Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 6, Episode 11 - Merry Christmas Mordecai - full transcript

[♪♪♪]

[BEATBOXING]

[BEATBOXING CONTINUE]

♪ Wrap up the presents

Throw 'em under the tree ♪

♪ Drink up the egg nog

Have one, two, or three ♪

♪ Christmas time is near

Spreadin' holiday cheer ♪

♪ Yo, Eileen! Get that

Fruit cake outta here! ♪



What? Fruit cake is

the best part of the holidays!

♪ Fruit cake,

Fruit cake ♪

♪ We don't wanna partake

Of your ol' fruit cake ♪

♪ When a fruit cake

comes a-knockin' ♪

♪ You just stuff

That in your stockin' ♪

And boom! No fruit caaake!

[BOTH LAUGH]

Well, more for me.

By the way, I got three



things I want to tell you.

First and foremost

is that my awesome Christmas

sweater party is tonight

so be sure to dress

for the occasion.

[SWEATER BUZZES]

Festive!

Aw, yeah!

Count me and C.J. in

on the party.

Our first Christmas together

and it's gonna be awesome.

And the second thing

I wanted to tell you

is that Margaret

is gonna be there.

Pbhhhhht!

[♪♪♪]

M-M-Margaret?

Margaret's gonna be there?

Oh, no! I should've known

she'd be home for the holidays!

If she's at the party

and C.J. is at the party

and I'm at the party,

it's gonna be--

A party?

Ugh! This is terrible!

If I see Margaret and

act all weird around her,

C.J.'s gonna think

I still like her!

Dude, you're making

too big a deal out of it.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

Maybe if I just avoid her,

nothing bad will happen.

Or you could just

talk to her now.

Wait, what?

She's on her way over here.

Aah! I -- I -- I --

I need some air!

I got to go!

Wait! I still got to

tell you the third thing!

Man, tonight's party is

gonna be off the chain!

My first Christmas as an

engaged man with my fiancée.

Yeah. Celia made gluten-free

Christmas cookies.

They still taste

just as good though.

There's even gonna be

a fancy soda table!

It's gonna be fun.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

This is the best party ever!

I'm so glad I get to spend

Christmas with you, Mordecai.

MARGARET:

Mordecai?

Aah!

Who's this, Mordecai?

Uh, C.J., this is Margaret,

my girlfriend.

I mean my ex-girlfriend!

I mean a girl I kissed a bunch

in the past, who's my friend!

Should I stop talking now?

[SCREAMS]

I never want to speak

to you again, Mordecai!

Yeah!

Way to make things weird!

Nooo!

No!

No? Don't move it to the left?

Well, it might fall, but okay.

[ALL SCREAM]

[THUD]

[ALL GROAN]

I should've moved it

to the left.

Hey, be careful!

That Santa wasn't cheap.

Mordecai and Rigby,

I need you to take

this to the post office.

I got to wrap

Eileen's gift.

Mordecai?

I can't go.

What if I run into Margaret?

What?

She's not gonna be lurking

around every corner in the city!

I agree with Rigby.

Oh, also...

just do your job!

[SIGHS]

Get a hold of yourself,

Mordecai.

She's just a person.

You're just a person.

Two people.

No big deal.

[♪♪♪]

Mordecai?

Um, hi.

Hey, um...

[CHUCKLES]

What a coincidence!

I heard you'd be

coming back into my life--

I mean into town!

Welcome back!

Thanks. Uh, oh.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I guess we've never

been good at that, huh?

Wow, I have so much

to tell you.

Oh, did Eileen

tell you about--?

Uh, mostly.

Whoops! I got a phone call.

It's from Benson.

A call from "the man."

I got to take it.

[CHUCKLES] Benson?

I've got to go to the post

office across town?

Well, I got to run,

Margaret! Literally!

I, uh, got really into

running after you left.

It's a health thing.

Bye!

[GRUNTING]

Ugh! Christmas is so hard!

[PANTING]

Oh, good. You're just in time

to help me wrap this. Grab tape.

Dude, I just saw Margaret

at the post office.

Let me guess.

You pulled a Mordecai?

Yeah, I faked a call from

Benson then I ran away from her.

Classic Mordecai.

Ugh. There's no way

I can go to this party.

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Hey, Mordecai!

Are you excited for

the party tonight?

I know I am.

What?

Eileen's party.

She told you about it, right?

Oh, yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

The totally normal party where

nothing bad will ever happen.

Yeah. Are you going to pick me

up or should we just meet there?

Uhhhh...

Uhhh...

Uhhhh...

We'll meet there, dude.

Ha ha. Okay. Bye.

Aw, dude,

why'd you do that?!

Because you're acting

like a dumb baby!

I'm gonna lay the hard

truth on you, Mordecai.

You're wimpin' up

the holidays!

You're dating C.J. now, and

if you really care about her

you'll go

to the party with her.

So Margaret will be there.

Big deal!

She'll be gone after that,

and you'll never

see her again.

Yeah but--

Dude, just go

to the party.

[FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYS]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Not to brag or nothin',

but Starla and I are

planning the best wedding.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

BOTH:

Merry Christmaaaas!

You made it!

Your coats. I'll put them

in the spare room.

By the way, Mordecai.

I never got to tell you

the third thing

from this morning.

Hold that thought,

Eileen,

and open this gift

wrapped by yours truly!

Oh!

You didn't!

I did.

This mistletoe disco ball

is just what I needed!

Thanks, Rigby!

BOTH:

Whoaaa!

Boo! [LAUGHS]

[SCREAMS]

Geez, someone's

on edge tonight.

Did Santa bring you a case

of jitters for Christmas?

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

No, no, he didn't.

Are you sure

nothing is wrong?

[GASPS]

Huh?

Whoa. Your face

is really sweaty.

Is it?

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

I must be really thirsty.

Uh, let's go to

the fancy soda table.

It's on me. Ha haaa!

But it's free.

Come on. Let's go.

"Yeti ginger ale",

"Mountain Man ginger ale",

"Imitation ginger ale"?

Who knew there were so many

flavors of ginger ale?

Yeah, who knew?

MARGARET:

Hey, Mordecai.

Uhhhhh, hey!

I'm glad you're here.

I wanted to talk to you

earlier at the post office,

but it seemed like

you were in a rush.

Uh, yup.

Hi.

I'm Margaret.

Nice to meet you.

Uh, C.J.

Mordecai's girlfriend.

Girlfriend?

You know each other.

I mean you've met before.

When I invited you

both to the same movie.

Oh.

Yeah. That.

Um, it was nice

meeting you.

Officially.

I'm going to go

over there for a bit.

Excuse me.

That's why you've

been acting weird.

What?

I'm not weird.

Okay, yes.

I haven't seen her

since we broke up

and I don't know

what to do.

I was worried

that me acting weird

would give you

the wrong impression,

like I still

like her or something.

Well, do you?

No! I don't feel that

way about her anymore.

I'm with you.

That's all I care about.

That's all

I needed to know.

Come on!

This is a party!

Let's go

have some fun!

[FESTIVE HOLIDAY MUSIC PLAYS]

Care for

another glass?

Actually, I've got

to use the restroom.

MORDECAI:

Better take a number. Long line.

I'll take my chances.

Be back soon!

Ah!

Merry muscle-mas,

my sweet.

Oh, you're as sweet as

figgy pudding!

"Ho, ho, ho" to that!

[SMOOCHING]

Oh, uh,

is that a

new lip gloss

or -- whoa!

[SMOOCHING]

Dude.

Check out Fives.

[CHUCKLES] Dude?

Huh? Oh yeah, sure.

Hey, Eileen.

Is that mistletoe

in your hair?

As a matter

of fact it is.

Good eye!

Rigby, it's mistletoe.

Yeah, so?

You know that people have to

kiss under mistletoe, right?

Yeah, but it's not

like a "rule" rule.

[BAWKING]

Ugh! Fine!

[SMOOCHES]

Hm! Hm!

All right, all right,

you're good.

On that note, though,

I should find my lady.

Where's my lady?

Can't kiss under

the mistletoe ball

without my lady!

C.J.?

Uh, hey, Mordecai.

Aah!

Ugh!

BOTH:

Aah!

Ugh. Huh?

Mordecai?

Are you okay?

Uh, yeah. I'm fine.

Why do you ask?

You're acting weird.

Why don't you just talk to me?

Uh, I can't right now.

I got to go.

Please, Mordecai.

I don't want things

to be like this.

It's just-- Things are

complicated between us now.

Not if you just talk to me!

Come on. Don't shut me out.

Got to make it stop!

Where are the batteries

to this thing?

Look, Mordecai.

I know things didn't end

the way we wanted them to,

but at least we had

some good times together,

didn't we?

Doesn't that mean

anything to you?

Yeah, it does mean

something to me.

But things

are different now.

A lot has happened

since we broke up.

It was really rough

for me at first,

but since I've been dating C.J.

I feel a lot happier now.

She's good for me. I just

hope you can understand that.

I do understand. I didn't think

you were gonna wait for me.

I'm really glad for you,

Mordecai.

You deserve to be happy.

I'm sorry

for acting weird.

Well, it wouldn't be

the first time.

And it won't be the last!

[BOTH LAUGH]

Mmm.

We had some

good times together.

Yeah. We did.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

[♪♪♪]

[SMOOCHING]

No!

Oh, my gosh!

I didn't mean to do that!

I really wasn't --

C.J.:

Mordecai?

No, it's not --

C.J., wait!

[♪♪♪]

Awkward.

[SMOOCHING]

[GROANS]

Call her! I got to call her!

Ugh! Where's my phone?

You okay, man?

Not now.

I got to get

my phone.

Huh?

Margaret's?

What's Margaret's

stuff doing here?

Yeah.

That's the third thing

I wanted to tell you.

Margaret's my new roommate.

She's finishing her degree

by working at

the news station

and she'll be

staying here.

I've got to go check out

the soda table.

[♪♪♪]