Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 8, Episode 14 - Operation: Hear No Evil - full transcript
Mordecai and Rigby want to avoid spoilers of their favorite TV show.
[SOBBING]
Promise me.
I promise you.
I'll search the entire galaxy
to find out
who poisoned your entrée.
It's the least I can do
now that I know
you're my... mother.
[GASPS]
What?
No way.
[CRYING]
Whoa, Muscle Man,
are you crying?
Yes, I'm crying.
I'm feeling deep emotions,
and they're
expressing themselves
physically on my face.
It's part of
what makes me a man.
Ahh. Are you guys watching
Lazer Hunters?
Why is everybody at the station
addicted to it?
Yeah, it's so cheesy.
Oh, get over yourselves.
This show
is a cultural phenomenon.
It's ending next week.
Give it a chance.
Mm.
I don't know.
[SOBBING]
Brick?
Yes?
Mother never wanted us
to meet,
but now that she's gone,
I can tell you...
I'm your identical twin--
Angelo.
Whoa.
Okay.
Maybe we can give it
a shot.
[ALL CRYING]
Ooh. Heh.
That was really good.
Dude, we got to catch up
before the finale next week.
How many seasons are there?
Eight.
If you start watching now,
you just barely
have enough time to catch up.
But only if you use
this mayonnaise jar as a toilet.
Thanks.
Dude, weren't we supposed to
do something for Benson
before we walked in here?
Uh...
vacuum the floors?
But we could put that off
till later.
You're probably right.
[♪♪♪]
No, Mr. President.
Don't open
that birthday present.
[BOTH SOBBING]
[YAWNS]
[BOTH LAUGH]
No.
No.
[STATIC]
Bros, you did it.
You watched 168 hours
of Lazer Hunters.
And you're just in time
for the finale.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
So many questions.
Like, what was the deal with
the space lizard cold open?
Was Brick's cousin's salsa
in the safety-deposit box?
Why was there a squid
in the percolator?
Who made the holotape
that tipped off the colonel?
Not so dumb anymore,
is it?
And now, finally,
the finale will answer
all our questions.
[ALL CHEERING]
Mordecai and Rigby.
Oh, hey, Benson.
We were just about to watch
the Lazer Hunters finale.
No, you're not,
because you and Mordecai
are going to go vacuum
the floors in the house
right now.
Just like I told you to
a week ago.
Aw, Benson.
Can't we just vacuum after?
Now.
The house is all the way on
the other side of the station.
Don't care.
The finale will be over
by the time we get back.
Go.
How are we gonna get back here
without hearing spoilers?
Go vacuum the house.
Uh.
Uh.
Whoa, tough break, guys.
Whatever shall you do?
BOTH: Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
You want me to record it for you
so you can watch it later?
BOTH: Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
[SIGHS] Give me the tape.
BOTH: Hmm-hmm-hmm.
Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
I just hope
they can make it back
before they hear
any spoilers.
[CHUCKLES]
This is gonna work.
Yeah. The sooner
we get this done,
the sooner we can watch
that tape.
Oh, no. Lazer Hunters
is ending right now, dude.
Dude, don't panic.
We got some time before
we're at risk of spoilers.
Bros.
Bros, you won't believe
how Lazer Hunters ends.
Operation: Hear No Evil--
phase one.
Bros.
Bros?
[BOTH PANTING]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Here it is--
Operation: Hear No Evil.
Everything you need
to avoid spoilers.
Two years ago, the ending of
the Carter and Briggs movie
was spoiled for us,
and what did we vow, Rigby?
That it would
never happen again.
That it would
never happen again.
Okay, step one--
go off the grid.
Phone.
Whoa. You could've just
turned them off.
I mean, either way.
What's step two?
Headphones.
[♪♪♪]
Okay, step three--
get to the tape.
What?
We have to go back
to the barracks for the tape.
Oh, yeah.
And remember--
everybody and their brother
is gonna be
talking about this,
so we got to get there
as fast as we can.
Got it.
[♪♪♪]
Guys?
Guys?
[COUGHS]
Where are they?
I don't know the answer
to that question, bro.
But I can tell you
that these floors
have not been vacuumed.
I see.
How does it end?
What?
Lazer Hunters.
I'm gonna ruin it for them.
But--
How...
does... it... end?
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH GASP]
BOTH:
La la la la la la la.
[BOTH PANTING] Huh?
When the beam kills...
How about that...
Never saw that coming
in a million years.
[MUSIC DIES OUT]
The batteries must be dead.
What do we do now?
Operation: Hear No Evil
back-up plan--
earplugs.
Blaah. Blaah. Hah.
[NO AUDIO]
BOTH: Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
It's not the texture so much.
It's the smell.
Oh, hey, Benson.
What are you doing here?
I'm waiting here so I can
spoil the Lazer Hunters finale
for Mordecai and Rigby.
Why do you want
to spoil it?
It's gonna
totally ruin their day.
Oh, boo-hoo-hoo.
You know my day
was ruined
when Rawls got on my case
about getting the dome in shape.
Vacuuming the house
was the last step.
Mordecai and Rigby
don't take anything seriously.
I mean, we're supposed to
take the dome out
on our own soon.
Spoiler alert for our mission--
we fail out there.
We fail spectacular... ly?
[GROWLS]
[YELLING]
[GRUNTS]
Fine.
I'm glad
we're in the air ducts.
The acoustics in here
are perfect for spoilers.
[INHALES]
BOTH: La la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la.
[BOTH INHALE]
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la
la la la la la.
[BOTH SCREAM]
No.
Nothing but net.
You catch that finale, Sally?
I couldn't believe
Zolthar's bones were in the--
[BOTH GRUNT]
La la la la la la
la la la la la la la.
La la la la la
la la la la.
[GRUNTS]
What now?
"In case of emergency,
get to a safe room."
If we loop back to the barracks,
we can lock Benson out.
Gaah.
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
Hey.
Whoa.
Sorry.
We're just borrowing them.
Excuse me.
Have you seen two idiots?
It's very important
that I spoil
Lazer Hunters for them.
[WHISTLES] Spoilers, huh?
That's cold.
You know, I used to teach
quantum physics.
Then my brother-in-law
spoiled the Egg Baby Bonanza
finale for me.
I tell you,
I fell into a pit of despair.
Quit my job, lost my house,
rolled a big rock down a hill
onto my brother-in-law.
Just made some bad choices.
Now I sweep up trash for scraps
like a gutter urchin.
Because of those spoilers,
I have nothing.
That's perfect.
So have you seen them?
Yeah,
right over there.
Hey. Hey.
I live in that.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
Huh?
Get ready.
You're gonna hear
this spoiler.
[INHALES]
[HORN HONKING]
Huh?
And now, for the losers
who missed it,
here are all of the best scenes
from the Lazer Hunters finale.
[GROWLS]
Ahh. Spoilers.
[DOLPHIN VOCALIZES]
Where do we go?
Shortcut. Shortcut.
Ahh.
Get ready.
Jump.
Whoa.
Oh.
I think I'm really hurt.
No time.
[BOTH PANTING]
Locking barracks.
[PANTS]
We're safe. Let's do this.
Yes. Finally.
BENSON: I just wanted
the carpets vacuumed.
[BOTH GASP]
Pack it up, guys.
You failed.
Hey, buddy.
Let's not
do anything rash.
All those hours
spent planning and planning
and running away from me.
All that time and energy
wasted on
Operation: Hear No Evil.
Now I'm gonna spoil
Lazer Hunters
once and for all.
La la la la.
No.
Benson's not gonna
do that to us.
Ha ha ha. And why is that?
'Cause you don't know
the last phase
of Operation: Hear No Evil.
Oh, give it up.
You and I both know
there's nothing in that backpack
that's gonna change my mind.
Not even...
the finale
of Dr. Whiskers, M.D.?
[GASPS] Okay, wait.
Uh, let's not do anything
we'd regret.
Dude, what?
Oh, just Benson's
favorite show.
He was binge-watching it
right before we left Earth,
but...
I never got to see
the finale.
Wait. So what's on the tape?
The last ten seconds
of that finale--
Dr. Whiskers' big reveal.
Mordecai.
It's up to you, Benson.
Let us watch the Lazer Hunters
finale in peace,
or we spoil your cat show.
You're bluffing.
And so, after months of
unbelievable twists and turns,
I will finally reveal
whose paws
were behind the murders
of the Calico Crew.
No. Stop it. Stop.
[PANTING]
Truce?
Truce.
You can vacuum the floors
after you watch the finale.
BOTH: Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[♪♪♪]
We did it, dude.
It's happening.
Ha ha.
The Lazer Hunters finale.
You get to the part
where LeFever dies yet?
Oh.
Oh.
Dude, I told you
to lock the door.
[LAUGHS]
Ha ha. Whoops. My bad.
Seriously, though,
that ending's almost as good
as the end of
Dr. Whiskers, M.D.
Can you believe
Fuzzmeister Fuzzball
killed the Calico Crew? Ha ha.
Well, bye.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Promise me.
I promise you.
I'll search the entire galaxy
to find out
who poisoned your entrée.
It's the least I can do
now that I know
you're my... mother.
[GASPS]
What?
No way.
[CRYING]
Whoa, Muscle Man,
are you crying?
Yes, I'm crying.
I'm feeling deep emotions,
and they're
expressing themselves
physically on my face.
It's part of
what makes me a man.
Ahh. Are you guys watching
Lazer Hunters?
Why is everybody at the station
addicted to it?
Yeah, it's so cheesy.
Oh, get over yourselves.
This show
is a cultural phenomenon.
It's ending next week.
Give it a chance.
Mm.
I don't know.
[SOBBING]
Brick?
Yes?
Mother never wanted us
to meet,
but now that she's gone,
I can tell you...
I'm your identical twin--
Angelo.
Whoa.
Okay.
Maybe we can give it
a shot.
[ALL CRYING]
Ooh. Heh.
That was really good.
Dude, we got to catch up
before the finale next week.
How many seasons are there?
Eight.
If you start watching now,
you just barely
have enough time to catch up.
But only if you use
this mayonnaise jar as a toilet.
Thanks.
Dude, weren't we supposed to
do something for Benson
before we walked in here?
Uh...
vacuum the floors?
But we could put that off
till later.
You're probably right.
[♪♪♪]
No, Mr. President.
Don't open
that birthday present.
[BOTH SOBBING]
[YAWNS]
[BOTH LAUGH]
No.
No.
[STATIC]
Bros, you did it.
You watched 168 hours
of Lazer Hunters.
And you're just in time
for the finale.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
So many questions.
Like, what was the deal with
the space lizard cold open?
Was Brick's cousin's salsa
in the safety-deposit box?
Why was there a squid
in the percolator?
Who made the holotape
that tipped off the colonel?
Not so dumb anymore,
is it?
And now, finally,
the finale will answer
all our questions.
[ALL CHEERING]
Mordecai and Rigby.
Oh, hey, Benson.
We were just about to watch
the Lazer Hunters finale.
No, you're not,
because you and Mordecai
are going to go vacuum
the floors in the house
right now.
Just like I told you to
a week ago.
Aw, Benson.
Can't we just vacuum after?
Now.
The house is all the way on
the other side of the station.
Don't care.
The finale will be over
by the time we get back.
Go.
How are we gonna get back here
without hearing spoilers?
Go vacuum the house.
Uh.
Uh.
Whoa, tough break, guys.
Whatever shall you do?
BOTH: Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
You want me to record it for you
so you can watch it later?
BOTH: Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
[SIGHS] Give me the tape.
BOTH: Hmm-hmm-hmm.
Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
I just hope
they can make it back
before they hear
any spoilers.
[CHUCKLES]
This is gonna work.
Yeah. The sooner
we get this done,
the sooner we can watch
that tape.
Oh, no. Lazer Hunters
is ending right now, dude.
Dude, don't panic.
We got some time before
we're at risk of spoilers.
Bros.
Bros, you won't believe
how Lazer Hunters ends.
Operation: Hear No Evil--
phase one.
Bros.
Bros?
[BOTH PANTING]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Here it is--
Operation: Hear No Evil.
Everything you need
to avoid spoilers.
Two years ago, the ending of
the Carter and Briggs movie
was spoiled for us,
and what did we vow, Rigby?
That it would
never happen again.
That it would
never happen again.
Okay, step one--
go off the grid.
Phone.
Whoa. You could've just
turned them off.
I mean, either way.
What's step two?
Headphones.
[♪♪♪]
Okay, step three--
get to the tape.
What?
We have to go back
to the barracks for the tape.
Oh, yeah.
And remember--
everybody and their brother
is gonna be
talking about this,
so we got to get there
as fast as we can.
Got it.
[♪♪♪]
Guys?
Guys?
[COUGHS]
Where are they?
I don't know the answer
to that question, bro.
But I can tell you
that these floors
have not been vacuumed.
I see.
How does it end?
What?
Lazer Hunters.
I'm gonna ruin it for them.
But--
How...
does... it... end?
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH GASP]
BOTH:
La la la la la la la.
[BOTH PANTING] Huh?
When the beam kills...
How about that...
Never saw that coming
in a million years.
[MUSIC DIES OUT]
The batteries must be dead.
What do we do now?
Operation: Hear No Evil
back-up plan--
earplugs.
Blaah. Blaah. Hah.
[NO AUDIO]
BOTH: Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
It's not the texture so much.
It's the smell.
Oh, hey, Benson.
What are you doing here?
I'm waiting here so I can
spoil the Lazer Hunters finale
for Mordecai and Rigby.
Why do you want
to spoil it?
It's gonna
totally ruin their day.
Oh, boo-hoo-hoo.
You know my day
was ruined
when Rawls got on my case
about getting the dome in shape.
Vacuuming the house
was the last step.
Mordecai and Rigby
don't take anything seriously.
I mean, we're supposed to
take the dome out
on our own soon.
Spoiler alert for our mission--
we fail out there.
We fail spectacular... ly?
[GROWLS]
[YELLING]
[GRUNTS]
Fine.
I'm glad
we're in the air ducts.
The acoustics in here
are perfect for spoilers.
[INHALES]
BOTH: La la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la.
[BOTH INHALE]
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la
la la la la la.
[BOTH SCREAM]
No.
Nothing but net.
You catch that finale, Sally?
I couldn't believe
Zolthar's bones were in the--
[BOTH GRUNT]
La la la la la la
la la la la la la la.
La la la la la
la la la la.
[GRUNTS]
What now?
"In case of emergency,
get to a safe room."
If we loop back to the barracks,
we can lock Benson out.
Gaah.
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
Hey.
Whoa.
Sorry.
We're just borrowing them.
Excuse me.
Have you seen two idiots?
It's very important
that I spoil
Lazer Hunters for them.
[WHISTLES] Spoilers, huh?
That's cold.
You know, I used to teach
quantum physics.
Then my brother-in-law
spoiled the Egg Baby Bonanza
finale for me.
I tell you,
I fell into a pit of despair.
Quit my job, lost my house,
rolled a big rock down a hill
onto my brother-in-law.
Just made some bad choices.
Now I sweep up trash for scraps
like a gutter urchin.
Because of those spoilers,
I have nothing.
That's perfect.
So have you seen them?
Yeah,
right over there.
Hey. Hey.
I live in that.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
Huh?
Get ready.
You're gonna hear
this spoiler.
[INHALES]
[HORN HONKING]
Huh?
And now, for the losers
who missed it,
here are all of the best scenes
from the Lazer Hunters finale.
[GROWLS]
Ahh. Spoilers.
[DOLPHIN VOCALIZES]
Where do we go?
Shortcut. Shortcut.
Ahh.
Get ready.
Jump.
Whoa.
Oh.
I think I'm really hurt.
No time.
[BOTH PANTING]
Locking barracks.
[PANTS]
We're safe. Let's do this.
Yes. Finally.
BENSON: I just wanted
the carpets vacuumed.
[BOTH GASP]
Pack it up, guys.
You failed.
Hey, buddy.
Let's not
do anything rash.
All those hours
spent planning and planning
and running away from me.
All that time and energy
wasted on
Operation: Hear No Evil.
Now I'm gonna spoil
Lazer Hunters
once and for all.
La la la la.
No.
Benson's not gonna
do that to us.
Ha ha ha. And why is that?
'Cause you don't know
the last phase
of Operation: Hear No Evil.
Oh, give it up.
You and I both know
there's nothing in that backpack
that's gonna change my mind.
Not even...
the finale
of Dr. Whiskers, M.D.?
[GASPS] Okay, wait.
Uh, let's not do anything
we'd regret.
Dude, what?
Oh, just Benson's
favorite show.
He was binge-watching it
right before we left Earth,
but...
I never got to see
the finale.
Wait. So what's on the tape?
The last ten seconds
of that finale--
Dr. Whiskers' big reveal.
Mordecai.
It's up to you, Benson.
Let us watch the Lazer Hunters
finale in peace,
or we spoil your cat show.
You're bluffing.
And so, after months of
unbelievable twists and turns,
I will finally reveal
whose paws
were behind the murders
of the Calico Crew.
No. Stop it. Stop.
[PANTING]
Truce?
Truce.
You can vacuum the floors
after you watch the finale.
BOTH: Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[♪♪♪]
We did it, dude.
It's happening.
Ha ha.
The Lazer Hunters finale.
You get to the part
where LeFever dies yet?
Oh.
Oh.
Dude, I told you
to lock the door.
[LAUGHS]
Ha ha. Whoops. My bad.
Seriously, though,
that ending's almost as good
as the end of
Dr. Whiskers, M.D.
Can you believe
Fuzzmeister Fuzzball
killed the Calico Crew? Ha ha.
Well, bye.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLE]