Reba (2001–2007): Season 5, Episode 15 - The Trouble with Dr. Hunky - full transcript

Oh, good, Reba. You're here.
You wanna see Henry's new trick?

Sure, if it means makin'
his mommy disappear.

[Laughing]

Well, it looks like somebody already
made your manners disappear.

[Chuckles] Okay, Henry. What
do we do when we see a stranger?

[Shouts] [Groans]

[Screaming]

[Laughing] Okay.

Barbra Jean, why didn't you
warn me he was gonna do that?

Well, strangers
don't get a warning.

Strangers only
get pain. [Shouts]



Great. Now I have
bruises on both my shins.

Do you know what purple
looks like on white skin?

Where you goin'?
To get some ice.

The safe word is "pickles."

Why do I need a safe word?

[Henry Shouting,
Screaming] Pickles! Pickles!

Good job, sweetie.

Oh, no. Barbra Jean,
you-you've gotta leave.

Oh, my gosh. Is it the supermarket cops?
I swear, I only ate one frozen burrito.

Why is it that they don't get
mad if you eat one grape...

but they do if you
eat a watermelon?

Seriously. You gotta get out of here
because we have a surprise for Mom...

and I don't want you to ruin it.

Well, I'm not gonna ruin it. Why
would you think I would ruin it?



What is it? Can I tell
her? No! Barbra Jean.

Look, if you love Mom, you're gonna
let her have this moment without you.

Well, when you put it
that way. Oh, thank you.

You know, I'm torn.
You know... What...

On the one hand,
sure, I love your mother,

but what does that mean if I'm not here
for her in every big moment of her life?

Oh, stay! Stay!

Reba, they got you
a big surprise. Oh.

They bought you a
car. I'm just guessing.

You know what? You sit down
and you shut up. Okay. Yeah.

You know, Mom,
the weirdest thing...

You know who I was thinking about
the other day was that Dr. Morgan.

- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, Cheyenne. I mean,
why would I have to leave,

you know, just cause you...
You wanna talk about Dr. Morgan.

Uh, I'm so over him. [Chuckles]

I'm over his warm
smile, his kind eyes,

his firm, tight buttocks.

[Chuckles, Scoffs]

Because, Barbra Jean,
Dr. Morgan and Mrs. H...

had that intense middle-age
love affair. [Shudders]

Just saying it
makes my skin crawl.

So, you ever think about him?

Yes, I have a few fond memories.

Van, flick the porch lights.

What are you guys up to?

I know. Dr. Morgan
is outside. Oh, boy.

[Gasps, Sighs]

Oh. You've come back for me!

Okay, now... Barbra
Jean. Barbra Jean?

Huh? I'm here to see Reba.

Oh, of course. Yeah. Just, uh...

[Sniffs]

Oh, you smell terrific.

- Hello, Reba.
- Hello, stranger.

Stranger! [Shouting] [Yelping]

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom
who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Sorry about that. I forgot
we had an attack child.

Does it hurt? Do you want
me to kiss it and make it better?

Barbra Jean, we've
talked about this.

You are still married
to Brock. Aren't you?

I guess.

Come on, Henry. Let's
go home and see Daddy.

Same old Daddy who
does the same old thing...

every same old day.

[Door Closes]

So. So.

So. [Chuckles]

So.

Do you guys mind
giving us a little privacy?

Oh. Okay, sure.

Privacy. [Chuckles]

Come on, Van. Let's go.

I am not leaving
him alone with her.

Last thing we need in
this house is another baby.

[Cheyenne] Van!

Gross! That is my
mom. Come on. Let's go.

All right. Hey. Just
'cause you're a doctor...

doesn't mean you
get to play doctor.

Van, come on!

- So that's what's considered
good-looking?
- Mm-hmm.

Wait till I'm 60.

So, you're... you're
probably wondering why

I haven't called the
last couple of months.

Well, I was trying
to stay positive.

I assumed you were dead.

I know I told you I'd
only be in Boston for a

month or two, but it
turned into a job offer,

a-and some things came up,
and, well, uh, I struggled with...

Your phone?

Yes. It's way too fancy. It takes pictures,
but I don't know how to make phone calls.

Although I'm pretty
sure that it accepts calls.

Stop trying to get out of trouble by
pointing out that I was equally at fault.

There's no excuse. I should
have called, and I'm sorry.

And believe it or not,
I really missed you.

I missed you too.

So I moved back to town,

and I was thinking maybe we
could start seeing each other again.

[Sighs] Oh, gee. I don't know!

You gotta realize how hard it
was on me not hearin' from you.

I know. And I don't know if I
should give you another chance.

I mean, I don't know if I
wanna risk gettin' hurt again.

But on the other hand,
you do smell awfully good.

And you're just smelling
me from a distance.

Well, I'm just giving
myself a running start.

[Screams]

My eyes!

Well, that was great. Sorry
we had to beat you guys so bad.

Well, guys versus
girls wasn't exactly fair.

Well, I didn't say it was
fair. I said it was great.

Next time, it'll be you and
me against Cheyenne and Van.

Then I'm not goin'.

Well, good. Then we won't
have to use the bumpers.

[Groans]

I'm just gonna put the
bowling stuff in the closet.

I'll give you a hand. So...

People think
you're good-looking.

Are you hitting on me?

[Laughing]

Nope. Not me. I
said people. People!

I said people, damn it!

Well, you two seem to
be gettin' along. I know.

Feel like a high school girl...

trapped in a
college girl's body.

Oh, Mom. I am so
glad that you're happy.

I mean, seriously. For
years, you have been

moping around this
house, depressin' everyone.

Seriously, Van and I were thinking
about moving out at one point.

Sorry, dear. I didn't know
it was so hard on you.

Aw. Yeah, well, you were kinda
wrapped up in yourself there.

Oh, but, Mom, seriously.
Hold on to this one.

I don't want my little cloud
of doom comin' back again.

So you guys were
thinkin' about moving out?

No, no. Not anymore,
now that you're happy.

[Whispering] She likes you.

[Whispering] I'm gonna
take her to the prom! Oh!

You know, I really like
Cheyenne and Van.

But he's a little
obsessed with looks.

Oh, they're all
vain at that age.

No, he's obsessed with my looks.

Oh. [Laughs]

He gets that from me.

Plus, Van's a little
worried that if a

good-looking guy like
you could be divorced,

he better behave himself.

Oh. Well, that's not
technically the case.

Are you telling me you're not
handsome? No, I'm handsome.

I meant the divorce
part. How's that again?

Uh... I mean that my soon-to-be
ex-wife just hasn't signed the papers yet.

So-So technically, we're
not divorced. You knew that.

No. I'm pretty sure I would
have remembered that.

So legally, you're
still married?

Yeah, but it's not like
there's some divorce

police that are gonna
come arrest me.

Is there?

- This isn't funny.
- [Sighs]

- I'm datin' a married man.
- No, you're looking at this
all wrong.

You're dating a
very-soon-to-be divorced man.

But you're still married. Do
you know what that makes me?

Barbra Jean.

[Mouths Words]

I don't wanna be Barbra Jean.

Barbra Jean doesn't even
wanna be Barbra Jean!

I'm sorry, Reba. I wasn't
trying to hide anything.

I can't believe we haven't
had this conversation.

I'm Barbra Jean.
I am Barbra Jean.

Am I turning into tall,
blonde and crazy?

I had no idea this was
gonna affect you this way.

And you know what? I'm gonna take care
of it. It's time I got it over with anyway.

Oh, no. I don't wanna be the
reason your marriage is breakin' up.

First of all, you're not the reason
my marriage is breaking up.

And secondly, you'll
never be Barbra Jean.

I can't say why, but,
remember, I was her therapist.

[Door Closes]

You're not Barbra
Jean. You are Reba.

You're different. You are Reba.

Geez, Mom. Stop
talkin' to yourself.

You're soundin'
like Barbra Jean.

Hey. What you doin'?

Whatever I'm doing, you can't
relate to because I'm nothing like you.

So before you jump to conclusions
and start asking what I'm doing,

you better look in the mirror, 'cause
you won't see me, I can tell you that!

Uh-oh. Trouble with Dr. Hunky?

No! And if there was any trouble,
I don't wanna talk to you about it.

Did you fight? Were you needy?

Was there uncomfortable
adult touching?

Barbra Jean, you make
me wanna burn my ears.

Reba, don't let him get away.

I really want this
to work out for you.

I know you've
forgiven me, but...

I've never really gotten over my part
in the destruction of your marriage.

Oh, I remember your
part. You played Godzilla.

[Doorbell Rings] I'll get it.

It's a bad feeling being
the other woman, Reba.

Bad, bad feeling.

Can I help you?
Are you Reba Hart?

Yeah. I'm Cheryl Morgan,
Jack Morgan's wife.

Oh, you mean
ex-wife. I mean wife.

A bad, bad feeling.

Oh, Jack's wife.

I don't know what to say.

Never been on this
side before, huh, Reba?

Cheryl, please come in. Come on.

Why did you invite her in? This
is gonna be terribly awkward.

Well, we don't know that. Let's
just hear what the woman has to say.

- I still love Jack.
- Sorry.

Look, Cheryl, I just
want you to know...

that I had no idea your divorce wasn't
final when I started going out with Jack.

Hey, you don't have
to justify yourself to her.

He's a good-looking
man, so he's fair game.

I think we can still work it out, which
is why I want you to stop seeing him.

Well, that's not
gonna happen, okay?

Barbra Jean, would you stop
it? I want this to be over with.

Well, it's not up to
her. It's up to Brock.

I mean Jack. Jack! [Muttering]

She's not speaking for me. No.

I'm speaking for
all the other women.

- There are more?
- Oh, no. No, not with Jack.

I mean figuratively. You know,
women who do what we do.

Cheryl, I'm sorry, but
I won't see Jack again.

[Scoffs] What? Are
you out of your mind?

If you keep talking, nobody's
gonna see you again.

You know, this wasn't
easy for me, Reba.

And I hope I don't
have to do it again.

All righty then. [Chuckles]

Thanks for droppin' by!

[Mocking] "Thanks
for droppin' by!"

Well, I told you it was
gonna be awkward.

Well, of course it's
awkward. It's adultery!

Now all right, Reba. This is
not too late to save this. All right?

Now, we just call Jack, tell him to
come on over here, burst into tears,

tell him that she threatened you
and then let him get to second base.

Stop it. I'm not
gonna see Jack again.

You were serious?
[Groans] Absolutely.

That was humiliating.

I feel horrible. I feel dirty!

That'll pass.

She still loves him!
Well, he doesn't love her!

You don't know that! [Scoffs]

And I don't think I
could be with him...

if I thought I was gonna hurt
somebody the way I was hurt.

Do you love him? I don't know.

Do you? Well, I could.

Then you need to get off
your pompous high horse...

and get out there
and fight for him.

- Oh, of course
you would think that.
- Yeah. I do.

Reba, this is your one
chance for happiness.

Just like I was Brock's
one chance for happiness.

Do you even know
who you're talking to?

Yeah, I do.

And as your best friend,
I gotta tell you something.

Your marriage to Brock was
over, just like theirs is over.

Don't lose Jack just because
you won't fight for him.

Reba, you deserve this.

[Sighs] I need some air.

[Door Closes]

Reba and a married man?

Honest to God. You think
you know somebody...

- Hey, Brock. You got a minute?
- Sure. What can I do you for?

I need to talk to
you about your affair.

Oh, good.

I was worried we were finally
gonna talk about something else.

I just found out that Jack's divorce is
not quite as final as I thought it was.

No reaction?

Not until I figure out
which one you're lookin' for.

I don't know what to do.

He says his marriage is over,
but his wife says she still loves him.

Well, how do you know
that? She... dropped by.

Well, could've been worse.
Barbra Jean could've been there.

Oh.

Okay, look. What
I need to know is,

if she's willing to fight for him,
does their marriage have a chance?

Reba, there's no way I can know
that. I mean, every situation is different.

Yeah, I guess
you're right. Yeah.

Well, Brock, let
me ask you this.

Would it have made a difference
if I'd been willing to fight for you?

I don't know.

Crap.

[Knocking] Okay, okay.

Reba, I am so sorry.

I just talked to Cheryl, and I can only
imagine how uncomfortable that was.

[Door Closes]

Look, Jack, I just need
to ask you one question.

Do you have any
feelings left for her?

Because if you do, and
if you guys tried... No!

Are you sure? I'm sure now.

What the heck did that mean?

Uh, apparently it meant,
"Stop me before I kiss you."

No. You're sure now?

You became sure after you met
me? I meant it as a good thing.

I told you. I didn't wanna be the
reason your marriage broke up.

You're not. But you
said it was my fault!

Yes. No. You keep saying that.
Th-Then what are you saying?

Nothing. You know,
I regret ever talking.

Okay, can we
just start this over?

Wasn't quite the same, was it?

No.

Look, I care for
you. I really do.

But I had the same
thing done to me...

by the person listening on
the other side of that counter,

and I just can't do
it to someone else.

It's not the same thing.
Well, it sure feels like it.

Is there anything I can say, because
I'll say it. I don't wanna lose you.

Say you're single.

I will be.

Call me then.

I'll talk to you later.

Take care, Barbra Jean.

Kisses! [Door Closes]

I'm sorry, Reba.

I saw him drive over and
had to see what was going on.

Oh, that's okay. I probably
would've done the same thing.

Oh, Lord.

Okay, Cheyenne.
You can come out too.

Thank God. It was
gettin' hot in there.

You okay, Ma? I guess so.

You know, there's that
old saying that goes,

"It's better to have loved and
lost than to have never loved at all."

Yeah. Amen.

Hey, Barbra Jean.

- I got your message.
- Thanks for coming.

- Well, you said
it was important.
- It is.

I don't think you should
just walk away from Reba.

I think you should
fight for her.

She might be your one
chance for happiness.

I don't think I can
do that. Why not?

Because she's
not the one I want.

You are. Me?

♪♪ [Romantic Music Swells]
Come on. You've known it all along.

The whole time I was kissing
Reba, I was really kissing you.

Damn!

Why must all the men
in Reba's life desire me?

Isn't it obvious?

You're better than she is.

I hate myself for it every day.

Kiss me, Barbra Jean. I can't!

Okay. Where are you going?

Get back here.

Barbra Jean, what are you doing?

[Coughs]

These, um...

These pillows just aren't
as fluffy as they used to be.

It's like the same old
person sitting on them...

the same old way
every same old day.

Acme! [Coughing]