Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 6, Episode 29 - Death Kwon Do-Livery - full transcript
Death Kwon Do-livery: Mordecai and Rigby want to help save Death Kwon Do sensei's life. / Lunch Break: Mordecai and Rigby want to finish a ten-foot sub.
[♪♪♪]
BOTH:
Lunch, lunch, lunch, lunch,
lunch, lunch!
Welcome back to Death Kwon Do
pizza and subs!
Can I start you off
with a couple sodas?
Sure, dude.
Jerry! Two sodas!
Yes, sensei!
[SHOUTING KIAI]
Ka-cha!
Who's that?
That's my Death Kwon Do
apprentice, Jerry.
Oh, that's cool.
Uh-huh.
And to eat...
Everything's kind of heavy...
Ah. I wish I could get
something light
but that still tastes good.
[CHUCKLES]
I get it. You want...
The Death Kwon Do Sandwich
of Health.
Through years of trial
and error, I perfected it.
[SHOUTING KIAI]
Using the finest
organic ingredients
and the secrets of
Death Kwon Do,
I've created a sandwich...
Hyah!
...that not only
tastes great...
[SLURPS]
...it's as healthy as a salad.
You'll be the first to try it.
That's just
a meatball sub.
Yeah,
and if I'm being honest,
it looks even greasier
than usual.
It is not!
It's incredibly healthy!
Every day, I have one for
breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
I've never felt better!
[CHOMPS]
Ugh! My stomach!
Sensei!
Yep, yep. You definitely
need a stomach transplant.
ALL:
What?
You had an extreme reaction--
Wait. Scratch that.
You had a completely normal
reaction
to an extremely unhealthy
sandwich.
Then your stomach
flat-out exploded. You see?
Can you put him on
the transplant list?
Well, yes,
normally you'd be able to,
but a man of your...
physical gifts...
would burn through a normal
stomach like it was nothing.
Spell it out for me, doc.
You're too--
How do I put this delicately?
RIGBY: Hey!
MORDECAI: Aw, come on!
That's just wrong!
Not cool, man!
Well, you're too weak
to be moved,
and we need a suitable
transplant or you'll die.
What about
the Death Kwon Do hospital?
Could you call them?
Yes, sensei!
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Death Kwon Do hospital.
Uh-huh.
Yep, mm-hm.
You do have a stomach
of great power?
And we can pick it up
today?
Excellent!
Yes!
Mordecai and Rigby,
would you mind going with Jerry
to pick up the stomach?
Sure, dude.
We're still on lunch, anyway--
But sensei,
I don't need their help!
I'm ready for this!
No, Jerry!
[GRUNTS]
Yes, sensei.
[GROANS]
We don't have much time.
As always, you'll need these.
[♪♪♪]
[ALL PANTING]
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
[♪♪♪]
MORDECAI:
There it is.
You have come...
for the stomach.
\But first, you must prove
you are worthy for the stomach.
[CLAPS]
My interns have mastered
all the most difficult
Death Kwon Do medical arts.
Tongue depressor...
The gurney...
And CPR.
Hwah!
Attack!
[ALL SCREAMING]
Say "ahh!"
[GRUNTING]
Hyah!
In your face of death!
[SHOUTS, GRUNTS]
Aah!
Death block! Death block!
Aah!
Oh!
[GRUNTING]
Huh?
Hey! Unh!
[GROWLING]
Hyah!
[GAGGING]
Hyah! Hyah!
[CLAPS]
Nicely done.
You have proven
yourselves...
worthy.
[STOMACH GRUMBLING]
BOTH:
Whoa.
[GRUMBLING CONTINUES]
Let me just top you off
with some ice there.
Now be careful.
This is my last one.
That's all right.
Betrayal of death!
One is all I need.
Dude! What?
Did you really think I came all
this way for that jerk sensei?
He worked me day and night
with menial tasks
completely unrelated to
Death Kwon Do sandwich-making.
"Wash the windows, Jerry-san.
Marry the ketchup, Jerry-san.
Make more ice, Jerry-san!
This job pays minimum wage,
Jerry-san!"
but worst of all,
he'd never let me try his
precious "sandwich of health."
"It's still experimental,
Jerry-san.
All in good time,
Jerry-san!"
I couldn't take it anymore!
So one night...
Eagle-claw of death!
...I snuck in after hours,
and I ate
the forbidden sandwich.
It was delicious.
I couldn't get enough.
Every night,
I would try it again,
then again, and again,
like, a whole bunch of times.
And now
I need a new stomach.
And I think
this one will do nicely.
Yeah? Well, you're gonna have
to find another one,
'cause that one
belongs to the sensei.
[♪♪♪]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
BOTH: Huh?
Jump kick of death!
Get him!
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
Come on!
The stairs!
[BOTH PANTING]
Come on. Come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on!
[GRUNTS]
Now what?
Randall, Randall, Randall.
You're late again.
And why don't you ever
tie up your boat?
Something's gonna happen
to your boat.
Hey, you do your job,
pencil-neck.
I'll do mine.
[ENGINE REVVING]
[LAUGHING EVILLY]
[STOMACH GRUMBLING]
Oh!
Death jump!
[GROANS]
Got it, Morde-- Whoa!
Death jump!
Kick of death!
Roll of death!
Run on top of two boats
of death! Ha, ha!
Oh, no.
[SCREAMS]
Hyah! Hyah!
[ALL SCREAMING]
[HIGH-PITCHED GROAN]
Mordecai!
BOTH:
Ye-yah!
No...
[GURGLING]
Nurse, what are you doing?
Just marking
the incision, sir.
Now don't you worry,
Mr. Sensei.
Mordecai and Rigby
brought back
a nice little Death Kwon Do
stomach for ya.
And what of young Jerry,
my worthless apprentice?
He ended up being
a traitor or something.
Wanted to take the Death Kwon Do
stomach for himself--
And kill you, you know!
Heh-heh-heh!
Hoo.
[♪♪♪]
BOTH: Lunch, lunch, lunch!
[BOTH MUNCHING]
DOCTOR:
Uh, nurse, after
you're done washing up,
could you help me out
over here?
[♪♪♪]
Hmm. Well,
have you tried--
Or...
How about--?
[SIGHS]
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
[GASPS]
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH GASP]
I should have known
you would betray me.
You will never learn the final
virtue of Death Kwon Do.
But I have been training
for almost three weeks!
The sensei needs us.
[SLURPS]
Now the apprentice
will become the master,
and the master will become
a loser with no stomach.
[BOTH GROANING]
[♪♪♪]
All right, Jerry,
prepare to get your butt kicked!
Are you here to give me
my sponge bath?
Uh, sorry. Wrong room.
Did we make a wrong turn
or something?
No!
You can't win this, sensei!
Don't worry.
The cornered and wounded animal
has a burst of adrenaline
when he's fighting for his life.
Wounded Adrenaline
Bear Style!
[SHOUTING KIAI, GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
In-Pain-Bear Style.
Expended-Too-Much-Adrenaline-
Too-Fast-Bear Style.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Dying Bear Style.
Change of plans, doc.
Same surgery, new patient.
Well, that's
completely unethical.
And if you think I'll--
Hyah!
[GROANING]
Dr. Matthews!
You. That--
But I'm a nurse, not a doctor.
I don't know anything about
stomach surgeries!
[SCOFFS]
Fine! I'll do it myself!
Okay, let me see here...
Let's get things started
with some anesthesia.
Just a little whiff...
[BODY THUDS]
You're going down,
Jerry!
Well,
that was easy.
Come on, doc.
Let's get the sensei.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[SENSEI GROANING]
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH SCREAM]
Must...get...stomach!
Time for some
alternative medicine.
BOTH:
Death Kwon Jump!
[GRUNTING]
[LAUGHING]
I feel no pain at all!
[GRUNTING]
Hyah!
[GRUNTS]
Okay... I felt that.
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
Dr. Kravitz,
you have a visitor...
The transplant
was a success.
BOTH:
Aw, ye-eah!
[GRUMBLES]
Let me go!
Jerry-san,
you were too impatient
for me to teach you
the most important Death Kwon Do
virtue of all--
Patience.
That's all right.
He'll have plenty of time
to learn that in prison.
[ALL LAUGH]
[JERRY GRUMBLES]
He's going to prison.
So, I've got an opening for
a new apprentice...
Thanks, but we need
to get back to work.
Yeah, Benson hates it when
we take these six-hour lunches.
[♪♪♪]
BOTH:
Lunch, lunch, lunch, lunch,
lunch, lunch!
Welcome back to Death Kwon Do
pizza and subs!
Can I start you off
with a couple sodas?
Sure, dude.
Jerry! Two sodas!
Yes, sensei!
[SHOUTING KIAI]
Ka-cha!
Who's that?
That's my Death Kwon Do
apprentice, Jerry.
Oh, that's cool.
Uh-huh.
And to eat...
Everything's kind of heavy...
Ah. I wish I could get
something light
but that still tastes good.
[CHUCKLES]
I get it. You want...
The Death Kwon Do Sandwich
of Health.
Through years of trial
and error, I perfected it.
[SHOUTING KIAI]
Using the finest
organic ingredients
and the secrets of
Death Kwon Do,
I've created a sandwich...
Hyah!
...that not only
tastes great...
[SLURPS]
...it's as healthy as a salad.
You'll be the first to try it.
That's just
a meatball sub.
Yeah,
and if I'm being honest,
it looks even greasier
than usual.
It is not!
It's incredibly healthy!
Every day, I have one for
breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
I've never felt better!
[CHOMPS]
Ugh! My stomach!
Sensei!
Yep, yep. You definitely
need a stomach transplant.
ALL:
What?
You had an extreme reaction--
Wait. Scratch that.
You had a completely normal
reaction
to an extremely unhealthy
sandwich.
Then your stomach
flat-out exploded. You see?
Can you put him on
the transplant list?
Well, yes,
normally you'd be able to,
but a man of your...
physical gifts...
would burn through a normal
stomach like it was nothing.
Spell it out for me, doc.
You're too--
How do I put this delicately?
RIGBY: Hey!
MORDECAI: Aw, come on!
That's just wrong!
Not cool, man!
Well, you're too weak
to be moved,
and we need a suitable
transplant or you'll die.
What about
the Death Kwon Do hospital?
Could you call them?
Yes, sensei!
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Death Kwon Do hospital.
Uh-huh.
Yep, mm-hm.
You do have a stomach
of great power?
And we can pick it up
today?
Excellent!
Yes!
Mordecai and Rigby,
would you mind going with Jerry
to pick up the stomach?
Sure, dude.
We're still on lunch, anyway--
But sensei,
I don't need their help!
I'm ready for this!
No, Jerry!
[GRUNTS]
Yes, sensei.
[GROANS]
We don't have much time.
As always, you'll need these.
[♪♪♪]
[ALL PANTING]
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
[♪♪♪]
MORDECAI:
There it is.
You have come...
for the stomach.
\But first, you must prove
you are worthy for the stomach.
[CLAPS]
My interns have mastered
all the most difficult
Death Kwon Do medical arts.
Tongue depressor...
The gurney...
And CPR.
Hwah!
Attack!
[ALL SCREAMING]
Say "ahh!"
[GRUNTING]
Hyah!
In your face of death!
[SHOUTS, GRUNTS]
Aah!
Death block! Death block!
Aah!
Oh!
[GRUNTING]
Huh?
Hey! Unh!
[GROWLING]
Hyah!
[GAGGING]
Hyah! Hyah!
[CLAPS]
Nicely done.
You have proven
yourselves...
worthy.
[STOMACH GRUMBLING]
BOTH:
Whoa.
[GRUMBLING CONTINUES]
Let me just top you off
with some ice there.
Now be careful.
This is my last one.
That's all right.
Betrayal of death!
One is all I need.
Dude! What?
Did you really think I came all
this way for that jerk sensei?
He worked me day and night
with menial tasks
completely unrelated to
Death Kwon Do sandwich-making.
"Wash the windows, Jerry-san.
Marry the ketchup, Jerry-san.
Make more ice, Jerry-san!
This job pays minimum wage,
Jerry-san!"
but worst of all,
he'd never let me try his
precious "sandwich of health."
"It's still experimental,
Jerry-san.
All in good time,
Jerry-san!"
I couldn't take it anymore!
So one night...
Eagle-claw of death!
...I snuck in after hours,
and I ate
the forbidden sandwich.
It was delicious.
I couldn't get enough.
Every night,
I would try it again,
then again, and again,
like, a whole bunch of times.
And now
I need a new stomach.
And I think
this one will do nicely.
Yeah? Well, you're gonna have
to find another one,
'cause that one
belongs to the sensei.
[♪♪♪]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
BOTH: Huh?
Jump kick of death!
Get him!
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
Come on!
The stairs!
[BOTH PANTING]
Come on. Come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on!
[GRUNTS]
Now what?
Randall, Randall, Randall.
You're late again.
And why don't you ever
tie up your boat?
Something's gonna happen
to your boat.
Hey, you do your job,
pencil-neck.
I'll do mine.
[ENGINE REVVING]
[LAUGHING EVILLY]
[STOMACH GRUMBLING]
Oh!
Death jump!
[GROANS]
Got it, Morde-- Whoa!
Death jump!
Kick of death!
Roll of death!
Run on top of two boats
of death! Ha, ha!
Oh, no.
[SCREAMS]
Hyah! Hyah!
[ALL SCREAMING]
[HIGH-PITCHED GROAN]
Mordecai!
BOTH:
Ye-yah!
No...
[GURGLING]
Nurse, what are you doing?
Just marking
the incision, sir.
Now don't you worry,
Mr. Sensei.
Mordecai and Rigby
brought back
a nice little Death Kwon Do
stomach for ya.
And what of young Jerry,
my worthless apprentice?
He ended up being
a traitor or something.
Wanted to take the Death Kwon Do
stomach for himself--
And kill you, you know!
Heh-heh-heh!
Hoo.
[♪♪♪]
BOTH: Lunch, lunch, lunch!
[BOTH MUNCHING]
DOCTOR:
Uh, nurse, after
you're done washing up,
could you help me out
over here?
[♪♪♪]
Hmm. Well,
have you tried--
Or...
How about--?
[SIGHS]
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
[GASPS]
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH GASP]
I should have known
you would betray me.
You will never learn the final
virtue of Death Kwon Do.
But I have been training
for almost three weeks!
The sensei needs us.
[SLURPS]
Now the apprentice
will become the master,
and the master will become
a loser with no stomach.
[BOTH GROANING]
[♪♪♪]
All right, Jerry,
prepare to get your butt kicked!
Are you here to give me
my sponge bath?
Uh, sorry. Wrong room.
Did we make a wrong turn
or something?
No!
You can't win this, sensei!
Don't worry.
The cornered and wounded animal
has a burst of adrenaline
when he's fighting for his life.
Wounded Adrenaline
Bear Style!
[SHOUTING KIAI, GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
In-Pain-Bear Style.
Expended-Too-Much-Adrenaline-
Too-Fast-Bear Style.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Dying Bear Style.
Change of plans, doc.
Same surgery, new patient.
Well, that's
completely unethical.
And if you think I'll--
Hyah!
[GROANING]
Dr. Matthews!
You. That--
But I'm a nurse, not a doctor.
I don't know anything about
stomach surgeries!
[SCOFFS]
Fine! I'll do it myself!
Okay, let me see here...
Let's get things started
with some anesthesia.
Just a little whiff...
[BODY THUDS]
You're going down,
Jerry!
Well,
that was easy.
Come on, doc.
Let's get the sensei.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[SENSEI GROANING]
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH SCREAM]
Must...get...stomach!
Time for some
alternative medicine.
BOTH:
Death Kwon Jump!
[GRUNTING]
[LAUGHING]
I feel no pain at all!
[GRUNTING]
Hyah!
[GRUNTS]
Okay... I felt that.
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
Dr. Kravitz,
you have a visitor...
The transplant
was a success.
BOTH:
Aw, ye-eah!
[GRUMBLES]
Let me go!
Jerry-san,
you were too impatient
for me to teach you
the most important Death Kwon Do
virtue of all--
Patience.
That's all right.
He'll have plenty of time
to learn that in prison.
[ALL LAUGH]
[JERRY GRUMBLES]
He's going to prison.
So, I've got an opening for
a new apprentice...
Thanks, but we need
to get back to work.
Yeah, Benson hates it when
we take these six-hour lunches.
[♪♪♪]