Resident Alien (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Old Friends - full transcript

‐ Previously on "Resident Alien."
‐ Hello, cousin.

You cannot give up
on your mission.

‐ Once I eradicate humanity‐‐

‐ Don't move.

‐ I'll return to my planet
a hero.

‐ If you don't tell me
what is happening,

I'm going to lose my shit.

‐ I am what your people call
an extraterrestrial.

‐ If you kill everyone,
you kill me.

‐ Then I won't kill everyone.
I will miss you, friend.

‐ I'll miss you too, friend.



‐ Hi.
You're taking me home, right?

‐ This is some bullshit.

‐ Being an alien is easier
than being a human.

We have evolved past
having emotions,

so we are not forced
to deal with things

like seasonal depression
or road rage.

We also have no roads,
so nobody can cut you off,

not even Alpha Draconians,

who are lizard‐faced
dickheads.

After living on Earth,

I am not just an alien
with human emotions.

I am an alien
with human memories.

Is there a point where I
become more human than alien?

‐ I wanna go home!



‐ I'm not turning around.

You should've thought of that
before you got in.

‐ I didn't know we were going
all the way to Grandma's house!

‐ Well, now you know,
all right?

You can sing the song "Itsy
Bitsy Spider" to pass the time.

You are the spider because

everyone hates you
and you are itsy bitsy.

‐ You are! And you're mean!
I'm not going.

‐ ♪ And may God's love be
with you ♪

‐ Go ahead.
Jump out of the car.

Your lungs will explode.

I'll enjoy washing your guts
off the side of the car.

‐ Turn around, stupid!
‐ What are you doing? Let go!

Get your hands off the wheel!

‐ ♪ This is ground control
to Major Tom ♪

‐ ♪ You really
made the grade ♪

‐ You've suffered fairly
significant head trauma.

Are you experiencing any issues
with memory loss?

‐

‐ You were pretty dazed
when they brought you in here.

They said they found you
walking down the road naked.

Do you remember anything?

Do you know who you are?

‐ I'm an alien.

♪ ♪

I'm here to kill everyone.

♪ ♪

‐ They have Max.

The military, the mercenaries,
whatever the hell they were.

They must have taken him
out of the warehouse.

‐ You don't know that.
‐ I looked everywhere.

Two hours. Inside, outside.
I mean, Max is gone.

What the hell
am I gonna tell his parents?

‐ Try this.
"Your kid is gone.

There was an alien involved."

‐
Oh.

I can't do it.

‐ Well,
you can't run from this.

I'll be with you
every step of the way.

‐

Okay.

Thanks for coming with me.

‐ Hell, no. I'm not going.
I gotta cook eggs.

Hi, Ben.
‐ Asta, come on in.

You're just in time
for my famous "Bencakes."

Pancakes with a secret twist.
‐ Okay.

‐ The secret ingredient
is brown sugar.

‐ Max.

‐ Family secret ruined.

‐ Asta, hi.
Everything okay?

‐ Yes, of course.

I just wanted to check on Max
and you both.

I heard there was
a break‐in last night.

Well, I wanted to know
what happened.

‐ Oh, you mean the attempted
kidnapping we thwarted?

Had to rough up some perps,
but no B‐I‐G.

‐ Yeah, the police were here
all night

trying to collect evidence,
fingerprints, stuff like that.

‐ Wow.

‐ Asta...

you ever looked down
the barrel of death?

Stare the devil in the face?

‐ Dad, the blueberries
are burning.

‐ Dang it!

‐ Poor Max.

Looks like
he hasn't slept a wink.

‐ That is accurate.

‐ Well, I should go.
I'm just glad you're safe.

Is that blood?

‐ Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there was‐‐
there was blood all over us.

‐ We're safe now.
‐ Yeah, thanks to you.

‐ Mm‐mm.
Thanks to you.

‐ You saved me, Daddy.
‐ Our little baby needs saving.

‐ Our little baby
needs to be saved.

‐ Oh, baby.
‐ Yeah, I do.

‐ Are you okay? Are you scared?
‐ I'm so scared. So upset.

‐ Are you upset?
‐ Well, I should just‐‐

‐ Yeah, I'll walk her out.

‐ What the hell happened
to you?

‐ Meet me at the baseball field
in 20 minutes.

‐ Okay.

♪ ♪

‐ See, this is why I keep
a fishing rod in the truck.

Plus, you put
a french fry on the end,

you can freak the hell
out of some pigeons.

‐ Sir, I don't think

Dr. Vanderspeigle would
want you fishing off his deck.

‐ Trying to get into the mind
of a potential serial killer.

Sick bastard.

He probably sat here fishing
just like this.

‐ Doorknob is a match, which
means the original French doors

ended up in the lake.

These ones are replacements.

‐ Okay, so what we got here?
We got‐‐we got a severed foot.

We got the boot
that held the foot

That lets us know it's not just
some simple swimming accident.

And then somehow,
these doors here,

they end up in the lake.

‐ What if there was a struggle?
‐ Oh, yeah.

See, I love
how your mind works, Deputy.

You're like
a true crime podcast.

Go ahead. Pod me.
‐ All right.

What if they fought inside and
then Harry threw dead foot guy

through the French doors...

and he lands around here.

‐ Yeah, no,
I see where you're going.

And then‐‐and then Dr. V,
he comes out like this.

Grab you like that,
and I throw you in the lake.

‐ You can't.
I'm holding your arms.

‐ What if I got an extra set
of arms I use to choke you out?

♪ ♪

‐ Like an accomplice?

‐ No, like I was in a radiation
accident when I was five,

so my father was a scientist
in the lab and then I snuck in

and then I grew a second pair
of arms and I fight crime.

‐ Huh.

Think we should wait
for the doctor to come home

to talk to him?

‐ No, we don't wanna spook him.

We need to do a deep dive
on him first.

We gotta get inside his head,

find out what makes
this man tick.

‐ Mm.

‐ We can't half‐ass this one.

Stakes are way too high.

You know what? Maybe
I'd be better with six arms.

That's better than four.

Hell, I can cut my shower
in half if I had six arms.

I'd get my nuts and my butt
and my pits,

still have two arms left.

‐ It's a great day to be alive.

♪ ♪

‐ When we crashed,
I blacked out.

I woke up right here.

Watch this.

♪ ♪

‐ Is that the ship?
‐ It's invisible.

Cool, right?

‐ Yeah, cool.

‐ Where do you think
Harry went?

‐ Not home.

♪ ♪

Not without his ship, anyway.

You know, when he left,

I thought I was done
with all this shit.

Sorry.
‐ It's okay.

I like that word.

‐ I don't know where
the hell he is,

but we gotta find him before
someone finds this thing.

♪ ♪

That's his blood.
He's hurt.

I gotta go.
Don't let anyone near the ship.

♪ ♪

‐ My planet is in your
constellation Ursa Major,

which you call the Great Bear.

It is one of three planets
that orbits our sun.

And your planet,
the planet Earth,

is in one of
our constellations.

It‐‐it looks like
a giant...human...

boob...
and your sun is the nipple.

‐ Well,
this is very interesting.

What's the name of your planet?

‐ Sounds familiar.

‐ Think my uncle lived there.

‐ He could never live
on my planet.

He's carbon isotope ratio

is less than half
the planet's pole magnetism.

She's so stupid.

Who else thinks
that she is so stupid?

‐ Let's go this way.
‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Cousin, I will save you!

The younger ones
are the most dangerous.

‐ Sir!
‐ What have you done?

‐ You have stuffed him.

You bastard!

‐ Someone get a sedative.
‐ Yes, Doctor.

‐ Don't touch me.
Leave me alone!

I'm a superior being!

‐ Nurse, where's that sedative?

♪ ♪

‐ Dr. Ethan's late.

‐ I'm sure he'll be here soon.

‐ I heard he hooked up
with D'arcy.

Jealous?

‐ I'm busy, Ellen.

I can do without the gossip,
okay?

‐ Then I guess you don't
wanna know about

D'arcy crushing Jimmy's truck.

‐ What?

‐ I heard D'arcy and Jay
cut Jimmy's brakes.

Jay threatened to kill him
if he ever went near you.

Psycho.

‐ Hello?

‐ Hey, Asta.
It's Cindy over in Braddock.

We had a guy come in
who matches your description.

Thank God. Is he okay?

‐ He's had a head injury.
Thinks he's an alien.

‐ An alien?
Um, wow.

Yeah, yeah.
That's a head injury.

I will be right there, okay?
Thank you.

‐ For humans,

memory is a big part
of who they believe they are.

If a human's brain is damaged
and that memory is affected...

so is their
perception of self.

‐ I got news for you, Cozette.

‐ I've got news for you,
Cozette.

‐ I got news for you, Cozette.

‐ With a brain that delicate,
they should wear helmets.

Where am I?
‐ You hit your head.

Oh, God,
I'm so glad you're okay.

‐ I'm glad you are here.

‐ Hey.

‐ I thought Johnny got to you.

You're lucky to be alive.

‐ Harry, are you okay?

‐ Who's Harry?
I'm Detective Lennie Briscoe.

‐ Um, who's Lennie Briscoe?

♪ ♪

Wait, who do you think I am?

‐ You're my informant,
Cozette the hooker.

And from the look of you,
you've been working all night.

♪ ♪

‐ ♪ Take my hand,
come with me ♪

‐ Mrs. Morin, beautiful day,
is it not?

‐ ♪ Come with me ♪

‐ Hello, Mr. Souza.

‐ Hello, Mayor. Heard you had
some visitors last night.

Well done.

‐ Just a couple of bad guys
came for a visit.

Had to serve them up
a little pound cake.

Be well.

‐ ♪ And you and me are
free to be ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ ♪

‐ Deputy,
why are you in my office?

‐ Oh, Fred used my phone right
after he had an Italian grinder

and I think I may need
to throw it out now.

That was the
Taos County Sheriff Department.

Looks like they found
Dr. Vanderspeigle's truck

in an abandoned warehouse
there.

‐ Really?

Taos County.
That's in New Mexico.

Interesting.

All right, reach out to him,
have him pick it up,

and then make a note of it
in our file.

‐ Yes, sir.
Thanks for the coffee.

‐ Actually,
they're both for me.

Sir.

And you weren't joking.

Both for you.
Everything okay?

‐ Everything's fine, Deputy.
We got a lot of work to do.

♪ ♪

‐ Please, please, please.
Stop clapping.

I'm‐‐I'm no hero.

Okay, that was quick.

♪ ♪

We have
a little situation here.

Why is my
"Welcome to Patience" sign

in pieces all over my office?

‐ Jimmy Foster's emergency
brake failed over on Wilcox.

His pickup took the sign out.

‐ Street crew didn't know
what to do with it,

so I told him to file it under
your problem, not mine.

♪ ♪

We gonna have a problem here,
Sheriff?

‐ What the hell is that
on your foot?

‐ Oh, I think the street term
for them is, uh, shitkickers.

‐ Oh, okay.

Let's see what
they're called after

I Sharpie a tiny dick
on the toe.

♪ ♪

‐ I am putting my foot
on the ground,

but not because
you are threatening me.

That leg position happens
to be aggravating my sciatica.

♪ ♪

‐ Field's closed!

‐ No, it's not.

‐ You heard him.
Field's closed.

There's an underground
sewage leak.

Crew's on the way.

‐ It doesn't look like
a sewage leak.

‐ It doesn't look like

you understand what the word
underground means either.

Go ahead.

Walk across the field and
breathe the sewage particulates

into your lungs.

By day two of the infection,
your colon blocks off

and poop comes out
of your eyes.

It's called eye‐arrhea.

‐ Yeah, I told you.

Is that true?

I don't wanna
breathe poop particles.

‐ No, I made it up.

I'm quick on my feet,

which will be great when
I'm the first person on Mars.

Not first woman, first person.

Now where is it?
‐ Sahar!

‐ I'm okay.
I'm okay.

♪ ♪

‐ It's not uncommon
with head injuries like his.

He needs rest.

He will likely
regain his memory again soon.

Mainly just needs somebody
to keep an eye on him.

‐ Okay, thanks.

I will definitely keep my eye‐‐

oh, no.

♪ ♪

‐ ♪ Feel the warmth ♪

♪ Feel my blood circling ♪

♪ Feel the warmth ♪

♪ Feel my blood ♪

♪ Circling ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Don't ever make me blue ♪

♪ Don't ever sacrifice ♪

♪ Baby, let's keep it pure ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Pure ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Asiumanniqi ♪

♪ Asiumanniqi ♪

♪ Asiumanniqi ♪

♪ Naniinniqi ♪

‐ Max, time for lunch.

Max?

‐ Normal.

‐ Why are you doing this?
I'm not sick.

‐ You've been to outer space,
which makes you my Guinea pig.

I need to know
the effect of space flight

on the human body
before I go to Mars.

Have you experienced
any dizzy spells?

‐ No.

‐ Rapid aging?
‐ No.

‐ Increased
intellectual capability?

‐ What?

‐ That's a no.

‐ Max!

‐ Uh‐oh, we got a bogey.

‐ Buddy, what are you doing?

You can't just leave
the house like that.

Your mother is worried sick,
all right?

Let's‐‐let's go.

What are you waiting for?
Let's go. Come on.

We're meeting your mom
at the town hall.

Come on.
Let's go.

‐ Okay.
Yeah, let's‐‐let's go.

‐ Sahar, do you need a ride?
‐ Yes, please.

‐ Get your bikes.
Meet me at the car.

‐ All right, drop your bags!
Hats and gloves!

Let's get out there warming up!
‐ Oh, no.

♪ ♪

‐ ♪ I see these boys ♪

♪ They say to come through ♪

♪ But ‐‐‐‐ that noise ♪

♪ Ain't what I'm into ♪

♪ Get real, get real,
get real, get real, get real ♪

‐ Out!

‐ ♪ I see these boys,
they say I love you ♪

‐ Yes!
Way to go, D'arce!

‐ Why are the cute ones
always the slowest?

‐ Did we win?

♪ ♪

‐ Hey, hey, hey.
Nice play, skank.

First time you didn't let a guy
get to home base.

‐ Oh, you know what?
You should try out for the team

'cause your nickname
is already ball girl.

‐ And Judy Doodie,
Pooper Cooper, Sack Lunch.

‐ Hold up.

What'd you do to your hair?
Is that new?

‐ Oh, nothing.

I mean, I've just had‐‐
had this for a long time.

Oh, my God.

Is it, like, the same as yours?

‐ They're the same.
‐ That's so weird.

‐ So weird.
‐ What?

‐ Anyway, is this for me?

Thank you.

‐ Now it is.

♪ ♪

‐ The female assailant's eyes,

were they close together
or apart?

‐ Mm.
Far apart, I‐‐I think.

I wasn't paying a‐‐
a whole lot of attention

the night they came over
for dinner.

There was a fish incident.

And then during the fight,

I didn't really get a good look
either as I was‐‐you know,

I was really hitting her
mostly from behind.

‐ Oh, hell yeah, you were.

He was amazing.
You should have seen him.

It was so hot.

‐ You know how it is

when your man just
takes care of business.

‐ Yeah, my man takes care
of a lot of business so often,

like, all of the time.

The female assailant's nose
was it‐‐

thin?
‐ Uh...

yeah, she‐‐
she had kind of, like,

a Disney princess nose.
‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ And she‐‐she turned her head
once, you know,

as I was, uh, pounding her.

‐ Pounding her.

‐ And they kept trying
to get up

and we just‐‐
we just kept on hitting.

‐ Hitting.
‐ And hitting.

‐ And hitting
and hitting and hitting.

‐ And hitting and‐‐and then‐‐
and then she did.

She‐‐she turned her head
at the end.

‐ Blood everywhere.
‐ And yeah, thin.

‐ Can I have a glass of water?

‐ I think that would be
a great idea.

‐ Okay, I am so turned on
right now

I just wanna rip
your clothes off.

‐ Okay.
‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Ew.
Here you go.

‐ Thank you.

Okey‐doke.

Let's, um, talk about her lips.

Oh, Jesus.

♪ ♪

‐ Go ahead.
They're not looking.

♪ ♪

‐ We've been compromised.

‐ What?
What do you mean?

‐ What does that mean?

Operation "Guard the Ship"
is in peril.

Max's dad pulled us
off the field.

There's a baseball game
tonight.

‐ Oh, no.
Okay.

I'll be there
as soon as I can.

♪ ♪

Excuse me, sir.
Have you seen my‐‐

Jesus.

‐ Cozette,
I thought Johnny got to you.

He has a long memory
and a short temper.

‐ Well, I've been ignoring
Johnny's calls.

‐ You know,
if you are going to be my CI,

you're going to have
to start...spilling.

I pay you a good money to rat.
Cough up some cheese.

‐ I know someone
who stole a suit.

‐ I need something big.

If you can't help with that,
then make yourself useful.

Go get me a street dog

with relish and‐‐and onions.

‐ There's been a murder.

♪ ♪

‐ Murder, you say?

Now you are speaking
my language.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

So tell me about this guy
who died, Harry Venderspundle.

‐ Close.

Um, I don't know.
He was‐‐he was a friend.

‐ You were schtupping him.

‐ No, I wasn't schtupping him.

He was annoying, untrustworthy,

thinks he knows everything.

Kind of did, actually.

He also knew nothing.

He was like a child.

‐ Schtupping a child
is a class A felony.

Do I need to call
Benson and Stabler?

‐ I didn't‐‐look.

I used to come in here a lot
with Harry

and he loved those noodles
that you're eating.

Do they‐‐do they
remind you of anything?

‐ Yeah.

♪ ♪

I was working a homicide case
at Tony's on Greenwich.

Do you know the place?

Johnny Sourdough died face
first in noodles like this.

One in the brain,
two on the balls.

Shooter had daddy issues.

‐ Stop it.
You are not a detective.

Please try and remember, okay?

You‐‐

You are an alien.

‐ Cozette, I see you're back
on the smack.

‐ My name is Asta.

‐ Help me out, man.

‐ Who keeps yelling?
‐ That'll be me.

‐ Who said that?
‐ Yeah, you dumb shit.

That stupid soup
make your ears stop working?

‐ Do I know you?

‐ Wow, what is going on
in your brain?

All I see in there is hookers
and red meat.

Let me clean that up for you.

‐ What are you doing?

Asta?

‐ Harry.

‐ Harry.
Oh, thank God.

‐ God gets the credit? Great.
‐ Is that‐‐

‐ Hello there, human idiot.

‐ Did that octopus
just call me an idiot?

‐ My ship. My ship.

‐ I don't usually talk
to you guys,

but my friend here needs
a little help.

‐ Harry!
‐ Whoa, whoa!

Tell him to break me out!

I'm Monday chef's special!

♪ ♪

‐ You got this!
‐ You got this, D'arce!

♪ ♪

‐ Go, D'arcy!

‐ Strike!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

‐ What?

‐ Hell is he doing?
‐ Come on!

‐ The ball is lost.
The game is over.

‐ What the hell, man?

‐ He fainted.

Not enough players.
Go home.

‐ Dude, get away from me.

‐ Harry, get off the field!
‐ C'mon on, Harry!

‐ C'mon,
let's get you off the field.

‐ All right, gotta replay that!
Let's go!

♪ ♪

‐ The heck?
‐ Whoa, whoa!

‐ Ball's still live!

You can't see it,
that's your issue!

‐ I could have done that.

♪ ♪

‐ It's damaged.

‐ How do you know?
You can't even see it.

♪ ♪

Oh, shit!

Well, now you can.

Now everybody can.
Great.

‐ Come on.

What's this?
Man, what you doing?

I told you I'll just
eat dinner here tonight.

‐ You don't eat to eat alone.
I know what today is.

‐ Dad, you‐‐
you didn't have to do this.

Today is‐‐is‐‐it's just
a regular day.

‐ Buy him a coffee
this morning?

‐ Yeah, Dad,
I bought him a coffee.

‐ That's nice.

Closest thing to a show of
affection anyone gets from you.

♪ ♪

He died six years ago.

Can't run away from it forever.

♪ ♪

‐ Thanks, Dad.

‐ I can get it to fly.

‐ From here?
Harry, someone will see it.

‐ No, no.
It is too dark.

We're safe.

‐ Oh, shit.

Shit, shit, shit!

♪ ♪

‐ Goodbye, Asta.

♪ ♪

Is this is some bullshit.

♪ ♪

It won't fly.

I can fix it.

‐ Oh, God.

‐ ♪ When the rain
is all I see ♪

♪ And the black clouds coming
for me ♪

♪ Ain't nothing gonna
take my fire ♪

‐ You're gonna burn me?

‐ Ah, we got a lot on the bed.

‐ ♪ Nobody gonna
make me a liar ♪

‐ Dispatch, you got any info
on this power situation?

‐ Under arrest.

Oh, easy, girl.

‐ That's what you get
for robbing a bank.

Ooh, yeah.

‐ We're running.

‐ Oh, God.

‐ You know,
this shit's getting weird.

‐ ♪ Don't matter if
the wolves start calling ♪

♪ Get down and get down ♪

I just need some water.

‐ Harry, you can't fix it.

‐ I have to.
If I do not, I am stuck here.

‐ Oh, this is really bad.
‐ My people.

‐ Harry, you are running
out of time, okay?

You cannot fix it.
You have to do something.

You can't fix it
because if someone sees this,

then things will
get worse for you, okay?

‐ Okay.

‐ Okay.

‐ Step back.

‐ Oh, okay.
Is it gonna blow up?

♪ ♪

‐ No.

♪ ♪

‐ What is that?

♪ ♪

A survival kit.

‐ For what? So you can blend
with people on the planet?

‐ No, so we can live
long enough to kill everyone.

‐ Excuse me?

‐ But I will just do
the first thing.

The blending.

♪ ♪

‐ When I arrived on this
planet, things were simpler.
I was an alien

and only focused
on what was in front of me.

It took me two weeks
to get to Patience.

On the way, I met a dog

who taught me the rules
about survival on Earth.

‐ ♪ Oh, the devil's
on my tail ♪

Simple hygiene...

power dynamics...

‐ ♪ I can see the sun
thorough the rain ♪

♪ And it feels so good ♪

‐ Humans do not look forward.

They have memories that
force them to look backwards.

The alien in me
only failed my mission once,

but the human in me

has relived that failure
a thousand times.

Why would I think about it
if it's painful?

Maybe humans like pain
as much as they like pie.

Mm.

‐ Looks like your leg
grew back pretty good.

So you're an alien?

‐ Yes.

And you are Native American.

‐ I am Nuche.

‐ What is Nuche?

‐ It means "The People."

‐ So I should call you Nuche?

‐ You can call me Dan.

‐ My name is difficult
for humans to pronounce,

but you can call me

It is a nickname.

‐ Huh.

I'll just call you Harry.

‐ Okay, Dan.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

‐ Harry!

‐ What is a skin rat
doing here eating my cereal?

‐ Harry, you're alive!

‐ I did not consent
to this touching.

‐ I thought you were dead.
So glad you're okay!

‐ Can you go to the store
and buy yourself‐‐

what are those,
little trampolines?

‐ Cool.

‐ Yes, then take it

to the ceiling fan store
just down the road.

Turn on
the overhead ceiling fans

and trampoline into them
so that your head chops off.

‐ That's rude.
Why are you being mean?

‐ Because you are the reason
I am stuck here.

Do you want to see what
my spaceship looks like, hmm?

This‐‐this is what is left!

I had the coolest whip in town

and now,
I have a box of alien balls.

If it wasn't for you,

I would be on my planet
right now

eating delicious tree skin.

It's like pork rinds,

but it doesn't make you vomit.

‐ You can pretend
you don't like me,

but I know you do.

You saved my life in the ship.

‐ I did not.
‐ Yes, you did!

You protected me
during the crash!

Like‐‐like you are my dad.

‐ How dare you.
You take that back.

‐ You wanna be my father.
‐ I am your father?

Okay, I'll be your father,
and you are a bad boy.

‐ What?
‐ Yes.

‐ This hurts me as much
as it hurts you.

‐ This is so inappropriate.

‐ You are inappropriate.

This is why
we can't have nice things!

‐ You can say
whatever you want,

but you can't take back
what happened.

You saved me
because you love me.

‐ I don't even
remember the crash.

You know why?

Because you are meaningless
to me, you stupid, little jerk.

‐ I know you are,
but what am I?

‐ I‐‐no, I did not say
that I am a jerk.

I said that you are a jerk.

‐ I know you are,
but what am I?

‐ You are not
hearing me correctly.

The pronoun is you, not I.

‐ I know you are,
but what am I?

I'm going into
that room over there.

When I come out,
you better be gone,

you dumb, little, shit pocket.

‐ That makes no sense.

‐ Yes, it does.

If you put shit in your pocket.

♪ ♪

Memories define
who these humans are.

And if the memories
become too painful

or reveal a side of themselves
they don't like,

their brains tuck
those memories away.

♪ ♪

I am so happy I am not human.

♪ ♪

‐ Beep, beep.

Yes.

It must be summer if you're
bringing out the beast.

‐ "Asta, I'm a beast for you.

I miss your butt ass,
so come on, sit on me."

Get in here.
Come on.

‐ ♪ Just beyond those clouds,
there's sunshine ♪

♪ So bright,
it will hurt your eyes ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, I won't lie,
you've been on my mind ♪

♪ 'Cause all I ever see ♪

♪ All I ever see is you ♪

‐ You always know when I need
something like this.

You know Ethan hasn't come
into work for two days?

I had to cover everything.

‐ Ethan.

Ethan?
Ethan, Ethan, Ethan.

I can't quite place‐‐
who is that again?

‐ You know.
You remember the doctor?

‐ Yeah, I don't‐‐
‐ Oh, let me help you.

He worked for
Médecins Sans Frontières.

‐ Mm?

‐ Mm.

Yeah, you hooked up with him
and thought I didn't know.

‐ That Ethan.
‐ Yes.

‐ That's right.

Well, I guess we both know
each other's secrets now.

Jay told me.

‐ Oh,

I'm sorry
I didn't tell you about Jay.

‐ Don't be.

I should have known,
first of all.

You guys are
pretty much identical.

Like, duh.

‐ Well, you guys have
a lot in common.

I heard you two had
an adventure the other night.

‐ Right.
‐ Uh‐huh.

‐ You remember when
Mrs. Pinkham

assigned us "Beowulf"
in school?

‐ Yeah.

Yeah, and Molly Swenson
called me a bitch,

so you dumped your food tray
on her and called her Grendel.

Oh, that was awesome.
‐ Yeah, epic.

So, like,
Jimmy's the new Grendel.

Sometimes you gotta slay
a monster for your best friend.

♪ ♪

Come here.
‐ Aw, man.

That's like the most
romantic thing

anyone's ever said to me.

‐ That can't be true.
‐ That's so true.

♪ ♪

Harry?

Harry!

♪ ♪

‐ What are you doing?

‐ I thought you were drowning!

‐ I was thinking.

Can't an alien think underwater
without being disturbed?

‐ You have gills?

Ugh!

‐ You lungers.

You are very judgmental.
Mm.

‐ You might have a concussion.
I wanted to make sure
you were okay,

but I found you face down
in the water,

which I guess
is normal for you, so...

cool.

‐ We started as water beings.

‐ I guess that explains
the weird, talking octopus.

‐ All octopuses can talk.

They just don't like talking
to humans.

Number 42 only talked to you
because you are with me.

‐ His name is number 42?
‐ On the menu.

Octopus in black bean sauce.
Number 42.

And you wonder why
they aren't speaking to humans.

Octopuses are our descendants.

They are the closest thing
to my people on Earth.

I miss my people.

I should not be here.

I am not Nuche.
‐ Mm.

You've been talking to my dad?

‐ My family is very far away.

‐ You know, on Earth,

you don't really have
to be related to be family.

In fact, you don't have to be
like them at all.

‐ Then how are they family?

♪ ♪

‐ Sometimes family is just

the people in your life
that you love,

that you'd do anything for.

Dan is family,
D'arcy is family too.

‐ I kissed D'arcy.

Yeah, she mentioned that.

‐ Her eyelid tasted
like a potato chip.

‐ You know, kissing doesn't
normally include

tasting someone's eyelid.

I know this is hard for you.

It's a bad feeling
to be stuck anywhere,

especially somewhere you hate.

‐ Like you were with Jimmy.

‐ Yeah,
I try not to think about that.

It helps, though,
to surround yourself in nature,

people you care about.

They take away
the bad feelings.

‐ Human memory
is very powerful.

It is more than just knowledge
of what has been.

It contains feelings
of that moment.

Memories connect humans
even when they are apart,

memories of someone
you've lost.

♪ ♪

‐ Is that coffee for me?

‐ That coffee is for you.

♪ ♪

This is for you, too.

♪ ♪

Let's get to work.

♪ ♪

‐ Memories of traumatic
experiences can take you back

to the event days or weeks,
even years after it happened.

‐ Max?
Max, I'm coming!

♪ ♪

Honey, are you okay?

‐ Yeah, I'm fine.
‐ What happened?

‐ I thought I saw a mouse,
but it was just a sock.

‐ Oh, buddy.

‐ Is everything okay?
‐ Yeah, he's fine.

I'm just still so freaked out
after what happened.

‐ Why are you wearing that?

‐ Daddy's just playing
a little dress‐up.

Go and get some sleep,
okay, champ?

Honey?

‐ Yeah.
‐ Let's go.

‐ See you in the morning, bud.
‐ Goodnight.

‐ Oh, goodnight.

♪ ♪

‐ But memories can also
connect people

and remind them
of better times.

‐ Ethan?

You here?

♪ ♪

Heard you blew off work.

♪ ♪

What the hell?

♪ ♪

‐ Dude, it's about time
you came back.

The chef here is a sicko.

Last night,
I swear he fed me octopus.

‐ Are we family?

‐ Um, yeah, I guess so.

I mean, I'm not, like,
I'll help you move family,

but more, like, I'll see you
at the reunion and say,

"Well, you got fat" family.

‐ I am afraid
I am becoming too human.

I need family to remind me
who I am.

‐ Well, in that case,
break me out of here

and we can be roomies,
but you have to do it quick.

Your people will be here soon.

‐ What do you mean?
‐ Oh, didn't you know?

Pretty obvious you didn't
complete your mission.

They'll just send someone else
to kill everyone for you.

‐ Everyone?
Including Asta?

‐ Uh, yeah, Asta?
Is‐‐the human?

Yes, she's a human, so yes.

‐ This cannot happen.

I should not care about
saving Asta.

She is human.

I know she is, but what am I?

‐ ♪ I don't know what really,
really happens ♪

♪ At the end of the road ♪

‐ Run,
you elegant bastard, run!

‐ ♪ I don't know what really,
really happens ♪

♪ At the end of the road ♪

♪ I‐‐I‐‐I‐‐I don't know what
really, really happens ♪

♪ At the end of the road ♪

♪ But my trip is mad ♪

♪ I ain't finished,
I got loads ♪

♪ I think I'm up
for the challenge ♪

♪ To show I got me
some mileage ♪

♪ I got a car and a cottage ♪

♪ I got Suzanne
in my baggage ♪