Rhoda (1974–1978): Season 1, Episode 5 - The Lady in Red - full transcript
Because she refused a job, Rhoda has been cut off from unemployment insurance. Her jobless state and not having that safety net makes Rhoda depressed, but she doesn't want to show that depression especially to Martin as she doesn't want to feel like a little girl dependent upon her father. However, among the stacks of rejection letters, Rhoda receives a surprising acceptance letter. Against Rhoda's wishes, Brenda sent Rhoda's comic manuscript about life as an overweight person to a publisher, who wants to speak to Rhoda about it. Louise Shattner, the firm's representative, tells Rhoda that despite loving the manuscript, she can't publish it, but she is thinking about hiring Rhoda for a job at the firm. Rhoda's meeting with Louise coincides with Louise finding out that her star author has just passed away. So that they can talk about the job, Rhoda accompanies Louise to the funeral, which directly and indirectly affects whether Rhoda gets or doesn't get the job.
- MY NAME
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT
RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER
LIKING THAT LIKED ME
BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS
ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF
THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO
THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY
FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- RELAX,
DEAR, WAITING IN LINE
FOR UNEMPLOYMENT ISN'T BAD IF
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT ATTITUDE.
I LOOK AT IT AS AN
OPPORTUNITY TO HOOK A RUG.
- YEAH. WELL,
YOU KNOW, EVERY WEEK
WHEN I GET ON THAT LINE, I KIND
OF FEEL GUILTY, LIKE I'M
ASKING FOR A HANDOUT.
BY THE TIME I REACH THE FRONT
OF THE LINE I'M READY TO ASK
FOR A RAISE.
LISTEN, I'VE BEEN NOT
WORKING FOR 17 WEEKS,
HOW ABOUT A RAISE?
- CARD, PLEASE.
UH-OH.
- EXCUSE ME?
- I SAID, UH-OH.
- THAT'S WHAT I
THOUGHT YOU SAID.
- IS SOMETHING WRONG?
- SHE LOOKED AT MY CARD
AND SAID, "UH-OH."
- UH-OH.
- YOU'LL HAVE TO COME
WITH ME TO SEE MR. GRAHAM.
- MR. GRAHAM, WHAT'S HE LIKE?
- I ONCE SAW HIM SUCKING
A LEMON FOR LUNCH.
- MR. GRAHAM, YOU WANNA SEE ME?
- NO,
I HAVE TO SEE YOU.
ACCORDING TO OUR INFORMATION,
- THE MANAGER OF THE AUTO
PARTS STORE GRABBED ME
IN THE WINDOW.
- REALLY?
- REALLY!
AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,
I'LL SHOW YOU THE GREASE
STAINS ON THE
BACK OF MY DRESS.
- I WISH I COULD FIND YOU
A JOB IN A SAFE NEIGHBORHOOD
WHERE EVERYBODY
HAS CLEAN HANDS.
I WISH I COULD FIND YOU A
JOB WHERE YOU COULD COME HOME
A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU WERE
WHEN YOU LEFT IN THE MORNING.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
I CAN,
HOWEVER, CUT OFF YOUR CASH.
- YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT!
- I JUST DID.
BUT, PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO CHECK
THE BULLETIN BOARDS
ON YOUR WAY OUT.
- I CHECKED YOUR
BULLETIN BOARDS.
I'M NOT A KEY PUNCH OPERATOR,
NOR AM I A COCKTAIL WAITRESS.
AND THOSE EXECUTIVE TRAINEE
JOBS--THEY'RE FOR LOSERS.
- MISS MORGENSTERN,
9 YEARS AGO I WAS
AN EXECUTIVE TRAINEE.
AND TODAY I HAVE MY OWN DESK.
- CONGRATULATIONS.
I HOPE IN ANOTHER 9 YEARS
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN WALLS.
OHH.
HELLO, BRENDA,
HOW'S IT GOING?
- FINE.
WHY ARE YOU GOING
TO BED SO EARLY?
ARE YOU ALONE?
- YEAH, SURE.
YOU SILLY THING.
I'M JUST A LITTLE
TIRED, YOU KNOW.
I HAD ONE HECTIC DAY.
- OH. HOW WAS THE LINE
IN UNEMPLOYMENT?
- OH, THEY DON'T HAVE
LINES ANYMORE.
THEY PUT IN
A WHOLE NEW SYSTEM.
YEAH.
THEY THROW COINS OFF THE
ROOF AND WE DIVE FOR THEM.
LISTEN, I LEFT SOME STUFF
IN THE REFRIGERATOR FOR YOU.
- OH!
- YEAH.
- THERE'S JUST A BUCKET
OF BONES HERE.
- OH,
YEAH, I'M SORRY.
I GUESS I STARTED NIBBLING AND
THEN JUST GOT CARRIED AWAY.
YEAH. YOU KNOW.
- WHAT'S WRONG, RHODA?
- YOU'RE NUTS.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG.
NOTHING.
- YOU'RE SMILING TOO MUCH.
I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT MUCH SMILE
SINCE RALPH EDWARDS HAD
BERT PARKS ON
"THIS IS YOUR LIFE."
- AND I'M NOT UPSET.
- IF YOU'RE NOT UPSET,
HOW COME YOU'RE GOING TO BED
AT 5:30 IN THE AFTERNOON?
- I'M NOT WORKING,
I JUST GOT
MY UNEMPLOYMENT CUT OFF,
AND JOE IS OUT OF TOWN.
WHAT ELSE I GOTTA DO?
- WHY,
YOU CAN START THINKING
POSITIVELY, AND YOU CAN
START LOOKING FOR A JOB.
RIGHT NOW.
- BRENDA, THE ONLY JOB I COULD
GET DRESSED LIKE THIS I DON'T
THINK I WANT...YET.
ANYWAY, I WENT
THROUGH THE WANT ADS.
I SENT IN A RESUME TO EVERY
SINGLE JOB THAT LOOKED LIKE
IT MIGHT HAVE DISPLAY WINDOWS.
- WHERE ARE THOSE RESUMES?
- THERE. ON THE COFFEE TABLE.
WHY?
- WELL,
MAYBE I CAN TAKE ONE OF THEM
TO THE PERSONNEL
MANAGER AT THE BANK.
WE HAVE LOTS OF WINDOWS THERE.
- ALL RIGHT, TAKE THEM ALL,
TAKE ANY YOU WANT.
- HEY, WHAT'S THIS?
- OH,
THAT'S A BOOK I WROTE.
ONE YEAR I WASN'T GOING
OUT MUCH, WHICH COULD HAVE
BEEN ANY YEAR.
- "HOW TO EAT ANYTHING YOU
WANT WHENEVER YOU WANT AND GET
VERY, VERY FAT."
THIS SOUNDS FUNNY.
- IT'S DUMB.
BRENDA, BELIEVE ME,
IT'S NOTHING.
- [LAUGHS]
- WHAT PART IS THAT?
- HOW TO SECRETLY EAT
A BOSTON CREAM PIE IN A CLOSET.
- YEAH,
YEAH, THAT'S OK.
- YEAH.
[LAUGHS]
- WHAT PART?
WHAT PART?
- HOW TO ENJOY EXERCISING,
OR EATING WHILE JOGGING.
HEY, RHODA, WHY DON'T YOU
SEND THIS TO A PUBLISHER?
- NO, NO, NO.
- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE THE ONE THING I
DON'T NEED IN MY LIFE RIGHT
NOW IS A PIPE DREAM.
I FINALLY DECIDED IT'S
TOO LATE FOR THOSE.
TOO LATE TO BE
A REGISTERED NURSE.
TOO LATE TO BE SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
- [LAUGHS]
- WHAT PART?
WHAT PART?
- ANYTHING FOR ME?
- NOT UNLESS YOU WANT SOME
OF MY REJECTION LETTERS.
- MORE, HUH?
- YEAH.
- BRENDA, I DON'T MIND BEING
TURNED DOWN BY TIFFANY'S,
BUT TIE CITY?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- WHO'S THAT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- OHH!
- HEY,
IT'S THE DELIVERY BOY HERE.
- HEY,
POP, HOW ARE YOU?
- OH, WHAT A WELCOMING
COMMITTEE.
THAT'S SOME RECEPTION.
- WHAT'S ALL THIS
STUFF YOU GOT HERE?
- OH, THIS?
WELL, WE KNOW THAT RHODA
WAS STILL LOOKING FOR A JOB,
WE WANTED TO CHEER HER UP,
AND YOUR MOTHER HAD A FEW
LEFTOVERS LYING AROUND
THE HOUSE, SO SHE MADE UP
A PACKAGE, AND
SHE SENT ME OVER.
- MM-HMM.
THIS IS A COMPLETE
AND TOTAL CHICKEN.
HOW DOES THIS QUALIFY
AS A LEFTOVER?
- YOUR MOTHER MADE TWO AND THAT
ONE WAS LEFT OVER. LOOK...
SO, RHODA, HOW ARE YOU
DOING WITH THE JOB HUNTING?
- OH,
POP, EVERYTHING IS FINE,
IT REALLY IS.
- AW!
- COULDN'T BE BETTER.
- WONDERFUL, HONEY!
I'M SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT.
- YEAH, YEAH.
- HONEY, LET ME GIVE
YOU SOME MONEY.
COME ON, HUH?
- POP,
I DON'T WANT TO TAKE ANY
MONEY FROM YOU.
- IT'S NOT BECAUSE
YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB.
WE WANT TO GIVE YOU YOUR
BIRTHDAY PRESENT IN ADVANCE.
- OH, GOOD!
CAN I HAVE MINE
IN ADVANCE, TOO?
- YOU DON'T NEED IT,
YOU'RE WORKING.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RHODA!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RHODA!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RHODA!
AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
- THANK YOU.
OH, THANK YOU, POP.
- ♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU ♪
- HONEY, YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE SPENT SO MUCH ON ME.
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE
TO HIDE IT IN THE APARTMENT,
THAT'S ALL.
- POP,
DON'T HIDE IT.
I'M NOT GOING TO LOOK FOR IT.
- OH, SWEETHEART.
- DO YOU HEAR ME?
- IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD.
I'M NOT GONNA SEARCH.
- LOOK, IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL
GOOD KNOWING THAT YOU HAVE IT.
- POP, IT'S REALLY
SWEET, BUT DON'T--
- RHODA,
I HAVE HIDDEN MONEY
FOR YOU BEFORE.
SWEETHEART, IT'S
TIME YOU KNEW.
I WAS THE TOOTH FAIRY.
- AHH! THAT WAS YOU?
[LAUGHS]
- HEY,
RHODA, WHY DON'T YOU OPEN
THE REST OF YOUR MAIL?
- BECAUSE, UH, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE JUST--THEY CAN
WAIT, BRENDA.
- OH,
COME ON, OPEN THEM!
MAYBE THEY'RE NOT
ALL REJECTION LETTERS.
- REJECTION--WILL YOU LET ME
GIVE YOU A COUPLE OF DOLLARS?
REJECTIONS--
- POP,
I TOLD YOU, NO MONEY.
- READ IT, READ IT.
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYBODY IN
HIS RIGHT MIND REJECTING YOU.
JUST READ THEM.
- ALL RIGHT.
BUT THIS ISN'T GONNA
BE EASY FOR YOU, POP.
- RHODA, WILL YOU READ IT?
I'M SURE IT'S
GONNA BE GOOD NEWS.
- POP.
- I'M SURE.
- "DEAR MISS MORGENSTERN...
"THANK YOU FOR APPLYING TO
HIRSCH BROTHERS COSMETICS.
"UNFORTUNATELY, WE DO
NOT HAVE AN OPENING NOW.
"WE DO NOT SEE ANYTHING
FOR YOU WITH OUR COMPANY
"IN THE FUTURE.
YOURS TRULY, FRANK HIRSCH."
- WONDERFUL!
- HOW IS THIS WONDERFUL?
- AW, SWEETHEART.
I SUPPOSE IT MEANS NOTHING
THAT FRANK HIRSCH HIMSELF
SIGNED THAT LETTER?
- AND FRANK ENCLOSED
A FREE COUPON.
AH, UNWANTED HAIR REMOVED.
HALF-PRICE.
- WELL,
THAT'S A VERY NICE,
FRIENDLY GESTURE.
YOU SEE TOO LITTLE OF
THAT TODAY--UNWANTED HAIR.
- POP,
YOU'RE INCREDIBLE.
THIS NEXT LETTER I OPEN
WILL PROBABLY SAY,
"MISS MORGENSTERN,
WE HATE YOU."
AND YOU'LL SAY, "OH, IT'S
NICE OF THEM NOT TO KEEP IT
BOTTLED UP."
"DEAR MISS MORGENSTERN,
THANK YOU FOR SENDING US
YOUR MANUSCRIPT--"
BRENDA, DID YOU
SEND THAT THING IN?
I ASKED YOU NOT TO.
- I'M SORRY.
- WELL,
DON'T BE SORRY YET,
BECAUSE THEY READ IT
AND THEY LIKED IT.
BRENDA, THEY WANT TO SEE ME
TUESDAY TO DISCUSS MY WORK.
OH, LOUISE
SHATNER, SEE?
ASSOCIATED EDITOR,
WATERMAN PUBLISHING COMPANY.
- RHODA, THAT'S WONDERFUL!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
THE FIRST WRITER
IN THE FAMILY!
- OH,
RHODA, IT'S SO GREAT!
IT'S JUST SO GREAT!
IT'S GREAT!
- HEY,
WAIT, NOW, PLEASE,
THE TWO OF YOU.
IT MIGHT BE A TRICK.
- WHAT TRICK?
- WELL,
LISTEN, MAYBE IT'S A MISTAKE.
- HONEY, SHE WROTE IN THE
LETTER SHE WANTS TO--
- WAIT. EVEN IF IT GETS
PUBLISHED, I MEAN,
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES
OF IT SELLING? NO WAY.
- WHY DO YOU--
- RHODA!
- PLEASE. I DON'T WANT
TO GET MY HOPES UP,
SO LET'S JUST ALL HOLD OFF
ON THE CELEBRATION. OK?
GOOD.
[SIGHS]
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU GUYS?
I JUST SOLD A BOOK!
WHEE!
[HORN HONKING]
- MISS SHATNER,
I'M RHODA MORGENSTERN.
- PLEASE SIT DOWN.
- OH,
GEE, THANK YOU.
- I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I THOUGHT YOUR BOOK WAS
WONDERFUL, REALLY WONDERFUL.
IT WAS SO FUNNY.
- OH, TERRIFIC.
OH, I'M REALLY PLEASED THAT
YOU WANTED ME TO KNOW THAT.
- WELL,
I REALLY LIKED IT VERY MUCH,
BUT, UNFORTUNATELY--
- UH-OH, HERE COMES
THE UNWANTED HAIR.
- WHAT?
- NOTHING, NOTHING.
- UNFORTUNATELY, WE CAN'T BUY
YOUR BOOK BECAUSE WE PUBLISHED
ONE LIKE IT LAST YEAR.
- WELL, I KNEW IT WAS
A MISTAKE AND I'M SORRY TO HAVE
BOTHERED YOU.
NO HARM DONE.
- I'M JUST GONNA GO.
- NO, NO, NO.
- I REALLY DO HAVE THIS WILD
CRAZY IDEA FOR A JOB FOR YOU.
TELL ME--TELL ME
WHAT YOU THINK.
- I THINK I WANNA HEAR IT.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- EXCUSE ME.
HELLO?
OH, MIKE, HOW ARE YOU?
OH, WHEN?
WELL, NOW WHY DIDN'T
SOMEBODY TELL ME THIS BEFORE?
WELL, OF COURSE I'LL DO
EVERYTHING THAT I CAN
TO BE THERE.
IS IT CALLAHAN'S?
IS IT 1:00?
ALL RIGHT, MIKE.
- EXCUSE ME, WHAT WERE
WE TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU WERE SAYING YOU HAD THIS
WILD IDEA FOR ME FOR A JOB.
- OH,
YEAH, WELL, I WAS
JUST THINKING--
OH, MY.
- MS. SHATNER,
IS SOMETHING WRONG?
- OH,
IT'S NOTHING SERIOUS.
SOMEBODY DIED. UH...
- SOMEBODY DIED?
I'M SO SORRY.
WAS IT A RELATIVE?
- OH,
NO, A WRITER CALLED FRANK
PRESCOTT, DID YOU
EVER HEAR OF HIM?
- FRANK PRESCOTT, SURE.
YEAH.
HE WROTE GREAT DIRTY BOOKS.
- YOU KNOW, YOU'D BE
VERY GOOD TO HAVE AROUND.
- THANK YOU.
- GEE,
YOU KNOW, I REALLY WOULD LIKE
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS JOB.
- TERRIFIC.
- BUT I'VE GOT A FUNERAL.
- OH.
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO
TO A FUNERAL?
- SURE,
YOU BET, THANKS.
- WELL, THIS IS GREAT!
I HATE TO GO TO
FUNERALS ALONE.
WE CAN TALK ON THE WAY.
- THAT'S WONDERFUL.
OH, WAIT!
MAYBE I SHOULD GO HOME AND
CHANGE OUT OF THIS RED DRESS.
- OH,
NO, YOU DIDN'T KNOW FRANK.
HE'D HAVE LOVED IT.
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]
- OH,
I HATE TO GO ANY ROOM
WITH PEOPLE IN IT.
IT SEEMS LIKE THEY'VE
ALL WRITTEN BOOKS.
- OH, HI, LOUISE.
SAD, ISN'T IT?
- OH,
IT'S TERRIBLE.
MIKE, THIS IS
RHODA MORGENSTERN.
MIKE BROCK, AGENT
OF THE DECEASED.
- OH,
I'M SO SORRY.
- YES,
ISN'T IT AWFUL.
POOR MAN, HE WON'T EVEN SEE
HIS LAST BOOK PUBLISHED.
OH, HERE IT IS, BY THE WAY.
YOU UNDERSTAND THERE
WON'T BE A REWRITE.
- IT'S A BIG ONE.
- HE DID A LOT OF
RESEARCH ON THIS ONE.
I THINK THAT'S
WHAT KILLED HIM.
- OK,
MIKE, I'LL READ IT.
- YEAH, AND
READ IT FAST, LOUISE.
I THINK IF WE CAN GET IT
PUBLISHED WHILE FRANK'S STILL
HOT FROM DYING,
WE CAN MAKE A MOVIE DEAL.
- GEE,
YOU'RE REALLY BROKEN UP OVER
THIS, AREN'T YOU?
- TERRIBLE, I JUST
FEEL TERRIBLE.
SO GIVE ME A BUZZ
WHEN YOU'VE READ IT.
MAYBE WE CAN HAVE LUNCH.
- MR. FINN, ASSISTANT DIRECTOR.
ARE YOU MISS SHATNER?
- OH, YES.
- THE MINISTER WOULD
LIKE TO SEE YOU.
- PROBABLY WANTS SOME
INFORMATION ABOUT FRANK.
- WOULD YOU SIGN
THE GUEST BOOK, PLEASE?
JUST YOUR NAME AND
RELATIONSHIP TO THE DECEASED.
- OH,
WE HAD NO RELATIONSHIP.
- OH.
MOST OF THE OTHER
LADIES CHOSE "COUSIN."
- OH, NO, NO.
TRULY.
I'M JUST HERE ON
A JOB INTERVIEW.
- OH.
LOOK, YOU DON'T WANT
TO WORK HERE...
SOMETIMES WHEN IT'S QUIET,
IT CAN BE VERY DEPRESSING.
- YOU KNOW WHAT
THE MINISTER WANTED?
HE THOUGHT THAT HIS SERMONS
FOR YOUNG PEOPLE WOULD MAKE
A GREAT BOOK,
"RAPPING WITH GOD."
OH, RHODA, YOU KNOW THAT
WILD IDEA FOR A JOB I WAS
TALKING ABOUT?
- YEAH.
- YOU'VE GOT IT.
- THAT'S GREAT!
WONDERFUL.
- WOULD YOU ALL
BE SEATED, PLEASE?
IN KEEPING WITH MR. PRESCOTT'S
LAST WISHES, WE SHALL HAVE
JUST A FEW EXTEMPORANEOUS
WORDS OF FAREWELL FROM THOSE
WHO THOUGHT ENOUGH
OF HIM TO COME.
WOULD YOU BE FIRST, PLEASE?
YES, THE LADY IN RED.
- ME?
WHAT AM GOING GO SAY?
I DIDN'T KNOW HIM.
- EVEN BETTER.
- PLEASE?
- AHEM. OH, EXCUSE ME.
WELL, UH, I NEVER
KNEW FRANK PRESCOTT.
HONEST.
HOWEVER, WHEN I WAS GROWING
UP, I DID READ ALL HIS BOOKS.
WHAT MY FATHER WOULDN'T TELL
ME, WHAT MY MOTHER WOULDN'T
TELL ME, I LEARNED
FROM FRANK PRESCOTT.
AND THOSE LESSONS ABOUT LIFE
AND LOVE WERE STORED AWAY BY
A YOUNG GIRL FOR FUTURE USE.
SO I WANT TO THANK FRANK
PRESCOTT, EVEN THOUGH MOST
OF WHAT I LEARNED
IS STILL IN STORAGE.
HONEST.
REALLY.
NICE MEETING YA.
LISTEN, I'VE GOTTA
GET BACK TO WORK.
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. BYE.
- RHODA,
I WANNA TALK TO YOU.
- GOOD.
- I HATE TO BURDEN YOU WITH
MY PROBLEMS, BUT--
- OH,
NO, LOUISE, THAT'S OK.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR
SOMETHING TO DO AROUND HERE.
I REALLY WANNA HELP.
BURDEN ME, PLEASE!
- I'VE JUST BEEN FIRED.
- FIRED?
- YES.
- THAT'S TERRIBLE.
WHY DID THEY FIRE YOU?
- WELL,
FRANK PRESCOTT WAS MY ONLY
SUCCESSFUL AUTHOR AND
WHEN HE WENT, I WENT, TOO.
- GEE, I'M GONNA
MISS YOU AROUND HERE.
I CAN'T IMAGINE
IT WITHOUT YOU.
REALLY.
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
THAT I WANT TO
WORK WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
- RHODA,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU'RE
FIRED, TOO.
- OH, NO!
WHY? WHAT DID I DO?
- YOU HOOKED UP WITH ME.
- YOU MEAN, WE WERE A TEAM?
- A LOSING TEAM.
- GEE,
LOUISE, DON'T YOU FEEL WE
SHOULD BE SITTING IN SOME
HOTEL BALLROOM, WEARING STRAW
HATS, LISTENING TO A DIXIE
LAND BAND PLAY "WE AIN'T
DOWN YET"?
- WELL,
IT'S REALLY BEEN NICE WORKING
WITH YOU FOR THE LAST
TWO AND A HALF HOURS.
MAYBE SOMEDAY WE COULD GET
TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER.
- PERHAPS, YEAH, I HOPE.
LISTEN, UH, I'M STILL
WORKING FOR YOU RIGHT NOW,
SO AS MY LAST OFFICIAL ACT,
LET ME CLEAN OUT YOUR DESK.
- OH, GOOD.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU KNOW, AS LONG AS I'VE BEEN
FIRED, I THINK I'LL JUST GO
UPSTAIRS AND TELL A FEW PEOPLE
WHAT I THINK OF THEM AND I
THINK I'LL START
WITH THE BOSS.
- OH, DAMN IT!
- RHODA? SURPRISE, HONEY.
- WELL, POP, HI. WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- WELL,
I WAS JUST A COUPLE
OF BLOCKS AWAY.
I FIGURED I'D DROP IN AND
TAKE MY DAUGHTER OUT TO EAT.
YOU KNOW, CELEBRATE
THE NEW JOB.
- YEAH, WELL, THAT'S
REALLY NICE OF YOU.
- MAYBE YOU CAN GET A LITTLE
EXTRA TIME--MAYBE AN HOUR
AND A HALF.
WE'LL HAVE A NICE LONG LUNCH.
- POP.
OH, POP, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
TELL YOU THIS, BUT I COULD
MAKE IT THE LONGEST
LUNCH IN HISTORY.
- RHODA, WHAT HAPPENED?
- AH,
I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS SITTING HERE MINDING MY
OWN BUSINESS AND I GOT FIRED.
- YOU GOT FIRED
AFTER--AFTER ONLY TWO HOURS?
- YEAH. YEAH.
YOU SEE, THE THING IS,
LOUISE HAD--.
- OH, BABY, YOU
FEEL BAD, HUH?
- YEAH.
POP.
I REALLY DO.
SO IF YOU JUST FORGIVE ME,
YOU KNOW, UM,
NO LUNCH, HUH?
- WELL--
- I MEAN, I THINK IT'S JUST
BETTER FOR ME IF I'M JUST BY
MYSELF FOR NOW.
YOU UNDERSTAND? GOOD.
- YEAH.
SURE.
THAT'S--THAT'S OK.
IT'S OK.
WAIT A MINUTE, IT'S NOT OK.
RHODA, LISTEN, I'M
INVOLVED IN THIS, TOO.
I WANT YOU TO TALK
ABOUT IT, HONEY.
- POP,
I DON'T NEED TO TALK
ABOUT IT, REALLY.
CAN'T YOU SEE, I'M
JUST FINE, REALLY.
- I KNOW THAT YOU'RE FINE.
- YEAH.
- DON'T YOU THINK
I KNOW YOU'RE FINE?
BUT, HONEY, I DON'T
THINK YOU KNOW THAT.
- SURE I KNOW IT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING--
I MEAN...
THE ONLY PROBLEM I HAVE IS TO
FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH VACATION
TIME I GET FOR
TWO HOURS OF WORK.
- LISTEN, LISTEN, SWEETHEART,
HONEY, YOU ARE ENTITLED--YOU
ARE ENTITLED TO FEEL BAD.
LISTEN, I REMEMBER HOW YOUR
MOTHER FELT THAT DAY THEY TOLD
HER SHE WAS TOO SHORT
TO BE A MODEL.
- A MODEL?
- MMM.
- MA'S BARELY TALL
ENOUGH TO BE A MOTHER.
- LISTEN, IT WAS A BIG THING
WITH HER, BEING A MODEL.
AND MY JOB IT WAS IMPORTANT
TO ME, AND IT STILL IS.
BUT, SWEETHEART, IT'S
NOT THAT IMPORTANT.
- HEY, POP, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
I'M OUT OF WORK HERE.
- SO YOU'RE OUT OF WORK.
ALL RIGHT, UNTIL YOU GET
ANOTHER JOB, I'LL TIDE YOU
OVER WITH A FEW DOLLARS.
THIS--
- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
WILL YOU STOP
WITH THAT, PLEASE?
POP, I WANT YOU TO STOP
OFFERING ME MONEY, HUH?
- RHODA, PLEASE. I...
SOMETIME YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S WRONG
ABOUT MY GIVING YOU MONEY.
I FEEL RIDICULOUS I HAVE TO
HIDE IT IN YOUR APARTMENT.
I DON'T KNOW.
WHY DO YOU MAKE IT SO
HARD FOR ME TO HELP YOU?
- BECAUSE I'M TOO OLD TO
BE DEPENDENT ON MY FATHER.
- OH,
SWEETHEART, WE'LL ALWAYS BE
DEPENDENT ON EACH OTHER,
BECAUSE WE CARE.
AND THAT--THAT, MY DARLING,
IS MORE IMPORTANT
THAN ANY JOB.
WORK? WHAT IS WORK?
IT'S A PLACE YOU SPEND EIGHT
HOURS A DAY SO YOU CAN HAVE
SOMETHING TO SAY TO
SOMEBODY YOU LOVE.
RHODA, DON'T--DON'T--
DON'T BE ALONE NOW.
JOBS DON'T MATTER THAT MUCH.
- OK.
YOU GOT YOURSELF A LUNCH DATE.
- [LAUGHS]
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL!
OH, BOY, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A GREAT TIME, SWEETHEART.
HONEY, WE BETTER HURRY BECAUSE
IF I GET BACK TO WORK LATE,
I'M GONNA BE IN BIG TROUBLE.
- LOOK WHO'S TALKING.
- TADA!
BRENDA!
ARE YOU JUST GONNA SIT
THERE DRYING YOUR HAIR?
- THIS IS A 1,000 WATTER.
I'M NOT ONLY DRYING MY HAIR,
I'M GETTING
A BEAUTIFUL WINDBURN.
- WELL, TURN IT OFF!
BECAUSE YOU'RE LOOKING AT
SOMEONE WHO JUST GOT A WHOLE
BUNCH OF JOBS.
- WHAT?
- YEAH,
I WENT TO A LOT OF SMALL
STORES AND I ASKED THEM IF
THEY NEEDED A WINDOW DRESSER
ONCE A MONTH.
- YEAH,
AND YOU GOT CUSTOMERS?
- I SURE DID.
THE HOUSE OF SWEETS,
GINO'S LIQUOR STORE, OH,
AND A STRANGE LITTLE MEN'S
SHOP ON THIRD AVENUE CALLED
BRIEFS GALORE.
- HEY, HEY, HEY!
YEAH, AND, AS A BONUS, IT TOOK
ME A WHOLE LUNCH HOUR,
BUT I FINALLY CONVINCED POP
TO STOP GIVING ME MONEY.
- OH.
- IT'S ONLY A 20.
- HE'S TAPERING OFF.
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT
RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER
LIKING THAT LIKED ME
BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS
ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF
THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO
THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY
FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- RELAX,
DEAR, WAITING IN LINE
FOR UNEMPLOYMENT ISN'T BAD IF
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT ATTITUDE.
I LOOK AT IT AS AN
OPPORTUNITY TO HOOK A RUG.
- YEAH. WELL,
YOU KNOW, EVERY WEEK
WHEN I GET ON THAT LINE, I KIND
OF FEEL GUILTY, LIKE I'M
ASKING FOR A HANDOUT.
BY THE TIME I REACH THE FRONT
OF THE LINE I'M READY TO ASK
FOR A RAISE.
LISTEN, I'VE BEEN NOT
WORKING FOR 17 WEEKS,
HOW ABOUT A RAISE?
- CARD, PLEASE.
UH-OH.
- EXCUSE ME?
- I SAID, UH-OH.
- THAT'S WHAT I
THOUGHT YOU SAID.
- IS SOMETHING WRONG?
- SHE LOOKED AT MY CARD
AND SAID, "UH-OH."
- UH-OH.
- YOU'LL HAVE TO COME
WITH ME TO SEE MR. GRAHAM.
- MR. GRAHAM, WHAT'S HE LIKE?
- I ONCE SAW HIM SUCKING
A LEMON FOR LUNCH.
- MR. GRAHAM, YOU WANNA SEE ME?
- NO,
I HAVE TO SEE YOU.
ACCORDING TO OUR INFORMATION,
- THE MANAGER OF THE AUTO
PARTS STORE GRABBED ME
IN THE WINDOW.
- REALLY?
- REALLY!
AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,
I'LL SHOW YOU THE GREASE
STAINS ON THE
BACK OF MY DRESS.
- I WISH I COULD FIND YOU
A JOB IN A SAFE NEIGHBORHOOD
WHERE EVERYBODY
HAS CLEAN HANDS.
I WISH I COULD FIND YOU A
JOB WHERE YOU COULD COME HOME
A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU WERE
WHEN YOU LEFT IN THE MORNING.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
I CAN,
HOWEVER, CUT OFF YOUR CASH.
- YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT!
- I JUST DID.
BUT, PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO CHECK
THE BULLETIN BOARDS
ON YOUR WAY OUT.
- I CHECKED YOUR
BULLETIN BOARDS.
I'M NOT A KEY PUNCH OPERATOR,
NOR AM I A COCKTAIL WAITRESS.
AND THOSE EXECUTIVE TRAINEE
JOBS--THEY'RE FOR LOSERS.
- MISS MORGENSTERN,
9 YEARS AGO I WAS
AN EXECUTIVE TRAINEE.
AND TODAY I HAVE MY OWN DESK.
- CONGRATULATIONS.
I HOPE IN ANOTHER 9 YEARS
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN WALLS.
OHH.
HELLO, BRENDA,
HOW'S IT GOING?
- FINE.
WHY ARE YOU GOING
TO BED SO EARLY?
ARE YOU ALONE?
- YEAH, SURE.
YOU SILLY THING.
I'M JUST A LITTLE
TIRED, YOU KNOW.
I HAD ONE HECTIC DAY.
- OH. HOW WAS THE LINE
IN UNEMPLOYMENT?
- OH, THEY DON'T HAVE
LINES ANYMORE.
THEY PUT IN
A WHOLE NEW SYSTEM.
YEAH.
THEY THROW COINS OFF THE
ROOF AND WE DIVE FOR THEM.
LISTEN, I LEFT SOME STUFF
IN THE REFRIGERATOR FOR YOU.
- OH!
- YEAH.
- THERE'S JUST A BUCKET
OF BONES HERE.
- OH,
YEAH, I'M SORRY.
I GUESS I STARTED NIBBLING AND
THEN JUST GOT CARRIED AWAY.
YEAH. YOU KNOW.
- WHAT'S WRONG, RHODA?
- YOU'RE NUTS.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG.
NOTHING.
- YOU'RE SMILING TOO MUCH.
I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT MUCH SMILE
SINCE RALPH EDWARDS HAD
BERT PARKS ON
"THIS IS YOUR LIFE."
- AND I'M NOT UPSET.
- IF YOU'RE NOT UPSET,
HOW COME YOU'RE GOING TO BED
AT 5:30 IN THE AFTERNOON?
- I'M NOT WORKING,
I JUST GOT
MY UNEMPLOYMENT CUT OFF,
AND JOE IS OUT OF TOWN.
WHAT ELSE I GOTTA DO?
- WHY,
YOU CAN START THINKING
POSITIVELY, AND YOU CAN
START LOOKING FOR A JOB.
RIGHT NOW.
- BRENDA, THE ONLY JOB I COULD
GET DRESSED LIKE THIS I DON'T
THINK I WANT...YET.
ANYWAY, I WENT
THROUGH THE WANT ADS.
I SENT IN A RESUME TO EVERY
SINGLE JOB THAT LOOKED LIKE
IT MIGHT HAVE DISPLAY WINDOWS.
- WHERE ARE THOSE RESUMES?
- THERE. ON THE COFFEE TABLE.
WHY?
- WELL,
MAYBE I CAN TAKE ONE OF THEM
TO THE PERSONNEL
MANAGER AT THE BANK.
WE HAVE LOTS OF WINDOWS THERE.
- ALL RIGHT, TAKE THEM ALL,
TAKE ANY YOU WANT.
- HEY, WHAT'S THIS?
- OH,
THAT'S A BOOK I WROTE.
ONE YEAR I WASN'T GOING
OUT MUCH, WHICH COULD HAVE
BEEN ANY YEAR.
- "HOW TO EAT ANYTHING YOU
WANT WHENEVER YOU WANT AND GET
VERY, VERY FAT."
THIS SOUNDS FUNNY.
- IT'S DUMB.
BRENDA, BELIEVE ME,
IT'S NOTHING.
- [LAUGHS]
- WHAT PART IS THAT?
- HOW TO SECRETLY EAT
A BOSTON CREAM PIE IN A CLOSET.
- YEAH,
YEAH, THAT'S OK.
- YEAH.
[LAUGHS]
- WHAT PART?
WHAT PART?
- HOW TO ENJOY EXERCISING,
OR EATING WHILE JOGGING.
HEY, RHODA, WHY DON'T YOU
SEND THIS TO A PUBLISHER?
- NO, NO, NO.
- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE THE ONE THING I
DON'T NEED IN MY LIFE RIGHT
NOW IS A PIPE DREAM.
I FINALLY DECIDED IT'S
TOO LATE FOR THOSE.
TOO LATE TO BE
A REGISTERED NURSE.
TOO LATE TO BE SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
- [LAUGHS]
- WHAT PART?
WHAT PART?
- ANYTHING FOR ME?
- NOT UNLESS YOU WANT SOME
OF MY REJECTION LETTERS.
- MORE, HUH?
- YEAH.
- BRENDA, I DON'T MIND BEING
TURNED DOWN BY TIFFANY'S,
BUT TIE CITY?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- WHO'S THAT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- OHH!
- HEY,
IT'S THE DELIVERY BOY HERE.
- HEY,
POP, HOW ARE YOU?
- OH, WHAT A WELCOMING
COMMITTEE.
THAT'S SOME RECEPTION.
- WHAT'S ALL THIS
STUFF YOU GOT HERE?
- OH, THIS?
WELL, WE KNOW THAT RHODA
WAS STILL LOOKING FOR A JOB,
WE WANTED TO CHEER HER UP,
AND YOUR MOTHER HAD A FEW
LEFTOVERS LYING AROUND
THE HOUSE, SO SHE MADE UP
A PACKAGE, AND
SHE SENT ME OVER.
- MM-HMM.
THIS IS A COMPLETE
AND TOTAL CHICKEN.
HOW DOES THIS QUALIFY
AS A LEFTOVER?
- YOUR MOTHER MADE TWO AND THAT
ONE WAS LEFT OVER. LOOK...
SO, RHODA, HOW ARE YOU
DOING WITH THE JOB HUNTING?
- OH,
POP, EVERYTHING IS FINE,
IT REALLY IS.
- AW!
- COULDN'T BE BETTER.
- WONDERFUL, HONEY!
I'M SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT.
- YEAH, YEAH.
- HONEY, LET ME GIVE
YOU SOME MONEY.
COME ON, HUH?
- POP,
I DON'T WANT TO TAKE ANY
MONEY FROM YOU.
- IT'S NOT BECAUSE
YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB.
WE WANT TO GIVE YOU YOUR
BIRTHDAY PRESENT IN ADVANCE.
- OH, GOOD!
CAN I HAVE MINE
IN ADVANCE, TOO?
- YOU DON'T NEED IT,
YOU'RE WORKING.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RHODA!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RHODA!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RHODA!
AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
- THANK YOU.
OH, THANK YOU, POP.
- ♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU ♪
- HONEY, YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE SPENT SO MUCH ON ME.
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE
TO HIDE IT IN THE APARTMENT,
THAT'S ALL.
- POP,
DON'T HIDE IT.
I'M NOT GOING TO LOOK FOR IT.
- OH, SWEETHEART.
- DO YOU HEAR ME?
- IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD.
I'M NOT GONNA SEARCH.
- LOOK, IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL
GOOD KNOWING THAT YOU HAVE IT.
- POP, IT'S REALLY
SWEET, BUT DON'T--
- RHODA,
I HAVE HIDDEN MONEY
FOR YOU BEFORE.
SWEETHEART, IT'S
TIME YOU KNEW.
I WAS THE TOOTH FAIRY.
- AHH! THAT WAS YOU?
[LAUGHS]
- HEY,
RHODA, WHY DON'T YOU OPEN
THE REST OF YOUR MAIL?
- BECAUSE, UH, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE JUST--THEY CAN
WAIT, BRENDA.
- OH,
COME ON, OPEN THEM!
MAYBE THEY'RE NOT
ALL REJECTION LETTERS.
- REJECTION--WILL YOU LET ME
GIVE YOU A COUPLE OF DOLLARS?
REJECTIONS--
- POP,
I TOLD YOU, NO MONEY.
- READ IT, READ IT.
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYBODY IN
HIS RIGHT MIND REJECTING YOU.
JUST READ THEM.
- ALL RIGHT.
BUT THIS ISN'T GONNA
BE EASY FOR YOU, POP.
- RHODA, WILL YOU READ IT?
I'M SURE IT'S
GONNA BE GOOD NEWS.
- POP.
- I'M SURE.
- "DEAR MISS MORGENSTERN...
"THANK YOU FOR APPLYING TO
HIRSCH BROTHERS COSMETICS.
"UNFORTUNATELY, WE DO
NOT HAVE AN OPENING NOW.
"WE DO NOT SEE ANYTHING
FOR YOU WITH OUR COMPANY
"IN THE FUTURE.
YOURS TRULY, FRANK HIRSCH."
- WONDERFUL!
- HOW IS THIS WONDERFUL?
- AW, SWEETHEART.
I SUPPOSE IT MEANS NOTHING
THAT FRANK HIRSCH HIMSELF
SIGNED THAT LETTER?
- AND FRANK ENCLOSED
A FREE COUPON.
AH, UNWANTED HAIR REMOVED.
HALF-PRICE.
- WELL,
THAT'S A VERY NICE,
FRIENDLY GESTURE.
YOU SEE TOO LITTLE OF
THAT TODAY--UNWANTED HAIR.
- POP,
YOU'RE INCREDIBLE.
THIS NEXT LETTER I OPEN
WILL PROBABLY SAY,
"MISS MORGENSTERN,
WE HATE YOU."
AND YOU'LL SAY, "OH, IT'S
NICE OF THEM NOT TO KEEP IT
BOTTLED UP."
"DEAR MISS MORGENSTERN,
THANK YOU FOR SENDING US
YOUR MANUSCRIPT--"
BRENDA, DID YOU
SEND THAT THING IN?
I ASKED YOU NOT TO.
- I'M SORRY.
- WELL,
DON'T BE SORRY YET,
BECAUSE THEY READ IT
AND THEY LIKED IT.
BRENDA, THEY WANT TO SEE ME
TUESDAY TO DISCUSS MY WORK.
OH, LOUISE
SHATNER, SEE?
ASSOCIATED EDITOR,
WATERMAN PUBLISHING COMPANY.
- RHODA, THAT'S WONDERFUL!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
THE FIRST WRITER
IN THE FAMILY!
- OH,
RHODA, IT'S SO GREAT!
IT'S JUST SO GREAT!
IT'S GREAT!
- HEY,
WAIT, NOW, PLEASE,
THE TWO OF YOU.
IT MIGHT BE A TRICK.
- WHAT TRICK?
- WELL,
LISTEN, MAYBE IT'S A MISTAKE.
- HONEY, SHE WROTE IN THE
LETTER SHE WANTS TO--
- WAIT. EVEN IF IT GETS
PUBLISHED, I MEAN,
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES
OF IT SELLING? NO WAY.
- WHY DO YOU--
- RHODA!
- PLEASE. I DON'T WANT
TO GET MY HOPES UP,
SO LET'S JUST ALL HOLD OFF
ON THE CELEBRATION. OK?
GOOD.
[SIGHS]
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU GUYS?
I JUST SOLD A BOOK!
WHEE!
[HORN HONKING]
- MISS SHATNER,
I'M RHODA MORGENSTERN.
- PLEASE SIT DOWN.
- OH,
GEE, THANK YOU.
- I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I THOUGHT YOUR BOOK WAS
WONDERFUL, REALLY WONDERFUL.
IT WAS SO FUNNY.
- OH, TERRIFIC.
OH, I'M REALLY PLEASED THAT
YOU WANTED ME TO KNOW THAT.
- WELL,
I REALLY LIKED IT VERY MUCH,
BUT, UNFORTUNATELY--
- UH-OH, HERE COMES
THE UNWANTED HAIR.
- WHAT?
- NOTHING, NOTHING.
- UNFORTUNATELY, WE CAN'T BUY
YOUR BOOK BECAUSE WE PUBLISHED
ONE LIKE IT LAST YEAR.
- WELL, I KNEW IT WAS
A MISTAKE AND I'M SORRY TO HAVE
BOTHERED YOU.
NO HARM DONE.
- I'M JUST GONNA GO.
- NO, NO, NO.
- I REALLY DO HAVE THIS WILD
CRAZY IDEA FOR A JOB FOR YOU.
TELL ME--TELL ME
WHAT YOU THINK.
- I THINK I WANNA HEAR IT.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- EXCUSE ME.
HELLO?
OH, MIKE, HOW ARE YOU?
OH, WHEN?
WELL, NOW WHY DIDN'T
SOMEBODY TELL ME THIS BEFORE?
WELL, OF COURSE I'LL DO
EVERYTHING THAT I CAN
TO BE THERE.
IS IT CALLAHAN'S?
IS IT 1:00?
ALL RIGHT, MIKE.
- EXCUSE ME, WHAT WERE
WE TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU WERE SAYING YOU HAD THIS
WILD IDEA FOR ME FOR A JOB.
- OH,
YEAH, WELL, I WAS
JUST THINKING--
OH, MY.
- MS. SHATNER,
IS SOMETHING WRONG?
- OH,
IT'S NOTHING SERIOUS.
SOMEBODY DIED. UH...
- SOMEBODY DIED?
I'M SO SORRY.
WAS IT A RELATIVE?
- OH,
NO, A WRITER CALLED FRANK
PRESCOTT, DID YOU
EVER HEAR OF HIM?
- FRANK PRESCOTT, SURE.
YEAH.
HE WROTE GREAT DIRTY BOOKS.
- YOU KNOW, YOU'D BE
VERY GOOD TO HAVE AROUND.
- THANK YOU.
- GEE,
YOU KNOW, I REALLY WOULD LIKE
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS JOB.
- TERRIFIC.
- BUT I'VE GOT A FUNERAL.
- OH.
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO
TO A FUNERAL?
- SURE,
YOU BET, THANKS.
- WELL, THIS IS GREAT!
I HATE TO GO TO
FUNERALS ALONE.
WE CAN TALK ON THE WAY.
- THAT'S WONDERFUL.
OH, WAIT!
MAYBE I SHOULD GO HOME AND
CHANGE OUT OF THIS RED DRESS.
- OH,
NO, YOU DIDN'T KNOW FRANK.
HE'D HAVE LOVED IT.
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]
- OH,
I HATE TO GO ANY ROOM
WITH PEOPLE IN IT.
IT SEEMS LIKE THEY'VE
ALL WRITTEN BOOKS.
- OH, HI, LOUISE.
SAD, ISN'T IT?
- OH,
IT'S TERRIBLE.
MIKE, THIS IS
RHODA MORGENSTERN.
MIKE BROCK, AGENT
OF THE DECEASED.
- OH,
I'M SO SORRY.
- YES,
ISN'T IT AWFUL.
POOR MAN, HE WON'T EVEN SEE
HIS LAST BOOK PUBLISHED.
OH, HERE IT IS, BY THE WAY.
YOU UNDERSTAND THERE
WON'T BE A REWRITE.
- IT'S A BIG ONE.
- HE DID A LOT OF
RESEARCH ON THIS ONE.
I THINK THAT'S
WHAT KILLED HIM.
- OK,
MIKE, I'LL READ IT.
- YEAH, AND
READ IT FAST, LOUISE.
I THINK IF WE CAN GET IT
PUBLISHED WHILE FRANK'S STILL
HOT FROM DYING,
WE CAN MAKE A MOVIE DEAL.
- GEE,
YOU'RE REALLY BROKEN UP OVER
THIS, AREN'T YOU?
- TERRIBLE, I JUST
FEEL TERRIBLE.
SO GIVE ME A BUZZ
WHEN YOU'VE READ IT.
MAYBE WE CAN HAVE LUNCH.
- MR. FINN, ASSISTANT DIRECTOR.
ARE YOU MISS SHATNER?
- OH, YES.
- THE MINISTER WOULD
LIKE TO SEE YOU.
- PROBABLY WANTS SOME
INFORMATION ABOUT FRANK.
- WOULD YOU SIGN
THE GUEST BOOK, PLEASE?
JUST YOUR NAME AND
RELATIONSHIP TO THE DECEASED.
- OH,
WE HAD NO RELATIONSHIP.
- OH.
MOST OF THE OTHER
LADIES CHOSE "COUSIN."
- OH, NO, NO.
TRULY.
I'M JUST HERE ON
A JOB INTERVIEW.
- OH.
LOOK, YOU DON'T WANT
TO WORK HERE...
SOMETIMES WHEN IT'S QUIET,
IT CAN BE VERY DEPRESSING.
- YOU KNOW WHAT
THE MINISTER WANTED?
HE THOUGHT THAT HIS SERMONS
FOR YOUNG PEOPLE WOULD MAKE
A GREAT BOOK,
"RAPPING WITH GOD."
OH, RHODA, YOU KNOW THAT
WILD IDEA FOR A JOB I WAS
TALKING ABOUT?
- YEAH.
- YOU'VE GOT IT.
- THAT'S GREAT!
WONDERFUL.
- WOULD YOU ALL
BE SEATED, PLEASE?
IN KEEPING WITH MR. PRESCOTT'S
LAST WISHES, WE SHALL HAVE
JUST A FEW EXTEMPORANEOUS
WORDS OF FAREWELL FROM THOSE
WHO THOUGHT ENOUGH
OF HIM TO COME.
WOULD YOU BE FIRST, PLEASE?
YES, THE LADY IN RED.
- ME?
WHAT AM GOING GO SAY?
I DIDN'T KNOW HIM.
- EVEN BETTER.
- PLEASE?
- AHEM. OH, EXCUSE ME.
WELL, UH, I NEVER
KNEW FRANK PRESCOTT.
HONEST.
HOWEVER, WHEN I WAS GROWING
UP, I DID READ ALL HIS BOOKS.
WHAT MY FATHER WOULDN'T TELL
ME, WHAT MY MOTHER WOULDN'T
TELL ME, I LEARNED
FROM FRANK PRESCOTT.
AND THOSE LESSONS ABOUT LIFE
AND LOVE WERE STORED AWAY BY
A YOUNG GIRL FOR FUTURE USE.
SO I WANT TO THANK FRANK
PRESCOTT, EVEN THOUGH MOST
OF WHAT I LEARNED
IS STILL IN STORAGE.
HONEST.
REALLY.
NICE MEETING YA.
LISTEN, I'VE GOTTA
GET BACK TO WORK.
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. BYE.
- RHODA,
I WANNA TALK TO YOU.
- GOOD.
- I HATE TO BURDEN YOU WITH
MY PROBLEMS, BUT--
- OH,
NO, LOUISE, THAT'S OK.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR
SOMETHING TO DO AROUND HERE.
I REALLY WANNA HELP.
BURDEN ME, PLEASE!
- I'VE JUST BEEN FIRED.
- FIRED?
- YES.
- THAT'S TERRIBLE.
WHY DID THEY FIRE YOU?
- WELL,
FRANK PRESCOTT WAS MY ONLY
SUCCESSFUL AUTHOR AND
WHEN HE WENT, I WENT, TOO.
- GEE, I'M GONNA
MISS YOU AROUND HERE.
I CAN'T IMAGINE
IT WITHOUT YOU.
REALLY.
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
THAT I WANT TO
WORK WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
- RHODA,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU'RE
FIRED, TOO.
- OH, NO!
WHY? WHAT DID I DO?
- YOU HOOKED UP WITH ME.
- YOU MEAN, WE WERE A TEAM?
- A LOSING TEAM.
- GEE,
LOUISE, DON'T YOU FEEL WE
SHOULD BE SITTING IN SOME
HOTEL BALLROOM, WEARING STRAW
HATS, LISTENING TO A DIXIE
LAND BAND PLAY "WE AIN'T
DOWN YET"?
- WELL,
IT'S REALLY BEEN NICE WORKING
WITH YOU FOR THE LAST
TWO AND A HALF HOURS.
MAYBE SOMEDAY WE COULD GET
TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER.
- PERHAPS, YEAH, I HOPE.
LISTEN, UH, I'M STILL
WORKING FOR YOU RIGHT NOW,
SO AS MY LAST OFFICIAL ACT,
LET ME CLEAN OUT YOUR DESK.
- OH, GOOD.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU KNOW, AS LONG AS I'VE BEEN
FIRED, I THINK I'LL JUST GO
UPSTAIRS AND TELL A FEW PEOPLE
WHAT I THINK OF THEM AND I
THINK I'LL START
WITH THE BOSS.
- OH, DAMN IT!
- RHODA? SURPRISE, HONEY.
- WELL, POP, HI. WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- WELL,
I WAS JUST A COUPLE
OF BLOCKS AWAY.
I FIGURED I'D DROP IN AND
TAKE MY DAUGHTER OUT TO EAT.
YOU KNOW, CELEBRATE
THE NEW JOB.
- YEAH, WELL, THAT'S
REALLY NICE OF YOU.
- MAYBE YOU CAN GET A LITTLE
EXTRA TIME--MAYBE AN HOUR
AND A HALF.
WE'LL HAVE A NICE LONG LUNCH.
- POP.
OH, POP, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
TELL YOU THIS, BUT I COULD
MAKE IT THE LONGEST
LUNCH IN HISTORY.
- RHODA, WHAT HAPPENED?
- AH,
I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS SITTING HERE MINDING MY
OWN BUSINESS AND I GOT FIRED.
- YOU GOT FIRED
AFTER--AFTER ONLY TWO HOURS?
- YEAH. YEAH.
YOU SEE, THE THING IS,
LOUISE HAD--.
- OH, BABY, YOU
FEEL BAD, HUH?
- YEAH.
POP.
I REALLY DO.
SO IF YOU JUST FORGIVE ME,
YOU KNOW, UM,
NO LUNCH, HUH?
- WELL--
- I MEAN, I THINK IT'S JUST
BETTER FOR ME IF I'M JUST BY
MYSELF FOR NOW.
YOU UNDERSTAND? GOOD.
- YEAH.
SURE.
THAT'S--THAT'S OK.
IT'S OK.
WAIT A MINUTE, IT'S NOT OK.
RHODA, LISTEN, I'M
INVOLVED IN THIS, TOO.
I WANT YOU TO TALK
ABOUT IT, HONEY.
- POP,
I DON'T NEED TO TALK
ABOUT IT, REALLY.
CAN'T YOU SEE, I'M
JUST FINE, REALLY.
- I KNOW THAT YOU'RE FINE.
- YEAH.
- DON'T YOU THINK
I KNOW YOU'RE FINE?
BUT, HONEY, I DON'T
THINK YOU KNOW THAT.
- SURE I KNOW IT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING--
I MEAN...
THE ONLY PROBLEM I HAVE IS TO
FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH VACATION
TIME I GET FOR
TWO HOURS OF WORK.
- LISTEN, LISTEN, SWEETHEART,
HONEY, YOU ARE ENTITLED--YOU
ARE ENTITLED TO FEEL BAD.
LISTEN, I REMEMBER HOW YOUR
MOTHER FELT THAT DAY THEY TOLD
HER SHE WAS TOO SHORT
TO BE A MODEL.
- A MODEL?
- MMM.
- MA'S BARELY TALL
ENOUGH TO BE A MOTHER.
- LISTEN, IT WAS A BIG THING
WITH HER, BEING A MODEL.
AND MY JOB IT WAS IMPORTANT
TO ME, AND IT STILL IS.
BUT, SWEETHEART, IT'S
NOT THAT IMPORTANT.
- HEY, POP, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
I'M OUT OF WORK HERE.
- SO YOU'RE OUT OF WORK.
ALL RIGHT, UNTIL YOU GET
ANOTHER JOB, I'LL TIDE YOU
OVER WITH A FEW DOLLARS.
THIS--
- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
WILL YOU STOP
WITH THAT, PLEASE?
POP, I WANT YOU TO STOP
OFFERING ME MONEY, HUH?
- RHODA, PLEASE. I...
SOMETIME YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S WRONG
ABOUT MY GIVING YOU MONEY.
I FEEL RIDICULOUS I HAVE TO
HIDE IT IN YOUR APARTMENT.
I DON'T KNOW.
WHY DO YOU MAKE IT SO
HARD FOR ME TO HELP YOU?
- BECAUSE I'M TOO OLD TO
BE DEPENDENT ON MY FATHER.
- OH,
SWEETHEART, WE'LL ALWAYS BE
DEPENDENT ON EACH OTHER,
BECAUSE WE CARE.
AND THAT--THAT, MY DARLING,
IS MORE IMPORTANT
THAN ANY JOB.
WORK? WHAT IS WORK?
IT'S A PLACE YOU SPEND EIGHT
HOURS A DAY SO YOU CAN HAVE
SOMETHING TO SAY TO
SOMEBODY YOU LOVE.
RHODA, DON'T--DON'T--
DON'T BE ALONE NOW.
JOBS DON'T MATTER THAT MUCH.
- OK.
YOU GOT YOURSELF A LUNCH DATE.
- [LAUGHS]
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL!
OH, BOY, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A GREAT TIME, SWEETHEART.
HONEY, WE BETTER HURRY BECAUSE
IF I GET BACK TO WORK LATE,
I'M GONNA BE IN BIG TROUBLE.
- LOOK WHO'S TALKING.
- TADA!
BRENDA!
ARE YOU JUST GONNA SIT
THERE DRYING YOUR HAIR?
- THIS IS A 1,000 WATTER.
I'M NOT ONLY DRYING MY HAIR,
I'M GETTING
A BEAUTIFUL WINDBURN.
- WELL, TURN IT OFF!
BECAUSE YOU'RE LOOKING AT
SOMEONE WHO JUST GOT A WHOLE
BUNCH OF JOBS.
- WHAT?
- YEAH,
I WENT TO A LOT OF SMALL
STORES AND I ASKED THEM IF
THEY NEEDED A WINDOW DRESSER
ONCE A MONTH.
- YEAH,
AND YOU GOT CUSTOMERS?
- I SURE DID.
THE HOUSE OF SWEETS,
GINO'S LIQUOR STORE, OH,
AND A STRANGE LITTLE MEN'S
SHOP ON THIRD AVENUE CALLED
BRIEFS GALORE.
- HEY, HEY, HEY!
YEAH, AND, AS A BONUS, IT TOOK
ME A WHOLE LUNCH HOUR,
BUT I FINALLY CONVINCED POP
TO STOP GIVING ME MONEY.
- OH.
- IT'S ONLY A 20.
- HE'S TAPERING OFF.