Raven's Home (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Baxter's Back - full transcript

Raven's Home was filmed

in front of a live
studio audience.

(alarm ringing)

(laughing)
Yes!

First! I finally beat you
to the bathroom.

This must burn, Nia.

This must burn bad.

It's not a competition, Booker.

I mean, I've won
the last 16 days in a row,

but it's not a competition.

Now, can you please hurry?



Oh no, I'm first
to the bathroom.

I'm gonna savor this.

Take a nice, long shower,
wash my hair.

I might even shave.

Shave what?

Hey, guys.

Look at that.

Levi's first.

This must burn, Booker.

This must burn bad.

That's my body spray.

The burning lets you know
you're fly.

It's all good.

Levi can be here.
We're like brothers.



I use the bathroom
in front of him all the time.

Which I repeatedly told you
I'm not comfortable with.

Hey, kids!

Hey, listen, um, breakfast is gonna be
a little late this morning.

Had a small incident
with the toaster.

On a related note...

if I were a fire extinguisher,
where would I be?

(smoke alarm beeping)

Okay! Yeah!
I'm just gonna find it myself.

- (coughs)
- Shower time.

- I'm dropping robe.
- Oh, God! No!

Why are you wearing
a bathing suit?

Little trick I picked up
in sixth-grade gym class.

Keeps everybody from seeing
my bits and pieces.

Y'all better get outta here

before you see
my bits and pieces.

(kids screaming)

(laughing)

- Hey.
- Yo.

Let me tell you somethin'.

Had my vision all worked out.

- But then life had other plans.
- Chelsea: Tell 'em, Rae.

It's crazy when things
turn upside down,

nut you gotta get up
and take that chance.

Maybe I'm just finding my way now.
Learning how to fly.

- Yeah, we're gonna be okay.
- You know I got you, right?

It might be wild, but you know that
we make it work.

We're just kids caught up
in a crazy world.

- Come on!
- It's Raven's Home!

- Yep! We get loud!
- It's Raven's Home!

- It's our crowd!
- It might be tough

but together we make it look good.

Down for each other
like family should.

- It's Raven's Home!
- When it's tough!

- It's Raven's Home!
- We got love!

'Cause no matter the weather,
you know we gon' shine,

there for each other,
you know it's our time!

(Raven laughing)

Yep! That's us.

(laughter)

If you got the best
roommate in Chicago,

let me hear you say
"whoop whoop!"

Ha! Whoo whoo.

(both laughing)

If raising your kids

with your best friend is

both a financial necessity,
and a dream come true,

let me hear you say
"whoop whoop!"

Ha ha! Whoo whoo!

(both laughing)

If you accidentally set

set the toaster on fire,

let me hear you say "whoo whoo."

Whoo...

- Chelsea, did you kill my toaster?
- Whoo whoo.

Gosh, Rae, I'm so sorry.
I am. I...

I guess I was just really
excited to help out.

You know, when I was married,

Garrett didn't want me
to do anything.

He did all the cooking.

All the cleaning.
All the, uh...

falling in love
with the federal agent

who arrested him for tax fraud.

I can't believe that judge
only gave him a year.

If I was the judge,

I'd have given him five to ten.

Ah, it's not so bad.

Sure, Garret stole all my money,

but I got to move in
with you, right?

And if you think about it, Rae,

we are really lucky

both of our marriages
fell apart.

- Whoa. Yeah.
- That got dark. Got dark.

Morning, Mom!
Morning, Aunt Chels!

Well, hello, Nia.

Hello, sweetheart.

How'd you sleep?

- You still doing okay on the couch?
- Of course.

I wouldn't have offered Aunt Chelsea
my room if I wasn't cool with it.

That's my baby girl.

Nia, I never have
to worry about you.

Besides, a little
sacrifice is good.

You know, a lot of my sheroes

are defined by their struggles.

Rosa Parks, Oprah,

- Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
- (gasps)

You know what all
of those independent,

spectacular women
have in common?

They made the bed!

- Point taken. I'm on it.
- All right!

You my shero!

Hi, hon!

Wow. That was some
nightmare last night, huh?

Yeah.

Did you get back to sleep okay?

Yeah, eventually.

You gotta stop reading me
scary bedtime stories.

Oh! There's my
special little man.

Hey! What's that
on your face?

Oh, it's my face.

Mommy! Cut it out!

- You missed a spot.
- I know I did.

Mom, could you...
could you give me a hand?

Oh, in a second, sweetheart.

I'm hiding the blueberries
in your brother's cereal.

Love the taste,
but I hate seeing 'em.

It's like my bowl's
full of doll eyes.

Never mind.
I got the bed back in.

I'm sorry
I didn't help you, Nia.

I'm still a little sore from
the thousand push-ups I did.

Please. The only thing
you've done a thousand times

is tell that story.

Mom! Nia said
I'm not mad shredded!

Nia! Don't tell your brother
he's not mad shredded.

Doesn't watching those two make you wish
you had a twin?

I like being an only child.

There's never a question
who the favorite is.

(laughing)

It's me, right?

All right, everybody!
Come get your bags.

Your dad is downstairs
to take you to school.

- Bye.
- Bye. Mwah!

- Bye, Mom.
- Bye-bye. Mwah.

My turn to pick the music.

But you never pick anything
in my vocal range. Mom!

Nia, pick something
in your brother's vocal range.

Levi! Where's my kiss?

Make good choices.

- Bye!
- Bye.

(chuckles)

Hey, Chels, um...

I couldn't help
but hear what Levi said,

and I just want you to know

that I don't have
a favorite Booker.

I mean "kid."

Well, of course, Rae.

You love both
your Bookers equally.

Come on, Chels.

I mean, yes, I might
do more for Booker,

but Nia knows that
I don't have a favorite.

(whooshing)

Everything's always
about Booker!

Booker, Booker, Booker!
I'm sick of it.

(whooshing)

(gasps) Chels, I just had a vision
that Nia was so upset.

She said that everything
was about Booker.

"Booker, Booker, Booker."

Why don't you just
talk to her about it?

I can't do that!
No, 'cause it hasn't happened yet.

I have to fix it before it does.

Or! Or! Hear me out.

You could just finally
tell your kids you're psychic.

No, I'm not gonna do that. No.

'Cause they...
they haven't had visions,

you know,
they wouldn't understand.

Besides, it's like my...
my secret mommy power.

And so I can give that

"Don't you think
about doing that" look

before they think
about doing it.

Man, I wish
you gave me that look

before I married Garret.

I did give you that look.

Your mama gave you that look,

Levi gave you that look.

What?! Levi wasn't
even born yet!

But if he was,
he'd have given you that look.

(school bell rings)

Booker:
I'm telling you, Levi.

The day I mastered
the slam dunk,

was one of the best of my life.

- You can dunk?
- He can.

He gets right under the rim,
plants his feet,

and Dad lifts him up

so he can drop the ball
right through the hoop.

It's adorable.

Yo, what up, kids?
What up kid-lite?

- Hey, Tess.
- 'Sup?

Why do you keep
calling me "kid-lite"?

'Cause you're a kid,
and you're light,

and I can't remember your name.

Tess, you've seen me
dunk, right?

Yeah. Donuts.

Sorry you had
to hear that, Levi.

I know it's hard
when people question

the awesomeness of your heroes.

Levi (distorted):
Okay.

So I'm gonna get over
to the fourth grade hall.

Whoa. What's happening?

Booker?

(whooshing)

Booker! Get me out of here!

(whooshing)

- Booker?
- Levi!

Your butt's okay.

For my first time
wearing skinny jeans,

I was hoping for better
than "okay."

No, no. You were stuck
in a giant trumpet.

It was like it happened,
but it didn't.

- (locker rattles)
- (grunts)

- (thuds)
- Levi!

Help! Booker!
Get me out of here!

That's what I saw.

Levi!

I saw the future!

I pee when I feel trapped!

Never mind.

Nia!

I need to talk to you.

Something happened
and I'm freaking out.

What?! Are you okay?!

I saw the future.
I think I'm psychic!

Ow!

Booker, you scared me!

I thought something
was actually wrong with you.

I'm serious.
It really happened.

Booker, that's impossible.
Psychics aren't real.

Nia...

There's something
I need to tell you.

I believe in psychics.

Continue.

It's just another
one of his stories!

Like the push-ups,
and the dunking.

And that time you said
Bruno Mars stole your dance move.

No, actually, I said
Bruno stole it from Timberlake

who stole it from me.

But yeah, that's what it's like.

But none of those
things happened.

- This did.
- (bell rings)

We gotta get to class.

For the record,
JT did steal my dance move.

That's a hundred percent
pure Booker right there.

Hey, thanks for the ride.

My mom says she'll
start picking us up again

when she gets her license back.

Man, you hit three mailboxes.

Tess, it's fine.

No need for your mom
to get behind the wheel

before she's ready.

(quietly):
Or ever.

- You coming over to do homework?
- Be there in a little bit.

Come on, Ma!
We eat off that table!

I haven't had
any more visions today.

What if what I thought happened
didn't really happen?

Well, I peed in a sousaphone,

and now I'm wearing shorts
from Lost and Found,

and Jamal Epstein's underpants.

So I'm pretty sure it happened.

Jamal Epstein's in kindergarten.

Yeah. They're pretty tight.

Hey, Rae!
You're home from work early.

Yeah, I couldn't stop thinking
about the vision of Nia,

so I came home early
to make it right.

Today, it's all about Nia.

Got a special little treat

for my special little lady!

Wow! It's a lot of cupcakes
for no reason.

Mom! The weirdest
thing happened...

It's not always
about you, Booker.

It's Nia time!

Why is this happening?

I don't need a reason
to celebrate

my special little lady.

(gasps) That's what I'm gonna
call you from now on.

"My special little lady."
You like it?

It's making me
a tiny bit uncomfortable.

(laughing)

She's hilarious!

(laughing)

Just like your mama.

Mom, before when
you yelled at me,

you probably thought I was Nia,
but it was me, Booker.

Shhh.

No one's talking
to you, sweetie.

- Nia's talking. Continue.
- No, I'm not.

Yes, you are, yes, you are.

I'm all ears, sweetie. Tell me.

We had a sub in English today.

(gasps)
A sub?!

In English?

No! No!

Chels!

Nia had a sub...

in English.

Okay.

Ma, if you think
a sub is crazy...

Booker, back off!

- (thuds)
- It's Nia time.

Continue, sweetie. Go on.

Say, hon, are those the same pants
you left in this morning?

- They are not.
- Yeah. Been there.

I don't get it.

The craziest thing that's
ever happened to me happened,

and I can't get
anyone to listen.

Just have another vision.

Then everyone will believe you.

Okay, I'll try to make it
happen again.

(farts)

Oops.

- Are we gonna talk about that?
- Don't see any reason to.

This isn't working.

Every time I close my eyes,

I see Nia's face saying
she doesn't believe me.

Why do you care what she thinks?

- I don't.
- Seems like you do.

Yo! It's weird out there.

Your mom's clipping
Nia's toenails,

and she got mad when
I asked her to do mine.

So, Future Boy,
had any more visions?

No. I don't even
know how they work.

It's almost like
they come at random...

(whooshing)

Why would the bag hit me?!

(Nia screams)

(whooshing)

I just had another one!

It was Nia!
She's gonna get hurt!

What happened?
I didn't do it.

Why you coming at me like that?

Tess, calm down.

I... just want to warn her.

She won't even listen to me.

I could talk to her.

Maybe she'll listen to me.

Quiet down, booster seat.

We're trying to come up
with a plan.

I got it! You could psychically
contact your dead grandma

and tell her to tell Nia!

Nah, that won't work.

Both my grandmas
are still alive.

Bummer!

Nia! You wanna look through
our photo library together?

I found the most
adorable picture

of the cutest girl
in the worl...

Ooh. That's Booker, my bad.

Nia? Nia?

Nia?

Oh, son of a Chelsea!

Whoo.

We gotta put a bell on you, boy.

Hey, Auntie Rae,
have you seen Nia?

No, and I don't
love Booker more.

Stop judging me, Levi.

Nia, Nia!

Nia?

Is she gone?

You're good.

I don't know what's
going on with my mom, Levi.

She says she wants
to hang out, but...

I feel like I'm being hunted.

Raven:
Nia?

Nia! Nia!

I'm going back in.

No, you can't.

You have to go talk to Booker.

He had another vision.

Levi...

you don't really
believe that, do you?

Yeah. I do.

This time the vision
was about you.

Fine.

I think it's crazy, but...
I'll go talk to him.

But how am I gonna
get past my mom?

Auntie Rae?

Nia just went up
to the roof deck!

Oh, come on, Nia!
I just want to hang out!

Wow. You really
get this family.

There's gotta be some way

to prove to Nia
that I'm psychic.

Hold up. I got it.

We can fake it.

Just tell her that
you saw the future

and you're gonna
get punched in the face.

Then I'll punch you
in your face.

Um, no.

But a fake vision is perfect.

Then Nia will have
to believe me.

Fake a vision?

You were gonna lie to me?

I thought about knocking,

then I thought,
it'd be weird if I did,

'cause it's my room.

But now I wish I knocked.

- Nia, I can explain...
- No!

I get it.

You're so desperate
for attention,

you have to make up
crazy stories.

Now you're pretending
to be psychic?!

I'm not pretending.

Did you ever think that maybe
you're not that special?

Maybe you're just
plain old Booker?

Or maybe you're just jealous

that I have this awesome power,
and you don't.

How can I be jealous

of something
that's not even real?

You're such a liar.

Oh, I'm a liar?

Well, maybe,
I'll just let my vision happen.

Then we'll see who's a liar.

(door slams)

Why'd he just
walk into his closet?

Why are you never
in your own apartment?

Chels.

- This is bad.
- Yeah.

Raven: I've never seen Nia and Booker
so mad at each other.

Do you think giving Nia
too much attention made it worse?

Maybe these T-shirts
were a bad idea.

Rae, how can you say that?

These shirts are great!

What is this?
Like a cotton/poly blend?

Everything's always
about Booker.

Booker, Booker, Booker!
I'm sick of it!

- (door closes)
- All I did was ask for salt.

It was your tone.

All right, everybody! Your dad's
downstairs to take you to school.

Have a good day,
my favorite... son,

my favorite daughter,
my favorite Levi.

Yes! Got everybody!
I'm not making that mistake again.

- Bye, Mom.
- Bye-bye, sweetheart.

Nia kissed that cheek.
I want a fresh one.

Oh.

Well, time for the world's
most awkward ride to school.

Chels, what am I gonna do?

Rae, brothers and sisters fight.
They're gonna work it out.

(whooshing)

Family drama has
no place in gym class.

You're suspended.

(whooshing)

(gasps) Chels, it's not
gonna work out.

I think Booker and Nia are gonna
get suspended from gym class.

- I gotta get down to the school!
- Wait, wait, wait!

You can't just bust in their
gym class like that!

- Why not?!
- You're wearing wedges, Rae!

They got no traction!

You right, you right. Okay.

Let me go change
into some sneakers.

I'm gonna change
my shirt and shave.

- What?
- What? There's a lot of single

parents at that school.

I can't believe I got
paired with my sister

for doubles tennis.

Stupid alphabetical order.

Why do you even need a partner?

Aren't you the best
tennis player in Chicago?

Or was that just another lie?

Oh, very funny, Nia.

By the way, when I said
you were funny,

that was a lie.

(whistle trills)

Raven (whispering):
Booker! Nia!

Booker, Nia! Oh, you...

Excuse me. Booker! Ni...

Oh!

Just so you know,

my vision happens
here in gym class.

Just so you know,
I still don't believe you're psychic.

Ohhh, man.

All right, let's do it.

Let's go.

Excuse me!

Excuse me! Coming through!

Oh! Sorry!

Concerned mom.
I'm a concerned mother.

Don't hit me. Okay.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Ow! Serena Williams! That hurt!

(kids laughing)

Bring it on.

That...

Whoop! (Grunts)

Game.

Set.

Uh-oh.

(grunts)

Booker, the heavy bag!

How did you know about that?

In my vision, the bag hit you.

Why would the bag hit me?

- ( Nia screams)
- Nia!

(screaming continues)

Ow.

Nia! Are you okay?

(chuckles)
That was crazy.

I know.

I should have done
something to stop it.

No.

I mean, you said the heavy bag
was gonna hit me and then it hit me.

You really are psychic.

I'm sorry I didn't believe you.

I get it.

I tell a lot of crazy stories.

But this one was true.

And you're my twin brother,
I should have known that.

I'm glad you know
I wasn't lying.

I know I don't
show it all the time,

but... I care what you think.

If you ever tell
anyone I said this,

I'll blame it on
the heavy bag, but...

I think you're pretty great.

Aww. Look at my
two perfect angels.

(sighs) Guess they're not
gonna get suspended.

Guess my vision was wrong.

Miss Baxter.

May I have a word?

- Mom?!
- Mom?!

Oh, snap!

Principal Wentworth,

we are so sorry
for our mother's behavior.

We can assure you
that nothing like this

will ever happen again.

Right, Mom?

- It wasn't my fault!
- Mom!

(clears throat)

I apologize.

Miss Baxter...

I've never had to do
this to a parent before.

But family drama
has no place in gym class.

You're suspended.

Please stay away from our school

for three weeks.

You're suspending me
for being an involved parent?

No. I'm suspending you
for assaulting the gym teacher!

That's fair.

So you convinced Nia
that you're psychic?

That's awesome!

Yep! Now the only person
left to tell is my mom.

Your mom overreacts
about everything.

- You can't tell her.
- You're right.

Raven Baxter would not
understand psychic visions.

Hey, Nia.

You know that Booker's
not my favorite, right?

- I know, Mom.
- Good. It's just that sometimes

I have to do more for him,
just so he won't, you know, like, uh...

- Burn the house down?
- Or flood it.

You know sometimes
my baby boy can be a bit of a disaster.

I get it.

And I like being independent.

But I also like when
I get your attention.

The good kind,
not the crazy kind.

Oh, baby.
You know I can't tell the difference.

Come on, let's go.
(laughing)

I'm telling you it's true.
He stole it.

Bieber must have seen
that video of me

on the Internet
or something, 'cause...

You said it was Bruno Mars.

You said it was
Justin Timberlake.

Wait. You told me
it was his choreographer.

Booker! You just lying.

The only person who stole
that move was you...

from me!

Bam!

(kids laughing)

(pop music playing)

(screams)

I'm... I'm just gonna,
um, order a pizza.

Way ahead of you, Mom.

Yo, kids meal.

How'd you know
this was gonna happen?

You psychic too?

No. I do this every time
my mom grills.

(cheering)