Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 7, Episode 19 - Donut Factory Holiday - full transcript
Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High-Five Ghost are watching their favorite "Terrible-Horror" movie "Donut Factory Holiday". They have to get it back to the video store soon, but then they can't get it out of the VCR.
[♪♪♪]
[WOLF HOWLS]
BOY [ON TV]: Hello?
Anyone there?
I don't like it, Billy.
I was excited when you won
those all-access passes
to this donut factory,
but now that we're here,
seems to be
completely abandoned.
Shh. You're right.
Something's fishy.
There's not a donut
in this place.
Uh, if there are no donuts,
then why do I smell...
[SHAKILY]
frosting?
[BOTH SCREAM]
[WOLF HOWLS]
[ALL CHEERING]
Donut Factory Holiday!
[DOOR OPENS]
Best worst movie ever!
[SIGHS]
Again?
Why do you guys make such
a big deal out of this movie?
You've seen it a thousand times.
It's terrible.
Dude, we know.
That's why it's funny.
It's kind of like
that solo album
you recorded last year
if people had liked it.
And Benson For All
was criminally misunderstood!
[ROCK THEME PLAYING]
Billy, are you sure
the sewer's the only way out?
If you can think of a better
way to escape an evil donut,
I'd like to hear it.
Wait! Look out!
Sewer gator!
[CHIRPING]
Pfft.
[SCREAMING]
Oh, now?
[ROARS]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Mr. President, sir!
Prototype 58 has escaped.
Great Scott!
This is what we get
for playing...
Uh... Line?
[AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE]
[ROARS]
[ALL LAUGHING]
Why does he get huge
for that one scene?
Shh!
Here comes the best part.
ALL:
Reduce. Reuse. Re-est in peace!
[POWERS UP]
What? No!
I don't know how,
but it gets better every time!
I read somewhere
the guy in the donut suit
is the director
because he ran out of money
to pay the actors.
I heard the crocodiles
in the swamp scene
were four iguanas
taped together.
Wasn't that just a guy
in a suit?
Uh, you're thinking
of the alligator scene.
You got to brush up
on your taxonomy, bro.
We can find out for sure
next time we rent it.
We should get back
to the rental store.
There's probably
people waiting for it.
Ugh!
That stupid wait list.
I miss when we were the only
people who knew about this.
It's due back at
the video store by 5:00.
That gives us
half an hour.
Plenty of time.
All we got to do is eject
this puppy,
hop in the cart,
cruise on over to the...
I said
eject this puppy.
Guys, the tape's stuck.
No, it isn't.
Let me try.
[GRUNTING]
Yeah, it's stuck.
Bros, I can't afford
a late fee!
Okay, okay,
we got this.
All we got to do is find
some way to pull that tape out,
and as long as we do it
within the next...
28 minutes.
...we can return it,
and bam, no late fee.
That'll work.
Let's do that.
Phew. Yeah,
that sounds okay.
I got my tools.
What's the emergency?
Donut Factory Holiday's
stuck in the VCR.
Now what?
Let me try something.
It's never gonna
come out.
I could try
my family's technique.
You're great.
Mordecai's right!
The tape's a goner!
I got this.
Woo! Woo!
Woo!
Stop!
You'll break the tape!
The video guy said
it's impossible to replace.
Nobody's ever complained about
my techniques before.
Uh, guys,
we got like 20 minutes
to get the tape back.
Let me
hit it some more.
Let's just smash it.
I, uh-- I could--
Guys, guys, calm down.
I'll just reach in,
grab the tape, and pull it out.
Just like how I get prizes
out of the cereal box.
Come on, baby.
[GRUNTS]
[CLACKS]
I got it!
Guys, I got it!
And now to pull it out.
[CHUCKLES]
My arm's not coming out.
My arm's not coming out!
I got this!
Aah!
[GRUNTS]
We got to
do something, bros.
[PHONE RINGS]
VHS, the home
of very happy service.
How may I help you?
Oh, yeah, hi.
Is there a grace period
for returning
Donut Factory Holiday
late due to, uh...
...unavoidable VCR mishaps?
You need to
have it here on time,
or you'll have to
pay the fee.
Which is?
Same as the budget
of the movie:
Two...hundred...
dollars.
What?
Nobody can afford that!
This dude says
the fine is 200 bucks.
Oh, and there's
someone here
waiting for you guys
to return it.
Donuts are forever!
[SIGHS]
You have 17 minutes
to get it back here.
We've got to
get that tape back now.
[GROANING]
We should also get Rigby
some serious help.
Whoa, you're getting big
there, Tamara.
ALL:
Eileen! Eileen!
Guys?
What's going on?
Rigby needs
your help!
No time to explain!
Is he hurt? What hap--?
Oh. Steven!
Yes, ma'am!
Warm up a tub of butter
from the pantry, stat!
On it!
Lay him down on the table.
[GROANS]
Hey, buddy.
How you holding up?
[COUGHS]
[WEAKLY]
Eileen.
It's pretty much
over for me.
I'm so glad I got to see you...
before...the end.
Rigby, you know
you're not--
I'm gonna miss your face,
your glasses,
your little side pony.
From now on, I'll be known
as "Old Man VHS Hand."
That's creepy.
Here's your butter,
ma'am!
Don't worry, Rigby.
We're gonna
get you out of here.
Well? Can you
get the tape out?
[GRUNTS]
No.
Now it's stuck
and it's making me feel weird.
There's no time, bro.
We're out of options.
We got to go nuclear.
[WHIMPERS]
Eileen?
I don't know.
It could work.
[GRUNTS]
[SCREAMS]
Wait!
Huh?
Don't smash it.
I didn't want to have to
resort to this,
but...we have to go
to the VCR repair shop.
Whoa, dude. You don't have to
do that for me.
It might be easier
to break my arm.
[SIGHS]
No. Let's just do it.
Maybe he won't be creepy
this time.
[GROANING]
Have you just tried
letting go of the tape, or...?
[DOOR BELLS JINGLE]
Men.
Am I right, Tamara?
[TIRES SCREECH]
Lazy Dave!
Mordecai.
Your mom come
with you?
No, man.
Just my buddies.
Aw, dang.
We got a tape stuck
in this VCR.
I'm also stuck but I'm starting
to get used to it.
All right, then,
let's take a look.
So Mord,
how's your mom been?
Incredibly married.
Still?
Did you know Mordecai's mom
and I used to date?
Until that fateful night,
the rain started to fall when--
Uh-oh.
A Rewind King X-2.
This thing's unbreakable!
Well, can you just try?
Only if you
put in a good word
with your mom for me,
Mordecai.
Dude, no.
[SCOFFS] Fine.
We'll start by popping
the face off the VCR.
You sure your mom's
still married?
Ugh!
This was a waste of time.
Uh, we've got,
like, seven minutes left.
I got it.
What if we don't have to
get the tape out?
I know how we can get the
video store on a technicality.
Here you are.
One tape, as agreed upon.
And I believe nowhere
in the contract does it state
that the tape has to
be watchable.
It's the first line!
And you can't return
a tape stuck inside a VCR
that also has a dude's arm
stuck in it!
I've been waiting so long,
I don't mind
if there's an arm.
The customer gets
what the customer wants.
Wait here while I get
our arm removal shears.
What?
Where'd the shears go?
Dude, Rigby,
let's get out of here.
Oh, here they are.
What?
We've got runners!
The customer's responsible
for all lost or damaged tapes.
[ENGINE REVS]
Yay, Tape Hunter!
We are never going back
to that store.
[ALL GASP]
I'm coming for that tape.
[GUN COCKS]
Step on it, bros!
[TIRES SQUEAL]
The video store has
its own bounty hunter?
[TIRES SCREECH]
Give me the tape
and no one gets hurt!
Dude, we want
to give you the tape!
[GASPS]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[ELECTRIC ENGINE REVS]
[ENGINE REVS]
[ELECTRIC ENGINE REVS]
[ENGINE REVS]
What now?
Step on it.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
What's the plan,
Rigby?
Stay on target.
[ROARS]
[GUN COCKS, POWERS UP]
Rigby!
[♪♪♪]
[ROARS]
A Rewind King X-2!
Try blocking this!
[SCREAMS]
Ow!
[BACK-UP ALARM BEEPING]
Reduce, reuse,
re--
Tree!
[ALL SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING IN SLOW MOTION]
[GROANS]
There's no way
the tape survived that.
Sorry, guys.
Maybe they'll let us pay
the replacement fee
on a plan or something.
Ugh!
I knew I shouldn't have
put my arm in the VCR!
Stupid! Stupid!
Bro! The tape!
Huh?
[LAUGHS]
[SMOOCHES]
Mmm, buttery.
Fives, how much time
do we have?
Am I the only one
with a watch or...?
[SIGHS]
We can still make it
if we hurry.
Let's go, bros!
Double time!
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
Um, we should probably
call a cab.
MAN:
Well, guys, you win some,
you lose some.
On one hand, you blew up
our staff bounty hunter,
but you did return
Donut Factory Holiday on time.
Let's call it square.
So there's no fee?
Normally,
I'd have to charge you
a tape-washing fee because
the thing is covered in butter,
but those guys said
they didn't mind,
so you're off the hook.
We're happier this way.
Actually,
we're huge butter fans.
[CHUCKLES]
Cool.
I don't know about you guys,
but I'm ready to go.
Wait!
ALL:
Movie night!
ALL [CHANTING]:
DFH! DFH! DFH!
[CHANTING CONTINUES]
Oh, yeah.
We smashed the VCR.
[♪♪♪]
[WOLF HOWLS]
BOY [ON TV]: Hello?
Anyone there?
I don't like it, Billy.
I was excited when you won
those all-access passes
to this donut factory,
but now that we're here,
seems to be
completely abandoned.
Shh. You're right.
Something's fishy.
There's not a donut
in this place.
Uh, if there are no donuts,
then why do I smell...
[SHAKILY]
frosting?
[BOTH SCREAM]
[WOLF HOWLS]
[ALL CHEERING]
Donut Factory Holiday!
[DOOR OPENS]
Best worst movie ever!
[SIGHS]
Again?
Why do you guys make such
a big deal out of this movie?
You've seen it a thousand times.
It's terrible.
Dude, we know.
That's why it's funny.
It's kind of like
that solo album
you recorded last year
if people had liked it.
And Benson For All
was criminally misunderstood!
[ROCK THEME PLAYING]
Billy, are you sure
the sewer's the only way out?
If you can think of a better
way to escape an evil donut,
I'd like to hear it.
Wait! Look out!
Sewer gator!
[CHIRPING]
Pfft.
[SCREAMING]
Oh, now?
[ROARS]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Mr. President, sir!
Prototype 58 has escaped.
Great Scott!
This is what we get
for playing...
Uh... Line?
[AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE]
[ROARS]
[ALL LAUGHING]
Why does he get huge
for that one scene?
Shh!
Here comes the best part.
ALL:
Reduce. Reuse. Re-est in peace!
[POWERS UP]
What? No!
I don't know how,
but it gets better every time!
I read somewhere
the guy in the donut suit
is the director
because he ran out of money
to pay the actors.
I heard the crocodiles
in the swamp scene
were four iguanas
taped together.
Wasn't that just a guy
in a suit?
Uh, you're thinking
of the alligator scene.
You got to brush up
on your taxonomy, bro.
We can find out for sure
next time we rent it.
We should get back
to the rental store.
There's probably
people waiting for it.
Ugh!
That stupid wait list.
I miss when we were the only
people who knew about this.
It's due back at
the video store by 5:00.
That gives us
half an hour.
Plenty of time.
All we got to do is eject
this puppy,
hop in the cart,
cruise on over to the...
I said
eject this puppy.
Guys, the tape's stuck.
No, it isn't.
Let me try.
[GRUNTING]
Yeah, it's stuck.
Bros, I can't afford
a late fee!
Okay, okay,
we got this.
All we got to do is find
some way to pull that tape out,
and as long as we do it
within the next...
28 minutes.
...we can return it,
and bam, no late fee.
That'll work.
Let's do that.
Phew. Yeah,
that sounds okay.
I got my tools.
What's the emergency?
Donut Factory Holiday's
stuck in the VCR.
Now what?
Let me try something.
It's never gonna
come out.
I could try
my family's technique.
You're great.
Mordecai's right!
The tape's a goner!
I got this.
Woo! Woo!
Woo!
Stop!
You'll break the tape!
The video guy said
it's impossible to replace.
Nobody's ever complained about
my techniques before.
Uh, guys,
we got like 20 minutes
to get the tape back.
Let me
hit it some more.
Let's just smash it.
I, uh-- I could--
Guys, guys, calm down.
I'll just reach in,
grab the tape, and pull it out.
Just like how I get prizes
out of the cereal box.
Come on, baby.
[GRUNTS]
[CLACKS]
I got it!
Guys, I got it!
And now to pull it out.
[CHUCKLES]
My arm's not coming out.
My arm's not coming out!
I got this!
Aah!
[GRUNTS]
We got to
do something, bros.
[PHONE RINGS]
VHS, the home
of very happy service.
How may I help you?
Oh, yeah, hi.
Is there a grace period
for returning
Donut Factory Holiday
late due to, uh...
...unavoidable VCR mishaps?
You need to
have it here on time,
or you'll have to
pay the fee.
Which is?
Same as the budget
of the movie:
Two...hundred...
dollars.
What?
Nobody can afford that!
This dude says
the fine is 200 bucks.
Oh, and there's
someone here
waiting for you guys
to return it.
Donuts are forever!
[SIGHS]
You have 17 minutes
to get it back here.
We've got to
get that tape back now.
[GROANING]
We should also get Rigby
some serious help.
Whoa, you're getting big
there, Tamara.
ALL:
Eileen! Eileen!
Guys?
What's going on?
Rigby needs
your help!
No time to explain!
Is he hurt? What hap--?
Oh. Steven!
Yes, ma'am!
Warm up a tub of butter
from the pantry, stat!
On it!
Lay him down on the table.
[GROANS]
Hey, buddy.
How you holding up?
[COUGHS]
[WEAKLY]
Eileen.
It's pretty much
over for me.
I'm so glad I got to see you...
before...the end.
Rigby, you know
you're not--
I'm gonna miss your face,
your glasses,
your little side pony.
From now on, I'll be known
as "Old Man VHS Hand."
That's creepy.
Here's your butter,
ma'am!
Don't worry, Rigby.
We're gonna
get you out of here.
Well? Can you
get the tape out?
[GRUNTS]
No.
Now it's stuck
and it's making me feel weird.
There's no time, bro.
We're out of options.
We got to go nuclear.
[WHIMPERS]
Eileen?
I don't know.
It could work.
[GRUNTS]
[SCREAMS]
Wait!
Huh?
Don't smash it.
I didn't want to have to
resort to this,
but...we have to go
to the VCR repair shop.
Whoa, dude. You don't have to
do that for me.
It might be easier
to break my arm.
[SIGHS]
No. Let's just do it.
Maybe he won't be creepy
this time.
[GROANING]
Have you just tried
letting go of the tape, or...?
[DOOR BELLS JINGLE]
Men.
Am I right, Tamara?
[TIRES SCREECH]
Lazy Dave!
Mordecai.
Your mom come
with you?
No, man.
Just my buddies.
Aw, dang.
We got a tape stuck
in this VCR.
I'm also stuck but I'm starting
to get used to it.
All right, then,
let's take a look.
So Mord,
how's your mom been?
Incredibly married.
Still?
Did you know Mordecai's mom
and I used to date?
Until that fateful night,
the rain started to fall when--
Uh-oh.
A Rewind King X-2.
This thing's unbreakable!
Well, can you just try?
Only if you
put in a good word
with your mom for me,
Mordecai.
Dude, no.
[SCOFFS] Fine.
We'll start by popping
the face off the VCR.
You sure your mom's
still married?
Ugh!
This was a waste of time.
Uh, we've got,
like, seven minutes left.
I got it.
What if we don't have to
get the tape out?
I know how we can get the
video store on a technicality.
Here you are.
One tape, as agreed upon.
And I believe nowhere
in the contract does it state
that the tape has to
be watchable.
It's the first line!
And you can't return
a tape stuck inside a VCR
that also has a dude's arm
stuck in it!
I've been waiting so long,
I don't mind
if there's an arm.
The customer gets
what the customer wants.
Wait here while I get
our arm removal shears.
What?
Where'd the shears go?
Dude, Rigby,
let's get out of here.
Oh, here they are.
What?
We've got runners!
The customer's responsible
for all lost or damaged tapes.
[ENGINE REVS]
Yay, Tape Hunter!
We are never going back
to that store.
[ALL GASP]
I'm coming for that tape.
[GUN COCKS]
Step on it, bros!
[TIRES SQUEAL]
The video store has
its own bounty hunter?
[TIRES SCREECH]
Give me the tape
and no one gets hurt!
Dude, we want
to give you the tape!
[GASPS]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[ELECTRIC ENGINE REVS]
[ENGINE REVS]
[ELECTRIC ENGINE REVS]
[ENGINE REVS]
What now?
Step on it.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
What's the plan,
Rigby?
Stay on target.
[ROARS]
[GUN COCKS, POWERS UP]
Rigby!
[♪♪♪]
[ROARS]
A Rewind King X-2!
Try blocking this!
[SCREAMS]
Ow!
[BACK-UP ALARM BEEPING]
Reduce, reuse,
re--
Tree!
[ALL SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING IN SLOW MOTION]
[GROANS]
There's no way
the tape survived that.
Sorry, guys.
Maybe they'll let us pay
the replacement fee
on a plan or something.
Ugh!
I knew I shouldn't have
put my arm in the VCR!
Stupid! Stupid!
Bro! The tape!
Huh?
[LAUGHS]
[SMOOCHES]
Mmm, buttery.
Fives, how much time
do we have?
Am I the only one
with a watch or...?
[SIGHS]
We can still make it
if we hurry.
Let's go, bros!
Double time!
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
Um, we should probably
call a cab.
MAN:
Well, guys, you win some,
you lose some.
On one hand, you blew up
our staff bounty hunter,
but you did return
Donut Factory Holiday on time.
Let's call it square.
So there's no fee?
Normally,
I'd have to charge you
a tape-washing fee because
the thing is covered in butter,
but those guys said
they didn't mind,
so you're off the hook.
We're happier this way.
Actually,
we're huge butter fans.
[CHUCKLES]
Cool.
I don't know about you guys,
but I'm ready to go.
Wait!
ALL:
Movie night!
ALL [CHANTING]:
DFH! DFH! DFH!
[CHANTING CONTINUES]
Oh, yeah.
We smashed the VCR.
[♪♪♪]