Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 6, Episode 5 - The End of Muscle Man - full transcript
The gang tries to help Muscle Man finish his bucket list.
[♪♪♪]
BENSON:
Okay, guys.
I think we've all noticed
that it smells like something
died under the house,
and it's gonna take a team
effort to get rid of it.
Muscle Man--
MUSCLE MAN: Hold up, Benson.
I've got some news.
Wait till they get
a load of this surprise.
I wanted
to let you all know
that I've smelled
my own whiff of departure,
and I, too,
have a list of things
I want to get done
by the end of the day.
"Dance on giant
toy piano mat,
drive a monster truck,
get comfortable
with my body"?
That one's crossed out.
What's going on,
Muscle Man?
I went to see
Dr. Henry, and, well...
I leave this world tonight.
It's all going down at
Wing Kingdom at 7:00.
You mean like you're leaving
the world of the park?
The world of the park, right?
[SIGHS]
I wish I could say more.
Dude?
Take a few minutes
to look over the list
while I get my papers in order.
I hope I can count
on your support today.
I don't buy it.
He's got to be messing with us.
Yeah, why would he keep
something like that from me?
I mean, you guys are second-tier
friends, so I get that.
But he'd tell me at least!
Eh, you know how he is.
He likes to put up
a strong front.
"Swimming with dolphins."
[CHUCKLES]
He really should do that
before he --
Before what, Skips?
Before what?!
[GHOSTS MOANING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
Any of you lot know
where I might find
Muscle Man?
Uh, uh...
He's not here! He moved!
Name change and everything,
so just go on home, okay?!
Just go on home!!
[LAUGHS]
Don't tell me
he's got cold feet!
Ey, no matter. We'll just stick
to the original plan for tonight
at Wing Kingdom.
What?!
You're in on this?
Oi, Muscle Man's time has come.
I've been where he's going.
It's a brutal place full
of misery and anguish.
Ah, well. [CHUCKLES]
Have a good one!
[TIRES SCREECH]
Bucket list?
He leaves this world tonight?
And now he has an appointment
with Death?
You don't need a pen
to connect those dots.
I can't lose
my best friend!
Who would I spot
at the gym?
Hey.
Who would eat my leftovers?
I can't just throw them away!
Don't. Stop.
That helps no one.
What Muscle Man
needs right now
is friends who can hold it
together and be strong for him.
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
And most importantly,
he needs friends who will help
him finish his bucket list.
Muscle Man?
We have to talk to you
about the list.
MUSCLE MAN:
Hold your horses, bro.
I'm usin' it.
[RINGING]
Someone take a message!
I've been waiting for that call!
Hello?
Yes, hello.
This is Doctor Henry.
I'm trying to reach Muscle Man
with some news
about his condition.
It's Dr. Henry.
What condition?
Well, I'm afraid
I can't tell you that.
Doctor/patient confidentiality,
you understand.
Just be straight with me, doc.
Is it serious?
[SIGHS]
Yes, very serious.
Your friend Muscle Man
won't be with us much longer.
You mean...?
Yep.
Very soon he'll be
in a better place.
Thank you, doctor.
It's true!
[ALL GASP]
I should have seen
this coming.
His cholesterol must be
off the charts!
He ate those deep-fried
pig butt cheeks every day,
and I just watched him do it!
You can't
blame yourself.
Yeah, dude. Muscle Man
lived life to the fullest,
and I'm sure
he has no regrets.
I figured he had at least
three or four years left.
Bad show.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Aw, yeah!
Are you bros down to help me
finish what's on that list?
Sure, Muscle Man.
Whatever you need, it's on me.
This is your day.
All right.
Let's do this!
[♪♪♪]
MUSCLE MAN:
All right, dudes.
Now it's time to give you
all my stuff.
Muscle Man,
you should hang on to this.
I can't take it with me
where I'm going.
No! No!
This is a mistake!
[SQUEALING AND CRYING]
I still have more time, right?
Muscle Man! please!
Hold it together!
[SQUEALS]
As hard as it is,
you're not alone.
We're with you
to the end.
You're right.
I got to get through this day
the same way I lived
the rest of my life,
chowin' down on wings
with my best bros
while we all wear
matching white tuxedos.
[♪♪♪]
[CHEWING LOUDLY]
You having fun,
buddy?
Enjoying your wings?
[SLURPS] Honestly, bro,
they taste bittersweet.
But I just wanted
to have them one last time.
I can't watch.
Don't look away, Rigby!
Look at him!
Look at this...Muscle Man.
[SNORTING]
[CHEWING LOUDLY]
This guy from whom we've all
learned so much from, this guy,
his joke-telling,
his loyalty.
I never wanted to be anyone's
best friend until I met you.
You guys...
No, let me
finish!
What we'll remember
most about you,
more than anything else,
is, hmph, excuse me,
your passion, Muscle Man.
Your passion.
If you'll all join me.
[WHIMPERS]
You have
a style
that can't be taught,
Muscle Man.
That's the ultimate compliment
coming from someone so dapper.
[WHIMPERS]
You guys really know how
to kick back and bro out.
I respect that.
We're workaholics
compared to you, dude.
Think they got unlimited
wings on the other side?
I know so, bro.
Ha.
You always seemed
to know a guy.
I'm proud to have been
one of those guys.
[SIGHS]
Heh. Isn't this funny?
Suddenly you're
the one being open
and I'm the man
of few words.
Never thought
I'd see the day.
Did you mean all that stuff
you said earlier, Benson?
Every word.
[BOTH CRYING]
[BOTH SIGH]
I don't--
MUSCLE MAN: Shh!
You don't have to, bro.
I know.
[SOBS LIGHTLY]
Don't follow me.
[CRYING]
[♪♪♪]
I love you, guys!
[ALL CRYING]
'ello, everyone.
Where might I find Muscle Man?
In the back.
Easy, Skips.
Right, then.
Dude, what are we
gonna tell Starla?
Where's Mitchie?
He said to be here at 7:00
for something
important!
You mean you don't know?
Know what?
Starla, he's...
[THUD ECHOING]
[GASPS]
[CHUCKLES]
No!
What did you do?!
Mitch?
Mitch!
[SOBBING]
Mi-I-tch!
Muscle Man's last request
was that I play
this tape for you all.
Here goes.
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
Like a Phoenix from the flame!
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Now!
[FIREWORKS WHISTLE]
Flip it!
[MUSIC STOPS]
[SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
Another one
bites the dust, eh?
Heh, heh. Yeah.
Thanks, bro.
Starla. babe.
You been by my side
through thick and thin,
through slick
and greasy.
I can't think of anyone I'd
rather have as my co-pilot
for the rest
of my days.
[SNIFFLING]
My friends here
helped me bury Muscle Man
for good today.
No more wild night
scoopin' the loop.
No more homemade
firecrackers.
I'm a new man now
for my old lady.
That new man is me, Mitch.
Pleased to meet you, Starla.
[SNIFFLES]
What?
Now, muscle bro.
[SNIFFLES]
Starla,
will you marry me?
Mm! No.
What?!
But I gave my old self
a memorial for you!
And that's why
I can't marry you.
Babe?!
I want to marry the man
I fell in love with.
And that is Muscle Man.
Are you for real?
I can still be good ol'
Muscle Man
and have my sweet
fun bun?
That's the only way.
Whoa. Okay.
Let me try this again.
Starla,
will you marry me,
the Muscle Man me?
Yes!!
[MUSCLE MANUNT GRUNTS]
You may have to let
that out a little.
[LOUD SMOOCHING]
Wait. So Muscle Man
was fine this whole time?
I'm as healthy
as can be!
Then what was all that
stuff with Dr. Henry?
I just had to make sure
I was fit enough
to keep up
with this she-lion!
Thanks a ton, you guys,
for helping me finish
my bucket list.
"Thanks"?!
I blew twelve grand
on you today!!
Do you even know
what you put us through?!
Yeah, Muscle Man. we all
thought you were gonna die!
What are you
talking about, bro?
You had an appointment
with death!
You had to get
your papers in order?
My toilet papers!
I had to fold them
into little triangles
so my place would look
nice for the after-party!
And I'm only here to
deliver his aunt's ring
from the underworld.
Not cool,
Muscle Man.
Oh, come on! This is
textbook engagement story.
You shed your
bachelor self
before you can get married
and be a husband.
All that death stuff
was a metaphor.
"I leave this world tonight"
is not a metaphor!!
Ohhh.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Sorry about that.
Next time you die,
you're on your own!
That is
seriously uncool.
[ALL GRUMBLING]
You owe me $12,000.
You get it,
don't you, bro?
Best...proposal...ever.
Ungh!
[♪♪♪]
BENSON:
Okay, guys.
I think we've all noticed
that it smells like something
died under the house,
and it's gonna take a team
effort to get rid of it.
Muscle Man--
MUSCLE MAN: Hold up, Benson.
I've got some news.
Wait till they get
a load of this surprise.
I wanted
to let you all know
that I've smelled
my own whiff of departure,
and I, too,
have a list of things
I want to get done
by the end of the day.
"Dance on giant
toy piano mat,
drive a monster truck,
get comfortable
with my body"?
That one's crossed out.
What's going on,
Muscle Man?
I went to see
Dr. Henry, and, well...
I leave this world tonight.
It's all going down at
Wing Kingdom at 7:00.
You mean like you're leaving
the world of the park?
The world of the park, right?
[SIGHS]
I wish I could say more.
Dude?
Take a few minutes
to look over the list
while I get my papers in order.
I hope I can count
on your support today.
I don't buy it.
He's got to be messing with us.
Yeah, why would he keep
something like that from me?
I mean, you guys are second-tier
friends, so I get that.
But he'd tell me at least!
Eh, you know how he is.
He likes to put up
a strong front.
"Swimming with dolphins."
[CHUCKLES]
He really should do that
before he --
Before what, Skips?
Before what?!
[GHOSTS MOANING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
Any of you lot know
where I might find
Muscle Man?
Uh, uh...
He's not here! He moved!
Name change and everything,
so just go on home, okay?!
Just go on home!!
[LAUGHS]
Don't tell me
he's got cold feet!
Ey, no matter. We'll just stick
to the original plan for tonight
at Wing Kingdom.
What?!
You're in on this?
Oi, Muscle Man's time has come.
I've been where he's going.
It's a brutal place full
of misery and anguish.
Ah, well. [CHUCKLES]
Have a good one!
[TIRES SCREECH]
Bucket list?
He leaves this world tonight?
And now he has an appointment
with Death?
You don't need a pen
to connect those dots.
I can't lose
my best friend!
Who would I spot
at the gym?
Hey.
Who would eat my leftovers?
I can't just throw them away!
Don't. Stop.
That helps no one.
What Muscle Man
needs right now
is friends who can hold it
together and be strong for him.
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
And most importantly,
he needs friends who will help
him finish his bucket list.
Muscle Man?
We have to talk to you
about the list.
MUSCLE MAN:
Hold your horses, bro.
I'm usin' it.
[RINGING]
Someone take a message!
I've been waiting for that call!
Hello?
Yes, hello.
This is Doctor Henry.
I'm trying to reach Muscle Man
with some news
about his condition.
It's Dr. Henry.
What condition?
Well, I'm afraid
I can't tell you that.
Doctor/patient confidentiality,
you understand.
Just be straight with me, doc.
Is it serious?
[SIGHS]
Yes, very serious.
Your friend Muscle Man
won't be with us much longer.
You mean...?
Yep.
Very soon he'll be
in a better place.
Thank you, doctor.
It's true!
[ALL GASP]
I should have seen
this coming.
His cholesterol must be
off the charts!
He ate those deep-fried
pig butt cheeks every day,
and I just watched him do it!
You can't
blame yourself.
Yeah, dude. Muscle Man
lived life to the fullest,
and I'm sure
he has no regrets.
I figured he had at least
three or four years left.
Bad show.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Aw, yeah!
Are you bros down to help me
finish what's on that list?
Sure, Muscle Man.
Whatever you need, it's on me.
This is your day.
All right.
Let's do this!
[♪♪♪]
MUSCLE MAN:
All right, dudes.
Now it's time to give you
all my stuff.
Muscle Man,
you should hang on to this.
I can't take it with me
where I'm going.
No! No!
This is a mistake!
[SQUEALING AND CRYING]
I still have more time, right?
Muscle Man! please!
Hold it together!
[SQUEALS]
As hard as it is,
you're not alone.
We're with you
to the end.
You're right.
I got to get through this day
the same way I lived
the rest of my life,
chowin' down on wings
with my best bros
while we all wear
matching white tuxedos.
[♪♪♪]
[CHEWING LOUDLY]
You having fun,
buddy?
Enjoying your wings?
[SLURPS] Honestly, bro,
they taste bittersweet.
But I just wanted
to have them one last time.
I can't watch.
Don't look away, Rigby!
Look at him!
Look at this...Muscle Man.
[SNORTING]
[CHEWING LOUDLY]
This guy from whom we've all
learned so much from, this guy,
his joke-telling,
his loyalty.
I never wanted to be anyone's
best friend until I met you.
You guys...
No, let me
finish!
What we'll remember
most about you,
more than anything else,
is, hmph, excuse me,
your passion, Muscle Man.
Your passion.
If you'll all join me.
[WHIMPERS]
You have
a style
that can't be taught,
Muscle Man.
That's the ultimate compliment
coming from someone so dapper.
[WHIMPERS]
You guys really know how
to kick back and bro out.
I respect that.
We're workaholics
compared to you, dude.
Think they got unlimited
wings on the other side?
I know so, bro.
Ha.
You always seemed
to know a guy.
I'm proud to have been
one of those guys.
[SIGHS]
Heh. Isn't this funny?
Suddenly you're
the one being open
and I'm the man
of few words.
Never thought
I'd see the day.
Did you mean all that stuff
you said earlier, Benson?
Every word.
[BOTH CRYING]
[BOTH SIGH]
I don't--
MUSCLE MAN: Shh!
You don't have to, bro.
I know.
[SOBS LIGHTLY]
Don't follow me.
[CRYING]
[♪♪♪]
I love you, guys!
[ALL CRYING]
'ello, everyone.
Where might I find Muscle Man?
In the back.
Easy, Skips.
Right, then.
Dude, what are we
gonna tell Starla?
Where's Mitchie?
He said to be here at 7:00
for something
important!
You mean you don't know?
Know what?
Starla, he's...
[THUD ECHOING]
[GASPS]
[CHUCKLES]
No!
What did you do?!
Mitch?
Mitch!
[SOBBING]
Mi-I-tch!
Muscle Man's last request
was that I play
this tape for you all.
Here goes.
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
Like a Phoenix from the flame!
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Now!
[FIREWORKS WHISTLE]
Flip it!
[MUSIC STOPS]
[SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
Another one
bites the dust, eh?
Heh, heh. Yeah.
Thanks, bro.
Starla. babe.
You been by my side
through thick and thin,
through slick
and greasy.
I can't think of anyone I'd
rather have as my co-pilot
for the rest
of my days.
[SNIFFLING]
My friends here
helped me bury Muscle Man
for good today.
No more wild night
scoopin' the loop.
No more homemade
firecrackers.
I'm a new man now
for my old lady.
That new man is me, Mitch.
Pleased to meet you, Starla.
[SNIFFLES]
What?
Now, muscle bro.
[SNIFFLES]
Starla,
will you marry me?
Mm! No.
What?!
But I gave my old self
a memorial for you!
And that's why
I can't marry you.
Babe?!
I want to marry the man
I fell in love with.
And that is Muscle Man.
Are you for real?
I can still be good ol'
Muscle Man
and have my sweet
fun bun?
That's the only way.
Whoa. Okay.
Let me try this again.
Starla,
will you marry me,
the Muscle Man me?
Yes!!
[MUSCLE MANUNT GRUNTS]
You may have to let
that out a little.
[LOUD SMOOCHING]
Wait. So Muscle Man
was fine this whole time?
I'm as healthy
as can be!
Then what was all that
stuff with Dr. Henry?
I just had to make sure
I was fit enough
to keep up
with this she-lion!
Thanks a ton, you guys,
for helping me finish
my bucket list.
"Thanks"?!
I blew twelve grand
on you today!!
Do you even know
what you put us through?!
Yeah, Muscle Man. we all
thought you were gonna die!
What are you
talking about, bro?
You had an appointment
with death!
You had to get
your papers in order?
My toilet papers!
I had to fold them
into little triangles
so my place would look
nice for the after-party!
And I'm only here to
deliver his aunt's ring
from the underworld.
Not cool,
Muscle Man.
Oh, come on! This is
textbook engagement story.
You shed your
bachelor self
before you can get married
and be a husband.
All that death stuff
was a metaphor.
"I leave this world tonight"
is not a metaphor!!
Ohhh.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Sorry about that.
Next time you die,
you're on your own!
That is
seriously uncool.
[ALL GRUMBLING]
You owe me $12,000.
You get it,
don't you, bro?
Best...proposal...ever.
Ungh!
[♪♪♪]