Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 6, Episode 8 - The Real Thomas - full transcript
After Rigby finds out something unusual about Thomas in the night, he decides to explain his friends about the incident. Meanwhile things starts to turn dangerous when they find out the mysterious truth of Thomas.
[♪♪♪]
[SNORING]
[GURGLE]
[GURGLE]
[MOANS]
Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah.
[BEEPS]
Oh, yeah!
Pizza pouch.
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
MAN:
Stop!
Drop the bag!
Thomas?
[THUD]
Hey, what's going on, man?
Not much.
Is that dude okay?
Hey, this is weird, right?
I mean, I'm doing martial arts.
That guy's dressed up
like a garbage can
and totally still alive.
I think you're in a dream, dude.
Wait.
I-- [SCREAMS]
Shh, shh, shh.
[ALARM BLARING]
Ugh.
Rigby,
staff meeting.
Did you go on a pizza pouch
bender again last night?
Come on.
Last...night?
[GASPS]
Thomas.
Guys,
it finally happened.
I met
the perfect girl!
Her name is Natalie, and
she's a pre-school teacher.
I'll be showing her
around the park today,
so your only duties
are to leave us alone.
Just leave me
and Natalie alone, people.
No, you can't use
the bathroom, Rigby.
That's not what
I was gonna sa--
Rigby has a point.
What about Audrey?
We broke up, remember?
[ALL MUTTERING]
I was sad for months.
I loafed around the house.
[ALL MUTTERING]
[SIGHS]
Muscle Man and Pops,
you took me
to get ice cream.
Skips, you made me train
for that marathon.
In fact, all you guys had a role
in my lengthy healing process.
I don't remember
any of this.
[ALL MUTTERING]
Second order of business!
Today is Thomas' last day.
Keep this under wraps, guys,
'cause I want to surprise him.
At the end of the day,
I'm offering Thomas
a full-time job.
[ALL MUTTERING]
Yeah, I can't wait to see
the look on his face
when he sees
how I prank the new hires.
SKIPS:
You know, we don't
normally hire interns,
but Thomas has really
been killing it lately.
Killing it in the park.
[SCREAMS]
Listen to me!
I was eating a pizza pouch
late last night,
and I hear somebody
behind the house, right?
When I go look,
I see Thomas nap some guy out.
I think he was speaking
Druzhnik, too.
Yeah, right. Thomas?
It was a dream, dude.
[SCOFFS]
You were having a cheese
and grease-induced nightmare.
Oh, I get it.
Let's all gang up on Rigby.
I'll show you
it wasn't a dream!
See?
This grease spot
is where I dropped
my pizza pouch.
[GASPS]
Signs of a struggle!
Pathetic.
THOMAS: hey, guys.
Got the coffee.
Wait.
What are all you doing
behind the house?
You don't have any more
surprises on my last day,
do you?
[ALL LAUGHING]
Man,
you don't even know.
Now, let's see.
That's the duffel bag
he had last night!
I got a triple espresso--
[ALL GASP]
This is gonna prove it!
Thomas,
you okay?
That's just
my dirty laundry, dude.
Totally uncalled for, bro.
But...it wasn't a dream!
I'm on to you,
Thomas!
What just happened?
[♪♪♪]
[CELLPHONE RINGS]
Oh, hello, Mom.
Yeah.
Everything's great.
What's he saying?
THOMAS:
No, exactly. Yep. Yep.
Mm-hmm. Druzhnik.
Druzhnik?
What the heck is going on?
Understood. Bye, Mom.
It's just a sprinkler head.
Wait. What's that?
[GASPS]
Druzhnik writing.
What's he up to?
BENSON:
So, this is the house
where the workers stay.
And this is
the garage.
I keep my rakes
and shovels in here.
Ooh, rakes.
I like a man who takes care
of public parks.
Well, someone's
got to do it.
Benson, why don't we
finish this conversation
somewhere more...
public?
Uh...sure.
I could show you
the A.V. Club.
People go there
sometimes.
Huh. I was sure Benson
was lying about that date.
Just so we're all
in agreement,
Benson was totally lying
about that date, right?
RIGBY:
You guys!
Thomas is up to something.
I have proof!
I caught Thomas red-handed
installing these.
Sprinkler heads.
Wow.
You really cracked
the case, Sherlock.
[ALL CHUCKLING]
Not just a sprinkler head,
smart guy.
Look! It's got some kind
of Druzhnik warning on it.
And while Thomas was messing
with it, he got a phone call,
and I totally heard him say,
"Druzhnik."
Come on, man.
Thomas can't speak Druzhnik.
You probably just
heard him wrong.
I know what I heard!
[SCOFFS]
You're just jealous, bro.
Trying to make him
look bad.
What?!
Why would I do that?
Duh! As the intern,
he's been stuck with all
the cruddy jobs you used to do.
You're worried that
if he gets hired full time,
you'll have to do them again.
Chips?
That's not true.
I never did that stuff,
even when it was
my responsibility.
Like I said, I get it.
When you guys got hired,
I was nervous, too.
I used to kick the leaves
everywhere after you raked them
so Benson would think
you were slacking off.
[ALL SCREAM]
Get over it, guys.
That was, like, years ago.
[SNORES]
[ALL SHUDDER]
Chill out, bros.
Now, where are
those chips?
[EXCLAIMS]
Muscle Man!
Get it off!
Get it off!
I have a fear of being trapped
under an unresponsive guy!
[GASP]
MORDECAI:
This guy's from the C.I.A.
That's him!
The guy Thomas
was fighting
last night.
[FART]
Okay.
This guy's not dead
because that
definitely wasn't me.
Okay, okay.
Nobody panic.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[♪♪♪]
Uh, who is it?
[DRUZHNIK ACCENT]
Is American Intern
Society of America.
Is urgent we speak to Thomas.
[GASPS]
And need to give him
exit interview before
he can get proper credit.
[DRUZHNIK ACCENT]
Is very important.
Dude, you hear
those accents?
Druzhnik.
Those guys are probably Thomas'
assassin buddies
or something.
Yeah.
This doesn't feel right.
Rigby, let's go
find Benson.
Muscle Man, Fives,
you two stalls these goons
until we get back.
BOTH:
Right.
Hello?
Benson!
Are you in here?
Whoa.
Have you ever seen
this door before?
MORDECAI:
Maybe he's in here.
BOTH:
Pops! Skips!
Whoa!
What happened?
[MUFFLED YELLING]
BENSON:
I recorded my parents'
vow renewal on it.
Shh. It's Benson.
NATALIE:
Enough talk.
Give me your hands.
[RATTLING]
BENSON: Handcuffs.
I had a schoolteacher--
[SMACKS]
Ow!
What are you guys
doing here?
What room is this?
What's all this stuff?
We don't know.
But we're pretty sure
Thomas has something
to do with it.
There was a guy
in the cupboard,
and we're sure
he did that, too.
I think we stumbled
on something big.
What guy?
What are you talking a--?
[CLAPPING]
[DRUZHNIK ACCENT]
I know you Americans
love the ironic slow clap.
Natalie?
What's with the accent?
What is all this?
I am not Natalie.
I am Natalia!
And I am not lowly
pre-school teacher.
I am Druzhnik spy!
whoa!
So clever,
you Americans.
Only took two years to
figure out things at park
were not
what they seem.
And I am not
only one.
Right under your
ignorant noses,
one of your own has been
conspiring against you.
What? Who would do that?
Natalie, you're acting crazy.
Oh, sweet Benson.
Why don't you let him
tell you himself?
Nikolai!
[♪♪♪]
[GASPS]
[ALL GASP]
Thomas,
why did you step out
when she called
for Nikolai?
[DRUZHNIK ACCENT]
Because my name is not Thomas.
It is Nikolai.
and I am Druzhnik spy.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Dude,
for real?!
[CLEARS THROAT]
Yeah, I am Druzhnik spy.
[♪♪♪]
Oh, snap!
Now we're all toast!
And guess
who didn't believe me.
You and you and you and--
[SMACK]
Silence, rat!
But Thomas,
how can this be?
I was born
on a cold winter's night.
The M.O.M.M. raised me
to be the perfect weapon.
No family or loyalties
except for mother Druzhnia.
Some years ago,
I was embraced by a new mom:
The Ministry of
Meadow Management.
A M.O.M.M. agency dedicated
to park research and espionage.
Druzhnik park technology
is decades behind
the rest of the world.
In the world' theater,
we are a laughingstock.
What made American parks
so good?
We couldn't crack it.
The order came from
Commander Romanoff.
Operation Park Lift.
We would obtain
bogus credentials
and sneak into the States.
I would become Thomas,
average college student.
We entered the U.S. with
surprisingly little resistance.
Phase one:
Travel to target site.
Inquire about
internship opportunities.
Say you will work for free.
At the first chance possible,
I would risk
my life for the park.
I would gain
my co-workers trust.
I would fade
into the background.
I would say and do
almost nothing.
Phase Two:
Make preparations
for Phase Three.
[BEEPING]
Execute Phase Four orders:
Transmit Phase Five
intelligence
relating to Phase Six:
Silencing potential threats
to Phase Seven.
Huh.
Well, on some level,
that's kind
of flattering.
We must be doing
something right
if Druzhnia's swiping
from our park.
Darling, on the contrary.
This park is
astonishingly average.
We plan on infiltrating other,
like, way better parks
if this trial succeeds.
It just doesn't add up.
How did we never see you
doing any of this?
I had my ways.
Okay. everybody got
all their stuff.
Let's save Christmas.
[DOOR CLOSES]
THOMAS:
Being an intern
was the perfect cover.
[ALARM BEEPS]
Thomas!
THOMAS:
No one suspects the intern.
We are the lowest rung
on the ladder.
Oh, you're in luck.
I know a guy in the rock
climbing department.
THOMAS:
Your low expectations
kept you blind
to what was right
in front of you.
Hey, how are my favorite
mother and son doing?
Fantastic, Benson.
Hey, Benson, could you
tell me how the park
electrical grid works again?
Sure.
The first thing you got
to know about is the breakers.
Uh, could you talk
into the pepperoni?
The first thing
you got to know about...
So your mom was
Natalia in disguise.
No, no.
She was a robot.
Yes. Romanoff,
we have them now.
Yes. He's here.
MORDECAI: Thomas,
Uh-huh.
how could you do
this to us?
Yeah, man.
It's my job, guys.
NATALIA: Goodbye.
Natalia, what did
the Commander want?
That's on a need-to-know
basis, Nikolai.
Let's move.
We just want validate units.
We have certificate.
Uh, we don't need any, bro.
[CRASH]
[THUD]
[GROANING]
[CLANK]
Let's find Mordo and Rigs.
[GASPS]
Get down!
Anatoly.
Pleased to make acquaintance.
Special delivery.
Get in van.
[GASPS]
I knew it.
Identity verified.
Welcome, Nikolai.
Arming system.
Perimeter armed
and secure.
Anatoly, did you
pick out an album?
Covered, boss.
Phase Eight in ten...nine...
What's Phase Eight?!
THOMAS:
...seven...six...
[ANTHEM OF THE DRUZHNIK
FEDERATION PLAYS]
...four...three...two...
one!
[SIRENS WAIL]
[ALL SCREAM]
We are headed
to mother Druzhnia.
There you will be put
into a hard-labor camp,
forced to do unskilled,
demeaning labor for
the rest of your lives.
Which, come to think of it,
isn't too different
from your lives now.
NATALIA:
Nikolai!
New orders
from Romanoff!
THOMAS:
I'll be up top
controlling the park.
We must get
in the chopper.
Anatoly will ensure
your safety on
the ground.
We got
to stop this!
Set us free!
Set you free?
I'll set
you free...
at bottom of sea.
[LAUGHS]
[ALL SCREAM]
[♪♪♪]
Mr. President, sir.
something you need
to see, sir.
It's a matter
of national security.
Our radars are detecting
a giant land formation
flying towards
the Druzhnik border.
What?!
What does this mean?
I'll tell you
what it means!
The Druzhnik's are stealing
a piece of America!
What?! You insult
with this accusations?
I'm afraid we need
to take action, sir.
If our land
reaches their border,
the Druzhnik military
will intercept it
and we'll never
get it back.
[LAUGHS]
Shh.
[GRUNTS]
Hey!
Stop trying
to escape.
Tie yourselves back up.
[HORN HONKS]
[GASPS]
Muscle Man and Fives!
What?! No! Stop
trying to rescue them!
Muscle Man!
You got to jump
for it, bros!
No!
Don't jump for it, bros!
Ugh! Stop jumping for it!
I'm gonna get fired!
[TIRES SCREECH]
I should have stepped
on the brakes
before going
over this cliff!
He's got a point.
So, what's the plan now?
How do we stop this thing?
I bet if we can get
that control box
away from Thomas, we can
turn the park around.
But how do we catch
that chopper?
I know how.
[♪♪♪]
Status report,
Private.
At this rate,
the land mass
will enter Druzhnik
air space
within the hour, sir.
Great scott.
THOMAS:
As an intern,
I was pranked mercilessly.
Those Americans
could be jerks.
Well, you don't have
to worry about that now
because they're dead.
What?! That wasn't
part of the plan.
Nobody was supposed
to get hurt!
Well, it became
part of the plan.
[HORN HONKS]
They're behind us.
RIGBY:
Come on, Pops!
Bring us in close!
Two slow claps in one day.
Must be doing good, Americans,
but not good enough.
You're not stealing
our park.
You don't know
how right you are.
Yeah, y-- what?!
We are not
stealing it.
I wonder if you remember
U.S./Druzhnik
nuclear arms
treaty.
Treaty says we cannot fire
Druzhnik weapons
on American soil.
This is rule.
But what if we don't fire
Druzhnik weapon at all?
What rule do we
break then, hmm?
What are you saying?
Even now,
we approach the motherland.
On coast is secret
missile base.
They will give order,
and the most powerful
destructive missile in Druzhnia
will be placed right
in the park's flight path,
We bring America
to missile!
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
This is an act of aggression.
Admit it!
You're going to blow up
America piece by piece.
We cannot help it
if Americans
are throwing their
country onto our warheads.
Typical act of American
passive aggression.
This is a violation
of the treaty!
How? We aren't firing
any missiles.
Why are you hitting
yourself, America?
Well, he's got us
there, Mr. Davis.
Wait.
Aren't you blowing up
part of your own country
in the process?
Meh.
It's a big country.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
I can't believe this.
Natalia, I never
wanted to hurt anyone.
I just wanted
to build a park.
Maybe they will use rubble
of old park to make new park.
[CHUCKLES]
[YELLS]
Natalie, I'm sorry, but
you're taking this too far!
This ends now!
[CRUNCH]
Aah! Oh!
First my heart
and now my hand?
Thomas, come on, man.
I know you're a Druzhnik spy,
but you're also our friend.
You must have enjoyed
yourself a few times.
Uh, maybe...yeah.
Do not be a fool,
Nikolai.
They treated you
like dirt!
Lower than dirt!
You are right.
I know interns have
terrible lives, but come on!
I barely felt comfortable
speaking around you guys.
Why do you think I never said
more than four or five words
at a time?
We thought you were
just boring.
Try and remember, dude.
We had some good times.
Good times...
[♪♪♪]
But all my years of training...
Uh, I-I can't.
Dude, you risked
your life to save us.
You saved our park!
I did, but...
And not just that,
Thomas.
I never got a chance
to tell you earlier,
but we were gonna ask you to
join the park full time today.
Yeah, dude. We didn't
want to see you go.
You're our buddy.
Doesn't that mean
anything to you?
Uh...yeah.
It does.
Being buddies
means something!
And the park
means something.
[♪♪♪]
Nikolai,
what are you doing?
I am turning
the park around.
You used me,
Natalia.
These guys may not
be perfect,
but they're the only
friends I've got.
Yeah!
Way to go, Thomas!
No!
Come on!
Nikolai, you traitor!
Thomas! Look out!
Huh?
[EXCLAIMS]
[SCREAMS]
Natalie!
Dude!
She tried to kill us!
I think we could have
worked it out.
The control box!
I'm going for it!
Rigby!
[SCREAMS IN SLOW MOTION]
Thomas!
You saved my life!
No time!
Hit the red button!
[YELLS]
[CHEERING]
[♪♪♪]
[CHANTING]
U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
[ALL COUGHING]
ALL:
[CHANTING] U.S.A.!
U.S.A.!
[ALL CHEER]
[ALL MUTTERING]
Awesome work, Thomas.
No problem, and
thanks to you all
for showing me
that friends matter more than
the silly M.O.M.M. job.
You know,
the offer still stands.
We'd love to have
you work at the park.
I'd love to, but once
a spy, always a spy.
Also, you're pretty much
a traitor in both countries.
Pretty much, yeah.
Is this the end
of Thomas?
The end?
[CHUCKLES]
No. I'll forever
be on the run,
living on the lam,
hiding in the shadows,
forever watching,
forever listening,
like some...
lam-living, shadow-hiding,
watching, listening guy.
Oh, look.
The sun
is rising.
[♪♪♪]
Thank you all.
[GRUNTS]
Goodbye, Nikolai.
You'll always be
Thomas to us.
[♪♪♪]
[SNORING]
[GURGLE]
[GURGLE]
[MOANS]
Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah.
[BEEPS]
Oh, yeah!
Pizza pouch.
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
MAN:
Stop!
Drop the bag!
Thomas?
[THUD]
Hey, what's going on, man?
Not much.
Is that dude okay?
Hey, this is weird, right?
I mean, I'm doing martial arts.
That guy's dressed up
like a garbage can
and totally still alive.
I think you're in a dream, dude.
Wait.
I-- [SCREAMS]
Shh, shh, shh.
[ALARM BLARING]
Ugh.
Rigby,
staff meeting.
Did you go on a pizza pouch
bender again last night?
Come on.
Last...night?
[GASPS]
Thomas.
Guys,
it finally happened.
I met
the perfect girl!
Her name is Natalie, and
she's a pre-school teacher.
I'll be showing her
around the park today,
so your only duties
are to leave us alone.
Just leave me
and Natalie alone, people.
No, you can't use
the bathroom, Rigby.
That's not what
I was gonna sa--
Rigby has a point.
What about Audrey?
We broke up, remember?
[ALL MUTTERING]
I was sad for months.
I loafed around the house.
[ALL MUTTERING]
[SIGHS]
Muscle Man and Pops,
you took me
to get ice cream.
Skips, you made me train
for that marathon.
In fact, all you guys had a role
in my lengthy healing process.
I don't remember
any of this.
[ALL MUTTERING]
Second order of business!
Today is Thomas' last day.
Keep this under wraps, guys,
'cause I want to surprise him.
At the end of the day,
I'm offering Thomas
a full-time job.
[ALL MUTTERING]
Yeah, I can't wait to see
the look on his face
when he sees
how I prank the new hires.
SKIPS:
You know, we don't
normally hire interns,
but Thomas has really
been killing it lately.
Killing it in the park.
[SCREAMS]
Listen to me!
I was eating a pizza pouch
late last night,
and I hear somebody
behind the house, right?
When I go look,
I see Thomas nap some guy out.
I think he was speaking
Druzhnik, too.
Yeah, right. Thomas?
It was a dream, dude.
[SCOFFS]
You were having a cheese
and grease-induced nightmare.
Oh, I get it.
Let's all gang up on Rigby.
I'll show you
it wasn't a dream!
See?
This grease spot
is where I dropped
my pizza pouch.
[GASPS]
Signs of a struggle!
Pathetic.
THOMAS: hey, guys.
Got the coffee.
Wait.
What are all you doing
behind the house?
You don't have any more
surprises on my last day,
do you?
[ALL LAUGHING]
Man,
you don't even know.
Now, let's see.
That's the duffel bag
he had last night!
I got a triple espresso--
[ALL GASP]
This is gonna prove it!
Thomas,
you okay?
That's just
my dirty laundry, dude.
Totally uncalled for, bro.
But...it wasn't a dream!
I'm on to you,
Thomas!
What just happened?
[♪♪♪]
[CELLPHONE RINGS]
Oh, hello, Mom.
Yeah.
Everything's great.
What's he saying?
THOMAS:
No, exactly. Yep. Yep.
Mm-hmm. Druzhnik.
Druzhnik?
What the heck is going on?
Understood. Bye, Mom.
It's just a sprinkler head.
Wait. What's that?
[GASPS]
Druzhnik writing.
What's he up to?
BENSON:
So, this is the house
where the workers stay.
And this is
the garage.
I keep my rakes
and shovels in here.
Ooh, rakes.
I like a man who takes care
of public parks.
Well, someone's
got to do it.
Benson, why don't we
finish this conversation
somewhere more...
public?
Uh...sure.
I could show you
the A.V. Club.
People go there
sometimes.
Huh. I was sure Benson
was lying about that date.
Just so we're all
in agreement,
Benson was totally lying
about that date, right?
RIGBY:
You guys!
Thomas is up to something.
I have proof!
I caught Thomas red-handed
installing these.
Sprinkler heads.
Wow.
You really cracked
the case, Sherlock.
[ALL CHUCKLING]
Not just a sprinkler head,
smart guy.
Look! It's got some kind
of Druzhnik warning on it.
And while Thomas was messing
with it, he got a phone call,
and I totally heard him say,
"Druzhnik."
Come on, man.
Thomas can't speak Druzhnik.
You probably just
heard him wrong.
I know what I heard!
[SCOFFS]
You're just jealous, bro.
Trying to make him
look bad.
What?!
Why would I do that?
Duh! As the intern,
he's been stuck with all
the cruddy jobs you used to do.
You're worried that
if he gets hired full time,
you'll have to do them again.
Chips?
That's not true.
I never did that stuff,
even when it was
my responsibility.
Like I said, I get it.
When you guys got hired,
I was nervous, too.
I used to kick the leaves
everywhere after you raked them
so Benson would think
you were slacking off.
[ALL SCREAM]
Get over it, guys.
That was, like, years ago.
[SNORES]
[ALL SHUDDER]
Chill out, bros.
Now, where are
those chips?
[EXCLAIMS]
Muscle Man!
Get it off!
Get it off!
I have a fear of being trapped
under an unresponsive guy!
[GASP]
MORDECAI:
This guy's from the C.I.A.
That's him!
The guy Thomas
was fighting
last night.
[FART]
Okay.
This guy's not dead
because that
definitely wasn't me.
Okay, okay.
Nobody panic.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[♪♪♪]
Uh, who is it?
[DRUZHNIK ACCENT]
Is American Intern
Society of America.
Is urgent we speak to Thomas.
[GASPS]
And need to give him
exit interview before
he can get proper credit.
[DRUZHNIK ACCENT]
Is very important.
Dude, you hear
those accents?
Druzhnik.
Those guys are probably Thomas'
assassin buddies
or something.
Yeah.
This doesn't feel right.
Rigby, let's go
find Benson.
Muscle Man, Fives,
you two stalls these goons
until we get back.
BOTH:
Right.
Hello?
Benson!
Are you in here?
Whoa.
Have you ever seen
this door before?
MORDECAI:
Maybe he's in here.
BOTH:
Pops! Skips!
Whoa!
What happened?
[MUFFLED YELLING]
BENSON:
I recorded my parents'
vow renewal on it.
Shh. It's Benson.
NATALIE:
Enough talk.
Give me your hands.
[RATTLING]
BENSON: Handcuffs.
I had a schoolteacher--
[SMACKS]
Ow!
What are you guys
doing here?
What room is this?
What's all this stuff?
We don't know.
But we're pretty sure
Thomas has something
to do with it.
There was a guy
in the cupboard,
and we're sure
he did that, too.
I think we stumbled
on something big.
What guy?
What are you talking a--?
[CLAPPING]
[DRUZHNIK ACCENT]
I know you Americans
love the ironic slow clap.
Natalie?
What's with the accent?
What is all this?
I am not Natalie.
I am Natalia!
And I am not lowly
pre-school teacher.
I am Druzhnik spy!
whoa!
So clever,
you Americans.
Only took two years to
figure out things at park
were not
what they seem.
And I am not
only one.
Right under your
ignorant noses,
one of your own has been
conspiring against you.
What? Who would do that?
Natalie, you're acting crazy.
Oh, sweet Benson.
Why don't you let him
tell you himself?
Nikolai!
[♪♪♪]
[GASPS]
[ALL GASP]
Thomas,
why did you step out
when she called
for Nikolai?
[DRUZHNIK ACCENT]
Because my name is not Thomas.
It is Nikolai.
and I am Druzhnik spy.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Dude,
for real?!
[CLEARS THROAT]
Yeah, I am Druzhnik spy.
[♪♪♪]
Oh, snap!
Now we're all toast!
And guess
who didn't believe me.
You and you and you and--
[SMACK]
Silence, rat!
But Thomas,
how can this be?
I was born
on a cold winter's night.
The M.O.M.M. raised me
to be the perfect weapon.
No family or loyalties
except for mother Druzhnia.
Some years ago,
I was embraced by a new mom:
The Ministry of
Meadow Management.
A M.O.M.M. agency dedicated
to park research and espionage.
Druzhnik park technology
is decades behind
the rest of the world.
In the world' theater,
we are a laughingstock.
What made American parks
so good?
We couldn't crack it.
The order came from
Commander Romanoff.
Operation Park Lift.
We would obtain
bogus credentials
and sneak into the States.
I would become Thomas,
average college student.
We entered the U.S. with
surprisingly little resistance.
Phase one:
Travel to target site.
Inquire about
internship opportunities.
Say you will work for free.
At the first chance possible,
I would risk
my life for the park.
I would gain
my co-workers trust.
I would fade
into the background.
I would say and do
almost nothing.
Phase Two:
Make preparations
for Phase Three.
[BEEPING]
Execute Phase Four orders:
Transmit Phase Five
intelligence
relating to Phase Six:
Silencing potential threats
to Phase Seven.
Huh.
Well, on some level,
that's kind
of flattering.
We must be doing
something right
if Druzhnia's swiping
from our park.
Darling, on the contrary.
This park is
astonishingly average.
We plan on infiltrating other,
like, way better parks
if this trial succeeds.
It just doesn't add up.
How did we never see you
doing any of this?
I had my ways.
Okay. everybody got
all their stuff.
Let's save Christmas.
[DOOR CLOSES]
THOMAS:
Being an intern
was the perfect cover.
[ALARM BEEPS]
Thomas!
THOMAS:
No one suspects the intern.
We are the lowest rung
on the ladder.
Oh, you're in luck.
I know a guy in the rock
climbing department.
THOMAS:
Your low expectations
kept you blind
to what was right
in front of you.
Hey, how are my favorite
mother and son doing?
Fantastic, Benson.
Hey, Benson, could you
tell me how the park
electrical grid works again?
Sure.
The first thing you got
to know about is the breakers.
Uh, could you talk
into the pepperoni?
The first thing
you got to know about...
So your mom was
Natalia in disguise.
No, no.
She was a robot.
Yes. Romanoff,
we have them now.
Yes. He's here.
MORDECAI: Thomas,
Uh-huh.
how could you do
this to us?
Yeah, man.
It's my job, guys.
NATALIA: Goodbye.
Natalia, what did
the Commander want?
That's on a need-to-know
basis, Nikolai.
Let's move.
We just want validate units.
We have certificate.
Uh, we don't need any, bro.
[CRASH]
[THUD]
[GROANING]
[CLANK]
Let's find Mordo and Rigs.
[GASPS]
Get down!
Anatoly.
Pleased to make acquaintance.
Special delivery.
Get in van.
[GASPS]
I knew it.
Identity verified.
Welcome, Nikolai.
Arming system.
Perimeter armed
and secure.
Anatoly, did you
pick out an album?
Covered, boss.
Phase Eight in ten...nine...
What's Phase Eight?!
THOMAS:
...seven...six...
[ANTHEM OF THE DRUZHNIK
FEDERATION PLAYS]
...four...three...two...
one!
[SIRENS WAIL]
[ALL SCREAM]
We are headed
to mother Druzhnia.
There you will be put
into a hard-labor camp,
forced to do unskilled,
demeaning labor for
the rest of your lives.
Which, come to think of it,
isn't too different
from your lives now.
NATALIA:
Nikolai!
New orders
from Romanoff!
THOMAS:
I'll be up top
controlling the park.
We must get
in the chopper.
Anatoly will ensure
your safety on
the ground.
We got
to stop this!
Set us free!
Set you free?
I'll set
you free...
at bottom of sea.
[LAUGHS]
[ALL SCREAM]
[♪♪♪]
Mr. President, sir.
something you need
to see, sir.
It's a matter
of national security.
Our radars are detecting
a giant land formation
flying towards
the Druzhnik border.
What?!
What does this mean?
I'll tell you
what it means!
The Druzhnik's are stealing
a piece of America!
What?! You insult
with this accusations?
I'm afraid we need
to take action, sir.
If our land
reaches their border,
the Druzhnik military
will intercept it
and we'll never
get it back.
[LAUGHS]
Shh.
[GRUNTS]
Hey!
Stop trying
to escape.
Tie yourselves back up.
[HORN HONKS]
[GASPS]
Muscle Man and Fives!
What?! No! Stop
trying to rescue them!
Muscle Man!
You got to jump
for it, bros!
No!
Don't jump for it, bros!
Ugh! Stop jumping for it!
I'm gonna get fired!
[TIRES SCREECH]
I should have stepped
on the brakes
before going
over this cliff!
He's got a point.
So, what's the plan now?
How do we stop this thing?
I bet if we can get
that control box
away from Thomas, we can
turn the park around.
But how do we catch
that chopper?
I know how.
[♪♪♪]
Status report,
Private.
At this rate,
the land mass
will enter Druzhnik
air space
within the hour, sir.
Great scott.
THOMAS:
As an intern,
I was pranked mercilessly.
Those Americans
could be jerks.
Well, you don't have
to worry about that now
because they're dead.
What?! That wasn't
part of the plan.
Nobody was supposed
to get hurt!
Well, it became
part of the plan.
[HORN HONKS]
They're behind us.
RIGBY:
Come on, Pops!
Bring us in close!
Two slow claps in one day.
Must be doing good, Americans,
but not good enough.
You're not stealing
our park.
You don't know
how right you are.
Yeah, y-- what?!
We are not
stealing it.
I wonder if you remember
U.S./Druzhnik
nuclear arms
treaty.
Treaty says we cannot fire
Druzhnik weapons
on American soil.
This is rule.
But what if we don't fire
Druzhnik weapon at all?
What rule do we
break then, hmm?
What are you saying?
Even now,
we approach the motherland.
On coast is secret
missile base.
They will give order,
and the most powerful
destructive missile in Druzhnia
will be placed right
in the park's flight path,
We bring America
to missile!
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
This is an act of aggression.
Admit it!
You're going to blow up
America piece by piece.
We cannot help it
if Americans
are throwing their
country onto our warheads.
Typical act of American
passive aggression.
This is a violation
of the treaty!
How? We aren't firing
any missiles.
Why are you hitting
yourself, America?
Well, he's got us
there, Mr. Davis.
Wait.
Aren't you blowing up
part of your own country
in the process?
Meh.
It's a big country.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
I can't believe this.
Natalia, I never
wanted to hurt anyone.
I just wanted
to build a park.
Maybe they will use rubble
of old park to make new park.
[CHUCKLES]
[YELLS]
Natalie, I'm sorry, but
you're taking this too far!
This ends now!
[CRUNCH]
Aah! Oh!
First my heart
and now my hand?
Thomas, come on, man.
I know you're a Druzhnik spy,
but you're also our friend.
You must have enjoyed
yourself a few times.
Uh, maybe...yeah.
Do not be a fool,
Nikolai.
They treated you
like dirt!
Lower than dirt!
You are right.
I know interns have
terrible lives, but come on!
I barely felt comfortable
speaking around you guys.
Why do you think I never said
more than four or five words
at a time?
We thought you were
just boring.
Try and remember, dude.
We had some good times.
Good times...
[♪♪♪]
But all my years of training...
Uh, I-I can't.
Dude, you risked
your life to save us.
You saved our park!
I did, but...
And not just that,
Thomas.
I never got a chance
to tell you earlier,
but we were gonna ask you to
join the park full time today.
Yeah, dude. We didn't
want to see you go.
You're our buddy.
Doesn't that mean
anything to you?
Uh...yeah.
It does.
Being buddies
means something!
And the park
means something.
[♪♪♪]
Nikolai,
what are you doing?
I am turning
the park around.
You used me,
Natalia.
These guys may not
be perfect,
but they're the only
friends I've got.
Yeah!
Way to go, Thomas!
No!
Come on!
Nikolai, you traitor!
Thomas! Look out!
Huh?
[EXCLAIMS]
[SCREAMS]
Natalie!
Dude!
She tried to kill us!
I think we could have
worked it out.
The control box!
I'm going for it!
Rigby!
[SCREAMS IN SLOW MOTION]
Thomas!
You saved my life!
No time!
Hit the red button!
[YELLS]
[CHEERING]
[♪♪♪]
[CHANTING]
U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
[ALL COUGHING]
ALL:
[CHANTING] U.S.A.!
U.S.A.!
[ALL CHEER]
[ALL MUTTERING]
Awesome work, Thomas.
No problem, and
thanks to you all
for showing me
that friends matter more than
the silly M.O.M.M. job.
You know,
the offer still stands.
We'd love to have
you work at the park.
I'd love to, but once
a spy, always a spy.
Also, you're pretty much
a traitor in both countries.
Pretty much, yeah.
Is this the end
of Thomas?
The end?
[CHUCKLES]
No. I'll forever
be on the run,
living on the lam,
hiding in the shadows,
forever watching,
forever listening,
like some...
lam-living, shadow-hiding,
watching, listening guy.
Oh, look.
The sun
is rising.
[♪♪♪]
Thank you all.
[GRUNTS]
Goodbye, Nikolai.
You'll always be
Thomas to us.
[♪♪♪]