Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 6, Episode 27 - Not Great Double Date - full transcript
Margaret's double date isn't going so well. Del Hanlon has to pretend he's her boyfriend, but he isn't so good at acting.
[♪♪♪]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[ROARS]
C.J., listen to me!
It's not what you think!
[ROARS]
I have a boyfriend!
Hey, Margaret!
[GASPS]
[COUGHING]
[SLURPS]
[SIGHS]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Come in?
Uh, Margaret?
C.J.'s at the door.
C.J.'s here?
At this apartment?
She's at the door, yes.
[SIGHS]
All right, C.J.,
you've got this.
Margaret! Hey!
Haven't seen you since
I ruined your dad's party.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Okay, bad joke.
Look, I just need to say,
I'm really sorry about before...
And before that...
And-- And before that...
Pretty much
the whole time I've known you.
But... How well do I know you?
Let's go on a double date!
Double date?
Yeah!
So we can get to know
each other--
Me and Mordecai,
you and your boyfriend.
Double date!
O...kay.
I mean,
are you sure that's okay?
Mm. We should make it okay.
It's important to me
that we're all...
Heh. All right, cool.
Cool! Great!
It'll be great!
You're great! Okay? Okay.
Okay! Sideline at 7!
See you then.
[SIGHS]
[GROANING]
Eileen!
[MUFFLED]
Eileen!
I heard your muffled screams.
What's the matter?
I made it all up.
I don't have a boyfriend.
So you're not dating weekend
sports anchor Del Hanlon?
No...
But saying I did felt like
the only way to, um... Not die?
Okay... But why did you agree
to that double-date thing?
I don't know!
C.J. was really excited
about it,
so I just
went along with it.
This is really bad.
If they find out I lied,
it'll make everybody feel
all weird again.
What should I do?
Tell the truth.
But then they'll know I lied!
Okay, well, that was kind of
the only sensible option.
You could... Ask Del Hanlon
to pose as your boyfriend?
Tetherballs scream
through the air,
as do the dueling egos
of these athletic titans.
This has been regional
junior high tetherball.
I'm Del Hanlon,
bidding you adieu.
MAN:
And cut!
Ahh!
You've done it again, Del.
Ahh. Well, hey,
Margaret! Eileen!
What brings you here?
Most people
just see tetherball
as a boring version
of ball-in-a-cup.
I do feel that way
about tetherball.
But actually,
Margaret has a favor to ask.
Yeah...
Could you...
Hand me that water bottle?
Hey, you got it!
Thanks! Well, that's
all I needed. See you Monday!
Margaret accidentally
called you her boyfriend.
Can you pretend to be
her date?
[GASPS]
Eee! Ugh.
Yes! I have always wanted
to be an actor!
Whew! Wow! Thanks!
So how do we know
what to say?
Let's test it out.
So... Where'd you guys meet?
Air.
Water.
Ugh. I'm really bad
at lying!
I don't know
what to do at all.
I know who can help.
RIGBY:
So, you're telling me
that I'm meeting at this
nondescript coffee shop
to help you
lie to my best friend?
Yeah.
But it's to keep him happy.
Definitely.
Awesome!
Well, here's a little something
I just whipped up.
Give it a once-over,
see what you think.
Some backstory,
how you guys met...
I don't mean to
criticize,
because, I mean,
your writing is really good,
but this seems
too complicated.
Couldn't we have
just met at work?
I... Love it!
It has everything--
Action, intrigue,
hot-air balloons!
Excellent work, Rigby!
Or should I say,
director?
[CHUCKLES]
Oh-ho-ho!
See? Del gets it.
If you don't commit
to this lie,
they'll see right through it,
and all our lives
will be ruined.
[SIGHS]
I know we just spent
seven hours practicing,
but I can't get rid
of these moths in my stomach!
Moths?
See?
I'm getting the lines wrong
already!
Look, it doesn't have
to be perfect.
It just has to be
convincing.
If one of us goes
off-script,
we'll just go with it,
okay, Del?
I think I love you.
See? Acting!
Just like that.
How, uh--
How you feeling?
Fine.
So, you're sure
you want to do this?
'Cause we don't have to
do this.
We can still cancel.
I'm gonna cancel.
Shh! They're here!
Hey!
Oh, hi!
Hey, there...
Del.
Mordecai.
I think I've seen you
on TV.
Please, tonight I am not
"Del, sports anchor."
I'm Del,
Margaret's boyfriend!
That's--
That's cool.
Oh, hey, we're sitting.
[CLEARING THROAT]
We're all here!
Yep, yep. We are.
So, Del, Margaret, did
you guys meet at work, or...?
BOTH:
Oh, it's a funny story.
It's a funny story.
So there I was, studying
abroad in the jungle, when--
Bam! --a lion
pops out of a lion-hole.
[ROARS]
And then it roared, so I ran.
I ran and ran and ran.
Luckily, there was
a hot-air balloon.
DEL:
Because there was
a hot-air-balloon rental place.
MARGARET:
Yeah, I hopped in and flew
away, but then I saw it--
Another hot-air balloon!
DEL: That was me.
That was me.
I was being attacked,
uh, by birds.
MARGARET: Bald eagles.
[CRIES]
We tried to stop
the bald eagles--
I mean, balloons from crashing.
It was too late.
They crashed.
Boof!
DEL: Our bodies collided,
and we rocketed to the ground
in a ball of flames! Kaboom!
The doctors say
that we only survived
because we held each other
so close.
So then I looked her
in the eyes
and I said
those immortal words...
You want to hang out sometime?
And...scene.
Wow.
That's a really crazy story.
I don't know. That kind of stuff
happens to me all the time.
Yeah, it does.
I can't believe I
survived going out with you.
[CHUCKLES]
That guy!
This guy!
Heh, ha... Me.
[CHUCKLES]
So tell us about
your guys' first date.
Of course!
It was a cold winter's day...
[BRITISH ACCENT]
And so that's why
I had to change me accent
for American audiences!
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, Del, your memory
of our first date
is so different than mine.
It's been
a long night.
Maybe we should
get the check.
I was hoping we could shoot
some pool or something.
Couple against couple!
Mordecai?
Uh... Yeah! Pool.
Heh, heh! Yeah.
I should probably...
Huh? Kssh! Huh?
Uh... Say yes!
[SIGHS]
I said yes.
Cool! Let's go!
So, how are things
at the station?
Oh, you know,
still learning the ropes.
But everyone's been really
supportive.
That's awesome!
Speaking of news,
did you hear
Muscle Man and Starla
are getting married?
Heh, yeah. I'm actually part
of the wedding party.
Does that mean they're gonna
move in together
or something?
I guess so.
They'll have to get a trailer
for their trailer.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
'Ello, luvs!
You know, Marge always said,
when we get 'itched
we'd have a charming bungalow
in Connec-ticut!
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, Del.
Well, you know, we haven't
really talked about that yet.
Oh, twaddle!
We talked about it on the blimp
the day we met!
Uh...
Didn't you say you met
on two separate
hot-air balloons?
Oh! Uh...
It's a regional thing.
They call them blimp--
Blimpos.
Can I talk to you
for a second?
This is fun!
Del, what are you doing?
Things were going well,
and then you
change the story?
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I'm sorry, Marge.
It's just...
[BRITISH ACCENT]
I've never felt so alive!
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I can't tell where Del ends
and "Del" Begins!
What?
I mean, maybe we should
move to Connec-ticut.
I hear they have a really good
school system!
Uh... Okay.
I think you might need
a little break.
Why don't you go
get us some drinks?
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Two ripper pips
coming right up!
[DIALING]
Rigby...
RIGBY: Hello?
Rigby! I need your help!
Sure. What's up?
Del's going way off the scrip--
Psych! This isn't me.
It's a recording of me!
I got you good.
Leave a message after the beep.
Rigbeeeeeep!
Rigby, where are you?
I need you he--
Hey!
Oh! Sorry.
No, it's okay!
I didn't see you--
No, it's cool.
Are you sure?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Heh. Woop! Woop!
Heh, yeah.
I just wanted to say...
I like Del. You know?
He seems like
a really nice guy.
Uh... Yeah!
Thanks, Mordecai.
I was
a little surprised,
but you seem really happy.
Yeah!
Yeah... Well...
He's great, but I just--
Ugh! The truth about Del is--
MAN [ON TV]:
K-k-k-kiss Cam!
Who's been spotted by
the Kiss Cam?
[GASPS]
Del?
ALL [CHANTING]:
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
On the lips!
Ooh! Do it!
This'll look great on my reel!
[GLASSES SHATTER]
ALL [CHANTING]:
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
[CHANTING, DISTORTED]:
Kiss! Kiss!
[SLURRED, DISTORTED]
On the lips!
[DISTORTED]
Kiss!
[PUCKERS]
[SQUEALS]
No!
You're not my boyfriend!
[ALL GASP]
What?
Change the slide, Marcus!
MAN [OVER TV]:
D-d-d-dump Cam!
You're dumped!
What do you mean
he's not your boyfriend?
I'm sorry.
I lied about the whole thing.
Seemed like the only way
to make you okay
with me being around.
I was just scared and tired
of everything being awkward.
I'm sick of feeling like
a tourist around my own friends.
So let me get this straight.
You're single,
you dated Mordecai, and you keep
trying to hang out with him,
even though you don't have to,
'cause it's not like
you kept in touch with him
after you left.
[GRUMBLING]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
All those things
are fine.
[SIGHS]
Except that you lied about it.
There's one reason you would
lie about something like that.
So as long as we're just
all out here telling the truth,
why don't you just tell me
right now?
Do you still have feelings
for Mordecai?
[♪♪♪]
I think...
...I do.
[ALL GASP]
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to start over.
Seems like everyone
wants to start over.
Why don't you guys just
get it right the first time?
[DOOR CLOSES]
Morde--
[SIGHS]
[BRITISH ACCENT]
You broke me 'eart, Margaret!
Good luck gettin' that bungalow
in Connec-ticut by yourself.
I'm keepin' the kids!
[GROANS]
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
And scene.
[♪♪♪]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[ROARS]
C.J., listen to me!
It's not what you think!
[ROARS]
I have a boyfriend!
Hey, Margaret!
[GASPS]
[COUGHING]
[SLURPS]
[SIGHS]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Come in?
Uh, Margaret?
C.J.'s at the door.
C.J.'s here?
At this apartment?
She's at the door, yes.
[SIGHS]
All right, C.J.,
you've got this.
Margaret! Hey!
Haven't seen you since
I ruined your dad's party.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Okay, bad joke.
Look, I just need to say,
I'm really sorry about before...
And before that...
And-- And before that...
Pretty much
the whole time I've known you.
But... How well do I know you?
Let's go on a double date!
Double date?
Yeah!
So we can get to know
each other--
Me and Mordecai,
you and your boyfriend.
Double date!
O...kay.
I mean,
are you sure that's okay?
Mm. We should make it okay.
It's important to me
that we're all...
Heh. All right, cool.
Cool! Great!
It'll be great!
You're great! Okay? Okay.
Okay! Sideline at 7!
See you then.
[SIGHS]
[GROANING]
Eileen!
[MUFFLED]
Eileen!
I heard your muffled screams.
What's the matter?
I made it all up.
I don't have a boyfriend.
So you're not dating weekend
sports anchor Del Hanlon?
No...
But saying I did felt like
the only way to, um... Not die?
Okay... But why did you agree
to that double-date thing?
I don't know!
C.J. was really excited
about it,
so I just
went along with it.
This is really bad.
If they find out I lied,
it'll make everybody feel
all weird again.
What should I do?
Tell the truth.
But then they'll know I lied!
Okay, well, that was kind of
the only sensible option.
You could... Ask Del Hanlon
to pose as your boyfriend?
Tetherballs scream
through the air,
as do the dueling egos
of these athletic titans.
This has been regional
junior high tetherball.
I'm Del Hanlon,
bidding you adieu.
MAN:
And cut!
Ahh!
You've done it again, Del.
Ahh. Well, hey,
Margaret! Eileen!
What brings you here?
Most people
just see tetherball
as a boring version
of ball-in-a-cup.
I do feel that way
about tetherball.
But actually,
Margaret has a favor to ask.
Yeah...
Could you...
Hand me that water bottle?
Hey, you got it!
Thanks! Well, that's
all I needed. See you Monday!
Margaret accidentally
called you her boyfriend.
Can you pretend to be
her date?
[GASPS]
Eee! Ugh.
Yes! I have always wanted
to be an actor!
Whew! Wow! Thanks!
So how do we know
what to say?
Let's test it out.
So... Where'd you guys meet?
Air.
Water.
Ugh. I'm really bad
at lying!
I don't know
what to do at all.
I know who can help.
RIGBY:
So, you're telling me
that I'm meeting at this
nondescript coffee shop
to help you
lie to my best friend?
Yeah.
But it's to keep him happy.
Definitely.
Awesome!
Well, here's a little something
I just whipped up.
Give it a once-over,
see what you think.
Some backstory,
how you guys met...
I don't mean to
criticize,
because, I mean,
your writing is really good,
but this seems
too complicated.
Couldn't we have
just met at work?
I... Love it!
It has everything--
Action, intrigue,
hot-air balloons!
Excellent work, Rigby!
Or should I say,
director?
[CHUCKLES]
Oh-ho-ho!
See? Del gets it.
If you don't commit
to this lie,
they'll see right through it,
and all our lives
will be ruined.
[SIGHS]
I know we just spent
seven hours practicing,
but I can't get rid
of these moths in my stomach!
Moths?
See?
I'm getting the lines wrong
already!
Look, it doesn't have
to be perfect.
It just has to be
convincing.
If one of us goes
off-script,
we'll just go with it,
okay, Del?
I think I love you.
See? Acting!
Just like that.
How, uh--
How you feeling?
Fine.
So, you're sure
you want to do this?
'Cause we don't have to
do this.
We can still cancel.
I'm gonna cancel.
Shh! They're here!
Hey!
Oh, hi!
Hey, there...
Del.
Mordecai.
I think I've seen you
on TV.
Please, tonight I am not
"Del, sports anchor."
I'm Del,
Margaret's boyfriend!
That's--
That's cool.
Oh, hey, we're sitting.
[CLEARING THROAT]
We're all here!
Yep, yep. We are.
So, Del, Margaret, did
you guys meet at work, or...?
BOTH:
Oh, it's a funny story.
It's a funny story.
So there I was, studying
abroad in the jungle, when--
Bam! --a lion
pops out of a lion-hole.
[ROARS]
And then it roared, so I ran.
I ran and ran and ran.
Luckily, there was
a hot-air balloon.
DEL:
Because there was
a hot-air-balloon rental place.
MARGARET:
Yeah, I hopped in and flew
away, but then I saw it--
Another hot-air balloon!
DEL: That was me.
That was me.
I was being attacked,
uh, by birds.
MARGARET: Bald eagles.
[CRIES]
We tried to stop
the bald eagles--
I mean, balloons from crashing.
It was too late.
They crashed.
Boof!
DEL: Our bodies collided,
and we rocketed to the ground
in a ball of flames! Kaboom!
The doctors say
that we only survived
because we held each other
so close.
So then I looked her
in the eyes
and I said
those immortal words...
You want to hang out sometime?
And...scene.
Wow.
That's a really crazy story.
I don't know. That kind of stuff
happens to me all the time.
Yeah, it does.
I can't believe I
survived going out with you.
[CHUCKLES]
That guy!
This guy!
Heh, ha... Me.
[CHUCKLES]
So tell us about
your guys' first date.
Of course!
It was a cold winter's day...
[BRITISH ACCENT]
And so that's why
I had to change me accent
for American audiences!
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, Del, your memory
of our first date
is so different than mine.
It's been
a long night.
Maybe we should
get the check.
I was hoping we could shoot
some pool or something.
Couple against couple!
Mordecai?
Uh... Yeah! Pool.
Heh, heh! Yeah.
I should probably...
Huh? Kssh! Huh?
Uh... Say yes!
[SIGHS]
I said yes.
Cool! Let's go!
So, how are things
at the station?
Oh, you know,
still learning the ropes.
But everyone's been really
supportive.
That's awesome!
Speaking of news,
did you hear
Muscle Man and Starla
are getting married?
Heh, yeah. I'm actually part
of the wedding party.
Does that mean they're gonna
move in together
or something?
I guess so.
They'll have to get a trailer
for their trailer.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
'Ello, luvs!
You know, Marge always said,
when we get 'itched
we'd have a charming bungalow
in Connec-ticut!
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, Del.
Well, you know, we haven't
really talked about that yet.
Oh, twaddle!
We talked about it on the blimp
the day we met!
Uh...
Didn't you say you met
on two separate
hot-air balloons?
Oh! Uh...
It's a regional thing.
They call them blimp--
Blimpos.
Can I talk to you
for a second?
This is fun!
Del, what are you doing?
Things were going well,
and then you
change the story?
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I'm sorry, Marge.
It's just...
[BRITISH ACCENT]
I've never felt so alive!
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I can't tell where Del ends
and "Del" Begins!
What?
I mean, maybe we should
move to Connec-ticut.
I hear they have a really good
school system!
Uh... Okay.
I think you might need
a little break.
Why don't you go
get us some drinks?
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Two ripper pips
coming right up!
[DIALING]
Rigby...
RIGBY: Hello?
Rigby! I need your help!
Sure. What's up?
Del's going way off the scrip--
Psych! This isn't me.
It's a recording of me!
I got you good.
Leave a message after the beep.
Rigbeeeeeep!
Rigby, where are you?
I need you he--
Hey!
Oh! Sorry.
No, it's okay!
I didn't see you--
No, it's cool.
Are you sure?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Heh. Woop! Woop!
Heh, yeah.
I just wanted to say...
I like Del. You know?
He seems like
a really nice guy.
Uh... Yeah!
Thanks, Mordecai.
I was
a little surprised,
but you seem really happy.
Yeah!
Yeah... Well...
He's great, but I just--
Ugh! The truth about Del is--
MAN [ON TV]:
K-k-k-kiss Cam!
Who's been spotted by
the Kiss Cam?
[GASPS]
Del?
ALL [CHANTING]:
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
On the lips!
Ooh! Do it!
This'll look great on my reel!
[GLASSES SHATTER]
ALL [CHANTING]:
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
[CHANTING, DISTORTED]:
Kiss! Kiss!
[SLURRED, DISTORTED]
On the lips!
[DISTORTED]
Kiss!
[PUCKERS]
[SQUEALS]
No!
You're not my boyfriend!
[ALL GASP]
What?
Change the slide, Marcus!
MAN [OVER TV]:
D-d-d-dump Cam!
You're dumped!
What do you mean
he's not your boyfriend?
I'm sorry.
I lied about the whole thing.
Seemed like the only way
to make you okay
with me being around.
I was just scared and tired
of everything being awkward.
I'm sick of feeling like
a tourist around my own friends.
So let me get this straight.
You're single,
you dated Mordecai, and you keep
trying to hang out with him,
even though you don't have to,
'cause it's not like
you kept in touch with him
after you left.
[GRUMBLING]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
All those things
are fine.
[SIGHS]
Except that you lied about it.
There's one reason you would
lie about something like that.
So as long as we're just
all out here telling the truth,
why don't you just tell me
right now?
Do you still have feelings
for Mordecai?
[♪♪♪]
I think...
...I do.
[ALL GASP]
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to start over.
Seems like everyone
wants to start over.
Why don't you guys just
get it right the first time?
[DOOR CLOSES]
Morde--
[SIGHS]
[BRITISH ACCENT]
You broke me 'eart, Margaret!
Good luck gettin' that bungalow
in Connec-ticut by yourself.
I'm keepin' the kids!
[GROANS]
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
And scene.
[♪♪♪]