Rhoda (1974–1978): Season 1, Episode 3 - I'll Be Loving You, Sometimes - full transcript
Rhoda's day outing with Joe and Donnie - her first quality time with the latter - is truncated, and her and Joe's date that evening is postponed when Joe is reminded that it is his ex-wife Marian's birthday. Joe has to get Donnie back to Tarrytown, and stay for the birthday gathering. This course of events makes Rhoda believe the worst about what Joe is doing with Marian, especially when she hears from Joe that he is overnighting it in Tarrytown. Reality ends up being worse than what Rhoda imagines: Joe and Marian had such a bad fight that Joe has made the decision that he never wants to get married again. That news is only one part of what affects a Rhoda/Joe future, the other part being Joe also thinking that he and Rhoda should take a step back in their relationship in light of that decision never to get married. Despite it not being what she wants, Rhoda agrees to Joe's proposition that they see other people. Rhoda's first date following her and Joe's now open relationship leads to a mutual decision by the two on their future as a couple.
- MY NAME
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT
RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER
LIKING THAT LIKED ME
BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS
ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF
THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO
THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY
FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- HEY,
HOW'S IT GOING, DONNIE?
- I'M HUNGRY, DAD.
WHEN IS THIS LADY COMING?
- WELL, SHE SHOULD
HAVE BEEN HERE BY NOW.
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL
HER, "THIS LADY," YOU CAN CALL
HER RHODA.
- HI, RHODA.
- THAT'S IT.
- JUST LIKE THAT.
- HI.
- OH.
- HI, RHODA.
- JOE.
- YOU REMEMBER DONNIE,
DON'T YOU?
- OF COURSE.
HOW COULD I FORGET DONNIE?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
HIYA, DONNIE.
- HI.
- OH,
I'M SO SORRY I'M
LATE, YOU GUYS.
I GOT ON THE BUS.
I DIDN'T HAVE
THE EXACT CHANGE.
I HAD TO GET OFF.
- YOU DIDN'T WALK
HERE, DID YOU?
- NO, NO.
THERE WAS A CAB...
STOPPED FOR A RED LIGHT SO
I WENT OVER AND ASKED HIM TO
TO TAKE A BUS?
- YEAH.
AND MY ADVICE IS
NEVER TO DO THAT.
- WELL,
ANYWAY, LOOK, I'M REALLY GLAD
YOU'RE HERE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL
GO GET US SOMETHING TO EAT.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?
- UH...JUST BLACK
COFFEE FOR ME.
- THAT'S ALL?
- YEAH. I NEVER LIKE
TO EAT IN A ZOO.
I ALWAYS FIGURE, I DON'T KNOW,
I MIGHT BE EATING SOMETHING
THAT SOMEBODY ELSE IS PETTING.
- ANYWAY, I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE
WITH DONNIE FOR A MINUTE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[ANIMAL NOISES
IN BACKGROUND]
- WELL...
SO, DONNIE.
UM...
HOW'S SCHOOL?
I DON'T BELIEVE
I ASKED THAT QUESTION.
THAT'S SO DUMB, ASKING
A KID HOW HE LIKES SCHOOL.
I BET EVERYBODY YOU EVER
MEET ASKS YOU THAT, RIGHT?
- UH-HUH.
THEN THEY USUALLY SAY
HOW BIG I'M GETTING.
- I USED TO GET THAT, TOO...
UNTIL LAST YEAR, IN FACT.
- OK.
BLACK COFFEE.
- OH, THANKS, JOE.
DONNIE.
- A CHOCOLATE
SUNDAE FOR BREAKFAST?
- WELL, I ONLY SEE
HIM EVERY OTHER WEEK.
WHAT AM I GOING TO GIVE HIM,
POACHED EGGS AND PRUNES?
HEY, DONNIE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO DO TODAY, PAL?
- I DON'T CARE.
JUST SO WE TAKE THE TRAIN
BACK EARLY FOR MOM'S
BIRTHDAY PARTY.
- TODAY? IS IT TODAY?
OH.
THAT'S GOING TO CHANGE
OUR PLANS A LITTLE.
- LISTEN, DON'T
WORRY ABOUT ME.
I CAN TAKE THE BUS HOME.
I HAVE THE EXACT CHANGE NOW.
- IF WE'RE GOING TO GO SOON,
COULD I TAKE ANOTHER TRIP
AROUND TO SEE IF
ANYTHING WOKE UP?
- OH, SURE.
I'M SORRY, RHODA.
- IT'S OK.
- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL TAKE DONNIE
HOME TO TARRYTOWN.
I'LL SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
MARIAN" TO MY EX-WIFE.
I'LL HURRY RIGHT BACK HERE,
WE'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME
FOR DINNER. OK?
- PERFECT.
YEAH, THAT'S FINE
WITH ME, JOE.
- HEY, UH...
- YEAH?
- YOU THINK DONNIE LIKED ME?
- OH, SURE.
- I EVEN BROUGHT HIM A PRESENT.
- I GOT TO SHOW YOU--
- OH, YEAH? WHAT'D YOU GET HIM?
- WELL,
IT'S A PIGGYBANK.
I MEAN,
IT'S NOT REALLY A PIG.
IT'S A CLOWN.
UH, YOU PUT A COIN IN HIS
LITTLE HAND AND HE DROPS IT
IN HIS PANTS.
CLINK.
- YEAH. IT'S KIND OF SILLY.
- GEE,
THAT REMINDS ME, I SHOULD GET
MARIAN A PRESENT OR SOMETHING.
WHAT CAN YOU GET
SOMEBODY ON A SUNDAY?
- OH.
HEY, YOU WANT
TO GIVE HER THIS?
SURE. I'LL GET DONNIE
SOMETHING ELSE.
- HEY, GREAT!
SHE'LL LOVE IT.
I'LL BE A HERO!
- WONDERFUL.
- POSSUMS HUNT AT NIGHT AND
EAT ALMOST ANY KIND OF ANIMAL
OR VEGETABLE FOR FOOD.
INTERESTINGLY, THE POSSUM
HAS THE SHORTEST GESTATION
PERIOD OF ANY...
- WHAT IS THAT?
- "ANIMAL WORLD."
- BRENDA, COULD
WE PLEASE CHANGE IT?
I WAS ALREADY
AT THE ZOO TODAY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- THAT'S PROBABLY JOE
CALLING ME FROM TARRYTOWN.
HELLO?
OH, HI, JOE.
IS IT REALLY?
ISN'T THAT FUNNY?
I LOST ALL TRACK OF TIME.
SO HOW IS EVERYTHING
GOING...YOU KNOW...THERE?
SO THE GIFT WENT
OVER BIG, HUH?
WONDERFUL.
UM...WHAT?
NO, THAT'S SILLY.
WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY TELL
ME THAT I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND?
OF COURSE, I UNDERSTAND.
YEAH.
YEAH. I UNDERSTAND THAT, TOO.
I UNDERSTAND.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
OOH, OOH, YEAH,
NOW I UNDERSTAND.
SURE. YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, UH,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
BECAUSE TOMORROW
FOR LUNCH WILL BE FINE.
SURE. YEAH, RIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, JOE.
[SIGHS]
WELL, YOU KNOW,
MARIAN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY IS
STILL GOING ON.
- SO?
- WELL,
DONNIE IS ALLOWED TO STAY UP
LATER TONIGHT.
AND, UH...
HE WANTS JOE TO STAY
THERE UNTIL HE GOES TO BED.
AND THAT'S THE WHOLE STORY.
- UH-HUH.
- EXCEPT THAT JOE IS STAYING
OVERNIGHT THERE AND THAT'S
THE REST OF THE WHOLE STORY.
- GEE,
I WONDER WHERE HE'S
GOING TO SLEEP.
- I DON'T KNOW, BRENDA.
I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY IN SOME
SEPARATE GUEST HOUSE.
UH...I DON'T KNOW.
POSSIBLY, UH...YOU KNOW,
A ROOM OVER THE GARAGE.
MAYBE A MOTEL.
- OH,
RHODA, I'M SORRY.
I SHOULDN'T BE PUTTING THESE
THOUGHTS INTO YOUR HEAD.
- DON'T WORRY, KIDDO.
I HAD 'EM BEFORE YOU HAD 'EM.
OH, BRENDA.
I MEAN,
IT STARTS OUT WITH
THE INNOCENT BIRTHDAY KISS.
THEN OUT COMES THE
BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE.
AND THEN IT'S TIME TO PLAY
THAT GREAT AMERICAN GAME,
EYE CONTACT.
- WHAT?
WHY WOULD JOE BE
ATTRACTED TO HER?
- HE WAS ATTRACTED
TO HER ONCE, BRENDA.
- BUT IF HE STILL LOVES HER,
WHY DID THEY GET A DIVORCE?
- HEY, WAIT.
WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT LOVE,
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SEX.
- PLEASE.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
THEY'RE NOT THE SAME THING.
I'M STILL GETTING OVER THE
GREAT "WHAT FUN IT IS TO BE
A WOMAN" HOAX.
ARE YOU UPSET?
- YEAH.
- THEN LET'S EAT SOMETHING.
- YOU KNOW, I WISH I COULD
STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT'S
GOING ON IN TARRYTOWN.
BUT I CAN HEAR
THE WHOLE DIALOGUE IN MY HEAD.
THEY'RE SITTING THERE IN
THE LIVING ROOM, RIGHT?
COMFORTABLE.
ON THE COUCH.
LOOKING INTO EACH
OTHER'S EYES.
HE...
I THINK I BETTER GET BACK.
SHE...
YOU SURE YOU DON'T
WANT TO STAY OVER?
[SIGHS]
HE SAYS, "WAIT A MINUTE.
I'LL MAKE A PHONE CALL."
THEN SHE SAYS, "GOOD.
MEANWHILE, I'LL SLIP INTO
SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE."
HE...
BUT YOU'RE ALREADY
WEARING A NEGLIGEE.
SHE...
HA HA HA HA.
- BOY,
SHE HAS A MEAN LAUGH.
- LOOK, MARIAN, WE WENT
THROUGH ALL THIS LAST NIGHT.
YOU HAVE A PERFECTLY
GOOD HOUSE IN TARRYTOWN.
WHY DO YOU WANT
TO MOVE TO CROTON?
IT'S 10 MILES AWAY!
HOW COULD THE AIR BE BETTER?
RIGHT!
OK, MARIAN.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT SOME
OTHER TIME, ALL RIGHT?
SWELL.
GOOD-BYE.
- HI.
- HI, RHODA.
LOOK, UH, I'M HAVING KIND
OF A TOUGH DAY, HERE.
WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE
TIME TO GO OUT TO LUNCH.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE HAVE
SOME SANDWICHES HERE, OK?
- OK, SURE.
- LET'S SEE, WE GOT,
UH...HAM AND BOLOGNA
AND AMERICAN CHEESE.
TAKE YOUR CHOICE.
- I CAN'T DECIDE.
EVERYTHING LOOKS SO GOOD.
- COFFEE?
- SURE.
- [SIGHS]
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I SHOULD
HAVE THE CHEESE...
OR THE HAM...
OR DID YOU SLEEP
WITH MARIAN LAST NIGHT?
- WHAT?
- I GUESS I'LL HAVE THE HAM.
- SLEEP WITH MY EX-WIFE?
WHY WOULD I DO
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
- FOR THE SAME REASON I ATE
2 PIZZAS LAST NIGHT.
- OK.
YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU.
MARIAN AND I HAD A TERRIBLE
ARGUMENT ABOUT YOU.
- OH.
WELL, I HOPE YOU PATCH IT UP.
I WANT YOUR DIVORCE
TO RUN SMOOTHLY.
- DON'T WORRY.
IF WE HADN'T HAVE ALREADY
BEEN DIVORCED, THIS WOULD
HAVE DONE IT.
BUT I'M GLAD IT HAPPENED.
BECAUSE I LEARNED SOMETHING.
- YOU MEAN IT, JOE?
- YEAH.
- TERRIFIC. WHAT?
- I LEARNED I NEVER WANT
TO GET MARRIED AGAIN.
- WHAT A SWELL THING TO LEARN.
- NO, NO.
IT JUST NEVER WORKS OUT.
- I THINK IT CAN.
I'M NOT CAMPAIGNING,
YOU UNDERSTAND.
IT'S JUST AN OPINION,
BUT I THINK IT CAN...
WORK.
- NAME ME ONE MARRIAGE
THAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN WORK.
- OZZIE AND HARRIET.
- I THINK THEY'RE STAYING
TOGETHER BECAUSE OF THE KIDS.
- HEY, LISTEN, JOE.
I MEAN,
IS THIS JUST A NICE, LIVELY
TOPIC OF CONVERSATION
FOR LUNCH OR ARE YOU, UH...
TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?
HMM?
- WELL, MAYBE I AM.
- [SIGHS]
- LOOK, RHODA.
WE'RE STARTING TO GET
SERIOUS ABOUT EACH OTHER
AND I'M FEELING BOXED IN
AND I DON'T LIKE THE FEELING.
AND YET,
I DON'T WANT TO HURT WHAT'S
GOING ON BETWEEN US.
- SO,
WHAT DO YOU WANT, JOE?
- I WANT US TO TAKE
A FEW STEPS BACK.
- HOW MANY STEPS?
- NOT TOO MANY.
MAYBE WE JUST SHOULDN'T
SEE EACH OTHER AS MUCH.
- OK.
BUT, JOE, I'M NOT GOING TO
SIT HOME AND WAIT FOR YOU TO
DECIDE WHEN IT IS YOU
WANT TO SEE ME.
- THEN SEE OTHER PEOPLE.
I DON'T MIND.
- OK, I WILL.
- I WILL, TOO.
- I MIND.
- THAT'S NOT FAIR.
- YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT'S NOT FAIR?
JOE...
YOU'RE AFRAID TO
CARE ABOUT SOMEBODY.
- YOU BET.
THAT'S WHY I THINK
THAT WE BOTH SHOULD...
WELL, TAKE
A BREATHER FOR A WHILE.
KIND OF HANG LOOSE.
YOU KNOW.
- OH, DO I KNOW.
I'VE BEEN HANGING
LOOSE ALL MY LIFE.
YEAH, SURE.
YEAH.
NEW YORK CITY IS
A GREAT BIG LOOSE TOWN.
AND THERE'S LOTS OF LOOSE
PEOPLE HANGING IN IT.
SO WHY TIE YOURSELF DOWN
TO ONE PERSON, RIGHT?
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CAN'T
THINK OF ONE HAPPY MARRIAGE.
YEAH.
PRINCESS GRACE,
PRINCE RAINIER.
ROY ROGERS, DALE EVANS.
SOPHIA LOREN, CARLO PONTI.
WILL AND ARIEL DURANT.
MY MOM AND DAD!
MASTERS AND JOHNSON!
- WHEN'S YOUR DATE COMING?
- UGH, DON'T REMIND ME.
ANYTIME NOW.
HERE I GO AGAIN,
WITH THE NERDS.
[SIGHS]
33 YEARS OLD AND I'M BACK
IN THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW
HE'LL BE SO BAD?
AFTER ALL, JOE WAS DIFFERENT.
- YEAH.
[DOOR BUZZER]
- SO, I THINK I'VE
HAD MY ONE DIFFERENT.
I MEAN,
IN THAT BIG DATING BOOK
IN THE SKY, BRENDA, I FEEL
THAT'S PROBABLY ALL YOU'RE
ENTITLED TO.
YEAH, CARLTON?
- HOW DID YOU KNOW IT
WAS ME, CARLTON?
- I JUST TOOK A SHOT.
I THINK HE JUST
DID THE SAME.
WHO IS IT?
- SAY,
THERE'S A, UH...A STEVEN DOWN
HERE TO SEE YOU.
- UH-HUH.
GOOD, CARLTON.
JUST SEND HIM UP, THANK YOU.
- OK,
BUT I SHOULDN'T.
I'M ON A BREAK.
- STEVEN?
- CLOSE ENOUGH.
KIRK STEVENS.
AN ACTOR I MET TODAY ON, UH,
UNEMPLOYMENT LINE, WHERE I WAS
HANGING LOOSE.
- OH, AN ACTOR.
- YEAH.
- HEY,
WHAT'S HE LIKE?
- WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?
HE WEARS JEANS WITH
NAILHEADS ON THEM.
SORT OF AN OLD YOUTH.
- HE DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE YOUR TYPE.
- BRENDA, "NOT MY TYPE"
IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.
I MEAN,
IT DOESN'T MAKE AS MUCH SENSE
TO GO OUT WITH A GUY THAT YOU
REALLY CARE FOR WHO'S NOT
SERIOUS ABOUT YOU, RIGHT?
I MEAN,
I WANT SOMEBODY THAT'S JUST
CASUAL ABOUT ME, SO I
CAN BE CASUAL ABOUT HIM.
AND I CAN BE VERY CASUAL
ABOUT A MAN WHO WEARS JEANS
ENCRUSTED WITH NAILHEADS.
- GEE,
YOU'VE GOT ALL THESE DIFFERENT
KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS.
- WELL, DON'T YOU?
- NO. JUST ONE.
I TAKE AN INSTANT LIKING
TO ANYBODY WHO ASKS ME OUT.
[RHYTHMIC KNOCK ON DOOR]
- CUTE.
HI.
- HEY.
- I ALWAYS LIKE TO GET
THAT OUT OF THE WAY FIRST.
- I'VE GOT SOMETHING I'D LIKE
TO GET OUT OF THE WAY, TOO.
NO.
- BEAUTIFUL.
I LIKE A GIRL I'M GOING
TO HAVE TROUBLE WITH.
- OH.
THEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE
JUST CRAZY ABOUT ME.
UM...KIRK, THIS IS
MY SISTER BRENDA.
- HEY.
- YOU'RE AN ACTOR, HUH?
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN IN?
- MOSTLY I DO TV COMMERCIALS.
- I DON'T EVER
REMEMBER SEEING YOU.
WHAT WAS YOUR LAST ONE?
- WELL, YOU WOULDN'T
HAVE RECOGNIZED ME.
I WAS ABOUT THAT BIG.
AND MY FACE WAS ALL BLACK.
AND I WAS COMING UP OUT
OF A DRAINPIPE.
- YOU'RE MR. GRIME.
HEY, RHO, THIS IS MR. GRIME.
- NO KIDDING.
THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I EVER
FOUND THAT OUT BEFORE A DATE.
- I DON'T WANT TO WRAP ABOUT
MY COMMERCIALS ALL NIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I WORK IN A BANK.
- I DID A COMMERCIAL
FOR A BANK ONCE.
THEY JUST USED PART OF ME.
- OH.
WHICH PART?
- I GOT THAT.
BUT IT'S THE COMMERCIAL,
YOU KNOW, WHERE THIS GUY
REACHES OUT HIS HAND AT THE
END, AND HE SAYS, "WE'RE THERE
WHEN YOU NEED A HELPING HAND."
- OH,
THE HELPING HAND.
- OH, YEAH.
I'VE SEEN THAT.
- YEAH. WELL, HERE'S
THE PART YOU DON'T SEE.
THE GUY HAS THESE FAT,
STUBBY LITTLE FINGERS,
AND HE BITES HIS NAILS.
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
SO, THE HELPING HAND THAT YOU
ACTUALLY SEE ISN'T HIS HAND.
IT'S MY HAND.
- YOU'RE SURE TAKING THE
MAGIC OUT OF TELEVISION.
- YOU KNOW THE ONE WHERE
THE HOCKEY PLAYER IS SHAVING?
HIS FACE IS SCARRED
FROM HOCKEY PUCKS.
THEY USE MY CHEEKS.
- BOY,
IT MAKES YOU WONDER.
TELL ME, IS WALTER CRONKITE
ALL THE SAME PERSON?
- I GOT THAT.
HEH HEH.
WELL, IT'S 8:00.
UH, WE'LL HAVE SOME DINNER
AND THEN...WHATEVER.
- IF EVER.
- UH,
WAIT A MINUTE.
NOW, IN CASE WE COME BACK
HERE LATER, UH, WHAT ARE
THE SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS?
- THEY'RE SIMPLE.
SHE SLEEPS THERE, I SLEEP
HERE, AND YOU DON'T.
- ANYWAY, I HAVE AN
EARLY AUDITION TOMORROW.
I'M UP FOR THE PART OF HAMLET.
- OH,
REALLY, KIRK?
WHICH PART OF HAMLET?
[BUZZING]
- OH, YOU BEAT ME AGAIN.
- LOOKS LIKE IT.
- ARE YOU SURE YOU NEVER
PLAYED PONG BEFORE?
- NO, NO NEVER.
JUST THE LAST 3 HOURS WITH YOU.
LISTEN, MAYBE
WE SHOULD CALL IT A NIGHT.
HUH, KIRK? PLEASE?
- YOU KNOW,
I GOT THIS FEELING.
AND I'VE NEVER HAD THIS
FEELING BEFORE WHEN I'VE BEEN
OUT WITH A GIRL...
THAT MAYBE I'M NOT
ENJOYING THE EVENING.
RHODA, I'LL BE VERY
HONEST WITH YOU.
I GOT THIS MACHO THING WHERE
I CAN'T STAND TO HAVE A GIRL
BEAT ME AT ANYTHING.
- OH, I'M SORRY.
I HAVE THIS CUTE, LITTLE
GIRL THING THAT DELIGHTS
IN KILLING YOU AT THAT GAME.
- COME ON, BABY,
ONE MORE TIME.
- KIRK, YOU CAN'T
POSSIBLY CATCH UP.
I'M TOO FAR AHEAD OF YOU.
- YEAH, I KNOW,
BUT I GOT TO WIN ONE GAME.
AS SOON AS I DO, WE'LL QUIT,
WE'LL GO
TO MY APARTMENT. OK?
- OH?
- BUT DON'T LET ME WIN
ON ACCOUNT OF THAT.
JUST WAIT.
- DON'T WORRY.
- CHANGE, I'M GOING TO NEED
ANOTHER $20 WORTH OF QUARTERS.
- OH,
BRENDA, I'M SO SORRY.
I TRIED NOT TO WAKE YOU WHEN
I OPENED THE DOOR.
- IT WASN'T THE DOOR.
THE SOUND OF WHIPPED
CREAM ALWAYS WAKES ME UP.
HOW WAS YOUR DATE?
- WELL,
THE HIGH POINT WAS
THE AMUSEMENT CENTER
ON BROADWAY.
AND THE LOW POINT WAS WHEN HE
ASKED ME BACK TO HIS APARTMENT
TO SPEND THE NIGHT.
WHEN I SAID, "NO," HE GAVE
ME 12 QUARTERS AND PUT
ME IN A CAB.
- WELL,
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM
SOMEONE WHO COMES UP
OUT OF A DRAINPIPE?
- OH,
LISTEN, LAST I SAW OF HIM,
HE WAS PLAYING
PONG WITH HIMSELF.
STILL LOSING.
HOW WAS YOUR EVENING?
WHAT'D YOU DO?
- OH, FINE.
I WATCHED A LITTLE TELEVISION
AND THEN I FELL ASLEEP UNTIL
THE PHONE WOKE ME UP.
PHONE WOKE ME UP.
RHODA, JOE CALLED.
- WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
- I'M SORRY.
I GUESS I'M STILL HALF-ASLEEP.
- WELL, WHAT'D HE SAY?
- WELL,
HE ASKED IF YOU WERE HERE,
AND I SAID, "NO,"
YOU HAD A DATE,
AND HE SAID, "THANK
YOU" AND HUNG UP.
- BRENDA, DIDN'T HE LEAVE
A MESSAGE OR ANYTHING?
- NO,
NEITHER TIME.
- BRENDA, ARE YOU TELLING
ME HE CALLED HERE TWICE?
- HUH?
- YEAH.
- BRENDA, BRENDA.
WAKE UP.
- STOP, STOP.
- NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
WHY WAS HE CALLING?
DID HE TELL YOU? WHAT?
- NO.
- OH, BOY.
HE MUST HAVE CALLED TO
TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD.
I MEAN,
HE WOULDN'T CALL TWICE TO TELL
ME SOMETHING BAD, RIGHT?
HE ALREADY TOLD
ME SOMETHING BAD...
UNLESS IT'S EVEN WORSE.
OOH. YEAH.
AND HE CALLED TO SORT OF,
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HE FELT
HE OWED IT TO ME.
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES PEOPLE
THINK THAT THEY'RE NOT REALLY
BEING STRAIGHT WITH YOU UNLESS
THEY SEE YOU HYSTERICAL.
- RHODA, WHY DON'T
YOU FORGET ABOUT IT?
OR YOU'LL START IMAGINING
ALL KINDS OF CRAZY THINGS,
LIKE BEFORE.
WAIT UNTIL HE CALLS AGAIN.
- I'M GOING TO WAIT.
OK, ENOUGH WAITING,
I'M GOING TO CALL HIM.
- HE'S NOT HOME.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
- HE SAID HE WAS WALKING
THE STREETS AND HE'D CALL BACK.
- JUST MY LUCK, HE'LL GO INTO
A PHONE BOOTH AND FIND SOME
OTHER GIRL'S PHONE NUMBER.
[DOOR BUZZER]
- NOW,
THAT'S GOT TO BE JOE.
- OR MAYBE IT'S KIRK.
MAYBE HE FOUND
AN ALL-NIGHT PINBALL MACHINE.
YES?
- THIS IS CARLTON.
- YEAH.
- THE DOORMAN.
- CARLTON, I KNOW
YOU'RE THE DOORMAN.
IS THAT WHAT YOU
CALLED TO TELL ME?
- NO.
THERE'S A MAN ON HIS WAY
UP TO SEE YOU.
SHOULD I STOP HIM?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- NEVER MIND, CARLTON.
- HI, BRENDA.
OK, LET'S TALK.
- UH...
YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'LL GO TAKE A BATH.
I'LL TAKE JOHNNY
CARSON WITH ME.
- HI, JOE.
UM...HOW'D YOU
KNOW I'D BE HOME?
- OH,
IT'S JUST A LUCKY GUESS.
- OH.
- I HAPPEN TO BE STANDING
IN THE PHONE BOOTH ACROSS
THE STREET FOR A COUPLE HOURS
AND I SAW YOU COME IN.
- OH.
- LOOK,
RHODA, THIS TRIAL SEPARATION
ISN'T WORKING OUT.
- OH, IT ISN'T?
- WELL, DO YOU
THINK IT'S WORKING?
- GEE,
I DON'T KNOW, JOE.
I WAS NEVER SEPARATED
FROM ANYBODY BEFORE...
EXCEPT MY MOTHER.
- WELL, LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING, IT'S
DRIVING ME CRAZY.
ON MONDAY, I MADE UP MY
MIND THAT I WASN'T GOING TO
GET INVOLVED.
AND WHAT'S TODAY?
- FRIDAY.
- RIGHT.
THAT'S, UH, 4 DAYS LATER
AND I'M CLIMBING THE WALLS.
HELL, I'M CLIMBING THE FLOOR.
- GEE,
JOE, THAT'S TOO BAD.
- AND THEN TONIGHT.
TONIGHT...I DON'T KNOW...I...
I--I HATED THE GUY
YOU WERE WITH
AND I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW HIM.
- YOU WOULDN'T LIKE HIM
ANY BETTER IF YOU KNEW HIM.
- RHODA, AS FAR AS I'M
CONCERNED, FROM NOW ON, YOU'RE
THE ONLY GIRL I WANT TO SEE.
NOW, YOU CAN DO
ANYTHING YOU WANT.
I DON'T WANT TO BE POSSESSIVE
BECAUSE THAT CAN RUIN
A RELATIONSHIP, SO, YOU'RE
STILL FREE, BUT I'M CALLING
OFF MY PART OF THE DEAL.
- OK, NOW,
JUST WAIT.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.
NOW, LET'S SAY THAT I ALSO
CALL OFF MY PART OF THE DEAL.
I MEAN,
UH, IF SO, UH...
WHAT RELATIONSHIP
DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
I MEAN,
YOU KNOW, CASUAL, SERIOUS,
THE, UH...WHOLE
ENCHILADA, OR WHAT?
- WELL,
THOSE ARE THE THINGS THAT
WE CAN FIGURE OUT TOGETHER.
- RIGHT.
- BUT,
WHAT I WANT TO SAY RIGHT
NOW...I THINK THAT--THAT
YOU SHOULD KNOW, I MEAN,
TO GET IT OUT IN THE OPEN...
DAMN IT, RHODA, I LOVE YOU.
- IT'S THE MOVIES
THEY'RE MAKING TODAY.
YUP.
A MAN CAN'T SAY HE LOVES
YOU WITHOUT CURSING.
- WELL,
HOWEVER I SAID IT, I MEANT IT.
- IT WAS REALLY
GOOD, JOE.
BECAUSE, DAMN IT,
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
I DO.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
- HELLO?
HEY, JOE, YOU JUST LEFT.
WHAT?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW, BUT
I'LL SURE TAKE A LOOK.
YEAH.
YES, I CAN SEE YOU
IN THE PHONE BOOTH.
HEH HEH HEH.
YOU'RE CRAZY, YOU KNOW THAT?
ME, TOO, JOE.
GOOD NIGHT.
- GEE, RHO.
BET YOU FEEL A LOT
BETTER NOW, HUH?
- OH, BREN--YOU
WERE LISTENING.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
WATCHING JOHNNY CARSON.
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT
RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER
LIKING THAT LIKED ME
BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS
ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF
THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO
THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY
FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- HEY,
HOW'S IT GOING, DONNIE?
- I'M HUNGRY, DAD.
WHEN IS THIS LADY COMING?
- WELL, SHE SHOULD
HAVE BEEN HERE BY NOW.
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL
HER, "THIS LADY," YOU CAN CALL
HER RHODA.
- HI, RHODA.
- THAT'S IT.
- JUST LIKE THAT.
- HI.
- OH.
- HI, RHODA.
- JOE.
- YOU REMEMBER DONNIE,
DON'T YOU?
- OF COURSE.
HOW COULD I FORGET DONNIE?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
HIYA, DONNIE.
- HI.
- OH,
I'M SO SORRY I'M
LATE, YOU GUYS.
I GOT ON THE BUS.
I DIDN'T HAVE
THE EXACT CHANGE.
I HAD TO GET OFF.
- YOU DIDN'T WALK
HERE, DID YOU?
- NO, NO.
THERE WAS A CAB...
STOPPED FOR A RED LIGHT SO
I WENT OVER AND ASKED HIM TO
TO TAKE A BUS?
- YEAH.
AND MY ADVICE IS
NEVER TO DO THAT.
- WELL,
ANYWAY, LOOK, I'M REALLY GLAD
YOU'RE HERE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL
GO GET US SOMETHING TO EAT.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?
- UH...JUST BLACK
COFFEE FOR ME.
- THAT'S ALL?
- YEAH. I NEVER LIKE
TO EAT IN A ZOO.
I ALWAYS FIGURE, I DON'T KNOW,
I MIGHT BE EATING SOMETHING
THAT SOMEBODY ELSE IS PETTING.
- ANYWAY, I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE
WITH DONNIE FOR A MINUTE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[ANIMAL NOISES
IN BACKGROUND]
- WELL...
SO, DONNIE.
UM...
HOW'S SCHOOL?
I DON'T BELIEVE
I ASKED THAT QUESTION.
THAT'S SO DUMB, ASKING
A KID HOW HE LIKES SCHOOL.
I BET EVERYBODY YOU EVER
MEET ASKS YOU THAT, RIGHT?
- UH-HUH.
THEN THEY USUALLY SAY
HOW BIG I'M GETTING.
- I USED TO GET THAT, TOO...
UNTIL LAST YEAR, IN FACT.
- OK.
BLACK COFFEE.
- OH, THANKS, JOE.
DONNIE.
- A CHOCOLATE
SUNDAE FOR BREAKFAST?
- WELL, I ONLY SEE
HIM EVERY OTHER WEEK.
WHAT AM I GOING TO GIVE HIM,
POACHED EGGS AND PRUNES?
HEY, DONNIE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO DO TODAY, PAL?
- I DON'T CARE.
JUST SO WE TAKE THE TRAIN
BACK EARLY FOR MOM'S
BIRTHDAY PARTY.
- TODAY? IS IT TODAY?
OH.
THAT'S GOING TO CHANGE
OUR PLANS A LITTLE.
- LISTEN, DON'T
WORRY ABOUT ME.
I CAN TAKE THE BUS HOME.
I HAVE THE EXACT CHANGE NOW.
- IF WE'RE GOING TO GO SOON,
COULD I TAKE ANOTHER TRIP
AROUND TO SEE IF
ANYTHING WOKE UP?
- OH, SURE.
I'M SORRY, RHODA.
- IT'S OK.
- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL TAKE DONNIE
HOME TO TARRYTOWN.
I'LL SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
MARIAN" TO MY EX-WIFE.
I'LL HURRY RIGHT BACK HERE,
WE'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME
FOR DINNER. OK?
- PERFECT.
YEAH, THAT'S FINE
WITH ME, JOE.
- HEY, UH...
- YEAH?
- YOU THINK DONNIE LIKED ME?
- OH, SURE.
- I EVEN BROUGHT HIM A PRESENT.
- I GOT TO SHOW YOU--
- OH, YEAH? WHAT'D YOU GET HIM?
- WELL,
IT'S A PIGGYBANK.
I MEAN,
IT'S NOT REALLY A PIG.
IT'S A CLOWN.
UH, YOU PUT A COIN IN HIS
LITTLE HAND AND HE DROPS IT
IN HIS PANTS.
CLINK.
- YEAH. IT'S KIND OF SILLY.
- GEE,
THAT REMINDS ME, I SHOULD GET
MARIAN A PRESENT OR SOMETHING.
WHAT CAN YOU GET
SOMEBODY ON A SUNDAY?
- OH.
HEY, YOU WANT
TO GIVE HER THIS?
SURE. I'LL GET DONNIE
SOMETHING ELSE.
- HEY, GREAT!
SHE'LL LOVE IT.
I'LL BE A HERO!
- WONDERFUL.
- POSSUMS HUNT AT NIGHT AND
EAT ALMOST ANY KIND OF ANIMAL
OR VEGETABLE FOR FOOD.
INTERESTINGLY, THE POSSUM
HAS THE SHORTEST GESTATION
PERIOD OF ANY...
- WHAT IS THAT?
- "ANIMAL WORLD."
- BRENDA, COULD
WE PLEASE CHANGE IT?
I WAS ALREADY
AT THE ZOO TODAY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- THAT'S PROBABLY JOE
CALLING ME FROM TARRYTOWN.
HELLO?
OH, HI, JOE.
IS IT REALLY?
ISN'T THAT FUNNY?
I LOST ALL TRACK OF TIME.
SO HOW IS EVERYTHING
GOING...YOU KNOW...THERE?
SO THE GIFT WENT
OVER BIG, HUH?
WONDERFUL.
UM...WHAT?
NO, THAT'S SILLY.
WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY TELL
ME THAT I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND?
OF COURSE, I UNDERSTAND.
YEAH.
YEAH. I UNDERSTAND THAT, TOO.
I UNDERSTAND.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
OOH, OOH, YEAH,
NOW I UNDERSTAND.
SURE. YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, UH,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
BECAUSE TOMORROW
FOR LUNCH WILL BE FINE.
SURE. YEAH, RIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, JOE.
[SIGHS]
WELL, YOU KNOW,
MARIAN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY IS
STILL GOING ON.
- SO?
- WELL,
DONNIE IS ALLOWED TO STAY UP
LATER TONIGHT.
AND, UH...
HE WANTS JOE TO STAY
THERE UNTIL HE GOES TO BED.
AND THAT'S THE WHOLE STORY.
- UH-HUH.
- EXCEPT THAT JOE IS STAYING
OVERNIGHT THERE AND THAT'S
THE REST OF THE WHOLE STORY.
- GEE,
I WONDER WHERE HE'S
GOING TO SLEEP.
- I DON'T KNOW, BRENDA.
I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY IN SOME
SEPARATE GUEST HOUSE.
UH...I DON'T KNOW.
POSSIBLY, UH...YOU KNOW,
A ROOM OVER THE GARAGE.
MAYBE A MOTEL.
- OH,
RHODA, I'M SORRY.
I SHOULDN'T BE PUTTING THESE
THOUGHTS INTO YOUR HEAD.
- DON'T WORRY, KIDDO.
I HAD 'EM BEFORE YOU HAD 'EM.
OH, BRENDA.
I MEAN,
IT STARTS OUT WITH
THE INNOCENT BIRTHDAY KISS.
THEN OUT COMES THE
BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE.
AND THEN IT'S TIME TO PLAY
THAT GREAT AMERICAN GAME,
EYE CONTACT.
- WHAT?
WHY WOULD JOE BE
ATTRACTED TO HER?
- HE WAS ATTRACTED
TO HER ONCE, BRENDA.
- BUT IF HE STILL LOVES HER,
WHY DID THEY GET A DIVORCE?
- HEY, WAIT.
WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT LOVE,
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SEX.
- PLEASE.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
THEY'RE NOT THE SAME THING.
I'M STILL GETTING OVER THE
GREAT "WHAT FUN IT IS TO BE
A WOMAN" HOAX.
ARE YOU UPSET?
- YEAH.
- THEN LET'S EAT SOMETHING.
- YOU KNOW, I WISH I COULD
STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT'S
GOING ON IN TARRYTOWN.
BUT I CAN HEAR
THE WHOLE DIALOGUE IN MY HEAD.
THEY'RE SITTING THERE IN
THE LIVING ROOM, RIGHT?
COMFORTABLE.
ON THE COUCH.
LOOKING INTO EACH
OTHER'S EYES.
HE...
I THINK I BETTER GET BACK.
SHE...
YOU SURE YOU DON'T
WANT TO STAY OVER?
[SIGHS]
HE SAYS, "WAIT A MINUTE.
I'LL MAKE A PHONE CALL."
THEN SHE SAYS, "GOOD.
MEANWHILE, I'LL SLIP INTO
SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE."
HE...
BUT YOU'RE ALREADY
WEARING A NEGLIGEE.
SHE...
HA HA HA HA.
- BOY,
SHE HAS A MEAN LAUGH.
- LOOK, MARIAN, WE WENT
THROUGH ALL THIS LAST NIGHT.
YOU HAVE A PERFECTLY
GOOD HOUSE IN TARRYTOWN.
WHY DO YOU WANT
TO MOVE TO CROTON?
IT'S 10 MILES AWAY!
HOW COULD THE AIR BE BETTER?
RIGHT!
OK, MARIAN.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT SOME
OTHER TIME, ALL RIGHT?
SWELL.
GOOD-BYE.
- HI.
- HI, RHODA.
LOOK, UH, I'M HAVING KIND
OF A TOUGH DAY, HERE.
WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE
TIME TO GO OUT TO LUNCH.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE HAVE
SOME SANDWICHES HERE, OK?
- OK, SURE.
- LET'S SEE, WE GOT,
UH...HAM AND BOLOGNA
AND AMERICAN CHEESE.
TAKE YOUR CHOICE.
- I CAN'T DECIDE.
EVERYTHING LOOKS SO GOOD.
- COFFEE?
- SURE.
- [SIGHS]
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I SHOULD
HAVE THE CHEESE...
OR THE HAM...
OR DID YOU SLEEP
WITH MARIAN LAST NIGHT?
- WHAT?
- I GUESS I'LL HAVE THE HAM.
- SLEEP WITH MY EX-WIFE?
WHY WOULD I DO
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
- FOR THE SAME REASON I ATE
2 PIZZAS LAST NIGHT.
- OK.
YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU.
MARIAN AND I HAD A TERRIBLE
ARGUMENT ABOUT YOU.
- OH.
WELL, I HOPE YOU PATCH IT UP.
I WANT YOUR DIVORCE
TO RUN SMOOTHLY.
- DON'T WORRY.
IF WE HADN'T HAVE ALREADY
BEEN DIVORCED, THIS WOULD
HAVE DONE IT.
BUT I'M GLAD IT HAPPENED.
BECAUSE I LEARNED SOMETHING.
- YOU MEAN IT, JOE?
- YEAH.
- TERRIFIC. WHAT?
- I LEARNED I NEVER WANT
TO GET MARRIED AGAIN.
- WHAT A SWELL THING TO LEARN.
- NO, NO.
IT JUST NEVER WORKS OUT.
- I THINK IT CAN.
I'M NOT CAMPAIGNING,
YOU UNDERSTAND.
IT'S JUST AN OPINION,
BUT I THINK IT CAN...
WORK.
- NAME ME ONE MARRIAGE
THAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN WORK.
- OZZIE AND HARRIET.
- I THINK THEY'RE STAYING
TOGETHER BECAUSE OF THE KIDS.
- HEY, LISTEN, JOE.
I MEAN,
IS THIS JUST A NICE, LIVELY
TOPIC OF CONVERSATION
FOR LUNCH OR ARE YOU, UH...
TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?
HMM?
- WELL, MAYBE I AM.
- [SIGHS]
- LOOK, RHODA.
WE'RE STARTING TO GET
SERIOUS ABOUT EACH OTHER
AND I'M FEELING BOXED IN
AND I DON'T LIKE THE FEELING.
AND YET,
I DON'T WANT TO HURT WHAT'S
GOING ON BETWEEN US.
- SO,
WHAT DO YOU WANT, JOE?
- I WANT US TO TAKE
A FEW STEPS BACK.
- HOW MANY STEPS?
- NOT TOO MANY.
MAYBE WE JUST SHOULDN'T
SEE EACH OTHER AS MUCH.
- OK.
BUT, JOE, I'M NOT GOING TO
SIT HOME AND WAIT FOR YOU TO
DECIDE WHEN IT IS YOU
WANT TO SEE ME.
- THEN SEE OTHER PEOPLE.
I DON'T MIND.
- OK, I WILL.
- I WILL, TOO.
- I MIND.
- THAT'S NOT FAIR.
- YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT'S NOT FAIR?
JOE...
YOU'RE AFRAID TO
CARE ABOUT SOMEBODY.
- YOU BET.
THAT'S WHY I THINK
THAT WE BOTH SHOULD...
WELL, TAKE
A BREATHER FOR A WHILE.
KIND OF HANG LOOSE.
YOU KNOW.
- OH, DO I KNOW.
I'VE BEEN HANGING
LOOSE ALL MY LIFE.
YEAH, SURE.
YEAH.
NEW YORK CITY IS
A GREAT BIG LOOSE TOWN.
AND THERE'S LOTS OF LOOSE
PEOPLE HANGING IN IT.
SO WHY TIE YOURSELF DOWN
TO ONE PERSON, RIGHT?
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CAN'T
THINK OF ONE HAPPY MARRIAGE.
YEAH.
PRINCESS GRACE,
PRINCE RAINIER.
ROY ROGERS, DALE EVANS.
SOPHIA LOREN, CARLO PONTI.
WILL AND ARIEL DURANT.
MY MOM AND DAD!
MASTERS AND JOHNSON!
- WHEN'S YOUR DATE COMING?
- UGH, DON'T REMIND ME.
ANYTIME NOW.
HERE I GO AGAIN,
WITH THE NERDS.
[SIGHS]
33 YEARS OLD AND I'M BACK
IN THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW
HE'LL BE SO BAD?
AFTER ALL, JOE WAS DIFFERENT.
- YEAH.
[DOOR BUZZER]
- SO, I THINK I'VE
HAD MY ONE DIFFERENT.
I MEAN,
IN THAT BIG DATING BOOK
IN THE SKY, BRENDA, I FEEL
THAT'S PROBABLY ALL YOU'RE
ENTITLED TO.
YEAH, CARLTON?
- HOW DID YOU KNOW IT
WAS ME, CARLTON?
- I JUST TOOK A SHOT.
I THINK HE JUST
DID THE SAME.
WHO IS IT?
- SAY,
THERE'S A, UH...A STEVEN DOWN
HERE TO SEE YOU.
- UH-HUH.
GOOD, CARLTON.
JUST SEND HIM UP, THANK YOU.
- OK,
BUT I SHOULDN'T.
I'M ON A BREAK.
- STEVEN?
- CLOSE ENOUGH.
KIRK STEVENS.
AN ACTOR I MET TODAY ON, UH,
UNEMPLOYMENT LINE, WHERE I WAS
HANGING LOOSE.
- OH, AN ACTOR.
- YEAH.
- HEY,
WHAT'S HE LIKE?
- WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?
HE WEARS JEANS WITH
NAILHEADS ON THEM.
SORT OF AN OLD YOUTH.
- HE DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE YOUR TYPE.
- BRENDA, "NOT MY TYPE"
IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.
I MEAN,
IT DOESN'T MAKE AS MUCH SENSE
TO GO OUT WITH A GUY THAT YOU
REALLY CARE FOR WHO'S NOT
SERIOUS ABOUT YOU, RIGHT?
I MEAN,
I WANT SOMEBODY THAT'S JUST
CASUAL ABOUT ME, SO I
CAN BE CASUAL ABOUT HIM.
AND I CAN BE VERY CASUAL
ABOUT A MAN WHO WEARS JEANS
ENCRUSTED WITH NAILHEADS.
- GEE,
YOU'VE GOT ALL THESE DIFFERENT
KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS.
- WELL, DON'T YOU?
- NO. JUST ONE.
I TAKE AN INSTANT LIKING
TO ANYBODY WHO ASKS ME OUT.
[RHYTHMIC KNOCK ON DOOR]
- CUTE.
HI.
- HEY.
- I ALWAYS LIKE TO GET
THAT OUT OF THE WAY FIRST.
- I'VE GOT SOMETHING I'D LIKE
TO GET OUT OF THE WAY, TOO.
NO.
- BEAUTIFUL.
I LIKE A GIRL I'M GOING
TO HAVE TROUBLE WITH.
- OH.
THEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE
JUST CRAZY ABOUT ME.
UM...KIRK, THIS IS
MY SISTER BRENDA.
- HEY.
- YOU'RE AN ACTOR, HUH?
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN IN?
- MOSTLY I DO TV COMMERCIALS.
- I DON'T EVER
REMEMBER SEEING YOU.
WHAT WAS YOUR LAST ONE?
- WELL, YOU WOULDN'T
HAVE RECOGNIZED ME.
I WAS ABOUT THAT BIG.
AND MY FACE WAS ALL BLACK.
AND I WAS COMING UP OUT
OF A DRAINPIPE.
- YOU'RE MR. GRIME.
HEY, RHO, THIS IS MR. GRIME.
- NO KIDDING.
THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I EVER
FOUND THAT OUT BEFORE A DATE.
- I DON'T WANT TO WRAP ABOUT
MY COMMERCIALS ALL NIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I WORK IN A BANK.
- I DID A COMMERCIAL
FOR A BANK ONCE.
THEY JUST USED PART OF ME.
- OH.
WHICH PART?
- I GOT THAT.
BUT IT'S THE COMMERCIAL,
YOU KNOW, WHERE THIS GUY
REACHES OUT HIS HAND AT THE
END, AND HE SAYS, "WE'RE THERE
WHEN YOU NEED A HELPING HAND."
- OH,
THE HELPING HAND.
- OH, YEAH.
I'VE SEEN THAT.
- YEAH. WELL, HERE'S
THE PART YOU DON'T SEE.
THE GUY HAS THESE FAT,
STUBBY LITTLE FINGERS,
AND HE BITES HIS NAILS.
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
SO, THE HELPING HAND THAT YOU
ACTUALLY SEE ISN'T HIS HAND.
IT'S MY HAND.
- YOU'RE SURE TAKING THE
MAGIC OUT OF TELEVISION.
- YOU KNOW THE ONE WHERE
THE HOCKEY PLAYER IS SHAVING?
HIS FACE IS SCARRED
FROM HOCKEY PUCKS.
THEY USE MY CHEEKS.
- BOY,
IT MAKES YOU WONDER.
TELL ME, IS WALTER CRONKITE
ALL THE SAME PERSON?
- I GOT THAT.
HEH HEH.
WELL, IT'S 8:00.
UH, WE'LL HAVE SOME DINNER
AND THEN...WHATEVER.
- IF EVER.
- UH,
WAIT A MINUTE.
NOW, IN CASE WE COME BACK
HERE LATER, UH, WHAT ARE
THE SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS?
- THEY'RE SIMPLE.
SHE SLEEPS THERE, I SLEEP
HERE, AND YOU DON'T.
- ANYWAY, I HAVE AN
EARLY AUDITION TOMORROW.
I'M UP FOR THE PART OF HAMLET.
- OH,
REALLY, KIRK?
WHICH PART OF HAMLET?
[BUZZING]
- OH, YOU BEAT ME AGAIN.
- LOOKS LIKE IT.
- ARE YOU SURE YOU NEVER
PLAYED PONG BEFORE?
- NO, NO NEVER.
JUST THE LAST 3 HOURS WITH YOU.
LISTEN, MAYBE
WE SHOULD CALL IT A NIGHT.
HUH, KIRK? PLEASE?
- YOU KNOW,
I GOT THIS FEELING.
AND I'VE NEVER HAD THIS
FEELING BEFORE WHEN I'VE BEEN
OUT WITH A GIRL...
THAT MAYBE I'M NOT
ENJOYING THE EVENING.
RHODA, I'LL BE VERY
HONEST WITH YOU.
I GOT THIS MACHO THING WHERE
I CAN'T STAND TO HAVE A GIRL
BEAT ME AT ANYTHING.
- OH, I'M SORRY.
I HAVE THIS CUTE, LITTLE
GIRL THING THAT DELIGHTS
IN KILLING YOU AT THAT GAME.
- COME ON, BABY,
ONE MORE TIME.
- KIRK, YOU CAN'T
POSSIBLY CATCH UP.
I'M TOO FAR AHEAD OF YOU.
- YEAH, I KNOW,
BUT I GOT TO WIN ONE GAME.
AS SOON AS I DO, WE'LL QUIT,
WE'LL GO
TO MY APARTMENT. OK?
- OH?
- BUT DON'T LET ME WIN
ON ACCOUNT OF THAT.
JUST WAIT.
- DON'T WORRY.
- CHANGE, I'M GOING TO NEED
ANOTHER $20 WORTH OF QUARTERS.
- OH,
BRENDA, I'M SO SORRY.
I TRIED NOT TO WAKE YOU WHEN
I OPENED THE DOOR.
- IT WASN'T THE DOOR.
THE SOUND OF WHIPPED
CREAM ALWAYS WAKES ME UP.
HOW WAS YOUR DATE?
- WELL,
THE HIGH POINT WAS
THE AMUSEMENT CENTER
ON BROADWAY.
AND THE LOW POINT WAS WHEN HE
ASKED ME BACK TO HIS APARTMENT
TO SPEND THE NIGHT.
WHEN I SAID, "NO," HE GAVE
ME 12 QUARTERS AND PUT
ME IN A CAB.
- WELL,
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM
SOMEONE WHO COMES UP
OUT OF A DRAINPIPE?
- OH,
LISTEN, LAST I SAW OF HIM,
HE WAS PLAYING
PONG WITH HIMSELF.
STILL LOSING.
HOW WAS YOUR EVENING?
WHAT'D YOU DO?
- OH, FINE.
I WATCHED A LITTLE TELEVISION
AND THEN I FELL ASLEEP UNTIL
THE PHONE WOKE ME UP.
PHONE WOKE ME UP.
RHODA, JOE CALLED.
- WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
- I'M SORRY.
I GUESS I'M STILL HALF-ASLEEP.
- WELL, WHAT'D HE SAY?
- WELL,
HE ASKED IF YOU WERE HERE,
AND I SAID, "NO,"
YOU HAD A DATE,
AND HE SAID, "THANK
YOU" AND HUNG UP.
- BRENDA, DIDN'T HE LEAVE
A MESSAGE OR ANYTHING?
- NO,
NEITHER TIME.
- BRENDA, ARE YOU TELLING
ME HE CALLED HERE TWICE?
- HUH?
- YEAH.
- BRENDA, BRENDA.
WAKE UP.
- STOP, STOP.
- NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
WHY WAS HE CALLING?
DID HE TELL YOU? WHAT?
- NO.
- OH, BOY.
HE MUST HAVE CALLED TO
TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD.
I MEAN,
HE WOULDN'T CALL TWICE TO TELL
ME SOMETHING BAD, RIGHT?
HE ALREADY TOLD
ME SOMETHING BAD...
UNLESS IT'S EVEN WORSE.
OOH. YEAH.
AND HE CALLED TO SORT OF,
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HE FELT
HE OWED IT TO ME.
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES PEOPLE
THINK THAT THEY'RE NOT REALLY
BEING STRAIGHT WITH YOU UNLESS
THEY SEE YOU HYSTERICAL.
- RHODA, WHY DON'T
YOU FORGET ABOUT IT?
OR YOU'LL START IMAGINING
ALL KINDS OF CRAZY THINGS,
LIKE BEFORE.
WAIT UNTIL HE CALLS AGAIN.
- I'M GOING TO WAIT.
OK, ENOUGH WAITING,
I'M GOING TO CALL HIM.
- HE'S NOT HOME.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
- HE SAID HE WAS WALKING
THE STREETS AND HE'D CALL BACK.
- JUST MY LUCK, HE'LL GO INTO
A PHONE BOOTH AND FIND SOME
OTHER GIRL'S PHONE NUMBER.
[DOOR BUZZER]
- NOW,
THAT'S GOT TO BE JOE.
- OR MAYBE IT'S KIRK.
MAYBE HE FOUND
AN ALL-NIGHT PINBALL MACHINE.
YES?
- THIS IS CARLTON.
- YEAH.
- THE DOORMAN.
- CARLTON, I KNOW
YOU'RE THE DOORMAN.
IS THAT WHAT YOU
CALLED TO TELL ME?
- NO.
THERE'S A MAN ON HIS WAY
UP TO SEE YOU.
SHOULD I STOP HIM?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- NEVER MIND, CARLTON.
- HI, BRENDA.
OK, LET'S TALK.
- UH...
YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'LL GO TAKE A BATH.
I'LL TAKE JOHNNY
CARSON WITH ME.
- HI, JOE.
UM...HOW'D YOU
KNOW I'D BE HOME?
- OH,
IT'S JUST A LUCKY GUESS.
- OH.
- I HAPPEN TO BE STANDING
IN THE PHONE BOOTH ACROSS
THE STREET FOR A COUPLE HOURS
AND I SAW YOU COME IN.
- OH.
- LOOK,
RHODA, THIS TRIAL SEPARATION
ISN'T WORKING OUT.
- OH, IT ISN'T?
- WELL, DO YOU
THINK IT'S WORKING?
- GEE,
I DON'T KNOW, JOE.
I WAS NEVER SEPARATED
FROM ANYBODY BEFORE...
EXCEPT MY MOTHER.
- WELL, LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING, IT'S
DRIVING ME CRAZY.
ON MONDAY, I MADE UP MY
MIND THAT I WASN'T GOING TO
GET INVOLVED.
AND WHAT'S TODAY?
- FRIDAY.
- RIGHT.
THAT'S, UH, 4 DAYS LATER
AND I'M CLIMBING THE WALLS.
HELL, I'M CLIMBING THE FLOOR.
- GEE,
JOE, THAT'S TOO BAD.
- AND THEN TONIGHT.
TONIGHT...I DON'T KNOW...I...
I--I HATED THE GUY
YOU WERE WITH
AND I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW HIM.
- YOU WOULDN'T LIKE HIM
ANY BETTER IF YOU KNEW HIM.
- RHODA, AS FAR AS I'M
CONCERNED, FROM NOW ON, YOU'RE
THE ONLY GIRL I WANT TO SEE.
NOW, YOU CAN DO
ANYTHING YOU WANT.
I DON'T WANT TO BE POSSESSIVE
BECAUSE THAT CAN RUIN
A RELATIONSHIP, SO, YOU'RE
STILL FREE, BUT I'M CALLING
OFF MY PART OF THE DEAL.
- OK, NOW,
JUST WAIT.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.
NOW, LET'S SAY THAT I ALSO
CALL OFF MY PART OF THE DEAL.
I MEAN,
UH, IF SO, UH...
WHAT RELATIONSHIP
DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
I MEAN,
YOU KNOW, CASUAL, SERIOUS,
THE, UH...WHOLE
ENCHILADA, OR WHAT?
- WELL,
THOSE ARE THE THINGS THAT
WE CAN FIGURE OUT TOGETHER.
- RIGHT.
- BUT,
WHAT I WANT TO SAY RIGHT
NOW...I THINK THAT--THAT
YOU SHOULD KNOW, I MEAN,
TO GET IT OUT IN THE OPEN...
DAMN IT, RHODA, I LOVE YOU.
- IT'S THE MOVIES
THEY'RE MAKING TODAY.
YUP.
A MAN CAN'T SAY HE LOVES
YOU WITHOUT CURSING.
- WELL,
HOWEVER I SAID IT, I MEANT IT.
- IT WAS REALLY
GOOD, JOE.
BECAUSE, DAMN IT,
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
I DO.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
- HELLO?
HEY, JOE, YOU JUST LEFT.
WHAT?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW, BUT
I'LL SURE TAKE A LOOK.
YEAH.
YES, I CAN SEE YOU
IN THE PHONE BOOTH.
HEH HEH HEH.
YOU'RE CRAZY, YOU KNOW THAT?
ME, TOO, JOE.
GOOD NIGHT.
- GEE, RHO.
BET YOU FEEL A LOT
BETTER NOW, HUH?
- OH, BREN--YOU
WERE LISTENING.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
WATCHING JOHNNY CARSON.