Rhoda (1974–1978): Season 1, Episode 20 - Everything I Have Is Yours, Almost - full transcript
Rhoda has noticed that Joe still has certain parts of his life that he wants to remain private, such as anytime time he uses the bathroom for whatever reason, and how he organizes his sock drawer. Those items Rhoda can somewhat respect, although she would prefer if he did open up to her even about these items. But one thing Joe has not even mentioned is that he has been seeing a doctor, the only reason she knowing being the arrival in the mail of a doctor's bill addressed to him. After much thought on the matter, Rhoda decides to open that specific piece of mail, which doesn't state much beyond Joe owing a Dr. Wexler for services rendered. After she reseals the envelope, she plans to tell Joe what she did. She changes her mind when Joe, seeing the piece of mail, quickly hides it in his pocket like he doesn't want Rhoda to even see it. Rhoda still wants to ensure that Joe isn't hiding anything serious from her, and as such does whatever she can to find out why Joe is going to see a doctor... everything that is except ask him directly.
- MY NAME
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT
RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER
LIKING THAT LIKED ME
BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS
ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF
THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO
THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY
FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- COME ON, JOE.
COME ON, PLEASE.
- JUST A MINUTE.
IT'S ALL YOURS.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- WELL, THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU.
MY HAND WAS WET.
IF YOU HADN'T BARRICADED
YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM,
I WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO GET
TO A TOWEL AND TO MY MAKE-UP
AND TO MY JOB ON TIME.
- HEY, I'M SORRY.
- JOE,
WHY DO YOU LOCK THE DOOR?
I MEAN,
WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M GOING
TO DO, RUN IN AND SQUEEZE
YOUR TOOTHPASTE IN THE MIDDLE?
BOY, I'M LATE.
AH. BIG ED'S
GOING TO BE FURIOUS.
- WHO'S BIG ED?
- OH, HE'S THIS GUY I'M
DOING WINDOW DISPLAYS FOR.
HE OWNS A SHOP FOR MEN.
YOU KNOW, RESORT WEAR FOR THE
HARD TO FIT AND THE DIFFICULT
TO GET THROUGH A DOORWAY.
IT'S NAMED PORTLY'S OF CALL.
- SHOULD I SHAVE OR NOT?
- WHAT?
- I DON'T WANT TO LOOK GRUBBY
JUST IN CASE THE GUYS
DECIDE THEY WANT TO GO
AFTERWARDS AND GRAB SOME LUNCH.
- YEAH. SO--SO SHAVE.
- YEAH, BUT IF I SHAVE NOW
AND THEN YOU AND I DECIDE
THAT WE WANT TO GO OUT
AND HAVE SOME DINNER TONIGHT
OR SOMETHING,
THEN I'LL HAVE TO SHAVE AGAIN.
- SO DON'T SHAVE.
- YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
I WON'T SHAVE UNTIL TONIGHT.
RHODA, HAVE YOU BEEN
IN MY DRAWER?
- ONLY UP TO MY WRISTS.
YEAH, IT MAKES IT EASIER
PUTTING AWAY LAUNDRY.
- YEAH,
WELL, YOU MIXED UP MY SOCKS.
SO, HOW ABOUT IF YOU
JUST LEAVE MY STUFF ON THE BED
AND I'LL PICK IT UP FOR
MYSELF AND PUT IT AWAY, OK?
- OK.
HEY, WHAT'S WITH YOU, JOE?
I MEAN,
FIRST YOU LOCKED ME OUT
OF THE BATHROOM, THEN YOU
DON'T WANT ME IN YOUR DRAWER.
ARE THERE CERTAIN AREAS
OF THE ROOM YOU WOULD LIKE
TO ROPE OFF?
- HEY,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE HUFFY.
- HUFFY?
WHAT IS THAT?
- I AM JUST USED TO
HAVING MY OWN SPACE, OK?
- OK.
- NOW LOOK, I'M SORRY
THAT ANY OF THIS CAME UP.
NO, REALLY.
IN THE FUTURE I'M GOING
TO MAKE EVERY EFFORT
TO TRY NOT TO LOCK
THE BATHROOM DOOR
AND YOU CAN FEEL FREE TO RUMMAGE
IN MY SOCK DRAWER ANY TIME
YOUR LITTLE HEART DESIRES.
- LISTEN, DON'T
BE SORRY, JOE.
IT'S GOOD THAT YOU TELL ME
THE THINGS THAT BOTHER YOU--
JUST SO ONE OF THOSE
THINGS ISN'T ME.
- HEY,
YOU BETTER GET GOING.
- YEAH, RIGHT, LISTEN,
I'LL BE HOME ABOUT 3:00.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
- YEAH, YEAH, I SHOULD
BE HOME BY THEN.
- GOT ANYTHING TO DO FOR
THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON?
- NO. YOU?
- NO.
- ON SECOND THOUGHT,
WHY DON'T YOU SHAVE?
- GOOD IDEA.
[CLICK]
- LOCKING THE DOOR TO SHAVE?
[BUZZER]
- THIS IS CARLTON,
YOUR DOORMAN.
- WAIT A MINUTE, THIS
IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- I KNOW, CARLTON, I WAS
JUST MAKING A LITTLE JOKE.
- PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.
I'M WALKING A VERY
THIN LINE DOWN HERE.
- A THIN WAVY LINE.
- YEAH,
LISTEN, YOUR SISTER BRENDA
WANTS PERMISSION
TO PICK YOUR MAIL UP.
IS IT OK WITH YOU?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- HI, RHO.
- SHH, SHH, SHH.
- UH, CARLTON?
- YES.
- LISTEN, I THINK, UM,
I WOULD RATHER PICK UP
MY OWN MAIL MYSELF.
- OH,
OKEY-DOKEY, I'LL TELL HER.
BRENDA, UH, YOUR
SISTER SAYS SHE WANTS
TO PICK UP HER
MAIL HERSELF.
- OKEY-DOKEY, CARLTON.
- YOU'RE DOING IT TO ME AGAIN.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- OH,
RHO, WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON?
- OH,
IT'S A WINDOW DISPLAY
FOR SANSBURRY'S DRUG STORE.
- YEAH.
- OH.
- OH, BOY, POST-CHRISTMAS,
PRE-EASTER.
IT'S MURDER THINKING UP
DISPLAYS BETWEEN HOLIDAYS.
- SANTA CLAUS FEEDING
TUMS TO A RABBIT?
- NO,
THAT'S THE EASTER BUNNY.
YOU SEE.
I FIGURE WITH A LITTLE SIGN
THAT SAYS TUMS FOR THE BUNNY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- IT'S KIND OF CUTE.
- IT'S THE PITS.
FORGET IT.
HEY, LISTEN, BRENDA, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HOME FROM THE BANK?
IF IT'S A HOLIDAY, LET ME
KNOW. I COULD USE ONE.
- NO,
I CALLED IN SICK.
- OH, REALLY? WHAT'S A MATTER?
- NOTHING.
I JUST THOUGHT I'D, YOU KNOW,
I'D GIVE MYSELF ONE MORE DAY
TO CHANGE MY LUCK.
I HAD A REALLY LOUSY WEEKEND.
AND MONDAY'S MY LUCKY DAY.
- HOW DO YOU FIGURE?
- IT'S THE DAY MY LOUSY
WEEKENDS ARE OVER.
YOU GOT ANYTHING GOOD THERE?
- NAH,
NAH, JUST BILLS MOSTLY.
A COUPLE THINGS FOR JOE.
- OH, I SEE CARLTON'S
READING YOUR MAGAZINES, TOO.
- OH, YEAH.
- THE WINE AD HERE
SMELLS LIKE MUSCATEL.
- OH,
TERRIFIC, A LETTER FROM MARY.
- OH,
THAT'S REALLY CUTE STATIONARY.
- YEAH, ISN'T IT?
WELL, THIS IS SYMBOLIC OF
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US.
NOW, YOU SEE MARY'S STATIONARY
IS YELLOW WITH A PERKY
LITTLE MARY AND A FLOWER.
MINE, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS GREY
WITH A PERKY LITTLE NEW YORK
WRECKING AND A BULLDOZER.
- SO, HOW IS MARY?
- OH, I'M SORRY, BREN,
YOU WANT TO HEAR THIS?
- ONLY THE PERSONAL PARTS.
- OK.
- "DEAREST RHODA,
HOW ARE YOU AND JOE?"
- HOW IS JOE BY THE WAY?
- JOE'S TERRIFIC. WHY?
- OH, THIS DOCTOR BILL
IS ADDRESSED TO HIM.
- TO JOE?
- I ADMIRE YOUR SELF-CONTROL
THERE, RHODA.
- BRENDA,
I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.
I COULDN'T.
I SAW JOE'S NAME IN THAT
LITTLE CELLOPHANE WINDOW
AND SOMETHING SNAPPED.
- WHAT'S IT SAY?
- "PROFESSIONAL
SERVICES RENDERED, $100."
THAT'S IT.
- I KNOW A WAY THAT WE CAN
FIND OUT WHAT THE BILL'S FOR.
- YEAH?
- ASK JOE.
- I CAN'T DO THAT, BRENDA.
HE HAS THIS BIG THING ABOUT
PRIVACY AND I FEEL LIKE I JUST
VIOLATED IT.
- WELL, TELL HIM IT
WAS AN ACCIDENT.
- SURE, SURE, I WAS GOING
THROUGH THE MAIL
AND THIS DOCTOR'S BILL
FELL OFF THE TABLE AND BROKE
OPEN ON THE FLOOR.
OH, I SHOULD NEVER
HAVE OPENED IT.
- OH,
RHODA, YOU WERE CONCERNED.
BESIDES, YOU COULDN'T HELP IT.
SNOOPING IS
AN INHERITED TRAIT.
IT'S IN OUR GENES.
YOU KNOW, RHO, IF YOU DO THAT
REAL GOOD, HE'LL NEVER KNOW.
- HE'LL KNOW.
- HOW'S HE GONNA KNOW?
- I'LL TELL HIM.
- OH,
THEN HE'LL KNOW.
- HIYA, BABE.
- HIYA. HI.
- HOW YOU DOING?
- SO FAR NOT SENSATIONAL.
- OH,
YOU'RE STILL WORKING ON THAT
DRUG STORE WINDOW, HUH?
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
I'M, UH, I'M USING THE
MANNEQUINS FROM MY CHRISTMAS
IN FOREIGN LANDS AND I'VE
CHANGED IT TO HEADACHE,
NEUROTICS, AND NEURALGIA
AROUND THE WORLD.
FORGET IT. IT'S AWFUL.
- YOU KNOW, WE JUST STARTED
KNOCKING DOWN THAT CHURCH.
- YEAH?
- AND THE MINISTER PUT UP
THIS SIGN IN FRONT THAT SAYS,
"GOD IS NOT DEAD, HE JUST MOVED
TO 1313 WEST SIXTH STREET."
HEY, I GOT YOU A SOUVENIR.
- YOU DID?
- YEAH.
- HEY, DON'T YOU DIE
IF YOU LOOT A CHURCH?
- NO, IT'S OK, REALLY.
- WHAT ARE THESE?
HONEY, THEY'RE LIKE
BIG WOODEN MARBLES.
- THEY'RE BINGO BALLS.
- YEAH?
- OH, MORE BILLS, HUH?
- YEAH, YEAH, JOE.
- OH, BOY, EVERYBODY
WANTS MONEY.
YOU KNOW, WE OUGHT TO HAVE
AN UNLISTED MAILBOX.
- JOE, LISTEN.
- YEAH, WHAT?
- OH,
I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY THAT
I DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE
TO MAKE DINNER YET.
- OH, THAT'S OK.
LISTEN, YOU WORKED ALL DAY.
LET ME THROW
SOMETHING TOGETHER.
- OH, NO, I CAN'T
LET YOU DO THAT.
WHY DON'T WE GO OUT TO EAT?
- HEY, YOU GOT A DEAL.
LET ME CHANGE, OK?
- OK.
- WEXLER...
NORMAN, NORMAN.
YES, HELLO, IS THIS
DR. WEXLER'S OFFICE?
OH, HIS EXCHANGE.
HMM. MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME.
OH, NO, NO, THIS
IS NO EMERGENCY.
DON'T PUT ME
THROUGH TO THE DOCTOR.
NO, UH, THE ONLY EMERGENCY
IS THAT I FIND OUT WHAT KIND
OF A DOCTOR HE IS.
WELL, NO, I DON'T HAVE
A PROBLEM, YOU SEE.
THAT'S--THAT'S, UH, BUT IF
I DID HAVE A PROBLEM, WHERE
IN MY BODY WOULD
IT PROBABLY BE?
ALL RIGHT, OK, LOOK,
I'LL LEVEL WITH YOU.
THIS IS DR. WEXLER'S MOTHER.
YES, AND I FEEL AS HIS MOTHER
I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO KNOW
WHAT KIND OF A DOCTOR HE IS.
HE NEVER SAID, NO.
NORMAN WAS ALWAYS A VERY QUIET
AND SHY BOY AND I NEVER PRIED.
NEVER.
A PSYCHIATRIST.
OH, WAIT, MAYBE HE DOES
SOMETHING ELSE
ON THE SIDE, HUH?
NO, NOT LIKELY.
YES, I SEE, OK,
WELL, THANK YOU.
WHAT?
OH, YES, HIS FATHER AND I
ARE BOTH EXTREMELY PROUD.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- COME ON IN, RHO.
- HI.
- HI.
- BRENDA!
- GOD SURE WORKS
IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
YOU KNOW, I KNEW I SHOULDN'T
HAVE PRETENDED I WAS SICK
'CAUSE NOW I REALLY AM.
- OH, LISTEN, CAN I GET
YOU SOMETHING?
- NO,
NO, IT'S JUST A SORE THROAT.
YOU KNOW, MA TOLD ME TO WRAP
A WOOL SOCK AROUND MY NECK
AND HOLD HONEY IN MY THROAT.
- YEAH. LISTEN, THE WEIRD
THING IS, THAT WORKS.
- I KNOW, BUT I
DIDN'T HAVE ANY.
WHAT ABOUT PANTYHOSE
AND GRAPE JELLY?
- LISTEN, I'LL MAKE
YOU SOME HOT TEA.
- YOU AND JOE GO TO
THE MOVIES TONIGHT?
- YEAH,
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
- YOU'VE GOT GUM ON
THE BACK OF YOUR PANTS.
- OH, NO.
- YEAH, I ALWAYS GET GUM
ON THE BACK OF MINE
IN THE MOVIES, TOO.
- HOW ABOUT THAT?
I WISH PEOPLE WOULD LEARN TO
PUT THE GUM UNDER THEIR SEATS
LIKE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO.
- SO, DID YOU ASK JOE
ABOUT THE DOCTOR THING?
- OH,
BRENDA, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO,
YOU KNOW, WHEN HE WAS
GOING THROUGH THE BILLS.
THEN HE GETS TO THE DOCTOR'S
LETTER AND HE QUICKLY PUTS IT
IN HIS POCKET LIKE
HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO SEE IT.
- WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
- I ALREADY DID IT.
I CALLED UP DR. WEXLER'S OFFICE
AND I FOUND OUT WHAT HE IS.
- WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?
- A PSYCHIATRIST.
- OH, I AM SO RELIEVED.
- RELIEVED?
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I THOUGHT JOE WAS SO,
YOU KNOW, HEALTHY, SO NORMAL.
- A LOT OF HEALTHY, NORMAL
PEOPLE GO TO PSYCHIATRISTS.
- YEAH.
- A LOT OF PEOPLE GO
THAT YOU'D PROBABLY
NEVER THINK WENT...
NOT EVEN IN A MILLION YEARS.
- LIKE WHO?
- WELL...LIKE ME.
- YOU WENT?
WHY?
- MA SENT ME.
- SHE DID?
- YEAH. BUT SHE DOESN'T
KNOW THAT SHE SENT ME.
- OH, OH.
WELL, ARE YOU STILL GOING?
- NO,
BUT ONE THING THAT THE SHRINK
SAID REALLY HELPED ME.
HE SAID,
AND I QUOTE, "PEOPLE ARE
"THE ONLY ANIMALS THAT MAKE
THEMSELVES SICK TRYING TO BE
"SOMETHING THEY'RE NOT.
"TURKEYS DO NOT STRIVE
TO BE EAGLES,
NOR DO EAGLES STRIVE
TO BE TURKEYS."
- YOU NEEDED HIM
TO TELL YOU THAT?
- WELL,
I'M NOT STRIVING TO
BE AN EAGLE ANYMORE.
NOW I HAVE THIS IRRATIONAL
FEAR OF THANKSGIVING.
- OH, RHO--
- WHAT?
- LISTEN, DON'T GET
YOURSELF UPSET ABOUT THIS.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
GOING TO A SHRINK
THESE DAYS IS NOTHING.
- I KNOW THAT.
I KNOW THAT.
I MEAN, IT'S
A VERY COMMON THING.
EVERYBODY GOES.
YOU'RE ALMOST NOT
NORMAL IF YOU DON'T GO.
BUT WHY JOE?
- HE'S HAD A LOT
OF PRESSURE LATELY, RHO.
YOU KNOW, THE
BUSINESS AND EVERYTHING.
- NO,
IT'S NOT THAT.
HE TALKS TO ME ABOUT ALL
HIS BUSINESS PRESSURES.
I MAKE HIM TALK TO ME EVEN
IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO.
IT'S ME.
I'M MAKING HIM
CRAZY, AREN'T I?
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- IT IS.
- IT'S ME--
- YOU'RE NOT, RHO--
- I'M DOING IT. I AM.
- NO, YOU WAIT AND SEE.
- WHEN JOE IS READY, I'M SURE
HE'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.
- I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA
TELL ME SOMETHING TONIGHT.
RIGHT AFTER DINNER WE WENT
TO THAT NEW INGMAR BERGMAN
PICTURE,
"SCENES FROM A MARRIAGE."
OK.
THERE'S THIS PART WHERE THE
WIFE BRINGS DIVORCE PAPERS
TO THE HUSBAND FOR HIM
TO SIGN, RIGHT?
YEAH. PERFECT, HUH?
OK. SO, IN THE MIDDLE
OF THIS PART JOE STARTS
MAKING THESE SOUNDS,
LIKE, UH...
[GASPING SOUNDS]
- WOW.
RIGHT THERE IN THE THEATRE?
- RIGHT THERE. YEAH.
[GASPING SOUNDS]
LIKE THAT. LOUD.
SO, I REMEMBER HIM TELLING
ME THAT HE GETS EMOTIONAL
AND WHEN HE DOES, HE COUGHS.
- I FIGURE THIS IS IT.
- YEAH?
- SO, I LEANED OVER AND I
WHISPERED TO HIM, I SAID,
"JOE, COME ON, LET IT OUT.
TELL ME. WHAT IS IT? TRUST ME."
- OH,
THAT'S VERY GOOD.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
- [COUGHS]
I GOT A POPCORN PUFF
STUCK IN MY THROAT.
[COUGHS]
- JOE?
- JUST A MINUTE.
- TAKE YOUR TIME.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHERE I FINALLY
FOUND YOUR PAJAMA BOTTOMS
THIS MORNING?
- NO. WHERE?
- JUSTIN, I'M SO SORRY.
I THOUGHT I WAS
TALKING TO JOE.
- YEAH, I FIGURED THAT.
- WHERE IS HE?
I WAS SUPPOSED TO
HAVE LUNCH WITH HIM.
- OH, HE JUST CALLED.
HE SAID HE GOT HUNG UP
ON A JOB AND HE TOLD ME
TO ENTERTAIN YOU
UNTIL HE GOT HERE.
- OK.
- BUT UNFORTUNATELY MY
BANJO IS BEING TUNED TODAY.
- JUSTIN, YOU'RE TOO MUCH.
HEY, LISTEN, CAN WE TALK?
- SURE CAN.
TALK ABOUT WHAT?
- OH,
I DON'T KNOW, BUSINESS,
SPORTS, WHETHER
YOU HAVE NOTICED, UH,
JOE ACTING FUNNY LATELY...
- NO, I HAVEN'T, RHODA.
MATTER OF FACT, THE ONLY
PERSON I'VE NOTICED ACTING
FUNNY LATELY IS YOU.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- YOU LOCKING
THE DOORS AND STUFF.
- OH,
WELL, I JUST DID THAT SO
JOE DOESN'T WALK IN AND HEAR
WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
- OH,
UM, I'M NOT QUITE SURE I WANT
TO HEAR WHAT WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT NOW.
- OH, LISTEN,
DON'T GET NERVOUS.
THANK YOU.
I JUST HAVE ONE QUESTION HERE.
JUSTIN, HAVE YOU NOTICED--
WELL, I MEAN, HAS JOE
SEEMED TROUBLED LATELY?
- HEY, RHODA, YOU SEE,
I HAVE THIS POLICY.
I DON'T STICK MY NOSE
INTO PEOPLE'S BUSINESS
AND THEY DON'T STICK
THEIR FIST INTO MY NOSE.
- JUSTIN, LISTEN TO ME.
I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO BETRAY
A CONFIDENCE OR ANYTHING
LIKE THAT. I JUST FIGURE,
YOU'RE AROUND HIM ALL DAY.
MAYBE THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT
HE SAID OR SOMETHING HE DID.
- LET ME TELL YOU
ABOUT MY WIFE.
YOU SEE, LATELY, DENISE
HAS BEEN PUTTING ON WEIGHT.
NOW, I MEAN,
PUTTING IT ON, HUH?
AND I THINK MAYBE SHE'S
PREGNANT BUT SHE HASN'T SAID
ANYTHING, SO I DON'T ASK.
BUT I SURE
HOPE SHE'S PREGNANT...
'CAUSE SHE SURE
IS GETTING FAT.
- NOW, YOU SEE,
YOU SEE THERE?
AS MUCH AS YOU WANT
TO KNOW IF DENISE IS PREGNANT,
THANK YOU, THAT'S
HOW MUCH I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT'S BOTHERING JOE.
- YEAH, BUT SEE THE DIFFERENCE,
RHODA, IS YOU CAN ASK JOE.
- I--
- WELL, I MEAN,
JUST STOP AND THINK.
HOW WOULD IT SOUND IF I SAID,
"LISTEN, DENISE, SWEETHEART,
"LATELY I'VE NOTICED
THAT YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING
"A LITTLE PREGNANT...
AND I WANT TO KNOW
WHETHER YOU ARE OR NOT?"
NOW, IF SHE IS,
THEN IT'S COOL.
BUT IF SHE AIN'T...
- RIGHT. I GOTCHA, RIGHT.
[DOOR RATTLING]
JUST A MINUTE.
- OH. THERE.
- OH,
HOW COME THE DOOR WAS LOCKED?
- I WAS PRACTICING PRIVACY.
I THOUGHT MAYBE MY MOTHER
WOULD COME BARGING IN.
- HEY,
I'M SORRY THAT I'M LATE,
BUT I GOT HUNG UP ON THE JOB AND
I TELL YOU, I'M RUNNING BEHIND.
I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE ABLE
TO MAKE LUNCH TODAY.
- OH, JOE, THAT'S OK.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT
LUNCH, YOU KNOW.
I REALLY JUST WANT TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.
- WELL,
CAN WE DO IT TONIGHT?
- SURE.
- I'VE GOT TO WASH UP AND I--
- RIGHT.
- I WILL SEE YOU TONIGHT.
- OK, JOE. RIGHT. FINE.
JUSTIN?
- HUH?
- WHY DOES JOE LOCK THE DOOR?
- RHODA, WHY IS
DENISE GETTING FAT?
- GOT YOU.
- HI, HUN!
- HI, JOE.
- HEY, YOU KNOW,
AFTER I SAW YOU TODAY...
- YEAH?
- WELL,
WE GOT THAT SMALL HOTEL JOB
I WAS BIDDING ON.
- OH.
- IT CAME IN JUST IN TIME.
- OH, TERRIFIC.
- OH, YEAH.
- THAT'S REALLY GREAT.
SO, YOU'RE FEELING
PRETTY OK, HUH?
- OH, I'M FEELING GREAT.
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
- NO PRESSURE?
- NO.
- THEN LET'S HAVE
A GLASS OF WINE, HUH?
- OH, GREAT.
SO, TELL ME, WHAT
DID YOU DO TODAY?
- OH, LET'S SEE,
AFTER I LEFT YOUR OFFICE,
I STOPPED
BY THE LIBRARY,
THEN I WALKED
ALL THE WAY HOME.
AND, OH, I FINALLY CAME UP
WITH AN IDEA, A GOOD IDEA,
FOR THE DISPLAY
AT SANSBURRY'S DRUG STORE.
NOW, ASK ME WHAT
I DID YESTERDAY.
- OK,
WHAT DID YOU DO YESTERDAY?
- I OPENED A DOCTOR
BILL ADDRESSED TO YOU.
- I KNOW.
- WHAT?
- WELL,
YOU PUT THE BILL INSIDE OUT
WHEN YOU STUCK IT
IN THE ENVELOPE.
- AH, JOE, WHY DIDN'T
YOU SAY SOMETHING?
- WELL, I FIGURED
THAT YOU WOULD TELL ME,
IF YOU WANTED TO TELL ME,
WHY YOU OPENED IT.
I MEAN, I DON'T PRY.
- YOU SEE THAT, JOE, YOU'RE
SO GOOD AND I'M SO ROTTEN.
I SHOULD'VE TOLD
YOU RIGHT AWAY.
I'M SO SORRY.
REALLY.
YOU CAN READ MY MAIL.
I'LL LET YOU READ
MY LETTER FROM MARY.
- I ALREADY DID.
- DID YOU?
- YEAH, IT WAS UP
ON THE SHELF.
OH, RHODA, LISTEN,
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I MEAN, YOU READ SOMETHING
THAT WAS ADDRESSED TO ME.
- YEAH.
- WHO CARES, HUH?
- YEAH, AND WHO CARES
IF WEXLER IS A PSYCHIATRIST.
- YOU KNOW?
- JOE,
LISTEN, I WAS SO WORRIED
WHEN I SAW THAT THAT BILL
WAS FROM A DOCTOR,
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
KEEPING SOMETHING FROM ME.
- I WAS.
- WHAT WERE YOU
KEEPING FROM ME?
NOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL
ME IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
PLEASE WANT TO.
PLEASE.
- OK.
OK.
IT WAS WHEN MY MARRIAGE
TO MARIAN WAS BREAKING UP,
WE DECIDED THAT WE
SHOULD SEEK OUTSIDE HELP.
SO, WE WENT TO SEE
AN OUTSIDER, DR. WEXLER.
AND HE LISTENED TO OUR
PROBLEMS AND HE SEEMED TO ZERO
RIGHT IN ON
THE MAJOR DIFFICULTY
OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.
- WHICH WAS?
- THAT WE WERE BOTH
MARRIED TO EACH OTHER.
- WELL,
WHAT DO YOU AND WEXLER
THINK ABOUT US?
- WELL, I DIDN'T GO
SEE HIM ABOUT US.
WELL, I MEAN,
NOT JUST ABOUT US.
MAYBE ABOUT US.
- YEAH?
- OH, THIS ISN'T EASY.
- YOU'RE TELLING ME?
MY HANDS HAVEN'T SWEATED
SO MUCH SINCE I TRIED OUT
FOR CHEERLEADER.
I WAS THE ONLY KID
WHOSE POM-POMS RAN.
- YOU SEE, I JUST HAD TO
TALK THINGS OUT WITH WEXLER.
- YEAH,
LAST TIME YOU TALKED THINGS
OUT WITH WEXLER
YOU GOT A DIVORCE.
- WELL,
HAVING BEEN THROUGH ONE
BAD MARRIAGE,
I HAD MY DOUBTS.
AND HERE I WAS FINDING
MYSELF IN ANOTHER MARRIAGE,
IN A GREAT MARRIAGE, AND I WAS
JUST AFRAID THAT I WAS GOING
TO BLOW IT.
- JOE,
I THOUGHT IT WAS ME, MAYBE.
- WELL,
DR. WEXLER DID ALSO.
- HE DID?
- WELL, HE LIKES ME.
NO, LOOK, I JUST HAVE TO
ADMIT THAT IT'S NOT EASY
TO ADJUST TO YOU.
YOU'RE SO GIVING.
YOU'RE SO AFFECTIONATE.
- I CAN CHANGE.
- LISTEN, I BEGAN TO THINK
THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG
WITH ME BECAUSE I COULDN'T
BE AS OPEN AS YOU WERE.
- OH,
JOE, I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT
I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH.
THE FEARS, I MEAN, I REALLY
THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING I HAD
DONE OR WAS DOING OR...
JOE, ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT
YOU WENT TO A PSYCHIATRIST
BECAUSE OF SOMETHING
GOOD ABOUT ME?
- YEAH, YEAH,
I GUESS SO, SURE.
- ARE YOU STILL GOING?
- NO,
NO, I JUST WENT TWICE.
IT SEEMED SILLY TO PAY HIM $50
AN HOUR JUST TO TELL HIM
THAT I LOVE YOU.
- WELL,
IF YOU HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE,
I HAVE AN HOUR FREE.
STEP INTO MY OFFICE.
- OK.
- REASONABLE RATES.
OK, WINE.
- OK.
- TERRIFIC HORS D'OEUVRES.
- RHODA?
- YEAH, JOE.
- COME IN HERE A MINUTE?
- HOW CAN I?
THE DOOR IS LOCKED.
- TRY IT.
[WATER RUNNING]
- WELL, SON OF A GUN.
- I JUST WANTED YOU TO SEE
I'M MAKING PROGRESS.
- YOU CERTAINLY ARE.
NOW, MAYBE THE NEXT TIME YOU
TAKE A SHOWER YOU CAN DO IT
WITHOUT A BATHING SUIT.
VERY GOOD.
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT
RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER
LIKING THAT LIKED ME
BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS
ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF
THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO
THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY
FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- COME ON, JOE.
COME ON, PLEASE.
- JUST A MINUTE.
IT'S ALL YOURS.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- WELL, THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU.
MY HAND WAS WET.
IF YOU HADN'T BARRICADED
YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM,
I WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO GET
TO A TOWEL AND TO MY MAKE-UP
AND TO MY JOB ON TIME.
- HEY, I'M SORRY.
- JOE,
WHY DO YOU LOCK THE DOOR?
I MEAN,
WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M GOING
TO DO, RUN IN AND SQUEEZE
YOUR TOOTHPASTE IN THE MIDDLE?
BOY, I'M LATE.
AH. BIG ED'S
GOING TO BE FURIOUS.
- WHO'S BIG ED?
- OH, HE'S THIS GUY I'M
DOING WINDOW DISPLAYS FOR.
HE OWNS A SHOP FOR MEN.
YOU KNOW, RESORT WEAR FOR THE
HARD TO FIT AND THE DIFFICULT
TO GET THROUGH A DOORWAY.
IT'S NAMED PORTLY'S OF CALL.
- SHOULD I SHAVE OR NOT?
- WHAT?
- I DON'T WANT TO LOOK GRUBBY
JUST IN CASE THE GUYS
DECIDE THEY WANT TO GO
AFTERWARDS AND GRAB SOME LUNCH.
- YEAH. SO--SO SHAVE.
- YEAH, BUT IF I SHAVE NOW
AND THEN YOU AND I DECIDE
THAT WE WANT TO GO OUT
AND HAVE SOME DINNER TONIGHT
OR SOMETHING,
THEN I'LL HAVE TO SHAVE AGAIN.
- SO DON'T SHAVE.
- YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
I WON'T SHAVE UNTIL TONIGHT.
RHODA, HAVE YOU BEEN
IN MY DRAWER?
- ONLY UP TO MY WRISTS.
YEAH, IT MAKES IT EASIER
PUTTING AWAY LAUNDRY.
- YEAH,
WELL, YOU MIXED UP MY SOCKS.
SO, HOW ABOUT IF YOU
JUST LEAVE MY STUFF ON THE BED
AND I'LL PICK IT UP FOR
MYSELF AND PUT IT AWAY, OK?
- OK.
HEY, WHAT'S WITH YOU, JOE?
I MEAN,
FIRST YOU LOCKED ME OUT
OF THE BATHROOM, THEN YOU
DON'T WANT ME IN YOUR DRAWER.
ARE THERE CERTAIN AREAS
OF THE ROOM YOU WOULD LIKE
TO ROPE OFF?
- HEY,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE HUFFY.
- HUFFY?
WHAT IS THAT?
- I AM JUST USED TO
HAVING MY OWN SPACE, OK?
- OK.
- NOW LOOK, I'M SORRY
THAT ANY OF THIS CAME UP.
NO, REALLY.
IN THE FUTURE I'M GOING
TO MAKE EVERY EFFORT
TO TRY NOT TO LOCK
THE BATHROOM DOOR
AND YOU CAN FEEL FREE TO RUMMAGE
IN MY SOCK DRAWER ANY TIME
YOUR LITTLE HEART DESIRES.
- LISTEN, DON'T
BE SORRY, JOE.
IT'S GOOD THAT YOU TELL ME
THE THINGS THAT BOTHER YOU--
JUST SO ONE OF THOSE
THINGS ISN'T ME.
- HEY,
YOU BETTER GET GOING.
- YEAH, RIGHT, LISTEN,
I'LL BE HOME ABOUT 3:00.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
- YEAH, YEAH, I SHOULD
BE HOME BY THEN.
- GOT ANYTHING TO DO FOR
THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON?
- NO. YOU?
- NO.
- ON SECOND THOUGHT,
WHY DON'T YOU SHAVE?
- GOOD IDEA.
[CLICK]
- LOCKING THE DOOR TO SHAVE?
[BUZZER]
- THIS IS CARLTON,
YOUR DOORMAN.
- WAIT A MINUTE, THIS
IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- I KNOW, CARLTON, I WAS
JUST MAKING A LITTLE JOKE.
- PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.
I'M WALKING A VERY
THIN LINE DOWN HERE.
- A THIN WAVY LINE.
- YEAH,
LISTEN, YOUR SISTER BRENDA
WANTS PERMISSION
TO PICK YOUR MAIL UP.
IS IT OK WITH YOU?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- HI, RHO.
- SHH, SHH, SHH.
- UH, CARLTON?
- YES.
- LISTEN, I THINK, UM,
I WOULD RATHER PICK UP
MY OWN MAIL MYSELF.
- OH,
OKEY-DOKEY, I'LL TELL HER.
BRENDA, UH, YOUR
SISTER SAYS SHE WANTS
TO PICK UP HER
MAIL HERSELF.
- OKEY-DOKEY, CARLTON.
- YOU'RE DOING IT TO ME AGAIN.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- OH,
RHO, WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON?
- OH,
IT'S A WINDOW DISPLAY
FOR SANSBURRY'S DRUG STORE.
- YEAH.
- OH.
- OH, BOY, POST-CHRISTMAS,
PRE-EASTER.
IT'S MURDER THINKING UP
DISPLAYS BETWEEN HOLIDAYS.
- SANTA CLAUS FEEDING
TUMS TO A RABBIT?
- NO,
THAT'S THE EASTER BUNNY.
YOU SEE.
I FIGURE WITH A LITTLE SIGN
THAT SAYS TUMS FOR THE BUNNY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- IT'S KIND OF CUTE.
- IT'S THE PITS.
FORGET IT.
HEY, LISTEN, BRENDA, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HOME FROM THE BANK?
IF IT'S A HOLIDAY, LET ME
KNOW. I COULD USE ONE.
- NO,
I CALLED IN SICK.
- OH, REALLY? WHAT'S A MATTER?
- NOTHING.
I JUST THOUGHT I'D, YOU KNOW,
I'D GIVE MYSELF ONE MORE DAY
TO CHANGE MY LUCK.
I HAD A REALLY LOUSY WEEKEND.
AND MONDAY'S MY LUCKY DAY.
- HOW DO YOU FIGURE?
- IT'S THE DAY MY LOUSY
WEEKENDS ARE OVER.
YOU GOT ANYTHING GOOD THERE?
- NAH,
NAH, JUST BILLS MOSTLY.
A COUPLE THINGS FOR JOE.
- OH, I SEE CARLTON'S
READING YOUR MAGAZINES, TOO.
- OH, YEAH.
- THE WINE AD HERE
SMELLS LIKE MUSCATEL.
- OH,
TERRIFIC, A LETTER FROM MARY.
- OH,
THAT'S REALLY CUTE STATIONARY.
- YEAH, ISN'T IT?
WELL, THIS IS SYMBOLIC OF
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US.
NOW, YOU SEE MARY'S STATIONARY
IS YELLOW WITH A PERKY
LITTLE MARY AND A FLOWER.
MINE, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS GREY
WITH A PERKY LITTLE NEW YORK
WRECKING AND A BULLDOZER.
- SO, HOW IS MARY?
- OH, I'M SORRY, BREN,
YOU WANT TO HEAR THIS?
- ONLY THE PERSONAL PARTS.
- OK.
- "DEAREST RHODA,
HOW ARE YOU AND JOE?"
- HOW IS JOE BY THE WAY?
- JOE'S TERRIFIC. WHY?
- OH, THIS DOCTOR BILL
IS ADDRESSED TO HIM.
- TO JOE?
- I ADMIRE YOUR SELF-CONTROL
THERE, RHODA.
- BRENDA,
I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.
I COULDN'T.
I SAW JOE'S NAME IN THAT
LITTLE CELLOPHANE WINDOW
AND SOMETHING SNAPPED.
- WHAT'S IT SAY?
- "PROFESSIONAL
SERVICES RENDERED, $100."
THAT'S IT.
- I KNOW A WAY THAT WE CAN
FIND OUT WHAT THE BILL'S FOR.
- YEAH?
- ASK JOE.
- I CAN'T DO THAT, BRENDA.
HE HAS THIS BIG THING ABOUT
PRIVACY AND I FEEL LIKE I JUST
VIOLATED IT.
- WELL, TELL HIM IT
WAS AN ACCIDENT.
- SURE, SURE, I WAS GOING
THROUGH THE MAIL
AND THIS DOCTOR'S BILL
FELL OFF THE TABLE AND BROKE
OPEN ON THE FLOOR.
OH, I SHOULD NEVER
HAVE OPENED IT.
- OH,
RHODA, YOU WERE CONCERNED.
BESIDES, YOU COULDN'T HELP IT.
SNOOPING IS
AN INHERITED TRAIT.
IT'S IN OUR GENES.
YOU KNOW, RHO, IF YOU DO THAT
REAL GOOD, HE'LL NEVER KNOW.
- HE'LL KNOW.
- HOW'S HE GONNA KNOW?
- I'LL TELL HIM.
- OH,
THEN HE'LL KNOW.
- HIYA, BABE.
- HIYA. HI.
- HOW YOU DOING?
- SO FAR NOT SENSATIONAL.
- OH,
YOU'RE STILL WORKING ON THAT
DRUG STORE WINDOW, HUH?
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
I'M, UH, I'M USING THE
MANNEQUINS FROM MY CHRISTMAS
IN FOREIGN LANDS AND I'VE
CHANGED IT TO HEADACHE,
NEUROTICS, AND NEURALGIA
AROUND THE WORLD.
FORGET IT. IT'S AWFUL.
- YOU KNOW, WE JUST STARTED
KNOCKING DOWN THAT CHURCH.
- YEAH?
- AND THE MINISTER PUT UP
THIS SIGN IN FRONT THAT SAYS,
"GOD IS NOT DEAD, HE JUST MOVED
TO 1313 WEST SIXTH STREET."
HEY, I GOT YOU A SOUVENIR.
- YOU DID?
- YEAH.
- HEY, DON'T YOU DIE
IF YOU LOOT A CHURCH?
- NO, IT'S OK, REALLY.
- WHAT ARE THESE?
HONEY, THEY'RE LIKE
BIG WOODEN MARBLES.
- THEY'RE BINGO BALLS.
- YEAH?
- OH, MORE BILLS, HUH?
- YEAH, YEAH, JOE.
- OH, BOY, EVERYBODY
WANTS MONEY.
YOU KNOW, WE OUGHT TO HAVE
AN UNLISTED MAILBOX.
- JOE, LISTEN.
- YEAH, WHAT?
- OH,
I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY THAT
I DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE
TO MAKE DINNER YET.
- OH, THAT'S OK.
LISTEN, YOU WORKED ALL DAY.
LET ME THROW
SOMETHING TOGETHER.
- OH, NO, I CAN'T
LET YOU DO THAT.
WHY DON'T WE GO OUT TO EAT?
- HEY, YOU GOT A DEAL.
LET ME CHANGE, OK?
- OK.
- WEXLER...
NORMAN, NORMAN.
YES, HELLO, IS THIS
DR. WEXLER'S OFFICE?
OH, HIS EXCHANGE.
HMM. MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME.
OH, NO, NO, THIS
IS NO EMERGENCY.
DON'T PUT ME
THROUGH TO THE DOCTOR.
NO, UH, THE ONLY EMERGENCY
IS THAT I FIND OUT WHAT KIND
OF A DOCTOR HE IS.
WELL, NO, I DON'T HAVE
A PROBLEM, YOU SEE.
THAT'S--THAT'S, UH, BUT IF
I DID HAVE A PROBLEM, WHERE
IN MY BODY WOULD
IT PROBABLY BE?
ALL RIGHT, OK, LOOK,
I'LL LEVEL WITH YOU.
THIS IS DR. WEXLER'S MOTHER.
YES, AND I FEEL AS HIS MOTHER
I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO KNOW
WHAT KIND OF A DOCTOR HE IS.
HE NEVER SAID, NO.
NORMAN WAS ALWAYS A VERY QUIET
AND SHY BOY AND I NEVER PRIED.
NEVER.
A PSYCHIATRIST.
OH, WAIT, MAYBE HE DOES
SOMETHING ELSE
ON THE SIDE, HUH?
NO, NOT LIKELY.
YES, I SEE, OK,
WELL, THANK YOU.
WHAT?
OH, YES, HIS FATHER AND I
ARE BOTH EXTREMELY PROUD.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- COME ON IN, RHO.
- HI.
- HI.
- BRENDA!
- GOD SURE WORKS
IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
YOU KNOW, I KNEW I SHOULDN'T
HAVE PRETENDED I WAS SICK
'CAUSE NOW I REALLY AM.
- OH, LISTEN, CAN I GET
YOU SOMETHING?
- NO,
NO, IT'S JUST A SORE THROAT.
YOU KNOW, MA TOLD ME TO WRAP
A WOOL SOCK AROUND MY NECK
AND HOLD HONEY IN MY THROAT.
- YEAH. LISTEN, THE WEIRD
THING IS, THAT WORKS.
- I KNOW, BUT I
DIDN'T HAVE ANY.
WHAT ABOUT PANTYHOSE
AND GRAPE JELLY?
- LISTEN, I'LL MAKE
YOU SOME HOT TEA.
- YOU AND JOE GO TO
THE MOVIES TONIGHT?
- YEAH,
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
- YOU'VE GOT GUM ON
THE BACK OF YOUR PANTS.
- OH, NO.
- YEAH, I ALWAYS GET GUM
ON THE BACK OF MINE
IN THE MOVIES, TOO.
- HOW ABOUT THAT?
I WISH PEOPLE WOULD LEARN TO
PUT THE GUM UNDER THEIR SEATS
LIKE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO.
- SO, DID YOU ASK JOE
ABOUT THE DOCTOR THING?
- OH,
BRENDA, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO,
YOU KNOW, WHEN HE WAS
GOING THROUGH THE BILLS.
THEN HE GETS TO THE DOCTOR'S
LETTER AND HE QUICKLY PUTS IT
IN HIS POCKET LIKE
HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO SEE IT.
- WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
- I ALREADY DID IT.
I CALLED UP DR. WEXLER'S OFFICE
AND I FOUND OUT WHAT HE IS.
- WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?
- A PSYCHIATRIST.
- OH, I AM SO RELIEVED.
- RELIEVED?
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I THOUGHT JOE WAS SO,
YOU KNOW, HEALTHY, SO NORMAL.
- A LOT OF HEALTHY, NORMAL
PEOPLE GO TO PSYCHIATRISTS.
- YEAH.
- A LOT OF PEOPLE GO
THAT YOU'D PROBABLY
NEVER THINK WENT...
NOT EVEN IN A MILLION YEARS.
- LIKE WHO?
- WELL...LIKE ME.
- YOU WENT?
WHY?
- MA SENT ME.
- SHE DID?
- YEAH. BUT SHE DOESN'T
KNOW THAT SHE SENT ME.
- OH, OH.
WELL, ARE YOU STILL GOING?
- NO,
BUT ONE THING THAT THE SHRINK
SAID REALLY HELPED ME.
HE SAID,
AND I QUOTE, "PEOPLE ARE
"THE ONLY ANIMALS THAT MAKE
THEMSELVES SICK TRYING TO BE
"SOMETHING THEY'RE NOT.
"TURKEYS DO NOT STRIVE
TO BE EAGLES,
NOR DO EAGLES STRIVE
TO BE TURKEYS."
- YOU NEEDED HIM
TO TELL YOU THAT?
- WELL,
I'M NOT STRIVING TO
BE AN EAGLE ANYMORE.
NOW I HAVE THIS IRRATIONAL
FEAR OF THANKSGIVING.
- OH, RHO--
- WHAT?
- LISTEN, DON'T GET
YOURSELF UPSET ABOUT THIS.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
GOING TO A SHRINK
THESE DAYS IS NOTHING.
- I KNOW THAT.
I KNOW THAT.
I MEAN, IT'S
A VERY COMMON THING.
EVERYBODY GOES.
YOU'RE ALMOST NOT
NORMAL IF YOU DON'T GO.
BUT WHY JOE?
- HE'S HAD A LOT
OF PRESSURE LATELY, RHO.
YOU KNOW, THE
BUSINESS AND EVERYTHING.
- NO,
IT'S NOT THAT.
HE TALKS TO ME ABOUT ALL
HIS BUSINESS PRESSURES.
I MAKE HIM TALK TO ME EVEN
IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO.
IT'S ME.
I'M MAKING HIM
CRAZY, AREN'T I?
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- IT IS.
- IT'S ME--
- YOU'RE NOT, RHO--
- I'M DOING IT. I AM.
- NO, YOU WAIT AND SEE.
- WHEN JOE IS READY, I'M SURE
HE'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.
- I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA
TELL ME SOMETHING TONIGHT.
RIGHT AFTER DINNER WE WENT
TO THAT NEW INGMAR BERGMAN
PICTURE,
"SCENES FROM A MARRIAGE."
OK.
THERE'S THIS PART WHERE THE
WIFE BRINGS DIVORCE PAPERS
TO THE HUSBAND FOR HIM
TO SIGN, RIGHT?
YEAH. PERFECT, HUH?
OK. SO, IN THE MIDDLE
OF THIS PART JOE STARTS
MAKING THESE SOUNDS,
LIKE, UH...
[GASPING SOUNDS]
- WOW.
RIGHT THERE IN THE THEATRE?
- RIGHT THERE. YEAH.
[GASPING SOUNDS]
LIKE THAT. LOUD.
SO, I REMEMBER HIM TELLING
ME THAT HE GETS EMOTIONAL
AND WHEN HE DOES, HE COUGHS.
- I FIGURE THIS IS IT.
- YEAH?
- SO, I LEANED OVER AND I
WHISPERED TO HIM, I SAID,
"JOE, COME ON, LET IT OUT.
TELL ME. WHAT IS IT? TRUST ME."
- OH,
THAT'S VERY GOOD.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
- [COUGHS]
I GOT A POPCORN PUFF
STUCK IN MY THROAT.
[COUGHS]
- JOE?
- JUST A MINUTE.
- TAKE YOUR TIME.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHERE I FINALLY
FOUND YOUR PAJAMA BOTTOMS
THIS MORNING?
- NO. WHERE?
- JUSTIN, I'M SO SORRY.
I THOUGHT I WAS
TALKING TO JOE.
- YEAH, I FIGURED THAT.
- WHERE IS HE?
I WAS SUPPOSED TO
HAVE LUNCH WITH HIM.
- OH, HE JUST CALLED.
HE SAID HE GOT HUNG UP
ON A JOB AND HE TOLD ME
TO ENTERTAIN YOU
UNTIL HE GOT HERE.
- OK.
- BUT UNFORTUNATELY MY
BANJO IS BEING TUNED TODAY.
- JUSTIN, YOU'RE TOO MUCH.
HEY, LISTEN, CAN WE TALK?
- SURE CAN.
TALK ABOUT WHAT?
- OH,
I DON'T KNOW, BUSINESS,
SPORTS, WHETHER
YOU HAVE NOTICED, UH,
JOE ACTING FUNNY LATELY...
- NO, I HAVEN'T, RHODA.
MATTER OF FACT, THE ONLY
PERSON I'VE NOTICED ACTING
FUNNY LATELY IS YOU.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- YOU LOCKING
THE DOORS AND STUFF.
- OH,
WELL, I JUST DID THAT SO
JOE DOESN'T WALK IN AND HEAR
WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
- OH,
UM, I'M NOT QUITE SURE I WANT
TO HEAR WHAT WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT NOW.
- OH, LISTEN,
DON'T GET NERVOUS.
THANK YOU.
I JUST HAVE ONE QUESTION HERE.
JUSTIN, HAVE YOU NOTICED--
WELL, I MEAN, HAS JOE
SEEMED TROUBLED LATELY?
- HEY, RHODA, YOU SEE,
I HAVE THIS POLICY.
I DON'T STICK MY NOSE
INTO PEOPLE'S BUSINESS
AND THEY DON'T STICK
THEIR FIST INTO MY NOSE.
- JUSTIN, LISTEN TO ME.
I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO BETRAY
A CONFIDENCE OR ANYTHING
LIKE THAT. I JUST FIGURE,
YOU'RE AROUND HIM ALL DAY.
MAYBE THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT
HE SAID OR SOMETHING HE DID.
- LET ME TELL YOU
ABOUT MY WIFE.
YOU SEE, LATELY, DENISE
HAS BEEN PUTTING ON WEIGHT.
NOW, I MEAN,
PUTTING IT ON, HUH?
AND I THINK MAYBE SHE'S
PREGNANT BUT SHE HASN'T SAID
ANYTHING, SO I DON'T ASK.
BUT I SURE
HOPE SHE'S PREGNANT...
'CAUSE SHE SURE
IS GETTING FAT.
- NOW, YOU SEE,
YOU SEE THERE?
AS MUCH AS YOU WANT
TO KNOW IF DENISE IS PREGNANT,
THANK YOU, THAT'S
HOW MUCH I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT'S BOTHERING JOE.
- YEAH, BUT SEE THE DIFFERENCE,
RHODA, IS YOU CAN ASK JOE.
- I--
- WELL, I MEAN,
JUST STOP AND THINK.
HOW WOULD IT SOUND IF I SAID,
"LISTEN, DENISE, SWEETHEART,
"LATELY I'VE NOTICED
THAT YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING
"A LITTLE PREGNANT...
AND I WANT TO KNOW
WHETHER YOU ARE OR NOT?"
NOW, IF SHE IS,
THEN IT'S COOL.
BUT IF SHE AIN'T...
- RIGHT. I GOTCHA, RIGHT.
[DOOR RATTLING]
JUST A MINUTE.
- OH. THERE.
- OH,
HOW COME THE DOOR WAS LOCKED?
- I WAS PRACTICING PRIVACY.
I THOUGHT MAYBE MY MOTHER
WOULD COME BARGING IN.
- HEY,
I'M SORRY THAT I'M LATE,
BUT I GOT HUNG UP ON THE JOB AND
I TELL YOU, I'M RUNNING BEHIND.
I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE ABLE
TO MAKE LUNCH TODAY.
- OH, JOE, THAT'S OK.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT
LUNCH, YOU KNOW.
I REALLY JUST WANT TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.
- WELL,
CAN WE DO IT TONIGHT?
- SURE.
- I'VE GOT TO WASH UP AND I--
- RIGHT.
- I WILL SEE YOU TONIGHT.
- OK, JOE. RIGHT. FINE.
JUSTIN?
- HUH?
- WHY DOES JOE LOCK THE DOOR?
- RHODA, WHY IS
DENISE GETTING FAT?
- GOT YOU.
- HI, HUN!
- HI, JOE.
- HEY, YOU KNOW,
AFTER I SAW YOU TODAY...
- YEAH?
- WELL,
WE GOT THAT SMALL HOTEL JOB
I WAS BIDDING ON.
- OH.
- IT CAME IN JUST IN TIME.
- OH, TERRIFIC.
- OH, YEAH.
- THAT'S REALLY GREAT.
SO, YOU'RE FEELING
PRETTY OK, HUH?
- OH, I'M FEELING GREAT.
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
- NO PRESSURE?
- NO.
- THEN LET'S HAVE
A GLASS OF WINE, HUH?
- OH, GREAT.
SO, TELL ME, WHAT
DID YOU DO TODAY?
- OH, LET'S SEE,
AFTER I LEFT YOUR OFFICE,
I STOPPED
BY THE LIBRARY,
THEN I WALKED
ALL THE WAY HOME.
AND, OH, I FINALLY CAME UP
WITH AN IDEA, A GOOD IDEA,
FOR THE DISPLAY
AT SANSBURRY'S DRUG STORE.
NOW, ASK ME WHAT
I DID YESTERDAY.
- OK,
WHAT DID YOU DO YESTERDAY?
- I OPENED A DOCTOR
BILL ADDRESSED TO YOU.
- I KNOW.
- WHAT?
- WELL,
YOU PUT THE BILL INSIDE OUT
WHEN YOU STUCK IT
IN THE ENVELOPE.
- AH, JOE, WHY DIDN'T
YOU SAY SOMETHING?
- WELL, I FIGURED
THAT YOU WOULD TELL ME,
IF YOU WANTED TO TELL ME,
WHY YOU OPENED IT.
I MEAN, I DON'T PRY.
- YOU SEE THAT, JOE, YOU'RE
SO GOOD AND I'M SO ROTTEN.
I SHOULD'VE TOLD
YOU RIGHT AWAY.
I'M SO SORRY.
REALLY.
YOU CAN READ MY MAIL.
I'LL LET YOU READ
MY LETTER FROM MARY.
- I ALREADY DID.
- DID YOU?
- YEAH, IT WAS UP
ON THE SHELF.
OH, RHODA, LISTEN,
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I MEAN, YOU READ SOMETHING
THAT WAS ADDRESSED TO ME.
- YEAH.
- WHO CARES, HUH?
- YEAH, AND WHO CARES
IF WEXLER IS A PSYCHIATRIST.
- YOU KNOW?
- JOE,
LISTEN, I WAS SO WORRIED
WHEN I SAW THAT THAT BILL
WAS FROM A DOCTOR,
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
KEEPING SOMETHING FROM ME.
- I WAS.
- WHAT WERE YOU
KEEPING FROM ME?
NOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL
ME IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
PLEASE WANT TO.
PLEASE.
- OK.
OK.
IT WAS WHEN MY MARRIAGE
TO MARIAN WAS BREAKING UP,
WE DECIDED THAT WE
SHOULD SEEK OUTSIDE HELP.
SO, WE WENT TO SEE
AN OUTSIDER, DR. WEXLER.
AND HE LISTENED TO OUR
PROBLEMS AND HE SEEMED TO ZERO
RIGHT IN ON
THE MAJOR DIFFICULTY
OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.
- WHICH WAS?
- THAT WE WERE BOTH
MARRIED TO EACH OTHER.
- WELL,
WHAT DO YOU AND WEXLER
THINK ABOUT US?
- WELL, I DIDN'T GO
SEE HIM ABOUT US.
WELL, I MEAN,
NOT JUST ABOUT US.
MAYBE ABOUT US.
- YEAH?
- OH, THIS ISN'T EASY.
- YOU'RE TELLING ME?
MY HANDS HAVEN'T SWEATED
SO MUCH SINCE I TRIED OUT
FOR CHEERLEADER.
I WAS THE ONLY KID
WHOSE POM-POMS RAN.
- YOU SEE, I JUST HAD TO
TALK THINGS OUT WITH WEXLER.
- YEAH,
LAST TIME YOU TALKED THINGS
OUT WITH WEXLER
YOU GOT A DIVORCE.
- WELL,
HAVING BEEN THROUGH ONE
BAD MARRIAGE,
I HAD MY DOUBTS.
AND HERE I WAS FINDING
MYSELF IN ANOTHER MARRIAGE,
IN A GREAT MARRIAGE, AND I WAS
JUST AFRAID THAT I WAS GOING
TO BLOW IT.
- JOE,
I THOUGHT IT WAS ME, MAYBE.
- WELL,
DR. WEXLER DID ALSO.
- HE DID?
- WELL, HE LIKES ME.
NO, LOOK, I JUST HAVE TO
ADMIT THAT IT'S NOT EASY
TO ADJUST TO YOU.
YOU'RE SO GIVING.
YOU'RE SO AFFECTIONATE.
- I CAN CHANGE.
- LISTEN, I BEGAN TO THINK
THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG
WITH ME BECAUSE I COULDN'T
BE AS OPEN AS YOU WERE.
- OH,
JOE, I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT
I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH.
THE FEARS, I MEAN, I REALLY
THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING I HAD
DONE OR WAS DOING OR...
JOE, ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT
YOU WENT TO A PSYCHIATRIST
BECAUSE OF SOMETHING
GOOD ABOUT ME?
- YEAH, YEAH,
I GUESS SO, SURE.
- ARE YOU STILL GOING?
- NO,
NO, I JUST WENT TWICE.
IT SEEMED SILLY TO PAY HIM $50
AN HOUR JUST TO TELL HIM
THAT I LOVE YOU.
- WELL,
IF YOU HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE,
I HAVE AN HOUR FREE.
STEP INTO MY OFFICE.
- OK.
- REASONABLE RATES.
OK, WINE.
- OK.
- TERRIFIC HORS D'OEUVRES.
- RHODA?
- YEAH, JOE.
- COME IN HERE A MINUTE?
- HOW CAN I?
THE DOOR IS LOCKED.
- TRY IT.
[WATER RUNNING]
- WELL, SON OF A GUN.
- I JUST WANTED YOU TO SEE
I'M MAKING PROGRESS.
- YOU CERTAINLY ARE.
NOW, MAYBE THE NEXT TIME YOU
TAKE A SHOWER YOU CAN DO IT
WITHOUT A BATHING SUIT.
VERY GOOD.