Resident Alien (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Escape from New York - full transcript
Harry and Asta find what they are looking for but not what they need as danger closes in.
Previously on
"resident alien"...
Open up. It's me.
When we went to that
charity thing in new york,
they said that the money
was for the clinic.
Okay, you need to calm down.
Calm down? I can't calm down.
They're threatening
our families.
- Um...
- Sorry.
- It's okay. I gotta go.
- Right. Got it.
- it's receiving a signal.
What does it say?
It's a phone number.
- Pack your bags.
- We're going to new york.
Too many people.
The last island that had
this many humans on it
was atlantis, and that
did not turn out well.
Hey, I would like two
slices of pepperoni.
Anything else?
Does an alien live here?
This is the number you got.
Something has to be here.
It says "goliath."
I am marking every one
of goliath's murals in the city.
That is where we
will find goliath.
What can I get you?
What do you got?
Someone here must be goliath.
Does anyone look alien to you?
Everything you need to know
about goliath is on the canvas.
Goliath believes acid helps
you shed your human chains.
I would like to shed
my human chains.
How long have you
known harry's an alien?
this is some bullshit.
When I first came to earth,
I thought I would be
watching the death...
The colors are
exploding everywhere!
ooh!
Watching the death
of all these humans from my ship
after I dropped my device.
Things have changed.
what makes you think
harry's an alien?
Come with me.
You're nervous. I
understand. But don't be.
I know who harry is, and
I know why you're here.
How? How do you know that?
I recognize his energy.
Goliath grew to love it here,
but it was never natural.
He lived with a lot
of inner turmoil.
You can see it in his art.
Wait, you said "lived"?
What... please tell me
that goliath is here.
Goliath is here.
Okay.
What is this?
This is goliath.
I don't understand.
After goliath came to earth,
we became each
other's whole world.
But his great wish
was to connect with one
of his people again.
The signal that brought you
here was a personal invitation.
goliath held out for
as long as he could.
But six months ago, he...
Well, you can see for yourself.
Their species fossilize
when they die.
No, this can't be.
Goliath cannot be dead.
We came all this way,
and you don't understand
what's at stake!
- I'm sorry.
- This is all there is.
If you came here to
speak with goliath,
that's not going to happen.
Oh, god.
oh, my god. What happened?
You are alien.
Well, I took some
lsd on my tongue.
And now I'm surrounded
by horrible creatures.
I just saw an alien
take off its head,
and there was a human inside!
Do I have a human inside of me?
How many licks does it take
to get to the human?
New york city public library.
Okay, I know where you
are. Don't go anywhere.
I will be right there.
Feeling better?
Yes.
The ice is stabilizing
my human form.
I saw so many humans today.
Humans are gross.
But... They have each other.
- Like those two...
- harry.
This is their home.
I want to meet someone like me
so maybe...
I can feel like I am home.
yeah, about that.
I spoke to violinda
at the party.
She knows goliath.
Or did know him.
he's dead, harry.
goliath was dead as soon as
he became more human than me.
hmm.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- You're home early.
- Yeah.
Ah. How are you?
How was your mom?
Well, turns out,
by "quality time,"
she meant 24-7 tech support.
- Mm.
- So...
- What have you been up to?
- Nothin'.
Yeah, doin' nothin'.
Just alone. Alone vibes.
You know, vibin' it.
- Nice.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- Let me take this upstairs.
Nope! Ah, wouldn't hear of it.
I'll take this up later.
Okay. Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
- Oh, would you grab max's bag?
- He went to sahar's.
Yeah.
Huh.
That's weird.
- Yeah, weird.
- How did... how did that happen?
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
Oh, wow.
You put that up.
Wasn't it in the closet?
- You hate it.
- No, I don't.
A lot of people have
that in their homes.
Okay, I'll take it down.
No. If you wanna keep it
up, you should keep it up.
- Do you want me to keep it up?
- I want what you want.
- I want what you want.
- You know, if you want.
Did you move the coffee table?
Yeah, I'll just take it down.
Morning.
Hey, liv.
Oh, I was thinking of
starting a donation jar
for the coffeepots.
You know, you shouldn't have
to pay for those yourself.
Thank you.
I really appreciate that.
Why... why are you
putting that sign in here?
Well, I thought
you might like it.
You know, bring just a
real artistic statement
into the office.
What do you...
what do you think?
Do I have to say I like it for
you to do the donation jar?
I...
Love it.
Great! It stays up.
- I'll... I'll get a jar.
- Okay.
Hey, can I show you
something real quick?
Yeah, you bet.
I think I'm going
to post this video.
"Incredible ufo in patience."
No, you can't post that.
You know, people
already think patience
is a murder town.
You want them to think
it's an alien town too?
But if this is real,
don't I owe it to the
world to share this?
Yeah, as long as you
change the headline
to "incredible ufo near jessup."
- Backspace.
- Hey.
Oh.
Jab me in the arm.
Seems like a lawsuit.
Oh, is it?
Oh, look at this.
Am I jabbing myself?
Am I jabbing myself?
I can't feel anything.
You know why?
'cause I cut myself
this morning on the fence
and needed stitches,
and dr. Smallwood put my
whole damn arm to sleep.
How am I supposed to work with
a dead tree-trunk arm, huh?
Oh, let me see. Let's see how.
Let me just grab a pen.
Oh, look at that.
Deputy, looks like you
gonna have to write
my police reports today.
I already do that, sir.
Well, good.
Then we're prepared.
Look, I'm sure that
it's a simple mistake.
I mean, dr. Smallwood
is an institution.
She literally
delivered me as a baby.
Didn't she literally
deliver your parents too?
Yeah, I don't think
that's relevant.
Look, you need to fire her ass
before a bunch of elves
move into my tree-trunk arm here
and start making cookies.
One mistake should not
ruin a woman's life.
It's more than one mistake!
I saw her for a sore throat,
and she diagnosed
me with hysteria.
I think that you're both
blowing this out of proportion.
You know, I'm getting
the results today
for my yearly checkup,
and I am sure that she
will be as spry as ever.
You know, last time I saw
her, she did a cartwheel.
No, she didn't.
No, she didn't.
But I bet she could.
Seen enough?
I really don't wanna
miss the flight.
I wanted to see this one
goliath mural before we left.
I did not think I would
miss my octopus friend,
because I thought I was
meeting alien family.
But now they're both dead.
I feel very alone.
I'm sorry you didn't get
to see family on this trip.
No goliath...
No idea how we're
gonna save the world.
- What are we gonna do now?
- I do not know.
Goliath was our last chance
to contact my planet
and my last chance to meet
one of my people on earth.
Now I will die without
having a conversation
in my beautiful language.
I will be forced
to talk to myself.
I'd tell you to keep it
down, but we're in new york.
Weird is normal here, so...
Do you think goliath had
an octopus friend too?
Maybe.
I don't know how his
mind worked, though.
Maybe this painting
is just random.
It is not random.
Everything my people
do has purpose.
Okay, well, it's
really confusing,
'cause it feels like he
brought us here for no reason.
Not confusing. Impossible.
Goliath knew of me,
knew that I was stranded.
However human he had become,
he would never have brought
me here without a reason.
Are you sure goliath did
not leave anything for me?
Violinda didn't
mention anything.
Do you think she is
hiding something?
I don't know.
I mean, she seemed like
she was genuinely grieving.
She was really sad when
she showed me his body.
You saw goliath's dead body?
Yeah.
You could've told
me that your people
turned to stone when they died
or that they die standing
up, for that matter.
He was standing up?
Goliath was standing?
Yes, his dead body was.
- what?
I have... we have to go.
Harry!
She murdered her husband,
and now she's profiting
from his stuff.
This here is a murder sale.
That's what you called
us out here for?
- Uh-huh.
- Look.
Mrs. Hodges is
currently awaiting trial
on the crime that
she is accused of.
She has every legal right
to have a yard sale,
which is more than I can say
about you and that shirt.
Now, why don't you
take your ass home
before a flock of flamingos
come lookin' for they daddy?
Thank you, sheriff.
I'm just an impartial
administrator of the law.
Well, I'm probably gonna
box all this up anyway.
Apparently, nobody wants to buy
antique spoons from a murderer,
so I'll probably just
take it all to goodwill.
Hold on a minute.
Look at this. Hey, deputy.
Look at this.
Who do I look like?
A hipster poet?
No. Dick tracy, damn it.
Greatest detective in history.
Invented the watch phone.
Never saw a dime of
the profits, though.
Because he was a
cartoon character?
How much you want for this?
I don't know. 20 bucks?
- Sold.
- It's a good deal.
It was sam's. He
only wore it once.
We were flying to montana,
and he left his old
hat on the plane,
so he got that one
at the airport.
He looked really cute in it.
listen, sheriff, I'm sorry.
I've changed my mind.
I can't sell it.
okay. It's no problem.
let's see what else
we got around here.
I remember these.
Sam loved these mystery novels.
Always trying to
get me to read one.
Told me it would
help me solve crimes.
All right, tell you
what. I'll give you
50 bucks for the
whole lot of them.
- Oh, no, no.
- Sheriff, that's too much.
Listen, if sam wanted
you to have them,
then you don't pay.
Just consider it a
gift from sam to you.
- Thank you, mrs. Hodges.
- That's very kind.
Yeah, all right.
- Deputy?
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
she seem like a woman who
killed her husband to you?
No, sir, she doesn't.
- No, that's grief right there.
- Plain and simple.
I mean, a woman who
kills her husband
don't hang on to no old hat
just to remember him by.
and bloom goes down.
D'arcy, you had a bad fall.
They said I could've lost my leg
or even died.
- oh, you're going that way?
that's weird.
Hey.
I didn't know you
worked out here.
- Yeah, I...
- I took a recovery day.
For about 15 years.
- glad to have you back.
Oh, you're at a six?
That's cute. I'm at a seven.
You need glasses.
That's an eight.
Sure you can handle that?
Aren't you a little
out of practice?
I have an advantage.
Stopped being able to feel
my legs after I did squats.
You got it.
That is gonna hurt tomorrow.
Yeah, but it's a good hurt.
My coach always says
it's gotta hurt to work.
- College?
- Yeah.
I ran the 1,500 and 5,000 at cu.
Got second in the ncaa
finals my senior year.
Legit.
Hoo.
Oh, you okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Think I overdid it.
- Just need some water.
- Yeah, I get it.
I almost blew chunks all
over poor mr. Gibbons
on the elliptical.
All right, I'm done.
Let's head over to the 59.
Got some protein shakes.
- You do?
- Yeah.
Well, beers.
It's got half a gram
of protein in it.
I mean, it's better than that
garbage you're drinking anyway.
What is that?
- It's water.
- Ugh.
water.
I need to see goliath.
Please stop.
I told you he passed on.
I wish you would
respect my privacy.
I tried. But I can't stop him.
Where is goliath?
You need to leave.
Harry, we have to leave.
She wants us to go.
Asta.
This way.
No. No, you can't be here!
no! No!
what the hell is that?
It's our baby.
you need to leave.
I'm not letting
you take my child.
I could just rip your arms off.
Stop it. What do you
mean, that's your baby?
Goliath used my genetic
tissue to get pregnant.
- Goliath contacted me.
- This is why.
Hello? Anyone here?
I'll take care of it.
Sorry, the door was open.
Are you violinda darvell?
Yes.
We're not open quite yet.
You'll have to leave.
I'm a little desperate.
I'm interested in
buying some art,
and I was told you
might be able to help.
An artist named goliath?
Unfortunately, I'm
busy right now.
Are you sure you can't
spare a few minutes?
You're a freakin' picasso!
Did you draw this picture?
Yeah, I draw police
composites of criminals.
Oh, shit.
Here you go. On the house.
- Oh, thank you.
- That's very generous.
Mm.
This tastes like soap.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
It's a local brewery,
which means it's just a guy
that makes beer in his bathtub.
I'll get you a different kind...
No, no. That's not it.
Oh, no.
What?
The last time that
this happened,
I was in my first
trimester with max.
Plus the dizziness at the gym...
You think you're pregnant?
I think so.
I mean, congratulations.
We gotta get some champagne.
I can't drink if I'm pregnant.
I know.
What's wrong?
I just don't know how I feel
about having another kid.
Oh, right.
- 'Cause of max.
- What do you mean?
- I didn't... what do you mean?
- What do you mean?
Having another kid
means my entire life
gets put on hold for
the next 18 years.
I have to reset the clock.
Of course, ben
would be thrilled.
I mean, he would.
Are you sure he would?
- Why?
- Did he say something to you?
Why would he say anything to me?
It's not like we sit
around having conversations
about you guys
having kids, right?
Yeah.
Maybe he changed his mind.
You know, I change
my mind all the time.
Like, earlier, I was sure I
was gonna have only one beer,
and now I'm thinking
I might have six.
Trust me.
I know my husband.
He wants more kids.
He'd start a family
band if he could.
Yeah, that's... he's...
You know, you know your husband.
- Ah, right on time, as always.
- Punctual.
- You're a great doctor.
- Thank you.
Unfortunately, I have
some bad news for you.
What's that?
Your blood tests indicate
cancer in your colon.
It's very aggressive.
Ah.
That's mrs. Patel's chart.
- Whoops.
- This is ben hawthorne's.
Wait.
So I don't have cancer?
No.
Low in vitamin d.
Get some sun.
Have a good day.
Don't tell mrs.
Patel if you see her.
Yikes.
Sorry, hang on.
Dr. Smallwood, you basically
just told me that I was dying.
I had the wrong chart.
- It happens.
- Should it?
No.
Could you give us some privacy?
Also no.
okay, well...
Dr. Smallwood, I am
sorry to have to do this.
I mean, you will always be
a pillar of this community.
But I am going to have to...
Ask you if you have
ever considered
taking an extended vacation.
You know, maybe buy
a van? See the world?
- He's trying to fire you.
- Mm.
You're not the doctor
you used to be,
and if you keep working here,
you might kill someone.
Is this true?
It's not not true.
You're a sweet boy for not
wanting to tell me that.
You're not sweet at all.
It even looked like
you enjoyed it.
I didn't not enjoy it.
And now we officially
have no doctor.
I pulled out our hiring
files when I realized
smallwood was about to
tell you you were dying.
Seems like you had time
to stop her, but okay.
Dr. Vanderspeigle is
our only real candidate.
Good doctor but not
much to look at.
He's a patience six,
which is a denver four,
which is a california one.
Not sure if any of
that's legal to say.
He has a birthday coming up.
You know, maybe I
could convince him.
Sneaky. Buy him a present.
Soften him up.
You've just moved up
to a patience three.
Thanks.
Goliath pieces are very rare.
You could try the curator
at the guggenheim.
I certainly can't help you.
- I could just kill her.
- no. No more killing.
Just a minute. She'll leave.
Hmm.
What about this piece?
This is a goliath.
It's part of my
personal collection.
- It's not for sale.
- Hmm.
Seems like it
means a lot to you.
Did you know him?
I don't think that's
any of your business.
You need to leave now.
Don't take this the wrong way,
but I can tell by
looking at you,
you can't afford
a piece like this.
You'd be surprised
by my resources.
what's in the bag?
- no!
I'm sorry. You're right.
Goliath wanted you
to have the egg.
It's why you were sent for.
Goliath knew it needed an
alien to guide and protect it.
An alien with emotions,
like you.
Who was he?
He was a man who stepped
out of the jungle
that I fell in love with.
Goliath told me you would
come when the time is right.
I know now why he said
it was very important.
Goliath warned me there would
be people coming for it.
Promise you will
take care of my baby.
I promise.
Harry, she's gone.
- They want the egg.
- They won't stop.
Go out the back.
Okay.
ooh!
hey!
Who the hell are these guys?
max is just getting
to the point where I
can leave him home alone
without it being a
child services issue.
Hmm.
Unless he gets into the matches.
I mean, if I can
handle the drunks
that come through this place,
kid can't be that much worse.
You saying you actually
wanna have a kid?
First I'd have to
find the right guy
to have his life ruined by me.
- ooh, anyone special in mind?
Do I have a victim in mind?
Dating me is kind of like
walking into a war zone.
Hey, I think you're a catch.
And if you wanted to,
I think you would
be a great mom.
Come on.
Imagine if you were pregnant.
We could be pregnancy buddies.
We can get them matching
"this is what a feminist
looks like" onesies.
I mean, you'd have to be
willing to give up the freedom
to do whatever you
want whenever you want.
I mean, you could just jet
off to paris right now.
But I won't.
I'll just jet home to my
nail polish collection.
I have a lot of nail polish.
At least your baby won't make
you high when you sniff it.
Take it easy.
You know, it's...
It's not like I know for
sure that I'm pregnant.
Well, let's find out.
Here at the 59, we cater to
every stage of a relationship.
Condoms, pregnancy
tests, paternity tests,
plus a divorce lawyer who
starts his weekend bender
on Thursday afternoon.
mm.
Thank god these
are still in stock.
Judy goes through them like
tic tacs that you piss on.
I don't know.
I'm not sure I'm ready
for the answer yet.
Not feelin' as brave as you.
You didn't see me run away
from the leg press
at the gym today.
- So you skipped one machine.
- It was your first day back.
When you're ready,
it'll be there.
Keep it on you.
When you're ready,
it'll be there.
why do we have to ride on
this train for two days?
What if someone ties
a lady to the tracks?
If they tie her lengthwise,
it could derail us.
It could.
But it won't, because this
isn't a silent movie, harry.
And we didn't have a choice.
Pretty sure tsa won't
let you on a plane
with something
like that in a bag.
Do you even know if
and when it will hatch?
No.
On my planet, we mate
with a genetic partner.
The partner who
carries the offspring
incubates hundreds of eggs.
This is just one egg.
One of my kind...
Mating with a human partner.
I do not know what
this will look like.
I do not know when it will come.
It could be hatching in a year.
It could be hatching right now.
Or... Now.
Or now.
Fantastic.
What are we supposed to do now?
Goliath wanted me
to have this egg.
He knew what would happen
if he became impregnated.
Goliath died so I
could have this baby.
I'm gonna go get a tea.
Do you want anything?
No.
Ice cream sandwich!
I went to new york
to find an alien
even a little like me.
Now when I look at this egg,
I think I have found
something different,
a baby contaminated
with human emotion,
part alien and part human.
It is not a little like me.
It is just like me.
what's going on, mike?
You haven't turned the
page since you came in.
I...
I got a bunch of these books
from abigail hodges, and...
Thought they'd help me take
my mind off some stuff,
but it's not working so well.
Something you wanna talk about?
Share with a fellow soldier
what's on your mind?
Oh, I kind of feel stuck lately.
You know, like I'm in
the middle of something,
but I'm not sure which way
is the right way to go.
Hmm.
Look, between you and me...
I think I made a mistake.
I think I might've put the
wrong person behind bars.
Last time I made a big mistake
like that was back in d.C.,
and my partner, he
didn't go home that day.
Tough break.
Yeah.
If I had my sage,
I'd smudge you.
Mm.
Free pie is a close second.
- Psh, I'll take it.
I was doing guard
duty in vietnam.
Dreamin' about the burgers
we'd order back home.
- Tellin' dirty jokes.
pretendin' we weren't
scared shitless.
It was an ambush.
My buddy hit the floor.
I just stood there like an idiot
till he bled out.
Jesus, dan.
Medic told me it
wasn't my fault.
Called it a...
Sucking chest wound.
But I couldn't shake the guilt.
And I ran from that
mistake for years.
Almost died from it.
I'm sorry.
I mean, how do you even
survive something like that?
It's not about the surviving.
Any soldier who's still
with us is surviving.
A soldier has to prevail.
Learned to honor joe.
now he's
with me every day.
if you wanna honor your partner,
be the best cop you can be.
Put the right
person behind bars.
deputy. Hey.
I've been waiting out front
for the last ten minutes.
You forget I was picking you up?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I've been tied up.
Just, like, police stuff.
Pullin' ufos over
for speeding again?
I'm sorry.
I'm just feeling
a little stupid.
I posted that ufo video,
and people think it's fake.
Hey, the only thing
stupid is believing
what someone on the
internet thinks.
Ignore them.
It's not just one person.
It's most of them, and
someone used a filter
to change the ufo
into a doughnut.
They don't even know I'm a cop.
That looks pretty realistic.
Now I'm hungry.
Let's stop and get
one on the way home.
Sorry.
I need ten more minutes.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- I changed my mind.
- I want tea...
You should've cleaned
up after yourself.
Now, you're gonna
give me that egg,
and you're gonna tell
me where it came from.
ow.
you.
- what the...
- How did that window break?
I do not know.
It is a very cheap
train. Everything breaks.
Oh, my god.
What... What happened
to your face?
I may have killed the bad woman.
It's okay. I threw
her out the window.
She's gone.
Did you get my ice
cream sandwich?
sir, we've been through
this room a thousand times.
Do you really think we've
been missing something?
Yeah, well, before,
we were trying to get
in the killer's head.
Maybe it's time we
try to get into sam's.
okay, so I'm a
small-town doctor, right?
Nice guy. Whole town loves me.
So why would somebody
want me dead?
Medical malpractice?
I don't think so.
I'm too damn good at what I do.
Did I witness something?
Did I know something that
made somebody wanna kill me?
I was smart.
If I knew something
important and dangerous,
I might've written it down.
Yeah, but where?
Wait.
Sam loved these books.
Sir?
The sex-crazed detective
in these books,
when he thought
somebody was after him,
he would take his case
notes, and he would put them
in the back of
paintings in his office.
come on.
shit.
You know what? Maybe
it's just a dumb book.
Even if he hid something here,
it would probably
be gone by now.
I mean, we've had
three doctors since.
Any one of them could've
changed these paintings.
not that one.
Not this one.
- sheriff.
holy shit.
Patience must be nearer to
my planet than new york.
When I am here, I
feel closer to home.
You gonna tell me
what's goin' on?
You haven't talked
this whole ride.
I don't like it
when you're quiet.
Makes me nervous.
- the alien we went to see
was dead.
But it gave birth to an egg,
and now it's in harry's bag.
I liked it more
when you were quiet.
me too.
Congratulations!
I heard you adopted a baby.
- Do not worry.
- It has not hatched yet.
If it did, you would know.
It would probably spit acid.
It'll be a relief that we
put that egg somewhere safe.
Finally a use for that
stupid bunker of yours.
I built that stupid
bunker to save your life.
- Uh-huh.
- So that everyone in the world
would die but me and you.
Thanks for including me.
All: Surprise!
Ah!
happy birthday,
dr. Vanderspeigle.
Glad to have you
back in patience.
Speech!
Get out of my house!
"resident alien"...
Open up. It's me.
When we went to that
charity thing in new york,
they said that the money
was for the clinic.
Okay, you need to calm down.
Calm down? I can't calm down.
They're threatening
our families.
- Um...
- Sorry.
- It's okay. I gotta go.
- Right. Got it.
- it's receiving a signal.
What does it say?
It's a phone number.
- Pack your bags.
- We're going to new york.
Too many people.
The last island that had
this many humans on it
was atlantis, and that
did not turn out well.
Hey, I would like two
slices of pepperoni.
Anything else?
Does an alien live here?
This is the number you got.
Something has to be here.
It says "goliath."
I am marking every one
of goliath's murals in the city.
That is where we
will find goliath.
What can I get you?
What do you got?
Someone here must be goliath.
Does anyone look alien to you?
Everything you need to know
about goliath is on the canvas.
Goliath believes acid helps
you shed your human chains.
I would like to shed
my human chains.
How long have you
known harry's an alien?
this is some bullshit.
When I first came to earth,
I thought I would be
watching the death...
The colors are
exploding everywhere!
ooh!
Watching the death
of all these humans from my ship
after I dropped my device.
Things have changed.
what makes you think
harry's an alien?
Come with me.
You're nervous. I
understand. But don't be.
I know who harry is, and
I know why you're here.
How? How do you know that?
I recognize his energy.
Goliath grew to love it here,
but it was never natural.
He lived with a lot
of inner turmoil.
You can see it in his art.
Wait, you said "lived"?
What... please tell me
that goliath is here.
Goliath is here.
Okay.
What is this?
This is goliath.
I don't understand.
After goliath came to earth,
we became each
other's whole world.
But his great wish
was to connect with one
of his people again.
The signal that brought you
here was a personal invitation.
goliath held out for
as long as he could.
But six months ago, he...
Well, you can see for yourself.
Their species fossilize
when they die.
No, this can't be.
Goliath cannot be dead.
We came all this way,
and you don't understand
what's at stake!
- I'm sorry.
- This is all there is.
If you came here to
speak with goliath,
that's not going to happen.
Oh, god.
oh, my god. What happened?
You are alien.
Well, I took some
lsd on my tongue.
And now I'm surrounded
by horrible creatures.
I just saw an alien
take off its head,
and there was a human inside!
Do I have a human inside of me?
How many licks does it take
to get to the human?
New york city public library.
Okay, I know where you
are. Don't go anywhere.
I will be right there.
Feeling better?
Yes.
The ice is stabilizing
my human form.
I saw so many humans today.
Humans are gross.
But... They have each other.
- Like those two...
- harry.
This is their home.
I want to meet someone like me
so maybe...
I can feel like I am home.
yeah, about that.
I spoke to violinda
at the party.
She knows goliath.
Or did know him.
he's dead, harry.
goliath was dead as soon as
he became more human than me.
hmm.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- You're home early.
- Yeah.
Ah. How are you?
How was your mom?
Well, turns out,
by "quality time,"
she meant 24-7 tech support.
- Mm.
- So...
- What have you been up to?
- Nothin'.
Yeah, doin' nothin'.
Just alone. Alone vibes.
You know, vibin' it.
- Nice.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- Let me take this upstairs.
Nope! Ah, wouldn't hear of it.
I'll take this up later.
Okay. Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
- Oh, would you grab max's bag?
- He went to sahar's.
Yeah.
Huh.
That's weird.
- Yeah, weird.
- How did... how did that happen?
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
Oh, wow.
You put that up.
Wasn't it in the closet?
- You hate it.
- No, I don't.
A lot of people have
that in their homes.
Okay, I'll take it down.
No. If you wanna keep it
up, you should keep it up.
- Do you want me to keep it up?
- I want what you want.
- I want what you want.
- You know, if you want.
Did you move the coffee table?
Yeah, I'll just take it down.
Morning.
Hey, liv.
Oh, I was thinking of
starting a donation jar
for the coffeepots.
You know, you shouldn't have
to pay for those yourself.
Thank you.
I really appreciate that.
Why... why are you
putting that sign in here?
Well, I thought
you might like it.
You know, bring just a
real artistic statement
into the office.
What do you...
what do you think?
Do I have to say I like it for
you to do the donation jar?
I...
Love it.
Great! It stays up.
- I'll... I'll get a jar.
- Okay.
Hey, can I show you
something real quick?
Yeah, you bet.
I think I'm going
to post this video.
"Incredible ufo in patience."
No, you can't post that.
You know, people
already think patience
is a murder town.
You want them to think
it's an alien town too?
But if this is real,
don't I owe it to the
world to share this?
Yeah, as long as you
change the headline
to "incredible ufo near jessup."
- Backspace.
- Hey.
Oh.
Jab me in the arm.
Seems like a lawsuit.
Oh, is it?
Oh, look at this.
Am I jabbing myself?
Am I jabbing myself?
I can't feel anything.
You know why?
'cause I cut myself
this morning on the fence
and needed stitches,
and dr. Smallwood put my
whole damn arm to sleep.
How am I supposed to work with
a dead tree-trunk arm, huh?
Oh, let me see. Let's see how.
Let me just grab a pen.
Oh, look at that.
Deputy, looks like you
gonna have to write
my police reports today.
I already do that, sir.
Well, good.
Then we're prepared.
Look, I'm sure that
it's a simple mistake.
I mean, dr. Smallwood
is an institution.
She literally
delivered me as a baby.
Didn't she literally
deliver your parents too?
Yeah, I don't think
that's relevant.
Look, you need to fire her ass
before a bunch of elves
move into my tree-trunk arm here
and start making cookies.
One mistake should not
ruin a woman's life.
It's more than one mistake!
I saw her for a sore throat,
and she diagnosed
me with hysteria.
I think that you're both
blowing this out of proportion.
You know, I'm getting
the results today
for my yearly checkup,
and I am sure that she
will be as spry as ever.
You know, last time I saw
her, she did a cartwheel.
No, she didn't.
No, she didn't.
But I bet she could.
Seen enough?
I really don't wanna
miss the flight.
I wanted to see this one
goliath mural before we left.
I did not think I would
miss my octopus friend,
because I thought I was
meeting alien family.
But now they're both dead.
I feel very alone.
I'm sorry you didn't get
to see family on this trip.
No goliath...
No idea how we're
gonna save the world.
- What are we gonna do now?
- I do not know.
Goliath was our last chance
to contact my planet
and my last chance to meet
one of my people on earth.
Now I will die without
having a conversation
in my beautiful language.
I will be forced
to talk to myself.
I'd tell you to keep it
down, but we're in new york.
Weird is normal here, so...
Do you think goliath had
an octopus friend too?
Maybe.
I don't know how his
mind worked, though.
Maybe this painting
is just random.
It is not random.
Everything my people
do has purpose.
Okay, well, it's
really confusing,
'cause it feels like he
brought us here for no reason.
Not confusing. Impossible.
Goliath knew of me,
knew that I was stranded.
However human he had become,
he would never have brought
me here without a reason.
Are you sure goliath did
not leave anything for me?
Violinda didn't
mention anything.
Do you think she is
hiding something?
I don't know.
I mean, she seemed like
she was genuinely grieving.
She was really sad when
she showed me his body.
You saw goliath's dead body?
Yeah.
You could've told
me that your people
turned to stone when they died
or that they die standing
up, for that matter.
He was standing up?
Goliath was standing?
Yes, his dead body was.
- what?
I have... we have to go.
Harry!
She murdered her husband,
and now she's profiting
from his stuff.
This here is a murder sale.
That's what you called
us out here for?
- Uh-huh.
- Look.
Mrs. Hodges is
currently awaiting trial
on the crime that
she is accused of.
She has every legal right
to have a yard sale,
which is more than I can say
about you and that shirt.
Now, why don't you
take your ass home
before a flock of flamingos
come lookin' for they daddy?
Thank you, sheriff.
I'm just an impartial
administrator of the law.
Well, I'm probably gonna
box all this up anyway.
Apparently, nobody wants to buy
antique spoons from a murderer,
so I'll probably just
take it all to goodwill.
Hold on a minute.
Look at this. Hey, deputy.
Look at this.
Who do I look like?
A hipster poet?
No. Dick tracy, damn it.
Greatest detective in history.
Invented the watch phone.
Never saw a dime of
the profits, though.
Because he was a
cartoon character?
How much you want for this?
I don't know. 20 bucks?
- Sold.
- It's a good deal.
It was sam's. He
only wore it once.
We were flying to montana,
and he left his old
hat on the plane,
so he got that one
at the airport.
He looked really cute in it.
listen, sheriff, I'm sorry.
I've changed my mind.
I can't sell it.
okay. It's no problem.
let's see what else
we got around here.
I remember these.
Sam loved these mystery novels.
Always trying to
get me to read one.
Told me it would
help me solve crimes.
All right, tell you
what. I'll give you
50 bucks for the
whole lot of them.
- Oh, no, no.
- Sheriff, that's too much.
Listen, if sam wanted
you to have them,
then you don't pay.
Just consider it a
gift from sam to you.
- Thank you, mrs. Hodges.
- That's very kind.
Yeah, all right.
- Deputy?
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
she seem like a woman who
killed her husband to you?
No, sir, she doesn't.
- No, that's grief right there.
- Plain and simple.
I mean, a woman who
kills her husband
don't hang on to no old hat
just to remember him by.
and bloom goes down.
D'arcy, you had a bad fall.
They said I could've lost my leg
or even died.
- oh, you're going that way?
that's weird.
Hey.
I didn't know you
worked out here.
- Yeah, I...
- I took a recovery day.
For about 15 years.
- glad to have you back.
Oh, you're at a six?
That's cute. I'm at a seven.
You need glasses.
That's an eight.
Sure you can handle that?
Aren't you a little
out of practice?
I have an advantage.
Stopped being able to feel
my legs after I did squats.
You got it.
That is gonna hurt tomorrow.
Yeah, but it's a good hurt.
My coach always says
it's gotta hurt to work.
- College?
- Yeah.
I ran the 1,500 and 5,000 at cu.
Got second in the ncaa
finals my senior year.
Legit.
Hoo.
Oh, you okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Think I overdid it.
- Just need some water.
- Yeah, I get it.
I almost blew chunks all
over poor mr. Gibbons
on the elliptical.
All right, I'm done.
Let's head over to the 59.
Got some protein shakes.
- You do?
- Yeah.
Well, beers.
It's got half a gram
of protein in it.
I mean, it's better than that
garbage you're drinking anyway.
What is that?
- It's water.
- Ugh.
water.
I need to see goliath.
Please stop.
I told you he passed on.
I wish you would
respect my privacy.
I tried. But I can't stop him.
Where is goliath?
You need to leave.
Harry, we have to leave.
She wants us to go.
Asta.
This way.
No. No, you can't be here!
no! No!
what the hell is that?
It's our baby.
you need to leave.
I'm not letting
you take my child.
I could just rip your arms off.
Stop it. What do you
mean, that's your baby?
Goliath used my genetic
tissue to get pregnant.
- Goliath contacted me.
- This is why.
Hello? Anyone here?
I'll take care of it.
Sorry, the door was open.
Are you violinda darvell?
Yes.
We're not open quite yet.
You'll have to leave.
I'm a little desperate.
I'm interested in
buying some art,
and I was told you
might be able to help.
An artist named goliath?
Unfortunately, I'm
busy right now.
Are you sure you can't
spare a few minutes?
You're a freakin' picasso!
Did you draw this picture?
Yeah, I draw police
composites of criminals.
Oh, shit.
Here you go. On the house.
- Oh, thank you.
- That's very generous.
Mm.
This tastes like soap.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
It's a local brewery,
which means it's just a guy
that makes beer in his bathtub.
I'll get you a different kind...
No, no. That's not it.
Oh, no.
What?
The last time that
this happened,
I was in my first
trimester with max.
Plus the dizziness at the gym...
You think you're pregnant?
I think so.
I mean, congratulations.
We gotta get some champagne.
I can't drink if I'm pregnant.
I know.
What's wrong?
I just don't know how I feel
about having another kid.
Oh, right.
- 'Cause of max.
- What do you mean?
- I didn't... what do you mean?
- What do you mean?
Having another kid
means my entire life
gets put on hold for
the next 18 years.
I have to reset the clock.
Of course, ben
would be thrilled.
I mean, he would.
Are you sure he would?
- Why?
- Did he say something to you?
Why would he say anything to me?
It's not like we sit
around having conversations
about you guys
having kids, right?
Yeah.
Maybe he changed his mind.
You know, I change
my mind all the time.
Like, earlier, I was sure I
was gonna have only one beer,
and now I'm thinking
I might have six.
Trust me.
I know my husband.
He wants more kids.
He'd start a family
band if he could.
Yeah, that's... he's...
You know, you know your husband.
- Ah, right on time, as always.
- Punctual.
- You're a great doctor.
- Thank you.
Unfortunately, I have
some bad news for you.
What's that?
Your blood tests indicate
cancer in your colon.
It's very aggressive.
Ah.
That's mrs. Patel's chart.
- Whoops.
- This is ben hawthorne's.
Wait.
So I don't have cancer?
No.
Low in vitamin d.
Get some sun.
Have a good day.
Don't tell mrs.
Patel if you see her.
Yikes.
Sorry, hang on.
Dr. Smallwood, you basically
just told me that I was dying.
I had the wrong chart.
- It happens.
- Should it?
No.
Could you give us some privacy?
Also no.
okay, well...
Dr. Smallwood, I am
sorry to have to do this.
I mean, you will always be
a pillar of this community.
But I am going to have to...
Ask you if you have
ever considered
taking an extended vacation.
You know, maybe buy
a van? See the world?
- He's trying to fire you.
- Mm.
You're not the doctor
you used to be,
and if you keep working here,
you might kill someone.
Is this true?
It's not not true.
You're a sweet boy for not
wanting to tell me that.
You're not sweet at all.
It even looked like
you enjoyed it.
I didn't not enjoy it.
And now we officially
have no doctor.
I pulled out our hiring
files when I realized
smallwood was about to
tell you you were dying.
Seems like you had time
to stop her, but okay.
Dr. Vanderspeigle is
our only real candidate.
Good doctor but not
much to look at.
He's a patience six,
which is a denver four,
which is a california one.
Not sure if any of
that's legal to say.
He has a birthday coming up.
You know, maybe I
could convince him.
Sneaky. Buy him a present.
Soften him up.
You've just moved up
to a patience three.
Thanks.
Goliath pieces are very rare.
You could try the curator
at the guggenheim.
I certainly can't help you.
- I could just kill her.
- no. No more killing.
Just a minute. She'll leave.
Hmm.
What about this piece?
This is a goliath.
It's part of my
personal collection.
- It's not for sale.
- Hmm.
Seems like it
means a lot to you.
Did you know him?
I don't think that's
any of your business.
You need to leave now.
Don't take this the wrong way,
but I can tell by
looking at you,
you can't afford
a piece like this.
You'd be surprised
by my resources.
what's in the bag?
- no!
I'm sorry. You're right.
Goliath wanted you
to have the egg.
It's why you were sent for.
Goliath knew it needed an
alien to guide and protect it.
An alien with emotions,
like you.
Who was he?
He was a man who stepped
out of the jungle
that I fell in love with.
Goliath told me you would
come when the time is right.
I know now why he said
it was very important.
Goliath warned me there would
be people coming for it.
Promise you will
take care of my baby.
I promise.
Harry, she's gone.
- They want the egg.
- They won't stop.
Go out the back.
Okay.
ooh!
hey!
Who the hell are these guys?
max is just getting
to the point where I
can leave him home alone
without it being a
child services issue.
Hmm.
Unless he gets into the matches.
I mean, if I can
handle the drunks
that come through this place,
kid can't be that much worse.
You saying you actually
wanna have a kid?
First I'd have to
find the right guy
to have his life ruined by me.
- ooh, anyone special in mind?
Do I have a victim in mind?
Dating me is kind of like
walking into a war zone.
Hey, I think you're a catch.
And if you wanted to,
I think you would
be a great mom.
Come on.
Imagine if you were pregnant.
We could be pregnancy buddies.
We can get them matching
"this is what a feminist
looks like" onesies.
I mean, you'd have to be
willing to give up the freedom
to do whatever you
want whenever you want.
I mean, you could just jet
off to paris right now.
But I won't.
I'll just jet home to my
nail polish collection.
I have a lot of nail polish.
At least your baby won't make
you high when you sniff it.
Take it easy.
You know, it's...
It's not like I know for
sure that I'm pregnant.
Well, let's find out.
Here at the 59, we cater to
every stage of a relationship.
Condoms, pregnancy
tests, paternity tests,
plus a divorce lawyer who
starts his weekend bender
on Thursday afternoon.
mm.
Thank god these
are still in stock.
Judy goes through them like
tic tacs that you piss on.
I don't know.
I'm not sure I'm ready
for the answer yet.
Not feelin' as brave as you.
You didn't see me run away
from the leg press
at the gym today.
- So you skipped one machine.
- It was your first day back.
When you're ready,
it'll be there.
Keep it on you.
When you're ready,
it'll be there.
why do we have to ride on
this train for two days?
What if someone ties
a lady to the tracks?
If they tie her lengthwise,
it could derail us.
It could.
But it won't, because this
isn't a silent movie, harry.
And we didn't have a choice.
Pretty sure tsa won't
let you on a plane
with something
like that in a bag.
Do you even know if
and when it will hatch?
No.
On my planet, we mate
with a genetic partner.
The partner who
carries the offspring
incubates hundreds of eggs.
This is just one egg.
One of my kind...
Mating with a human partner.
I do not know what
this will look like.
I do not know when it will come.
It could be hatching in a year.
It could be hatching right now.
Or... Now.
Or now.
Fantastic.
What are we supposed to do now?
Goliath wanted me
to have this egg.
He knew what would happen
if he became impregnated.
Goliath died so I
could have this baby.
I'm gonna go get a tea.
Do you want anything?
No.
Ice cream sandwich!
I went to new york
to find an alien
even a little like me.
Now when I look at this egg,
I think I have found
something different,
a baby contaminated
with human emotion,
part alien and part human.
It is not a little like me.
It is just like me.
what's going on, mike?
You haven't turned the
page since you came in.
I...
I got a bunch of these books
from abigail hodges, and...
Thought they'd help me take
my mind off some stuff,
but it's not working so well.
Something you wanna talk about?
Share with a fellow soldier
what's on your mind?
Oh, I kind of feel stuck lately.
You know, like I'm in
the middle of something,
but I'm not sure which way
is the right way to go.
Hmm.
Look, between you and me...
I think I made a mistake.
I think I might've put the
wrong person behind bars.
Last time I made a big mistake
like that was back in d.C.,
and my partner, he
didn't go home that day.
Tough break.
Yeah.
If I had my sage,
I'd smudge you.
Mm.
Free pie is a close second.
- Psh, I'll take it.
I was doing guard
duty in vietnam.
Dreamin' about the burgers
we'd order back home.
- Tellin' dirty jokes.
pretendin' we weren't
scared shitless.
It was an ambush.
My buddy hit the floor.
I just stood there like an idiot
till he bled out.
Jesus, dan.
Medic told me it
wasn't my fault.
Called it a...
Sucking chest wound.
But I couldn't shake the guilt.
And I ran from that
mistake for years.
Almost died from it.
I'm sorry.
I mean, how do you even
survive something like that?
It's not about the surviving.
Any soldier who's still
with us is surviving.
A soldier has to prevail.
Learned to honor joe.
now he's
with me every day.
if you wanna honor your partner,
be the best cop you can be.
Put the right
person behind bars.
deputy. Hey.
I've been waiting out front
for the last ten minutes.
You forget I was picking you up?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I've been tied up.
Just, like, police stuff.
Pullin' ufos over
for speeding again?
I'm sorry.
I'm just feeling
a little stupid.
I posted that ufo video,
and people think it's fake.
Hey, the only thing
stupid is believing
what someone on the
internet thinks.
Ignore them.
It's not just one person.
It's most of them, and
someone used a filter
to change the ufo
into a doughnut.
They don't even know I'm a cop.
That looks pretty realistic.
Now I'm hungry.
Let's stop and get
one on the way home.
Sorry.
I need ten more minutes.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- I changed my mind.
- I want tea...
You should've cleaned
up after yourself.
Now, you're gonna
give me that egg,
and you're gonna tell
me where it came from.
ow.
you.
- what the...
- How did that window break?
I do not know.
It is a very cheap
train. Everything breaks.
Oh, my god.
What... What happened
to your face?
I may have killed the bad woman.
It's okay. I threw
her out the window.
She's gone.
Did you get my ice
cream sandwich?
sir, we've been through
this room a thousand times.
Do you really think we've
been missing something?
Yeah, well, before,
we were trying to get
in the killer's head.
Maybe it's time we
try to get into sam's.
okay, so I'm a
small-town doctor, right?
Nice guy. Whole town loves me.
So why would somebody
want me dead?
Medical malpractice?
I don't think so.
I'm too damn good at what I do.
Did I witness something?
Did I know something that
made somebody wanna kill me?
I was smart.
If I knew something
important and dangerous,
I might've written it down.
Yeah, but where?
Wait.
Sam loved these books.
Sir?
The sex-crazed detective
in these books,
when he thought
somebody was after him,
he would take his case
notes, and he would put them
in the back of
paintings in his office.
come on.
shit.
You know what? Maybe
it's just a dumb book.
Even if he hid something here,
it would probably
be gone by now.
I mean, we've had
three doctors since.
Any one of them could've
changed these paintings.
not that one.
Not this one.
- sheriff.
holy shit.
Patience must be nearer to
my planet than new york.
When I am here, I
feel closer to home.
You gonna tell me
what's goin' on?
You haven't talked
this whole ride.
I don't like it
when you're quiet.
Makes me nervous.
- the alien we went to see
was dead.
But it gave birth to an egg,
and now it's in harry's bag.
I liked it more
when you were quiet.
me too.
Congratulations!
I heard you adopted a baby.
- Do not worry.
- It has not hatched yet.
If it did, you would know.
It would probably spit acid.
It'll be a relief that we
put that egg somewhere safe.
Finally a use for that
stupid bunker of yours.
I built that stupid
bunker to save your life.
- Uh-huh.
- So that everyone in the world
would die but me and you.
Thanks for including me.
All: Surprise!
Ah!
happy birthday,
dr. Vanderspeigle.
Glad to have you
back in patience.
Speech!
Get out of my house!