn't fit.
Problem is, if it was a normal
everyday car that was steel,
you could jack it, move it back.
But it's wood.
So, realistically, how long
before Alvis leaves the building?
If we don't get any more delays
or hold ups
and we could get on with it,
I would say four to six weeks.
Oh, God!
I think it could be eight weeks.
Yeah. It's a lotta work mind.
Yeah, hello, Kamla.
Hi, Richard. Hi, how are you?
Hello. Are you OK? Very well indeed.
Jolly good. Have a seat.
Thank you, sir.
Now we can catch up. Oh!
Liking your sign. Yeah, I know.
Is it new?
It's pretty grown up, isn't it?
I know what it says.
But is that to remind you
you're at Hammond HQ?
Give it here.
That's my important thing.
It's very nice. So, yes, yeah.
Right. OK. Would you mind give me
an update on the Alvis?
Where are we now?
Are we a point where
we can start invoicing for that?
Is that ready to collected?
Can I invoice?
Neil reckons six,
and Andrew reckons eight weeks.
In reality, we're talking,
it's another two months
before you're planning on invoicing,
and maybe another two weeks
before it's paid.
Are we in a position
we can invoice to date,
hours and materials to date?
Not at the moment.
But why is that then?
Cos I told him
he could pay at the end.
Pardon? I told him he could pay
at the end.
But Richard, no, we can't,
these are all long-term jobs.
So, how many months
have we had the Alvis?
Many.
We can't bill at the end. No.
Which actually brings me
on to logging the hours.
How are we logging the hours,
the lads are working on the vehicles
to ensure that we're invoicing
for everything.
You don't know? You have no idea.
You have no idea
what's happening down there.
So, how can you run
a business like this?
I need to take control
of certainly that issue more.
You do. You need to rein it all in
and have some ground rules.
I need to just...
..be a boss.
Without fail,
one thing that needs to happen,
invoicing on a monthly basis.
But to do that,
we need the lads to log their hours.
So, invoice monthly...
Get the hours logged,
get to break-even.
Yeah. Plan.
I have to learn how to be a boss.
Never really been a boss.
I hate desks,
I hate offices, I hate files.
I'm going to go home this evening
and I'm going to a big think.
(SIGHS)
Right.
What I am is off to the workshop.
You know,
how you tend to ask me about...
"How's it going?
How are you making it work?"
Right.
Truth is, it's not working.
So, hang on.
So, how far is work booked in?
Literally, it's one job at a time.
There's not a booking system?
Not really.
In fact not.
No. I've got a solution to this.
I'm gonna do it. Yeah,
but with the best will in the world,
but you're not able to keep on top.
I'm going to have to. But, you won't.
You have absolutely no faith
in my ability to do that.
None. I mean not even...
How many times has your post gone
for weeks of driving experiences
in your cars
before it's got into a post box?
And that stuff that you
actually have done something with
ready to put in the post box.
I'm more of a doer than a filer.
You're not a doer or a filer
when it comes to paperwork.
I turned over a new leaf with this?
What if?
What if doing this...
No, bear with me.
What if doing this meant that,
I became an ordered, organised,
methodical-
How old are you now, Richard?
52.
Time to change.
Right. OK. I'm gonna go
and do all of that.
OK. All right. Thank you.
Bye! Bye!
(DOOR CLOSES)
What I hold in my hands is
a brand new, organised, sleek,
streamlined future.
This is a day
I never saw coming in my life...
..books on business,
"Bluffers Guide to Management,
Starting a Business,
Starting a Successful Business."
I'd rather start a successful one.
So, let's have a look.
Oh, God!
Right.
"People use the words,
"First mover advantage"
like a mantra to justify a headlong
rush into starting a business
without doing enough basic research."
I have never
and shall never use the words,
"First mover advantage."
If I do...
please, with my blessing,
stab me in the throat with a spoon.
Oh!
No disrespect to the business tomes
I've been reading,
but I don't think I'm gonna find
the answer to my problems
there in those books.
I need to talk to somebody who works
in something like a similar business
who's got real hands on, basically,
I'm talking about Hadrian,
so I'm going to his place.
Right, where is he?
Hello? HADRIAN: Ha, ha!
All right, mate? Yeah, not bad.
Do you feel cooler in here?
Yes. Yeah, I've had AC put in.
Is that where my rent money goes?
That was last month's.
(LAUGHS)
HADRIAN: What's up?
The problem I've got, I'd like
to know how you resolve this.
Cos you've got how many
people working here?
There's 11 over here. Right.
And their hours have
to be charged for.
Yeah.
How the hell do you keep track
of the hours?
With this.
Every day, every person
has to fill in a job sheet.
Do they do it? Yeah.
Mate, how do you make them do it?
How? I install fear.
Those guys are my mates. I mean,
I knew them before the business.
You'll have heard it before.
There's no friends in business.
How do I say to Neil, who I respect,
"Neil, fill in these timesheets
or something bad is gonna happen?"
Well, sow the seed
that he comes up with it.
Pull him into the office and see
if he comes up with the idea.
OK.
You sound better
than one of those business books.
Cogs assemble!
ANTHONY: I hate it when he does that.
I think they hate it when I do that.
Chaps would you mind coming up
and we can have a bit of a convo?
Bring your dog.
ANDREW: Stairs could do
with an hoover, couldn't they?
ANDREW:
It's like being back at school.
Oh, come on. ANDREW: Headmaster's
office and all that.
No, it's not that.
we need to have a convo.
So...
Jobs seem to fall
into two categories.
As you all know, we've got
the longer term restoration jobs,
Alvis,
and the shorter turnaround jobs
that come in and go out.
So, let's take them one by one.
In terms of the Alvis,
where are we with hours in it so far?
I don't know, I would say
we're probably into it,
me and you, we're into it
for at least 100 hours I would say.
But have we got those noted?
Have you got it noted in that book?
Have I got it noted in that book?
It's going to be a no, isn't it?
So, truth of the matter is,
on the Alvis,
we really don't know how many hours
have been spent on it so far.
We're a bit in the dark.
ANDREW: We used to do
daily worksheets, so...
You all have a daily worksheet,
put your hours in
that you do on that day,
a rough thing, you've done.
So, on a daily worksheet,
it's literally, name, job, hours
and tasks and we don't do that,
so, let's do it. OK.
I'll print up some of those
new job sheets that are for you
if you're all happy with it
and there's going to be no moaning.
How's Ellie gonna fill hers in?
Take your dog and off, yes.
Right.
Next on the management agenda
is to get us some more work
and I've had a call
about a possible job.
I've gotta go and do these trips
because I've been an hour driving
here,
maybe an hour, it'll be three hours,
it's half a day.
I can't send the guys out to do this.
That's half a day
they could be working on a car
that we can charge for.
The fact I'm gonna be looking
at a Porsche 911
which happens to be
one of my favourite cars,
well, that's just a welcome bonus.
ANDREW: Hello. Hello.Richard.
Nice to see you, how are you?
All right.
Very well. Can I come in? Oh!
Please. There it is.
That clearly is it. Be kind.
It's in bits, mate.
Quick polish, be all right.
How did you come to have it? eBay.
Say no more. Yeah.
I thought, "Yeah, you know,
interior looks a bit shabby,
tears on the seats and, yeah,
I'll get my spanner out and..."
Right. You did this. Yes.
Right. So, what do you want doing?
Complete bare metal
as how you would prep the exterior.
That's how I'd expect
the interior to be.
So, every little nook
and cranny filled, body filled,
sprayed, smoothed,
making it look like,
sort of like a retro Le Mans
sort of race car-inspired.
So, a bit like a race car
for the road. Exactly.
I love it. And I couldn't agree more
if it were mine,
that's what I'd do with this car.
I need to take some photographs
of this to take back to the chaps.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
That would be a cracking job, don't
know how the lads are gonna feel
cos they're not
the easiest cars to work on.
I like Andrew's vision for it.
I totally share it.
The stripped out interior. I get it.
I hope he realises that,
that's gonna cost.
If you're gonna see
all that interior metal,
you've gotta finish it
as well as the exterior
you've doubled the cost.
As far as he wants to get
it without the engine done,
15 to 20, I think
is what I would expect it to cost.
(HORN HONKS)
I've got the Porsche in.
I've quoted him 20.
He knows it could rise
a little over that
and I have decided
we're gonna use it as a benchmark.
Let's log the hours properly,
add them up and make sure
we make a profit on the job.
Do some managerial mathematics.
Now, I've said about 20 grand...
..three and a half grand
of which could be stripping the paint
off at the paint strippers,
having it dipped. Let's allow
five grand in parts and stuff.
So, that gives me 15,000
divided by £65 an hour equals,
they've got a maximum of 230 hours.
Beyond that, it starts costing us
money or the quote goes up.
Do I write 230 down?
I think I should be honest with them.
So, I'm gonna lie and say 210.
Right.
(CELLPHONE RINGS)
Oh, God, Ziegler!
(SIGHS)
Hello, Richard. Hello.
What can I do for you?
Well, sorry to be a nuisance
and not making an appointment
before I ring you.
(LAUGHS)
These dear old chaps have asked me
to host a classic car event
for Prescott.
I suggested, without consulting you,
I said possibly we could get,
you know,
the Smallest Cog guys along,
including Richard Hammond,
to show off their new race car.
I thought it would be a good place
for you to be seen.
It's quite smart actually.
they get to see the car in action,
have a look at the car
and we get to hand some business
cards out. I like it. When is it?
A bit of short notice, I'm afraid.
This weekend.
(STUTTERS)
Yes. Listen,
you like living
on a giant razor blade
using your balls as brakes.
(LAUGHING)
Right. Thank you.
That's a good opportunity.
That's great.
Oh, God!
What that is, is not long enough.
Oh!
The troops must know.
Right.
It's a brilliant idea.
They're gonna love it.
They're gonna be all... Oh!
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
Bugger.
Oh!
Right.
Cogs assemble!
ANDREW: Oh. Two things.
Look, it's our illustrious leader.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Two things.
One...
I've got something,
need to talk to you about.
Can we do it up here?
We're getting the sack.
No. You've ironed your shirt.
No. Can we talk about it up here?
Because, I'll be honest,
the handle's come off my door,
I can't get out. Hooray!
(LAUGHING)
You're all really funny,
but I can't get out.
Is that anger that done that?
No! That's rather undermined
my gravitas and dignity
at an important moment.
Oh, bloody hell.
Come on. There you go, son.
I didn't do it. It happened.
It wasn't something I did, came off.
Have a seat. Thank you.
Some of those hours
we've been talking about.
No. You can't log this one.
Right, you know Zog. Yeah.
He has rather smartly got us
an opportunity
to run our car up the hill
at Prescott Hill Climb. Oh.
It's a sort of display event.
There'll be lots of classic cars
there, a good one to be at.
Good one to launch the race car at.
That's what he's told me.
He does the commentary.
Does he? Yeah.
He's the man for that job, isn't he?
That is a launch,
it gets the car seen. Good idea.
And what if you were to drive it
as a first experience
in front of a load of people?
There'll be a crowd there...
I would love the opportunity.
An advert. By the time they do that
the weather should be quite
warm, be mid-summer.
It's an interesting point, timing
I think you can probably see
where this is going.
Yeah, I'm a bit scared. Yeah.
What have you promised this time,
Rich?
It's on Sunday. It's Thursday now.
The car's racing on the Sunday?
Not racing. Driving up the hill
in a spirited fashion.
Like a demonstration.
That's exactly what it is,
it's a demonstration run.
(LAUGHING)
Right. OK, team.
That's good isn't it? It's a plan.
All right. Lunchtime now.
Whoa, wait a minute. See ya, Rich.
Don't close the door.
There is one other minor obstacle
standing between us and Prescott.
I haven't got the engine.
The engine is off
at Ric Woods being rebuilt.
So, I'm gonna call Ric
just to find out...
..well, I don't know,
probably to make him quite cross.
RIC: Hello?
Ric. It's Richard Hammond.
Richard, how are you?
Mate, well, I don't know
where to start on this conversation.
What's happened is, oh, God.
My oldest friend, a guy called
Zog Ziegler, a motoring journalist
of some repute has taken it
upon himself to confirm for us a slot
to drive up the hill at Prescott.
But it hasn't got an engine
on account of you've got it.
RIC: Yes.
Where are we with it?
Let's talk about that first.
The engine's sort of
coming together now.
The head's coming together,
all the bits are coming in.
We can get it back to you,
but your lads have got a tall order
getting in and running
in that short timeframe.
You're just lining yourself up
for a load of hassle.
But, you know. I'm up for it.
You're a stalwart hero.
You're welcome. Thank you, mate.
Talk to you in a bit.
All right? Cheers, mate. Bye.
Thing is, until the engine's back,
there's only so much the lads can do.
ANTHONY:
The biggest factor in this is time
and we're running
out of time massively.
Why is it always,
like the last minute?
and this morning we have a delivery.
Hello. Hello.
You have our engine?
I have an engine.
There is the engine.
Shiny.
Oh, I can't wait.
I'm well excited for this.
It's like Christmas isn't it,
and I get to use it.
So, plan now.
Simply whip it around there.
Lower it down there
and zip it back in.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ooh! Like that?
ANDREW:
Have you got all your fingers still?
I dare not count!
You survived, didn't you?
Shut up!
A reminder to all,
we have a day before this goes
up the hill on a demonstration run
in front of eager spectators.
Million people. Not a million,
but it will feel like it.
(HAMMERING)
I've seen more use of a lump hammer
than I've seen in an F1 garage.
Pass me that screwdriver there.
If you're gonna stick it in my neck.
No. He wouldn't use a stumpy one.
(CHUCKLES)
A bit worrying if it was a race day,
had to do a quick engine change.
A quick engine change?
Are we having a spare engine?
All right, we clear?
Clear.
Obviously then, what we're hoping
is this engine does work,
cos this hasn't been a cheap
exercise thus far.
No.
No, this is a significant moment.
This is our biggest ever piece
of advertising if it works.
(ENGINE STARTING)
It lives!
Lumpy idle.
That's the first evidence
that this car has been changed
from a pottering about car.
This is now more single-minded.
It doesn't wanna sit at idle.
It's not happy. She wants to go.
She looks the business,
sounds the business.
ANTHONY: It's an animal.
Oh, it does sound angry.
Oh-ho!
Yeah, it's a beast.
That's exactly
what you want it to sound like.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's genius. Well done.
You've gotta be a bit proud.
It sounds nice, sounds lovely.
I mean, now we've built a race car.
Yeah.
Prescott, here we come.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
It's race day.
This is exciting.
They're driving here in the truck
with the car, which is finished.
Everything's great
apart from one detail.
I've lost the keys to the van.
Oh, God!
Right. I came home.
I was carrying all my stuff.
Willow was there.
I said, "Hi!
Oh, it's still quite a nice evening."
(BOTTLES CLINKING)
There are some beer bottles there,
that is part,
I suspect of the problem.
I'm gonna have to go and search...
I was wearing shorts. Yes. Shorts.
They're in the house.
Ah!
Oh!
I put my other jeans in the wash.
I didn't wash them, I...
Oh!
Scratched a little bit
of dignity back.
ZOG: Hello. Good morning, everybody.
Welcome to the Emerald Hill.
I'm Zog Ziegler.
I have been doing the commentary
for this event for a few years now
and today's going
to be slightly different
because my little friend,
Richard Hammond is coming up shortly
with his new racing car, an MG.
I just thought,
what an idea it would be
if we could get Richard up here
to introduce his new racing car?
It'll be the car's debut.
It's really rather exciting.
Probably a bit of the commentary
that I will enjoy doing,
especially,
if he makes a Horlicks of it.
(ENGINE REVVING)
ANDREW: Don't she look grand?
There's my mum and dad. Hello.
Did you drive it down?
I drove it down here,
but I'm not driving.
No, yeah.
Is this this first time
you've seen the car? It is.
It is. It looks brilliant.
I've got a race team.
You know, what it reminds me of?
The very first car you had.
Shortly before I crashed it.
That's right. Yeah, exactly.
ANTHONY: Oh, here's the man. ALL: Ah!
ZOG: Ah! There he is.
Hello. We're here. With car. I know.
Meet, "Tony the Tiger."
NEIL: "Big Tony."
He races under the name,
"Tony the Tiger."
"Tony the Tiger." Rawr!
You have to do that
after you've said it.
Oh. "Tony the Tiger." Rawr! Yeah.
Have you ever driven this hill?
No, sir.
Are you nervous? Slightly.
This is not against the clock.
If it was,
everyone would have to wear a helmet
and we'd need extra marshals,
extra ambulances and all that.
Why did you look at me
when you say ambulances?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Well, cos every time I see
an ambulance, I think of you.
Right. Let's do this!
All right. Tiger.
Zog! Rawr!
(LAUGHING)
Keep the car the right way up here.
That's good. Don't clip this stuff.
You look at all the marks
on the Armco,
you'll see where not to go.
ANTHONY: I'm not gonna lie.
This is starting to feel real.
Look at the skid marks.
Going straight on there, look.
Yeah. Somebody got that wrong.
So, somebody's gone too quick...
and gone straight
into the gravel trap.
ANTHONY: To be honest,
it's a build-up.
I've been busy thinking about
the car,
But now, I stood here
on the tarmac of Prescott...
You'll be coming here again
only in the car.
Yeah, next time I come up here
will be in the MG.
Hey, look, it's not timed.
Don't bin it.
But don't make us look wet either.
They wanna see the car,
but they wanna see it looking heroic.
Yep. Enjoy yourself.
Feeling good?
I'm rather scared right now.
I'm not gonna lie.
Do it for the Cog.
Have I got time for a nervous poo?
There's a portaloo over there.
Oh, I wish I'd seen that before.
Come on, Anthony. Go steady boy.
He's nervous.
NEIL: Anthony used to go karting
a couple of times when he was a kid
It was a big special treat,
but he couldn't afford to do it.
When he did go,
he was really good at driving
and he never had
the opportunity to go any further.
But now, hopefully, he's got
an opportunity to shine a bit.
I'm really happy for him.
Right decision to let him go,
show what he can do.
Oh, there he is,
look, look at his little face.
NEIL: Come on! Bless him!
ANDREW: Ah! Oh, they got the lights.
ZOG: And the Cog. This is the debut
of The Smallest Cog's racing car.
I can hear Zog going on.
ZOG: Tiger Tim at the wheel,
Anthony Greenhouse.
I think he just called him,
"Tiger Tim."
"Tiger Tim?"
ZOG: Here we are.
The moment of truth,
the white MG is almost go.
I'm nervous. No pressure.
NEIL: Oh! Oh!
ZOG: Everybody go, "Rawr!"
(ENGINE REVVING)
That was more
than five and a half thousand RPM.
Oh, he went too wide there.
That was a weird line,
went out too far.
He should've been this side.
Did you call him "Tiger Tim?"
Is it Tiger...
It's "Tony the Tiger." Silly sod!
I thought you did.
(LAUGHING)
You got his nickname wrong.
It's "Tony the Tiger."
I'll correct it on the next run.
Tony the...
"Tony the Tiger." Rawr!
Rawr! Yeah.
He did all right. He made it.
He hasn't binned it. Yes.
Good thing is,
I haven't brought you here
to see my race car fall apart.
Right, let's welcome him back in.
(APPLAUSE)
Oh, smells a bit clutch-y.
That is a bit of clutch, isn't it?
ANDREW: Yeah.
You been riding the clutch there,
boy?
How was that? Better.
What can you tell us about the car?
ANTHONY: Understeer is unbelievable.
Understeer?
It's very slippy.
I'm not sure if it's the road tyres.
If had proper tyres on it,
she'd be a lot better.
Are you going again then?
I'm going again now.
Oh, no stopping you now, is there.
Rawr! See you later!
Where are you most likely to nearly,
but not quite, crash?
The first hairpin's
probably the worst.
Right. We'll go there.
He's gone from, "Uh! Mr. Nervous"
to "King of the Hill," hasn't he,
in about 30 seconds.
Yeah, it does do that to you.
Remember, it's other people's cars
we wanna repair, not our own.
You bend it, you mend it.
Deal. Now send it.
Oh.
Still works.
(LAUGHING)
ZOG:
I did Richard's driver a disservice
by calling him "Tiger Tim."
It's actually "Tony the Tiger."
And he's in the line again.
And after you say, "Tony the Tiger",
I am obliged to go, "Rawr!"
(ALL LAUGHING)
I have to do that.
It's part of my contract.
It's really rather demeaning, but...
Rawr!
Rawr! Brilliant.
He is brilliant, isn't he?
NEIL: Here he comes. Come on
Tony the Tiger! He's wriggling on.
He's having a go.
He's giving it some.
Oh, he's a bit on off the foreleg.
Steady, steady.
Yeah.
He's being very sensible. Oh!
Bless him. Steady, son.
Crackle and bang on the overrun.
And only one brake light working.
ANDREW: Look, he got
round there real sweet.
ALL: Oh!
Don't she look nice going
through the wood there?
NEIL: He's living the dream there.
ANDREW: And he's done it.
He's across the line
without crashing.
I think Anthony's done well.
He's not driven, with a load
of people watching him before.
that in itself is enough of a...
I think it's done
his confidence a world of good.
Really brought him out of his shell.
That's good.
We can put him back in it next week.
Quite easily.
I was proud of him
the way he chucked the car,
he got the lines right
and I'm so proud.
I'm just really happy for him.
I'm really happy for him
cos he deserves to do it.
So, what have we learned?
Do that, do that.
I've learnt I like hill climbing.
ANDREW: Do you like it? Yeah!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Feeling the pressure. The shakes.
So? I noticed one thing.
Going up to the left-hand hairpin,
the second one,
there was a loud bang
on the driver's side.
You're worried about down here?
Can you turn the wheel?
I'll jump under the front.
What could that be?
ANTHONY: I wonder if I bottomed out?
ANDREW: Give it a bit of a rock.
NEIL: I think it might be
the rack end. Yeah.
It sounds there.
We changed the angle.
NEIL:
Because we lowered the suspension,
that end of the arm
has gone like that.
So, the next purchase
will be steering rack, a gear box.
And a differential.
Yeah, and...
What did she sound like
coming off the line? Lovely.
Yeah. cos it's loud in there.
Only thing she does is,
when you come to the start line, sat
for a bit, takes a bit to build up.
If you think about it, comes into
it's peak rev range about 3,000,
anything below that
she's real lumpy.
So, she's sucking loads of fuel
in not burning it.
So, we could take home, one,
you didn't go, "Ah!" Fall apart...
Yep. ..you stood the pressure.
Two, address the steering
rack issues.
Let's look at tyres
and look at the gearbox.
ANTHONY:
Today's been a very successful day.
I'm well chuffed with that.
Well done all. Thank you.
That was a genuinely a useful day.
It was a shakedown not with the car,
it was a shakedown for Anthony,
he's driven in front of a crowd for
the first time.
we did learn genuine stuff that we've
gotta sort out on the car,
which wouldn't have known
if we hadn't done today,
so that was worthwhile and fun.
So, today, actually has been
one of the scariest days of my life.
But to be honest,
it's been, I'd say,
the best thing I've ever done.
And like, not being funny like,
that experience at Prescott,
I can't thank Richard enough
for giving me that chance
to show that I can do it.
I am absolutely buzzing for this.
So, bring on 2022 Cog Race Team,
I say.
This is really bad.
Bad, bad, bad.
He's definitely got a gun.
NEIL: It looks like a gun.
It is a gun. The winner takes all.
House, grounds... Workshop.
Wait a minute!
This is high end,
you don't get much better than this.
Sky's the limit, isn't it?